After a lot of rumination, I decided that this video is important enough to not just be a secret video. Even though this may make you feel miserable, I now recognise its undeniable value as a resource for documenting what depression is *actually* like. No emo-cheese, no glorification, no Logic album to shamlessly promote at the VMA's. Raw, unfiltered, and unwatchable. Most media that portrays depression is filtered through several layers of presentation and posturing. This footage was intended for exactly what I said it was, to distract myself with my inner monologue. There's no window dressing here, no "who can relate (woo)". After recording this I immediately forgot about it and just happened to stumble upon it again a month later. Then I realised how perfectly it shows what my average night looks like, the exact middle of the road. No fish-eye-lens directed towards the extremes. No detail is prioritised here. In the main video I went easy on the mental illness stuff, this is here for those who want the jalepeno level spice. This is by definition found footage, a tool that I accidentally created. For a few years now I've been trying to find media that could accurately explain what depression is like to someone who is mentally sound, and I've found a grand total of one. The works of Daniel Johnston have always been really special to me since he has been the only person who has the ability to fill this criteria. I miss him, coincidentally I even mention that it in the video. I wish he was still here. I don't want to make people miserable, I already make myself miserable. That's more than enough. I hope that this footage reaches the fellow lost souls that it was unknowlingly made to reach. Sorry that this likely scans poorly and is harder to read than it should be. I have to take anti-psychotics in order to fall asleep and I am under the influence of too much quetiapine to think properly. I'll edit this in the morning.
i battled suicidal thoughts about a year ago and trust me, they do go away, the urge does stop. im not qualified to give meaningful advice, i dont have a degree in anything, but what i did to get away from the thoughts was i just tried new shit, i personally got into speedrunning and that introduced me to dozens of people i talk to on the regular; new hobbies will introduce you to new friends aswell. i wish you well man ❤
@@Numptaloid Death is the ultimate gamble. The greatest unknown. Remember, there is a chance that when you die you will meet eternal damnation, in which case you should remain alive as long as possible. Even if it is only a small chance, savor this life. Whatever small joys you find in the midst of this tough time may be the only joy you experience in the great expanse of the universe. Maybe when we die we go to heaven. Maybe there is nothing. But are you going to gamble eternal suffering for what might only be temporary? I know what I would choose. You got this brother.
please don’t do this. i attempted in 2022 and it’s a genuine nightmare, far worse than any pains i had felt from my depression prior to the attempt. it’s not worth it
oh yeah i also attempted in 2022, shit fucking hurts real bad if you don't get it right depending on the method. that's one of the biggest roadblockers of why im still here. all of the fullproof methods are predictable and then you can't use it again because people know not to let you near the meds again. i'm allowed to touch like 10 things. i hope you didn't do a method with a really bad faliure punishment, i was lucky to be using something with a decent faliure punishment so i'm not all fucked up from it. i've known people that have basically become different people from accidentally being just shy of a successful attempt. shit's crazy.
@@Numptaloid unfortunately my method had pretty bad failure punishment (i’d share but it’s extremely sensitive), thankfully i’m ok enough to play games and stuff, but it was so traumatic that i can’t look at a certain thing that i used to attempt.
You don't have to refund me for the extremely dilated 16 minutes I just tolerated, it's up there with Jreg's video on curing his mental illness as one of the most introspective things I've ever seen and was worth every second of the time. I had a shit-ton of thoughts throughout but I've forgotten most of them now, probably for the best. I get the feeling unable to cry thing, the emotion is there but the action is not. I wasted all my tears on trivial shit when I was in Primary School and now when people are dying I got no catharsis, shit sucks. And I agree that The Glow, Pt. 2 is great, that elephant carried me through the back-end of February on its back and I appreciate it and Phil Elverum for it very much. On a non-self-pity note, if more depressive episodes come about, start filming during those just for the distraction. Even if they get deleted hours, minutes later, if it helps to keep your mind from straying to dark places then do it. Stay safe.
I was planning to add a reply that adds to this comment but there isn't much I can say asides from watching Jreg's video on mental illness as well on the way people view life, pretty much agree with everything you said. The view of absurdism is something else I could bring up and Albert Camus wrote about it best, even if you disagree with it, things like optimistic nihilism can help you view life in a better lens and there's just so much to explore that you could explore the philosophy in every thing you do.
@@1cn1cn1 I've backed optimistic nihilism for a while, for me at least it seemed like a logical progression after unwittingly destroying myself and my view of the world with regular nihilism by the time I reached age 10. It's a good way to view the world, we're all floating in a void, the only reason we exist is because 2 older people decided they wanted us to exist, they only exist for the same reason, there's no actual reasons for anything, so we may as well make our own reasons and things to value. I wil say though I think it's only a good view if you already think existence has no real meaning, if you do think we have a true/objective purpose in life don't touch it.
The simple fact that you were able to post this video means that you are able to heal. These things take time. I don't have any registered mental illnesses, but I have been incredibly negative about myself, like being frequently sensitive about my (extremely underweight) body. People are here for you. You have survived 100% of your bad days If you think nobody cares about you, you are WRONG. I care. Your family cares. Your friends care. The people watching this video care. And, hopefully one day, you will too. I hope that my shitty pep talk helps. Also, I don't want a refund on my time.
keep your chin up brother. i’m no therapist and you’ve probably heard all of this before but there is shit worth living for, and you have to get through the bad time in order to enjoy the good. my suggestion is try branching out and making new friends. try to pick up a new hobby. if you have dark thoughts rearrange your room. there is plenty of fun things you can do if you need a distraction. probably not any good advice because i havnt been through any of this myself, but i hope it helps a little. stay safe ❤
Look dude, I understand that a dumbass TH-cam comment doesn’t mean shit but I really hope that you figure out a way to find joy in your life. There is no reason for you to refund any of the time I spent watching this video. This was ironically the best thing that I watched today. When you started talking about the records you have it brought me genuine joy. Even if you feel like there is no one there for you I’m sure I and many others, even if we’re just online nobody’s. We all want you to be happy. Please stay safe.
He don't need to refund OUR time spent watching this video for me too it was the best thing I've watched in weeks it was the only video that made sens and that was useful numptaloid is the best and he have the best channel ever I hope he get up and feel better
@IWannaBeTheKiwi2 I've seen your other comments, and it is just awful, I don't care if you can't relate, and that you might not understand what Nump is going through, but at least have some amount of common decency, show a little respect, and if you don't know what to say, then simply don't say anything.
It's the first time i've seen or heard someone in a depressive episode, like actually and i've gotta say it is damn scary. But the thing is, you say you have no one to talk to, meanwhile 561 people in the past 1 day have listened to you speak, and have been there for you. 40 of them even tried to comfort you with words in the comments. My guy, although we don't know you irl, we all love your videos, we love your humour, how much work you put into them and everything else. "not as good as gokanaru" my asshole, I've never even seen him mentioned and when i saw his vids i was like "nah sarcastic NZ snail man is better". You're better than you think, the amount of comments i see in your comment sections just praising how good ur videos are is something i've never seen in any other comment section. This channel has a fuck ton of potential and you could really pop off with it by maybe making vids none - gd related because honestly there's a limit to the gd community. In any case you'd better get through all of the hardships, we know you can do it and we need you to do it cuz out of all the channels i know, your videos are the ones who get me the most hyped up to watch. Also if you wanna feel pain, if you wanna keep your mind of shit then i always tell this to everyone. Go outside, start running, and run till you can't run anymore, run till your thighs, your calves, your back hurt, then you'll feel pain, but at the same time it'll be good pain, pain that'll make your life better. Self harm is stupid, everyone knows that, so instead of harming yourself, improve yourself. Instead of thinking you have a "disgusting sweaty body", you're gonna say "fit sweaty body". And a bonus to that is you're gonna be so exhausted you won't be able to think about dark shit. Anyways in conclusion, when you're not depressed, find ways to be successful in life, there are plenty of them. And anyways it's a classic fact, as a NEET you're by definition gonna be reincarnated in an isekai fantasy world as an op character so there's always that to look forward to.
I don't know what to say about all of this, other than its unfortunately one of the most relatable things I have ever watched. The original video slowly deteriorating into that state and eventually leading me here is a really good metaphor for how dealing with that kind of thing feels. I've been dealing with all the same things for a long time, and I get it. I can't do anything to help you personally, other than to tell you that you'll get through it eventually. Keep doing whatever it is to get you through this, it might seem like it'll never end, but it will. Trust me. I know this is something you've probably heard a million times, but I hope it helps to know there are people out there that can relate to your experiences, and that you're not alone. Good luck.
Don't give up. Things get bad but they get better eventually, you just have to continue. You're a talented person and I hope you're willing to keep moving forward. Remember this. I can't relate to your actual state but I'll be praying for you to not commit anything that will harm you. You're seen and cared, don't let these negative thoughts attack you and let them tell you otherwise. It may look like everything is falling apart initially, but remember that it won't always be like this. You're seen, you're cared and you're just as important as the people that know you tell. Whether they're subscribers or people that know you, they know you well enough to care. It's not dumb to say that you're in need of help, nor it is dumb to be in need of help. I'm willing to believe in you, you will make it out of this situation. You can get through this. Please keep moving forward. I wish you well. ❤
@IWannaBeTheKiwi2 I've seen your other comments, and it is just awful, I don't care if you can't relate, and that you might not understand what Nump is going through, but at least have some amount of common decency, show a little respect, and if you don't know what to say, then simply don't say anything.
thank you so much for opening people's eyes on how bad depression can be. I reccomend the work of Albert Camus, especially on The Myth of Sisyphus and Absurdism in general, or even just generally Optimistic Nihilism because its a way I like to view life, there's more belief systems but it might help because I have some things you could read if youre bored on night. even if nump doesn't decide to read this, who ever does, thanks. on why life might not seem worth it, there's a lot of reasons why it may seem meaningless, the endless amounts of suffering in the world, the lack of reason as to live and even the lack of success you may be facing but those ideas ignore something: life is absurd, it's unreasonable and hard to grasp, nothing really matters but suicide doesn't actually solve the issue. when you feel suicidal, you see that life is not worth it, and it makes no sense to live but you did and do have the power to get through these feelings because even if the rules of life play against how you go about it, you should still try and go about it, reject suffering and push forwards, maybe even consider self improvement because it might make you feel better and we do it to feel better. You've been suffering alot clearly and to that I feel so sorry for you because my life hasn't been as bad, whether you want me to or not isn't really anything I know but to that, consider rejecting the suffering and choosing to move forwards in a world of meaninglessness, we do things because a chemical reaction in our head tells us to, essentially saying "this makes me happy" and happy makes you feel good or "this makes me satisfied" and that makes you feel good, it makes you somewhat satisfied but helping others who are struggling to tackle through their suffering will add extra will to push forwards because that adds to you and their life. Reject suffering but you don't need to ignore it. I've seen so many people get abused in ways that aren't allowed to be said in TH-cam comments + it's personal and they've conquered my mind for a long time, and I've tried to go about ignoring them but that doesn't help the problem, same with you, living in ignorant bliss in your situation simply won't help anything, maybe comments of random people you've never even known before won't help but rejecting the suff and making positive experiences has literally been shown to help, if YOU choose to be the change in your life then you save yourself because hearing the comments should hopefully show you that there are people's days you make when you contribute to their life, even if you dont see it in person in your day to day life. you're a neet so in that case, even if you dont see a future for yourself, many do, and try to push forwarda because we see potential in you, youve already got thousands of people on youtube who decided that "hey, this guy makes good enough content for me to subscribe!" so even in real life you could garner much more people for your humour, id find a guy like you to be in a frienf group from the way you seemed and you could build or join one honestly, you're funny, interesting, creative and i know you could be innovative. what I did in a situation where I was feeling quite depressed for quite some time was self improve. (it isnt just about life but about everything in life, you may of heard this alot but just read what i have to say because it might be different) now when you start to take care of yourself, do things like daily showers, floss, brush teeth twice a day, gym, healthy diet and good sleep schedule you'll find that it gets better (the results come in a steady pace, trust me) and more people will open up to you, so many people online have said it and I know there may be liars but it's happened to me myself, I hit the gym and it helped, if you start to take care of yourself and have self respect then people will open up to you, just try to get into contact with them when they see you've improved yourself. if you know anyone somewhat close like family (they either died or live far, its personal so I won't ask, if they died then just go for friends but this is for if they live far) then get in contact with them so you can go places to get to know them more. you could try out community colleges and build experience through commission roles to have a portfolio and get a job, you did some work for matmart and I know it was low pay but when you get in a better work environment you'll get to meet people and odds are you'll enjoy time with at least one of your co workers, AT LEAST one. but why is it worth it? see these thoughts will be temporary because life always has it's highs and lows, for you, it might seem like there's no hope and you're struggling to get by your day to day life but it could change when you decide to change it because it is ALWAYS possible to be that change because no one can truly save you from this but yourself, motivation can be your best ally or your worst enemy and starting off with the smaller changes will help build that confidence for me, like losing weight and just taking care of myself in my case, for you it might be different like being organised in how to get your life started or even get it going forwards and getting a good routine (I don't know what your issues are, these are examples of what happens usually in a depressed person when they lose all motivation to do things, but its the issues you have in life) will help you. that's one thing I have to say, this just based on what I know, I obviously don't know your issues but self improvement matters, it may seem corny from the people in the space but it matters and it saves lives, you could miss an opportunity, events with people you could meet are great, the gym hosts many people who are starting and willing to open up to friends, and even if you don't want to go to the gym, there's just so much to love and experience in such an absurd world, whatever makes you happy, embrace it, and people who love it as well, help them stay happy! this video actually inspired me to think about what the point in life actually is, you're a funny guy and it'd be terrible to see someone like you go, even if you dont see a future in yourself, keep pushing. hopefully you read this comment and see my opinions on life and how it could help you, then again, it's so long that you'd ignore it, and to anyone else who's reading this, maybe you could keep this in mind when thinking about life, and better yet, stay safe.
As someone who's also experienced feeling "too cowardly" to end their own lives, the fact that you're still going and still alive shows a lot of bravery and courage. Life may be tough, but I speak for everyone when I say that you're tougher. Even if its impossible to see a better future for yourself, just know that you HAVE a future, and that everything WILL be okay. You've got this
hey dude, I had no idea you were going through this shit. I've never really been depressed so I'm probably not the guy to get advice from but if it helps even a little bit just know that me and literally thousands of other people care about you, your content is genuinely extremely high quality in terms of script writing humour editing and all that. I know the funny internet numbers might not hold much meaning to you but over six THOUSAND people (seriously that's an absurdly large number) have decided that you're a cool ass person and I'm no therapist but just know that we're here for you. Dunno what your religious views are but the meaning of life to me is just going along for the fucking ride, pushing through the hard stuff to get to the awesome things life has to offer Also you're not a coward. If you can't bring yourself to end it all then that doesn't make you a pussy. It means that whether you know it or not some part of you still wants to go on So go have a walk or find someone who you think is cool and they think you're cool too, and before you go thinking there's noone for you, there is literally 8 billion people on this planet so if you don't think a single one cares about you then you're very very wrong I guess the point of this wall of text is just to say that life sucks sometimes and it's sut sometimes and you don't want to go on with it sometimes but there's light at the end of the tunnel, and there is literally an infinite number of things you can go do with your life. Good luck. We're here for you.
On suicide, I've definitely thought about it and I always come to the conclusion that there's so many people and experiences and memories out there that ending it all just seems silly. It might seem like there's nothing worth living for but if you decide one day there is then it might be a bit harder to do that if you're not alive. There's no take backs on suicide, so id say just do stuff. Take risks, try new things, and as corny as it is, try to live life to the fullest.
Small typo in that you technically 5.66k subs as opposed to 6k , but I think you having even 10% the number of people subbed to you as active viewers isn't really a stretch, seeing as the blue marine video already has like 5k views in like 6 hours Anyway that's all, best wishes to you ❤
One last thing, the blue marine video is legitimately one of the best GD videos I've ever seen, and if it means anything at all I definitely see myself voting it for best video in the next gd awards
i've been trying to type something to convey my feelings towards what i just watched, but i just can't this is so unbelievably raw compared to every other representation of depression i've ever seen i've never had to deal with depression before, so i can't really say anything that'll relate to this that i've experienced all i can say is thank you for showing this, and stay safe man
All I ever was, has been and always will be Dancing in the wind as roses born again Before the dawn of man In castles made of sand Writing in the caves As fire lights the way Mask of royal glow Done in pharaoh's clothes There you'll find me Until we meet again (I'm gone)
@@diamonddemon935 i respect the ambition of that album, there's not much else like it. that being said the album is completely unlistenable and torturous to get through.
@@Numptaloid sad to hear you say that ‘cause I think it’s probably my favorite from them. Every song on it is great in its own way (Cosmic being the standout) and there’s a bit of something for everyone. I really love the album’s themes about life and death. But I get why this isn’t for everyone. Hell, even on my first listen, I just didn’t like a couple of the songs. A lot of the album kinda feels like they just said “wouldn’t it be funny if we did that?” Kinda like the weird laser gun sounds during the guitar solo of Easier. That being said, do you have a favorite song/album from them?
I know this video is 5 months old, but I came to this channel to check on you. I really loved your videos. They were something that got me through my darkest days in 2023, and im starting to love gd again and I came back to see your videos and these just make me so happy. I really hope you overcome this. Depression is awful and I just hope you keep pushing, man. Stay safe and keep fighting.
I've watched your videos over the past few months and you have made me laugh unlike any youtuber I've seen. I know it sounds generic and desperate and it is, I know, but its true. Your videos have actually made me laugh and I have not related to a video quite as much as your last one. I don't know if it means much but if you can make one guy laugh, then you can bring joy to others. Your desire to have a community, to interact with alike people is here, we're here, I'm here. I will be here for you. You have 5000 people rooting for you brother, your talent for speaking and conveying this emotion is incredible, and I have not related to something like this for a while. I've been inspired by this, in ways I may not fully discover yet, and I am 1 of many thousands of people who will watch this. You have the ability to bring joy, to inspire, to provoke thought, to create emotion. The crying line hits hard, and I feel you on that one. If you're reading this comment looking for advice I hope I can provide some that will actually benefit you rather than being generic bs. Keep recording your episodes, film them purely for the distraction. Talk about your passions, or at least the things that "distract" you at the moment. When I was considering suicide, there were two things that pulled me out of my severe depression. One was my girlfriend. I know its hard for people, I've been there. Being completely realistic I am not a good looking guy by any means and I have no idea why she loves me, so I can't give you any advice in that respect apart from have an insane amount of luck. But the second thing is the idea that one day I will create something great, create something that people will remember me for, the pure hope that one day I will leave behind a legacy was enough to keep me going. I firmly believe that you will too. I am rooting for you. We are rooting for you. You need not refund me of my time, every second spent watching this has been very much worth it. I will be thinking about this and my current mental health a great deal, so I thank you, Numptaloid. I will leave my discord user in the replies to this comment. My DMs will be open for you if you need it. Hopefully my similar experiences can help you. I will not consider you a burden, I am offering this for you out of my own choice because I do genuinely want to do what I can to see you better. I completely understand if you would prefer not to talk, and I hope this comment as well as the others have brought you some solace. May life treat you better my friend.
Coming from someone who has been through and is arguably still going through depression, it will get better, it might not seem like it but it will get better. Try to find whatever makes you happy or work towards a goal that makes you feel accomplished, start small and work your way up to something bigger and have a long term plan you want to accomplish in the future. I think you have something very good going with your channel and I wish I could find the courage and motivation to make videos, please keep going. Take it from someone who was on the verge of attempting suicide twice, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and will only hurt everyone around you, even people you have yet to meet.
genuinely thank you for making and uploading this video. you're very brave to upload something like this. ive had far too many nights like these in recent times but what i can say is no matter how hellish it feels, no matter how much you feel you just want to be done with everything, no matter how i guess "final" it feels, you will be feeling better sooner than you would think. no matter how impossible it might sound in the middle of an episode like this. if recording this video distracted you from these thoughts, then please please please keep making them. please keep staying strong and pushing through. this is my first time watching a video of yours but from reading the comments it seems that your content genuinely brings joy to thousands of people every time you upload, and im hoping you feel at least some fulfilment within yourself whenever you do upload a video as well. you're doing something great here, and even if you yourself right now dont feel like you are, you matter to all of these people, and thats something really extraordinary. things will change with time, again, no matter how impossible that sounds. keep pushing through man
dude PLEASE don't be sorry for "wasting our time" if it helps with your mental health im sure everyone that has watched this will feel the same my advice is just to not be scared - if you want to kill yourself it makes sense if you don't have much to live for anyways, so what can you really lose by just taking risks and truly LIVING your life, like be as carefree as you want it really doesn't matter what the result is you will realise you have so much more control over your life and the way you think, and it and as long as you have that life will be much more worth it you also talk alot about ruminating and having bad thoughts and ofc they will always be there the real difference is how you handle them, not thinking about or trying to suppress them but accepting what your mind has conjured up and realising that you can move on from it tbh alot of what was said in this video resonated with me alot, from the silent crying to music being such an important factor in your day to day life. ill admit ive also had alot of these times being in my room feeling so helpless and alone but i think after a while i realised that those feelings will not persist for long and that even if i dont have anybody to turn to now, there will be people in the future the key is to not look for people who will sympathise with you but to live life pragmatically and with as much joy as possible, and people will be naturally drawn to that hope this helps idk
As someone else with Depression, GAD, Autism, and OCD, it sucks. It feels like it will never get better, and when anything looks up my brain fights me every step of the way. All my brain ever wants is to have some control, and one of the ways it tries to do that is through self harm and suicide. It's an awful place to be, and I to feel that "I want to kill myself, but I'm too much of a coward." Thank you for sharing your experience with us, and thank you for being around. I realize that you will proably not want to accept gratitude for this, and I think that it deserves gratitude anyway. Again, Numptaloid, thank you.
Dang, your situation feels painful too. I'd suggest reading the other comments, ive seen plenty of them with some advices that might or might not work, and i hope they will make you feel better. I think (and hope) that you will be able to go through this ❤🫂💪
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19. I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there
you have given all of us countless laughs, smiles, and not just that, the genuine kind. you deserve the best and i truly hope you find happiness, peace, and feeling of safety that you deserve. i am saddened to know you are going through this, but thank you for sharing such a pure point of perspective into pain and sadness. take care, bro. i hope you get through this sooner than later
What you should try is just going to the park and having a nice walk. No music, no rush, just a walk, listening to the sounds of the park, the chirp of birds, splashing water, nature all surrounding yourself. The world when you step back from all the noise can truly be incredible. And I know that getting up and going is the hardest part, but you just gotta do it. Even if you decide not to, just getting up and changed into a fresh set of clothes everyday, having a nice hot shower, help so much more than people give them credit for. Just remember that we are all here for you, and you are in no way alone
When you said hello pillow it genuinely made tears come out of my eyes. I've tried to kill myself once but my uncle broke the door and saved me. I remember lying in bed right before trying to kill myself I always think of all the things I wanted to do before I ended my life, my regrets, my dreams. I remember when my phone was ringing as my mom tried to call me so many times and the ringtone was my favourite song at that time and remeber thinking that I can't even listen to my favourite music before I ended my life. I'm sorry about rambling about myself but I hope you do well in life. I hope you can go through these tough times. I wish you all the best
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19. I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there. ❤
Dude, im telling to to not do this, ive been through this too. The best thing to always do is to call the suicide hotline, and realize that you are worth way more than you dying. you will always have a meaning if you live, but if you are dead, everyone will be sad, but after a while, everyone will slowly forget you. Do not do this, i know what its like, but one day, i hope you will look back at this and say “i am so glad I didnt do it”
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19. I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there ❤
i know its cliche, i know it sounds dumb and corny, but as someone who has been through something similar - everything will turn out ok, just like it always has community and human connection is invaluable for your mental health. you mentioned not having seen a person in a long while - that will be contributing dramatically. its hard to make those connections without having a medium with which to do it - education, employment - so if you cant take part in any of that, please try and find any clubs or associations. its also very hard to not be apathetic or otherwise have no passion for any clubs when you have depression, so please try and trust the process and remember that youre there primarily to make connections. ive been silently watching your content for a while, youre extremely talented and funny - making friends will be tough because youll be so out of practice, but youre so funny that you absolutely will be able to. you need to trust that it will work out you may not be comfortable with telling them, but if you ever are able to, please tell your family. theres no reality where thatll end in a worse situation for you, really i really deeply relate to you not being able to cry. i wasnt able to either. distracting yourself when youre battling these thoughts is also very important, and recording is a good way to distract yourself. reading books is also an excellent way of distracting yourself, i really recommend it because books like fiction really demand your attention good luck brother ❤ this video was really important for me. thank you for uploading it.
@@soyjakchud regaining that human connection as well as staying away from social media like tiktok and twitter and all that. i hadn't cried in probably a couple of years and i had been slowly crawling out of that rut and then my dog (who is my profile picture) passed away. we had him put down because he was getting so old and deteriorating, and we were burying him in our back garden but he was on my lap in a dog bed as we were driving home and tears just started pouring out. crying needs emotional vulnerability - itll be really hard to cry if you arent already open about how youre feeling. having those human connections will make you more in tune with emotions too. i avoided social media because a lot of it is just depressing and it makes the contrast between day to day life and actual real sorrow a lot smaller. its important to cry because it makes the contrasts between happiness and sadness all the more noticeable, and it makes it easier to enjoy those happy moments
Don't do it bro you've got a whole future ahead of you! I have experience, almost killed myself before but I just had patience, and I put my trust in God, and I came out fine. No, you're not a coward for not committing suicide, you are brave for holding on. Stay strong brother, you'll get better
I feel it too. I don't know what to do whenever I get to my worst, I just try to distract myself with anything and everything I'm glad you've managed to get this out. communicating that you are hurting is the first step to getting help and getting better
You matter so much man, I've fought through suicide for 2 long years, I understand how it feels, please stay safe man, get the help you need, we love you ❤
We all love you man. you've already got so many friends and people that care in just these comments. youre not alone middle school and high school were genuinely more enjoyable because of you, don't ever stop fighting brother, one day you'll look back at this part of your life and thank yourself because you didn't end it 💟
I hope you're doing better now, and are getting the proper help and support that you need. It's a gift that you're alive, and so many people are happy that you are. Keep going!
@@levelium56 I will! Getting treatment is a bit a waiting game for me but I'm doing ok ❤️ Thanks for replying with this, it makes such a huge difference
Watched through the whole thing, i feel so sorry for you and the state you've been in. i have friends that feel the same way and i know how you feel, lonely and sad. Please, stay strong and seek help. Record these videos every day and upload them, dont let any dark thoughts leak into your mind and stay strong, go outside and socialize with people, do some fun activites and hang out with anyone you know. Remember stay strong and keep your spirits up. ps: i hoped this was a joke, your channel has a lot of humour and is quite jokey, but this is no joke, this is real. The real world, people always say that they look fine on the outside, but on the inside its a whole other story. You could appear so happy and joyful but really are just a depressed person, please stay strong and thank you for sharing this, i am glad i know the state that one of my favourite youtubers is in, people love you and they care about you, i know im not the only one who does and i know for sure there is many others who wish you get better. I hope you see this comment bro, dont let negative people, haters or depression let you down, stay strong and never give up!
This was probably one of if not the most thought provoking video I have ever watched. Nump, there are so many people who care for you, please, stay safe, things won’t be like this forever
Its ok, everyone has these thoughts and its normal every feels emotions and depression is one of them but trust me it will get better everyones here for you stay safe, my family never really cared for me so i had to rely on friends a lot i have been backstabbed 10 times and it never feels good but it will get better trust me it will get better ❤❤
I get it. I really do. I'm in the same state as you right nkw and honestly, it doesn't help that nobody takes me seriously. A few people sometmes tell me tk kill myself occasionally, and honestly, it stings more than anything. And although I'm a coward, I really do want to kill myself ASAP. But I'm gonna stay strong, just like you can. Don't leave. Please. We may only watch your videos, but we really care about you.
dude, i love The glow pt.2, having music with ultimately a positive resolution is great for comfort, its such a raw album that feels very personal, you got a great taste in music friend :)
I’ve struggled with shit too, I’ve been more isolated lately, and it does really suck.. I’m really sorry you have to go though that, I hope things light up soon
Please stay strong. The world gets better, trust me. You being this vulnerable online speak a lot about your character and strengths. You are important and I seriously hope and pray that you do not suffer no longer🙏
I know that this is probably gonna be a pretty common response, but hope is the most powerful emotion there is. And I know that just “becoming hopeful” isn’t exactly an option in your current mental state, but there are things that you can do. I’m no expert, but you DEFINITELY need more of a sense of purpose. Start with small goals for improvement, like just going on a short walk one day, and then trying to do it again the next day and so on to get yourself exposed to the rest of the world that you seem to so desperately miss, and slowly make little steps toward bigger goals, like going out and trying to meet people more. I know that depression will SERIOUSLY take away all your energy and motivation, but know that you deserve more than the life you have right now. Just know that there will always be something you might like but don’t know about. If you just put yourself out there, there will be something to find. Above all else, know that we care, and that we all hope you can get better somehow. Change takes time, but if you take things one day at a time, it will be easier.
Thank you for this video. While I somehow by some miracle got out of my depression, something like this wouldve truly helped me a lot more than people having no idea what depression feels like giving shitty advice like "Just Excercise". It just feels relateable. Getting into downward spirals of thinking nothing I ever did had meaning, and being absolutely useless. Regretting everything but too exhausted and depressed to do anything. It wouldve shown me that Im not alone. I just want to tell you that I truly enjoy your videos and hope you get well. That might mean nothing but maybe it can help even a tiny amount the way you wouldve helped me with this video.
i had thoughts around a year ago after something tragic happend. trust me, it will end at a point or another. although it might not end immediately, it will end at some time, but sooner than you actually think. practice a sport or do stuff to become yourself better as a person, and the pain will end sooner. remember, even if you don't know them directly, there are people who loves and supports you. make them proud of you
I wish you nothing but goodwill, Nump. You have a beautiful mind, and are a man of resilience and strength. You made it this far into the struggle that is life, you can make it to the next day, and the next, etc. It doesn't feel possible sometimes, but it is, slowly but surely it is. I hope you find a way to truly recover, or at least cope, and that your loneliness will fade away as people who love you find their way to you. I have an idea for you: it's been suggested in the comments before, but finding another community may help more. You're very knowledgeable in the realm of music, or so it seems to me, and if you made some music related content and talked with other music enthusiasts it may help with these episodes. Also, no need to refund my time, it was eye-opening for me. Thank you, Numptaloid.
I do not fully know you personally, and I don't have any idea of the true extent of what you're going through, but I really just want to leave a comment here, and just say again that no matter the fact we don't know you well or are close to you, we are still on the other side of the wall, listening to what you have to say and wanting to see more of the amazing things you've put out. We all love you, and we really hope you'll be able to keep pushing through this, and get better
Bro please don't give up. I honestly love your content because you're so funny with your editing style and jokes and I feel so bad for you because of what you're going through. Keep on going. you will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated.
please don't give up man, i nearly lost a friend to suicide and it would have broken me to see them die knowing i could have done something. suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it to someone else, in this case us. we care.
Hey man, this might sound strange for anyone who knows me but, I know how it is, I've been trough this shit and trust me man I know that people often tell you this but you'll find the light, eventually, it might not happen imideatly or not even in a lot of time but eventually you'll get out of it, but that only happens trough self work, I know that it's hard, I know how it is waking up and not being able to find a reason to live anymore but trust me, life is nice, it dose get better eventually, and again, I know how it is feeling like you've hit rock bottom and then falling even deeper and not knowing how deep the hole gets, but trust me man, eventually you are gonna climb out of it, so please don't do anything irreparable. Until you get better, stay safe brother.
Really sorry to hear you're going through a really shit time right now. Something that has helped me with loneliness in the past is really thinking on what i like doing, as many things as i can and seeing if there are any local clubs for those interests to go to. I know it can be extremely daunting to try engage and interact with other people, but it helped me feel like i found people who are pretty simmilar to me and made me feel less alone in the world. I hope you're able to find your people who you know can make you feel seen ❤
Never seen this guy before but this is terrible. Please get the help you need because you deserve to live, you deserve to breath, you deserve to see, you deserve to be loved, you deserve everything. I wish you the best.
Sorry it took a while to finally comment on this. I genuinely struggled to find the right words to say about this but just know that we're all here for you man. I've seen so many people (some notbale some not so much) in the community talking about this and sharing it about and I think that should go to show just how much we all care for you. I'm not really qualified at all for this shit and I know that I have no idea how hard it must be for you to go through each day but at least you can take solace in the fact that we all support you and want you to keep on going. Stay safe Numptaloid, we all pray for it.
This is not unwatchable, it's sad but it's honest, the shit you're going through is real, and I don't know you and you don't know me, but this video is a beautiful look into something that's glorified like you said. depression is something that's had and not heard, what I mean is you can't describe how you feel when wanting to kill yourself or how you feel when you know that you should be happy but aren''t. Ive tried to explain it to a dude I knew and I sat there knowing at the end of this conversation he wouldn't remember. I hate thinking about the past because i remember I thought I would be good at things, but i realized that i wasn't. I wasn't happy and even when i was i wasn't. I didn't push through, i didn't do some grand thing that everything better, but somehow someway i got better, Im not happy, but I know that no matter what i will be, you will be. You matter, you truely matter. Please no matter what happens don't kill yourself. Please i know you have it in you to be happy.
please don’t, ive been through this before and it sucks. it feels like you are stuck and can’t move on, but things will get better. life happens, but i promise it will get better eventually. we all love you so much and at least i dont want to lose someone that enjoy watching. now I expect you to comment on this so I know you are ok. you are loved ❤
Even if there is no world in which I can relate to what you're feeling. Even if there is no way I can give any good advice. It still felt important to sit here and watch. I'm sorry I have no words for this.
id rather you have 5 thousand people looking up to you, not 5 thousand people looking down upon you in grief. we forge the chains that we wear in life. some of us who look to be better mentally will sometimes wear the heavier ones. but itll all be worth it in the end. stay strong man. were all here for you. btw, does the wii still work?
I've always really loved your energetic, funny, jokey content, and it's really quite sad to see someone who is naturally funny and gifted become miserable. Stay safe buddy, we are all care about you and we all hope you improve, take your time. ❤
To everybody reading this comment section just ignore the comments that encourage him to take his life (they are trying to ragebait, you replying to them is their goal)
Surprisingly I’ve not seen any, there are a few which are just elitist doomers being elitist doomers but none outright pushing him to end it all, which is a good thing. If you do find them, ignore them though.
It will get better, even if it seems hopeless right now. It was an extremely good and brave decision to release this publicly, and so many people are proud of you for sharing this, even if it was really difficult. Remember that you will get through this, even if it doesn't seem like it. We're all rooting for you!
Bro the thing that stopped me from being alone and being depressed was God. I met people at my church, I started reading the bible, I got baptized last week. Jesus loves you ❤❤
Numptaloid, unironically you are one of my favorite TH-camrs. You have such a unique video style and I have watched all of your recent videos over 5 times. I know this sounds "cringe" but you are one of my inspirations for being a TH-camr.
I have been staring at what i should write, but i cant express what i feel. Its like i have been given a small portion of the pain you are going through. Man the advice I will give may be bullshit, but here, stop doing what you are doing, you are going deeper and deeper into this until you reach your limit and i think you know what is it. If you dont get out of there it will be over, you must force yourself to do this, even if its painfull. At least you feel something when you are doing this. I may be a nobody writing this but i hope that i helped in any way.
that will be the first time i’ll support a person on the internet I want to say that your emotions , feelings, thoughts are valid, they have a place to be. With high, good support from your audience and viewers and with this video I want to believe that you will pass the hardest times of your life. Remember to still strong, because you’re strong. Wish you the best!
Brother, I’m not sure how old you are but sometimes when we’re young it’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that this state of despair will last forever. I know it sounds cliche when in this state but things can change so fast, I look back so grateful I never acted on any intrusive thoughts, anybody else who went through similar thoughts will tell you the exact same thing. Stay strong.
Hey Nump. Were here for you man. You built a community of caring people. I need you to stay safe. Whatever it takes to stay safe. Please? Im not asking for much im only asking for your safety. If you need to talk about it. Im always here.
Mane you got nothin to lose. Try to better yourself 1% everyday even if you fail God cannot judge you for trying. I aint never been depressed but shit i heard the gym helps. Ive been goin for a year and let me tell you dont let anxiety and allat shit get to you man. Everybody is human aint nobody gon look down on you. All people have to start somewhere.
Keep your chin up dude, I know life's hard these days and im not a therapist to say this but life has its ups and downs and sometimes, it feels like a curse but shit like this happens and when it does we need to think how much good things life has in store for us and ignore the stuff that makes us sad and focus on the things that make us happy. I hope you are doing well now and I hope you get through it. But remember one thing: We will always be here for you and we'll love you no matter what. ❤
picking up guitar worked for me. just find something besides gd you like, and try to meet up with others with shared interests. it may seem impossible now, but take one dip into the deep end and you will learn to swim easily.
Over 1600 people liked this video, meaning over 1600 care about you and dont want you to do anything that your gonna regret. Please, try to push through, get a therapist, socialize with people or just get a friend to talk to. I'm sure many people would love to help you. Keep pushing, it's gonna be worth it.
You might think that you are worthless, but you are a legend for going this. No one deserves to feel this way. I should try to help you somehow, so here are just some ideas that you could consider... If there are any opportunities for training or volunteering, consider taking them. You will likely meet other people that you can talk to, and it would feel rewarding to get stuff done. Also you might be asked to do some work outside, and nice weather always makes you feel better. Also, try distracting yourself with simple tasks like doing laundry, tidying up a room or doing the dishes. It will hopefully take your focus away from your dark thoughts, and just like the previous thing I suggested, it'll be rewarding to get something done even if it's something simple. Find a hobby like jogging or drawing or reading or something else. Being passionate and caring about something like that will give you a reason to keep going on, and you might find a community of people who are interested in the same stuff. I really hope that I or somebody else was able to help you, and I really hope that these episodes will stop. I believe that you are valuable and deserving of a happy life. I don't really know what else to say; I'm not a qualified professional. Just stay safe, and I promise that things will take a turn for the better in the future. Stay strong, king.
Numptaloid, I am surely not the first and certainly not the last one to say this, nor have you not heard this before, but don't give up. Don't give in to the thoughts. You are at the beginning of your life, it's not too late to seek help, contact, communication, professional help, friendship, self-empowerment. You can get through this, you can make it out of this mental state you're in. But please, make the right choice. Wether you see it or not, you're not alone. People know you, people care about you, people love you. It's not over. Stay safe and seek any help you need. We care for your wellbeing. And I know this footage wasn't recorded yesterday, but with a title like this I don't joke around. Wether you are better now then when you made this video or not, just know that what I and many others wrote still stands. You can make it through this. Stay safe! ❤
Please don't do it, man. Life is something you probably only get once, so don't waste that chance short. I am sure you'll find people to talk to somewhere. I struggle with this somewhat as well. While I suppose I have friends, I wouldn't ever really talk to them about my true passions and interests, as I know they don't really care about them. I wish I had "real" friends, ones that I actually talk with besides just about school. At least I'm lucky I don't have mental issues. Please, I beg you, life will get better, you'll be happy eventually, you don't have to end it prematurely. Love from random internet user ❤️
hey man, even though im a nobody, im wishing the best for ya man. Please please please dont give up on ur life rn, we're here by ur side to keep ya company ^^
ik you hear this all the time but dont give up. you have so much of your life to live. having no one to talk to is really hard, so i suggest getting a stuffed animal to talk to whenever you feel down. take care of it, have conversations, nurture it. these seemingly mundane tasks have helped me feel less lonely in times like these. also, please know that you are not a burden and you shouldnt feel bad for reaching out for help. we encourage you to speak up about your situation, especially because issues like these arent well documented in this way. take care, i speak for all of us when i say that. we all support you❤
I never experienced this kind of feeling but i must recommend to see a therapist i'm not one but i recommend seeing one they might help you with your feeling of wanting to oof yourself.
Your life is one of a kind. You being born and having life is a 1 in 400 trillion chance. Take a second to think of how rare that is. You only have one life. Don’t waste it ❤
I cant relate to you unfortunately but i have known too many people in my life who are going or have gone through the same shit mental state as you and all i can do is pray that you get better in the future and you wont need to suffer through these episodes. Im not going to talk about how theres stuff to be alive for because you probably know that but i just want to mention the fact that the gift of life is such a rare thing to win. You out of millions won the ability to live life and i hope that at some point in your life, you make the most of what you can and you live on to tell your story and to tell what depression really feels like or just even living your life to do what you want to do and forgetting about this horrible time you had to go through. Stay strong my brother, lots of love to you from me and everyone else in this comment section ❤
I dont know you, but please please stay safe. I’ve never experienced depression myself but I can only imagine how difficult it must be. it’s really brave sharing your feelings tho, hopefully things get better for you ❤❤❤
I’ll keep it simple bro. Tomorrow can always be different, and the only thing that can possibly stop that is yourself. Live to see the dawn you never thought you’d see, because it comes for us all. And of course, imagine all the things you’ll miss out on while youre gone. Keep thuggin it out bro we’ll all make it
I can't fully relate to your situation, but I can empathize with it. I'm genuinely sorry that you are feeling this way. It must be suffocating, torturous, and trapping not being able to talk to anyone for such a long time. Please stay safe.
Things get bad, and that’s life, ups and downs are extremely normal and sometimes it may feel like those downs weigh too much, but nothing can stop you if you just keep going, God will help if you call out.
a band that really me though my (still on going) depression is Linkin Park, their lyrics spoke to my soul and i'm happy to know you have music as confort too, stay strong cuz i'm with you too my man
Don’t go through with it, please don’t. While it seems like relief or the only way out, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you kill yourself, while it might seem like everything is over everyone else you’re connected, from your family to even your subscribers suffers instead. Things can get better I promise ❤️
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After a lot of rumination, I decided that this video is important enough to not just be a secret video. Even though this may make you feel miserable, I now recognise its undeniable value as a resource for documenting what depression is *actually* like. No emo-cheese, no glorification, no Logic album to shamlessly promote at the VMA's. Raw, unfiltered, and unwatchable.
Most media that portrays depression is filtered through several layers of presentation and posturing. This footage was intended for exactly what I said it was, to distract myself with my inner monologue. There's no window dressing here, no "who can relate (woo)". After recording this I immediately forgot about it and just happened to stumble upon it again a month later. Then I realised how perfectly it shows what my average night looks like, the exact middle of the road. No fish-eye-lens directed towards the extremes. No detail is prioritised here. In the main video I went easy on the mental illness stuff, this is here for those who want the jalepeno level spice.
This is by definition found footage, a tool that I accidentally created. For a few years now I've been trying to find media that could accurately explain what depression is like to someone who is mentally sound, and I've found a grand total of one. The works of Daniel Johnston have always been really special to me since he has been the only person who has the ability to fill this criteria. I miss him, coincidentally I even mention that it in the video. I wish he was still here. I don't want to make people miserable, I already make myself miserable. That's more than enough. I hope that this footage reaches the fellow lost souls that it was unknowlingly made to reach.
Sorry that this likely scans poorly and is harder to read than it should be. I have to take anti-psychotics in order to fall asleep and I am under the influence of too much quetiapine to think properly. I'll edit this in the morning.
when will u beat bloodbath though
@@zoophiliaphobiche did like a month ago
Nump i love ypu bro i dont want to lose you man itll get better no matter how long it takes❤
Please dont
I love that you bring up Daniel Johnston. I haven’t listened to him much but I love what he stood for in terms of music and being himself
i battled suicidal thoughts about a year ago and trust me, they do go away, the urge does stop. im not qualified to give meaningful advice, i dont have a degree in anything, but what i did to get away from the thoughts was i just tried new shit, i personally got into speedrunning and that introduced me to dozens of people i talk to on the regular; new hobbies will introduce you to new friends aswell. i wish you well man ❤
"Don't kill yourself, you need to outlive your enemies" - Satan on Twitter
I have no enemies! Except for a werid Donut guy!
based
@@Numptaloid Death is the ultimate gamble. The greatest unknown. Remember, there is a chance that when you die you will meet eternal damnation, in which case you should remain alive as long as possible.
Even if it is only a small chance, savor this life. Whatever small joys you find in the midst of this tough time may be the only joy you experience in the great expanse of the universe.
Maybe when we die we go to heaven. Maybe there is nothing. But are you going to gamble eternal suffering for what might only be temporary?
I know what I would choose.
You got this brother.
please don’t do this. i attempted in 2022 and it’s a genuine nightmare, far worse than any pains i had felt from my depression prior to the attempt. it’s not worth it
oh yeah i also attempted in 2022, shit fucking hurts real bad if you don't get it right depending on the method. that's one of the biggest roadblockers of why im still here. all of the fullproof methods are predictable and then you can't use it again because people know not to let you near the meds again. i'm allowed to touch like 10 things.
i hope you didn't do a method with a really bad faliure punishment, i was lucky to be using something with a decent faliure punishment so i'm not all fucked up from it. i've known people that have basically become different people from accidentally being just shy of a successful attempt. shit's crazy.
@@Numptaloid unfortunately my method had pretty bad failure punishment (i’d share but it’s extremely sensitive), thankfully i’m ok enough to play games and stuff, but it was so traumatic that i can’t look at a certain thing that i used to attempt.
@@uhlyxgmd_im kind of curious to know
You don't have to refund me for the extremely dilated 16 minutes I just tolerated, it's up there with Jreg's video on curing his mental illness as one of the most introspective things I've ever seen and was worth every second of the time. I had a shit-ton of thoughts throughout but I've forgotten most of them now, probably for the best. I get the feeling unable to cry thing, the emotion is there but the action is not. I wasted all my tears on trivial shit when I was in Primary School and now when people are dying I got no catharsis, shit sucks. And I agree that The Glow, Pt. 2 is great, that elephant carried me through the back-end of February on its back and I appreciate it and Phil Elverum for it very much.
On a non-self-pity note, if more depressive episodes come about, start filming during those just for the distraction. Even if they get deleted hours, minutes later, if it helps to keep your mind from straying to dark places then do it. Stay safe.
I was planning to add a reply that adds to this comment but there isn't much I can say asides from watching Jreg's video on mental illness as well on the way people view life, pretty much agree with everything you said. The view of absurdism is something else I could bring up and Albert Camus wrote about it best, even if you disagree with it, things like optimistic nihilism can help you view life in a better lens and there's just so much to explore that you could explore the philosophy in every thing you do.
this comment sums up a lot of my feeling about this video and numps thoughts brilliantly.
@@1cn1cn1 I've backed optimistic nihilism for a while, for me at least it seemed like a logical progression after unwittingly destroying myself and my view of the world with regular nihilism by the time I reached age 10. It's a good way to view the world, we're all floating in a void, the only reason we exist is because 2 older people decided they wanted us to exist, they only exist for the same reason, there's no actual reasons for anything, so we may as well make our own reasons and things to value.
I wil say though I think it's only a good view if you already think existence has no real meaning, if you do think we have a true/objective purpose in life don't touch it.
Stay safe, itll be okay. We care about you.
Stay safe Nump ❤ We care about you.
Like seriously tho, you r great ❤❤❤
true!
The simple fact that you were able to post this video means that you are able to heal. These things take time. I don't have any registered mental illnesses, but I have been incredibly negative about myself, like being frequently sensitive about my (extremely underweight) body.
People are here for you.
You have survived 100% of your bad days
If you think nobody cares about you, you are WRONG. I care. Your family cares. Your friends care. The people watching this video care. And, hopefully one day, you will too.
I hope that my shitty pep talk helps.
Also, I don't want a refund on my time.
keep your chin up brother. i’m no therapist and you’ve probably heard all of this before but there is shit worth living for, and you have to get through the bad time in order to enjoy the good.
my suggestion is try branching out and making new friends. try to pick up a new hobby. if you have dark thoughts rearrange your room. there is plenty of fun things you can do if you need a distraction.
probably not any good advice because i havnt been through any of this myself, but i hope it helps a little. stay safe ❤
Look dude, I understand that a dumbass TH-cam comment doesn’t mean shit but I really hope that you figure out a way to find joy in your life. There is no reason for you to refund any of the time I spent watching this video. This was ironically the best thing that I watched today. When you started talking about the records you have it brought me genuine joy. Even if you feel like there is no one there for you I’m sure I and many others, even if we’re just online nobody’s. We all want you to be happy. Please stay safe.
This.
He don't need to refund OUR time spent watching this video for me too it was the best thing I've watched in weeks it was the only video that made sens and that was useful numptaloid is the best and he have the best channel ever I hope he get up and feel better
@@Eagleleadsmc hey exgledx
even if i cant relate to the godawful state you've essentially been fucked into, i really hope you don't give up, keep going, it'll get better
are you sure
@IWannaBeTheKiwi2 I've seen your other comments, and it is just awful, I don't care if you can't relate, and that you might not understand what Nump is going through, but at least have some amount of common decency, show a little respect, and if you don't know what to say, then simply don't say anything.
@@DoggoGod i can though
It's the first time i've seen or heard someone in a depressive episode, like actually and i've gotta say it is damn scary. But the thing is, you say you have no one to talk to, meanwhile 561 people in the past 1 day have listened to you speak, and have been there for you. 40 of them even tried to comfort you with words in the comments. My guy, although we don't know you irl, we all love your videos, we love your humour, how much work you put into them and everything else. "not as good as gokanaru" my asshole, I've never even seen him mentioned and when i saw his vids i was like "nah sarcastic NZ snail man is better". You're better than you think, the amount of comments i see in your comment sections just praising how good ur videos are is something i've never seen in any other comment section. This channel has a fuck ton of potential and you could really pop off with it by maybe making vids none - gd related because honestly there's a limit to the gd community. In any case you'd better get through all of the hardships, we know you can do it and we need you to do it cuz out of all the channels i know, your videos are the ones who get me the most hyped up to watch.
Also if you wanna feel pain, if you wanna keep your mind of shit then i always tell this to everyone. Go outside, start running, and run till you can't run anymore, run till your thighs, your calves, your back hurt, then you'll feel pain, but at the same time it'll be good pain, pain that'll make your life better. Self harm is stupid, everyone knows that, so instead of harming yourself, improve yourself. Instead of thinking you have a "disgusting sweaty body", you're gonna say "fit sweaty body". And a bonus to that is you're gonna be so exhausted you won't be able to think about dark shit.
Anyways in conclusion, when you're not depressed, find ways to be successful in life, there are plenty of them. And anyways it's a classic fact, as a NEET you're by definition gonna be reincarnated in an isekai fantasy world as an op character so there's always that to look forward to.
This.
But the last sentence cracked me up 😅
I don't know what to say about all of this, other than its unfortunately one of the most relatable things I have ever watched. The original video slowly deteriorating into that state and eventually leading me here is a really good metaphor for how dealing with that kind of thing feels. I've been dealing with all the same things for a long time, and I get it. I can't do anything to help you personally, other than to tell you that you'll get through it eventually. Keep doing whatever it is to get you through this, it might seem like it'll never end, but it will. Trust me. I know this is something you've probably heard a million times, but I hope it helps to know there are people out there that can relate to your experiences, and that you're not alone.
Good luck.
Don't give up. Things get bad but they get better eventually, you just have to continue. You're a talented person and I hope you're willing to keep moving forward. Remember this.
I can't relate to your actual state but I'll be praying for you to not commit anything that will harm you. You're seen and cared, don't let these negative thoughts attack you and let them tell you otherwise. It may look like everything is falling apart initially, but remember that it won't always be like this. You're seen, you're cared and you're just as important as the people that know you tell. Whether they're subscribers or people that know you, they know you well enough to care. It's not dumb to say that you're in need of help, nor it is dumb to be in need of help.
I'm willing to believe in you, you will make it out of this situation. You can get through this. Please keep moving forward. I wish you well. ❤
>they dont get better
> they WILL get better. You have no choice
@IWannaBeTheKiwi2 I've seen your other comments, and it is just awful, I don't care if you can't relate, and that you might not understand what Nump is going through, but at least have some amount of common decency, show a little respect, and if you don't know what to say, then simply don't say anything.
@@DoggoGod i can though things dont get better
@@kiwi_2_official What if they do get better. What is that called
thank you so much for opening people's eyes on how bad depression can be. I reccomend the work of Albert Camus, especially on The Myth of Sisyphus and Absurdism in general, or even just generally Optimistic Nihilism because its a way I like to view life, there's more belief systems but it might help because I have some things you could read if youre bored on night. even if nump doesn't decide to read this, who ever does, thanks.
on why life might not seem worth it, there's a lot of reasons why it may seem meaningless, the endless amounts of suffering in the world, the lack of reason as to live and even the lack of success you may be facing but those ideas ignore something:
life is absurd, it's unreasonable and hard to grasp, nothing really matters but suicide doesn't actually solve the issue. when you feel suicidal, you see that life is not worth it, and it makes no sense to live but you did and do have the power to get through these feelings because even if the rules of life play against how you go about it, you should still try and go about it, reject suffering and push forwards, maybe even consider self improvement because it might make you feel better and we do it to feel better.
You've been suffering alot clearly and to that I feel so sorry for you because my life hasn't been as bad, whether you want me to or not isn't really anything I know but to that, consider rejecting the suffering and choosing to move forwards in a world of meaninglessness, we do things because a chemical reaction in our head tells us to, essentially saying "this makes me happy" and happy makes you feel good or "this makes me satisfied" and that makes you feel good, it makes you somewhat satisfied but helping others who are struggling to tackle through their suffering will add extra will to push forwards because that adds to you and their life.
Reject suffering but you don't need to ignore it. I've seen so many people get abused in ways that aren't allowed to be said in TH-cam comments + it's personal and they've conquered my mind for a long time, and I've tried to go about ignoring them but that doesn't help the problem, same with you, living in ignorant bliss in your situation simply won't help anything, maybe comments of random people you've never even known before won't help but rejecting the suff and making positive experiences has literally been shown to help, if YOU choose to be the change in your life then you save yourself because hearing the comments should hopefully show you that there are people's days you make when you contribute to their life, even if you dont see it in person in your day to day life.
you're a neet so in that case, even if you dont see a future for yourself, many do, and try to push forwarda because we see potential in you, youve already got thousands of people on youtube who decided that "hey, this guy makes good enough content for me to subscribe!" so even in real life you could garner much more people for your humour, id find a guy like you to be in a frienf group from the way you seemed and you could build or join one honestly, you're funny, interesting, creative and i know you could be innovative.
what I did in a situation where I was feeling quite depressed for quite some time was self improve. (it isnt just about life but about everything in life, you may of heard this alot but just read what i have to say because it might be different)
now when you start to take care of yourself, do things like daily showers, floss, brush teeth twice a day, gym, healthy diet and good sleep schedule you'll find that it gets better (the results come in a steady pace, trust me) and more people will open up to you, so many people online have said it and I know there may be liars but it's happened to me myself, I hit the gym and it helped, if you start to take care of yourself and have self respect then people will open up to you, just try to get into contact with them when they see you've improved yourself. if you know anyone somewhat close like family (they either died or live far, its personal so I won't ask, if they died then just go for friends but this is for if they live far) then get in contact with them so you can go places to get to know them more. you could try out community colleges and build experience through commission roles to have a portfolio and get a job, you did some work for matmart and I know it was low pay but when you get in a better work environment you'll get to meet people and odds are you'll enjoy time with at least one of your co workers, AT LEAST one.
but why is it worth it? see these thoughts will be temporary because life always has it's highs and lows, for you, it might seem like there's no hope and you're struggling to get by your day to day life but it could change when you decide to change it because it is ALWAYS possible to be that change because no one can truly save you from this but yourself, motivation can be your best ally or your worst enemy and starting off with the smaller changes will help build that confidence for me, like losing weight and just taking care of myself in my case, for you it might be different like being organised in how to get your life started or even get it going forwards and getting a good routine (I don't know what your issues are, these are examples of what happens usually in a depressed person when they lose all motivation to do things, but its the issues you have in life) will help you.
that's one thing I have to say, this just based on what I know, I obviously don't know your issues but self improvement matters, it may seem corny from the people in the space but it matters and it saves lives, you could miss an opportunity, events with people you could meet are great, the gym hosts many people who are starting and willing to open up to friends, and even if you don't want to go to the gym, there's just so much to love and experience in such an absurd world, whatever makes you happy, embrace it, and people who love it as well, help them stay happy!
this video actually inspired me to think about what the point in life actually is, you're a funny guy and it'd be terrible to see someone like you go, even if you dont see a future in yourself, keep pushing. hopefully you read this comment and see my opinions on life and how it could help you, then again, it's so long that you'd ignore it, and to anyone else who's reading this, maybe you could keep this in mind when thinking about life,
and better yet, stay safe.
As someone who's also experienced feeling "too cowardly" to end their own lives, the fact that you're still going and still alive shows a lot of bravery and courage. Life may be tough, but I speak for everyone when I say that you're tougher. Even if its impossible to see a better future for yourself, just know that you HAVE a future, and that everything WILL be okay. You've got this
hey dude, I had no idea you were going through this shit. I've never really been depressed so I'm probably not the guy to get advice from but if it helps even a little bit just know that me and literally thousands of other people care about you, your content is genuinely extremely high quality in terms of script writing humour editing and all that. I know the funny internet numbers might not hold much meaning to you but over six THOUSAND people (seriously that's an absurdly large number) have decided that you're a cool ass person and I'm no therapist but just know that we're here for you. Dunno what your religious views are but the meaning of life to me is just going along for the fucking ride, pushing through the hard stuff to get to the awesome things life has to offer
Also you're not a coward. If you can't bring yourself to end it all then that doesn't make you a pussy. It means that whether you know it or not some part of you still wants to go on
So go have a walk or find someone who you think is cool and they think you're cool too, and before you go thinking there's noone for you, there is literally 8 billion people on this planet so if you don't think a single one cares about you then you're very very wrong
I guess the point of this wall of text is just to say that life sucks sometimes and it's sut sometimes and you don't want to go on with it sometimes but there's light at the end of the tunnel, and there is literally an infinite number of things you can go do with your life.
Good luck. We're here for you.
On suicide, I've definitely thought about it and I always come to the conclusion that there's so many people and experiences and memories out there that ending it all just seems silly. It might seem like there's nothing worth living for but if you decide one day there is then it might be a bit harder to do that if you're not alive. There's no take backs on suicide, so id say just do stuff. Take risks, try new things, and as corny as it is, try to live life to the fullest.
Small typo in that you technically 5.66k subs as opposed to 6k , but I think you having even 10% the number of people subbed to you as active viewers isn't really a stretch, seeing as the blue marine video already has like 5k views in like 6 hours
Anyway that's all, best wishes to you ❤
One last thing, the blue marine video is legitimately one of the best GD videos I've ever seen, and if it means anything at all I definitely see myself voting it for best video in the next gd awards
i've been trying to type something to convey my feelings towards what i just watched, but i just can't
this is so unbelievably raw compared to every other representation of depression i've ever seen
i've never had to deal with depression before, so i can't really say anything that'll relate to this that i've experienced
all i can say is thank you for showing this, and stay safe man
All I ever was, has been and always will be
Dancing in the wind as roses born again
Before the dawn of man
In castles made of sand
Writing in the caves
As fire lights the way
Mask of royal glow
Done in pharaoh's clothes
There you'll find me
Until we meet again (I'm gone)
i did not know that there were avenged sevenfold fans in my audience
@@Numptaloid the Cosmic music video is truly something special.
@@Numptaloidhow do you feel about Life is But a Dream?
@@diamonddemon935 i respect the ambition of that album, there's not much else like it.
that being said the album is completely unlistenable and torturous to get through.
@@Numptaloid sad to hear you say that ‘cause I think it’s probably my favorite from them. Every song on it is great in its own way (Cosmic being the standout) and there’s a bit of something for everyone. I really love the album’s themes about life and death.
But I get why this isn’t for everyone. Hell, even on my first listen, I just didn’t like a couple of the songs. A lot of the album kinda feels like they just said “wouldn’t it be funny if we did that?” Kinda like the weird laser gun sounds during the guitar solo of Easier.
That being said, do you have a favorite song/album from them?
I know this video is 5 months old, but I came to this channel to check on you. I really loved your videos. They were something that got me through my darkest days in 2023, and im starting to love gd again and I came back to see your videos and these just make me so happy. I really hope you overcome this. Depression is awful and I just hope you keep pushing, man. Stay safe and keep fighting.
I've watched your videos over the past few months and you have made me laugh unlike any youtuber I've seen. I know it sounds generic and desperate and it is, I know, but its true. Your videos have actually made me laugh and I have not related to a video quite as much as your last one. I don't know if it means much but if you can make one guy laugh, then you can bring joy to others. Your desire to have a community, to interact with alike people is here, we're here, I'm here. I will be here for you. You have 5000 people rooting for you brother, your talent for speaking and conveying this emotion is incredible, and I have not related to something like this for a while. I've been inspired by this, in ways I may not fully discover yet, and I am 1 of many thousands of people who will watch this. You have the ability to bring joy, to inspire, to provoke thought, to create emotion. The crying line hits hard, and I feel you on that one. If you're reading this comment looking for advice I hope I can provide some that will actually benefit you rather than being generic bs. Keep recording your episodes, film them purely for the distraction. Talk about your passions, or at least the things that "distract" you at the moment. When I was considering suicide, there were two things that pulled me out of my severe depression. One was my girlfriend. I know its hard for people, I've been there. Being completely realistic I am not a good looking guy by any means and I have no idea why she loves me, so I can't give you any advice in that respect apart from have an insane amount of luck. But the second thing is the idea that one day I will create something great, create something that people will remember me for, the pure hope that one day I will leave behind a legacy was enough to keep me going. I firmly believe that you will too. I am rooting for you. We are rooting for you. You need not refund me of my time, every second spent watching this has been very much worth it. I will be thinking about this and my current mental health a great deal, so I thank you, Numptaloid. I will leave my discord user in the replies to this comment. My DMs will be open for you if you need it. Hopefully my similar experiences can help you. I will not consider you a burden, I am offering this for you out of my own choice because I do genuinely want to do what I can to see you better. I completely understand if you would prefer not to talk, and I hope this comment as well as the others have brought you some solace. May life treat you better my friend.
Coming from someone who has been through and is arguably still going through depression, it will get better, it might not seem like it but it will get better. Try to find whatever makes you happy or work towards a goal that makes you feel accomplished, start small and work your way up to something bigger and have a long term plan you want to accomplish in the future. I think you have something very good going with your channel and I wish I could find the courage and motivation to make videos, please keep going. Take it from someone who was on the verge of attempting suicide twice, it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and will only hurt everyone around you, even people you have yet to meet.
genuinely thank you for making and uploading this video. you're very brave to upload something like this. ive had far too many nights like these in recent times but what i can say is no matter how hellish it feels, no matter how much you feel you just want to be done with everything, no matter how i guess "final" it feels, you will be feeling better sooner than you would think. no matter how impossible it might sound in the middle of an episode like this. if recording this video distracted you from these thoughts, then please please please keep making them. please keep staying strong and pushing through. this is my first time watching a video of yours but from reading the comments it seems that your content genuinely brings joy to thousands of people every time you upload, and im hoping you feel at least some fulfilment within yourself whenever you do upload a video as well. you're doing something great here, and even if you yourself right now dont feel like you are, you matter to all of these people, and thats something really extraordinary. things will change with time, again, no matter how impossible that sounds. keep pushing through man
dude PLEASE don't be sorry for "wasting our time" if it helps with your mental health im sure everyone that has watched this will feel the same
my advice is just to not be scared - if you want to kill yourself it makes sense if you don't have much to live for anyways, so what can you really lose by just taking risks and truly LIVING your life, like be as carefree as you want it really doesn't matter what the result is you will realise you have so much more control over your life and the way you think, and it and as long as you have that life will be much more worth it
you also talk alot about ruminating and having bad thoughts and ofc they will always be there the real difference is how you handle them, not thinking about or trying to suppress them but accepting what your mind has conjured up and realising that you can move on from it
tbh alot of what was said in this video resonated with me alot, from the silent crying to music being such an important factor in your day to day life. ill admit ive also had alot of these times being in my room feeling so helpless and alone but i think after a while i realised that those feelings will not persist for long and that even if i dont have anybody to turn to now, there will be people in the future the key is to not look for people who will sympathise with you but to live life pragmatically and with as much joy as possible, and people will be naturally drawn to that
hope this helps idk
As someone else with Depression, GAD, Autism, and OCD, it sucks. It feels like it will never get better, and when anything looks up my brain fights me every step of the way. All my brain ever wants is to have some control, and one of the ways it tries to do that is through self harm and suicide. It's an awful place to be, and I to feel that "I want to kill myself, but I'm too much of a coward."
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, and thank you for being around. I realize that you will proably not want to accept gratitude for this, and I think that it deserves gratitude anyway. Again, Numptaloid, thank you.
Dang, your situation feels painful too.
I'd suggest reading the other comments, ive seen plenty of them with some advices that might or might not work, and i hope they will make you feel better.
I think (and hope) that you will be able to go through this ❤🫂💪
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19.
I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there
Your RNG sucked! Better luck next run!
Oh no! I made 3 insulting comments! Wow! I'm turning evil!
@@Leakersz wow, are you proud of your joke? what benefits did it bring you?
@@TheBester7 it doesn't need benefits!
you have given all of us countless laughs, smiles, and not just that, the genuine kind. you deserve the best and i truly hope you find happiness, peace, and feeling of safety that you deserve.
i am saddened to know you are going through this, but thank you for sharing such a pure point of perspective into pain and sadness.
take care, bro. i hope you get through this sooner than later
What you should try is just going to the park and having a nice walk. No music, no rush, just a walk, listening to the sounds of the park, the chirp of birds, splashing water, nature all surrounding yourself. The world when you step back from all the noise can truly be incredible. And I know that getting up and going is the hardest part, but you just gotta do it.
Even if you decide not to, just getting up and changed into a fresh set of clothes everyday, having a nice hot shower, help so much more than people give them credit for.
Just remember that we are all here for you, and you are in no way alone
When you said hello pillow it genuinely made tears come out of my eyes. I've tried to kill myself once but my uncle broke the door and saved me. I remember lying in bed right before trying to kill myself I always think of all the things I wanted to do before I ended my life, my regrets, my dreams. I remember when my phone was ringing as my mom tried to call me so many times and the ringtone was my favourite song at that time and remeber thinking that I can't even listen to my favourite music before I ended my life. I'm sorry about rambling about myself but I hope you do well in life. I hope you can go through these tough times. I wish you all the best
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19.
I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there. ❤
Dude, im telling to to not do this, ive been through this too. The best thing to always do is to call the suicide hotline, and realize that you are worth way more than you dying. you will always have a meaning if you live, but if you are dead, everyone will be sad, but after a while, everyone will slowly forget you. Do not do this, i know what its like, but one day, i hope you will look back at this and say “i am so glad I didnt do it”
"I hear, and my body trembles; my lips quiver at the sound; rottenness enters into my bones; my legs tremble beneath me. Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us. Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places. To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments." Habakkuk 3:16-19.
I know, nobody wants to hear the cringy "Bible verses", but i want you to be honest, would it make you feel better knowing that even if you didnt have anyone, you atleast had the almighty God to comfort you? He loves you so much more then you could ever conceive and imagine, and get this: even if Jesus was not the son of God, he still loved YOU so much that he underwent a horrid whipping, mocking, and then hung for hours upon hours with iron nails in his wrists and ankles, gasping for air. Could you even imagine somebody who loves you more than that? If you are at all curious, please reply, I can help you out brotehr because the last thing I want to hear from you is dead silence. God bless brother and I hope Jesus may help you out there ❤
i know its cliche, i know it sounds dumb and corny, but as someone who has been through something similar - everything will turn out ok, just like it always has
community and human connection is invaluable for your mental health. you mentioned not having seen a person in a long while - that will be contributing dramatically. its hard to make those connections without having a medium with which to do it - education, employment - so if you cant take part in any of that, please try and find any clubs or associations. its also very hard to not be apathetic or otherwise have no passion for any clubs when you have depression, so please try and trust the process and remember that youre there primarily to make connections.
ive been silently watching your content for a while, youre extremely talented and funny - making friends will be tough because youll be so out of practice, but youre so funny that you absolutely will be able to.
you need to trust that it will work out
you may not be comfortable with telling them, but if you ever are able to, please tell your family. theres no reality where thatll end in a worse situation for you, really
i really deeply relate to you not being able to cry. i wasnt able to either.
distracting yourself when youre battling these thoughts is also very important, and recording is a good way to distract yourself. reading books is also an excellent way of distracting yourself, i really recommend it because books like fiction really demand your attention
good luck brother ❤ this video was really important for me. thank you for uploading it.
just wondering, what made you able to cry? ive been in a really bad place for a year or so and i'm unable to cry at all
@@soyjakchud regaining that human connection as well as staying away from social media like tiktok and twitter and all that.
i hadn't cried in probably a couple of years and i had been slowly crawling out of that rut and then my dog (who is my profile picture) passed away. we had him put down because he was getting so old and deteriorating, and we were burying him in our back garden but he was on my lap in a dog bed as we were driving home and tears just started pouring out.
crying needs emotional vulnerability - itll be really hard to cry if you arent already open about how youre feeling.
having those human connections will make you more in tune with emotions too.
i avoided social media because a lot of it is just depressing and it makes the contrast between day to day life and actual real sorrow a lot smaller.
its important to cry because it makes the contrasts between happiness and sadness all the more noticeable, and it makes it easier to enjoy those happy moments
Don't do it bro you've got a whole future ahead of you!
I have experience, almost killed myself before but I just had patience, and I put my trust in God, and I came out fine.
No, you're not a coward for not committing suicide, you are brave for holding on.
Stay strong brother, you'll get better
I feel it too. I don't know what to do whenever I get to my worst, I just try to distract myself with anything and everything
I'm glad you've managed to get this out. communicating that you are hurting is the first step to getting help and getting better
You matter so much man, I've fought through suicide for 2 long years, I understand how it feels, please stay safe man, get the help you need, we love you ❤
We all love you man. you've already got so many friends and people that care in just these comments. youre not alone
middle school and high school were genuinely more enjoyable because of you, don't ever stop
fighting brother, one day you'll look back at this part of your life and thank yourself because you didn't end it 💟
dude your content is great, you are a really funny guy
we dont want to loose you
im with you in the journey. i have depression and bpd. i tried to kill myself 3 days ago, lets try and get better together. we love you nump
i am so sorry to hear that. i know its cliche, but keep going. i speak for us all when i say were rooting for you and love you. take care❤
@@timtian4716 thanks
I hope you're doing better now, and are getting the proper help and support that you need. It's a gift that you're alive, and so many people are happy that you are. Keep going!
@@levelium56 I will! Getting treatment is a bit a waiting game for me but I'm doing ok ❤️
Thanks for replying with this, it makes such a huge difference
Watched through the whole thing, i feel so sorry for you and the state you've been in. i have friends that feel the same way and i know how you feel, lonely and sad. Please, stay strong and seek help. Record these videos every day and upload them, dont let any dark thoughts leak into your mind and stay strong, go outside and socialize with people, do some fun activites and hang out with anyone you know.
Remember stay strong and keep your spirits up.
ps: i hoped this was a joke, your channel has a lot of humour and is quite jokey, but this is no joke, this is real. The real world, people always say that they look fine on the outside, but on the inside its a whole other story. You could appear so happy and joyful but really are just a depressed person, please stay strong and thank you for sharing this, i am glad i know the state that one of my favourite youtubers is in, people love you and they care about you, i know im not the only one who does and i know for sure there is many others who wish you get better. I hope you see this comment bro, dont let negative people, haters or depression let you down, stay strong and never give up!
I hope you feel better and please stay safe
This was probably one of if not the most thought provoking video I have ever watched. Nump, there are so many people who care for you, please, stay safe, things won’t be like this forever
Its ok, everyone has these thoughts and its normal every feels emotions and depression is one of them but trust me it will get better everyones here for you stay safe, my family never really cared for me so i had to rely on friends a lot i have been backstabbed 10 times and it never feels good but it will get better trust me it will get better ❤❤
I get it. I really do. I'm in the same state as you right nkw and honestly, it doesn't help that nobody takes me seriously. A few people sometmes tell me tk kill myself occasionally, and honestly, it stings more than anything. And although I'm a coward, I really do want to kill myself ASAP. But I'm gonna stay strong, just like you can. Don't leave. Please. We may only watch your videos, but we really care about you.
You stay safe too. No-one should feel like that.
dude, i love The glow pt.2, having music with ultimately a positive resolution is great for comfort, its such a raw album that feels very personal, you got a great taste in music friend :)
I’ve struggled with shit too, I’ve been more isolated lately, and it does really suck..
I’m really sorry you have to go though that, I hope things light up soon
Please stay strong. The world gets better, trust me. You being this vulnerable online speak a lot about your character and strengths. You are important and I seriously hope and pray that you do not suffer no longer🙏
I know that this is probably gonna be a pretty common response, but hope is the most powerful emotion there is. And I know that just “becoming hopeful” isn’t exactly an option in your current mental state, but there are things that you can do. I’m no expert, but you DEFINITELY need more of a sense of purpose. Start with small goals for improvement, like just going on a short walk one day, and then trying to do it again the next day and so on to get yourself exposed to the rest of the world that you seem to so desperately miss, and slowly make little steps toward bigger goals, like going out and trying to meet people more. I know that depression will SERIOUSLY take away all your energy and motivation, but know that you deserve more than the life you have right now. Just know that there will always be something you might like but don’t know about. If you just put yourself out there, there will be something to find. Above all else, know that we care, and that we all hope you can get better somehow. Change takes time, but if you take things one day at a time, it will be easier.
Thank you for this video. While I somehow by some miracle got out of my depression, something like this wouldve truly helped me a lot more than people having no idea what depression feels like giving shitty advice like "Just Excercise". It just feels relateable. Getting into downward spirals of thinking nothing I ever did had meaning, and being absolutely useless. Regretting everything but too exhausted and depressed to do anything. It wouldve shown me that Im not alone.
I just want to tell you that I truly enjoy your videos and hope you get well. That might mean nothing but maybe it can help even a tiny amount the way you wouldve helped me with this video.
“If it’s not worth it, don’t do it”
-Skeppy
a crow looked at me is an amazing album and so is the glow pt 2
carrie and lowell too!
i had thoughts around a year ago after something tragic happend. trust me, it will end at a point or another. although it might not end immediately, it will end at some time, but sooner than you actually think. practice a sport or do stuff to become yourself better as a person, and the pain will end sooner.
remember, even if you don't know them directly, there are people who loves and supports you. make them proud of you
We love you nump, you're so brave for uploading this and you're not alone brother. We're all here for you. ❤️
I wish you nothing but goodwill, Nump. You have a beautiful mind, and are a man of resilience and strength. You made it this far into the struggle that is life, you can make it to the next day, and the next, etc. It doesn't feel possible sometimes, but it is, slowly but surely it is. I hope you find a way to truly recover, or at least cope, and that your loneliness will fade away as people who love you find their way to you.
I have an idea for you: it's been suggested in the comments before, but finding another community may help more. You're very knowledgeable in the realm of music, or so it seems to me, and if you made some music related content and talked with other music enthusiasts it may help with these episodes.
Also, no need to refund my time, it was eye-opening for me. Thank you, Numptaloid.
I do not fully know you personally, and I don't have any idea of the true extent of what you're going through, but I really just want to leave a comment here,
and just say again that no matter the fact we don't know you well or are close to you, we are still on the other side of the wall, listening to what you have to say and wanting
to see more of the amazing things you've put out. We all love you, and we really hope you'll be able to keep pushing through this, and get better
Bro please don't give up. I honestly love your content because you're so funny with your editing style and jokes and I feel so bad for you because of what you're going through. Keep on going. you will face many defeats in life, but never let yourself be defeated.
please don't give up man, i nearly lost a friend to suicide and it would have broken me to see them die knowing i could have done something.
suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it to someone else, in this case us.
we care.
Hey man, this might sound strange for anyone who knows me but, I know how it is, I've been trough this shit and trust me man I know that people often tell you this but you'll find the light, eventually, it might not happen imideatly or not even in a lot of time but eventually you'll get out of it, but that only happens trough self work, I know that it's hard, I know how it is waking up and not being able to find a reason to live anymore but trust me, life is nice, it dose get better eventually, and again, I know how it is feeling like you've hit rock bottom and then falling even deeper and not knowing how deep the hole gets, but trust me man, eventually you are gonna climb out of it, so please don't do anything irreparable.
Until you get better, stay safe brother.
stay safe numpta i love you dude, from canada 🙏 i know its cheesey but honest to god dont hurt yourself
Really sorry to hear you're going through a really shit time right now.
Something that has helped me with loneliness in the past is really thinking on what i like doing, as many things as i can and seeing if there are any local clubs for those interests to go to.
I know it can be extremely daunting to try engage and interact with other people, but it helped me feel like i found people who are pretty simmilar to me and made me feel less alone in the world.
I hope you're able to find your people who you know can make you feel seen ❤
Never seen this guy before but this is terrible. Please get the help you need because you deserve to live, you deserve to breath, you deserve to see, you deserve to be loved, you deserve everything. I wish you the best.
Sorry it took a while to finally comment on this. I genuinely struggled to find the right words to say about this but just know that we're all here for you man. I've seen so many people (some notbale some not so much) in the community talking about this and sharing it about and I think that should go to show just how much we all care for you. I'm not really qualified at all for this shit and I know that I have no idea how hard it must be for you to go through each day but at least you can take solace in the fact that we all support you and want you to keep on going. Stay safe Numptaloid, we all pray for it.
This is not unwatchable, it's sad but it's honest, the shit you're going through is real, and I don't know you and you don't know me, but this video is a beautiful look into something that's glorified like you said. depression is something that's had and not heard, what I mean is you can't describe how you feel when wanting to kill yourself or how you feel when you know that you should be happy but aren''t. Ive tried to explain it to a dude I knew and I sat there knowing at the end of this conversation he wouldn't remember. I hate thinking about the past because i remember I thought I would be good at things, but i realized that i wasn't. I wasn't happy and even when i was i wasn't. I didn't push through, i didn't do some grand thing that everything better, but somehow someway i got better, Im not happy, but I know that no matter what i will be, you will be. You matter, you truely matter.
Please no matter what happens don't kill yourself. Please i know you have it in you to be happy.
Love you man, stay safe. You’ve gotten me through some really hard times, and I know you can make it through ❤
We are with you, even though we are not friends or family, but we are your community ❤
please don’t, ive been through this before and it sucks. it feels like you are stuck and can’t move on, but things will get better. life happens, but i promise it will get better eventually. we all love you so much and at least i dont want to lose someone that enjoy watching. now I expect you to comment on this so I know you are ok. you are loved ❤
Even if there is no world in which I can relate to what you're feeling.
Even if there is no way I can give any good advice.
It still felt important to sit here and watch.
I'm sorry I have no words for this.
id rather you have 5 thousand people looking up to you, not 5 thousand people looking down upon you in grief. we forge the chains that we wear in life. some of us who look to be better mentally will sometimes wear the heavier ones. but itll all be worth it in the end. stay strong man. were all here for you.
btw, does the wii still work?
I've always really loved your energetic, funny, jokey content, and it's really quite sad to see someone who is naturally funny and gifted become miserable. Stay safe buddy, we are all care about you and we all hope you improve, take your time. ❤
To everybody reading this comment section just ignore the comments that encourage him to take his life (they are trying to ragebait, you replying to them is their goal)
Surprisingly I’ve not seen any, there are a few which are just elitist doomers being elitist doomers but none outright pushing him to end it all, which is a good thing. If you do find them, ignore them though.
It will get better, even if it seems hopeless right now. It was an extremely good and brave decision to release this publicly, and so many people are proud of you for sharing this, even if it was really difficult. Remember that you will get through this, even if it doesn't seem like it. We're all rooting for you!
Bro the thing that stopped me from being alone and being depressed was God. I met people at my church, I started reading the bible, I got baptized last week. Jesus loves you ❤❤
amen brother
Get a life
get out
Numptaloid, unironically you are one of my favorite TH-camrs. You have such a unique video style and I have watched all of your recent videos over 5 times. I know this sounds "cringe" but you are one of my inspirations for being a TH-camr.
fr bro he is literally gd emplemon
You are very brave for making this uploading this video, let alone making it public. Thank you for uploading this and stay safe out there ❤
as a fellow snail, please don’t leave. we need you and we all love you, and i’m going through this same pain right now. please don’t go nump.
I have been staring at what i should write, but i cant express what i feel. Its like i have been given a small portion of the pain you are going through. Man the advice I will give may be bullshit, but here, stop doing what you are doing, you are going deeper and deeper into this until you reach your limit and i think you know what is it. If you dont get out of there it will be over, you must force yourself to do this, even if its painfull. At least you feel something when you are doing this. I may be a nobody writing this but i hope that i helped in any way.
that will be the first time i’ll support a person on the internet
I want to say that your emotions , feelings, thoughts are valid, they have a place to be. With high, good support from your audience and viewers and with this video I want to believe that you will pass the hardest times of your life.
Remember to still strong, because you’re strong. Wish you the best!
this wasn't what I wanted to see when I opened up youtube, please stay safe man, it's never over
Brother, I’m not sure how old you are but sometimes when we’re young it’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that this state of despair will last forever. I know it sounds cliche when in this state but things can change so fast, I look back so grateful I never acted on any intrusive thoughts, anybody else who went through similar thoughts will tell you the exact same thing. Stay strong.
Every emotion in this video is so brutal and raw. I really hope things are looking up for you man. No one deserves this.
Hey Nump. Were here for you man. You built a community of caring people. I need you to stay safe. Whatever it takes to stay safe. Please? Im not asking for much im only asking for your safety. If you need to talk about it. Im always here.
Mane you got nothin to lose. Try to better yourself 1% everyday even if you fail God cannot judge you for trying. I aint never been depressed but shit i heard the gym helps. Ive been goin for a year and let me tell you dont let anxiety and allat shit get to you man. Everybody is human aint nobody gon look down on you. All people have to start somewhere.
Keep your chin up dude, I know life's hard these days and im not a therapist to say this but life has its ups and downs and sometimes, it feels like a curse but shit like this happens and when it does we need to think how much good things life has in store for us and ignore the stuff that makes us sad and focus on the things that make us happy. I hope you are doing well now and I hope you get through it. But remember one thing: We will always be here for you and we'll love you no matter what. ❤
picking up guitar worked for me. just find something besides gd you like, and try to meet up with others with shared interests. it may seem impossible now, but take one dip into the deep end and you will learn to swim easily.
Over 1600 people liked this video, meaning over 1600 care about you and dont want you to do anything that your gonna regret. Please, try to push through, get a therapist, socialize with people or just get a friend to talk to. I'm sure many people would love to help you. Keep pushing, it's gonna be worth it.
You might think that you are worthless, but you are a legend for going this. No one deserves to feel this way. I should try to help you somehow, so here are just some ideas that you could consider...
If there are any opportunities for training or volunteering, consider taking them. You will likely meet other people that you can talk to, and it would feel rewarding to get stuff done. Also you might be asked to do some work outside, and nice weather always makes you feel better.
Also, try distracting yourself with simple tasks like doing laundry, tidying up a room or doing the dishes. It will hopefully take your focus away from your dark thoughts, and just like the previous thing I suggested, it'll be rewarding to get something done even if it's something simple.
Find a hobby like jogging or drawing or reading or something else. Being passionate and caring about something like that will give you a reason to keep going on, and you might find a community of people who are interested in the same stuff.
I really hope that I or somebody else was able to help you, and I really hope that these episodes will stop. I believe that you are valuable and deserving of a happy life. I don't really know what else to say; I'm not a qualified professional. Just stay safe, and I promise that things will take a turn for the better in the future. Stay strong, king.
Numptaloid, I am surely not the first and certainly not the last one to say this, nor have you not heard this before, but don't give up. Don't give in to the thoughts. You are at the beginning of your life, it's not too late to seek help, contact, communication, professional help, friendship, self-empowerment. You can get through this, you can make it out of this mental state you're in. But please, make the right choice. Wether you see it or not, you're not alone. People know you, people care about you, people love you. It's not over. Stay safe and seek any help you need. We care for your wellbeing.
And I know this footage wasn't recorded yesterday, but with a title like this I don't joke around. Wether you are better now then when you made this video or not, just know that what I and many others wrote still stands. You can make it through this. Stay safe! ❤
Please don't do it, man. Life is something you probably only get once, so don't waste that chance short. I am sure you'll find people to talk to somewhere. I struggle with this somewhat as well. While I suppose I have friends, I wouldn't ever really talk to them about my true passions and interests, as I know they don't really care about them. I wish I had "real" friends, ones that I actually talk with besides just about school. At least I'm lucky I don't have mental issues. Please, I beg you, life will get better, you'll be happy eventually, you don't have to end it prematurely. Love from random internet user ❤️
hey man, even though im a nobody, im wishing the best for ya man. Please please please dont give up on ur life rn, we're here by ur side to keep ya company ^^
ik you hear this all the time but dont give up. you have so much of your life to live.
having no one to talk to is really hard, so i suggest getting a stuffed animal to talk to whenever you feel down. take care of it, have conversations, nurture it. these seemingly mundane tasks have helped me feel less lonely in times like these.
also, please know that you are not a burden and you shouldnt feel bad for reaching out for help. we encourage you to speak up about your situation, especially because issues like these arent well documented in this way.
take care, i speak for all of us when i say that. we all support you❤
We love you, don't you EVER think of doing anything LIKE THAT. ❤
I never experienced this kind of feeling but i must recommend to see a therapist i'm not one but i recommend seeing one they might help you with your feeling of wanting to oof yourself.
Your life is one of a kind. You being born and having life is a 1 in 400 trillion chance. Take a second to think of how rare that is. You only have one life. Don’t waste it ❤
I cant relate to you unfortunately but i have known too many people in my life who are going or have gone through the same shit mental state as you and all i can do is pray that you get better in the future and you wont need to suffer through these episodes. Im not going to talk about how theres stuff to be alive for because you probably know that but i just want to mention the fact that the gift of life is such a rare thing to win. You out of millions won the ability to live life and i hope that at some point in your life, you make the most of what you can and you live on to tell your story and to tell what depression really feels like or just even living your life to do what you want to do and forgetting about this horrible time you had to go through. Stay strong my brother, lots of love to you from me and everyone else in this comment section
❤
Hope you feel better Nump, I wish you the best and I hope you can do well with your current situation ❤❤❤
I dont know you, but please please stay safe. I’ve never experienced depression myself but I can only imagine how difficult it must be. it’s really brave sharing your feelings tho, hopefully things get better for you ❤❤❤
I’ll keep it simple bro. Tomorrow can always be different, and the only thing that can possibly stop that is yourself. Live to see the dawn you never thought you’d see, because it comes for us all. And of course, imagine all the things you’ll miss out on while youre gone. Keep thuggin it out bro we’ll all make it
Please stay safe we’re all here for you ❤️❤❤
I can't fully relate to your situation, but I can empathize with it. I'm genuinely sorry that you are feeling this way. It must be suffocating, torturous, and trapping not being able to talk to anyone for such a long time. Please stay safe.
Things get bad, and that’s life, ups and downs are extremely normal and sometimes it may feel like those downs weigh too much, but nothing can stop you if you just keep going, God will help if you call out.
a band that really me though my (still on going) depression is Linkin Park, their lyrics spoke to my soul and i'm happy to know you have music as confort too, stay strong cuz i'm with you too my man
Don’t go through with it, please don’t. While it seems like relief or the only way out, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you kill yourself, while it might seem like everything is over everyone else you’re connected, from your family to even your subscribers suffers instead. Things can get better I promise ❤️