This Christian Couple Feels Divorce Is the Only Option | Dear Future Wifey S5, E511
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ส.ค. 2022
- People get married for different reasons. Unfortunately, some people find out the reasons their spouse married them during the divorce. Pain. Heartbreak. Spousal betrayal. Betrayal of self. Pervalia and Vincent McIntosh are about to hit send on filing their divorce papers. This gut-wrenching episode is titled, "We're Getting Divorced."
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She keeps saying, “why get married” as if she didn’t have a choice. He wasn’t filling her up during the courtship. She married him knowing what she knew. At what point does she take accountability for her role in accepting and settling when her gut told her to run. He’s as wrong as 2 left feet, but a person can only do what you allow. These are the questions I’ve had to ask myself as a divorcee’ and I had to take accountability. Yes, he’s wrong. He used her, but she allowed it. She allowed it for 12 years and 18 months. She seems like such a beautiful soul who deserves so much more than THIS! ❤
As someone who personally knows Ms. Gaines as her coworker, she truly is a woman that exemplifies Christ in her everyday life. She carries so much genuine joy and love to her students, coworkers and everyone she comes across.. It was so crazy to see her on here going through a divorce because she always carried a smile on her face .. I’m so sorry for you and your family Ms. Gaines and I’m praying for you moving forward. ❤️ - Astrid
❤️
God truly loves you❤️
This is heartbreaking I really feel heartbroken 💔 😢 😞 I pray God keep her and heal her heart 🙏
Ms Gaines has the most subtle look of disgust on her face. So SAD😒
So sad! I meet a lot of churchy, prophetess, speaking in tongue women who get tricked like this!! Male prisoners go to church a lot looking for holy women who are desperate for marriage.
This is heartbreaking. She literally married the counterfeit. I pray that God heals her heart.
I am so sick of people blaming not being healed on ruining relationships and treating their partners like crap
It gets me tired !
He wasn’t healed and without a dad then sir go get help or seek the Lord till your ready. He played with her
For real!!!! Sometimes ones gotta realise that they are just a selfish person who does not know how to die to self 😭
Thank you , the amount of times he keep saying it was the unhealed version of me. Like babyyyyy the least he can do is continue to tell the ugly truth. In some ways he did but the real moments to remain consistent he chose the unhealed version of me.
You handled this interview with so much grace and understanding.
I feel like one of the downfalls of the church is that they teach us to marry but don’t teach us about marriage. They don’t show you how to find someone compatible. It’s like oh you saved and she saved get married. But don’t teach what it takes to have a relationship with a spouse.
That part.
Facts!
True
I so totally agree with this statement, church leaders tend to overlook the red flags.
This is so true 💯💯
I lived through 14 years of being told by my first husband that he didn’t love me. I would have also stayed. He committed adultery and I was then released from the covenant. I supported him and I was also treated with disrespect on every level. I now have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally. God is good!
I’m in tears reading this because I’m in a dark place right now concerning my marriage. I’ve been married for five years gave my husband his first and only child a son we been separated for two years. He moved out but was making an effort to spend time with us as a family and found out when picking my son up from his place that he has a girl in the car waiting outside. But reading this gives me hope. Thank you for sharing
❤️❤️❤️
wow! great for you.
@@tubegen11 I’m sorry but 2 years of separation, it’s time to move on cause he already has. Godbless you & your family 🙏🏽
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
“I wasn’t building you for the next woman“ Lord have mercy. Father protect us prior to getting married!!! Give us the discernment to follow your lead
😢😢😢
unfortunately too many wmn are obsessed with "getting" married and not "being" married.
it was sad to watch this .. i appreciate their transparency
They had not had sexual intercourse until marriage, and on their wedding night he says “Go take care of yourself”; he was never into her. There was never any passion or desire for her in the way a husband should. This is just so SAD. It’s like he didn’t LIKE her. She’s like a lot of women with the “build-a-bear” mentality. She tried to build this man into what she NEEDED, he wasn’t MEANT for her, so he was NEVER going to be who or what she needed.
Wow… build-a-bear .. That’s good sis.
I agree with you 100%
My heart breaks for her ! The disrespect finish yourself on the wedding night 🥴 God please get your sons smh 🤦🏾♀️
True and for me that would be the first and last day of our marriage..
for him to go take care of yourself it was as if she was a one night stand...i was shocked hearing that like what kind of guy are you...
Further proof to what I know: When men marry "perfection" (for them) and women marry potential--it never works.
Whoooo weee...that's a sermon! JESUS!
Agreed women need to stop trying to build men, a real man will come already assembled.
Speak on it!
Aint thst the truth
This!!! 100% facts
As a divorced woman I can tell you that divorce isn’t easy but it was the BEST thing I ever did.. I wished she didn’t stay in a love less marriage for 12 years and had those kids for him but there is light at the end of the tunnel .. I believe God is blessing her by removing her husband .. A good heart goes through alot of pain but a good heart also receives MANY blessings ✨❤️
Amen
🗣AMEN
@@DearFutureWifey when you said “you’ve been pouring into a glass with holes , everything you’ve been pouring into the marriage has been seeping out .. nothing sticks ! “ WOW!!! ✨⛪️ This woman is a living sacrifice
@@DanielleBelgrave93 and sadly she shouldn’t have been, she gave and gave and never received. This is not the picture of Christ and His bride that honors God. The church pushes women to be like this and they are pushed to their death beds!
@@Actavella absolutely! As a woman of God I wished she looked at her marriage through Gods eye and saw the truth .. I believe some things we cause on ourselves.. and realizing that is important as well .. she recognizes there were red flags from the beginning.. Also church is filed with a lot of broken and one track minded people .
I truly believe he was sent by the enemy to destroy her, but what the enemy meant for evil is being made for good. This podcast is a testimony for good premarital counseling, counseling, and forgiveness.
May what the enemy stole be restored 7-fold.
She was already broken, he was sent by God to show up those broken parts so she can truly find healing.
WOW the pastor should have discerned somethings before it even began. It's sad and it's real bc I have been on the other side of this. I never loved the man I married especially after seeing he didn't love me based on how he treated me. And I realized I was broken and drawn to broken and that was the foundation nothing solid could be built.
Amen.
She's 100% correct, he targeted her to use her. He knew she would love hard and give her marriage all she had, because she's truly a woman of the cloth. My heart breaks for her. 😢💔
I don't believe he targeted her, he was broken and even admitted it, she herself was not healed and had some hidden things from the past, its a relationship that shouldn't have taken place as it was un Godly. She gave more and it was not reciprocated. However I won't say he targeted her, they've got 2 children and I'm glad his taken responsibility for the role he played. There's good in the out come thanks to God..🙏
I met a man that kept telling me he knew I love hard and kept asking what would make me settle down ! He gave me 3 res flags, I ran like hell
@25:00 it's starting to seem like for him it was a conquest after all.. I don't think it had to do with her being the breadwinner as to why he fell out of love... that's that post nut clarit.. he got his and realized oh shat, I'm in a committed relationship, and she is not a girlfriend that I can just ghost... its not that he felt inadequate, because he didn't have funds in the beginning and at that point men usually will take the stand that they are not ready yet. But instead he proposed in order to get them draws... post nut clarity
She used her intuition to be with this man ..that's the mistake we Christian women do !!!
But God would have expose him to her. If you have a relationship w/ the Father
I feel her pain so much. I’m almost 40 and single and this gave me a message to not be desperate for marriage that the Holy Spirit is important in all decisions to discern and remove any stronghold of making life changing decision.
Amen!!
Amen me too!! And to be thankful and yet open to what God has! Listening to her though I see a codependent, that way of thinking landed her with someone with nothing to give. I have been healing from that way of thinking. Codependency is destructive. I wish she would have trusted herself instead of what the church was telling her.
I'm 38 and grateful for my singleness, God's time is the best. I'm waiting for the right man from God. Blessings to you and may God grant all your heart desires. Amen!
Linda your time will definitely come. There is NO rush.
Same
Even when she’s getting a divorce, she’s still showing up, honouring and covering him. THAT is courageous and so beautiful. She’s so rare and he truely lost a good wife.
That is love. Keeps no records of wrongs. Love is truthful but will console you through the pain at the same time. I agree with you.
Truly.
You talking about my life too
Courageous...no it is no self esteem it is the ROLE OF THE HUSBAND TO BE THE COVERING not the wife....
GOD says with WISDOM &UNDERSTANDING
Proverbs 4:6-7
Some of us learn faster than others.. because I would've pivot on a dime.
He would have reaped his own words.
It was so heartbreaking to hear him say “I don’t feel anything” when she expressed deep pain that she’s suffering through. But this is relatable. I dated a man that had little to no empathy for how badly he treated me either, and I had to just heal my own heart on my own terms.
That was extremely sad to hear but I truly appreciate his honesty. He needs God and that's it.
Yes yes amen
I have a feeling that her story is very common in the church and in the black community as a whole.
Now this was a jaw dropper. I appreciate the both of them for keeping it LIT. I just want to say to single women everywhere never ever ever marry your SONS. He got married to GET not to GIVE. The only reason a man should marry you is because HE loves you. and ladies we need to stop giving our HANDS before a man falls in love with our HEART. I am wishing them both healing. Her ministry is about to take off after she has gone through her healing, I pray she remembers who she was before she met him because she is STILL anointed, chosen and called.
Amen sis Amen 🙏🏽
Yesss and amen to that 🙌🏽🔥🔥
Gem dropped
Yessssssssss
Amen to that may God heal both of them...
"I never loved you" .... in 12 years. The deepest of sighs. She said she doesn't have the spirit to be abused & yet we are watching the result of isolation...which is a form of non physical abuse. This is DEEP.
I think a lot of women have never experienced mental, emotional or financial abuse really don't know what it looks like or that it really exists. So she was in it but didn't recognize it for what it was. Sounds like she felt like if he wasn't raising his voice and thretening/administering v-iolence, then it wasn't abuse.
@@buttaflygirl05 correct. I couldn't stomach the rest of this interview because of the denial and his treatment of this woman.
Yeah, I almost turned it off because it was deep. I had to watch it though. It's up to her if she decides it abuse. She was very confident that she could never be abused so she definitely needs to dig deep about that comment.
@@buttaflygirl05 👋🏿👋🏿I agree 100 percent!!
As a community we need to reassess what abuse “looks” like. Emotional abuse through neglect is just as damaging as if he were to yell and call her out her name. It’s a slow burn in comparison to a hot fire, both damage the sense of self.
He saw a mother in her.He felt safe and trusted her strength.One time I was dating a guy and I felt like a big sister to him.But I ignored it and figured every man doesnt have to have an aggressive personality.My mom took one look at him,walked over to me and asked me in my ear," Are you baby sitting?" ( He was a little older than me) I got the point.I needed someone that can make me feel safe.He's a baby to her.She was too grown for him.
That just hit my soul “are you babysitting?” WHEW JESUS! I had someone recently that I broke up with because my spirit started to be unsettled about the direction this was going to end up…..it was too much affirming when not necessary he required and other unhealed wounds that I even tried to counsel him through but his ego was too heavy to move through. I literally was becoming his crutch and therapist and deliverer all at the same time….note that we started off becoming a thing because of trauma. Never works with two broken people. Jesus help it…..I got out before it got too deep!
Thank goodness for mama being there!
WOW, what you said, only my mom was gone, and I ended up marrying the baby, but once I did, it only lasted a year. I ran like God told me to do in the first place.
I just celebrated year 5, married but alone, and I am
So glad I saw this podcast, for many reasons. I thought I would stay but being married and feeling single is not where it’s at. Thanks for sharing
It’s called a married single woman
Been there🏃🏾♀️
At 54 minutes, this man says he doesn't "feel anything" when this woman has expressed her hurt and brokenness. My heart hurts for her. 😢
Yup. I was thinking it the whole time. My God...
Sometimes marriages doesn't work out..I am glad that they can walk away with God in the forefront... Praying for them both.
I’m sitting here saying like he is completely checked out…what is going on?
@@irismorgan1318 that doesn't mean he can't feel! No empathy? Nah he's cold as heck
It hurt my feelings when she started crying and he didn't reach out to comfort her..
This almost mirrors my marriage. I'm divorced now and my advice to all women is stop the build with him mentality. She doesn't see her flaw in not enforcing her boundary. She also betrayed herself every single time she overlooked his inadequacies and became hiyper vigilant to cover him. Empathetic people can't keep on playing victim to situations they ignore. While there is manipulation, there's also blatant red flags. RECIPROCATION is a gauge. Take off the rose colored glasses. Stop looking to the future. If he isn't providing RIGHT NOW, not being proactive with your emotional needs, leading you spiritually, taking an active role in the wedding, meeting with men in your family.....these are things our grandparents were required to do to prove they were deserving of marriage. Love isn't gonna fix it all. Love is gonna come out of being equally yoked. Don't make my mistake. My ex told me I did the right thing by leaving because he wasn't going to treat me right. I'm praying for marriages. We have to fix this. Thank you both for being transparent. There's an attack on marriage and it starts with us to teach others. A nice person doesn't equal the right person. Be blessed yall 🙏🏽💕
Amen!!!
Incredibly true!
So true💯💯
Amen 🙏🏾
"A nice person doesn't equal the right person" pure truth. Thank you
What breaks my heart is that she still was holding on to not embarrass him even though he emotionally abandoned her. She is simply too good for him. Her anointing is too special for his limited needs. I understand this woman so much. Users will never understand the gift of her. BUT, what I love is how Laterras pours into his guests...he speaks so much life into his guests that it's refreshing and genuine.
May God make her another Kathryn Kuhlman, in Jesus Name.
this was really hard to watch.
he's an emotionally unavailable man .. but i appreciate him sharing and not holding back
My heart hurts for her 😢 an emotionally unavailable man is extremely painful to deal with it brings on the spirit of rejection
As a man that’s broken and in healing, this almost made regurgitate in disgust. It was needed though because it made me realize that a major part of my brokenness was me breaking my own heart by breaking the heart of the people I loved (whether intentional or not).This episode was a shameless plug for counseling.
I’m an hour and 17 minutes in…..I see two broken ppl who decided to get married for all the wrong reasons. Additionally they were failed by the leaders within the church as it relates to their pre-marital counseling. This is just sad. My heart goes out to both. I pray that they both heal and become whole.
Me too
I thought the same thing, that the church leaders failed them concerning their pre-marital counseling. Where was the wisdom and guidance, and the concern enough to tell her that this wasn't who God had for her? I think that I would seriously consider finding another church home.🤔
There Pastor should have said no your not marrying him !
I went through the same situation. The problem with the church is they want to hold on to members, so denying marriage is a No-No b/c they’ll fear loss of members aka tithes/offerings. Had we went thru pre-marital that was without ungodly (motives from the church) I feel as though we both would’ve never married. I too married b/c I didn’t want to be sexually active and serving in the church… we just both felt convicted. We both felt God was going to punish us if we didn’t become as one. Shame on all ministries who fail to administer proper pre-marital counseling.
Yep. I know this way too well.
he lost a GREAT woman and he doesn't even know it...She is such a Gem
A real man will come along and marry her. She must heal from this marriage so she can receive true love and healthy leadership.
@@pdoe4966 nowadays with the way men are, she’s going to be single for a very long time or forever. A lot of men nowadays don’t want women with kids and pass a certain age.
Ma friends it take 2 for marriage to go wrong not one both Contributed to the downfall of the marriage
You can't stay for 12 years without wanting it to work out look deeper both are answerable to the marriage breakdown
@@mykemasai42 I disagree with your statement “You can’t stay for 12 years without wanting it to work…” If someone has ulterior motives to use someone, they’ll stay for as long as they can before their true intentions are exposed. Ijs
Please. Somebody. Give this girl a divorce party. She deserve it.
I am a hour in and I’m still wondering if I’m going to see any improvement or acknowledgment in this guy. He don’t love her but strings her along for 12 years and she’s sitting there saying she can’t be abused? I’m disgusted.
Wow she’s a beautiful soul. She deserves so much more she made me tear up at at about the hour 24 min in, I hope they both heal and I hope she finds a great husband in the future in Jesus name.
QqQ¹
The husband has been operating in numbness for so long he doesn’t know how to feel. He’s clearly an empty vessel at this point. Whatever he has been through in his life has completely closed him up to the tiniest amount of feeling! He needs deliverance from the bondages that have held him captive for so long. I believe he wants to do the right thing in his heart but doesn’t know how to allow himself to feel again! He’s closed off and emotionless, which may have been his way of operating in order to survive for as long as he has been surviving. Take off the gloves and give the fight over to the most high! Completely strip yourself down and surrender so you can be the best you for you. Peace, blessings and love to the two of you….
Amen to this.❤️
Amen Amen… he is very empty 👌🏾
I agree he doesn't display any emotions about the situation. Body language tells everything!
Wow sounds like my husband. This is my life. I’m trying to hold on to him so badly but he is numb. I’ve come to the point where I know I can’t make him love me. I see little snippets that he does but he quickly withdraws it. It’s like a protective mechanism
@@blessedandbeautiful8365 sorry to hear that you’re going through that. Have you ever watched the War Room? If not it’s a great movie to check out.
The irony of her saying she can’t be abused… and was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 12 years and didn’t know it is heartbreaking 😢💔
Right!! I believe she's speaking solely about physical abuse and completely forgot that emotional abuse is just as potent
That was in reference to physical abuse only...
Facts, cause sis all those tears were abuse like I get it you couldn’t be physically abused bit emotional and mental abuse is real.
I thought the same thing…She’s been being abused and has no idea.
I thought the same thing. I would prefer to be beaten than endure the pain she is experiencing.
This has been the most profound episode I’ve listened to this far. Spiritually it resignates with my personal journey as an Anointed, empathetic, healer I feel her pain and my heart and prayers goes out to this Queen for being so graceful and nurturing in the midst of it All! The Goodness of God is upon you and everything you touch.
These are the sons of the fatherless generation. They’ve grown up unfocused, entitled, and unable to take accountability.
You’re absolutely correct, they lack morals and values! They scare me! BM are killing black women in high numbers
Being fatherless is not THE reason he is like this men with fathers also act this way not all fathers are good fathers and some truly do NOT deserve to be there but it could be A reason but yall say this as an excuse and I see it as not taking accountability cause if men knew them not being there was the cause of all of this generation of people to be like this man or like what yall would call a 304 yall should try more harder to be a father cause if we are being honest more men willing walk out than they are forced to not be there so all I can say is one DO BETTER not you specifically just in general and PROTECT YOUR SEMEN
@@noploxq5593 of course it’s not the only reason. There’s plenty of blame to go around but as men, if we aren’t there, that has the biggest effect.
The lack of emotions on his face while she’s shaking and crying is breaking my heart
he is a classic narc and needs therapy
I noticed that as well. And the fact that he feels nothing hurts my soul.
Because he's an undercover male looking to act like he's the victim 🙄
@@torri4777 fr fr lol omg
He is a sad
It's obvious he felt emasculated from the beginning but did not know how to express it and she had a saviour complex and felt the need to take care of him. They both needed to reach a place of healing before they got married and love themselves before loving each other. This episode is powerful to reveal the needed to love yourself before coming to the decision to marry.
This, this is the bottom line to this. Heal before you try to become one with another soul. Heal and take accountability for your own brokeness and women we cant be out here trying to fix, save, and be Jesus and the Holy Spirit to anyone.
It's obvious that God wasn't being asked and listened to.
This term emasculated is so funny to me. Masculinity isn’t a cloak that can be put on or taken off. He was unprepared for the job and knew that deep down. She likely did too. They tried to dress up a pig. We lie to ourselves and make up what sounds like a cute story. Theirs was: “I didn’t even really like him when we met, but God softened my heart towards him and I really saw him for the man of god he was becoming.” And everyone clapped and said aw cute story , look at God. She let the ooohs and aaahs over the story drown out the still small
Voice. She got some intrinsic gain from being the one who was “together” and the one to choose someone unlikely. I wish them well. Her pain is palpable and I’m sorry she had this experience.
This is real. He does come off as the bad guy, but this marriage really was based on an unhealthy codependency.
Wow this is sad. This breaks my heart.
This couple's transparency is such a gift. I know many Saved women who are married to men who do not love them. I pray for women shedding these tears often. The most PROFOUND missed moment of this interview was when Vincent asked, "What is love..." and tried to get the distinction of love and being in love defined. If that question had adequately been answered people would have the opportunity to see that more times than not, no matter how many times we quote Corinthians, most people do not know what love is, not even women who believe they are giving it. I'm grateful to this couple for this moment of transparency.
true. I point to the love of Jesus Christ as a first example. The fact that God is keeping him and blessing him daily is love. Unconditional love. Not sure why he is struggling with that question esp. since he has a relationship with God.
I get gay vibes.
@@beverlydukes8246 from the husband?
I’m binging all these episodes since the denaia episode . Glad I found this channel!
I can’t wrap my head around why a man would marry a woman he doesn’t really want . My sis is over it in this interview ! Don’t blame her
It happens all the time. I have seen many a man who marry for all sorts of reasons that are not love. They have some affection for the woman, but they are not in love with the woman. Many men get married for practical reasons or to solve a problem and check off a box. It never ends well.
Same! Every since De'Naia interview, I am hooked because that sister was so transparent, and so is this sister. I see myself in both of them. Wow. God is good
Me too lol
I been here and four children in after the 7 th year I knew it was a mistake I pushed to the 12 th year trying to make it work be more prayerful be more humble be more serving be more and it was never enough until one day he blew up like a volcano and threatened my life with his hands around my throat and that was the straw that broke this camels back. I was never loved I was never appreciated I just served some selfish purpose for a period and it was definitely unequally yoked although we both were professing Christians. When a person's vision and frequency of integrity does not match or align it's a red flag. When you see truths don't make excuses for them believe it and move accordingly ( run ). If he does cherish you and is in competition with you run when you are being degraded in front of your children address it and run investigate people's background resentments against their mothers issues with their fathers use this information to educate yourself to make better and informed decisions . I never learned how to embrace the person who tried to take my life and destroyed what I hoped to be a happy home my childrens hearts. I have forgiven but I'll never embrace this person again. I admire this woman's strength her heart her empathy and her integrity . I pray for her future husband and her children. I pray for her to be made whole before he finds her. I pray her joy be filled. I pray for the peace of God be in her and on her. I pray her love and appetite for God is greater as a result of her experience. I pray her ex husband be made whole before he considers marrying again. I pray for sound minds mental vitality spiritual wisdom and better leadership in Jesus name. Amen
When Laterras said "What I do know is that when God tells you something it doesn't fail. His word will not return to him void". I felt that in my soul.
Same here! And it was a revelation because I always interpreted that to mean when we share His word! Now I'm like His word to us will not come back void period.
There was a whole lot of God "said" with no fruit of His presence....they both need to be deprogrammed from this religious spirit and connect with the Holy Spirit.
Same!!
Both of them entered into the marriage broken. She used righteousness as a way to overpower him, he used his brokenness to lure her in.
You are right
🎯🎯
I love the way this interview was hosted. And the way you have protected your guest through a very difficult topic. It is beautiful that something so painful can be used to educate and build others. It's definitely something very difficult to go through and even more so to share..It seems like Vincent may require some more support with expressing his emotions and maybe more so feeling his emotions. Pervalia seems like such a lover, a woman who gives and always strives to remain in a faithful place, a woman who gives herself and gives her best at every opportunity. It hurts to watch this because you can very easily prefer one person's position to the other. But I want to stand with these two and just release healing and hope to both of them. May this experience not break Vincent or Pervalia but may it be used to promote growth, love, and victory at every point in their lives. May Pervalia's heart be restored and may she flow in the grace and the love of God. May your children be fruitful with their emotions and engagements in life. May your household be blessed. ❤🙏 Laterrasr be blessed sir! More grace and wisdom unto you !!!!
If this man say one more thing about his “brokenness” crutch, I’m going to SCREAM!!!!! 😱😱😱
1. Trust your intuition
2. Don’t marry a man, who can’t be the provider. Your salary should not stop him from being a provider.
3. Users all speak the same language, they’re always looking for a woman of God, a good Christian woman who can help them get them become better
4. If during the dating relationship you feel like he’s your son, end the relationship.
this!!! So many blk women suffer from this issue
Perhaps, trust God. You cannot say that u r a prophetic intercessor and NOT hear God!
@@jllj9231 This part! Discernment is key, that's what I've learnt in my own journey of healing. Being close to God and His word will make the voice of God's spirit more audible to you. The further you are from God, the less likely you'll hear His voice when He speaks. And I wouldn't just say trust in God but utter and complete surrender. Focus on yourself and Him and everything else shall follow, that's scripture! Mathew 6:33❤️ I think a lot us are lead astray through impatience and disobedience.There is such greatness that comes with waiting upon the Lord.
number 3. when I hear a man say they need a woman to help them focus, bring order im their life etc when what he really needs a therapist, a life coach and a whole support system: I RUN!
@@BlkOnyx0508 and even more are gaslit when they say they don't want this...
“Don’t get married if you have nothing to give…” Don’t get married if you know your partner has nothing to give either.
As sorry as I felt for her, this was my same thought when she said that. I think she knew that he didn't have anything to give, so what was it in her that made her still choose to marry him.
Exactly.
That’s a whole sermon SERIES
@@TheSlc1982 real talk because you think you can help him!!! He needs to have direction before you marry him if not you are in a world 🌍 of trouble!!!
Excellent on both points.
Laterras please check on her. This heavenly experience she speaking of is essentially suicidal ideation. She basically said she has always felt as if she shouldn’t have been born. In other words she is better off dead than alive. Being saved is hard and all of us know that, but we have to have help outside of the church and prayer for a lot of our packaged stuff. I hope and pray these folks and their children are well.❤🙏🏾
Yep. Totally agree. Suicidal ideation- just spiritualized.
That is so real about the air of suicide
I think she knows exactly what she’s talking about when she says she was a conquest and he had a using spirit. It reminds me of that Tyler Perry movie “a fall from grace.” That man went to that church with the thought of finding someone who could take him out of whatever situation he was in and she just so happened to be that woman. That’s why he showed so much determination to “get to know God.” That’s why he was walking miles to church. That’s why he was so disciplined with the sex. Because he was almost there and once he got there, he stopped working so hard. He didn’t have to do so much and he took the mask off. He was at the finish line. He was not looking for love and that’s why he knew he never loved her. That man was the devil and morphed into whatever he needed to be at that time so that he can get what he needed. And he is still being dishonest about his true motives. I hate to say this but that man is a bum. She’s not speaking out of turn when she says she was a conquest. SHE SEES AND SHE KNEW. Praying for her.. I hope that she has gotten out of this loveless marriage. The faster she does, the quicker she can get on her healing journey.
Yep. It was clear as day and the host knew it as well! Everything that man said was complete BS bc he thought it sounded nice. He was never honest. A true wolf in sheep’s clothing
And I don’t believe he wasn’t having sex during the 18 months.
I agree.. I believe her..
@@kaylaEA_that boy was living a double life & in another relationship with somebody else daughter or son 💯
She said that based on how she felt. A man is sitting in front of her giving his POV. It's important for women to be open to hearing how men think from other men not women.
Only 20 minutes in and this is a very heavy episode. This is a very important as it lets you know that everyone should pay attention to red flags and listen to your intuition. When she said that when she first met him that she didn’t like his spirit, that was her intuition trying to let her know…. I love that Laterras is really trying to get to the real issue and holding his feet to the fire. That’s why it’s good for men to have convos with other men. I hope everyone finds healing with this episode.
This 💕
Absolutely 💯
I hold her feet to the fire. She's not a victim. Her initial vibes from him were not the only sign. Women need to cut it out. We know what we do out of desperation. She's not telling the whole truth. She's telling the version/portion that makes him look bad and her look innocent.
The perfect cracked pot will find the perfect cracked lid to fit it. Her unconscious daddy issues is what attracted her to him. Her dealing with those issues is the solution to her marital problems NOT, trying to "fix" him.
I totally agree. The husband is lost . He needs a happily married Christian man as a mentor. Both of them need counseling. I wish African-American people would take advantage of counseling.
This is disheartening. God Bless them Both. 🙏🏽😢
As someone who just ended her engagement, this has helped me even see the further hurt I’ve saved myself from. Thank you so much for this podcast. I’m so grateful for this couple and their honesty.
why'd you end it?
if you don't mind me asking
Self healing is very important and learning to live with self without involving other person. Many times women thinks they can help heal a hurting men, I tell them it's a no, because down the road the woman will lose. Don't take in a broken man period and let him heal completely on their own first, that's my opinion.🙏🏽🙏🏽
Me too hunny. I was thanking God during this episode. I do pray blessing to the both of them.
Amen
I pray you find true ❤
This episode reminds me so much of Jill Scott in the movie Why did I get married. As a single woman, this episode confirms discernment and listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I truly pray they both heal fully🙏🏿❤️
I see myself in this beautiful lady in so many ways. My heart breaks for her. I divorced this year in January, after 25 years of marriage. Although I was hurting terribly, I chose not to be bitter and full of hatred. God has been right there with me, and I know he will do it for her as well.😢❤
She said she would have never left and she would have stayed miserable for 50 years…that saddens me because you gotta learn to love yourself…never love someone more than you love yourself and accept less than the best for yourself… that speaks to so much lacking within herself. I pray she learns some real self worth and heals from it all ❤️
Yes!! I agree with you. That statement spoke volumes and not in a healthy way.
Say that!
When she said that I was like God doesn't want us to be a martyr, Jesus paid it all. Know when to leave and ask God to lead the way. And yes, Learn to love yourself after God and then everyone else.
Yes but that’s what most people do. They are just existing, going through the everyday routine but not thriving in their marriage. Most of us don’t love ourselves. We dress up to go out with someone where “feting”, or wanting to date. We dress up for work. A lot of things are for show not because it’s for us to grow and be the best person for God/ourselves. Many of us are more like this couple than we we would like to think.
@@lavinia7103 You better preach! I've personally seen this happen twice, and both times the men were not initially financially stable, and the women were desperate to be married (i.e. ignoring all red flags).
This whole story was hurtful to hear. Some Black men often portray this behavior whether in and out of the church. I am not sure where the trauma lies but WE as Black women cannot allow this for OURSELVES.
It’s so draining and then they don’t understand our anger or frustration.
She doesn't admit her own brokenness, and she is over spiritualizing herself.
@@brendaperkins836 my thoughts exactly. She's acting like she was perfect without a broken spirit as well.
@@brendaperkins836 She is trying to survive. She needs to disconnect from this man and leave his evil alone. I hope she gets as far away from his abuse as possible and if he decides he wants to see the children that a mediator (her sisters) gets involved and she never has to be in his presence.
@@brendaperkins836 so true, sometimes we hide behind our spirituality and therefore we never get to the place where we can heal.
This truly blessed me because I just went through a breakup before marriage and I’m glad God protected me and let him walk away. This would’ve been me….praying for her
I understand her pain but 40 minutes into this, I feel that she has to understand the part/role she played. She feels he used her but she has to admit that she allowed him to use her. She enabled him and it was a copendent relationship. She also has to take accountability for her choice to marry him and not seeing him for what he was instead of looking at potential. She needs a man just as giving as she is and who will pour into her as well. She needs to be able to see that in him from the jump. Not hoping that he will one day do it.
Whew Chile…this part. I was in a potential marriage and the moment I took accountability for my actions…Lawd the healing started. Im sorry they are going through this and I hope they can work it out in order to keep the kids covered. It’s a challenge being single with your kids
Sis' identity is based in being a saviour. It was a blind spot. She found a man who wanted to be saved and had mother issues. This was the perfect dysfunction. I hope they grow and heal.
Perfectly said...
You are 100% correct...The only thing that I would add is Vincent needs to receive Jesus Christ.
THIS!
Absolutely 💯 Been there, Done that 🥺
Yes! Codependency vibes for sure. It seems like she seeks validation through helping others.
It took a lot of strength for both of them to share their story with the world.
Yes! And the stories they shared (the wedding night story and the 3 roses story🥀). So much openness.
It doesn't take much for a person to share when they are letting go! Meaning him. She is the one really sharing. She gave her life. Gave birth in pain. On all expect. I pray God heals her. She and God restored him. But now she's empty. God has to restore.
And another thing I'm noticing.... even in this 1.46hr video the husband still needs SO MUCH HELP. With feeling. With self-awareness. With communication. And she was the "helper" that saw this hurt puppy and took him in. They both made so many mistakes, but she's the only one I can see that's actually growing from it. God bless.
Mr. Pastor Podcaster since I got an episode from a friend three days ago I appreciate you tremendously and I appreciate the forthright interview and the way you deal with serious subject. You are a real professional counsellor very unbiased. You are lit and real. Keep on doing these podcast even after your remarry.
He gave her a gift. A gift of new beginnings. What I've learned from this is to ask the question AND ACCEPT the answer...the first time. Honesty is key. I am learning to be more willing to have tough conversations. I'm proud of her. She's wise and definitely not a doormat.
From a never been married, single black lady, this episode blessed me and opened my eyes up. My heart goes out to the both of them.
Same here!!!!
Same for me as well!
Same here...I pray Gods Healing power for both
This episode ministered to me so much. I got divorced 3 years ago after being married for 7years. I haven’t healed since then, just like the lady I was a minister and I feel manipulated by my husband at the time looking back now. This episode is exactly everything I went through. I pray I heal completely from this and find someone genuine for me
May God heal and restore you. I pray that he erases the painful memories. I pray that he grants your heart's desires to meet the right person.
🙏🏽 for you
This is the hardest episode I have watched since I subscribed.... so much to take away from their experience. Thanks for sharing your story.
As a man.... when I tell you that this woman's pain had me in tears! My heart truly goes out to her.,
One of millions a story with black Americans and black males in this country. Messed up mentality.
Same bruh ♥️💪🏽
❤️
This episode opened my eyes as a single woman. It’s so much to unpack . What I’ve gained from this conversation is that I must continue to work on self love or could choose out of my wounds .
Seeing two beautiful souls pour their hearts out on a social media platform takes courage !
You asked some hard questions that had to be answered organically. You are very professional yet transparent. 👏
I just came across this podcast, and you all brought me to tears. I pray for healing especially for my sister in Christ Amen
Damn, this was my marriage - unequally yoked, brokenness, out of God's order. Lord, please help us women who pour into seriously selfish and broken men realize EARLY the signs to stop and seek counsel, remove ourselves from getting in too deep.
Gurl, so much my former marriage too. Trying to help pour into and being depleted. Only God set me free as HE opened my eyes to move on.
You didn't see the signs
One year was #Enough for me🥴😳 Took my #Babyguurl and #bounced. I knew my worth and was not going to settle and accept certain things.
@@eliezairesylvain5741 a lot of us see the signs we just are either in denial or look at things through rose colored glasses. The signs are subtle at first and then hit you in the head like a brick!!
@@Vee5213 I understand. It happens to the best of us
A man ain’t right until his money is right…we all need to take notes from this episode…women we must understand that a man will not love you because of what you do for them. A person must love you for who you are. Often we are neglected and only affirmed after a success. And grow up believing that our lovability is based on our ability to meet a need. She appears to be used to men who are emotionally unavailable. Seems like everyone needs a reset. Let it go…do the work. And start all over again. God is a God of many chances. All the best to both of them. This episode is a slice of what’s happening across the world. Us women folk need to stop writing the story and have men as a character in the story instead of being an active participant.
Totally true. It is not our job to make a man whole.
You said it best. Both played a part in the demise of this marriage. I see that. I had to realize that the ideologies and expectations I had in my mind were mines and no one could live up to them, not even me. I had to let that fantasy fairytale tv-sitcom image go, it wasn’t based on real life.
Amen
🎯
You are right . My sister says all the time that "men make the mistake of thinkin' she will never leave and she will. Women make the mistake of thinkin she can change him and she can't." I think it's a bit surface but applicable. It's giving signs of addictive personality and skeletons. Our forties though...
This was my first time watching this program. Thank you. I truly enjoyed the program. It hit home.
Thank you Queen for sharing your story; as you stated God is using your testimony to help others. I’m in this situation as well, and your story not only brought tears to my eyes, but it’s also given me strength. I’m praying for healing and peace for you and your babies.
My heart breaks for her. I was in the same identical relationship for 9 years. He never loved me. I thought I’d die when he left but hey! I’m alive. Remarried to a kinder. more gentle and more importantly a man who loves me and supports me. She’ll survive. God is good. I thanked my ex husband once I realized that he did a great thing by finally letting me go. Trust me it’s not the end of the world.
🎯 absolutely not the end of the world!
Your past experience gave cause for your greater appreciation for present husband.
Cherish him.
When he said, "I don't feel anything," this was the epitome of what she's felt their entire marriage
I wept…
Thank you!! I was hoping someone would mention that specific and pivotal moment. I’ve been trying to word my comment very carefully bc I don’t want to be perceived as judge-mental at a time where these Individuals have been so gracious with their story. I feel like the unspoken reality is that this young man is a narcissist. While there are so many reasons that people can develop narcissistic traits (I.e trauma), everything was said except that. It’s so clear. He can be delivered and healed but In order to do so, you have to call a thing a thing.
And that part made me wish I could go through the TV and give her a hug.
Exactly! I said it out loud before he did and it immediately saddened me.
I just want to say thank you for all the work you do. I’ve been watching your podcast for a while now, and they always speak to me, but THIS one was so different from all the others. It takes so much courage for them to come on here and be transparent for the world. Their story spoke to mine and my husbands heart this past weekend. We’ve been separated for going on a year now, and we had the biggest breakthrough after this episode that could literally save our marriage. Thank you.
I got married at 28 and this was my marriage. I am her and she is me. My God! I left after 3 years though.
Same for me!!( 4 years )
Me too. I stayed for 12 years too and God later revealed to me that he was suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
He's holding back. I don't think he completely lacks self-awareness. There's stuff he doesnt want us to know.
💯
I think it's VERY true on his part and on hers... no self-awareness 😢😢
I sense some sexual identity on his part
Yup!
@@LadyKaydabs what do you feel from her side sis ? :(
I commend him for acknowledging his brokenness and for seeking healing. I commend her for allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to share her truth. I pray that they both find healing and come together to be great parents. 🙏
Great episode! So brave of you to share!
This episode was LIT. I appreciate y’all openness.
I love the ending, I'm in tears! That he apologized to her for wasting her time, and she reciprocated by blessing him. God rewards the tongue of the one who speaks a blessing in the midst of pain..it's a selfless act. May you two find joy, peace, and most of all love!
Please, sir/ma'am, can you tell me the scripture where you said about God rewarding the tongue? I want to post it on my corkboard so that I can have and memorize it. Thanks.
then they shouldn't Divorce
Spoiler alert lol… I’m still watching it but just read this comment😂 it’s all good.
@@terracottawellness1561 1st Peter 3: 8-12
God bless you.
@@molesadione9645 😂😂..lol!
I do not want to take sides or feel sorry for anyone what I think or say here will not matter. I just want to say do not ignore the Spirit of God, do not let church folks determine your spouse, stop fixing people and stop letting your feelings be your guide.
I don’t even know how I started watching this Podcast but this episode I needed to hear. This is basically my life’s storyline. This freed me in so many ways, it was therapeutic and it was healing.
Thank you for having them on and I’m so appreciative for their transparency.
@dearfuturewife, you're a good moderator, asked good and well timed questions.
My hope is that Prevalia doesn't feel like she was a fool for investing like she did. She can walk away from this marriage with her head held high knowing she gave her most excellent service in the ministry that God gave her.
The Lord WILL bless you, Prevalia. Get ready!!!
Amen 🙏🏾
AMEN
In all fairness, I feel for the wife but she played a major part in her own pain. She was operating from a fixer spirit to fill that hole that her father left as a little girl. I know this all too well because I see myself in her story. She denied her own intuition to build him up. I never healed until I stopped blaming others and took accountability for my own toxic codependency and people pleasing behaviors.
Totally agree
COMPLETELY AGREE.
EXACTLY, a d she’s taking NO ACCOUNTABILITY for her choices/actions.
@@butterflyygyrlsworld5106 not YET.
Her pain is still so fresh!!
She is me 7 years ago. I am her after true Healing. Praying the same for us all.
@@ellechance2344 what did you do to heal the co-dependency part?
Omg... I am so happy to have found this channel & most importantly, this episode.
Lessons I am being learning here:
1. Damaged people tend to cling to bless spirits and drain them of their blessings.
2. The blessed spirits should not see these damaged people as an assignment from the holy father.
3. Sis was pouring out her blessings into a bottomless empty vessel.
4. The devil masked himself to disharm you into submission.
5. Blessed people are always willing to give to others even when the damaged have punctured them.
6. Self sacrifices are not helping anyone 🙃. Even in her pain, she bestowed blessings to him 🙏 ❤️
God bless you all, especially our blessed sister. Her heart is ready for the peace and love she deserves ❤️
I love you so much for doing this podcast! People need to see and hear this!! My heart fires out too them and I pray for them!!
19years ago I married a very broken man. He was selfish, trauma wounds from family, full of pride and not very romantic etc. He married a very broken woman. I had daddy issues, dealt with rejection, pride, and trauma wounds from assault , etc. We were both pretty jacked up to say the least but we couldnt see it. We embarked on marriage had no clue what we were doing. My coping skills were his triggers and vice versa. We fought each other doing the enemies work instead of fighting the enemy together. We separated, came back together only to end up ready to divorce. Then God graciously allowed the stuff that we kept sweeping under the rug to be revealed. We had to face ourselves individually, heal then acknowledge how our hurt, hurt each other. No one could tell me we would have made it out but we did. God renewed it and I promise it's better than ever. It took for each of us to surrender, get real, and to be willing to unlearn unhealthy habits and begin to learn new healthy habits. I'm over joyed and beyond blessed as we plan our 20yr dinner to share our testimony with other couples in hopes to help them heal.
As he heals he will begin to see differently as well as her. Marriage is worth fighting for I was ready to give up but God had other plans. I understand some people won't make it but I had to say I'm a living testimony that surrender to God first can heal a very broken marriage.
Man that’s beautiful!!!! 😭
Yes!!! Amen!!!
It has to be 2 people willing on the same Team.
I’m happy for you.
God always trying to work out marriage.
He can’t change self will.
@@cassandragriffin1489 absolutely! That's why I said I understand some people won't make it. My story is simply stating if we surrender to God He can and will change our hearts. I gave up! I was ready to move on and was convinced that my husband wasn't for me. However I sought God desperately. He began to show me, me! He showed me how my past wounds affected how I saw my husband. He also showed me how some of my "personality traits" were actually trauma responses. I had to be willing to trust God, admit fault, and be vulnerable enough with my heavenly father for Him to do a work in me. Same for my husband. Then and only then we're we able to learn what loving each other in Christ was really like. This for us was supernatural. The change happened very quickly, once our marital issues came to light and we found ourselves in our pastors office. I truly believe that's because we both had reached a point of surrender to God.
@@sheenamarie9991 Yes!!!! That’s it right there!!! Surrender and allow God to change your heart!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽. Thanks for sharing!!!
A man's emotions are completely shut whenever his ego is wounded. I see a lady who took the role of a man and a man who took the role of a woman.
Wow. Very true.. that’s a good revelation
Exactly
Amen!!
May God continue to bless your ministry brother thank you for all you do.
Wow! That's amazing that Laterrus mentioned why he told Prevalia that he couldn't continue communicating with her bc I saw that light for them! ❤😊 Praying for both guest individually and as co parenting partners and for the host, Laterrus! Great interview! Very informative and enlightening!
This queen deserves to be loved. He knows exactly who she is and that is why he continues to engage in this toxic behavior. This is not about brokenness...it is about entitlement....he continues to abuse because he knows she will never do to him what he is still doing to her. I pray she gets the healing and love that she needs! She does not need to suffer or sacrifice for love!
Exactly! He ran that word "brokenness" in the ground.
He*s one of the alphabet males!!!!!
@Tami Gage yes. Misusing self worth and what not
@Demetria he is a lazy man
As a 45 year old man, I'm here crying, writing as the tears are flowing. My relationship was just the opposite, I felt like I was the person God sent to her to heal her. We also were both in the church, knew each other since childhood, had a beautiful wedding, and years after being blessed and watching the hand of God in our marriage, she flipped everything. I've never seen a level of the EVIL that she began to operate in in any of my previous relationships. This episode spoke to me in so many ways.
Laterras... may God continue to bless you and use you as a vessel for so many. To the couple... allow God to be God and really operate in the calling that He has for your lives. May the Peace of God bless you all.
🙏🏾
Praying for your healing! We have to remember that only Jesus can heal the broken-hearted
@@mstfleur77 Thank You! In these past 3 years, God has been faithful and have been showing me me.
@@madtyga2002 Are you both in marriage counseling?
I am so sorry. Some people are selfish and a user
Thank you both for sharing your journey. It is well. ❤
I am so grateful to be able to stumble upon this message. I am just about ready to sign papers for a divorce soon. We were married for 37 yrs. And I put up with lots of mess, until February this year. I was numb, lost, hurt, and most of all feeling like he never loved me as well. We were told never to divorce in my days, but I say God doesn't want use to be mistreated or unloved. I pray for his healing, peace, and that he doesn't hate me for finally being free.
Her husband, covering, provider and protector is WATCHING this episode and God is preparing him to care for her heart in a way that she deserves, simply because of who she is. I can't wait to see the blessings that come from this storm. Gratitude, for it is already done. Release for restoration! 🙏🏾
Amen 🙏🏽
Amen! I feel the same way! I haven't even watched the full episode yet but I can just sense that God is going to bless her with a wonderful man who is going to love her beyond what she could ever imagine! I pray that for her 🙏🏾
She also needs some healing before that.
Amen Sis!! God will restore her.
Amen🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Wipe those tears woman, raise your head high and walk out proud. You did your best for this man, now you live a little - for yourself. No man who made you cry ever deserved your tears.
Amen and Amen.
This Is The Best Of The Best Show.
Thank You All, Be Blessed....
God Is In Control.. 🙏🙏🙏
This was so heartbreaking to watch. As much as I empathize with her and the call on her life as I can relate. I'm happy she finally understood that no one is above reproach or above falling and discernment tainted when we allow our flesh and mind to be compromised. You discerned him from jump but neither here nor there. The covenant was made and she understood the magnitude it holds with God. She can't make him stay or make him love her, but despite her being tired and broken (oh and I have been there sis please know I don't say this lightly) God IS STILL ABLE! I TRULY hope and pray for complete healing for both of them.
I just love the way Laterras stood up for this woman! He's such a covering for us! God bless him!
Being unequal yoke can really impact a marriage. You can unequally yoke spiritual, sexual, and financial. Marriage is not easy but being equal yoked with your partner makes it a little easier.
How can you be unequally yoke with your husband?
@@lovingme1st973 they were unequally yoked before they got married. More so I think it was more of healing from the past and working on insecurities that caused all this. They were not in union but I’m competition. They were supposed to be one flesh but the man seems like he was trying to prove himself worthy just like Laterras got divorced when he felt unworthy of marriage. We gotta work on our insecurities.
@@lovingme1st973 They were unequally yoked before the marriage. Being married only magnified their issues. It is so important to become whole and healed prior to a relationship. Realize you cannot change a person. Recognize the red flags and govern yourself accordingly.
Yup. On both sides.
The other thing that I just realized is a man needs to choose to wait himself not because it is a requirement by the woman. Because then it becomes a goal or achievement thing or like a game for him to win the cookie. A woman shouldn’t force a man to wait but she should set the standard. That rubbing into a man that you ain’t getting the cookie unless we married can cause the wrong men to just wanna marry you and sleep with you just because it was a goal not out of love. Wait because you want to and if you can not wait then leave the person alone and go find your own like minded person. I would feel used if a man said what he said on the night of our wedding. Totally sad.
Amen. This is my first time watching and I thank you for the words of encouragement. My marriage is suffering also, so I can see our marriage in their situation.
Powerful. Lots to learn. God bless them for doing this. Loved the prayers at the end. Amen