I found myself extra disjointed today. It has now dawned on me that my pants are uncomfortable. I am now giving them away as a result. Regardless of the quality and fit, it takes too long to realize that it’s affecting my ability to even think clearly, therefore it is not worth it to attempt wearing it again. An example of how disruptively the most seemingly benign things can affect us.
I can relate to this. I had to get rid of a t shirt because the seams were poking me. It took me almost an entire day to realize why I was increasingly getting more angry and irritable for what I thought was no reason.
I just received my diagnosis from a neuropsychologist a couple of weeks ago. I am 56 years old. I wanted to go over how she went about testing me to diagnose me because I think that her approach is going to be more and more common for late diagnosed women like myself. 1. I filled out a questionaire about sensory issues, my medical history, and my life history before my appointment 2. I was given an interview that felt like an intake for a therapist. 3.. I was given a battery of intelligence tests such as shapes, word associations, memory tests, etc. that were administered by an assistant 4. I was given tests to see if I was imaginative. During this testing I was observed by the doctor's assistant. I was not given the tests I have seen online. The doctor said that she does not give those tests to adults that are what she called "high functioning". She said I was extremely high functioning and that I mask almost perfectly. She said there is a tell that women like me have, and that is we look "serious" when our faces are relaxed, and we do not show how deeply we are feeling emotions. She asked me questions throughout the interview process and then would ask me how I felt about the things I was sharing, like on a scale of emotion, and I feel things a lot more deeply than it shows on my face. It is one of the few things that women who mask extremely well can't "fake" because we don't even know that we aren't showing the depth of our emotions. She also said that I would share just a little bit too much, almost perfectly masked. I also do not make eye contact as much as neurotypicals. But the last part is something I have been experimenting with for a year now, trying to learn to unmask and not forcing myself to do things I used to do to fit in, like make lots of eye contact. Since my assessment there is something that haunts my thoughts, have I went my entire life without letting people know how deeply I feel for them. For some reason that is devastating, the idea that all of the empathy and care I have for others wasn't read on my face, and perhaps that is why I always feel so distant, because people clock me as aloof and uncaring. That really hurts.
I understand how you feel. Although I let my close family members know how I feel about them, I didn't do it with teachers and coworkers, because I didn't feel that I was important to them, and that was because I always felt like an outsider in almost every group I was in.
@@marthamurphy7940 My son says he doesn't feel like he couldn't see how I feel. He always felt very loved. He was one of the few people I sought out prolonged eye contact with. I just loved to gaze at him when he was little.
I was described that way by my ex’s friend when we were going through custody after our divorce. “Cool and aloof” That really bothered me because that particular friend of his, I always felt really awkward and nervous around him because he was very good looking and I just felt like I wasn’t attractive enough to even talk to him. I know how stupid that sounds, but I was very full of low self esteem back then. I also have somewhat of a poker face myself, and like you said, I hope people that I love know how much I do love them. I’m not diagnosed, but have wondered especially since my grandson was diagnosed with it at age 3 and now my other grandson who is 4, just got diagnosed with ADHD. Maybe none of that even matters, but my life has been somewhat of a mess as far as relationships with friends and even awkwardness around family who aren’t immediate. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you for posting your experience in getting tested. I’m scheduled to be tested in a few week and I have no idea what to expect. I just know it will take about two hours and I will be receiving paperwork beforehand.
@@ChristineExpressions I am approaching my 3rd week post diagnosis. I feel very lucky that the doctor gave me the diagnosis before the report was written. They don't always do that. I think it varies from doctor to doctor, and how sure they are of the diagnosis. My advice is try to do what feels natural to you, I tried to do all of the tasks with my full attention. I tried hard to pass all of the IQ tests. I tried very hard to be imaginative. She had me take 5 small random objects and told me to make a story out of them. She said I did things with the objects she had never seen before. I created an entire person out of the objects, including a costume. I am extremely creative. I have been told that I am creative all through college. I tried hard with this because my ego and self concept would not allow me to do otherwise, but autistic people are often unable to excel at imaginative tasks. People who have ADHD and autism dual diagnosis are often less socially impaired more imaginative according to some studies. And it is a really common diagnosis for people who are highly masking. I assume I have ADHD and autism both. And part of me is wondering if this diagnosis is so common if perhaps ADHD is a form of autism. But that is an entirely different conversation
I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤
The grief of knowing that, for your entire life of nearly 60 years, you’ve been valiantly trying to be someone your brain makes it physically impossible to be is very painful, profound and debilitating. Decades of thinking you’re a horse, not the zebra who you actually are; Decades of desperately trying to do all the horse things that you’re expected to do by the horse-ruled world , and failing miserably; Decades of not knowing why you fail miserably all the time, no matter what you do, because you don’t see that you act any differently from the horses; Decades of the pain of rejection, and bullying, and abuse, by so many horses, in nearly every part of your life, because they know you’re not horse, even though you don’t Decades of the ‘experts’ who did know you’re not horse but didn’t tell you, because they didn’t think ‘labels’ are helpful. So much immobilising sadness and grief.
I was diagnosed at 58 after a lifetime of being told that I just needed to try harder. Of trying to understand what others already knew and took for granted. Of feeling different and lacking. And the debilitating loneliness that resulted. You are not alone. ❤🦓🦓🦓
Thank you. Everyone needs to see this before people they name call others as 'snowflake', 'way too sensitive','hormonal', 'emotional', 'crybaby', 'childish', 'immature', without knowing what they're going through.
A couple of months ago I was looking for someone who could evaluate me for BPD... until your videos comparing fawning and masking in autism led me fully down the am-I-autistic rabbit hole. Now I'm in the process of getting an evaluation from the Embrace Autism group. Thank you Kim and all the other curious and compassionate youtubers who helped me to this point!
BPD was repurposed circa 1980.... I was there as one of my instructors developed the concept to eliminate xx chromasome persons from autism. There must be reason but, i never knew what.
I feel like every word you have been saying to unmask autism resonates so strongly with my actual being. I had no idea how buried I was. How can one get to almost 50 and brush it off as people pleasing when it is actually potentially autism. I'm overwhelmed with how much work there is to do to get to know who me is.
I feel that. Dr. Sage's videos have helped me so much. I am 52 non diagnosed, but I have a strong suspicion of being autistic. I have never genuinely fit in though I can play pretend and have also been in therapy for 15 plus years with little movement forward. Having a diagnosis would help me tremendously heal the self hatred I feel for being such a misfit who "just can't get it right".
I feel that too. I've been so buried, so repressed, and trying so hard to fit into a world that doesn't really work for me...and now that I understand that, and I'm trying to be my true self, it's so exhausting. Yes, it's amazing to finally understand, but I'm so very tired.
Hang in there. I am 72 and just found out that I am ADHD and Autistic. I was so good at masking I masked myself. I am working my way out and try to keep working your way through this. You can get there. The way I see it now is that we have amazing brains and we have been trying to “fit in” our whole lives. I now see it as a gift and I am beginning to to have fun with it and I try to recreate the external support system I had my whole life, but in a way that supports my new life. I can to the point of “who wants to be normal:!❤
Thank you so much, Dr. Kim, for this deep dive you've been doing on Autism in women. I've also been discovering, over the last couple years, that I'm autistic, after my middle aged daughter brought it to my attention as a possibility. I've been deep diving too, and it's amazing to finally come to understand myself @ 64. Better late than never, right? I have an assessment next month. I'm nervous. I don't need her to tell me I'm autistic. I'm already very clear about that. Though it would be nice to have the recognition and I am worried about her influencing my opinion. I'm very high masking and people would not guess that I'm autistic. I'm mostly going to find out if a diagnosis will help me access resources in my senior years. I have to say, as wonderful as it is to finally understand myself, and to know that I'm not broken, just different, I have been experiencing deep grief for a life that could have been easier, if I had known earlier. I'll come back and post after my assessment and let you know how it goes. Thanks again for everything you do! ❤
“A deep grief for a life that could have been easier, if I had known”…. I couldn’t have expressed this any better. I think this is the hardest piece. I just discovered these same things exactly at 50, and share your grief. So grateful to not feel like I am the only one for once in my life 🌹
@@tiffanygodwin368 I can totally relate. I feel so alone in all of this. I know there are many, right now, who are going through the same thing, and that does help. I just wish it was easier, in my day to day life. Take good care of yourself during this big transition time. ❤
As a very late diagnosed Autistic woman (58), I have found it so freeing! It explains why my entire life was so difficult, especially in my family of origin, and why I have so much trauma!
Thanks for this series on autism in women. It's been super helpful & has been part of my own journey. I am a 53 year old woman who has CPTSD and was just diagnosed with ADHD & Autism. I have answers & more support now. ❤❤❤
This makes so much sense. I got a diagnosis of trauma related ptsd 20 yrs ago, then an autism diagnosis 2 yrs back. We have been searching for what exactly could have been traumatising enough to cause the ptsd. We couldn't find much that would account for the depth of the problems. As I have problems with energy levels, I'm now being "helped" by a therapist who wants me to find what situations and activities give me energy. Yesterday I realised that the activities I have listed are ALL coping strategies and fallbacks into dissociation. I felt emotionally neglected my whole childhood, but never abused. School really sucked as I was intellectually ahead of most of the others most of the time, but got pushed back by teachers and the industrial agenda of schooling (not education). I have been burnt out several times during my lifetime, and now I see it. I have been shutting down the whole time and have grown comfortable inside the dysfunction and dissociation, fleeing life altogether.
Something that clicked with me was when someone in a video I was watching said something to the effect of "the trauma belongs to the person, not to the event." Something could be traumatic for you that other people would not think of as traumatic. You weren't getting the support you needed because of your autism, and, for you, that was traumatic.
@@marthamurphy7940 So accurate. Thankfully, the definition of trauma is changing. Seeing that it is individual, it also give the individual the power to heal. It is not what happened that caused the trauma, but how they couldn't integrate and heal the experience when it happened. ❤
@@ThisisPam I've always understood life to be this great thing with so much potential, BUT you need to have the key to unlock it. In other words, life is like a wild beast, and you need to be properly equipped to tame it, which I just am not. My only actual problem is needing to make a living. When I am not working, life is pretty good, plenty of entertainment, walks in the forest, podcasts, videos of adventure on TH-cam. Every time I've contemplated ending it, it *always* had to do with money, work or beign required to be somewhere around people I didn't want to be around.
It was only a couple of years ago, at age 51, I figured out I'm AuDHD - not 'crazy' as I've always been presented to be. Being 'crazy' just makes it so much easier for narcs and monkeys to scapegoat you for life! But recently, I've been trying to figure out - how was I recognized as being 'different' from birth when I didn't 'look different'? And my answer was - behavior. Now, my story is slightly different; at nine, the school insisted I (a little girl) be tested to find out 'what the hell was wrong with me' after I beat up a bully who put his hands on me. Since this was back in 1979 I ended up diagnosed with 'one or more behavioral disorders not otherwise specified' and showed 'superior intelligence' (gifted). They had no idea what that meant/what to do with me, so I was told, "Start using that big brain you're so proud of showing off, to act right in school. Control your emotions and stop overreacting to things. If you don't, we'll find a way to do it for you.". And that was it. That was all the 'help' I ever got. And a lot of narcs/monkeys are probably shocked/surprised I'm still here. I know they hate that I'm still refusing to 'act right' and do what they want me to do. My conclusion - if you are/were anything outside of 'normal' - as in capable/willing to play by their rules/standards for your assigned role in life - you cause 'problems' for them, and that's what gets you tagged. Nobody cares if life is a problem for you, so long as you are not a problem for them as a result of your 'difficulties'.
They tried to pin the BPD diagnosis on me, but I don't have many of the main traits, like the deep feelings fear of abandonment, or the narcissism. But I DO have emotional outbursts, so I'm thinking that's why. I think because I'm a woman, they just slapped that diagnosis onto me, because it was easy, and they treat us like we're stupid. It's infuriating. Your channel is ALWAYS brimming with great information ❤❤❤ I really appreciate your work here.
I would just like to kindly point out that Narcissistic PD is a separate diagnosis to Borderline PD - of course someone may have comorbidities or traits of either, and they both come under Cluster B "Dramatic/ Erratic" in the DSM, but they each have separate symptomology. Aside from that, I'm happy you found out what was going on for you x
I saw the "shrink" for only 20 minutes and he knew right away I had autism. I never tried to hide it - but from my viewpoint I had always thought I was acting "normal". But from the viewpoint of other people it was like I had a huge target on my back (but I didn't know that).. But I was never diagnosed as a kid as back in the 80s they never was looking for it + my family never went to doctors. So there was no opportunity to see anyone. But only 20 minutes and that "shrink" knew! I didn't even know what autism was. I just thought for unknown reasons - maybe bad luck - I was "weird" and didn't fit in and had 0 friends + was bullied. Didn't know there was something called autism to explain it. I am in my 50s now and I was diagnosed at 48.
Thank you for sharing this. Recently diagnosed at age 59, I mask so well that I didn't even know that I had a sensitivity to scent and noise that wasn't "normal", or that my feeling panicky or irritated in crowds was something I should pay attention to. I usually just push myself through difficult situations and then think I'm stupid and weird because I can't cope as others seem to. I've been intinctively quieting my life lately and feel calmer as a result, even though I realize I'm getting isolated. I love to be alone because things are finally peaceful! For now, I need that peace to try to work out who I really am... and have been my whole life! This video has been very helpful.❤
You're not alone, I'm 61 and just realized audhd! I cope, not great but I don't feel I was doing terrible with life. I played my roles and wore my masks and fell apart alone at home. Not knowing, maybe kept me from slipping deeply into overload or meltdown. I always have this inner voice that pokes me to be stronger. I don't know, I do know my whole being is different now and I'm finally experiencing happiness!
@lisaschwegel3520 "fall apart alone at home" This is so true, and something I've always done too. I want to forgive myself for being so hard on myself for my lack of coping skills. It seems that the refrain I keep hearing/reading is "must try harder, must be better next time," and there really is actually no need for being better or trying harder. I am who I am, and I've always been okay. That's what I'm trying to take on... I've always been okay as I am.
@@daisiesandsunflowers5587 my journey began after my husband passed this last June. I had started talking out loud to myself, I always had a nonstop dialog going on in my mind, but to do it out loud and speaking mean to myself, was disconcerting. After Carl passed I immediately felt lost and no idea who I was. Well I was looking at myself in the mirror and I had to honestly look at the lies I'd been telling myself. I started to forgive myself, long story short, both sons have ADHD, they've been trying to get me to acknowledge mine and I never heard them. Suddenly it clicked and I started researching that, then I did every test I could find on the autism spectrum, and I'm on there too. So after I realized this was the answer to what is wrong with me, I now treat that little girl in the mirror with love and tenderness, I hug myself while looking myself in the eye and tell me I love me. I'm connecting with myself for the first time and I am happy.
Thank you for bringing this research to light. It IS important to understand the nuances of how Autism affects different people differently. No one would promote a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. The same individual care should be put into treating people with Autism. At the end of the day, we are all individuals; and, need precise care for our healing.
I'm a 53 yr old probably autistic woman. My life has always been a struggle - I thought that was what everyone felt! Thank you - want to say more but have to go - maybe later x
Six years ago, at 55 y.o., my AQ test was 42. Ever since, I've been researching and reflecting on my traits. The nuances are important. Autistic women want depth and not superficiality. Isolation happens for me due to that very thing among other reasons Thanks for posting informational videos 😊
I did the test you pinned and scored 33…. I know I invested a lot of my early years training in sales… I went back to upgrade at 30 and finished my BA in Psychology with a minor in Religion to better understand human behaviour and what motivates us - tried to get over my fear of human interaction! I appreciate everything I’m learning here Dr Kim - thank you 🙏💕🤗
My sister and I currently in the eye of the storm with our BPD mother. I’m also recently diagnosed adhd and suspected autism (sister too). I just wanted to thank you for your content. It has been extremely valuable to us ❤️
I'm a woman in my 30s and I am pretty certain I am autistic from the research I've done. You've highlighted so many things I can relate to. Thank you for your insight and hard work for sharing this with us. Keep up the good stuff! ❤
I see myself as the female phenotype. I see the presentation of my son as female phenotype, and my daughter more as male phenotype. Of course, this could change, but this is how I see their presentation atm. Complicated, but absolutely beautiful and wonderful. My job as a parent is to find the best way for them to enfold themselve. Doesn‘t mean it‘s any less difficult.
My friend got diagnosed with ADHD lately and she is just over 40. She sounds so much like you, and she had always thought she was (only) autististic. This topic is so interesting.
I really find this content helpful. Over the past couple of years, I have been realizing that my mom, my daughter, and I probably all have it. It has been very eye opening, and it explains so much about why we are the way we are.
Thank you for putting this up. I've suspected Autism in myself for many years, and everything I look up fits 1 of 2 things.... Autism, or Trauma (CPTSD/PTSD) from a severely traumatic childhood, with an extremely narcissistic, alcoholic mom, who abused me terribly. I am currently trying to get my insurance to cover proper testing, because my therapist believes I have both, Autism/Trauma (from childhood abuse), as do I. However, my family just believes I simply have "BPD", nothing more... Which I don't really fit the symptoms of, but they can't stand the truth that I was severely abused/traumatized, and they want to gaslight me into believing the things my mom did to me, didn't actually happen (however, I know better, as they happened to ME) and they also laugh at me when I have mentioned "Autism", and then make me feel absolutely crazy for suggesting such an "outlandish thing"... If it was up to them, they would have just slapped the label "BPD" on me and walked away, because its just easier on them to accept, (for some reason)... That way they can disregard the truth of my abuse, and that I actually may have a real reason for why I'm so different from other's, (and always have been), such as Autism, which to them I guess means I'm "mentally unwell" and perhaps "severely damaged" ... At least, thats how I feel to them. They REALLY want me to be labeled "BPD", because somehow that makes "more sense" (even though the symptoms do not fit) and is somehow more "acceptable" to them, than the possibility of something Trauma based, Autism... Or both. I'm just very confused, I'm extremely overwhelmed. I'm honestly trying my very best to be an advocate for Victims and Survivors of abuse/narcissistic abuse, like what I endured the majority of my life. I'm trying to help others, I'm trying to make a positive difference for those who feel alone with what they have been through... Meaning abuse etc. Yet, at the same time, I'm also fighting my own battle for a proper diagnosis as to what's wrong with me, while feeling completely alone myself. It's crazy, it's so complicated how this world and people think/function... I just want to make a positive difference, I want to matter... I was raised by my mom believing that I am a no one, I'm invisible, worthless and stupid. My family treats me like the black sheep, because I'm different. I'm not like them. I'm very emotional, caring, empathetic and very open about my life/story, my thoughts/feelings, and apparently, that makes me weak, crazy, gullible or lacking intelligence.... I don't know, I'm just very different than everyone in my family... I always have been... Always! Honestly, I know a proper diagnosis won't change anything with them, but I'll at least know that I'm the way I am because of whatever "it" is, and I'll know that I'm not any of those things that my family makes me feel. Sorry, got off topic a bit... Just wanted to thank you for the video. I'm going to go look at the thing you linked... ❤
I have adhd and as I’ve learned more about myself with the new diagnosis, I’m almost positive I also have autism. It runs in my family and my brothers both present autistic traits, as well as my father. My oldest brother has many traits like me. He definitely presents as male and is into the mechanics and tech like you mentioned, but also shows a lot of female autistic traits such as how he masks. Very interesting. He doesn’t have any close friends and has struggled his whole life with relationships, which is true for anyone who is autistic. I feel like that as we learn more about the human brain and what being on the spectrum means and with that more diagnosed people, we will discover that the population is half and half or even more than half neurodiverse. Once that comes into play, we may need to start reframing how we look at social norms and how to explain the human brain as far as what is typical or not. Or maybe even how we label or diagnose. I personally think we need to reframe how we type these differences and not so much think that one half is typical and the other is not. Rather, that it is a full spectrum and everyone falls on the wheel differently. Once we can get to that point, we’ll be a lot better at knowing how to live with one another in a real way.
Best video I’ve seen on this topic and everything you’re saying tracks with my clinical and personal experience as an autistic trauma therapist Highly recommend the book “is this autism?” If you haven’t read it yet. It’s written for clinicians but in a very accessible way, lots of quotes from the lived experience of autistic people
Such a wonderful well-informed piece! I have wondered about all this for so long both as a teacher and a woman. My dad called me an 'anomaly'. I was happy to be myself, to teach art; to work one on one with special needs, etc. Super work! Keep it coming.
Fascinating topic, and I hang on your every word! I love when you keep us updated. The more I listen to you the more I wonder about my own personality/relationship patterns 🤔 Thank you for all the info! Please don't stop 🙏🏻
1:38 When i was about 12 years old, i remember a stressor happening and i can remember how my mind worked before the event, and after. I was riding bikes with a friend, and an older guy 25 or so told me to get off my bike, as he had a plastic gun, it looked real to me. After that happened, i can remember wanting to be alone a lot. I remember doing certain habits very regularly. Something happened to my mind. I already had ADD, and my alcoholic parent didn't help me with a couple of these fear based circumstances, so i was left to fix it on my own. There were more ptsd cues as years went on, i touched on that because it seems to back up the studies/literature. 😊✨🙏
This has helped me. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago in my 50's. I've had trouble accepting the diagnosis & have struggled with imposter syndrome, despite recognising that traits were notably present in early childhood, more so than now. I'm a quiet personality, so a lot went (& still does go) under the radar.
Thanks so much. You are helping me get to know myself better. Years of masking (47) growing up with eggshell parents who are probably Autistic also. I appreciate you doing research & sharing 😊
As an autistic woman, I personally think that most of the differences between “male” and “female” autism comes down to the way boys and girls are socialized, from birth until adulthood. We are expected to adjust ourselves to the environment and not make waves or break conformity…. including adjusting ourselves to men’s behavior. Men are allowed to just EXIST
Absolutely. I have zero interest in participating in autism support groups that include men, because the core of the education/history, focus is male gender centric. We’re all indoctrinated in our own ways to society’s unnatural preference for the male existence. Not helpful and is harmful to women. Thankful that there are resources emerging for women. Thank you Dr. Sage!
Nothing is black or white, except black and white.😉My father came from trauma, he was alcoholic and extremely volatile. My mother was unassertive, busy (house chores and whatnot) and needy. I had a lot of energy, I was a little wild and spontaneous. Do you think that as a boy I was just allowed to exist and that my father was okay with kids being kids? Be a feminist if you will, but be a feminist with *nuance*
I used to wonder about this too as a child, but now as an adult and raising children myself, my conclusion is that expectations and socialisation norms are only a small part of the difference. It's a biological fact that girls' brains are 'wired' differently to boys' brains due to the influence of male or female hormones since even before birth. Girls are generally better at communication, and female friendships allow for a lot of imitation, so girls manage to mask their difficulties much more easily. It's both a blessing and a curse, but it's always better to be thankful for the advantages! 😉
@@phoenixaz8431 True, but a girl will be criticized for running out of a room or shop without greeting whereas with boys people are far more likely to smile and say "Boys will be boys". My daughter has adhd and I think autism as well and I always felt she was so badly behaved. Then another mother just casually said that she thought my daughter behaved like a boy AND at the same time my daughter started requesting more boys clothes and less cute dresses. Imagine what happened: It was suddenly wayyyyy easier for me to see her as wild and energetic rather than badly behaved and antagonistic. I was really shocked by myself...
Thank you so much. This video is really packed with great information. What resonated for me - first of all, mild stressors being PTSD triggers. I had an alcoholic mother, probably also borderline, and possible autism, who yelled 24/7...! Not exactly mild. But still a helpful awareness. "Trying to look normal." Really takes a lot of energy. I've just recently become aware of being "probably autistic," still researching. There's so much that I related to. This feels like a big puzzle piece.
Female presenting male seeking an autism diagnosis checking in … my opinion is that everything that presents depends on the social pressures we are forced to endure while learning to navigate the world … It was at an early age I learned to internalize rather than externalize else I would be punished … as such I have a special interest in psychology because I needed to understand how people think to then be able to navigate the world without internalizing everything including other peoples BS.
Thank you. Your videos are literally saving my sanity and life. I often thought that i have complex trauma and this hyper vigilant trait comes from ut. But my siblings did not react to home life the way i did. What you are saying it makes so much sense. My son is on the autism spectrum. Only now, in my 50's I am realizing that perhaps I am not only highly sensitive but on the spectrum too. Many friends asked me previously that I can not chit chat, i just jump right into important issue. And I i am also in psychology profession. I trylly worked on understanding others and self. Being immigrant in this country also delayed my understanding of self.... Thank you, thank you for your work❤
This is so good. I so appreciate your work on this. I will be watching this video again because it is so rich in information. Thank you!!! Your work and deep dives have helped me so much! ❤
thank you, Dr. Kim. My whole life I have wondered what was wrong with me. About 8 years ago, I self diagnosed with Asperger's. I like calling it that. I have struggled in every aspect of my life. My siblings and other relatives basically ignore me as much as possible.
I wondered since a therapist asked if I was autistic if my traits were from trauma... but I was told that my childhood wasn't traumatic. Some (autistic) traits I've had very young, and I began isolating at a young age which I am told is the reason for my (autistic) traits. I am struggling to differentiate the two. - When you say special interest: Animals ❤ Fictional Chracters ❤ and Psychology ❤ these are definitely my favorite things.
@@monkiesbanana321 I agree. Nobody really knows the things I don't talk about too. It's unfortunate that people will talk like they know what's going on inside another person.
Thank you so much for your videos on this topic. I'm a late-identified autistic woman in my 40's (full disclosure: I'm believed to be autistic by my therapist and a clinical psychologist, but haven't sought official diagnosis yet). 20 years ago, long before I ever thought it was possible I could be autistic, I took the AQ test online completely on a whim and was shocked by how high my score was. I decided to just put it out of my mind. Autism was an extremely stigmatized condition back then, and it was believed that autistic people lacked empathy and were mostly male. That was back when Baron-Cohen's "extreme male brain theory" was one of the prevailing views. That highly gendered perception of autism was completely opposite to the empathetic, feminine woman I felt I was, so it's no wonder I didn't seek an evaluation. Recently the conversation around autism has changed in our culture, and I feel safe enough to explore the possibility that I'm autistic without my very identity as a woman being called into question. Also, the "double empathy problem" replacing the concept of "empathy deficits" has been so helpful and de-stigmatizing for early-diagnosed autistic boys and men. We've come a long way. I hope that our more nuanced modern understanding of autism, and the concept of neurodiversity in general, will bring about a new level of compassion in society not only for the experiences of autistic people but also for allistics with trauma, learning differences, sensory sensitivities, and any other challenges caused by neurological and information processing differences.
Thank you for this info. I’d really love to pursue a diagnosis but I want it to be with a practitioner who is educated and aware on high masking adult female autism.
Loving the insights from your videos Dr Kim. Without resorting to my habit of over-explaining there is one event in my life which proved to me how successful I am at masking. After retiring I trained as a colour consultant (a topic of obsession for me). In order to sell my services I was required to give a presentation before large groups of women. To this end I learnt public speaking with high commendations on my performance. So in front of 60 women, perfectly groomed and dressed I gave my speech (performance). Afterward I could feel they sensed inauthenticity- I now know that was masking. I struggled through that role for three years, all the time giving good advice but knowing I was not my authentic self.
Thank you so so much for all your research and videos. It is unbelievable how much I have learned from you and how much recognition I feel in everything you say. I can look back now to my youth and see everything in different light. So much understanding now on what happened and explanation what I am going through still every day. I am 32 and I am starting over.
Excellent, excellent video! Thank you so very much. I definitely feel like after over 25 years of trying to treat my depression and anxiety without any success, I really feel like I have autism. I am afraid to have an official diagnosis for fear or mistreatment in many different ways. BUT, finding a treatment plan that actually works to help me function properly would mean EVERYTHING!
Thank you so much for making this content. It's been very enlightening to me. I would be curious to hear your review of the relationship between autism and PMDD.
Thank you for great content Dr Sage 💯 I did the test you linked to in the description, and now I can't stop thinking of 1 question I feel I didn't answer correctly 😅 it was about wether I find it hard or easy to complete a survey like this. First of all, I don't think the survey was user friendly. And then in general, when I am to answer a survey question, a mix of scenarios x points of views start spinning in my head, and yes, that makes it difficult to answer a survey for me 🤯
I agree. 56 being identified and would not have learned this about myself if I hadn’t seen the female phenotype, for me it really lined up. My husband who is a male and he identifies and presents differently. Thank you for your work.🙏
Thank you for getting me to jump off the diving board. I took the AQ test at Embracing Autism and scored a 41. This diagnosis explains so much about the problems I've had in my life. Right now I'm feeling pretty flat. But at least I have a concrete evidence for my recent inability to go to work. I took 4 months off without pay. And my supervisor has hounded me relentlessly until I received my PTSD diagnosis. I'm back at work remotely and I think his plans are to fire me. He insists that I must be present in the building. I have no idea the value of this information in terms of preserving my job. My supervisor deserves to be punished for what he's put me through. My body is falling apart. I hope this diagnosis gives me leverage to fight back. I requested a formal diagnosis from the Embracing Autism team. Thank you for raising my consciousness and providing real tools to get help.
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, MDD, social anxiety, PTSD, and schizotypal personality disorder. My newest therapist recently brought it to my attention that many women with BPD are misdiagnosed and really have autism. The more I have been researching it the more I think I am a female with autism. Thank you for these videos! They are very informative and are making me question whether or not I was accurately diagnosed. I’m now thinking I should get assessed for autism as it may help with my treatment.
I'm a male but I think my autism has presented itself more like autism in females. Very interesting video. I was diagnosed in my fifties, and still coming to terms with being autistic. I'm on a waiting list for testing for ADHD, hopefully this summer. All my life I was told I was suffering depression and acute anxiety, and given various drugs to help with those conditions. The drugs never did anything positive for me. All the times I lost my jobs I now know was due to burnout not depression. And all the relationships that never made sense to me. The problem with being diagnosed ASD is that I now know why my life has been such a mess but I don't know how to make it different in the future, so I've turned into a recluse until I can figure out a way to fit into society.
As a 55 yr old and realising I have autism at 53 yrs old, I can relate to how trauma/ ptsd plays a big role in this. I have been trying to heal the trauma for years, only to find out that autism is where it all rooted. Imagine having children, glad i never had them.
34:08 I will be 50 years old and have always struggled with many if not all, of these issues: ADHD and Autism. Constantly questioning my value because of my struggles. I feel that perimenopause and all the hormone changes just exacerbate the problems even more, hence why we get diagnosed so late. I am in the UK, and I paid 350£ for a diagnosis, and it was so bad; I am hoping to find another professional to have the diagnosis, but now I am afraid as the first experience was just terrible. I also want to go ahead to help my kids; they certainly have traits of both.
As well as social differences, there are key biological differences. Autism has a huge on HPA and vica versa. Groups with different biological profiles deserve their own studies, so diagnosis and treatment can be universal.
Yes everything has to be a certain way, my clothes, my food, my house and always trying to hide it because people, often family would mock me for how I was. I thought for many years I was, and when I taught students who were I could relate but also felt like hiding away in training sessions as I felt they were talking about me and might notice, but I always thought as I got by wasn't worried about a diagnosis, I do want one now so at least I can say to my sister and family, this is why i did all the things in life and why i was how i was, you mocked and belittled me even into adulthood, now you need to back off and be more understanding. There is a lot of trauma there also being the family scape goat and I was born premature fairly early for back in the late 70s, I told my functional medical doc about the prematurity and thinking I was autistic and he said there is some data on it being more prevalent in premature babies, I haven't found much on it, would love to know what you think.
Was reading how autistic brains can experience trauma more easily but recover from far easier than NT brains. It was the psychologist that pointed how resilient I was go me looking into. Wonder if there is connection to that how they have found autistic brain 50-75% more synapses that NT brains. Less synaptic pruning as we age. Wonder if that has link to how some autistic people, like myself don't have infantile amnesia. There is the whole PTSD and CPTSD thing. Sure show signs of that but don't feel I have that. Thing is I've always been like that since early as could remember which at early at 6 months. Boy I can tell you stories from babies perspective, that anal thermometer looked huge. But then maybe the was traumatic thing, the anal thermometer at 6 months old. But I did read that autistic people tend to a have a larger amygdala. WE would appear to hyper vigilant due to sensory input issues for the overly sensitive. Shorter life spans of Autistic people, have that increase stress response all our lives. Lots interesting theories and studies on this. Lots non peer reviewed stuff too that is garbage.
I am nonbinary and also late diagnosed. Just want to say I feel you've been incredibly respectful in this video and I appreciate it! I feel like my take away is- perhaps it's gender related but I shall view this as society's expectations of gender norms ultimately shaping this issue. But I also don't wish to invalidate women in saying this! Either way I do think it seems the DSM's current understanding of ASD is lacking.
I agree. I may not identify as a woman, but I was certainly socialized to be one. Socialization plays a large role in shaping us as people - and therefore how our autistic characteristics peek through. A big thank you to Dr. S for including us and not being dismissive.
This video was phenomenal and very informative. Thank you so much. I tried to answer as honestly as possible and scored a 35. I don't feel like they asked enoufg questions imo
Dr. Sage, these videos feel so specific relatable and personal to me. Thank you. I wanted to clarify if you felt that a late diagnosis could be a disadvantage?
I turned 60 back in April and I find myself being more comfortable in isolation than ever before, yet knowing that society frowns upon this for women. I stumbled upon Dr. Tanya Marshall's Aspiewoman criteria which helped me to self-diagnose and then to seek out a professional diagnosis of autism albeit partial. At least it helped secure SSI for me and I no longer had to deal with bullying women in the workplace.
Kim, several months ago you mentioned a call you received from Harvard College. Are you expecting that relationship to go anywhere? Your work is cutting edge as evidenced by a lack of research being conducted in this country and I would think having you provide counsel to the evolutionary biology and cognitive psychology department at Harvard would be welcome.
My sense of justice is triggered so much from my family’s comments on my body. I have twin girls who are nd, every day is a struggle to regulate. I lost a lot of weight from the stress but I was still normal bmi. The women in my fam didn’t offer any empathy. “Whats wrong with you? Why are you so skinny? Kids must suck the life out of you”. I would never talk to someone like that, let alone going through what I’ve gone through.
I've read a lot about how autism shows up in women. As early diagnosed man with what was called Asperger's I see almost al lo of those traits in me. For me though the focused on on my slimming and social deficit like eye contact and how to pretend to pay attention and my way of paying attention didn't appear to be paying attention. I learned to mask and hide my autism to avoid physical punishment and bullying. My daughter has a lot my traits too. I think the not only is research focused narrowly on one population I also think they narrowly focused on the aspect they expected to see. Basically researching a stereotype. For young white boys that like trains too much. I've learned more my autistic traits from women on spectrum than I have from specialist in autism.
It is interesting I came across this video because when I asked my to describe my latest seizure to me he said it looked more like autism because of my rocking back and forth during it. I was never diagnosed with autism. Could I possibly have autism and not realize it?
I have had some experience with an autistic female psychopath. I then researched autistic females. I was flabbergasted by what I found. I have a section on my website about autism with my findings.
I've heard in several videos now how women can't keep relationships going if they're autistic. They have socializing difficulties. I was hoping to figure out how we're different in this video but you talk about more of the clinical side of things and don't really explain things in depth. I don't mean to sound insulting but I really wanted addressed. What traits do women have that caused them to lose friendships. I found that it's difficult to find someone that wants to be friends with me but I easily lose those friendships if I can acquire them. I want to know what I'm doing wrong. Why do non-autistic people several relationships with women who are autistic? I don't want to hear basically just the surface material of we don't seem to be able to keep friendships. I want to hear why. And not the answer that were autistic and we have more difficulty keeping a relationship. I want to hear what we do differently and what we do wrong.
I ve been through 2 decades of trauma ...now they say i have hoshimotto thyroiditis and the new antibodies test has showed something else like lupus or mctd..rheumatologist appt in November...could all this be linked to the trauma and tragedy?
Dear Lord every single bit of this happened to me. BPD mother friend problems school problems surgery trauma etc. I am 53. I need an example. Its enough to have made me crazy at times but i had very high teading levels though bad at math and sports. Is this not 20 percent or more of people ? GIVE EXAMPLES
My parents are both different types of Narcissists, my mother did the worst harm to me. Her second husband knew she hated me and used this opportunity of me being totally isolated to abuse me at the age of 12 and my siblings kept on abusing me until I ended contact with all of them, 10 years ago. My sister turned my adult children against me who have ended contact with me. I found out two years ago that I have Cpts from narcissistic abuse, ten years ago I found out I'm an HSP, two months ago I understood I'm autistic and my whole life made sense. I was depressed and suicidal until I turned 50, also due to being traumabonded to Narcissistic partners.
Had an interesting thing happen. We were tipped off by a DNA test for CMT that there was a possibility of ASD. Prior we had not considered it, and caulked things up to a traumatic childhood. Then I began to notice in age gap groups we are in that a lot of the females in long term age gap relationships that had similar facial features as my wife. I started up conversations with them and found that those with "the look" 100% had been diagnosed, suspected, or had a child diagnosed with Autism. It doesn't mean that all that have "the look" will be autistic and females that don't have "the look" can't be autistic. Dr. Kim I would say you have look, and might be dying your hair. The common hair color is honey blond, it starts out blond with red highlights and darkness over the years but never goes gray, the second possibility is blond without the red highlights that gets lighter as you age towards white but doesn't go gray also ... might be a way to identify females with autism. There are many other aspects but I don't want to publicize them for fear relationship predators could profile autistic women with that information.
On my father’s side out of 4 siblings I was the only 1 not diagnosed as autistic. My brother I grew up with showed less issues than me apart from being brutal which is get the blame for his behaviour was diagnosed in his 30s. My other siblings who are the same age as my kids since 2yrs. I’ve been treated like crap my whole life and dismissed by everyone but also had other issues in other areas speech coordination communication memory balance learning. Too much is relying on parents being present and honest when you have a dysfunctional parent that’s not going to happen. Controlling when you should be protected from them to such a degree they influence a diagnosis in order to silence and protect their own crimes then continue the control/abuse. DV and not being able to make friends no one believes you silenced. Medical professionals are the worst. Even when you tell them about DV what happened that medication does nothing they still don’t listen they tell you no such thing ever happened it’s in your head. They continue what the perpetrator had done and false witness to. This went on for years. Even when I had diagnosis for PTSD later C-PTSD anxiety depression they said it’s all in my head it’s not real. They took those diagnosis away from me said it’s psychosis that none of it happened that s.Ideation is a delusion. I was on a. Watch from S. Abuse & trauma that never ended and couldn’t sleep. They would do the same for trauma attacks and anxiety. Some doctors without evidence tried to say I was bipolar but never showed symptoms just flat like a flat tire that you try to pump up that keeps going back down because you don’t fix it and expect it to work and function the way it’s supposed to. I just recently went for an initial interview with a psychiatrist (Australia) and they did a series of questions including history. I spoke about some of it including the violence nearly being murdered weapons to the head the kids and what happened to them that my daughter refused to recognise the perpetrator. Some of what I was live as a kid and my 0 social score lack of family and friends and harm I’ve suffered serious bullying no or very few friends can’t make keep friends. For the first time in my life this has happened never has any of the others ever done this. They see you 2-5 mins your gone. He had to tell me repeatedly to f sad low my speech down and was struggling with speaking. What he say? Definitely show signs of Autism and depression with anxiety and that that other medication wasn’t working because it won’t as it doesn’t treat PTSD or depression/ anxiety. He said it will never work because I’m in his opinion not showing signs of psychosis. He thinks the Autism might be mild but that’s just going by what he saw on the DSM-5 not a full spectrum comprehensive test. It’s $5k for the test hear plus another $1.5k (AU) for initial assessment and review each. Way out of my budget. I can’t get employment literally everyone hates me I’m an outcast in society even the fringe don’t want me. And my social status means anyone who I might be able to get on with is out of my league. The gov has made it hear as an adult you can’t be diagnosed unless you have evidence from when you were a child to test for it. Most undiagnosed won’t have that. Self assessment isn’t accepted and people are discouraged from looking up information on the subject or learning anything. You get scolded like a child if you try. Told it’s just a label and it doesn’t matter. It does when you got no family friends can’t get work, assistance with study and abused socially isolated by society itself like the crap at schools never went away just hidden better and your a damn beacon of shining light to people that want to hurt. Knowing can help with mitigation that just might help save your life and improve your quality of life. Sorry this is so long and sorry for any typos I’m on a mobile.
This is a really interesting video, but I think it should be split up into several parts. It has too many concepts rolled into it and needs a focus. I was diagnosed last year at age 75 after viewing a lot of adult autism videos on TH-cam. My autistic challenges are mainly social. I had attributed a lot of my social struggles to several things my mother had said and done during my childhood that stuck with me and shaped my behavior over the years -- all related to friendships and belonging in one way or another. Those things were traumatic to me, although they might seem unimportant to other people, even to my therapist. What I see now is that they were the exact opposite of the kinds of social supports we would typically offer to autistic children in present times. Society is now challenged with dealing with adult autistic people, women as well as men. I don't feel resentful about it -- it's simply a new frontier for science and society. Incidentally, my mother was intensely focused in her later years on her own psychology and self-understanding. Although she diagnosed herself as BPD, I think she was probably autistic.
I hope some day we just drop "male/female autism" and just open up how we think of autism generally. I am a man who is late diagnosed at aged 40. I've got typical "female phenotype" and have presented as such my entire life. I imagine there are many men being missed. Reifying sex specific types of autism will just perpetuate missing out people.
Late diagnosed last year age 43 lost my mum last year to severe ms obvously autism I have heds do you autism ADHD to now son's diagnosed to what are your special interest
![ประสบการณ์ จ้าง Developer ที่ผมจะไม่มีวันลืม [ภาค2]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pZbsSDRrmXA/mqdefault.jpg)
I found myself extra disjointed today. It has now dawned on me that my pants are uncomfortable. I am now giving them away as a result. Regardless of the quality and fit, it takes too long to realize that it’s affecting my ability to even think clearly, therefore it is not worth it to attempt wearing it again.
An example of how disruptively the most seemingly benign things can affect us.
I'm thinking the same about my underpants😂
@@tracirex that happened to me today too 😂
Tight clothes and/or itchy clothes drives me batty! Oh, also sticky on anything. List goes on.
I can relate to this. I had to get rid of a t shirt because the seams were poking me. It took me almost an entire day to realize why I was increasingly getting more angry and irritable for what I thought was no reason.
That's funny because I understand exactly what you mean!
I just received my diagnosis from a neuropsychologist a couple of weeks ago. I am 56 years old. I wanted to go over how she went about testing me to diagnose me because I think that her approach is going to be more and more common for late diagnosed women like myself.
1. I filled out a questionaire about sensory issues, my medical history, and my life history before my appointment
2. I was given an interview that felt like an intake for a therapist.
3.. I was given a battery of intelligence tests such as shapes, word associations, memory tests, etc. that were administered by an assistant
4. I was given tests to see if I was imaginative. During this testing I was observed by the doctor's assistant.
I was not given the tests I have seen online. The doctor said that she does not give those tests to adults that are what she called "high functioning". She said I was extremely high functioning and that I mask almost perfectly. She said there is a tell that women like me have, and that is we look "serious" when our faces are relaxed, and we do not show how deeply we are feeling emotions. She asked me questions throughout the interview process and then would ask me how I felt about the things I was sharing, like on a scale of emotion, and I feel things a lot more deeply than it shows on my face. It is one of the few things that women who mask extremely well can't "fake" because we don't even know that we aren't showing the depth of our emotions. She also said that I would share just a little bit too much, almost perfectly masked. I also do not make eye contact as much as neurotypicals. But the last part is something I have been experimenting with for a year now, trying to learn to unmask and not forcing myself to do things I used to do to fit in, like make lots of eye contact.
Since my assessment there is something that haunts my thoughts, have I went my entire life without letting people know how deeply I feel for them. For some reason that is devastating, the idea that all of the empathy and care I have for others wasn't read on my face, and perhaps that is why I always feel so distant, because people clock me as aloof and uncaring. That really hurts.
I understand how you feel. Although I let my close family members know how I feel about them, I didn't do it with teachers and coworkers, because I didn't feel that I was important to them, and that was because I always felt like an outsider in almost every group I was in.
@@marthamurphy7940 My son says he doesn't feel like he couldn't see how I feel. He always felt very loved. He was one of the few people I sought out prolonged eye contact with. I just loved to gaze at him when he was little.
I was described that way by my ex’s friend when we were going through custody after our divorce. “Cool and aloof” That really bothered me because that particular friend of his, I always felt really awkward and nervous around him because he was very good looking and I just felt like I wasn’t attractive enough to even talk to him. I know how stupid that sounds, but I was very full of low self esteem back then. I also have somewhat of a poker face myself, and like you said, I hope people that I love know how much I do love them. I’m not diagnosed, but have wondered especially since my grandson was diagnosed with it at age 3 and now my other grandson who is 4, just got diagnosed with ADHD. Maybe none of that even matters, but my life has been somewhat of a mess as far as relationships with friends and even awkwardness around family who aren’t immediate. Thanks for your comment.
Thank you for posting your experience in getting tested. I’m scheduled to be tested in a few week and I have no idea what to expect. I just know it will take about two hours and I will be receiving paperwork beforehand.
@@ChristineExpressions I am approaching my 3rd week post diagnosis. I feel very lucky that the doctor gave me the diagnosis before the report was written. They don't always do that. I think it varies from doctor to doctor, and how sure they are of the diagnosis.
My advice is try to do what feels natural to you, I tried to do all of the tasks with my full attention. I tried hard to pass all of the IQ tests. I tried very hard to be imaginative. She had me take 5 small random objects and told me to make a story out of them. She said I did things with the objects she had never seen before. I created an entire person out of the objects, including a costume. I am extremely creative. I have been told that I am creative all through college. I tried hard with this because my ego and self concept would not allow me to do otherwise, but autistic people are often unable to excel at imaginative tasks.
People who have ADHD and autism dual diagnosis are often less socially impaired more imaginative according to some studies. And it is a really common diagnosis for people who are highly masking. I assume I have ADHD and autism both. And part of me is wondering if this diagnosis is so common if perhaps ADHD is a form of autism. But that is an entirely different conversation
I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤
The grief of knowing that, for your entire life of nearly 60 years, you’ve been valiantly trying to be someone your brain makes it physically impossible to be is very painful, profound and debilitating.
Decades of thinking you’re a horse, not the zebra who you actually are;
Decades of desperately trying to do all the horse things that you’re expected to do by the horse-ruled world , and failing miserably;
Decades of not knowing why you fail miserably all the time, no matter what you do, because you don’t see that you act any differently from the horses;
Decades of the pain of rejection, and bullying, and abuse, by so many horses, in nearly every part of your life, because they know you’re not horse, even though you don’t
Decades of the ‘experts’ who did know you’re not horse but didn’t tell you, because they didn’t think ‘labels’ are helpful.
So much immobilising sadness and grief.
I hear you. Also living with cat. Humans hurt.
@@TrueSelfWalkAway they sure do. They lead to so much pain.
I was diagnosed at 58 after a lifetime of being told that I just needed to try harder. Of trying to understand what others already knew and took for granted. Of feeling different and lacking. And the debilitating loneliness that resulted. You are not alone. ❤🦓🦓🦓
❤️🦓❤
Zebra are very good at running away! Trouble is, where to?
Thank you. Everyone needs to see this before people they name call others as 'snowflake', 'way too sensitive','hormonal', 'emotional', 'crybaby', 'childish', 'immature', without knowing what they're going through.
I suspect that the people who call people snowflakes often don't care.
Don’t hold your breath.
Don't forget "highstrung"
been called these names by my own family, now i know why
A couple of months ago I was looking for someone who could evaluate me for BPD... until your videos comparing fawning and masking in autism led me fully down the am-I-autistic rabbit hole. Now I'm in the process of getting an evaluation from the Embrace Autism group. Thank you Kim and all the other curious and compassionate youtubers who helped me to this point!
BPD was repurposed circa 1980.... I was there as one of my instructors developed the concept to eliminate xx chromasome persons from autism. There must be reason but, i never knew what.
I feel like every word you have been saying to unmask autism resonates so strongly with my actual being. I had no idea how buried I was. How can one get to almost 50 and brush it off as people pleasing when it is actually potentially autism. I'm overwhelmed with how much work there is to do to get to know who me is.
Have courage and take it gently
I feel that. Dr. Sage's videos have helped me so much. I am 52 non diagnosed, but I have a strong suspicion of being autistic. I have never genuinely fit in though I can play pretend and have also been in therapy for 15 plus years with little movement forward. Having a diagnosis would help me tremendously heal the self hatred I feel for being such a misfit who "just can't get it right".
Lol
I feel that too. I've been so buried, so repressed, and trying so hard to fit into a world that doesn't really work for me...and now that I understand that, and I'm trying to be my true self, it's so exhausting. Yes, it's amazing to finally understand, but I'm so very tired.
Hang in there. I am 72 and just found out that I am ADHD and Autistic. I was so good at masking I masked myself. I am working my way out and try to keep working your way through this. You can get there. The way I see it now is that we have amazing brains and we have been trying to “fit in” our whole lives. I now see it as a gift and I am beginning to to have fun with it and I try to recreate the external support system I had my whole life, but in a way that supports my new life. I can to the point of “who wants to be normal:!❤
Thank you so much, Dr. Kim, for this deep dive you've been doing on Autism in women. I've also been discovering, over the last couple years, that I'm autistic, after my middle aged daughter brought it to my attention as a possibility. I've been deep diving too, and it's amazing to finally come to understand myself @ 64. Better late than never, right? I have an assessment next month. I'm nervous. I don't need her to tell me I'm autistic. I'm already very clear about that. Though it would be nice to have the recognition and I am worried about her influencing my opinion. I'm very high masking and people would not guess that I'm autistic. I'm mostly going to find out if a diagnosis will help me access resources in my senior years. I have to say, as wonderful as it is to finally understand myself, and to know that I'm not broken, just different, I have been experiencing deep grief for a life that could have been easier, if I had known earlier. I'll come back and post after my assessment and let you know how it goes. Thanks again for everything you do! ❤
“A deep grief for a life that could have been easier, if I had known”…. I couldn’t have expressed this any better. I think this is the hardest piece. I just discovered these same things exactly at 50, and share your grief. So grateful to not feel like I am the only one for once in my life 🌹
@@tiffanygodwin368 I can totally relate. I feel so alone in all of this. I know there are many, right now, who are going through the same thing, and that does help. I just wish it was easier, in my day to day life. Take good care of yourself during this big transition time. ❤
As a very late diagnosed Autistic woman (58), I have found it so freeing! It explains why my entire life was so difficult, especially in my family of origin, and why I have so much trauma!
Thanks for this series on autism in women. It's been super helpful & has been part of my own journey. I am a 53 year old woman who has CPTSD and was just diagnosed with ADHD & Autism. I have answers & more support now. ❤❤❤
This makes so much sense. I got a diagnosis of trauma related ptsd 20 yrs ago, then an autism diagnosis 2 yrs back. We have been searching for what exactly could have been traumatising enough to cause the ptsd. We couldn't find much that would account for the depth of the problems. As I have problems with energy levels, I'm now being "helped" by a therapist who wants me to find what situations and activities give me energy. Yesterday I realised that the activities I have listed are ALL coping strategies and fallbacks into dissociation.
I felt emotionally neglected my whole childhood, but never abused. School really sucked as I was intellectually ahead of most of the others most of the time, but got pushed back by teachers and the industrial agenda of schooling (not education).
I have been burnt out several times during my lifetime, and now I see it. I have been shutting down the whole time and have grown comfortable inside the dysfunction and dissociation, fleeing life altogether.
Something that clicked with me was when someone in a video I was watching said something to the effect of "the trauma belongs to the person, not to the event." Something could be traumatic for you that other people would not think of as traumatic. You weren't getting the support you needed because of your autism, and, for you, that was traumatic.
“Fleeing life altogether”. Yes, that’s it. Inside I’m somewhere else.
@@marthamurphy7940 So accurate. Thankfully, the definition of trauma is changing. Seeing that it is individual, it also give the individual the power to heal. It is not what happened that caused the trauma, but how they couldn't integrate and heal the experience when it happened. ❤
@@ThisisPam I've always understood life to be this great thing with so much potential, BUT you need to have the key to unlock it. In other words, life is like a wild beast, and you need to be properly equipped to tame it, which I just am not. My only actual problem is needing to make a living. When I am not working, life is pretty good, plenty of entertainment, walks in the forest, podcasts, videos of adventure on TH-cam. Every time I've contemplated ending it, it *always* had to do with money, work or beign required to be somewhere around people I didn't want to be around.
That was beautifully articulated 🙏❤️🦓
It was only a couple of years ago, at age 51, I figured out I'm AuDHD - not 'crazy' as I've always been presented to be. Being 'crazy' just makes it so much easier for narcs and monkeys to scapegoat you for life! But recently, I've been trying to figure out - how was I recognized as being 'different' from birth when I didn't 'look different'? And my answer was - behavior.
Now, my story is slightly different; at nine, the school insisted I (a little girl) be tested to find out 'what the hell was wrong with me' after I beat up a bully who put his hands on me. Since this was back in 1979 I ended up diagnosed with 'one or more behavioral disorders not otherwise specified' and showed 'superior intelligence' (gifted). They had no idea what that meant/what to do with me, so I was told, "Start using that big brain you're so proud of showing off, to act right in school. Control your emotions and stop overreacting to things. If you don't, we'll find a way to do it for you.". And that was it. That was all the 'help' I ever got. And a lot of narcs/monkeys are probably shocked/surprised I'm still here. I know they hate that I'm still refusing to 'act right' and do what they want me to do.
My conclusion - if you are/were anything outside of 'normal' - as in capable/willing to play by their rules/standards for your assigned role in life - you cause 'problems' for them, and that's what gets you tagged. Nobody cares if life is a problem for you, so long as you are not a problem for them as a result of your 'difficulties'.
They tried to pin the BPD diagnosis on me, but I don't have many of the main traits, like the deep feelings fear of abandonment, or the narcissism. But I DO have emotional outbursts, so I'm thinking that's why. I think because I'm a woman, they just slapped that diagnosis onto me, because it was easy, and they treat us like we're stupid. It's infuriating. Your channel is ALWAYS brimming with great information ❤❤❤ I really appreciate your work here.
I would just like to kindly point out that Narcissistic PD is a separate diagnosis to Borderline PD - of course someone may have comorbidities or traits of either, and they both come under Cluster B "Dramatic/ Erratic" in the DSM, but they each have separate symptomology.
Aside from that, I'm happy you found out what was going on for you x
I saw the "shrink" for only 20 minutes and he knew right away I had autism. I never tried to hide it - but from my viewpoint I had always thought I was acting "normal". But from the viewpoint of other people it was like I had a huge target on my back (but I didn't know that).. But I was never diagnosed as a kid as back in the 80s they never was looking for it + my family never went to doctors. So there was no opportunity to see anyone. But only 20 minutes and that "shrink" knew! I didn't even know what autism was. I just thought for unknown reasons - maybe bad luck - I was "weird" and didn't fit in and had 0 friends + was bullied. Didn't know there was something called autism to explain it. I am in my 50s now and I was diagnosed at 48.
Thank you for sharing this. Recently diagnosed at age 59, I mask so well that I didn't even know that I had a sensitivity to scent and noise that wasn't "normal", or that my feeling panicky or irritated in crowds was something I should pay attention to. I usually just push myself through difficult situations and then think I'm stupid and weird because I can't cope as others seem to. I've been intinctively quieting my life lately and feel calmer as a result, even though I realize I'm getting isolated. I love to be alone because things are finally peaceful! For now, I need that peace to try to work out who I really am... and have been my whole life! This video has been very helpful.❤
That resonates with me also.
You're not alone, I'm 61 and just realized audhd! I cope, not great but I don't feel I was doing terrible with life. I played my roles and wore my masks and fell apart alone at home. Not knowing, maybe kept me from slipping deeply into overload or meltdown. I always have this inner voice that pokes me to be stronger. I don't know, I do know my whole being is different now and I'm finally experiencing happiness!
@lisaschwegel3520 "fall apart alone at home" This is so true, and something I've always done too. I want to forgive myself for being so hard on myself for my lack of coping skills. It seems that the refrain I keep hearing/reading is "must try harder, must be better next time," and there really is actually no need for being better or trying harder. I am who I am, and I've always been okay. That's what I'm trying to take on... I've always been okay as I am.
@@daisiesandsunflowers5587 my journey began after my husband passed this last June. I had started talking out loud to myself, I always had a nonstop dialog going on in my mind, but to do it out loud and speaking mean to myself, was disconcerting. After Carl passed I immediately felt lost and no idea who I was. Well I was looking at myself in the mirror and I had to honestly look at the lies I'd been telling myself. I started to forgive myself, long story short, both sons have ADHD, they've been trying to get me to acknowledge mine and I never heard them. Suddenly it clicked and I started researching that, then I did every test I could find on the autism spectrum, and I'm on there too. So after I realized this was the answer to what is wrong with me, I now treat that little girl in the mirror with love and tenderness, I hug myself while looking myself in the eye and tell me I love me. I'm connecting with myself for the first time and I am happy.
Thank you for bringing this research to light. It IS important to understand the nuances of how Autism affects different people differently. No one would promote a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. The same individual care should be put into treating people with Autism. At the end of the day, we are all individuals; and, need precise care for our healing.
I'm a 53 yr old probably autistic woman. My life has always been a struggle - I thought that was what everyone felt! Thank you - want to say more but have to go - maybe later x
Six years ago, at 55 y.o., my AQ test was 42. Ever since, I've been researching and reflecting on my traits. The nuances are important. Autistic women want depth and not superficiality. Isolation happens for me due to that very thing among other reasons
Thanks for posting informational videos 😊
I did the test you pinned and scored 33…. I know I invested a lot of my early years training in sales… I went back to upgrade at 30 and finished my BA in Psychology with a minor in Religion to better understand human behaviour and what motivates us - tried to get over my fear of human interaction!
I appreciate everything I’m learning here Dr Kim - thank you 🙏💕🤗
My sister and I currently in the eye of the storm with our BPD mother. I’m also recently diagnosed adhd and suspected autism (sister too). I just wanted to thank you for your content. It has been extremely valuable to us ❤️
I'm a woman in my 30s and I am pretty certain I am autistic from the research I've done. You've highlighted so many things I can relate to. Thank you for your insight and hard work for sharing this with us. Keep up the good stuff! ❤
I see myself as the female phenotype. I see the presentation of my son as female phenotype, and my daughter more as male phenotype. Of course, this could change, but this is how I see their presentation atm. Complicated, but absolutely beautiful and wonderful. My job as a parent is to find the best way for them to enfold themselve. Doesn‘t mean it‘s any less difficult.
Yes, some people are the opposite.
My friend got diagnosed with ADHD lately and she is just over 40. She sounds so much like you, and she had always thought she was (only) autististic. This topic is so interesting.
I just want to say that I just recently discovered your channel and I feel very seen. Also I love your aesthetic it makes me really happy☺️
Me too! The beautiful wallpaper with flowers and birds is so calming, as is the intro and outro music. 🌹
I really find this content helpful. Over the past couple of years, I have been realizing that my mom, my daughter, and I probably all have it. It has been very eye opening, and it explains so much about why we are the way we are.
Thank you for putting this up. I've suspected Autism in myself for many years, and everything I look up fits 1 of 2 things.... Autism, or Trauma (CPTSD/PTSD) from a severely traumatic childhood, with an extremely narcissistic, alcoholic mom, who abused me terribly.
I am currently trying to get my insurance to cover proper testing, because my therapist believes I have both, Autism/Trauma (from childhood abuse), as do I. However, my family just believes I simply have "BPD", nothing more... Which I don't really fit the symptoms of, but they can't stand the truth that I was severely abused/traumatized, and they want to gaslight me into believing the things my mom did to me, didn't actually happen (however, I know better, as they happened to ME) and they also laugh at me when I have mentioned "Autism", and then make me feel absolutely crazy for suggesting such an "outlandish thing"...
If it was up to them, they would have just slapped the label "BPD" on me and walked away, because its just easier on them to accept, (for some reason)... That way they can disregard the truth of my abuse, and that I actually may have a real reason for why I'm so different from other's, (and always have been), such as Autism, which to them I guess means I'm "mentally unwell" and perhaps "severely damaged" ... At least, thats how I feel to them.
They REALLY want me to be labeled "BPD", because somehow that makes "more sense" (even though the symptoms do not fit) and is somehow more "acceptable" to them, than the possibility of something Trauma based, Autism... Or both.
I'm just very confused, I'm extremely overwhelmed. I'm honestly trying my very best to be an advocate for Victims and Survivors of abuse/narcissistic abuse, like what I endured the majority of my life. I'm trying to help others, I'm trying to make a positive difference for those who feel alone with what they have been through... Meaning abuse etc. Yet, at the same time, I'm also fighting my own battle for a proper diagnosis as to what's wrong with me, while feeling completely alone myself. It's crazy, it's so complicated how this world and people think/function... I just want to make a positive difference, I want to matter...
I was raised by my mom believing that I am a no one, I'm invisible, worthless and stupid. My family treats me like the black sheep, because I'm different. I'm not like them. I'm very emotional, caring, empathetic and very open about my life/story, my thoughts/feelings, and apparently, that makes me weak, crazy, gullible or lacking intelligence.... I don't know, I'm just very different than everyone in my family... I always have been... Always!
Honestly, I know a proper diagnosis won't change anything with them, but I'll at least know that I'm the way I am because of whatever "it" is, and I'll know that I'm not any of those things that my family makes me feel.
Sorry, got off topic a bit... Just wanted to thank you for the video. I'm going to go look at the thing you linked... ❤
I have adhd and as I’ve learned more about myself with the new diagnosis, I’m almost positive I also have autism. It runs in my family and my brothers both present autistic traits, as well as my father.
My oldest brother has many traits like me. He definitely presents as male and is into the mechanics and tech like you mentioned, but also shows a lot of female autistic traits such as how he masks. Very interesting. He doesn’t have any close friends and has struggled his whole life with relationships, which is true for anyone who is autistic.
I feel like that as we learn more about the human brain and what being on the spectrum means and with that more diagnosed people, we will discover that the population is half and half or even more than half neurodiverse. Once that comes into play, we may need to start reframing how we look at social norms and how to explain the human brain as far as what is typical or not. Or maybe even how we label or diagnose. I personally think we need to reframe how we type these differences and not so much think that one half is typical and the other is not. Rather, that it is a full spectrum and everyone falls on the wheel differently. Once we can get to that point, we’ll be a lot better at knowing how to live with one another in a real way.
Best video I’ve seen on this topic and everything you’re saying tracks with my clinical and personal experience as an autistic trauma therapist
Highly recommend the book “is this autism?” If you haven’t read it yet. It’s written for clinicians but in a very accessible way, lots of quotes from the lived experience of autistic people
Such a wonderful well-informed piece! I have wondered about all this for so long both as a teacher and a woman. My dad called me an 'anomaly'. I was happy to be myself, to teach art; to work one on one with special needs, etc. Super work! Keep it coming.
Fascinating topic, and I hang on your every word! I love when you keep us updated. The more I listen to you the more I wonder about my own personality/relationship patterns 🤔 Thank you for all the info! Please don't stop 🙏🏻
1:38 When i was about 12 years old, i remember a stressor happening and i can remember how my mind worked before the event, and after. I was riding bikes with a friend, and an older guy 25 or so told me to get off my bike, as he had a plastic gun, it looked real to me. After that happened, i can remember wanting to be alone a lot. I remember doing certain habits very regularly. Something happened to my mind. I already had ADD, and my alcoholic parent didn't help me with a couple of these fear based circumstances, so i was left to fix it on my own. There were more ptsd cues as years went on, i touched on that because it seems to back up the studies/literature. 😊✨🙏
Rigidity struggle after having to loose my home. Couldn't get Lawyers to protect my sensitivity. Stuck age 45 to 63 alone & misunderstood.
This has helped me. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago in my 50's. I've had trouble accepting the diagnosis & have struggled with imposter syndrome, despite recognising that traits were notably present in early childhood, more so than now. I'm a quiet personality, so a lot went (& still does go) under the radar.
Thank you Dr this is fascinating information 🙏🏽😊
Thanks so much. You are helping me get to know myself better. Years of masking (47) growing up with eggshell parents who are probably Autistic also. I appreciate you doing research & sharing 😊
As an autistic woman, I personally think that most of the differences between “male” and “female” autism comes down to the way boys and girls are socialized, from birth until adulthood. We are expected to adjust ourselves to the environment and not make waves or break conformity…. including adjusting ourselves to men’s behavior. Men are allowed to just EXIST
Absolutely. I have zero interest in participating in autism support groups that include men, because the core of the education/history, focus is male gender centric. We’re all indoctrinated in our own ways to society’s unnatural preference for the male existence. Not helpful and is harmful to women. Thankful that there are resources emerging for women. Thank you Dr. Sage!
Nothing is black or white, except black and white.😉My father came from trauma, he was alcoholic and extremely volatile. My mother was unassertive, busy (house chores and whatnot) and needy. I had a lot of energy, I was a little wild and spontaneous. Do you think that as a boy I was just allowed to exist and that my father was okay with kids being kids? Be a feminist if you will, but be a feminist with *nuance*
I used to wonder about this too as a child, but now as an adult and raising children myself, my conclusion is that expectations and socialisation norms are only a small part of the difference. It's a biological fact that girls' brains are 'wired' differently to boys' brains due to the influence of male or female hormones since even before birth. Girls are generally better at communication, and female friendships allow for a lot of imitation, so girls manage to mask their difficulties much more easily. It's both a blessing and a curse, but it's always better to be thankful for the advantages! 😉
@@phoenixaz8431 True, but a girl will be criticized for running out of a room or shop without greeting whereas with boys people are far more likely to smile and say "Boys will be boys".
My daughter has adhd and I think autism as well and I always felt she was so badly behaved. Then another mother just casually said that she thought my daughter behaved like a boy AND at the same time my daughter started requesting more boys clothes and less cute dresses.
Imagine what happened: It was suddenly wayyyyy easier for me to see her as wild and energetic rather than badly behaved and antagonistic. I was really shocked by myself...
@@RoxyTrevellas It's true that there are stereotypes linked to one's gender. That in part explains the transgender movement.
Random, but I love your aesthetic! I love the soft pink, the flowers, and the soft comfy vibes here 😊
Thank you so much. This video is really packed with great information. What resonated for me - first of all, mild stressors being PTSD triggers. I had an alcoholic mother, probably also borderline, and possible autism, who yelled 24/7...! Not exactly mild. But still a helpful awareness. "Trying to look normal." Really takes a lot of energy. I've just recently become aware of being "probably autistic," still researching. There's so much that I related to. This feels like a big puzzle piece.
Female presenting male seeking an autism diagnosis checking in … my opinion is that everything that presents depends on the social pressures we are forced to endure while learning to navigate the world … It was at an early age I learned to internalize rather than externalize else I would be punished … as such I have a special interest in psychology because I needed to understand how people think to then be able to navigate the world without internalizing everything including other peoples BS.
Thank you. Your videos are literally saving my sanity and life. I often thought that i have complex trauma and this hyper vigilant trait comes from ut. But my siblings did not react to home life the way i did. What you are saying it makes so much sense. My son is on the autism spectrum. Only now, in my 50's I am realizing that perhaps I am not only highly sensitive but on the spectrum too. Many friends asked me previously that I can not chit chat, i just jump right into important issue. And I i am also in psychology profession. I trylly worked on understanding others and self.
Being immigrant in this country also delayed my understanding of self....
Thank you, thank you for your work❤
This is so good. I so appreciate your work on this. I will be watching this video again because it is so rich in information. Thank you!!! Your work and deep dives have helped me so much! ❤
thank you, Dr. Kim. My whole life I have wondered what was wrong with me. About 8 years ago, I self diagnosed with Asperger's. I like calling it that. I have struggled in every aspect of my life. My siblings and other relatives basically ignore me as much as possible.
I wondered since a therapist asked if I was autistic if my traits were from trauma... but I was told that my childhood wasn't traumatic. Some (autistic) traits I've had very young, and I began isolating at a young age which I am told is the reason for my (autistic) traits. I am struggling to differentiate the two.
- When you say special interest: Animals ❤ Fictional Chracters ❤ and Psychology ❤ these are definitely my favorite things.
Who knows you and your body and childhood more than yourself to be able to accurately tell you that your body didn't react with symptoms of trauma?
@@monkiesbanana321 I agree. Nobody really knows the things I don't talk about too. It's unfortunate that people will talk like they know what's going on inside another person.
The love hearts you put at the end are so cute! 😊
Thank you so much for your videos on this topic. I'm a late-identified autistic woman in my 40's (full disclosure: I'm believed to be autistic by my therapist and a clinical psychologist, but haven't sought official diagnosis yet). 20 years ago, long before I ever thought it was possible I could be autistic, I took the AQ test online completely on a whim and was shocked by how high my score was. I decided to just put it out of my mind. Autism was an extremely stigmatized condition back then, and it was believed that autistic people lacked empathy and were mostly male. That was back when Baron-Cohen's "extreme male brain theory" was one of the prevailing views. That highly gendered perception of autism was completely opposite to the empathetic, feminine woman I felt I was, so it's no wonder I didn't seek an evaluation.
Recently the conversation around autism has changed in our culture, and I feel safe enough to explore the possibility that I'm autistic without my very identity as a woman being called into question. Also, the "double empathy problem" replacing the concept of "empathy deficits" has been so helpful and de-stigmatizing for early-diagnosed autistic boys and men. We've come a long way. I hope that our more nuanced modern understanding of autism, and the concept of neurodiversity in general, will bring about a new level of compassion in society not only for the experiences of autistic people but also for allistics with trauma, learning differences, sensory sensitivities, and any other challenges caused by neurological and information processing differences.
Thank you for this info. I’d really love to pursue a diagnosis but I want it to be with a practitioner who is educated and aware on high masking adult female autism.
Loving the insights from your videos Dr Kim. Without resorting to my habit of over-explaining there is one event in my life which proved to me how successful I am at masking. After retiring I trained as a colour consultant (a topic of obsession for me). In order to sell my services I was required to give a presentation before large groups of women. To this end I learnt public speaking with high commendations on my performance.
So in front of 60 women, perfectly groomed and dressed I gave my speech (performance).
Afterward I could feel they sensed inauthenticity- I now know that was masking. I struggled through that role for three years, all the time giving good advice but knowing I was not my authentic self.
Thank you so so much for all your research and videos. It is unbelievable how much I have learned from you and how much recognition I feel in everything you say. I can look back now to my youth and see everything in different light. So much understanding now on what happened and explanation what I am going through still every day. I am 32 and I am starting over.
I love your wall paper and flowers 🌸🙏🏼
Excellent, excellent video! Thank you so very much. I definitely feel like after over 25 years of trying to treat my depression and anxiety without any success, I really feel like I have autism. I am afraid to have an official diagnosis for fear or mistreatment in many different ways. BUT, finding a treatment plan that actually works to help me function properly would mean EVERYTHING!
Thank you so much for making this content. It's been very enlightening to me. I would be curious to hear your review of the relationship between autism and PMDD.
Thank you for great content Dr Sage 💯 I did the test you linked to in the description, and now I can't stop thinking of 1 question I feel I didn't answer correctly 😅 it was about wether I find it hard or easy to complete a survey like this. First of all, I don't think the survey was user friendly. And then in general, when I am to answer a survey question, a mix of scenarios x points of views start spinning in my head, and yes, that makes it difficult to answer a survey for me 🤯
Fantastic information! I am a therapist and this topic fascinates me.
Quite a lot of what you say resonates with me. I will look i to this more.
I agree. 56 being identified and would not have learned this about myself if I hadn’t seen the female phenotype, for me it really lined up. My husband who is a male and he identifies and presents differently. Thank you for your work.🙏
It’s always been a huge struggle to manage the ups and downs of relationship. I just distance and stop the connection. Just too painful and confusing.
Thank you for getting me to jump off the diving board. I took the AQ test at Embracing Autism and scored a 41. This diagnosis explains so much about the problems I've had in my life. Right now I'm feeling pretty flat. But at least I have a concrete evidence for my recent inability to go to work. I took 4 months off without pay. And my supervisor has hounded me relentlessly until I received my PTSD diagnosis. I'm back at work remotely and I think his plans are to fire me. He insists that I must be present in the building. I have no idea the value of this information in terms of preserving my job. My supervisor deserves to be punished for what he's put me through. My body is falling apart. I hope this diagnosis gives me leverage to fight back. I requested a formal diagnosis from the Embracing Autism team. Thank you for raising my consciousness and providing real tools to get help.
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD, MDD, social anxiety, PTSD, and schizotypal personality disorder. My newest therapist recently brought it to my attention that many women with BPD are misdiagnosed and really have autism. The more I have been researching it the more I think I am a female with autism. Thank you for these videos! They are very informative and are making me question whether or not I was accurately diagnosed. I’m now thinking I should get assessed for autism as it may help with my treatment.
I'm a male but I think my autism has presented itself more like autism in females. Very interesting video. I was diagnosed in my fifties, and still coming to terms with being autistic. I'm on a waiting list for testing for ADHD, hopefully this summer. All my life I was told I was suffering depression and acute anxiety, and given various drugs to help with those conditions. The drugs never did anything positive for me. All the times I lost my jobs I now know was due to burnout not depression. And all the relationships that never made sense to me. The problem with being diagnosed ASD is that I now know why my life has been such a mess but I don't know how to make it different in the future, so I've turned into a recluse until I can figure out a way to fit into society.
Yes, you are not the only one!
Yes...😢. Thank you, Dr.Sage.
As a 55 yr old and realising I have autism at 53 yrs old, I can relate to how trauma/ ptsd plays a big role in this. I have been trying to heal the trauma for years, only to find out that autism is where it all rooted. Imagine having children, glad i never had them.
34:08 I will be 50 years old and have always struggled with many if not all, of these issues: ADHD and Autism. Constantly questioning my value because of my struggles. I feel that perimenopause and all the hormone changes just exacerbate the problems even more, hence why we get diagnosed so late. I am in the UK, and I paid 350£ for a diagnosis, and it was so bad; I am hoping to find another professional to have the diagnosis, but now I am afraid as the first experience was just terrible. I also want to go ahead to help my kids; they certainly have traits of both.
There should be more research, yes. In all locations especially in the USA relating to females vs autistic females (biological women).
As well as social differences, there are key biological differences. Autism has a huge on HPA and vica versa. Groups with different biological profiles deserve their own studies, so diagnosis and treatment can be universal.
hi, Thank you for your wonderful content...have you any opinion on being Agoraphobic in regards to all of the issues you discuss.
Great information! 👍 ❤
✨🕯️🫶💫🌻✨so helpful! thank you!🌻🙌✨
Yes everything has to be a certain way, my clothes, my food, my house and always trying to hide it because people, often family would mock me for how I was. I thought for many years I was, and when I taught students who were I could relate but also felt like hiding away in training sessions as I felt they were talking about me and might notice, but I always thought as I got by wasn't worried about a diagnosis, I do want one now so at least I can say to my sister and family, this is why i did all the things in life and why i was how i was, you mocked and belittled me even into adulthood, now you need to back off and be more understanding. There is a lot of trauma there also being the family scape goat and I was born premature fairly early for back in the late 70s, I told my functional medical doc about the prematurity and thinking I was autistic and he said there is some data on it being more prevalent in premature babies, I haven't found much on it, would love to know what you think.
Omg! I’m starting to make sense of myself to myself.
Wonderful video. Thank you.
So good explained 👍
Was reading how autistic brains can experience trauma more easily but recover from far easier than NT brains. It was the psychologist that pointed how resilient I was go me looking into. Wonder if there is connection to that how they have found autistic brain 50-75% more synapses that NT brains. Less synaptic pruning as we age. Wonder if that has link to how some autistic people, like myself don't have infantile amnesia. There is the whole PTSD and CPTSD thing. Sure show signs of that but don't feel I have that. Thing is I've always been like that since early as could remember which at early at 6 months. Boy I can tell you stories from babies perspective, that anal thermometer looked huge. But then maybe the was traumatic thing, the anal thermometer at 6 months old. But I did read that autistic people tend to a have a larger amygdala. WE would appear to hyper vigilant due to sensory input issues for the overly sensitive. Shorter life spans of Autistic people, have that increase stress response all our lives. Lots interesting theories and studies on this. Lots non peer reviewed stuff too that is garbage.
I am nonbinary and also late diagnosed. Just want to say I feel you've been incredibly respectful in this video and I appreciate it! I feel like my take away is- perhaps it's gender related but I shall view this as society's expectations of gender norms ultimately shaping this issue. But I also don't wish to invalidate women in saying this! Either way I do think it seems the DSM's current understanding of ASD is lacking.
I agree. I may not identify as a woman, but I was certainly socialized to be one. Socialization plays a large role in shaping us as people - and therefore how our autistic characteristics peek through. A big thank you to Dr. S for including us and not being dismissive.
My therapist definitely should have caught on.
This video was phenomenal and very informative. Thank you so much. I tried to answer as honestly as possible and scored a 35. I don't feel like they asked enoufg questions imo
What is that beautiful music at the beginning? This is a great episode.
I think it's gymnopodie 1 by Satie
Dr. Sage, these videos feel so specific relatable and personal to me. Thank you. I wanted to clarify if you felt that a late diagnosis could be a disadvantage?
When a therapist asks you whether you like to spin wheels .... leave that person to find someone else to get a test
I turned 60 back in April and I find myself being more comfortable in isolation than ever before, yet knowing that society frowns upon this for women. I stumbled upon Dr. Tanya Marshall's Aspiewoman criteria which helped me to self-diagnose and then to seek out a professional diagnosis of autism albeit partial. At least it helped secure SSI for me and I no longer had to deal with bullying women in the workplace.
Interesting. I just took the autism assessment you linked and got 35. I'll have to take the other tests there and see how I do.
Kim, several months ago you mentioned a call you received from Harvard College. Are you expecting that relationship to go anywhere?
Your work is cutting edge as evidenced by a lack of research being conducted in this country and I would think having you provide counsel to the evolutionary biology and cognitive psychology department at Harvard would be welcome.
Im old & the bullying is way worse now.
My sense of justice is triggered so much from my family’s comments on my body. I have twin girls who are nd, every day is a struggle to regulate. I lost a lot of weight from the stress but I was still normal bmi. The women in my fam didn’t offer any empathy. “Whats wrong with you? Why are you so skinny? Kids must suck the life out of you”. I would never talk to someone like that, let alone going through what I’ve gone through.
I've read a lot about how autism shows up in women. As early diagnosed man with what was called Asperger's I see almost al lo of those traits in me. For me though the focused on on my slimming and social deficit like eye contact and how to pretend to pay attention and my way of paying attention didn't appear to be paying attention. I learned to mask and hide my autism to avoid physical punishment and bullying. My daughter has a lot my traits too. I think the not only is research focused narrowly on one population I also think they narrowly focused on the aspect they expected to see. Basically researching a stereotype. For young white boys that like trains too much. I've learned more my autistic traits from women on spectrum than I have from specialist in autism.
It is interesting I came across this video because when I asked my to describe my latest seizure to me he said it looked more like autism because of my rocking back and forth during it. I was never diagnosed with autism. Could I possibly have autism and not realize it?
I have had some experience with an autistic female psychopath. I then researched autistic females. I was flabbergasted by what I found. I have a section on my website about autism with my findings.
I've heard in several videos now how women can't keep relationships going if they're autistic. They have socializing difficulties. I was hoping to figure out how we're different in this video but you talk about more of the clinical side of things and don't really explain things in depth. I don't mean to sound insulting but I really wanted addressed. What traits do women have that caused them to lose friendships. I found that it's difficult to find someone that wants to be friends with me but I easily lose those friendships if I can acquire them. I want to know what I'm doing wrong. Why do non-autistic people several relationships with women who are autistic? I don't want to hear basically just the surface material of we don't seem to be able to keep friendships. I want to hear why. And not the answer that were autistic and we have more difficulty keeping a relationship. I want to hear what we do differently and what we do wrong.
Spot on! My daughter is in the spectrum and it has taken sooo long for the research to address females on the spectrum. Not a fan of the ADOS at all.
Wow
I ve been through 2 decades of trauma ...now they say i have hoshimotto thyroiditis and the new antibodies test has showed something else like lupus or mctd..rheumatologist appt in November...could all this be linked to the trauma and tragedy?
Dear Lord every single bit of this happened to me. BPD mother friend problems school problems surgery trauma etc. I am 53. I need an example. Its enough to have made me crazy at times but i had very high teading levels though bad at math and sports. Is this not 20 percent or more of people ? GIVE EXAMPLES
My parents are both different types of Narcissists, my mother did the worst harm to me. Her second husband knew she hated me and used this opportunity of me being totally isolated to abuse me at the age of 12 and my siblings kept on abusing me until I ended contact with all of them, 10 years ago. My sister turned my adult children against me who have ended contact with me. I found out two years ago that I have Cpts from narcissistic abuse, ten years ago I found out I'm an HSP, two months ago I understood I'm autistic and my whole life made sense. I was depressed and suicidal until I turned 50, also due to being traumabonded to Narcissistic partners.
Had an interesting thing happen. We were tipped off by a DNA test for CMT that there was a possibility of ASD. Prior we had not considered it, and caulked things up to a traumatic childhood. Then I began to notice in age gap groups we are in that a lot of the females in long term age gap relationships that had similar facial features as my wife. I started up conversations with them and found that those with "the look" 100% had been diagnosed, suspected, or had a child diagnosed with Autism. It doesn't mean that all that have "the look" will be autistic and females that don't have "the look" can't be autistic. Dr. Kim I would say you have look, and might be dying your hair. The common hair color is honey blond, it starts out blond with red highlights and darkness over the years but never goes gray, the second possibility is blond without the red highlights that gets lighter as you age towards white but doesn't go gray also ... might be a way to identify females with autism. There are many other aspects but I don't want to publicize them for fear relationship predators could profile autistic women with that information.
Hello, I would like to get evaluated for ASD. Can you provide some referrals for assessment in California. I would appreciate it very much.
You can try embrace autism, which Kim mentions in the video, they do virtual evaluations
Thank you
On my father’s side out of 4 siblings I was the only 1 not diagnosed as autistic. My brother I grew up with showed less issues than me apart from being brutal which is get the blame for his behaviour was diagnosed in his 30s. My other siblings who are the same age as my kids since 2yrs.
I’ve been treated like crap my whole life and dismissed by everyone but also had other issues in other areas speech coordination communication memory balance learning.
Too much is relying on parents being present and honest when you have a dysfunctional parent that’s not going to happen. Controlling when you should be protected from them to such a degree they influence a diagnosis in order to silence and protect their own crimes then continue the control/abuse.
DV and not being able to make friends no one believes you silenced.
Medical professionals are the worst. Even when you tell them about DV what happened that medication does nothing they still don’t listen they tell you no such thing ever happened it’s in your head. They continue what the perpetrator had done and false witness to.
This went on for years.
Even when I had diagnosis for PTSD later C-PTSD anxiety depression they said it’s all in my head it’s not real. They took those diagnosis away from me said it’s psychosis that none of it happened that s.Ideation is a delusion.
I was on a. Watch from S. Abuse & trauma that never ended and couldn’t sleep.
They would do the same for trauma attacks and anxiety. Some doctors without evidence tried to say I was bipolar but never showed symptoms just flat like a flat tire that you try to pump up that keeps going back down because you don’t fix it and expect it to work and function the way it’s supposed to.
I just recently went for an initial interview with a psychiatrist (Australia) and they did a series of questions including history. I spoke about some of it including the violence nearly being murdered weapons to the head the kids and what happened to them that my daughter refused to recognise the perpetrator.
Some of what I was live as a kid and my 0 social score lack of family and friends and harm I’ve suffered serious bullying no or very few friends can’t make keep friends.
For the first time in my life this has happened never has any of the others ever done this. They see you 2-5 mins your gone.
He had to tell me repeatedly to f sad low my speech down and was struggling with speaking.
What he say?
Definitely show signs of Autism and depression with anxiety and that that other medication wasn’t working because it won’t as it doesn’t treat PTSD or depression/ anxiety. He said it will never work because I’m in his opinion not showing signs of psychosis.
He thinks the Autism might be mild but that’s just going by what he saw on the DSM-5 not a full spectrum comprehensive test. It’s $5k for the test hear plus another $1.5k (AU) for initial assessment and review each.
Way out of my budget.
I can’t get employment literally everyone hates me I’m an outcast in society even the fringe don’t want me. And my social status means anyone who I might be able to get on with is out of my league.
The gov has made it hear as an adult you can’t be diagnosed unless you have evidence from when you were a child to test for it. Most undiagnosed won’t have that. Self assessment isn’t accepted and people are discouraged from looking up information on the subject or learning anything. You get scolded like a child if you try. Told it’s just a label and it doesn’t matter.
It does when you got no family friends can’t get work, assistance with study and abused socially isolated by society itself like the crap at schools never went away just hidden better and your a damn beacon of shining light to people that want to hurt.
Knowing can help with mitigation that just might help save your life and improve your quality of life.
Sorry this is so long and sorry for any typos I’m on a mobile.
this was so interesting and hit so hard
Highly comorbid with heds fybromyalgia ive found out late causation from autism
This is a really interesting video, but I think it should be split up into several parts. It has too many concepts rolled into it and needs a focus. I was diagnosed last year at age 75 after viewing a lot of adult autism videos on TH-cam. My autistic challenges are mainly social. I had attributed a lot of my social struggles to several things my mother had said and done during my childhood that stuck with me and shaped my behavior over the years -- all related to friendships and belonging in one way or another. Those things were traumatic to me, although they might seem unimportant to other people, even to my therapist. What I see now is that they were the exact opposite of the kinds of social supports we would typically offer to autistic children in present times. Society is now challenged with dealing with adult autistic people, women as well as men. I don't feel resentful about it -- it's simply a new frontier for science and society. Incidentally, my mother was intensely focused in her later years on her own psychology and self-understanding. Although she diagnosed herself as BPD, I think she was probably autistic.
What do you nean by internal conditions
where is that wallpaper from ?
I hope some day we just drop "male/female autism" and just open up how we think of autism generally. I am a man who is late diagnosed at aged 40. I've got typical "female phenotype" and have presented as such my entire life. I imagine there are many men being missed. Reifying sex specific types of autism will just perpetuate missing out people.
Does "high masking" autism work better, when it needs to be differentiated?
Late diagnosed last year age 43 lost my mum last year to severe ms obvously autism I have heds do you autism ADHD to now son's diagnosed to what are your special interest