This emotional connections having impact on our well being makes sense. Glasser talked about this aspect as the basic element, building block of our mental health. (quote below) Social anxiety is called social+anxiety, it does have social element inside it. Social as element that provokes anxiety, it is in the title. It is not called self-anxiety. Social anxiety by definition is fear of criticism and negative evaluation. Therefore the first and primary problem are toxic people who are intrusive and toxic, who lack empathy, who do not listen to others as Dr Barry explained in this video. Social anxiety is Complex Trauma (exposure to narcissistic abuse), it is also Masked ADHD and Autism so we need to learn about Neurodivergence concept in order to start accepting and validating our thoughts and reactions and experiences - rather than pathologizing self and invalidating ourselves and stifling emotions down. If we decide to label our brain as abnormal and our fears as unmanly sissy disgusting weak - we will create personality disorder and mental illness. Not being genuine leads to abnormality. Trying to fit in into neurotypical conformism leads to mental illness - since we reject ourselves and we try to build fake image of narcissistic superiority built on internalized toxic shame and unprocessed trauma. That is what Dr Berry talks here - being in harmony with ourselves. When we were gone through narcissistic abuse and constant criticism and nagging and complainings and nitpicking our mistakes and errors - we will naturally be closed and have attachment issues and have no eye contact and we will appear without social skills to third party - but in reality - this behaviour is not lack of social skills at all - it is complex trauma being trapped inside our body, unprocessed, unhealed trauma of being exposed to psychopaths and sadists who mask their abnormality by glib charm and playing victim to general population. Social anxiety is empathy - because we restrain from making drama and hurting intrusive people. Instead of Fight response -we engage in Fawn response and Negative politeness. That is empathy, that is toxic empathy. Socially anxious people already have empathy inside - but it is toxic due to exposure to toxic people. Socially anxious people will be quiet and shut up and self censor and hence feel social anxiety - all due to Negative politeness and toxic empathy. The quickest way to get rid of social anxiety is to become narcissist and to narcissistically abuse people around - to mock them, shift blame on them, pick and nitpick their natural normal errors as disgusting and abnormal and personality flaw, abusing other people is connected to social anxiety. Social anxiety stems from exposure to narcissistic abuse - toxic people are causing trauma and social anxiety. Wrong cues are related to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (quote below) - and RSD is social anxiety itself. Which leads to another revelation: social anxiety is masked ADHD and masked Autism specter. ADHD does not always mean being hyperactive, ADHD means inability to keep focus - and this happens problem when faced with toxic people who shift goals and mock and abuse our errors and flaws all the time. Masking Autism will lead to social anxiety since we will stifle down our natural honest character and try to fit into conformism - and this trials to fit in into strangers just for the sake of conformism leads to social anxiety. Humanistic psychology is based on self acceptance and self validation. Trauma and narcissistic abuse destroy self worth and abuse is invalidation - so the cure to trauma is self acceptance and self validation. The point of self acceptance is that we are not afraid of self expression and that we step outside of our closet and express our open opinion that we know is based on justice and common sense without violence or agenda to harm or exploit other people. Quotes to consider: Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. WILLIAM GLASSER Controlling Habits: Blaming Criticizing Complaining Nagging Rewarding To Control Threatening Punishing William Glasser William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits: Listening Supporting Encouraging Negotiating Respecting Accepting Trusting They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral. Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy" The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron "Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis. This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people. It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation. I really suggest trying to view it as neutral. HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness. Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering. Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared. Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis. Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality." The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man. A Clockwork Orange (1971) We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein. Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (when criticism hurts) - Being easily embarrassed - Heightened fear of failure - Unrealistically high expectations for self - Assuming people don't like you - Avoiding social settings - Perfectionistic tendencies What triggers RSD? Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include: - being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email - a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations - being criticized for something you can't control “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” - Pema Chödrön hypocognition (uncountable) (psychology, linguistics) Inability to discuss or process a concept because of lacking a word for it. Hypercognition - You rapidly catalog and collate all available data on a person, place, thing, or event, calling to mind scraps of memory and assembling clues in a logical and systematic order. Hypercognition: The bias toward what is known may lead to wrong or delayed diagnoses that bring harmful consequences. Perhaps we can start to gain insights into these blind spots by adding the notion of hypocognition to our cognitive arsenal. And who are most likely to fall prey to hypercognition? Experts. Experts who are confined by their own expertise. Experts who overuse the constricted set of concepts salient in their own profession while neglecting a broader array of equally valid concepts Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are. Stefan Molyneux
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This emotional connections having impact on our well being makes sense. Glasser talked about this aspect as the basic element, building block of our mental health. (quote below)
Social anxiety is called social+anxiety, it does have social element inside it. Social as element that provokes anxiety, it is in the title. It is not called self-anxiety.
Social anxiety by definition is fear of criticism and negative evaluation. Therefore the first and primary problem are toxic people who are intrusive and toxic, who lack empathy, who do not listen to others as Dr Barry explained in this video.
Social anxiety is Complex Trauma (exposure to narcissistic abuse), it is also Masked ADHD and Autism so we need to learn about Neurodivergence concept in order to start accepting and validating our thoughts and reactions and experiences - rather than pathologizing self and invalidating ourselves and stifling emotions down.
If we decide to label our brain as abnormal and our fears as unmanly sissy disgusting weak - we will create personality disorder and mental illness. Not being genuine leads to abnormality. Trying to fit in into neurotypical conformism leads to mental illness - since we reject ourselves and we try to build fake image of narcissistic superiority built on internalized toxic shame and unprocessed trauma.
That is what Dr Berry talks here - being in harmony with ourselves.
When we were gone through narcissistic abuse and constant criticism and nagging and complainings and nitpicking our mistakes and errors - we will naturally be closed and have attachment issues and have no eye contact and we will appear without social skills to third party - but in reality - this behaviour is not lack of social skills at all - it is complex trauma being trapped inside our body, unprocessed, unhealed trauma of being exposed to psychopaths and sadists who mask their abnormality by glib charm and playing victim to general population.
Social anxiety is empathy - because we restrain from making drama and hurting intrusive people. Instead of Fight response -we engage in Fawn response and Negative politeness. That is empathy, that is toxic empathy.
Socially anxious people already have empathy inside - but it is toxic due to exposure to toxic people.
Socially anxious people will be quiet and shut up and self censor and hence feel social anxiety - all due to Negative politeness and toxic empathy.
The quickest way to get rid of social anxiety is to become narcissist and to narcissistically abuse people around - to mock them, shift blame on them, pick and nitpick their natural normal errors as disgusting and abnormal and personality flaw, abusing other people is connected to social anxiety.
Social anxiety stems from exposure to narcissistic abuse - toxic people are causing trauma and social anxiety.
Wrong cues are related to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (quote below) - and RSD is social anxiety itself.
Which leads to another revelation: social anxiety is masked ADHD and masked Autism specter. ADHD does not always mean being hyperactive, ADHD means inability to keep focus - and this happens problem when faced with toxic people who shift goals and mock and abuse our errors and flaws all the time. Masking Autism will lead to social anxiety since we will stifle down our natural honest character and try to fit into conformism - and this trials to fit in into strangers just for the sake of conformism leads to social anxiety.
Humanistic psychology is based on self acceptance and self validation.
Trauma and narcissistic abuse destroy self worth and abuse is invalidation - so the cure to trauma is self acceptance and self validation.
The point of self acceptance is that we are not afraid of self expression and that we step outside of our closet and express our open opinion that we know is based on justice and common sense without violence or agenda to harm or exploit other people.
Quotes to consider:
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships.
Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs.
WILLIAM GLASSER
Controlling Habits:
Blaming
Criticizing
Complaining
Nagging
Rewarding To Control
Threatening
Punishing
William Glasser
William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits:
Listening
Supporting
Encouraging
Negotiating
Respecting
Accepting
Trusting
They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves.
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral.
Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy"
The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron
"Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis.
This deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You "just know" how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. It can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, more conscientious, cautious and wise people.
It is important not to confuse arousal with fear.
And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.
I really suggest trying to view it as neutral.
HSPs must spend far more time trying to invent solutions to human problems just because they are more sensitive to hunger, cold, insecurity, exhaustion, and illness.
Since most non-HSPs do not seem to enjoy thinking about such things, they assume we must be unhappy doing all that pondering.
Spend enough time putting yourself out there in the world - your sensitivity is not something to be feared.
Carl Jung believed that when highly sensitive patients has experienced a trauma, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis.
Preferring toughness, the culture sees our trait as something difficult to live with, something to be cured. HSPs differ mainly in their sensitive processing of subtle stimuli. This is your most basic quality."
The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron
Goodness is chosen. When a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein.
Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
(when criticism hurts)
- Being easily embarrassed
- Heightened fear of failure
- Unrealistically high expectations for self
- Assuming people don't like you
- Avoiding social settings
- Perfectionistic tendencies
What triggers RSD?
Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include:
- being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email
- a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations
- being criticized for something you can't control
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” - Pema Chödrön
hypocognition (uncountable) (psychology, linguistics) Inability to discuss or process a concept because of lacking a word for it.
Hypercognition - You rapidly catalog and collate all available data on a person, place, thing, or event, calling to mind scraps of memory and assembling clues in a logical and systematic order.
Hypercognition:
The bias toward what is known may lead to wrong or delayed diagnoses that bring harmful consequences.
Perhaps we can start to gain insights into these blind spots by adding the notion of hypocognition to our cognitive arsenal.
And who are most likely to fall prey to hypercognition? Experts. Experts who are confined by their own expertise. Experts who overuse the constricted set of concepts salient in their own profession while neglecting a broader array of equally valid concepts
Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux
Nice to hear you again dr Barry