Why are So Many Men Psychologically Infantile?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ค. 2024
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@Hubert Harrison @Roberto Sullivano I want to know why too!
@Hubert Harrison it’s not from books about manhood he’s referencing people who talk about the human psyche and human experience in general like Carl jung
UNFOLLOWED
I can think of few traits less mature in males than obsession with manhood. Maturity happens after you escape the incessant needs for validation.
That's what they want. I agree
Thinking a man is someone who has big muscles is also an immature caricature provided by 80s action films. Although being fit is attractive, but you don't need that big muscles.
@@gormenfreeman499 it's not a caricature
Its reality that a large muscular man will destroy anyone around him.
@@kp-legacy-5477 Most of the time men work out to compensate for a lack of something, other times it really is a healthy and active activity but regardless, a person who is mentally stable and emotionally understood by themselves does not truly feel the need to be dominant or in control/ capable of 'destroying' those around him. It is a caricature in that the people who replicate these 'macho' figures are usually left confused as they don't have what they were truly looking for.
@@oligarch5903 once again. its reality.
the only reason weak men have a chance is because those brutes made a world where they can bitch and whine
My mother and father are both psychological infants. It’s not just men who suffer this problem. Our society breeds immaturity, feeding the ego instead of the true self. No one knows who they are anymore. We are a species with amnesia.
A kiddish wife is considered cute now, who's going to help the marriage and the husband finish chores and tasks that are required in life...
@@stankssmile5865 ???
Ehm, a “kiddish” wife is only considered cute to a man who’s on her same level
@@lousdinovembre trying to find a difference between what you and i wrote
@@stankssmile5865 the difference is that a grown mature man won't find a "kiddish" immature woman cute since we attract people who are on our same level of emotional and mental intelect most often. The ones who find kiddish women cute are men who are themseves kiddish.
I’d like to argue that society also actively enables this behavior from childhood. Constantly being told “Boys will be boys”, meanwhile girls are just expected to sit down, be quiet and behave. Some families still refuse to teach sons how to cook or other basic chores, then turn right around and push it onto their daughters. Girls are repeatedly told from an early age how dangerous the world is, and that it’s their responsibility to constantly look out for their own safety, learn to not trust anyone but especially men. Boys aren’t usually given much more than the generic “stranger danger” talk once or twice and that’s that. These are just a few examples, off the top of my head
Boys are expected to meet a different, yet equally stupid set of expectations. Society (and especially women) doesn't miss a single opportunity to shit on quiet, introverted males who don't show their masculinity as much as it demands.
So telling the reality is a problem? 😂
@@justathinker8669 Reality how? Kids will be kids, like hate to break it to you but both genders are prone to very similar behavior as young children. However, if you put so much pressure on one child to act mature ASAP while the other gets to do what they want, how else do you think it’s going to turn out? And it’s not just the double standards that parents or teachers may enforce, but the more subtle messaging from media and society at large influencing things. Kids are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. Just like how they’ll play pretend-family before even fully grasping the concept of marriage or having children, they tend to internalize and emulate anything they see adults doing.
The day my mom told me "Boys will be boys" -- in regards to a complaint I made about my brother -- was the day I became a Feminist.
Completely agree I just commented that
The whole phenomenon of "boy moms" is so wild because both parties, the mother and the son, are coddling and enabling one another to never outgrow their roles as caretaker (mother) or care reciever (boy). The mother has invested her identity in being a caretaker and being needed, while the boy has centered his identity and his world around someone who will coddle him and protect him from everything, preventing him from achieving emotional independence and the ability to care for himself. The mother and the boy are both threatened by attempts of the other to establish any kind of independence. The boy feels threatened when his mother expresses that she needs any kind of caretaking from him, and the mother feels threatened when the boy tries to find another woman to fill the role of caretaker. The boy doesn't realize he's seeking another caretaking mother figure because he is so enmeshed in his role and relationship dynamic with his mother, and the mother doesn't realize she's seeking external confirmation and reinforcement of her perceived only role as a woman/person as someone who takes care of others when she seeks that from her son. She also uses her son for emotional comfort and security that she doesn't receive from her partner/boys father. The boy seeks his mother's warmth when women suitors don't take care of him the way his mother does. It's a Freudian af cycle.
True. Seen something similar but not exactly same scenario
You conveyed this better than I ever could. Well done on your eloquence.
@bisselkreplach thank you, I've experienced it and observed it and thought about it quite a lot!!!
Now you tell me……I married one of those boys 😳
The divorce was the best thing I ever did for myself !
@@sarahmem444 agreed I’ve seen both boy moms and daddy girls too often
I was born in the early 1950s and it wasn't until I was in my late teens until I fully understood what my father meant when he would say "I will not handicap my children by making life easy for them." My dad was very loving and kind and Christmas was always a big deal and he provided everything we as children needed. However if we wanted something extra or special we were told we would enjoy that particular item much more if we earned the money and bought it ourselves. At the age of six I developed the habit of collecting pop bottles when you could at first get a nickel per bottle. From there I picked wild blackberries and sold them to my friend's mothers and moved on to mowing lawns and shoveling snow off driveways. In my teen years I hired out as a farmhand bailing hay, cutting, housing and stripping tobacco, cleaning stables etc. I learned to save my money from him and when I turned 18 I wanted to buy my own car and I found a used car I could afford but I didn't have enough for the taxes, tags and insurance. At this time he stepped in and gave me a loan to cover those costs. Those life lessons were the greatest gift he ever gave me.
I didn't have a father after 7 years old, but being poor in the 1960s my mother taught us girls how to make something from absolutely nothing. Sewing, DIY, gardening, fixing things, and it's made me happy all my life, especially in times of sheer poverty when the only entertainment is your own creativity. I've never had a need for money, except to pay the most meagre of bills, it's always been about making do. In fact the times I've had money I went into deep depression because the striving had been taken away, funnily enough
Yes they were the best of lessons.
A by-gone era and a rarity of a gem of a childhood to have such positive memories. Today hard knocks are too many and people practicing virtue too few.
This comment resonates with me well. My father was great until 2008/2009, I was 8 at the time. After that, the family went into debt during the recession, we were really struggling. My mom stayed home to homeschool and raise me and my two siblings so he was working 3 jobs just to put food on the table. He got abusive, mentally and physically, and got violent with my older sister who got in with a bad group. When he found out she got pregnant at 15, he went off the rails. Parents separated, mom got custody. We tried to split time with dad, but every time we went over he would get angry, take it out on us, until living with him was just unbearable. Started working at 14, helped mom with the bills raising 3 kids and a grandson. Saved a little on the side so I could drive to work instead of riding my bicycle after school. Now at 19 I’m in great physical shape from all the work, and I make more at my job than my mom. Western culture these days is revolting against that hard work, that suffering, insisting it’s unhealthy and damaging. And sure, some can’t take it, some don’t make it. But it’s life. We’re so tightly sheltered that we’re never taught how to live.
People don’t know what they’re doing. Men & women hate each other . Sexuality is gone. People aren’t having sex. People aren’t talking, caring, or compassion for each other. Roles are blended, roles confused. We are starving.
I believe our parents shielded us from suffering so much, we grew up devoid of the tools necessary to deal with and overcome suffering. It has led us on a perpetual quest of “the pursuit of happiness” whereas we’ve confused happiness with pleasure.
well said
Speak for yourself , my father was absent as so many of these weak men are which left s mother who could not cope and battered the shit out of us in drink. Some daddy that man is.
Thank you
Two extremes are the same at the core
@@outlawJosieFox I remember always being surprised as a kid when a friend had two parents. The dad's only know what they grew up with as well. We also choose our parents. We're here to learn, Nobody said Earth school was going to be fair or easy.
When I went to college, I was absolutely shocked at how many of these adults were still little kids. I remember being a freshman and dealing with my admission, classes, and financial aid all on my own in enrollment services. The person in line in front of me was a junior and he's literally standing in his mom's shadow as she handles everything for him
Man, they would have flunked out real quick if they studied abroad, ironically I did flunk out, but more because I legitimately had issues with that university and just how shit it was and had enough.
To study abroad, I had to:
Apply for student visa
Hunt down and scan documents to be sent.
Save money and plan my finances
Pack my stuff
Go to the airport alone for the first tim and ge ton a flight.
Order taxi from the airport
Find enrollment services
Move into my flat
Use Freshers Week to build a social network and get used to the layout of the campus.
Get ADHD medication from GP
Suffer the Freshers Flu.
Anyways, I am starting anew with studies again. Not studying abroad this time, but still have to move.
If anyone here is looking at computer security in Pontypridd University, let this be your last option.
Some of the professors are pretty good, but most of them are different kinds of being difficult to work with.
I have seen 60+ year old buildings in better condition than their "new" accomodations.
Grade 8s in the 1960s were probably more mature than university adolescents nowadays
@@stringbender3my mother was from Eastern Europe and grew up in the 60's.......and I've gone to university in the 2010's,I can confirm that you are correct 😂
Were you standing behind one of my exes? Years into the relationship he was always insisting we had to call his mother for backup on EVERYTHING.
So what? What if the guy has issues, who are you to judge
This video only made me realize more what a wonderful mother my mom was because my dad was a shitty human being and my brothers loved him but didn’t look up to him and we were all more attached to my mom. But despite this my mom never coddled her sons and let them go out into the world by themselves when she thought they were old enough and let them learn to fend for themselves but also that they had a loving home to rely on. My mom kicked ass.
Sounds like you're describing my mom, she must be amazing
You have an amazing mother. Mine, too.
❤❤❤ great mom
Same here, I've been raised by a single mom but I feel far more fortunate to have been raised with her love and attention and looking at other guys my age with fathers they seem much worse off
My father was a stoic man, quiet strength that was always in control, he never panicked, no matter what. When he spoke, it was never crybaby gibberish, and when he worked, it was to get the job done.
His temper was short, but well aimed, and just.
There was always a sense of saftey when he was around.
He wasn't big or small, tall or short, but to me, as a boy, he was a giant.
There's not many of that type now. That generation is leaving.
I try to be as close to that, with my boy, as much as l can, even though l will fall a little short. Hopefully not by much.
Love you dad, I miss you.
What a lucky man you were. I was too.
What a beautiful description of your father 🖤
I can relate to your comment. So is mine. And I'm very lucky to have him to this day . In fact my late mother too was similar in personality. They are very strong yet kind and gentle at the same time. I cherish my upbringing evry single day of my life. They showed me the way to live life through lives ups and downs.
that facade is leaving **
It’s funny ultimately my father was a alcoholic that was rarely around. But in some weird way. I know he loved me, unfortunately he was murdered in 2017. He’s with my brother now, I’m coming boys don’t have to much fun without me.
If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company. - sartre
Excellent quote 👍
While I definitely agree with it, and it should be a sprone to better oneself, I'd totally not recommend this quote to someone it that kind of situation, it could very well lead to some drastic and dramatic reactions.
We're pack animals. Sartre didn't know wtf he was talking about.
He also said "hell is other people."
thats one thing people could learn from covid lockdowns i guess
My Dad never told me what a man was...when he got hurt, he never whined. He worked every single day of his life except for, maybe, two. He kept us fed, clothed, and gave us hell when we were disrespectful or stupid. He made us get jobs and buy what we wanted ourselves. When we got married and moved away, he and Mom lept "home" alive and provided a place to return to. He didn't say much, he just showed us how it's done.
There's nothing wrong with venting when you're hurt or if you want to take some time off of working. Gave you hell...sounds almost verbally abusive. I mean that's fine if he was like that but not all men need to be that way. For some men to act like that would be unhealthy for them.
Embodiment
Action do speak louder than words. Your father sounds like someone who leads by example, something which is missing in most people's lives.
You can get hurt as a man!
That doesn't make you less of a man to admit you're hurting physically or mentally......as long as you're trying to fix the problem/get help
A man is an adult human male - it’s not that complicated!
I have a 4 year old and divorced a man whom doesn’t know how to be a father. I’m doing whatever I can to show my son different types of male examples through my family and close friends. It’s a huge struggle. I hope he will become a great man one day.
Hang in there!
I hope your child's uncles and other father figures are willing to show him what a real man is, and hopefully that baby daddy steps the fuck up and become mature enough to be a dad to your son. Trust me, as a fatherlessness survivor, you will make it.
@@aganib4506 thank you for your supportive message 🤗
You won’t believe how things turned around for the better since I commented on this video.
The father really stepped up and now they have a great relationship 🥰 I am always praying for both of them.
Even though we did not work as a traditional family, we are doing a great job in this format., as co-parents 🙏🏻
@@ralucateodoraenescu That’s good. As long as you and your son’s father are co-parenting in harmony for your son, that’s all that matters. It is better for parents to care for their children separately if both are not in a relationship anymore than having two parents hating each other in front of their children, traumatizing them in the process. God bless you, Raluca. 🙏🏽
Maybe he will. At least you're trying to do your part well. He'll eventually recognize that. Best of luck to you both.
“This comment section is full of quotes that have nothing to with the topic of this video” -Craig Jackson
Lmfaoooo 😂😂😂
This is the true top comment in my mind
For many, it's an outlet to express ideas some related, some half-baked, some unrelated. It's a good forum for discussion nonetheless.
You’re #1
LMAO 🤣.
"You Are What You Do, Not What You Say You'll Do."
- Carl Jung
"You are what you do, a man is defined by his actions not his memories." Kuato
We should judge our politicians on what they do too not on what they say 😉
@@jamesgreenldn totally agree!
@@jamesgreenldn damn right
@@jamesgreenldn Yes, Boris "Yeltsin" Johnson(UK Premier) has countless bastards, and moved into 10 Downing Street with his girllfriend whilst still married to another. He has the morality of a council estate dog, and HE preaches to us about our conduct!
I hate how men sees using violence and cruelty as a masculine thing
Violence will obviously be seen as masculine when it's always associated with men
I agree with you, being unsensitive doesn't make a real man
Would you prefer it if nobody got violent with the Nazis?
@@matthewgallant3622these Ho3s live in LA LA LAND
@@matthewgallant3622 It's not comparable. It was necessary to be violent with the Nazis because they themselves were violent and there was no other solution. But what we mean here is that the use of violence alone should not be seen as one of the characteristics of a man. Since when is a human being considered as such based on the degree of violence and cruelty they are capable of inflicting?
my father is an idiot. He was abusive and narcissistic. You could not ask him a question without him lashing out. All the time. He still is like this only less abusive now because he is older. At one moment I asked my self: Would I keep company with such a person if he was not my father? The answer was no. It was so devastating. Most of the time I feel like I have this huge hole. This abyss inside of me. Things he should/could have done, been and could not because he is so damaged. He passed on the damage to me. It's horrible to live like this. Because I feel like I have no roots, nothing to hold onto. Grab onto. Yes I have a family but it's like they do not exist. Or rather they exist just to cause frustration and sadness. Friction. I have less and less desire to be around them. My sibling is also damaged. We both are. It feels like the start of my life into adulthood was bad and it just kept getting worse. I miss having good men in my life. I avoid men because of my father. It feels like walking on broken, crumbling legs. Even tho I live my life the best I can there is something terribly wrong and missing all the time. It's like the whole world has the advantage over me because the foundation/family is so weak.
Your father is lost. Just like you. And he probably had a worse upbringing than you. That’s why he’s like that. Try to see the truth. And be grateful. Ppl aren’t this way bc they like it. They are lost
Not fair! Where is the response?
I get ya, I'm broken too but you kno what? Fuck that, we can fix ourselves, we can outgrow our traumas and find meaning within us.
yes. that is true. ine needs to take responsibility for their life and actions. Iam going to therapy and changing the ways I think and function. It is hard but worth it. Thank you for your supportive comment. @@LadyJanePowellofBarriaty
I relate 100%. Healing is so hard too. Sending you warm vibes. We deserve to love ourselves.
If you don't have a father or you have a father that does not teach you the necessary things then it is up to you to figure it out and sadly most can't. Welcome to the new normal.
Some learn from mother too.
@@RoyalBlood23 yea but depending on the culture its different.some cultures are hyper gendered while others aren't. There is a clear divide of men and women and being a woman acting like a man or man acting like woman is seen as shameful. Idk if that made sense nd prolly has nothing to do but I have not slept and have work in 3 hours lmao. I also don't know why I'm telling you this but eh
You have to stop babying your kids and telling them no matter what they are the greatest thing to walk this earth...First place or last place we are all winners this is what is being taught to our kids....I am not brainwashing my son into hating himself for being male or making him think he is a winner even when he loses. The only reason our kids are being taught this submissive bs is to make it easier for the elites children to rule over the plebs.
@@RoyalBlood23 Not how to be a man...This is impossible a females view of a man is completely skewed and self serving...All this creates is a bunch of highly emotional men who simp for woman no matter the situation. There must be a mixture if mother and father 90% father and 10% mother for a male child to give them some compassion yet not to much that it interferes with making the hard, dark and necessary decisions.
Jordan Peterson is a good read
Best lessons my Dad taught me:
1. Life isn’t fair.
2. You will have to work to survive.
3. Choices - good and bad - have consequences.
Plain and simple.
So straight forward and true. Great stuff.
Women are allergic to accountability
Facts 💯💯💯
@@sammorris9760 No shit, but that is the best advice. You can't change things out of your control.
@@IssaMeZane But those aren't advices. Those are facts and not even relevant ones. Just incel sh*t.
Important thing: No one thinks masculinity is toxic. Toxic masculinity refers to a set of false masculine ideals such as treating women like objects, not showing emotions, engaging in violence to release anger, and so much more.
Thats juat called being an asshole.
@@Kwisatz-Chaderach Or for people like Andrew Tate and his copies thats exactly what manliness is supposed to be.
I like to use the analogy that pointing out there are poisonous berries does not mean that all berries are poisonous.
Same goes with pointing out how there are some traits to masculinity that can become toxic does not mean masculinity in and of itself is toxic.
Interesting that you call it false masculinity! I find that encouraging. I wish in my heart to find a lot more examples of masculine energy that is well-intentioned, friendly, communicative and is able to coexist with feminine energy without wanting to use it for something or wanting it to interact with it in any particular way. It's really difficult not to feel negative about men because women usually have so many negative life experiences, usually starting with the emotionally incompetent father. But I would like to make space in my heart to hold hope for good souls showing up in male bodies in this universe. :) 🙏🏼 And if you are a good soul in a male body, thanks for being here.
The term was also coined by a male scholar whomst was studying the mythopoetic men's movement of the 80s and 90s in regards to what men in those groups focused on that was hurting men.
Toxic Masculinity was always about gendered stereotypes and expectations that hurt men and those they care about.
I just wanted to comment on the feminine side because you said it comes naturally.. Yes and no, as a girl I was more daddy's girl, as soon as I hit puberty I felt more connected to my mum.. But I still partially rejected femininity because I viewed it as weakness and didn't even know what's that.. Now that I'm 24 I'm starting to figure things out on my own and learning from my mom by noticing things and doing research about feminine skills.. Etc if I were to become a mother before now I'd be a terrible one, so I'm glad I got the chance to learn, because I know in the future if I'm meant to be a mum I'll be a decent mum
If you become a single mom you fail by definition
Thanks for your input, adding women to the onversation abt the crisis of masculinity is important!
Feminity is the opposite of weakness. What's weakness is the false and distorted "feminity" depicted in toxic movies and series' nowadays such as she Hulk or Velma
Same
I was thinkkng the same thing, although I am a man. I think it's unreasonable to think that it's only the boys who are pressured into adopting the expectations for a man set by culture when expectations of women are placed by society as well. I feel like regardless of sex, we all need to gain independence from the mother and grow to be mature men and women.
The issue is not men, per se. The issue is immaturity. We've morphed into a culture where too many men and women have not been raised well and have little sense of what it means to be responsible... responsible for ourselves, our children and each other. There are many men and women walking around who feel entitled and have no humility or sense of true community (though we all talk a good game). I think American culture went from the culture of "rugged individualism, but I'm willing to help my neighbor" to "me first and get off of my lawn".
Yes, this video is about immaturity but it's specifically about why this happens to men. Men and women are different, so the process to achieve actual maturity while it can have some similarities, it ultimately differs in how we go that road.
Nah. I’m just tired of trying to be what society wants me to be
@Allen, MacKenzie I think you are onto something about children being raised by television. I was raised in a very liberal/left-ist-minded single-parent household, but my mother worked hard and had high expectations of her children (some too high - lol). I'm responsible and my brother is responsible. The first teachers in a child's life are their parents. It's not the teachers... it's the parents. lol
Diversity destroys social trust.
Good observation
I'm close to my mother because my father was an abusive asshole. So everything a man is supposed to be was jaded as I grew up and realized what a prick he was in all of his hypermasculinity. It's pretty bad when one hears his Dad's truck pull up and wants to hide.
i feel you
Relatable
Same.
Are you me?
And then there is always the other half of the story!
I am an African-American woman. Growing up with a single mother, and another sibling...I totally respect her for enforcing self responsibility. I embrace my masculinity and feminity. Now in my twenties--I do have struggles with major life changes, however I'm able to push through them. I'm able to clean, nest through my depression (slowly, but surely)...I've noticed many of the men I've dated in the past...seem to pale in that extent. They desire all the aesthetic values of manhood, but will cry when told they need to wash their dishes and pick up their crusty boxers from the floor. I felt like their mother, which was unhealthy.
Needless to say, it is necessary that all humans learn how to become self reliable...not only for yourself, but to take the weight off your future partner. I don't wanna tell anyone to take out their rotting garbage, or smell it ferment over weeks, nor do I want to do it for them.
Being an adult is hard...but it's important if you wanna live and meet someone of value to you 👍🏾
You make some excellent points but some of what you say is why so many black men don't find black women desirable. Too much embrace of the masculine but not enough of the feminine. It can be very hard to find a woman who isn't a single mom (who wants to raise another man's children?) and has the feminine traits that are so attractive to men.
@@dexterwestin3747Yall call black women masculine bc they stepped up and assumed the role when dad wasnt around.
@@dexterwestin3747 so you don't wonder why there are so many irresponsible males, hence many single mothers??
So women should be more feminine and be less able to provide for their children?
Y'all men need to step up of you're so bothered about us stepping up to fill the void you leave behind.
@@dexterwestin3747 well, not a black woman here, but I think what you're saying again is basically a kid position and blame shifting. the woman is generally more flexible than a man and will embrace her feminine or her masculine or both in order to survive and to achive what is of value to her - and for women that is "safety". Should she die of hunger or poverty while waiting for manly man? If a man appears in her life to step gradually more into the masculine role and fill up that space and shows he's there to stay and to provide that safety and security, she can gradually trust him more and more and step more into the feminine. Women are versatile like that. If not, she'll be fine by herself by providing to herself what she needs in life. Shoutout to her. If you are not willing to provide that safety to the woman and fill the shoes, if you are not up to that role, or if you secretly think you will never be as good or successful a man as her (i.e. you will never be able to do for her what she's already doing for herself or rather do half of what she does - the masculine part), then just go on. That just means she's somebody else's match. Somebody who'll feel more confident in his maculinity. That's not her problem, that's yours. You are basically telling all the people here you are not man enough.
@@MrGianetaThank you, sir, for expressing the logical reasoning I would have been called masculine for having and explaining, no holds barred... because you took care of that, I don't have to... and that is how men check men and allow women to rest in their femininity...
I like how this is a very articulated way of saying :"Stop simping, bro~"
What defines masculinity should be aspects such as strong character, self-reliance, good work ethic, loyalty and a fierce passion to protect and help the ones you love. It's now how loud your truck is or how much bling you wear.
Why not both? Loving your car and know how to fix it when it's not working is a trait of responsibility and passion.. know how to dress well is also a skill your peers would appreciate, it shows that you're an organized, disciplined and often professional individual.. anyone who said that looks don't matter are lying to themselves..
Why does it matter if someone has a loud truck I am just curious? I dont always like to hear one blast by me but hey you like what you like..
@@skertzya3887 It simply shouldn't be what you judge others by. You can have a truck, but you need to be valuable for reasons other than having that truck.
@@vaclavjebavy5118 Yeah most definitely.
I’m a Male Nurse (RN) and own a stupid sports car and still giggle and laugh at sex jokes. I regret nothing.
and when the world needed him the most he returned ...
no pressure, no diamonds
there are always membership vids, if you mean AOI
The previous youtube upload was three weeks ago. What are you on about
Been very long!
The Big Ten has set higher standards--- redefining the concept "Elite".
I think that nowadays, considering the impact social media has on everyone that uses any form of technology, in order for both boys and girls to achieve masculinity and femininity we have to focus more on the "Who am I?" question rather than trying to appear a certain way to others. This happens once we start learning about ourselves, at around 14-15 years(at least that was my case as a female). Sadly, this process seems to be delayed by social media, which makes us worry more about creating a mask that would attract others rather than making us focus on our true self. Edit:This causes maturization to happen much later than it should, which is why some of us may be considered "psychologically infantile"
As someone who never once used social media, I would say that the who's and the what's are irrelevant. My own gender and sexuality mean nothing to me. I will be and act however feels natural.
My fathers generation was the ending of the man. He knew his roll and you didn’t have to ask him twice as to what needed doing. Actually most times he knew what needed doing. He knew how to take care of a home and with limited resources he taught himself how to fix things. I’m in my home, just a cute bungalow by the beach. I’ve been here for 25 years and still see all his acts of love. From painting projects to ceiling fans he installed. He was that kind of man. Love you pop ❤
💜
You're talking about home improvements. Different thing.
As soon as I could, I moved out of my parent's house. Best decision I made, because that's the only time you really learn to be independent and become self-reliant. It's a big step in pursuing manhood in my opinion.
I am barely 20 years old. I have been plagued by this thought. I feel for me to live my life I have to challenge myself and throw myself out towards the world. I have a decent amount of money saved up, but nowhere near to move out, I am saving up and hopefully very eventually I could. I always just told myself I'll stay here a couple of years while I save my money up, I still pay rent but it's relatively cheap. But regardless I think it would be better for me to just save up enough to go out and move out and go from there. I do feel as if I have been struggling with my manhood, I had a father figure but due to drastically different cultural upbringings there is no bond. He was and still is never really there for me and my siblings. Regardless I still understand he did try his best with us and only wants what's best for us so in no way do I feel any sort of resentment thinking "This is all your fault!". I guess it would have been nice to have that, but I don't hold feelings of anger because of it. Especially in a world where we are kind of being "softened" up, it is hard to find clear male role models. A lot of men are becoming very feminine, and so on. I have no hate for it, even if were one to transition from male to female, I understand it is ones desire, and who am I to judge them for doing what makes them happy? But it kind of is a touchy topic, so I don't bring it up much, but in a very open minded comment section, I just feel as if this huge surge in this type of behavior has got to have implications to a certain extent on the upbringing of our youth. Although there is no real need for gender roles, modern world has allowed us to pursuit several careers and hobbies for both genders, without having to worry about playing certain roles, such as the whole hunter-gatherer. But I had always felt that gender roles are still extremely important to the upbringing of us, and play a vital role in our lives as human beings.
@@jensenlopez2944 your afraid of independence?? Buddy go on a vacation your welcome
Truth!!!! It is definitely a critically NEEDED step into adulthood.
same. Left my parents at 17
@@i.m4531 I know someone who has 27 and his parents more the mother is rotting his life
The best advice my dad ever gave me when it came to parenting:
When you were a kid I never tried to be your friend, I was always your dad and you were the son: I made sure that relationship was established. Too many dads try to be their kids friends these days. Once you’re an adult then we can be friends lol.
I’m honestly grateful for how my dad pushed me as a kid, when he set rules or standards, he would never bend or break them no matter what. Now we have the strongest relationship ever.
That makes lots of sense. As a kid I refused to become "friends" with other adults, even though I admired them. I even refused to make them my friends on Facebook xD
To me it was important to maintain this adult-child relationship to them until I entered adulthood
Good man your Dad was!
It depends on what's your definition of friend, in my opinion, a true friend is a mentor, someone who sets up boundaries.
This was also my parenting style. no one was ever my friend and I had to fight for everything I had then or now. Unfortunately since this was my parenting style the family court/GAL decided a man who needed to rape his child was the better parent.
That's a good philosophy, although some parents take it too far and make themselves your enemy that's no good either
As a man, becoming an adult means women will line up in front of you with endless expectations. Stay silly, stay single, enjoy your money and your freedom, and don't let jealous ppl tell you you're immature
Agreed
King
I’d argue these same lessons are important to women as well who can also become infantile with a desire to be taken complete care of by a man (or woman) while also being in a relationship with them where they are respected. I wish my father had taught me more about handling money because just thinking about it makes me so anxious and I avoid looking at my bank account whenever possible. I might need some extra help to develop a healthy relationship to money now, as an adult. Same with fixing and repairing things around the house. I know I should just figure it out but I always feel more comfortable asking my bf to do handyman things because he is more handy than me. I know I could figure it out but I just… don’t want to? I love my dad but gosh, I needed some of those lessons (he relied on my mom to do all of the money stuff which is fine but she never taught me this stuff either).
“Just dont be a simp”- Academy of Ideas
Yeah kinda lame imo
Based
What does simp mean?
That is not what he said th-cam.com/video/sxePuWBABKk/w-d-xo.html.
Yeah
I think the solution is simple. All of society is just trying to take your money and nudge you towards being an indebted insecure consumer. Ignore everything society tells you and think for yourself. The values of most people are vanity and showing off material possessions so avoid these people. Focus on family, friends, ANY job, hobbies and being involved in your community in ways like volunteering or going to church.
Spot on. There's alot of TH-cam grifters making money talking about men's issues & changes in dating post dating apps etc.
Right on. Still though I love being labeled either psyhologically infantile or abusive and manipulative. It's great when people like to draw boxes around you. 😅
Awesome thought 🎉
"A man stands on his own hind legs"
Well said. And the advice to go to church doesn't need to be taken literally. Just look for a community of like-minded people who meet regularly and are oriented toward what matters in life -- treating everyone with respect and enjoying all the things we all can get for free such as friends and time. Look into hobby organizations in your community.
This was very interesting! I certainly wish to know more about this theory. What people term "toxic masculinity" Is what you describe as "regression". The "boyish peacocking" Also the childish "barking out of orders" to any "motherly woman". Have you noticed that young boys will bark out demands expecting that any woman in the family or community will come to appease them? "Get me a milk! Make me a sandwhich!" Little girls can do this too. This can become a horrible way of interacting in the future of adult hood. For those of us lucky enough to have mature male adults in our life, this behavior is corrected by them. "You don't talk like this to your mother. You ask in a polite manner. Come here and let me show you how to make a sandwhich for yourself." Those are the things you will hear.
The mother can say "don't talk to me like that".
If women can't speak for themselves you are already in a very very toxic social Group.
This is a great video. I love the references, and the ending quote from David Gilmour gave me chills. Every once in a while, I come back to videos like this to help with my decision-making, especially in a time of great transition in my life. Thank you, what an important channel.
I'd say the harder you try to be masculine and cling to the idols of decades past, the further you are from achieving it in a healthy way.
I was raised pretty much solely by the women in my family. But they were not the soft and delicate types. Every spring and summer we work hard gardening, helping, and fixing things.
From what I've seen, many of my peers had no influence from fathers as many were toxic or just abandoned them. This seemed to have a huge impact on the guys as they try in vain to live up to a hyped up masculine ideal in a roundabout way to earn their absent fathers approval.
it makes sense
Exactly, masculinity needs updating, not abolishing.
@bonnacon1610 The way I look at this as a guy is like this. We are punished for following the standard we still hold men to but are ignored or abandoned if we don't. What we often forget is that masculine standards have been keep the same by both men and women. And while what the role of women is has now expanded, we have widely restricted or locked down what role a man has.
@@burningsnow9870 Thanks for your reply. I strongly think that it's v. difficult to be a man and that the pressures on men are underrated and neglected, not least in a post-industrial context. You capture very accurately the double-bind men are caught in: punished for being old-fashioned, neglected for taking a different path from that.
@bonnacon1610 And I know very well this isn't an intentional act of malice by any one person or group. It's just something we don't stop and think about. Recently women have shown a greater interest in emotional availability from men, which is already hard given our cultural roots in stoicism, but when those emotions are then voiced they have a habit of using that against them or showing a disinterest in recognizing them. One thing I feel many forget about is the enforcement of the outdated masculine ideal by women just as much as men. Even the most well meaning women can often perpetuate very unhealthy standards for men without even realizing it, like pushing for them to be both tough and soft.
I asked my mom if I'm a man, she said not yet , you're only 55yrs old.
Oh my! 😌😏😉
Ew.
In a mothers eyes you’ll always be her boy no matter how old you are or what you’ve achieved
Yes, but to his detriment.
Mothers and their sons are the most obnoxious thing in existence.
This is more important than ever, really well done and academic, thank you for this.
My father always was and still is the rock to my mom and me. He definitely acquired manhood, the way it is supposed to be: he is disciplined, smart, wise and strong and cares not for material things, instead he seeks solice in nature. My dad is the best. But he put the bar very high and I've been single for 10 years because it's hard to settle for little boys when you were raised by a man...
I'm in the same boat. My father is incredible and there is nothing that he cannot do. He treats my mother like a queen and they are best friends. He's a real man and I can only look down on childish men with utter contempt, repulsion, disdain, and pity. I'd rather be single forever than settle for a man child!
Fair enough... Otherwise you'd end up raising the child/children yourself, which is not ideal for the child/children or for you because they need a mother and father
"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." ~John Maxwell.
@Joe DeMera If survival is all that matters then that precludes a very grim era of the slimmest subsistence.
Growth is optional, regression is the other option no in betweens.
@Joe DeMera You are right. Right now we are on the edge of a great change. Congress is now one party and will be doing a better job. I am optimistic about the next few months. th-cam.com/video/bx--6aFafFA/w-d-xo.html
Did he rip off "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."?
@Joe DeMera is growth a part of change? If it is, then surely it's not that unimportant to the survival of humans as a whole in the long run.
My dad died when I was very young and I was raised by a very broken widow. I was everything stated in this video until about 26. I saw how my life was going to end up and I decided to make a change. I embraced mentors and followed the footsteps of strong men, and I got into therapy. I needed help. I feel very fortunate for how everything has turned out but also terrified for how bad things would still be if they hadn't.
Going to therapy is the most manly thing ever. Many men channel their grief into violence to seek control over their lives instead of facing their problems face on. There is a reason why more men commit suicide, turn to drugs, beat their wives than seek therapy. You are an inspiration as a man.
Where did you meet these mentors
@@shoto9975 It's not, talking to female therapist (most of time) who does not understand you (as a male), overall psychotherapy is suited more towards woman. For guys at least most of them it's waste of time
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@@RaZziaN1 My therapist was a male. It's not a therapist's job to personally relate to you, so I assume a qualified female would have worked just as well.
I'm a 21-year-old man living in a distant place. Where I am, men are shamed for crying (of sadness, grief, emotional pain and negativity, etc.) and are told things such as: "It's inappropriate when a man your age cries."
When it came to my father, I was never given a chance to love him as a person and very much less as a role model. A severe physical and verbal abuser with anger and disdain being his driving impulse, I was a young boy who would be cursed at quietly for spending money on a pack of chocolate biscuits, and beaten on the face with a stainless steel dish when I was unable to get a specific store item that my dad was pointing at.
As sensitive as I was from childhood, I would cry tears of sadness and emotional hurt almost on a daily basis, but I had to hide such feelings. My mother was a lovey-dovey hugger who never taught me anything other than that she was happy with my presence, and later on we both cried and sobbed together when we realized: "I have a husband/father who was never kind, financially generous, fair in the houshold, or anything we needed and hoped for. I'm being hurt outside and inside all my life, and death is a better option than this life."
When I see the free, privileged, socially-righteous world outside of my distant place, I feel as if though the true happiness I seek is not even attainable there. A festering wound within me is forever hurting, with my tears still falling because a human being this cruel is only one of literal millions here in my distant place. Afflicting incapable, innocent children, marrying out of lust and the need for a food-cooker, and normalizing human violence.
Is it unrealistic to hope for a world that does not champion the expectancy of specific deeds and behaviour out of someone because of their physical traits, and instead tries to be human towards a species that has far transcended it's animal and inhuman ways?
What a title. Looking forward to this genius stuff.
Manhood and masculinity comes down to developing mental fortitude and the willingness to accept a bitter truth as opposed to a comforting lie. He who cannot accept the truth and the harshness of life will make pleasure and the desire for comfort his crutch. Healthy relationships are meant to strengthen people and make them self-reliant, not weaken them or make them dependent.
EDIT: This doesn't just apply to men. I'm speaking in regards to the context of this video. It's about adulthood in general.
A comment more helpful than the video. Thank you.
@@N0Xa880iUL :)
@@FutureMindset I like what you're doing with your channel as well. Subbed.
Great comment. Subbed.
@@N0Xa880iUL Thanks so much!
Great topic! Always kept my mind unrest, and still keeps. Thanks for shedding some light 🕯️ Food for thought ❤
closing sentences are golden :) thx for this important topic
*“Being a male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice.”*
- Edwin Louis Cole
but you still won't respect their pronouns
@@360.Tapestry Zer pronouns.
@@HistoryforThinkers Zer pronouns 😂
@Joe DeMera it is actually general truth stemming from the human condition. The animal is given, the man is created. It follows the same pattern. Not all are born or developed in their unconsciousness to the same animal. Adventure yourself into human psychology a bit more, it will really pay off, just a friendly comment :D
Twitter user: my favorite poet 😫💅
I think people in the comment section skipped this quote 🙂
"We need to develop a sense of calmness about masculine power so we don't have to act out dominanting, disempowering behavior toward others"
You Iraqi?
@@hasanyahya8384
اي حسون عراقي 😂
yep many associating masculine to being an asshole because many people, "try" too hard to prove he is masculine, end up look like a jerk, balance in all things.
Yeah like the ''eating meat = masculinity and fighting injustices = soyboy" mentality.
@@architect4775 No, that is absolutely not the context in which "soyboy" is used as far as I've seen and I've seen a lot. Your comment seems like a cope. As for eating meat, well it makes you stronger. Too much red meat can be a bitch though.
I think this is brilliant and profound. I really appreciate this site. Thank you. : )
I grew up more attached to my mother. My dad probably was a grown-up child himself. He didn't share much of himself to us. He's emotionally distant. He provided all the material things we needed, but there wasn't intimacy there, no real connection. When my mom died, dad was left to raise me and my sis alone. It felt as if we robbed him of freedom. Like it wasn't fun for him raising us... I never left home. I'm stuck in this immature mind set. Together with another grown child who feels like a complete stranger.
Self-awareness is the first step. Keep going.
I’m really proud that you were able to realize this about yourself. It maybe be hard on your own but I believe that you’ll be able to mature and become the person you deserve and want to be
How is your pops immature? Dude provides for the entire family and took up the reins when his partner died.
@@Dankmemeslover69 yeap. he provided everything. except for emotional support. or closeness. there was always distance there. i never said i hated him. there's are no training books to parenting. he raised us the best he could. but results are results. a child is a reflection of the ones who raised him/her. he had his own issues he wasn't able to deal with and unfortunately passed them on to us... sometimes i wish i wasn't born in the first place if i am to become like this.
As a mother of two boys I am acutely aware of how difficult this type of separation can be. I think these boys that cannot separate themselves from their mother can become narcissistic. They expect perfection from their partners. They expect the same unconditional, unabated, and sacrificial love from their future partners (and just about everyone else). It is an impossible expectation to meet. Partners are not able to provide this, care for themselves, and raise their actual children.
Olympian Michael Phelps always credits his mother Debbie for his success, she raised him and his siblings.
Keanu Reeves' father, Samuel Nowlin Reeves, Jr. abandoned the family and he was raised by his mother Patricia Taylor. Clearly, he is a man.
Billionaire Jay-Z and his three older siblings were raised by their mother Gloria Carter after their father abandoned the family. Clearly, he is a man as well.
Jon Stewart’s parents, divorced and his mother Marian was left to raise him and his brothers on her own. Also men.
Eddie Murphy and his brother were raised by their mother after their father died.
Most if not all single-parent homes start out as an attempt to form or already formed nuclear family, which is not a natural nor resilient primate model of family grouping. We are primates, not birds. We lived for most of our human history on this planet in extended communal groups, not as mating pairs in a nest. So many things can go wrong for a unit of two, built on the very tenuous foundation of romantic love. Death, deception, drastic changes that become deal-breakers, disastrous sabotage by in-laws, desertion, disease/disability, depression, drug abuse, deterioration of the relationship, domestic abuse, divorce, and just like that, the nuclear unit becomes a single unit. This is expected to happen to over half of all relationships. How many people would risk their whole life, livelihood on a 50/50 chance? Yet people still chase the fairytale hoping they will make it into the single-digit percentage married for decades AND still in a happy and healthy relationship with zero infidelity.
If women start seeking communal living first, among trusted adults, male, female, old, young, all invested in each other's well-being, self-sufficient and cooperative, BEFORE seeking romance with a man, then it does not matter what happens to said romance. She will never be a single mother and her children will never lack for adult mentors. Makes better sense as most women end up hating being married and want OUT. Quite a few men do not like the way pregnancy and childbirth change the woman and they hate being fathers and flee the relationship when it becomes a JOB. Drastic shifts in life expectancy and economic security also mean two people trying to do it alone will be struggling more than ever. It's time to bring back the communal way of life.
@@alieninthecaribbean
You make a lot of sense!
I agree!
"It takes a Village" and since the 'dont touch MY child , dont yell AT MY Child' came into play that same "supported Village" fell to the wayside and 'Pouf'! just like that - it Died....
And I DO BELIEVE this was created "ALL by Design"...
Yes, they've been wanting to destroy 'the Nucleus of a Family' for decades!
Soon these Millennials' Children and their Children after that will never even know what once WAS, they will never even know what a Family really truly meant!
And if things go "as they plan": no textbook or storytellers words will be around for them to ponder such ideals.....
Welcome to the Great Reset!
YOU allowed this to happen, for in-compliance lies "permissions".
SAD state of affairs,
So very sad indeed.
GOD BLESS
🌿💕🌿
More like feminism has ruined women and they can't/won't fulfill their role as a woman in a relationship.
Men don't expect anything unconditional. Your female privilege is showing. As a man you're taught that nothing will ever be given to you for free. No one cares about you. You need to wine and dine that girl, you need to put a ring on her finger, you need to take care of financially and physically yourself, her and your children.
So wtf are you on about?
It's like you've never heard a single male lived experience in your entire life.
Exactly why so many women gave up. They either opted for single parenthood or stayed single & childless. No woman wants a baby husband
My dad was a narcissist, there wasn't a day I wasn't made feel like a loser or outright get called a loser. My mum protected me. She escaped this hell when she died when I was still a teenager. She suffered halve a year and then one day I saw her so much at ease and calm and smiling in this storm of hers. In her protecting me I learned love. In her calm in the face of death I learned a sort of peace. This backstory is already too long for what I really want to say: It's more important who you are, who they learn love from. I have a lot of love in me and yes, it's true, I expect the same amount. Do I expect it to be unconditional, unabated? In a way, yes. The opposite of that is being fickle. Is that that feeling isn't really there. Is that you're disposable. I rather be alone than finding comfort in the illusion of the love I really seek and want to give. I have capacity for that same deep love and connection, of meaning, of something profound. That's a description of a mothers love, I guess. I can be wrong of course. But how else should I love? I can't find this love. And woman where rejecting me for my desperation. Because I am desperate. We all are. No one is admitting it. I can't comprehend it. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I refused to harden or grow cold or not let stuff move me just to protect myself from my dad.
I want something deep. Something meaningful, something profound. I can deliver, where is the woman that can do that and is willing too? All this pain in life and the hardships and suffering. We can be each others hell but also each others light and sometimes all in one person. There is no sense in playing it safe. But all the woman I encounter are. Scared of love, unable to be calm and smile in the storm. Everything shallow and smooth. They are scared of me. Of what i need. Of what I can give. Of what I'm so desperate to give. No one out there dares to FEEL.
My father is the backbone of the family. He has taught me and my brothers to stay strong in the face of the world while treating people with kindness. I'm very grateful for him and for all the dad's out there who are just like him. You make us proud to be your children 🙌.
I am aspiring to be this type of father, as a man that never had any nurturing from mine.
@@SANTANA1deep I wish you luck. I think you'll do just amazing 😊♥️.
A lot of great teachings in this video!
I must add that masculinity is not inherently toxic.
Toxicity expresses itself in harmful behaviours to oneself and others, such as unnecessary aggression, violence, abuse of power, and addiction, and it appears to stem from psychological regression/underdevelopment.
waltuh
@@nhymz SAY MY NAME
@@fordmodelT1957 LMAO
Many women are Psychologically Infantile as well but many do not speak about for fear of getting canceled.
You wrote this comment
“The child is grown, the dream is gone , and I have become comfortably numb.” - David Gilmore
Actually, those lyrics were written by Roger Waters.
@@cobaltcanarycherry Just like any interesting PF lyrics
@@cobaltcanarycherry And the spelling matters in this case -- "David Gilmore" is one of the writers referred to in the video, "David Gilmour" is the guitarist.
Amen!
Is the one who wrote the book the same David Gilmour of Pink Floyd?
"Whoever is the owner of the white sedan, you left your lights on."
- Patrick Star
lol what
Thank you. My battery would've died.
what has internet been up to
best comment
@@donkeyslayer8370 in this age, you do not ask stupid questions on the internet. You google it first.
as a woman who ascribes to heroic masculine ideals as described in the video, i agree with a big part of what's said about masculinity, but not that femininity unfolds naturally.
as simone de beauveauir famously said, one is not born a woman, they become one. rather than a natural blossoming in the care of female adults, girlhood is all about *learning* to be good, nurturing, beautiful, agreeable, sociable, hardworking, etc. all this to avoid the dangers of the world or if unable to, silently endure them. women are perceived to be unable to meet danger head-on, with their own intelligence and strength. and it can be suffocating, at least to those women who have self-respect and a sense of individualism.
think about what boys are taught: "don't allow anyone to disrespect you! be ready to protect your honour, sometimes even physically!" vs. what i was taught by my well-meaning mother (specifically about sexual violence): "if you're unable to escape a rapist or call for help, don't resist. the girls that resist get murdered."
prioritizing safety over honor, duty over desire, routine over adventure - is that even life? is that what a woman's supposed to do?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 great job, man!
I dont want money or a job I dont have passion for, I want meaningful struggle.
Meaningful struggle is not hard to achieve, over coming it is.
Who pays for your survival?
You're the definition of a boy " I dont wama struggle like that i wana struggle how I want to, waaahhhh"
Grow up punk
@@dwhizzel6471 usually when one is so eager to criticize, they have more fingers pointing back their way, especially if they are not compassionate about it
@@dwhizzel6471 Then let him do his thing, you sound like a controlling jezebel with a mocking spirit.
"It's better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." -Bruce Lee
That’s an amazing quote! Thanks x
"Better still to be a gardener in a garden, and a warrior in a war." -Annie NonnyMouse
Yup
@@anniethenonnymouse we don't always have the luxury of ideal outcomes. That's the point of the quote.
Hm. Taoist Monks might think differently, Bruce, so I'll just leave that here.
This was actually great thank you
This was fantastic. What a breath of fresh air
Had to raise myself too. I am thankful to God that he gave me an enromous amount of curiosity and an addiction to read. I went through so much pain and mistakes and still on my path. But I just want to say to you all: We're all gonna make it!
Amen
Ditto, brother 👍🏼
@@carldrogo9492 Thank you brother. Be blessed
@@androc75 I wish you all the best on your path! 👍
thanks, u too!!!!
I never learned what male bonding was until I was about 24, working in a rolling stock rail manufacturing plant that had 2500 some odd employees at any given time. I was thrown into a world of team work and dependence on my fellow work crew. My second contract I worked on, I had a lead hand who took notice of my above than average efforts and would single me out for overtime, training, and would always acknowledge me with a good morning and a pat on the back. But I noticed he would treat everyone else on the crew differently, he knew us, as individuals. Which made me realize we are all in the 'fight' together, but we all were different. And he was the leader that would bind us.
I never had that in my entire life, but it changed me without even knowing it, and years later I learned that the male bonding is extremely important, just as it is for female bonding, and ultimately, human interaction and bonding as a whole. We are social creatures.
I had the same situation but my experience was when I joined the Army at 23.
@@MegaMickin same here! But NAVY
My hunting and fishing bros are my real family.
@@lesterdiamond6190 idk but reading this made me happy man. love that you got some good brothers around you. life is much better with a few good men at your side!
@@xAudiolith I am so lucky. I spent a lot of the last week in my Lavro Drift boat ( do a google image search ) fly fishing for big trout on a Blue Ribbon Western Trout River. There's a hatch of big stoneflies at this time of year and we got big Brown Trout to eat them right off the surface. Fly fishing like this takes real teamwork. First of all, you launch the boat and a shuttle service moves your truck and trailer downstream so you just float down the river all day and there's your truck waiting for you when you're done. You position the boat carefully, providing your angler with the perfect distance to cast flies to the best holding spots for fish. The presentation of the fly is critical. When everything is perfect, these trout will come up and smash that fly. This is some real high level outdoor activity. But it's all about teamwork, and I have friends who are very good at this. As you can imagine, a whole day in the outdoors provides a great opportunity for men to talk about every aspect of life. It's very good for your mental health.
I would love to know why both my father and father in law, who would both be over 100 years old, were perpetually child-men. They both were raised by their fathers and mothers, served active duty in WWII and they managed to barely raise their own families. Neither ever seemed to like being adults and they didn't engage in adult activities like financial planning or guy things like sports or hunting. I think many men throughout history have been like this, and today's men are really no different. It's just a construction that's useful to pop psychologists.
Surely this issue has been exacerbated by video games, pornography, social media, and all the other cheap comforts our society encourages young men to engage in.
@@RC-hv1yx This. They've always existed, as evidenced by this very video citing early 20th century authors, but they've become much more prevalent as society has broken down.
Sports is a guy thing 😂
@allye4228 Yes, for people born in 1918 sports was mostly a "guy thing". Women couldn't even run in marathons until the mid 1960s.
Awesome video. Such valuable information!
“I’m too drunk to taste this Chicken.”
-Colonel Sanders
Best one yet 🤣😂
No worries Colonel, we have machines now to completey replace your chicken frying shenanigans. Now your legacy will be completely forgotten.
😝😆😂
"I cant believe its not chicken!!" Beyond Chicken.
yeah boi
Be formless, shapeless, be water my friend. - Bruce Lee
Lmao
@Adam Sebastian White i agree wih you disagreing
Isnt that the opposite?
Be bottled the master said!
I live by this saying.
This was so enlightening
This was right on the Money! Great Vid. 👊👊✊✊👏👏👏👌👌
To be true to your self and individuality is to be true to your masculinity. This will be a little different for every person. A great deal of actually unhealthy ‘masculinity’ is performative- it’s the expected social behavior and version of masculinity, rather than the honest self.
yeah alot of guys copy gimmicks of masculinity , they are lost
Beautifully said, I love this. I’ve been struggling I feel like with some of the things said in this video (not super strongly, but I still notice it) I am on my journey of self discovering and really finding what fulfills me to the core of my beingness.
this is by far my favourite definition of masculinity. It touches close to my heart, so thank you.
I'd throw in my 2 cents on the way our culture and society in the west has progressed increasingly towards the solidification and bolstering of egoistic and dependent entertainment. How many people are on social media with countless filters focused on nothing but material gain, money accumulation not out if necessity but of flaunting, stunning looks and beauty, the perfect shot. Even more who hole up inside day in and day out and play video games. Not saying games are in themselves an issue, but when people cling to them and the images they can build for a person, a secret persona for online games allow for anonymity, men find it easier to be praised and or loved in virtual settings whilst declining and hating thier actual life. I'm not saying this is the norm, but we so live in a society where a person can become famous almost instantly through various online/social outlets, and in the face of potential celebrity and wide audience it's incredible easy to see how one becomes dependent. Holding up an image for the masses who view them, and the more outrageous the better. People see that they don't really have too "man-up" in the world atm, especially when there exist other avenues that leave behind the arduous and difficult process of becoming a self-reliant individual, it's very easy and swift to appeal to our lazy attention seeking aspects of the ego, especially if those avenues earn you money.
Just ranting at this point, hope everyone has a good day. Thank you for the content ❤️
Trust me, all of us will have to man up soon. Dark times may be ahead my friend, be prepared.
Yes, a good rant, but you make some good points. I think we are on the edge of change. Big change. I have a good feeling about it. th-cam.com/video/bx--6aFafFA/w-d-xo.html
I dunno, I do not have social media accounts, and I started to comment in youtube out of boredom and when my job to gather data to make some app ended, so there you have it I'm an Abnormality. Nor I give two Shits about "Social Media" It is Overrated. Another way to manipulate and control the Weak and Meek.
I dunno, I do not have social media accounts, and I started to comment in youtube out of boredom and when my job to gather data to make some app ended, so there you have it I'm an Abnormality. Nor I give two Shits about "Social Media" It is Overrated. Another way to manipulate and control the Weak and Meek.
Humanity has stopped evolving.
both my alcoholic parents were infantile. That's another reason the beat me all the time -- I was a smart kid and they saw it as a threat. The scars I carry through life have held me back quite a bit. There is a difference between bully and masculine.
How did they grow up? Probably beaten and abused worse than you?
This is when you step up for yourself and raise yourself and become the person you want to be. Even though your childhood wasn't fair.
Yeah the awakening I had from this video is insane💯💯
I needed this 36 years ago... better late than never.
all the best bud
Tell me about it! Why wasn't I taught this at school?! Haha
I’m sure Norman Bates could have done with this video too. 😂
"Quote"
-guy
Wow so profound 😮
I prefer it in his original language.
So inspiring!
big if true
Well said.
Thank you my friend people need to hear this
Good stuff!
"To The Mind That Is Still, The Whole Universe Surrenders."
- Lao Tzu
I dont think even you understand the depth of that. That's a highly spiritual quote.
@@ThePresentation010 I dont know anything. ;)
@@Dacademeca Touche
@@ThePresentation010 why do you think he doesn’t understand?
@@larrybadabingbadaboomba9785 because it also has a literal meaning. If you can still your mind you can astral project. If you can astral project you access different dimensions. If you can access different dimensions you may speak to beings with infinite knowledge of the universe.
And if you or anyone doesnt know what I'm talking about then, that's exactly why I said what I said.
The mind becomes still upon death so this knowledge is received inevitably.
A more basic level of stillness just means you can think clearer, which is obvious you're not entertaining your mind upon a task.
its fascinating to see how wide Carl Jung's philosophies and ideas spread across different subjects. It seems like I see him everywhere these days.
He was a unique visionary.
well, while touching the human psyche, you touch the mediator with the world so I guess you learn a thing or two
Stop listening to Jordan Peterson crap and do something with your life
@@gijane2cantwaittoseeyou203 I don't listen to him, but nice try. I find him pretentious and annoying, like Neil DeGrasse Tyson, just not as blatant.
For men who are beginners in their self realisation. Here is a starting tip - get into household chores and management. Do the work. And you will learn. Get the repetative work done by hands. You will see.
Brilliant!!
This lesson much needed which you so well articulate is both beautiful and bold...thank you...
Honestly, I think any person that wants to truly develop and self actualize must see beyond these social constructions as they stand and be willing to adopt aspects that are traditionally masculine and feminine. In my opinion, masculinity and femininity are not inherently toxic, but they can both become toxic in their limitations. Being independent, strong, loving and in touch with ones emotions are not inherently gendered traits. A truly developed man (or any person) would be driven and independent while also being able to connect with others deeply. We're social creatures, despite the way our current systems drive us apart. To imply that limitations to masculinity are all that's responsible for the issues men face is truly dishonest of course. This is simply one step that we must take in reducing them. It is a contributing factor to why the suicide rates for men are so high, and these ideas affect our systems. These systems are also run by the few, with an interest of profit over lives. That's my opinion, and I'm open to different viewpoints!
I agree, I think too many get caught up with the idea of the man and woman. Of upholding their masculine and feminine, which is indeed important. But above all else human beings should strive to be a good person, I personally think that's what they really mean. The individual need not validate themselves as this or that, only their name. What is in a name? That's up to you.
I like the way you think, Jonathan
@@scottapache5041 i'm sorry you're an endangered species
@@scottapache5041 Hi Scott. I don't see everything about masculinity and femininity as social, I'm sorry if I gave that impression. Obviously there are biological differences between men and women (with variation between individuals), including hormonal differences and much more. When I refer to the 'social construct' I just mean that certain elements of what we consider to be masculine and feminine do not come from inherent biological urges, but instead from communication and socialization. This includes the way a society treats people based on their gender, as you mention, with society not valuing young men. It includes smaller things too like clothing standards, what music you listen to, what hobbies you have etc. Just as an example, there are men who would enjoy knitting more than they enjoy physical sports but social standards prevent them from finding out. A social construct is just something that is given meaning based on collective human interpretation (e.x, the value of modern money. It is mostly no longer tied to any physical quantity whatsoever, and yet we collectively construct its meaning and power). This is actually a very old concept, and didn't originate from feminism, although it has been adopted by it to attempt to explain certain things. Personally I disagree with aspects of popular feminism as well, and there's definitely misandry out there, but those who are most vocal will always rise to the top. This can lead to misinterpretation of what most feminists actually believe and work for. Feminism that's actually concerned with helping women is also directly concerned with helping men. Having men be appreciated by society, giving them better opportunities and upbringings; this helps all of us. The same goes for women obviously. As a feminist, I believe that we need to help all people, and that people should be free to find who they are themselves. It's clear that not all people who call themselves feminists actually act towards that. Anyways, I appreciate your viewpoint. Let me know if I misinterpreted you
@@scottapache5041 I've seen a lot of guys like you who think that they'll become warrior poets during some societal collapse because they've watched enough TH-cam videos on agriculture and foraging. I hope you do not live to see how truly dependant you are on the civilization you see yourself as above.
My lifetime of suffering has made me somewhat psychologically mature, has filled me with grit and determination, and provided some higher level of emotional maturity.
So I guess I should be thankful for the lifetime of struggle, pain, hurt, and loss.
I'll work on developing that thankfulness next.
It'll come to you. Spontaneously. When you're 100% humbled. I'm on same precipice as you are and I caught myself singing to lyrics of Leann Rimes' What I Cannot Change :
''I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, yeah I will change
Whatever I, whatever I can''
Last two verses coming true as I speak them into existence outloud. Life won't prostrate magic carpet for you & bless you with bliss , it's YOU by changing your perception on LIFE that'll make you achieve that inner peace. Good luck.
the obstacle IS the path. i am grateful for every challenge that hasn't killed me
My dad is a kind and helpful man, he didnt really take much part in my growing up but I had many other, stricter men around me. I did sports and the coaches I met and who trained me taught me expectations and hard work, that praise was not easy to gain and inherently pointless unless you really, really earned it.
Such a fascinating topic and an essential one in this day and age.
Another reason is friends. If all your friends are in their 30s still partying and doing the same shit they were doing in their 20s, it's hard to be the only one to start a family and leave them behind. I know because I'm the friend that started the family.
You’ve evolved beyond them. Unfortunately, immature and emotionally stunted people don’t understand that responsibility brings meaning and that discipline equals freedom. They’re scared to grow up, but it’ll happen regardless. If you don’t make plans for your life, life will make plans for you.
@@lauramorgan27 Thank you Laura.
I am in my 30’s and the amount of people who dog on you for starting a family is astounding unless they have one of their own. I want you to know that it’s THEIR issue, not yours. Once life happens, priorities shift, someone whining that you can’t be their drinking buddy or DD because you love your family is entirely selfish. You have to take care of you just like your friends take care of their needs to party.
Best of luck, you deserve happiness.
you aren't better or "more evolved" for having kids.
@@lauramorgan27Having fun is not immature. Raising children knowing they can't provide for themselves is immature
We live in a time, when youth culture, i.e., .music, food, sports etc., informs and influences the "adult" world. This is a break with and an inversion of historical influences, which had adult culture influencing and informing the youth. We are at a "Lord of The Flies" scenario, wherein the shallow, self-indulgent affinities of youth, have been left to inform and drive "adult" cultural and economic affinities. What we have, is a prolonged childhood - emotional children in adult bodies. Point is, at the age of twelve, George Washington was the Virginia State Surveyor. An agrarian culture breeds stronger, more resilient mature people generally. A tyranny of modern "convenience," has produced a dysfunctional, immature populace. The current tyranny, is not that of a "big brother," but of a Big Mother.
So well said!
Yes, adults are having a "LOL" moment enjoying The Simpsons.
That was so good.
So fascinating
I raised six men. It was my natural inclination to let them go at around age 12, telling dad "he's yours now!". Of course I remained encouraging and nurturing to a point, and i failed sometimes. Point is, this should be instinctual. Moms who love their sons desire the best for them, and desire them to be their best.
It's great to hear that we've women who are contributing to the stability of society in regards to the social aspect
Most parents are selfish.😏
Ingalls?? Are you related to Laura Ingalls Wilder? Not directly of course :)
Did you homeschool your boys?
Shouldn't the dad be their before their 12 years ? I know a lot of me that resent their father to be only their when they were teenagers...
"everyone has a face, until they're punched in the plan"
Sike Tyson
Thith 👆🙂
Lol
Im deeply afraid that I have to inform you that after a long thoughful contemplation, I have concluded that this, in fact, is not a real quote. Instead, it should be: plan has everyone, until face gets punched in the he.
@@aewohiuwefhweu if my plan is to punch myself in the face them make my plan counting on the shock I'll be in to trigger my plan into action
This year I have become the most psychologically powerful than i’ve ever been in my entire life. So many diagnoses and experiences brought me to this point and I’ve come to realize I have two options. Either I use it for good or bad. So far ive been good but the diagnoses sometimes make the bad wanna come out lol but. The psychological game is one of the most fun but also scariest things imaginable. It still surprises sometimes when I effortlessly get what I want simply by using words in a crafty manner or doing things. Everything that I do in life it has a purpose whether its to get allies , hurt people, or whatever and it scares me sometimes how powerful I truly am. But knowing all of this and being raised “correctly “ has prevented me from being a “villain “ lol
A-are you a psicopato? 😳
@@Castelorizon I was diagnosed as one yeah😂
@@otakkuanimegeek7892☹️
As a kid I personally had to face questions of what it meant to be a man and what does responsibility and accountability look like as a young young boy. In many ways I had to rase myself. And for many years I struggled with self identity and “my role” in society/ my family. It wasn’t till I was out of highschool that it finally clicked for me. Being a man isn’t about taking charge or being respected, it’s about rising up to an occasion not for personal gain but for the benefit of others. And finding joy in that process. Being someone who takes the mantle not for lust for power but steps up for others who don’t have the courage, and can share compassion with those around him. This alone set me on a different path that I up to that point didn’t know existed. Man isn’t born he is forged as the heat of life keeps rising.
"Without role models the best way to get acquainted to manhood is definitely in the service of good leadership, there presence and work ethic is enough to jolt your protected world view."
My sister told me this on a holiday. That weekend, I managed to land part time work for a software company, I did not program there simply handled paperwork, meeting times and watched the people do work but that was key, I was face to face with my future in the present. I remain forever grateful to her for showing me the way to manhood.
did she really elder sister? what a woman even know? I assume she raised men.
@@IsraelCountryCubeWhat are you trying to say
It amuses me when people talk about "real" manhood.and what it means. It can mean so many different things to people as we are all unique. What about just being yourself and being confident in that.
Well that depends. Do you truly know who you are if you’ve never struggled?
@@xaalcarlsonanimations1539 I think people change their views throughout life and that mainly comes from experiences. I don't know if anyone can fully know who they are at any time as their lives are continually challenged, however, if they can be honest with themselves throughout life, the confidence can show in their convictions.e.g. I may disagree with someone's point of view, but I can admire their confidence in displaying that view.
@@xaalcarlsonanimations1539 The self is no philosophers stone or some precious gem. It exists in you, it's you. Through struggle you either form a protective cover over your soul, or burn the layer that already exists. Rather than burn yourself on the fires of other, your soul should burn whatever chains it by it's own fire
There is no you. There is an amalgamation of life experiences, traits you picked up from other people, and what your parents instilled in you. And you are plastic, you can change, you do change over time. There is no such thing as "being yourself"
@@xaalcarlsonanimations1539 who the fuck are you to decide if anyone has struggled or not? Furthermore yeah you probably know who you are better if you never struggled.
This video gave me chills. It completed thoughts that I've already had but hadn't quite thought deeply about (in terms of gender roles and societal roles). Really great video. You can see how for example, the lack of initiation into manhood, has played a part of the demise of modern society. Many would rather seek pleasure and the inevitable suffering that accompanies this path rather than to choose suffering coupled with purpose and fulfillment
Now THIS is interesting. I'm a little upset that I'm two years late to find this, but I've been suspecting a rampant amount of childish behavior in others (and probably myself if Introspect) lately. Can't wait to watch.