I spoke my truth yesturday...and I just wanted to share that you have to be stronger than the person you are telling your truth to. Especially if that person's life is directly affected by it.
Thanks for commenting, CTH. It is important to be at a place in your healing and prepared in a way that disclosing will not create more difficulty for you. Or at least have the ability to process the outcome with someone who can support you through it. So often, people who have a personal stake in "not knowing" can have strong (sometimes inapporopriate) reactions related to the defenses it may trigger in them. I hope your disclosure has not made your life more difficult and you have someone to be able to process the disclosure with.
Peggy Oliveira LCSW Hi Peggy. I have friends I could tell to, but they cannot go through the proces with me, he (my brother) was my only hope,I was actualy yearning for his love compasion and understanding. I honestly believe that the therapy is the best solution because it leads somewhere.. Sharing it with friends can give relief but therapy solves the problem. BTW you are amazing and you will be the one ;)
CTH I'm sorry your brother wasn't able to be what you needed and deserve. I agree, therapy is important and can provide many aspects necessary to healing that personal relationships can not. Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure if you mean I will be the one you choose to work with, but, I would be honored :)
Thank you so much, for helping so many people with your insightful and psychological perspective on abuse. You have helped me soooooo much. Love and hugs from Germany.
I am a women in her 60's and still struggle occasionally with childhood sexual abuse. After watching this video. It brought up the guilt that I have regarding my two adult son's and what they have endured sense teenagers, having a mom who get triggered with PTSD. I have encouraged them to get their own support, because they have their own story of what that was like. Also, I guess I am hoping that it would bring more understanding that this is something I am not always able to "let go"! Being triggered for me often feels so humiliating. Thank you from all your support and the courage of sharing your own story!! Colleen
Thank you so much for commenting Colleen. I hope your sons choose to get help one day. Please don't let your struggles and mistakes as a parent define your worthiness for healing. There is no shame in being effected by abuse. None of us can escape the impact...no matter how much we may tell ourselves we have. I hope you are able to get the help you need too.
I want to tell my adult children that my father molested me, and my mother failed to protect me. So they can understand why I went no contact with my mother.
I am just now speaking out about my abuse and I have told some of my family members so far. My mom and I aren't speaking and she is not allowing me to see or talk to my two little brothers until everything is taken care of. My older brother didn't take my news lightly and and is
Hi Peggy,i agree with everything your saying about this topic as i have been there growing up from a very young age,and at the time got a great deal of embarasment,and shame from all of it which developed into many problems for me later which i had no help with,and being scared,and then later turning into certain types of habits to help myself like i was always told to help myself,and later i actually realized i was used for their own purpose in life to find myself left with all the problems,i"am sorry for getting this part out in your comment colume but to me it"s truth,and everything your talking about is,and i thank you for bringing this on,love Denny😘🙏
Peggy, I feel so grateful that I found your web sight! It is so insightful and has helped bring understanding to me when I struggle and feel misunderstood! Thank you for taking your time to educate and reach out! Thank YOU! Colleen
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I'm so happy you've found the videos and website helpful. For more support you can join us on my FB page under Courageous Journeys.
+Yvette Ordaz So sorry for the delay in responding. For some reason, I'm just seeing this. I would say that it's not that you can't get over it. It's just likely you haven't had the right help or support in making it happen. No one can do it on their own and it takes someone with a lot of experience working with survivors.
Hi peggy,i think it's really great with you bringing on this video with talking about this,i really think can bring help,and relief to many people who have been in these type of situations,and know that they have someone like you caring about what happened to them,and being there for them thank you,love Denny😘🙏
I spoke of my abuse and lost my whole family Afterwards they amped up the abuse and I actually reported it to APS as I am disabled and financially dependent on my mom for living quarters APS disregarded everything I told them except the comment I made that my mother is manifesting violent reactions from me with her continuous disregard and abuse of me as I had slapped her in the face APS CLOSED MY CASE AND OPENED UP A CASE AGAINST ME I called HRA to report how APS revictimized me I've yet to hear from them I am completely mind blown
sorry I am confused, did you slap your mother? or did your mother slap you? which ever, I believe this may not be the safest living situation for you. Can APS find you different living quarters perhaps. Sometimes dealing with different agencies, State/county It may be beneficial if you have a second party speak for you. example: therapists, nurse, doctors. Hope you are doing ok.
@@NoName-pu5ls I'm still working on this issue with APS and now a public advocate acting on my behalf as they cause me to mentally decompensate with their covert abuse tactics TY for your information
Hi Lara. I'm sorry for the delay in responding. Depending on where you live, your local rape crisis center or domestic violence shelter may be able to help. They typically have legal advocates that can help you navigate the systems you may need to interact with. They also provide counseling either free of charge or very low cost. I'm sorry this happened. It took such courage for you to report.
My mum and sisters are devastated since I disclosed sexual abuse by my father. They've now chosen not to talk to me. How deep does this rabbit hole go?
I don't know how to, never been able to and when to disclose, it doesn't help with the one person who was supposed to protect you to begin with and then for you to be called a liar or something so just don't mentioned it
Unfortunately, our families are not the place or people we can turn to for support and understanding...or protection. Please know you are not alone. Speaking your truth doesn't always have to mean disclosing to family or police. It can be sharing with someone you trust so that you're not holding on to the secrecy and shame any longer. I hope you are able to get the help and support you deserve.
Have you ever listened to Emeli Sande's "Read All About It, Part III"? I don't know what the song is really about, but it has some really powerful lyrics that I think could really apply to survivors and speaking their truth.
Thanks so much for sharing Sara. I had not heard it, but just listened to it & you're right, really powerful and relevant. It also made me think about just being able to believe in your value. That your thoughts, desires, etc matter and deserve to be shared. Thanks again. I will share with everyone.
Great questions, Logan. Thanks for asking. I think it's a great topic, though due to the complexity of the issue, I may have some difficulty addressing it in a video. I will do my best :). Wanting to understand "why" can be a really difficult aspect of healing...because there is never a "reason" that takes the pain & betrayal away.
Logan Mattison that is where I am at in my healing journey. I really want to know why my abuser did what he did. He is no longer living yet that question still haunts me, like i have some compulsion to understand him. His past, his pain, his dysfunction so that i can make sense of what happened to me. It’s taken me 40 years to get to this point. These videos have really helped me see the value of ME validating my pain, and the truth. I never really did this. I pushed away the pain, and just rationalized my abusers actions, minimized my story, lived in DENIAL and avoided ant opportunity to face painful emotions by numbing myself. I had a moment of clarity yesterday during my quiet time/meditation where i told myself his why doesn’t matter, his pain doesn’t matter, his reasons for abusing me don’t matter. I matter. I wept. Still going to weekly therapy, and EMDR is saving my life. Once i made the decision to face this trauma, the floodgates of memories started pouring down. Sending you lots of love on your healing journey. We can do this.
Hi Christian. I'm so sorry to hear about your attack. I'm not surprised you feel depressed at times. I imagine you're probably feeling some other things too. If you haven't talked with anyone (professional) about it, I would strongly encourage you to. If you need help finding someone, I'd be happy to see if I can help.
Peggy you can help if you'd like. I just hate this feeling of sadness that comes inside me. I've accepted what happened and I just want to feel better and get over it
My mother left when I was around 2 my brother 3. She took our beds and all the furniture. my father's brother and mother came to live with us Jerry sexually abused me and physically beat us our grandmother was evil and protected him so does my father. The first time I remembered what happened was when Jerry was holding my then 7 year old half sister with his hands by her crotch. I told my dad what happened. He punched me and called me a fucking liar . To this day my father will bring up that this person or that had such a Rough life and that he read an article on hobbit affects people later. I said yes dad I know which was followed by why do you have to make it about you? He calls me nobody. Should I post on my uncles facebook page what he is?
Thank you for sharing, Victoria. I'm so sorry for your family's reaction. Posting on his page has the potential to bring up a lot of things for you. I would encourage you to talk through all the possibilities with a professional who understands all these dynamics to help make this decision.
I spoke my truth yesturday...and I just wanted to share that you have to be stronger than the person you are telling your truth to. Especially if that person's life is directly affected by it.
Thanks for commenting, CTH. It is important to be at a place in your healing and prepared in a way that disclosing will not create more difficulty for you. Or at least have the ability to process the outcome with someone who can support you through it. So often, people who have a personal stake in "not knowing" can have strong (sometimes inapporopriate) reactions related to the defenses it may trigger in them. I hope your disclosure has not made your life more difficult and you have someone to be able to process the disclosure with.
Peggy Oliveira LCSW Hi Peggy. I have friends I could tell to, but they cannot go through the proces with me, he (my brother) was my only hope,I was actualy yearning for his love compasion and understanding. I honestly believe that the therapy is the best solution because it leads somewhere.. Sharing it with friends can give relief but therapy solves the problem. BTW you are amazing and you will be the one ;)
CTH I'm sorry your brother wasn't able to be what you needed and deserve. I agree, therapy is important and can provide many aspects necessary to healing that personal relationships can not. Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure if you mean I will be the one you choose to work with, but, I would be honored :)
Peggy Oliveira LCSW That's exactly what I ment. ;)
CTH I will look forward to it :)
Thank you so much, for helping so many people with your insightful and psychological perspective on abuse. You have helped me soooooo much. Love and hugs from Germany.
So sorry for the delay in my response. Thank you for watching. I'm glad you find the videos helpful.
I am a women in her 60's and still struggle occasionally with childhood sexual abuse. After watching this video. It brought up the guilt that I have regarding my two adult son's and what they have endured sense teenagers, having a mom who get triggered with PTSD. I have encouraged them to get their own support, because they have their own story of what that was like. Also, I guess I am hoping that it would bring more understanding that this is something I am not always able to "let go"! Being triggered for me often feels so humiliating. Thank you from all your support and the courage of sharing your own story!! Colleen
Thank you so much for commenting Colleen. I hope your sons choose to get help one day. Please don't let your struggles and mistakes as a parent define your worthiness for healing. There is no shame in being effected by abuse. None of us can escape the impact...no matter how much we may tell ourselves we have. I hope you are able to get the help you need too.
I want to tell my adult children that my father molested me, and my mother failed to protect me.
So they can understand why I went no contact with my mother.
It's sad. Mothers are often damaged too. It doesn't excuse them but it might provide you with the understanding you need to heal.
wow. never thought about it NOT being my responsibility. mind blown.
Hi Sara! Thanks so much for watching & commenting. I hope you are now able to begin to let it go.
thankyou peggy, ive had 4 therapists and not one got it, i always felt i was less important than other children and people. you get it, thankyou.
Hi Niamh! Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment.
I am just now speaking out about my abuse and I have told some of my family members so far. My mom and I aren't speaking and she is not allowing me to see or talk to my two little brothers until everything is taken care of. My older brother didn't take my news lightly and and is
coming around slowly and my dad, I am very scared to tell him.
Hi Peggy,i agree with everything your saying about this topic as i have been there growing up from a very young age,and at the time got a great deal of embarasment,and shame from all of it which developed into many problems for me later which i had no help with,and being scared,and then later turning into certain types of habits to help myself like i was always told to help myself,and later i actually realized i was used for their own purpose in life to find myself left with all the problems,i"am sorry for getting this part out in your comment colume but to me it"s truth,and everything your talking about is,and i thank you for bringing this on,love Denny😘🙏
Thank you for watching and sharing your personal experience. The more people share, the less shame and stigma there is. ❤️
Peggy,
I feel so grateful that I found your web sight! It is so insightful and has helped bring understanding to me when I struggle and feel misunderstood! Thank you for taking your time to educate and reach out! Thank YOU! Colleen
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I'm so happy you've found the videos and website helpful. For more support you can join us on my FB page under Courageous Journeys.
10 years + and still cant get over it. great vids. thanks
+Yvette Ordaz So sorry for the delay in responding. For some reason, I'm just seeing this. I would say that it's not that you can't get over it. It's just likely you haven't had the right help or support in making it happen. No one can do it on their own and it takes someone with a lot of experience working with survivors.
thank you and don't worry lol
Hi peggy,i think it's really great with you bringing on this video with talking about this,i really think can bring help,and relief to many people who have been in these type of situations,and know that they have someone like you caring about what happened to them,and being there for them thank you,love Denny😘🙏
I spoke of my abuse and lost my whole family
Afterwards they amped up the abuse and I actually reported it to APS as I am disabled and financially dependent on my mom for living quarters
APS disregarded everything I told them except the comment I made that my mother is manifesting violent reactions from me with her continuous disregard and abuse of me as I had slapped her in the face
APS CLOSED MY CASE AND OPENED UP A CASE AGAINST ME
I called HRA to report how APS revictimized me
I've yet to hear from them
I am completely mind blown
sorry I am confused, did you slap your mother? or did your mother slap you? which ever, I believe this may not be the safest living situation for you. Can APS find you different living quarters perhaps. Sometimes dealing with different agencies, State/county It may be beneficial if you have a second party speak for you. example: therapists, nurse, doctors. Hope you are doing ok.
I am not a professional by any means, I just am trying to help with some ideas for you to consider. Best of luck Lara
@@NoName-pu5ls I'm still working on this issue with APS and now a public advocate acting on my behalf as they cause me to mentally decompensate with their covert abuse tactics
TY for your information
Hi Lara. I'm sorry for the delay in responding. Depending on where you live, your local rape crisis center or domestic violence shelter may be able to help. They typically have legal advocates that can help you navigate the systems you may need to interact with. They also provide counseling either free of charge or very low cost. I'm sorry this happened. It took such courage for you to report.
My mum and sisters are devastated since I disclosed sexual abuse by my father. They've now chosen not to talk to me. How deep does this rabbit hole go?
I don't see how there is every a way to let it go
I don't know how to, never been able to and when to disclose, it doesn't help with the one person who was supposed to protect you to begin with and then for you to be called a liar or something so just don't mentioned it
Unfortunately, our families are not the place or people we can turn to for support and understanding...or protection. Please know you are not alone. Speaking your truth doesn't always have to mean disclosing to family or police. It can be sharing with someone you trust so that you're not holding on to the secrecy and shame any longer. I hope you are able to get the help and support you deserve.
Have you ever listened to Emeli Sande's "Read All About It, Part III"? I don't know what the song is really about, but it has some really powerful lyrics that I think could really apply to survivors and speaking their truth.
Thanks so much for sharing Sara. I had not heard it, but just listened to it & you're right, really powerful and relevant. It also made me think about just being able to believe in your value. That your thoughts, desires, etc matter and deserve to be shared. Thanks again. I will share with everyone.
that's exactly what I thought when I heard it
Hi, great video :D u really liked it, can't wait for your next update!! :)
Will you make a video about how you'd start accepting/understanding that a parent sexually abused you and why they did it?
Great questions, Logan. Thanks for asking. I think it's a great topic, though due to the complexity of the issue, I may have some difficulty addressing it in a video. I will do my best :). Wanting to understand "why" can be a really difficult aspect of healing...because there is never a "reason" that takes the pain & betrayal away.
Logan Mattison that is where I am at in my healing journey. I really want to know why my abuser did what he did. He is no longer living yet that question still haunts me, like i have some compulsion to understand him. His past, his pain, his dysfunction so that i can make sense of what happened to me. It’s taken me 40 years to get to this point. These videos have really helped me see the value of ME validating my pain, and the truth. I never really did this. I pushed away the pain, and just rationalized my abusers actions, minimized my story, lived in DENIAL and avoided ant opportunity to face painful emotions by numbing myself.
I had a moment of clarity yesterday during my quiet time/meditation where i told myself his why doesn’t matter, his pain doesn’t matter, his reasons for abusing me don’t matter. I matter.
I wept.
Still going to weekly therapy, and EMDR is saving my life. Once i made the decision to face this trauma, the floodgates of memories started pouring down.
Sending you lots of love on your healing journey.
We can do this.
Peggy,i like your therapy videos,i think they can be helpfull to many people in many ways
Thanks so much Denis. I'm glad you find them helpful.
I was almost raped and sexually abused by a complete stranger and I feel a little depressed by it sometimes. Please help😖
Hi Christian. I'm so sorry to hear about your attack. I'm not surprised you feel depressed at times. I imagine you're probably feeling some other things too. If you haven't talked with anyone (professional) about it, I would strongly encourage you to. If you need help finding someone, I'd be happy to see if I can help.
Peggy you can help if you'd like. I just hate this feeling of sadness that comes inside me. I've accepted what happened and I just want to feel better and get over it
thanks
I really liked it*
My mother left when I was around 2 my brother 3. She took our beds and all the furniture. my father's brother and mother came to live with us Jerry sexually abused me and physically beat us our grandmother was evil and protected him so does my father. The first time I remembered what happened was when Jerry was holding my then 7 year old half sister with his hands by her crotch. I told my dad what happened. He punched me and called me a fucking liar . To this day my father will bring up that this person or that had such a Rough life and that he read an article on hobbit affects people later. I said yes dad I know which was followed by why do you have to make it about you? He calls me nobody. Should I post on my uncles facebook page what he is?
Thank you for sharing, Victoria. I'm so sorry for your family's reaction. Posting on his page has the potential to bring up a lot of things for you. I would encourage you to talk through all the possibilities with a professional who understands all these dynamics to help make this decision.
Peggy Oliveira, MSW thank you. I didn't do it they know what he is.