i fear im being followed.
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hello hello lil cherubs. in today's video i talk about my experience with OCD, paranoia, anxiety, and parasocial relationships I'm struggling with while having a social media following. hope u enjoy and take care of urself xoxo nikki nasty
stalk me here but not actually
☞Instagram: / nicolerafiee
☞Twitter: / nicolerafiee
☞TikTok: / nikkinasty
☞Amazon Storefront: www.amazon.com/shop/nicolerafiee
☞Depop: www.depop.com/nicolerafiee/
☞Spotify: open.spotify.com/user/nicoler...
☞business email: nicole@whalartalent.com
my podcast
☞ Talk Nasty To Me
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/57bGQm6...
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
☞shop the things used in this video:
shoplist.us/nicolerafiee
☞music used
Lovers Rock - TV Girl
Buttercup - Jack Stauber
/ nicolerafiee - บันเทิง
I CLICKED SO FAST THE GENUINE WORRY FOR YOUR SAFETY OML. A GIRL'S GIRL'S WORST FEAR.
ME TOO 😭 I really thought she posted a whole video while being followed instead of calling someone
Same I was like please noo
@@jjayjazz HELP god bless u fr
@@rooboatdeer22yu51 frr
ANY girls worst fear wtfff😭
you can definitely ask your followers to disclose their following. it’s a boundary, it’s for your safety and wellbeing.
Yes!!❤
I'm agreeing.
straight up jorking it... in the moonlight
gorl..
WHO SAYS THAT IVE BEEN GOING CRAZY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO SAYS JORKING IT
and by it..i meant my peanits..
@mhmbunbun1527 Brittany broski🙏 (I think)
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
It's a misrepresentation of oneself and an imbalance of power to behave as if we don't follow you when we do and engage like it's a mutual blank slate when its not. It's a lie by omission. That's why that would make me uncomfortable in your shoes.
perfectly put. It's definitely a lie by omission. It's also hard to think of a comparison but it's almost like, talking about your relationship with your sibling to someone new, only to find out at the end of the conversation that they're a teammate of your sibling and they've known them for years. It's very very uncomfortable to imagine.
exactly. it makes sense why someone would do it but it doesnt make it any less hurtful. especially in this specific case
I think it's unfair from a genuine connection standpoint. Nicole mentions it saddens her, and she also mentioned one of her thoughts about the interaction at the party I believe was that she was connecting with another person. After the fact it can just feel so ingenious....and honestl, from my perspectiv, unsafe. AND if I was in Nicole's shoe, I'd feel a little dumb bc I thought I was socializing so well and possibly creating a budding friendship only to learn this person already had the script.
Exactly!! It gives off this sense that they have something to hide, perhaps even their motives. Maybe it was intended to be innocent and not weird Nicole out, but clearly that didn't work lol.
I would be very uncomfortable having a convo with someone (esp for hours) then finding out after that they followed, watched vids, knew things about me, etc. and didn't make me aware until so much later... understandable that this would freak you out. Take care of yourself!
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__ shut up lmfao you have no content
@@ville__ what
@@pi-squared21It's a bot. Report it❤
@@pi-squared21 it’s a copy pasted comment. this person has naz! imagery in their profile pic and is commenting this multiple times for attention.
nicole being a drake lover is like colleen hoover being a pulitzer prize winner
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__ Stay ignored, Ville! 😂 Keep screaming lies on anyone’s channel but your own. It’s not like anyone watches you.
@@ville__ SHUT UP BRO!
@@ville__bro has a naz! sign as pfp and thinks he can say smth and people will listen to him
u ate
OF COURSE those situations freak you out!! Nicole this is so so so freakin understandable. It’s such a nuanced situation that I’ve actually never considered as a subscriber but it makes total sense to me. Someone asking you questions they already know the answer to is honestly objectively weird as hell. I just want to validate you here because yes that is such a weird situation and for it to happen multiple times would be so unbelievably unnerving. Who you are as a person shows so clearly in this video and it is an extremely kind, sensitive, and empathetic person. You do not in any way come off as ungrateful. This is such a beautiful vulnerable window into your life and thoughts and it is so brave and strong of you let us in. From an outside perspective, please please know that this is ENTIRELY understandable.
You put it into words PERFECTLY
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__CAN YOU STOP OMGGGGGG ENOUGH
ive heard this intro so many times this week that i heard lovers rock irl yesterday and geniunely my first thought was this channell😭😭
THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY😭😭
the first time I heard lovers rock I was thinking the same thing lol
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__ you have 3 videos that have nothing to do with the shit she talks abt ..?
Kilby Block Party⁉️⁉️
The internet is truly a hellish place for people with OCD.
it genuinely fuels my ocd (in the worst way)
And just all neurodivergent people. I’m autistic so I have ocd, adhd, dislexia and more shii it’s really hard almost ended me cus I wasn’t diagnosed and didn’t get help or an explanation why I can’t do shii like others
Oh damn dislexia I thought u said the world is… but yes internet to!
so true
I think it is generally common courtesy to let someone know that you already know a bit about them, ESPECIALLY if you're talking to someone you're a fan of.
I think it's super weird that they didn't do that honestly 🤨
I could imagine they wanted to treat it as a first meeting since many people are different online and you shouldn't assume you know someone just because you followed them. But it's still weird, especially when the conversation is long. I also don't get how you actually do keep it secret, I would immediately tell any person I follow online how often we talked in the comments or on Instagram. Like, I would be so proud 😂
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__is this a new type of bot or something? Who the hell are you
no you're so right i can't believe they pretended to not know you. i have actually been stalked online and it's very scary. i stopped twitch streaming and nukes all my socials because i was that scared. i can't imagine how scary that must have been.
Same it's really hard to ease back online idk if it's even worth it for me 😅
top teir username btw
@@vickynosleepy thank you lol
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
@@ville__how? ive watched her for nearly four years now and anything shes outputted has been original. i keep seeing u comment this but like im not trying to argue or anything Im genuinely curious.
this felt like a vintage car vlog, as someone who's been around a hot sec i just have to say i'm incredibly proud of how far you've come and how you're doing and admitting the hard things like in this video. your continued honesty and drive helped me get through lockdown college and moving forward through my own mental health journey. i'm glad to have been here through all the iterations of nikki nasty and cant wait to see where you go next!
ahhhh so appreciate of you!!
I also struggle with paranoia! Subscribers probably want a conversation with no pressure and the possibility of a friendship, kind intentions sure, but it’s dishonest and deceptive. How you feel about this is completely valid.
NOT THE DISCLAIMERS!! SAME GIRL SAME!!!! I went camping with a good friend of mine and we were talking about the way we perceived each other in high school,, and she was like "yeah I always thought you seemed really cautious when expressing any sort of opinion you would always clarify to the nth degree before you even mentioned the statement. Then once you got there the actual statement would be the most asinine thing" OCD really be beefing with anything it can get its clammy lil hands on damn
LITERALLLLY
wait me too 😔
I do this to the extent that I get mad at myself and people get really frustrated with me, but I've never thought about OCD as a possibility
wait this also counts as OCD?!😳 i've been misdiagnosed for years...
@@bonsthoughts I think it's a potential manifestation of OCD symptoms, not unique to OCD. You may not be misdiagnosed at all. For example, low mood is a symptom of both depression and anxiety. As is irritability. Some people get snappy when they're anxious whilst others will express more of a fear and sadness response, but anxiety is still the route. Same could be said of low mood, depression is quite obvious there but anxiety can lead to feeling low and energy depleted. You definitely might have OCD but you may have been perfectly accurately diagnosed with something else, I'd discuss it with your doctor first.
I think people pretend to not know someone from online because people are so afraid of seeming parasocial these days. It’s not cool to have attachments to people from online anymore, so if you meet someone you have to pretend that you don’t know them at all in order to connect. I feel like a lot of the conversations around “parasocial relationships” have actually backfired.
Anxiety is literally the worst. Debilitating. I hope you’re okay❤
WHO ASKED + MY CONTENT IS WAY BETTER
UTTP IS WAY BETTER THAN GUNNAR....
Ye true anxiety is literally the worst ever disease as hell like debilitatinggg
So i’ve met creators both guys and gals of your same size following and after saying hi face to face I IMMEDIATELY disclose that i’ve been watching their videos and I even tell them specific videos that stood out to me etc. i could never fake that in front of them, would feel awkward to me. Also what you are saying is totally valid and I don’t think you should have to feel bad about it. Its quite weird to walk up to someone & pretend you don’t know a single thing about them. Also just on top of this, women get stalked, followed on a daily basis so having a big following on youtube just doubles that fear i’d imagine. I spend hours tracking back personal interactions about things i’ve been told and said, and so I totally get that as well. Completely valid especially in your position as well.
I solemnly swear, if I ever see you in person, you will know immediately that I watch your videos. ❤
First off the way you articulate the initial traumatic situation and explain the events and feelings following that makes perfect sense and I completely understand why you feel the way you feel. I can reassure you that it’s very weird that even though they do not disclose that they’re following you they should say something within the realm of “I follow you” or “I’ve seen you before,” because then it becomes a very one sided meeting. They are also then masking their knowledge of you and trying not to slip by admitting they know a lot more about you then you do them. Truly I could not begin know that feeling but I see where each occasion triggers you and sends you back to that initial event which is why that anxiety and depression takes over. I’m not going to recommend anything or like you said treat this any different but just please stay safe and maybe develop a set of questions or icebreakers that could make them admit they’re following you or just talk about your life as an influencer/TH-camr to reassure them you know people know you and of you creating a safe space for both parties?
this comment oml, you ate!!
fr like even meeting people in my town that i’ve seen on instagram or something i’ll be like hey i follow u on insta! not disclosing seems very creepy and it gives me shivers lol
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
Honestly if I had these kinds of experiences I would not trust anyone ever again and be JUST as paranoid as you. It would give anyone a complex, OCD or no.
It makes total sense for me that you're creeped out by people pretending not to know you. I'd be too.
Once your sense of safety is shaken up by a traumatic experience, it doesn't take a lot to go back into this fear. But even without this factor, it still would make sense to me you feel that way.
OMG 😂 Right after I clicked send on this comment you mentionned being scared to k*ll your cat, and I had this fear at some point in my life. That's the kinda thing most people wouldn't disclose to anyone. But now at 33, and knowing I'm not a freak for having this thought, I'm now the weirdo that will disclose that in the middle of a conversation, as if it was nothing 😂😂😂
i also have really bad paranoia around being alone ans stalked (i also have anxiety and ocd) and it is genuinely so debilitating and i wish more people understood how hard it is to be that paranoid all the time
I have OCD and you just summed up basically my whole existence. I’m also medicated and medication has changed my life, but I tell everyone I know that has OCD, it makes it better. It doesn’t make it go away. Instead of being paralyzed with dread for a whole day, I’m just like “I could die horribly if I leave my house. But I really need to take that chance because I have stuff to do.”
I never assume anyone with OCD is doing great with it unless told otherwise. I have plenty of friends that have no clue when I'm hella struggling with my OCD/etc. bc mine is easy to mask in public while breaking down in private! Thanks for sharing
yes and it doesn’t help that ocd is stereotyped to be a super wanted disorder because people think it means clean and neat. like no i was just bawling my eyes out last night because i can’t stand around sharp objects without thinking what if i cut my hand off!
@@briclare dude yes, part of mine means I avoid mess, like I can't perceive it and have to actively work on trying to be clean and neat
@kingoftheamandas holy shit i relate to that but i dont have digonsis
@@katc2040 that's okay! tbh a lot of anxiety-based disorders blend together so, for example, it's hard to say which of my symptoms and habits are a result of OCD vs anxiety vs my ADHD lol
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
Both sides are so understandable because I feel like people know that if they disclose that they’re a fan/viewer then that changes the whole dynamic and the other person may act coldly afterwards or not be as into the conversation thinking that maybe they had an ulterior motive. And there’s lots of older fans who maybe just happened upon someone they watch but do actually just want to have a genuine conversation and get to know them with no ulterior motive at all. I know for me, I would be anxious about finding the right time to disclose that I watch them on social media, and sometimes you might think that it’s making it easier on them to treat it like a first encounter for both of you. I know I do basically anything to avoid awkwardness haha (this situation has never happened to me though). But on the other hand, being the “celeb” in that instance is terrifying because it makes you think that anyone just trying to be friends with you could be a fan and actually have ulterior motives. That could easily turn into paranoia (and has) even for people without a mental health issue like OCD or anxiety. That’s probably part of why celebrities mainly date within themselves because you just never know what someone’s motive is when meeting them unless they are someone equally as famous as you (and therefore unlikely to be using you for anything but also understanding of the situation). Times when celebs are dating “ordinary people” or are friends with them is usually only when they knew them well beforehand. It’s a more extreme example compared to a “content creator”, but I definitely think the bigger following people get, the more it starts to become true.
I thought the same thing! Nicole’s feelings are valid and subscribers should disclose. I also think most of us subbed to Nicole are thoughtful ppl. The followers she met probably assumed (incorrectly) not disclosing that they follow would make her feel more normal/comfortable.
i have a stalker, a genuine watcher and it’s one of my close friends who obsessed over me in highschool to a point of making a plan to kidnap me, you’re fear is valid, feeling like your being followed/watched is awful
I have mad social anxiety, i relate so hard to a lot of what you said. I leave basically every conversation being like “wow they definitely hate me now” with no basis at all. I did exposure therapy for social anxiety and it suuucked (it helped tho) as an example, I was afraid of awkward silences in conversations so my therapist would have me talk to random employees at the hospital and they wouldnt talk 😩
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
i feel like how you feel about it is pretty valid i mean in my opinion it’s pretty messed up for them to ask you specific questions they already know about you and to lead you to believe that they’re just now getting to know you. i get if someone doesn’t want to mention they watch you because maybe they’d feel awkward about it idk, but it’s the going out of their way to make it seem like theyve got no idea who you are. it just seems very manipulative idk ://
and in my opinion it’s not that you’re complaining that people know you and people watch your content. you have a valid concern with people going out of their way to pretend to not know you just so you will talk to them. i don’t wanna be mean towards those people but that’s not a very nice thing to do and you shouldn’t have been put through that anxiety
Not only could I never do that with any youtuber I follow, I actively have multiple exit strategies in case I ever accidentally run into someone I follow online so that I know I'm not imposing in any way on their life in the outernet. It's wild to me that people do that.
ocd is the worst, and it’s so hard sometimes because so many people will never understand how it works or how debilitating it can be. it’s actually insane that those people didn’t disclose that they’re subscribers
nicole should retire LOL and she has legit stolen my hard worked content and i dont appreciate you all ignoring me on a serious topic of this!!
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to disclose that they follow you online. I don’t even have a big social media presence but when someone says “oh we follow each other on IG!” I really appreciate that transparency.
Girl you are 100% valid for feeling these things. I would be freaked out if someone had been following me on social media but didn't say anything. I have mild anxiety and that would send me down a spiral fr
Girl, I have OCD and the scenarios you described about people not disclosing they know you is a fucking nightmare. I'm so sorry you go through that!
I recently met a "celebrity" that I have followed for years in a public setting in my home town. I didn't know what to say but I really wanted to meet them, so I came up and we started having a normal conversation, and really quickly into that conversation I said "hey I actually follow you on Instagram and know your music. I just didn't know how to say I know who you are and I'm a fan." They were thrilled to meet me and thrilled I knew their content. After watching this video, I feel good I didn't just pretend I didn't know who they were and freaked them out when they realized I have commented a lot on their posts before!
i donated! thank you for speaking up about Palestine! i love being able to confidently support creators that i know are standing up for the right causes 🇵🇸❤
i clicked so fast
*jorking in the moonlight
i’ve been on both sides of the table - talking to someone i know from social media but not knowing when/how to best reveal this info and talking to someone who knows me but doesn’t reveal it… we need to introduce a guidebook to help us thru these nascent type of social interactions only brought forth via the internet
I have never felt so seen about the whole fear of perception. Seeing you be so open and candid is honestly so inspiring
hey girl this is such an interesting an important video!! i’m a sociology major and i think a lot about the interactions between media personalities and their fans. firstly, this isn’t something you should feel embarrassed or ashamed to be sharing i think it is truely really valuable to have first hand perspectives in this convo!! i do think your feelings around them not disclosing their prior relationship with you makes a lot of sense- interactions hold meaning and symbolism and help to construct identity and personas, and media personalities should have the right to manage this persona when interacting with fans to protect themselves. your feeling of betrayal makes sense to me because you have the right to be different things to different people, and this was an act of deception on the part of the fan, who seems to intentionally want to see the private version of you. i have so many more thoughts about this but i will leave it there for now! i wish you all the best and thankyou again for being so candid about your struggles xoxoxo
as a girl with ocd i am so glad you're addressing this. your safety and peace of mind is far too important to neglect for the sake of not hurting your viewers. i am so proud of you and appreciate your vulnerability in this so much
Ive never clicked a video at 26 seconds before
Praying for you!
I think pretending to not know you is definitely manipulative and creepy, you're very valid in feeling uncomfortable after finding out
I’ve struggled with OCD for my whole life and I’ve never come across someone who describes it in such a relatable way, a lot of people don’t understand that the real torment of OCD is the constant feelings of paranoia and the obsessive thoughts that come with it, to the point where even the smallest and silliest things can impact you. Also the constant anxiety from social situations is so relatable! I think this video is such an interesting insight into how transparency and honesty can really ease the anxiety of those who struggle, and I so understand why these intersections would make you feel uncomfortable! Thanks so much for sharing your perspective and talking about your experience, it’s clear from the comments here that you have a huge positive impact on others who can relate to the struggle. You make me feel so validated, and for that I am thankful🖤
live, laugh, love nicole!! i truly believe your paranoia is very valid. It's amazing how genuine you're able to be knowing what you feel. I'm glad you feel better. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING PALESTINE TYSM. i see the creators ignore it and just go about their day and i'm sitting here thinking about the children and parents seeing their life flash before their eyes everyday. the fact they have no hope but faith. thank you, genuinely, thank you so much.
hey i got diagnosed recently with OCD a couple months ago around when i first got into watching your channel. i really really appreciate hearing you talk about your experience, even though we have obviously different ocd experiences i really relate to a lot of the feelings you share. i feel so crazy and irrational sometimes because im uncomfortable or anxious and it’s really comforting knowing someone understands. i appreciate you sharing and i really enjoy your videos
19:55 no fr. it’s like oh you’re scared your mom might die? yeah she’s gonna eventually so deal with it!!
AW HELL TO DA NAW
Those people who have a whole conversation with you without acknowledging that they follow you are freaking weird. OCD or not, anyone would feel creeped out and paranoid with that mess!
Just wanted to thank you a lot for sharing this. Only recently have I gone to a doctor for my anxiety and depression and they brought up that I possibly have OCD. I thought about the generic stereotypes but you opening up I see a lot of what I do in that though not to that level because you have an online presence. Just overthinking everything and I usually would blame things on my past but nah this shit has been ingrained in me.
YOU WEREN'T WEIRD IT'S OKAY 💕
You make complete sense!! I dont have OCD or paranoia and I would also feel icky about having a conversation with someone I thought was completely new, but they heard about me from a friend/social media/orso before and they didnt let me know. Especially if it was a conversation longer than 10 minutes!!!! Feels unbalanced, would make me feel like they could have been judging me against an image they might already have had of me?? Like how you behave differently usually around different people? Idk. It just makes sense.
This is shockingly relatable for someone who doesn’t put anything out on socials. Just the reality that you have a real life *and* a perceived reality by strangers is odd, and sometimes bad enough. You’re not unreasonable, but even if you do eventually become a b**ch to some, I hope you’ll embrace it as truly sometimes the best outcome 😬
Hey. I know you won’t see this but I just wanna thank you. I’m in ERP IOP and with school and stuff it’s been really hard. Thanks for talking about it and making me feel less alone. Your silly little videos are helping me through it
You are well within your right to tell people off for willfully deceiving you. Regardless of how they got to know you, they should have disclosed that info
Thankyou for yapping, I love hearing you yap, I don't have the same issues whatsoever but you explain things and yap the same way that I do, with fear of being misunderstood, thousands of disclaimers, fear of sounding dumb stupid weird. I feel comforted I don't even know why, I know that a lot of people are like this but maybe I don't get to share this side of my life with people close to me, and you bring that.
it's so weird that we are so anxious talking about certain things but as a viewer, I see it as the most normal, understandable valid thing.
the parasocial relationship runs DEEP. i hate that this was your experience multiple times. i hope this helps people understand that regardless of how small or big someone’s platform has, they are still people.
your talking about your experiences really does help to make people like me feel normal. just seeing someone talk about ocd in a way that isnt a dramatic short film for an AP psych class or diagnostic criteria, but real life and how you can deal with it, is really encouraging. like yeah! i can live my life even if i have anxiety while i do it. thanks queen. also you’re funny and my fav to watch while i crochet!
Nicole, being stalked online is a scary, scary experience and anyone who like myself is just a viewer can only imagine what you must have struggled through. People acting like they don't know you irl is a weird situation because of the power imbalance that they hold in not telling you you're not a stranger to them. It could be them being manipulative, or it could just be them being really anxious, but it's fair for you to let us as subscribers know how it affects you emotionally and it's entirely justified for you to set that boundary.
Unfortunately there is still a lot of assimilating that ppl have to do when it comes to meeting their fav online creators, people generally do not know how to react in a way that is comfortable for both parties because of the huge divide. That is why I think you posting something real like this is so valuable. Amidst all the photo editing and persona building that anyone with a following tends to do for the sake of being consumable and an easy watch, creators' humanity gets discarded by viewers, and everyone becomes separated more and more to the point where y'all are not allowed to have feelings or valid experiences of your own. Being real despite what the consumers will think is so difficult now, so great on your part for posting this video despite the fact.
We all need to work on being more open minded and showing kindness even when someone else's experience differs from our own. We all want to be listened to. It is not normal for you or anyone else's feelings to get shut down by others from a quick place of judgement. I hope it can provide some comfort for you to be reminded that the people who judge the most are either legitimate children who will grow up and change their behavior, or adults who are still suffering from their own perception of themselves and haven't even unpacked the conditioning that has them hating on themselves and others. We all need to be more thoughtful and kind. Your fears and concerns make sense and I hope that as a collective we become more considerate of the feelings of each other. Thank you for posting this video. ♡
I'd be just as paranoid if that happened to me! It's a bit creepy. I also struggle with over-thinking. I catch onto an intrusive thought, and it can be hard to let go of. Therapy absolutely helps! Yes, you're capable of those things, but it doesn't mean you want to. It doesn't define you. And, I must say, your skin is glowing!
You are so real for putting your sunglasses on to get more comfortable sharing. I don’t know how that thought has never crossed my mind at therapy before. 😎
I literally started going to therapy again a few weeks ago and my therapist is highly suspicious that I have OCD. The way I’m relating so hard to this video; the overthinking, anxiety, paranoia. Thank you so much for sharing this
Happy Mother’s Day mother
I'm glad that you're mentioning this, publicly. I can see how these types of interactions could fuck with anyone in your situation, let alone someone with your history and condition. Wishing you well, Nicole. Your content is really helpful to me, personally, on an emotional basis, largely due to social isolation resultant of many factors. I hope that you're well, and that you have much joy and comfort in your future❤
Wait I haven't seen any comments about Palestine but I'm so happy to hear about your work! Also I hear you and I'm sorry that you're dealing with these situations that are so new to all of us. I think you're doing it gracefully!
I recently got diagnosed with OCD a year ago and your videos addressing OCD and being vulnerable about it has helped me so much with dealing with it. Its nice to realize im not alone, especially since its hard for me to realize i dont always have to be okay💕 thank you for putting yourself out there in hopes that it will help someone
Nicole, trust in your gut! Your feelings are logical and valid. It is actually really weird for someone to introduce themselves as a stranger when they do in fact already know your name and so much more about you! Some people will try and use that to their advantage, don't talk yourself out of keeping yourself safe
hey girlll! i have OCD too and i just want to say that you literally just made me feel a million times better. i too have very very atypical ocd and spend hours psychoanalyzing my conversations with everyone to an extent i can't even count. you make me feel so seen and i really appreciate you putting this out here because it genuinely helps me so much. there's not much discussion of people like us even within our own community and it's so refreshing just to hear you talk and finally be able to relate with someone. thank you, truly. you encouraged me to finally get an ocd diagnosis and start recovery and i can genuinely say you've been a big factor in my recovery. you are so brave for being so vulnerable. just know those who get it ate really appreciative rn.
Nicole, you were one of the few that put the idea in my head that I have ocd. You were one of the causes for me to go and get my diagnosis and I am in such a better situation now because of you, thank you so much. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, and if someone didn’t let on that they knew who I was when I was talking to them, then I would be scared too. My heart goes out to you
Firstly I’m so glad you aren’t being followed the way I thought by the name of the video, but secondly, I’m on my knees begging you to make a video on Kendrick v Drake when everything settles 😭
“did i punch them in the face and forget” is unironically so real because i have to re-read emails i sent at work upwards of ten times until i’m absolutely certain that i didn’t somehow accidentally include every swear word i know
I was just diagnosed with ocd at age 29 and ironically around the same time found your chronically online videos and started watching your content and it’s great to hear you talking about the same things I’m going through! Thank you for being youu babbesss ! Also just donated everyone please donate or share if you can’t !!!
nicole im so sorry you had to go through that, coming from someone with anxiety i understand 100% how this would make you anxious, and worried, and uncomfortable, and triggered.
the situation could’ve went way more smoothly if those people straight up told you they were subscribers :(
jorking in the moonlight 🙏
The anxiety about being percieved by others who know who you are is so real. I had a brief stint of tikotk fame and every time i would get recognized in public, I would get so anxious. I felt so visible all the time, like everyone was staring at me. (even though I was just semi famous on one tiny corner of the internet) But I had panic attacks in the parking lot of Costco, terrified to go in because I was afraid everyone knew who I was.
You put into words how I've been feeling for years!!! Anxiety is wild but knowing that there's a path to socializing and being okay with the chaos is really comforting. Deeply appreciate the honesty and love the vibes
You are SO VALID!! It’s such a nuanced position to be in! In a sense you’ve been denied the ability to maintain privacy in the same way the rest of us can, and that compounded with your prior experience being threatened would drive any of us to feel the way you’re feeling! Even celebrities and micro celebs are allowed to have boundaries 💛💛
Nicole, I’m really glad you ended up posting this because everything you’re expressing is deeply important! The negative aspects of parasocial relationships is something many fans of content creators have not yet fully understood or empathized with.
When people who are followers meet you and speak at length while pretending they don’t know anything about you- that’s dishonest, full stop. I get that it’s tricky, because fans might not want to weird out the creators, or they’re trying to play it cool, but it’s 100% weirder to carefully pretend that they don’t know them at all! Regardless of anyone’s intentions, that is technically manipulation.
I’m sure most fans have good intentions, but people need to realize that YOU don’t know everyone’s intentions. Of course it’s uncomfortable to find out after the fact that someone was being dishonest to your face, even if they meant well.
Hopefully we as a collective learn better ways to navigate these interactions on and off of social media. I really hope you sharing these points helps you feel better understood too❤️
Please don't apologize for this! My eyes have been opened knowing that I am not alone 😭
my ocd was so bad last night and i literally am dealing with the worst moral questioning
Manipulation and lying by omission are definitely on the spectrum of abuse. Coupled with prior trauma and underlying mental health issues that already make emotional regulation hard, it’s very understandable why you’re feeling unsafe and struggling with increased anxiety. Your reaction sounds very logical and valid to me.
It seems like we’re still discovering the unintended negative consequences of parasocial relationships as a society. We’ve gained some understanding about the imbalanced power dynamics, but your experiences demonstrate there can be negative consequences for both sides if we aren’t careful. Glad you’re talking about this and taking care of yourself. Hopefully more people talk about these issues so some social guidelines can be developed that help all parties stay safe and healthy. 🤗
thank you so much for this 💚 i can only imagine how hard it was to talk about this and then further to post it, but it has helped me and i’m sure so many others watching this, so truly thank you
also such a sidenote but i’ve never been more happy to support your channel than when i saw you collaborating with the youtube donation project for Palestine
From all of the UC encampments, thank you tremendously 🇵🇸
your channel has been the reason why i felt comfortable enough to bring up OCD with my therapist recently, I appreciate u sm
this video makes me feel so normal. ive been really struggling with feeling normal about my paranoia and depression and this video came at the perfect time :)
It was nice to hear you say all the things I think daily, not judge you for it, and realize that I shouldn't be judging myself for it if I wouldn't judge you for the same thing. I thought the video was Incredibly brave and deeply validating, so thank you for sharing and all the strength it takes to do that. If your goal was to help at least one person, consider it achieved as you have helped me today
Thank you for being able to make your content and still talk about Palestine. Too many creators have used their content as an excuse to not acknowledge it. Thank you for also being open with your OCD. It is very helpful to see creators that struggle with things and talk about them in a very open way. It helps those of us that relate to these things feel less alone. You’re a very great person! Very proud of you!
Don’t usually comment but I felt like I needed to on this. While I don’t relate to the anxiety you feel as a creator, I relate to a lot of the other stuff you said. I also struggle to speak my mind about things, and I overthink completely normal interactions with my friends constantly because I’m afraid of being perceived in a way I don’t want to be. Anxiety is so hard and I feel for everyone else who experiences similar things. Thank you for sharing :))
nicole your feelings are valid, our heads can be really against us sometimes, thank you for sharing your perspective 🫶🏼
Firstly-
YOUR STRUGGLES ARE VALID AND DESERVE TO BE VOICED (if you wish to share them, ofc)
Secondly-
I absolutely do not see this as complaining. I can't even imagine what social experiences like that feel like, especially with that level of anxiety.
“DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN” genuinely thought this was part of the ad for some new company bc I hadn’t been on youtube for a while
i love these types of videos so much. personally i find conversations and stuff kinda draining because im focused on listening but just having you talk in the background of me working has helped so much!! thank you for making this, even if it was hard to talk about
Donated! ❤ Glad you’re boosting this cause. I’ve been really happy to see creators working this into their regular content, because I think paying attention to these causes should be a regular thing we do in our day to day life. The situation is urgent but not new, and the work is ongoing.
Even if it was with good intentions, not disclosing that they knew you is a lie and crosses boundaries. You're totally fair to expect that kind of respect, and it's a big achievement for recognizing it's impact on your OCD and past traumas/putting effort on working through it!!! I once described OCD as insidious to my therapist. So often you think you've overcome some sort of fear or obsession, only for it to suddenly start appearing again when you stop trying to work on it. ty for being so open and honest w your experiences!! ❤
as someone with OCD and who has family with severe OCD, thanks for sharing. also at the end I really felt like the windshield wiper was running across my brain with the audio lol
I find your openness about your mental health very helpful and I am so grateful that you share like this. As someone who struggles with similar things it makes me feel much less isolated. Thank you ❤
just THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for talking about this, this couldn't have came at a better time for me.
i have debilitating OCD and i know how hard it can be to share… thank you for helping others (like me) feel seen and heard! and that’s just very weird for people not to say they watch your content during an hour plus conversation… i am so sorry
you put this so clearly and so kindly, and i feel like you were also kind to yourself when explaining which is so hard to do? this makes so much sense!! it’s engaging with you under false pretences, even if it’s with “good” intentions/totally not meant that way. thanks for talking about it so openly! from a fellow ocd girlie
Youre so valid for this . I relate so hard , i cant imagine how many intrusive thoughts would latch to content creation aspects and peoples perception and what they know and all that. Youre so valid and you're doing so well
This makes perfect sense and is so valid. I can just barley imagine how daunting that realization in conversation would be. Thanks for sharing.
thank you so much for being this honest with us. its really comforting in some ways to hear someone (besides my therapist) reaffirm that anxiety is not a singular struggle, so many people experience it. ❤️❤️