Yim Uv Yim Nco Heev. 8/15/2023
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ส.ค. 2023
- Yim Uv Yim Nco Heev.
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How to have a healthy life? Don’t care about gossips and rumors. Don’t live for anyone else but yourself. All decisions should benefit oneself first.
Wrong, thats definition of selfish. Life revolves around people and family. Not live but prioritize yourself first.
We Hmong women need to learn how to be more independent so we don’t have to rely on our parents house to go back to. If you independent you can easily rent a place for you and your kids..
That's right plus stop allowing the relatives to use all kind of excuses to make you stay. When sh*t hits the fan, they are the first one to scatter. It's best to plan and once you are in a better situation, leave on your own will and don't ever return.
Ppl’s judgment will always be there, but your happiness & Children comes first. Who cares about ppl’s opinions cause it’s not their life. It’s yours!!!
I will never tell my daughters or sisters to stay in a loveless relationship.
Stuff like this angers me, it’s so unfair to the daughters. Forcing her to marry someone she doesn’t love and telling her to stay and put up with it? What dumb stupid parents! If she wants to leave then let her. Don’t force her to stay in a hopeless marriage just for saving your faces. Some Hmong parents don’t love their daughters only the sons. When they get divorced it’s a shame to come back. As for the sons, he can camp with parents for as long as he likes and remarry, no problem. I’m sorry but it’s a f***d up tradition in my opinion. I’ll never allow my daughters to go through this hell. Who cares about txuag ntsej muag, you’re only making yourself look stupid for being stupid parents.
I was married very young from the ex coming to ask for my had (hais hauv tsev) and he never loved me either. We're related and he was 7 years older than me, we married for 6 years and I was living in hell. I was a young teenager crying everyday with no love, living with a stranger 4 hours away from my parent. I finally divorced him after 6 1/2 years and all the blame/fingers was pointed at me too. One of my uncle pointed and said to my face that if I was his daughter, he would've kicked my ass. I was so sad that my own parents didn't even treat me like that. Just a year later his daughter with 7 children divorced her husband, I thought to myself, did he kick her ass like what he said to me. Later on, he and his wife couldn't face me due to being so rude to me and now their daughter divorced her husband too.
Sound like my uncle.
That's why we have to made decisions for ourselves selfishly. No one else cares about us, our happiness, and our future. Glad you got out of there. Karma is a b*tch and it does make it way around. Live humbling, you don't know what tomorrow will bring.
So happy you love yourself & moved on without that loser! Live a happy life, sister!
You can only blame your parents and his for forcing u to stay in a loveless marriage to some extend. At some point u have to take accountability for staying in a loveless marriage bc at the end of the day, it's your decision to stay. Others may say things to influence u, but ultimately it was your decision to stay. When we realized that we are the cause of our own unhappiness and downfalls, only then will we realize that we can get out of that situation.
I always hear older hmong men say to divorcee Hmong women, rely on your brother teeb liam teeb ntsuab but when you get sick, he's not going to be there. Like LOL!!! I would say to these men, when I get sick, I know I can only rely on doctors. When I die, I know I can only rely on my life insurance. Why the hell would I want to be sent to his ancestors after death if I hated that man?!!! Lol. Just my thought on the reasons men like to impose on women to try and keep them under control.
I thought the same that she should've taken the responsibility to move out on her own without going back to her parents. You work, you have money, there's no way you can't move out and be on your own.
I'm glad my family isn't like that. And yes the in-laws and his side of the family will hate you, accuse you of cheating but it's okay and will hate you, but it's okay. Take care of yourself and your kids. We as women should do what's best for us instead of saving faces for our clan.
Yes, very true! nowadays I don't care much what others said regarding reputations it is such a heart ache and put your mental health on the breaking points.
My dad is strict about divorce but he doesn't believe in forcing a marriage. Thank God! He would always say, you have eyes, look first before you settle. Thank you Dad. Always keep his advice.
Sounds like this lady finally grew up and reached maturity. Perhaps, she was too sheltered by her parents when she was younger and didn't get to experience the harsh reality of life. No one should live for anyone else's happiness!! Because if you do, you only got yourself to blame. For those of us who learned the true reality of life early on, we make decisions for ourselves selfishly. At the end of the day, you can't lean on anyone else support but yourself. I'm glad you got out of that situation, 10 years was a very long time wasted.
Stupid and dumb people who care about poob ntsej muag this mean niag neeg ruam tsab ntse..
im glad homgnwoman are geting smarter now. congrat
Ruam dhau lawm os. You shouldve called the police when they forced you to marry him. I was almost in the same situation. My aunt wanted me to marry my cousin - he's a drug addict and lowlife! They just wanted a daughter inlaw who they know will take care of their son! Good thing that never fruition because that would've been the end of my life! He's married now to a very nice lady but he's lazy as f and does drugs. He's disrespectful to his wife too. Poor lady. That's could've been me. 😓
Yog vim koj mloog lus dhau thiab koj hlub koj niam koj txiv tshaj es tsis nco qab hlub koj tus kheej ne
Hmong parents are so frustrating. Stayed in my last marriage for 10 years cause my mom kept telling me to be patient. Last straw was when he cheated and brought her home and introduced her to me as his friend from work. We all even went out to dinner. So insulting. I told my mom I wasted 10 years cause she kept telling me to be patient. She said I also wasted 10 years of his life. Wow .
Yep that's why when you reach maturity level and adulthood, you no longer need to consult with your relatives. Unfortunately, they truly don't care and have your interest at heart. Cheating is one of my non-negotiables, once that line is crossed, there's no going back!
Kv yog moob nyab laj teb kv nyiam noog kj cov neej neeg heev kv tos txhua lub sij hawm
I’m so glad that the new generation is no longer enforcing force marriage. I feel so bad for this woman. Her pain is beyond its point. It sucks to be the woman, even at no fault, everyone benefits from her and expects her to bare all those burden. I’m so glad she left. It was the only way to escape.
It takes a lot of courage to stand up for oneself against our cultural bias practices towards us women. We should provide emotional support for one another instead of pouring judgment towards each other. To all of us who's had no choice, but to be strong on our own...keep going, better days are still ahead of us.
Love yourself, FORGIVENESS...is the key to Happiness
Dont ever do anything to make your parents or anyone happy
.make yourself happy duh
So sad but I’m happy you wised up and had the courage to leave and live life for yourself finally. It took you 10 years but not a lifetime like some. This could’ve been my story but the moment they tried to force me to marry someone I didn’t like, it broke me out of that mold. It emboldened me with every cell of my being and I threatened to call the police. They knew I meant it too. I was no longer known as the girl who mloog mloog lug but if that reputation would cause me a lifetime of misery, I wanted no part of it. Later on, married outside of the Hmong community and never looked back
Txoj neej neeg no hai raug kuv tiag2 li os niam pog lawv cov lu thiab tu txiv ntawv cov lu os yog kiag li kuv thiab os tu siab ua luaj
Cov niag laus ntawv ma lawv ua raw lawv muaj tsej muag xwb thiab raw lawv nyiam xwb txaus ntxub tshaj plaw.
I think I would be posting him on social media everyday.
Ntxov ua poj nrauj ntxov tau zoo nawb cov mi niam tsev aw...
Tus me vivncaus koj lub neej ces zoo 1 li kuv lub thiab os lub neej zoo li no mas ua neej lwj siab thiab txom nyem heev li os txhob tu siab mog muab pov rau yus txoj hmoo xwb thiaj xav ua neeg nyob os
So sad that during that generation and times. Hmong parents want their gangster son to have a good girl.
Hmoob people just see and want to hear what is bad and love to gossip the negatives. They do not care about what happened in the inside your life with him and your marriage. Hmoog loves negativities and bad talks. Shame on them. Hopefully karma gets all those Hmoob people!!! Hmoob people need to change!!!!
You had the chance to leave but you didn't. Its your fault too. But finally after 10+ years you realized. It's not to late to live for yourself and your kids.
Can't really blame her. She grew up at a time that was a norm for Hmong girls who were sheltered and didn't have the resources. When she repeatedly stressed her wants, she was shut down by her own parents who should be helping her but they cared more for their own reputations than the well-being of their daughter's. She had no support system until she had enough and gave up hope from them. They then have the audacity to say she should've left him when she was younger. So backward of these selfish parents.
Yog kawg vag tsij nrhia kev kaj siab rau kj tus kheej zoo dua ua lub neej tev kev nyuaj siab rau kj es zoo rau tej laus
Sis, koj thiaj nyob 10 years with that loveless marriage. I'm glad you finally lived for yourself and found love and happiness.
I can’t!! Just cant finish this story
Sorry you had to waste your life obeying your parents for nothing. I know it was hard back then to stand up to them because they guilt trip you and tell you to be filial. I am glad you found the courage to leave that loveless marriage. Live for yourself and find happiness!
Why people alway think bc u cheat that why u divorced 😢
They be using that cause it's the easiest excuse for their wrong doing
Yus hlub yus li ko xwb tiag luag tej twb tsis nyob yus qhov chaw es luag thiaj cem yus xwb os luag cem yus ib ntu xwb os me vivncaus aw koj kuv taug ib txoj kev xwb os kuv twb mus uv ib tug neeg tau 10 xyoo thiab os yus nyob nrog neeg tsis nyiam yus ces nyuaj kawg li os me vivncaus
Hmong say marrying Chinese is "muag rau suav" (sell) while marrying Hmong is "yuav" (marriage). I say both are "muag" (sell). The only difference is Hmong sells their daughter to Hmong for $5k to $10k while they sell to Chinese for free to $5k. That's why Americans call it "bride price" and Hmong calls it "head price". Be happy you're a woman because you don't have to pay for a husband. As for men, "no money no honey". It's great to be born as a girl in this generation because women can make more money and have more power and freedom than men. This generation is girls' generation.
That’s correct, don’t live for anyone but yourself. Live for yourself and don’t let others make you bitter.
Hmong oldies like these type are selfish. They only think of the big picture for both side of the families. They nv thought of their daughter’s mental health n happiness. We are no longer in Laos, you are in charge of ur destiny happiness. Leave ur marriage if u r not happy with him/her. Its ur life. U deserve to be happy.
Tus niam tsev koj hais yog lawm. Tus txiv ua xav txog kev neej kev tsav thiab muaj siab hlub koj tiag. 30 nub tom ntej nws yeej hlub koj lawm. Txawm luag yuav hais phem muab koj tsuav mos 2 li nqaij laib los tsi ua Lis ca. Koj yeej paub koj tus kheej yog leej twg. Yam zoo koj ua koj yeej paub. Yam phem koj ua koj yeej paub. Tabsi nyob nrog tus tsi hlub koj tes yog nkim sij hawm xwb. Don’t waist time with a heartless person. He is a wait a waste. Lawv them nqi tshoob ($5000) tsi tia nws yuav tswj koj. $5000 ntawd yog tus txiv muab los “deposite” los yog cog lus tia nws yuav hlub koj. Txawm lwm tus hais tau ntxhib lus ntxho tau rau koj lawm los zam txim rau lawv. Ua neeg nyob yeej muab qhov yuam kev. Ua ib leej niam leej txiv yuav tsum saib ncaj nceeg rau koj tus tub tus ntxhais.
Kuv zoo ib yam li koj thiab os sister tas sis kuv tus txiv ho hlub2 kuv.
sounds like may in the restroom RECORDING LIVE! 😂
Cas kuv yuav dhuav txoj kev ua neej rau yus niam yus txiv zoo siab tus txiv Los ua neej rau niam pog txiv yawg hnov xwb kuv twb xav siav tu nrho xwb😢😢
All my organs cost over millions of dollars but hmong said I am worth $5000. They must be insane. Nope!
Sister, glad you got out of a miserable marriage. Don't mind all those people gossip about you just as long as you know you are good. Hopefully karma gets your ex husband too for abusing you. Karma is real!!!
Yog kawg tsis txhob ruam ruam nyob uv nkim tag koj lub neej rau ib tug neeg tsis hlub yus os!
This thing that Hmong people do..like with what this sister had to go through, pisses me off.
27 years ago, my family did this to one of my Aunties. She wanted to leave her husband because of physical and mental abuse; for many years but the family wouldn't let her. In the end, she was suffering postpartum depression with the birth of their last child. Tragedy hit their family with a murder suicide. Our family lost my Auntie, her baby and her husband.
Such a shame! Such a shame to have lost her and the baby because the family didn't want to lose face.
After listening to your lectures, the words you describe is not defined who you are, what had done & saying not to be afraid of others said about to saving face or live your life for your parents. If it that’s what you’re saying Why are you waited all these year & not divorce your husband earlier?. We human beings grown in wiser as we aged, some people waits for the spouse to improved on marriage for the better but if not than some body got to do something in later year. Hope you have a happy life with the new husband after all went through these headaches.
Kuv sau koj hias ib zaj rau kuv thb o
Lady you mloog lus plus dump too. Yog yus twb g nyiam nws Es yus ho kam mus saib nws tim tsev hos kam nrog nws mus qev rooj ua neeb .ces tab tom zoo caij 6 nws took advantage of married you. glad you found your soul mate now
Lub neej yuav zoo, obleeg yuav tau txawj sib hwm sib hlub sib pab... txog txij ko lawm ces tso mus zoo dua mog
Aw cas kv xav hais haub lub ntiaj te no g muaj leej tws lawm no cas tseem muaj kj nrog kv thiab o me viv ncauv aw lub neeg ua rau cob laus vim nyiab xwb tus siab heev o yoj li kj qhias thiab teb kv se kv yuav ngob los yuav mus o niam laus aw
yog kawg kuv tus ces yog hom no ntag tsis hais ces zoo hais ces nws mus nws niam nws txiv mus pw tsheej hmo tsis los
Kj tsis muaj peev xwm 😢
Leej twg tsis ntsib ce niam tsis paub os lawv aw txoj me kev lwj siab no os dhuav tiag2 lis os zoo qhov yus dim kiag lawm xwb
hmoob kab lig kev cai zoo tshaj plaws txhob tso tseg nawb muab tej ntxhais yuam tsuag tsuag xwb ciaj mam ua neej nyob tuag ces faus xwb, ua li no mas dab xwm kab dab vaj dab tsev nyiam tshaj plaws
This matter is me. I just left that point for 1 month.
But there are still 2 of my sons left with him. I can't accept the matter of my child. I miss you baby
Tsis ua li cas os tus me Viv ncaus tus txiv zoo li kj tus ko tso ntxov npaum cas ces zoo npaum ntawd xwb koj niam thiab kj txiv los yeej tsis hlub koj thiab mog yog lawv hlub koj ces yeej tsis ua li ntawd rau koj mog
Horrible parents
U shouldn't wait for 10 years to divorce. You don't your parents ' approval for divorce since you are old enough to make decisions for what best for yourself..not for your parents or friends or relatives and others. However u already divorce and glad u make right decision to find your happiness.
Tus niam tsev aw....tsis KK neeg hais yus li os...lawv twb tsis yog tus nyob rau koj txhais khau, lawv twb tsis mob. Niag txiv laib li ko tsis yuav li nawb, txawm yuav los yeej tsis txog twg.
Why would you wait to get their acceptance/approval of you back before you can find happiness? Leave him and live on your own, stop trying to please others
I will never, ever understand how parents put their reputation over their child’s safety, health and happiness.
Me neither coming from a traditional family and parents and trust me it is very very very sad that I no longer have much bond with my family. My father and grandma had already passed away so a little relief here but our mom still living so still enduring. Our relatives are so harsh as well. Since our dad passed away our relatives are like watching what us children will make it through life but we don't pay much attention to them, we have our life and we don't have the time to kiss up to them so the reputation is in place. They don't care much about anyone's safety, health or happiness as long they are upon you and care more about their safety,health and happiness only. That is also why I dislike the Hmong culture of being a Hmong woman :) but I just learned to move on with my life and now I have two daughters of my own and I taught them so different from how I was being taught even though life is harsh my and my children are more happy and content in life. I really don't care much what others-outsiders and what my family think of me and my kids, we live for ourselves and our happiness.
Lub caij yus uv nrog tus neeg ntawv ua neej ces xam hais tias nyb them nqi kom tag xwb no mog lawv aw
Pog aw koj yog siab dev ruam npaum kom ces nyuam qhuav phim qhov nws ua phem rau koj thiab muab koj hu ua ntsej muaj laus koj foom nws yeej tsis khaum nws li vim koj txaus koj siab ne
The title doesn’t match the story. 🤔
Hmoob es tim lawv ruam lawv los cav muab liam rau txoj hmoo, liam rau lub khuj, liam rau tiam tag los 😅
Yus ruam yus los twb tsis kam lees, OH!
That is so sad that parents chose their own happiness and saving face over their daughter's happiness.
I cant imagine marrying someone I dont love and live with him for over 10 years. I feel for all the ladies and gentlemen who were forced to married someone they dont love. Shouldve call the police back then but i know that back then our generation girls are still very dumb. 😊
Hmong parents alway like that
That y i doesn't respect them
May,qhia Tus ko rau kuv.....
yg lm o
Cov laus ruam lub npe tseem ceeb tshaj tej me nyuam siav. Cas cov laus txoj kev xav no ntxim ntxub ua luaj.
OMG PLEASE STOP HMONG PEOPLE, BEING A PARENT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOVE YOUR CHILD NO MATTER WHAT. Koj hais yog kawg lawm os tus niam tsev
Cas hais tau xu siab ua luaj os
Yog tsis nyiam ces tsis yuav xwb.
Tsis tas li ntawv koj yuav tus txiv ko rau koj xwb tsis yog yuav rau koj niam koj txiv vim koj this koj txoj kev ruam xwb.
Yog koj yuav vim ib pob nyiaj kub pab lawv mas thiaj yog vim lawv.
Tseem ceeb koj ruam zog lawv txhua leej txhua tus twb tsis hlub koj los koj tseem haj yam rov tsis hlub koj tus kheej lawm thiab.
Cov poj hmoob xab maim thaum ub ko mas xyov li thiab os twb tsis nyiam tsis hlub tab sis ho sib ua muaj tsheej pab me nyuam thiab os cuag li txom nyem tsis tau txaus li. Yug tsheej pab me nyuam mas hlub kom tau nawb tsis txhob ua li 2 niag pog laus kuv paub es sib ua muaj tsheej pab hlub tsis tau thiab twb tsis hlub na
Tsis paub vim li cas tej Laus yuav ntshaw Lub koob npe ua Luaj es ho tsis ntshaw yus tej tub tej ntxhais kom muaj Lub neej zoo es thaum yus Laus yus thiaj tau txoj kev vam naw Lub koob npe pab tsis tau nej Lub neej zoo yog Lub npe sib nyiam sib hlub sib pab muaj txoj kev kawm muaj txoj kev ntse mas thiaj xav yuav hos yog Lub niag koob npe sib ntxheeb xwb ces tsum kiag txoj kev sib yuam tsis vam meej vim twb tsis muaj kev sib hlub ces Lub neej kawg yuav txom nyem xwb tiag cov phooj ywg,
Sim neej no txiv neej Hmoob mas siab phem tshaj. Thaum yus uv uv es uv tsis taus lawv txoj kev lim hiam es yus ua ib siab muab nws txhem ntawm yus mus ces yus yog tus poj niam, tus nyab, tus niam ntxawm, tus niam hlob phem. Yus tus phem xwb os. Lawv tus neeg yeej yog ib tug neeg zoo zoo
Myself, I supported my ex through school. When he almost finished school, he told me that he no longer needed me. He doesn’t need an uneducated woman like me. He didn’t point a gun at my head to support him. I did it on my own will. Him and his family went to wed a new wife for him. I left. I packed all and left.
My reputation was, “Kuv tham tham hluas ntaug es nws thiaj tsis yuav kuv. Ib tug neeg ntse muaj kev kawm siab li nws yeej yuav tsis taus ib tug poj niam liam li kuv.”
Hmong men always find Hmong women at fault. They always point fingers at Hmong women being meaningless women.
Love yourself, girl(s).
Back when my sisters and I were still young and single, my mom always say to her relatives sib sib txheeb tsis pub sib yuav. Yog tias laws sib nyiam laws ces hais tsis tau tiam sis yog nej nyiam xwb ces tsis kam nej yuav. She's seen too many downfalls of close relatives and their children involved.
Same here too… My mom’s cousin brother (my uncle) wanted to marry my sisters and I to his sons, but my mom said not to bc we are close related and don’t want kev tu siab because of the kids doings. After that, he got mad and whatever event we have, he doesn’t show up. Oh well. It’s best not to get involved in arranged marriages.
@@Lisa_X5 glad he showed his colors cause it would be worse if there's marriage involved.
@@MSMAIYANG Yes. If he understands, he wouldn’t be childish like this.
Koj tsis yog ib tug poj niam muaj peev xwm ces nyob twj ywm zoo li koj tseem tuaj tsis tau txog meskas teb tseem es thiaj tseem ywj tej Laus txoj niag kev pab es koj tsis muaj hauj Lwm ua los cas tseem yuav mus nrog niam thiab txiv nyob tsev xwb muaj ntau tsuav koj muaj hauj Lwm ua koj yeej nyob tau koj lawm es vim li cas zoo li koj yeej tsis kawm tsis tau ib txoj cai ua neej nrog ib tug neeg tsis sib nyiam naw tej niag Laus lawv twb tsis muaj kev kawm lawv tsuas ntshaw neej tsa xwb vim cov Laus Lawv ntshaw2 dab Laug Lub ntsov nyuj ne,
You know all along that there’s no love in this marriage but yet you kept having all those kids. Sorry but I don’t get it, what ever happened to self love?
You should’ve call the police to would’ve been done with… your a minor he’s a minor there’s no way police will make you stay married to him. Cov laus mas ruam dhau and so stupid…
No way for me!! I like the America way when we are turning 18 we decided on our own. Hated Hmong style of teaching technique with our girls, womens!!
Niam thiab txiv tsis tau hlub me nyuam tshaj lawv hlub lawv tus kheej yog leej twg tsis ntsib ces tsis paub.
Niam txiv tua me nyuqm vim nyiaj muaj ntau heev tab sis me nyuam hais tsis tau tawm.
The title doesn't macth
So true sister. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and strong enough to choose your own happiness instead of your parents. I hope you continue to be happy sister.
Hmong people are so lost. Why force your daughter to marry her cousin and then force her to stay in that loveless marriage for your own selfishness. It's 2023 and we still curse strangers with the same last name marriying while supporting marriages between people with the same bloodline. Stop practicing these old ways. Stop thinking your reputation is more important than your children's lives.
I must miss something. The title doesn’t match the story.
I think she meant "yim uv yim mob heev."
It’s weird hearing you call him your “husband”. He’s not your husband but kidnapper/rapist. You’re not a divorcee, but a kidnapped/raped survivor/victim.
Tiag tiag koj lub neej yuqv zoo los vim koj xaiv nawb.
Lwm tus luag yuav hais li cas los lawv hais lawv xwb os .
Koj phem kom koj zoo xwb zoo tshaj yav tag koj zoo rau luag koj nyob nyuab tshaj. Kav tsij zoo siab hnub no koj pab tau koj tus kheej tawm ntawm koj txoj kev nyuqb siab lwj siab lawm
Cas niag tus zoo li cas pheej nrhiav poj niam rau naj
Screw both parents, all they care for is reputation, anit worth of leaving with a partner doesn’t love you. You must love yourself, they dnt care about your stress and pains. I would blame parents first.
Ntse tiam tag lo koj tshuav nws 3 tug me nyuam tsi tau yug ne