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Let's talk about the problem with young women....
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 เม.ย. 2019
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The most terrifying part of all this, imho, is that it teaches girls that they are responsible for managing the emotions of the men around them. That is exactly what abusive men look for in a partner, that's what makes someone a perfect target for gaslighting. We are training them to be victims. I speak from all too personal experience and yes, this starts from as young as kindergarten. Thank you for understanding that Beau, you're part of the solution.
Laura McKinlay You nailed it.
You’re right, I’m realizing that more and more the older I get- and the older my beautiful, autistic (aka scary innocent) 13-year-old daughter 😢
Remember too, that teachers (any staff really) are in dominant power positions too. Terrifying indeed.
" it teaches girls that they are responsible for managing the emotions of the men around them"
I thought it teaches girls to be mindful of their safety. At least, that might be the intention.
@@trevorprime2274 Exhibit A. Why does clothing put a girl at risk? Think about it.
You have no idea how good it feels to have a man say these things. I’m not gonna lie, I almost cried a little.... Thank you
Thanks Beau. I’m an old guy who was very active in the 70s in the women’s liberation movement.
I’m just gonna go over in the corner here, hang my head and cry for a while. Wow.
Thank you, Sir, for caring.
Thank you. Thank you.
A lot of clothing for 5-year-olds is chosen by their moms. These guys are also sending the message that kids can be punished for stuff that has nothing to do with them
(Yeah, this is a year old.) School discipline has a "one size fits all, zero tolerance" mindset. Considering the wide range of ages, abilities, beliefs, experiences, means, and favoritism, that just doesn't work. Kindergarteners are not the same as high schoolers. Bullies and their victims should not be treated the same.
I read about a young elementary school kid who notified his teacher, because his mom had accidentally left a knife in his lunch box--after she cut up his apple. It was an accident, he did the right thing, but he was still suspended for bringing a dangerous weapon on campus.
I chose my kids' clothes, and finding things that would pass my daughter's dress code was impossible--unless I made them myself. She's got really long arms, so fingertip length shorts fell close to her knees. They didn't make that length in juniors. What kids wear is between them and their parents--not school officials.
I was in kindergarten in 1970 before girls were allowed to wear pants in school. I do not know why Mother let me, but one day I wore a pants suit to school. It was my favorite outfit, blue with teddy bears on the shirt. My teacher, instead of contacting my mother and have her bring "Appropriate" clothes to school for me, made take off the pants and go the whole day in only the top. The top fortunately covered my panties, but only just barely. So this teacher felt it was more appropriate for me to attend school for 6 hours in a top that would show off my underwear if I stretched, walked fast or did anything other than stand or sit still. It was a powerful lesson at age 5 that it is about control and not about appearance. (Incidentally, our district changed policy soon afterwards and I firmly believe my mother hitting the proverbial ceiling over this was a major factor in the decision.
@@toshirodragon
Bloody hell!!
I'm pretty sure THAT would 'blow up' today.
Good for your mother. Absolutely unreal.
Knew a guy in highschool who wore a sundress to school. A sundress that purposefully violated the "girls" dress code. He was pointing out the hipocracy since there were no guidelines about dresses in the "boys" dress code.
But to your point, we have a long established tradition in our society of punishing the victim. I personally believe it's because it's the easy band-aid path to take. Much easier then addressing the roots of the real problem.
I knew a bunch of guys who wore booty shorts to prove the hypocrisy
Those are both great examples of awesome people, and is exactly why I actively looked for people like that to be friends with in high school.
in a health care facility in BC Canada the male care aides wore skirts because the women weren't allowed to wear pants. even scrubs this was in the late 80s.
@@theAverageJoe25 a bunch of sports teams wore their jerseys/uniforms. Rugby team wore the shorts as well, were told they were to short. So we bought a bunch of pom uniforms that the girls wore to school that were even shorter. They let us wear the shorts.
Ohhh, compliments and respect to that guy, that seriously took guts.
I was a counselor at a residential camp for high school students. They held Sunday service led by a local minister who prayed for God to help the girls "keep their skirts down & their knees together." No instruction for the boys. The 2nd time he spoke & prayed a similar prayer I interjected, shouting "& their zippers up!", His 3rd visit.... I walked out..... followed by most of the female staff. Guarding (the minds of) & strengthening girls is something we have to be very intentional about.
You should have led the children away from the religious indoctrination.
@@ChrisPage68 Their parents agreed to allow them to attend Sunday Service. It was one of the "bonuses" of the program. The church has historically held a very important position in the AA community (this was hosted by a HBCU). What we DID do was meet w/ the girls regularly to empower them & nourish a mindset that respect is a requirement.
This has been going on for decades. When I was in elementary school, a boy tried to pull up my dress to see what color panties I had on. I punched him in the face to get away and the teacher tried to punish ME to punching him when HE started it. I refused to accept the punishment and happily went to the principals office. When the principal and my parents found out what happened, I was so happy. That boy had a long history of pulling up girls clothing and he was only in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!! It’s no surprise that as an adult, he’s spent plenty of time in prison for numerous assault charges.
It seems a general trend of teachers to encourage that sort of shit like bullying or even sexual harrassment
“Boys will be boys.” Maybe it’s time to start teaching them how to grow into men
i dont see any substance in this video. a waste of 9 minutes.
and by your logic any one can go naked in any workplace or government.
if you think there is a line, then you did not show where it lies even in 9 minute video.
pathetic.
@@peasant7214 Okay, there. In an official place, you want to look professional, and there are health problems to people being naked all the time. Even with that though, someone being naked doesn’t give you the right to jump on them. I experience testosterone surges as a result of a medical problem, and I’ve been to festivals where women walk around topless with body paint. Never grabbed any of them, despite having a higher than average sex drive, as a result of said testosterone surges. If you assault someone that’s YOUR responsibility. YOU fucked up. Not her. Not the feminists. Not secular ideas. YOU.
@@brutusmagnuson315 but where do you exactly draw the line so we can discuss? its sad the video didnt mention anything like that. its empty video to me, it has nothing more than title of the problem.
do you say that students should be allowed to go to school naked?
@@peasant7214 There’s a lot of of cultures that wear very little clothing, especially in isolated tropical locations. Do you think they just fuck all day and never do anything else?
@@brutusmagnuson315 Hello,
I think that in those cultures that you mentioned, it is normal for them.
for me, I think what is reasonable is the normal cloths.
For example going naked outside is a bit disgusting and not normal. but having short sleeves is normal. Having bikini is normal in the beach but not in coffee shops.
in short I think it should follow the common sense and the norm in the areas, for both men and women. do you agree with me?
Assertiveness is something seldom recognized in a woman. It's usually described as Hysteria., Anger, bitchy, or aggressive.
Don't forget "bossy" lol
Treacherous J Slither and pushy
Snap decisions are never a good thing. If I’m dealing with an assertive woman and I happen to disagree with her opinion/command/request, given the situation and relationship dynamic, I may respectfully press for clarification or justification for her decision. If I then deem that her viewpoint doesn’t make sense, I’ll try my best to bring to light my perspective. At that point, if she reacts emotionally, I may very well regard her as bitchy, hysterical or irrational. She doesn’t have to agree with me, but must disagree in a calm, rational way I order to earn any respect from me. This goes for men too.
@@mercoid until you spend a lifetime being ignored every time you say something you really don't understand the concept.
@@dannaleehenderson - you both have a point. Being dismissed by men could make a woman more defensive and irrational. However, is it ok to allow oneself to abandon rational personal character because of this unacceptable treatment of women. It's kind of a chicken or the egg scenario.
Also, quite commonly, I will see people insisting that women should just be packing heat 24/7, and then there's countless cases of women who kill their abusers/rapists/possible murderers, and then those women go to jail for a very long time...for self defense. Women get punished for fighting back against their rapist.
I tell women to record everything. Always keep your phone with you and always be ready to record whatever incident might arise. RECORD EVERYTHING YOUR LAWYER WILL THANK YOU.
@@tanyadelaney8455 cant record a rape or sexual assualt then it looks intentional as if she trapped him/was never truly a victim. Plus, you cant, again, record your rape as its happening. How about we believe our women and teach men n boys that they neither have any right to control or have a say regarding women n their bodies/agency instead of having them always think they need proof of their victimisation.
@@tanyadelaney8455 when my now ex-fiance tried to rape me 9 years ago I was not thinking of recording it or even getting my phone. I was thinking of how I was going to get him to stop and get away. Women do not think about anything but how to survive it.
Ya right being fucked with hands restrained right phone broken.okay.
@@kathleendavenport4988 I'm very sorry for what you suffered through but that's also the same reason that a lot of women now install cameras in their homes. It was not so easy we couldn't record everything 9 years ago. We're living in a different day and age it's a lot easier. We may not have been able to protect ourselves as easily a decade ago. But now we can teach young women to take all precautions especially in a day and age when men are being taught to take no responsibility for their actions. And constantly placing the blame on young women.
We need more fathers like you. Your daughter is very lucky to have you!
I was taught from birth that if I did certain things, dressed or talked a certain way, I was going to be raped. I was also taught from birth that no matter what I did, eventually I would be sexually assaulted, and there was just nothing I could do about it. You know--that's just "the way life is." (Edit: I will say, though, my parents were also big proponents of using any and all physical force necessary to prevent this from happening. They wanted me to be assertive.)
I have been sexually assaulted, but I have never been raped, and I count myself lucky. Let that sink in for a second. I am _lucky_ to have "only" been violated in one way, and not in another. Never reported it, because at the time, I didn't even know I could, and past that--why bother? No one's gonna listen, nothing's gonna happen. It's just _the way life is._
And if what I, and other women, are dealing with is just a _fraction_ of what black people have been going through, is it any wonder why they're so angry? _I'm_ angry, but at least I can still walk around in public without incident, so long as I dress "the right way." Black people don't have that luxury.
Thanks for making this video. It's heartening to hear that someone actually gets it.
The school in Alaska said there was no evidence that the 7 boys in the bathroom were threatening anyone or using force...even just one boy blocking the door and not allowing a girl to leave is in and of itself threatening. There were 7 boys in that bathroom. Sounds like the school in Fairbanks is invested in raising up a new crop of abusers proper. Women, in general, get all kinds of negative reaction if we go into "flight or freeze" when we're threatened or assaulted. "Why didn't you fight back?" The implication being had we defended ourselves, it wouldn't have happened, so ultimately it's our fault. Except, apparently if we defend ourselves, we're making too much of things, we're hysterical, unhinged, too aggressive...we're still wrong and so whatever negative outcome happens, still our fault.
Sorta feel like (as a thoughtful, supportive educator) my response would have been:
1) WTF were the seven of you doing in the girls room?
2) Nevermind, stfu, doesn’t matter. Gather round kids for a life lesson: if you outnumber a woman in a public bathroom, she can and will kick, punch, and bite her way through the pack of you and NO JURY IN THE LAND WILL CONVICT. Justice will not be truly served until the other six of you are also kneed in the groin, but since school policy doesn’t allow that, you’re all suspended for whatever the hell you were up to in there.
earth ocean You’re not wrong.
I grew up in a Pentecostal home. When I was sexually assaulted, I was told that I shouldn't be so aggressive when I defended myself (I punched the guy in the throat). By my father.
Thank you for this video.
I would never be able to be around a dad like that once out of the home. My God that's creepy and disparaging. I hope life has treated you kindly.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I also grew up in a pentacost, ultra religious home but when a neighborhood boy punched me and called me bitch, I beat him bloody, black and blue. He looked like he'd been beaten by a mob. When he showed up at our door because his mother made him come apologize to me, my father answered the door. After the boy left, he looked at me incredulously and asked "you did that to his face?" I said yes. He kinda shook his head and said "I taught you right. Good job."
@@TechExploresNYC Strained, but its a one day at a time thing. He's human, like everyone, and I accept there are bad parts of him that will never change. But I don't make excuses for him anymore. He said what he said and it was devastating to me. I forgive him, but I will never forget that moment. Thanks for your concern, tho.!
@@laurab.9845 Life is . . . better now. It'll never be perfect, but it's a million miles away from where I was. Thank you for your concern.
A kid grabbed my boobs in eight grade, and I had to stay after class for shoving my desk into his to knock him away. ( He wasn’t even hurt- at all. It was just loud.)
Yes, I told the teacher what happened, and yes, she just let me leave without saying a word about the matter.
I feel your pain. I've lived with this for 70 years. Every decade of my life was affected by sexual innuendo and actual sexual battery (both fathers, teachers, bosses, neighbors, strangers... all men).
Yes, from childhood until I got too old for anyone to be interested. Didn't matter what I wore, what I said, what I did.
The old guy in the red pickup truck waggled his tongue at me when I was 9 years old. And I stopped dating when I divorced at 50 because of it. Both ends of the age spectrum.
"So she kneed him in the groin" - Best part of the story, right here.
His groin should not have been in the vicinity of her knee. He should’ve let her leave and he needs serious discipline. Alone with a bunch of boys in the girls room would indicate a potential rape situation.
His groin shouldnt have been in that bathroom. Her knee had a right to be there...
If he is transitioning from a female to a male, then he is a he. Not a she.
@@pilotavery Yea, but the girl from the story is not transgrender and the boy, that was rightfully kneed isn't either. The transgender boy was using right bathroom - for boys - and didn't try to trap nobody in it. He was just leaving his life, but apparently it was something, that the boy that was rightfully kneed needed to protest by going to girl bathroom and posing the treat to the girl, that was there.
Yes!!! Good job! Sucks that she was punished, but she protected herself.
The reasoning of "If I see a man going into a girls bathroom, I'll beat that man to death!" is precisely why I, as a transwoman, never use a public bathroom without carrying a blade of some sort (folding knife, sword, what-have-you). Beau, you're a gentleman beyond measure, and I have yet to be disappointed by any of your well-reasoned videos. You make too much good sense and that, sir, is to your credit! Also, I love the tatted Ariel t-shirt you're wearing. Keep up the great work! :)
I am so angry about what is going on…..I can’t imagine how YOU feel. I am so sorry you have to endure all this. I really miss the Obama days when THEY had to hide their true identities….I wish they would go back in the closet. Ignorance is Bliss. I was pretty ignorant back then. ((HUGS)) sister….take care and fight the good fight. I support you fully 💙🌈🌈💋
"Should've contacted a school official" is just the kind of bullshit I hate. Once when I was in 6th grade, I was put in a chokehold by another student, unable to breathe properly. So I bit him in the arm. The teacher who arrived at the scene told me that I should've just asked the other kid to stop, and treated both of us equally at fault. I'm a dude, can't even imagine what it'd be like to be a girl in a similar situation.
My son was bullyed in school f ing school did nothing. Threatened to expel him. And take use to court if he wasn't in school. Well the bullying continued my couldn't take it anymore broke the bullying basters arm. There were more threats of court but when we said counter suit for not stopping the bullying. They shut the fuck up.
That's easy. Bite his arm and look at the teacher like he's out of his
f-ing mind.
Two years ago my daughter was in the 8th grade. A boy came and harassed her during morning assembly, so she walked away. He followed her and pushed her. She kicked him down and left again. The boy got a friend to creep up behind her in the crowd and hold her while he punched her in the face. She kicked the boy and hip tossed the friend, then left the building and got a teacher. The teachers did nothing. Nothing. Told her that nothing would happen. The boy had, "emotional problems" and they refused to remove him from school. My daughter and I had a refresher talk on an old topic: use of force under the law. I even wrote a letter to the school to advise them that my daughter would be following the letter of that law, which is pretty well known and regarded here in sunny old Florida, even on school property. I got three phone calls and had to explain it over and over, but the word got through. No further incidents occurred.
Note: At the time of this incident, my daughter had recently earned her 2nd degree black belt and had a 16-3 record in kumite competition. When I asked her where on her face he punched her, she pointed to her jaw. When I noticed no marks, she shook her head, rolled her eyes, and said, "Dad, he couldn't hit."
So, apparently, the real problem is that fewer girls...are properly...weaponized...that doesn't sound right somehow. I'd have loved for my kids to get through school without dealing with this stuff, but I was never presented that option. This was the best I could do.
Wiley Coyote - “..that doesn’t sound right, somehow...”
Yet, I understand exactly what you mean. No, parents _shouldn’t_ have to put their female children in combat courses so they can defend themselves against boys/men who mean to do them harm, but I for one am glad your daughter received those kumite lessons. Perhaps, one day, girls can take combat/defense lessons simply because they enjoy the art of the sport, but until then, there’s nothing wrong with being realistic enough to put them through physical defense classes for self-protection.
“Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.”
I say we need more teachers like this! Less consistency! Let power just do whatever it wants! It might just keep teaching kids to recognize from an early age that all the people in power are full of shit, and exercises of power are rarely rational, and are never really about our best interests. Let’s get a whole generation of anarchists school kids going.
Beau of the Fifth Column - as a woman, I really appreciated this video and it made me feel amazing to know that some men see things this way. However, I think there's a key element you're missing out on, here. The problem goes way deeper than just criticizing what a woman is wearing. It's our whole perspective of what women should be - what they should like, how they should act, which toys little girls should want to play with....
Before I recommend a documentary for you that I think will be really insightful for you in understanding what your daughter is facing, culturally, though, I also want to say that it's really important that we talk about gender inequality for men, too. In fact, I think a lot of the behavior you're talking about STEMS from the way we treat our boys. This "toxic masculinity" and this "dominance" behavior - I really don't think it's natural for men. In fact, scientifically, I'm almost positive about that - I just wrote a very long, well-researched e-mail on that very subject. I think your next video should address sexism towards men - specifically, young boys. So I think the most important documentary I can recommend is "The Mask You Live In". Every man and woman, and especially every mother, should watch this documentary.
The second video, which is a short series you can find on TH-cam, has much more information about the problem women are facing, is called "A Gender Neutral Education"...and it follows a sociological experiment on gender roles in the classroom. They interviewed little 6 to 7-year-old girls who will straight up say that women can't do any jobs, except for being a hairdresser or a cook, because they're not smart enough, or strong enough. They consistently underestimate their own test scores, and they have deep-rooted insecurity issues. Just little 6-year-old girls. The documentary is free - but it's important to appreciate the fact that a lot of the male behavior you're talking about probably stems more from how we raise our little boys. You know, how we tell them not to be pussies (because women are weak), how we tell them to grow a pair of balls by bullying other people, and how we tell them that any man who shares his feelings is being a "bitch" (another criticism of females). Then we ask him to marry, settle down, establish a loving trusting relationship with his wife, and nurture his children. (Seriously. What. The. Fuck.)
Thank you for your comment!!!
I can't agree more, about everything!!
I'm curious - over time, have you gotten the perception of Beau that I have, that he actually does (or has at least come to) understand most or all of this? I'm curious about this largely because I want to watch out for my own biases. I WANT Beau to understand this, so am I slanting my own perception?
Thank you for your actions and efforts to help any and all who will listen to better understand 💪🥰
Agapé 303
I'm so happy I found you Beau. Your daily updates are an island of sanity in this crazy world. And here I am watching your old pre-pandemic vids. I love how on point your shirt is. Thank you!
Its about control, its always been about control!
@victor soto Not at freaking Kindergarten age! DA! 😡
victor soto so I guess guess your a dude with zero self control
@victor soto So I see... You think it's important to limit women... Not due to supposed inferiority... But the fear they are superior! More in control! More rational! And thus capable of manipulating fools with no self control! (Which BTW, if men were taught to deal with their emotions healthily, wouldn't be an issue!) Thank you! You have confirmed sexism is projection! I mean, I already knew it, but it's good to hear it from the horse's mouth! Or well, ass in your case!
And before you respond, Mr. Low IQ, understand I am wise to your BS... I know any insult you sling at me will simply be a condemnation of how you secretly feel about yourself! So do yourself a favor and engage like a civilized human being, or just be nice and silent.
Tell that to 'judge' Moore and that backward state. You have probably more trouble with your moral views than the Dutch... glad I live there.
@victor soto Wow, did someone drop you off here straight from the 1930s?
Tangential off the bathroom thing, I saw a lovely protest sign that's been in my head for the last couple weeks:
It wasn't about water fountains in the 60s
It's not about bathrooms now
Good sign! Love that!
I went to a few vegan restaurants and in one bar/venue the restrooms had this on it
M
W
But it was more artistic and the points were connected, so it looked cooler.
It was basically a non genedsrd bathroom
The thing about bathrooms is actually worse:
Think of a time in the 20th century when a minorty group who
-wasn't always able to be identified as a member of said monority group
-was often the target of discrimination and even lethal violence
-was forced to regularly and publically out themselves
I mean, it's not forcing them to put a certain geometric shape on their cloths and businesses, but still, forcing discrimated minority groups to out themselves publicly whether they want to or not opens them up to further discrimination and worse, and I fear that is the real point for some pushing these laws and I think we all know what happened when we let the people who would do so have control over our society (not that even was the only time that created an atrocity)
What is it about? The bathrooms I mean?
@@theheretic3764 hate, fear, bigotry, ignorance, take your pick
"Better use of time is removing this staff members who thought that way" EXACTLY! Young boys look at girls that age as other boys if I may say. Those staff members are in wrong.
Not a new topic of course. In the 1960s when I was in the 4th grade, we moved to a new state. As in my previous schools in other states, we were required to wear dresses to school. When we moved to Milwaukee though, this dress-wearing was really problematic in winter because back then, when it snowed, it didn't melt until the following late spring. The only time we were allowed to wear pants was UNDER the dress, and we were forced to remove our pants once we arrived at school or face being expelled. I wasn't old enough to question it very much - my parents sat on their hands and thought it was proper and appropriate. But then we moved to another state a few years later, and the dress code was the same - dresses only but they had to be a certain length, because mini-skirts showed too much skin, so the length had to be our arms at our sides with our 2nd knuckle bent, and that was the minimum length required. Mind you, I was in 7th grade and growing like a weed, but I wore a one piece jumper skirt/shorts on a very hot day, and I was forced to sit in the principle's office the rest of the day as punishment and to keep me away from my classmates view. When I reached 8th grade, I'd finally had enough. I wore pants to school. It was snowing and cold and I wasn't going to wear them under a dress. I was expelled from school, they called my parents to come pick me up, removing me from school for a 3 day punishment (hey, that was great to me!). But the following school year, they finally adopted a policy that girls could wear pants, but NOT blue jeans. They had to be "tasteful." Well, you can see where that's going. And here it is, DECADES later, and they're still dictating what women wear, as if our clothing is the problem.
I know a woman that went into school where pants were forbidden (girl's school only). I guess she was born late 1950s or early 1960s. so the teenagers all agreed to wear pants on a certain day. What are they going to do - send them all home ? (I think they were kept an extra hour as punishment, or got extra homework, they did not care).
There is safety in numbers. A few parents acting in unison and a letter to the administrator to threaten them with a lawsuit, riks of getting an infection of the urinal tract. Undue burden of having to remove the pants.
@@xyzsame4081 when I was sent home in the 8th grade, for wearing pants, a group of us all wore pants that day but way too many girls chickened out and didn't wear them even when they said they would. There were about a dozen of us total, and we all got sent home and expelled - can't remember how long it was - maybe the next day as long as we wore dresses.
@@xyzsame4081 Good for them!!!
I keep saying it and will keep saying it, as long as no one is being hurt, why the hell is it anyones business what people are wearing or doing.
This.
@victor soto I'm a man... Fix the problem with those men. A person should be free to do what they want if they're not hurting other people. Oh but "it's just boys being boys" though isn't it? You can shove that "it's their fault for what they wear" right up your ass. To limit someones freedom based on the lowest of society would put us in an authoritative police state, which worries me that people like you seem to endorse.
Let’s address the real issues in this country, like all of the overweight adults wearing stretch pants on a daily basis.
Most people are not comfortable with themselves, so they project. We have a big mess to clean up.
same reasons they teach girls different when it comes to sex, then the boys
Girls more than ever need us as allies and supporting their efforts for equality and respect. We can’t stay quiet and dig our heads in the sands or claim everything is okay. We need to support the change so thank you brother for doing that.
@issa osama
We do need you! Please and thank you! I feel like it’s men’s jobs to step up and say, “This is not okay and I will not tolerate it,” about the way women are treated and I feel like it’s white peoples’ jobs to stand up and say the same thing about the treatment of people, “of color.” It shouldn’t be the victim’s responsibility (or sole responsibility at the very least) to get vocal and make the changes. Strength in numbers! ♥️
@@emilyfouquettehoffman7886 Thank you for this comment. I've met several (luckily not most) feminists, who believe they 'don't need men', and that it's nothing but patronising for men to think that women need them to fight for their rights. An asinine way of thinking if you ask me, but some radical feminists do think that way. Luckily most are quite rational, with the mentality of 'any ally is a good ally' in the fight against injustice. Far rarer, but I have also heard the argument from people of colour...
Lagertha’s Apprentice Unfortunately the majority of boys and men are complicit in their silence when it comes to the abuse of females, non-whites, LGBTQ, people with physical or intellectual disabilities, or people with mental illness. The number of abusers is relatively small (although not insignificant) but they operate with impunity so long as they don’t call attention to themselves.
Those of us who should be allies, who should be vigilant, are often too distracted by the pursuit of sex, entertainment, money, materialism, or other vices, to notice the problems that are all around us. The vacuous excuse that boys will be boys is compounded by the fact that boys will be thick. I have attended over the years several compulsory sensitivity training sessions, only to realize that the core message shoots right over the heads of many otherwise well intentioned men. They think ‘well, I don’t do that’ and switch off while they sit through some boring blah blah blah thing. (“What did you learn today?” “Don’t get caught staring at boobs.”)
I have to thank the influence of my forward thinking mother for instilling in me a healthy respect for women at an early age. But even I was slow to recognize the need to do more than simply mind my own behaviour. Awareness was not good in those days, but I would hope now that all kids starting in kindergarten are taught more than simply to be nice to one another. Unfortunately, confronting others who cross the line is seen as being ‘politically correct’ or a SJW (depending on age). I am really only aware of campaigns to combat racism and bullying. (Sexual discrimination being considered too advanced for young children?)
Just a thought.
Thank you for having balls enough to be a man.
@@MichaelBerthelsen, as a feminist, I believe we need as many men on our side as possible. There are a lot of men who just won't listen to women when they talk, and so, that's when men can be incredible allies. Men will listen to other men. It's as simple as that. So thank you to all our male feminists and allies. We do need you!
One correction: It doesn’t start in kindergarten, it starts at *birth*, with pink dresses, bows, pierced ears, even makeup before they say their first word. (“Can you put eyeliner on a baby?” is a popular google search.)
I remember a rape case in the Middle East. The girl had been covered in black clothes from head to foot, with only the traditional slit for her eyes, but the man noticed that she had make up on her eyes. That “made” him *lose all self-control.” We need to change the dialogue to clearly identify the attacker is to blame, ALWAYS, and not the victim.
Why? Why put eyeliner on a baby?
Dude obviously had no self control to begin with.
@@candacecasey5222 He was looking for an excuse. I was in the Army Reserves, in the winter, No makeup, not even lip balm, full winter gear including Mickey Mouse boots and this Major from another company, standing behind me, patted me on the fanny. I was shocked, mainly because from behind my helmet obscured my face and hid my hair so how did he know I was a female with my parka down practically to my knees...no fanny showing. Some smart joker had to have pointed me out to him. I spun around, outraged, trying my best to come up with a nasty retort and my brain failed me so I just glared at him (the whole platoon was SILENT!) until HE got uncomfotrtable and left the room. Nobody ever tried that stunt again. A girl can be in a burka, or full Army cold weather gear (including a bayonet on my web belt...how sexy was that; we all looked like bald green Russian bears) or walking naked down Main St with a bottle of beer in each hand and the male 'reaction' is the same. Really, really...
@@candacecasey5222 Gotta start enforcing those gender norms early. It's the reason that gender reveal parties are such a thing right now.
Conservative Islam is ideal for rapists.
I have a six week old baby girl at home. As soon as she is able to walk, run, skip and jump, I am going to take boxing lessons with her. I refuse to allow this sweet baby girl to be caught in a sitaution where she was defenseless.
Thank you Sir. So many self defense tactics my parents taught got me out of trouble throughout the years and saved my life once when three men tried to force me in a car.
Thank you.
Kinda creepy of them to look at a kindergartener's straps that way, ick
@empbac its sad that in in this day babies bodies (kindergarteners are babies) are sexulised.
In view of the fact that already almost 60 years ago Karol Wojtyla* made it clear in his book "Love and Responsibility" that it is not nakedness itself that is a sin, but the ones are the sinners who thinks exclusively of sexual things and with lust at the sight of a naked body, and sees the naked person as objects.. * Pope John Paul II
@empbac yeah, maybe I'm being overly generous, but I assume that particular case was seeing the article of clothing as inherently sexual (which I disagree with, to be clear) and seeing is as inappropriate for both the child and the setting and trying to force the child to "dress properly" rather than seeing the child as sexual.
Still wrong, but I think it valuable to identity exactly what the problem is.
@@dynamicworlds1 I've seen the post, which has a pic of the little girl in the sundress. It's quite an unremarkable little dress, pretty, but nothing unusual. It also says she was told to cover her shoulders because she needed "privacy". It was a simple little dress, the kind you see little girls wearing all the time. Please check out the mother's original post. www.lovewhatmatters.com/why-are-you-wearing-a-t-shirt-i-asked-when-i-picked-her-up-i-had-to-put-something-on-because-i-need-privacy-she-started-bawling/
I feel the same way about people obsessed with the icky way gays and lesbians have sex. Who's the perverts? The ones having icky sex or the ones obsessed with others having icky sex?
I was first assaulted when I was in kindergarten. I was in the front row of music class, right in front of the teacher, and this boy started harrassing me to kiss him. I finally did, to try to shut him up, but of course that just encouraged him. The teacher didn't put a stop to it until I had kissed him again, and even then it was more like, "Both of you stop disturbing the class!" The only education on consent I ever got was much later and only consisted of "Boys, you shouldn't pressure girls...but girls, it's your job to KEEP him from going too far so you can keep your purity for your husband and your male God." And also "If you wore that, you asked for it." This society is a disgrace.
This hits close to home for me, Beau. I was bullied as a kid and was never taught to be assertive- and that was reinforced by the policies at the schools I attended. It affected my self esteem severely as a kid, and the breaking point was when I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought was a friend at 17. I still hadn't learned to be assertive or to stand up for myself and froze during the assault. I went to the cops after and was told "not to ruin this guy's life over something I regretted doing." I was in a huge depression for years after that. It took me joining the Army and learning self defense before I finally learned to be assertive and stand up for myself. I strongly believe that if I'd been able to defend myself as a kid and had been told it's okay to say "no" when someone does something that makes you uncomfortable most, if not all, of the bullying and the assault would have been avoidable. The assault upsets me to this day because I thought only strangers would hurt you. My lack of assertiveness was compounded by my lack of understanding that most sexual assaults are from people you know. I am grateful that you are teaching your daughter to be assertive, that she has a right to decide what happens to her body. Keep teaching that on TH-cam too. Thank you.
You decided to join the most monstrous and uncivilized institution, the Military?
I remember hearing the story of an exercise undertaken at a police academy. The instructor had a whiteboard at the front of the room with a line drawn down the middle. First, he asked the men in the room to list on one side of the board all the things they consciously do on any given day to ensure their safety. No one could come up with anything concrete. He then asked the women in the room to list all the things that they do on any given day to make sure they are safe. The list the women created filled their side of the board and spilled over onto the other side. The men were astounded at how many diverse things that women consider daily to ensure their safety. It was definitely an eye-opener and helped to sensitize male police officers to the safety needs of women and to heighten their awareness as they patrol and respond to the female public. They were further instructed that often they, as male police officers with perceived power, might be a source of fear for women they encounter and were given strategies to ensure a positive outcome. While this may have been a very worthy exercise and helped heighten awareness, the fundamental problem is women should not have to walk in fear of 50% of the population. Raising quality men with a deep respect and positive attitude toward women is every parent’s job. Fathers set the example by how they treat their wives, mothers, and daughters. Sons see this behavior and will likely mimic it in the future. There’s so much heightened masculinity in the world today that is really scary to navigate it as a female. The aggression is frightening. I am all for teaching daughters self-defense and building confident attitude. They can and should be able to whatever it takes to defend themselves. When my daughter was a young child, I taught her that she should scream, bite, kick, punch, and anything else she could think of if she was ever threatened by someone else. There were no rules when it came to her personal safety. Thankfully, she never had to fight back, but at least she knew she had permission to do so in safety situations.
I have a theory that people who are mentally prepared to fight back are most often the ones who don't have to. Predators and bullies are cowards, and they can sense if you're an easy target or if you're going to be trouble.
One of my fellow counselors, a female, had client who was a school-aged girl recently suspended for fighting. She told her "You're a girl, you're not supposed to be fighting". I thought this was ludicrous. When we wall girls off from knowing how and when to fight for themselves, we handicap them!
For men aggression is seen as strength. For women it's seen as weakness. Makes sense when you see the roles society tries to force men and women into.
Isn't that the point?
@@GrandmaCathyI strive to teach my daughter how to be kind, how to be fearsome, and to have the wisdom to know which is appropriate for any situation.
I've had a therapist tell me lady's shouldn't curse
@@queenmidna4998 Really?!? I AM a therapist, and outside of the office I curse like a sailor! XD Hell, if I'm with a client with a salty mouth, I'll slip into some of my old punk language habits too... And in the "mutual therapy" sessions I do with my favourite colleague the air turns blue from all the swearing. But then, I may be a woman, but I never claimed to be a lady! ;D
So in Alaska, males have the right to imprison any female they want in any room? Far beyond the fact that trying to control anybody's physical freedom should obviously be criminal, exactly what level of stupid do you have to be to not know that ANY female in that situation fears the next step is sexual assault. And knows if she doesn't successfully fight her way out not only is no one coming to rescue her, but in addition to being assaulted sexually she'll next have all kinds of people accusing her of putting herself in that position and not fighting back. Or of lying! Nice Catch-22 they've set up.
This catch 22 isn't exclusive to Alaska. The North Pole GOP - hear this - GOP rep made a statement that she supported any girl, anywhere, defending herself with any amount of force. It was glorious. It was one of the boy's parents, a foster father, who goaded the boys into action in an effort to shame the school for it's very trans-accepting bathroom policies. Unfortunately, the woman administrator for that school is a sexist fool. Alaska's about 20 years behind the rest of the country in it's attitude toward civil rights.
Alaska also has an epidemic sexual assault problem. www.statista.com/statistics/232563/forcible-rape-rate-in-the-us-by-state/
@@mrsparkle9048 Alaska has the worst stats in the country for alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual assault. We stay near the top for some other horrible stats, too. It's heartbreaking. It's an extreme climate that attracts extreme people, good and bad.
How barbaric...dear God! I don't know what to say...
All of those boys should be charged with _”unlawful imprisonment”_ for the reasons you stated...
I appreciate young women being the theme of this video.
I have 2 daughters, Mayson is 23 years old & Nora is 11 years old.
Society as a whole has changed so much since my older daughter was 11.
More girls need to hear a trusted man in her life tell her all that you said.
They need to be able to not weigh their worth against others opinions of who she is & her worth should never be questioned or doubted by anyone.
When I went to school in the 1980's, sexual harassment and assault were rampant. In our middle school there was a group of boys that terrorized the girls that were considered "sexy" (girls that had a womanly shape). We were afraid to go to the washroom alone or go into the kiln room. I was scared to walk home alone. The teachers knew about this but there was never any action taken against them. Looking back I wish that I was more assertive about my complaints.
As a trans girl, I hid the fact I started taking hormones senior year of highschool from everyone who wasnt my mom or doctor and made a point not to use the bathroom in public and to cover up because I was scared of exactly what happened to that trans boy. That fear is why I now have a concealed carry permit.
Hoping for things to turn out well for you.
@hijackwannabev +"an _actual_ girl"
My dude, did you know? Trans women are women.
@hijackwannabev
What do you mean nah ?
That is not how this works lol.
@hijackwannabev
A.
A woman is an individual who defines themselves as an women.
B.
A transgender women is an individual that was assigned male at birth ( AMAB ) but who defines themselves as a woman.
@hijackwannabev
Nope, it doesn´t since that is wrong.
Men/boys truly don’t know how hard it is to be a female these days! The double standards are the worse at best!!!
It is a shame. It is like women are completely unaware men face more danger at every stage of their lives. Statistics show men are more likely to die from suicide. Men are more likely to be murdered. Men are more likely to be the victims of a violent attack. Men are more likely to die at work. Men averages years shorter in average life expectancy - and it is actually declining as well. Meanwhile, our society continues this narrative that men are actually privileged.
Ohhitisjustme ... Usually complaints of "double standards" are coming from the boys. I am interested in your perspective.
.
@@corvanna4438 All those men are killed by other men and women and children are mostly killed by men, too. You're proving men are responsible for all the violence against themselves and women with your statement. Also, men are more likely to have great power and have all the money, too. They are still in charge. They have privilege women do not have. For instance, if a man murders his wife, he likely did so out of revenge, during a fight, or because he's naturally violent. If a woman kills her husband, 86% of the time it's in self defense. Yet the wife murderers average 2-6 years in prison, where a woman averages 15 years. That's just one example. Men do the most crimes. Men behave the worst because they set up the rules centuries ago and gave themselves all the loopholes. Men have most of the CEO jobs, most of the leadership roles in government and the military. So don't cry to me about how bad men have it. They made this mess, and like always, women have to clean it up.
@@amandabell6356 Men with money make the rules. It is a fact that the biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide. This needs to be addressed. Young men need to know it is OK to be sensitive and not follow macho stereotypes.
Amanda Bell Men are “responsible” for getting murdered by other men? That makes absolutely no sense, but okay.
Thanks Beau. I have 3 daughters and I have tried to teach them to stand up for themselves. My oldest had a boy that wouldn't leave her alone in middle school. I told her that if he tried anything to fall to the floor and start yelling. He did get in trouble he would touch her in places well they were switching classes. So she fell to the floor and he got into trouble. It is sad that we have to teach our young women of today to be sneaky in order to get anything done. Plus my girls are older now and all carry bear mace with them. We have many bears in this area. They also carry rock hammers and know what to do with them. Of course they are for rock hunting.
WAY COOL!
Thank you so much Beau. My daughter is 3 and she can take apart most six year olds with no problem. And my close friends get it, but I constantly get backlash over encouraging her to be strong and not back down. And I just sent everyone who has giving the slightest push back this video with the message, "I guarantee you if some idiot traps my daughter in the bathroom whatever is left of him y'all can keep."
Woman in CA jogging. Stops at public restroom. Man follows, attempts rape. She suddenly realizes she's trying to stop him *without hurting him*.
Shouts: "NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER!" and goes beast mode.
He ran.
Cops picked him up from vid cam. Well known to them.
Real men have control over themselves. Lack of control means your parents failed to teach you self control, it means society has failed to address the lack of standards of respect for others. We need to call out people for their lack of respect, we need to apply the same rules equally to everyone male, female, trans etc.
Men yes...but schools are full of boys.
And some men are broken...mentally fucked up...it's then you have to account for.
And boys can’t understand and learn basic self control?
@@mkuti-childress3625 can they? Sure. And at some point they will learn it. But you need to understand that they are learning. They do not master it overnight. They don't Master it in a year or two. It takes time. And sure you can start teaching them this when they're little kids but until the actual hormones hit them. Until the desires are there they don't understand it. The school that that kindergartener attended goes up to second grade. So hormones weren't really an issue. But they sent the dress code to be universally applicable. It's the same in all schools
@M Kuti-Childress let's put it this way Wally boy is still in the process of learning self-control in what he thinks would be a funny prank to play on a girl he's attracted to to get her attention...because he's a boy...who hasn't learned better yet...who is impulsive...he pulls a string holding her dress up...the dress falls and she reveals herself to the entire lunchroom...
So are you proposing that if this girl was traumatized by that event that'd be silly? If she developed body issues from it...if she was harassed for it...see where I'm going with this?
That boy would eventually learn better...but the damage is done.
Seriously? I worked as an administrator in a school with pre-12 students, and we taught basic respect and keeping your hands to yourselves to every one of the preschool kids (aged 3-5) in a matter of _days_.
Boys are not wild animals with no control. That is the attitude that leads to people blaming the girls for _everyone’s_ behavior. And it leads to people getting hurt.
The problem is that adults don’t want to spend the time to actually teach boys the appropriate way to behave. It takes work. But it has to be done.
Thank you, Beau, as always.
I struggled with assertiveness for years, it's still hit and miss at the age of 52 but I tried to instil confidence in my daughters as much as possible. They are both doing very well most importantly can use their intelligence in a thoughtful and articulate way. Finding activities they enjoyed that also helped them rely on their bodies from rock climbing to circus skills helped a lot.
Only recently started watching your channel, but every video watched so far tracks and has been insightful. Thank you for that.
This vid in particular is a bit close to home b/c my wife and her little sister both came from an abusive home environment that heavily emphasized control. They handled it very differently.
My wife is very strong willed and can be confrontational. She has trouble being able to trust and make good long term emotional connections to form friendships. Her reaction was to always argue back, never give her mom the satisfaction of feeling like she could control her or make her feel afraid. Early in our marriage we had to address that her default emotion for communication is anger. Eventually she realized being angry all the time was exhausting to her and hurting our relationship. I love my wife dearly and we've worked together for years to help her heal and self actualize. (She's helped me grow and become a better man, husband, and recently father also - it's definitely been team growth effort) She's come a long way and I'm very proud of her as my wife and my best friend for how she's repeatedly set personal goals for her healing and has achieved them. I've never seen anything like it. She's even brought about a lot of introspection in her parents who have been trying to get better and are somewhat less dysfunctional human beings.
Her sister is almost the opposite. Quiet and always goes with whatever her current boyfriend decides. The most recent boyfriend is racist, doesn't trust science or medicine and despite all of our efforts to try to steer her away she seems determined to make it work. There's a lot more going on there, and she's even admitted to me that she doesn't feel a sense of self worth. Even with her sister talking to her regularly, and trying to help her realize she does have self worth and incredible potential that she could do anything with, she doesn't really believe it.
Thanks for telling this story. It's all too common. Thank goodness more is in the open now. Your wife picked the right guy! *Canada*
If more men thought like you, the world would be a better & safer place. I'm grateful for you.
This video is so on point! And I heard about this thing in Alaska. I kept waiting for people to call this. Everyone keeps saying that trans women in bathrooms are a threat, but it was a group of cis boys that held a girl against her will and she got punished for trying to escape!
I mentioned something on social media, but the silence was deafening. But bet, every SINGLE time anyone says anything about trans people being the threat, I'm going to be using this. Completely ignored by most people. I only caught it briefly and had to look into it further. Where is the outrage?
There is no outrage. Not even that a girl got charged for defending herself against her captor.
This bs is two pronged. One is about controlling women (I seriously keep hoping to see a video about the heartbeat bill Ohio passed on the subject of control.), And the other is about creating a fearmongering false narrative about trans people.
Even at my age, every time I post a pic on social media, I police myself. It's ingrained at this point to think, does this look slutty, oh crap my shirt in this one kind of shows cleavage, I go out in public in the summer and I have this great top that's really light and comfortable, but it goes to almost my knees, so then I think I can't go anywhere because my shorts obviously aren't that damned long.
At some point this is so natural it's subconscious when it's going through your head. What message is it to that kindergartner? I honestly hope it doesn't even register.
And yeah I'm going to say that whoever thought that way needs to be fired. Who tf as an adult has THAT kind of thought about a 5 year old?
Perverts do
the only thing that young lady in Alaska did wrong is; she didn't follow the nut shot with a curb stomp.
In truth, a paedophile will sexualise a child whatever they are wearing. It does not have to be revealing.
There is outrage, it just took a while for the incident to register with most Alaskans. That being said, Alaska has the worst stats in the country for alcoholism, drug addiction, and sexual assault, all while proudly (and without a touch of irony) calling itself "The Last Frontier". The GOP rep for the small town of North Pole actually made a statement in support of any girl defending herself, in any situation, and also said that girls couldn't be expected to make split-second decisions about the amount of force they are going to use in a situation like that. The school is going to review the girl's expulsion, today, I think. They'd best let that girl back in school or there is going to be a lot of trouble. The foster father of one of the boys instigated this little nightmare in an underhanded effort to get the school to tighten up it's bathroom policy, which is quite trans-friendly. He's a Christian extremist, something that has been spreading across Alaska like a virus.
Alaska is a place of extremes, and it's a young state like America's a young country, with a lot of problems. I love my home, but I'm also ashamed of it's backwards, sexist attitudes. smh
@@1mongorock Agreed!
ERA never passed. We LITERALLY do not legally have equal rights under the law.
Yes you do.
We are one state away from passing ERA. They are working on it in Missouri.
In 1848, Elizabeth Cady Stanton held the first Women's Convention with the Women's Declaration of Independence. In that document, she asked for an Equal Rights Amendment.
It was first official proposed to Congress 1921. Here we are 171 yesterday after the initial statement and ONE HUNDRED YEARS after presented to Congress and we still don't have the ERA.
And little girls are bullied in Kindergarten for their attire.
Missouri, I support your passing the ERA.
The ERA is not a federal law, it's been over 94 years since it was purposed. There won't be any support coming from the Republicans, they deleted support for the ERA from their platform in the 1980's, and redoubled their efforts to control women since then, including trying to criminally codify a women's reproductive cycle - from banning sex education, making contraceptives illegal to the recent Texas proposal where a women can conceivably ( no pun intended) get the death penalty for having an abortion .
Go to the ERA for more facts, google ALEC abortion legislation, go to Votesmart to see how your elected rep has voted on reproductive rights. You'll find the men live in the United States of America and women are being forced to exist in the Republic of Gilead.
YFNA No. We. Do. Not.
Spare us the mansplaining.
@angelo belcher Hey, angelo, got nothing better to do than troll? Whyncha get a fucking job, man?
I'm so thankful my parents never yelled at me for defending myself. When I was 15 I was dating a 19yr old Marine who slapped me while we were arguing over money he owed me. I broke his nose. I then got out of the car and ran home because I'd just broken a 6'3 Marines nose (I'm 5'). He came over later pissed off and I was like "what are you going to do? Tell your commanding officer that you slapped your under age 15yr old, cheerleader, girlfriend, and she broke your nose? What do you think they're going to do to you then?"
My dad's still proud of me for that, nearly 20 years later lol.
My mom on the other hand constantly worries about me because I'm out here in a semi by myself, and she's like "I know you can take care of yourself, but you don't look like you can. It was one thing sending my 6'4, 300lb son out on the road, it's another to send my petite daughter out there."
I’m 53.
This type of thing has happened in my life too many times to count.
I do not know a female who didn’t go through something similar as a child, and later as an adult.
Just the fact that women have to wear shirt on hot sunny days, but men do not, draws the line we know we can’t cross. They tell us what we can wear, and where we can wear it.
Men have rights that women do not.
Yes, teach your girls to fight back, defend themselves, but let’s teach boys to be better men too, so many women won’t have to fight.
We are taught, and it starts before kindergarten, that we are weak, men are strong, we need strong men to protect us from strong men.
I was kicked out of school for “distracting the boys”, I was in 9th grade, and my mom had picked out my outfit. I had on pants, a long sleeve shirt that had a high collar, first two buttons undone, about throat level.
No one seems to worry that the boys distract the girls. Boys being boys shoving us into the bathroom and trying to kiss us, the school said, walk in pairs. Boys grabbing our asses and snapping our bra straps, don’t look so seductive. {At 14!
No one talked to the boys about their behavior except maybe, “I get it, she’s pretty in that skirt, but tone it down.”
I was kicked out of a bar when I was in my 20s. A man I did not know walked over as I was sitting and started grinding his dick in my face, and making jerking off gestures.
I stood in my chair to look him in the eyes and screamed, “You are the sorriest excuse for a man I’ve ever seen...”
I was removed from the bar for causing a scene.
In the street when I explained what he did to me, and why I was yelling him, I was told, “yes we know, but you’re the one causing a scene, and you’re easier to remove than him.”
As a society, We are failing our children. Not just our girls, but how can a boy be considered okay when acting like that? How do things like this effect them and their future relationships?
We set them up
And knock them down.
I can, after 35+ years, find compassion for the boys who gang raped me. How pitiful their lives must have been, how the system and their parents let them down.
We create our little Frankensteins, movies, shows, music, video games, and society in general perpetuate and exasperate the problem.
Then we blame the girls.
Even as a society, it might not be said, but it is implied, any social issues are the mother’s fault because mom spends the most time teaching them.
And of course,
If effin Eve hadn’t forced Adam to eat that effin apple, All would be right and well in the world.
{Having a pussy grabber for a President is not helping.
The victim is ALL ways punished for defending them selfs.
Brenda Hobbs Punished for defending herself, punished for not defending herself, punished for what she was wearing, punished for what she did just before, punished for what she did afterward... There is no end to why everything bad that happens is the girl’s fault, and she is damned no matter what she does.
Now you`ve got me good and pissed off.
That alaska story got under my skin
And the kindergarten one.
Same 🤬
Couldn't agree more! My daughter can do and be what ever she wants, but as soon as she is old enough I will teach her self defense. When my daughter says "NO" I want her to be able to enforce it!
I am amazed that I can "thumbs up" before I even start playing the video, and invariably I want to add three or four more "thumbs ups" as I hear the message.
My friend’s 9 year-old in Seattle was sent home for her sundress. It was sleeveless but wide, to the shoulder edge and cane to her knees. Well below fingertips. In Seattle (supposedly progressive) they’re still slapping ridiculous dress codes on kids because society can’t stand women being free thinking or independent.
I thought Seattle was more progressive than that,. But then I think that in someplace as generally dreary as that, any time it's nice enough to wear something comfortable and fun everyone would if they could.
Matt Soper The citizens are progressive (mostly) but democracy is broken. Amazon owns the city but doesn’t help it. Teachers are treated poorly and some positions are being removed. I don’t know who makes the rules but it’s not the people.
@@annala2956
Time to oust your school board.
Yeah in seattle your dress has to be down to your finger tips.
I hope the girl's parents (from Alaska) rightfully praised her for taking care of herself, enrolled her in a self defense class if need be and are looking for another school for her. I'd advise pursuing legal action against the boy or the boy's step dad. And maybe the school for punishing yet again the victim.
Bottom line is, she needs to understand the true lesson of this experience: that she has the right to defend her integrity and that she might be punished by society for it, it doesn't make her any less right on this issue.
absolutely. i’ve ALWAYS said this since i was little and couldn’t wear spaghetti strap tops to school because of “the way boys might react” and i knew it was bullshit then. you’re right it’s all about control. we have to follow guidelines because others are sexualizing us..
A real man is not bothered by assertive woman. Thanks Beau for the assertive stand.
Another great one. All of the people who are attacking children find a way to be around them. Now they can’t wear a dress because the little boys don’t care about girls. It must be the staff that is the problem.
Thank you Beau;. I spend so much of my time trying to do what's logical, and getting slammed for being "unfeminine". Maybe they'll hear it from you...
If someone calls you out for being not feminine, uppity, .... aggressive - just accept it as badge of honor. Look them in the eye: Damn right I am, glad we settled that once and for all - That should usually shut them up.
Especially older males assume that women are scared to be called "unfeminine" (or any trait that is unfeminine if you go by traditional gender rules).
Or younger co-workers that fight dirty for promotions might also use some underhanded tactics:
I watched a late relative being manipulated that way by her misogynistic relatives (brothers, but her mother when still alive would also subtly undermine her). She was conditioned by her upbringing to be hurt by the label of being a difficult, too demanding, uncooperative, not feminine woman.
So whenever she put her foot down (very mildly in my opinion) and made justified requests - they tried to shut her up with shaming her for being aggressive / unfeminine. Worked only partially, but it put her under pressure, and she tried to argue logically about it (why she wasn't really overbearing, why her request was reasonable).
That is not the point, you cannot "explain" something to people that do not act in good faith. it was not a misunderstanding or honest difference of opinion. They sneakily tried to put her at a disadvantage (financial arrangements, care for the mother, ....) and since they had no good arguments as to fairness, they pressed her emotional buttons to get an arrangement that was very favorable for them, and put all the burden on her.
When my oldest was 12 she had a boy at school who kept snapping her bra strap, he wouldn't stop and this went on for a few weeks before she told me. I told her she is not wrong to defend herself. And she did I was brought in and told she assaulted him. I was pissed. I calmly explained she had been continuously harrassed by this kid and if they decided to continue with charges we would get a lawyer and sue for defamation and press charges for sexual assault. That changed their attitude pretty quick. He was suspended for 3 days and she went right back 5o class. We have to be our kids role models and allies. I have 3 daughters and my second youngest was groped in 3rd grade. Again 3 day suspension for this kid. I am so happy you are an ally Beau, thank you these words hit close to home
Your daughters are also lucky to have you as their parent, and great job on being an upstanding human being by backing them up. It saddens me, yet I can't help but think how many girls in this world grew up with parents who would just blame them in the type of situations you described instead of supporting them.
Still too many...
Thank you Beau! I am a 77 year old woman and you practically had me in tears over this subject.
I've been fighting for this for years! Thank you! But the problem I encounter is that a lot of women themselves perpetuate this too. They push this narrative on the girls too unfortunately.
Religious brainwashing...or so I notice. Even when your not religious it seems to permeate society by infecting culture. We have to actively fight it to change things but there is so much pushback... I'm tired
I know ! My own mother tried to tell me that women hold the power and only need to learn how to use it. She said promoted manipulation and making guys think what you want is THEIR idea. In the 2nd grade I was assaulted on the school bus by a boy who wanted my seat, actually put his hands around my throat. So I started walking to school. It was just brushed off like well you're ok now, so suck it up.
The bathroom issue is so infuriating. I didn't hear about Alaska before this, but it reminds me of a time about 15 years ago. We were on the road and stopped at a rest stop, and I took my toddler son into the bathroom with me. and this man tried to follow us in. It's only when he caught my ex, a fairly sizable burly dude, walking up and calling him out on it that he bailed on the idea. I had no idea until I came out. Fast forward fifteen years, I've come out, I've transitioned, and I'm the threat in a bathroom?
this exact thing happened to me as a first or second grader on picture day. i wore an open backed dress, and was forced to sit in the bathroom while my mom brought a shirt to me. honestly it’s one of my clearest childhood memories
Thank you, thank you, Beau, for bringing this issue to public awareness. It is an unimaginable blight on the growth, self awareness, and future safety of girls and women. I am so happy your daughter has you for a father.
Glad to see you're over 100k subscriptions... your opinions should be heard by millions.
How do you speak so calmly? I'm listening and becoming enraged. Good on you for getting these issues out there in such a non-violent way. Love watching your videos.
The boy(s) in Alaska committed unlawful imprisonment, and need to be charged. The Girl and her family need to sue the boy and his family, the school, the town/city, and the state if applicable for every dime they have.
You are correct sir; not “allowing” the child to leave is unlawful restraint, at best... kidnapping at its worse. If I were her parents, we would litigate well into next month
On one forum I was telling about a time when I was out at night and a man stopped his car and asked me if wanted a lift home. I said no and continue on my way. A few minutes later I realised that he was slowly following me so I ducked down a lane and hid in some bushes. I got my door keys out of my purse with the plan that if he got out of his car and approached me I could use the keys as a weapon by going for his eyes. I was told by several men that that would have been wrong of me because it would of been assault and they guy was probably only concerned for my safety and only wanted to see if I got safely home. I was the bad person in this scenario according to them.
Better safe than sorry. You were right not to trust.
I carry mace every where I go now.
what is wrong is you were in the situation that may have required you to act . those guys are using hind sight 20/20.
Lynette Zozette wtf? What kind of male morons are you talking to? There’s a remote possibility a decent guy might discretely follow a woman he feels is unsafe to ensure she gets to safety, but offering a ride or getting out of his car and approaching her would be crossing the line- anyone born since 1900 knows that!
OMG. That is ridiculous. A guy following a strange woman home cuz he was worried about her. That is just ludicrous. You did the right thing.
I'm can't believe that "boys being boys" is even a defense today, amazing. I have twn sons in their early 20's and I've never had to have a discussion about any of these things with them, I just thought it was common sense. You treat those around you with respect and as you would want to be treated.
Honorable young men raised right, then. My siblings and I were raised the same way; probably the most emphasized lesson we were ever taught, and for good reason, as it's applicable in every situation. My parents never had issues with us, and to this day we manage to stay out of trouble because self-control and respect for others are easy to practice on a day-to-day basis.
Maybe have that talk with them just in case
@@mariag.8242 ones been married for 1 1/2 yrs and the other is engaged. They know how I feel about these things, no discussion needed, at this point it's up to their wives if they need a refresher.
Your kids might be good but I disagree with the fact that you expected that common sense will "do the job" ad that you don't, and didn't, need to have such conversation. Because, a lot of parents have that expectation, instead to talk and make sure that their kids know how to respect themselves and others.
@@paolagrando5079 Since you know so much about me and my kids; they both graduated from college with honors, don't drink or smoke, are both employed, ones married the other is engaged, were raised by BOTH of their parents and their grandparents. I worked two jobs plus did extra side work so their Mother could stay home and be a Mother. If you lead by example and do the right things you don't have to keep your children under your thumb and explain every little thing. And, yes, if my Wife made better money I would have been happy to stay at home with the kids and let her be the bread-winner. Now they're both in their mid twenties, employed and are upstanding well-adjusted good people. I don't have to TELL them how to be decent people, we SHOWED them how to be decent people, we were/are involved in their lives. Talk is cheap, just like people that lie, cheat and steal and think they're "good" people because they go to church on Sunday. How about you?
Middle school, I got punished for slapping a boy who grabbed my ass in the lunch line, with plenty of witnesses. High school, got suspended for wearing a skirt (that was actually longer than the cheer leading uniforms). Got suspended for walking out of a class after being threatened by a boy in front of a teacher. Routinely got in trouble for my straps being too thin... I lived on a dessert where the temperature exceeded 100 F....
Thank you for addressing this issue. As a mother of a 3 year old girl, I'm DREADING sending my baby to school.
I really appreciate your intelligence/common sense/critical thinking skills/reasoning/listening skills, your empathy, sympathy, and compassion. If there were more people in the world like Beau we wouldn't need drugs to self medicate to escape from All the lack of human decency from All these heartless devils that are so desensitized to people dying. THANK YOU BEAU, FOR YOUR AMAZING WORDS OF WISDOM AND HAVING A HEART/SOUL 👏👏💪💯
I see another big problem with the dress code, that already applies in kindergartens!
What lessons do the little boys draw from this?
Her (maybe) sister is told she is dressed to "provocative" .... for kindergarten !!!
How do parents, or teachers, explain that to the boys?
Maybe something like: A boy don't have to think about, how to behave in the presence of girls ... because, it's her fault anyway ... no matter what !!??
That's ridiculous ... and dangerous .... in my opinion!
Yes it is
Thank you for sharing videos from a woman’s perspective by a man who cares.
i dont see any substance in this video. a waste of 9 minutes.
and by your logic any one can go naked in any workplace or government.
if you think there is a line, then you did not show where it lies even in 9 minute video.
pathetic.
@@peasant7214 Hi troll! 👋😁
How’re things in mom’s basement? Btw, 258 people disagree. Nice try tho. Have anything kind to say about this video or are you just out trolling because misery loves company?
@@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers so anyone who disagree with the video is troll?
I just wanted to know where you draw the line exactly.
About 258 ppl disagree, yes because the video is a bit vague so its hard to disagree with it.
I dont see anything in the video other than "let women wear what they like"
It is generic statement that can hardly be argued against.
@@peasant7214 How you worded things made you a troll. Not because you didn’t like the video. Trying to get a reaction. The point of the video wasn’t to try to show how much or how little clothing a woman should wear in order for it to be OK. The point was that it’s unnecessary to try to get women to cover as much in as possible so as not to disturb and distract the boys. All responsibility for what is distracting or not always falls on a woman. Or in this case on a little girl who doesn’t even have the concept of being sexual yet and now they have put that on her.
@@TurtleTimeVoiceOvers sorry I only wanted to explore your thoughts, and maybe have little discussion if we disagreed.
My stance is that people should wear decent cloths depending on where they go. For example, not going to school with bikini or shorts. But those two would be fine if going to the beach. In short just being decent
do you agree or disagree?
Edit: also another example, my Spanish teacher once told me that they did not like how English men go to grocery stores with shorts and naked chest. He said that they made it illegal to do that (I have not checked if it is true), and I found that reasonable.
do you agree with me?
I cannot disagree with the other point you raised that if someone chose indecent clothes, it does not justify sexual harassment.
I hope her parents sue the school and I would encourage her to press charges against these boys.
Loving the Ariel shirt. She was always my favorite princess as a kid. Hell, I even had an Ariel Barbie doll growing up.
Wish I had had a father like you as I was going up.
In jr high and high school, I loved to wear dresses - because I like feeling pretty and I did it for me not to attract attention. I had a different skirt or dress for every day. On day in gov't class, one of the girls, knowing I could hear her, said "you know, I like wearing skirts to, but wearing one every day, kinda seems like she just wants the boys to have easy access." I didn't go back to school for two weeks, and my family didn't stick up for me. None of my skirts were any shorter than knee-length, in fact many if them came to the floor, because I liked them, had nothing to do with anything else. I just like long dresses. The same girl who made the comment was a cheerleader whose uniform came off just below her butt cheeks. My personal feeling was/is I don't care what anyone wears. If you are comfortable and you aren't causing harm to anyone what does it matter what your clothes look like. But as they say the clothes make the man/ woman. Dress for the job you want to have. Dress for success. All statements showing that we judge by what's on the outside. Society tels us beauty is on the outside my we gave to look a certain way to be respected and if you vary from that in any way people will think less of you. Maybe someday that will change.
Some people like to make themselves bigger by making other people feel small. Please ignore them, they have a character flaw.
Thanks Beau. We are no longer property.
I consider myself lucky to have had a strong intelligent Mother, a Father who rarely raised his voice and never a hand to her and two older sisters who taught me how to be around girls and survive. Lol I have just started going through Beau' videos and some are hard to watch as they make me feel worse for humanity than I already do. Thanks for being one of the few who can teach us to be better people.
Boys will not necessarily be boys. I have gotten to know plenty of young men through sports coaching. Some are respectful of women, others are not. And it always boils down to the parents.
As an American living in Europe. I have to say I don't see problems like that over here. When we were living in the US my little girl went through some similar. Maybe you need to do a video on why the US is the way it is, in other words the root cause. I think it might surprise a lot of people to where this is still being taught.
It might depend on where in Europe you are, but I've seen some interesting cultural differences in dating between the US and Germany and the US seems to be all about control. The US guy pays for everything and in return expects a payout, whereas dating was more from friendship groups and based on an actual relationship in Germany. American culture fascinates me because it is so different from anything I've come across IRL.
@@blackwater4707: Germany, you got it. It's not just about dating, it starts like in some churches, for instance, Pentecostal, Mormon, etc. women are dictated what to wear, how to wear it, how to act. There also either have to get permission or told who they can marry. I'm not saying anything bad about churches here but if you been brought up this way, can you understand why people think this way. In this aspect, I think the US is still in the 1800s and has a long way to catch up to the rest of the world.
I'm a Canadian living in the UK since I was 16 years old. I could wear whatever I wanted in Canada, never had a problem, and never in trouble for anything in school. I did one year of high school in England and had 12 detentions. 11 of which for my clothes. I wanted to wear school colour pants and not a short skirt, the heels on my shoes were not high enough, 7 of these for not wearing the correct coat on top of my uniform (how many coats do I have to buy?) and other random dress code violations.
The 12th detention was because another student said that I had told them that I was a lesbian witch and I was going to turn them into a frog. We were 16, it was 2002 and I was the one who got in trouble?
I also got felt up at prom in front of everyone by the gym teacher who was the one who gave me most of those detentions. I told the school and my parents and no one believed me.
So a girl acting in self defence is now wrong! What type of screwed up logic is that?
Alaskan logic? They voted in old Sister Sarah as Governor for crying out loud. Did this happen in Wasilla by any chance?
Back at age 14, I was sexually harassed in High School by a young man whose nickname was "Fish." ( You can guess where he alluded the spurce of the nickname was.)
I was trapped with this young man on a School.bus for 2 hours a day with no escape as I got on and off at the same stop as him. So I had to endure his crude mouth every day, 5 days a week...
I was a nerd. I wore jeans, t-shirts or baggy sweaters. If I was in shop class, I was in A Navy blue Polo and white Chinos/Dickies as I was a Nursing student. There was no riske clothing and I hated the way I developed.
But I had to endure this boy's Harassment. And the Administration at the school.brushed it off as Boy's will be boys.
I graduated in 1991... So that will tell you how much things have not changed
As the father of three boys and a young lady, I agree with you 100 percent.
Wait, did Schools stop enforcing dress codes for boys? Because I don't know how many times I had to change clothing because it was a distraction. That said, saying a kindergartner is too sexy is very creepy.
I live in Scandinavia. I was born in the early 80s, and I've grown up knowing I could do and wear everything. In my country, I think boys are the ones lagging behind. I'm a child of the early 80s, and I grew up knowing I could do and wear anything. Pants, skirts, braids, short hair, long hair, makeup, no makeup. Play with dolls and cars and pretend to be superheroes or princesses. I could love pink or blue, become a mechanic or a nurse, I could show my emotions, I could be weak or I could be strong. Neither was shameful, although crying was always embarrassing.
That was me from the 80s, but a lot of those things are not true for boys even today, in a country where we've gotten so far in removing gender roles. If I could give all Americans some advise, it's to encourage their children to express their identity from a young age, regardless of what it is.
Very well said, J. Wildberry! Many girls here in the west are growing up as you did. Many, many are not. Thanks for the time and effort you put into sharing your comments. *Canada*
This is such fantastic insight, Beau. Such a gift to have it brought to light by an intelligent, secure man. The patriarchal influence is so deeply woven into our DNA, we are taught that it's our job to "prevent" violence so we don't "get ourselves raped". You are spot on--from as early as kindergarten we are reduced to objects and our culture continues to chip away at our sense of individual identity and physical sovereignty while simultaneously reinforcing that violence "prevention" is placed squarely on the shoulders of targets of violence. Ludicrous. The message is received clearly, early in childhood and often: female power comes from being attractive and the degree of your beauty is directly proportional to your power and success in life. As with all other elements female, it must be regulated, contained and made harmless to those are threatened by it. Thank you for being so inspiring.
First year in middle School. I'll never forget the time a male teacher took me outside the classroom and told me I needed to wear a bra. In which I replied, I am, as I'm lowering my short sleeve to show my bra strap! I was so humiliated! I spent the rest of the day with my arms crossed my chest! Questioning my choice of bra style. Casting guilt and shame upon myself! I'm now 58 years old and I've never forgotten that day..& how it made me feel! This video clip put it all into perspective for me! My bra style wasn't the problem. The problem was the male teacher who lacked self-control! In which he felt was my responsibility! Thank you Beau for this video clip.i feel a weight has been lifted! 💕
That's deep. I agree with your comparison. These are the very same type of people that criticize other countries for Sharia law, their take on immigration and economics and don't realize they create the very similar conditions they criticize. The funny thing some of the nations they criticize are advancing! I forgot which African country it is but one began teaching their young boys about respecting women. Over time, the results was less problems with rape and other predatory type behavior from men. Women more confident and not expected to manage boy's/men's behavior.
I hadn't heard about this story from Alaska. This is unbelievable. How was *she* punished? On what grounds? I gotta read up on it.
"Fighting's prohibited by the rules, but there's nothing in the handbook about blocking the doorway to a room, so we're going to enforce the rules as written" will be the justification and them doing so selectively will be left out
This one dovetails well with the one you did (a while back) about men trying establish &/or assert proprietorship over women.
Good to see that consistency.
What’s so pernicious about this is when I talked about it with a few extended family members, they shook their heads and agreed that it was a shame and silly. Because “that’s too early.” Not because it’s stupid to censor and categorize the quality and morality of a woman based on the thickness of her shirt straps, but that it was just too early to be doing it. I questioned, “So when does it become not silly? Seven? Eight? Ten? Thirteen? Fifteen? When they start to develop? A year before that, just so she’s used to it before she has to get a bra? When?” And they all had answers of what seemed right to them.
They at no point realized the point was flying high above their heads and off into the distance behind them.
This control issue has been going on forever, and it's totally disgusting. I guess because of my size and personality, I did make my opinions known right from grade one on, lol. We didn't have kindergarten, or I would have started then. I was a farm girl, and did all the stuff my brothers did, climbed trees, and rode horses, and I had no reason not to that I knew of. My step father used to try and stop me, but I did it anyway as soon as he wasn't around. I was tall and talkative and a bit of a smarty pants, but behaved in class and top of my classes, winning art contests and teacher's pet, you get the picture! So I was an equal rights activist before I knew what that was! Still am.
Boys aren’t paying any attention to that type of stuff at that age...in general or unless they’ve already been polluted with vulgar things (the world we live in)
I do feel it could be some staff issues....wouldn’t be surprised.
I hadn't heard of these stories. Thanks for keeping me informed and thank you for your perspectives.
As a woman you are not to stand up for yourself unless it's handy to blame the woman for not standing up for herself.
Catch 22 and when that's pointed out then the Gaslighting begins!!!
I was assaulted repeatedly in a bathroom at my public school growing up; so I am appalled about the lack of outcry for that story. I am so tired of our patriarchal system excusing boys and holding girls accountable for the boys' bad behavior. The most disheartening part is the *women* who echo those same stupid excuses. They have been so brainwashed by our patriarchal rules that they don't even understand they have been oppressed - and so are their daughters! I have sons of my own and we talk about their responsibility for their own behaviors and actions as well as standing up for the safety of others. They are white males in our society - they have the ability to be protectors and leaders, so they have the RESPONSIBILITY. Rule 303 in action.
Every single man needs to stay out of every single decision i make.
I think what you mean to say is....
(Just joking)
@@BeauoftheFifthColumn you better be...
You're very funny
Jennifer Gross maybe you need to choose better people (men) to be around with.
What a sick world we are in right now.
It has always been, but 2020 Vision is bringing ALL secrets out the closets& ALL issues needed adressing
If we had a no tolerance policy that sent the “distracted boys” home...they would stop being distracted tomorrow.
That principal and senior staff who agreed with that girl being punished should all e fired , in my opinion.