Big Dave from Tennessee here: I was watching this video of a self-professed narcissist guy and he was talking about this girl had had been friends with and dated a few times. He said she was always “never alone” and that he had a hard time separating her from her friends. It was interesting to listen to, but he talked about how he had heard she had moved to a different town, still close by and he thought that this might make her more isolated and so he contacted her and they got together. He said even though it was a drive to see her, it was worth it because in the end he got everything he wanted from her and talked about how he had literally destroyed her mentally/emotionally. And then he said he might go back again, when she has time to recover? And he laughed about it. I don’t get it - what the hell is that?
That is exploitation of human beings, dehumanizing them to objects. They isolate them from other people and will return when they aren't suffering anymore. Its gros isn't it?
I have had untreated ADD ADHD and called all kinds of names by my abusive family members, if I ever complained that my needs were not being met I was then emotionally abused as a way of life in that family. Scapegoated.
Hi David, it's Alec here from Melbourne, Australia. As always, I thoroughly enjoyed watching your video. Thank you for answering my question about the Cluster A and C personality disorders. It is much appreciated. I found your answer very helpful. It was clear and concise and very insightful. Keep up the great work that you do David, and keep being you. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
Listen to the last video about your feelings, i think i struggle with this, the most, my brain tells me of my feelings , and when do you listen to your thoughts, sometimes surly your brain puts evidence together that you have worked out, rather than your feeling which is still caring for that person. Your brain is practical
We think logically and emotional is input peripheral thoughts but when we are emotionally traumatized we tend to allow emotional thoughts to take over.
Thank u David for always answering my questions and helping us all heal. Discarded family from California again. No contact still only about the kids. I like the way u said in one of ur last videos…. The BPD’s put u on a shelf when they discard u and then they want to come bak later when they want to. When the bpd wants u back and contacts u, is that when they r feeling better with less tension and anxiety etc or feeling worse?
Thank you so much for always telling me. Typically, I have found that they contact you to feel better. When they are bored, anxious, lonely, maybe after losing someone else.
Alex from Utah, Thank you for the response. Your insight and words are helpful for me and my wife to understand and cope. She made an attempt to walk back in, but we established our boundaries from the outset. We are hesitant to cut off contact with her and the other children. We still might end contact until they are more capable of dealing with her. I have thought a lot about why and I am fairly certain I know the source of these traits.
Yes your right, I've seen that happen when his woken up. And his cold, distant, doesn't look at me, but not all the time , sometimes it's days after or weeks after, his often told me about the mask, and he doesnt think he has ever loved, but his never said his childhood was good either, hus told me about the things that happened but not in detail , what did you mean secret ? Sometimes I just think his mood is just that his tired so can't put on much of a show. Nothing to do with me at all.
What i mean is that they are not comfortable ever being vulnerable so typically they will down play the horrible things they've experienced such as an abusive childhood.
Not a question or required to being red. from south africa Hi David My grandmother had dementia and she would constantly think that she had other people's memories. She would not remember anyone and would hide food becauseshe would say nobody was bringing her food when she just ate, it was fair on her and us to go through that. I still can't believe my father sold the house and moved us to a farm with my grandmother who had to stay in a caravan, there wasn't even a real toilet and my mom had to carry her waste away and bury it. All because my father always wanted to own a farm no matter what it did to us, when they finaly sold the farm then people wanted to rob him in his car when he was waiting at a stop street and he became paranoid since then and believed that people was listening in on him and the president was going to eat dinner with them. Even my mom got close to leave him. Luckily I wasn't there to experience it but when they visited me my dad would come to my room in the night and give me a stick and say if people break in I can defend myself, but it was a very peaceful area I rented at..
Hello david, Titouan 23y from France here, ty so much for everything ur doing it help me beyond word. Does someone with bpd and other trauma (family suicide+ miss carriage) always go back on depression?
Hi Willa! The term borderline is not used anymore but it represented someone's mental health as on the line between neurosis and psychosis. Not a psychopath which is different.
Hi, David! Jean from Brasil. I'm in a relationship with a bordeline, diagnosed four years ago and we've been living together for four months. She had been unemployed for two years and lived with her parents before moving in with me. Last month she got a job and for the first payment she refused to help with her share of the expenses, claiming that her salary is much lower. The feeling I have is that I'm stuck with her and her continued selfishness hurts me a lot. This month I have serious financial problems because I fought with her, drank and crashed the car, my hope is that she will discard me, since I am in debt and return to her parents' house. Do you think this is the best way out? Hope you understand my english, thank you.
I'm ao sorry Jean. Tell her that the arrangement is not working and if she cannot contribute more than the two of you obviously cannot live together anymore.
Wow I was listening to your story And I can really relate. I did the same thing in my relationship, but unfortunately, it didn't work out well. Putting somebody in front of your own self-worth is not a good idea. I end up having a major stroke. And they ended up leaving with everything But my self-worth I kept at.😊
Would you support a campaign to criminalize narcissistic/borderline/antisocial abuse? Emotional and psychological abuse is not defined in criminal law except for coercive abuse in some countries. I think if people understood how the variable intermittent reinforcement along with the rage filled splitting causes extreme psychological damage it could be considered criminal.
I'm supportive of anything that can help stop it, sure. The question is, can a law do that and what, is any, are the circumstances and how do they affect the victim? I am concerned with a law that can be used for a perpetrator against the victim.
@daviddemars I'm no legal scholar so I'm sure it would have to be worked through extensively with legal experts to find a way to word the legislation. My thoughts would be a law that would criminalize an individual not telling their partner upfront about their disorder before engaging in contact. This could of course prevent people from seeking diagnosis. On the other hand we could ask that once the abuse has occurred victims should be able to face the abuser in court for the emotional/psychological abuse that can occur from individuals with a PD. So essentially criminal repercussions for those individuals, hopefully encouraging them to either seek therapeutic help or to stay away from people to prevent the abuse.
@ssfourvegeta that's good in theory. Problem is most PDs don't seek help/are not diagnosed. Plus medical privacy laws would probably prevent those that are from having to disclose. They have no conscience why would they? I think the stronger we become recognizing disordered behavior, the better we can get to simply not engage w these people. Let them eat each other.
My limited knowledge of the law would make it impossible. A lot of crime deals with intent and a defense would be they aren’t in control because of the trauma, abuse that caused the disorder. So where does the liability lay? With parents??? See where I’m going. Probably better off making treatment more accessible to people and especially children to prevent them growing up to become adults who hurt people.
@rkymtnlvn I don't see how this makes sense. People who drink and drive don't intend to crash and do harm but they are still held accountable. Ted bundy had two personality disorders and an abusive mother but was still held responsible for his actions. If the intention is not abuse but the result is consistently abuse the intent does not matter. Unless we consider these individuals psychotic in which case they should be committed indefinitely to psychiatric facilities.
David she is amazing, I follow her and Sam vaknin, it's a breath of fresh air when professionals give you answers that you never had words or explanations for, my attention is focused to tune in and listen, keep up the great work and hope all is well
from south africa Hi David I have a question if narcissists believe there own lies or that they know that everything they are is just fake. Narcissistic parents teach you not to complain and always listen to them to be able to control you.
Hello, David! It’s the weekend! Something to celebrate! Do you have any advice on peeling hard boiled eggs? I made eight of them, only one gave me a hard time, where I set it aside til the end! I almost had to beat it into submission! Kinda of reminds me of my husband, slowly wearing me down, manipulating me, until he got his way! I finally got all the peel off, a little worse for wear, kinda like me! But happy to say my hard boiled egg and I survived so far! At least for now, until it ends up on my plate, maybe in a nice salad, where I can hide its battle-scars! Have an “Egg” specially great day!😎❤️
@rorywright5692 Good morning, The weather in the Bay area is beautiful. My house isn't so dark. I don't know about you, but when it's dark and gloomy. That's how my mood is. Thank God, summer is here. Hope you have a beautiful weekend. My friend, God bless you.
@@victoriamuniz9851 I’m so ready for summer! Too early to plant garden, but can still work in it getting it ready for plants. The weather effects me too! 😎❤️
Big Dave from Tennessee here: I was watching this video of a self-professed narcissist guy and he was talking about this girl had had been friends with and dated a few times. He said she was always “never alone” and that he had a hard time separating her from her friends. It was interesting to listen to, but he talked about how he had heard she had moved to a different town, still close by and he thought that this might make her more isolated and so he contacted her and they got together. He said even though it was a drive to see her, it was worth it because in the end he got everything he wanted from her and talked about how he had literally destroyed her mentally/emotionally. And then he said he might go back again, when she has time to recover? And he laughed about it. I don’t get it - what the hell is that?
That is exploitation of human beings, dehumanizing them to objects. They isolate them from other people and will return when they aren't suffering anymore. Its gros isn't it?
Hello David, much appreciation.
No questions for me this week.
I'll figure out my problems without TH-cam this time.
You are a great guy.
Keep on down your thing.
Much appreciated.
@@jeffrey332Thank you so much Jeffrey, you're never alone and support is always available to you.
My covert narc tried to keep my tooth floss when I went for my things. Just thought I'd leave this information here.
I have had untreated ADD ADHD and called all kinds of names by my abusive family members, if I ever complained that my needs were not being met I was then emotionally abused as a way of life in that family. Scapegoated.
I'm sorry Jane. We choose our family, consider choosing different family.
Hi David, it's Alec here from Melbourne, Australia. As always, I thoroughly enjoyed watching your video. Thank you for answering my question about the Cluster A and C personality disorders. It is much appreciated. I found your answer very helpful. It was clear and concise and very insightful. Keep up the great work that you do David, and keep being you. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
Thank you so much for telling me Alec, I appreciate you.
Thank you for another great Q&A Monday!😎❤️
Thank you Rory!
Listen to the last video about your feelings, i think i struggle with this, the most, my brain tells me of my feelings , and when do you listen to your thoughts, sometimes surly your brain puts evidence together that you have worked out, rather than your feeling which is still caring for that person. Your brain is practical
We think logically and emotional is input peripheral thoughts but when we are emotionally traumatized we tend to allow emotional thoughts to take over.
Thank u David for always answering my questions and helping us all heal. Discarded family from California again. No contact still only about the kids. I like the way u said in one of ur last videos….
The BPD’s put u on a shelf when they discard u and then they want to come bak later when they want to. When the bpd wants u back and contacts u, is that when they r feeling better with less tension and anxiety etc or feeling worse?
Thank you so much for always telling me. Typically, I have found that they contact you to feel better. When they are bored, anxious, lonely, maybe after losing someone else.
Alex from Utah, Thank you for the response. Your insight and words are helpful for me and my wife to understand and cope. She made an attempt to walk back in, but we established our boundaries from the outset. We are hesitant to cut off contact with her and the other children. We still might end contact until they are more capable of dealing with her. I have thought a lot about why and I am fairly certain I know the source of these traits.
Thank you Alex and you can always seek professional help for this.
@@daviddemars Thank you, I am. For myself and my family as well.
Yes your right, I've seen that happen when his woken up. And his cold, distant, doesn't look at me, but not all the time , sometimes it's days after or weeks after, his often told me about the mask, and he doesnt think he has ever loved, but his never said his childhood was good either, hus told me about the things that happened but not in detail , what did you mean secret ?
Sometimes I just think his mood is just that his tired so can't put on much of a show. Nothing to do with me at all.
What i mean is that they are not comfortable ever being vulnerable so typically they will down play the horrible things they've experienced such as an abusive childhood.
Not a question or required to being red.
from south africa
Hi David
My grandmother had dementia and she would constantly think that she had other people's memories. She would not remember anyone and would hide food becauseshe would say nobody was bringing her food when she just ate, it was fair on her and us to go through that. I still can't believe my father sold the house and moved us to a farm with my grandmother who had to stay in a caravan, there wasn't even a real toilet and my mom had to carry her waste away and bury it. All because my father always wanted to own a farm no matter what it did to us, when they finaly sold the farm then people wanted to rob him in his car when he was waiting at a stop street and he became paranoid since then and believed that people was listening in on him and the president was going to eat dinner with them. Even my mom got close to leave him. Luckily I wasn't there to experience it but when they visited me my dad would come to my room in the night and give me a stick and say if people break in I can defend myself, but it was a very peaceful area I rented at..
South Africa.
Saying hello to from san francisco bay area I hope you get to enjoy a beautiful day. Bless your Heart ❤
@@victoriamuniz9851 Hi Victoria
Thank you! Have a great day
What incredible choices he made that did not coincide with his life. This means he is not very close to reality.
Need a video of you talking about 'quiet borderline' types, please...
Thank you, i have and I will again.
Hello david, Titouan 23y from France here, ty so much for everything ur doing it help me beyond word. Does someone with bpd and other trauma (family suicide+ miss carriage) always go back on depression?
Probably always depressed with small periods of excitement. Thank you very much!
Thumbs up David. Willa from New Jersey...A borderline is a female psychopath? What is she in the borderline about?
Hi Willa! The term borderline is not used anymore but it represented someone's mental health as on the line between neurosis and psychosis. Not a psychopath which is different.
@@daviddemars Thank you David for explaining this to me :o)
Hi, David! Jean from Brasil. I'm in a relationship with a bordeline, diagnosed four years ago and we've been living together for four months. She had been unemployed for two years and lived with her parents before moving in with me. Last month she got a job and for the first payment she refused to help with her share of the expenses, claiming that her salary is much lower. The feeling I have is that I'm stuck with her and her continued selfishness hurts me a lot. This month I have serious financial problems because I fought with her, drank and crashed the car, my hope is that she will discard me, since I am in debt and return to her parents' house. Do you think this is the best way out? Hope you understand my english, thank you.
I'm ao sorry Jean. Tell her that the arrangement is not working and if she cannot contribute more than the two of you obviously cannot live together anymore.
Wow I was listening to your story And I can really relate. I did the same thing in my relationship, but unfortunately, it didn't work out well. Putting somebody in front of your own self-worth is not a good idea. I end up having a major stroke. And they ended up leaving with everything But my self-worth I kept at.😊
Would you support a campaign to criminalize narcissistic/borderline/antisocial abuse? Emotional and psychological abuse is not defined in criminal law except for coercive abuse in some countries. I think if people understood how the variable intermittent reinforcement along with the rage filled splitting causes extreme psychological damage it could be considered criminal.
I'm supportive of anything that can help stop it, sure. The question is, can a law do that and what, is any, are the circumstances and how do they affect the victim? I am concerned with a law that can be used for a perpetrator against the victim.
@daviddemars I'm no legal scholar so I'm sure it would have to be worked through extensively with legal experts to find a way to word the legislation. My thoughts would be a law that would criminalize an individual not telling their partner upfront about their disorder before engaging in contact. This could of course prevent people from seeking diagnosis. On the other hand we could ask that once the abuse has occurred victims should be able to face the abuser in court for the emotional/psychological abuse that can occur from individuals with a PD. So essentially criminal repercussions for those individuals, hopefully encouraging them to either seek therapeutic help or to stay away from people to prevent the abuse.
@ssfourvegeta that's good in theory. Problem is most PDs don't seek help/are not diagnosed. Plus medical privacy laws would probably prevent those that are from having to disclose. They have no conscience why would they?
I think the stronger we become recognizing disordered behavior, the better we can get to simply not engage w these people. Let them eat each other.
My limited knowledge of the law would make it impossible. A lot of crime deals with intent and a defense would be they aren’t in control because of the trauma, abuse that caused the disorder. So where does the liability lay? With parents??? See where I’m going.
Probably better off making treatment more accessible to people and especially children to prevent them growing up to become adults who hurt people.
@rkymtnlvn I don't see how this makes sense. People who drink and drive don't intend to crash and do harm but they are still held accountable. Ted bundy had two personality disorders and an abusive mother but was still held responsible for his actions. If the intention is not abuse but the result is consistently abuse the intent does not matter. Unless we consider these individuals psychotic in which case they should be committed indefinitely to psychiatric facilities.
David she is amazing, I follow her and Sam vaknin, it's a breath of fresh air when professionals give you answers that you never had words or explanations for, my attention is focused to tune in and listen, keep up the great work and hope all is well
Thank you very much Julie!
from south africa
Hi David
I have a question if narcissists believe there own lies or that they know that everything they are is just fake.
Narcissistic parents teach you not to complain and always listen to them to be able to control you.
Hi, Emile!!😎❤️
@@rorywright5692 Hi Rory, how are you?
Good question Emile, thank you and see you later today in my video.
@@daviddemars Hi David
Thank you, and I'm watching the new video now.
Hello, David! It’s the weekend! Something to celebrate! Do you have any advice on peeling hard boiled eggs? I made eight of them, only one gave me a hard time, where I set it aside til the end! I almost had to beat it into submission! Kinda of reminds me of my husband, slowly wearing me down, manipulating me, until he got his way! I finally got all the peel off, a little worse for wear, kinda like me! But happy to say my hard boiled egg and I survived so far! At least for now, until it ends up on my plate, maybe in a nice salad, where I can hide its battle-scars! Have an “Egg” specially great day!😎❤️
I do, I will tell you today lol.
Is a successful relationship with a BPD possible?
In my opinion, no.
@@daviddemars Thank you
Victoria from the Bay area. Can you do a body language for rapper p Diddy.
Hi, Victoria! Great question!😎❤️
@rorywright5692 Good morning, The weather in the Bay area is beautiful. My house isn't so dark. I don't know about you, but when it's dark and gloomy. That's how my mood is. Thank God, summer is here. Hope you have a beautiful weekend. My friend, God bless you.
@@victoriamuniz9851 I’m so ready for summer! Too early to plant garden, but can still work in it getting it ready for plants. The weather effects me too! 😎❤️
I will try!
Konoda, sorry
🤗❤️
Hello Cindy!
Kanata.. is Konota in sounding
Thank you Sally, that is different than what David told me? I dont remember the second syllable a long O.
@@daviddemars the a’s are “aw” sound, it did com across as that sorry
@@Sally-ih6lsGot it, thanks Sally!