Thanks for being here! For all of y'all: has self-awareness ever made you feel like you need to apologize for your art? Has it ever made your art better? Have you found any ways to deal with it? I'd love to hear all your stories. If you wanna listen to some monthly audio rambles, watch some early videos, and get some updates on The Movie Whisperer and my other projects, check out my Patreon here: www.patreon.com/user?u=1017531
One confession I have: I was so self-aware of the problems I had that I was consistently insulting myself. So my self-awareness debatably brought my self-image down a lot. Nowadays, I understand that that level of self-awareness is damaging. I’m still self-aware on a lot of things but not to the point where I’m insulting myself anymore.
I really needed to hear this. Ive struggled for years developing my craft because I feel Im not saying anything new and people will call me out on that. I get bogged down by the problems I foresee coming and the criticisms they will inspire. Even on the projects you and I have worked on (Theft with Krass XD), which was just a dumb school movie and wasn't meant to be anything great, I couldn't see past it's low quality for the dumb sketch that it was meant to be. Even now as I mostly write to prepare my portfolio I have the Cinema Sins voice in my head dinging me every time a character explains a concept or introduces another person. And what I've slowly realized is, these criticisms are often without basis, and arbitrary rules the internet has created so that they sound intelligent. In truth, good, work will shine through, and the best thing any artist can do is simply tell their stories. I appreciate you and the work you do Houston. Keep it up,. There are people out there who need to hear what you have to say.
It is interesting to think about the rise of meta-storytelling and an increasing desire for self-awareness within ourselves as well as within others. I almost feel that it's just another facet of our own insecurities about how art makes us feel (something I've been thinking about a lot lately) and the feeling that we can't trust our emotions when we live in a world that so constantly dismisses them as insufficient, unnecessary, and sometimes even detrimental. Think about the rise of "cringe" and how if someone is doing something completely sincerely that we wouldn't do, we feel this need to defend our own feelings by attacking them even though they're certainly not hurting anybody. And then that creates this self-defensive instinct where we need to be aware that others could find our sincere interests or hobbies as being "cringe." I've found hope in the backlash towards these attitudes as people are more willing to take pride in the art they enjoy and its certainly an attitude I've had to unlearn and that I like to think I've made a lot of progress on. Anyway, awesome video, dude.
I think I’ve been having this EXACT problem for years and it’s been hurting my ability to make videos for a long long time. That need to preempt every conceivable counter to a point you’re trying to make really weighs a script down (and also just makes it longer which means more editing which means the video never gets done cause editing is anathema to me). It’s something I gotta practice not worrying about, cause right now it’s like second nature.
I've heard some advice like this in regards to public speaking. When you speak in front of a crowd, you do not tell them that you're nervous or that this is your first time speaking, etc. Because, if you do, then people are less likely to pay attention to what you're talking about and instead pay attention to how well you are doing and how nervous you are. On the flip side, if you just charge forward and speak, even if you are nervous, most people won't notice or care and instead hear the message you really wanted to get across.
The way I see it, there’s a line between self awareness and tendencies towards self preservation that impede on artistic agency. There’s nothing wrong with being aware of how you and your work come across, but working to be unapologetic about it is the important piece that rational thinkers (those who would be more likely to indulge in extreme self awareness) would generally have trouble accepting. At NYU at least, there are running jokes of “student film cliches” that everyone ticks off during that time here. And with something like MONKEY JUICE, I came to realize that was free of all of them. The script was written without that avoidance in mind and was a story I was genuinely interested in exploring. As I got further into production, though, I found myself subconsciously changing my own voice to A) account for & “be ahead of” the project’s flaws and B) to remain “unique,” free of the romance/melodrama cliches of most student works here. I’m still happy with where it ended up, but I never would have thought going into the film that a driving mantra of post production would’ve been “make it look as dumb as possible.” This video brought that back up in my mind - I was self aware about how boring things could have seemed, but it ended up being a better short film for it (I think). Art as a commodity makes this all so much worse. Viewing student films as something to make you stand out rather than just let loose is.. maybe not the best mindset. But at what point is that innovation to stand out from the crowd inspired or forced? If one’s genuine voice is a part of a homogenous artistic body, is that better than someone who is self aware and knowingly tries to be unique?
This resonated HARD! I didn't even realise I had this problem until watching this video. Self-doubt can really hold back the creative process, it can trap you in a mind-loop of overthinking unnecessary details, harming your work, causing you to experiment less and water down what you make. Easing off your self-awareness (everything in moderation) allows your work to stand on its own feet, becoming more genuine and more relatable. When editing I ALWAYS cut huge chunks out, thinking people wouldn't get it, worried how they'd react or that I'll come across insincere. This video has immeasurable value. Glad I watched it, and probably will again when self-doubt inevitably creeps back in. At least I can articulate this problem now and move forward I'm definitely going to be more confident in my work. Thanks! :)
My self awareness has honestly been destroying my self image for a number of years now but I had never really thought about how it not only effects my personality but also my relationships and self esteem. I’m very thankful that you made this video and decided to share your struggles with us because not only are you not alone but you’ve already helped people like me come to terms with issues that are rarely spoken about. Thank you for inspiring me to find my balance
Thank you. This video does help and you've summed up a lot that I struggle to express. I'm really struggling to move forward in both work areas, but also social areas because of these very same impulses. I'm acknowledging that I need to overcome them, but it's a lot easier said than done. I've not even made another short film in years because I won't even get to the point of showing people the last script I wrote to ask for their help, because I can't figure out how to even pitch "sincerely" or acknowledging expected criticisms. But while it's not easy I'm trying to take on board something Andrew Garfield said in a recent THR round table interview. I can't remember the exact quote, but the overall sentiment was "dare to suck" ... now I need to actually do that😅
As a novice creator hype-prone to perfectionism, this really resonated. LOVE the reference to Burnham's Inside. Also really interesting to see non-creators in the comments relating to this as well. Good stuff, man.
What an incredible video. I find that I struggle with the exact same thing. Going out of my way to put down art I’m working on just so no one does it first. Making things that are supposed to be serious but worrying that people will find you pretentious so you undercut it and say it’s not actually that serious. Meta joke wink wink bad art good fun. Not sure why I do this and I don’t know how to stop. I really appreciate the art on TH-cam lately. Between your two films and Joel Haver’s work, the public vulnerability is such a fascinating concept. Idk why but after watching something like “Love in the Time of Corona” or “Pretend That You Love Me” I feel such a strong urge to be honest with myself on a public forum. It’s weird but so welcoming. Reminds me of the lyrics from half•alive’s song “BREAKFAST”. Also, just understood the “Deadpool’s self awareness” line in “That Funny Feeling” thanks to this lol.
I don’t think I’ve ever related more to a TH-cam video. Glad to hear you’re growing in your artistic sincerity, and this perspective will definitely help me with my own.
I think I really needed this video, man. I have been working on something for a long while now that I just have not been able to finish because of my own crushing self-awareness of how it will be perceived. This reminded me that sometimes I need to get out of my own head and not be so self-critical of my work. Just, thank you so much for that, and good luck on your docuseries too!
Thank you for this video. It helped me with an essay I just finished earlier today. But yes, as someone who also grew up with the Internet, I've dealt with very similar things. Not only in my writing, but I've also noticed it develop greatly in how I speak. To the point that I'll actively try to think of all possible angles to see something and say them, and then taking way too long to get to my actual point. I'm glad that videos like these are being made to call attention to this.
Commenting again because the more time passes since I've seen this video, the more it rings true for me, and the more I take away from it too. Incredibly helpful advice in so many aspects.
Thanks for making this vid. Glad I ain't the only one This is a problem I can struggle with as well. Through prayer, I think the reason why I like to tell people all that I am aware of or even manipulate a situation where a part of myself that was not previously seen is revealed to someone could all be due to my arrogance combined with a lack of self worth. There was a time late at night where I was delving into all that is wrong with me and all that others could find wrong with me while listening to some music. In prayer I heard God say "listen to the music." And I did. I shut up and enjoyed the sound and I found peace. The solution for me has basically just been to, when I am finding myself going too deep, shut up and find something that I enjoy and surround myself with that. It works for me
Super relatable! I often shy away from putting out things I create because I anticipate criticism to the point where it seems meaningless to even share my art in the first place, but I have had moments of clarity where I realize how stupid that is.
Ouch. I gave up on a writing project about a month ago, in part because I was far too worried about what imaginary Internet critics might think of it. (I also was only working on it because of all my stories, I thought it was the one that would best satisfy said imaginary Internet critics.) I've moved on to a project I'm more interested in, but the desire to out-think all my potential critics hasn't gone away. Thank you for posting this. You've given me a new perspective on this. Hopefully, this'll get me on the right track to create, instead of trying to out-think criticisms that it's possible no one would ever actually raise.
Thanks for speaking up about this. I think this is an important theme in our generation and personally I really connected to Inside as well. In the special Bo said that self-awareness does not absolve anybody of anything. I guess I’ve struggled to confront myself with that and I truly appreciate you posting this video :)
I really needed to hear this, and I'm really looking forward to working out the process and finding the right balance of digging into the sincerity and excitement and wonder of my own creative works whilst being humble enough to accept feedback! Thank you so much for this, and I wish you the best with your own creative endeavors as well!
My self-awareness absolutely destroys my self-confidence every time i film and edit a video. The opportunity to change the way i'm perceived by filming more takes and making more cuts doesn't help, especially when paired up with everyday overthinking. But thanks for this video, it helps. i'll try not to overthink the stuff i do
I feel you. I am not a creator but all the time in my social media even in my conversations with friends, family or new people I meet I am always over think what I want to say. It's something that always trying to work out
This is a really interesting point and discussion that I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on. Also your editing is really good, those J and L cuts are perfectly timed!
I agree 100%. I think my self-awareness is honestly stopping me from making more videos because of how I'm afraid they'll be received despite having a really tiny audience. I think being aware about that self-awareness can be therapeutic for a lot of people so thank you so much for making this video. Also, I don't know how you do it but the fact that you hold your microphone during every video exhausts me 😂I like to move my hands around a lot when I talk so I always have a lot of respect for people that can hold their mics for long periods of time.
I knew for a long time my self awareness had an influence in my work, but I wasn’t until working on a project where the client completed me on my self awareness every other time we talked. That finally planted the seed in my own head that I’m self aware and I’ve been grappling with it ever since. Like I’ve done with any other issue regarding my artistic intent and ability, I take a deep breath, pause, and try to imagine the moment I’m in except in that moment I’m not batting 50 ideas around in my head. I’m not sure if that’s entirely coherent but it is my truth.
I honestly related to the title of the video alone on a spiritual level. As a traditional artist and a perfectionist I've been in an art run lately where I'll start something but obsess over making every little detail just right or getting the anatomy perfectly proportioned. And I end up not finishing it 'cause I was so worried about getting everything perfect I wasn't having fun anymore. I'm at a point right now where in order to draw something I need it to be heavily referenced. I can't even do a quick doodle without getting stuck in my own head. I've been happy with some of this.. effectively traced art, but then I feel insecure about posting it 'cause I feel this need to explain myself like I'm not a real artist if I'm just copying other people. I really felt your statement about anticipating criticism before it comes, because when ever I do show someone my art I feel this need to say all things I'm unhappy with about it so that they don't have a right to judge them. I also feel insecure whenever I see someone my own age who's better at art then me or draws more often 'cause then I feel like...what's my excuse. I'm trying to rediscover what I loved about art to begin with when I was young and not overly critical of myself. Before I was exposed to the internet and had noone to compare myself to. I do love art but some days it's hard to motivate myself and it just feels like a chore. I hope that soon I can become confident enough in my art again that it'll become easier.
Truthfully, I have no idea how I managed to stumble across this video, but it's something that really spoke to me and where I'm currently at with my art. I don't write or draw to make a living, but instead, it's always been my passion and a way for me to get my emotions and thoughts out in a tangible sort of way. Specifically, I really like writing and drawing edgy, angsty content... but over the past few years in particular, I've noticed that I keep dialing back on that kind of content because I'm afraid that people will misinterpret it or think it's "cringey" or what-have-you. Unfortunately, it's left my art feeling a bit less authentic than it used to be. So it's kind of interesting that this video happened to touch on a similar sort of premise, and honestly? I needed to hear that kind of confirmation - that when we create what we're passionate about, it might have more of an impact on others than we think it could. Being so self-aware that it becomes a hindrance is just... Not Great. And it's something I didn't really realize I was doing as well until you explained how it has impacted you personally. Anyway, thanks for being so open with your experiences and thoughts. I hope that you only continue to grow and push past those barriers that you've built around yourself, and I wish you the best of luck with your documentary project! Take care
GREAT video, I really appreciate your thoughts here. This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. One thing that blew my mind recently-I was watching a documentary about Paul McCartney, one of my heroes and inspirations especially when it comes to art and creativity. I've always considered one of the most admirable traits of his music the sincerity of it, how it's always unambiguously his own despite the constant criticism and beratement from the press. Well in this documentary, one of his former bandmates explicitly mentioned his lack of self awareness as one of his most POSITIVE traits-that he's never thinking about himself or how he's being perceived through the music he's creating. He just lets the music happen and speak for itself, like, that kind of reflection isn't really a part of his creative process at all. Before I learned that, I considered self-awareness to be one of the most virtuous traits someone could have. But after that I reevaluated and came upon similar conclusions you have here. I decided it can definitely be a poison that can absorb sincerity and overtake the creative process (as well as probably make you stagnate in your personal life by creating doubt and sheer analysis paralysis aka just overthinking things). I think like most things in life there's a golden mean here, something in-between pure obliviousness and complete self-awareness. So I've tried to reduce the amount of time I spend thinking about myself and how I'm being perceived, and instead just let my actions speak for themselves. It's a bit freeing honestly.
I resonate with this so strongly, you have put into words how I've been feeling in a way I couldn't have. I love creating, and making youtube videos, but I'm not good at it....yet. And I'm cripplingly aware of that fact. So much so, that I just kind of stopped making any. I see the flaws, and the room for improvement, but I know that the improvement just takes years of experience and I will have to go through an awkward growing phase so to speak...and I'm not sure I can handle that. Thanks for the video, it was super interesting, and has given me something to chew on for a while. Someone else mentioned that they hear the cinema sins voice ripping apart their work, and that's funny because I picture people like cody ko and reaction channels mocking my stuff. It was actually really funny and also comforting to see other people have similar things in their mind, similar critics when they're creating.
Thank you for this video! Speaking from my own experience, I'm always trying to make things in the best way possible, and I always doubt myself with how I say things, if am I saying them loud enough or with the energy I want to say it. And I also fear being misinterpreted, becuase I want to give the message I'm trying to convey with sincerity, clarity and goodnees, and I obsessively fear it may be interpreted in a bad way and influence people in a bad way, even if there's no way that could happen, when I want to make a positive impact on them. And this can be a good thing, because it makes me want to make my art the best it can be with more clarity, but it can also be a bad thing, because it makes me burn myself trying to get what I think is the closest thing to perfection on my art, and this might make me repetitive and obssesive over something. But that's something I'm trying to work on, and your video truly helped me think about how to deal with my own insecurities and self-doubt, and how to deal with my thoughts on the flaws of my previous projects, along with how you did with the other awesome video you made about accepting there's no perfect video. I just have to say what I want to say in a sincere and genuine way :) Amazing video, thank you! :)
It's fascinating how relatable this feels to me even though I don't create art. For me this extreme presentory self began from a positive thing. I remember reading a book when I was 10 about a kid who share similar character traits and weaknesses with me. By that time, I was already introduced to some simple aspects of psychology and introspection so it made me think a lot about my intention, my sincerity and my thoughts. At the same time, I had also been trained for public speaking since I began first grade. I was a loud and impulsive kid and I really tapped into that side of me when I speak publicly. However, the more self aware I was, the more I began to question if the me I presented to the world was truly me. Because even though I was excitable and all, I was also shy and dreamy, it just doesn't show when I'm on stage. But because I was trained, I presented better on camera or on stage so I was often picked for these roles. How I dealt with that was I usually wear a character and stick to it the whole time to remove the insecurities from my head. I didn't have to worry about making people think I am meaning something I don't mean because ai am not being me. And because it works so well, I used this in normal social interactions as well to deal with my social anxiety. But it didn't feel sincere or honest and I often feel like people think I am weird and detestable because of how fake I am. I was talking with my sister and told her how random strangers sometimes just blurt out their life stories to me when we're waiting in line or at an event at the mosque. And she told me that despite how I feel like I was wearing a mask, people tell me things because I seem like I am sincerely listening to their stories. Which is true... I am just naturally interested in the random tales people tell me but I always thought that my 'mask' puts a barrier between us. I'd like to say that I don't hedge or run away from social situations anymore because I feel completely comfortable just existing without having to overanalyze what my body language is suggesting. But I definitely am reconciling the fact that my 'character' that I wear is inevitably just an aspect of who I am and I am trying to be more sincere in what I do and try to say things I honestly feel, not just in an impulsive manner but by aligning it with my core principles because that's the essence of who I really am. I hope that your own experience would help you to channel yourself in a more sincere way too. It will take a lifetime of effort but it's a journey worth embarking on because it helps you become a better version of yourself one step at a time
the best decision I've ever made was being 100% genuine and not trying to filter myself or worry about what strangers and other people not worth my time think of me. for me this was tied in with accepting and to a certain degree embracing mental illness, but even for neurotypicals I think being true to yourself instead of trying to meet the expectations of others is very valuable.
...dude. For what it's worth I relate 100% to all of this and I grew up before the internet existed (though a pervasive fear of my words/actions being taken out of context was a part of my formative years).
1:17 My everyday life in art school for four years (I’m still recovering from it)😅. It really hit home. My eye is way more developed than my hand. I see all the mistakes but can control how to correct them (it feels like trying to play the piano with boxing gloves) and it’s beyond frustrating… My personal way to deal with it is to tell myself that at the end it doesn’t matter. Most people won’t notice half of what I see or do, they will all have a different vision of my work and myself no matter what I intended to do or say. I can’t control how my work looks like, I’m never satisfied with it, I only do it because I want to do it and that’s all that matters. Real sincerity comes from passion, strength from vulnerability; self-awareness can restrain you but also push you forward. Take care of yourself everyone ✨
9:20 It's much like how you don't tell everyone that you're nervous before a speech. A majority of the audience wouldn't of picked up on it if you didn't mention it before hand.
Your concern about a message during the opening of the documentary made me think of how it seems like a trend now that movies sometimes start with a "Hi, I'm an actor/director/someone important involving this movie, which is about ___. We worked really hard and this movie is made in the spirit of ____. Blah blah and we hope you enjoy it because we really worked hard on it, enjoy the show!" I don't like them. I'm at the theater/watching the movie because I want to watch what they made and by putting that message there, it takes me out of the story before it starts. The most awarding thing for a creator (or at least to me. I write) is when people are able to enjoy your story (in whatever form it's in) without having to explain it besides maybe the premise. And yet I do the same thing. On stories with Christian themes that I've posted I post a chapter prior the the story explaining that it has Christian themes and that I'm in no way trying to swindle people into reading it because honestly, being an American Christian is frowned upon by certain people, most of who have been deeply hurt or have friends who have been deeply hurt by the church. So I do the same thing of being super careful with my words and try to be as self-aware as possible so people don't think I'm forcing any beliefs on them. Then there's every day speech where I phrase things like "Some people do this, but not all people, and I'm not trying to stereotype, everyone's different and I had this one experience..." and things like that so people don't think I'm making all sorts of assumptions. I'd rather overexplain my point of view with an open mind and polite language than make someone upset by not giving enough information, but it does get a bit tiring that people seem to assume to worst of others and constantly walk on eggshells. Yay for accountability and the potential for personal growth to love others well, but in some circumstances (not all-yet again, making sure I'm not misunderstood) it is a lot. Which is why I don't usually post anything on social media. Occasional TH-cam comments, clearly :P
I have been self-aware to the point where I was talking/arguing with myself, answering the criticisms of critics who were not there-like a crazy person. It was like I was doing some kind of interview or Q&A where the interviewer/audience was extremely hostile. For example, I am really into the experimental/avant-garde scene, so I endeavored (and still do) to make weird films that defy categorization and would be perhaps more at home in an art gallery than a theater. I once took a single shot of a pipit which was almost completely statuesque and it's a nearly four minute shot-it's on my channel if you'd like to see it. I just liked it as it was, and felt putting the shot into another video as one shot among many would ruin its uniqueness. It needed to be its own thing. Then I had to defend why I made the choices I made and why it existed as its own film. And I definitely wouldn't show it to anybody-my goodness, what would they think? They would most certainly say it was boring and stupid. I wouldn't want them to waste their time on something that probably is boring and stupid. My self-awareness hasn't really subsided, but I don't answer non-existent critics quite so much anymore. The self-awareness, though, has helped me think through why I make something, and also be completely honest with myself if there wasn't necessarily any deeper meaning. I did eventually get to show the pipit shot in an art gallery, but was too frightened to show up when people were watching it. Yet another thing to tackle. Thanks for the video!
It's like when I start eating dinner and then several bites in my wife says "Sorry, I think I overcooked the chicken". Just about every time I have to tell her "Babe, if you hadn't told me that I wouldn't have noticed it at all".
I'm autistic, so a foundational difficulty with communication plus a half a century spent masking has led me towards a tendency towards hyper-specificity with my word choices in any given medium. Add in a voracious literary appetite that led to a collegiate level vocabulary before I was 10. Even at my most authentic, I don't sound it because my 'natural' voice has been constantly modulated to the point where it no longer exists, as such. As for my art, I write fetish erotica. If I worried over-much about what people would think or say, I never would have started.
*19 ways to raise your vibration:* 1. Smile and laugh 2. Do what makes you happy 3. Eat a healthy alkaline diet 4. Working out 5. Meditation 6. Let go of a grudge 7. Let go of something not serving you 8. Give to others 9. Retain your s3xual energy 10. Watch encouraging videos 11. Play an instrument 12. Start a garden 13. Spend time around uplifting people 14. Sun gaze 15. Barefoot grounding 16. Speaking positive affirmations 17. Learning to say “no” 18. Gratitude for what’s here and what’s coming 19. Learn to control unnecessary urges/desires For those who are in the rush of changing their lives :-)
Thanks for being here! For all of y'all: has self-awareness ever made you feel like you need to apologize for your art? Has it ever made your art better? Have you found any ways to deal with it? I'd love to hear all your stories.
If you wanna listen to some monthly audio rambles, watch some early videos, and get some updates on The Movie Whisperer and my other projects, check out my Patreon here: www.patreon.com/user?u=1017531
One confession I have: I was so self-aware of the problems I had that I was consistently insulting myself. So my self-awareness debatably brought my self-image down a lot. Nowadays, I understand that that level of self-awareness is damaging. I’m still self-aware on a lot of things but not to the point where I’m insulting myself anymore.
I really needed to hear this. Ive struggled for years developing my craft because I feel Im not saying anything new and people will call me out on that. I get bogged down by the problems I foresee coming and the criticisms they will inspire. Even on the projects you and I have worked on (Theft with Krass XD), which was just a dumb school movie and wasn't meant to be anything great, I couldn't see past it's low quality for the dumb sketch that it was meant to be. Even now as I mostly write to prepare my portfolio I have the Cinema Sins voice in my head dinging me every time a character explains a concept or introduces another person. And what I've slowly realized is, these criticisms are often without basis, and arbitrary rules the internet has created so that they sound intelligent. In truth, good, work will shine through, and the best thing any artist can do is simply tell their stories. I appreciate you and the work you do Houston. Keep it up,. There are people out there who need to hear what you have to say.
my sympathies, but also look into this cool new invention they came out with recently- they're called "pseudonyms"
It is interesting to think about the rise of meta-storytelling and an increasing desire for self-awareness within ourselves as well as within others. I almost feel that it's just another facet of our own insecurities about how art makes us feel (something I've been thinking about a lot lately) and the feeling that we can't trust our emotions when we live in a world that so constantly dismisses them as insufficient, unnecessary, and sometimes even detrimental. Think about the rise of "cringe" and how if someone is doing something completely sincerely that we wouldn't do, we feel this need to defend our own feelings by attacking them even though they're certainly not hurting anybody. And then that creates this self-defensive instinct where we need to be aware that others could find our sincere interests or hobbies as being "cringe." I've found hope in the backlash towards these attitudes as people are more willing to take pride in the art they enjoy and its certainly an attitude I've had to unlearn and that I like to think I've made a lot of progress on.
Anyway, awesome video, dude.
The most immediately relatable video I've ever seen.
I experience this when I write. I usually find myself doubting my story and default to making it self aware, costing the story of its depth.
I think I’ve been having this EXACT problem for years and it’s been hurting my ability to make videos for a long long time. That need to preempt every conceivable counter to a point you’re trying to make really weighs a script down (and also just makes it longer which means more editing which means the video never gets done cause editing is anathema to me).
It’s something I gotta practice not worrying about, cause right now it’s like second nature.
I've heard some advice like this in regards to public speaking. When you speak in front of a crowd, you do not tell them that you're nervous or that this is your first time speaking, etc. Because, if you do, then people are less likely to pay attention to what you're talking about and instead pay attention to how well you are doing and how nervous you are. On the flip side, if you just charge forward and speak, even if you are nervous, most people won't notice or care and instead hear the message you really wanted to get across.
The way I see it, there’s a line between self awareness and tendencies towards self preservation that impede on artistic agency. There’s nothing wrong with being aware of how you and your work come across, but working to be unapologetic about it is the important piece that rational thinkers (those who would be more likely to indulge in extreme self awareness) would generally have trouble accepting.
At NYU at least, there are running jokes of “student film cliches” that everyone ticks off during that time here. And with something like MONKEY JUICE, I came to realize that was free of all of them. The script was written without that avoidance in mind and was a story I was genuinely interested in exploring. As I got further into production, though, I found myself subconsciously changing my own voice to A) account for & “be ahead of” the project’s flaws and B) to remain “unique,” free of the romance/melodrama cliches of most student works here. I’m still happy with where it ended up, but I never would have thought going into the film that a driving mantra of post production would’ve been “make it look as dumb as possible.” This video brought that back up in my mind - I was self aware about how boring things could have seemed, but it ended up being a better short film for it (I think).
Art as a commodity makes this all so much worse. Viewing student films as something to make you stand out rather than just let loose is.. maybe not the best mindset. But at what point is that innovation to stand out from the crowd inspired or forced? If one’s genuine voice is a part of a homogenous artistic body, is that better than someone who is self aware and knowingly tries to be unique?
This resonated HARD! I didn't even realise I had this problem until watching this video.
Self-doubt can really hold back the creative process, it can trap you in a mind-loop of overthinking unnecessary details, harming your work, causing you to experiment less and water down what you make.
Easing off your self-awareness (everything in moderation) allows your work to stand on its own feet, becoming more genuine and more relatable.
When editing I ALWAYS cut huge chunks out, thinking people wouldn't get it, worried how they'd react or that I'll come across insincere.
This video has immeasurable value. Glad I watched it, and probably will again when self-doubt inevitably creeps back in. At least I can articulate this problem now and move forward I'm definitely going to be more confident in my work.
Thanks! :)
My self awareness has honestly been destroying my self image for a number of years now but I had never really thought about how it not only effects my personality but also my relationships and self esteem. I’m very thankful that you made this video and decided to share your struggles with us because not only are you not alone but you’ve already helped people like me come to terms with issues that are rarely spoken about. Thank you for inspiring me to find my balance
Thank you. This video does help and you've summed up a lot that I struggle to express. I'm really struggling to move forward in both work areas, but also social areas because of these very same impulses. I'm acknowledging that I need to overcome them, but it's a lot easier said than done. I've not even made another short film in years because I won't even get to the point of showing people the last script I wrote to ask for their help, because I can't figure out how to even pitch "sincerely" or acknowledging expected criticisms. But while it's not easy I'm trying to take on board something Andrew Garfield said in a recent THR round table interview. I can't remember the exact quote, but the overall sentiment was "dare to suck" ... now I need to actually do that😅
As a novice creator hype-prone to perfectionism, this really resonated. LOVE the reference to Burnham's Inside. Also really interesting to see non-creators in the comments relating to this as well. Good stuff, man.
What an incredible video. I find that I struggle with the exact same thing. Going out of my way to put down art I’m working on just so no one does it first. Making things that are supposed to be serious but worrying that people will find you pretentious so you undercut it and say it’s not actually that serious. Meta joke wink wink bad art good fun. Not sure why I do this and I don’t know how to stop.
I really appreciate the art on TH-cam lately. Between your two films and Joel Haver’s work, the public vulnerability is such a fascinating concept. Idk why but after watching something like “Love in the Time of Corona” or “Pretend That You Love Me” I feel such a strong urge to be honest with myself on a public forum. It’s weird but so welcoming. Reminds me of the lyrics from half•alive’s song “BREAKFAST”.
Also, just understood the “Deadpool’s self awareness” line in “That Funny Feeling” thanks to this lol.
I don’t think I’ve ever related more to a TH-cam video. Glad to hear you’re growing in your artistic sincerity, and this perspective will definitely help me with my own.
I struggle with this, happy to hear I'm not alone with type of anxiety
I think I really needed this video, man. I have been working on something for a long while now that I just have not been able to finish because of my own crushing self-awareness of how it will be perceived. This reminded me that sometimes I need to get out of my own head and not be so self-critical of my work. Just, thank you so much for that, and good luck on your docuseries too!
Thank you for this video. It helped me with an essay I just finished earlier today.
But yes, as someone who also grew up with the Internet, I've dealt with very similar things. Not only in my writing, but I've also noticed it develop greatly in how I speak. To the point that I'll actively try to think of all possible angles to see something and say them, and then taking way too long to get to my actual point.
I'm glad that videos like these are being made to call attention to this.
Commenting again because the more time passes since I've seen this video, the more it rings true for me, and the more I take away from it too. Incredibly helpful advice in so many aspects.
Thanks for making this vid. Glad I ain't the only one
This is a problem I can struggle with as well. Through prayer, I think the reason why I like to tell people all that I am aware of or even manipulate a situation where a part of myself that was not previously seen is revealed to someone could all be due to my arrogance combined with a lack of self worth. There was a time late at night where I was delving into all that is wrong with me and all that others could find wrong with me while listening to some music. In prayer I heard God say "listen to the music." And I did. I shut up and enjoyed the sound and I found peace. The solution for me has basically just been to, when I am finding myself going too deep, shut up and find something that I enjoy and surround myself with that. It works for me
i’m an actor and i feel this so much! i always feel like i need to apologize or something before i perform because i don’t want to be boring or cringe
Super relatable! I often shy away from putting out things I create because I anticipate criticism to the point where it seems meaningless to even share my art in the first place, but I have had moments of clarity where I realize how stupid that is.
This was an incredibly opening video for me. Keep doing what you do!
Ouch. I gave up on a writing project about a month ago, in part because I was far too worried about what imaginary Internet critics might think of it. (I also was only working on it because of all my stories, I thought it was the one that would best satisfy said imaginary Internet critics.) I've moved on to a project I'm more interested in, but the desire to out-think all my potential critics hasn't gone away.
Thank you for posting this. You've given me a new perspective on this. Hopefully, this'll get me on the right track to create, instead of trying to out-think criticisms that it's possible no one would ever actually raise.
Thanks for speaking up about this. I think this is an important theme in our generation and personally I really connected to Inside as well. In the special Bo said that self-awareness does not absolve anybody of anything. I guess I’ve struggled to confront myself with that and I truly appreciate you posting this video :)
I really needed to hear this, and I'm really looking forward to working out the process and finding the right balance of digging into the sincerity and excitement and wonder of my own creative works whilst being humble enough to accept feedback! Thank you so much for this, and I wish you the best with your own creative endeavors as well!
My self-awareness absolutely destroys my self-confidence every time i film and edit a video. The opportunity to change the way i'm perceived by filming more takes and making more cuts doesn't help, especially when paired up with everyday overthinking. But thanks for this video, it helps. i'll try not to overthink the stuff i do
I feel you. I am not a creator but all the time in my social media even in my conversations with friends, family or new people I meet I am always over think what I want to say. It's something that always trying to work out
This is a really interesting point and discussion that I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on. Also your editing is really good, those J and L cuts are perfectly timed!
I agree 100%. I think my self-awareness is honestly stopping me from making more videos because of how I'm afraid they'll be received despite having a really tiny audience. I think being aware about that self-awareness can be therapeutic for a lot of people so thank you so much for making this video. Also, I don't know how you do it but the fact that you hold your microphone during every video exhausts me 😂I like to move my hands around a lot when I talk so I always have a lot of respect for people that can hold their mics for long periods of time.
I knew for a long time my self awareness had an influence in my work, but I wasn’t until working on a project where the client completed me on my self awareness every other time we talked. That finally planted the seed in my own head that I’m self aware and I’ve been grappling with it ever since.
Like I’ve done with any other issue regarding my artistic intent and ability, I take a deep breath, pause, and try to imagine the moment I’m in except in that moment I’m not batting 50 ideas around in my head.
I’m not sure if that’s entirely coherent but it is my truth.
I honestly related to the title of the video alone on a spiritual level. As a traditional artist and a perfectionist I've been in an art run lately where I'll start something but obsess over making every little detail just right or getting the anatomy perfectly proportioned. And I end up not finishing it 'cause I was so worried about getting everything perfect I wasn't having fun anymore. I'm at a point right now where in order to draw something I need it to be heavily referenced. I can't even do a quick doodle without getting stuck in my own head. I've been happy with some of this.. effectively traced art, but then I feel insecure about posting it 'cause I feel this need to explain myself like I'm not a real artist if I'm just copying other people. I really felt your statement about anticipating criticism before it comes, because when ever I do show someone my art I feel this need to say all things I'm unhappy with about it so that they don't have a right to judge them. I also feel insecure whenever I see someone my own age who's better at art then me or draws more often 'cause then I feel like...what's my excuse. I'm trying to rediscover what I loved about art to begin with when I was young and not overly critical of myself. Before I was exposed to the internet and had noone to compare myself to. I do love art but some days it's hard to motivate myself and it just feels like a chore. I hope that soon I can become confident enough in my art again that it'll become easier.
Truthfully, I have no idea how I managed to stumble across this video, but it's something that really spoke to me and where I'm currently at with my art.
I don't write or draw to make a living, but instead, it's always been my passion and a way for me to get my emotions and thoughts out in a tangible sort of way. Specifically, I really like writing and drawing edgy, angsty content... but over the past few years in particular, I've noticed that I keep dialing back on that kind of content because I'm afraid that people will misinterpret it or think it's "cringey" or what-have-you. Unfortunately, it's left my art feeling a bit less authentic than it used to be.
So it's kind of interesting that this video happened to touch on a similar sort of premise, and honestly? I needed to hear that kind of confirmation - that when we create what we're passionate about, it might have more of an impact on others than we think it could. Being so self-aware that it becomes a hindrance is just... Not Great. And it's something I didn't really realize I was doing as well until you explained how it has impacted you personally.
Anyway, thanks for being so open with your experiences and thoughts. I hope that you only continue to grow and push past those barriers that you've built around yourself, and I wish you the best of luck with your documentary project! Take care
GREAT video, I really appreciate your thoughts here. This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. One thing that blew my mind recently-I was watching a documentary about Paul McCartney, one of my heroes and inspirations especially when it comes to art and creativity. I've always considered one of the most admirable traits of his music the sincerity of it, how it's always unambiguously his own despite the constant criticism and beratement from the press.
Well in this documentary, one of his former bandmates explicitly mentioned his lack of self awareness as one of his most POSITIVE traits-that he's never thinking about himself or how he's being perceived through the music he's creating. He just lets the music happen and speak for itself, like, that kind of reflection isn't really a part of his creative process at all.
Before I learned that, I considered self-awareness to be one of the most virtuous traits someone could have. But after that I reevaluated and came upon similar conclusions you have here. I decided it can definitely be a poison that can absorb sincerity and overtake the creative process (as well as probably make you stagnate in your personal life by creating doubt and sheer analysis paralysis aka just overthinking things).
I think like most things in life there's a golden mean here, something in-between pure obliviousness and complete self-awareness. So I've tried to reduce the amount of time I spend thinking about myself and how I'm being perceived, and instead just let my actions speak for themselves. It's a bit freeing honestly.
I resonate with this so strongly, you have put into words how I've been feeling in a way I couldn't have.
I love creating, and making youtube videos, but I'm not good at it....yet. And I'm cripplingly aware of that fact. So much so, that I just kind of stopped making any. I see the flaws, and the room for improvement, but I know that the improvement just takes years of experience and I will have to go through an awkward growing phase so to speak...and I'm not sure I can handle that. Thanks for the video, it was super interesting, and has given me something to chew on for a while.
Someone else mentioned that they hear the cinema sins voice ripping apart their work, and that's funny because I picture people like cody ko and reaction channels mocking my stuff. It was actually really funny and also comforting to see other people have similar things in their mind, similar critics when they're creating.
Thank you for this video! Speaking from my own experience, I'm always trying to make things in the best way possible, and I always doubt myself with how I say things, if am I saying them loud enough or with the energy I want to say it. And I also fear being misinterpreted, becuase I want to give the message I'm trying to convey with sincerity, clarity and goodnees, and I obsessively fear it may be interpreted in a bad way and influence people in a bad way, even if there's no way that could happen, when I want to make a positive impact on them. And this can be a good thing, because it makes me want to make my art the best it can be with more clarity, but it can also be a bad thing, because it makes me burn myself trying to get what I think is the closest thing to perfection on my art, and this might make me repetitive and obssesive over something. But that's something I'm trying to work on, and your video truly helped me think about how to deal with my own insecurities and self-doubt, and how to deal with my thoughts on the flaws of my previous projects, along with how you did with the other awesome video you made about accepting there's no perfect video.
I just have to say what I want to say in a sincere and genuine way :)
Amazing video, thank you! :)
It's fascinating how relatable this feels to me even though I don't create art.
For me this extreme presentory self began from a positive thing. I remember reading a book when I was 10 about a kid who share similar character traits and weaknesses with me. By that time, I was already introduced to some simple aspects of psychology and introspection so it made me think a lot about my intention, my sincerity and my thoughts.
At the same time, I had also been trained for public speaking since I began first grade. I was a loud and impulsive kid and I really tapped into that side of me when I speak publicly. However, the more self aware I was, the more I began to question if the me I presented to the world was truly me. Because even though I was excitable and all, I was also shy and dreamy, it just doesn't show when I'm on stage.
But because I was trained, I presented better on camera or on stage so I was often picked for these roles. How I dealt with that was I usually wear a character and stick to it the whole time to remove the insecurities from my head. I didn't have to worry about making people think I am meaning something I don't mean because ai am not being me.
And because it works so well, I used this in normal social interactions as well to deal with my social anxiety. But it didn't feel sincere or honest and I often feel like people think I am weird and detestable because of how fake I am.
I was talking with my sister and told her how random strangers sometimes just blurt out their life stories to me when we're waiting in line or at an event at the mosque. And she told me that despite how I feel like I was wearing a mask, people tell me things because I seem like I am sincerely listening to their stories. Which is true... I am just naturally interested in the random tales people tell me but I always thought that my 'mask' puts a barrier between us.
I'd like to say that I don't hedge or run away from social situations anymore because I feel completely comfortable just existing without having to overanalyze what my body language is suggesting. But I definitely am reconciling the fact that my 'character' that I wear is inevitably just an aspect of who I am and I am trying to be more sincere in what I do and try to say things I honestly feel, not just in an impulsive manner but by aligning it with my core principles because that's the essence of who I really am.
I hope that your own experience would help you to channel yourself in a more sincere way too. It will take a lifetime of effort but it's a journey worth embarking on because it helps you become a better version of yourself one step at a time
the best decision I've ever made was being 100% genuine and not trying to filter myself or worry about what strangers and other people not worth my time think of me. for me this was tied in with accepting and to a certain degree embracing mental illness, but even for neurotypicals I think being true to yourself instead of trying to meet the expectations of others is very valuable.
...dude.
For what it's worth I relate 100% to all of this and I grew up before the internet existed (though a pervasive fear of my words/actions being taken out of context was a part of my formative years).
1:17 My everyday life in art school for four years (I’m still recovering from it)😅.
It really hit home.
My eye is way more developed than my hand. I see all the mistakes but can control how to correct them (it feels like trying to play the piano with boxing gloves) and it’s beyond frustrating…
My personal way to deal with it is to tell myself that at the end it doesn’t matter. Most people won’t notice half of what I see or do, they will all have a different vision of my work and myself no matter what I intended to do or say.
I can’t control how my work looks like, I’m never satisfied with it, I only do it because I want to do it and that’s all that matters.
Real sincerity comes from passion, strength from vulnerability; self-awareness can restrain you but also push you forward.
Take care of yourself everyone ✨
The first minute of this video was one of the most relatable statements I’ve heard in a while
Make that the first 2 minutes
didn't expect to relate to this as much as I did.
9:20 It's much like how you don't tell everyone that you're nervous before a speech. A majority of the audience wouldn't of picked up on it if you didn't mention it before hand.
Here's something you should be self aware about; You're pretty cool :)
Your concern about a message during the opening of the documentary made me think of how it seems like a trend now that movies sometimes start with a "Hi, I'm an actor/director/someone important involving this movie, which is about ___. We worked really hard and this movie is made in the spirit of ____. Blah blah and we hope you enjoy it because we really worked hard on it, enjoy the show!" I don't like them. I'm at the theater/watching the movie because I want to watch what they made and by putting that message there, it takes me out of the story before it starts. The most awarding thing for a creator (or at least to me. I write) is when people are able to enjoy your story (in whatever form it's in) without having to explain it besides maybe the premise.
And yet I do the same thing. On stories with Christian themes that I've posted I post a chapter prior the the story explaining that it has Christian themes and that I'm in no way trying to swindle people into reading it because honestly, being an American Christian is frowned upon by certain people, most of who have been deeply hurt or have friends who have been deeply hurt by the church. So I do the same thing of being super careful with my words and try to be as self-aware as possible so people don't think I'm forcing any beliefs on them.
Then there's every day speech where I phrase things like "Some people do this, but not all people, and I'm not trying to stereotype, everyone's different and I had this one experience..." and things like that so people don't think I'm making all sorts of assumptions. I'd rather overexplain my point of view with an open mind and polite language than make someone upset by not giving enough information, but it does get a bit tiring that people seem to assume to worst of others and constantly walk on eggshells. Yay for accountability and the potential for personal growth to love others well, but in some circumstances (not all-yet again, making sure I'm not misunderstood) it is a lot. Which is why I don't usually post anything on social media. Occasional TH-cam comments, clearly :P
Seriously My Friend, You never ever need to apologise for your very own perspective. I will, of course, continue to view your content.
This is me to a T. I haven’t made anything or done any video essays because I’m scared of being wrong
Wow, this video hit way too hard lmao
I have been self-aware to the point where I was talking/arguing with myself, answering the criticisms of critics who were not there-like a crazy person. It was like I was doing some kind of interview or Q&A where the interviewer/audience was extremely hostile.
For example, I am really into the experimental/avant-garde scene, so I endeavored (and still do) to make weird films that defy categorization and would be perhaps more at home in an art gallery than a theater. I once took a single shot of a pipit which was almost completely statuesque and it's a nearly four minute shot-it's on my channel if you'd like to see it. I just liked it as it was, and felt putting the shot into another video as one shot among many would ruin its uniqueness. It needed to be its own thing.
Then I had to defend why I made the choices I made and why it existed as its own film. And I definitely wouldn't show it to anybody-my goodness, what would they think? They would most certainly say it was boring and stupid. I wouldn't want them to waste their time on something that probably is boring and stupid.
My self-awareness hasn't really subsided, but I don't answer non-existent critics quite so much anymore. The self-awareness, though, has helped me think through why I make something, and also be completely honest with myself if there wasn't necessarily any deeper meaning. I did eventually get to show the pipit shot in an art gallery, but was too frightened to show up when people were watching it. Yet another thing to tackle. Thanks for the video!
Great video! Very relatable!
It's like when I start eating dinner and then several bites in my wife says "Sorry, I think I overcooked the chicken". Just about every time I have to tell her "Babe, if you hadn't told me that I wouldn't have noticed it at all".
This be hitting home right now
I'm autistic, so a foundational difficulty with communication plus a half a century spent masking has led me towards a tendency towards hyper-specificity with my word choices in any given medium. Add in a voracious literary appetite that led to a collegiate level vocabulary before I was 10. Even at my most authentic, I don't sound it because my 'natural' voice has been constantly modulated to the point where it no longer exists, as such.
As for my art, I write fetish erotica. If I worried over-much about what people would think or say, I never would have started.
You should do a reaction video to this video, I think that might be fun
*19 ways to raise your vibration:*
1. Smile and laugh
2. Do what makes you happy
3. Eat a healthy alkaline diet
4. Working out
5. Meditation
6. Let go of a grudge
7. Let go of something not serving you
8. Give to others
9. Retain your s3xual energy
10. Watch encouraging videos
11. Play an instrument
12. Start a garden
13. Spend time around uplifting people
14. Sun gaze
15. Barefoot grounding
16. Speaking positive affirmations
17. Learning to say “no”
18. Gratitude for what’s here and what’s coming
19. Learn to control unnecessary urges/desires
For those who are in the rush of changing their lives :-)
Its hard to formulate your words to sound as controversially neutral as possible when talking to your audience.
Why be insightful when you can be Inside-ful? Hahaha I’m in pain
Rad video
some solid quotes in there!