See now I know of people who walked away from one another and realized what they lost years later, came back and lived happily ever after. Time away isn’t always bad.
2 or 3 days is enough of a wait. If they are ghosting you - move on. If someone is really interested in you and in being with you they will not be ignoring you for longer than a day at the max. Think about it like this, if you like someone and want to be with them, would you ignore them for 3 days? No, because you are interested in them and want to be with them.
I've lost a lot of good girls with that same attitude. My current girl wanted space and I couldn't understand it and it made no sense to me. I studied woman psychology and learn how a woman's brain works. Read that s*** and you will never be the same. We are completely different people and it isn't really about rejection it's how their brains work. I challenge someone to check it out. I wish I would have known it sooner I would have had all the ladies. LOL
@scott sanger You my friend are wrong. I am 71 and have been asked out by men in their 40's they say they are fed up with younger women. Of course I take into account they probably think I have money. I worked in a Nursing Home and Retirement Home and very few older men look like Sean Connery. I am taking about those even in their 60's and 70's.
@@SDsc0rch Baloney. You are a jerk. I was in my 40's when I remarried he was in his late 40's and we stayed happily married till his death 25 yrs later. I still have younger men approaching me.
Doris White but what if that person you love not got your contact number in first place and he own a shop but not allowed to mix business with personal life ?shall I try give him my number or wait to see if he does ?we got chemistryxx
Yeah guys want to text and try to fix the situation but it actually pushes them further. Read about women psychology and you'll finally understand that we don't think nothing alike and once you learn the simple s*** to do you'll be the best man ever. We study how to cook, we Google anything we want to know. Check out women psychology and better know the person that you're sleeping with
Just happened to me too, she was pulling away and I told her I was going to do my own thing for a bit but if she wanted to talk to feel free to call me. Been 2 weeks already so I guess it’s over, it sucks.
I totally agree with you Susan! In my opinion, you should never beg someone to love you, let them go away if they want to because the person who loves you the most is scared of losing you. It's okay to be hurt once but be sure that you won't be experiencing the same pattern again. Improve yourself and know your worth so you will get the upperhand in the relationship.
Usually they have someone else...who entered...the 3rd party and they are not sure what's going to happen...they try to keep you in the mix...its not cool...move on !!
If you are in the friendzone and you have let them know that you want a committed relationship and they, at that very moment don't respond with a kiss, hug or take your hand and say 'me too', leave. Don't discuss it, literally walk away, never return, never respond. If they return to chase you, they have recalculated their options and you are their best option at this time. They don't love you. They don't even like you. They are using you.
You have a really unique presence. It is warm and personable, but confident. I'm very curious as to your area of training/education. The perspectives you share are interesting. I've learned how to recognize the time to step back versus move forward, by understanding more about the evolution of courtship rituals. There is a dance that takes place in courtship, somewhat like a tango. The man steps forward in pursuit, step-step, and then a pause, back-step and the woman steps forward. There is a back and forth dance of pursuit and retreat. Sometimes one partner will even take more than one step forward, possibly a one-two-three, but then a back step, because if you pursue with too many steps forward, then you are chasing your partner backward. This is too much for anyone. We all need our partner to pause and step back, to let us catch our breath and have a chance to move forward. So if your partner takes a step back, even two, then you pause for a moment, step forward once, twice at the most, then pause, and wait for your partner. Do not rush the dance, do not run your partner backward into the wall and stepping all over their feet. It is beautiful when you keep the rhythm of courtship, but give your partner a moment to catch their breath. It won't take long for them to continue the dance. But if it does, you don't force it, because you cannot take their steps for them. If they have given up the dance, dont be aggressive. Pause, and then bow, and turn away. If you chase, then you will catch someone who doesn't share your enthusiasm to keep dancing. To continue dancing under these conditions is forced, and it's mechanical and without beauty. Never do this to yourself, because you will always be left to force it to happen.
Susan Winter- I had a guy wait THREE weeks the last couple times to ask me out again, and he acted all casual, like nothing was wrong. He'd tell me what a great time he had with me last time!! Then did it again!! 😡 Anyways he's long gone, but I just wanted to bring up the point that some guys will have the nerve to play you like that just cause they know you like them, and they must not have anything, or anyone "better" to do at the moment. Never again! Lesson learned! If someone even pulls away to "shop around", I'd still be done with them because if you REALLY liked someone, you would never even consider that.
When she said "he might want what you want but in the future or NOT with you" my heart broke. I felt like a confirmation that I was not pretty enough. But I listened longer and she was right we take it so personally but why wait more than ten days for someone too see your value. I wanna be a victim and be sad and depressed but thankfully i feel the obsession subside. choosing me should not mean losing a man. I am going to be choosing me from now on
Because people get angered at one's we love. Just cuz don't hear from them for days does not mean they are not Interested or don't love you Reasons could be endless.
A time limit is the best strategy I think one man I saw was having mental issues and told me he just couldn't go forward .I think if people are honest you can have lots of respect and sympathy. I didn't push the issue like oh we can work on this I let it go and I wish him well and I'm happy I did this for myself .
Agreed. Sniffing out options because all they have is an Idea the next best thing will come around and what happens? Usually reality hits them and they realize you were pretty great, after all. Ugh. Move on, indefinitely because it's hurtful and degrading to be treated this way.
Not always. Sometimes people feel suffocated in a relationship if they are always around each other and never take time for their hobbies / friends / other / etc etc.
I just ignore him and haven't reached out or care too now...not someones second option if it took someone that long or having to run into me to talk to me screw it...didn't need u then don't need you now...done...
Your closing message was hilarious Susan. I've almost watched every single one of your videos and podcasts. In this period of time it seems like I'll never get out of this funk, but I know I'll eventually pull through. In the future I'll probably have the exact same reaction saying how silly I was to watch endless hours of these videos. But I undoubtedly will know deep down I didn't regret a single second from all the knowledge and clarity you have provided me. Keep up the excellent work and thank you for cheering me up. You're the best Susan!
Never a truer word said Susan, especially your point made about dating being 'effortless' when you're with the right person, I only watch your videos to keep my sanity when I'm dating 'confused guys' lol...thank you Susan for helping me with this..:-)
Kat O yes it's so true and I wondered why it was so easy then and not now. It's because it was with the right person. I will keep all this in mind when I meet someone... not effortless =not the right one!!!
Yeah i definitely had an experience where the dating phase was effortless and i would saybi did really enjoy it while it lasted. However thy is not a guarantee that the relationship will last bec the guy cheated on me just a day after telling me he loves me. Dodged a bullet there. I was hurt but i have moved on now.
Thanks again! I watched this a few times. It's something nobody wants to deal with. Videos like this are an enormous help. You should do one about people that had a relationship for a few years, did nothing wrong, and had someone pull away. That is very confusing.
Wow. I just stumbled on your videos and I am so please. Easy straight to the point advice which actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you. What I take away most from your videos is that we should love ourselves enough to be authentic and not wory about coming across needy or desperate. The paradox is that when you are being authentic its hard to let yourself be subjected to being treated badly because you tune in to your intuition and know not to force anything while bringing your best self to the table. Great vids. Keep it up
Do we actually stop to realize, why men are confused these days, could we have something to do with why men behave in this manner? Thats the question! Emotionally, we are stronger than men, and I think men are more emotionally fearfull these days, so their mechanism to cope is to act the way they do now. Too much insanity, availability and temptation is out there, rather than waiting , people jump straight into sex first then become friends, instead of the other way around, no wonder we have problematic relationships these days.
i think both sexes are confused, everyone is scared to be hurt now-because there are no standards left and vile games like ghosting, benching, blocking etc have come to the forefront.
You'll usually give yourselves to much credit. Most times life is good until women bring in all their crazy into the picture. You have to be right. You think you are always the smartest person in the room. The pressue from most of you'll s overwhelming. I STICK and MOVE lol. The Real 1.
With all due respect . If my partner pull's away . I put my big boy pants on , and I move on , no sense in making matter's worse ! Just man up , and grow up , and move on ....
Advice like yours is black and white and insensitive. It causes alot of issues for humans. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way..but i'm telling you that type of cold robotic advice is harmful to humans.
Your videos REALLY speak to me and hit home. Through your genuine and heartfelt advice, you make it easy to fully understand my situation and solutions. Thanks for all you do Susan :). You're full proof that beauty comes in all ages.
They pull away because they think you are of lower value than that they see themselves deserving, so they want to friendzone you, putting you on the exchange bench.
One of my goals now is to stop being cold, accept things for what they are, and be honest with what I want in life. Thanks for helping me. Also I'll be ready for whichever outcome will happen. Not gonna force anyone that doesn't want to see me
I like how you said this is a generic template. I've been watching videos for myself on what people tell women to do... And got curious what people tell men to do in certain situations. I like how this statement of "generic template" can help reduce all or nothing thinking. For me, I was direct and communicative with a guy I liked. (I'm pretty no b.s.: hey i like you, I'd like to see you-- the attraction was mutual. But then i noticed he was not investing. I asked if he was still interested. He said yes. Still no effort. Then one day he said something disrespectful to me. Adding up his words and actions.... I "pulled away" because overall, he showed he didn't respect me as a person. Other videos tell him to ignore me because i "pulled away". But frankly, if he showed secure attachment and would just say, "hey, i noticed you seem distant. Are you okay?" I would have loved to talk about things. (Part of his disrespect was total lack of communication). By saying this, it shows he's communicating, interested in my general wellbeing, and does not come across as desperate or needy... I think it actually comes across as very mature. My 2 cents.
I know this is back 2017 but this is exactly what happened to me starting 01 February 2020. It still Raw but i am better now.....I am Walking Away everyday with the feeling bearing inside thinking this person will come back to me...I'm starting to date...Thanks Susan & i am now recommending you to my friends.
Great advice, Susan. Reach out once and that's it. We are all dating complete strangers. Everyone is hiding behind a screen, they know they won't bump into you at the grocery store or some other place. If they are too blind to see your value, let them GO. BTW you look awesome in purple, Susan!
I’ve stood up for myself. I finally told him to let me be so I can let go and move on from him. No more returning, it has emotionally killed me. I am beyond hurt.
+Susan Winter I just prayed and sent a Hey How are you message.. but he is going thru something's in his personal life but assured me there is no one else.
I’ve been watching you for several years for various relationships I’ve been with and you’ve always given solid advice. I do look forward to the time I meet someone where it is effortless and I think to myself “why did I ever watch these videos to begin with?” 😂😊
Every video that I have watched on your site, have answered my questions about issues I am having with my relationship. ABSOLUTELY the best I have found. Keep up the good work. I am sure many have been set free from toxic relationships, by watching your videos.
To not be personalized as you say... you explain this very well and give a couple of "simple" points that are just clear and straight to the point but when we are stuck we cant see, and they will really make a difference, thank you Susan :)
You are just awesome. Just heard two videos and got a lot of clarity in terms of relationships. God bless you and may you guide many people's lives on this earthly journey
All great ideas. Started online dating, a couple times after 1 or 2 dates never heard from the man again. Its ok, he wasn't into me. But one guy we had 3 dates, lots of texting, couple phone calls and suddenly nothing. I was disappointed but not invested and let it go. 6 wks passed, he sends a message and asks how I am. I decided I am not pursuing nor giving anything. I just answered his question and told him I was great. 3 days ago, no word since. Moving on!
I am so pleased that I discovered this channel. Susan's confidence, sincerity, knowledge, relatability and overall professionalism, is refreshing and empowering!
I've spent a long time watching videos on TH-cam,but it's just listening to what you say that i really found the answers i was looking for. It was hard to listen to these words but in fact maybe i made my own movie...now it's time to face reality. Thank you so much
Madam, thank you sooo much for this video. I almost made a hasty decision based on other TH-cam videos I watched which said "kick him to the curb", if he pulls away. But when you said, that factors such as what we have, have shared together, the level and degree of honest communication we've had etc should all be taken into consideration before deciding what to do. So I paused and said to myself, "don't make a hasty decision and give him some time given that our relationship is young and he has been honest with me about where he wants our relationship to go". So I made the decision yesterday not to text him but wait patiently for a few more days. My gut/intuition just kept telling me, based on the interactions I have had with him, that this man IS NOT the type to just desert or ghost me. Something kept telling me he wouldn't do that. And that even if he wanted to call it quits, he would end it the right way....and not just pull away never to come back. And guess what? My boo just text me today to say "he has missed me and is NOW ready to push forward". YESSSSS! And so if not for your video and words of wisdom that you shared, I would have ended a good thing, prematurely and unnecessarily. My man just needed 2 days to clear his head. And now he is set. So ladies, it is important to look at everything about YOUR own situation before taking a decision. For me, my man had never given me any cause to doubt him 'cept him going AWOL for 2 days lol. And I almost threw away a good thing because I panicked big time. But Susan's video saved me from missing out on a very good man and wonderful relationship which is now going into marriage. So Susan, once again, I cannot thank you enough.
I hope things are going well for you! But I have to say, freaking out over 2 days is kind of silly in my opinion. If you said 2 weeks, I'd totally understand but I wonder if people that are upset after 2 days have attachment issues. I'm not trying to be rude. And I am the type of person that can go a while without texting besties but when we link up, it's as if nothing changed. I think people just need to be secure in themselves.
Fair analysis...another angle is when the guy *thinks* he wants to hop in the surf, so he dips his toe in the water - then he remembers when he almost drowned the last time when the tide suddenly turned...and after 2nd thought decides no matter how colorful and sexy the surfboard is, the surf isn't worth the danger to himself. Isn't a matter of not "manning up", it's an emotional cost/benefit re-analysis.
Take solace in the fact he did not back out because of something imperfect about you - but it was because you were someone who shook him to his core - because you were someone he seriously considered....but he just could not move forward.
Ty Homer. I still struggle with that from time to time. I thought it was me because I chased him for a bit. When really it was me shaking him to the core and him being fully immersed in work. Overall it was a great experience and I learned alot from it. he did tell me it was absolutely nothing I did wrong and that he was disconnected emotionally at this time due to being self absorbed with everything else in his life. Looking back I think his self confidence was just as low as mine at that time and he did not feel like he had something positive to contribute to me.
He's buried himself in work for a reason - either an escape or safe space because of past issues. Self confidence?....not so sure, but instead he's just not emotionally ready. Dependent on the past damage, it may be a long time before he resolves things. It is what it is. All you can do is move on, wait for the next bus to come along and turn your life up.
Too many damn games out there these days. It is beyond ridiculous. PEOPLE will act so into you then all of sudden pull away. It causes psychological damage and abandonment issues. It is so sad out there.
In order to date and find someone who will respect and love us, we have to be the ones who will initially recognize and embrace our own worth. Even though I am aware of that, it has been quite difficult to grasp and accept my self-worth. Yet, listening to your point of view and all these amazing advices has really helped me. Therefore, thank you for your help. Greetings from Europe. 😊
Susan, you are just incredibly amazing.This is just one of the best of the best videos i have watched on dating and relationships. Susan, you hit most of the points that i wanted to hear, quite honestly, i followed your advise and its effective. I realized something out of watching all your videos, that men are not hardwired to process their emotions efficiently not as much as women do. All the best to you. God speed
I am from the Philippines and I’m struggling with my bf. He cheated on me many times and I give him chance and forgave him. I’m still struggling because of my trust issues just when you thought I can give my full trust there’s something coming out and make me doubt him again. But still I’m still giving him a chance cause I love him. And by watching your videos I am learning It’s a process. But your videos are helping me. I just wish I can talk to you personally so that I can tell you all the things that I’m facing right now. But I just want to thank you because there’s one soul in the Philippines 🇵🇭 that you are helping in times of this struggle in my relationship I will never forget you Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️
Personally it helps to hear someone say what my mind has been trying to tell my heart. Every case is different. She left, but now wants me to travel to join her and I'm really torn about the entire situation. I think it's ok to have a little time apart to re-evaluate feelings. We're human and to er is human.
I’ve listened to you today for the first time while driving. Just your voice and knowledge made me resonate to what you’re saying. I’m home and watching your videos, you’re also drop dead gorgeous!!! God bless you ❤️
Susan my dear.....you are kind of awesome. Love your posts. Rooted in kindness, and building women’s sense of self, all while unveiling mysteries. Your wisdom is very much appreciated.
I am reading your book on Magnificence got from Amazon. Wow, you are so deep and smart. Thank you for writing that book. I really need it in this time in my life.
I really like this lady, honestly, she could be reading out the yellow pages and I would probably watch so whatever she is on about , great, and thank you Susan
Thanks for the strait forward advice, there is so much conflicting information all over the internet. Its hard not to get anxiety when you notice the texting pattern starting change. Just need to keep emotional self-control
Thank you so much for this. he blocked me and i never did anything, i sent one text, asking him if he's okay, and saying i was confused, and that i understand if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, that i hope everything is okay. 2nd day - no reply. i feel like my heart is going to burst. i miss him so much. i met him online, and we've been talking every since day for 3 months. he was so so sweet, and kind, he even called me his dream girl - we would have 4+ hours phone convos. i dont know what happened, he just disappeared. now and i feel sad. he cut me off, and took my heart a long with him.
Doomer omg.. I'm so sorry to hear about that dear it sounds horrible and terrible sometimes these things happen and we don't know why and sometimes we have to find the strength to encourage to walk away......
@@sisteranonymous3585 You are so so right, i wondered if i'd done anything wrong i kept asking but he blocked me everywhere and i was left broken... i didnt do anything anymore. well i couldn't... i couldn't talk or message him or communicate... so i just let it go.... he broke me, and i was left hurt and very alone... i knew his social medias so i would look on that .... daily.. and i found out he was dating a girl... and i was so hurt!!! like how did he just do this to me, i felt like i meant nothing to him. my birthday was coming up the next month (it's already happened a couple days ago) and he sent me a long paragraph saying sorry and he wanted to try dating a friend from hs, and they dated for a month thats why he cut me off because he didnt wnt her seeing my name on his phone etc............ but she ended up cheating on him..... within a week....... so he's apologised so much he cant forgive himself for ruining me and breaking me and hurting me, he's very depressed also so i think he was lonely too :/ he asked to call me last nght and we talked on the phone for 2 hours, and he just apologised saying he will never do it again. and i do forgive him.. im still hurt.... idk wht to do.... can i truly forgive?.... i dont know
![เปิดบ้าน โคตรสวย ป๋องกพล รู้จักตั้งนาน เพิ่งรู้ว่ารวย!!! l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tmgCF_2HfYI/mqdefault.jpg)
This is very good, Susan. It reminds me of a saying I just read; " You don’t deserve someone who comes back. You deserve someone who never leaves."
Right
See now I know of people who walked away from one another and realized what they lost years later, came back and lived happily ever after. Time away isn’t always bad.
@@ItsVarezen This is true but I think we should allow ourselves to live life as normal not waiting around for them
Wow. Thanks for this
2 or 3 days is enough of a wait. If they are ghosting you - move on. If someone is really interested in you and in being with you they will not be ignoring you for longer than a day at the max. Think about it like this, if you like someone and want to be with them, would you ignore them for 3 days? No, because you are interested in them and want to be with them.
very true :) I've been waiting 5 weeks now.....hahaha...guess she's gone! :-)
Facts 🔥💯
The moment someone wants to pull away, let them do it. That's the only way.
“We should never wait, frozen in place, to prove our worth.” 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 PREACH!!!
Thanks Oby
Love that quote too!!!
I've lost a lot of good girls with that same attitude. My current girl wanted space and I couldn't understand it and it made no sense to me. I studied woman psychology and learn how a woman's brain works. Read that s*** and you will never be the same. We are completely different people and it isn't really about rejection it's how their brains work. I challenge someone to check it out. I wish I would have known it sooner I would have had all the ladies. LOL
what a sentence. Got goosebumps. Susan you are amazing.
I wish I heard this years ago! Thank you Susan for showing us our worth!😍
Women just grow wiser classier and more elegant with age. Susan is the example here.
Humble Mum damn straight! :) ❤️
THANK YOU!!
when men are 70, they look like Sean Connery
when women are 70, they look like Sean Connery
@scott sanger You my friend are wrong. I am 71 and have been asked out by men in their 40's they say they are fed up with younger women. Of course I take into account they probably think I have money. I worked in a Nursing Home and Retirement Home and very few older men look like Sean Connery. I am taking about those even in their 60's and 70's.
@@SDsc0rch Baloney. You are a jerk. I was in my 40's when I remarried he was in his late 40's and we stayed happily married till his death 25 yrs later. I still have younger men approaching me.
'I don't say this to hurt you, I say this to help you.'
EXACTLY! Thanks Susan
I wouldn't contact someone who vanishes. I feel that if a man wants to be with a woman he will. I don't think texting will change anything.
Doris White Exactiy....
Doris White but what if that person you love not got your contact number in first place and he own a shop but not allowed to mix business with personal life ?shall I try give him my number or wait to see if he does ?we got chemistryxx
I'd wait. Up to you. Someone who owns a shop can make a personal call or text. If he was already in touch, he'll be in touch again if he wants to.
Yeah guys want to text and try to fix the situation but it actually pushes them further. Read about women psychology and you'll finally understand that we don't think nothing alike and once you learn the simple s*** to do you'll be the best man ever. We study how to cook, we Google anything we want to know. Check out women psychology and better know the person that you're sleeping with
That's right. Even sex doesn't mean the same for hetero women as it does for hetero men.
The real hang ups are when it IS effortless in the beginning & you think everything is going one way and then they pull away...
JAKEBrakeModel94 yuhhhh that’s happened to me and it was just in the beginning :/ I’ll be patient
Exactly! That's what happened to me multiple times.
JAKEBrakeModel94 Just happened to me this week. I haven’t dated in years but I’ve been through this before so I know it’s time for me to go dark.
Just happened to me too, she was pulling away and I told her I was going to do my own thing for a bit but if she wanted to talk to feel free to call me. Been 2 weeks already so I guess it’s over, it sucks.
@@BestKayneUwU Two weeks is not a long time. I've had girls re-initiate contact with me after months of silence.
I thought he pulled away but he was framed and spent 50 days in jail waiting for a trial. Lol.
Anya K run, girl, rannnnnnnnnnn
Completely hestarical...
they din't give him his phone call? lol
lol! This made my night
Holy crap! I need an update on this story lol
I totally agree with you Susan! In my opinion, you should never beg someone to love you, let them go away if they want to because the person who loves you the most is scared of losing you. It's okay to be hurt once but be sure that you won't be experiencing the same pattern again. Improve yourself and know your worth so you will get the upperhand in the relationship.
Usually they have someone else...who entered...the 3rd party and they are not sure what's going to happen...they try to keep you in the mix...its not cool...move on !!
Straight to the point no chaser just the way I need it
Love your comment! Thanks Stephanie.
If you are in the friendzone and you have let them know that you want a committed relationship and they, at that very moment don't respond with a kiss, hug or take your hand and say 'me too', leave.
Don't discuss it, literally walk away, never return, never respond.
If they return to chase you, they have recalculated their options and you are their best option at this time.
They don't love you. They don't even like you. They are using you.
You have a really unique presence. It is warm and personable, but confident. I'm very curious as to your area of training/education. The perspectives you share are interesting.
I've learned how to recognize the time to step back versus move forward, by understanding more about the evolution of courtship rituals. There is a dance that takes place in courtship, somewhat like a tango. The man steps forward in pursuit, step-step, and then a pause, back-step and the woman steps forward. There is a back and forth dance of pursuit and retreat. Sometimes one partner will even take more than one step forward, possibly a one-two-three, but then a back step, because if you pursue with too many steps forward, then you are chasing your partner backward. This is too much for anyone. We all need our partner to pause and step back, to let us catch our breath and have a chance to move forward.
So if your partner takes a step back, even two, then you pause for a moment, step forward once, twice at the most, then pause, and wait for your partner. Do not rush the dance, do not run your partner backward into the wall and stepping all over their feet. It is beautiful when you keep the rhythm of courtship, but give your partner a moment to catch their breath. It won't take long for them to continue the dance. But if it does, you don't force it, because you cannot take their steps for them. If they have given up the dance, dont be aggressive. Pause, and then bow, and turn away. If you chase, then you will catch someone who doesn't share your enthusiasm to keep dancing. To continue dancing under these conditions is forced, and it's mechanical and without beauty. Never do this to yourself, because you will always be left to force it to happen.
Hi YamCherie. My background is Opera, and then broadcast television (now CNBC). Thanks for your comment.
Wow what an amazing insight
Great comment. Thanks!
Susan Winter-
I had a guy wait THREE weeks the last couple times to ask me out again, and he acted all casual, like nothing was wrong. He'd tell me what a great time he had with me last time!! Then did it again!! 😡
Anyways he's long gone, but I just wanted to bring up the point that some guys will have the nerve to play you like that just cause they know you like them, and they must not have anything, or anyone "better" to do at the moment.
Never again! Lesson learned!
If someone even pulls away to "shop around", I'd still be done with them because if you REALLY liked someone, you would never even consider that.
well said...so many guys are very devious esp online and will play tricks with girls and guys to get sex and power.
Yeah. Men and women do this. Not just men.... i must say i am also guilty of this.
When she said "he might want what you want but in the future or NOT with you" my heart broke. I felt like a confirmation that I was not pretty enough. But I listened longer and she was right we take it so personally but why wait more than ten days for someone too see your value. I wanna be a victim and be sad and depressed but thankfully i feel the obsession subside. choosing me should not mean losing a man. I am going to be choosing me from now on
Because people get angered at one's we love. Just cuz don't hear from them for days does not mean they are not Interested or don't love you
Reasons could be endless.
A time limit is the best strategy I think one man I saw was having mental issues and told me he just couldn't go forward .I think if people are honest you can have lots of respect and sympathy. I didn't push the issue like oh we can work on this I let it go and I wish him well and I'm happy I did this for myself .
"When you partner pulls away" Drop her - him like a dead weight and move on with your life.
Pulling away = seeing someone else 99% of the time.
Agreed. Sniffing out options because all they have is an Idea the next best thing will come around and what happens? Usually reality hits them and they realize you were pretty great, after all. Ugh. Move on, indefinitely because it's hurtful and degrading to be treated this way.
Not always. Sometimes people feel suffocated in a relationship if they are always around each other and never take time for their hobbies / friends / other / etc etc.
@@darkhorse7460 Yes, love yourself enough to set standards and have boundaries.
Not always. Sometimes someone is on the spectrum and go into a shutdown to regroup.
I just ignore him and haven't reached out or care too now...not someones second option if it took someone that long or having to run into me to talk to me screw it...didn't need u then don't need you now...done...
Paola Soltero that’s great, more power to you, truly...so...why are you here my dear?
Woman, I love you. You’ve helped me so much already. I’m gay and this is all very helpful for me as well, feels like it’s not about gender.
Your closing message was hilarious Susan. I've almost watched every single one of your videos and podcasts. In this period of time it seems like I'll never get out of this funk, but I know I'll eventually pull through. In the future I'll probably have the exact same reaction saying how silly I was to watch endless hours of these videos. But I undoubtedly will know deep down I didn't regret a single second from all the knowledge and clarity you have provided me. Keep up the excellent work and thank you for cheering me up. You're the best Susan!
itsedwardhuang I LOVE YOUR MESSAGE!! Thank you for this. 😊
Never a truer word said Susan, especially your point made about dating being 'effortless' when you're with the right person, I only watch your videos to keep my sanity when I'm dating 'confused guys' lol...thank you Susan for helping me with this..:-)
Kat, thanks for the lovely comment. Glad you're clear!
Kat O yes it's so true and I wondered why it was so easy then and not now. It's because it was with the right person. I will keep all this in mind when I meet someone... not effortless =not the right one!!!
M....you will know...;-)
Yeah i definitely had an experience where the dating phase was effortless and i would saybi did really enjoy it while it lasted. However thy is not a guarantee that the relationship will last bec the guy cheated on me just a day after telling me he loves me. Dodged a bullet there. I was hurt but i have moved on now.
Thanks again! I watched this a few times. It's something nobody wants to deal with. Videos like this are an enormous help. You should do one about people that had a relationship for a few years, did nothing wrong, and had someone pull away. That is very confusing.
Please please
Wow. I just stumbled on your videos and I am so please. Easy straight to the point advice which actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you. What I take away most from your videos is that we should love ourselves enough to be authentic and not wory about coming across needy or desperate. The paradox is that when you are being authentic its hard to let yourself be subjected to being treated badly because you tune in to your intuition and know not to force anything while bringing your best self to the table. Great vids. Keep it up
Blessing Ribeiro thank you, thank you!!
I LOVE what you said at the end about finding someone and the connection is effortless. I can't wait until that happens for me:)
I agree completely move forward even as u are waiting
Do we actually stop to realize, why men are confused these days, could we have something to do with why men behave in this manner? Thats the question!
Emotionally, we are stronger than men, and I think men are more emotionally fearfull these days, so their mechanism to cope is to act the way they do now.
Too much insanity, availability and temptation is out there, rather than waiting , people jump straight into sex first then become friends, instead of the other way around, no wonder we have problematic relationships these days.
U can say that again
Not sure this is true. Emotionally as a man I’m very strong but have had women completely meltdown on me.
i think both sexes are confused, everyone is scared to be hurt now-because there are no standards left and vile games like ghosting, benching, blocking etc have come to the forefront.
You'll usually give yourselves to much credit. Most times life is good until women bring in all their crazy into the picture. You have to be right. You think you are always the smartest person in the room. The pressue from most of you'll s overwhelming. I STICK and MOVE lol. The Real 1.
You're saying MEN are confused?
With all due respect . If my partner pull's away . I put my big boy pants on , and I move on , no sense in making matter's worse ! Just man up , and grow up , and move on ....
Advice like yours is black and white and insensitive. It causes alot of issues for humans. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way..but i'm telling you that type of cold robotic advice is harmful to humans.
I have no next move...I dont know wtf to do...I genuinely liked her.
I like you. Your presentation is professional, frank and to the point. Your voice is gentle and soothing.
Your videos REALLY speak to me and hit home. Through your genuine and heartfelt advice, you make it easy to fully understand my situation and solutions. Thanks for all you do Susan :). You're full proof that beauty comes in all ages.
They pull away because they think you are of lower value than that they see themselves deserving, so they want to friendzone you, putting you on the exchange bench.
you are delusional lol
One of my goals now is to stop being cold, accept things for what they are, and be honest with what I want in life. Thanks for helping me. Also I'll be ready for whichever outcome will happen. Not gonna force anyone that doesn't want to see me
You are absolutely the best relationship advisor I've ever listened to - so much wisdom in a few minutes x
I like how you said this is a generic template. I've been watching videos for myself on what people tell women to do... And got curious what people tell men to do in certain situations. I like how this statement of "generic template" can help reduce all or nothing thinking.
For me, I was direct and communicative with a guy I liked. (I'm pretty no b.s.: hey i like you, I'd like to see you-- the attraction was mutual. But then i noticed he was not investing. I asked if he was still interested. He said yes. Still no effort. Then one day he said something disrespectful to me. Adding up his words and actions.... I "pulled away" because overall, he showed he didn't respect me as a person. Other videos tell him to ignore me because i "pulled away".
But frankly, if he showed secure attachment and would just say, "hey, i noticed you seem distant. Are you okay?" I would have loved to talk about things. (Part of his disrespect was total lack of communication). By saying this, it shows he's communicating, interested in my general wellbeing, and does not come across as desperate or needy... I think it actually comes across as very mature.
My 2 cents.
I love your content. Clear, concise, no fluff, straight shooter.
Marlee Shore, you're so sweet and so beautiful ❤❤❤😊.I will be glad to know you more
Love is kind all the time. Love is effortless...
I know this is back 2017 but this is exactly what happened to me starting 01 February 2020. It still Raw but i am better now.....I am Walking Away everyday with the feeling bearing inside thinking this person will come back to me...I'm starting to date...Thanks Susan & i am now recommending you to my friends.
Susan , honestly you're my angel . You're my source of wisdom
Always a good start to the day, when a new Susan Winter video is up.
Thank you!!
you can never be right for the wrong person and you can never be wrong for the right person...
Great advice, Susan. Reach out once and that's it. We are all dating complete strangers. Everyone is hiding behind a screen, they know they won't bump into you at the grocery store or some other place. If they are too blind to see your value, let them GO. BTW you look awesome in purple, Susan!
I’ve stood up for myself. I finally told him to let me be so I can let go and move on from him. No more returning, it has emotionally killed me. I am beyond hurt.
You're amazing Susan. You really are. And, you're saving my mental and heart health.
Thank you. So much.
I love that you really calm and make me feel peacefull again.
Susan he did respond and he apologized.
yolanda brooks very good. Remember the adjustments you made to affect this outcome.
+Susan Winter I just prayed and sent a Hey How are you message.. but he is going thru something's in his personal life but assured me there is no one else.
What happened with ya'll?
@@yolandabrooksqueenofsevens so whats happened now 3 years later??
Words of wisdom, & a reminder . Nice video ❤
You are THE BEST relationship coach I have seen :) Love you
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this EXACT moment :) thank you!!
Hilary Wright,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!
I’ve been watching you for several years for various relationships I’ve been with and you’ve always given solid advice. I do look forward to the time I meet someone where it is effortless and I think to myself “why did I ever watch these videos to begin with?” 😂😊
Every video that I have watched on your site, have answered my questions about issues I am having with my relationship. ABSOLUTELY the best I have found. Keep up the good work. I am sure many have been set free from toxic relationships, by watching your videos.
To not be personalized as you say... you explain this very well and give a couple of "simple" points that are just clear and straight to the point but when we are stuck we cant see, and they will really make a difference, thank you Susan :)
You are just awesome. Just heard two videos and got a lot of clarity in terms of relationships. God bless you and may you guide many people's lives on this earthly journey
All great ideas. Started online dating, a couple times after 1 or 2 dates never heard from the man again. Its ok, he wasn't into me. But one guy we had 3 dates, lots of texting, couple phone calls and suddenly nothing. I was disappointed but not invested and let it go. 6 wks passed, he sends a message and asks how I am. I decided I am not pursuing nor giving anything. I just answered his question and told him I was great. 3 days ago, no word since. Moving on!
What they do is sleep around and then come back to you and then leave you and sleep around some more
Dear Susan, you are amazing
Again in a bad situation your videos helped me to pull myself together
Thank you ❤
I am so pleased that I discovered this channel. Susan's confidence, sincerity, knowledge, relatability and overall professionalism, is refreshing and empowering!
You’re right for wanting what you want! - I love listening to you!!
I've spent a long time watching videos on TH-cam,but it's just listening to what you say that i really found the answers i was looking for. It was hard to listen to these words but in fact maybe i made my own movie...now it's time to face reality. Thank you so much
Nothing better I never heard
Appreciate all the help, and I hope you had a great year. Happy Holidays ☃
Your wisdom makes you so attractive Susan! Thank you as always
You always hit the nail on the head! I really should have known you 20 years ago, Susan 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 💮🐝
(I wish I knew this 20 years ago!!). Thanks Mireille.
Never too old I am 70 and still love her advice.
LadyofCleves65 Hi Lady of Cleves 🙋, I'm 57 😘
Well you know what they say today the 50's are more like the 40's today. So you are still a young chick.
THANK YOU!!
I love Susan so much I always come back to her for that real strong type of advice. She has gotten me through a lot she's like a big sister to me🧡
Once again you tell me exactly what I need to hear. You are trully my cupid whisperer ❤❤❤🏹
Thank you 👊🏼😉
Madam, thank you sooo much for this video. I almost made a hasty decision based on other TH-cam videos I watched which said "kick him to the curb", if he pulls away. But when you said, that factors such as what we have, have shared together, the level and degree of honest communication we've had etc should all be taken into consideration before deciding what to do. So I paused and said to myself, "don't make a hasty decision and give him some time given that our relationship is young and he has been honest with me about where he wants our relationship to go". So I made the decision yesterday not to text him but wait patiently for a few more days. My gut/intuition just kept telling me, based on the interactions I have had with him, that this man IS NOT the type to just desert or ghost me. Something kept telling me he wouldn't do that. And that even if he wanted to call it quits, he would end it the right way....and not just pull away never to come back. And guess what? My boo just text me today to say "he has missed me and is NOW ready to push forward". YESSSSS!
And so if not for your video and words of wisdom that you shared, I would have ended a good thing, prematurely and unnecessarily. My man just needed 2 days to clear his head. And now he is set.
So ladies, it is important to look at everything about YOUR own situation before taking a decision. For me, my man had never given me any cause to doubt him 'cept him going AWOL for 2 days lol. And I almost threw away a good thing because I panicked big time. But Susan's video saved me from missing out on a very good man and wonderful relationship which is now going into marriage. So Susan, once again, I cannot thank you enough.
I hope things are going well for you! But I have to say, freaking out over 2 days is kind of silly in my opinion. If you said 2 weeks, I'd totally understand but I wonder if people that are upset after 2 days have attachment issues. I'm not trying to be rude. And I am the type of person that can go a while without texting besties but when we link up, it's as if nothing changed. I think people just need to be secure in themselves.
ten days is a lot! I give them 2-3 days max.
24 hours! I give men 24 hours. You miss the mark by 2 hours, you're OUT!
Thanks. Another goldmine from Susan. 3:59 onward is pure gold. 👍
Fair analysis...another angle is when the guy *thinks* he wants to hop in the surf, so he dips his toe in the water - then he remembers when he almost drowned the last time when the tide suddenly turned...and after 2nd thought decides no matter how colorful and sexy the surfboard is, the surf isn't worth the danger to himself. Isn't a matter of not "manning up", it's an emotional cost/benefit re-analysis.
Perfection!!!!!!! Thanks for this.
yep. last guy I dated.
Take solace in the fact he did not back out because of something imperfect about you - but it was because you were someone who shook him to his core - because you were someone he seriously considered....but he just could not move forward.
Ty Homer. I still struggle with that from time to time. I thought it was me because I chased him for a bit. When really it was me shaking him to the core and him being fully immersed in work. Overall it was a great experience and I learned alot from it. he did tell me it was absolutely nothing I did wrong and that he was disconnected emotionally at this time due to being self absorbed with everything else in his life. Looking back I think his self confidence was just as low as mine at that time and he did not feel like he had something positive to contribute to me.
He's buried himself in work for a reason - either an escape or safe space because of past issues. Self confidence?....not so sure, but instead he's just not emotionally ready. Dependent on the past damage, it may be a long time before he resolves things. It is what it is. All you can do is move on, wait for the next bus to come along and turn your life up.
If a woman pulls away from me. She's done. I don't play that game and that's exactly what it is...a game.
Too many damn games out there these days. It is beyond ridiculous. PEOPLE will act so into you then all of sudden pull away. It causes psychological damage and abandonment issues. It is so sad out there.
I agree
In order to date and find someone who will respect and love us, we have to be the ones who will initially recognize and embrace our own worth. Even though I am aware of that, it has been quite difficult to grasp and accept my self-worth. Yet, listening to your point of view and all these amazing advices has really helped me. Therefore, thank you for your help.
Greetings from Europe. 😊
You explain things so well, but in a kind way.. Thank you.
Susan Winter takes you from winter to summer! ♥️
What if they pull away when its two years of relatiojship with lots of emotional intimacy?
Susan, you are just incredibly amazing.This is just one of the best of the best videos i have watched on dating and relationships. Susan, you hit most of the points that i wanted to hear, quite honestly, i followed your advise and its effective. I realized something out of watching all your videos, that men are not hardwired to process their emotions efficiently not as much as women do. All the best to you. God speed
I am from the Philippines and I’m struggling with my bf.
He cheated on me many times and I give him chance and forgave him.
I’m still struggling because of my trust issues just when you thought I can give my full trust there’s something coming out and make me doubt him again.
But still I’m still giving him a chance cause I love him.
And by watching your videos I am learning
It’s a process.
But your videos are helping me.
I just wish I can talk to you personally so that I can tell you all the things that I’m facing right now.
But I just want to thank you because there’s one soul in the Philippines 🇵🇭 that you are helping in times of this struggle in my relationship
I will never forget you
Thank you.
❤️❤️❤️
He cheated many times, ,he is not your boyfriend, ,you are just an option, ,
Personally it helps to hear someone say what my mind has been trying to tell my heart. Every case is different. She left, but now wants me to travel to join her and I'm really torn about the entire situation. I think it's ok to have a little time apart to re-evaluate feelings. We're human and to er is human.
Your right on it ..your amazingly right
Danyle Craig,You got a lovely smile 😊
I’ve listened to you today for the first time while driving. Just your voice and knowledge made me resonate to what you’re saying. I’m home and watching your videos, you’re also drop dead gorgeous!!! God bless you ❤️
Susan my dear.....you are kind of awesome. Love your posts. Rooted in kindness, and building women’s sense of self, all while unveiling mysteries. Your wisdom is very much appreciated.
❤️🔥Such Great Advice❤️🔥✨THANKYOU✨
Susan, you’re really good with your work but you’re so good with styles also. You have the flowers in the back ground compliments your top.
Thank you for the encouragement and kind words.
I am reading your book on Magnificence got from Amazon. Wow, you are so deep and smart. Thank you for writing that book. I really need it in this time in my life.
I really like this lady, honestly, she could be reading out the yellow pages and I would probably watch so whatever she is on about , great, and thank you Susan
I tried pulling away for 3 weeks once and it worked to some extent... then she got even colder to the point that I just gave up with trying with her!
Susan, you always give sound advice. Love your video's.
Just wish I didn't wait on them for this long. Lesson learned!
Thank you Twin Soul
Honestly, I'd like to say thank you soo much for all you said on this video,, I've really learn a lot of new, good and helpful things..
Susan, I waited one year and a half :(
I started listening to you two weeks ago, I am learning so much from your advice. Thank you very much!
Spot on Susan! In depth, direct and well delivered message!
Thanks for the strait forward advice, there is so much conflicting information all over the internet. Its hard not to get anxiety when you notice the texting pattern starting change. Just need to keep emotional self-control
Tonight, sisters, we cry.
Lol may be true,but who'll be crying last, I wonder...
Them 🙈🙈🙈
Happy to have stumbled upon you. The simplicity, the truth.. So nice'.. Thank you.
Thank you. Just found you at the right time. Very understandable and spot on!
At last, a pragmatic grownup, not a 'game or frame' know-it-all. Glad to have found your channel. Subbed
This video is a blessing for me. Thankyou Susan. Amazing words really.
This is straight facts
Oh my gosh, I love you. You're making my situation a lot better. Thank you.
N
Thank you so much for this. he blocked me and i never did anything, i sent one text, asking him if he's okay, and saying i was confused, and that i understand if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, that i hope everything is okay. 2nd day - no reply. i feel like my heart is going to burst. i miss him so much. i met him online, and we've been talking every since day for 3 months. he was so so sweet, and kind, he even called me his dream girl - we would have 4+ hours phone convos. i dont know what happened, he just disappeared. now and i feel sad. he cut me off, and took my heart a long with him.
Doomer omg.. I'm so sorry to hear about that dear it sounds horrible and terrible sometimes these things happen and we don't know why and sometimes we have to find the strength to encourage to walk away......
@@sisteranonymous3585 You are so so right, i wondered if i'd done anything wrong i kept asking but he blocked me everywhere and i was left broken... i didnt do anything anymore. well i couldn't... i couldn't talk or message him or communicate... so i just let it go.... he broke me, and i was left hurt and very alone... i knew his social medias so i would look on that .... daily.. and i found out he was dating a girl... and i was so hurt!!! like how did he just do this to me, i felt like i meant nothing to him. my birthday was coming up the next month (it's already happened a couple days ago) and he sent me a long paragraph saying sorry and he wanted to try dating a friend from hs, and they dated for a month thats why he cut me off because he didnt wnt her seeing my name on his phone etc............ but she ended up cheating on him..... within a week....... so he's apologised so much he cant forgive himself for ruining me and breaking me and hurting me, he's very depressed also so i think he was lonely too :/ he asked to call me last nght and we talked on the phone for 2 hours, and he just apologised saying he will never do it again. and i do forgive him.. im still hurt.... idk wht to do.... can i truly forgive?.... i dont know