I knew two or three hours in. Some sort of epiphany, and I wrote it off as being judgemental. But it wasn't, it was just my intuition trying to speak to me.
if the narcissist is your parent or parents then theyve supplied you with all the self doubt, deceit and justifications throughout your entire life, effectively normalizing every bit of the abuse even tho you may have fought back against it forever its all so ingrained in every way you think about everything.
It was like torture and can bring you to the cusp of suicide... And if you don't have some sorta strength in you somewhere, you may actually go through with it! And then everybody is confused about why? Especially if you have a covert abuser smh... I guess the abuser gets to absorb all the sympathy and excuses for, however, they end up
*Damn...damn...daaaaaaamn* 🤯😬🤯😬🤯😬😧😨😰🤕🧐...this chit aint no joke smdh😟😒as i'm studying & waking up to the reality of it all... *it's like an alternate universe **#covertNarcParent*
WISE.THUGZNHARMONY this is exactly what happened to me as a child of a narcissist. I got all the pain and the narc got all the sympathy, help and goodwill. I had to deal with this on my own, which was hard to do when I was too young to understand what was happening.
Narcissist I dated hated me because I was intelligent and caring. He hated that I was liked by everybody he introduced me to. He kept doing bad things to me intentionally to see me feeling miserable. I actually did get sick, depression and digestive problems. Wound up spending lot of money on doctors after leaving him. I could have being dead today if I had staid longer than I staid with the narcissist. I was health conscious, exercised and drank kale juices but the mental abuse I got from the narcissist affected my mental and physical health anyway. I can’t stop learning about this scary personality disorder.
Hun, now that you know that there is a name for what you went through, it's important to take the next steps and turn within to heal. My free 16 Day course can help you do this powerfully. www.youcanthriveprogram.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
Melanie, firstly I do feel like you are breathing priceless wisdom into my heart and I also feel like you are connecting with me and speaking these words keeping me in mind.... I am so grateful for this moment. Thank you and sending love to everyone here. 🙌
Great video. This is ME right now. Had the final brutal discard 3 days ago....only just feel like I can breathe again. It was unexpected and horrific. It was made very clear to me that I am nothing more than something on the bottom of the guys shoe. NOTHING MORE, to him. After 5 months of what I now recognise as slavery, emotional AND sexual. And I submitted to it thinking i could handle it - that is the part that has disturbed me most....that I allowed it. I realise now, that I met this person in order to see and face MY OWN core wound for the first time at 38 years old. I will look at that as a gift....and take that information and use it to heal myself and reconnect with my BODY. Wow! Thankyou for this amazing video and for your caring for the world. If we can all heal ourselves we can heal the world xox
I love this nessieness79 "If we can all heal ourselves we can heal the world " - so true!!! Love and blessings to you, I'm sorry to hear you are going through that horrible discard stage Sweetheart - my heart goes out to you. I would love to show you how to heal from this with my free resources, if you haven't already got them, www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse, they will help you. xoxox
nessieness79 I could’ve been reading my own journal entry right here Nessieness. These people are evil and wicked with no souls. Truly demonic predators. Know that you will rise above this and prevail and it is a gift that you will now be especially conscientious of covert abuse from those in your life that you never even realized was happening! We’ve been conditioned to except and tolerate poor treatment and all these years we’ve learned how to manage and survive has led us to be such perfect fodder for these wolves in sheeps clothing. Always apply from here on out......Guilty until proven innocent!!! Don’t let people in until they have demonstrated over time respect and sincerity both in word and in DEED!!!
(a year later) *@nessieness79 I HOPE & PRAY FOR YOUR COMPLETE HEALING & RESTORATION...+PLUS LESSON #1 BE WILLING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF EVERYTIME YOU THINK ABOUT IT OR GET ANGRY... FORGIVE YOURSELF **#SELFLOVE** **#SELFAWARENESS** **#MENTALHEALTH** PEACE🧘🏽♀️🙏🏽**#NAMASTE** **#GoodVibezOnly*
That really resonated with me. 9 Years ago the red flags were everywhere. My instincts were on high alert. However, I was NOT willing to ask the hard questions. I was raised to not ask the difficult questions. In fact, Things were swept under the rug. I'm 55 and I'm only now asking uncomfortable questions.
I have believed in taking full responsibility for everything in my life. The traumas in my case have been incredible and sadly of so many severe types. After new severe traumas I found myself falling back again seriously into the victim mindset. You help me understand best why the victim mindset is so dangerous to moving on and thriving. I fit the categories most likely to end up with a NARC/Sociopath. I am strongly resonating with your teachings. Thank you so very much!!!
You are the best!!!! I feel like the universe is bringing me videos tonight that confirm what I already know and reassure me that I am not alone. The universe is trying to get me to wake up. I'm somewhat awake... finding it hard to take the action steps.
Hi Kate, thank you hun - sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and just go for it, other times we have to reach that place where the pain is just too much to be motivated to the next step. Whenever that is, I'll be here to help, support and guide you! xoxox
I'm like Melissa. I saw the red flags. I underestimated the danger because he acted very sweet and humble with everybody. I know what kept me in the relationship for years: I didn't like it but my religious beliefs made me stay. And also the fact that the majority of women's value is commonly measured by how they manage to have a happy family even if the emotional abuse and anguish is visible to the whole community. These women are admired as strong women. From checking around other women in a restaurant on a first date to living decades with a serial cheater I made the same journey, the same mistakes. Only that I was the one who discarded him as soon as I had evidence. He couldn't believe his eyes I did it, he was so sure I would never throw him out, I was so strong in bearing his rages he thought I would have tolerated even cheating and stealing my money. Even now for some people he's the sweet guy who just made a mistake (he says just once I have proof of at least 30) and I'm the bitter one who wasn't able to deal with being cheated on.
Marina M. Wow! I know a woman like you and I think she stays cause she doesn't want to work! Let's him eff around and he gets the have the perfect facade of "making it"! I resent her for giving him credibility because she does know. Heck he has a child with someone else. And nope, it wasn't the only time he cheated.
Courtshannon actually I referred to religious and moral common values and how communities don't care about the pain behind being cheated on and abused.
Love your insight. This really hit home, especially the excuses we make for our narc. I always thought the excuses simplified what my intellect put together. Things like knowing a lie thru habits, non physical behaviors, out of place emotions...at first "crazy.paranoid.". And after a few years it was "you are too smart for your own good" that validated all of my suspicions and inner knowings.
Intelligent people might be to focus on other things . That'might be why they lack empathy and are more judgmental. Less intelligent people might be more engaged in what's going on a round them and be more nice and understanding. They might by more validation by being nice than intelligent people.
Really??? I don't agree. So prisons are filled with intelligent people??? Intelligent people do GENERALLY but not always navigate life's pitfalls better than stupid ones.
Truly the greatest video on understanding how an intelligent empath can get hooked up to such a toxic relationship through literally a fatal attraction. You are so spot on when you explain how we have a missing piece in our emotional being that needs to be addressed and fixed. I am proud to say Melanie, that as I have been involved with a narc briefly in my first marriage which only lasted 2 years, now....30 years later I have finally broken the patterns that have led me to toxic relationships! I actually broke off 2 relationships in very early dating phases (within a month) as I FINALLY followed my gut and sure enough these two men were narcs (one cerebral and the other somatic). I have learned soooo much in these last 3 years of my life. Thank you for summing it all up so concisely. You are a wonderful woman who will certainly help many a person who is sincerely trying to start life anew! May God bless you and keep you safe and secure in His hands.
With much gratitude.....you too Keep the Faith my dear Melanie! I will recommend you to any of my contacts/friends for the spiritual healing that they need! Keep up the fantastic work.
What I came to lately is that as empaths we are drawn to somebody's vulnerable side and not only drawn but subconsciously we connect to that side of the person. We need to bring this conscious mind- notice their vulnerability but leave it up to the person.
Another great video, and yes I fell victim to a woman whom was like this. In the end, I cut off all communication from her toxic influences and walked away. It was damn hard to do, but my inner core of self respect, resilience and toleranc had reached maximum. She was like an addictive drug and I could not say no...
When you are secure, you can be a magnet. When you are Empathic, you can also be a magnet. Narcissistic people attempting to prey on anyone, due to their own self misery are bottom feeders, as Narcissists do not deserve my silence, I will continue to be forthcoming with my knowledge in hopes of helping others. God bless🌹.
Our inner child, primordial nature, egoic self, whatever we want to call it, simply wants/needs healing. And self partnering, self nurturing, reprogramming, whatever we call it, is vital for healing. We will never escape this primordial subconsciously controlled hell of countless lifetimes until "we" heal and find comfort. Thank you Melanie for the reminder and making this so clear. You are a blessing to so many!
Yes! I am an empath AND highly intelligent! This has been happening throughout my life in different places (friends, family, and now romantically at age 21-26) and I am just so glad I found you and this community because I believed in Quantum Spirituality since age 14 and was very awake since my Mom passed away (my best friend and love in the world who protected me from everything). My boyfriend constantly comments about how smart I am and he knows what he is doing...definitely. I gained 30 pounds from this relationship and my emotional eating, depression and PTSD from the trauma. I believe if I focus enough energy on healing from this community I can be free again like I was when I was 14 and have my Mom's energy always around me, accessing her angelic guidance that is there but that I am ignoring by focussing my energy on HIM.
This is one of the best videos on this topic of how intellects seek out and explore loopholes to validate /justify Desires.. Thank you for this fantastic upload!
I am so grateful for your insightful uploads, "self-partnering" as you say is the key to occupying and living life, no matter where we are on the road of recovery. Thank you for being authentic! May Jesus bless you!
Thank you. I look forward to seeing every video you post. I have been watching around 6 months now . I'm a different person now, emotional sobriety is becoming the norm. Thank you so much. Agape
I never really believed i was smart cause i did average in school but over the years I realize that i am. But my narc tore me down. Made me second guess everything
It’s not about smarts. I have a Ph.D. We fell for the love Bomb! You try to rationalize or see them as better than they actually are...it wasn’t until I realized this person I married actually hated me (yet lied saying he loved me while abusing me constantly)that I got it!! It took 4 years...thank god I got rid of him first!! He messed with the wrong woman 😇 SEE them for what they are - immature, gluttonous, entitled, angry, hateful, evil people who will never see what they do to you or anyone else...they leave a trail of empty sucked dry bodies wherever they go! Don’t let that be you
Finding you was a gift from Heaven, Mel. 💖 This is everything I've ever needed. Where would I be if I never found you? This saved me a life time of torture in my 30s, 40s, 50s and onwards, with marriage and kids! I can heal myself before it gets worse. I can't wait to buy your NARP program.
Powerful! Why didn’t I come across your channel years ago? I used reason to override my feelings all the time and paid the price as a result. Going through the painful divorce process at this time. Your channel has provided tons of clarity; just have to take one day at a time to recover.
Thank you so much Melanie 💖 everything you said resonates with me and has given me a deeper understanding of my part in the pattern of attraction and empathy to narcissists both overt and covert in my life. I am in a program now to heal the inner child 😊
I heard the problem in my first conversation with her. She was amazing in so many ways, but I've never seen more suffering in my life. I went no contact and broke it so many times, but now she's gone missing. I think it's finally over. They sure have slick methods. I hope in the future I'll be the smart person that I am.
This is so enlightening. I'm a self-effacing lawyer who doesn't like to upset people. I'm certain that my friend/love interest is a narcissist. She is always inviting me over and messaging me. She has mocked me about my job but brags about it in the presence of others. I sometimes get anxiety, especially when in the company of third parties, and tend to clam up and leave unannounced. She tells me I should get a remote access work from home job, move out of my house and move in with her for half her rent. She is a single mother who has a difficult relationship with her son's father, though has admitted that they've slept together after splitting up. I woke up from a nightmare the other night, drenched in sweat. The nightmare was that we had moved in together, me, her and her son, and her son's father turned up and started moving his stuff into the house. In the dream I uncharacteristically (these days) forced myself to speak up and argue about this; stand my ground. I felt half-ignored though. Another thing was that my heart was thumping in the dream, I felt my chest, and my heart was on the wrong side of my chest. Not sure what that means. Anyway, the dream was like I pre-empted the message in this and other videos on this channel. Plus, this explains why she has an attachment to me who has a certain career status and a decent level of intelligence.
@@MelanieToniaEvans Hi Melanie. Thank you for your reply. I have just started watching your videos and they are excellent. Where can I access the quiz?
Wow. The lesson in this video is powerful and spoke right to my head and my heart and struck a nerve deeply. Thank you so much for this. I've wondered what it was I was missing that enabled me to get into abusive relationships despite all I knew intellectually.
Thank you for tackling the incredibly complex aspects of narcissism--it's more than good vs. evil--it's all about how unconscious parts of ourselves communicate with one another, how we ignore the warnings from our inner child, and how we intellectually dismiss the red flags. Great video!! Awesome content!
I'm very sensitive man in my gut feelings when I was in the relationship with this nark was red flag after Red Flag after red flag in my gut was telling me something was wrong I saw her immaturity child self I saw her all her Little White Lies. I couldn't put all the pieces to the puzzle I was just missing a few it was like I could change her I felt like all my humble qualities and having my heart on my sleeve to help people I thought I could help her not control her just help her cuz I know she was tormented I stuck around for 2 months and I finally connected all the dots and figured out what was really going on everything she was doing and she was saying was a strategic move . I had no idea what was happening behind my back either she was always mentioning a guy was hitting on her or some guy was stalking her you never know the truth if it's the other way around but you have to just disengage.. I found one of the best things to help you is to be knowledgeable "knowledge is power" once you understand the game of the silent treatment when the gas light and comes once you know what's going on it's very predictable and doesn't hurt you on an emotional level it's like a game once you beat the game do you want to play again not really you know what I mean. Gain knowledge on this if you're in a relationship with the narcissist I would suggest accordingly plan a good Escape let her know she has the control not be a doormat but surrender during a fight Then ..... call her/ over your house one day (*you're planning this for awhile keep in mind ) so it's going to make it a lot easier sit down call her out on everything tell her you see right through her mask smoke and mirrors Call her out on being a pathological liar cheater whatever just tell her you see right through her and she you understand the game and you are no longer playing tell her you have zero power and zero control YOU WIN SHE/HE LOOSES tell them their batshit crazy in the freaking you out and to never contact you again and walk and never look back change your number just never look back once you do that don't look for validation don't look for closure that was your jumping off your Cliff you can't read jump the only way at the very end you crush them and you stand tall walk away and they're going to be pissed very mad I highly don't recommend doing this if it's a abusive relationship you might have to get a lawyer or do something but that's the best way to get revenge on a narcissist pull the carpet out right when they least expect it This is just a recommendation and in my opinion Self love -
Gold I did this in my last relationship and felt horrible afterwards. I didn’t call him a cerebral narcissist with bpd tendencies because I hadn’t put the puzzle completely together yet. I was still in cognitive dissonance. But I recall saying he had a lack of empathy and desire to be intimate and open and projected a lot and would get angry. If I would’ve had that conversation after I processed it all it would’ve probably been “I know you hate women and have never loved me nor even liked me. I know you feel everything is everyone else’s short coming from the constant criticisms for the mundane. You’re a narcissist with bpd tendencies and anger issues because you have trauma that you’ll never deal with and I can’t help you because you’re taking it out on me. Goodbye” But I have no desire to inform him of what he’s probably been told many times before in some sort of way. They’re adult bullies.
Super good information. Thank you for the honesty. Narcissistic trauma abuse was the missing link. Despite over 25 years of recovery in 12 step programs, this family illness had never been mentioned. Its good to have an answer now to so many questions I have been asking for so many years. I feel like my inner child's eyes opened & the blind spots from the trauma of narcissistic abuse revealed themselves & now the next level of healing can continue behind the years of recovery already achieved.
That is terrific Roxanne. I"m so glad to hear more of the pieces are coming together. In recovery, nothing is wasted. All of the effort you made before will continue to contribute to your recovery efforts now. I love the empowerment in your comment.
This has taken me five years to get through my empathetic intelligent mind!! I would find ways to stop worrying about the warning signs.. I’d research all kinds of subjects both work related and spiritual... trying to stay busy.... until I imploded. I lost myself. But I thank God people in my close family who absolutely knew I was NOT DOING WELL, I WAS BECOMING DESTRUCTIVE IN MY THOUGHTS, got me out of there. I’m 2;000 miles away now and I’m very much healing day by day. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to deal with. How did I let this happen? How do these narcs think to hurt and destroy me so far ahead. I saw his 86 year old mother perpetuating his behavior.. How do you deal with this without playing their games ? These are the biggies I’m working on within myself. One day I can see the future so positively.. the next, I’m scared and depressed.. but it’s getting better. It really is. Thank you for communicating so we have a voice and confirmation we aren’t crazy. Much love from California 🏄🏻♀️🏄🏻♂️🔆🔅🔆🔅
As an empathic and intelligent person I appreciated you touching on the combination of both qualities in a narcissistic dynamic. It was very validating. Thank you.
I have done this in most of my relationships! I am working to rebuild my understanding of relationships at their core and how I behave! CPTSD diagnosis helped start my journey into fixing me, not others🙏🏼😊💕✌🏼 thank you for your amazing videos 🙏🏼💕💕
Narcissists are in many dysfunctional workplaces. Their ways of manipulating other people for their own ambitions are shocking: co-opting other people's work, manipulating narratives and blaming, guarding the supply, and zero-sum gaming. The other shocking thing is the support they get and symbiosis across the organization.
Empaths are not built to deal with the stress and negativity that Narcissists bring. That's why we feel so disoriented, confused and obsessed with solving the problem. It is a "Weapon of Choice" for narcissists to disarm us of our intellect by disorienting us. And we become disastrous trying to fix everything while continuously being soul-raped and stomped on, pushed over by them while we're stumbling on the ground to "pick up our glasses" so-to-speak. They are bullying us and using our best abilities against us for their power gain. They are master game players and know how to label each person and what their weakness is and how to control them (he will mention to me things like "Oh your friend Helen just wants to sleep with everyone, she will leave her boyfriend soon so she can get laid!" and I would tell him "No! that's not Helen..." and he will say "Watch I'll bet everything that she will.." and he would distort my reality. I would NEVER see people like that...because I wasn't built that way to see the worst in people...I always saw the best in ALL situations and was grateful for my friends. He would say bad things about everyone I knew even family. I don't like all of my family, but to think of them in that light is beyond me beacause I am not built to see people in such a bad, vulgar, or dark line of vision. Until I met him, I started to believe what he said and lost so many friends due to stopped talking to them, or hanging out with them - as to not upset my boyfriend. He wouldn't want to spend time with me if I was around them so I decided to just spend all my time with him and none with my friends. Narcs are INSIDIOUS! I still think my boyfriend does it negligently or innocently...he just doesn't see the destruction...but how can you be so negative and not know it? I still think he is a Narc...just not sure if he is a Negligent Narc or an Innocent Narc or a Maliciously Intent Narc?
Hi Little Witch, These resources can help: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/are-you-with-a-narcissist/ www.melanietoniaevans.com/quiz-npd.htm www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissist-behaviours.htm These will help you to be able to assess the situation a little better. Love and blessings xoxox
Right on! Unbelievable needing to be in self-defense mode with someone who should be loving us, if only half as much as we love them. Too bad they don't mature in any way, ways too numerous to count.
I am a very sensitive person I guess one could call me an empath. I was never diagnosed as an empath or told I was an empath. However all of my life I seem to attract the wounded intelligent nerd. On the other hand I'm highly intelligent I have two degrees college degrees. I'm very efficient very reliable and very accommodating. For the longest time I could not understand why I was allowing out of all the guys who are attracted to me I would choose the loser meaning self-centered, non committal or addicted to something and needy type of guys. I suppose I could have codependency. On the other hand as well I've healed so much over the years and I'm a little guarded almost to guarded now and I am single. I'm almost more afraid to fall in with the wrong person or crowd so I stay alone most of the time. It seems I'm an observer these days rather than being a participant. Thank you very much again for your great videos. you are an incredible woman.
I'm a fixer. Sensitive. Wanting to fix broken people even though I've got plenty to handle dealing with my own emotions. I didn't know that I was a favourite dish on the narcissist's menu. I do now. What a nightmare. Am still not over it but knowledge is power. Good luck to all my fellow sufferers and survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Red Squirrel, please know this is so very common in this community of empaths, unfortunately! Please Google my name and 'empaths' for countless resources on this topic to grant you deeper truths and understandings to support you. Love and blessings xoxox
What you said about wanting to help others as a child, being attuned describes my experience 100%, setting up poor boundaries and eventual emotional draining.
I'm highly sensitive, an empath, I'd like to think I'm intelligent, I know I'm very intuitive, but back then, when I met the narc, I was also very desperate to receive love from a man to fill the void created by feelings of unworthlessness and of being undeserving because when I wad 2, my dad stopped loving me. We have reconnected emotionally, eventually healing some wounds, my dad and I, and today, I have found more self worth and a husband who loves me for real, because I was able to find some of that much needed self love, even if I'm not completely there yet. Back then, I was willing to do anything for the narc to stay with me. And I did, including neglecting my own needs. By the time I had met my husband, I'd done enough self work to be able to say, this is how it is with me, this is what I need. And I found mutual respect. Today, I can go beyond that because I understand so much more. When I look back, I see unhealed wounds but also the healed ones and realise why I was put in that position.
DarthShadie I can relate to that I was always looking for somebody's expectations to fill a little piece but I realized no one can make you happy but yourself come into a relationship confident and soft love you'll be able to give love and do things not for her reaction but just for doing them cuz you want to do them very touching words thank you
I wish I went with my gut feeling when I met him. I knew something was off about him but I ignored. Over 3 years he started to show his true colours. His mask is off now and I've blocked him everywhere on my phone and getting my life back.
Thank you, I am being schooled in this narcissistic abuse as my Daughter in law is battling for her life. She chose alcohol to cope with my narcissistic son and it almost killed her and she is not out of the woods yet. Now I have to make a decision which may mean cutting myself off from my son and grandchildren in order to save this intelligent precious mother of these grand children. God has brought me this far in this eye opener and He will lead me to finish this intervention. 🙏🏻. But the Lord has used this information to lead me. Thank you for sharing.
I was dealing with a Narcissist...I am intelligent... she got exposed... and left behind for fuckin wit me like that... Want to hurt me... told her flying monkies.. but you see, the holy spirit is what's repelling them all.. I move to another state in a few days, creating further distance... I won.
I'm so happy to see your beautiful face ❤ I needed this video Thank you 💎 I feel stronger now 😊 Your so right, I just got more understanding of myself, and life, your videos always take me to another level
Oh my gosh. This had been my whole life. I am intelligent. Empathic and so so spiritual. I gave and accepted his excuses and love bombing for 19 f.. mg years. I am proud however for myself for kicking him out and holding my ground. We have 2 children together, ages 15 and 17 and they do not want to be with their father. And now I’m finally healing myself within, therefore without. What a cruel lesson my soul gave me. My soul will rise to the highest level of eternity. Maybe I can be someone’s 😇
Melanie, I've been watching your videos for a couple of weeks now, and am amazed at how clearly you articulate things that I know intuitively. I was adopted as an infant, never formed proper attachments to caregivers in my life, was raised by a mother with definite narcissistic tendencies and a father who'd do anything to placate my mom's flashpoint anger. I went on to marry an abusive, highly narcissistic man. Although I found the courage to divorce him in 2003, I remained deeply attached until 2012 when our 2 children were returned to my care following 7 years of parental abduction by their father. Here I am, 5 years beyond that mark, trying to sort out my own life and well-being, my children (both young adults now) struggle with the trauma they've experienced, and frankly - I often question whether my life is worth continuing at all. (I do not feel I am at risk of self-harm... but I struggle daily to engage in life.) I feel that I am damaged to the point where there is little that can be done to help. Am I wrong? I have been to your website and am considering investing in your program. Christina
Hi Christina, Welcome to the community of Thrivers. I would love to reassure you - myself and lots of other people have risen up from narcissistic abuse and the position you find yourself in now, Sweetheart. I would love you to have my free resources to show you how you can heal from this and invite you to my free webinar too - in which you will get to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse love and blessings Dear Lady xoxox
I have loved and also disliked being an Empath. Same as being smart. Because we see and feel. And yet get into wrong town. I have drawn in my narcissistic stepdads twin souls in life. The very type of human I despise. No more!
This is not nice at all. My husband of 42 years still does this. It is very humiliating n heartbreaking. But when other men look at me he gets aggressive and angry at me getting very abusive
Thank you so much for this video it left me in tears because I felt I should have seen it and then what's worse is I stayed thinking my ex would change and he said never did I ended it myself I divorced him it was hard to understand the dynamics of his way of thinking but I am happy living my own life now thank you for sharing
OMG. i can relate so mch😓 i even did the test on ur channel on my hubby's behalf..and it was...i dnt wanna believe😭..i wana turn a blind eye😭😭😭..i dnt wana leave him..maybe i dnt love him like before, but am concerned and symphathise with him..i wana help him..and thats wat am doing..and it looks like he is reacting in a positive way..i told him firmly that i dnt feel in love with him anymore..he was outrageous😧..but after that i hav been talking to him abt improvg our relationship and it seems as at least he is trying...bt i dnt kno how far wil he try..coz normally he just tries to change for 2 to 3 days then he just go back to his old self again..bt this time, i am being firm! i am making me listened to! and i am reacting when i feel not being taken into consideration! i wana help him change..May God Help me!😌
Wow! This hit home with the story of Melissa! I had those warning signs with my ex-husband! I, too, logically dismissed it. Over five years of marriage, I was nearly destroyed by him. Thank you, Melanie, for this video! I've been kicking myself about why did I marry my ex? I'm smarter than that!
You’re a genius, his is so accurate it’s scary! I’ve been dealing with toxic narcissistic men my whole life. And I forgot that it is My fault for attracting them as well. lol.
I have watched quiet a few vidoes on this subject and I notice that there seems to be a theme going on in the comments. A total fear and reverence toward the narcissist and their inability to be human AND a totally narcissistic view by the commenter on leaving them. THIS PLAYS DIRECTLY INTO THEIR HANDS. The narcissist is a person, no more no less. While their behaviors are unacceptable, we cannot be drawn into this over arching fear of them. I understand a lot of people have been completely devastated by a narc but we must NOT be given into fear of them, commenting about them, talking about them. They are people, and if you are truly living in love, no narcissist in your life can be put on a INHUMAN pedestal. Take the Narcissist off the pedestal, place them in the box of people we love because THEY ARE SICK. This doesn't mean you put up with abuse, this does mean you give into their demands, this means you treat them like you would a sick friend or lover. Our job in self love and confidence means we live a state of peace, if this peace is maintained by leaving the narcissist, then that's what needs to be done. Seek therapy, this isn't mean as clinical advice on the internet.
Someone finally said it. It's funny, because when I saw again a narcissist of my past. This person went crazy over my compliments to HIS girlfriend. He said “In what pedestal are you putting her? From what pedestal do you want to take me off?” I laughed in his face and I told him: “Pedestal? I couldn't take you off of any pedestal. You threw yourself off of your pedestal a loooong time ago. Don't give me credit for that, dude”. And then I went away. This way to see life and love as if only one person has to be in a pedestal (the narcissist) is really fucked up. Sorry if my english is wrong. Not my first language u.u
Sooo helpful hearing and understanding this! I have noticed that my mind gets hijacked by how a Mans Voice sounds. If it has a deep rich commanding quality all reasoning starts to go out the window. Also Scent plays a huge role since its very rare for me to develop a chemical attraction to someone without it. It’s seems very primitive I know but my intellect goes out the window completely! My last Narcissist in person when we met I wasn’t all that attracted until I heard his voice over the phone. We hadn’t even met for a date and my mind was already hijacked and while I did try to stay in a objective place I used every rationalization trick in the book to overlook ALL the glaring red flags that where there from the very first day! Not sure how to protect myself from this in the future?
Hi Loralie, To protect yourself in the future you listen to your intuition/your body telling you there is something not quite right. And to get there you release all the trapped trauma inside of your body blocking the signals that you are seeing red flags. I would love you to check out my free resources to help you further with this www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse This may help too ... blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-right-time-to-start-dating-again-love-after-narcissistic-abuse/ Love and blessings to you xoxox
Dr. Phil is phony mainstream TV BS yes \ So have you ever pondered the fact that mainstream TV has damaged ppl ,increased the number of narcisistic ppl? the idiot who watches dr Phill and wants the same fame and wants the same arogant attitude and on top ppl worshiping him That image sinks in and victims and perpetrators think is the goal in life
You can have intelligence but not wisdom. There are many types of intelligence including emotional and spiritual. Animals have intelligence, but as humans we must use our humanity to understand deeper levels of truth
I’m in Vance empath and I’m intelligent talk about a double Whammy! Abused by my father my brother one of them turned into narcissist the other very codependent I’m recovering codependent still working on self-love after 24years of a wonderful marriage, a friend so called, A covert narcissist Anders my life six months trying to figure what the hell is going on sorry for my language the word narcissist is brought up by my wife and my hairdresser 20 days of TH-cam video such as yours and educating myself I went to great wok cut her off and still have to work with her and trying to avoid her like the plague want to confront her so bad I didn’t say triangulation much, narc much, gaslight much, and just watch her face go white, but the only thing works for me was “the work” and my love source God & Jesus healed me. Ross Rosenberg also a really good TH-cam channel that I’ve been watching as well as yours thank you so much for the work that you do very helpful to me
We ignore the red flags and inner gut feeling. But to be honest, if I pay attention to the gut feeling, I noticed, I have it toward everyone on this planet. There is no-one even in my family (where I grew up) to whom I don't have a weird gut feeling. Seriously, I always have a gut feeling that something is off towards all people - it just might not arise immediately. However, it's just a matter of time before the gut feeling pops. My conclusion is, stay single and you'll stay happy for life. Stay in relationships - and you'll stay in a roller coaster of emotions from happy to depressed and back and forth - for life! The choice is yours.
I think the reason, why narcissists and sociopaths, psychopaths prey on smart people isnt the one you mention. These personality disorders all rely on being in control. I would describe myself as rather intellegent (intellegent enough to have the issue with searching holes in my perception) and in my friend circle i have quite a number of Narcissists, Sociopaths und some Psychopaths (i think; most werent confirmed by a therapist) and what i notice is, that if you have a certain intellect, you are able to uncover them and thats the thrill they get, when talking to you. In addition the display of dominance from your side will make them feel helpless and makes them search for validation constantly and if they realize, that you noticed, that they have a PD, they will feel it and then tell you about it. Another thing, that disturbs me, when going through YT is, how people tell you to not give them anything. What i see as a better solution is that you divide your emotions in deep emotions and flat ones, then you give the flat ones to them as some kind of supply, so they will be slightly happy and you can normally talk to them, but shouldnt let them ever get to the deep emotions, because the probability you can lead that person while showing deep emotions yourself is in fact small to not-existent.
My ex was just like my mom. I knew I needed to leave from day one. We got home from our honeymoon which he was drunk the entire time. We walk in the house and he carries me over the threshold and turns to me and says “my parents will always be in my life but I’m not sure if you will. Then he spent the next 10 days giving me the silent treatment. I was furious with myself. My mother had died a few months before our wedding from cancer. My father had moved away. I had given up my home and switched jobs. I was financially devastated and he knew it. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends. I immediately planned to leave. Wish it ended there. I actually got my own place only to reconcile with him 3 years later. Finally after 10 years I divorced only because he brought drugs into our house. Thank goodness I never went back to him.
That's interesting, because I was sure that the narcissist head cashier who harassed me did so because she thought I was stupid/spaced out(I realized later that she thought I was a Homophobe).
Spot on. I have 2 masters degrees in psychology and I see a narc. He seems to like flattening me to nothing. I feel sorry for him because he has no friends or family who care for him. The sex is good when he decides to dish it out!
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
This Woman knows exactly what she is saying about this subject (we always see a glimpse of the the narcissist very early on but we ignore this)
I am so glad this helps James. Love and blessings xoxox
Very true James
Yes
I knew two or three hours in. Some sort of epiphany, and I wrote it off as being judgemental. But it wasn't, it was just my intuition trying to speak to me.
I agree. I saw it happening, too. But I don't think I am intelligent at all.
if the narcissist is your parent or parents then theyve supplied you with all the self doubt, deceit and justifications throughout your entire life, effectively normalizing every bit of the abuse even tho you may have fought back against it forever its all so ingrained in every way you think about everything.
Yes
It was like torture and can bring you to the cusp of suicide... And if you don't have some sorta strength in you somewhere, you may actually go through with it! And then everybody is confused about why? Especially if you have a covert abuser smh... I guess the abuser gets to absorb all the sympathy and excuses for, however, they end up
*Damn...damn...daaaaaaamn* 🤯😬🤯😬🤯😬😧😨😰🤕🧐...this chit aint no joke smdh😟😒as i'm studying & waking up to the reality of it all... *it's like an alternate universe **#covertNarcParent*
WISE.THUGZNHARMONY this is exactly what happened to me as a child of a narcissist. I got all the pain and the narc got all the sympathy, help and goodwill. I had to deal with this on my own, which was hard to do when I was too young to understand what was happening.
@@beth1979 I'm sorry for what you went through so young bless you I hope you could recover somehow and all abusive people are gone from your life.
This has been me. Yes, this is so me. Being an Empath is hard but I’d rather be an Empath than the alternative. Never Again. Thanks, Great video!
You are so welcome Katrina, Thrive on Sweetheart xoxox
Narcissist I dated hated me because I was intelligent and caring. He hated that I was liked by everybody he introduced me to. He kept doing bad things to me intentionally to see me feeling miserable.
I actually did get sick, depression and digestive problems. Wound up spending lot of money on doctors after leaving him. I could have being dead today if I had staid longer than I staid with the narcissist. I was health conscious, exercised and drank kale juices but the mental abuse I got from the narcissist affected my mental and physical health anyway.
I can’t stop learning about this scary personality disorder.
Hun, now that you know that there is a name for what you went through, it's important to take the next steps and turn within to heal. My free 16 Day course can help you do this powerfully. www.youcanthriveprogram.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
Melanie, firstly I do feel like you are breathing priceless wisdom into my heart and I also feel like you are connecting with me and speaking these words keeping me in mind.... I am so grateful for this moment. Thank you and sending love to everyone here. 🙌
You are so welcome Gayatri dear. Love and blessings xoxox
Great video. This is ME right now. Had the final brutal discard 3 days ago....only just feel like I can breathe again. It was unexpected and horrific. It was made very clear to me that I am nothing more than something on the bottom of the guys shoe. NOTHING MORE, to him. After 5 months of what I now recognise as slavery, emotional AND sexual. And I submitted to it thinking i could handle it - that is the part that has disturbed me most....that I allowed it. I realise now, that I met this person in order to see and face MY OWN core wound for the first time at 38 years old. I will look at that as a gift....and take that information and use it to heal myself and reconnect with my BODY. Wow! Thankyou for this amazing video and for your caring for the world. If we can all heal ourselves we can heal the world xox
I love this nessieness79 "If we can all heal ourselves we can heal the world " - so true!!! Love and blessings to you, I'm sorry to hear you are going through that horrible discard stage Sweetheart - my heart goes out to you. I would love to show you how to heal from this with my free resources, if you haven't already got them, www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse, they will help you. xoxox
nessieness79 I could’ve been reading my own journal entry right here Nessieness. These people are evil and wicked with no souls. Truly demonic predators. Know that you will rise above this and prevail and it is a gift that you will now be especially conscientious of covert abuse from those in your life that you never even realized was happening! We’ve been conditioned to except and tolerate poor treatment and all these years we’ve learned how to manage and survive has led us to be such perfect fodder for these wolves in sheeps clothing. Always apply from here on out......Guilty until proven innocent!!! Don’t let people in until they have demonstrated over time respect and sincerity both in word and in DEED!!!
Good luck with your shadow work! Wish I could have woken up in my 30's instead of my 50's.
Hope your doing well would be good to hear an update eg did the narc hoover
(a year later) *@nessieness79 I HOPE & PRAY FOR YOUR COMPLETE HEALING & RESTORATION...+PLUS LESSON #1 BE WILLING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF EVERYTIME YOU THINK ABOUT IT OR GET ANGRY... FORGIVE YOURSELF **#SELFLOVE** **#SELFAWARENESS** **#MENTALHEALTH** PEACE🧘🏽♀️🙏🏽**#NAMASTE** **#GoodVibezOnly*
That really resonated with me. 9 Years ago the red flags were everywhere. My instincts were on high alert. However, I was NOT willing to ask the hard questions. I was raised to not ask the difficult questions. In fact, Things were swept under the rug. I'm 55 and I'm only now asking uncomfortable questions.
I have believed in taking full responsibility for everything in my life. The traumas in my case have been incredible and sadly of so many severe types. After new severe traumas I found myself falling back again seriously into the victim mindset. You help me understand best why the victim mindset is so dangerous to moving on and thriving.
I fit the categories most likely to end up with a NARC/Sociopath. I am strongly resonating with your teachings. Thank you so very much!!!
You are the best!!!! I feel like the universe is bringing me videos tonight that confirm what I already know and reassure me that I am not alone. The universe is trying to get me to wake up. I'm somewhat awake... finding it hard to take the action steps.
Hi Kate, thank you hun - sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and just go for it, other times we have to reach that place where the pain is just too much to be motivated to the next step. Whenever that is, I'll be here to help, support and guide you! xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans thank you Melanie!!! Xo
Kate Grace you can do it
I'm like Melissa. I saw the red flags. I underestimated the danger because he acted very sweet and humble with everybody. I know what kept me in the relationship for years: I didn't like it but my religious beliefs made me stay. And also the fact that the majority of women's value is commonly measured by how they manage to have a happy family even if the emotional abuse and anguish is visible to the whole community. These women are admired as strong women.
From checking around other women in a restaurant on a first date to living decades with a serial cheater I made the same journey, the same mistakes. Only that I was the one who discarded him as soon as I had evidence. He couldn't believe his eyes I did it, he was so sure I would never throw him out, I was so strong in bearing his rages he thought I would have tolerated even cheating and stealing my money.
Even now for some people he's the sweet guy who just made a mistake (he says just once I have proof of at least 30) and I'm the bitter one who wasn't able to deal with being cheated on.
Marina M. Good for you!
Marina M. Wow! I know a woman like you and I think she stays cause she doesn't want to work! Let's him eff around and he gets the have the perfect facade of "making it"!
I resent her for giving him credibility because she does know. Heck he has a child with someone else. And nope, it wasn't the only time he cheated.
Courtshannon actually I referred to religious and moral common values and how communities don't care about the pain behind being cheated on and abused.
mmm.rulez Z send me the evidence
mmm.rulez Z Glad you are away from the narcissist and selfaware
Love your insight. This really hit home, especially the excuses we make for our narc. I always thought the excuses simplified what my intellect put together. Things like knowing a lie thru habits, non physical behaviors, out of place emotions...at first "crazy.paranoid.". And after a few years it was "you are too smart for your own good" that validated all of my suspicions and inner knowings.
11:06 "INTELLECT IS NO SAVIOR FROM SELF DESTRUCTIVE CHOICES AT ALL"
trixie tang nope
trixie tang I’m very intelligent and I’m self destructive as fuck
Intelligent people might be to focus on other things . That'might be why they lack empathy and are more judgmental. Less intelligent people might be more engaged in what's going on a round them and be more nice and understanding. They might by more validation by being nice than intelligent people.
Was Timmy Turner a Narc Trixie?
Really??? I don't agree. So prisons are filled with intelligent people??? Intelligent people do GENERALLY but not always navigate life's pitfalls better than stupid ones.
Truly the greatest video on understanding how an intelligent empath can get hooked up to such a toxic relationship through literally a fatal attraction. You are so spot on when you explain how we have a missing piece in our emotional being that needs to be addressed and fixed. I am proud to say Melanie, that as I have been involved with a narc briefly in my first marriage which only lasted 2 years, now....30 years later I have finally broken the patterns that have led me to toxic relationships! I actually broke off 2 relationships in very early dating phases (within a month) as I FINALLY followed my gut and sure enough these two men were narcs (one cerebral and the other somatic). I have learned soooo much in these last 3 years of my life. Thank you for summing it all up so concisely. You are a wonderful woman who will certainly help many a person who is sincerely trying to start life anew! May God bless you and keep you safe and secure in His hands.
Aww Dina thank you for your very kind comments and I am thrilled you have now broken the patterns!! Much love to you sweetheart, Keep thriving xoxox
With much gratitude.....you too Keep the Faith my dear Melanie! I will recommend you to any of my contacts/friends for the spiritual healing that they need! Keep up the fantastic work.
What I came to lately is that as empaths we are drawn to somebody's vulnerable side and not only drawn but subconsciously we connect to that side of the person. We need to bring this conscious mind- notice their vulnerability but leave it up to the person.
Another great video, and yes I fell victim to a woman whom was like this. In the end, I cut off all communication from her toxic influences and walked away. It was damn hard to do, but my inner core of self respect, resilience and toleranc had reached maximum. She was like an addictive drug and I could not say no...
When you are secure, you can be a magnet.
When you are Empathic, you can also be a magnet. Narcissistic people attempting to prey on anyone, due to their own self misery are bottom feeders, as Narcissists do not deserve my silence, I will continue to be forthcoming with my knowledge in hopes of helping others. God bless🌹.
This resonantes with me. I am so glad I have started to get in touch with my own emotions again.
Intelligent, empathetic and spiritual. You are talking to me sweet Melanie. I am in this relationship..........
Our inner child, primordial nature, egoic self, whatever we want to call it, simply wants/needs healing. And self partnering, self nurturing, reprogramming, whatever we call it, is vital for healing. We will never escape this primordial subconsciously controlled hell of countless lifetimes until "we" heal and find comfort. Thank you Melanie for the reminder and making this so clear. You are a blessing to so many!
You are so welcome John, I am thrilled that this video resonated with you. Thrive on Dear One xoxox
Yes! I am an empath AND highly intelligent! This has been happening throughout my life in different places (friends, family, and now romantically at age 21-26) and I am just so glad I found you and this community because I believed in Quantum Spirituality since age 14 and was very awake since my Mom passed away (my best friend and love in the world who protected me from everything). My boyfriend constantly comments about how smart I am and he knows what he is doing...definitely. I gained 30 pounds from this relationship and my emotional eating, depression and PTSD from the trauma. I believe if I focus enough energy on healing from this community I can be free again like I was when I was 14 and have my Mom's energy always around me, accessing her angelic guidance that is there but that I am ignoring by focussing my energy on HIM.
Fantastic video. Dead on about our inner justifications and inter-personal debates when we dismiss our gut feelings.
Yes, trusting the instinct is not about what we think.
Exactly, inner being ignored( kinda “ I’ll handle it myself) - everything crumbles
This is one of the best videos on this topic of how intellects seek out and explore loopholes to validate /justify Desires.. Thank you for this fantastic upload!
My pleasure Mraw and I am so pleased this resonates with you xoxox
I am so grateful for your insightful uploads, "self-partnering" as you say is the key to occupying and living life, no matter where we are on the road of recovery. Thank you for being authentic! May Jesus bless you!
Thank you. I look forward to seeing every video you post. I have been watching around 6 months now . I'm a different person now, emotional sobriety is becoming the norm. Thank you so much. Agape
My pleasure Victoria xoxox
Best I've heard on narcissism
Boy, you hit the nail right on the head!!
I never really believed i was smart cause i did average in school but over the years I realize that i am. But my narc tore me down. Made me second guess everything
A good man loves and protects the woman he cares for.
It’s not about smarts. I have a Ph.D. We fell for the love Bomb! You try to rationalize or see them as better than they actually are...it wasn’t until I realized this person I married actually hated me (yet lied saying he loved me while abusing me constantly)that I got it!! It took 4 years...thank god I got rid of him first!! He messed with the wrong woman 😇
SEE them for what they are - immature, gluttonous, entitled, angry, hateful, evil people who will never see what they do to you or anyone else...they leave a trail of empty sucked dry bodies wherever they go! Don’t let that be you
Smart’s definitely 💯 and we are fixers our whole life’s raised around 30
Finding you was a gift from Heaven, Mel. 💖 This is everything I've ever needed. Where would I be if I never found you? This saved me a life time of torture in my 30s, 40s, 50s and onwards, with marriage and kids! I can heal myself before it gets worse. I can't wait to buy your NARP program.
Powerful! Why didn’t I come across your channel years ago? I used reason to override my feelings all the time and paid the price as a result. Going through the painful divorce process at this time.
Your channel has provided tons of clarity; just have to take one day at a time to recover.
My goodness you have 'faboulous' teeth Melanie! Thank you for thinking of us, again, as always! Xoxo (hair too)
Thank you so much Melanie 💖 everything you said resonates with me and has given me a deeper understanding of my part in the pattern of attraction and empathy to narcissists both overt and covert in my life. I am in a program now to heal the inner child 😊
You are so welcome Diana. I am so glad this helps. I wish you much love and success in your recovery. xoxox
I heard the problem in my first conversation with her. She was amazing in so many ways, but I've never seen more suffering in my life. I went no contact and broke it so many times, but now she's gone missing. I think it's finally over. They sure have slick methods. I hope in the future I'll be the smart person that I am.
This is so enlightening. I'm a self-effacing lawyer who doesn't like to upset people. I'm certain that my friend/love interest is a narcissist. She is always inviting me over and messaging me. She has mocked me about my job but brags about it in the presence of others. I sometimes get anxiety, especially when in the company of third parties, and tend to clam up and leave unannounced. She tells me I should get a remote access work from home job, move out of my house and move in with her for half her rent. She is a single mother who has a difficult relationship with her son's father, though has admitted that they've slept together after splitting up. I woke up from a nightmare the other night, drenched in sweat. The nightmare was that we had moved in together, me, her and her son, and her son's father turned up and started moving his stuff into the house. In the dream I uncharacteristically (these days) forced myself to speak up and argue about this; stand my ground. I felt half-ignored though. Another thing was that my heart was thumping in the dream, I felt my chest, and my heart was on the wrong side of my chest. Not sure what that means. Anyway, the dream was like I pre-empted the message in this and other videos on this channel. Plus, this explains why she has an attachment to me who has a certain career status and a decent level of intelligence.
Hi El Becko, this quiz might help you to gain more clarity dear One. Love to you xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Hi Melanie. Thank you for your reply. I have just started watching your videos and they are excellent. Where can I access the quiz?
Wow. The lesson in this video is powerful and spoke right to my head and my heart and struck a nerve deeply. Thank you so much for this. I've wondered what it was I was missing that enabled me to get into abusive relationships despite all I knew intellectually.
Aww I am delighted this video resonated and helped pmmarquezify and it is my absolute pleasure hun xoxox
Thank you for tackling the incredibly complex aspects of narcissism--it's more than good vs. evil--it's all about how unconscious parts of ourselves communicate with one another, how we ignore the warnings from our inner child, and how we intellectually dismiss the red flags. Great video!! Awesome content!
I'm very sensitive man in my gut feelings when I was in the relationship with this nark was red flag after Red Flag after red flag in my gut was telling me something was wrong I saw her immaturity child self I saw her all her Little White Lies.
I couldn't put all the pieces to the puzzle I was just missing a few it was like I could change her I felt like all my humble qualities and having my heart on my sleeve to help people I thought I could help her not control her just help her cuz I know she was tormented
I stuck around for 2 months and I finally connected all the dots and figured out what was really going on everything she was doing and she was saying was a strategic move . I had no idea what was happening behind my back either she was always mentioning a guy was hitting on her or some guy was stalking her you never know the truth if it's the other way around but you have to just disengage..
I found one of the best things to help you is to be knowledgeable "knowledge is power" once you understand the game of the silent treatment when the gas light and comes once you know what's going on it's very predictable and doesn't hurt you on an emotional level it's like a game once you beat the game do you want to play again not really you know what I mean.
Gain knowledge on this if you're in a relationship with the narcissist
I would suggest accordingly plan a good Escape let her know she has the control not be a doormat but surrender during a fight
Then ..... call her/ over your house one day (*you're planning this for awhile keep in mind ) so it's going to make it a lot easier sit down call her out on everything tell her you see right through her mask smoke and mirrors Call her out on being a pathological liar cheater whatever just tell her you see right through her and she you understand the game and you are no longer playing tell her you have zero power and zero control YOU WIN SHE/HE LOOSES tell them their batshit crazy in the freaking you out and to never contact you again and walk and never look back change your number just never look back once you do that don't look for validation don't look for closure that was your jumping off your Cliff you can't read jump the only way at the very end you crush them and you stand tall walk away and they're going to be pissed very mad I highly don't recommend doing this if it's a abusive relationship you might have to get a lawyer or do something but that's the best way to get revenge on a narcissist pull the carpet out right when they least expect it
This is just a recommendation and in my opinion
Self love -
Gold I did this in my last relationship and felt horrible afterwards. I didn’t call him a cerebral narcissist with bpd tendencies because I hadn’t put the puzzle completely together yet. I was still in cognitive dissonance. But I recall saying he had a lack of empathy and desire to be intimate and open and projected a lot and would get angry. If I would’ve had that conversation after I processed it all it would’ve probably been “I know you hate women and have never loved me nor even liked me. I know you feel everything is everyone else’s short coming from the constant criticisms for the mundane. You’re a narcissist with bpd tendencies and anger issues because you have trauma that you’ll never deal with and I can’t help you because you’re taking it out on me. Goodbye” But I have no desire to inform him of what he’s probably been told many times before in some sort of way. They’re adult bullies.
Love your videos thank you for helping us who have dealt with narcissistic abuse and your so beautiful Melanie!!!!
Awww that you Christy and you are so welcome Sweetheart xoxox
We become their supplies because being in codependent families or and narcissistic one
Super good information. Thank you for the honesty. Narcissistic trauma abuse was the missing link. Despite over 25 years of recovery in 12 step programs, this family illness had never been mentioned. Its good to have an answer now to so many questions I have been asking for so many years. I feel like my inner child's eyes opened & the blind spots from the trauma of narcissistic abuse revealed themselves & now the next level of healing can continue behind the years of recovery already achieved.
That is terrific Roxanne. I"m so glad to hear more of the pieces are coming together. In recovery, nothing is wasted. All of the effort you made before will continue to contribute to your recovery efforts now. I love the empowerment in your comment.
I fell for 1 well 2 actually because of need to my wanted, loved and needed. I was far too desperate.
This video totally resonates with me, as usual!!! I love you Mel!!!❤
Thanks for helping us lovely lady. Everything you say is spot on and ever so wise 👍🏻💕
You are so welcome Rebecca xoxox
This has taken me five years to get through my empathetic intelligent mind!! I would find ways to stop worrying about the warning signs.. I’d research all kinds of subjects both work related and spiritual... trying to stay busy.... until I imploded. I lost myself. But I thank God people in my close family who absolutely knew I was NOT DOING WELL, I WAS BECOMING DESTRUCTIVE IN MY THOUGHTS, got me out of there. I’m 2;000 miles away now and I’m very much healing day by day. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to deal with. How did I let this happen? How do these narcs think to hurt and destroy me so far ahead. I saw his 86 year old mother perpetuating his behavior.. How do you deal with this without playing their games ?
These are the biggies I’m working on within myself. One day I can see the future so positively.. the next, I’m scared and depressed.. but it’s getting better. It really is. Thank you for communicating so we have a voice and confirmation we aren’t crazy. Much love from California 🏄🏻♀️🏄🏻♂️🔆🔅🔆🔅
As an empathic and intelligent person I appreciated you touching on the combination of both qualities in a narcissistic dynamic. It was very validating. Thank you.
My pleasure ksanchez979 xoxox
I have done this in most of my relationships! I am working to rebuild my understanding of relationships at their core and how I behave! CPTSD diagnosis helped start my journey into fixing me, not others🙏🏼😊💕✌🏼 thank you for your amazing videos 🙏🏼💕💕
It is my pleasure Kelly xoxox
Narcissists are in many dysfunctional workplaces. Their ways of manipulating other people for their own ambitions are shocking: co-opting other people's work, manipulating narratives and blaming, guarding the supply, and zero-sum gaming.
The other shocking thing is the support they get and symbiosis across the organization.
We have to change our subconscious thinking to change our life. That is where our power is at.
Hey, thank you so much Melanie. We said, agreed, and yes you have helped a bit. Lots of love.
Empaths are not built to deal with the stress and negativity that Narcissists bring. That's why we feel so disoriented, confused and obsessed with solving the problem. It is a "Weapon of Choice" for narcissists to disarm us of our intellect by disorienting us. And we become disastrous trying to fix everything while continuously being soul-raped and stomped on, pushed over by them while we're stumbling on the ground to "pick up our glasses" so-to-speak. They are bullying us and using our best abilities against us for their power gain. They are master game players and know how to label each person and what their weakness is and how to control them (he will mention to me things like "Oh your friend Helen just wants to sleep with everyone, she will leave her boyfriend soon so she can get laid!" and I would tell him "No! that's not Helen..." and he will say "Watch I'll bet everything that she will.." and he would distort my reality. I would NEVER see people like that...because I wasn't built that way to see the worst in people...I always saw the best in ALL situations and was grateful for my friends. He would say bad things about everyone I knew even family. I don't like all of my family, but to think of them in that light is beyond me beacause I am not built to see people in such a bad, vulgar, or dark line of vision.
Until I met him, I started to believe what he said and lost so many friends due to stopped talking to them, or hanging out with them - as to not upset my boyfriend. He wouldn't want to spend time with me if I was around them so I decided to just spend all my time with him and none with my friends. Narcs are INSIDIOUS! I still think my boyfriend does it negligently or innocently...he just doesn't see the destruction...but how can you be so negative and not know it? I still think he is a Narc...just not sure if he is a Negligent Narc or an Innocent Narc or a Maliciously Intent Narc?
Hi Little Witch, These resources can help: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/are-you-with-a-narcissist/
www.melanietoniaevans.com/quiz-npd.htm www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissist-behaviours.htm These will help you to be able to assess the situation a little better. Love and blessings xoxox
Right on! Unbelievable needing to be in self-defense mode with someone who should be loving us, if only half as much as we love them. Too bad they don't mature in any way, ways too numerous to count.
I am a very sensitive person I guess one could call me an empath. I was never diagnosed as an empath or told I was an empath. However all of my life I seem to attract the wounded intelligent nerd. On the other hand I'm highly intelligent I have two degrees college degrees. I'm very efficient very reliable and very accommodating. For the longest time I could not understand why I was allowing out of all the guys who are attracted to me I would choose the loser meaning self-centered, non committal or addicted to something and needy type of guys. I suppose I could have codependency. On the other hand as well I've healed so much over the years and I'm a little guarded almost to guarded now and I am single. I'm almost more afraid to fall in with the wrong person or crowd so I stay alone most of the time. It seems I'm an observer these days rather than being a participant. Thank you very much again for your great videos. you are an incredible woman.
Thank you Melanie!!! This is sooo helpful for me!!!☺️🙏🦋
Awesome gamze ugur I'm happy it was helpful for you hun xoxox
I'm a fixer. Sensitive. Wanting to fix broken people even though I've got plenty to handle dealing with my own emotions.
I didn't know that I was a favourite dish on the narcissist's menu. I do now. What a nightmare. Am still not over it but knowledge is power.
Good luck to all my fellow sufferers and survivors of narcissistic abuse.
Red Squirrel, please know this is so very common in this community of empaths, unfortunately! Please Google my name and 'empaths' for countless resources on this topic to grant you deeper truths and understandings to support you. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans
Thank you.
🇬🇧.
🙏🏽💯🙌💣🤛🏽what we were trained to do
Incredibly helpful! Thank you sooooo much for sharing!
You are so welcome Jason, it is my pleasure xoxox
OMG This video is genius! Thank u! You helped me a lot!
My pleasure Zsofia, I am so pleased this helped xoxox
I love your hair!!! Thanks for insight! Speak!!! Childhood, wounds. patterns, subconscious!!! Speak!!
What you said about wanting to help others as a child, being attuned describes my experience 100%, setting up poor boundaries and eventual emotional draining.
I wonder just how many of these narcist people they think are out there in the world that cant change.
17:53 so true she really hit the spot there
I'm highly sensitive, an empath, I'd like to think I'm intelligent, I know I'm very intuitive, but back then, when I met the narc, I was also very desperate to receive love from a man to fill the void created by feelings of unworthlessness and of being undeserving because when I wad 2, my dad stopped loving me. We have reconnected emotionally, eventually healing some wounds, my dad and I, and today, I have found more self worth and a husband who loves me for real, because I was able to find some of that much needed self love, even if I'm not completely there yet. Back then, I was willing to do anything for the narc to stay with me. And I did, including neglecting my own needs. By the time I had met my husband, I'd done enough self work to be able to say, this is how it is with me, this is what I need. And I found mutual respect. Today, I can go beyond that because I understand so much more. When I look back, I see unhealed wounds but also the healed ones and realise why I was put in that position.
DarthShadie I can relate to that I was always looking for somebody's expectations to fill a little piece but I realized no one can make you happy but yourself come into a relationship confident and soft love you'll be able to give love and do things not for her reaction but just for doing them cuz you want to do them very touching words thank you
GoodasGold 🤗
But why were you put in that position?
I wish I went with my gut feeling when I met him. I knew something was off about him but I ignored. Over 3 years he started to show his true colours. His mask is off now and I've blocked him everywhere on my phone and getting my life back.
Thank you, I am being schooled in this narcissistic abuse as my Daughter in law is battling for her life. She chose alcohol to cope with my narcissistic son and it almost killed her and she is not out of the woods yet. Now I have to make a decision which may mean cutting myself off from my son and grandchildren in order to save this intelligent precious mother of these grand children. God has brought me this far in this eye opener and He will lead me to finish this intervention. 🙏🏻. But the Lord has used this information to lead me. Thank you for sharing.
You are very welcome Tricia. I'm so glad this helps. Love and blessings to you and your family dear lady xoxox
Oh gosh... such a good explanation Melanie!
Thank you Mel xoxox
I was dealing with a Narcissist...I am intelligent... she got exposed... and left behind for fuckin wit me like that... Want to hurt me... told her flying monkies.. but you see, the holy spirit is what's repelling them all.. I move to another state in a few days, creating further distance... I won.
I'm so happy to see your beautiful face ❤ I needed this video
Thank you 💎
I feel stronger now 😊
Your so right, I just got more understanding of myself, and life, your videos always take me to another level
Awesome!! I am thrilled you liked it Empath Prophet xoxox
Melanie Tonia Evans ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💎😊
Oh my gosh. This had been my whole life. I am intelligent. Empathic and so so spiritual. I gave and accepted his excuses and love bombing for 19 f.. mg years. I am proud however for myself for kicking him out and holding my ground. We have 2 children together, ages 15 and 17 and they do not want to be with their father. And now I’m finally healing myself within, therefore without. What a cruel lesson my soul gave me. My soul will rise to the highest level of eternity. Maybe I can be someone’s 😇
Melanie, I've been watching your videos for a couple of weeks now, and am amazed at how clearly you articulate things that I know intuitively. I was adopted as an infant, never formed proper attachments to caregivers in my life, was raised by a mother with definite narcissistic tendencies and a father who'd do anything to placate my mom's flashpoint anger. I went on to marry an abusive, highly narcissistic man. Although I found the courage to divorce him in 2003, I remained deeply attached until 2012 when our 2 children were returned to my care following 7 years of parental abduction by their father. Here I am, 5 years beyond that mark, trying to sort out my own life and well-being, my children (both young adults now) struggle with the trauma they've experienced, and frankly - I often question whether my life is worth continuing at all. (I do not feel I am at risk of self-harm... but I struggle daily to engage in life.) I feel that I am damaged to the point where there is little that can be done to help. Am I wrong? I have been to your website and am considering investing in your program. Christina
Hi Christina, Welcome to the community of Thrivers. I would love to reassure you - myself and lots of other people have risen up from narcissistic abuse and the position you find yourself in now, Sweetheart. I would love you to have my free resources to show you how you can heal from this and invite you to my free webinar too - in which you will get to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself. www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse love and blessings Dear Lady xoxox
Thank you Melanie - I am going to look at this and trust that something good will happen.
amazing content, im learning a lot, thank you🤗💔💖
It's my pleasure Simona-Muzica, and I am so pleased this helps xoxo
Grand slam; beautifully put you hit every point better than ever, thank you; for teaching us the tools to have our best life ever!
My pleasure C. Martin. I'm so glad this helps. Love and blessings xoxox
I have loved and also disliked being an Empath. Same as being smart. Because we see and feel. And yet get into wrong town. I have drawn in my narcissistic stepdads twin souls in life. The very type of human I despise. No more!
Coming home to ourselves... excellent
Turkee G All day long iv been saying 'it's great to be back!'
This is not nice at all. My husband of 42 years still does this. It is very humiliating n heartbreaking. But when other men look at me he gets aggressive and angry at me getting very abusive
Thank you so much for this video it left me in tears because I felt I should have seen it and then what's worse is I stayed thinking my ex would change and he said never did I ended it myself I divorced him it was hard to understand the dynamics of his way of thinking but I am happy living my own life now thank you for sharing
I have a math degree and got attached to one.
Thank you, I relate so much to this. x
You are so welcome Marguerite xoxox
Melanie you're awesome.
I have 3 college degrees and was "successful" until I met the narcissist
OMG. i can relate so mch😓 i even did the test on ur channel on my hubby's behalf..and it was...i dnt wanna believe😭..i wana turn a blind eye😭😭😭..i dnt wana leave him..maybe i dnt love him like before, but am concerned and symphathise with him..i wana help him..and thats wat am doing..and it looks like he is reacting in a positive way..i told him firmly that i dnt feel in love with him anymore..he was outrageous😧..but after that i hav been talking to him abt improvg our relationship and it seems as at least he is trying...bt i dnt kno how far wil he try..coz normally he just tries to change for 2 to 3 days then he just go back to his old self again..bt this time, i am being firm! i am making me listened to! and i am reacting when i feel not being taken into consideration! i wana help him change..May God Help me!😌
Oh WOW ! "Our emotions are evidence of our unconscious programs"....pure gold MTE. A Map. Thank you.
You are so welcome Green Elf xoxox
Really great information 👍 Thank you.. True unresolved Wounds....
Wow! This hit home with the story of Melissa! I had those warning signs with my ex-husband! I, too, logically dismissed it. Over five years of marriage, I was nearly destroyed by him. Thank you, Melanie, for this video! I've been kicking myself about why did I marry my ex? I'm smarter than that!
You are so welcome hun xoxox
You’re a genius, his is so accurate it’s scary! I’ve been dealing with toxic narcissistic men my whole life. And I forgot that it is My fault for attracting them as well. lol.
I have watched quiet a few vidoes on this subject and I notice that there seems to be a theme going on in the comments. A total fear and reverence toward the narcissist and their inability to be human AND a totally narcissistic view by the commenter on leaving them. THIS PLAYS DIRECTLY INTO THEIR HANDS. The narcissist is a person, no more no less. While their behaviors are unacceptable, we cannot be drawn into this over arching fear of them. I understand a lot of people have been completely devastated by a narc but we must NOT be given into fear of them, commenting about them, talking about them. They are people, and if you are truly living in love, no narcissist in your life can be put on a INHUMAN pedestal. Take the Narcissist off the pedestal, place them in the box of people we love because THEY ARE SICK. This doesn't mean you put up with abuse, this does mean you give into their demands, this means you treat them like you would a sick friend or lover. Our job in self love and confidence means we live a state of peace, if this peace is maintained by leaving the narcissist, then that's what needs to be done. Seek therapy, this isn't mean as clinical advice on the internet.
well said
Someone finally said it. It's funny, because when I saw again a narcissist of my past. This person went crazy over my compliments to HIS girlfriend. He said “In what pedestal are you putting her? From what pedestal do you want to take me off?”
I laughed in his face and I told him: “Pedestal? I couldn't take you off of any pedestal. You threw yourself off of your pedestal a loooong time ago. Don't give me credit for that, dude”. And then I went away. This way to see life and love as if only one person has to be in a pedestal (the narcissist) is really fucked up.
Sorry if my english is wrong. Not my first language u.u
Thank you for the lections and the support :))
I'm watching this 3 1/2 years later and hope you enjoyed your stay in New Zealand.
Sooo helpful hearing and understanding this! I have noticed that my mind gets hijacked by how a Mans Voice sounds. If it has a deep rich commanding quality all reasoning starts to go out the window. Also Scent plays a huge role since its very rare for me to develop a chemical attraction to someone without it. It’s seems very primitive I know but my intellect goes out the window completely! My last Narcissist in person when we met I wasn’t all that attracted until I heard his voice over the phone. We hadn’t even met for a date and my mind was already hijacked and while I did try to stay in a objective place I used every rationalization trick in the book to overlook ALL the glaring red flags that where there from the very first day! Not sure how to protect myself from this in the future?
Hi Loralie, To protect yourself in the future you listen to your intuition/your body telling you there is something not quite right. And to get there you release all the trapped trauma inside of your body blocking the signals that you are seeing red flags. I would love you to check out my free resources to help you further with this www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse This may help too ... blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-right-time-to-start-dating-again-love-after-narcissistic-abuse/ Love and blessings to you xoxox
An income and supports and I'd be gone.
The first comment : dear Melanie you are better than dr Phil
that's not saying much lol
J F Dr Phil is a narcissist.!
Dr. Phil is phony mainstream TV BS.
Dr. Phil is phony mainstream TV BS yes \
So have you ever pondered the fact that mainstream TV has damaged ppl ,increased the number of narcisistic ppl?
the idiot who watches dr Phill and wants the same fame and wants the same arogant attitude and on top ppl worshiping him That image sinks in and victims and perpetrators think is the goal in life
J F lol who isn't
Had I had been really smart at the time, there would not have been a second date...LOL! One and done!
If I had listened to most out here I probably wouldn't be alive
You're an angel Melanie. Thank you for your love and light. XX
Hi Tamra, thank you and much love and light to you Dear Lady xoxo
You can have intelligence but not wisdom. There are many types of intelligence including emotional and spiritual. Animals have intelligence, but as humans we must use our humanity to understand deeper levels of truth
Thank You for this 🙏🙏.
Very helpful 🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
My pleasure Getrude xoxo
I’m in Vance empath and I’m intelligent talk about a double Whammy! Abused by my father my brother one of them turned into narcissist the other very codependent I’m recovering codependent still working on self-love after 24years of a wonderful marriage, a friend so called, A covert narcissist Anders my life six months trying to figure what the hell is going on sorry for my language the word narcissist is brought up by my wife and my hairdresser 20 days of TH-cam video such as yours and educating myself I went to great wok cut her off and still have to work with her and trying to avoid her like the plague want to confront her so bad I didn’t say triangulation much, narc much, gaslight much, and just watch her face go white, but the only thing works for me was “the work” and my love source God & Jesus healed me. Ross Rosenberg also a really good TH-cam channel that I’ve been watching as well as yours thank you so much for the work that you do very helpful to me
You are so welcome Margie. I'm happy my videos are helping you. Love and blessings dear lady xoxox
I was just wondering why or how I got hooked into working with a narcissistic client that has changed me on so many levels. Thank God it’s over!!
We ignore the red flags and inner gut feeling. But to be honest, if I pay attention to the gut feeling, I noticed, I have it toward everyone on this planet. There is no-one even in my family (where I grew up) to whom I don't have a weird gut feeling. Seriously, I always have a gut feeling that something is off towards all people - it just might not arise immediately. However, it's just a matter of time before the gut feeling pops. My conclusion is, stay single and you'll stay happy for life. Stay in relationships - and you'll stay in a roller coaster of emotions from happy to depressed and back and forth - for life! The choice is yours.
I think the reason, why narcissists and sociopaths, psychopaths prey on smart people isnt the one you mention. These personality disorders all rely on being in control.
I would describe myself as rather intellegent (intellegent enough to have the issue with searching holes in my perception) and in my friend circle i have quite a number of Narcissists, Sociopaths und some Psychopaths (i think; most werent confirmed by a therapist) and what i notice is, that if you have a certain intellect, you are able to uncover them and thats the thrill they get, when talking to you. In addition the display of dominance from your side will make them feel helpless and makes them search for validation constantly and if they realize, that you noticed, that they have a PD, they will feel it and then tell you about it.
Another thing, that disturbs me, when going through YT is, how people tell you to not give them anything. What i see as a better solution is that you divide your emotions in deep emotions and flat ones, then you give the flat ones to them as some kind of supply, so they will be slightly happy and you can normally talk to them, but shouldnt let them ever get to the deep emotions, because the probability you can lead that person while showing deep emotions yourself is in fact small to not-existent.
My ex was just like my mom. I knew I needed to leave from day one. We got home from our honeymoon which he was drunk the entire time. We walk in the house and he carries me over the threshold and turns to me and says “my parents will always be in my life but I’m not sure if you will. Then he spent the next 10 days giving me the silent treatment. I was furious with myself. My mother had died a few months before our wedding from cancer. My father had moved away. I had given up my home and switched jobs. I was financially devastated and he knew it. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends. I immediately planned to leave. Wish it ended there. I actually got my own place only to reconcile with him 3 years later. Finally after 10 years I divorced only because he brought drugs into our house. Thank goodness I never went back to him.
That's interesting, because I was sure that the narcissist head cashier who harassed me did so because she thought I was stupid/spaced out(I realized later that she thought I was a Homophobe).
Spot on. I have 2 masters degrees in psychology and I see a narc. He seems to like flattening me to nothing. I feel sorry for him because he has no friends or family who care for him. The sex is good when he decides to dish it out!
Sharon Lieding sex when he decided to dish it out. Exactly!