Raising courageous and virtuous boys
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- As a mom of six sons, I have seen firsthand just how uniquely and wonderfully boys are wired. Moms of boys often struggle to understand their sons because they don’t think like we do. I am joined in this episode by Durenda, mother of five sons (eight children total), to discuss her new book all about raising strong and virtuous boys in today’s culture. We dive into some of the differences between raising and homeschooling sons vs. daughters. We reflect on the unique nature of boys and discuss specific strategies for shepherding their strengths and weaknesses as they grow. Moms of boys, we hope you will be blessed by this rich conversation!
In this episode, we cover:
- What is so different about raising boys?
- Why you shouldn’t worry if your son seems “behind” academically
- The importance of letting boys take risks
- Some benefits of schooling outside of the status quo
- Why you can stop worrying about what others think of your kids
- Expanding our thinking beyond the traditional school model
- Ideas for setting up an optimal learning environment for our boys
- Helping our kids develop their creative muscles
- How to handle boys who are not self-motivated
- Directing boys’ natural tendencies in a healthy direction
- Thinking forward about the adults our children will become
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ABOUT DURENDA
Durenda Wilson has been married to Darryl for thirty-four years. They have eight kids and ten grandkids and have been homeschooling for thirty years. She is a trusted voice and resource at homeschool conventions and on The Durenda Wilson Podcast: www.durendawil....
RESOURCES
If you purchase Raising Boys to Men (www.amazon.com...) on March 5th or 6th, you will receive FREE access to The Unhurried Homeschooler Audiobook! Use this link and enter your order number from your receipt: www.durendawil....
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Durenda Wilson
Website: durendawilson.com
Instagram: / durendaleewilson
Facebook: / durenda.wilson.official
Podcast: www.durendawil...
Lisa Bass of Farmhouse on Boone
Blog: www.farmhouseo...
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I was hesitant to watch this because so often when people talk about boys it comes from a place that boys are the worst and we need to "fix" them. I'm SO overjoyed that this wasnt like that. As a mama of 3 boys who homeschools this was affirming and life-giving. Thank you❤️
She has a mess of boys so I didn’t anticipate a negative mind set, but I do know what you mean. I have 5 boys and 3 girls. The comments are…interesting.
I remember growing up saving my allowance and buying a old Ford truck when I was 13. So thankful my father helped me to get the truck and said ok go fix it. Some of the best lessons I've learned were working on that truck, not having a clue what I was doing.
I love that! Thank you for sharing.
Would love more conversations like this with how to raise children in a good godly way
Yessss!
Our doctor told us when our son was small that if I could home school and allow him to be out of his seat he would do better. He even said look at our grandfathers they did not set at desk they were farming etc.
Sounds like a great doctor!
That's a lot of why I brought my firstborn home. He just wanted/needed to stand at his desk to learn.
"The War Against Boys" by Christina Hoff Sommers is an amazing book that sheds a lot of light on how we got here as a society.
Oh my gosh. These conversations regarding our precious boys are so needed 🙏
Here in UK so many boys are been failed, and you address what I believe to be the major issues!
I always allowed my boys to play rough games, climb and get dirty, same as my childhood.
I feel it's so sad that many children now, only get to have loads of plastic toys, tablets and no rough play, so they get utterly bored 😢
Thanks for conversation.
I have one boy and three girls! This episode has confirmed the natural way our children learn, that I’m NOt failing as a homeschooler.
Same! My poor son plays so different than the girls. It would be so much easier if he had a brother to do the boy stuff with! We figure it out though. ❤
Only 20 minutes in and everything you both are saying is true. Our son just took apart our chainsaw and wants to use the junk motor for building a generator. So much learning goes on sometimes we don't even recognize it. A friend has 7 boys and no girls. She's amazing!
Amen!!! This needs to be heard from the highest mountains. Boys need to be Boys so they can be great Men.
Lisa, you are doing great homeschooling. I have done counseling with families who home school, private school and public school. I worked in a Christian school that had public school kids in the afternoons and summer. Home schoolers are the best behaved and most successful of the three. I have recommended home schooling since the 1990s. You are doing fine. Do not worry. 🙂
Wow that comparison of Jesus feeding the 5000 and what we can bring to the table in our homes brought me to tears. Thank you for that! ❤
I'm a homeschool mom of 5 , 4 boys , one girl, of over 30 years. 2 married now, 2 grandchildren. 3 at home. This helped me so much, I have always agonized over did I do enough, piles of homeschool books not used up. We just never hit my expectations. But my guys have good character, my daughter too. All work hard and are very intelligent and friendly. Their ability to understand subjects like science far surpasses anything I could teach out of a book. Not lacking in any social skills. I appreciate you both bringing a perspective to the whole point of why we do this. Very encouraging!
I adore Durenda! We have four boys and all that she recommends and lived through is truth. Our oldest will be 21 and I thought I messed him up for sure and he'd need therapy 😂. He is a hard working man and thinks critically about current events and life in general, our conversations are deep and full of humor still. We have three more to go and not going to change a thing except to remind them to respect me as mom thats is a constant reminder to them.
Pregnant with my 3rd boy, certainly felt intimidated, especially with homeschooling. So this came at the perfect time!
I'm the momma of one adult daughter who graduated from public school and I thoroughly enjoyed this podcast. This was a fantastic conversation.
I loved listening to this! Routed in scripture throughout. I loved how she was using biblical examples and verses 🫶🏼❤️
I dont ever leave comments but just felt like I should today! This episode was amazing! Lisa you are my hero, I talk about you all the time like your my friend in real life! I have two boys under 4 and one on the way and I feel like I've learned so much from you over the past 4 years of listening to you. I wouldn't be the mom I am today if it wasn't for your voice! Thank you for all you share and all the help you give to moms.
Thank you so much!!
Focus on vocabulary. Use words, scientific terms for example that you know they've never heard before because then you spark their curiosity. I was an early education teacher and the coolest thing was when students asked "what does that mean?" Perfect way to introduce topics because they've expressed the desire to learn about it first.
I love this conversation. My two little boys are being raised around lots of girls and the differences are soooo obvious. I’m learning how to navigate that and realize/accept that it is totally normal.
Loved this conversation Lisa, it was very encouraging to hear as a Mama to 4 boys 1 - 12yr. My eldest 2 took a long time to be able to read/write and still aren't the greatest due to dyslexia but many teachers and family/friends took their natural state to be adhd, stupidity, laziness etc and it used to really get to me but I knew better and now they are flourishing ❤ Boy Mamas need to talk more honestly about their experiences raising them.
Momma to 5 boys here. I really appreciate this ❤
As a mom who tried public and private schools and finally put my boys in a Montessori school…I so needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and vulnerability!
My girl who was a “late” reader also zoomed past the others her age when she was ready at about 9. It was like overnight she could read anything. I knew deep in my heart that we just needed to wait for the spring thaw as you say.
How much of girls being two years ahead is because girls are naturally more compliant/agreeable and not because they are actually “ready” for formal education?
Oh my Goodness!!! I listened to that whole podcast before I realized who you were actually interviewing!! I recommend her book the 4 Hour School Day to literally every Mom considering homeschooling that I meet! Seriously, that was one of the very first books I read when we began our homeschool journey & it was SOOO helpful!! Also, that entire podcast was phenomenal- I have 3 boys ages 15-6, and 2 daughters ages 3 & 3 weeks. Raising boys is a whole other ballgame & that was so encouraging. I so appreciate you!
I appreciate the encouragement expressed in this video. I also am glad that there’s an acknowledgement boys and girls are different. However, in some ways, there’s a pigeon-holing that can happen when we say that boys are higher energy or learn later or…
From personal experience of having raised two girls, I can say that many of their behaviors were more aligned with some of the male tendencies expressed in this interview.
Our oldest had difficulties reading until she was at least 7 years old (she says 10). She had trouble concentrating in school, so we decided to homeschool because we were tired of all the homework in 1st grade because she couldn’t get her work done.
Our youngest LOVED bugs and snakes and playing in the dirt. We homeschooled her too, so scheduling would be easier, and she ended up mostly teaching herself-she didn’t like help and would fly off to her room to “figure it out myself.”
Our oldest is now an artist who reads voraciously, completing 80+ books last year, and our youngest received a math undergrad and a doctorate in computational biology.
I NEVER could’ve projected the way they would go, but I tried really hard to follow their bents and not do school the way it was done for me.
It was hard, because it was all I knew, but through trial and error, I discovered God made them unique, and I needed to step out of the way of my own expectations. Character-focus and training is more important than hitting arbitrary educational standards-though hard to escape from that in our current system!
My dad hated school. Born in 1936 with a bent toward art, he didn’t like getting his hands dirty, and he had a softer disposition than some boys. He grew up both farming and working as an artist, but I think his dad’s expectations made his life extra challenging, and when the teacher said that trees must be colored green etc, much of his joy for learning was destroyed within the walls of school.
Just wanted to chime in with a slightly different angle❣️
So can relate to your comment. I have sons who are now awesome young men, not just my opinion lol, but many people say so.
Yes, our children are unique aren't they and develop in their own time and way!
As a former teen girl. A "bad teen girl". Your teen girls are so fabulous because you trust them. ❤❤❤ fantastic episode! Have two little boys myself (so far)
I could have listened to you two talk about this for hours. I vote for another episode just like this one ✅
I'm not even finished watching this but so far I'm loving it, great episode! Awesome guest! Such useful information.
Would love to see Britton LaTulippe on the show one day. He wrote a book called Revealing School and the content in that book could be really interesting to talk about on this show.
Lisa, I keep watching this over. Its serious with humor, authenticity, experience and your sharing and connecting. Your face showed your ease and joy in feeling validated, nice to see you feel like abit of a kindered spirit. I am an observant jew and loved to hear the faith side of things. Iv learned how important it is to take a back seat as they learn.,sometimes. Thank you
Thank you!
This! I kept saying, nah I don't need to watch. Then I decided to, and I'm over here nodding my head saying, yup, uh huh. Amen. Thank you for having her on to speak on this!
We absolutely need to make this "normal" again. It's hard feeling alone in this so I needed this.
Ps I may or may not have cried ;)
We enjoyed this vlog today. As a Mom of two grown sons who are productive, and tops in the companies that they are now directing this is all so true. Now we have 3 grandsons…if they were in traditional school they would have a three letter diagnosis and a heavy cart to pull to make each grade. I know they are all growing and learning at their own rate. They are all going to be ok!
One of my favorite podcast discussions! I have a 4 year old boy and mannn, I get comments (and complaints) about his energy level and where he wants to focus.
Thank you for this! I have three sons and a daughter. Listening to this both rested and inspired my heart! So much of what you both said confirmed the ways in which I hope I'm honoring their boyness, holding the line, and giving them lots of tasks to shoulder.
My son appreciated that, as he says "I never talked down to him". I always talked to him & if he didn't understand he would ask & I would explain to him.
Girl mom here (3) and I only ask that mothers raise their boys to be men women would be blessed to marry. My brother was raised to cook, clean, support and be an all around wonderful person. I let my girls roam freely in the nature of activities, which people said I was raising “Tom Boys” 😂 but in their 20’s now we giggle that they LOVED being raised to cook, clean, play freely, learn in their different ways and have beautiful lives now. ❤
I'm a girl mom and boy mom, but I think most of us are doing our darnd-est to raise Godly children. Children who will grow up to be adults who will be equally yolked with their spouses. ❤
And girl moms raise their daughters to be ladies and a blessing to their husband 😊
I feel this for so many of my girlfriends who could not find a marriageable man. We are in the last bit of our child bearing age, but I doubt it will happen for them. Teaching my sons to be marriage minded.
I have 4 boys💙 expecting baby #5
My focus is for them to have a personal relationship with Jesus, setting that foundation with the Bible and prayer ♥️✝️ and give them an example of a Christian woman as their mother.
They also have their father and observed his behavior towards their mom(me) and how he helps and contributes to the family.
Children are very observant.
Agree and that's exactly what I'm attempting with mine :)
Totally enjoyed this vlog today. I only have 1 son who was in public school for kindergarten and 1st grade but, after 1st grade was highly advised to hold him back and I had issues with doing that to him but ended up deciding to change to a private school that he thrived at until high school he started getting anxiety and didn't want to go to school. I then decided to just homeschool him at Christmas break this year, and all of that has changed. He can watch TH-cam videos on bball things or something with a car he soaks up all that, but to have him sit and read a history or science curriculum he'll refuse. So I'm trying to revise how to do those subjects.
Great conversation & especially glad Trail Life was mentioned ...I have heard many good things about it & forgot the name until it was mentioned here again! I just looked up our local chapter in Arkansas and plan to check it out! As a mom of two young boys, and an older married daughter all of which were homeschooled...so much of this resonated with me ~ esp how different boys learn! 😅 After all of these years of homeschooling, with boys, sometimes 55:21 I feel like I’m learning the basics all over again! 💛🙏🏼
Boy mom (7)❤ God bless 😊 I have seven boys, and zero girls! Please pray for me! Thank you so much 😘! Shalom!
I have 6 boys, 0 girls. 😅
My son is growing up with almost all girls and this is soo encouraging. Weighing heavily on my heart but I love that in everything you take it to the Lrd and that's what we forget to do a lot. Thank you for sharing, Gd bless
Amazing conversation thank you so much Lisa (homeschooling mother to 2 boys) + I’m an only child with a husband who works 5-6 days a week so I have no clue and learning on the job 😅
I can not tell you enough how much I needed this listen today! Right now I have 3 boys 8 and under 2 of which I homeschool and a 2 year old daughter with a 50/50 chance of another boy on the way 😂
Durenda is exceptional! And I hope to one day attend a homeschool convention where she is speaking in my area. Her new book is already in my cart 🙏🏻
Praise the Lord for Godly Mothers who have already run the race, and we can take in all their wisdom.
Lisa, please follow up with a girl mum episode! ❤
My 4th child is graduating high school this spring 😢…. They grow up too fast. Make it a point to enjoy the younger years, and even through hard times, it will all be good memories for them and you down the road. I will only have 2 kids left at home this summer… I definitely hold onto the younger ones more and more, so sad to see that season of life growing to a close.
So true!
You did your job well when your child is ready to leave the nest- says the empty-nester 😊
My one child a girl said something so meaningful to me. She said “ I am thankful to have had a childhood that I didn’t have to recover from… “That meant the world to me because it allowed me to know that overall she valued what took place in our home.
Came for the boy parenting advice, stayed for the homeschool encouragement!! Soooo validating!!!
It is absolutely true, our schools are letting our boys down, swinging too far away from what a lot of boys need in order to thrive. However, I think a bit of clarity needs to be put into this conversation. Reading: when parents believe they have to get their children to read before starting school, it doesn't matter whether the child is male or female, their brains are not ready. Sweden and other European countries did studies on children learning to read and comprehend and found that starting before the child is 7 isn't conducive for long term reading success. And many girls struggle with reading and comprehension - our daughter struggled much more than our sons. Because reading isn't the end goal, it's comprehending what is being read.
Digging in the dirt and doing 'dangerous' things: again, this isn't necessarily a male/female divide but a societal requirement that girls shouldn't do such things. It takes a long time to take these restrictions away from society. And just to clarify, it isn't necessarily parents that place these restrictions because girls place these restrictions on themselves if they feel judged by others around them, other children, teachers, other adults. Treating each child as an individual and allow each child to develop in their own way demonstrates that girls are just as daring and get dirty as boys. Unfortunately, a girl is more likely to receive the judgements against them if they show a love for what is normally perceived as boy-play.
Oh my goodness!! When yall discussed history and science it spoke so deeply to me. We’ve been struggling to fit it in and we’ve been doing magic school bus and liberties kids!
I really wish homeschooling was legal in Greece. I am a mom of 3 boys and a girl, expecting a 4th boy in June. Those little angels just don't fit in regular school...
I have 5 boys and needed this podcast so much, thank you! I would love to know what kinds of audio books your kids listen to if you have a blog post or video that talks about that!
Having 5 boys, this podcast was AMAZING! I just wish it was waaay longer 🙂
Oh my gosh this was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good! As my oldest is getting into preteen years we are dealing with a lot of this right now. This is SUCH a wonderful conversation and will be listening to this again!
I wish I could give myself that special producing time that I know I crave. the hard part is kicking an addiction of just doing some thing that’s easy like watching a TV show. I hope I get to homeschool my son so we can have these moments together or I work on some thing and he works on some thing beside me.
Love this ❤ thank you sharing, this is something lacking in society and you both provided such valuable information
Glad you enjoyed it!
Lisa, I enjoyed this SO much, I want to share with all the boy mamas I know, thank you! So many quotes I have written down from this podcast.
Does Durenda have anything to say about raising girls? Or can you do a podcast with someone about raising girls in this same fashion? I would love that!
5 of our 8 kids are boys. They’re very different people from each other, but also noticeably different in the way they approach life and learning than their sisters.
I'm definitely getting this book!! Thank you!!! What an awesome episode 🎉
Great episode… inspiring & uplifting!
Thanks so much!
I have 3 boys. I would also like more information on managing screen time. My boys are 14, 12, and 6 years and my oldest push the limits on screen time.
I love that advice and the references to what God eants us to do. I would love to see more of this type of conversation.
So intuitive! Loved it and it feels so right and I don’t even have kids! But, I leant a lot! Resonated with my core!
To home school my son we had to get a local attorney to go to bat for us & get it in writing after pullng him out of a private school. I'm so happy this does not seem to be the norm now. You know your kids better than anyone else
I only have 1 boy and 3 girls. My son learned to read at 4 and was bored in school. He graduated with a 98% average.
My struggle is that he has less interest in being outdoors and being more physical. He’s 18 now and heading to university this September. I’m trying not to stress and worry about sending him to the wolves, so to speak.
I have a similar situation. (6 boys, 1 girl) My eldest son is very intelligent and learned to read at 4, as well... reading 500 page books at 6. He's not interested in just about anything outdoorsy or physically demanding. He knows how to do things like change a tire and oil for the car, and can figure out how things work or are put together, but he isn't drawn to anything like engineering or whatever. He's 17 but will graduate before 18, and I worry about sending him off to the wolves, so to speak, as well.
Before we decided to homeschool, we had already sign up our oldest for public school. I cried in fear because I wanted to homeschool, but submitted to my husband’s final decision. Another very radical homeschooling mom encouraged me (to my surprise) with this, and I think I can apply to sending them to college if that’s what they have chosen to do.
Moses mom had to place her baby boy in a small basket, put that in a crocodile infested river, and trust that God would protect him. He already had for the last 3-4 months at home.
Some things we can control- applying wisdom and prudence. We are called to raise these babies in the way THEY should go. Everything else, is up to the Lord. Good or bad. We pray for God to continue guiding them, protecting them. And when protection is not what they needed, we pray for strength and wisdom and comfort that comes from God alone.
I hope this gives you some hope and peace like it did me 6 years ago.
Oh so bummed the audio version isn't available yet! Anyone know where to find it?? I bought the Kindle thinking it was audio too. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 I have to do laundry, cook and clean but would love to listen to this right now.
So timely. Would love to know your boys book list. Also, love the application of the loaves and the fishes in that scenario
Just bought the book. Can't thank you enough for this episode!
I needed to hear this today! Thank you for your insight! ❤
Thank you so much, this is really helpful for parenting my full-on, delightful 9 year old boy.
This was a wonderful conversation and advice! I'm watching again to take notes.
This is so good!! Thank you so much for this conversation. What a tremendous encouragement. ❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
I really needed this episode today! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight!
Excellent advice! So timely and true. Thank you for your wisdom. ❤️🙏Val C
SUCH important information!!! Thank you for covering this subject. I agree that boys are being feminized everywhere!
Enjoyed every moment of this podcast! Thank you both for all you do!
This was such a GREAT podcast!!! Great prespectives!!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Mamma of 2 boys and 3 girls.. my boys are vastly different from the girls. Its hard sometimes and i loved hearing its OKAY! My oldest, he is soon to be 7, doesnt have any interest in reading. He HATES it! So, we are just "winging" it 😅 all my littles are 6, 4, 3, 1, and adding the last in June
What a blessing 🥲 momma to 6 boys and 1 girl here
Loved every moment of this; thank you both! I love the idea of "project time" but I know my kids would be overwhelmed. Any recommendations for kids under 12?
Such a wonderful podcast. I greatly appreciate this ❤
Thanks for listening
She was an amazing guest🌻🌼
I would 100% homeschool if we weren't blessed to have a great Christian school nearby. Wouldn't put my kids in a public school these days to save my life. Sadly, I know that's not an option for everyone🥺
Ah!!!!!!!!!!! 2 of my favs!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!
This was great! Does anyone know of a comparable book about raising girls?
We have 3 boys and i need this
Any tips on dealing with the burnout? I've been homeschooling for 4 years. Boys are 13 and 14 they got the burnout from public school and now teenage years getting ready for high school they are really just going through the motions without joy
Great chat!
Have you ever done a similar chat for girls?
You dont look at an adult and say to yourself "yep, he was a late walker!" ...we will read when we are ready or when it is necessary.
This is like the 4th video that I saw from Lisa and thought, I need to watch this!!! But it's over an hour long and I've got 5 kids pregnant with #6- I don't have that kind of time!
this is the accompanying video to the podcast...meaning its original intent is for listening...you can have it on while working
@@Simplefarmhouselife I appreciate the sentiment and I gave audiobooks a shot a couple years ago for that reason, but I'm just not a big listen as I work kind of gal- I don't retain much when it's background noise and stopped and started as I interact with the kiddos. When it's informational, I have to be paying attention or it's all going in one ear and out the other. Not saying it's not accessible, just that my current season isn't jiving with long form media of any kind lately.
@@Simplefarmhouselife I appreciate the sentiment and I gave audiobooks a shot a couple years ago for that reason, but I'm just not a big listen as I work kind of gal- I don't retain much when it's background noise and stopped and started as I interact with the kiddos. When it's informational, I have to be paying attention or it's all going in one ear and out the other. Not saying it's not accessible, just that my current season isn't jiving with long form media of any kind lately.
Great!!!
Precious video 👌🙏
❤
I grew up homeschooled on a family farm. Now, at 30 (and 9 months pregnant 🤪) I am determined to homeschool my own kids. My husband is on board, and we're hoping that me dropping down to working part-time (I'm a lab scientist, he's in construction admin) will create the opportunity we need to facilitate homeschooling.
Question though; for the days when we both will be at work, what suggestions do you have for childcare? We are hoping to be able to lean on his parents, but health issues could change those plans in an instant. 😬
As a grandmother of 17 , a word of caution ⚠️ grandmothers don’t like to say no , so unless they are younger grandparents and probably depending on there personality too I’d consider before depending on them to babysit , grandparents are to grandparent not help raise your children. At 60 I babysit my two grandchildren that live close whenever our daughter has dr appointments occasional date nights . The children are 5 and 3 . It’s exhausting and I love having them but three days a week or more would be too much .
Congratulations! I am a working mother but my job is remote. I recently started listening to Susan Venker who is an expert on this subject. It's been really interesting to listen to her podcast, though brutally honest.
At what age do you feel like your children began to focus on various projects? My boys (4) just tend to engage in free play in their spare time or running around or wrestling. They are all 6 and under.
I really think it is different for every child.
Hey im mary from switzerland and i am very interestet in the book. Unfortunately i cant download the online version. Is there a possibility to buy the book elswere?
I would contact Durenda on one of her platforms as I am not sure how or if you can get the printed book in Switzerland. In the description below the video I have provided the links to her platforms.
Thank you very much for your answer. Love your inspireing videos❤
Oh no. I don't want my boys to do dangerous things. Ahh. I want them to have fun but my sons have never broken bones and are a bit safe compared to how I was as a kid. It kind of surprised me. Now that my oldest is driving on his own, I definitely don't want him to do anything dangerous. ahh.
I love learning from women who have raised children, since I have a big age range in my kids like you have, plus I only have sons, so this was perfect.
What can we do if we can’t home school?
Maybe apply this for after school hours? Weekends? Not allowing the school rules to also be applied at home? Just some thoughts, not sure if this is what you meant? ❤
I feel for you, I know homeschooling isn't feasible for everyone. If you can read or listen to Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne, particularly the chapter on "soul fever", it would be really helpful. But the whole book is brilliant and comes from the perspective of parents who have their kids in traditional school.
Wasn't it a home schooler that scored the highest score ever on a SAT test.
Boy mom here×4
Start marrying a virtuous man & keeping him in the home to model virtous manly behavior.