Thank you for this. In a way I think I liked feeling helpful, like I was taking on a new 'project' I'm fixing people. I know now it's not my job to fix people. I have one friend who monopolies her problems in every conversation. She's been emotionally dumping on me lately and I'm done. I realized this past week that I literally don't care about her or her problems anymore. During her last dump I asked her to talk about other stuff and she turned to me with panic in her eyes, and said, "but I feel so much better after I talk to you!" She wants to keep me as her therapist and life coach at her beck and call. I have complete apathy for her now. And to be honest, her problems are completely exaggerated and not things I would consider problems. I honestly think she makes up drama to keep herself in a victim mindset and it's exhausting.
I don't know you, so I wish there was a stranger's way of saying I'm proud of you for recognising those behaviours and habits and moving past them! Part of the problem is that a lot of the people who seek you out as a therapist friend really don't want to be fixed. They do want attention, as you rightly picked up on. I wonder if they were the kids who didn't get enough attention until they scraped their knee or bumped their head, and realised they needed to keep that pattern of 'woe is me' going. But they also assume that you have it all together, so you won't ever need to talk about anything - it's a one-sided friendship that doesn't show any compassion, empathy or support to you. Seek out the friends who ask how you are, you ask you if you're feeling up to a vent before dumping on you, who genuinely give feedback when you share what you're going through and don't seem like they're just waiting for their turn to speak. Those are the people who are thinking about you long after the conversation is over because they care about you - you're not a jug that has just filled up their empty cup and they don't think about what they've left behind, you are a person they are in an equal and caring relationship with.
Thank you for this upload, I have been dealing with this my whole life. I immediately subscribed to your channel after watching your video. Wish you all the best :)
Thankfully I'm out of that friendship, enjoying my peace, getting back my life together ✌️. The guilt is still fresh it's the mum side of me, still I know I should not feel guilty, pray for me guys cause it's still fresh to me. Thank you for the video , got new insights and I feel seen. ❤
Thank you. ❤ I'm struggling with this very issue. My friends feel better after unloading every detail of their issues (some serious, others not) but I feel worse because now I'm carrying around all that charged energy with nowhere to unload it. I can be having a pleasant day and then receive a wall of text venting about something and the day is ruined for me, regardless of how I respond. I'll.often be depressed for hours after spending the day with certain friends, even though I know they love me and aren't intentionally trying to make me feel bad. I don't think we should ignore our problems and I always want to be there for my friends, but whatever happened to having fun together? Or talking about the world beyond our personal dramas?
"Whatever happened to having fun together?" I'm experiencing this so hard rn. I'm so sorry you've been feeling used and depressed. Friendships should still be fun at the end of the day. You should be able to care and be cared for. To share the bad, AND the good. equally. i hope for that for you stranger.
Thank you for such a kind reply to my (somewhat childish, in retrospect) comment. 🙏 Life is hard and we need to support one another as best we can. And learn to see the many positive things instead of marinating in the negative. Wishing you many happy days.
It's not childish at all! I think the best way to handle reaching out to a friend is to say, "I'm going through some things and really need to vent, are you up to taking some stuff on right now?" And then the person can say, "I'm sorry, now isn't a good time, but maybe tomorrow I can sit down and give you some time?" And that needs to be a reciprocal understanding, where you can do the same thing with that friend. If friends are ONLY reaching out to you to vent, then they're treating you like a garbage bin, where they can dump all their shit and then go on their merry way and enjoy life with other people (that's been my experience sometimes). You are worth more than that. You should be able to expect a friend to reach out and it be a positive, uplifting conversation sometimes, not always a draining one.
Hello I visited your TH-cam channel and I found your content very good. There are some issues in your channel due to which your videos are not ranking well. If these issues can be resolved, hopefully the videos will rank well.I am a professional digital marketer and SEO expert. If you want I can solve your problems and help you rank your videos better.I am waiting for your reply.Thanks a lot
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Thank you for sharing this message! It gives me a lot to ponder and unpack.
Thank you for this. In a way I think I liked feeling helpful, like I was taking on a new 'project' I'm fixing people. I know now it's not my job to fix people. I have one friend who monopolies her problems in every conversation. She's been emotionally dumping on me lately and I'm done. I realized this past week that I literally don't care about her or her problems anymore. During her last dump I asked her to talk about other stuff and she turned to me with panic in her eyes, and said, "but I feel so much better after I talk to you!" She wants to keep me as her therapist and life coach at her beck and call. I have complete apathy for her now. And to be honest, her problems are completely exaggerated and not things I would consider problems. I honestly think she makes up drama to keep herself in a victim mindset and it's exhausting.
I don't know you, so I wish there was a stranger's way of saying I'm proud of you for recognising those behaviours and habits and moving past them! Part of the problem is that a lot of the people who seek you out as a therapist friend really don't want to be fixed. They do want attention, as you rightly picked up on.
I wonder if they were the kids who didn't get enough attention until they scraped their knee or bumped their head, and realised they needed to keep that pattern of 'woe is me' going. But they also assume that you have it all together, so you won't ever need to talk about anything - it's a one-sided friendship that doesn't show any compassion, empathy or support to you.
Seek out the friends who ask how you are, you ask you if you're feeling up to a vent before dumping on you, who genuinely give feedback when you share what you're going through and don't seem like they're just waiting for their turn to speak. Those are the people who are thinking about you long after the conversation is over because they care about you - you're not a jug that has just filled up their empty cup and they don't think about what they've left behind, you are a person they are in an equal and caring relationship with.
Thank you for this upload, I have been dealing with this my whole life. I immediately subscribed to your channel after watching your video. Wish you all the best :)
Thankfully I'm out of that friendship, enjoying my peace, getting back my life together ✌️. The guilt is still fresh it's the mum side of me, still I know I should not feel guilty, pray for me guys cause it's still fresh to me.
Thank you for the video , got new insights and I feel seen. ❤
Wishing you all the best as you work through this and grow, and hoping there'll be some wonderful and fulfilling new friendships in your future xx
Thank you. ❤ I'm struggling with this very issue. My friends feel better after unloading every detail of their issues (some serious, others not) but I feel worse because now I'm carrying around all that charged energy with nowhere to unload it. I can be having a pleasant day and then receive a wall of text venting about something and the day is ruined for me, regardless of how I respond. I'll.often be depressed for hours after spending the day with certain friends, even though I know they love me and aren't intentionally trying to make me feel bad. I don't think we should ignore our problems and I always want to be there for my friends, but whatever happened to having fun together? Or talking about the world beyond our personal dramas?
"Whatever happened to having fun together?" I'm experiencing this so hard rn. I'm so sorry you've been feeling used and depressed. Friendships should still be fun at the end of the day. You should be able to care and be cared for. To share the bad, AND the good. equally. i hope for that for you stranger.
Thank you for such a kind reply to my (somewhat childish, in retrospect) comment. 🙏 Life is hard and we need to support one another as best we can. And learn to see the many positive things instead of marinating in the negative. Wishing you many happy days.
It's not childish at all! I think the best way to handle reaching out to a friend is to say, "I'm going through some things and really need to vent, are you up to taking some stuff on right now?" And then the person can say, "I'm sorry, now isn't a good time, but maybe tomorrow I can sit down and give you some time?" And that needs to be a reciprocal understanding, where you can do the same thing with that friend.
If friends are ONLY reaching out to you to vent, then they're treating you like a garbage bin, where they can dump all their shit and then go on their merry way and enjoy life with other people (that's been my experience sometimes). You are worth more than that. You should be able to expect a friend to reach out and it be a positive, uplifting conversation sometimes, not always a draining one.
Hello
I visited your TH-cam channel and I found your content very good. There are some issues in your channel due to which your videos are not ranking well. If these issues can be resolved, hopefully the videos will rank well.I am a professional digital marketer and SEO expert. If you want I can solve your problems and help you rank your videos better.I am waiting for your reply.Thanks a lot
Hi, I'm good, I don't have the money to pay any professionals for help with my channel, but thank you anyway!
@@nell_tyler_warninghonestyahead Hello. Don't worry about the money. You get the money to work when it's just there. Take a look at my work