wow, i listened to the second part of this story before i heard this piece. now things make even more sense. i love the second piece also but when they are put together this story got a whole lot better. you have a winner here and i will highly recommend both pieces as a great story. well done SIR!
I usually stick to the short story/video because of bad writing and bad speech from so called AI. This story really is good and engaging.. Like a really good book that you can't put down until you read the entire book.. The writer has great potential and I hope they continue to write.
Bro, i need that actual song back man, it was better than this elevator stuff they got in its place. I hope you grow back stronger than when they cut you down
There are the bones of an excellent story here, but there are many caveats. Perhaps it is a sign of the times and short attention spans, but the repeated redundancies and retelling of the same information is garish and jarring. There are also entirely incongruent leaps... Dex is in engineering and Terrell and the Guardian on the bridge, the next sentence the guardian is in engineering, then suddenly they are all together in another location. The story jumps around, there are repeated expositions of the engines, then the situation with poorly hidden expositions and foreshadowing, along with the redundant pursuit of the dangers and importance and vague references to changing everything... then we are back with vague action sequences of supposedly phenomenal excitement and gravitas but never really delving into how it is happening except for those vague references to importance every few minutes. The interactions between Dex and the Guardian could use a lot more explanation and attention without the redundancies of the dire vagaries... The cold emotionless reading of the AI also makes it difficult to follow the narrative elements. I have notices a LOT of these elements in many stories passing as "Sci-Fi" and I can't help but point out the styles and world building and revelation that the greatest Sci-Fi writers have used in the last century... There is a pacing and rhythm that moves the story along that is missing here. Elements that mark out great storytelling without revealing the same redundant elements every few paragraphs. The foundational ideas of the story are sound, they just need further refinement and pruning to bring out the great story at its core.
This story is really well written and orated. This story needs a sequel following the existing format. Nice work.
One of the better stories out here.
The sci-fi version of the blacksmith being the Chosen One. A decent story overall
Good story and not any of out of sequence repeating. Well done.
wow, i listened to the second part of this story before i heard this piece. now things make even more sense. i love the second piece also but when they are put together this story got a whole lot better. you have a winner here and i will highly recommend both pieces as a great story. well done SIR!
Where is the second part?
I usually stick to the short story/video because of bad writing and bad speech from so called AI. This story really is good and engaging.. Like a really good book that you can't put down until you read the entire book.. The writer has great potential and I hope they continue to write.
If you haven't already. I would suggest The Black Ship. It's up to 12 hours and counting. It's an excellent story.
@@steveb6103 I agree, I have been watching since its inception.
Bro, i need that actual song back man, it was better than this elevator stuff they got in its place. I hope you grow back stronger than when they cut you down
Finally something Not about how great of a Warrior Civilization Humans are👍🏻
I agree, but still a human chosen one.
Man gets brainwashed into alien war battery
@@z33thr33 😂😂
Interesting. I always saw those stories as the human race is the Pandora's Box of the universe. We offer great troubles and misfortune, but also hope.
@@matthewmcclintock2407 I don't find this a chosen one story. Instead the human just happened to be in the right place at the right time
Thanks! Inspiring, satisfying. I would appreciate a second chapter very much. Good luck and much success to you.
A TRULY EXCELLENT BEGINNING OF A WORTHY SERIES, FIGHT ON DEX!!🎉❤🎉
There are the bones of an excellent story here, but there are many caveats. Perhaps it is a sign of the times and short attention spans, but the repeated redundancies and retelling of the same information is garish and jarring. There are also entirely incongruent leaps... Dex is in engineering and Terrell and the Guardian on the bridge, the next sentence the guardian is in engineering, then suddenly they are all together in another location. The story jumps around, there are repeated expositions of the engines, then the situation with poorly hidden expositions and foreshadowing, along with the redundant pursuit of the dangers and importance and vague references to changing everything... then we are back with vague action sequences of supposedly phenomenal excitement and gravitas but never really delving into how it is happening except for those vague references to importance every few minutes. The interactions between Dex and the Guardian could use a lot more explanation and attention without the redundancies of the dire vagaries... The cold emotionless reading of the AI also makes it difficult to follow the narrative elements. I have notices a LOT of these elements in many stories passing as "Sci-Fi" and I can't help but point out the styles and world building and revelation that the greatest Sci-Fi writers have used in the last century... There is a pacing and rhythm that moves the story along that is missing here. Elements that mark out great storytelling without revealing the same redundant elements every few paragraphs. The foundational ideas of the story are sound, they just need further refinement and pruning to bring out the great story at its core.
Yeah, if you pulled a thorn out of the lions paw he might thank you
Would be surprised if these storries become the true history in the future.
Well Narrated and written.
now this is some better A.I. art here. some time was put in it.
You need to work on that repeating problem. Redundancy is not a positive trait.
Really Good Story
Good story but i missed the part the guardian did return to the ship?
Good story. Sequel please.
💯
I would like to hear an AI third party story
Way to many ads
Is it going to be more than one I hope
“Ubsorbed” is not a word.
...ignorance abounds