Yup. A guy in my class at sixth-form was a notorious dick to his girlfriends. Countless times I walked into the school bathrooms and saw his then girlfriend crying because of him, and when I got back to class he was always laughing with his mates with no cares. Flash forward they break up and then he suddenly starts getting rather friendly with me. One time in class he decides to sit next to me and eventually brings up how nice he is and how well he can treat a girl "because he has sisters at home". All throughout this his ex is sat literally right behind him with her back to us a few feet away so I could see her whilst looking at him. Took everything in me not to start laughing in his face tbh
Yup! And the opposite is also true. This guy I was dating would always say that he’s not a good person and has a lot of shit he’s working through. Throughout our whole relationship he was the sweetest, most considerate, communicative, loving, and honest person ever. He definitely had his moments, but he always communicated his reactions and apologized for it and sincerely worked hard not to do it again. When we broke up he was like “I’m just not a good dude… You deserve way better.” 😭 He was the goodest
sounds like an obvious one but one I've encountered far too often - trying to "convince" you that you're into whatever obscure kink they have. if I say I'm not interested, don't spend another hour/day/week/month dropping hints and sulking when I say no. it's not cute, it's harassment. yes, even if we're dating.
That's when I say break up. A lot of men who are mbt sexually gratified. Especially when it comes to kink will find someone else who will. Better to lay it out
@@hopeintruth5119 exactly! Absolutely zero judgement from me for other people's kinks (as long as it's legal and enthusiastically consensual, of course) but if it's something you need in a relationship and your current partner isn't interested, accept that it may be time to go your separate ways. Don't try to affect your partner's preferences, that's when you start getting into non-consensual territory and cause harm.
@@allyh7075 Easier said than done, for then you're that guy who broke up with her because of some weird fetish she wasn't into. Don't get me wrong: it's still the right thing to do. It's just far from easy to pull off. Especially when the relationship is otherwise going quite well.
Yes, time to break up. I had a guy once with a foot fetishist. Foot massage, super cool, but then he went to town licking my feet and then want to kiss. I just couldn't 🤢 We broke up not too long afterwards which was a bummer. We had a ton of normal stuff in common.
I was with a guy who straight up told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to him about anything negative at all as it made him feel bad.. O.o I’m a fairly positive person even in rough situations but that was beyond unreasonable.
@@marlyd Yep, all the time & I was there for him every time.. it felt like I was in a sorta manic pixie dream girl situation where everything had to centre around him. O.o
I had a partner who told me I wasn't allowed to think any negative thoughts, because me feeling bad apparently ruined her whole day. Even if I didn't say anything about how I was feeling to her, just my negative energy was enough to piss her off.
@@WhichDoctor1 literally same, At one point my bf told me not to mention my incurable disease or anything relating to that as it made him feel bad which is apparently not allowed? It was p fucked up O.o
oh god my ex had a habit of making really sexist and ableist remarks about me and at first I shrugged it off as bad attempts at jokes, but one day I finally tried to (gently) bring it up and he shut me down SO fast. i noticed that every time I tried to say "hey, it makes me kind of uncomfortable when you say that.." he'd immediately fire back with "my mother says to never 'talk politics' in a relationship/with women." I was so confused because I wasn't talking about politics, I was talking about basic respect and empathy 😬 what he really meant was "don't talk back to me." then one day he yelled at and belittled me for mentioning wanting to dye my hair (apparently everyone with dyed/colourful hair looks ridiculous, tacky, and i'd be an embarrassment to him...) so I dumped him on the spot lol
The whole 'parent is too controlling of a person's life can be a real double-edged sword at times. I had a guy refuse to continue dating me once because my mother was 'too demanding of my time'. Oh, you mean my ELDERLY mother, who I am living with to take care of her as she suffers from double knee issues and vision trouble, not to mention my dad with frequent heart problems. Oh yeah, I was really an awful person. At least that reaction was a red flag on my part. And should I mention this guy was a NURSE!
I strongly advocate for the elderly and those whom are disabled. (Mental, physical, or otherwise.) Here’s my story: I’m also a caretaker for my mom. My father died when I was barely 20 years old. My mother never remarried, nor did she seriously date anyone afterwards. Sadly, several years later my mother developed mobility issues causing the simplicity of just walking to become painful, and at times a dangerous feat. To safely walk up & down a small batch of stairs she now had to use a walker or occasionally crutches. Something I noticed amongst these men was that they (thought) of “clever” excuses as to why they didn’t felt the relationship shouldn’t continue. Looking back- this was a blessing in disguise. If anything it’s a red-flag they’re possibly incapable of caring for family in the future. Whether that constitutes children or a loved one with a disability. Shortly my mother began to have worsening, severe mobility issues I found the love of my life whom had a younger brother with severe health problems. Before I ever met his brother I felt strongly that I would never use that as a reason to break off our relationship. It was sad that he felt the need to explain his brother’s condition before I met him. Almost as he was worried I’d run off in horror at the supposed “freak”. To this day I love and care for him as much as I would any revered and cherished relative. I’m scared for his future as I wonder who will step up, and be willing to take on the task to maintain the care of him as he whole heartedly deserves. I’ve seen the abysmal so-called “care” facilities for people in similar conditions. It makes me so angry. I can’t imagine being with a POS partner you’re dating unable to cope, or at worst a person who’s solely selfish and unable to deal with the very real consequences of aging. There are support groups online and IRL. I’ve been able to get support for my mom and other friends/family that I would never have been able to contact otherwise. It took a bit of research on my end. My free time is coming to an end, but if I get the chance or don’t forget I’ll post a few links if I can. You’re not alone when it comes to the hardships of forming relationships even if it’s platonic and simply for friendship. Please take care. 🌸
If he throws all your makeup out very early on in a relationship, whilst insisting that it’s because you don’t need it. It’s not because he thinks you’re a natural beauty, it’s just a first step in trying to control how you look and trust me, he’ll want to control every other aspect of your personality and life to such an extent that you’ll no longer remember anything about who you are and what you like. Which gives him the chance to then destroy you emotionally.
Heavens! I don't wear a lot of make-up (like once every few months or less now thanks to the last 2 years!) but I would be livid if someone threw it out! I know my other half prefers me without make-up, which works 99% of the time, because I don't wear it on a daily basis, but on the rare occassion that we are going somewhere, I do like to put a little on!
@@internetexplorer6304 thank you. Yes it is from personal experience and luckily it’s not a relationship I have to worry about anymore. Unfortunately the psychological effects last a lot longer than the relationship, which was more than long enough at twelve years.
That is not "a red flag" in the sense of a sign it's going to go wrong. It's already going wrong at this point. Litterally destroying someone else's property
When it comes to moms being controlling, I wouldn't fully blame it on the kid, because since the kid was born in this environment, they don't realize how fucked up it is. So trying to open their eyes would be a good thing to do, if it doesn't work, moving on is also a good thing. But yeah. As someone who had a mother who was doing everything for me and not letting me do stuff on my own, it took me years to realize that she was manipulative and stuff. I mean, I don't say that it's for everyone like this, but sometimes it's the case and the parent is more of the problem than the kid.
Also culture plays a big factor too, the US has that thing were kids leave the house as soon as they turn 18, other countries do not (latin american ones for example) so being independent and doing whatever you want is more difficult because parents hit you with the "my house, my rules", and unless you go to another city to college or you move in with your (usually long-term) partner you live with them at least through college, and also not all kids start working at 16 to have their own pocket money, so sometimes even as an adult you have to ask your parents for money
Yeah, it's possible that the mother is more at fault. If she forces you to do things her way, you won't be able to do stuff on your own. At least in my case, it was impossible to talk back to her because she had her own opinions. What do you do with severe errors? That's right! You exclude them!
Yeah, there's definitely a place for giving people room to learn and grow, especially when it comes to their family baggage. My ex-fiance had brutal helicopter parents who were really toxic to us and caused a lot of problems. He and I broke up a few years ago, and there were other factors (his parents got a much-needed divorce, the truly toxic one is out of his and the other parent's life now, and most importantly my ex got sober which has made a galaxy of difference for him) but he's absolutely transformed now into the guy I always saw him having the potential to be. I'm glad we didn't stay together overall and we agree we shouldn't date, and indeed our breakup was an important part of what contributed to his overall recovery, so we can't have it both ways -- but I'm still absolutely thrilled to have been part of his journey and it still brings me a ton of joy to see how far he's come. Point is, yeah, sometimes people have growing up to do. I'd say the really important clues lie in their attitude and their receptiveness to change. And more often than not, the person doing the criticizing has their own growing-up to do too, and needs to lighten up the mildly codependent guidance a little bit before either person can grow lol. That was my lesson to finally learn after I dumped him 🤣 I wish I'd had the emotional maturity to let him face more of his own problems more independently sooner! I objectively made his codependency traits that he expressed with his parents _worse_ at the time. Nobody likes facing the "Wait, I'M ALSO part of the relationship and therefore am probably contributing to exactly what I dislike about it?!?" piece of things lol, but it's usually present. I couldn't see it clearly until I had space and hindsight. The vast majority of "red flags" are really either just signs a person is a work in progress, or signs that something is out of sync within the person PERCEIVING the flags. (Except for some which are stark predictors of abuse obviously, those exist for sure and are serious business.) But yeah mostly the concept is overrated and a bit paranoid. Dr. K, channel name is HealthyGamerGG I think, is a great psychiatrist who had an excellent video about red flags recently and he emphasized that people get zero-tolerance about them too easily and shared great advice about identifying flags _within oneself_ that a relationship isn't right. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in the topic.
Big ol red flag is if a guy repeatedly talks shit on his ex unprompted, whether he’s not over them or jus being toxic, it’s a huge red flag I wish I paid attention to sooner.
I'd add anyone who is constantly derogatory about other people generally. A close friend/housemate of mine had a boyfriend who'd constantly slag off other people's tastes e.g favourite band, sports team, film, food, their fashion sense... pretty much anything. Basically he'd always put other people down and believe his taste/opinion was superior and the only one that mattered. I never once heard him pay anyone a compliment, be please for them or say something positive about another person. Unsurprisingly he turned out to be a complete arsehole.
Yes, my very toxic ex was talking shit about his sister in law ALL OF THE TIME. I was young and dumb. Should have taken it as the red flag it clearly was. She was with his brother, and they had a child together. She was human, not perfect, but not even half as bad as he made her look.
My ex was friends with his ex. They dated probably 4 years prior and both had relationships after their breakup & becoming friends again (before I had even come into the picture) when I was seeing the guy he wouldn't shut up about her and her current boyfriend. They all did a course together so I thought it was just usual annoyance within the friend group, but after I ended up ending things for other reasons than this, her then boyfriend messaged me (the girl ended things with him about a month before I left my ex) two weeks later saying that my ex and her were seeing each other and were all over each other in class. Should've seen the red flags because his behaviour changed so much that month before I ended things lol
My boyfriend had a massive green flag after our second date, things were hotting up at his flat and there was lots of touching and snogging. He went to touch me too, and I awkwardly told him that I had a tampon in and said it didn't matter and kissing me was enough for him. Some men are so weirded out by periods, but that was when I realised he was a keeper.
Every time I'm within hearing range of a period talk all the girls always feel the need to apologise or say I must be weirded out. Like sure, that's not exactly a hot topic but come on how precious can men be to actually make it a global problem xD
@@RNS_Aurelius Oh, you'd be surprised at the number of idiots out there that know so little about women's health. I was asked by a colleague when I was 29 if I "have menopause". r/badwomensanatomy is an eye opener
Being even slightly controlling in the early stages of a relationship. I was seeing a guy, and at this point we were a week or two into dating, who was verrry opinionated about me dyeing my hair (something I did quite frequently at that stage of my life) to the extent of telling me not to do it. I can't remember any other examples but this kind of thing happened enough times in those two weeks that I sent him on his way. This guy was also a friend of one of my best friends, who told me that he bad mouthed me afterwards so uhhh good riddance!
Yeah that's usually a red flag that they are heavily conservative and think women should be "natural" but make no effort to make them happy. Nothing wrong with having some traditional viewpoints, but forcing it on others and acting like they're the only ones who should be mindful of what they say or do is just wrong.
@@beththedarkmage3359 I don't even think he was that conservative about hair color, it struck me more as just an attempt to control me. I probably already had dyed hair and he said it looked good on me and not to change it, and I said "well I'm already planning to and I enjoy changing my color up" and he was just kinda like "no don't do that"
@@lucybw I consider getting excessively angry about things to be a prime indicator of future abuse patterns. I cut some tree limbs that were hanging in the road (I do this every summer) and my bf got SO upset. He said, "I would call the cops on you if I didn't know you!" Because tree limbs don't grow back, right?
When they start telling you that their job is more important than yours and your job is effectively useless because they earn x2 more money than you and because their job is more important they don’t have to do daily chores because they are ‘tired’ from a ‘proper’ days work.
Oh absolutely. It's one thing to work heavy labour jobs and be wiped out, carefully explaining that you're aware the chores are your responsibility and just cannot find the energy. Hopefully doing everything you can when you have energy again. It's another to devalue the work someone else does in order to tell them it's _their_ responsibility. I do wonder if he was the type of guy who expected you to quit your job and do all the chores, never finding any ambition other than himself and any potential kids you might have...those people should make anyone run for the hills, even if they want to be housewives and have children. It shouldn't ever be _expected_ of somebody to put their happiness aside completely.
I'm not even sure how to word this one, but if you find yourself wondering if they've ever actually interacted with someone of a different skin colour...
@@MagiciteHeart Part of that needs to be taken situationally. I grew up in a small town in Wales, and for that entire time all my friends were very white. Not because I chose to only hang out with white people, because the only people in a 10km radius of me where white. I could see it being the same situation in small-town America, or for people who grew up in very white areas. While they will probably have INTERACTED with black people more than I had, you tend to befriend people in your general area. If someone lives in a very diverse place and still only has white friends, it's likely a red flag. but I feel stating this as a truism is wrong.
@@trianglemoebius I'm similar. I live in Northern Ireland and while you would see POC if you went to Belfast (the capital city), but I never interacted with a black person until my last job (I was 30). That being said, I didn't live a closed off life or anything - I went to a Catholic Girls Grammar School (mostly white girls with a few mixed race girls - but they were "the same" as us, in terms of cultural aspects because they and often their parents were all born local) and university in Belfast and I worked in two different local hotels, a cafe and a few small offices, all within 20 miles of home and then a slightly bigger company in Belfast (45 miles from home) which is where I had regular casual conversation with a black person (where I was much more aware of him and me being different, culturally, etc). But now that I am more aware of my limited experiences, I do now go out of my way to follow different creators online - different races/religions/cultures (they are often intertwined), disabled individuals (blind, wheelchair user, amputee, etc). I find that this really helps me broaden my knowledge in a way that I can't based on the people I meet day-to-day in my life.
@@LovelyLawla I agree, and feel that leads to a good way to circumvent the "This person only has white friends, thus they are racist" idea - check what kind of media the consume, what creators they follow, etc. it speaks far more to their character than socialisation, which could be - for lack of a better word - region locked.
Speaking as someone who has been working through terrible jealousy issues my entire life: it's a massive fucking red flag. I don't even try to enter into relationships most of the time because I know that, even if I don't show it, the toxicity is there behind the scenes. On the flipside: don't date people who have a thing for jealous people. That's also a huge red flag. Those kinds of people will go out of their way to do things they know will get their partner riled up and jealous because they love that power they can exert over their partner.
I always thought it was gross making your crush or partner jealous is such a common trope in movies and it's played off as cute or necessary. It's not, it hurts them and will ultimately erode the trust between the two of you. If you feel someone pulling away, talk to them, don't play mind games.
Mad props for your self-awareness. This is a great comment, made even better due to coming from your perspective. You're doing a good job with your self-work. Good on you
In my language when you say "my" you add a gender to it so you can say "my" and mean "my (girl)" but I find this so disrespectful it actually triggers me. It sounds like you have some sexy slave rather than a girlfriend. Idk, words cannot describe how much it grinds my gears.
@@divyak9980 Polish but there's a bunch of other languages that do that (I think all slavic ones do, but I am fairly certain other languages (groups) also have that)
This! My last boyfriend almost immediately put me off him again by the way he tried to parade me to his friends but I tried to let it slide. Shame I didn't realise what kind of person he was until I actually dated him. Self proclaimed 'nice guy'...not that nice.
Walking on eggshells when talking to your parter. That one hit close to home With my last parter I remember one horrible date she was in a bad mood and nothing I said would make it better, tried so hard to be positive about the whole thing. Eventually just stayed quiet thinking if I say the wrong thing she'd get physical. Thank god I'm out of that mess
Props for speaking up about physical abuse/threat thereof, in general and particularly from a female partner. I hope people are kind to you about your experience and don't belittle you about it/deny that it's valid. This social climate is often rough on people who don't conform to the "men are perpetrators and women are victims" narrative.
@@ItsAsparageese yeah I don't talk about it in person due to potentially being belittled. Only reason I'm okay talking about it here is because I'm a random face on the Internet with an alias
@@elzar5987 I'm sorry discussing your trauma is something you feel so restricted about. That sucks and it's not how things should be. That paradigm is shifting, but I wish it would hurry up. I'm glad you clearly know you're a valid victim and that your experience counts. I hope you never have to deal with people trying to deny you your truth.
Treating service providers poorly/with disrespect, they are just doing their job. Also if my moms dogs don't like you (unless it's for an actual reason like the person being really scared/bad experience with them), big red flag as they love everyone
I'm glad you included the last part. I suffer from crippling cynophobia and so I'm automatically freaked out around any dog. Dogs pick up on this, they realise I am scared and leave me alone because they can tell I don't want to be near them. I've had a few people mistake this for the dog "not liking me" and conclude I must be a terrible persion.
Bestie had a boyfriend that would literally play video games all day, never take care of his son but then tell his mom and friends that he did everything and she did nothing. So she dumped him!
One of my exes showed quite a few red flags during the relationship, but nothing super concerning until after I'd broken up with him, when he sent me a message one night saying he's been sitting in his car in front of my house for hours. After that he tried to call a few times but wouldn't say anything, and texted me with just .... on it. Creepy as heck. In the end I just told him to get lost and ignored any calls and messages, and luckily it didn't escalate, but for a long time I kept checking the area before leaving home or coming back.
I really hope if he does it again you'll report it to the police, even if they can't make an arrest, because it would start the paper trail. People like that rarely fix their stalker tendencies and could go on to violate another's privacy.
@@beththedarkmage3359 If he did it again now after a decade and me living in a different country I'd totally report it to the police 😂 But I hope he grew up less disturbed than he seemed at the time.
"It's just a prank!" when they seriously and intentionally hurting you, aka the inability to face the consequences and take responsibility over what they did!
This. Even if it was done out of jest or whatever, actions can still hurt people. You don't need to apologise for your reasoning - if it was a joke and you didn't realise how far you went, that's fine. But when your actions hurt, you can and should still be willing to apologise for the outcome.
@@trianglemoebius Agreed. Just because the hurt wasn't intentional, doesn't mean it didn't happen. If the person really cares about you, then they'll care that their joke went too far.
Duuuude I went out with a guy who would say some seriously messed up stuff and then I'd get a little upset and he would say "you know I'm just winding you up!" like sir...no. 1. If that's true, I want nothing to do with you 2. It probably isn't true and you actually just have terrible opinions and you're backtracking because I called you out.
Just want to point out that this is NOT male-specific abusive behaviour is abusive behaviour no matter the gender. Frankly, the dishes it out but can't take a joke (and became very aggressive) applied to a girl I used to know.
You know what is another red flag? Pulling a "not all men" in a video that is specifically about uncommon thing men do. Pretending this is a "both sides" issue and that women are equally as bad as men is Googleably false. Yes, anyone CAN be emotionally or physically abusive, but STATISTICALLY men are FAR more guilty of this, and FAR more likely to snap and murder someone. Like you couldn't just engage with the video. You had to sit here and tell everyone "women can do this too" like we're all fucking stupid and you're the only one who understand nuance. Clearly, you're the one who doesn't, because no one else felt the need to point this out like it's some great revelation. Everyone sucks, but men suck more, harder, and more often that's just how it is. Don't like it? Maybe educate the rest of your gender on how not to suck instead of man's mansplaining.
@@ACAB.forcutie And nobody is claiming otherwise. This isn't a question of "what are red flags in men?" not "what are EXCLUSIVELY red flags in men." You're disproving a truism that wasn't made to begin with.
@@trianglemoebius I'd argue that making it about Men is portraiting it as an eclussivley male problem whether you specifically add "exclusive" or not. You can call me defensive but I've had to deal with and an abusive personality who was a small lady who could immediately gaslight the situation and it was not a great experience . I know first hand how it feels when people assume it's you just because you're a guy.
I thought that was a big plant on the floor in the corner by the door until he touched it I realised it was a small one on the desk. It's messed with my mind.
When an otherwise handsome and friendly Austrian expat makes a joke about the horrible things his Nazi grandfather did - in one sentence laughing about both the Holocaust and treatment of slaves in the U.S. I nearly opened the car door and jumped out while it was moving. Could not get away from him fast enough. Saw him a movie theater a few years later with a girl and had to wonder if she was as racist as he was.
@@muzak913 I wish I was joking. I can’t even repeat exactly what he said. And the bonus: when I told my friend why I was done with him, they said, “Yeah, but he’s got a great car!” 😳 I’m like who are you??
@@amychissong jesus... the amount of girls i've had tell me on dates "i like you, but your car sucks" is just depressing. i had 3 girlfriends before i finally found my current partner and she doesn't give a shit about my car or anything materialistic, she's a keeper for sure. not everyone can afford a luxurious car, and many times those guys that own the "nice" cars are assholes anyway. beauty is on the inside
About the controlling mothers thing, let me tell you that it's unfortunately very common amongst Asian parents (whether South, West or East), and it's not the kid's fault. It's an emotionally abusive relationship more than anything and pushing the blame on the kid is essentially blaming the victim. Before anyone says "omG jUst cUt tHe cHord", it's not that fucking easy.
I have the feeling it might become more common in Europe as well (not sure about the US). I suspect it stems from parents having only one or two children, and thus those children shall not, under any circumstances, fail in life. Nowadays we call them "helicopter parents" or "cosseters", which is kind of a trivialization of the real issue at play. It's easy to see how this kind of parent-child relationship can grow into a lifelong unhealthy (mutual) dependence.
"Outspoken male feminist" = it's an act. At best they're overcompensating but more likely they're just saying that stuff to trick women into giving them the benefit of a doubt.
Although there are some men who are just really passionate about women's rights, and are outspoken about it. I don't think it's fair to say that it's always an act, even if it often is.
@@peterlewis2178 - Here's the thing: for a man, being a feminist isn't something to be outspoken about, for the same reason that brushing your teeth isn't something to be outspoken about. It's not impressive, it's not an achievement, it's just What You're Supposed To Do. Treating women as equals isn't a virtue, it's just the absence of a sin. Guys who make a huge deal about being male feminists aren't just being outspoken - they're looking for praise for not being sexist, and that transactional relationship has its ugly side. It's insincere, and when feminism is insincere, it's usually coming from someone who *really* doesn't believe in equality - who thinks that conditional support for equality is fine because, hey, you're going to keep meeting that condition so what's the problem? And you know what the problem with that is, right? That guy is one bad day away from snapping back into being the sexist piece of shit that he thinks he's entitled to be if he's not getting the reward he thinks he's owed for *not* being that way.
I sort of agree, with not making your politics your personality, I just have a problem with being told that politics shouldn't be an issue in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I will not date someone that seriously considers voting for the extreme right. Our values do just not align at that point. Period.
I agree, I think somebodies political view is definitely somewhat important for the succes of the relationship, because who they vote for tells me how much they value other people's lives and well being, so I kinda need to know.
You wouldn't have to break it down to the politicial views, since a someone who tends to vote for the far right will definitely suffer from a near total lack of empathy. Well, not so much "suffer", but more "making everyone around them suffer because of it". That should usually be enough to scare you away long before the talk even scratches on the topic of political views.
Not if you’re a moderate and you think all parties are full of morons. Allowing politics to ruin relationships for you is sad. The only reason I could see it as a problem, is if they constantly act like that party per-say and are assholes.
Dating in the southern US is a minefield of white supremacists and I would 100% rather someone's personality be loudly about leftist politics than end up on a date with a closet conservative of any flavor. I wish more people were comfortable enough to put an off track leftist in their place though. So like red flag, eh, more like an orange/yellow flag. Proceed with caution.
@@jwb52z9 It honestly depends on what they're ready to do. Leftwing people are way more split up in different groups than right-wing people, and some are actually evil. There even used to be a left wing t*rr0r*st organisation in my country. They unalived a politician and "borrowed" a FULL passenger plane mid-air. Avoiding "negative" words here. And more recently during a political conference some extreme left-wing people destroyed big parts of the city, got lots of people into hospital, partly with serious injuries and destroyed the belongings of even not so wealthy people. Luckily, here everyone has to have insurance or these extremists would've destroyed lives. An even more recent example is how some extreme left-wing people refused to wear masks at least at the beginning of the pandemic because the "evil establishment" told them to wear them. Very empathetic. I agree that most left-wing people aren't as bad as most right-wing people, but too many of them are still bad people. I'm left-leaning, but a lot of idealistic positions that go more into the extreme are capable of doing a lot of harm because they tend to be too simplistic and ignore important factors or because they're straight out calls for vi*l*nce and destruction.
Not being able to apologize just like you described it (Sorry, you feel like that/see it that way etc.) is also a _Huge_ red flag for gaslighting. No matter the sex or situation (on a date or in a workplace setting). If you notice that in someone you know, keep an eye on them and document their behavior and the exact circumstance it occurred. Even if just as a record for yourself, a paper trail with gaslighters is always useful!
Having been a waitress in a few different towns and a few different restaurants I can tell you that when a customer says anything about being a good tipper, or worse they say 'do this for me and I'll tip you well/ overtip you/ take care of you', over 90% of the time its a man saying it and 99% of these men tip for shit! If someone, especially a guy, thinks he needs to bribe you with the promise of a decent tip, as a server you know your about to be screwed by some asshole! The ones who talk about their impressive tipping to their date or to their server are the worst! I can't imagine the misogyny they exhibit behind closed doors. If your date brags at all about tipping, dont walk away, RUN!!!
I feel like this is extra true because of the person is actually a good tipper, it'll be obvious when they leave a good tip. Why would they need to tell someone they do something they'll noticeably do anyway? Obviously they reason is they don't, they want to get that idea into their date's head verbally so they don't have to do it practically.
Yes. I've dumped a guy for lack of tipping. He was trying to pretend he was a big spending, spoil the lady kind of guy, but then he tipped a waitress $5 on an $80 bill... I told him I'd get the tip and left a $20. Totally embarrassed him.
I met another regular in my local pub when I first moved to Oxford who’d say racist or arsehole-y things and finish with ‘that’s the truth’. It was impossible to call him out on anything as he’d talk over you….he eventually moved a few months later
That thing about how every ex is the problem was one of my biggest annoyance with my ex - he did it with his jobs and his ex's and near the end of the relationship I said something about how it's unrealistic that he was only ever being persecuted, and it was BAD.
@@toroallin5734 When I actually got the story and it was that she asked him, if he woke up early before her and she'd cooked dinner the night before, to put the dishes away, and he said that was unreasonable and insane of her to ask because he'd bought dinner the week before... That was beyond a red flag. Then it was that his boss at his previous job was crazy and had it out for him and he should have gotten the permanent position because he never did anything wrong and she just hated him... I posed the question that maybe there was somethings he could have improved on, and it didn't seem realistic that everyone was always out to get him and was accused of being unsupportive and having their back instead of his (also a red flag). Well, I'm sure he says I was unreasonable and actually always hated him now, but I wish him the best. I was just tired of having to find a common ground when he said something hurtful and he wouldn't apologize and could only give excuses.
I had a guy complain I was wearing sneakers to a date where he cooked at home for me. Mind you, he lived in PhD housing at my city's University so there was no living room, an industrial looking kitchen and he shared his bathroom with 11 other men. Mind you, I didn't care that we had to sit in his single dorm-like bedroom at 30,when he was almost 40 because I get it, he's a PhD student using the offered housing. I'm not difficult. But he expected me to wear heels to a dorm room where I had to sit on his swivel chair because I didn't want to sit on his bed on the second date. That moment I knew he wouldn't accept me how I was and the passive aggressive remarks about my clothes and other choices would only get worse down the line.
As someone who has done a PhD, that person sounds strange to me. My more common impression is that most PhD students, or us postdocs for that matter, are at not that strict with clothing etc. Even at professional conference dinners it is hard to find people who are truly dressed up for the occasion.
@@fraktaalimuoto he was always in dress shoes and a shirt. Which is fine by me but not my personal style. But then again, I don't choose a partner for how they dress so I barely noticed he was always quite formally dressed.
Thanks for sharing. I always love reading about how fucked up other guys are, because it makes me more confident that maybe I'm not so shit after all :D And that he was doing his PhD at the time is a bonus, for that's exactly where I am atm and thus, maybe I'm not even shit among my fellow academics.
I had a similar experience. We agreed do take a walk around a lake for out first (and only) date. I knew the surroundings: no pavement, lots of small stones and grass... You know, a lake. So I had tennis shoes and jeans on, because it was cold and this was the sensible choice. Than he proceeds to tell me, that he prefers women in high heels and mini skirts. Hihg heels and a mini skirt in winter while wlking around a lake with no pavements? That is a recepie for a broken ankle and pneumonia.
That is MUCH. I can't with any guy who is going to try to dictate how I dress. Like, if opinions are asked for, sure! But let people have their own style. I went on a shopping date with a guy once because he suggested meeting at the mall and I needed to get holiday gifts for my roommates. He kept badgering me to get an expensive wool peacoat after I had explained at length how impractical I think they are and that I prefer parkas (and also, I was shopping for other people, not me). Dude, I showed up in a black open knit dress and jeans, do you think I'm going to take your fashion advice? I have my own thing going on.
I don’t just enjoy, I look forward to this on Sunday loved today’s topic even after being married almost five decades. Humans and their intentions don’t change that much across time!
"Poor impulse controll" Ah yes, ADHD is a red flag now. I mean ok in some instances when it has to do with violence or anger issues, that's a red flag, but I feel like in those cases it's not the impulse control that's the problem.
Adhd, autism, fucking depression even can cause weird impulse control issues; plus im sure plenty of other neurodiversity diagnoses come with that same side effect. At the same time though, its not like its anything new that plenty of people find neurodiversity differences to be unwelcome.
@@hobbssha - tbh most people who have those conditions know that we have them and, if we do have these kinds of mod swings, will be quite apologetic about it. We're used to managing our conditions, rather than indulging in them and being stuck with the consequences. I don't think poor impulse control is referring to spontaneity - I think it's more about guys who are aggressive with little to no provocation.
@@FTZPLTC "I think it's more about guys who are aggressive with little to no provocation" I think so too, but really, that's not what I would call impulse controll.
If you have ADHD you can treat it with medication. Part of being a good partner is taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally. My husband has bipolar and ADHD, that doesn't give him an excuse to be a jerk.
@@FTZPLTC Exactly this. I've struggled with poor impulse control due to ADHD, but I've never let it get the best of me. I've never just "had poor impulse control" I have "struggled with it" and now managed to control it. We can't hide behind our disabilities, that itself is a red flag. We must overcome them, and that effort - even if it is not entirely success - is what separates a red flag from not a red flag.
I used to keep a little wine/beer under my bed. It always put people off but the reason I kept it there was because I didn't drink often, when I did drink I preferred room temp, and I didn't have a ton of space in my kitchen.
Me and my hubby don’t drink much and we don’t keep it under the bed but we do keep it in the bedroom at the top of a bookcase cause we’ve got a tiny kitchen 🤷♀️
I skip red flags by sabotaging any conversation upfront 😎 and I know that - with a magic trifecta of: autistim, asexuality, and massive trust issues - I'm not built for relationships
Same, triple threat! +aromantic so i’m not interested anyway. The only people who got past the first convo and are now my best friends are also asexual and/or aromantic, autistic and have massive trust issues.
The trifecta but also a personality disorder which makes me terrified of abandonment so I purposely push everyone away and then hate myself because of it 😂
Similar shit here, but sending love. Trying to work through it myself cuz I do want to date, but damn it is hard. It being the trust issues. My anxiety and asexuality aren't going anywhere 😅
For me the first one needs more context. I depends on the reason the bf is waiting... I used to wait for my gf's entire work shift in the car because I would be waiting for her to finish so we could do stuff and I would be undistracted to finish up school work in the car. As a poor college student and living an hour away from my gf at the time, it was better for me to wait. Also, maybe he's her ride and he lives far away? Now, if he's waiting outside to control her every move and interaction, then yeah that's REAL toxic! Get outta that relationship!
If he's waiting in the car because she's asked him to do that or at least honestly thinks it the sensible thing to do then yeah, fine. But if he insists on it even though she doesn't need him or the car there for anything, then a definite red flag.
Was looking for this comment. My ex liked me hanging around if I could (she worked at a fast food place), they asked me to and I was happy to do it. I can see how it could look bad to an outsider, but sometimes you just like being around each other. It was really sweet knowing they wanted my company like that. It wasn't a trust thing or anything, we just liked having the other close. And it was convenient for when they got off work. Sure, if its being done unasked for, then it's a red flag.
Love the pastel stripes shirt... I'm catching an 80s Miami Vice vibe😂 Those controlling dudes... seriously RUN! I was married to one for way too many years! Girls can be controlling too. Not just picking on the dudes😉
I’ve never met a man who is willing to admit he made a mistake and apologized for it. So, I think if a woman is waiting for a man who will apologize to her, she will be waiting forever.
Ex had had problems with the fam, then studied and worked abroad forba while followed with the fact that he had bonding issues/fear Yeah I liked him, but in hindsight he didn't know what healthy bonds between people looked like, so no wonder he had trouble forming new ones himself
Oof. I seriously had to consider if I was going to warn my exs new partner or not. After speaking with my friends and family I realized its not worth it. She will most likely not listen, and it might put me in a horrible situation. He is so sly about his abusive ways, I feel sorry for her. I didnt see how bad it was myself until I got out after 6 years.
the uber one is funny. My score would be zero because I'm too terrible a driver to be an uber driver and I get lost too easily. Hiding beer under the bed sounds like a Homer Simpson thing.
He didn’t mean a low score as an Uber driver he meant as a passenger. Drivers are allowed to rate their passengers and so if you’ve ever ridden in an Uber you have a score.
I left the father of my son when he was just over a year after multiple times when he said my son's medical problems 'have to be' my fault because he had 2 other kids with his X wife and at the time neither were diagnosed with anything (since this has changed) after I left him i was trying to have a conversation about rearing my son and visitation and he said something that pissed me off, so not wanting to yell in front of my son I looked away and took several slow breaths, he reached out and grabbed my neck and choked me (both hands thumbs interlocked over my voice-box). his reason that i should take him back after that was "my dad beat the shit out of my mom and she stayed with him" he didn't like my answer (something along the lines of 'just because she was dumb doesn't mean i need to be') and then proceeded to try to take me to court to take custody of my son. red flag: if they are absolutely unable/unwilling to take and responsibility for their own actions or who think that previous abuse justifies how poorly they treat people.
My dad tested my mum as he wanted to make sure she wasn't just agreeing with him! So He took an exstreem veiw and she fought against him for an hour at the end she was ready to walk away and he just said'nope i agree with you entirly I had to make sure' this was the early 60's mum was seen as 'left on the shelf' at 22! And i know (mostly women) who still agree with every their boyfriend says and then wonder further down the line why it dosn't wprk out.
Lying about small things is a big one I missed. The guy would lie about anything - what bands he'd seen, what he bought at the shops, his life story, whatever. I thought it was funny and would call him out about it because I thought I always knew the truth and that he was just being silly. I later realised he lied about all sorts of serious things as well, and he would say I just didn't remember things right, and soon I was questioning everything. And of course when we broke up he was then telling ridiculous lies about me to anyone who would listen, and they all believed him because people didn't realise that nothing he said was ever true.
This works the other way round too. My most recent ex exhibited most of these controlling behaviours and in the end she physically assaulted me in public when I was out with my colleagues for a Xmas party! I'd also say a couple of unusual red flags are refusing to wear a seatbelt of any kind and claiming to "like everything" when it comes to music, films etc.
I dated a guy for two years. We could talk about deep stuff and I thought we could talk about problematic stuff in the relationship and discuss issues and problems that came up. We had been really good at communicating before and that's why our relationship had lasted so long. But towards the end something I thought was a one off which kind of left me shut down and unable to really discuss certain issues in the relationship started to look like it was becoming a pattern. I realized we were both in different stages of our mental health journey and he still had a lot to work out and hadn't figured out yet how to not let it affect me and I was becoming stressed and unhappy and it was bringing up a bunch of issues that I felt unable to talk about. It was a good relationship while it lasted and I don't regret it but I couldn't stay in it anymore.
If they're an asshole to servers, delivery guys etc, if they get angry easily in general. Because if they fly off the handle because they got the wrong order, they will do the same for you. If they try to control what you're wearing or where you're going, want to know who you are seeing.
I had the hots for a guy who had convinced himself that stringing along a girl was better than rejecting her because he wasn't hurting the girl...he was also really bad in bed so....the hots quickly died
People often put on a front when they meet someone new to make a good impression. Be wary of the superficial charmer, where the charm they show to your face is only skin deep. When meeting anyone new who hasn't been vouched for by several people who's opinions I trust, I'm always careful not to be too trusting until I get to know them better. I show a polite interest and ask them questions about themselves. I pick topics I either know something about or can check so it's easy to spot lies/bullshit. I like to quietly observe their behaviour, how they interact with others and how those people respond to them when they're not aware I'm watching. e.g. Do they treat other people decently such as being polite and respectful to shop assistants, bar staff, junior staff, etc. How do other people react to them? Do they smile, seem happy respond with warmth when they see them? Or are they a bit wary, distant or off with them? If a few different people seem to react somewhat negatively that's usually a sign to be wary. Another red flag is if someone I've just met starts asking me for favours. Manipulative people will often ask for a small favour which later morphs into a bigger one or once you've said yes a steady stream of additional favours will emerge. Ask yourself why they're not asking somebody they know better? The answer is usually because nobody who's familiar with them trusts them, or that the story they told you about why they need the favour is bullshit.
Oh man the people that say they're honest but really they're just assholes are a special breed. I had a displeasure of meeting a friend of my friends who just seems... well... arrogant. He wasn't particularly annoying but you could just feel this weird aura of feeling full of himself and that if you engage he'll make it about himself. He was quite an opinionated dude and at some point he said he's just really honest and it makes him look like an asshole sometimes... and while, yes, I appreciate honesty, you can't use that as a cover for being tactless... The more was drunk at the party the more "honest" he'd get and I just cringed every time. Idk, maybe I don't know him enough, he seems smart, he's not like in your face annoying all the time but he just feels unpleasant and I think that was the first time I met someone like that and it was pretty shitty experience; I can't imagine a girlfriend/boyfriend taking all his shit daily, that's really just emotional abuse. Also with the personality change and walking on eggshells... definitely look out for that but it's context dependent IMO. I had a similar thing going but it happened due to just excruciating stress at my SO's job, I was the person to go to with troubles and I just caught a lot of heat. It was definitely a rocky point but I just understood what was going on and now we're stronger than ever. Though that was pretty mentally taxing and I have a tendency of turning off when I get told something negative which is... well not ideal to say the least, you don't want to ignore anyone since you can't ignore some problems; you can't just pretend you live in a utopia, but at the same time my tolerance for negative talk is just lowered... It is what it is I suppose but tl;dr look at the context in those situations but it still definitely is a red flag, I'm probably the exception here.
Oh no, I HATE road rage. Quite some time ago now I was in a car with my ex bf. Someone was tailgating him, which is annoying. But he responded by bracking shortly and than flipping the car the finger. First of all, crazy scary because of the breaking. We were on a main road, so driving quite fast. Thereby putting the other driver, himself and me in danger. But the other driver responded by stepping out of his car at a following traffic light to FIGHT my ex bf... and that driver looked buff. Ex backed away, and raced past him through the red light. It wasn't busy on the road, because of the time. But I'd still rather never have that happen to me ever again. Never felt very safe with him in a car after that 😅
When I was young and socially inept I went on a date with a guy who asked me out after finding out I was listening to his iTunes library---back when you could just eavesdrop on whoever had iTunes open nearby. This was the age of Limewire and Ruckus, so getting free music where you could didn't seem like any sort of invasion---particularly if you were broadcasting. We were both in the college library studying and he happened to be at a nearby alcove. It wasn't particularly difficult to narrow down who was listening in, but he would've had to look over my shoulder at my screen to know. Anyway, we enthusiastically liked similar music, which was enough for me. We went out, he was awkward, but seemed cool enough for a repeat. A day later he was asking for my class schedule, hunting me down between classes, and insisting on holding hands at all times. Like, nothing threatening, just WAY too clingy for someone I had been out with once. I was hiding in a study room with the lights off to avoid him after he wouldn't give me space. And that is also the story of how I found my favorite study spot on campus lol.
I think we should differentiate things that aren't great but can be worked on as like yellow flags🔶 and more serious things as red flags🛑 Also green flags are important too💚🚦
Side note: Evan I think you should keep the long hair and beard and see how long you can grow them out and then do the big chop and see how long you can get your hair to. Mine is currently at 12 in. I'm 5ft and 1/4in so my hair covers most if not all of my back. 🙂. Also love the content. Keep up the great videos. 👍🏻
God, I remember one time I was training s receptionist for the closing shift at the museum, which closed at 5:00. Her husband used to storm into the lobby at 5:05 wanting to know why she was "late." The next day I told her that she needed to explain to him that the closing shift didn't end until at least 5:30 because the guards had to do a sweep of the whole building before leaving their keys at the front desk. I don't know if she did that or not, but he did the same thing the whoile week I was training her. She didn't last long on the job.
Some of your O's came out like a Philly O or a Baltimoron O. I know you're from Jersey. I grew up in PA. Both my parents are from Baltimore and I moved to England when I was 19. So I know the accent when I hear it. That comment had nothing to do with the video topic. So, listening to the Reddit replies made me wonder what kind of person I'm like to be around. My ex husband said I was an alcoholic because I would buy two bottles of wine in the weekly shop. He would also only let us order £10 worth of food from the Chinese takeaway. So I'd have to cook some egg fried rice just so we could get an extra dish. Also, I've got two boys with him. Sometimes we'd get a KFC.... Six piece bucket. It was ok at first but as the boys got older, I'd get less chicken. But I made sure everyone else ate and was full before I started picking the bones clean 😂😭😭. Now that I'm single, I get anything and everything I want when I order a takeaway.
For me a red flag is not being able to have different opinions about stuff, such as but not limited to politics, we may have varying political views, but that doesn’t mean you have to ‘convert me’ or dump/never talk to me again because of simple personal opinions. I’m not saying I agree with everything a certain party says, that’s never the case, I’m saying, that party is the one I most agree with at that time.
I had an ex who would turn every time I was upset with him into him 'still being upset' about something I'd done months or even years ago that we'd have either resolved or wasn't a big issue when it initially happened. After we broke up he tried to get me back and when I bought up all his red flags, including that one, he responded with "I know, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what it is but I can't apologise and I'm not going to. I find it really difficult to say the words 'I'm sorry' so I'm afraid I can't give you an apology". Needless to say, we did not get back together.
It took me a long long time to understand I can take a joke about myself and its OK to do so after being bullied for basically the entirety of my school life... every joke cut like I was being bullied again, I couldn't trust that they were using the joke to get to know me and it wasn't a put down, I was in my 20s when I was able to understand and that was due to a friend I didn't have in school explaining it to me, bring on the spectrum was likely a factor as well...
Depends on the sub, really. Reddit gets a bad rep because you've got the "enlightened" subs like r/dankmemes that form an identity of "reddit is best, everyone else is cringe", and you've got subs like r/atheism or whereever the incels are now that thrive in Crab-Bucket fueled hate. Truth is, there are millions of subs out there are most are cool. People just tend to focus in on the worst. That said, someone using something like "r/memes" and using terms like "insta-normies" is 100% a red flag.
@@patmccarthy7907 Ah, I get you now. You're completely right. Sorry for the confusion, I've seen one too many people automatically assume "He has a reddit account? He's an fedora-tipping incel."
I've heard some coworkers talking about red flags. They laughed about adults living with their parents. I heard the 20 some year old say, "There's something wrong with a women who's over 30 and doesn't have kids." Those 2 things describe 95% of my friends. I have friends who took in their parent who couldn't afford to keep her house. I know women who waited until they finished medical residency before have kids in their 30s. I have a friend who suffered a stroke and went back to school so he could continue to work. And while doing that, him and his wife lived with her parents. I have a friend who tried IVF but it failed. And I live with my mom because it is financially beneficial for both of us.
about the outspoken male feminist The worst partner I was ever with went to college and minored in women's studies. he was one of two men in the program and when we first met I thought it was a major green flag but I have literally never met someone who treated women worse, or hated women more (in the most manipulative way possible) than him he would wave the flag of feminism all over social media but then would cheat/lie/gaslight behind the scenes.
Sometimes I want to be honest with people, but I don't want to be inconsiderate or aggressive or unintentionally hurting or upsetting them or scaring them with uncarefully chosen words, so I just get silent... So dating feels like a nightmare, either because I don't trust myself with words, and I can't know how the other one would react to my words... Or because I don't trust the other enough to be entirely myself with them, out of fear of judgement, abandonment or aggression. It's like I'm just always on the look out to find a red flag in them, that says that they're gonna find a red flag in me anyway, so why bother...
Many years ago I worked as a server in a famous steak chain and we had a group that came in the middle aged man paid in cash, puffed his chest out and said you can keep the change to impress his guests, but my colleague said even more loudly that the bill was £79.99 and that he had forgotten his penny. I'm sure he wanted the ground to swallow him up!
Big red flag i learned trough the hard way "Yeah, it's okay that she left, i need to look after me and it's way more fun to spend time with you" At that time unfortunatly i had my pink glasses on and was just so happy he wanted to spend all his time with me but afterwards, he took all out on me. I know that breakups mostly are made because of a mischmasch of both persons mistakes and incompatibility. But he took the same card on me, as he does on his friends sometime saying i was wrong in everything and he has to watch for his mental health because i'm the one who is draining him, ect. ect. People who let friends down and put the excuse of mental health into this, without further detail, are a big red flag for me now. It's the same for cheaters, and other stuff. When they do it by "dear" friends of them, who will stopp them doing this shit on you? xx Also the "you just didn't had the right guy until now". I'm a-sexual, i don't want to have sex which i realised a few years ago. But before this i stumbled two times in this trap with a guy who would say he would make me LOVE sex. Funny is, at the same time, these guy's couldn't even give me the emotional site of a realtionship i wanted, so i think i don't have to say that i didn't love sex after doing it with them a few times. Quite the oppisite. It put me in a corner everytime, because they where so demanding that i just did it, so they would shut up xx.
By the way guys, the same applies to women. Many, if not all those red flags are useful to look out for in women. Of course, if you're LGB, they apply to everyone.
Everyone always says to watch how they treat servers/waiters, but really watch how they treat everyone. Also look for how they talk about others, how they talk about exes sure but also friends or acquaintances or someone who cut in the supermarket line. If they're regularly rude to people, complain about others, refuse to acknowledge the possibility they could have handled a situation differently, those are all red flags.
The feminist thing can be a green flag too you know. Honestly if a "feminist" guy is a scumbag to women, they were never a feminist in the first place and are not worth your time, but I personally have never met a guy that was like that, because a lot of scumbags are also very insecure in their masculinity. My boyfriend is not an activist or anything, but he's definitely not afraid to call himself a feminist and he actually upholds those values and is very comfortable in his sexuality, like basically the opposite of toxic masculinity. I guess the main thing you need to be aware of when it comes to red flags or green flags is that actions can speak louder than words and don't just take somebodies word for it when they describe themselves a certain way.
When me and my sister were younger, my mum had a knife under her pillow. She was scared of someone breaking in, and it was just us 3. I am thinking of doing that when my husband is away and it's just me on my disabled self 🤔
My ex would do something that upset or frustrated me and I'd try and explain why and he'd just argue why what he was doing was okay... relationship lasted way longer than it really should have. Never putting up with that again
my best friend's ex used to forbid her from going out without him and once tracked her down because she "snuck out" to see me when I was in town for the first time in years
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
When a man tells you how nice he is/ what a good guy he is...he probably isn't
Or a “not all men” guy….
Yup. A guy in my class at sixth-form was a notorious dick to his girlfriends. Countless times I walked into the school bathrooms and saw his then girlfriend crying because of him, and when I got back to class he was always laughing with his mates with no cares. Flash forward they break up and then he suddenly starts getting rather friendly with me. One time in class he decides to sit next to me and eventually brings up how nice he is and how well he can treat a girl "because he has sisters at home". All throughout this his ex is sat literally right behind him with her back to us a few feet away so I could see her whilst looking at him. Took everything in me not to start laughing in his face tbh
Man i Tell them im a scum bag. Eventually I’m always told I’m one of the nicer people
It’s the sign of a Reddit incel lmao
Yup! And the opposite is also true. This guy I was dating would always say that he’s not a good person and has a lot of shit he’s working through. Throughout our whole relationship he was the sweetest, most considerate, communicative, loving, and honest person ever. He definitely had his moments, but he always communicated his reactions and apologized for it and sincerely worked hard not to do it again. When we broke up he was like “I’m just not a good dude… You deserve way better.” 😭 He was the goodest
sounds like an obvious one but one I've encountered far too often - trying to "convince" you that you're into whatever obscure kink they have. if I say I'm not interested, don't spend another hour/day/week/month dropping hints and sulking when I say no. it's not cute, it's harassment. yes, even if we're dating.
This! ^
That's when I say break up. A lot of men who are mbt sexually gratified. Especially when it comes to kink will find someone else who will. Better to lay it out
@@hopeintruth5119 exactly! Absolutely zero judgement from me for other people's kinks (as long as it's legal and enthusiastically consensual, of course) but if it's something you need in a relationship and your current partner isn't interested, accept that it may be time to go your separate ways. Don't try to affect your partner's preferences, that's when you start getting into non-consensual territory and cause harm.
@@allyh7075 Easier said than done, for then you're that guy who broke up with her because of some weird fetish she wasn't into.
Don't get me wrong: it's still the right thing to do. It's just far from easy to pull off. Especially when the relationship is otherwise going quite well.
Yes, time to break up. I had a guy once with a foot fetishist. Foot massage, super cool, but then he went to town licking my feet and then want to kiss. I just couldn't 🤢
We broke up not too long afterwards which was a bummer. We had a ton of normal stuff in common.
I was with a guy who straight up told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to him about anything negative at all as it made him feel bad.. O.o
I’m a fairly positive person even in rough situations but that was beyond unreasonable.
Was he allowed to say negative things to you ?
@@marlyd Yep, all the time & I was there for him every time.. it felt like I was in a sorta manic pixie dream girl situation where everything had to centre around him. O.o
I had a partner who told me I wasn't allowed to think any negative thoughts, because me feeling bad apparently ruined her whole day. Even if I didn't say anything about how I was feeling to her, just my negative energy was enough to piss her off.
@@WhichDoctor1 literally same, At one point my bf told me not to mention my incurable disease or anything relating to that as it made him feel bad which is apparently not allowed?
It was p fucked up O.o
As inherently negative person I find this hilarious.
oh god my ex had a habit of making really sexist and ableist remarks about me and at first I shrugged it off as bad attempts at jokes, but one day I finally tried to (gently) bring it up and he shut me down SO fast. i noticed that every time I tried to say "hey, it makes me kind of uncomfortable when you say that.." he'd immediately fire back with "my mother says to never 'talk politics' in a relationship/with women." I was so confused because I wasn't talking about politics, I was talking about basic respect and empathy 😬 what he really meant was "don't talk back to me."
then one day he yelled at and belittled me for mentioning wanting to dye my hair (apparently everyone with dyed/colourful hair looks ridiculous, tacky, and i'd be an embarrassment to him...) so I dumped him on the spot lol
Well done.
Good riddance.
As a side note: Any sentence starting with "my mother thinks..."... absolutely not sexy.
@@Geckotape "Mummy says it's a strong chin for a strong boy!"
Good for him then. Unnatural coloured dyed hair looks ridiculous on everyone.
@@aAverageFan luckily I don't care about your opinion because I like my colourful hair 😊
The whole 'parent is too controlling of a person's life can be a real double-edged sword at times. I had a guy refuse to continue dating me once because my mother was 'too demanding of my time'. Oh, you mean my ELDERLY mother, who I am living with to take care of her as she suffers from double knee issues and vision trouble, not to mention my dad with frequent heart problems. Oh yeah, I was really an awful person. At least that reaction was a red flag on my part. And should I mention this guy was a NURSE!
I strongly advocate for the elderly and those whom are disabled. (Mental, physical, or otherwise.) Here’s my story:
I’m also a caretaker for my mom. My father died when I was barely 20 years old. My mother never remarried, nor did she seriously date anyone afterwards.
Sadly, several years later my mother developed mobility issues causing the simplicity of just walking to become painful, and at times a dangerous feat. To safely walk up & down a small batch of stairs she now had to use a walker or occasionally crutches.
Something I noticed amongst these men was that they (thought) of “clever” excuses as to why they didn’t felt the relationship shouldn’t continue. Looking back- this was a blessing in disguise. If anything it’s a red-flag they’re possibly incapable of caring for family in the future. Whether that constitutes children or a loved one with a disability.
Shortly my mother began to have worsening, severe mobility issues I found the love of my life whom had a younger brother with severe health problems. Before I ever met his brother I felt strongly that I would never use that as a reason to break off our relationship. It was sad that he felt the need to explain his brother’s condition before I met him. Almost as he was worried I’d run off in horror at the supposed “freak”.
To this day I love and care for him as much as I would any revered and cherished relative. I’m scared for his future as I wonder who will step up, and be willing to take on the task to maintain the care of him as he whole heartedly deserves. I’ve seen the abysmal so-called “care” facilities for people in similar conditions. It makes me so angry. I can’t imagine being with a POS partner you’re dating unable to cope, or at worst a person who’s solely selfish and unable to deal with the very real consequences of aging.
There are support groups online and IRL. I’ve been able to get support for my mom and other friends/family that I would never have been able to contact otherwise. It took a bit of research on my end. My free time is coming to an end, but if I get the chance or don’t forget I’ll post a few links if I can. You’re not alone when it comes to the hardships of forming relationships even if it’s platonic and simply for friendship. Please take care. 🌸
If he throws all your makeup out very early on in a relationship, whilst insisting that it’s because you don’t need it. It’s not because he thinks you’re a natural beauty, it’s just a first step in trying to control how you look and trust me, he’ll want to control every other aspect of your personality and life to such an extent that you’ll no longer remember anything about who you are and what you like. Which gives him the chance to then destroy you emotionally.
Throwing out someone else's stuff 😑
Heavens! I don't wear a lot of make-up (like once every few months or less now thanks to the last 2 years!) but I would be livid if someone threw it out!
I know my other half prefers me without make-up, which works 99% of the time, because I don't wear it on a daily basis, but on the rare occassion that we are going somewhere, I do like to put a little on!
@@internetexplorer6304 thank you. Yes it is from personal experience and luckily it’s not a relationship I have to worry about anymore. Unfortunately the psychological effects last a lot longer than the relationship, which was more than long enough at twelve years.
That is not "a red flag" in the sense of a sign it's going to go wrong. It's already going wrong at this point. Litterally destroying someone else's property
When it comes to moms being controlling, I wouldn't fully blame it on the kid, because since the kid was born in this environment, they don't realize how fucked up it is.
So trying to open their eyes would be a good thing to do, if it doesn't work, moving on is also a good thing.
But yeah. As someone who had a mother who was doing everything for me and not letting me do stuff on my own, it took me years to realize that she was manipulative and stuff.
I mean, I don't say that it's for everyone like this, but sometimes it's the case and the parent is more of the problem than the kid.
Also culture plays a big factor too, the US has that thing were kids leave the house as soon as they turn 18, other countries do not (latin american ones for example) so being independent and doing whatever you want is more difficult because parents hit you with the "my house, my rules", and unless you go to another city to college or you move in with your (usually long-term) partner you live with them at least through college, and also not all kids start working at 16 to have their own pocket money, so sometimes even as an adult you have to ask your parents for money
Yeah, it's possible that the mother is more at fault. If she forces you to do things her way, you won't be able to do stuff on your own. At least in my case, it was impossible to talk back to her because she had her own opinions. What do you do with severe errors? That's right! You exclude them!
Yeah, there's definitely a place for giving people room to learn and grow, especially when it comes to their family baggage. My ex-fiance had brutal helicopter parents who were really toxic to us and caused a lot of problems. He and I broke up a few years ago, and there were other factors (his parents got a much-needed divorce, the truly toxic one is out of his and the other parent's life now, and most importantly my ex got sober which has made a galaxy of difference for him) but he's absolutely transformed now into the guy I always saw him having the potential to be. I'm glad we didn't stay together overall and we agree we shouldn't date, and indeed our breakup was an important part of what contributed to his overall recovery, so we can't have it both ways -- but I'm still absolutely thrilled to have been part of his journey and it still brings me a ton of joy to see how far he's come.
Point is, yeah, sometimes people have growing up to do. I'd say the really important clues lie in their attitude and their receptiveness to change. And more often than not, the person doing the criticizing has their own growing-up to do too, and needs to lighten up the mildly codependent guidance a little bit before either person can grow lol. That was my lesson to finally learn after I dumped him 🤣 I wish I'd had the emotional maturity to let him face more of his own problems more independently sooner! I objectively made his codependency traits that he expressed with his parents _worse_ at the time. Nobody likes facing the "Wait, I'M ALSO part of the relationship and therefore am probably contributing to exactly what I dislike about it?!?" piece of things lol, but it's usually present. I couldn't see it clearly until I had space and hindsight.
The vast majority of "red flags" are really either just signs a person is a work in progress, or signs that something is out of sync within the person PERCEIVING the flags. (Except for some which are stark predictors of abuse obviously, those exist for sure and are serious business.) But yeah mostly the concept is overrated and a bit paranoid. Dr. K, channel name is HealthyGamerGG I think, is a great psychiatrist who had an excellent video about red flags recently and he emphasized that people get zero-tolerance about them too easily and shared great advice about identifying flags _within oneself_ that a relationship isn't right. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in the topic.
Big ol red flag is if a guy repeatedly talks shit on his ex unprompted, whether he’s not over them or jus being toxic, it’s a huge red flag I wish I paid attention to sooner.
I'd add anyone who is constantly derogatory about other people generally.
A close friend/housemate of mine had a boyfriend who'd constantly slag off other people's tastes e.g favourite band, sports team, film, food, their fashion sense... pretty much anything.
Basically he'd always put other people down and believe his taste/opinion was superior and the only one that mattered. I never once heard him pay anyone a compliment, be please for them or say something positive about another person.
Unsurprisingly he turned out to be a complete arsehole.
Yes, my very toxic ex was talking shit about his sister in law ALL OF THE TIME. I was young and dumb. Should have taken it as the red flag it clearly was. She was with his brother, and they had a child together. She was human, not perfect, but not even half as bad as he made her look.
My ex was friends with his ex. They dated probably 4 years prior and both had relationships after their breakup & becoming friends again (before I had even come into the picture) when I was seeing the guy he wouldn't shut up about her and her current boyfriend. They all did a course together so I thought it was just usual annoyance within the friend group, but after I ended up ending things for other reasons than this, her then boyfriend messaged me (the girl ended things with him about a month before I left my ex) two weeks later saying that my ex and her were seeing each other and were all over each other in class. Should've seen the red flags because his behaviour changed so much that month before I ended things lol
My boyfriend had a massive green flag after our second date, things were hotting up at his flat and there was lots of touching and snogging. He went to touch me too, and I awkwardly told him that I had a tampon in and said it didn't matter and kissing me was enough for him. Some men are so weirded out by periods, but that was when I realised he was a keeper.
Every time I'm within hearing range of a period talk all the girls always feel the need to apologise or say I must be weirded out. Like sure, that's not exactly a hot topic but come on how precious can men be to actually make it a global problem xD
Males who are freaked out or childish about periods are not men, they are BOYS.
If a man in the 21st century has a huge negative reaction to something like that, they really need to grow up.
@@RNS_Aurelius Oh, you'd be surprised at the number of idiots out there that know so little about women's health. I was asked by a colleague when I was 29 if I "have menopause". r/badwomensanatomy is an eye opener
He didn't want to have sex because of your period and that's a green flag..?
Being even slightly controlling in the early stages of a relationship. I was seeing a guy, and at this point we were a week or two into dating, who was verrry opinionated about me dyeing my hair (something I did quite frequently at that stage of my life) to the extent of telling me not to do it. I can't remember any other examples but this kind of thing happened enough times in those two weeks that I sent him on his way. This guy was also a friend of one of my best friends, who told me that he bad mouthed me afterwards so uhhh good riddance!
The number of insecure people in this world startles me. It could have been much worse than simple insecurity though.
Yeah that's usually a red flag that they are heavily conservative and think women should be "natural" but make no effort to make them happy.
Nothing wrong with having some traditional viewpoints, but forcing it on others and acting like they're the only ones who should be mindful of what they say or do is just wrong.
@@beththedarkmage3359 I don't even think he was that conservative about hair color, it struck me more as just an attempt to control me. I probably already had dyed hair and he said it looked good on me and not to change it, and I said "well I'm already planning to and I enjoy changing my color up" and he was just kinda like "no don't do that"
he also blew up at me over not texting him while I was at work 🥴
@@lucybw I consider getting excessively angry about things to be a prime indicator of future abuse patterns. I cut some tree limbs that were hanging in the road (I do this every summer) and my bf got SO upset. He said, "I would call the cops on you if I didn't know you!" Because tree limbs don't grow back, right?
When they start telling you that their job is more important than yours and your job is effectively useless because they earn x2 more money than you and because their job is more important they don’t have to do daily chores because they are ‘tired’ from a ‘proper’ days work.
Oh absolutely. It's one thing to work heavy labour jobs and be wiped out, carefully explaining that you're aware the chores are your responsibility and just cannot find the energy. Hopefully doing everything you can when you have energy again.
It's another to devalue the work someone else does in order to tell them it's _their_ responsibility.
I do wonder if he was the type of guy who expected you to quit your job and do all the chores, never finding any ambition other than himself and any potential kids you might have...those people should make anyone run for the hills, even if they want to be housewives and have children. It shouldn't ever be _expected_ of somebody to put their happiness aside completely.
Every job is important, or else it wouldn't exist.
(applies everywhere except middle management)
I'm not even sure how to word this one, but if you find yourself wondering if they've ever actually interacted with someone of a different skin colour...
As a general rule, if they've actually interacted with anyone outside of their family and 2-3 buddies
Yeah if the average skin color of all of their friends is pasty beige, that's a 🚩
@@MagiciteHeart Part of that needs to be taken situationally. I grew up in a small town in Wales, and for that entire time all my friends were very white. Not because I chose to only hang out with white people, because the only people in a 10km radius of me where white.
I could see it being the same situation in small-town America, or for people who grew up in very white areas. While they will probably have INTERACTED with black people more than I had, you tend to befriend people in your general area.
If someone lives in a very diverse place and still only has white friends, it's likely a red flag. but I feel stating this as a truism is wrong.
@@trianglemoebius I'm similar. I live in Northern Ireland and while you would see POC if you went to Belfast (the capital city), but I never interacted with a black person until my last job (I was 30). That being said, I didn't live a closed off life or anything - I went to a Catholic Girls Grammar School (mostly white girls with a few mixed race girls - but they were "the same" as us, in terms of cultural aspects because they and often their parents were all born local) and university in Belfast and I worked in two different local hotels, a cafe and a few small offices, all within 20 miles of home and then a slightly bigger company in Belfast (45 miles from home) which is where I had regular casual conversation with a black person (where I was much more aware of him and me being different, culturally, etc).
But now that I am more aware of my limited experiences, I do now go out of my way to follow different creators online - different races/religions/cultures (they are often intertwined), disabled individuals (blind, wheelchair user, amputee, etc). I find that this really helps me broaden my knowledge in a way that I can't based on the people I meet day-to-day in my life.
@@LovelyLawla I agree, and feel that leads to a good way to circumvent the "This person only has white friends, thus they are racist" idea - check what kind of media the consume, what creators they follow, etc.
it speaks far more to their character than socialisation, which could be - for lack of a better word - region locked.
Speaking as someone who has been working through terrible jealousy issues my entire life: it's a massive fucking red flag. I don't even try to enter into relationships most of the time because I know that, even if I don't show it, the toxicity is there behind the scenes.
On the flipside: don't date people who have a thing for jealous people. That's also a huge red flag. Those kinds of people will go out of their way to do things they know will get their partner riled up and jealous because they love that power they can exert over their partner.
I always thought it was gross making your crush or partner jealous is such a common trope in movies and it's played off as cute or necessary. It's not, it hurts them and will ultimately erode the trust between the two of you. If you feel someone pulling away, talk to them, don't play mind games.
Mad props for your self-awareness. This is a great comment, made even better due to coming from your perspective. You're doing a good job with your self-work. Good on you
That was very good advice on both sides. Thank you for sharing.
Making all their compliments about your body. And guys who show off "their girl" too much. Gives me a very creepy vibe.
In my language when you say "my" you add a gender to it so you can say "my" and mean "my (girl)" but I find this so disrespectful it actually triggers me. It sounds like you have some sexy slave rather than a girlfriend. Idk, words cannot describe how much it grinds my gears.
@@tropicalfruit4571 what language is this?
@@divyak9980 Polish but there's a bunch of other languages that do that (I think all slavic ones do, but I am fairly certain other languages (groups) also have that)
@@tropicalfruit4571 German here, and i know exactly what you mean xx.
This! My last boyfriend almost immediately put me off him again by the way he tried to parade me to his friends but I tried to let it slide. Shame I didn't realise what kind of person he was until I actually dated him. Self proclaimed 'nice guy'...not that nice.
Walking on eggshells when talking to your parter. That one hit close to home
With my last parter I remember one horrible date she was in a bad mood and nothing I said would make it better, tried so hard to be positive about the whole thing.
Eventually just stayed quiet thinking if I say the wrong thing she'd get physical.
Thank god I'm out of that mess
I like how you call them "parter" as in, "the parting is unavoidable."
@@lonestarr1490 good observation. But I actually just misspelt "partner" lol
Props for speaking up about physical abuse/threat thereof, in general and particularly from a female partner. I hope people are kind to you about your experience and don't belittle you about it/deny that it's valid. This social climate is often rough on people who don't conform to the "men are perpetrators and women are victims" narrative.
@@ItsAsparageese yeah I don't talk about it in person due to potentially being belittled.
Only reason I'm okay talking about it here is because I'm a random face on the Internet with an alias
@@elzar5987 I'm sorry discussing your trauma is something you feel so restricted about. That sucks and it's not how things should be. That paradigm is shifting, but I wish it would hurry up. I'm glad you clearly know you're a valid victim and that your experience counts. I hope you never have to deal with people trying to deny you your truth.
Treating service providers poorly/with disrespect, they are just doing their job. Also if my moms dogs don't like you (unless it's for an actual reason like the person being really scared/bad experience with them), big red flag as they love everyone
I'm glad you included the last part. I suffer from crippling cynophobia and so I'm automatically freaked out around any dog. Dogs pick up on this, they realise I am scared and leave me alone because they can tell I don't want to be near them. I've had a few people mistake this for the dog "not liking me" and conclude I must be a terrible persion.
🎵My mom’s dog don’t like you
And she she likes everyone...🎵
Bestie had a boyfriend that would literally play video games all day, never take care of his son but then tell his mom and friends that he did everything and she did nothing. So she dumped him!
One of my exes showed quite a few red flags during the relationship, but nothing super concerning until after I'd broken up with him, when he sent me a message one night saying he's been sitting in his car in front of my house for hours. After that he tried to call a few times but wouldn't say anything, and texted me with just .... on it. Creepy as heck. In the end I just told him to get lost and ignored any calls and messages, and luckily it didn't escalate, but for a long time I kept checking the area before leaving home or coming back.
Yeah, that's creepy as heck
I really hope if he does it again you'll report it to the police, even if they can't make an arrest, because it would start the paper trail. People like that rarely fix their stalker tendencies and could go on to violate another's privacy.
@@beththedarkmage3359 If he did it again now after a decade and me living in a different country I'd totally report it to the police 😂 But I hope he grew up less disturbed than he seemed at the time.
"It's just a prank!" when they seriously and intentionally hurting you, aka the inability to face the consequences and take responsibility over what they did!
This. Even if it was done out of jest or whatever, actions can still hurt people. You don't need to apologise for your reasoning - if it was a joke and you didn't realise how far you went, that's fine. But when your actions hurt, you can and should still be willing to apologise for the outcome.
@@trianglemoebius Agreed. Just because the hurt wasn't intentional, doesn't mean it didn't happen. If the person really cares about you, then they'll care that their joke went too far.
@@Parker8752 As a wise man once said, "The best of intentions don't excuse the worst of outcomes".
Duuuude I went out with a guy who would say some seriously messed up stuff and then I'd get a little upset and he would say "you know I'm just winding you up!" like sir...no. 1. If that's true, I want nothing to do with you 2. It probably isn't true and you actually just have terrible opinions and you're backtracking because I called you out.
Just want to point out that this is NOT male-specific abusive behaviour is abusive behaviour no matter the gender. Frankly, the dishes it out but can't take a joke (and became very aggressive) applied to a girl I used to know.
You know what is another red flag? Pulling a "not all men" in a video that is specifically about uncommon thing men do. Pretending this is a "both sides" issue and that women are equally as bad as men is Googleably false. Yes, anyone CAN be emotionally or physically abusive, but STATISTICALLY men are FAR more guilty of this, and FAR more likely to snap and murder someone.
Like you couldn't just engage with the video. You had to sit here and tell everyone "women can do this too" like we're all fucking stupid and you're the only one who understand nuance. Clearly, you're the one who doesn't, because no one else felt the need to point this out like it's some great revelation.
Everyone sucks, but men suck more, harder, and more often that's just how it is. Don't like it? Maybe educate the rest of your gender on how not to suck instead of man's mansplaining.
This. Anyone can be abusive, anyone can be manipulative
@@ACAB.forcutie And nobody is claiming otherwise. This isn't a question of "what are red flags in men?" not "what are EXCLUSIVELY red flags in men."
You're disproving a truism that wasn't made to begin with.
Hear hear
@@trianglemoebius I'd argue that making it about Men is portraiting it as an eclussivley male problem whether you specifically add "exclusive" or not. You can call me defensive but I've had to deal with and an abusive personality who was a small lady who could immediately gaslight the situation and it was not a great experience . I know first hand how it feels when people assume it's you just because you're a guy.
I thought that was a big plant on the floor in the corner by the door until he touched it I realised it was a small one on the desk. It's messed with my mind.
Legit was talking to my spouse about the same thing 😂😂😂
When an otherwise handsome and friendly Austrian expat makes a joke about the horrible things his Nazi grandfather did - in one sentence laughing about both the Holocaust and treatment of slaves in the U.S. I nearly opened the car door and jumped out while it was moving. Could not get away from him fast enough. Saw him a movie theater a few years later with a girl and had to wonder if she was as racist as he was.
damn, this might be the wildest one ive seen so far
@@muzak913 I wish I was joking. I can’t even repeat exactly what he said. And the bonus: when I told my friend why I was done with him, they said, “Yeah, but he’s got a great car!” 😳 I’m like who are you??
@@amychissong jesus... the amount of girls i've had tell me on dates "i like you, but your car sucks" is just depressing. i had 3 girlfriends before i finally found my current partner and she doesn't give a shit about my car or anything materialistic, she's a keeper for sure. not everyone can afford a luxurious car, and many times those guys that own the "nice" cars are assholes anyway. beauty is on the inside
About the controlling mothers thing, let me tell you that it's unfortunately very common amongst Asian parents (whether South, West or East), and it's not the kid's fault. It's an emotionally abusive relationship more than anything and pushing the blame on the kid is essentially blaming the victim. Before anyone says "omG jUst cUt tHe cHord", it's not that fucking easy.
I have the feeling it might become more common in Europe as well (not sure about the US). I suspect it stems from parents having only one or two children, and thus those children shall not, under any circumstances, fail in life. Nowadays we call them "helicopter parents" or "cosseters", which is kind of a trivialization of the real issue at play. It's easy to see how this kind of parent-child relationship can grow into a lifelong unhealthy (mutual) dependence.
"Outspoken male feminist" = it's an act. At best they're overcompensating but more likely they're just saying that stuff to trick women into giving them the benefit of a doubt.
"Self licencing" - when someone does something good/moral and feel it gives them licence to do something bad/immoral.
Men with your mindset wonder why they’re still alone. You can be a man and speak about female inequality.
But yes there are still men who say those things ONLY to get women. They too will be alone.
Although there are some men who are just really passionate about women's rights, and are outspoken about it. I don't think it's fair to say that it's always an act, even if it often is.
@@peterlewis2178 - Here's the thing: for a man, being a feminist isn't something to be outspoken about, for the same reason that brushing your teeth isn't something to be outspoken about. It's not impressive, it's not an achievement, it's just What You're Supposed To Do. Treating women as equals isn't a virtue, it's just the absence of a sin.
Guys who make a huge deal about being male feminists aren't just being outspoken - they're looking for praise for not being sexist, and that transactional relationship has its ugly side. It's insincere, and when feminism is insincere, it's usually coming from someone who *really* doesn't believe in equality - who thinks that conditional support for equality is fine because, hey, you're going to keep meeting that condition so what's the problem?
And you know what the problem with that is, right? That guy is one bad day away from snapping back into being the sexist piece of shit that he thinks he's entitled to be if he's not getting the reward he thinks he's owed for *not* being that way.
I sort of agree, with not making your politics your personality, I just have a problem with being told that politics shouldn't be an issue in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I will not date someone that seriously considers voting for the extreme right. Our values do just not align at that point. Period.
I agree, I think somebodies political view is definitely somewhat important for the succes of the relationship, because who they vote for tells me how much they value other people's lives and well being, so I kinda need to know.
You wouldn't have to break it down to the politicial views, since a someone who tends to vote for the far right will definitely suffer from a near total lack of empathy. Well, not so much "suffer", but more "making everyone around them suffer because of it". That should usually be enough to scare you away long before the talk even scratches on the topic of political views.
Not if you’re a moderate and you think all parties are full of morons. Allowing politics to ruin relationships for you is sad. The only reason I could see it as a problem, is if they constantly act like that party per-say and are assholes.
Dating in the southern US is a minefield of white supremacists and I would 100% rather someone's personality be loudly about leftist politics than end up on a date with a closet conservative of any flavor. I wish more people were comfortable enough to put an off track leftist in their place though. So like red flag, eh, more like an orange/yellow flag. Proceed with caution.
@@jwb52z9 It honestly depends on what they're ready to do. Leftwing people are way more split up in different groups than right-wing people, and some are actually evil. There even used to be a left wing t*rr0r*st organisation in my country. They unalived a politician and "borrowed" a FULL passenger plane mid-air. Avoiding "negative" words here.
And more recently during a political conference some extreme left-wing people destroyed big parts of the city, got lots of people into hospital, partly with serious injuries and destroyed the belongings of even not so wealthy people. Luckily, here everyone has to have insurance or these extremists would've destroyed lives.
An even more recent example is how some extreme left-wing people refused to wear masks at least at the beginning of the pandemic because the "evil establishment" told them to wear them. Very empathetic.
I agree that most left-wing people aren't as bad as most right-wing people, but too many of them are still bad people. I'm left-leaning, but a lot of idealistic positions that go more into the extreme are capable of doing a lot of harm because they tend to be too simplistic and ignore important factors or because they're straight out calls for vi*l*nce and destruction.
Not being able to apologize just like you described it (Sorry, you feel like that/see it that way etc.) is also a _Huge_ red flag for gaslighting. No matter the sex or situation (on a date or in a workplace setting). If you notice that in someone you know, keep an eye on them and document their behavior and the exact circumstance it occurred. Even if just as a record for yourself, a paper trail with gaslighters is always useful!
Having been a waitress in a few different towns and a few different restaurants I can tell you that when a customer says anything about being a good tipper, or worse they say 'do this for me and I'll tip you well/ overtip you/ take care of you', over 90% of the time its a man saying it and 99% of these men tip for shit! If someone, especially a guy, thinks he needs to bribe you with the promise of a decent tip, as a server you know your about to be screwed by some asshole! The ones who talk about their impressive tipping to their date or to their server are the worst! I can't imagine the misogyny they exhibit behind closed doors.
If your date brags at all about tipping, dont walk away, RUN!!!
I feel like this is extra true because of the person is actually a good tipper, it'll be obvious when they leave a good tip. Why would they need to tell someone they do something they'll noticeably do anyway?
Obviously they reason is they don't, they want to get that idea into their date's head verbally so they don't have to do it practically.
Yes. I've dumped a guy for lack of tipping. He was trying to pretend he was a big spending, spoil the lady kind of guy, but then he tipped a waitress $5 on an $80 bill... I told him I'd get the tip and left a $20. Totally embarrassed him.
British men: *sweating intensifies*
I met another regular in my local pub when I first moved to Oxford who’d say racist or arsehole-y things and finish with ‘that’s the truth’. It was impossible to call him out on anything as he’d talk over you….he eventually moved a few months later
4/5 is not a low score. Don't buy into Uber's corporate lie that every person can somehow NEED a flawless score.
That black mirror episode is becoming a normal mirror real quick 😳
That thing about how every ex is the problem was one of my biggest annoyance with my ex - he did it with his jobs and his ex's and near the end of the relationship I said something about how it's unrealistic that he was only ever being persecuted, and it was BAD.
If nothing is there fault… and it’s always a “crazy ex”, the ex wasn’t crazy they are.
@@toroallin5734 When I actually got the story and it was that she asked him, if he woke up early before her and she'd cooked dinner the night before, to put the dishes away, and he said that was unreasonable and insane of her to ask because he'd bought dinner the week before... That was beyond a red flag. Then it was that his boss at his previous job was crazy and had it out for him and he should have gotten the permanent position because he never did anything wrong and she just hated him... I posed the question that maybe there was somethings he could have improved on, and it didn't seem realistic that everyone was always out to get him and was accused of being unsupportive and having their back instead of his (also a red flag). Well, I'm sure he says I was unreasonable and actually always hated him now, but I wish him the best. I was just tired of having to find a common ground when he said something hurtful and he wouldn't apologize and could only give excuses.
I don’t ever get dates so never had these issues! But good to know just in case it does happen!
I had a guy complain I was wearing sneakers to a date where he cooked at home for me. Mind you, he lived in PhD housing at my city's University so there was no living room, an industrial looking kitchen and he shared his bathroom with 11 other men. Mind you, I didn't care that we had to sit in his single dorm-like bedroom at 30,when he was almost 40 because I get it, he's a PhD student using the offered housing. I'm not difficult. But he expected me to wear heels to a dorm room where I had to sit on his swivel chair because I didn't want to sit on his bed on the second date. That moment I knew he wouldn't accept me how I was and the passive aggressive remarks about my clothes and other choices would only get worse down the line.
As someone who has done a PhD, that person sounds strange to me. My more common impression is that most PhD students, or us postdocs for that matter, are at not that strict with clothing etc. Even at professional conference dinners it is hard to find people who are truly dressed up for the occasion.
@@fraktaalimuoto he was always in dress shoes and a shirt. Which is fine by me but not my personal style. But then again, I don't choose a partner for how they dress so I barely noticed he was always quite formally dressed.
Thanks for sharing. I always love reading about how fucked up other guys are, because it makes me more confident that maybe I'm not so shit after all :D
And that he was doing his PhD at the time is a bonus, for that's exactly where I am atm and thus, maybe I'm not even shit among my fellow academics.
I had a similar experience. We agreed do take a walk around a lake for out first (and only) date. I knew the surroundings: no pavement, lots of small stones and grass... You know, a lake. So I had tennis shoes and jeans on, because it was cold and this was the sensible choice. Than he proceeds to tell me, that he prefers women in high heels and mini skirts. Hihg heels and a mini skirt in winter while wlking around a lake with no pavements? That is a recepie for a broken ankle and pneumonia.
That is MUCH. I can't with any guy who is going to try to dictate how I dress. Like, if opinions are asked for, sure! But let people have their own style.
I went on a shopping date with a guy once because he suggested meeting at the mall and I needed to get holiday gifts for my roommates. He kept badgering me to get an expensive wool peacoat after I had explained at length how impractical I think they are and that I prefer parkas (and also, I was shopping for other people, not me). Dude, I showed up in a black open knit dress and jeans, do you think I'm going to take your fashion advice? I have my own thing going on.
I don’t just enjoy, I look forward to this on Sunday loved today’s topic even after being married almost five decades. Humans and their intentions don’t change that much across time!
"Poor impulse controll" Ah yes, ADHD is a red flag now.
I mean ok in some instances when it has to do with violence or anger issues, that's a red flag, but I feel like in those cases it's not the impulse control that's the problem.
Adhd, autism, fucking depression even can cause weird impulse control issues; plus im sure plenty of other neurodiversity diagnoses come with that same side effect. At the same time though, its not like its anything new that plenty of people find neurodiversity differences to be unwelcome.
@@hobbssha - tbh most people who have those conditions know that we have them and, if we do have these kinds of mod swings, will be quite apologetic about it. We're used to managing our conditions, rather than indulging in them and being stuck with the consequences.
I don't think poor impulse control is referring to spontaneity - I think it's more about guys who are aggressive with little to no provocation.
@@FTZPLTC "I think it's more about guys who are aggressive with little to no provocation" I think so too, but really, that's not what I would call impulse controll.
If you have ADHD you can treat it with medication. Part of being a good partner is taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally. My husband has bipolar and ADHD, that doesn't give him an excuse to be a jerk.
@@FTZPLTC Exactly this. I've struggled with poor impulse control due to ADHD, but I've never let it get the best of me. I've never just "had poor impulse control" I have "struggled with it" and now managed to control it.
We can't hide behind our disabilities, that itself is a red flag. We must overcome them, and that effort - even if it is not entirely success - is what separates a red flag from not a red flag.
I used to keep a little wine/beer under my bed. It always put people off but the reason I kept it there was because I didn't drink often, when I did drink I preferred room temp, and I didn't have a ton of space in my kitchen.
Me and my hubby don’t drink much and we don’t keep it under the bed but we do keep it in the bedroom at the top of a bookcase cause we’ve got a tiny kitchen 🤷♀️
I imagine you weren't "hiding" it in this case, then.
People have weird associations with things that are hidden under the bed. 💁🏼♀️
I skip red flags by sabotaging any conversation upfront 😎 and I know that - with a magic trifecta of: autistim, asexuality, and massive trust issues - I'm not built for relationships
Asexuality for the win! Same…
Same, triple threat! +aromantic so i’m not interested anyway. The only people who got past the first convo and are now my best friends are also asexual and/or aromantic, autistic and have massive trust issues.
The trifecta but also a personality disorder which makes me terrified of abandonment so I purposely push everyone away and then hate myself because of it 😂
Similar shit here, but sending love. Trying to work through it myself cuz I do want to date, but damn it is hard. It being the trust issues. My anxiety and asexuality aren't going anywhere 😅
MY PEOPLE.
For me the first one needs more context. I depends on the reason the bf is waiting... I used to wait for my gf's entire work shift in the car because I would be waiting for her to finish so we could do stuff and I would be undistracted to finish up school work in the car. As a poor college student and living an hour away from my gf at the time, it was better for me to wait. Also, maybe he's her ride and he lives far away?
Now, if he's waiting outside to control her every move and interaction, then yeah that's REAL toxic! Get outta that relationship!
If he's waiting in the car because she's asked him to do that or at least honestly thinks it the sensible thing to do then yeah, fine. But if he insists on it even though she doesn't need him or the car there for anything, then a definite red flag.
Was looking for this comment. My ex liked me hanging around if I could (she worked at a fast food place), they asked me to and I was happy to do it. I can see how it could look bad to an outsider, but sometimes you just like being around each other. It was really sweet knowing they wanted my company like that. It wasn't a trust thing or anything, we just liked having the other close. And it was convenient for when they got off work. Sure, if its being done unasked for, then it's a red flag.
I haven't watched your videos in a few weeks or so (maybe more) and I got surprised by the beard :D u look very different but good! ty for the video
Love the pastel stripes shirt... I'm catching an 80s Miami Vice vibe😂
Those controlling dudes... seriously RUN! I was married to one for way too many years! Girls can be controlling too. Not just picking on the dudes😉
I’ve never met a man who is willing to admit he made a mistake and apologized for it. So, I think if a woman is waiting for a man who will apologize to her, she will be waiting forever.
Ex had had problems with the fam, then studied and worked abroad forba while followed with the fact that he had bonding issues/fear
Yeah I liked him, but in hindsight he didn't know what healthy bonds between people looked like, so no wonder he had trouble forming new ones himself
Unrelated but loving this set up!! The lights, the plants! And i love the imitation of sun a windowpane ☀️
Oof. I seriously had to consider if I was going to warn my exs new partner or not. After speaking with my friends and family I realized its not worth it. She will most likely not listen, and it might put me in a horrible situation. He is so sly about his abusive ways, I feel sorry for her. I didnt see how bad it was myself until I got out after 6 years.
jeremy is glowing red, a literal representation of a red flag action 😂
What a great video, Evan! You managed it to make me feel so comfortable while talking about red flags and uncomfortble things!
the uber one is funny. My score would be zero because I'm too terrible a driver to be an uber driver and I get lost too easily. Hiding beer under the bed sounds like a Homer Simpson thing.
He didn’t mean a low score as an Uber driver he meant as a passenger. Drivers are allowed to rate their passengers and so if you’ve ever ridden in an Uber you have a score.
If you walk into his room and you see a large USSR flag hanging on the wall, then that's a pretty big red flag.
I left the father of my son when he was just over a year after multiple times when he said my son's medical problems 'have to be' my fault because he had 2 other kids with his X wife and at the time neither were diagnosed with anything (since this has changed) after I left him i was trying to have a conversation about rearing my son and visitation and he said something that pissed me off, so not wanting to yell in front of my son I looked away and took several slow breaths, he reached out and grabbed my neck and choked me (both hands thumbs interlocked over my voice-box). his reason that i should take him back after that was "my dad beat the shit out of my mom and she stayed with him" he didn't like my answer (something along the lines of 'just because she was dumb doesn't mean i need to be') and then proceeded to try to take me to court to take custody of my son.
red flag: if they are absolutely unable/unwilling to take and responsibility for their own actions or who think that previous abuse justifies how poorly they treat people.
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry that happened to you! :(
4k50? Rare quality my man, my eyes appreciated this a lot.
My dad tested my mum as he wanted to make sure she wasn't just agreeing with him! So He took an exstreem veiw and she fought against him for an hour at the end she was ready to walk away and he just said'nope i agree with you entirly I had to make sure' this was the early 60's mum was seen as 'left on the shelf' at 22! And i know (mostly women) who still agree with every their boyfriend says and then wonder further down the line why it dosn't wprk out.
Lying about small things is a big one I missed. The guy would lie about anything - what bands he'd seen, what he bought at the shops, his life story, whatever. I thought it was funny and would call him out about it because I thought I always knew the truth and that he was just being silly. I later realised he lied about all sorts of serious things as well, and he would say I just didn't remember things right, and soon I was questioning everything. And of course when we broke up he was then telling ridiculous lies about me to anyone who would listen, and they all believed him because people didn't realise that nothing he said was ever true.
This works the other way round too. My most recent ex exhibited most of these controlling behaviours and in the end she physically assaulted me in public when I was out with my colleagues for a Xmas party!
I'd also say a couple of unusual red flags are refusing to wear a seatbelt of any kind and claiming to "like everything" when it comes to music, films etc.
I dated a guy for two years. We could talk about deep stuff and I thought we could talk about problematic stuff in the relationship and discuss issues and problems that came up. We had been really good at communicating before and that's why our relationship had lasted so long. But towards the end something I thought was a one off which kind of left me shut down and unable to really discuss certain issues in the relationship started to look like it was becoming a pattern. I realized we were both in different stages of our mental health journey and he still had a lot to work out and hadn't figured out yet how to not let it affect me and I was becoming stressed and unhappy and it was bringing up a bunch of issues that I felt unable to talk about. It was a good relationship while it lasted and I don't regret it but I couldn't stay in it anymore.
A lot of these seem to be ones that can relate to either partner in a relationship.
Thank you for the content dude! You got fans in Houston Texas!
If they're an asshole to servers, delivery guys etc, if they get angry easily in general.
Because if they fly off the handle because they got the wrong order, they will do the same for you.
If they try to control what you're wearing or where you're going, want to know who you are seeing.
I had the hots for a guy who had convinced himself that stringing along a girl was better than rejecting her because he wasn't hurting the girl...he was also really bad in bed so....the hots quickly died
People often put on a front when they meet someone new to make a good impression. Be wary of the superficial charmer, where the charm they show to your face is only skin deep.
When meeting anyone new who hasn't been vouched for by several people who's opinions I trust, I'm always careful not to be too trusting until I get to know them better. I show a polite interest and ask them questions about themselves. I pick topics I either know something about or can check so it's easy to spot lies/bullshit.
I like to quietly observe their behaviour, how they interact with others and how those people respond to them when they're not aware I'm watching.
e.g. Do they treat other people decently such as being polite and respectful to shop assistants, bar staff, junior staff, etc. How do other people react to them? Do they smile, seem happy respond with warmth when they see them? Or are they a bit wary, distant or off with them?
If a few different people seem to react somewhat negatively that's usually a sign to be wary.
Another red flag is if someone I've just met starts asking me for favours. Manipulative people will often ask for a small favour which later morphs into a bigger one or once you've said yes a steady stream of additional favours will emerge.
Ask yourself why they're not asking somebody they know better? The answer is usually because nobody who's familiar with them trusts them, or that the story they told you about why they need the favour is bullshit.
Oh man the people that say they're honest but really they're just assholes are a special breed. I had a displeasure of meeting a friend of my friends who just seems... well... arrogant. He wasn't particularly annoying but you could just feel this weird aura of feeling full of himself and that if you engage he'll make it about himself. He was quite an opinionated dude and at some point he said he's just really honest and it makes him look like an asshole sometimes... and while, yes, I appreciate honesty, you can't use that as a cover for being tactless... The more was drunk at the party the more "honest" he'd get and I just cringed every time. Idk, maybe I don't know him enough, he seems smart, he's not like in your face annoying all the time but he just feels unpleasant and I think that was the first time I met someone like that and it was pretty shitty experience; I can't imagine a girlfriend/boyfriend taking all his shit daily, that's really just emotional abuse.
Also with the personality change and walking on eggshells... definitely look out for that but it's context dependent IMO. I had a similar thing going but it happened due to just excruciating stress at my SO's job, I was the person to go to with troubles and I just caught a lot of heat. It was definitely a rocky point but I just understood what was going on and now we're stronger than ever. Though that was pretty mentally taxing and I have a tendency of turning off when I get told something negative which is... well not ideal to say the least, you don't want to ignore anyone since you can't ignore some problems; you can't just pretend you live in a utopia, but at the same time my tolerance for negative talk is just lowered... It is what it is I suppose but tl;dr look at the context in those situations but it still definitely is a red flag, I'm probably the exception here.
"You're not like other girls."
To be fair, I heard that a bit. Turns out I was autistic & didn't know it, so I actually wasn't like other girls after all ha ha.
"I'm not like other girls." aswell
I don't see what is wrong with this statement.
Do you want a man to say "You're just like every other girl"
@@aAverageFan A guy who starts with "you're not like other girls" often ends with "you're just like the rest of them".
Oh no, I HATE road rage.
Quite some time ago now I was in a car with my ex bf. Someone was tailgating him, which is annoying. But he responded by bracking shortly and than flipping the car the finger.
First of all, crazy scary because of the breaking. We were on a main road, so driving quite fast. Thereby putting the other driver, himself and me in danger.
But the other driver responded by stepping out of his car at a following traffic light to FIGHT my ex bf... and that driver looked buff.
Ex backed away, and raced past him through the red light.
It wasn't busy on the road, because of the time. But I'd still rather never have that happen to me ever again. Never felt very safe with him in a car after that 😅
When I was young and socially inept I went on a date with a guy who asked me out after finding out I was listening to his iTunes library---back when you could just eavesdrop on whoever had iTunes open nearby. This was the age of Limewire and Ruckus, so getting free music where you could didn't seem like any sort of invasion---particularly if you were broadcasting. We were both in the college library studying and he happened to be at a nearby alcove. It wasn't particularly difficult to narrow down who was listening in, but he would've had to look over my shoulder at my screen to know. Anyway, we enthusiastically liked similar music, which was enough for me. We went out, he was awkward, but seemed cool enough for a repeat. A day later he was asking for my class schedule, hunting me down between classes, and insisting on holding hands at all times. Like, nothing threatening, just WAY too clingy for someone I had been out with once. I was hiding in a study room with the lights off to avoid him after he wouldn't give me space. And that is also the story of how I found my favorite study spot on campus lol.
Poor impulse control isnt a red flag, some of us just have ADHD.
I think we should differentiate things that aren't great but can be worked on as like yellow flags🔶 and more serious things as red flags🛑 Also green flags are important too💚🚦
Thank god I’m old, old, old, and settled 😳.
Most of these are not exclusive to men at all but good things to look out for regardless.
They “correct” your food order.
Side note: Evan I think you should keep the long hair and beard and see how long you can grow them out and then do the big chop and see how long you can get your hair to. Mine is currently at 12 in. I'm 5ft and 1/4in so my hair covers most if not all of my back. 🙂. Also love the content. Keep up the great videos. 👍🏻
Using reddit is a big one for me
It's OK to have impulses and impulse buy. It's when the person just buys everything they see that they like.
God, I remember one time I was training s receptionist for the closing shift at the museum, which closed at 5:00. Her husband used to storm into the lobby at 5:05 wanting to know why she was "late." The next day I told her that she needed to explain to him that the closing shift didn't end until at least 5:30 because the guards had to do a sweep of the whole building before leaving their keys at the front desk. I don't know if she did that or not, but he did the same thing the whoile week I was training her. She didn't last long on the job.
Very interesting video Evan. Love your work.
Some of your O's came out like a Philly O or a Baltimoron O. I know you're from Jersey. I grew up in PA. Both my parents are from Baltimore and I moved to England when I was 19. So I know the accent when I hear it. That comment had nothing to do with the video topic. So, listening to the Reddit replies made me wonder what kind of person I'm like to be around. My ex husband said I was an alcoholic because I would buy two bottles of wine in the weekly shop. He would also only let us order £10 worth of food from the Chinese takeaway. So I'd have to cook some egg fried rice just so we could get an extra dish. Also, I've got two boys with him. Sometimes we'd get a KFC.... Six piece bucket. It was ok at first but as the boys got older, I'd get less chicken. But I made sure everyone else ate and was full before I started picking the bones clean 😂😭😭. Now that I'm single, I get anything and everything I want when I order a takeaway.
For me a red flag is not being able to have different opinions about stuff, such as but not limited to politics, we may have varying political views, but that doesn’t mean you have to ‘convert me’ or dump/never talk to me again because of simple personal opinions. I’m not saying I agree with everything a certain party says, that’s never the case, I’m saying, that party is the one I most agree with at that time.
at this point in time Evan Edinger sounds exactly like an English actor trying to do an American accent
I had an ex who would turn every time I was upset with him into him 'still being upset' about something I'd done months or even years ago that we'd have either resolved or wasn't a big issue when it initially happened. After we broke up he tried to get me back and when I bought up all his red flags, including that one, he responded with "I know, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what it is but I can't apologise and I'm not going to. I find it really difficult to say the words 'I'm sorry' so I'm afraid I can't give you an apology". Needless to say, we did not get back together.
It took me a long long time to understand I can take a joke about myself and its OK to do so after being bullied for basically the entirety of my school life... every joke cut like I was being bullied again, I couldn't trust that they were using the joke to get to know me and it wasn't a put down, I was in my 20s when I was able to understand and that was due to a friend I didn't have in school explaining it to me, bring on the spectrum was likely a factor as well...
men of reddit is a red flag in itself
Depends on the sub, really. Reddit gets a bad rep because you've got the "enlightened" subs like r/dankmemes that form an identity of "reddit is best, everyone else is cringe", and you've got subs like r/atheism or whereever the incels are now that thrive in Crab-Bucket fueled hate.
Truth is, there are millions of subs out there are most are cool. People just tend to focus in on the worst.
That said, someone using something like "r/memes" and using terms like "insta-normies" is 100% a red flag.
@@trianglemoebius i mean like if someone called them self a man or reddit tho
@@patmccarthy7907 Ah, I get you now. You're completely right. Sorry for the confusion, I've seen one too many people automatically assume "He has a reddit account? He's an fedora-tipping incel."
I would love it if you did a video about green flags!
I've heard some coworkers talking about red flags. They laughed about adults living with their parents. I heard the 20 some year old say, "There's something wrong with a women who's over 30 and doesn't have kids." Those 2 things describe 95% of my friends.
I have friends who took in their parent who couldn't afford to keep her house.
I know women who waited until they finished medical residency before have kids in their 30s.
I have a friend who suffered a stroke and went back to school so he could continue to work. And while doing that, him and his wife lived with her parents.
I have a friend who tried IVF but it failed.
And I live with my mom because it is financially beneficial for both of us.
I would of said talking about your ex/ex's on a 1st date was just a big no no, that maybe why it never really came up.
about the outspoken male feminist The worst partner I was ever with went to college and minored in women's studies. he was one of two men in the program and when we first met I thought it was a major green flag but I have literally never met someone who treated women worse, or hated women more (in the most manipulative way possible) than him he would wave the flag of feminism all over social media but then would cheat/lie/gaslight behind the scenes.
Sometimes I want to be honest with people, but I don't want to be inconsiderate or aggressive or unintentionally hurting or upsetting them or scaring them with uncarefully chosen words, so I just get silent...
So dating feels like a nightmare, either because I don't trust myself with words, and I can't know how the other one would react to my words...
Or because I don't trust the other enough to be entirely myself with them, out of fear of judgement, abandonment or aggression.
It's like I'm just always on the look out to find a red flag in them, that says that they're gonna find a red flag in me anyway, so why bother...
Just me or does the audio sound off on this video and maybe the last one?
A red flag could be if he has a red flag in his room! Lol
GASP! He's a... COMMUNIST! :O
@@trianglemoebius yeah maybe
DMC I assume means deep meaningful conversation. I’ve only ever herd DNM which means deep and meaningful (conversation implied).
I have to say one thing, when your boyfriend becomes interested in your gay friends.
Many years ago I worked as a server in a famous steak chain and we had a group that came in the middle aged man paid in cash, puffed his chest out and said you can keep the change to impress his guests, but my colleague said even more loudly that the bill was £79.99 and that he had forgotten his penny. I'm sure he wanted the ground to swallow him up!
Big red flag i learned trough the hard way
"Yeah, it's okay that she left, i need to look after me and it's way more fun to spend time with you"
At that time unfortunatly i had my pink glasses on and was just so happy he wanted to spend all his time with me but afterwards, he took all out on me. I know that breakups mostly are made because of a mischmasch of both persons mistakes and incompatibility. But he took the same card on me, as he does on his friends sometime saying i was wrong in everything and he has to watch for his mental health because i'm the one who is draining him, ect. ect.
People who let friends down and put the excuse of mental health into this, without further detail, are a big red flag for me now. It's the same for cheaters, and other stuff. When they do it by "dear" friends of them, who will stopp them doing this shit on you? xx
Also the "you just didn't had the right guy until now". I'm a-sexual, i don't want to have sex which i realised a few years ago. But before this i stumbled two times in this trap with a guy who would say he would make me LOVE sex. Funny is, at the same time, these guy's couldn't even give me the emotional site of a realtionship i wanted, so i think i don't have to say that i didn't love sex after doing it with them a few times. Quite the oppisite. It put me in a corner everytime, because they where so demanding that i just did it, so they would shut up xx.
if hiding a weapon in your room is a "red flag" to someone, that just tells me that they've never had to live in a bad neighborhood in their life
By the way guys, the same applies to women. Many, if not all those red flags are useful to look out for in women. Of course, if you're LGB, they apply to everyone.
You’re probably the only woman here saying that. A video about women’s red flags would be considered as misogynist.
I’m a red flag 😔 I don’t inflict myself on others tho lol
Everyone always says to watch how they treat servers/waiters, but really watch how they treat everyone. Also look for how they talk about others, how they talk about exes sure but also friends or acquaintances or someone who cut in the supermarket line. If they're regularly rude to people, complain about others, refuse to acknowledge the possibility they could have handled a situation differently, those are all red flags.
The feminist thing can be a green flag too you know. Honestly if a "feminist" guy is a scumbag to women, they were never a feminist in the first place and are not worth your time, but I personally have never met a guy that was like that, because a lot of scumbags are also very insecure in their masculinity.
My boyfriend is not an activist or anything, but he's definitely not afraid to call himself a feminist and he actually upholds those values and is very comfortable in his sexuality, like basically the opposite of toxic masculinity. I guess the main thing you need to be aware of when it comes to red flags or green flags is that actions can speak louder than words and don't just take somebodies word for it when they describe themselves a certain way.
the whole cheating on their partner with you thing. man all i got to say is you get em how you lose em
I have a knife in my bedroom and one in my office
Knives are just cool, though I also live entirely alone so yknow it’s good to stay safe
When me and my sister were younger, my mum had a knife under her pillow. She was scared of someone breaking in, and it was just us 3. I am thinking of doing that when my husband is away and it's just me on my disabled self 🤔
My ex would do something that upset or frustrated me and I'd try and explain why and he'd just argue why what he was doing was okay... relationship lasted way longer than it really should have. Never putting up with that again
Tell me which
my best friend's ex used to forbid her from going out without him and once tracked her down because she "snuck out" to see me when I was in town for the first time in years