@@jadeninja9jadeninja9 The way I interpret it is, it was acting...but the character he was play was himself when he is manic. So...idk...does that count as acting? I suppose it would if he was method acting at the time, but if he wasn't method acting...then maybe it is just an exegeration of what his baseline self thinks is his manic self.
@@memegazer I think it was just him coming off of the manic episode, cringing at his memory of the last 30 minutes, and in this concentrated moment of pure cringe he tries to lie to either himself or us (probably both) that he was just acting the whole time in an attempt to disconnect himself from the rest of the video.
As someone who regularly deconstructs and reconstructs their own sense of self, watching someone else's own Cycle of self Observe itself makes me feel like i am not so alone in this experience. Thank you.
This really is art. It takes balls (even though they itch), you have to put yourself out there, be vulnerable and in return it really makes people (me included) feel, it moves me in a way that probably no other TH-cam content does.
Seeing his pure, distilled spite towards this other character he plays was top tier. The skipping over the video every time he flashed back to when he acted it was good too. Unbridled cynicism and psychic damage whenever the manic one said anything resembling small talk was a nice touch. Overall I would pay to see him suffer some more, vellicating over curdled cringe. Also he should start lifting, use his dysmorphia to get huge. Want to see him become king of the homeless schizophrenics if he ever stops youtube. Teach them politics and raise an army. Jregublic.
Reflecting on an embarrassing video you made about yourself while you were feeling good about yourself, while you're feeling bad about yourself, is like 90% of the depression experience. It's a constant battle between your manic self and depressed self trying to decide who is closer to enlightenment. I think it's honestly really valuable and validating to see someone being this honest and vulnerable about their mental health on the internet, and it helps that you've attempted to provide a balanced perspective by including both your manic side and depressive side in the same video. Much appreciation and I wish you the best of luck with your journey. Struggle? Battle? idk
@@johnsherfey3675 Most likely not as he states it was all acting and does not comment on that even though he supposedly is in a better state now. So he likely is acting and purposefully leaves in unclear that he does so, because it gathers more attention.
As an bipolar person, thank you. This is the best portrayal I have ever seen of what it's like. Not to enable your mania, but this definitely had "social value" to me.
during every manic episode i have i feel like i'm cured forever (or that i'm superhuman if things are really bad) and every depressive episode i have makes me feel like things will never get better. things just go up and down, that's the nature of bipolar disorder, but i never believe they will in the moment. thank you for making this video, it made me feel much less alone.
I'm genuinely shocked by your courage to be this vulnerable. I couldn't post something like this, and neither could most. That's why it had to be done, and I'm very glad you did. Sincerely, I thank you.
He says he's acting because he feels numb to all emotion and it feels like everything he does is fake. I understand, many do. But it's not as simple as "haha I was just acting the whole time bro." It's more complicated than that. And what I see from my perspective is him making a sort of joke in saying that. "Yep, I was just acting!" It's a sad sort of inside joke.
Ik you have this fear of oversharing on the internet bc you don't want to develop a parasocial relationship w/ your audience, but thank you for being willing to share this. It was really insightful
And parasocial relationships can be a healthy and normal too. It's a safe way to explore some feelings without the risk of being taken advantage of, because there is no direct relationship. If interested, check research from 2017 called "Parasocial Interactions and Relationships in Early Adolescence"
As someone who doesn't have manic episodes, I've never seen a manic episode in action before. I find this more informative than a lot of information I've read about them.
@@LouisEdouardJacques I suppose you're right. Well, whether it's the character or the real person, I'm going to use their struggles to get through my own and help others with theirs.
This is the highest form of art, precisely because it holds no artistic intent. This is real, in the only way that real can be: vulnerable, painful, relentless. Jreg, you inspire me to never lie to myself again, to be brutally honest with myself. Thank you for posting this.
Tbh this era kinda weirdly coincided with me actually feeling quite a lot better and taking better care of myself for the past nearly a year now, thanks jregular!
i know most of these comments are ironic and satire (mine included) but i genuinely hope you’re doing okay man , it’s tough making the content you make and being as vulnerable or authentic as you are with the various aspects of you and how you navigate situations and life itself!! if you need help, seek it and we’ll be here for you ;p
whoa dude, idk why you are making this response to jreg like dis but like, are you ok? are you feeling fine? idk man, this feels like a cry for help from you and I really care about whether you may be safe tomorrow
@@shoulderkolibrihey bud, I can see you’re desperate for compassion and can only cope by giving what you need to those around you. Do you need a hug? I’m worried about you :c
@@shoulderkolibri listen man caring about jreg commenters is a serious deal and you have to remember it’s ok to not be ok. I’m here for you if you need anything
I have schizoaffective disorder and this was incredibly relatable. I loved the part about "the only thing separating me from a homeless schizophrenic is that I have a camera" because that's how I feel a lot of the time regarding being a schizo spectrum engineer. Just waiting on the day my psych collapses and I become Terry A Davis 2.0.
I heavily relate to this. I'm also schizo-spec and a software engineer. I feel fortunate to have a career, but it always feels like I'm just one bad episode away from homelessness. It also blows that the only real "role models" I have for schizofolk in my industry are Terry Davis and a personal collogue who got rich building really scummy adware, neither of which I particularly want to look up to
This is unlike anything I’ve seen before. I’ve watched your videos on and off for a long time now, and it really shouldn’t have been any shock that someone who’s content is normally so slathered in irony it feels like a house of mirrors, could put out possibly the most honest piece of media I’ve seen. It’d take a short novel to say all the things I want to and much more time than I have. But from a person with a history of both supporting friends and losing some, as well as struggling with my own mental bollocks - thank you so much.
This was pretty cool tbh and I feel like it provided me with a lot of value, valuable thoughts, artistic value, personal value, and maybe even, social value
Also exchange value, jreg may have left politics behind but that just means he subpositioned himself in the neo-liberal market system. Throwing eggs at his house is a revolutionary act.
This was pretty cool tbh and I feel like it provided me with a lot of value, valuable thoughts, artistic value, personal value, and maybe even, social value
@Dilbot Yeah, I’m sure he’s gonna read a lot of the comments on this video. You can’t just post something like this and not look at what your viewers are saying about it in the comments
You taking off your shirt also helped frame even more distance between the you on screen and the you watching it, plus it's the literal symbol of vulnerability.
I'm about halfway in. I teared up a little over the part where you said you wanted this phase to be done and over with, because you're not some "quirky" teen anymore. That's how I feel as well. I'm 27 now and my mind is still as unstable and self-destructive as it was more than a decade ago. Only difference now is that asking for help is fucking embarrassing. My best friend, also my roommate, is a 22 year old girl. She constantly tells me that if I'm feeling low I should come talk to her. She doesn't understand that this is how I feel constantly, if I did what she asked I would become a literal leech, stuck to her at all times, weighing her down untill she finally gets the courage to cut me off. I feel broken beyond repair and it's just not cool, mysterious or interesting anymore. I really hate myself. I hate that instead of developing an interesting personality, picking up a few hobbies or learning some valuable skills, I decided to not do anything about my mental health. I'm not a person anymore, I'm a disease, a mental disability. At best I'm a case study in what not to do, or someone you can comfort for awhile to make yourself feel good, like giving money to a homeless person so they can at least eat for the night. A charity case. I have hope that life will get better, but no willpower to do anything about it. What that equates to is a life where I have been wanting to kill myself for a long time, but can never get myself to do it. One day I probably will do it. With the way things are going, I doubt I'm going to die of natural causes. Anyways, thanks for the video. I am going to the doctors next week, to have a consultation about whether or not I'm depressed. That'll be fun: "So why do you think you're depressed?" Oh I don't know, maybe it's normal to load your service pistol, rack it and put it against your temple, just to see if it'll make you feel something? Maybe that's what all my friends are doing. It didn't make me feel a fucking thing, and I couldn't figure out if that was a bad or a good thing.
What I've done is take the emotions and replace them with anger, at myself mostly, for letting it come this far. For letting all of this depression weigh me down so much that I've lost myself and I'm only a shadow of who I was. Going to the gym, socializing with just about anyone who shares my hobbies or goes there too, and finding ways to distract the pain. It's not a solution, but it opens up some possibilities that were closed before. Think abstract, try something you haven't before, it might be what you need to fight for yourself just like I did back when I first got out of the depression bed.
yeah i completely get this, especially this "I'm not a person anymore, I'm a disease, a mental disability. At best I'm a case study in what not to do, or someone you can comfort for awhile to make yourself feel good, like giving money to a homeless person so they can at least eat for the night. A charity case." I struggle a lot with social stuff which i think relates to the mental health stuff but the consequence is this same feeling of not being as much of a person as other people. It's crushing feeling that way; makes you feel so helpless and alone.
This is by far the most sincere thing I've seen from you, Jreg (or you have superhuman acting abilities). I send you my parasocial gratitude and good wishes.
@@How_To_Drive_a_TARDIS My thoughts on the subject are very personal, so I can only speak for myself and my own inevitable death and I don't know how my approach would play out if everyone thought the way I do. But my main point is that I do not need the state (or anyone else's) permission to end my own life and that it is my own responsibility to do so if I deem it necessary. I've seen enough death to know what good and bad deaths look like, I'm able to make an informed decision on the matter when it comes to my own. I don't like how medical assistance in death is growing in countries that are trying it out. I don't like the state having a role in taking lives. I have an exit strategy. I think it would be incredibly irresponsible of me to ask a doctor to kill me instead of doing it myself, but I recognize that's because I have the means and will power to see it through, and many don't have that luxury. All that said, I would still choose MAID for myself over many of the deaths I've seen.
I have never related more to a jreg video. The cycle of creating something during a "manic" episode and feeling incredibly tweaked about myself and everything I'm doing, only to delete it later when I no longer feel that way has been plaguing my ability to create meaningful shit for my whole life. very good piece Gregory
Been following you religiously since the centricide era and i have got to say you are the only artist that manages to grab me by the throat with everything you make. And thats so wild considering how different all of your eras have been. I mean this as the highest form of praise I can give.
This was well needed. Thank you for posting this. I have mental illness and do the same shit. I have moments when I feel like I beat it without medication but it always comes back and beats me. I just recently accepted that my mental illness is not in my control despite how much I want to believe it is. This video made me feel less alone then I usually do and I think it was pretty brave to own who you are to everyone. I can see this is vary panful for you, but I hope you know there are others who suffer similarly and your story has the potential to help them. I hope this helped in some way.
Hi JREG comment reader. I am a 17 year old male who lives in the United States, and I have been a fan of JREG for about two years I think. Here is what I want to say: I am not bipolar, but this video resonates with me so much. My dad and one of my cousins are both bipolar, but as far as I can tell, I just have ADHD and depression (kinda, not like major depressive disorder, just a more occasional thing). However, I can still relate for these reasons: First of all, I am constantly analyzing myself, looking at my past and trying to find things to regret to distract myself from the fact that the future is coming and I am not prepared. I do go through most days in a sort of malaise and anxiety, half dissociated, like my life is a dream. I do not feel real. I do not feel like a real person. I show little emotion. All I do all day is try to fix problems in my life. Usually that problem is that I have school work I need to do. Sometimes it's that I need to get a job, or figure out what college I want to go to, or craft the perfect political ideology so that I can share it with the world and convert them all to it. I also relate to what JREG says about his body and his face. I hate my body and my face usually, but when my dopamine is high I think I am hot. Absolutely stunning and sexy and perfect. Every once in a while I remember that I am actually alive. I remember that I will not be 17 forever, and one day I will graduate and there goes my high school routine. I don't know what will happen after that. And that scares me, because I know it will not live up to my expectations. Or maybe I shouldn't say expectations, because my expectations are pretty low. I should say that I am afraid that it will not live up to the fantasy idealized perfect rest of my life that I have loosely planned out in my head. And that scares me, because if it doesn't work out how I want it to, how I NEED it to, I will have failed. And at that point my life is meaningless. Worthless. The problem is that I do not want to prepare for my future. My goals are too large, so it is too overwhelming of a task to even begin. The times I am happiest are when I am alone and consuming media. Watching movies, playing video games, watching TH-cam videos or Tiktoks. I just want to do that. Forever. I think me and JREG are the same. Or very similar. And I know that is an extremely parasocial thing to say, but the fact that JREG criticizes people forming parasocial relationships with him so often only validates my belief more. He is very aware of how people are inclined to form parasocial relationships with people they find on the internet, and I think it's because he knows exactly what it is like to do that. He has done it before, probably multiple times. I don't know what else too add to this comment. I think I should say that I am currently 9 minutes and 15 seconds into the video (9:15). I think that is important context. I think I should also explain why I am typing this comment. Right now, I am manic JREG. I see the light. I was blind before, but now it is all so clear. I also know that I have felt this way before. I have felt like there is hope because I see the problem, and that means I can fix it, before. And it was delusional before. So why would it be different now. Honestly, all I want is for JREG to read this comment. And not just that, but I need to KNOW that he read this comment. I need him to validate me. I want him to reply to me and tell me how right I am, how I am just like him and he is literally me. In reality, I know that he would probably find someone saying that, even postironically like I am, to be cringe and creepy. But in a way it is genuinely how I feel. It doesn't even have to be JREG. It could be any random person scrolling through the comments. I just want a thoughtful reply to this comment. Someone who can relate to me. I just don't want to feel alone. I don't feel particularly lonely, but I do feel unsure of myself. I am unsure of if this comment has any real meaning or not, and I need someone to tell me it does. That it has a lot of meaning. Then I can feel confident that I am right to have hope. That I really did open my third eye just now. And that this is the turning point. The moment where everything in my life changes because I start living more thoughtfully, I start making a real plan for my life, and then I achieve it. I am so desperate to feel hope about my future. I am desperate for a chance to believe that it is all okay, and I will succeed at my goals. That it is a certainty that I will not fail. I don't even know what my goals are. I guess maybe I should try to outline them. One thing I know for certain is that I CAN NOT get a normal job. I can not work a standard 9-5. If I can not escape from the "normal" lifestyle, I might as well k*** myself. I have to become famous. I have to be a thought leader. I need to make TH-cam videos and write books and shit, and tell people all the things that I know that they don't. I need to make the world a utopia. That is my mission. Because, if I fail, the future of humanity is grim. We will either be destroyed by climate change or nuclear war. Or both. I have to stop that from happening. And, even if we "solve climate change" and don't blow ourselves up, then what? We all keep working our entire lives just to be able to go to the store and buy food? To have a home? To not die? If that is what our future looks like, I do not want it. I think that's why JREG's videos resonate so much with me. He preaches radicalism, anti-centrism, and status-quo and I think he does that because he sees how stupid we all are right now. He sees past the curtain, he can see the bigger picture. And I can too. Too many people are too convinced that the way we live, the fact that we even exist at all, is completely normal. Nothing special. And it is the opposite. The way we live is horific, and the fact that we exist is the most insane thing ever. It is utterly insane that a bunch of hairless apes grew bigger brains and now I am typing a comment on a "computer". I can not believe this is how history has gone. I can't believe that we are so stupid and so smart at the same time. It drives me insane. And I need everyone else to see how insane it all is. I hate sane people. They do not see the insanity of the human condition, and they don't understand what that insanity means. I guess I'm done now. I am going to post this comment and then watch the rest of the video. I can't wait to come back to this comment tomorrow and react to it and think about how stupid and worthless and meaningless and wrong and cringe and delusional it is. Oh well. EDIT: Oh shit 6 likes and three genuinely amazing and kind replies, what have I done. Why did you read all of this? Nobody was actually supposed to see this mental vomit.
I am 34 years old and can relate to much of what you've written here. I often wonder how I can continue to survive, work a normal job, etc. It's tough. I've found my own janky route through life for which I am grateful. I wish it were easier though. I'm sending you my support.
Just read your entire comment. I relate to a lot of the stuff you said, especially with wanting to be famous and be important. I really want to make art that people will talk about and love. And sometimes I think about how this world is kind of fucked up and think about how I'm not really doing anything to change things in a big way but I should. But I don't know how or even if I can or if I should. I also relate to what you said about a turning point. I keep thinking that there will be this event in my life that will change me and then boom everything makes sense and I become who I want to be. But maybe there isn't a big turning point that suddenly changes everything. Maybe everything that happens in your life are turning points. I mean I think we're always changing without even knowing it. But we don't really notice it, and we don't change as fast as we want to. I'm not sure. Idk. You wanna be friends, random person on the internet?
Wow, that was really, really valuable to me. I work as a therapist and have taught Abnormal Psychology at the local university. I wish I'd found this video sooner so that I could share it with my classes. I applaud your courage in posting this and hope you can accept the sincerity with which this appreciation is expressed. Thanks.
@@jp.dlamini It's difficult to tell. The only "evidence" that can really be considered, is whether he would have that kind if acting ability, and whether he would have the motive to make this video in an "ironic" capacity. I'm leaning towards a sincere interpretation myself.
Wow jRegular! You really showed those abnormal people how to live a normal life , being very stable and building healthy relationships with the people around you!
Jreg is very clever and insightful and emotionally mature but he doesn't show us much of it because the internet values wacky comedy over serious conversations. But I see you, Jreg. You're real.
I'm diagnosed with ADHD and what's so freaking interesting is how your manic episode does really match how I feel/felt off my medication while I'm coming out of a burnt-out phase. From being tired, sad and just being a utter shell of yourself, your brain starts to wake up again - and that feeling is pure bliss.
Dude I have ADHD and I hella relate to your description of what it’s like going on and off the meds. For me, it’s kind of like an inverse effect, where when I’m on the meds, I feel really good in the morning after I take the meds and they start kicking in, but then I feel less and less good as the day goes on. However, when I’m off the meds, I feel like shit in the morning and for the first part of the day, but I start feeling better and better as the day goes on, to where I usually peak and feel the best (or at least have more dopamine, almost to where it can sort of feel manic sometimes) at night, and I start feeling really very hyper fixated extremely late at night sometimes, which is why I have insomnia sometimes. Anywaysssss
@@TheCognitiveDissident weird, I also have had this same pattern of energy/emotion for years. Groggy/depressed in the morning, getting better by the afternoon, then by the evening I was wondering what the hell had me thinking and feeling so shitty in the morning. Like two diff people. It was really intense when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and I'm almost 30.
@@slightlyoffification God dammit, I keep seeing stuff like this and I'm torn between thinking I have ADHD and that I'm just making excuses for myself. I'm planning on getting diagnosed but even if it's confirmed I feel like I will just be putting into place a justification for failure in the future. That said I keep cycling between starting things with extreme drive and failing them with extreme indifference, so if I'm failing anyway I might as well try something different.
Do you take vyvanse? That's similar to my experience with that medication, among a few other things. It worked incredibly well for me, but the extreme highs and lows were just too much (now I take concerta)
The effeciveness with which you made me unable to ever believe a singular thing you say continues to amaze me. If there is a weapon that kills the truth then you have at least found the alloy it's made of.
this is, whithout a single doubt, the best thing I've watched on TH-cam. The payoff of this channel is mind blowing. I'm at a loss for words, seriously
I've been watching since the Know Your Extremes video, and this makes it all make sense. The way you were like in the beginning, how you changed with time in the way you did things. Wow. Since you don't feel comfortable with sympathy I can only say this changed my day. Like, I'm in the process of moving from my country to another continent. And this brought me back to all those videos years ago. I love your work, Jreg, keep going and always try to take the best care to yourself.
This is beyond brilliant. Raw as fuck. This is the best depiction of mental illness to be put to the screen that I've ever seen, I mean that sincerely. I've been a fan since 2018, this is now my favorite video you've ever done.
Holy shit man. This is amazing. Genuinely. This is fascinating. Of course it sucks that you have to go through all this but, i think you just made some amazingly impressive art.
I've been disfiguring myself psychologically for years by "masking" (exacerbating) the severity of these cycles for years with hard drug use which has not served me well. Thanks for showing me something I haven't seen on the internet before. I can feel it
This video really means a lot to me. I can't talk about those kinds of things with even my closest friends because its so fucking scary. I feel like if I say it out loud that somehow breathes life into it or makes it real. I know how terrifying getting this vulnerable is. I really appreciate the courage you had to post this
I dont know why but this helped me come down from my suicidal thoughts today. Anyway, I know there are moments we want to laugh or cringe at ourselves but we must learn to be a lot kinder. Hope everyone reading this is doing well.
This resonates with me so much. I used to make a lots of recordings of myself, and I felt the more I re-listened to myself, the more I felt "me the performance" and "me the observer" is different. Especially if I was drunk or high, or otherwise in a good mood. Not in a "wow I acted so silly" way either. 'We contain multitudes" is maybe the biggest common thread of this channel, destroying the illusion of the unitary self
As someone who has struggled with depression and mental illness his whole life, I felt such compassion while watching. You don't need to bring social value to anyone to be a valuable and meaningful person, but have no doubt that you do.
A "stream of consciousness" is a literary tool used by modernists and more... Listening to it and simultaneously critiquing it is another level of meta, man. Like, genuinely, this is just top tier content.
the ending with the smile and "thats that" had me busting out laughing. I understand the sentiment too well. It can be a lonely ride even in good company.
"But it doesnt cure me, it just makes me normal, and i dont want to be normal... so i was reading the unibomber manifesto" That emptiness at the end of the video where you suddenly just dont have the same fervor and feel like something is missing Ive never seen this captured so vividly, incredible piece
This video never fails to trigger me into a hippo manic episode, and still i cant stop rewatching it. It's the empathy i feel, or rather how i feel seeing other people struggle with the same I do. Of course i don't want people to go through this, but i do, i very much do want to see other people while manic, i want to hear their borderline incomprehensible rambles. I just really really want to feel like i am not the only one
One of my friends had undiagnosed bipolar. He went through a manic episode for months and no one around him knew what was going on, it was really scary. This really helped put a lot of things into perspective for me, a lot of the things he was saying and how he was acting. Thank you so much for making this. It definitely has social value
This was incredible. I don’t know how many times I rewatched the I want(ed) to die video because I felt so seen. This one is even more raw and human and just idk artistic in its own way, I just could not look away. I feel like I’ve just watched something forbidden… too personal, too secret What a piece of art
I remember I said "I just want to be happy" then few years passed and now I am here, constant mood swings, I go from crying and making myself believe I need to go to therapy into "I can't go to therapy I laughed and joked about it too much" (times I joked out loud to someone I can count on one hand) and then turn into "I don't need to go to therapy I'm alright everyone goes through the same shit in their head" I taught myself to not trust anyone and it turned into not even believing myself. I just pray my friends won't leave me even tho I'm the one thats not reaching out. My friends keep me on earth to be honest or maybe I don't care what they think and I'm just a pussy that can't do it
this is by far the most comforting video I've seen in my life, well a little disturbing too but in a way that hit my soul different af (grounded me a little to reality). I just have to thank you. And seriously props to you for grabbing whatever this bullshit is by the cock and nuts, and I know this comment is a bit of a moot point cause a lot of other people have said pretty much the same things I said already but if you're reading this, I hope you feel a little of what you gave me in return.
Can't believe I didn't watch this earlier, this is an incredibly fascinating video. The literal and figurative nakedness of your psyche on display makes for a genuinely valuable study. The reaction format adds a lot to the moment as well.
There's something poetic about you using niacin to delete the mania and then literally deleting the digital copy of the mania. I'm speaking as a therapist here but this genuinely does have incredible social value, it's so much more raw and authentic (apart from that sweet acting in the first half 😉) than most people on this platform or most people are online which makes it all the more ironic it's coming from you, the king of irony. I'd love to see you continue this if you feel able to, maybe you could start to form a dialogue with the manic side of you. Ask yourself questions while jregular for jrolar to answer and vice versa. It might be useful for you as well as being insightful for us. This post is the one that's finally made me sub to your patreon, not because of the parasocial relationship but because I'm keen to see the manic version as again I think that would also have profound value. Please keep doing what you're doing. P.s casually dropping you're reading the unibomber manifesto is hilarious without the context that you were talking about it on the whatifalthist pod.
Same! Threw away my lithium and quetiapine and snorted a huge line of niacin instead, I think the insects under my skin do not like this and they're currently punishing me but they'll eventually leave if I keep doing this, right?
I'm bipolar myself, been following this channel for a while and can relate so much to the rawness and honesty of this video. Thank you so much for sharing and increasing visibility.
I cured my depression by taking a cold shower every day. Now whenever I feel like crying, I just take a shower and I can't tell what's water and what's tears. It's like I'm not even crying!
@@jp.dlamini So you feel like you're doing something to make your life better when all you're actually doing is freezing your balls off in the shower, obviously
@@jp.dlamini The pain from the cold water helps distract from the pain of internal emptiness. Can't think about the meaninglessness of life if you're too busy thinking about how cold the water feels!
I wish I knew about this lifehack sooner! Granted, it's been around a decade since I could cry without having a complete and devastating mental breakdown beforehand, but who knows, maybe a mixed shower would help with that.
If you were to ask me what's a hallmark of art in the 21st century with the advent of influencers and parasocial relationships, I would say that the in this era, the medium that artists/entertainments have begun to paint with their own lives as part of the act. As much as the audience is engaging with the content (the person), the artist is also leveraging themselves and the relationship as part of the art. The low tier content is obv traditional streaming "look at me playing a game", but the highest level of this parasocial art, where the full ideal of the piece is the conscious dialogue between artist and audience about the dialogue itself and how the dialogue is taking place, instead of the actual subject matter. You're def leading the way in this movement Jreg. happy to see it.
this video is like probably the best one you've ever made. i seriously love it and it affected me a lot. I watched it several times, and it's really helpful. thanks for making this shit, jreg. i hope one day i can make art as good as you
for what it's worth, this did give me a bunch of social value. ever since coming down from being absolutely batshit insane, I've just been avoiding thinking about any of it. ignoring it so it's less real, maybe? so, this allowed me to look at all of it without wanting to bash my brains in. more therapeutic than any "real" therapy I've had. crazy how one's actions can have some kind of effect on someone completely unrelated. kind of cool. thanks
dude, imagine that the only thing we need to do to eradicate or at least control mental illness is talk about it with each other and share our experiences. what if instead of talking to therapists all we really needed was a person who listened and said "yo, i had the same shit, i feel you so much"
I've been through several episodes of psychosis through my life, and last year was diagnosed schizophrenic. It's incredibly relieving to hear your mental health experiences, so thank you. I wish I was strong enough to manage it without medication. 400mg abilify injected every 28 days, and an anti-depressant. I've been "stable" for about half a year now. Sorry for the blog, stay well.
This is amazing, I'm pretty sure that I've witnessed a manic episode in a friend before and this makes me understand that better. I have depression and ADHD, and while that is not the same as bipolar I can totally relate to being in a relatively high dopamine state once in a blue moon knowing that 1) I want to always feel this way 2) most people probably do feel this way (like an actual person) most of the time but 3) I can't trust this state of mind because it will fade away within a couple of days at most. I vividly remember the last time that happened, when I felt like an adult person with a future and possibilities. Now I feel mostly shame, both for not being able to stay in that feeling, and for having had that feeling in the first place.
I'm just another dude who you've never met, and who only knows you via your videos, but I deeply believe that your worth extends far beyond the "social value" that you offer through your work on TH-cam. I do appreciate the hard work you put into your content, and your immense courage to post this particular video publicly. But I also appreciate that you are trying your best in the face of the many challenges involved with managing mental illness, and I appreciate that you exist.
jreg i find you physically attractive in this video, probably because of the camera setup and editing! i will take this as a sign your mental health has improved permanently.
I understand you don't necessarily want sympathy, but I empathize and relate so much that I can't help it, my heart really goes out to you dude. I genuinely, sincerely really hope your doing okay, and if you aren't that's okay too. The point is to keep on swimming, baby steps and big steps. We can't control what's going to happen, but we can keep on moving on and doing our best little by little. I admire you so much and watching your videos has really helped me to realize my purpose in life and to actually start making real progress towards my new goals. Please keep being yourself and posting what you do, no matter what it is, in some way it always helps someone out there. I hope you can find peace in yourself somehow, in the midst of all the struggling.
As a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I strongly connect with this experience as viewing a version of the self as if they are a weird, alien, and uncontrollable being just doing their own weird thing whenever im not around to reign them in.
You have been working out, you look good. Don't be down on yourself. Also don't worry so much, it's all good man. All humans have a 'painbody' that is a physical thing within your brain that forces your 'consciousness' to associate yourself with your body as a survival mechanism. This is in all animals but since we have conscious thoughts it causes us to engage in thought patterns that sre repetitive and negative. This is what all humans experience but how you react to it can affect you deeply. If you feed into the negative thought patterns and believe them to be your own thoughts it will go on forever. Another choice is to just let the thoughts pass through you and just let them go. I'm not saying to brute force stop thinking, it's more like here is the negative thought... Not going to continue or repeat that in my mind and I'm just going to let it go, not going to feel guilty about thinking the thought, just letting it go. I'm just regurgitating Eckhart Tolle so there you go but it works for me.
When i get intrusive thoughts i just go "idk what happened just now nothing happened look i havent done anything" and kind of gaslight myself into thinking the intrusive thought didn't even happen and it works afshsjsj
HE GETS IT. HE UNDERSTANDS THE POO POO MENTAL HEALTH CARE SYSTEM IN CANUCK LAND, THE SELF RESEARCH THAT THE DOCTOR SHOULD KNOW, THE ROOTS OF THE MENTAL DURESS AND HOW THEY TIE INTO INDUSTRIALIZED SOCIETY, THIS GUY GETS IT
Thanks Greg. I've had one extended manic episode before, and it's incredible how similar this was to mine. I've been embarassed of the memory and afraid of it happening again ever since. Seeing one in action really comforted me. When the ramble hit on all of the same points I was making during my episode it healed a little bit of the pain I feel when I remember mine. Luckily I've only had a couple in my life, but they all ended in some of the worst experiences of my life. This video is the first time I've been able to reminisce on those times without spiking my blood pressure so that's at least one point of social value.
To see someone else feeling like they're going insane and lamenting on the fact that they cannot fit into the expectations of what it is to be normal, and then feeling firsthand the positive effect of your vulnerable expression of these feelings will always be immensely valuable and comforting to me. Been here for 3 years and am grateful for it. Hope that doesn't come across too parasocial or whatever. Also hope you don't feel too bad about your balls being itchy it happens to the best of us
Been following this channel for 2 years I love how it covered topics of mental illness in particular, how it promotes an awareness and understanding of what hand we’re playing with, without treating it as an excuse or a crutch. Thanks for each idea you’ve been able to follow through on Jreg
Hey Greg, a little while ago I went through what I am 99% was OCD for about a solid 6 mo period and feeling better now, something about seeing you talk about yourself in such a different state than you’re in hit really close to home and was really special. It’s like someone else with different priorities taking over for a little while and is crazy to look back on. Whatever that may be like for you, know the art you make out of it means a lot to at least one person.
thank you, thank you, thank you for this video -- u got urself a new subscriber not bipolar/schizophrenic but i got adhd and dude...i almost sobbed when u said u can't remember a time when u felt happy. this whole thing felt so relatable, even if my symptoms aren't the exact same. it's so hard to hear mainstream discourse about being urself when u have no fking clue who u are cause it changes dramatically every day. and the meds that make all the voices chattering in ur skull go quiet...they just take away ur personality, ur emotions, and the wonderful feeling that u don't have to think, just *be* for all the progress we've made in discussing mental illness, it's hard to realize that for some of us, it's chronic, and u don't rly "grow out of it"...u can usually grow out of anxiety or depression but not ur brain. anw im vary rambly but i just wanted to express how powerful this vid was
This actually moved me a great deal at 10:30 ish when you describe wanting to feel like this forever. 2 years ago a good friend was in the peak of a serious manic episode which culminated in hospitalization and all he wanted was to feel exactly like that forever. I didn't know how to tell him that this was a terrible inclination that would alienate his loved ones. When a person is manic they do not act like themselves and even though they feel better they confuse and frighten the people that care about them and the increased isolation makes the problems worse. Without a shred of irony I appreciate how candid this is
Using your manic episode to plan your next manic episode is such a funny gought
Isn‘t that what most manic people do subconciously?
Adapt. Improvise. Overcome
@@REALdavidmiscarriageand werewolves tbf
@@IndieGameClinic interesting analogy
@@REALdavidmiscarriage who said anything about analogies 🌕
if you can't handle me at my "i was acting the whole time" you don't deserve me at my "i don't wanna wear this"
Hold on. About the end, was he actually acting or was he pretending like it was an act?
@@jadeninja9jadeninja9 He was acting that he was acting in the act. So he was acting that he was acting in the act.
@@johnpenn4996 Maybe he was acting that he was acting that he was acting? Or acting that he was acting that he was acting that he was acting?
@@jadeninja9jadeninja9
The way I interpret it is, it was acting...but the character he was play was himself when he is manic.
So...idk...does that count as acting?
I suppose it would if he was method acting at the time, but if he wasn't method acting...then maybe it is just an exegeration of what his baseline self thinks is his manic self.
@@memegazer I think it was just him coming off of the manic episode, cringing at his memory of the last 30 minutes, and in this concentrated moment of pure cringe he tries to lie to either himself or us (probably both) that he was just acting the whole time in an attempt to disconnect himself from the rest of the video.
ah the hypomanic " I'm cured" feeling that lasts exactly one week until you're sent to the darkest pits of hell
Okay your case seems pretty full on manic
dude if that was acting it was great. definitely provided some social value lmao
@@wokeil he definitely is not acting
@@wokeil Bro forgot to switch to his alt account
Skill issue
As someone who regularly deconstructs and reconstructs their own sense of self, watching someone else's own Cycle of self Observe itself makes me feel like i am not so alone in this experience. Thank you.
I mean fuck, shit uhhh Thank you Greg "Decently above average" Guevara, You showed them Normal Brain Havers who's boss
This is the most relatable video i have seen ever. Maybe I should get checked for bipolar
@@danielstatler954 Do it, even if that's not it, you atleast have self awareness about you're problems, and have some mode of attack.
@@Huntee935what cycle of self are you in now?
@@Vienic2 I'm in my Happy Arc >:^) Depressive episode in 5......4.......3
You just managed to turn react content into art, well done.
meta asf 🤯
Good one jreg, you really showed those mental illnesses whos boss
Edit: he did not show those mental illnesses whos boss
LMAOOOOOOOO
Good one manic depression, you sure showed that Jreg who's boss
@@canter1ter Gigachad manic depression is nobody's b*tch.
Ahhhh the duality of Gregory. 🥴
Mr "I dont have Bipolar" while exhibiting it.
Dont worry JReg, you'll soon have your firearms rights removed.
This really is art. It takes balls (even though they itch), you have to put yourself out there, be vulnerable and in return it really makes people (me included) feel, it moves me in a way that probably no other TH-cam content does.
this content also moves my little bunghole
even though they itch
Seeing his pure, distilled spite towards this other character he plays was top tier. The skipping over the video every time he flashed back to when he acted it was good too. Unbridled cynicism and psychic damage whenever the manic one said anything resembling small talk was a nice touch. Overall I would pay to see him suffer some more, vellicating over curdled cringe.
Also he should start lifting, use his dysmorphia to get huge. Want to see him become king of the homeless schizophrenics if he ever stops youtube. Teach them politics and raise an army. Jregublic.
@@pessimisticbastard5278 cap
@@stripo9650 Inshallah
Reflecting on an embarrassing video you made about yourself while you were feeling good about yourself, while you're feeling bad about yourself, is like 90% of the depression experience. It's a constant battle between your manic self and depressed self trying to decide who is closer to enlightenment. I think it's honestly really valuable and validating to see someone being this honest and vulnerable about their mental health on the internet, and it helps that you've attempted to provide a balanced perspective by including both your manic side and depressive side in the same video. Much appreciation and I wish you the best of luck with your journey. Struggle? Battle? idk
He said it was all acting, so better to take it with a grain of salt, especially if you try to extract any value out of it.
So the question is was that really his depressed self?
@@johnsherfey3675 Most likely not as he states it was all acting and does not comment on that even though he supposedly is in a better state now.
So he likely is acting and purposefully leaves in unclear that he does so, because it gathers more attention.
Replying to remind you of this embarrassing comment
As an bipolar person, thank you. This is the best portrayal I have ever seen of what it's like. Not to enable your mania, but this definitely had "social value" to me.
during every manic episode i have i feel like i'm cured forever (or that i'm superhuman if things are really bad) and every depressive episode i have makes me feel like things will never get better. things just go up and down, that's the nature of bipolar disorder, but i never believe they will in the moment.
thank you for making this video, it made me feel much less alone.
I'm genuinely shocked by your courage to be this vulnerable. I couldn't post something like this, and neither could most. That's why it had to be done, and I'm very glad you did. Sincerely, I thank you.
Did you watch all the way until the end?
@@MrFuzziiWuzzii I think he's lying in the end, but who knows?
I don’t think the end is a lie. The precedent is there - his old clown videos. But I agree - I can’t be certain
I hate that the mfer skipped through shit.
He says he's acting because he feels numb to all emotion and it feels like everything he does is fake. I understand, many do. But it's not as simple as "haha I was just acting the whole time bro." It's more complicated than that. And what I see from my perspective is him making a sort of joke in saying that. "Yep, I was just acting!" It's a sad sort of inside joke.
Ik you have this fear of oversharing on the internet bc you don't want to develop a parasocial relationship w/ your audience, but thank you for being willing to share this. It was really insightful
I agree
We already have a parasocial relationship with jReg, it's just abusive
And parasocial relationships can be a healthy and normal too. It's a safe way to explore some feelings without the risk of being taken advantage of, because there is no direct relationship. If interested, check research from 2017 called "Parasocial Interactions and Relationships in Early Adolescence"
As someone who doesn't have manic episodes, I've never seen a manic episode in action before. I find this more informative than a lot of information I've read about them.
It's crazy
he said it was all an act. we can obviously take him at his word on that and assume it to be true.
@@jonnyhughes1689 Yeah it was all an act that’s why he cried at the beginning
@@VerbDoesStuff Crying is something actors can sometime do while acting.
@@LouisEdouardJacques I suppose you're right. Well, whether it's the character or the real person, I'm going to use their struggles to get through my own and help others with theirs.
Top tier acting here. Award worthy. I almost believed it until you brought up Uncle Ted's essay.
What does that even mean please enlighten us mortals
@@giovannaputhumana8460 greg mentions he read the unabomber (ted kaczynski) manifesto (essay of why he bombed the una) earlier
@@mani-gh3ru OHHH thanks!
he did
This is the highest form of art, precisely because it holds no artistic intent.
This is real, in the only way that real can be: vulnerable, painful, relentless.
Jreg, you inspire me to never lie to myself again, to be brutally honest with myself. Thank you for posting this.
Pfp checks out, don't get me wrong LOVED the vid but this is just pure circle jerk.
i wonder how long that will last?
i think it has alot of artistic intent
except it does because it was all an act
@@itsoracle You can't be that naive.
Tbh this era kinda weirdly coincided with me actually feeling quite a lot better and taking better care of myself for the past nearly a year now, thanks jregular!
Same here, it's interesting.
me three
Lifting myself outa this kg’s at a time 💪🏽🦍🙏🏾
same!
uh oh
People shouldnt take this video Ironically, it's by far the most candid view into his life and brain
shut up dude, you are a literal weirdo with an anime avatar dont tell me what to do also I know its non-ironic
I absolutely agree. As soon as I noticed he was going to be reacting to himself I stopped taking it as a joke
Probs
Did you just say "and brain" unironically ?
Exactly
i know most of these comments are ironic and satire (mine included) but i genuinely hope you’re doing okay man , it’s tough making the content you make and being as vulnerable or authentic as you are with the various aspects of you and how you navigate situations and life itself!! if you need help, seek it and we’ll be here for you ;p
whoa dude, idk why you are making this response to jreg like dis
but like, are you ok? are you feeling fine? idk man, this feels like a cry for help from you and I really care about whether you may be safe tomorrow
@@shoulderkolibri Bro💀 ur scaring me into thinking IM not okay
@@shoulderkolibrihey bud, I can see you’re desperate for compassion and can only cope by giving what you need to those around you.
Do you need a hug? I’m worried about you :c
@@shoulderkolibri listen man caring about jreg commenters is a serious deal and you have to remember it’s ok to not be ok. I’m here for you if you need anything
@@kuhinde to be fair anyone who watches jreg is probably partially ill
I have schizoaffective disorder and this was incredibly relatable. I loved the part about "the only thing separating me from a homeless schizophrenic is that I have a camera" because that's how I feel a lot of the time regarding being a schizo spectrum engineer. Just waiting on the day my psych collapses and I become Terry A Davis 2.0.
I heavily relate to this. I'm also schizo-spec and a software engineer. I feel fortunate to have a career, but it always feels like I'm just one bad episode away from homelessness.
It also blows that the only real "role models" I have for schizofolk in my industry are Terry Davis and a personal collogue who got rich building really scummy adware, neither of which I particularly want to look up to
You’re very pretty
This is great. I may need mental health support. I need to become an engineer. Because I'm just a regular schizo now and that's so boring
So you’re literally like a mad scientist, like the ones in cartoons. 😂
This is unlike anything I’ve seen before. I’ve watched your videos on and off for a long time now, and it really shouldn’t have been any shock that someone who’s content is normally so slathered in irony it feels like a house of mirrors, could put out possibly the most honest piece of media I’ve seen. It’d take a short novel to say all the things I want to and much more time than I have. But from a person with a history of both supporting friends and losing some, as well as struggling with my own mental bollocks - thank you so much.
This was pretty cool tbh and I feel like it provided me with a lot of value, valuable thoughts, artistic value, personal value, and maybe even, social value
I agree. There is so much value in this video. One may even call it a valuable piece of media and social commentary.
I definitely feel my value has been added to; particularly the social value.
you misspelled autistic
Also exchange value, jreg may have left politics behind but that just means he subpositioned himself in the neo-liberal market system.
Throwing eggs at his house is a revolutionary act.
This was pretty cool tbh and I feel like it provided me with a lot of value, valuable thoughts, artistic value, personal value, and maybe even, social value
Greg, I hope you see this
Fuck irony, actually SINCERELY, from the bottom of my heart,
I respect you for embracing the struggle of your own mortality.
yeah the ending of this 1 went craaaaaaaaazy
He won’t see it
i dont think he cares
@@dilbot1512 Do you think the probability is higher that he will see it or that he wont see it?
@Dilbot Yeah, I’m sure he’s gonna read a lot of the comments on this video. You can’t just post something like this and not look at what your viewers are saying about it in the comments
I have so much respect for you for posting this.
Same
even though he was acting the whole time?
@@RafaelR-F Great actor then
You taking off your shirt also helped frame even more distance between the you on screen and the you watching it, plus it's the literal symbol of vulnerability.
I'm about halfway in.
I teared up a little over the part where you said you wanted this phase to be done and over with, because you're not some "quirky" teen anymore.
That's how I feel as well. I'm 27 now and my mind is still as unstable and self-destructive as it was more than a decade ago. Only difference now is that asking for help is fucking embarrassing.
My best friend, also my roommate, is a 22 year old girl. She constantly tells me that if I'm feeling low I should come talk to her.
She doesn't understand that this is how I feel constantly, if I did what she asked I would become a literal leech, stuck to her at all times, weighing her down untill she finally gets the courage to cut me off.
I feel broken beyond repair and it's just not cool, mysterious or interesting anymore. I really hate myself. I hate that instead of developing an interesting personality, picking up a few hobbies or learning some valuable skills, I decided to not do anything about my mental health.
I'm not a person anymore, I'm a disease, a mental disability. At best I'm a case study in what not to do, or someone you can comfort for awhile to make yourself feel good, like giving money to a homeless person so they can at least eat for the night. A charity case.
I have hope that life will get better, but no willpower to do anything about it. What that equates to is a life where I have been wanting to kill myself for a long time, but can never get myself to do it.
One day I probably will do it. With the way things are going, I doubt I'm going to die of natural causes.
Anyways, thanks for the video.
I am going to the doctors next week, to have a consultation about whether or not I'm depressed. That'll be fun:
"So why do you think you're depressed?" Oh I don't know, maybe it's normal to load your service pistol, rack it and put it against your temple, just to see if it'll make you feel something? Maybe that's what all my friends are doing.
It didn't make me feel a fucking thing, and I couldn't figure out if that was a bad or a good thing.
thinking bunch of pills in the desert is less of a mess but it won't matter anyways
@@ChiIIOutMan I love guns, my life is defined by guns, so it seems fitting.
I would recommend some HealthyGamerGG; even if you're not a gamer. That sucks what you're going through.
What I've done is take the emotions and replace them with anger, at myself mostly, for letting it come this far. For letting all of this depression weigh me down so much that I've lost myself and I'm only a shadow of who I was. Going to the gym, socializing with just about anyone who shares my hobbies or goes there too, and finding ways to distract the pain.
It's not a solution, but it opens up some possibilities that were closed before. Think abstract, try something you haven't before, it might be what you need to fight for yourself just like I did back when I first got out of the depression bed.
yeah i completely get this, especially this
"I'm not a person anymore, I'm a disease, a mental disability. At best I'm a case study in what not to do, or someone you can comfort for awhile to make yourself feel good, like giving money to a homeless person so they can at least eat for the night. A charity case."
I struggle a lot with social stuff which i think relates to the mental health stuff but the consequence is this same feeling of not being as much of a person as other people. It's crushing feeling that way; makes you feel so helpless and alone.
This is by far the most sincere thing I've seen from you, Jreg (or you have superhuman acting abilities).
I send you my parasocial gratitude and good wishes.
I work in healthcare in Canada and found this perspective very valuable.
You don't have to answer but
What do you think about assisted suicide in Canada?
@@How_To_Drive_a_TARDIS My thoughts on the subject are very personal, so I can only speak for myself and my own inevitable death and I don't know how my approach would play out if everyone thought the way I do. But my main point is that I do not need the state (or anyone else's) permission to end my own life and that it is my own responsibility to do so if I deem it necessary. I've seen enough death to know what good and bad deaths look like, I'm able to make an informed decision on the matter when it comes to my own. I don't like how medical assistance in death is growing in countries that are trying it out. I don't like the state having a role in taking lives. I have an exit strategy. I think it would be incredibly irresponsible of me to ask a doctor to kill me instead of doing it myself, but I recognize that's because I have the means and will power to see it through, and many don't have that luxury. All that said, I would still choose MAID for myself over many of the deaths I've seen.
@@thepatriot5051 I've never met an ancap so staunchly in favor of killing themselves. We need more people like you, good sir.
I have never related more to a jreg video. The cycle of creating something during a "manic" episode and feeling incredibly tweaked about myself and everything I'm doing, only to delete it later when I no longer feel that way has been plaguing my ability to create meaningful shit for my whole life.
very good piece Gregory
Been following you religiously since the centricide era and i have got to say you are the only artist that manages to grab me by the throat with everything you make. And thats so wild considering how different all of your eras have been. I mean this as the highest form of praise I can give.
As a medical student, I can say this provided a lot of educational value to me as a case study
Gay
This was well needed. Thank you for posting this. I have mental illness and do the same shit. I have moments when I feel like I beat it without medication but it always comes back and beats me. I just recently accepted that my mental illness is not in my control despite how much I want to believe it is. This video made me feel less alone then I usually do and I think it was pretty brave to own who you are to everyone. I can see this is vary panful for you, but I hope you know there are others who suffer similarly and your story has the potential to help them. I hope this helped in some way.
jreg is trying to say that the niacin does help jRegular is jNiacin
His transparency, thoughtfulness, and authenticity combined with nuanced psychological and intellectual analysis is unmatched
Hi JREG comment reader. I am a 17 year old male who lives in the United States, and I have been a fan of JREG for about two years I think. Here is what I want to say:
I am not bipolar, but this video resonates with me so much. My dad and one of my cousins are both bipolar, but as far as I can tell, I just have ADHD and depression (kinda, not like major depressive disorder, just a more occasional thing).
However, I can still relate for these reasons: First of all, I am constantly analyzing myself, looking at my past and trying to find things to regret to distract myself from the fact that the future is coming and I am not prepared. I do go through most days in a sort of malaise and anxiety, half dissociated, like my life is a dream. I do not feel real. I do not feel like a real person. I show little emotion. All I do all day is try to fix problems in my life. Usually that problem is that I have school work I need to do. Sometimes it's that I need to get a job, or figure out what college I want to go to, or craft the perfect political ideology so that I can share it with the world and convert them all to it. I also relate to what JREG says about his body and his face. I hate my body and my face usually, but when my dopamine is high I think I am hot. Absolutely stunning and sexy and perfect.
Every once in a while I remember that I am actually alive. I remember that I will not be 17 forever, and one day I will graduate and there goes my high school routine. I don't know what will happen after that. And that scares me, because I know it will not live up to my expectations. Or maybe I shouldn't say expectations, because my expectations are pretty low. I should say that I am afraid that it will not live up to the fantasy idealized perfect rest of my life that I have loosely planned out in my head. And that scares me, because if it doesn't work out how I want it to, how I NEED it to, I will have failed. And at that point my life is meaningless. Worthless.
The problem is that I do not want to prepare for my future. My goals are too large, so it is too overwhelming of a task to even begin. The times I am happiest are when I am alone and consuming media. Watching movies, playing video games, watching TH-cam videos or Tiktoks. I just want to do that. Forever.
I think me and JREG are the same. Or very similar. And I know that is an extremely parasocial thing to say, but the fact that JREG criticizes people forming parasocial relationships with him so often only validates my belief more. He is very aware of how people are inclined to form parasocial relationships with people they find on the internet, and I think it's because he knows exactly what it is like to do that. He has done it before, probably multiple times.
I don't know what else too add to this comment. I think I should say that I am currently 9 minutes and 15 seconds into the video (9:15). I think that is important context. I think I should also explain why I am typing this comment. Right now, I am manic JREG. I see the light. I was blind before, but now it is all so clear. I also know that I have felt this way before. I have felt like there is hope because I see the problem, and that means I can fix it, before. And it was delusional before. So why would it be different now.
Honestly, all I want is for JREG to read this comment. And not just that, but I need to KNOW that he read this comment. I need him to validate me. I want him to reply to me and tell me how right I am, how I am just like him and he is literally me. In reality, I know that he would probably find someone saying that, even postironically like I am, to be cringe and creepy. But in a way it is genuinely how I feel. It doesn't even have to be JREG. It could be any random person scrolling through the comments. I just want a thoughtful reply to this comment. Someone who can relate to me.
I just don't want to feel alone. I don't feel particularly lonely, but I do feel unsure of myself. I am unsure of if this comment has any real meaning or not, and I need someone to tell me it does. That it has a lot of meaning. Then I can feel confident that I am right to have hope. That I really did open my third eye just now. And that this is the turning point. The moment where everything in my life changes because I start living more thoughtfully, I start making a real plan for my life, and then I achieve it. I am so desperate to feel hope about my future. I am desperate for a chance to believe that it is all okay, and I will succeed at my goals. That it is a certainty that I will not fail. I don't even know what my goals are. I guess maybe I should try to outline them.
One thing I know for certain is that I CAN NOT get a normal job. I can not work a standard 9-5. If I can not escape from the "normal" lifestyle, I might as well k*** myself. I have to become famous. I have to be a thought leader. I need to make TH-cam videos and write books and shit, and tell people all the things that I know that they don't. I need to make the world a utopia. That is my mission. Because, if I fail, the future of humanity is grim. We will either be destroyed by climate change or nuclear war. Or both. I have to stop that from happening.
And, even if we "solve climate change" and don't blow ourselves up, then what? We all keep working our entire lives just to be able to go to the store and buy food? To have a home? To not die? If that is what our future looks like, I do not want it. I think that's why JREG's videos resonate so much with me. He preaches radicalism, anti-centrism, and status-quo and I think he does that because he sees how stupid we all are right now. He sees past the curtain, he can see the bigger picture. And I can too.
Too many people are too convinced that the way we live, the fact that we even exist at all, is completely normal. Nothing special. And it is the opposite. The way we live is horific, and the fact that we exist is the most insane thing ever. It is utterly insane that a bunch of hairless apes grew bigger brains and now I am typing a comment on a "computer". I can not believe this is how history has gone. I can't believe that we are so stupid and so smart at the same time. It drives me insane. And I need everyone else to see how insane it all is. I hate sane people. They do not see the insanity of the human condition, and they don't understand what that insanity means.
I guess I'm done now. I am going to post this comment and then watch the rest of the video. I can't wait to come back to this comment tomorrow and react to it and think about how stupid and worthless and meaningless and wrong and cringe and delusional it is.
Oh well.
EDIT: Oh shit 6 likes and three genuinely amazing and kind replies, what have I done. Why did you read all of this? Nobody was actually supposed to see this mental vomit.
you are loved ♥️
I am 34 years old and can relate to much of what you've written here. I often wonder how I can continue to survive, work a normal job, etc. It's tough. I've found my own janky route through life for which I am grateful. I wish it were easier though. I'm sending you my support.
Thank you for opening up. I relate to a lot of what you said. I hope you find peace one day.
Just read your entire comment. I relate to a lot of the stuff you said, especially with wanting to be famous and be important. I really want to make art that people will talk about and love. And sometimes I think about how this world is kind of fucked up and think about how I'm not really doing anything to change things in a big way but I should. But I don't know how or even if I can or if I should. I also relate to what you said about a turning point. I keep thinking that there will be this event in my life that will change me and then boom everything makes sense and I become who I want to be. But maybe there isn't a big turning point that suddenly changes everything. Maybe everything that happens in your life are turning points. I mean I think we're always changing without even knowing it. But we don't really notice it, and we don't change as fast as we want to. I'm not sure. Idk. You wanna be friends, random person on the internet?
@@vivvy_0 Thank you ❤
I've had this on my "watch later" playlist for a year
Same
Wow, that was really, really valuable to me. I work as a therapist and have taught Abnormal Psychology at the local university. I wish I'd found this video sooner so that I could share it with my classes. I applaud your courage in posting this and hope you can accept the sincerity with which this appreciation is expressed.
Thanks.
This is a visceral, raw, unfiltered take on bipolar, damn.
I really like your satirical content but I'm really happy that we get to see the genuine side of you too
This IS satirical content
Shut the fuck up Zachary Stikel. You are not a real person.
@@jp.dlamini It's difficult to tell. The only "evidence" that can really be considered, is whether he would have that kind if acting ability, and whether he would have the motive to make this video in an "ironic" capacity.
I'm leaning towards a sincere interpretation myself.
@@jp.dlamini what is this satire of?
He's also got a second channel where he's not ironic nearly all the time.
Wow jRegular! You really showed those abnormal people how to live a normal life , being very stable and building healthy relationships with the people around you!
@Don't Read My Profile Picture cringe
@@deathknight1239 agreed
Unironically though, literally just do it if you want to
@@johnk6757 Oh my god, you're one of the "mental illness doesn't exist" people.
Jreg is very clever and insightful and emotionally mature but he doesn't show us much of it because the internet values wacky comedy over serious conversations.
But I see you, Jreg. You're real.
Stfu parasocial baiter
Jreal.
Read that as "You're a seal"
@@cordenhuman Jseal is his fursona ofc
this comment thread is WILD N WACKY hehe
I'm diagnosed with ADHD and what's so freaking interesting is how your manic episode does really match how I feel/felt off my medication while I'm coming out of a burnt-out phase. From being tired, sad and just being a utter shell of yourself, your brain starts to wake up again - and that feeling is pure bliss.
Dude I have ADHD and I hella relate to your description of what it’s like going on and off the meds. For me, it’s kind of like an inverse effect, where when I’m on the meds, I feel really good in the morning after I take the meds and they start kicking in, but then I feel less and less good as the day goes on. However, when I’m off the meds, I feel like shit in the morning and for the first part of the day, but I start feeling better and better as the day goes on, to where I usually peak and feel the best (or at least have more dopamine, almost to where it can sort of feel manic sometimes) at night, and I start feeling really very hyper fixated extremely late at night sometimes, which is why I have insomnia sometimes. Anywaysssss
@@TheCognitiveDissident weird, I also have had this same pattern of energy/emotion for years. Groggy/depressed in the morning, getting better by the afternoon, then by the evening I was wondering what the hell had me thinking and feeling so shitty in the morning. Like two diff people. It was really intense when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and I'm almost 30.
i was thinking the same thing
@@slightlyoffification God dammit, I keep seeing stuff like this and I'm torn between thinking I have ADHD and that I'm just making excuses for myself. I'm planning on getting diagnosed but even if it's confirmed I feel like I will just be putting into place a justification for failure in the future. That said I keep cycling between starting things with extreme drive and failing them with extreme indifference, so if I'm failing anyway I might as well try something different.
Do you take vyvanse? That's similar to my experience with that medication, among a few other things. It worked incredibly well for me, but the extreme highs and lows were just too much (now I take concerta)
The effeciveness with which you made me unable to ever believe a singular thing you say continues to amaze me. If there is a weapon that kills the truth then you have at least found the alloy it's made of.
jREG is perfect; spiritually, mentally, and most of all, physically.
or at least above average
And penisly
he's ripped
Not huge, but better than average for sure
decently above average
Yes
this is, whithout a single doubt, the best thing I've watched on TH-cam. The payoff of this channel is mind blowing. I'm at a loss for words, seriously
I've been watching since the Know Your Extremes video, and this makes it all make sense. The way you were like in the beginning, how you changed with time in the way you did things. Wow.
Since you don't feel comfortable with sympathy I can only say this changed my day. Like, I'm in the process of moving from my country to another continent. And this brought me back to all those videos years ago. I love your work, Jreg, keep going and always try to take the best care to yourself.
This is beyond brilliant. Raw as fuck. This is the best depiction of mental illness to be put to the screen that I've ever seen, I mean that sincerely. I've been a fan since 2018, this is now my favorite video you've ever done.
This is probably one of the boldest videos to put out there
Holy shit man. This is amazing. Genuinely. This is fascinating.
Of course it sucks that you have to go through all this but, i think you just made some amazingly impressive art.
I've been disfiguring myself psychologically for years by "masking" (exacerbating) the severity of these cycles for years with hard drug use which has not served me well. Thanks for showing me something I haven't seen on the internet before. I can feel it
same
Embracing your own cringe is incredibly honest
This video really means a lot to me. I can't talk about those kinds of things with even my closest friends because its so fucking scary. I feel like if I say it out loud that somehow breathes life into it or makes it real. I know how terrifying getting this vulnerable is. I really appreciate the courage you had to post this
I dont know why but this helped me come down from my suicidal thoughts today. Anyway, I know there are moments we want to laugh or cringe at ourselves but we must learn to be a lot kinder. Hope everyone reading this is doing well.
Extreme respect for the courage to release this. I know it will help a lot of people.
I'm only like 15m in and it's already affected me a lot. It's seriously one of the best videos I've seen on mental illness I've ever seen
This resonates with me so much. I used to make a lots of recordings of myself, and I felt the more I re-listened to myself, the more I felt "me the performance" and "me the observer" is different. Especially if I was drunk or high, or otherwise in a good mood. Not in a "wow I acted so silly" way either. 'We contain multitudes" is maybe the biggest common thread of this channel, destroying the illusion of the unitary self
That's not even a mental illness thing. Normal people just don't bother looking back like that.
As someone who has struggled with depression and mental illness his whole life, I felt such compassion while watching. You don't need to bring social value to anyone to be a valuable and meaningful person, but have no doubt that you do.
A "stream of consciousness" is a literary tool used by modernists and more...
Listening to it and simultaneously critiquing it is another level of meta, man.
Like, genuinely, this is just top tier content.
Watching during episode incredibly validating, thanks Jreg
the ending with the smile and "thats that" had me busting out laughing. I understand the sentiment too well. It can be a lonely ride even in good company.
I don’t know how this made me feel exactly, but it made me feel. This absolutely had value.
This is one of the most honest and raw things I've ever seen and I think you're helping others realize this cycle within themselves.
I admire this level of authenticity. Even if it can be socially dysfunctional I want to be closer to this level of openness.
"But it doesnt cure me, it just makes me normal, and i dont want to be normal... so i was reading the unibomber manifesto"
That emptiness at the end of the video where you suddenly just dont have the same fervor and feel like something is missing
Ive never seen this captured so vividly, incredible piece
"But it doesnt cure me, it just makes me normal, and i dont want to be normal... so i was reading the unibomber manifesto"
GOATed quote
This video never fails to trigger me into a hippo manic episode, and still i cant stop rewatching it.
It's the empathy i feel, or rather how i feel seeing other people struggle with the same I do. Of course i don't want people to go through this, but i do, i very much do want to see other people while manic, i want to hear their borderline incomprehensible rambles. I just really really want to feel like i am not the only one
*hypo
@@Fart_porn_profile_pic oh yeah thats right lol
I do feel like a hippo sometimes tho
If it was all acting, it felt very real, that's impressive. In any case, what you do is really good and it does give social value
jreg either really putting himself out there for the art, or working for Big Niacin.
One of my friends had undiagnosed bipolar. He went through a manic episode for months and no one around him knew what was going on, it was really scary. This really helped put a lot of things into perspective for me, a lot of the things he was saying and how he was acting. Thank you so much for making this. It definitely has social value
seeing you be vulnerable makes me feel like i can open up to the world a little more myself.
This was incredible. I don’t know how many times I rewatched the I want(ed) to die video because I felt so seen.
This one is even more raw and human and just idk artistic in its own way, I just could not look away.
I feel like I’ve just watched something forbidden… too personal, too secret
What a piece of art
I remember I said "I just want to be happy" then few years passed and now I am here, constant mood swings, I go from crying and making myself believe I need to go to therapy into "I can't go to therapy I laughed and joked about it too much" (times I joked out loud to someone I can count on one hand) and then turn into "I don't need to go to therapy I'm alright everyone goes through the same shit in their head" I taught myself to not trust anyone and it turned into not even believing myself. I just pray my friends won't leave me even tho I'm the one thats not reaching out. My friends keep me on earth to be honest or maybe I don't care what they think and I'm just a pussy that can't do it
dude i don't know where or how you are right now but just go to therapy. it's really not all that scary. also i believe in you and it will get better.
this is by far the most comforting video I've seen in my life, well a little disturbing too but in a way that hit my soul different af (grounded me a little to reality). I just have to thank you. And seriously props to you for grabbing whatever this bullshit is by the cock and nuts, and I know this comment is a bit of a moot point cause a lot of other people have said pretty much the same things I said already but if you're reading this, I hope you feel a little of what you gave me in return.
In the nicest way possible, I like JREG better when he isn't smiling
Can't believe I didn't watch this earlier, this is an incredibly fascinating video.
The literal and figurative nakedness of your psyche on display makes for a genuinely valuable study.
The reaction format adds a lot to the moment as well.
glad your finally dropping this court-ordered video, everyone at the law firm is so proud of you!
No u did not
There's something poetic about you using niacin to delete the mania and then literally deleting the digital copy of the mania.
I'm speaking as a therapist here but this genuinely does have incredible social value, it's so much more raw and authentic (apart from that sweet acting in the first half 😉) than most people on this platform or most people are online which makes it all the more ironic it's coming from you, the king of irony.
I'd love to see you continue this if you feel able to, maybe you could start to form a dialogue with the manic side of you. Ask yourself questions while jregular for jrolar to answer and vice versa. It might be useful for you as well as being insightful for us.
This post is the one that's finally made me sub to your patreon, not because of the parasocial relationship but because I'm keen to see the manic version as again I think that would also have profound value. Please keep doing what you're doing.
P.s casually dropping you're reading the unibomber manifesto is hilarious without the context that you were talking about it on the whatifalthist pod.
Wow thanks jREGULAR!! This single-handedly helped me cure my mental illness!! I threw out my zoloft immediately after seeing the title
Same! Threw away my lithium and quetiapine and snorted a huge line of niacin instead, I think the insects under my skin do not like this and they're currently punishing me but they'll eventually leave if I keep doing this, right?
I'm bipolar myself, been following this channel for a while and can relate so much to the rawness and honesty of this video. Thank you so much for sharing and increasing visibility.
I cured my depression by taking a cold shower every day. Now whenever I feel like crying, I just take a shower and I can't tell what's water and what's tears. It's like I'm not even crying!
Smh you could be using those tears. Pro tip: start crying while making a pen drawing-use your tears as shading by smearing the lines!
Why's it gotta be cold though
@@jp.dlamini So you feel like you're doing something to make your life better when all you're actually doing is freezing your balls off in the shower, obviously
@@jp.dlamini The pain from the cold water helps distract from the pain of internal emptiness. Can't think about the meaninglessness of life if you're too busy thinking about how cold the water feels!
I wish I knew about this lifehack sooner! Granted, it's been around a decade since I could cry without having a complete and devastating mental breakdown beforehand, but who knows, maybe a mixed shower would help with that.
If you were to ask me what's a hallmark of art in the 21st century with the advent of influencers and parasocial relationships, I would say that the in this era, the medium that artists/entertainments have begun to paint with their own lives as part of the act. As much as the audience is engaging with the content (the person), the artist is also leveraging themselves and the relationship as part of the art.
The low tier content is obv traditional streaming "look at me playing a game", but the highest level of this parasocial art, where the full ideal of the piece is the conscious dialogue between artist and audience about the dialogue itself and how the dialogue is taking place, instead of the actual subject matter. You're def leading the way in this movement Jreg. happy to see it.
this video is like probably the best one you've ever made. i seriously love it and it affected me a lot. I watched it several times, and it's really helpful. thanks for making this shit, jreg. i hope one day i can make art as good as you
for what it's worth, this did give me a bunch of social value. ever since coming down from being absolutely batshit insane, I've just been avoiding thinking about any of it. ignoring it so it's less real, maybe? so, this allowed me to look at all of it without wanting to bash my brains in. more therapeutic than any "real" therapy I've had. crazy how one's actions can have some kind of effect on someone completely unrelated. kind of cool. thanks
dude, imagine that the only thing we need to do to eradicate or at least control mental illness is talk about it with each other and share our experiences. what if instead of talking to therapists all we really needed was a person who listened and said "yo, i had the same shit, i feel you so much"
I've been through several episodes of psychosis through my life, and last year was diagnosed schizophrenic. It's incredibly relieving to hear your mental health experiences, so thank you. I wish I was strong enough to manage it without medication. 400mg abilify injected every 28 days, and an anti-depressant. I've been "stable" for about half a year now. Sorry for the blog, stay well.
Happy for you and hope you're doing well
This is amazing, I'm pretty sure that I've witnessed a manic episode in a friend before and this makes me understand that better. I have depression and ADHD, and while that is not the same as bipolar I can totally relate to being in a relatively high dopamine state once in a blue moon knowing that 1) I want to always feel this way 2) most people probably do feel this way (like an actual person) most of the time but 3) I can't trust this state of mind because it will fade away within a couple of days at most. I vividly remember the last time that happened, when I felt like an adult person with a future and possibilities. Now I feel mostly shame, both for not being able to stay in that feeling, and for having had that feeling in the first place.
I'm just another dude who you've never met, and who only knows you via your videos, but I deeply believe that your worth extends far beyond the "social value" that you offer through your work on TH-cam. I do appreciate the hard work you put into your content, and your immense courage to post this particular video publicly. But I also appreciate that you are trying your best in the face of the many challenges involved with managing mental illness, and I appreciate that you exist.
jreg i find you physically attractive in this video, probably because of the camera setup and editing! i will take this as a sign your mental health has improved permanently.
Genuinely one of the most important videos on TH-cam.
I understand you don't necessarily want sympathy, but I empathize and relate so much that I can't help it, my heart really goes out to you dude. I genuinely, sincerely really hope your doing okay, and if you aren't that's okay too. The point is to keep on swimming, baby steps and big steps. We can't control what's going to happen, but we can keep on moving on and doing our best little by little.
I admire you so much and watching your videos has really helped me to realize my purpose in life and to actually start making real progress towards my new goals. Please keep being yourself and posting what you do, no matter what it is, in some way it always helps someone out there. I hope you can find peace in yourself somehow, in the midst of all the struggling.
As a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I strongly connect with this experience as viewing a version of the self as if they are a weird, alien, and uncontrollable being just doing their own weird thing whenever im not around to reign them in.
You have been working out, you look good. Don't be down on yourself. Also don't worry so much, it's all good man. All humans have a 'painbody' that is a physical thing within your brain that forces your 'consciousness' to associate yourself with your body as a survival mechanism. This is in all animals but since we have conscious thoughts it causes us to engage in thought patterns that sre repetitive and negative. This is what all humans experience but how you react to it can affect you deeply. If you feed into the negative thought patterns and believe them to be your own thoughts it will go on forever. Another choice is to just let the thoughts pass through you and just let them go. I'm not saying to brute force stop thinking, it's more like here is the negative thought... Not going to continue or repeat that in my mind and I'm just going to let it go, not going to feel guilty about thinking the thought, just letting it go. I'm just regurgitating Eckhart Tolle so there you go but it works for me.
This is a very insightful and helpful comment. Thanks for writing it.
Eckhart Tolle is a crackpot grifter
When i get intrusive thoughts i just go "idk what happened just now nothing happened look i havent done anything" and kind of gaslight myself into thinking the intrusive thought didn't even happen and it works afshsjsj
“you’re bipolar? read eckhart tolle, just let the bad thoughts pass🤓”brainrot. genuinely insensitive.
You're art and im so sorry yet so grateful for that.
This is genuinely a masterpiece of a video, made me feel emotions I didn't even know I was capable of.
HE GETS IT. HE UNDERSTANDS THE POO POO MENTAL HEALTH CARE SYSTEM IN CANUCK LAND, THE SELF RESEARCH THAT THE DOCTOR SHOULD KNOW, THE ROOTS OF THE MENTAL DURESS AND HOW THEY TIE INTO INDUSTRIALIZED SOCIETY, THIS GUY GETS IT
Thanks Greg. I've had one extended manic episode before, and it's incredible how similar this was to mine. I've been embarassed of the memory and afraid of it happening again ever since. Seeing one in action really comforted me. When the ramble hit on all of the same points I was making during my episode it healed a little bit of the pain I feel when I remember mine. Luckily I've only had a couple in my life, but they all ended in some of the worst experiences of my life. This video is the first time I've been able to reminisce on those times without spiking my blood pressure so that's at least one point of social value.
To see someone else feeling like they're going insane and lamenting on the fact that they cannot fit into the expectations of what it is to be normal, and then feeling firsthand the positive effect of your vulnerable expression of these feelings will always be immensely valuable and comforting to me. Been here for 3 years and am grateful for it. Hope that doesn't come across too parasocial or whatever. Also hope you don't feel too bad about your balls being itchy it happens to the best of us
Thanks for being vulnerable like that. Your acting chops sure are strong, must be scary showing them off.
This is actually the best video on the internet. As someone who feels un-understandable this was a relief to see. Genuinely thank you
I find myself coming back to your content once in a while, and always appreciate what you put out. Thanks.
the healing and the corrosive part balance out well
this is one of the most interesting videos ive ever seen
Been following this channel for 2 years
I love how it covered topics of mental illness in particular, how it promotes an awareness and understanding of what hand we’re playing with, without treating it as an excuse or a crutch.
Thanks for each idea you’ve been able to follow through on Jreg
Hey Greg, a little while ago I went through what I am 99% was OCD for about a solid 6 mo period and feeling better now, something about seeing you talk about yourself in such a different state than you’re in hit really close to home and was really special. It’s like someone else with different priorities taking over for a little while and is crazy to look back on. Whatever that may be like for you, know the art you make out of it means a lot to at least one person.
Given that the last Jregular video I watched left me openly weeping, I am watching this one with baited breath.
Are you ok
Gen z mythmaking made you cry
thank you, thank you, thank you for this video -- u got urself a new subscriber
not bipolar/schizophrenic but i got adhd and dude...i almost sobbed when u said u can't remember a time when u felt happy. this whole thing felt so relatable, even if my symptoms aren't the exact same.
it's so hard to hear mainstream discourse about being urself when u have no fking clue who u are cause it changes dramatically every day. and the meds that make all the voices chattering in ur skull go quiet...they just take away ur personality, ur emotions, and the wonderful feeling that u don't have to think, just *be*
for all the progress we've made in discussing mental illness, it's hard to realize that for some of us, it's chronic, and u don't rly "grow out of it"...u can usually grow out of anxiety or depression but not ur brain.
anw im vary rambly but i just wanted to express how powerful this vid was
I felt like giving you a hug the entire video
Uh why?
This actually moved me a great deal at 10:30 ish when you describe wanting to feel like this forever. 2 years ago a good friend was in the peak of a serious manic episode which culminated in hospitalization and all he wanted was to feel exactly like that forever. I didn't know how to tell him that this was a terrible inclination that would alienate his loved ones. When a person is manic they do not act like themselves and even though they feel better they confuse and frighten the people that care about them and the increased isolation makes the problems worse. Without a shred of irony I appreciate how candid this is