I've always thought, in the "I Don't Understand" song, the nice young man, it's about when you go to inpatient or any mental hospital, they take your picture so they know who you are and they are giving medicine or therapy to the right patient. It's kind of a big deal there.
I was in a mental hospital when she realsed the lyrics to this song and I got special permission to print them and put them on my wall and literally cried when the actual song came out
I was in a mental hospital that mismanaged my medication, and falsified my medical records to get government grants lol, so it definitely was not right.
I own everything has has ever released, and then some,, but this album is a true marvel. Not only does her book, The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls come to life, BUT! Emilie sings with a sharp and feral grace that I love.
This song is relateable... Remember several older men back when I was a teenager who tried to charm me. One softly held my hand, another danced with me at grad and gave me terms of endearment, and the last just went fully overboard because no one was home at the time. They all gaslit me saying that I was delusional and that I imagined it. I can remember books and things that my father liked when I was a kid and he was alive (asked my remaining relatives for a second opinion), so how could I imagine something so serious? I'm not the type to lie, either.
CW: Heavy shit I was institutionalized in middle school. No one told me what was happening. I went to the school guidance councilor and dropped my heavy shit on her. My thoughts were going from inward pain to homicidal thoughts. I was finally so terrified I went to go get help. I was met with a cop taking me away, asking in a suggestive voice "if he needed to handcuff me." It wasn't the first man at that age to say and do suggestive things to me. I knew that tone of voice. One of my teachers was even grooming me at the time. He groomed me for years. A friend saved me from that. Bless them. Inside the place we were told if we didn't talk during our community sessions they would keep us in there longer. (Not sure if that was true but it certainly worked to make us talk.) It was just full of all us kids ages-8 to teens-telling our stories how we were being abused at home. Every single one of us. We were treated like animals. (All animals deserve love and safety for the record, but you know what I mean.) I remember a girl in the room next to mine weeping often. I had no idea how to comfort her. We weren't allowed to be together like that. Only in the common area. The staff didn't comfort anyone, just sent them to solitary. A dark room with a mattress and a camera watching you. My heart is broken for all of us. We deserved so much better. I feel so seen by Emilie Autumn. Her lyrics hit even harder now that I understand what was happening. I understand now why her lyrics resonated with me then. I'm almost 30 now and the pain is still so deep. I finally was dxed with BPD and PTSD. Possible bi polar. Getting help now, but the damage is done. I know how cruel this world can be and I don't plan on forgetting anytime soon.
i thought "her" was referring to one of the little girls from the line "how can this fucking town not know what's happening to all their little girls?" i never once occurred to me that the pirate could be the girl herself. thanks for telling me that. i'll be sure to consider that from now on.
Actually the 'Pirate' if you have read the Emilie Autumn book would be the pirate Emily meets when she is first stuck into the asylum, not captain maggot.
This hits hard in the childhood part of me.. my mother threw me away when I was just six years old, left me at an asylum because I tried to take my life because I knew she didn't love me and did nothing but beat me and let her brother touch me and get mad I blabbed about it to attorneys.. I believed she would be happier if she never had me.
That's what I thought, too. Maybe the girl was delusional and thought she was a pirate, or she was really a pirate girl, or it was just a nickname, but either way, it makes sense that she's the inmate whose hair is cut.
3 years ago, at 22 years old i almost took my own life. I was abused as a kid, broken, depressed, anorexic, bulimic, suicidal. I went in & out of psych units like it was a game of tic-tac-toe. Suicide watch. I was on enough Antidepressants to kill a horse. I hated myself. I wanted out. I wanted the pain to stop. The gaslighting* to end. *(when a psycho makes a sane person question their own sanity, and thus think they themselves are the insane one). I wanted power. I got into witchcraft. I thought it would give me the identity i wanted, to be set apart from people who hurt me. It only made me sicker. Sicker. Thats what it did to me. The doctor said id never get well. That i would suffer severe Chronic Manic depression, and never be well, that id be stuck on antidepressants all of my life. I would plot suicide on a daily basis, binging and purging my food as often as opening and closing a door. The pain was too real. People choked me. Assaulted me. Told me i was ugly, i felt worthless. Nothing ever got better. Then my mother died. The (1) & only soul who ever loved /emotionally supported me was removed from the earth. I was stuck living with people who broke me, ruined my identity, thus causing me to hate God. I thought God hated me, that he was just like the ones who tortured me, a family of abusers, who cover up all their actions with the mask of religion. I didnt know that God is on my side. I didnt know that Jesus would Love and Defend me, and fight for me and that He later would heal me, rescue me from Family. The ones who caused me pain. The ones who choked me for wearing a necklace. I moved out after family threatened to throw all my belongings on the front yard, and have me permanently institutionalized in an insane asylum, when they were the ones who caused my mental illness via abuse. They blamed me for the abuse they did to me. To take my life in an insane asylum when they were the ones who made me suicidal. Next morning i spoke with my dead moms parents who let me live with them. I stayed on the antidepressants, prescribed. But they only made me sicker. I got deeper and deeper into witchcraft, thinking it was a solution. But it made me even more suicidal. Self hatred was inescapable. I decided i was going to kill myself. I was going to take all my pills. But then Jesus stepped in. I didnt die. I surrendered my life to Jesus to make me well and heal me. The deity i blamed for me being abused wanted to heal me. He Was fighting for me and Loved me all along. He wanted to love me. He wanted to give me His Heart. HE LOVES ME. JESUS. LOVES. ME . Jesus miraculously healed me - i am off all drugs and dont need them and i dont have any mental illnesses. I work a job and am totally healed , full of joy. I’m now a born again Christian, who wants the entire world to know that JESUS WANTS TO HEAL YOU HE. LOVES. YOU. Nuff said.
I am glad this occurred for you also... Jesus cured bulimia for me as well and bulimia was a total dead end scenario so you know it is a major supernatural invention ._.
God doesnt exist. You are still delusional. You dint need any god or jesus. This is colonialist bullshit to control you. All you need is tobtake carevof yourself. And stop poisoning vulnerable people with this god and jesus shit. This is abuse. Churches abuse people and are the origin of the misoginy you suffered. Stop supporting you own abusers and start supporting yourself.
Rhis is dekusional. Church is the origin of the misoginy you suffwrwd. You are supporting your abusers and spreading god and jesus to vulnerable people. This is sick. All you needbis to take care od yourself. Theres no god. No need for this colonial violence.
I thought of that after I posted, but I just got into EA's stuff a few days ago, so I hadn't seen anything mentioning Captain Maggot at that point... Nice to see I was right, though. ^_^
...Wouldn't 'the Pirate' be the nickname of the one whose hair is being cut off? Seems to make most sense with the whole set of four lines there: "They've got the Pirate They're cutting off her curls And she is screaming, They won't leave her alone."
It's a reference from the book she wrote. In The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls there was a character nicknamed 'Pirate' and some asylum guards cut her hair off.
This reminds me of the story I've been working on, in where a girl (Beatrice Ignatius) is captured by a rapist (Bennett Loren). She is also in a cell with 18 other girls (Ashanti Ottah, Trixia Buster, Lilith Hassan, Yen Chen, Millicent Franklin, Belle Russel, Lorelei Derek, Selena Achilles, Sarah Ahab, Fallon Mahon, Dai Yasuo, Kachina Mingan, Valera Dimitri, Karena Lennart, Roslyn Alastair, Marisol Jorgeai, Kim Nguyen, Guinevere Llewellyn, Odelia Feoras, and Persephone Feoras).
2016 and im still cryin
"and i am dreaming of joys ive never known"
Patrick Batemans Waifu omg I'm not the only one x.x
2018 ! 😭
@@imanadult7432 2019
2020 and still crying since 2012
I've always thought, in the "I Don't Understand" song, the nice young man, it's about when you go to inpatient or any mental hospital, they take your picture so they know who you are and they are giving medicine or therapy to the right patient. It's kind of a big deal there.
I was in a mental hospital when she realsed the lyrics to this song and I got special permission to print them and put them on my wall and literally cried when the actual song came out
The things they did to us were not right.
I was in a mental hospital that mismanaged my medication, and falsified my medical records to get government grants lol, so it definitely was not right.
cried the first time i heard this
saaaaaaaame
Coming back to this song after binge watching Handmaiden's Tale and I'm in tears
I own everything has has ever released, and then some,, but this album is a true marvel. Not only does her book, The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls come to life, BUT! Emilie sings with a sharp and feral grace that I love.
This song is just so so beautiful. It makes me cry.
Thank you for the video :D And what a perfect picture of Emilie to go with the song...!
You posted this on my Birthday of 2012!!!!!! How awesome. I LOVE EMILIE AUTUMN!!!!!!
why is she so perfect..
Far from perfect, if she was there will be no need to express what digests her heart beneath her voice and shallowed breath,
This song is probably how it feels to die
Katie she’s a suicide attempt survivor, she would know
This song is absolutely beautiful(:
absoluty beautiful emilie, i can't wait to see this one live
This song is relateable... Remember several older men back when I was a teenager who tried to charm me. One softly held my hand, another danced with me at grad and gave me terms of endearment, and the last just went fully overboard because no one was home at the time. They all gaslit me saying that I was delusional and that I imagined it. I can remember books and things that my father liked when I was a kid and he was alive (asked my remaining relatives for a second opinion), so how could I imagine something so serious? I'm not the type to lie, either.
Somehow this hits harder in Lockdown....
I’m playing this in the background while doing a school project on solitary confinement
Thank you.
CW: Heavy shit
I was institutionalized in middle school. No one told me what was happening. I went to the school guidance councilor and dropped my heavy shit on her. My thoughts were going from inward pain to homicidal thoughts. I was finally so terrified I went to go get help. I was met with a cop taking me away, asking in a suggestive voice "if he needed to handcuff me." It wasn't the first man at that age to say and do suggestive things to me. I knew that tone of voice. One of my teachers was even grooming me at the time. He groomed me for years. A friend saved me from that. Bless them.
Inside the place we were told if we didn't talk during our community sessions they would keep us in there longer. (Not sure if that was true but it certainly worked to make us talk.) It was just full of all us kids ages-8 to teens-telling our stories how we were being abused at home. Every single one of us. We were treated like animals. (All animals deserve love and safety for the record, but you know what I mean.)
I remember a girl in the room next to mine weeping often. I had no idea how to comfort her. We weren't allowed to be together like that. Only in the common area. The staff didn't comfort anyone, just sent them to solitary. A dark room with a mattress and a camera watching you. My heart is broken for all of us. We deserved so much better. I feel so seen by Emilie Autumn. Her lyrics hit even harder now that I understand what was happening. I understand now why her lyrics resonated with me then. I'm almost 30 now and the pain is still so deep. I finally was dxed with BPD and PTSD. Possible bi polar. Getting help now, but the damage is done. I know how cruel this world can be and I don't plan on forgetting anytime soon.
i thought "her" was referring to one of the little girls from the line "how can this fucking town not know what's happening to all their little girls?" i never once occurred to me that the pirate could be the girl herself. thanks for telling me that. i'll be sure to consider that from now on.
Actually the 'Pirate' if you have read the Emilie Autumn book would be the pirate Emily meets when she is first stuck into the asylum, not captain maggot.
beautiful. thankyou so much for posting.
she's referencing a song of hers about a man who takes photos of suicidal girls.
This hits hard in the childhood part of me.. my mother threw me away when I was just six years old, left me at an asylum because I tried to take my life because I knew she didn't love me and did nothing but beat me and let her brother touch me and get mad I blabbed about it to attorneys.. I believed she would be happier if she never had me.
I'm crazy to learn how to play this on my piano. :)
That's what I thought, too. Maybe the girl was delusional and thought she was a pirate, or she was really a pirate girl, or it was just a nickname, but either way, it makes sense that she's the inmate whose hair is cut.
or the blood is referring to her tryng to kill herself..her poems are alive
I love this chick
Its another one of Emilie's songs, and was incorporated into this song at that point.
You're welcome. I'm glad I could be of use.
Beautiful :)
Yay, someone else that noticed.. ; u ;
It makes me think of those women in Cleveland
the last part oml
3 years ago, at 22 years old i almost took my own life. I was abused as a kid, broken, depressed, anorexic, bulimic, suicidal. I went in & out of psych units like it was a game of tic-tac-toe. Suicide watch. I was on enough Antidepressants to kill a horse. I hated myself. I wanted out. I wanted the pain to stop. The gaslighting* to end. *(when a psycho makes a sane person question their own sanity, and thus think they themselves are the insane one).
I wanted power. I got into witchcraft. I thought it would give me the identity i wanted, to be set apart from people who hurt me. It only made me sicker. Sicker. Thats what it did to me.
The doctor said id never get well. That i would suffer severe Chronic Manic depression, and never be well, that id be stuck on antidepressants all of my life.
I would plot suicide on a daily basis, binging and purging my food as often as opening and closing a door. The pain was too real. People choked me. Assaulted me. Told me i was ugly, i felt worthless. Nothing ever got better. Then my mother died. The (1) & only soul who ever loved /emotionally supported me was removed from the earth. I was stuck living with people who broke me, ruined my identity, thus causing me to hate God. I thought God hated me, that he was just like the ones who tortured me, a family of abusers, who cover up all their actions with the mask of religion. I didnt know that God is on my side. I didnt know that Jesus would Love and Defend me, and fight for me and that He later would heal me, rescue me from Family. The ones who caused me pain. The ones who choked me for wearing a necklace.
I moved out after family threatened to throw all my belongings on the front yard, and have me permanently institutionalized in an insane asylum, when they were the ones who caused my mental illness via abuse.
They blamed me for the abuse they did to me.
To take my life in an insane asylum when they were the ones who made me suicidal.
Next morning i spoke with my dead moms parents who let me live with them.
I stayed on the antidepressants, prescribed. But they only made me sicker. I got deeper and deeper into witchcraft, thinking it was a solution. But it made me even more suicidal. Self hatred was inescapable.
I decided i was going to kill myself. I was going to take all my pills.
But then Jesus stepped in. I didnt die. I surrendered my life to Jesus to make me well and heal me.
The deity i blamed for me being abused wanted to heal me. He Was fighting for me and Loved me all along.
He wanted to love me. He wanted to give me His Heart.
HE LOVES ME. JESUS. LOVES. ME .
Jesus miraculously healed me - i am off all drugs and dont need them and i dont have any mental illnesses. I work a job and am totally healed , full of joy.
I’m now a born again Christian, who wants the entire world to know that JESUS WANTS TO HEAL YOU
HE. LOVES. YOU.
Nuff said.
I am glad this occurred for you also... Jesus cured bulimia for me as well and bulimia was a total dead end scenario so you know it is a major supernatural invention ._.
God doesnt exist. You are still delusional. You dint need any god or jesus. This is colonialist bullshit to control you. All you need is tobtake carevof yourself. And stop poisoning vulnerable people with this god and jesus shit. This is abuse. Churches abuse people and are the origin of the misoginy you suffered. Stop supporting you own abusers and start supporting yourself.
Rhis is dekusional. Church is the origin of the misoginy you suffwrwd. You are supporting your abusers and spreading god and jesus to vulnerable people. This is sick. All you needbis to take care od yourself. Theres no god. No need for this colonial violence.
I sang this song to myself every night in a mental facility.
The pain we feel from the things they did to us, that is real.
I thought of that after I posted, but I just got into EA's stuff a few days ago, so I hadn't seen anything mentioning Captain Maggot at that point... Nice to see I was right, though. ^_^
i assumed it was some sort of Victorian surgical device or something because I've always thought her symbol of her abusers was "doctors".
cyanidepancakes I think it's the girl who's hair is getting cut
1:47-2:06 "Ι don't Understand"! :')
...Wouldn't 'the Pirate' be the nickname of the one whose hair is being cut off? Seems to make most sense with the whole set of four lines there:
"They've got the Pirate
They're cutting off her curls
And she is screaming,
They won't leave her alone."
It's a reference from the book she wrote. In The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls there was a character nicknamed 'Pirate' and some asylum guards cut her hair off.
Oh!Fine then!
This reminds me of the story I've been working on, in where a girl (Beatrice Ignatius) is captured by a rapist (Bennett Loren). She is also in a cell with 18 other girls (Ashanti Ottah, Trixia Buster, Lilith Hassan, Yen Chen, Millicent Franklin, Belle Russel, Lorelei Derek, Selena Achilles, Sarah Ahab, Fallon Mahon, Dai Yasuo, Kachina Mingan, Valera Dimitri, Karena Lennart, Roslyn Alastair, Marisol Jorgeai, Kim Nguyen, Guinevere Llewellyn, Odelia Feoras, and Persephone Feoras).
Whoa! Have you finished your story yet? Perhaps you could publish it on one of the online story websites, like An Archive Of Our Own.
Well I'm not in the mood for a fight to be honest but I don't see any comments about noticing that...
What is the name of the song? Do you know?
Captain Maggots.
What? What did I miss?
captain maggot, kids. it's maggot ^^
I know, but I rarely comment videos, in case nobody else notice such.. :I
I don't get it... could you explain?
It's called "I Don't Understand"
/watch?v=xOmMrGhvQf0
what exactly is "the pirate"
cyanidepancakes the pirate is Jolie she's from her book
why do actually people have more views or follows then gooooooooooochi????????????????
this song :/