When I was like 18 months old my parents brought me along on a brewery tour somewhere. As you know, these tours will often give everyone a sample of their beer. I was the kid who went around and somehow got a bunch of them to sneak me a sip. And that’s the story of how I got my first hangover.
A few years back, I was hospitalized suffering from neurological issues which had me drifting in and out of consciousness and a comatose state. Spring and summer of 2019 are gone. Apparently, during that time, I would speak but it was little more than word salad and some of it was quite shocking. I died 1000 deaths when my sister informed me that I had been using nasty racial slurs when referring to one of my nurses. My sister explained to him that such language was totally out of character for me and apologized profusely. Even though he understood and held no grudge, I still wish I could’ve tracked him down and apologized.
My mom told me when I was like maybe 3, I found a $100 bill on the ground. I looked through some photos that were on my dad's computer and there were a bunch of moments and family visits I straight up forgot about. He took a lot more graduation pictures than I remembered.
I have so many of these. The funniest one was when I was traveling with my sister, mom, and moms boyfriend. Everyone was in the same hotel room and everyone but my sister was asleep. My sister says I sat straight up pointed at the corner and said '(moms boyfriend name) is standing right there. My sister looked over at my moms boyfriend and say him still sleeping and told me no hes not. I was very persistent that he was standing in the corner and then laid back down. Another one was when I was sleeping again and my sister came in to get her clothes and I told her to f*** off then rolled over. The best part is I didn't curse and still don't.
How about a cuter story? The other week I was fading in and out from alcohol. Apparently on one of the fade outs, my partner's best friend who is living with us tried to convince me to go to bed. Apparently, my reaction to this was "No! I want to see [partner] first! I'll go to bed when he gets home from work!"
I was on Clozapine. Well, long story short I missed my meds for 3 days then took my normal dose. We refer to this day as “blackout Tuesday” I don’t remember anything I did during blackout Tuesday.
I was a cashier at Walmart and didn't have any customers, so I was straightening up the candy and just keeping myself occupied in my aisle. I was squatting down, organizing some stuff on the bottom shelf when this man pokes his head around the shelves from the next aisle over. "Is this register open?" He asks, referring to my register. I thought that was kind of a strange question because the light was on and I was there in the aisle, but I looked up at the register light anyway. I was in the next aisle over! I was over there, organizing things in the aisle next to my revister, and to this day I have no recollection of walking over there. I have no idea why I left my own lane and went over there. It still makes me feel a little weird to this day.
When I was 8 or 9 years old, I got angry at my dad. According to my mom, I called him a “fat, stinky asshole”. 😂😂 I have no recollection of doing this, but I couldn’t stop laughing when my mom told me this.
Tl;Dr: Bully claims I broke his nose in a big fistfight in elementary school. I don't remember doing it, and get a few days off of school for it. When I was in elementary school, I was in a big fight. A group of guys were bullying my friend. They waited until the recess supervisor was at the other end of the playground and attacked him, beating him up pretty badly. I sent my other friend to get the supervisor while I joined the fight to defend my friend. I won the fight because I was taking karate lessons at the time(we were in the same grade, so they weren't bigger than me or anything). Anyway, after the whole fiasco is sorted out and detentions were issued to the bullies, there was one last issue to solve. The leader of the bullies got a broken nose in the fight. He claimed that I punched him in the nose and broke it, but I don't remember ever punching him in the face. I punched two other bullies in the face and gave them bloody noses (I didn't break their noses), so it was plausible that I broke his nose, but I didn't. However, the principal believed the bully, and when I adamantly denied it and refused to apologize for something I didn't do, they questioned me for a while about it. When I still wouldn't "admit I lied", I was given 2 and a half days of out-of-school suspension (I was sent home at lunch that day and spent the next two days out of school as well). Fortunately for me, my parents believed me, so my mom took me to my favorite ice cream restaurant for lunch that day and I spent the suspension having fun and reading books. I still don't know how the bully broke his nose (maybe one of the other bullies accidentally missed me and hit him instead?) but I know that I don't remember doing it.
My mother was telling a story about when my brother was in ICU and not expected to recover enough to live a full life due to being deprived of oxygen after carbon monoxide poisoning he’s also physically disabled from birth. The Doctor had told my mother that it was time to put him in a nursing home because she and Dad were getting too old to care for him when his sister tore shreds off the Doctor and told him that her brother will always have a home with her. I asked which sister because both of our sisters had only visited once in all the time he was in hospital while I was there almost every day. Mum looked me and replied that it was me. I don’t remember it at all but yes, I would take him in in a heartbeat. He also fully recovered and is back to working and wanting to go back to his own house but my parents aren’t ready to let him go.
For context I dont sleep walk but once my mom said that she had woken up in the middle of the night (i think near 2 or 3) and she saw me with the front door open and she asked me what I was doing and I said that I heard someone knocking on the door and there was nothing. She also said that l was wide wake yet when she told me ( which was the next day) and l had absolutely no memory of this and still dont
I fell down a flight of stairs before going to bed. However my memory from several hours before and several hours after I slept tend to just vanish. So I got a laugh out of my parents the next morning. I felt okay in the morning but I still don’t remember it happening.
My wife does stuff in her sleep she never remembers constantly. Last night she kicked me awake to get her water. I gave her my water bottle and she drained it. 3 hours later she did it again so I went and refilled the bottle and gave it to her again. It was empty when I woke up to feed the 3 month old. She has zero memory of this.
Oh god that last one. Man, were really assholes as kids. Anyway for me apparently I used to be scared of the Dettol ads on tv but I don't remember getting scared of them
I gave 3 kittens a nice hot bath with dishwashing liquid.. yup i killed mine and my siblings kittens. I have a pic of the poor kittens. Beef was mine cos i loved beef noodles. I have now rescued 12 cats in my life 😢
When I was like 18 months old my parents brought me along on a brewery tour somewhere. As you know, these tours will often give everyone a sample of their beer. I was the kid who went around and somehow got a bunch of them to sneak me a sip. And that’s the story of how I got my first hangover.
A few years back, I was hospitalized suffering from neurological issues which had me drifting in and out of consciousness and a comatose state. Spring and summer of 2019 are gone. Apparently, during that time, I would speak but it was little more than word salad and some of it was quite shocking. I died 1000 deaths when my sister informed me that I had been using nasty racial slurs when referring to one of my nurses. My sister explained to him that such language was totally out of character for me and apologized profusely. Even though he understood and held no grudge, I still wish I could’ve tracked him down and apologized.
Oof, I'm so sorry! I'm glad your sister was there to advocate for you
Sleepwalking. Specifically, going to the garage and sleeping on the floor. Thankfully the floor was relatively clean.
My mom told me when I was like maybe 3, I found a $100 bill on the ground.
I looked through some photos that were on my dad's computer and there were a bunch of moments and family visits I straight up forgot about. He took a lot more graduation pictures than I remembered.
I have so many of these. The funniest one was when I was traveling with my sister, mom, and moms boyfriend. Everyone was in the same hotel room and everyone but my sister was asleep. My sister says I sat straight up pointed at the corner and said '(moms boyfriend name) is standing right there. My sister looked over at my moms boyfriend and say him still sleeping and told me no hes not. I was very persistent that he was standing in the corner and then laid back down. Another one was when I was sleeping again and my sister came in to get her clothes and I told her to f*** off then rolled over. The best part is I didn't curse and still don't.
This title alone can send someone into an existential crisis..
You're treading on thin water sir
You are a highly perceptive dude (or dudette).
How about a cuter story? The other week I was fading in and out from alcohol. Apparently on one of the fade outs, my partner's best friend who is living with us tried to convince me to go to bed. Apparently, my reaction to this was "No! I want to see [partner] first! I'll go to bed when he gets home from work!"
Aww
I was on Clozapine. Well, long story short I missed my meds for 3 days then took my normal dose. We refer to this day as “blackout Tuesday” I don’t remember anything I did during blackout Tuesday.
The aunt really let that slide twice?
Me personally-
I have friends who swear I used my dog as a guide dog to get me to the bathroom because I was so drunk. I don't remember it, cause drunk.
I was a cashier at Walmart and didn't have any customers, so I was straightening up the candy and just keeping myself occupied in my aisle. I was squatting down, organizing some stuff on the bottom shelf when this man pokes his head around the shelves from the next aisle over.
"Is this register open?" He asks, referring to my register.
I thought that was kind of a strange question because the light was on and I was there in the aisle, but I looked up at the register light anyway. I was in the next aisle over! I was over there, organizing things in the aisle next to my revister, and to this day I have no recollection of walking over there. I have no idea why I left my own lane and went over there. It still makes me feel a little weird to this day.
When I was 8 or 9 years old, I got angry at my dad. According to my mom, I called him a “fat, stinky asshole”. 😂😂 I have no recollection of doing this, but I couldn’t stop laughing when my mom told me this.
Tl;Dr: Bully claims I broke his nose in a big fistfight in elementary school. I don't remember doing it, and get a few days off of school for it.
When I was in elementary school, I was in a big fight. A group of guys were bullying my friend. They waited until the recess supervisor was at the other end of the playground and attacked him, beating him up pretty badly. I sent my other friend to get the supervisor while I joined the fight to defend my friend. I won the fight because I was taking karate lessons at the time(we were in the same grade, so they weren't bigger than me or anything). Anyway, after the whole fiasco is sorted out and detentions were issued to the bullies, there was one last issue to solve. The leader of the bullies got a broken nose in the fight. He claimed that I punched him in the nose and broke it, but I don't remember ever punching him in the face. I punched two other bullies in the face and gave them bloody noses (I didn't break their noses), so it was plausible that I broke his nose, but I didn't. However, the principal believed the bully, and when I adamantly denied it and refused to apologize for something I didn't do, they questioned me for a while about it. When I still wouldn't "admit I lied", I was given 2 and a half days of out-of-school suspension (I was sent home at lunch that day and spent the next two days out of school as well). Fortunately for me, my parents believed me, so my mom took me to my favorite ice cream restaurant for lunch that day and I spent the suspension having fun and reading books. I still don't know how the bully broke his nose (maybe one of the other bullies accidentally missed me and hit him instead?) but I know that I don't remember doing it.
My mother was telling a story about when my brother was in ICU and not expected to recover enough to live a full life due to being deprived of oxygen after carbon monoxide poisoning he’s also physically disabled from birth. The Doctor had told my mother that it was time to put him in a nursing home because she and Dad were getting too old to care for him when his sister tore shreds off the Doctor and told him that her brother will always have a home with her. I asked which sister because both of our sisters had only visited once in all the time he was in hospital while I was there almost every day. Mum looked me and replied that it was me. I don’t remember it at all but yes, I would take him in in a heartbeat. He also fully recovered and is back to working and wanting to go back to his own house but my parents aren’t ready to let him go.
😭😭😭 Waspy shenanigans! LMFAO {gasp} I had to pause so i can hear the next one😅
Peeing in the trash can in the kitchen isn't too rare. Yeah, I did it too, around 1945.
Did you just say (if numbers could be capitalized) 1945?!
For context I dont sleep walk but once my mom said that she had woken up in the middle of the night (i think near 2 or 3) and she saw me with the front door open and she asked me what I was doing and I said that I heard someone knocking on the door and there was nothing. She also said that l was wide wake yet when she told me ( which was the next day) and l had absolutely no memory of this and still dont
Don't have pets when you have small children.
I fell down a flight of stairs before going to bed. However my memory from several hours before and several hours after I slept tend to just vanish. So I got a laugh out of my parents the next morning. I felt okay in the morning but I still don’t remember it happening.
There's definitely a movie to be made about someone who forgets the first and last 2-3 hours of every day.
Sometimes I break shit when I'm drunk
My wife does stuff in her sleep she never remembers constantly. Last night she kicked me awake to get her water. I gave her my water bottle and she drained it. 3 hours later she did it again so I went and refilled the bottle and gave it to her again. It was empty when I woke up to feed the 3 month old. She has zero memory of this.
According to my brother, I destroyed his GameCube when I was very young, but I don’t remember doing it
There’s a lot of stuff I apparently did as a little kid. I obviously don’t remember doing that stuff but can imagine myself doing it. Lol
Oh god that last one. Man, were really assholes as kids. Anyway for me apparently I used to be scared of the Dettol ads on tv but I don't remember getting scared of them
My mother says when I was a toddler, after a bath I ran outside naked and sat on the natural gas meter in the front yard.
I often forget my drive home from work. Lol wut
14:25 Vocalizing the 'colon' after the preceding anecdote. I see what you did there, robot voice dude.
I gave 3 kittens a nice hot bath with dishwashing liquid.. yup i killed mine and my siblings kittens. I have a pic of the poor kittens. Beef was mine cos i loved beef noodles. I have now rescued 12 cats in my life 😢
I smacked my mom in the face with a plastic cup when I was like 2. She has some nerve damage of it. Sorry mom
I'm crying RN 😂
I don't remember why I took this job
SUSPICIOUS CAPITALIZATION 12:40
Decorum colon
Mine was being drugged by a girl making out with me twice within an hour
Asking
Writing this comment
The hedgehog one was hilarious