The Narcissist's Final Discard: 5 Things You Need To Know
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2024
- The narcissist's final discard can be devastating. This stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle leaves many wondering if it's truly the final discard and how to heal after the narcissist's hurtful breakup. The devaluation and no contact phases often precede the narcissist's discard, which commonly occurs during the final discard stage. When discarded by the narcissist in this heartbreaking narcissistic breakup cycle, it's important to focus on healing from the narcissistic discard rather than waiting for the narcissist's return. Understanding why narcissists ultimately discard former targets can provide closure. With support and self-care, healing from narcissistic discard is possible. Recognizing the ego deficiencies driving the narcissist's cruel behavior can foster understanding. Stay strong during this difficult final discard phase and know you deserve healthy love. With resilience, you can recover and achieve peace.
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** *In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
0:00 Is it really over? The confusing reality of the narcissist's "final" discard
0:39 When a breakup is just a manipulation tactic
1:23 Why you'll never get the closure you crave
2:03 The real reasons behind their decision to leave
3:11 It's not you, it's them - here's why
4:50 When hoovering is actually about revenge
6:14 Why the cruelty seems to get worse each time
7:06 The truth about long term narcissistic relationships
8:23 Don't let this fool you into taking them back
9:56 The one sign that indicates they're gone for good
11:13 Do narcissists even know what they want? The impulsive nature behind discards
12:50 You still hold the cards, even if it doesn't feel like it
14:03 How to take back control after narcissistic abuse
15:31 Understanding the strong pull drawing you back in
16:45 Finding closure in your own way, without them
🚀 Ready to move on from the narcissist and get your life back? Take the FREE 5-Day Breakthrough Challenge: www.commonego.com/breakthrough-challenge
Hi I just barely left a relationship Similar to what you said but she Ditched me for another one although we still marry I been through a lot have a lot abuse
I like to contact with you to discuss and you don’t know if the last card she did or not the end
I like backronyms. Well played. 😎
There are also doctors and therapists who can be narcissistic who do to coercive control. Are intrusive and damaging and dominant. It is as if you are walking on egshells or you must do peoplepleasing and you are serving them instead they serve you. In the beginning you explore anxiety .and fear and they see that as a symptom of a mental illness. Sickmaking doctors and therapists and want supply to make you angry and want a emotional reaction. They are not social and alienate you from reality and domestic ties social and society ties. It is a good investment to get this information and going inwards and know a lot more so you explore less fear. It is a relief and release to know this. Knowledge in this field will set you free.
I'm sorry that you feel that I said something that hurt you. This person told me that I don't need you and I was doing fine without you so I told this person that their apology wouldn't be accepted by me. Then I read a bunch of gibberish that had nothing to do with what we were talking about. I said goodbye and blocked that person. All of this as through text because I refused to talk to them.
The disrespect is enough closure.
If only...😔
I agree.
You're right. The more I think of it and look over texts the more of a disgrace she looks. We're better off without these people.
@@MikeJackson690 Yeah if the one’s your ex sent you during and/or after the relationship are anything like the ones I got from mine, it’s enough to turn your stomach and completely repulse you.
I don’t even care about the “closure” anymore. His treatment of me IS my closure. I’m on no contact now.
Yeah I came to realize their behavior and last actions and words they said and did was the closure.
Jacked up but true.
I will always remember the red flags now
@@albertbrady712 have been looking for a closure, and all in vane
Update? My mistake was not changing my number and keeping him blocked. He reached out to me lying that he was moving suddenly out of the country in order to trick me into seeing him again.
Narc discard is a blessing! Thank God for peace
Yes
Amen!
Ridiculous
exactly!!!
My BPD/Narcissist ex discarded me in a very cruel manner, and also slandered my reputation with all of his friends. And he still returned to me a couple of days ago professing his deep feelings for me I reminded him of his cruelty, and he turned around and became cruel again, and called me a narcissist!!!! 😂 you can’t argue with crazy 🤷🏻♀️
Be thankful that you got discarded. I would have stayed if she didn't. She set me free!!!! Hahahahahaha
Same happened to me 😖
These mofos crazy. Come back into your life like nothing happened. That's insane
@@darnelljones0425 Exactly!
I am going through exactly the same. (Hugs)
When the narcisist walks away it is time to throw a party🎉 Thank you Christina❤
That made me laugh! It's the truth though!
I keep saying that!! "I have NEVER had a relationship like this, nor have I been treated this way!"
Same here!
It’s really a playbook. I never knew narcissists existed or what red flags were until I met her
One of the most peaceful moments was when I realized she was a narc. Once I knew what I was dealing with, it was game over.
Man… I wish it were this easy for me. I want so much for her to get better.
Mine discarded me 3 times. The 1st time was very painful. The 2nd time, I was on to his pattern, and said, guess you've got to do what you've got to do, and the 3rd time.. I blocked him and went no contact. I don't care about closure or anything else. That was the end as far as I was concerned! I'm not going to lie and say I'm tough, but I'm an adult and don't play games. It was like playing monopoly with my brother when we were kids. He always had to win. That's what I felt in that last discard! Like only he could win this game! I did exactly what I did as a kid, I quit playing games with my brother. And ... quit playing games my ex narcissist.
Now I'm working on this stupid trauma bond addiction. It's the worst part of the whole process. It constantly messes with my heart and head. I keep reminding myself to be patient with myself. I'm going to kick it one way or another!
How long has it been?
@@killjoyredux8361 It's been 3 months. The relationship was on and off for 5 years. I didn't know anything about narcissists and how they manipulate. Now I know my entire life was filled with these toxic people. It took this person to make me sit back and think.. What the heck is all of this crap?!! It was the patterns I started seeing first. I never saw them before in my other relationships. That's why I started researching. The trauma bond and cognitive dissonance blinded my reality. I felt like a yo-yo going back and forth in this whole situation. It was so confusing and crazy! I'd feel his contempt for me, but then I'd feel his love for me. The love hate relationship was so intense. The trauma bonding was constantly being reenforced. He pissed me off so much when he discarded me the 3rd time, I didn't ever want to ever see him again!
Like I said, these people have been in my life since childhood. I know from those experiences they always come back. That is what bothers me the most. I keep expecting him to pop up out of nowhere.
It took me many more disgards before I gave up. I don’t regret taking him back each time because I felt sorry for him and felt with my stability he could overcome his cptsd. But I realized he would never take responsibility for his actions and stopped believing it would ever get better. Knowing absolutely this WAS the relationship, I am able to stay away. I want a secure attachment and the peace that brings to a relationship. I came to accept I would never have that with him. All the best.
@@lreevesnyc21 it's the acceptance that is the key to cutting it off completely!
Wishing you all the best as well!
It took me 3 times also.
Not being able to move on/discard a narcissist after so much abuse is a nightmare and so stressful.
I agree. I did a 5 week no contact and i was happy until i broke it. Now im miserable knowing that after only about 2 weeks in that she had already found her a new bf. I struggle everyday to keep what sanity i have left. I never had this hard of a time moving on when my ex-wife of 8 years left me for another man in 2010. We are mutual friends and i have a relationship with my step-daughter still.
Exactly same story as mine Billy it’s very painful and worst thing is getting through day to day as it’s very distracting.
I’m done not going back I’m moving on.
@@BillyLintzenich-wf7sk Mine did this too. New boyfriend RIGHT away. Girls do that usually because they have someone on the back burner anyway, but with the narc, they scramble to find a new person asap if they weren't cheating yet. They cannot be alone with their thoughts or ever think they need any self-improvement.
So stressful 😢
My covert narcissist partner actually predicted her discard in a fit of depression “I’m scared that one day you’ll wake up and realise that I’m not a very nice person”.
My ex narc said for many years “ you are better of without me” and “ I know that I am very hard to live with “
She never spoke a truer word
@@davidmckay4423i would mention to mine about her being verbally abusive. She told me more than once that nobody should be abused and/or she'd say then run run very far away.
@@davidmckay4423my narc ex said the same thing, but different words. it's funny how they all say that.
It's just another tactic. They do that so that they can say "they warned you".
@@davidmckay4423mine said “I’m a terrible person and I’m so messed up on SOO many levels!” She was 100% correct and lived up to these words 100%. 😢
Actual quote: “I don’t owe you closure.”
True story!
I can imagine mine saying this.
I was with a narcisist for 3 years, I ignored the red flags she cheated on me with her ex and told me. Than she discarded with me yesterday and today she's liking my stories on IG. This girl is crazy
I was discarded brutally. 3 mos later she was pregnant. 21/2 years later she texted a vague apology. One dinner then breadcrumbs and insults. This shit is so real.
My husband discarded me to teach me a lesson. It's months later and he's trying to come back, but I'm pretty indifferent to him now.
Tell him to buy you your dream house or dream car first to even get a conversation with you.
The disrespect is cruel! Smh I didn’t know people like this existed
Right?! So evil mind controlling abusive mind game players negative unhappy depressed beings! Thnx
Me neither it is so sad and I had a son with him
1. Put you in your place
2. No closure, ever
3. Has nothing to do with you
4. Boredom
5. You decide yourself
Narcissistic behaviour in general is very frightening and intimidating for those in contact with them. Read below; I’ve written a lot what you need to know.
They choose to manipulate and devalue because they feel that they can. Their behavior is driven by their personality disorder. They can't love anyone other than themselves, and some of them don't even love themselves. They feed off other people. They don’t care about you, and they never will. They don’t appreciate your kindness they actually see it as a weakness, and something that they can exploit. Which is one of the reasons why they manipulate and devalue their victims. The longer you stay with them the worse they will treat you. If you’re being manipulated, and devalued then you will most likely be discarded.
They will treat you badly at your weakest point, if they choose to, they can and will abuse you by constantly cheating on you, stealing from you, lying to you, using you, misleading you, and the list goes on. Because at this point, they have complete control. They will erode your sense of reality, your self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, and they will have you in a position where you're dependent on them. They will also have you questioning your own reality, which is a sign of gaslighting. Narcissists don’t appreciate your authentic love, and your generosity of giving them what they want. They actually feel entitled that you owe them whatever they want or need.
Narcissists aren't capable of true reciprocity in relationships. It isn't just that they're not willing; they truly aren't able. Narcissists are experts at manipulation and devaluation which is part of their abusive pattern. Narcissists are driven by self-interest only. The love you have for them means nothing to them, and they're not concern about your love, their concern about their own wants, and needs. Which is a constant steady flow of validation, attention, gratification, adoration, and anything that will stroke their fragile ego. By you giving them what they want will only set you up for failure, disappointment, and a heart break that can land you in a psychiatric ward. This doesn’t have to be the case if you do whatever you need to do to detach from this emotional abusive person and protect your emotional-mental health.
Thank you all of this is very true , wise words .
I've been through everything you've explained. The beginning of this month marked 15 months of no contact when she decided to send me a novel in the form of a msg. No response from me. Deleted the msg recently only to receive a meme shortly after stating "men often run away from the women they create." No accountability and no empathy.
Thanks for the wisdom
You have nailed it. Wow every word. We've been married 10 yrs with a 6 yr old daughter. Everything is perfect as long as I give give give validation. My needs as a wife were not met. He has left about 13 times at this point. The last 2 times including this last time he did so I'm front of our daughter. He leaves when I put my foot down and no longer give in to the threats, tantrums and demands. I've tried many times to make it work but it genuinely is a personality disorder and honestly most of then refuse to get help or admit they're wrong. I thank God, Jesus is my firm foundation and has always been or I would be a walking mess as their goal is to destroy you and your self esteem to have the upper hand.
Truthfully… we, as targets of the narcissist… have ALL the power. Because we get to decide when WE are done.
The TRUE final discard.
I went through my final - TRAUMATIC - discard over 3 years ago with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. And it took a long time to recover from the hurt, anger, loss, sadness, GRIEF, and betrayal of the discard. But I learned about hoovering and discards from Ramani, and made a firm commitment to going No Contact and have remained No Contact for years. It took a lot of self-discipline to remain committed to that boundary and to allow for that closure to happen, after that rupture. But it has been an invaluable experience in my personal healing journey.
The "Final Discard" was traumatic, and largely beneficial.
Thank you for sharing. My relationship was stable for 5 years, then he raged on his boss, a steady secure job of 5 years telling him to “f” this job , then he was fired. Then he was beaten up by a situation he created and from that point he emotionally deregulated again and again. I hung in for 2 more years hoping he would stabilize emotionally but he continued to “rage and run away”. I blocked him and told him “we’re done” via text. You can’t have a normal conversation with these people. They don’t want a resolution only more conflict ”. It has been one month and though very disappointed it gave me my closure. This was never going to get better. I don’t have a trauma bond as my family history was calm with secure attachments so I only felt sorry for him and believed that my stability would provide a consistent stable attachment for him allowing him to feel safe with me. But his cptsd from a childhood of extreme physical abuse could not be overcome by what I offered and he refused to accept responsibility for his behavior. I had to cut him off. The disappointment remains as I cared for him but any love that was there was drowned out by his abusive behavior.
My hope was to return to the happy years I knew for 5 years but, it was getting worse, not better. Best wishes to all going thru this. Believe in yourself and take care of you.
Keep telling yourself we're not broken we just need a little repair
If we're here trying to figure out WTH happened then we're surviving we don't need the drama we just need a hug and understanding
I love all of u guy's
Big hugs to all survivors.
Thank you bro best of luck with the healing
Oh , I am broken.
Something that seems obvious when we talk about it but less obvious when You're actually dealing with a narcissist is that They're incapable of empathizing. They might be aware that you feel hurt but they are incapable of seeing their part in it. Which is why it can feel like you're not getting closure.
I'm going through the disgard phase now. She just stopped talking to me. Whenever we had an argument, she'd stonewall me for days/weeks. So now I'm left without any closure. My therapist told me, "How can you have closure when you never had an opening to begin with?" That really resonated with me, and I have gone not given in to reaching out to her. Thank you for your videos. They are spot on.
You can’t get closure from an abuser, only with yourself.❤
In most cases, the empath has the keys to the final discard. Since most narcissists hoover after their discard, the empath can go no contact so that they aren't brought back into the narcissists toxic cycle. As long as you stay no contact, meaning never ever communicating again with the narcissist, you send a firm and clear message to the narcissist that you are discarding them and you want absolutely nothing to do with them ever again. This gives the narcissist an injury because they can't fathom that you don't want them anymore, and most likely they will stay away for good. Works very well for me.
“They can’t fathom that you don’t want them any more”. I love this. Yes.
I had to do this also, no contact, blocked. Staying away. I am still healing. I feel alleviated that this method is functioning for other's also.
That’s what I did. She lied to me post relationship about not having a new supply even though I knew she was traveling to see him. One lie too many. I still remember what I thought when I read her message that she was going to her side hustle job to pick up some weekend work: “This (her lying) is never going to stop”. And of course, prior to this conversation she had cut me off from her son while telling me I was “lucky to still be in my life”. Really? I’ll fix that for you. 14 months no contact and going strong.
And me… at the moment, seven months no contact, it hasn’t been easy but hopefully as time passes it will get easier🤞
@@user-kf3yz7so6q It will. I’m almost 15 months. It does get easier.
Married with one for 25 years and in every fight he divorced me, told my kids that he is leaving me.
He never hovered me but wanted me to behave. He become more rageful.
He finally left me for real in our anniversary!
Going through divorce . It sucks but I am happy he took that final action because I did not have the courage.!!
I like listening to Christina. She helps me anxiety. I am currently on day one. No contact. Changed my phone number. And I’m feeling a bunch of emotions. So thanks to everyone who shares your experience strength and hope. It’s helpful and inspiring. 😊
Hang in there Christy ,your going to heal and realize that you are so blessed to be rid of this person! God bless!
I feel so over my covert narcissistic friend and am no contact. Very happy to be out of this craziness, I just wish I had done it sooner and also saved some self-respect and money. But, well, didn't happen as it was my first time dealing with this. But what a huge lesson I learnt.
Real healing, focus on being the person God calls you to be regardless of what they do or dont do. That ends the game. Narcissists can change, but not because of any efforts to cha he them. Only God can heal their hearts and make them whole. Give them to him while maintaining honesty, integrity, and safe boundaries and healing yourself, while remaining loving but detached to outcome.
I think I just ended things with a narcissist.. Or at least a very narcissistic individual. I made the mistake of telling him about a past toxic relationship I was in. He utilized that to shame me for not having as high of a sex drive as him, saying, "I think you need to be treated like crap" in order to be more sexually attracted to him "because of your past relationship". All I had done was asked him how much sex he would need as a means to hopefully come to a resolution and meet somewhere in the middle, so that both our needs would be met, when he decided to throw my past relationship in my face. The love bombing was thicker than anything I've ever experienced, said he didn't like texting, but then texted me so much throughout the day that it was almost too much for me. Would call a lot while at work, brought up having kids with me, moving in with me, said it's like we're the same person and have this deep connection even though we only knew each other for 3 weeks, that he could see himself really loving me. It was just a lot, but he slowly went from that overly attentive, affectionate and caring person to making small underhanded or sarcastic jabs at me and that's when I started wondering what I had gotten myself into. He told me he was really, really good at mirroring people and making most people feel comfortable around him and even became insecure after the second date because he couldn't make me comfortable enough with him to take him back to my apartment. He would push for sex a lot in the early stages despite me wanting to wait a little longer and once he got it, that's all he wanted from me anytime we hung out. It was just exhausting... He went from seeing me and spending the night at my place 4-5x out of the week to telling me we needed to start seeing each other only once a week, despite the fact that he claimed to need a lot of sex. It was just a really weird, jarring and upsetting dating experience.
6:26 When narcissists stay with their victims, it’s far worse. The victims often endure a lifetime of abuse.💔
I didn‘t know about narcissists. I had a conversation with the girl I was dating about a serious private topic and the discussion became quite heated. She made me feel terrible, I felt how my mood dropped in an instant, cold sweat, never experienced that before and she was grinning the whole time. I told her the next day that I don‘t want to see her again because of how she talked to me and how she behaved. She seemed quite emotional on the phone and apologized a couple of times. Still went through with it, albeit she made it look the next weeks after a long silent treatment that she was the one who ended things. We had no contact for a month but she started talking to me again. I was curious and asked her a simple question about her family circumstance - a specific relationship that I always found kinda weird. It was an innocent question but I got the full gaslighting package to the extreme. Needless to say I never got an answer to my question. I felt physically ill the next day, it just seemed like a deep betrayal and like a completly different reality. That‘s when I did some research and learned about covert narcissim. She still hasn‘t blocked me and I still can‘t do it.
This video really brought me to a real crossroad.
The best lesson I learn in life of many years came from the narcissists I almost married, she told me hundreds of time that it is better to live alone than to live with a narcissist, and sadly for me at the time I did not agree with her because I was living with a narcissist however I have sense change my mind, and today I do agree with her however she is clueless to this day that I know this to be true it is her lost not mine because I do know she has replaced me with another victim I have not replaced her I am living alone, and doing OK life it is working because she is correct! Yes it is painful to walk away, the only other way is to be carried out; please walk out you will realize I am right as Nike says, Just Do It! I now live in Peace, I hope you do!
I was in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I tried to dump her twice but took her back, and she was happy to take me back, even though in my anger I said a lot of terrible things. She liked how upset I was and how much I couldn't quit her.
But the interesting thing happened the third time I dumped her. At that point I had realized how bad of a compulsive liar she was, and I told her that I saw through her lies. I told her that I realized she had been faking her disability, that she had lied about a number of significant aspects of her life, and other major lies she had told.
When I told her that I saw through her lies, she went no contact with me immediately, there was no fight or conversation, once I revealed that I saw through her she just blocked me on everything and I haven't heard from her for two years. I didn't get any closure for how badly she had hurt me.
I think that my awareness of her lies became a threat to her. I could tell her friends, who she had convinced of the same lies. She had built an entire brand around faking disability and trauma so that she could appear to be this strong motherly survivor to everyone. She needed to be seen that way. She had to cut me off like an infected limb once I became able to threaten that image of her.
Christina, all your stuff is noteworthy. But THIS was outta the ballpark...thank you for your commitment to our healing. I feel certain you have found yours! God bless.
You couldn’t have said it more accurately. The similarities are shocking
Its not just them you have to leave.. its the version of yourself that they show you in the beginning that you have went without all your life. . We all want to be seen and recognized for who we think we are.. and when people reflect something so off in your childhood .. there is no greater high than having someone see you for you for the highest version of you. . Which a narc will do in the beginning.. and slowly over time they condition u to see that when u do what they want they show u that expression.. when u dont they take it away .. and you begin defending yourself constantly trying to get them to see you again.. then they blame u for shit u didnt even do and u fight even harder to see that self reflected in their eyes... its not really them u want its the self they showed you at some point that you hadnt seen anywhere else... so leaving them means u have to go back to how u see yourself and after years of abuse thats a pretty low image... so when they call and are nice and hopefull.. well this can feel like oh my god the real me is back.. i can have hope again .. i can get out of all these shitty feelings and grief... no matter what lead to the break.. the relief of the reunion is almost to good not to take.. it takes alot of strength.. support and love for self.. to anyone going thru it.. i see you dear one and you are loved you are beautiful and they have nothing to offer you... look in the mirror and reflect your own beautiful self back to you and u will break their hold.. many blessings
This is spot on.
@ryanbuster4626 most people spend so much time thinking about why they did or didn't do something or why they acted the way they did.. if they are sorry .. if they knew what they were doing... and yes in the very beginning stages of figuring it out it is part of it... but all that quickly becomes irrelevant to solving the problem.. which of course is self awarness.. why u did what u did.. why u accepted less .. why u put up w bs.... and be honest with self .. people are to hard on themselves after and what u need is compassion and love from u to u.... its the only way to find it outside of u
My X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. No closure. Trying to make amends and work things out with my X was a waste of time. I'm not holding my breath if my X comes back. There is no bridge to cross.
I can't stop watching this video...One of your best! SO accurate.
My narc discarded me by inviting him to his house one night only to discover he was in bed with another woman. Besides being cruel and all the other things they do, they are also big COWARDS! He didn't want to tell me it was over, so he set up the cheating scenario. Truly cowards.
Cowards is right. They just cant say "hey this isnt working out"....etc. They want to hurt you and are very vindictive. My ex narc was very evil and sneaky in her cheating on me but at least she tried to hide it. After I saw my wife (ex) and neighbor kissing on the home security camera after years of suspecting i was devastated and did not handle it well.I should have made a backup and told a close friend, but thought confronting her like a adult about it would be the best way. Even with the evidence she denied it and the next day had her 12yr old son hack the security password and deleted the security footage from that day! Now I am grateful for it all because I needed to learn about narcs and not be so trusting.
I had an ex come back after 30 years. Didnt take me long to realize they were a covert narc and always were. Narcissicm wasn’t really discussed in the 1990s. Thank god it’s being discussed and that I’m familiar with it now.
Good breakdown of all the possible angles that were played upon me. Over a year ago, he bolted many miles away and shacked up with new supply. Before, during, and after, he never entirely let go or moves on. The closure is determined by me, not him. I even said it is over, I accept it, and I'm happier now than ever. The dysfuntional, competitive nature combined with the emotional instability is how he operates attempting to keep me on the bench. Being he is so fragmented and unstable, I resolve to let him be, avoid and deflect any attempts to hook me with nonsense. Assume the more disinterested, unbothered, unreactive, unresponsive I am, he'll give up. I do find the silent, ghosting periods lengthening as a positive sign.
Well stated. !
This video is excellent. Thank you for producing it. I am at the end of this journey, 7 years and what you say about their discards hits the mark over and over. I as your client did that wrote in found her own closure herself. I did the same. When you finally get, deep down, you are dealing with CRAZY…. that IS your closure. They have nothing NOTHING to offer you NOTHING. So after their next disgard there is nothing to come back for.
I am finally at my last discard. Not ruminating, not caring. Just living for me and my kids, he is just a person living with us
The discard and disrespect is wild. You have to stay away and you CANNOT allow them to come back in any way. The lying and manipulation is too much and will hurt you in horrible ways that last for a long time. Hope you guys get better soon.
Omg!!!! This hits every nail right on the head!!!!
We just stopped communicating after I told him he was using me and I’m considering this a blessing . His silence is my closure
After 9 years she kicked me out from "our" Apartment and never let me back in. ( Only to get my stuff) She become quite controlling in the last 6 months or so, she talks over me once she hears one word she doesn't like. I did not get a chance to say bye to the cats, or my step daughter. She's painted me black. Says I'm abusive and that it's a trauma bond. She never visits her family because her mother is a narcissist (so she says) this is just wild and crazy. My life changed completely and I could not sleep for 2 weeks. This all happened almost 6 weeks ago. What a nightmare I cannot believe this all took place my body and mind are rejecting it. I don't know where my best friend went. Lost everything in a blink of an eye over a heated argument with her. She told me 6 months ago she cannot handle anymore arguments. For all that I have done for her and the family it's really cruel and twisted how I was discarded. It's like they all died . The healing journey will be long for me. Whatever that means.
I’m going through the very same thing after 6 years, cats, family, and step kids, no warning signs kicked out of the house we both bought.
@@garyhardison9265 Sorry to hear about your news! Horrible times my friend. Single moms not making other single moms look good. I know that's a bit of a side factor in all of this, but noted.
I understand, you’re not alone. Denied me saying goodbye to her dog who I raised as a pup and spent money on. Taking him out to pee in the winter and cleaning his mess while she slept in the bed. All that I did for her meant nothing. But just know you’re not crazy
@@devbrooks9988 I am truly sorry to hear about your luck and I hope you are okay. I asked myself repeatedly what did I do to deserve this? I cannot find a logical answer. She told me 6 months prior that our relationship was hanging by a thread after a fight. We didn't fight often, maybe every 3-6 months. I'm not even for fighting, I usually suggest a timeout if things are going the wrong way, that doesn't work for her either. It's just crazy. We seldom fight and she says I'm not good for her mental health. All couples fight. Some fight everyday. Obviously that is bad. She would pick fights with me after I had some beers. I would still be calm and try to talk to her. That wouldn't work either. It's like there has to be drama. She was never like that before. I thought maybe she is picking fights to break up with me. Funny how the one who has some beer is calm, and the sober one gets crazy. It's complete nonsense.
@@David-nu6kw thanks I appreciate it. Hope the same for you. Currently going through it for the umpteenth time. This one hurts less than the first couple tho. They’re just liars and manipulators. They’ll find a way to blame you for any fault of theirs and of course there will never be any accountability taken on their end. It’s the trauma bond that is just as bad drugs that keeps us hooked. And the gaslighting that keeps us questioning ourselves. But it’s good hear other people’s experiences so you know you’re not the problem.
Thank you Christina, you have helped me alot and your channel is one of my go to channels. Comforting and sound advice. Hello from the UK by the way.
I think my ex and are both narcissistics. I can see where we are both victims and I certainly have some narcissistic tendencies.
Vids like this really are helping, thank you.
I don’t want or need closure. I don’t want him near me.
I was I believe on the recieving end of her final discard about 2 months ago. I’m still unsure as to if she is Borderline or Covert Narcissistic but I have experienced what seems like almost all of the tell tale signs of Narcissistic emotional abuse over the 2 years of our on and off “relationship”.
I’m at a point now where my confidence is rock bottom. Any rejection from another woman hurts deeply because I have a feeling of being unattractive and unloveable. I feel angry, at her, but more so at myself for not kicking her to the curb the moment I started to see the red flags. Instead I let her back countless times after the Idealisation, Devalue, Discard cycle of abuse. Now I’m having to process my hurt while ignoring any possible attempts at hoovering from her. Knowing she more than likes has a new guy (or multiple since) and I am now nothing to her when all of my love, care, attempts to make it work we’re 100% genuine. There’s this fear of “what if I’m the problem and I’m that unloveable that she may be completely fine with a new guy” and meanwhile I’m here struggling to even match on a dating site, let alone progress to talking and dating someone new.
I went on a date a few nights ago and I thought it went great. Seemed to have chemistry, we were laughing loads, kissing, plenty in common and a very similar outlook in life. Only to get the usual rejection the following morning after being sure and feeling confident the night after our date.
I’m struggling with depression at the moment as the constant rejections and abuse of the last 2 years have took me to what feels like rock bottom. It’s also a feeling of feeling betrayed because you thought that person was real and just had some flaws. Sucks
I bet if you took a break it would feel great.
That's what they do , make you feel undesirable and unattractive, it really dose mess you up , it causes problems even trying to date other people, that's what makes them happy , seeing you suffer ,
I hope everything will be fine in the future. Wish you all the best.
No need to go on dates. Work on loving yourself first. Dr. Ramani said give yourself at least 12 months before dating again. I know it's not easy bc your ex narc is out there with countless supply but you have to love yourself again. You'll come out stronger and wiser and attract better people and also gain hobbies and friendships that you lost during that relationship. You'll also be able to see the red flags immediately. Just give yourself grace and time. Fill yourself up with YOU.
Now that I know I was dating a covert narcissist it has become easier to be in no contact and walk away from them forever. This is the most relief I’ve felt since our breakup.
Posts before and during the holidays showed our magic; got sick on Christmas and thru New Year’s, was left alone since family was in town, first Christmas without my mother; Discarded shortly there after; divorcing and finding Peace
That was very well-put about the discard with no closure. Mine did that as well. It's to keep you pining for them (gives them an ego boost) and they want you as an option if and when the next flavor of the month loses his luster.
Yep, that's HIM!
Very well explained
THIS IS THE REAL DEAL🤞🏾
My therapist and I just went over this on the 1st of november. It's been a horrible smeer champagne, and in this whole time I'm finally getting closure. She said I need radical acceptance that co parenting with her is not an option and what I can do is offer for her to have summer vacation and Christmas brake. If she can't agree on that then anything less then jail or prison I'll find fair. I will allow for the children to see her nightly in phone calls but with her targeting me and still not able to see the children for longer then 15 minutes since April 28th I only think it's fair, out of the six years I tried to do my best 3 of them are discard. 3 of them years are the children wondering if Daddy's ever going to come back. Let me tell you, to the toxic co parent two things are constant; the silver bullet of child custody and parental alienation. These are the narcissists ultimate weapon.
Take it from someone who has been through 2 relationships with a narcissist. You will NEVER get closure. I wanted it with the last one in January but learned it's completely impossible. Save yourself the time, energy and heartache.
She came home with the police in tow and a restraining order in hand. I had 15 minutes to get as much as I could and leave. I haven't seen my home in 18 months. She has smeared, mocked, ridiculed and made sure people hate me .Even my own family. I didn't see it coming. 19 yrs gone in 15 minutes. She even tells our children she wishes I would just die. And yet, she sleeps with her daughters husband while they live together. Am I done? Ya think?
She sounds like a sick pup.
I'm so sorry. 😔 That is awful to deal with .
@samscarletta7433 my reality. So goes life.
Yes, keep it Movin
The 'follow the rules' thing really hit home with me. I firmly believe the 'discard' was an attempt to get me to submit to not holding her accountable, an 'if you keep telling me I'm wrong, I will take everything from you' scenario. She did just that, but I did not submit, and will not submit. Went no contact and have known since it happened that this was over. She simply could not handle someone meaning more to me than her (we were super close friends).
I like your voice and your calmness, I subscribed, greetings from Germany ❤
Yes, finally something I've never heard. 15 years and 2 kids.
I just left my narcissist. This is not the first time I've tried. I'm determined to not go back.
Don't do it!!! Dig your heels in and stay put. Don't give up your new life...
He didnt even give me a reason for the discard. I asked, are you even going to give me a reason? He said, nope. I ruminated for a long time, finally got through it with lots of therapy.
So true, i have been looking for a closure, and all in vane
I’m an over-thinker, so much so that it’s a detriment to my personal relationships. The discard is particularly cruel to someone like me, because I absolutely HAVE to know why. I go insane if things are left wide open with no answers…my narcissistic ex knows this and gets a sick thrill out of never giving me closure.
Oh gosh, I knew my ex had narc traits but wondered how he stayed in the relationship for so long. He emotionally and physically ignored me for years. Now it all makes sense, the soft disgard. He definitely checked out of the relationship years before, building his alternative sources of supply.
I think I've been discarded. We've been married for 5 years and we have 2 kids together... There has been a major smear campaign
At least you suspect what is happening. For me , I did not find out how she had been smearing me until it was too late. be careful! Usually they only smear you if they are planning on leaving you or worse. 🙏💪
As a Professional, I realized very quickly that she would absolutely set out to destroy my credibility, and I refused, with much predigest!
When you have kids together it makes no contact impossible and they keep control that way
Ive been telling him for a long time... "This is over when I say it's over "....
Gangsta 👍
Protect your peace 🤗
One of the take aways from this video play is about closure, never get closure from my narcissistic, former husband, or any narcissist, is the closure that I need, which intern helps me to move forward, without looking for the reason why from my husband himself
My ex bf finally discarded me a week ago. Now he telling his ex gf that I’m crazy, evil. He tells her my personal business and it’s a mess. What a nightmare to be in a relationship with a narcissist!
😂 Thank you so much Christina , I understand ❤✌️
I went silent … cuz everything personal I honestly shared with her .. thinking that’s the base of building a honest relationship … got used against me as an insult very often … so I did nt have anything to share anymore - been 1 week of silence
You have a great TH-cam channel get your money girl
Exactly, people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you!!! You deserve better, please do the right thing and don't look back!!
No contact for a year. I gave closure to myself. He can stay gone. Unfortunately I also have a family member that is just as bad but i see them for what they are. Harder to go no contact because kids involved.
I guess this is my closure
Great vid!I really enjoyed watching! My ex has done some stupid things but she wouldnt be so stupid as to try and contact me again !
Yes exactly.. They show their most ugliest side during discard once they become confident of their new supply nd also as you said once they become confident we r not going to leave them the disrespect will be loud nd open without any compassion..It’s terrible but once we r out of it it’s so liberating nd best feeling ever to have got rid of something so terrible..!!
This is some crazy shit but it makes so much sense I was so confused why me ex husband keeps coming back after leaving
After four years I discarded the narc in 12/31. I know, it's been only four days, but I will stand my ground. He is blocked from everything and no, I will not seek closure from his side because I was the one bringing the closure. These four past days were wonderful, I am free from his criticism, from his hars words towards me. I am in peace.
Thanks for the update.... say hi to your lady..
Delusional narcs thinks people care about standing their ground lmao people simply do not care about them or their fuqed up ways 😂😂 standing my ground? It is MY ground & I'm not on yours now GTFO & take ya meds
First he had me on a silent treatment for 1yr. Then we started talking to me again. But this time I walked away. And I'm staying away. Over 3 months now. I saw him twice in 2 weeks and I ignored him and he has given me a few mind games. He's a covert narcissist and I'm a super empath.
No im not changing
Most people spend so much time thinking about why they did or didn't do something or why they acted the way they did.. if they are sorry .. if they knew what they were doing... and yes in the very beginning stages of figuring it out it is part of it... but all that quickly becomes irrelevant to solving the problem.. which of course is self awarness.. why u did what u did.. why u accepted less .. why u put up w bs.... and be honest with self .. people are to hard on themselves after and what u need is compassion and love from u to u.... its the only way to find it outside of u
All facts 💯
I was discarded because i figured him out and i was holding him to account. He was scared i would expose him. He also told me that he can't be with a woman he can't control.
“Discarded because I figured him out and was holding him to account “. That shows how healthy YOU are. Maintaining a healthy boundary. They can’t STAND that👍🏻
K?
Once she said we are no longer seeing each other she went to my friends saying it was my fault and said she would try again at some point which made me crawling back
She threatened to leave me while I was on the gurney going into surgery! I told her to leave! Talk about hints I’ve should’ve seen early on!! Wow
I got closer enough if she won't see she needs help. She thought I was coming back to move in. I got my hug goodbye, nice while I was leaving. And if she doesn't want to get help, that good bye was good enough.
My ex narcissist was talking about leaving and how he’s perfectly fine and then the moment I did something he didn’t approve of he went crazy and projected all of his hurt on me and then left this was a week ago on my birthday, never again. Best birthday gift I gave myself is using the block and delete contact buttons
I was discarded on my birthday as well! She claimed it was an "oversight" but it was premeditated. I've never witnessed such cruelty from a woman. Broken
@@jameskostelecky606
cruel people they are but don’t worry “you are the temple of God for the spirit of God dwells in you and whoever defiles the temple, God shall destroy” Corinthians 3;16-17
I have a video on my channel that I made while moving on. The mindset is that God will handle it for me, if you’d like to watch it, the video is called Karma in Christianity. Hope this helps, happy birthday though James 🫶
Every Christmas we baked cookies and I made beautiful cookie trays for his friends so he could look good. I never got any credit. I did this for 4 years. This Christmas I won't be around to make him look good.
This happened to me several years ago by siblings...it has bothered me for awhile because I didn't know wth I had done to be isolated...recently one came back around but it was just to see if I had lost weight be cause that is the thing they wanted for me to be "included"..now she can report to the other sibling what she found..so hurtful..and unbelievable
I know who I am and I'm a person people like being around and a type of friend I would love to have more of. 👍