Say you have 100k in the bank. And someone stole $10 from you. Are you going to get rid of the remaining $99,990 because someone stole $10 from you? Ofcourse not. The advice being given in the video is OK, but not the best.
It’s not even a real conversation. These are two people making up things that they hope people will think sound deep, and awkwardly presenting it as if they’re having a profound conversation.
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@@svenmify Or, they're in a library, for whatever reason. and what they are saying is simple truths. And, it is a conversation , as two people are presenting a Q and A. This is that whole Imagination versus reality she was talking about. Join us here in Realityland.
I dunno, I find it hard to believe that actual real people have conversations that are this “I am 13 and this is deep”. The only way I can reconcile it in my mind is by believing that it’s scripted for the purpose of engagement. Worked on me - I’m boosting them in the algorithm by commenting.
Wait so if they do alot in the beginning but nothing at the end, doing a lot in the beginning was a facade and the reality is nothing...But if they do nothing at first but start doing a lot at the end, then the doing is also a manipulation...Something's off here. It is like she does not count for the complexity of human beings. People are not as consistent as sheer iron, they fluctuate and change. If they do nothing at first but a lot later could just mean they got attached after. Or if they do a lot at first, maybe that was their intention but you simply frustrated them over and over and they gave up on you?
@@venomouspassion5744So both of what she said is unhealthy and neither reflect the flotation to which you’re referring. Fluctuating is a consisten up and down. That is what happens when 2 people truly love and respect one another and communicate well. There are times you give more and times you take more. But any drastic change in a person without cause most likely means either they were faking or they’re manipulating you
@@venomouspassion5744 The common-sense idea is that if somebody only cares for you during extraordinary times, then it's not real. At the beginning of a relationship you are invested because you want to win the other person over, and maybe at the end you invest some effort because you don't want it to end. But how you treat a person during ordinary, mundane times shows how much you care. It might be a paradox, but those times that don't seem to matter because nothing important happens, the boring times, matter most and show if you genuinely care. At the end of the day, you want a partner that sticks with you no matter the circumstances.
Yes! I notice patterns too. I'm also learning to believe my gut instinct when it's screaming at me. It's accurate. I was told I was too sensitive, my gut feeling was wrong. Turns out it's never wrong
it's hard, becauee when they come back they love bmb a lot😢 and then they ghost and then come back and then ghost. It's hard to believe someone would say such loving words and not mean it. Why would someone be so cruel like that? maybe they are really busy?
@lolabrini3758 if it's intentional they're sociopaths. If it's unintentional, they're careless. Both instances are mean and both instances show they have deeper issues. Either way, it's not your fault. With experience, you learn to catch the red flags. Ultimately, keep an open heart and lean into your integrity. It's tough, but it'll be okay.
That’s so hard tho. Like we People that believe in respecting how each one shows love, we allow them time, we give them space with wait. How do you differentiate between he is just calmer than you and he is actually not passionate about you. Especially when both of you come from very very very different cultures.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
She is so accurate, our body language doesn’t lie. If words of love don’t match their facial expressions and body language, run!!!!!! These are energy vampires that will drain the shit out of you and leave as if they did nothing wrong.
Most wont ever let you go, and if you try to leave they.ll turn the cards on you and show you who they really are and force you, as long as possible, to not leave even though you NOW know who they are. These are narcissists and you better watch out because they can be very dangerous with their pray.
@@camdenhunt7565She's not a real clinician/therapist. "Dating Coach" and gas lighting author. Look at the book in front of her, that's not at all unbiased is it....🫤
My friend told me. "you have to get out of your bubble, take a look at your relationship with an outside perspective, if you start seeing what everyone else is, youll have your answer"
A good friend still went ahead even gave an ultimatum in order to get married. The manner he gave her the engagement ring was the biggest red flag. 10 years later she is getting divorce because she cannot tolerate his disinterest in her and the relationship as a whole. I guess she finally accepted that he was not interested in her. I think he went into the relationship because it was a good opportunity and she would make a good partner; I think he saw this more transactional.
@winstonsmith11 no, it is not if you have healthy roots of growth. 😂😂 like imagine having two people in front of you who are acting exactly like you and your partner, who do you think should let go and move on? That.s it! Simple
You know, this is probably the most accurate depiction. Once I had the chance to tell someone what I was going through, just hearing myself speak it out loud was almost enough on its own. Outside perspective and giving yourself the grace to see it is so huge.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
@@AuntLorasHouse she is a fucking dangerous, dogshit bitch. Never trust someone who is telling you their generalized advise / absolute truth without knowing the context or your exact situation
The way she looked at him when he said “so how do I let go” she looked so proud of him for wanting to let go of those relationships. She just wanted to say, “just let go” but she broke it down for him💔 it’s hard
Actually what she did say "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me" is a much more powerful statement. She's teaching him to have respect for himself and to walk away from people who don't show him that same respect.
"But they......... (that pause) They don't show it." I saw the pain and felt anguish in his eyes. Humans can be cruel babe. I hope we all heal from our traumas. Virtual hugs and kisses 🫂 ❤️ 😢
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
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Women talk about being taken advantage of, but it's actually triple the women that take advantage of men. It's triple the women that have affairs. It's triple the women that use men for money. It's triple the women that use sex against men instead of using it as a celebration and sharing. 85% of women out there (at least in the USA) are manipulators and users.
@@zozo2199 it means that we often pick someone who loves us the way we think we deserve. May that be someone who abuses, neglect or mistreats you or someone who is caring and kind towards you to name the most extremes. It has many layers and the quote itself is from the movie "the perks of being a wallflower" where the main character asks his teacher "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?" (cause many of his loved ones are in toxic or even abusive relationships at this point and he is hurt by seeing them this way) and his teacher replies "we accept the love we think we deserve" "Can we let them know that they deserve more?" "We can try"
But are you always giving the. best ? Really? Every minute of your life? Are you never exhausted? Are you always the best version of yourself? Every second of your life? Or are you sometimes lazy, tired, ill, hungry, upset, angry, even mean? I have to say that I am that sometimes. Not being able to forgive others routes in not being able to forgive yourself. Do not expect to get more than you invest.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
As a fellow 40 year old, I've started talking to others about how we also need to teach our kids about how to get out of a relationship just as much as we talk to them about how to have a healthy relationship.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
The manipulation point is accurate 💯. My ex did this, the subtle disrespect and the emotional distancing, the excuse. After not communicating with me for a week, I tried to ask why he does that and he literally said ‘he only talks to me when he feels like’ and that I have his number and I can call him any other time. That is when it hit me. So I asked him to honestly tell me if he wants to be with me, if he has any feelings for me, he diverted the conversation away from this asking whether feelings is what truly matters in a relationship and ‘how do you know if someone has feelings’, ‘do you think feelings can last forever’ and other short stories. Took a week or two of pushing for a response before I realized I never mattered to him at all. Right when I had checked out emotionally, he immediately begged me to not give up and started talking to me every day, calling and sending I love you texts. Almost felt great for a moment but then I realized he had the capacity to do all these stuff the whole time we’ve been together but he chose not to, for a reason. That is when I realized it is just manipulation. Just moved on. I just don’t get why though.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
I didn't understand why either. Until I realized, some people are so hollow and greedy that they feed on the energy of others. They give just enough to keep a person hanging onto a kernel of hope for as long as they can so that they can continue to feed off that energy. It's those kind of people, who are only full of darkness, that exist just to steal light from the good hearted.
Her little pause she has when he asks "how do I do that?" It's easier said than done but she has good advice. Actions speak louder than words and change is the only true indication that you're sorry for what you've done. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You deserve to be happy
@@broco6608 it's up to you really how much you will tolerate. I can only hope you see the value in yourself and know how you deserve to be treated. I wish this for everyone 🙏🏼 Setting these types of boundaries in the beginning is a good start to protecting your heart and mental health. I also have my list of "relationship enders"; things that I absolutely will not accept regardless of apology or whatever else comes after. It's a 1 and done deal - things like cheating, hitting me, etc. I will not accept that
He kept saying he adores me, that he values me, grateful for me, while in action wise it’s like I don’t exist to him. Broke me to keep feeling filled by his words but emptied by his actions
My fiance is very stoic and doesn't really talk about his feelings (in general, but also his feelings for me) very often. I worried he didn't love me because he hadn't said it yet a year into our relationship. I still felt loved so I didn't get worried enough to seriously consider leaving him. He treated (and still treats) me with respect and decency ALWAYS. He helps me out with fixing stuff, makes me food, patiently listens to me talk his ear off :P And eventually he told me how he felt. We've been together almost 4 years and are getting married. My point is that actions do speak louder than words. But to be fair, I'm someone who easily tells people that I care about them and I really do care about them, so I wouldn't say you have to get a stoic guy. Just focus more on his actions, and of course don't expect him to drop everything for you when you first meet him. My bf was a nice person from day 1, but over time he's gotten sweeter and more helpful. Because people usually fall in love over time, not within a couple months :P Don't trust the infatuation stage!
This brought me to tears holy shit.. it’s taken 4 years to realize he never loved me. The confusing stuff he did was just that. Confusing. Not loving. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I really needed that shit
@@ihaven0thingnotevenaname881 I don’t think you are trying to upset me but I will say, putting the blame on me when you have no idea what I went through is a bit hurtful. I can see what you are saying and where you are coming from but without getting into an entire year of a relationship, he was a narcissist. I was also indeed not a perfect victim, I was young and immature and didn’t communicate that well but he was also immature and love bombed me for two weeks until he took me virginity and then barely spoke to me after having asked me to delete all my dating apps and become his girlfriend after barely knowing him. He also told me he loved me after about 2 weeks and then a week later decided to dump me a day after Valentine’s Day over text because he missed his ex. I grew to love the persona he put on. He would also complain about me not wanting to do things because I was scared to and would make me feel pretty bad if I didnt want to party or give him head in a movie theatre. He also accused me of cheating on him with my best friends brother who was just engaged at the time to a good friend of me and my best friends and he was also on a date with her the night he accused me of doing it. AND he’s 4 years older than me and I grew up with him as like a big brother 🥴🤢. I can see what you mean for sure, I just didn’t have this problem. I’m pretty sure he was also anxious and depressed like me and we weren’t medicated at all so there’s that..
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Don't use the phrase, "giving up" on somebody. Instead use, "release" or "free up" a relationship. You release somebody who doesn't DEMONSTRATE the depth of FEELING you have for them. Been there, done that. Got the mug, but no T-shirt. Mantra: "I deserve to have people in my life who respect, care, nurture and support me and my goals and dreams. Just as I do them." Meditate/Pray to find peace and CENTERING. Don't chase after love. Let love enter.❤
Well , he is obviously in pain, and he uses the words giving up , but hopefully he will get there to the point of saying I am freeing myself of this relationship. Your comment is beautiful too.
That's a very selfish way to look at love. If everyone "let love enter" and didn't chase it, no one would find love. You also have to do your part and put some effort into relationships, "manifesting" doesn't do anything, action does. I find it hard to believe that so many people are egocentric enough to think they are above something. If you are interested, show your interest, pursue it. And if the relationship isn't working out, also think about what you are doing wrong. It's always "I deserve" but have you thought about "my partner deserves/needs"?
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Wow I legit needed this today. Thinking of leaving my 12 year relationship. I’m 31 and I’m so depressed and it’s one sided and toxic, I can’t take it anymore. I’m scared to leave but I’m more scared to stay and waste 12 more years.
I think that even thinking about leaving this relationship is already a big step and an accomplishment! I hope you will be able to leave because a relationship shouldn't feel like a burden and it's better to be alone and at peace than with someone who makes you miserable. I've been there (we weren't together that long though) and it hurts and is sad in the beginning, but it is such a freeing feeling in the end. Wishing you all the best!
@@caroline6309 Thank you so much love. I appreciate the comment more than you know. It means a lot. And you’re so right about it hurts at first and is sad, but I can’t wait to finally get that freeing feeling. I actually have decided to start packing boxes today. Not sure my next move but I’m starting to pack while I figure where I’m gunna move and so on. Now all I need is to get through the tears lol. 🫶🏻
@@grimcreeper729 Thank you love. 🥹😘❤️ I appreciate your kind comment. It means so much really. I actually have decided to start packing today. Feel like I ripped my heart right now out but I know one day soon it’ll feel better and I’m trying to hang on to that.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
I got depressed and stopped showing love for anyone in my life for 6 years. One day I woke up and I just felt better. I was back to my overbearing sharing the love self. My loved ones didn't give up on me in that time. I didn't show my interest in anyone the whole time, I was selfish, and hated myself more for it. That doesn't mean I didn't love or wasn't interested in the people around me. I needed support, and I luckily had people around me who believed in me, and knew who I really was.
i wasnt able to make it. my girlfriend got depressed. i know she loves me and i tried to convince myself that her being cold is her depression and not that she doesnt love me. but it was hurting so bad every day. we broke up and said "lets try again, when you get better" shes going to therapy next week. and i feel so bad for leaving her alone and im afraid that it will kill her love for me. but i just couldnt handle it anymore.
@dritter7051 your feelings about this indicate it might benefit you to take some time for deeper reflection about why you feel the way you do. It may well be that you don't have the capacity to support or give love to her in the way she needs. I say this from experience, but hopefully without projection. Being only wanted only as your best self, but abandoned when you most need support... well, that can fracture the foundation of any relationship. That doesn't indicate fault on either side; just recognition that if you cannot meet each other's core needs, then it's not an ideal or healthy fit. The real reflection of each person lies in how they handle the situation, and the respect with which they treat one another.
Just want to share my story: I didn't realize I had a lot of toxic traits until I got married and started living in the same house with my husband. I later discovered that I had childhood traumas, living in freeze mode most of my life, and fell under the category avoidant attachment style. It was hell for my husband whenever I would clam up whenever we had conflicts. He just never could not understand why I wouldn't talk (perceived as being cold and does not care) and this would go on for days. It would also hurt me but I really could not bring myself to talk and open up to my husband until the situation would already escalate. Idk what happened but I could say I am close to being having a secure attachment style now, still not as secured as my husband but we are already able to sort things out now, talking and resolving issues peacefully/still married to each other. It took me to heal (continue healing) because my husband patiently accept me again and again. I also started the work to learn more about the why's of me, started eating healthy, get more sun, outdoors, move more and other works to be healthy (holistically). What I'm saying is, I am a better version of myself now because first, someone did not give up on me. (Had a challenging time organizing these thoughts. English is not my first language)
@@dritter7051my ex did this to me. i am in therapy now but basically see no point in living...oh well. c'est la vie. i don't hold it against him, in fact i blame myself for it like i do with literally everything else in my life lol. sometimes you just gotta realize some people are born deeply unhappy and no amount of love will make them better, just help them cope a little bit, and most people can't offer that constant level of support without destroying themselves in the process
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
He’s talking exactly about what I went through with my last breakup. I was sick of the manipulation, abuse, and lack of effort and decided to end the relationship. Only then did he try to “be better and change.” Only when these people are losing the thing that makes them feel powerful is when they will try to get it back. It hurts when we want the relationship to work so bad, and the other person is content because they know we won’t leave. It takes strength to leave someone like that.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Went through 10 years of this on and off crap that ultimately ruined my life. Broken promises kept being made, and like an idiot I kept believing them... but not anymore. As much as I miss him, I know he doesn't miss me and, more over, does not love me at all. I was manipulated so badly and thought it was love. But the reality is, he doesn't care about me now and hasn't before. I was delusional and in love with a version of him that he'll never ever be ever again. I miss him so much, but I know this is for the best.
I'm sorry to hear that. You should also know that even some of the brightest and healthiest people fall for this, because it's so confusing and cleverly manipulative. Even a well known psychologist who spoke about this admitted that she ended up falling for it. It's not a reflection of you as a person. You fell for a high-level manipulative trap from someone highly skilled at it. Forgive yourself. Be easy on yourself. It's not you.
You are strong! You deserve to be loved. I think I’m in a similar situation but.. I have a child with him so I feel it would be bad for the baby to separate and also, it would be difficult to leave for financial reasons. On the other hand, I’m not getting any younger and feel I’m wasting my youth on him. I’m faithful but by the time I leave, I’ll probably be too old to draw any guys in haha 😢
That's me, I need to let go , it's the hardest thing to do , because he tells me he loves me ,but all I get is a smile and a hug and then he's gone .... Like I'm invisible 😢
That is the hardest lesson to learn is that someone gave up on you long before you gave up on them. Words are nice, but if they don't match their actions, that's all they are, words. And it's heartbreaking when you truly love and care for someone and you realize they gave up on you a long time ago.
I had to listen to this numerous times. The reality of these relationships hurts, but healing begins at seeing the person and the nature of the relationship for what it is.
Going through the worst time in my life right now to the point where nothing seems better than anything else. This actually helped me to see it from a different perspective.
This is everybody who has ever been in a situationship. I felt his pain. People will enjoy you and use you for their amusement, but they don't really want or care about you. They will string you along just enough to keep you on the bench because they want you to be available. It's up to you to stop being available for their use.
Not always. I have severe anxiety and emotional issues, and I tend to fall into safety routines and need everything in my life to stay the same. I get emotionally exhausted very easily and I love my partner to bits but I can't always do things or show "effort". We fight occasionally because of this, as he finds I don't support or show love to him all the time as it was in the beginning, but like I have said to him 1000x that I need a calm quiet environment and I can't be the lovey romantic I was. When my emotions are up I will show love but I can't be consistent with it. I am working with a therapist and Journaling my emotions as I cannot understand them myself. Do not always take "being inactive in a relationship" as that there was "never anything there to begin with" as she said. Your partner may just be neurotypical.
What's scary is that some people who won't take accountability for their actions will watch this and think "this is so me" and continue to live their life thinking the problem is everyone else but them
This is a common issue with women. They have no accountability. They reduce sexual intensity and frequency, then wonder why guys start to lose interest in them. THEY are the ones that change, but only notice when we change.
THIS! What's scarier is when you try to explain to that person that they don't take accountability and they think they do because they "acknowledged" the actions and even feel justified in those actions based on their own skewed internal feelings of "justice" resulting from an avoidant or narcissistic upbringing.
This has been my mantra for a long time. Figuring this out has kept me from continually getting my heart broken. This applies to every one in your life.
This video here gave me the push I needed to leave my almost 4 year relationship. I needed to ground myself and reality. Actions mattered words didn’t. I made the best decision in my life. I’m still trying to find myself but that relationship was not for me. I’m much happier now than ever before. Much love everyone 🤍
@@expectingthebeach2368 it was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. Just remember if it’s meant to be it will. Let them lose you. I pray you find your strength and everything plays in your favor 🙏🏼
Just happened to me. 3 year relationship, the last year was different than the first 2. I knew for a year things were moving differently, but I couldn't let her go. Now I'm the bad guy because I decided I respected myself too much to bend until I broke. It sucks all the way around and I know she loves me on some level, just not like she did and it could never be fixed.
This is relationship guru and Canada’s dating expert Chantal Heide talking about her Book ’No more assholes’. And the guy interviewing her is drinking organic Guayaki Yerba Mate. ☺️ FYI ❤
Studying body language and behavioral sciences really teaches you about how to read people. If you have time and want to learn about yourself - these are some great reads. I know this definitely helped me understand relationships and how people actually work. You can’t read people’s mind, but you sure can learn from their movements around you. Stay safe out here folks, and forgive yourself if you have been in a situation like this.. learn from it and move on. Don’t be stuck in a situation, you won’t grow❤
Okay.. so what I personally believe and tell myself is: 1- If I've 'invested' in a company that's doomed to fail, then staying longer won't change anything except that I would be losing even more. 2- Next year it's gonna be 21 and leaving would be harder. You'll wish you had left when it was only 20. 3- If I only have 1 year left in my life, I'd rather be with the right person. 4- The more we age, the harder it will be to stay with an incompatible person. At an old age, you'll need mercy and compassion. Does it look like you're gonna get these from your partner? Well.... I say this given that I left no rock unturned and that it is really a lost case.
29 years of marriage and 5 adult children. I endured so much abuse believing what he said. Finally, realizing the truth of what his actions said and leaving, for good, caused so much pain and anguish. I stayed and prayed that he would surrender to the Lord. I am healing now and only because of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I have peace and joy! Hallelujah HE is perfectly faithful.
Don't forget that it takes time to mature for you too. It might be 20 years, but that could be the time it took for you to change and mature and realize that it is not a sufficient relationship anymore. If you resist letting go, you also resist changing for the better as a person. And once you see the faults you can't unsee them.
Actions speak louder than words. A person actions will tell you all you need to know. Words lie and actions show truth. That’s why one of my prayers is for God to always reveal true intentions of a person.
From all the successful relationships I seen from 90 year olds, they all say the same thing, communication and understanding is the most valuable thing
If you are referring to heterosexual relationships, I wouldn’t put so much trust to those relationships that were rooted in women’s exploitation and misogyny.
“A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them, they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship” - Lex Luthor in Smallville
Damn bro that hits home especially for me. Right now I’m in the middle of something regarding a woman. I don’t go for the “oh I’m so pretty” stereotypical type of girl, you know the type I’m talking about. But this one girl I know from work I was always interested in, I noticed she was different, yet still of course insanely beautiful. She’s easy to talk to, treats everyone respectfully, takes her work seriously, etc, and I’ve noticed this over about a 1 years time. Here’s the issue, about 6-8 months after we started seeing each other at work, (almost everyday) she has complimented my cologne, etc, and of course before that was always a sweetheart. She also initiated and hugged me goodbye as I was leaving for work (and I most likely will return there in another 1 month). Is she just being friendly to me? Or is she showing me that she’s into me? I don’t know how to approach it, should I play it slow, maybe get her number first and see if she’s down to get lunch one day? I know we have a few things in common and live pretty close by to each other, but I don’t want to mess it up. 💔
This is so powerful and important for me to finally let go. I've been listening to it while getting dressed, while doing my hair.. The whole video is my mantra
Exactly. I’ve not only dealt with not wanting to accept the end, but others who I’ve been with just can’t accept it had to end either. Everyone always feels that they’re the only one, that they’ll never feel love again, then say 6 months later that they’ll never find love again, when they haven’t even tried to, or just did one night stands on tinder. They will use other ways to get attention and “love” after a break up to fill the loneliness but never try to heal themselves or give finding the right one some time. I’ve dealt with it, and many others have too. Breaking up is hard, especially when you are not interested in, or like me, was cheated on and abused, then chased saying “title be better this time” but like she said, get out of your imagination and ground yourself in reality. Things will not get better, things will end, and you need to accept that, but you need to accept that you will live, that you will be okay, and that you can and will find another.
I was given nothing but love bombing only so that he could hurt me but prove that he loves me, then when I’m tired, he’ll threaten to end himself, in situations like these, leave. They usually don’t mean it, but when they do, it doesn’t matter, it isn’t your fault, they chose that. If you have a bad feeling in your relationship, you need to act on it instead of fizzling it out and hurting each-other.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Her advice/response was so helpful and well said. I’ve been dating a guy for a while I noticed in the beginning he would show loads of attention and affection until i finally agreed to date him. Afterwards he stopped caring, stopped sending the cute little texts or wanting to hang out and completely stopped messaging me. Anytime i would bring up texting more he’d get upset, till the point where we would break up only to get back together an hour afterwards. Then he’d promise to try because he loved me so much but it’s the same story over and over. This video helped me realize some things I should’ve a long time ago.
I’m not sure what’s worse, being alone or being in an unhealthy relationship. My brother says “chase be grateful your not stuck with the wrong person” and I look at him and think, well at least you’re not alone and it must not be all bad if you’re still in the relationship. Someone cares, even in the slightest, it’s still better than being alone. But I also think, I was miserable when things went bad in my last relationship and it took a year for me to finally leave. The relief I felt was intense. Guess you just gotta hope you find the right one and work on yourself while you’re waiting/looking.
Even if you don't feel treated well enough, it doesn't matter if they love you or not. If you don't feel loved, you're not loved. If they don't care about what you feel, it doesn't matter: you're not that "loved".
This right here! Leave when you know it's not right *for you* based on your own definitions of what's not right, not their definitions. You may still care about the person, leave anyway.
That is not solid advice. People come from all different backgrounds and carry all their trauma and experiences with them. She/he may think they are showing him that they love him, while he may need a grander gesture. I have run into this. I had a traumatic childhood. I am not comfortable with physical affection. I have had relationships where the person required constant love bombing from me to feel like they were loved. That is not me. That will never be me. It doesn't mean i dont love you. You may have different expectations of what "showing love" is from your partner.
@@Kelly-nt2rq It seems it's not a solid advice from your point of view. But believe ot or not: when someone is told "I love you" while they don't feel that love consistenly (not constantly) the countdown has started. It mayne not today, not tomorrow, but they're in the path of leaving. Or you in the path of letting them go.
@Nani-wm2kn you said if you don't feel loved you aren't loved. That isn't true. There are vast differences in how people show love. What might not be enough for you, could be too much for the next person.
@@Kelly-nt2rq The point is, if you're not comfortable with what's happening in a relationship, that's all you need to leave. You make your own boundaries and rules and go by those, not something the other person decides. You said the other person needed to be love bombed and that will never be you. That's all that you need to make a decision that's best for you in that relationship. If you decide to leave just based on that, that's your prerogative.
My bf doesn’t bend over backwards for me. Sometimes he says no to say no, doesn’t wait on me hand and foot but says he loves me everyday and def shows it in his own way but some wouldn’t see it. Sometimes you don’t see the action because it isn’t what you want, but that doesn’t mean someone doesn’t love you.
She’s not saying they have to bend over backwards, or wait on hand & foot. Saying no just to say no, IS a problem. Saying “I love you,” and doing nothing else IS a problem. If you want to put up with the bare minimum, then that’s your choice. But, trying to normalize it doesn’t make it true.
Well our opinion really doesn't matter as we're not in the relationship. Only you can answer whether he shows YOU love. Does he show you he loves you with actions?
I think her advice is more for if this has been discussed before. Like for instance I will have weeks where I fall off the face of the earth and come back with a ton of fun facts. Me sharing those fun facts is my way of saying “you are someone I want to share my knowledge with” which sounds a lot more detached than it feels for me. Imagine it the way a little kid will run up to their parents and ramble about something cool. If someone tells me they feel unloved when I do that I can explain that I am showing love in the way that feels most personal to me and we can resolve that. It sound like the conversations in her advice went “this bothers me” “ok ill fix it” -problem persists-. I remember my most recent ex talked to me about how me not really talking to him when we’d hang out bothered him so I did adjust because I felt I could but I also explained to him that enjoying cuddling him was consuming all of my immediate focus to the point it hindered my ability to hold a conversation (similarly to the way eye contact does but instead of being uncomfortable theres just a nice feeling I really want to focus on). I tried to talk a bit more when we would cuddle but he said that did for the most part clear up any of the negative feelings which is good because I was bad at it he would get the same way I talk to my cats like id squeeze him and kiss his forehead and go “youre such a good boy” in my strained cat talk voice
As someone who daydreams to run away from all of my problems I really needed to hear "it's time to get out of your imagination and get grounded in reality."
One step at a time. When you catch yourself in a daydream to escape, just notice that and give yourself some grace. Facing problems is rarely simple and never easy but you can make it better by grounding yourself in what's within your power to do.
It's always doing what counts..it's simple. If someone is interested in and loved you, you would know pretty quickly. Her whispering, brutal truth..so powerful.
He seems like he’s holding onto something he knows isn’t real. Accepting the truth and moving on is so hard. But you will emerge stronger healthier and happier when you finally do. 🙏🏼💜🙏🏼
Who is she and how can I find more of her? Her voice is so gentle and the information provided is painful yet honest. She's protective and insightful in a way that's effective for her audience. She's got a way of elaborating in a way that he heard her. No hurling insults, no ego, no judgement. She's coming from a place of experience and love and I'm here for it!
Here's the thing, my wife is an extrovert and I am an introvert, I am a guy of few words, she can write a book on any small topic. Yes there were problems and she always used to say that I don't love her and I would say the same to her. But then we realised that we do love each other but we do not understand each other's needs and expectations. We took almost one and half years to realise this small thing. And then we decided to start everything over and things are really good after that. By telling you all this , I am trying to say that you can end relationships at any moment. It is that easy. But before that, try to adjust with each other. Give each other some chances .
Sometimes people aren’t able to “show” you they love you, but they still do If someone has depression and so barely sees you or talks to you because of it, it doesn’t mean they don’t love/want you, it just means they can’t show you right now, they are going through something very difficult that requires all of their energy to get through
I agree I lost the loml because of my depression going to school, work, my child in the hospital… I just wish I was better I loved him with every ounce of my being.. but we live and learn… as much as it hurt me it opened up my eyes to what was wrong with me & what I needed to work on..
Yes, but it can mean you have to let them go sometimes, if its not healthy for you in the long run and the other person isnt going to get better (yet) and doesnt want to get better (yet). Love is not enough sometimes, especially if its not lived in daily life.
@@liebeerde-uy2qy that’s fair, I’m just addressing the lady’s point in the video, someone can feel love for you and the connection is very real, but all manner of things can result in them not “showing” it Of course that’s still a valid reason to leave, but it doesn’t mean that they are just faking love, some people would want to stick with someone until they felt able to better be able to show the love they feel instead of just immediately abandoning them and calling them a lot because they are “showing” the love through actions (more specifically the actions YOU think they should be doing to show you) (not you specifically)
Her advice is so powerful and honest, we want that person to be something their not. If they show you their true self one time, believe them. It took me years to get out of a toxic relationship like that, when I was ready to walk away changes were made and then the changes slowly faded back to the same as before. The only time he could act like he cared was when I was ready to end it, in arguments, he exhausted me with promises that never stuck. I’ve been single, working on myself and my mental health for roughly 3 years and this is the happiest I’ve been in 10+ years.
I’ve been accused of what she’s saying, the whole doing a lot and after a while doing nothing or less. You see the thing is I was never faking anything. At first I was very enthusiastic about that person and in love with them but what they failed to mention or think about when they brought this complaint to me was the damage they had done to me and my feelings towards them with they’re inadequate behavior. I was always told things like “ I can’t take back what I did so if you wanna live in the past that’s you” or gaslight, constantly being told that what they were doing was not wrong and that I was just crazy. So when I finally grounded myself and decided to just sit back and watch what did person did, I realized that if I had a son and a woman was treating him the way I was being treated I would smack him across the face and tell him to walk away.
Facts. I wasted three years on a relationship that was all made up in my head. I thought he loved me but because he had a rough childhood he couldn’t show me love. He always cheated and lied and I made excuses. Until one day I realized that he was trash and that I was delusional. Now I’ve been happily married for 13 years with a man who has shown me interest and love and devotion since day 1 for 13 years and growing stronger. Don’t settle for less people. Be patient and careful with your heart and mind and spirit.
Judge the tree by what fruit it bears. A good tree can't bear bad fruit, and a bad tree can't bear good fruit. When a tree is growing out, if it's crooked from the beginning it will grow crooked and can't pretend to align itself. The same can be said for a relationship, if it starts on healthy terms then it will remain with respect and love.
Sometimes you have to be careful because people love us as they understand or as they learned but the other person may not feel loved, if you do not express how you feel loved the other person will not know it and that is very common. That is why communication is important. Now if after you express how you feel loved and that person is still indifferent to you, that's not it.
Another take could mean they are so unhappy with them selves and internally struggling, they unintentionally neglect you. When in reality, you’re the only thing on this planet they love and the only thing keeping them going.
yeah ive been talking to someone for a few months and theyre really struggling. sometimes i think they dont care but then they show little signs they do. i dont think theyre being manipulative and giving attention when they think im getting bored but it is a short time
this is true. there are a lot of people who don’t know how to express their love in words but can express it thoroughly through actions, but when people express love through words and no actions, it makes all the difference.
"Get out of your imagination and ground yourself in reality." I felt that.
Fr I chased my abusive ex like this where he would show nothing and then do a grandiose gesture.
That should be accepted by certain groups that identify as unicorns
"Reality" what a concept "grounding" what a joke
DID you feel it? Really?
Or was it imagination?
@@Pandadown9244I'm not surprised
This is the most gentle and kindest way to deliver straight-up brutal truth I’ve ever witnessed.
Agreed!
Agreed.
No
Damn she’s good
Yeah she also says women should be able to screw any number of guys and that it shouldn't matter 😂😂😂
You aren't giving up on someone. They've already given up on you. You're just accepting the reality of the situation.
They haven't given up on you... they never invested anything in you to begin with.
😮 wow …. I just needed to accept my reality . This is what I was missing
Say you have 100k in the bank. And someone stole $10 from you. Are you going to get rid of the remaining $99,990 because someone stole $10 from you? Ofcourse not.
The advice being given in the video is OK, but not the best.
❤️❤️❤️
The lady is Chantal Heide a dating coach in Canada ❤
The quieter her voice got the more resounding her statements were. Powerful.
It’s not even a real conversation. These are two people making up things that they hope people will think sound deep, and awkwardly presenting it as if they’re having a profound conversation.
@@svenmify Or, they're in a library, for whatever reason. and what they are saying is simple truths. And, it is a conversation , as two people are presenting a Q and A. This is that whole Imagination versus reality she was talking about. Join us here in Realityland.
And these people who happened to have a “profound” conversation also happened to be recording it?
@@svenmify Just because it's planned does not mean it isn't a conversation. Don't mix up the venue with the music
I dunno, I find it hard to believe that actual real people have conversations that are this “I am 13 and this is deep”. The only way I can reconcile it in my mind is by believing that it’s scripted for the purpose of engagement. Worked on me - I’m boosting them in the algorithm by commenting.
She said "stop being delulu" so elegantly
Wait so if they do alot in the beginning but nothing at the end, doing a lot in the beginning was a facade and the reality is nothing...But if they do nothing at first but start doing a lot at the end, then the doing is also a manipulation...Something's off here. It is like she does not count for the complexity of human beings. People are not as consistent as sheer iron, they fluctuate and change. If they do nothing at first but a lot later could just mean they got attached after. Or if they do a lot at first, maybe that was their intention but you simply frustrated them over and over and they gave up on you?
Dont mind me im just thinking over what she said. It does not quite make sense to me
That is so true @@venomouspassion5744
@@venomouspassion5744So both of what she said is unhealthy and neither reflect the flotation to which you’re referring. Fluctuating is a consisten up and down. That is what happens when 2 people truly love and respect one another and communicate well. There are times you give more and times you take more. But any drastic change in a person without cause most likely means either they were faking or they’re manipulating you
@@venomouspassion5744 The common-sense idea is that if somebody only cares for you during extraordinary times, then it's not real. At the beginning of a relationship you are invested because you want to win the other person over, and maybe at the end you invest some effort because you don't want it to end. But how you treat a person during ordinary, mundane times shows how much you care. It might be a paradox, but those times that don't seem to matter because nothing important happens, the boring times, matter most and show if you genuinely care. At the end of the day, you want a partner that sticks with you no matter the circumstances.
I don’t have trust issues, I learn patterns. Dr. Maya Angelou said it best, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Life-saving advice
@@faerae333 agreed.
Yes! I notice patterns too. I'm also learning to believe my gut instinct when it's screaming at me. It's accurate. I was told I was too sensitive, my gut feeling was wrong. Turns out it's never wrong
@@bunnyboonot4u never! 🩷
Absolutely 💯
💯 Don't fall for the love bombing and breadcrumbing.
it's hard, becauee when they come back they love bmb a lot😢 and then they ghost and then come back and then ghost. It's hard to believe someone would say such loving words and not mean it. Why would someone be so cruel like that? maybe they are really busy?
@lolabrini3758 if it's intentional they're sociopaths. If it's unintentional, they're careless. Both instances are mean and both instances show they have deeper issues. Either way, it's not your fault. With experience, you learn to catch the red flags. Ultimately, keep an open heart and lean into your integrity. It's tough, but it'll be okay.
Love bombing and asking for money!!! Happen to me. Gave in to the point I had enough. Wasn’t true love
That’s so hard tho. Like we
People that believe in respecting how each one shows love, we allow them time, we give them space with wait. How do you differentiate between he is just calmer than you and he is actually not passionate about you. Especially when both of you come from very very very different cultures.
BPD women suck
Her energy is so calming and beautiful.
Sounded like a pretentious croc to me. A for comportment though.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
@@wovfm in what way? lol
@@hughmann1927 Fraudulent inflection, pre-packaged format, instant simple answers to far more complicated matter. Trite presentation.
Both of them, not just him, have a calming energy.
She is so accurate, our body language doesn’t lie. If words of love don’t match their facial expressions and body language, run!!!!!! These are energy vampires that will drain the shit out of you and leave as if they did nothing wrong.
Child. Where is the lie? He sucked me dry like a caprisun.
💯% and they will never change and learn because it's their nature. Angels and demons live together on this planet, remember that.
@@Chase_smart_your_dreams I think we all have that gut feeling that tells us when something is wrong. The problem is that many people ignore it.
Most wont ever let you go, and if you try to leave they.ll turn the cards on you and show you who they really are and force you, as long as possible, to not leave even though you NOW know who they are. These are narcissists and you better watch out because they can be very dangerous with their pray.
OMG would you be my mother in my next life 🙏
Those “OK’s” were so powerful I felt them
She sounded like my therapist lmaooo
Yeah, they were. They're said with a lot of wisdom and empathy
its called active listening
@@camdenhunt7565She's not a real clinician/therapist. "Dating Coach" and gas lighting author. Look at the book in front of her, that's not at all unbiased is it....🫤
This reminded me of how doctors always talk
My friend told me. "you have to get out of your bubble, take a look at your relationship with an outside perspective, if you start seeing what everyone else is, youll have your answer"
A good friend still went ahead even gave an ultimatum in order to get married. The manner he gave her the engagement ring was the biggest red flag. 10 years later she is getting divorce because she cannot tolerate his disinterest in her and the relationship as a whole. I guess she finally accepted that he was not interested in her. I think he went into the relationship because it was a good opportunity and she would make a good partner; I think he saw this more transactional.
That's so hard to do, though. Almost impossible.
@winstonsmith11 no, it is not if you have healthy roots of growth. 😂😂 like imagine having two people in front of you who are acting exactly like you and your partner, who do you think should let go and move on? That.s it! Simple
You know, this is probably the most accurate depiction. Once I had the chance to tell someone what I was going through, just hearing myself speak it out loud was almost enough on its own. Outside perspective and giving yourself the grace to see it is so huge.
Thank you for posting this
The look before the advice! I like people like her. No judgement. No hidden feelings. Real. Raw. Clear. To the point. Honest!
Jesus is coming back. . Please Get right with the Lord and read the Bible.
😊
Seems like she’s happy that he’s asking the right questions…
This woman emanates true love, love to other humans (not romantic) and responsibility on how we contribute to create the society we want to live in.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
@@AuntLorasHouse she is a fucking dangerous, dogshit bitch. Never trust someone who is telling you their generalized advise / absolute truth without knowing the context or your exact situation
The way she looked at him when he said “so how do I let go” she looked so proud of him for wanting to let go of those relationships. She just wanted to say, “just let go” but she broke it down for him💔 it’s hard
How you know that’s what she wanted to say?
More like, “ are you serious dude”…. It’s simple: walk away which is why she said “ get out of your imagination “… he just did not want to accept it.
“Just let go” everyone already knows this. The “how” is what we weren’t taught.
Actually what she did say "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me" is a much more powerful statement. She's teaching him to have respect for himself and to walk away from people who don't show him that same respect.
Yes!!!, the b.s. mental confusion!! BEEN THERE, frEE FROM THAT !! 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Deep down we all know when someone really cares and when they don’t.
Is she a therapist? She feels like a therapist, she made me feel safe
Sameee
I found her cold.
she is
@@Kerunouhow?
I was about to comment this
"But they......... (that pause)
They don't show it." I saw the pain and felt anguish in his eyes. Humans can be cruel babe. I hope we all heal from our traumas. Virtual hugs and kisses 🫂 ❤️ 😢
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Women talk about being taken advantage of, but it's actually triple the women that take advantage of men. It's triple the women that have affairs. It's triple the women that use men for money. It's triple the women that use sex against men instead of using it as a celebration and sharing. 85% of women out there (at least in the USA) are manipulators and users.
I love the quote "we accept the love we think we deserve" just know you always deserve the best
The perks of being a wallflower ❤
I’ve heard it before but I don’t understand it, do you mind explaining it?
@@zozo2199 it means that we often pick someone who loves us the way we think we deserve. May that be someone who abuses, neglect or mistreats you or someone who is caring and kind towards you to name the most extremes. It has many layers and the quote itself is from the movie "the perks of being a wallflower" where the main character asks his teacher "Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?" (cause many of his loved ones are in toxic or even abusive relationships at this point and he is hurt by seeing them this way) and his teacher replies
"we accept the love we think we deserve"
"Can we let them know that they deserve more?"
"We can try"
But are you always giving the. best ? Really? Every minute of your life? Are you never exhausted? Are you always the best version of yourself? Every second of your life? Or are you sometimes lazy, tired, ill, hungry, upset, angry, even mean? I have to say that I am that sometimes. Not being able to forgive others routes in not being able to forgive yourself. Do not expect to get more than you invest.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
This is why learning detachment is so important and being almost 40 that sounds like a grand idea emotional intelligence is the chefs kiss..
As a fellow 40 year old, I've started talking to others about how we also need to teach our kids about how to get out of a relationship just as much as we talk to them about how to have a healthy relationship.
Yup!
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Her tone shows she feels empathy for his internal struggle. Her words only offer the truth and path forward.
Amazing Grace.
The manipulation point is accurate 💯. My ex did this, the subtle disrespect and the emotional distancing, the excuse. After not communicating with me for a week, I tried to ask why he does that and he literally said ‘he only talks to me when he feels like’ and that I have his number and I can call him any other time. That is when it hit me. So I asked him to honestly tell me if he wants to be with me, if he has any feelings for me, he diverted the conversation away from this asking whether feelings is what truly matters in a relationship and ‘how do you know if someone has feelings’, ‘do you think feelings can last forever’ and other short stories. Took a week or two of pushing for a response before I realized I never mattered to him at all. Right when I had checked out emotionally, he immediately begged me to not give up and started talking to me every day, calling and sending I love you texts. Almost felt great for a moment but then I realized he had the capacity to do all these stuff the whole time we’ve been together but he chose not to, for a reason. That is when I realized it is just manipulation. Just moved on. I just don’t get why though.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
I didn't understand why either. Until I realized, some people are so hollow and greedy that they feed on the energy of others. They give just enough to keep a person hanging onto a kernel of hope for as long as they can so that they can continue to feed off that energy. It's those kind of people, who are only full of darkness, that exist just to steal light from the good hearted.
Her little pause she has when he asks "how do I do that?" It's easier said than done but she has good advice. Actions speak louder than words and change is the only true indication that you're sorry for what you've done. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You deserve to be happy
@@candycayne If the other person's actions are egregious enough for my liking, I don't even care if they change. I'm gone.
@@broco6608 it's up to you really how much you will tolerate. I can only hope you see the value in yourself and know how you deserve to be treated. I wish this for everyone 🙏🏼 Setting these types of boundaries in the beginning is a good start to protecting your heart and mental health. I also have my list of "relationship enders"; things that I absolutely will not accept regardless of apology or whatever else comes after. It's a 1 and done deal - things like cheating, hitting me, etc. I will not accept that
Nah this woman is a moron and probably alone.
He kept saying he adores me, that he values me, grateful for me, while in action wise it’s like I don’t exist to him. Broke me to keep feeling filled by his words but emptied by his actions
We cannot live in a state of constant giving without refuelling and expect not to run dry.
I'm glad you're able to see the pattern. ❤
Live everyday to the fullest like he will never love you. But expect tomorrow, like you and him will have a chance to figure it out.
My fiance is very stoic and doesn't really talk about his feelings (in general, but also his feelings for me) very often. I worried he didn't love me because he hadn't said it yet a year into our relationship. I still felt loved so I didn't get worried enough to seriously consider leaving him. He treated (and still treats) me with respect and decency ALWAYS. He helps me out with fixing stuff, makes me food, patiently listens to me talk his ear off :P And eventually he told me how he felt. We've been together almost 4 years and are getting married.
My point is that actions do speak louder than words. But to be fair, I'm someone who easily tells people that I care about them and I really do care about them, so I wouldn't say you have to get a stoic guy. Just focus more on his actions, and of course don't expect him to drop everything for you when you first meet him. My bf was a nice person from day 1, but over time he's gotten sweeter and more helpful. Because people usually fall in love over time, not within a couple months :P Don't trust the infatuation stage!
Some men know how much women love words and use words to get women to do what they want.
Wow..well said..😮
This brought me to tears holy shit.. it’s taken 4 years to realize he never loved me. The confusing stuff he did was just that. Confusing. Not loving. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I really needed that shit
I feel that, have experienced something similar. (Big virtual hug) You'll be OK.
@jungleman1012 "You'll be OK" are such powerful words. I wish we said them more to one another.
What did he do that made you confused..?
@@jungleman1012 🥹🫶🏻
@@ihaven0thingnotevenaname881 I don’t think you are trying to upset me but I will say, putting the blame on me when you have no idea what I went through is a bit hurtful. I can see what you are saying and where you are coming from but without getting into an entire year of a relationship, he was a narcissist. I was also indeed not a perfect victim, I was young and immature and didn’t communicate that well but he was also immature and love bombed me for two weeks until he took me virginity and then barely spoke to me after having asked me to delete all my dating apps and become his girlfriend after barely knowing him. He also told me he loved me after about 2 weeks and then a week later decided to dump me a day after Valentine’s Day over text because he missed his ex. I grew to love the persona he put on. He would also complain about me not wanting to do things because I was scared to and would make me feel pretty bad if I didnt want to party or give him head in a movie theatre. He also accused me of cheating on him with my best friends brother who was just engaged at the time to a good friend of me and my best friends and he was also on a date with her the night he accused me of doing it. AND he’s 4 years older than me and I grew up with him as like a big brother 🥴🤢. I can see what you mean for sure, I just didn’t have this problem. I’m pretty sure he was also anxious and depressed like me and we weren’t medicated at all so there’s that..
Never before have I had a whisper hit my heart and head like a semi… “Get out of your imagination and ground yourself in reality.”
This is a good lesson. "It does not matter what people say, it's about what they do"
Absolutely. And it's about the consistency of the pattern of the doing no matter what shows up or comes along, without excuses
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
"Get out your imagination and ground yourself in reality." So many people need to hear that nowadays, about more than relationships, including me.
Don't use the phrase, "giving up" on somebody. Instead use, "release" or "free up" a relationship. You release somebody who doesn't DEMONSTRATE the depth of FEELING you have for them. Been there, done that. Got the mug, but no T-shirt.
Mantra: "I deserve to have people in my life who respect, care, nurture and support me and my goals and dreams. Just as I do them."
Meditate/Pray to find peace and CENTERING. Don't chase after love. Let love enter.❤
Thank you for sharing this thoughtful message. I like the change in words around letting go of what's not for you.
Well , he is obviously in pain, and he uses the words giving up , but hopefully he will get there to the point of saying I am freeing myself of this relationship.
Your comment is beautiful too.
Letting go ≠ Giving up
That's a very selfish way to look at love. If everyone "let love enter" and didn't chase it, no one would find love. You also have to do your part and put some effort into relationships, "manifesting" doesn't do anything, action does. I find it hard to believe that so many people are egocentric enough to think they are above something. If you are interested, show your interest, pursue it. And if the relationship isn't working out, also think about what you are doing wrong. It's always "I deserve" but have you thought about "my partner deserves/needs"?
Amen! Well said.
The truth I've always known, my brain brain knows but my heart hasn't accepted yet n thats the battle m facing. Lord have mercy.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Same, but here I am and ten years have passed, it’s folly to place so much time and effort on nothing but vapour.
You're not alone.
That soft voice hit like a ton of bricks 💯
Sounds like a naughty stepmom
Brutally honest, gently delivered truths! 🏆
@@Svarouget your mind off porn and grow up. Yuck 🤮
@@Svarou let go of the brain rot
Guys, who's she? What's the original video?
Edit: She's the dating coach from "That Library Show" for those wondering
Wow I legit needed this today. Thinking of leaving my 12 year relationship. I’m 31 and I’m so depressed and it’s one sided and toxic, I can’t take it anymore. I’m scared to leave but I’m more scared to stay and waste 12 more years.
I think that even thinking about leaving this relationship is already a big step and an accomplishment! I hope you will be able to leave because a relationship shouldn't feel like a burden and it's better to be alone and at peace than with someone who makes you miserable. I've been there (we weren't together that long though) and it hurts and is sad in the beginning, but it is such a freeing feeling in the end. Wishing you all the best!
I hope you have the courage to do what’s right in your heart!! It’s hard, but it is worth it. You’re worth it!!❤
Don't waste your life on someone who isn't worth your time. You deserve so much more than that.
@@caroline6309 Thank you so much love. I appreciate the comment more than you know. It means a lot. And you’re so right about it hurts at first and is sad, but I can’t wait to finally get that freeing feeling. I actually have decided to start packing boxes today. Not sure my next move but I’m starting to pack while I figure where I’m gunna move and so on. Now all I need is to get through the tears lol. 🫶🏻
@@grimcreeper729 Thank you love. 🥹😘❤️ I appreciate your kind comment. It means so much really. I actually have decided to start packing today. Feel like I ripped my heart right now out but I know one day soon it’ll feel better and I’m trying to hang on to that.
She's saving lives with this one!👏🏿
🎉❤ you are right.
Oh I'm taking this with me. She is blessed with the gift of expressing wisdom in a consumable way. It hurts but it is undeniable.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
I got depressed and stopped showing love for anyone in my life for 6 years. One day I woke up and I just felt better. I was back to my overbearing sharing the love self. My loved ones didn't give up on me in that time.
I didn't show my interest in anyone the whole time, I was selfish, and hated myself more for it. That doesn't mean I didn't love or wasn't interested in the people around me. I needed support, and I luckily had people around me who believed in me, and knew who I really was.
I think this may be different but glad they supported you
i wasnt able to make it. my girlfriend got depressed. i know she loves me and i tried to convince myself that her being cold is her depression and not that she doesnt love me. but it was hurting so bad every day. we broke up and said "lets try again, when you get better" shes going to therapy next week. and i feel so bad for leaving her alone and im afraid that it will kill her love for me. but i just couldnt handle it anymore.
@dritter7051 your feelings about this indicate it might benefit you to take some time for deeper reflection about why you feel the way you do.
It may well be that you don't have the capacity to support or give love to her in the way she needs. I say this from experience, but hopefully without projection.
Being only wanted only as your best self, but abandoned when you most need support... well, that can fracture the foundation of any relationship.
That doesn't indicate fault on either side; just recognition that if you cannot meet each other's core needs, then it's not an ideal or healthy fit.
The real reflection of each person lies in how they handle the situation, and the respect with which they treat one another.
Just want to share my story:
I didn't realize I had a lot of toxic traits until I got married and started living in the same house with my husband. I later discovered that I had childhood traumas, living in freeze mode most of my life, and fell under the category avoidant attachment style. It was hell for my husband whenever I would clam up whenever we had conflicts. He just never could not understand why I wouldn't talk (perceived as being cold and does not care) and this would go on for days. It would also hurt me but I really could not bring myself to talk and open up to my husband until the situation would already escalate. Idk what happened but I could say I am close to being having a secure attachment style now, still not as secured as my husband but we are already able to sort things out now, talking and resolving issues peacefully/still married to each other. It took me to heal (continue healing) because my husband patiently accept me again and again. I also started the work to learn more about the why's of me, started eating healthy, get more sun, outdoors, move more and other works to be healthy (holistically). What I'm saying is, I am a better version of myself now because first, someone did not give up on me. (Had a challenging time organizing these thoughts. English is not my first language)
@@dritter7051my ex did this to me. i am in therapy now but basically see no point in living...oh well. c'est la vie. i don't hold it against him, in fact i blame myself for it like i do with literally everything else in my life lol. sometimes you just gotta realize some people are born deeply unhappy and no amount of love will make them better, just help them cope a little bit, and most people can't offer that constant level of support without destroying themselves in the process
One of the things I learned in life is letting go doesn't always mean giving up, but most of the times it means acceptance.
I have come to the same conclusion. Such a weight lifted at that point. Like, there's no need to strive that hard.
Aunties and Uncles unite - we really need to teach our young ones this. Valuable life lesson for peace of mind. Whew
I love this
I've tried. They resent it. And I think they are right. They have to learn on their own.
Her whispers made the entire message that much better.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
This woman is a gem. She spoke from the heart about a difficult topic with grace! That young man is better because of you.
He’s talking exactly about what I went through with my last breakup. I was sick of the manipulation, abuse, and lack of effort and decided to end the relationship. Only then did he try to “be better and change.” Only when these people are losing the thing that makes them feel powerful is when they will try to get it back. It hurts when we want the relationship to work so bad, and the other person is content because they know we won’t leave. It takes strength to leave someone like that.
I feel seen. Thank you 🙏🏾 everything here is spot on.. I wasn’t able to articulate it without sounding like a victim.
Yeah but when you end it and he even don't fight for you (even it would not be real), this is very hard too.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
Went through 10 years of this on and off crap that ultimately ruined my life. Broken promises kept being made, and like an idiot I kept believing them... but not anymore. As much as I miss him, I know he doesn't miss me and, more over, does not love me at all. I was manipulated so badly and thought it was love. But the reality is, he doesn't care about me now and hasn't before. I was delusional and in love with a version of him that he'll never ever be ever again. I miss him so much, but I know this is for the best.
I'm sorry to hear that. You should also know that even some of the brightest and healthiest people fall for this, because it's so confusing and cleverly manipulative. Even a well known psychologist who spoke about this admitted that she ended up falling for it. It's not a reflection of you as a person. You fell for a high-level manipulative trap from someone highly skilled at it. Forgive yourself. Be easy on yourself. It's not you.
You are strong! You deserve to be loved. I think I’m in a similar situation but.. I have a child with him so I feel it would be bad for the baby to separate and also, it would be difficult to leave for financial reasons. On the other hand, I’m not getting any younger and feel I’m wasting my youth on him. I’m faithful but by the time I leave, I’ll probably be too old to draw any guys in haha 😢
That's me, I need to let go , it's the hardest thing to do , because he tells me he loves me ,but all I get is a smile and a hug and then he's gone .... Like I'm invisible 😢
That is the hardest lesson to learn is that someone gave up on you long before you gave up on them. Words are nice, but if they don't match their actions, that's all they are, words. And it's heartbreaking when you truly love and care for someone and you realize they gave up on you a long time ago.
I had to listen to this numerous times. The reality of these relationships hurts, but healing begins at seeing the person and the nature of the relationship for what it is.
Going through the worst time in my life right now to the point where nothing seems better than anything else. This actually helped me to see it from a different perspective.
You'll be okay buddy, take care! 🌸
It's going to suck, but you will get through it.
She was clear as a bell. She gave him distilled knowledge that is 100 proof.😊
Where is the full video????? OM GOODNESS THE ENERGY IN THIS CLIP. I need more.❤️🙏🏽🙌🏽
Yes❤❤
th-cam.com/video/PMsvjBDOrfM/w-d-xo.html
Actions not words. Do not chase anyone.
Teens' section 🤤
My husband told me to believe his words but watch his actions and that i do! He has shown me he loves me daily!! I also do the same with him!!!
Priceless
Who is this Woman. Gentle, powerful and pure truth with nothing extra.
@@mmmmk1 Chantal Heide
@@gillypiexo thanks!
@@gillypiexothank you
@gillypiexo OMG thank you❤
@@gillypiexo 🫂
This is everybody who has ever been in a situationship. I felt his pain. People will enjoy you and use you for their amusement, but they don't really want or care about you. They will string you along just enough to keep you on the bench because they want you to be available. It's up to you to stop being available for their use.
She is right on the money! Listen to her wisdom
He needs a hug.
That's exactly my mantra. I'm not interested in someone who is not interested in me.
Not always. I have severe anxiety and emotional issues, and I tend to fall into safety routines and need everything in my life to stay the same. I get emotionally exhausted very easily and I love my partner to bits but I can't always do things or show "effort". We fight occasionally because of this, as he finds I don't support or show love to him all the time as it was in the beginning, but like I have said to him 1000x that I need a calm quiet environment and I can't be the lovey romantic I was. When my emotions are up I will show love but I can't be consistent with it. I am working with a therapist and Journaling my emotions as I cannot understand them myself. Do not always take "being inactive in a relationship" as that there was "never anything there to begin with" as she said. Your partner may just be neurotypical.
What's scary is that some people who won't take accountability for their actions will watch this and think "this is so me" and continue to live their life thinking the problem is everyone else but them
This is a common issue with women. They have no accountability. They reduce sexual intensity and frequency, then wonder why guys start to lose interest in them. THEY are the ones that change, but only notice when we change.
Or people will not ground themselves in reality just their perspective, not communicate then break up with their partner based solely on their needs
THIS! What's scarier is when you try to explain to that person that they don't take accountability and they think they do because they "acknowledged" the actions and even feel justified in those actions based on their own skewed internal feelings of "justice" resulting from an avoidant or narcissistic upbringing.
This has been my mantra for a long time. Figuring this out has kept me from continually getting my heart broken. This applies to every one in your life.
“I don’t want to be with somebody, who doesn’t want to be with me” ❤️
This video here gave me the push I needed to leave my almost 4 year relationship. I needed to ground myself and reality. Actions mattered words didn’t. I made the best decision in my life. I’m still trying to find myself but that relationship was not for me. I’m much happier now than ever before. Much love everyone 🤍
i know 😔 i need to leave
@@expectingthebeach2368 it was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. Just remember if it’s meant to be it will. Let them lose you. I pray you find your strength and everything plays in your favor 🙏🏼
Just happened to me. 3 year relationship, the last year was different than the first 2. I knew for a year things were moving differently, but I couldn't let her go. Now I'm the bad guy because I decided I respected myself too much to bend until I broke. It sucks all the way around and I know she loves me on some level, just not like she did and it could never be fixed.
This is relationship guru and Canada’s dating expert Chantal Heide talking about her Book ’No more assholes’.
And the guy interviewing her is drinking organic Guayaki Yerba Mate. ☺️
FYI ❤
TY
Was looking for this comment. Thanks
Tysm
The guy is Derek Gerard
Studying body language and behavioral sciences really teaches you about how to read people. If you have time and want to learn about yourself - these are some great reads.
I know this definitely helped me understand relationships and how people actually work. You can’t read people’s mind, but you sure can learn from their movements around you.
Stay safe out here folks, and forgive yourself if you have been in a situation like this.. learn from it and move on. Don’t be stuck in a situation, you won’t grow❤
Any recommendations for books?
It’s devastating though when you’ve invested a large part of your life with this person. Like, 20 years.
Or 31.
Okay.. so what I personally believe and tell myself is:
1- If I've 'invested' in a company that's doomed to fail, then staying longer won't change anything except that I would be losing even more.
2- Next year it's gonna be 21 and leaving would be harder. You'll wish you had left when it was only 20.
3- If I only have 1 year left in my life, I'd rather be with the right person.
4- The more we age, the harder it will be to stay with an incompatible person. At an old age, you'll need mercy and compassion. Does it look like you're gonna get these from your partner?
Well.... I say this given that I left no rock unturned and that it is really a lost case.
29 years of marriage and 5 adult children. I endured so much abuse believing what he said. Finally, realizing the truth of what his actions said and leaving, for good, caused so much pain and anguish. I stayed and prayed that he would surrender to the Lord. I am healing now and only because of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I have peace and joy! Hallelujah HE is perfectly faithful.
Don't forget that it takes time to mature for you too. It might be 20 years, but that could be the time it took for you to change and mature and realize that it is not a sufficient relationship anymore. If you resist letting go, you also resist changing for the better as a person. And once you see the faults you can't unsee them.
@@Someonefreshandclean
You're absolutely correct.
Without those 20 years she would have not learned about him, herself and life in general.
Actions speak louder than words. A person actions will tell you all you need to know. Words lie and actions show truth. That’s why one of my prayers is for God to always reveal true intentions of a person.
From all the successful relationships I seen from 90 year olds, they all say the same thing, communication and understanding is the most valuable thing
If you are referring to heterosexual relationships, I wouldn’t put so much trust to those relationships that were rooted in women’s exploitation and misogyny.
“A person isn’t who they are during the last conversation you had with them, they’re who they’ve been throughout your whole relationship”
- Lex Luthor in Smallville
Amazing!! 😂
hardcore lol
Gosh I should've listened to my gut feeling
That's deep.
Damn bro that hits home especially for me. Right now I’m in the middle of something regarding a woman. I don’t go for the “oh I’m so pretty” stereotypical type of girl, you know the type I’m talking about.
But this one girl I know from work I was always interested in, I noticed she was different, yet still of course insanely beautiful. She’s easy to talk to, treats everyone respectfully, takes her work seriously, etc, and I’ve noticed this over about a 1 years time.
Here’s the issue, about 6-8 months after we started seeing each other at work, (almost everyday) she has complimented my cologne, etc, and of course before that was always a sweetheart. She also initiated and hugged me goodbye as I was leaving for work (and I most likely will return there in another 1 month). Is she just being friendly to me? Or is she showing me that she’s into me?
I don’t know how to approach it, should I play it slow, maybe get her number first and see if she’s down to get lunch one day? I know we have a few things in common and live pretty close by to each other, but I don’t want to mess it up. 💔
This is so powerful and important for me to finally let go. I've been listening to it while getting dressed, while doing my hair.. The whole video is my mantra
I love how honest she was. I felt that. Respectful and receptive. That quiet voice had more power than an army of yellers.
It is ALL ABOUT THE ACTION.
Exactly. I’ve not only dealt with not wanting to accept the end, but others who I’ve been with just can’t accept it had to end either. Everyone always feels that they’re the only one, that they’ll never feel love again, then say 6 months later that they’ll never find love again, when they haven’t even tried to, or just did one night stands on tinder. They will use other ways to get attention and “love” after a break up to fill the loneliness but never try to heal themselves or give finding the right one some time. I’ve dealt with it, and many others have too. Breaking up is hard, especially when you are not interested in, or like me, was cheated on and abused, then chased saying “title be better this time” but like she said, get out of your imagination and ground yourself in reality. Things will not get better, things will end, and you need to accept that, but you need to accept that you will live, that you will be okay, and that you can and will find another.
I was given nothing but love bombing only so that he could hurt me but prove that he loves me, then when I’m tired, he’ll threaten to end himself, in situations like these, leave. They usually don’t mean it, but when they do, it doesn’t matter, it isn’t your fault, they chose that. If you have a bad feeling in your relationship, you need to act on it instead of fizzling it out and hurting each-other.
Fuck your fucking matraaaa and stop spreading this fake ass propaganda. That bitch is just making up black and white, set in stone, dogmatic rules without having any context or more detailed information. Exactly these kind of dogshit people are the reason why the world is in such a miserable state and everyone is judgeing the books by their covers causing a never ending line of misunterstandings that find their peaks in useless wars. Fuck this. Delete this. Correct this.
"you have to get out of your imagination and ground yourself in reality" really hits home for me
I think that can apply to so many situations
Every human needs to hear & comprehend her advice.
Her advice/response was so helpful and well said. I’ve been dating a guy for a while I noticed in the beginning he would show loads of attention and affection until i finally agreed to date him. Afterwards he stopped caring, stopped sending the cute little texts or wanting to hang out and completely stopped messaging me. Anytime i would bring up texting more he’d get upset, till the point where we would break up only to get back together an hour afterwards. Then he’d promise to try because he loved me so much but it’s the same story over and over. This video helped me realize some things I should’ve a long time ago.
I’m not sure what’s worse, being alone or being in an unhealthy relationship. My brother says “chase be grateful your not stuck with the wrong person” and I look at him and think, well at least you’re not alone and it must not be all bad if you’re still in the relationship. Someone cares, even in the slightest, it’s still better than being alone. But I also think, I was miserable when things went bad in my last relationship and it took a year for me to finally leave. The relief I felt was intense. Guess you just gotta hope you find the right one and work on yourself while you’re waiting/looking.
Hands down!!
I need to know who this woman is so I can give her some applause. 👏👏👏
Yo she’s pretty. And also 100% right.
Even if you don't feel treated well enough, it doesn't matter if they love you or not.
If you don't feel loved, you're not loved. If they don't care about what you feel, it doesn't matter: you're not that "loved".
This right here! Leave when you know it's not right *for you* based on your own definitions of what's not right, not their definitions. You may still care about the person, leave anyway.
That is not solid advice. People come from all different backgrounds and carry all their trauma and experiences with them. She/he may think they are showing him that they love him, while he may need a grander gesture. I have run into this. I had a traumatic childhood. I am not comfortable with physical affection. I have had relationships where the person required constant love bombing from me to feel like they were loved. That is not me. That will never be me. It doesn't mean i dont love you. You may have different expectations of what "showing love" is from your partner.
@@Kelly-nt2rq It seems it's not a solid advice from your point of view. But believe ot or not: when someone is told "I love you" while they don't feel that love consistenly (not constantly) the countdown has started. It mayne not today, not tomorrow, but they're in the path of leaving. Or you in the path of letting them go.
@Nani-wm2kn you said if you don't feel loved you aren't loved. That isn't true. There are vast differences in how people show love. What might not be enough for you, could be too much for the next person.
@@Kelly-nt2rq The point is, if you're not comfortable with what's happening in a relationship, that's all you need to leave. You make your own boundaries and rules and go by those, not something the other person decides. You said the other person needed to be love bombed and that will never be you. That's all that you need to make a decision that's best for you in that relationship. If you decide to leave just based on that, that's your prerogative.
My bf doesn’t bend over backwards for me. Sometimes he says no to say no, doesn’t wait on me hand and foot but says he loves me everyday and def shows it in his own way but some wouldn’t see it. Sometimes you don’t see the action because it isn’t what you want, but that doesn’t mean someone doesn’t love you.
Correct
love language
She’s not saying they have to bend over backwards, or wait on hand & foot. Saying no just to say no, IS a problem. Saying “I love you,” and doing nothing else IS a problem. If you want to put up with the bare minimum, then that’s your choice. But, trying to normalize it doesn’t make it true.
Well our opinion really doesn't matter as we're not in the relationship. Only you can answer whether he shows YOU love. Does he show you he loves you with actions?
I think her advice is more for if this has been discussed before. Like for instance I will have weeks where I fall off the face of the earth and come back with a ton of fun facts. Me sharing those fun facts is my way of saying “you are someone I want to share my knowledge with” which sounds a lot more detached than it feels for me. Imagine it the way a little kid will run up to their parents and ramble about something cool. If someone tells me they feel unloved when I do that I can explain that I am showing love in the way that feels most personal to me and we can resolve that. It sound like the conversations in her advice went “this bothers me” “ok ill fix it” -problem persists-. I remember my most recent ex talked to me about how me not really talking to him when we’d hang out bothered him so I did adjust because I felt I could but I also explained to him that enjoying cuddling him was consuming all of my immediate focus to the point it hindered my ability to hold a conversation (similarly to the way eye contact does but instead of being uncomfortable theres just a nice feeling I really want to focus on). I tried to talk a bit more when we would cuddle but he said that did for the most part clear up any of the negative feelings which is good because I was bad at it he would get the same way I talk to my cats like id squeeze him and kiss his forehead and go “youre such a good boy” in my strained cat talk voice
As someone who daydreams to run away from all of my problems I really needed to hear "it's time to get out of your imagination and get grounded in reality."
One step at a time. When you catch yourself in a daydream to escape, just notice that and give yourself some grace. Facing problems is rarely simple and never easy but you can make it better by grounding yourself in what's within your power to do.
It's always doing what counts..it's simple. If someone is interested in and loved you, you would know pretty quickly. Her whispering, brutal truth..so powerful.
Thank you for sharing this. I needed some clarity, and this brought me back to reality.
She's a good friend. Wise and kind
He seems like he’s holding onto something he knows isn’t real. Accepting the truth and moving on is so hard. But you will emerge stronger healthier and happier when you finally do. 🙏🏼💜🙏🏼
That's a bold promise and it doesn't apply to everyone
Library talk. I love it. ❤ quiet and straight to the point. Brilliant. Therapy sessions should be done here.
This is therapy, everyone needs this in their life at some point or another.
Who is she and how can I find more of her? Her voice is so gentle and the information provided is painful yet honest. She's protective and insightful in a way that's effective for her audience. She's got a way of elaborating in a way that he heard her. No hurling insults, no ego, no judgement. She's coming from a place of experience and love and I'm here for it!
@@chocojellys Thank you!
@@rikabernar you're welcome💞
@@chocojellys thank you!!!
Here's the thing, my wife is an extrovert and I am an introvert, I am a guy of few words, she can write a book on any small topic. Yes there were problems and she always used to say that I don't love her and I would say the same to her. But then we realised that we do love each other but we do not understand each other's needs and expectations.
We took almost one and half years to realise this small thing.
And then we decided to start everything over and things are really good after that.
By telling you all this , I am trying to say that you can end relationships at any moment. It is that easy.
But before that, try to adjust with each other.
Give each other some chances .
I felt alllllll of this. And the delivery was powerful.
Sometimes people aren’t able to “show” you they love you, but they still do
If someone has depression and so barely sees you or talks to you because of it, it doesn’t mean they don’t love/want you, it just means they can’t show you right now, they are going through something very difficult that requires all of their energy to get through
I agree. This is including narcissists who can also love but will not express it correctly or not much at all at times.
I agree I lost the loml because of my depression going to school, work, my child in the hospital… I just wish I was better I loved him with every ounce of my being.. but we live and learn… as much as it hurt me it opened up my eyes to what was wrong with me & what I needed to work on..
Yes, but it can mean you have to let them go sometimes, if its not healthy for you in the long run and the other person isnt going to get better (yet) and doesnt want to get better (yet). Love is not enough sometimes, especially if its not lived in daily life.
@@liebeerde-uy2qy that’s fair, I’m just addressing the lady’s point in the video, someone can feel love for you and the connection is very real, but all manner of things can result in them not “showing” it
Of course that’s still a valid reason to leave, but it doesn’t mean that they are just faking love, some people would want to stick with someone until they felt able to better be able to show the love they feel instead of just immediately abandoning them and calling them a lot because they are “showing” the love through actions (more specifically the actions YOU think they should be doing to show you) (not you specifically)
I see your point. But that's not what she's talking about.
This is chocked me up .
I learned this the hard way. if they are only telling you they love you and respect you, but don't follow through, it's not worth staying.
Her advice is so powerful and honest, we want that person to be something their not. If they show you their true self one time, believe them. It took me years to get out of a toxic relationship like that, when I was ready to walk away changes were made and then the changes slowly faded back to the same as before. The only time he could act like he cared was when I was ready to end it, in arguments, he exhausted me with promises that never stuck. I’ve been single, working on myself and my mental health for roughly 3 years and this is the happiest I’ve been in 10+ years.
I need to have a long conversation with this woman😭
Me too! Who is she?
@@seratonin7004 I don't know, but she has a deep understanding of things mentally
I’ve been accused of what she’s saying, the whole doing a lot and after a while doing nothing or less. You see the thing is I was never faking anything. At first I was very enthusiastic about that person and in love with them but what they failed to mention or think about when they brought this complaint to me was the damage they had done to me and my feelings towards them with they’re inadequate behavior. I was always told things like “ I can’t take back what I did so if you wanna live in the past that’s you” or gaslight, constantly being told that what they were doing was not wrong and that I was just crazy. So when I finally grounded myself and decided to just sit back and watch what did person did, I realized that if I had a son and a woman was treating him the way I was being treated I would smack him across the face and tell him to walk away.
The book over the table "No more A**holes" 😂😂😂💀💀💀
Facts. I wasted three years on a relationship that was all made up in my head. I thought he loved me but because he had a rough childhood he couldn’t show me love. He always cheated and lied and I made excuses. Until one day I realized that he was trash and that I was delusional. Now I’ve been happily married for 13 years with a man who has shown me interest and love and devotion since day 1 for 13 years and growing stronger.
Don’t settle for less people. Be patient and careful with your heart and mind and spirit.
Judge the tree by what fruit it bears. A good tree can't bear bad fruit, and a bad tree can't bear good fruit. When a tree is growing out, if it's crooked from the beginning it will grow crooked and can't pretend to align itself. The same can be said for a relationship, if it starts on healthy terms then it will remain with respect and love.
Dude wtf you arborist/analogist doer of massacres. Good trees bear bad fruit.
Beautiful 😢 why isnt this video blown up. Everyone must know its worth. ❤
Sometimes you have to be careful because people love us as they understand or as they learned but the other person may not feel loved, if you do not express how you feel loved the other person will not know it and that is very common. That is why communication is important.
Now if after you express how you feel loved and that person is still indifferent to you, that's not it.
It took me 8 years in a toxic relationship to get out of my imagination and ground myself into reality and Im so happy I did it ❤
Another take could mean they are so unhappy with them selves and internally struggling, they unintentionally neglect you. When in reality, you’re the only thing on this planet they love and the only thing keeping them going.
yeah ive been talking to someone for a few months and theyre really struggling. sometimes i think they dont care but then they show little signs they do. i dont think theyre being manipulative and giving attention when they think im getting bored but it is a short time
Bruh then they should be in therapy, not in a monogamous romantic relationship that is premised on the two halves of the couple giving their all
This is golden. The no more assholes book adds a nice touch 🤣
Let's go @essty48 - I loved this touch too :)
this is true. there are a lot of people who don’t know how to express their love in words but can express it thoroughly through actions, but when people express love through words and no actions, it makes all the difference.
I wish I had this woman's voice in my head before or after dealing with toxic people & situations