How To Appear More Charismatic Even If You’re Not
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 มี.ค. 2023
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The reason they ask is so that they can tell you what they do.
And to judge you
Nah, it's more about estimating your social standing, similar to asking where you live.
Not true
Facts 😂
You sound like a raging incel🤣 Unless your talking to egotistical Americans, they are just trying to understand you and make conversation.
“what do you do?” me: “I do my best 🙃”
Gottem
Nice
Aww. Love it
I like... what do you think I do? It's playful, fun.
We should absolutely hang out. Wanna go drink beer in graveyard at night and scare people by screaming at them behind the trees?
“What do you do?”
“Boring dead-end job that pays just enough to make ends meet. What about you?”
“Can I get the bill please”
Me: tell me more. I'll buy
You could frame it as, "I just do X job as a means to an end, what I'm really passionate about in my spare time is..." then proceed to talk about something you like, at which point you'll probably get more energetic and the conversation will flow, or they'll not be interested, in which case you're probably not a good fit for whatever kind of relationship you're looking for with them if they don't care about your passions or appreciate the joy you get from them.
Sadly most average humans really don't have a big list of things to say like that ..they live lives of quiet desperation
Ouch... this was a punch in the gut. 😆 I work year by year building an interesting life without desperation, but a boatload of struggle. 😂
@@Kelly_Ben you took my comment entirely on a personal level then? Do you think I'm wrong ?
I mean he has good advice
Not sure how it carries over to the law of averages though
@@oftin_wong I totally agree. Twelve years of my life were spent working the dreary, dead-end, low-wage job of overnight security guard. Before that I was an overnight convenience store clerk. I could tell you endless stories of departmental politics, middle managers taking advantage of their staff, and low level employees stabbing each other in the back in vain attempts to move up one rung on the ladder and earn a few more crumbs of pay. But, I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear *those* stories.
@@gordongekko2781 I worked in a university and as a research scientist and it was the same ...backstabbing, I went back to being a self employed carpenter / stonemason just for the autonomy and an end to the worst aspects of human nature
@@oftin_wong Interesting. Those 12 years I spent as a security guard was on a state college campus, so you know exactly what I'm talking about.
When they ask what you do, don't answer with your job.. answer with something you *like* doing. It'll make you way more enthusiastic about the conversation and your energy will rub off on the other person. They don't care about what you do for work. They want to see a person who's alive.
UNLESS you actually have a legit job. No doctor, engineering, lawyer, etc. should follow this advice.
That's right, just start info-dumping on someone as soon as you meet. Guaranteed charisma.
Only if it’s interesting enough to prompt conversation. Irrelevant and mundane info dumping (especially any of the self deprecating or self pitying variety) that gives the other person nothing to build on kills a conversation very quickly. If someone asks a question it’s to prompt a conversation topic, to avoid that awkward silence. Asking them questions in return is also important to make the person feel you’re interested in them too. Nothing is more awful than trying to start a conversation and having that one question you asked to start and back and forth instead turn into listening to their 5-10 minute uninterrupted description of their mundane everyday life with no real point being made; they just clearly like self indulging. At least in awkward silence you can attempt to say something or even attempt to leave, but ramblers with no social awareness/inability to read someone’s engagement level can make for an agonising first impression. So not all “info dumping” is going to go down well.
@@Sanakudou see, you just proved him right. Nobody's gonna read that textwall
@@maximummatt73 I read it.
@@maximummatt73 I actually read it too and found it interesting. You might wanna work on your attention span.
@@Fred-zt5ky but you're a nobody. So I'm still right.
Short answer: Be more interesting. Got it.
And a bullshitter.
Be funny. When u are talking stop... and say " you have beautiful..... blank. But mean it. Then continue speaking. ❤️
@@heidi22209 "I work part time jobs and I am still in university because I had health problems due to shit genes. You have absolutely lovely eyes. When I am not working I usually do archery, play chess and drink way too much. So what do you do"
I bet you are blushing.
@I am the one I make bets too. Poker and pool. I do leather work. Was a welder in the past. I'm a life long service industry professional. Drink alot. 🍸 give a lot of life coaching for some reason my phone is very busy. I take care of my dudes they are all falling apart lately. 💔
I love my lady friends. Had a bunch of surgeries to put my body back together after my ex bf tried to kill me. Soooo.... not as strong as I was..
@@ReasonAboveEverything the ladies will think you're a serial killer, bro
They're actually sizing you up for your social class ie how much do you make. Tell them you're a samurai warrior
Depending on how Bourgeois they are. Have fun with it.
I do that all the time.✨
Samurai is fairly high up, is it not?
@@snorttroll4379socially yes monetarily no in Japan they tended to go reverse
Exactly. Usa n dubai. Cast system sorting.
Some just directly assume aggressively asking. 'Are you a Philippino nanny?'
Whenever I meet someone for the first time I ask them what they are passionate about and what drives them. It's nice to see how their faces light up. Bedsides, it makes for a much more interesting conversation.
Bit weird, if someone asked me that unless I was in deep conversation I wouldn't answer them
@@MagnumOpusYT it's not weird
Would be weird if too deep too early
A bit too much like a job interview.
I know men struggle with conversing with women. The best advice I gave a guy I was working with who wanted to know how to get a girlfriend. It was always stop over talking and ask her interesting questions then really listen. And present yourself as husband material As someone who wants to be in a real relationship. He was surprised. I told him ALL women, in the back of their mind are evaluating every male as potential husband material. Present yourself as a serious candidate. He took it to heart and three weeks later reported he had met someone and it was going well. Thanks
Nice👌🏽
You've given far too much charity to the mind of the average woman.
Nothing secret about it.
Attaboy! Love some bro coaching. Thank you ❤
@Uncle Iroh can you not ruin this win for us gals that meet a good guy. Who had a buddy that encouraged him. Ffs.
But if I'm more charismatic, people might want to talk to me more. No thanks.
That would be awful
Said no charismatic person ever! Lol jking
simple, analyze the people around you and create a short mental list of people who appear to be worth talking to. If the other person is very introverted and quiet, you will have to be more talkative to form a connection. If loud and extravert, Ask more open-ended questions and listen more. Opposites really do attract!
@@freeottis I'm an introvert
Depends on culture. In the US they absolutely care what you do. It’s why it’s one of the first questions they ask; so that they can decide how much respect to give you. Remember, it’s the most individualistic country in the world. I’ve lived both in the US and the UK and caring about careers is vastly different.
They're pinning your education, background, social class and way of speaking. I was introduced to someone who worked in a lab, as soon as they heard my non science occupation, you could see any interest turn off like a switch. People just looking for their tribe, we all do it.
The reason they ask is because they want to know how much respect they should give you. I give a vague "Oh, I work in construction" If they're worth knowing socially they will ask a follow up question. In fact I use the "follow up question shit test" all the time. Most people are too consumed with what ever they're consumed with to actually distinguish themselves as someone worth being charismatic to or with. That's just reality, not sour grapes, I still enjoy people.
Many interesting people have low social skills
@@andreasv9472 And that makes them uninteresting to me. I don't like weak, timid, or awkward people.
@@mjwbulichYeah it's totally fine to just write people off. I find people who write other people off to be uninteresting and unable to stimulate my thoughts.
Overlap in interests and experiences is where connection can happen
Good advice. Often I undervalue myself because been christian we are humble, but you are right. It's not bragging, it's respecting yourself.
How to appear more charismatic? Simple. I just walk and talk like George Jefferson.
Movin' on up!
"I repay the debts I've incurred from a wasted youth."
Ambiguous. Insightful. Charming. What else do you need to know?
The thing I learned is that people love to talk about themselves. Sometimes people just want to be heard, so I always tend to ask questions about their life.
Thanks for helping me seem less boring 😂❤ I'm not a boring person at all but I know I can come off that way as an introvert meeting new people!
There are also other reasons, like guessing how much you earn, what type of person you blight be if they're a stereotype, & by what characteristics that job may often require, or just generally has, etc
I didn't expect this to have an actually good tip but it did lol
True that.
When me and my long time girlfriend had our first date, I told her that I was involved in a project. But I didn’t want to tell exactly what it was (because I was afraid that it was going to fail) She was absolutely hooked and interested.
“I lift things up and put them down. I also do original guitar instrumentals on TH-cam because that makes me happy. And getting any sort of monetization some day would help me feel like I did something I was put here to do. Which is to make music.”
I disagree with your assessment on why people ask others what they do. They actually do it as a gauge or a measure of the person they are talking to.
And so they can talk about themselves. Theyre hoping you ask what THEY do
y’all, I ask so I don’t have to answer myself lol. I just keep asking questions.
Yes. One thing they're gauging is your ability and/or desire to be interesting or engaging. And we all do the same whether we're are aware of it or not.
I tell people I’m the world’s best courage coach and that I teach people how to take bold massive and courageous action so that they can facilitate their own miraculous outcomes. My life is ridiculous because of that declaration and decision to operate as the world’s best courage coach.
This is call ‘threading’.
Great tip.
If you want a good conversation or you want to avoid awkward conversations, it’s your job to thread as much as you can.
How’s your day?
Fine….
Becomes.
How’s your day?
Really good thank you, I was up really early to run. Then I made a mess in the kitchen when my smoothy maker exploded. I’ve got a tonne of prep to do for our group presentation tomorrow and tonight I’m catching my parent for dinner at a new Italian place.
You’ve given so much people can work with.
Well most people have nothing going for themselves so that will not work for the average person
Just look them square in the eye and say firmly “ I don’t answer questions”. Then leave. It’s the incredibly charismatic.
I just say "only fans"
Haha!
Lol
Totally. Just did that at the gun club with 6 old men I'd never met....
Stripper by day, vigilante by night ......serial killer at the weekend 😎✌🏻
Here are my steps
Rule #1: Dont be boring.
Rule #2: Dont be cringe.
Rule #3: Entertain yourself
Rule #4: Kindly but firmly disallow people to cross the boundaries you set.
Rule #5: Dont take anything personally unless they honestly meant it to be personal
"im learning to fix planes and helicopters, hoping to travel the world and make money that way"
Lol I actually did get a psych degree and went to Brazil for 6 months
Neat.
Works at Starbucks
@@Rollacoastertycoon I was a barista for a while lol
@@VEGAS-NERVE hard working American 🫡
Pick your nose in front of them and flick it at random people. Makes you look confident…
I’m 56 and was just diagnosed with a mild form of aspergers, which has been so helpful to make me aware and try to change the behaviors I have that I don’t have that I don’t like about myself. One behavior is turning the conversation back to yourself and over sharing. I now realize people don’t care what’s going on in my life and I don’t have to know everything about what’s going on in theirs. It’s made a huge difference in how people now treat me as where before people avoided me.
Great advice. I actually have an amazing life and love what I do, but if someone asks what I do, I get do awkz, play it down bc I know people aren't really interested in how much I love my life. So I usually just flip it back to them. At the end of the day, they only wana talk bout themselves....then I get bored with the convo, real quick
I dont know if Chris found this out by himself, but this technique is called "conversational threading". Instead of just giving a dead end answer, say something with multiple points of interest within a single instance, so that there is enough intrigue to keep the conversation moving along.
So "I like weed and video games" isn't a good answer..?
I'm gonna say that just to see the look on her face.
Bro what do you do? Other guy: Starts to tell his life story... bruh??!
Vihn Giang has similar advice, essentially try to provide several paths for the conversation to go down. They’ll latch onto the part of your answer that appeals to them the most.
This will be really helpful Chris 👏
How to be charismatic even when you're not.
Step 1: be more charismatic
Omg how original CLAP CLAP
@@benjamingeorge8241 thank you thank you, I do what I can
Put more points into CHA.
True; you can pick any piece and make that the commonality. Like this example, “ooh, Brazil, I heard they eat a lot of meat, is they true?” Honestly - I see people say it’s because the other person wants to talk, but I’m usually genuinely interested in hearing about people’s experiences.
What do you do?
“Why, so you can pretend like you’re interested?”
- Tyler durden
Anyone know what number episode this is from?
This is called conversational threading... And its a great idea.
But ots not why people ask what you do... They ask what you do tontey to figure out where you rank in the social hierarchy. If youre above them, or below them.
Harsh facts, but true.
Great advice Chris!
Fighting the good fight
This is 100% masking 😅
Your podcast is fully coiled up ready to go parabolic foreal your podcast is going to take off this year mark my words 🦅
Great tips Chris
Ha, I had this question posed to me last week.
I gave an unenthusiastic, accurate answer, and it killed any potential conversations stone dead.
Zero follow up. I’m sure I was expected to finish with ‘what about you?’ But, I don’t care what you do.
I’m not the type that ever wants to have pointless small talk so I know I react intentionally dismissively and borderline annoyed that I’ve been tasked with having to engage with another person.
I always answer that question with "What do I do when?"
It's stuff like this that makes me glad I subscribed to your channel.
I was really upset about the way the world was so I went to art school but I dropped out... It wasn't working for me
then joined the army and quickly moved up the ranks
Forgot to mention that I also dabbled in politics
@@theMightywooosh Sam Hyde was your top guy
@@moretestmorebreast7654smh
What’s your take on tiny hats
Hitler?
This is a great response.
In the past I have heard the "what do you do?" question lambasted as being status and job obsessed, as if that was the only reason why anyone every asked that. I like to ask it as a way to start a conversation, though many people do only answer with their job, when anything is fair game. It could be hobbies, vocation, whatever. But many people are just not good at talking or having a perspective on themselves.
Thanks for the life story
Tarot reader and voice over actor has ALWAYS been enough... Leaves them intrigued all the time😂
These people live in a different universe to me .
This is called threading (including things that people can reply to, ask more about). And it's a good practice
Thanks, keep it up
Great information Chris thank you 😊
It's sad all of our interactions have to be so fake or scripted. Never going to find the one if you're so worried about engaging them and not being yourself. So they want the "charismatic" person you pretended to be, but you can't pull that off very long.
"What do you do?"
"I'm in sales now, but I did two..."
"Right, well good luck with that"
"What do you do?"
"I'm working towards setting up my film school etc etc"
"Get your coat, you've pulled"
Awesome thank you ❤
I said exactly what you said to say. It made the conversation so much harder cause I know nothing about Brazil
This is awesome! Thanks!
It's either general small talk or a way to gauge your value as a person. More important to dress up your job with an alternative title to make it sound respectable then move on to the next topic.
Great advice
Conversation threading- Vinh giang talks about this tactic too
If their first question to me is about what I do for a living, I'm just turning around and walking away.
I can't honestly think of anything I care less about than my career, because I have more than enough money for the few things I want in life that can actually be bought. Time is the resource I don't have enough of, and I'm certainly not going to waste it on a boring conversation with someone I immediately know I'll never connect with.
Then a few weeks down the line when you are your normal self, they realise you aren’t so charismatic (and that’s ok) so they see you were putting on a front.
Be confident in yourself, but don’t be someone you’re not
I used to do nothing but now I'm retired.
If someone ask what you do, they’re trying to determine your social economic level and it should be a red flag if it’s asked too quickly in a conversation. People rely too much on their occupations to self identify and it can cause a lot of misconceptions when first meeting someone. The worst thing someone can talk about is occupations-it holds no meaningful value and therefore you end up just like the rest of the crowd. And FYI if you’re a successful male-you better be extra careful of who is asking and how you answer! Most American modern women are predatory and are out to use men. When first meeting someone, speak in abstracts, ask what inspires, and “how you feels ideas.” Don’t reveal too many facts about yourself, engage the idea of mystery. It will make you more intriguing and protect you from people out to use you. Women love communicating with the ideas of feeling and emotion; if done right this will connect you more together than any boring work talk.
The reason people ask what you do is very simple: they are makint conversation and want to talk, and are probably curious about what you do for work.
😊 thanks
Chris have you ever interviewed Vanessa Van Edwards? She’s excellent in this field
I have such a long list of things I could say.
I often break it down into a) I studied to be a medical scientist. b) I use that as a hook for my diet and exercise coaching business. c) I volunteer at a dogs' home and a charity helping autistic people get into gardening. d) I want to start a charity taking disabled young adults, especially nerdy people, out into the woods, up mountains, into gyms, to do things society wouldn't think they're capable of. I'd also like to have an animal sanctuary, particularly focussing on reptiles and dogs, maybe corvids too, but that's something for a decade or two down the line.
If they want to talk about why I'm not a scientist, I can say I had undiagnosed PTSD and left the lab not wanting to return, but now I've had all the help necessary I might go back to it. This can generally lead in one of several obvious directions.
If I think the conversation's better served being more vulnerable I can do my thing showing male victims particularly of domestic abuse that if it can happen to a 6'4" ex thai boxing powerlifter, it can happen to anyone... It's ok to admit as long as you pick yourself up and sort yourself out... I've got the experience to maybe offer actionable advice, but if I don't show the initial "this is my baggage" I can't then say "this is how I made it into just a wallet".
If it's better served being the stoic, I can comfortably say I've recovered from everything, I can learn from the past but there's no practical use in dwelling.
If I need to be optimistic, my life's better than ever, it's getting better everyday, and I'm firmly in the driving seat.
What do you do?
I spend my time walking around asking people how they are doing. I am also writing multiple graphic novels and am invested in multiple movie and television projects.
Oh, I just meant pilates or yoga because you are in great shape.
They ask what you to do judge you and know if they’re better than you or not. It’s not complicated. But it’s reality. It allows them subconsciously to know whether they can dominate the conversation or you. But they rarely actively know they’re doing it, it’s just a human nature thing.
One of my favourites was at a wedding for a family friend, I was at the table with my brothers and we met some people for the first time, they asked what we did, my brothers go on to explain they're an engineer and an accountant, I said, "and I disappoint our parents mostly."
Omg...his answer is my life😮😂
"I was in a reality show for ax murderers" would be a good retort.
For those boring repetitive questions, have some funny/unusual response ready to go.
Free information
"So what do you do?"
"About what?"
Buddy has Damn GOOD Eyes 💚
An associate of Warhol once told me something after I asked his name: "I don't communicate," which really interested me.
Or you can simply be yourself, there is also that.
From "How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes
“what do you do?”
“I don’t do shit, I do not go outside”
I test boomerangs for quality control, I remove the ones that don't come back.
When I get asked this question, I use it to display my sense of humour as I find that question so boring. It also allows me to engage their response and see what their sense of humour is. My answer normally is something like "Im a serial killer. I do Program Management part-time". It's quite an open door. Either party can go anywhere with it.
What if someone doesn't have any interesting occupation, hobbies or activities to add to the conversation? Should they lie according to your advise? It doesn't make any sense. Being authenticaly yourself shouldn't be enough to make people like you, instead of getting impressed by the illusion of who you're drawing out?
What book or content is this referencing? Keen to read it
It's an interview with a guy who has a channel on here called 'Charisma on Command'. I watched the whole episode the other day.
Everyone asks me this and I feel uncomfortable and then I don't want to meet them like I am studying right now but I don't know why we start to asking this question only can we not asking about their hobbies and their interest but my family members have to tell the society what is happening in my life it is like big announcement but anyways the script thing is interesting and I try to apply this but problem is that I cannot make things but trying to be
I usually say "I take care of my people" and women look at me confused and it leaves mystery and they will want to know ,just be playful and tell them if they really want to know they will have to earn your trust and the mystery behind that makes you more interesting 😂
If you open that much só early, they Will lose interest. Be careful
Maybe for business or other non spontaneous situations. But real human connection doesn’t need scripts