What is Dependent Personality Disorder? Kati Morton
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I'm SO dependent on people. I get so attached too easily :( and then get scared they'll leave me or get bored or sick of me.
I use to be like that also.but after going to church, therapy and reading self helps have changed my life.
king nick that may have not been DPD
Travel And Be Happy I think so too (though I kind of vacillate... I do feel confident at times)... But I also want to be a dependable person myself most of all...
same .....very same
Same here
I have so many personality disorders they cancel each other out
lmao!! XD I can sooo relate to this lol
that got to be frustrating
yea I just thought I had avoidant personality disorder but now this one as well sounds a lot like me.. wtf
Same
it's so annoying. and you can't tell the difference between disorders because scientists apparently don't give two flying f*cks about mental illness research. "Do i have BPD? Oh wait, no, maybe i have atypical depression? Oh wait, do i have avoidant personality disorder? but wait...that's kinda like BPD....and social anxiety disorder" so annoying!
Remember: these mental disorders are descriptions of how you ended up. Don't take a diagnosis to be the final word, a prescription. People can learn new habits, even if the disorder doesn't go away. We are complex beings.
This is such good, I give u gold star ⭐
and that's on cognitive behavioral therapy
yesss it needed to be said!!
Thank you for saying this. This woke me up.
oh, sure. If you're not embracing society you're avoidant personality disorder or asocial personality disorder or whatever the psychiatrist kooks can cook up in their heads. If you are embracing people, you're "dependent personality disorder." You're either an introvert, an extrovert or, if sometimes you like to see people, all of a sudden you're an ambivert. It extends further than psychiatric drugs to medicate "the symptom." There-is-no symptom. It's ALL a ruse to validate the psychiatric fields psychiatric opinion-structures (because that's all it actually is) on what's mentally ill versus what's mentally healthy (hence the flipflopping element), to put labels on everything and to help their own pockets with pointless psychoanalyst sessions and help the pockets of big pharma with selling psychiatric drugs.
In the original text, the only "mental illness" listed was manic-depression, now more widely called bipolar, paranoid psychosis and precognitive dementia, now known to be called schizophrenia. That's it! There was nothing else listed. And even those are debatable. So you sometimes feel happy every now and then and other times feel sad, and that's a sign that in your happy state, you could go off the rails? Sounds pretty theoretical at this point, on the verge of science fiction theoretical in fact. So because you're thinking outside the box, it's a sign of early onset schizophrenia? Again, a power grab and a finance grab. Not to mention the idea of chemical imbalance (pure illusion, all legitimate forms of mental illness are issue-driven, i.e. PTSD related) and the even more ridiculous idea of "branch off-sets" of mental illness such as manic-depression or schizophrenia. Well, you've got a problem there, as soon as you say someone is "manic-depressive-ish" or "schizophrenia-ish" anyone could be labeled anything anytime. Psychiatry is at best, damn close to pure illusion, a ruse designed mainly to capitalize a profit. For once in your life, deter yourself from the greedy bully capitalists that are psychiatrists and big pharma and stop going with the zombie collective slave system.
I have dpd, and avoidant personality disorder. So, in other words, I'm fucked.
literally same holy fuck
+websurfin2010 I just want to respond to this because the idea that other people read this and might believe it scares me: of course you're not fucked. I realize this is meant to be funny but, well, those words can be painful and take away hope. Speaking from experience here, you can absolutely work on it and it can tooootally get soooo much better and even almost completely disappear. SO. There's your bit of hope if you needed it. 8)
Thanks...
+websurfin2010 Google breathing techniques against stress, they work great. You should also start practicing meditation.
DepthOfField no offense but i really don't think breathing techniques are gonna help with dpd at all.:/ that could help your general mental state or if you're having a panic attack but dpd is more about fears of abandonment and submissive,clingy behavior, being scared to care for yourself etc.
I've been told I have this. I take care of myself and do my best to make my own decisions, but I have tried to adapt my life to guys I've been with and have sacrificed a lot to be with them. I also jump from relationship to relationship very fast and have a very hard time going to sleep if there is no guy in my life. I want to do all kinds of things, but I will never attempt to do them if I have no one to do them with.
Austin Schaible you may have bpd also
Oooh yeah that last bit is exactly me. I always feel I need to have someone to do things with...
@austinschaible6364 How are you doing these days? Any improvements? I also have dpd
Kati, my biggest fear IS that I will not be able to care for myself. My mother always told me that without her I wouldn't be able to care for myself. My disabilities mean that mean I can't shower on my own so I have home health care. However, I've been able to maintain an apartment on.my own. So I'm always having to remind myself that my mom was wrong because she's not in my life anymore and I'm still working on getting my degrees and have held successful writing jobs and other things.
technically if someone made a machine to shower you, you could be indy, am i correct?
It sounds as though you're doing really well despite everything, well done!
Yes. My current home is inaccessible. I cannot get into a regular tub. I am trying to move out, but that's a long process-especially for someone on a fixed income.
You'll always have Care. My mom was like that.
It's depleting to be around a dependent person. They can't handle boundaries and need so much reassurance that there's nothing left for the other person. They don't seem to see ir care that they are sucking people dry...even with boundaries.
What if you are the person they depend on? How should one cope with that. What can you say and do and what not?
Did you figure it out?
As a person who is dependent on others I am curious about this also
@@ThoughtProvokingVlogs we are asking the opposite thing here.
For you, as being dependant on others; self monitoring, self reflecting, cognitive training, behavioural training, knowledge, self discipline and trusting both in yourself and in others can be valuable tools to mitigate the damage caused by your dependency. If you gain the confidence to stand on your own legs you won't need others like you do now.
And for us, the people who have people that depend on us to an extreme extent in our life;
Setting up boundaries, acknowledging their struggle but not giving into it by enabling it or feeding it. Being clear and honest, and maybe even sharing our feelings on the matter.
Example; the girl I'm with telling me she loves me and misses me 30 times in a day.
My response: I know you care about me, but by telling me that many times you are removing the value of those words. It's like eating cake.
If you have one slice once in a while it will be an amazing experience you will want more of.
But if you are forced to eat an entire cake every day, it will become an unpleasant experience, even sickening.
So tell me you love me and miss me once in a while, and I will be happy, but right now, the amount you're abusing it is becoming annoying.
The other side of this coin is when this need of affirmation becomes manic. They become afraid that we don't love them and miss them back when we don't respond like they do.
"Don't you love me and miss me?? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad?"
When this happens you acknowledge that they are afraid, but ask the important questions;
Am I still here, talking to you, being with you? If yes, then why are you afraid?
And, by being afraid I don't care about you anymore, you are not trusting me - if there is a problem you should trust me that I would tell you, so being afraid of something that hasn't happened and might not happen at all is wasteful and breeds negativity.
If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldnt be here. But I am. So trust that I do still care about you.
Even if I don't tell you all the time.
Again. The cake. I want my words to be truly meaningful when I say them. I don't want to say them because I feel I have to - or I will loose you. I want to say them because I truly mean them.
That way I'm setting up boundaries over what she can expect of me, while giving her the knowledge of why I'm doing it this way.
But of course being dependant is who she is right now, so I know this is an ongoing battle where I will have to remind her many times before she becomes accustomed to it. And that's fine. Patience and understanding.
I won't get truly angry, but I will not be afraid to show her how this is affecting me emotionally - because seeing how it affects me can be valuable tools for her to understand the extend of her dependency.
@Ligeia D.Aurevilly of course I don't want to live like that.. And yes, the person is mentally unstable.
But everyone has baggage. I know her issues well, because of past experience with those problems.
And because of my knowledge, I can be her guide as she figures it out.
We are both working together in fixing our problems, so that our future together will be nice.
And every now and then she surprises me, she is starting to get it, starting to understand.
It takes time to build a steady foundation.
Every relationship will come to a point where it will be tested. This will either strengthen or destroy the relationship. Some tests take longer to finish, others will be shorter but a lot harder.
I have always been the kind of person to slowly rip off a bandaid, prolonging the pain but avoiding the critical hit of a quick rip.
@Ligeia D.Aurevilly you need a bandaid because there is a wound.
Wounds are different for everyone..
Some wounds are small, and heal fast.
Other wounds are big, and getting one could kill you from blood loss.
Some wounds get infected, and will kill you slowly and painfully in a confusing fever.
But most wounds heal over time, some leave you scarred forever, some heal perfectly.. And they all tell a story, bringing experience, wisdom and clarity with it.
Recognising what type of wound you have early on is important for your success in treating it.
I believe in your ability to recognise and treat your wounds with the appropriate action, you know yourself best. Best of luck to you!
I'm 27 and I just recently got diagnosed with this and was shocked at how accurate it was. I had no idea this is what I felt, somehow. I wouldn't have learned I had this until my boyfriend of eight years left me. I feel so lost and hopeless and I can't even take care of simple tasks on my own. It turns out my boyfriend had an Overcontrol personality disorder so that's why we felt suited to each other... but he decided he didn't want to help me with my depression or anxiety any more and dumped me. I quickly turned to a friend who wanted to date me but I just couldn't stop seeing my now ex-boyfriend. I feel completely lost without him. So that guy left me for his own sake and now I'm left desperately trying to get my ex back because I hate myself so much I don't want to be alone. I have no faith in myself at all. Small mistakes just confirm that I'm worthless. I know this all started with my parents growing up and how they constantly told me I was a bad person and would often ask "what's wrong with you?!" when I made a mistake. When they tried to teach me something and I didn't do it right or it took me too long they'd take over in a huff like I was incompetent. I don't even know how to begin to feel confident in myself. It's so easy to say "just start doing things for yourself" but I don't WANT to. It's scary and it hurts when I make mistakes because my mind and heart tell me it's because I'm worthless.
My friend is textbook this disorder. I thought she was just excessively needy. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Now I can move on because giving the therapy she needs is way above my pay grade. What's scary is the camping trip our families take next week. I wish I could back out. She has already been plotting for help with meal prep and setting up her tent and keeping the kids occupied and making them behave. And I know she means for me to do it all. She has a husband! I'm already exhausted by her.
Can you have a mild version? Like you can do basic stuff but things like driving or getting a full time job are just too daunting?
I think these symptoms fall under similar but different diagnoses, just because the DSM is very specific.
But I am right there with you my friend. I got a full time job and quit before I even spent two weeks there, and then had to be talked down from jumping into traffic on my way home because I felt so hopeless and pathetic. I also still haven't learned to drive and most likely won't anytime soon. You can message me if you ever need to talk about this stuff (&that goes for anyone else reading this)
I have the same issue. It feels horrible. Even gathering the energy and will to go take a walk somewhere is a lot for me.
@@zoephoenix7806 question what other issues?
That is so me. I am 25 and no job and don't know how to drive...
Has everyone here at some point been on some form of prescribed or street drug?
This describes my friend pretty much. After her divorce she started claiming people to do anything for her, she's constantly scared to do anything alone (even being home or taking a shower). Her therapist does nothing and the few people that still deal with her issue are exhausted and mentally drained. She just keeps going downhill and no one knows what to do or what would help her.
I haven't been alone since before I was 13. I'm detached from my family so all my social energy goes mostly to romantic relationships. If one ends, I hop between short, meaningless ones as a time killer until I find my next long-term person. My attachments to them are real, it's just that they form so quickly and I tend to rush headlong into them with anyone who shows me compassion and genuine care, thinking "you're not like the others, I'm safe with you!"
I stayed in an abusive relationship for almost 5 years because I couldn't handle the thought of being alone (among other things, but that was what it always came back to). I genuinely don't believe I could survive on my own... But I also don't really worry that I'll have to, because I know people find me attractive so I know I could "do what I have to" to stay off the streets... God I'm so fucked up.
So what is the difference between DPD and Co-dependency? I also notice that a lot of parents play controlling mind tricks on their kids...What if a kid constantly hears stuff like "You always start things and never finish them." Or stuff like "Who would really love you?" or "I always thought you were kind of slow?" How much of it is dealing with the inner-critic inside? I also know of several families where the parents enable the son or daughter to not make decisions that lead to independence. What happens when the parents pass and the adult child is unable to take care of him or herself?
Paul Delgadillo exactly my mother said loads stuff about me and I struggle as think people will reject
There's no such thing as codependency in clinical terms, just DPD.
i used to struggle with this,i came a long way by helping myself!
@LisaNelsonSnugglebunny What helped you? Therapy?
@@elgusto8874 not therapy but I did it on all my own, I took a chance and just went for it, I have lived on my own and except for a payee helping me out with my $ I'm doing pretty good by myself! I just put my mind to it, something I was never good at
I wish there were people with DPD discussing their struggles on TH-cam. I feel so alone with this disorder.
I got diagnozed with this and with avoidant personality disorder. Yay. I'm sure that if I'm alone, I'll get sick and I'll just die. Anyway, these videos are great. Thanks for making them! Now I'm not seeing a therapist, but I'll try to pick it up again.
If anything I have moderate DPD. Besides that, I have Depression and Anxiety. I'm also a low-key Hypochondriac.
My 28 year old brother has been dependent on my parents his whole life. He even studied his least favorite subject in college for 6 years to keep them pleased. After college he couldn't find a job and he never left the house. He has almost no friends and has never been in a relationship.
This year my parents decided to really help him find a job and they spent their whole savings and went under major debt to help him start a business. He was very eager about it at first, but as the job progressed and the responsibilities seemed too much, he just gave up and he refuses to go to work now.
My family has been struggling with this issue for years and my parents never agreed with seeking help no matter how much I told them to. Today finally my mother admitted that this whole situation needs professional help.
I hope anyone struggling with similar issues realizes that it's ok to get help. I just want my family to be ok :(
I have a driving license but afraid to drive after that. My dad or sis would drive me around. Also due to social anxiety or avpd I can't get a job and unable to get money to survive. Also I let my parents to do the talking for me. That applies also with friends.
You have no idea how much I relate to this...
yeah same w driving, i dont do it, only certain short routes that i consider safe for most part, but i haven't driven for some months now. i never wanna drive, it's horrible on the road, ppl crazy out there n dont care.
in my country, getting access to help for mental health is like diy dentistry.
I need to talk about this to my therapist. Anytime anyone ignores me, I go nuts. Feeling depressed, lost, or helpless. If someone talks to someone without me, I'll normally cry and tell at them. I'm terrible in hygeine. I need my mom to tell me to do so. I can't do stuff like saying no. I switch from friend to friend because my friends think I'm to clingy :(
All the time with a every decision i cant decide because i think i would make the wrong choice. My solution was to say " I dont know" , "I cant decide"
Lol.. I remember when I went to therapy and when I had to talk about something I just say "I don't know".. I was so afraid to say something than didn't like it to the therapist.. I don't know if that fits in this disorder..
Sorry for mistakes, my english is poor..
Welcome back Katie! YUL is missing u ;)
I more or less fit the last three criteria on this. I was also born with hydrocephalus.
About twenty years ago, I was engaged to a guy, and when he broke it off, I was so depressed that I actually considered walking into oncoming traffic. Then a few months later, I met the man who is now my husband. I also am so used to being the one having surgery that I actually hate it whenever someone other than me has surgery, and it makes me anxious when my husband gets sick; the way I explain it to others is, people are supposed to take care of me, not have me take care of them.
The fear of being alone and urgently seeking another relationship I guess applies to my ex breaking off the engagement. And being afraid of being alone to take care of myself, I feel like if I ever get to that point, I might as well check myself into a nursing home (assuming I'm the right age by then).
I feel like I’ve been feeling like this since eighth grade. I just finish high school and I feel like struggle with fearing of being alone.
I want friendship series 🙏
Could borderline personality & dependent personality be blended?
Kati you're amazing :) thanks for everything you do!!
This makes me so worried for my future... My mom is very controlling and does everything for me, for example, clean my room, do my laundry, drive me to and from work, etc. and I'm 25, and despite people telling her to stop, she has forced me to develop this as well as avoidant PD. Like others in the comments, I'm afraid of what will happen after my parents are gone and they're in their 60s and 80s (I was adopted). I've been in therapy on and off since the age of six but was never given a diagnosis for a PD, just GAD, SAD, depression and bipolar disorder when I was hospitalized for self harming but I do not agree with that diagnosis to this day. I wish I could stop wearing some kind of mask in therapy and open up fully to discuss my issues and maybe get some help but it's so hard. I have no friends right now and am very isolated and I only see my issues spiraling downward as time goes on...
Yes, I have the same problem. My mom always ran my life, told me what to do, did everything for me, treated me like a child, etc. etc. When I became an adult I had no idea how to do anything for myself or how to cope with the adult world. In the '80's I went to a therapist and he taught me assertiveness training. Since the '80's I've gone around asserting myself and doing things for myself. I still have some problems, but it's gotten better.
Take your time to open up in therapy. It takes time to open up. That’s normal. Go at your own pace.
@pickledweed I have the exact same fear as you. Parents aging, and I’m unable to take care of myself or don’t have the confidence to. Being alone terrifies be more than anything in the world. I hope you’ve improved since this comment was posted
AvPDs have a tendency to carry DPD as well. The problem is, if you avoid social contact, there is no replacement decision maker for you. Or a therapist.
I relate to a number of these aspects, however I live alone so it's not a disorder but the aspects I relate to are a problem for me, like starting projects or continuing projects without support.
Thank you so much for this .
This is so interesting. As a self aware codependent, how can I ease the hold I have over my 'favorite person'? I know I have depended on this person but I feel that it takes a toll on her. She might want to spend time with other people but feels like she cant leave me alone. its really not fair. I want to let her know that its okay for us not to be so close anymore (it's also really hard for me) but i know this will hurt her since she is a genuinely good person incapable of turning her back on someone. However I feel like these boundaries will help us both. I'd appreciate advice especially from anyone who feels they support a codependent. How would you like to set boundaries in a non-hostile manner in a way that can preserve the friendship?
Well, I'm fucked.
You lost me at DPB :P
I felt dependent because I could read the book myself and I need you to do it for me
This is so interesting Kati! I didn't know much about this disorder until this video. :)
so there is a need to have someone to care about us as a child? so this is the core need for a child? and going further, this is what we need to re-live as grown persons to let go of this feeling? Healing is about admitting that we need reassurance and care for us? so how to do it good?
I have a coworker who I think might have something similar to this. he is around 35. he was going through some things and I was trying to be nice and give him advice. now the dude has texted me "thank you for being there for me, I need you." I attempted to correct him by saying "no, you mean you appreciate me." and he answered back "NEED". that got me mad. so I told him how ridiculous this was getting. that if he wanted to be normal (that a an other story 😑) that he should stop needing me.
before this convo I noticed he also pays a lot of attention to things I do and has compared himself to my husband (HAHAHAHAHA) asking me if he finds me funny bc he thinks that I am hilarious, that he likes certain sounds l make when I speak (that affirmative sound when on the phone), that my husband shouldn't get mad at me for certain mistake because its life....also asking coworkers and me, during my vacation time, when was I coming back...😠
the dude had a crush on a woman about his age and kept analyzing herher behavior around him...like in HS. argh I LOST all respect for him!!! a needy and clingy man is one of the most disgusting things.
I have been not distancing myself. not talking much. but he has done a few things to try and get my attention.
Hi Kati, What is personality in psychological terms and how can we stay moderate without it becoming a personality disorder? How can I understand my personality type and stay normal?
Kati I need help! Recently I have been very anxious, and have had multiple panic attacks where I feel like I'm drowning, and I can't swim up. I want to ask my parents to go to therapy so I can get help with my anxiety (well, that's what I'm pretty sure I have) but I'm afraid they will say no, and laugh at me or say I am just wanting some attention. Do you have any ideas with how to ask your parents for a therapist? Thank you so so much!!
Sounds like my sister in law. Master Mooch of the Universe. She’s unable to take care of herself or to take responsibility for any of her choices/actions. She’s almost 40 and still lives with her Mom. She’s won the Victim Academy Awards many times.
I fit all of these.
Is there a spectrum for this. Some of this applies for me, but not on a grand scale. I have mad anxiety at being alone and give people too much power in my life. But I can function on the basics. I also have my own opinion but someone else will make me second guess.
This is my favourite hair length on you!
I am so dependent on everything. In my chosen profession it is not good to be in this situation. 😥
i have a friend who keep posting about he might have this kind of disorder. i think if he havent being dianosed, means he is probably faking it for attention. sometimes people are just under alot of stress and tht does not equally means having disorders. correct me if i am wrong guys, really wanna deal with my friend here.
I asked my "one person" if she knew what DPD was and if she thinks I have it right before this video lol
Can you talk about unspecified bipolar disorder?
OMG you remind me of the female comedian who used to be on Mad TV but I can't recall her name!
My ex would break up and immediately find another person to be with just cause of her fear of being alone. She would be depressed when I’m not around and start getting attention from other guys when I wasn’t around. She told me I’m her only happiness and thats why she wanted me to be around all the time. We are still working things out but I feel like this is what she has. She thinks she is clinically depressed.
Can a person be diagnosed with both BPD and DPD?
Stevie Nicole It would make sense. Those 2 are super similar. I have HPD but I’m pretty sure I also have DPD.
I wish I was still in California so I could be your client! Even tho my insurance would probably not cover you! LOL love u kati
I have all these symptoms accept for making simple everyday decisions, idk if this me just being scared and anxious but I would like to know what you think.
hai. I was wondering you have or could do a video on PPD im having trouble researching it.
#KatiFAQ can you please differentiate between dependent personality and codependent personality..both sounds similar
Kati, I would like to ask, what the difference between a passive codependent and a person with Dependent Personality Disorder is?
I can. relate to some
What is the title of the book Kati was quoting from in this video?
*enters panic mode like 5 times a day*
I have Independent personality Disorder. So i find this disorder strange.
My mom is like this i think. She wouldn't fix the dang vcr because she had to wait for her husband to get home. I was like mom, just plug in the white and yellow and red here. She just wouldn't do it. She has always been in a relationship my whole life. I have never known her not to be. She allows herself to be treated terribly too. I know she was always punished as a child, her mom was like mommy dearest chick. Anyways, I think this fits.... oh and she was super mean too. I read that they can be very abusive.
Kati, I have autism and I am dependent upon my husband. I feel uncomfortable making decisions because I feel like I'm not allowed (I don't earn the money, ect) But also to the point where I feel I'm not even allowed to decide whether I can have a baby without asking permission from my parents from whom I'm estranged... Is this DPD or is this simply the fact that I'm autistic and am therefore dependent to a certain degree because I simply am not fitting in right with the Neurotypical world and I can't feel like I can ever adjust to it enough to be able to support myself...?
how does a dependent view money?
what are the treatments for this does talk therapy help and how do you stop the cycle I became overly attached to my mental health professional and when that person lost their license and was told they could not have any contact with past clients and that has devastated me I have been going through this for over a year and I can't seem to find any help
Hey Kati, wondering what kind of attachment style someone might have with dpd?
I have this and it's hell you feel like your in prison
what am I supposed to do about get drugs and and a food high cooking it up in a kitchen?
What book are you reading from?
Interesting
Megan Shannon and Kayleigh were all right I do have this :/
Would you consider this to be a bad thing to have?
i lived with a man who had this. It was both awesome being made to feel like a champion and hero, but also living hell when you realize you are forced into the position of parenting your husband, that he will "forget" to pick up the kids, that you will be doing ALL of the household responsibilities from making all the money to doing all the cleaning. That getting him to take a job took threatening to divorce him, and even then he won't contribute any of his income to taking care of any of the responsibilities. That your daughter has been raised to see you as the bad guy who comes down hard on people while her poor father is "trying" so hard. That your daughter is now in the position where she is more of a wife to my former husband, stepping up to take over paying all the bills at age 22, making all the household decisions, cutting herself off from having a real relationship where she would grow independent of her mom and dad, and she sees this as normal because this is all she knows. On the other hand, he made me feel like I was his whole world and he truly loved me, right up until the time I left him. Now, nobody can understand why I would leave someone who is so nice, and my former friends, neighbors, or even people I need to depend on, like my kids teachers, see me as the bad guy. These are normal people who don't even see how they have taken sides. My ex seems to be the exception to every rule. The damage to my reputation for even leaving him was the hardest to take. I'm now seen as selfish, irresponsible, flighty, and ironically, manipulative. In their eyes, they don't see a man who refused to pay even for his own phone bill. They don't see the man who denied me access to my special needs middle child. They saw me as being selfish for asking him to use our son's disability money to pay for a portion of his housing. They saw me as rich when I got an au pair to take care of my middle child because he kept running away while I was at work. I'd hired local people, but my ex would be so disorganized and leave food, pets, broken things, everything out. I would travel for work and when I came home it would be like the house was an episode of hoarders. I needed the nanny because everyone else kept quitting because it was so hard staying in the house with my ex. They liked him, but the smell would be awful, the kids weren't disciplined in the least under my ex. I would come in as the taskmaster and try and get things organized, but all the neighbors heard was my kids crying because I demanded that they cleaned up. My daughter would tell people I was abusive to her to play on that sympathy (a trick she learned from her dad). When she was very tiny and told that to my school principal, I made her explain and she bawled "She made me eat my peas". As she grew older, she learned what to say that would make it stick. I wish I could have been there to help her, but I could never work hard enough to get caught up on all the responsibilities that kept piling on me. When I finally left, I kept paying for my special needs son's housing and therefore all of my ex-husband's housing, and despite begging my ex to contribute, he accused me of lying about going broke (and they believed him because I do make a good income, but my lawyer was $45K that year and the nanny was $25K. ). I eventually went homeless with my other son. My ex used my disabled son's money to pay for his lawyer They didn't believe me when my ex-husband knocked me down when I finally had access to see my son with a court order. He was still going to deny me visitation. The bruises didn't matter. They saw a meek, extremely gentle and mild mannered man. Nothing could penetrate that shell of disbelief that he would do anything so evil. That part was living hell. My youngest son is out of that situation and has learned to take care of himself. My middle son was used as a pawn in the divorce and I have extremely limited access to him to this day. He comes to me with feces crawling all the way up to his back in his pants, rashes on his face and scalp, and there is nothing I can do. The social worker was the one who said he should go with his father because I struck her as "selfish". I know my ex-husband will do whatever it takes to keep my daughter there so that she can care for my son, and take care of making all the decisions. She loves that she has so much power and feels like such a responsible adult at 22 years old. I hate to think what this will look like in a few years if she ever does want to live a life of her own and my ex-husband gets scared. I spent 17 years, from the time I was 19 years old, getting sucked back in and mired deeper and deeper, falling into debt trying to take care of a man 10 years my senior. I don't want that to happen to her, taking care of a man 32 years her senior for the next 20 years. I fear every day for my middle child. There is nothing the courts can say that will make him actually take good care of my son, I fear he will get out of the house and wander again. I fear that his hygiene and the house continues to contribute to his poor health. My hands are now tied after leaving this dependent man. Perhaps I should have kept on taking care of him. It was much easier than losing two of my three kids and my reputation.
Hey! I was diagnosed with DPD a while ago. No it isn't a bad thing to have. It's scary and sometimes, like in my case it ends up destroying everything in your life completely if you let it. But it's not a bad thing because it can be treated. All you must remember is that when you are being treated, it will open up a can of uncomfortable worms and you'll want to run away and go back to not dealing with things because it was easier and more comfy. My advice, if u do go into therapy, stick to it. No matter how hard it gets. Have courage. Good luck.
I have a question I really need to ask but the website doesnt work for me -- it wouldn't let me log in after I registered and then when I tried today the site wouldnt load entirely. I checked fb but she doesnt allow messages or posts -- its more of a blog. How can I send Kati my questions? Kati, I am trying to contact you - how do I send my questions in? Also, thanks for CC [Closed Captioning your videos!] I have a hearing loss so that helps A LOT!
Is there a counterpart to this? Most of my past significant others seem like this. I’ve read up on co-dependency, but don’t have the desire to control associated with it. To be honest, the girls I’ve known that seem like they have DPD seem just super feminine, such to the point they can’t handle practical aspects of life.
why does your tumblr ask say 'ask me about eating disorders'? i dont know where to ask questions?
I always knew I am not 'normal'. I grew up in a Japanese family with a very strict father. My mom is very caring and I love her to death, but she was obsessed with my grades. Come to think of it, I probably never had a real rebellious stage that most kids are considered to go through. I always listened to what my parents said, studied pretty hard for every exam and got good grades in schools. This probably contributed to this aspect of my personality. I was lost when I went into the real world with a bunch of adults. Yes, I used to be a smart student when I was a kid, but now, I have a really hard time making decisions on my own because I got so used to being told what to do.
Thank you for making this video because I've been struggling for quite a while now. That lonely feeling is no joke. I have no energy to take care of myself especially on weekends because I'm so tired from putting up a front that I am a 'normal' adult on weekdays.
I hope that someday my situation will get better.
I have a son now, but I will NEVER EVER try to lay out his life for him.
Mikiko T I really understand you. I had the same situation for a quite while especially in the school, i was same silent non rebellious kid, but I didnt even realize that I was too dependent on my mom . And didnt even realized that i usually tend to search for friend witch i could depend too much on. i study now in other city so now i start to take more decisions by myself its kinda still hard to be more independent bc i still phone mom and ask basic life stuff bc i think that i will make poor choice
Wow this really puts things into perspective for me. Thanks for sharing, hope all is well with you and your family.
This is so relatable, m not alone
Omg your comment made me feel like i was throat punched everything you said I'm going through now. I didnt have strict parents quite the opoosite but when I got pregnant i needed my mom to tell me how to do everything. Then my husband at 15 which ended up being a horrible situation that set me straight up for years of abuse. What did i do after that? Oh i left him and just found someone else to tell me what to do every waking moment of my life and when he isnt here i just dojt know what to do. I'm seeking therapy for sure. Its nice to know I'm not alone although I dont wish this kind of stuff on anyone else. Heartbreak & abuse are the only words that sum up my life
Mikiko, I can relate! I never went through a rebellious stage as a teenager either! I had no desire to learn to drive a car when my friends did. My then husband taught me how to drive when, I was 21. 🙄. Mikiko, do your best to grow, change and thrive! You can do it! So can I !
I am such a sensitive person. I have a lot of issues when it comes to doing things without someone's opinion affecting my choices. It's frustrating!
Being diagnosed with this put everything into perspective for me. My greatest fear is having to live on my own. I remember getting really sick several times in the past several years, and each time thinking very clearly that I would love to stay this sick all the time so that I can be taken care of. It scared me, especially because it felt so right.
@oliviahaglund8978 have you gotten better with therapy? I’m still struggling
Wow. I'm impressed by your awareness and honesty. God bless you.
I suffer with this, and it's a really difficult thing to live with. I'm strongly dependent on my partner in relationships. It's destroyed me, and has resulted in a lot of failure. I'm very needy, and clingy. It's to where I can't even take days off away from my boyfriend, otherwise I feel lost. And once I lose that person I'm dependent on, I jump right into another relationship, because I NEED someone to depend on. I absolutely hate being this way. I try to change.. I try to act like a completely different person most times, because I know that if I am too dependent, my relationship will fail, and I will lose the person I need most. But I always fall back to my dependency ways.. I've always been this way. I don't want to be anymore, but I don't know how to change. 😔
Katelyn Hamblin i am with you.
I'm 19, and I have been enjoying alone time. I just wouldn't want it all the time, ya know?
+Katelyn Hamblin
at least you can jump right into another relationship. I can't even get a date because no girls want to date me.
+Katelyn Hamblin you also said this in the bpd lol
Katelyn Hamblin Yes, in my youth I had clingy girlfriends that we're crying on my shoulder witch I miss by the way, see her tears represented fear of loosing any good ♂ man that gives her the attention and devotion that she seeks aka, fear of rejection! Well, I love women who can cry on their mans shoulder, she's a better ♀ woman in my eyes for doing so! Love to all the Ladies with a proper upbringing, yes I feel your pain, God bless!
I just got diagnosed today officially and correctly with borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. I feel my greatest fear in life is moving out of my parents house (I'm 24) and not being able to care for myself. My parents are verbally abusive and toxic and I need to move out for my mental safety but I'm too afraid to do so. I'm currently seeing a new therapist who is helping me with DBT therapy and I hear good things will come from it. My greatest relief with not being bipolar (my previous diagnosis, incorrect) is that personality disorders are not genetic so this is not something that I have to take meds for and when I was born, I had no disorders mentally nor physically. This is because of shitty parenting from a narcissistic dad and alcoholic mother who knew nothing of what care and love is and still don't know. They're both selfish and will manipulate me to satisfy their sick desires. I am currently dealing with resentment towards them and NEED to move out but my dpd makes that impossible. This is literally a nightmare.
You literally just described my life as well. Let's both take care of ourselves and take this one step at a time. We will get through this. I also have OCPD and its tough but im learning to slowly block the noise and take care of myself more, wishing you all the best and luck and love in the world :)
@SparklySarah I have the exact same issue. My biggest fear is moving out and not being able to take care of myself. Just thinking about it gives me unbearable anxiety to where I can’t function in the present moment even tho I have support. I live in the fear of the future in the present moment.
@billybobandboshow how are you doing with your dependent personality disorder? Have you gotten any improvement?
Out of complete left field I got diagnosed with this today and it makes so much sense because I've always struggled with doing anything without people there to emotionally support me. No matter how bad I want to do something I can't do it if someone won't be there with me.
I feel like emotionally abusive people will try to foster this kind of lack of self confidence.
They do
My mom for example
My mother does
Yep. Marriage after 22 years to someone on the npd spectrum. I see I am dependent / avoidant type. Not super but certainly somewhere on this scale. But behavior is learned and can be unlearned.
my girlfriend hasn’t texted me in 5 hours and my entire mental health declined 😃 i’d never tell her that i’m SO dependent on her ESPECIALLY cause i met her a MONTH AGO. WTF. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME. why am i only happy when i talk to her.
Because you're in love with her
@@Natalie-yg5rnoh cmon stop with your fairy tale analysis
He needs to go to the doctor
I am suffering from this so badly rn in this time in my life. It’s the worst thing ever.
I personally do not hav this disorder but I'm just wondering how would one try to recover from this?
How does Dependent Personality Disorder differ from co-dependency?
Thanks!
just_be
See Sam Vaknin's video on this "codependence and dependent personality disorder"
Susanne C I would if I could understand what he says.
Two very different things but the fella above described it perfectly.
just_alexa Anyone can have moments of codependency but DPD is much more pervasive and life long and all encompassing. Codependency is not itself a diagnosis. Does that help?
so I'm basically screwed
I struggle with this enormously alongside BPD and it's both running and ruining my life. I depend on people unnecessarily and when I really shouldn't need to because I'm so scared of managing alone. I have a huge fear of abandonment and rejection and fear losing people in my life so greatly that I will go to almost any lengths to ensure I don't lose them. I am so full of self-hatred for the way I am and would give anything to not be like this :(
I can relate to all of this. I have been struggling with every thing you mentioned since I was 12... I am always scared of losing my parents. I know this is going to sound horrible but I wish that I can die before my parents because I don't think I can be by myself... I can only trust my parents. Especially my mom.
hey..me too! exactly what u said about dieting before my parents.
Same here! I’m also just afraid to get old cause I’m on disability and if I live too long there may be no one that can/will care for me and make sure I’m treated with respect. I’m terrified to go to a nursing home now and maybe that will change. I have no children for fear I’d pass all my many disabilities on to any children I might have. I have a cat. She gets her basics and love but she misses out on a lot due to my issues. She oddly enough has her own issues getting along with guests and me ugh😆 But I refuse to be a “burden” to anyone if I can help it. So where will that leave me when I need 24 hr care, nowhere!!! My cat can’t save me she’ll be gone anyways. And this fear only got stronger when my grandma who worked in a nursing home told me how some of the nurses would secretly abuse their patents and for that reason she at this very point in time dears nursing homes because of this. I can barely do the minimum of self care but if I have to I will move in with her to save her because she was also my foster mom when my narcissistic Mom went to far I was in a “orphanage” and the courts put me in gramma’s care.
I’m really going to discus this with my counselor tomorrow because it has to be addressed. If her son, only 5 years younger than me-I’m 38, doesn’t step up to care for her I fear my gramma and I will be in MY care and that scares me to no end!
I hope you know though I don’t know you I care!!! I support the fact that you can get yourself in a good place in your mind where you can take care of yourself!! I believe in you!! And I wish I could help you more but all I can do is send you my support and love ❤️!
You are not “alone” and I encourage you to do what I’ve been meaning to but haven’t done and that’s finding a support group😊
Yes, I know I hate people giving me advice cause I’ve heard it all but I’m hoping if you feel this way you will look up any mental health support group and just call or stop in n check it out! Cause you can leave the minute you walk in if it’s too much. I’m going to because I’m sick of what I feel is being a burden on my family n friends. Even though rationality tells me my mind is lying to me and they do n
NOT see me as a burden. I know where to go, I know their number, I just gotta get there. Cause I know someone’s got to relate. Someone!
So don’t lose hope my friend, please! I know I sound mental as hell but that’s because I am and I’ll admit to it. But that doesn’t make you or me or anyone a bad person if they have mental health issues❤️
If I’ve offended you in anyway I’m sorry. I’m not inside your head. Thanks for hearing me out if you read this long babble😂😂 of a response😜 Sending you peace ✌️ Love ❤️ and Happiness 😃 stay strong✌️👍
The same happens to me since I can remember and my mum died this year. Losing her was awful, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be because I still have my father, but when he goes out, I'm constantly afraid he's going to die and I'll be left all alone. Thing is, when those things actually happen (if they happen), it's not so bad. Our brains make us think it's the end of the world, but it isn't.
I rely on my parents even though Im over the age of 18!
@sayakaoakes8932 You just described exactly the same fears I go through. Afraid of losing my parents and not being able to take care of myself. My biggest fear is ending up alone, and being completely lost. I feel like a child in an adult body. I have no confidence in being able to care for myself. I stay at home and am in fight or flight 24/7
What if some one has DPD-BPD-PSTD?
What the hell do with them.
My bf has this. .😢 he wants me to come to him..but I can't bcoz of my studies & problems idk wat to do to keep him up
Dependency is often deeply rooted into some issues one might have had since childhood or may b while growing up...
I have DPD and it's such a struggle. I have such deep depression because all the people I depend on leave me, saying I'm clingy and annoying. So I'm just too scared to even try to have regular friendships and avoid everyone.
I've got a question. Why does everyone think that people with dpd act like they are 5?
@@themelancholysystem4481 because it is like being around a child. The person can be age appropriate and functional in some ways but in others it is like being with a child who needs constant help, instruction, approval, guidance, etc. It's draining to be in the "adult" role 24/7 around an adult who is not independent and does not have a visible disability.
I seek someone after I end a friendship but it takes a few years until I find another person who i “idolize” and give all my attention and energy to. But then that friendship ends once again.
Is it like fear of being alone ??
No. Its true incapacity of making decisions by yourself
Hey guys, I've actually been diagnosed with DPD. If I had to describe what it is actually like, it would be like being unable to say or do anything without knowing if it is alright. Never wanting to do anything, and always trying to avoid doing things. The main reason I feel that way is because of fear. When I think of doing something that I have not seen as okay from my dad I get a feeling of fear that prevents me from doing it. It can range from extreme anxiety (I know he doesn't like this behavior) to milder anxiety (I don't know if he likes this or doesn't like this behavior), to no anxiety (I'm doing something with him, or I have seen him do this thing before). I'm constantly monitoring what I do, and I can't really do anything comfortably right now except play video games and occasionally leave the house to get food. I am also 30, and I have never been employed because my dad has never told me or asked me to get a job.
I just dropped out of one of my college classes because I was unable to write a 6 page essay on an assigned book. The book was not difficult to read, but it was very difficult to do the act of reading. I kept stopping because of very strong anxiety and fear. Every essay I have written in college is written 2 days before it is due, and this time I really just didn't feel like putting myself in that kind of stress, so I dropped the class instead of writing the essay. I drop 1 to 2 classes a semester like this, and I have a lot of W's.
Those are a few examples of what DPD is like. Hopefully it can help someone here know if they might have DPD. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
P.S. if you think you have DPD please go see a psychiatrist for an actual diagnosis and get proper medical treatment.
What can i do when i am 27 and need mom to take to hospital and cant ask her because she wont allow. I dont know how money is handled either.
Hi Kati
Do you have any videos on grieving the loss of your therapist? I just finished a 1 year DBT which also means ending my time with the individual therapist that was part of the program. She is not permitted to take on clients, she only works within the program. I knew it going into the program but didn't expect to feel so sad. Just after I started the program my previous therapist retired so I can't even go back to her. I feel so sad and lost. I'm willful about seeking out a new therapist because this one was the best I've had and I'm having difficulty getting over this loss - and I don't want to go through this again! Please help.
BorderlineEverything yes yes yes i agree how do we cope after " loosing someone"? #katiFAQ
This is why I myself will think twice about therapy again. I'm a man in my thirties and i cried my eyes out after CAT ended; I was sad to lose my therapist.
I have never related to something more… I latch onto people and am consumed by securing the relationship with them and as soon as they leave I latch onto a new person
So what if someone fits most of the criteria, but refuses to admit that they are dependent? Does the fact that they think they can do everything by themselves, although they don't do much for themselves, mean that they do not have this is disorder?
I have DPD and it is hard to deal with but I am slowly getting better. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and everything has been good so far. I use to let my DPD get in the way of relationships as well as my BPD but not anymore.
so glad you did this video! i was one of the ones messaging to understand more about dependency and co-dependency. i wrote you on your website, tumblr, and here on youtube and i am so happy you made a video about it!! thank you :) it was really hard to watch and a lot to digest because it is something i struggle with. i had no idea until now how afraid i am of ending up all alone and having to figure out how to completely take care of myself in all areas... looking back, i think that is why my coming of age into adulthood has been so difficult and is still so difficult now as a 26.5 year old unemployed... ahhhhhh haha well thanks :)
Girl, I'm about to be 26 next month and I didn't even know this was a thing until today after my psychiatrist appointment. You are not alone!!!