In 1995 I was physically assaulted, the man said, „why don’t you s@ck another c@ck you f@ggot!“ and then punched me and started vandalizing my apartment. He was arrested. And it went to court. The public attorney suggested that I drop the hate crime charges because if you identify as bisexual he could have thought you were straight, and we don’t even know if the judge even knows what bisexual means. He advised simply to charge for aggravated assault. So I did and the man was convicted. Another strange case happened with a friend I met Ivo Widlak who was put through immigration court because some people believed his heterosexual marriage was actually a scam. So I was seen as possibly „really straight“ by the legal system and Ivo was seen as possibly „really gay“ by the legal system. This illustrates how monosexism manifests in the real world.
Loool, yes it is, I still find it funny when I use hetero(we don’t use straight in portugal there is nothing like that around here) and people legit get offended like, that’s what you are? There’s no other word for it?
@@eueu4854 Not really, not gonna lie it’s funny the way homophobes say it but we call ourselves homosexuals, homos, gay and all the slurs we reclaimed, I really don’t get what you mean.
I mean, it’s true? Gay people don’t oppress bi people; bi people don’t oppress gay people, _because neither of us have the structural power for that_ ... the word you are thinking of is “prejudice,” and yes, it’s always unfortunate.
@@lynxaway We really need to consider more carefully the language we use to describe the action of oppression. How could one person (who is not a cop, who does not write/lobby policy, and who does not directly perpetuate the state itself outside of their own existence and coerced economic participation under it) oppress any one other person? No question there is conflict to be had, and abuse to be directed. But oppression to be inflicted? I'm sorry that it seems nit-picky to litigate definitions like this but honestly, when people use these words like this, they just out themselves as people who have not done the reading 🤷
@@lynxaway well, if you are using your voice of being oppressed to call out another group and claim they don't deserve rights.... you are using power to oppress. This is actually a thing throughout history, an oppressed group oppressing another group either to help themselves or to make themselves feel better. It's a cycle of abuse.
@@lynxaway I'm sorry, but you can most definitively assist to the oppression of a marginalized group by excluding them from your spaces using the same discourse as the oppressing majority. It's having access to the tools of the oppressors and using them but asking to be left out of the conversation
Moral of the story: gay people who are offended by the word monosexual should learn a bit more about intersectionality. Many gay people are ready and willing to exclude bi people from their spaces because of perceived "straight passing privilege", but don't acknowledge that there could be privilege on fitting into the "either or" world view.
It feels similar to me as being mixed race. One part of your heritage treats you as a second-class citizen and not really that race, and the other half treats you like you're privileged or too good for them without realizing you don't get to fit into any group, and feel like a perpetual outsider.
@@sardonicus1739 SEE this is the problem with this whole discourse omg. the fact that you think that thats an ok comparison and not that one side is just FUCKING RACIST and the half that thinks youre too privileged for them is, well, not wrong lmao. doesnt justify exclusion or mockery but
@@sarahelassal5658 1. actually I'd suggest that both sides are racist as well as one suffering from racism. The treat-you-as-privileged side of the family is suffering internalised racism, one facet of why they see the mixed-race person as better. They're also maybe envious/jealous of mixed-race maybe (either for real or at least in their eyes) being targetted less by racism. 2. While racism and monosexism are quite different, similar principles and binary thinking apply. If you haven't experienced oppression due not fitting into a binary like this and therefore finding it hard to believe (or for other reasons), please don't discount these experiences. If you haven't had them, I'm glad you've not.
Great video. Your content has really helped me so much come to terms with my internalised biphobia. As a bisexual woman who has been sexually assaulted several times and been in an abusive relationship with a het man who weaponised be being bi in his abuse, those statistics about bisexual people being abused always hit me like a punch in the gut.
As a woman who's bisexual I feel the difference between being fully gay and being bi in two ways, I've been in a long term relationship with a man for years now and I live in fear that his family will find out and have major issues with me and at the same time I don't feel straight either. And as time goes by and I spend years with this man I feel less and less comfortable being in the LGBTQ+ space since I'm more often than not seen as straight. It's a very strange feeling. Thank you for talking about this so publicly.
That's because you have nothing to lose. Your partner knows who you are so why would you care about anyone else? You live in safety why are you trying to make out you're underprivledged?
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Way to miss the entire point of this whole video by alienating a bisexual. She didn't specify that her husband knows she's bi. You just assumed he knows. And maybe he's supportive, or maybe he's the type to want performative bisexuality from her even if she's not comfortable with it? Or possibly the opposite? Maybe she wants a girlfriend but he doesn't want her to have one? (That would be getting into poly territory which is a whole other subject, but still.) Maybe she's feeling trapped, isolated, frustrated and shamed? *And how tf do you assume that she has nothing to lose?* Maybe she has children? Maybe she's afraid of coming out as bi in the social climate of her community? Maybe she's afraid they will actually try to take her children from her just bc she identifies as bi? (Some families actually DO try to do that!) Maybe she is afraid to be shunned and slut shamed by her husband's family? Or even worse: by her husband. Maybe she's afraid that openly being WHO SHE IS could RUIN her life? Maybe she'd just like to at least be able to find a friend group who could understand all this? But she has nothing to worry about, right? GTFOH. Maybe I'm projecting some of my own issues here? Just maybe.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Even if her partner does know, it's absolutely false to suggest she has nothing to lose. I'm in a similar situation, married to a straight man, and I've been active in LGBTQ spaces for most of my adult life, and some of his younger family members know I'm bi, and some of his older family members would definitely think either that I'm cheating on him or our marriage is a sham or both if they found out. I'm relatively lucky, I'm pretty sure he'd side with me if he had to (though him losing contact with part of his family would still be tragic), but that's not going to be the case for lots of people in this sort of situation, we know that many people, when forced to choose between their queer partners and their families, will pick their families.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax what an absolutely worthless argument. as if you can't experience abuse/oppression from anyone else than your intimate partner? it's the same if you would argue a trans person in a wlm/mlw relationship shouldn't care about what anyone else thinks if their partner knows who they are and support them?? way to belittle someone's experience of alienation and prove the point of the video.
@Crystal’s Comments OH please.....we all know that bisexual women have it much easier than a gay man or any man for that matter. Let me go down the street holding my boyfriends hand and lets see how that pans out. Her bisexuality has nothing to do with her being married to a straight man with 2.3 children living in a house with a white fucking picket fence. The quicker that you morons figure all this out, maybe we can move on and make it safe for everyone while acknowledging your closets are far more fucking smaller and hardly worth the worries.
OK I legit fucking died laphing - so I'm bilingual & for me in spanish the word Mono means Monkey. So I legit read it as Monkey-sexual 🐵 !!! 😭😭😭😭😭 god !
As a lesbian, I think people who have an issue with the term monosexuality don’t really understand what it means?? Like, saying that gay people and straight people are both privileged over bi people doesn’t mean that gay people are as privileged as straight people. The word monosexual isn’t erasing heterosexism, it’s just acknowledging there’s another layer to the system. For example, a white upper class person is privileged over all people of the working class, but white working class people are privileged over working class POC. It’s just intersectionality.
exactly, and as a bi person i wouldn't even say gay people are necessary more privileged than bisexuals in every situation, it kind of more depends on the context, since overall we do experience a lot of the same struggles anyway
@@antitheticaldreamgirl bi people aren’t more or less oppressed than gay/lesbian people lmao there are different problems within each community/lgbt identity
Thank you for making this video. Sincerely. I've struggled a lot with being called homophobic slurs and just general homophobic mistreatment because of how I dress and the fact that I'm primarily interested in and have primarily been with women. But then I've also been rejected either outright from gay spaces or implicitly. So it has often left me feeling like there is literally nowhere for me to even go. Because I'm too gay for homophobes and I'm too straight for biphobes. Monosexual and monosexism have been words that I've used before to discuss this very specific kind of issue. The othering, distrust, etc of bi people in queer spaces, in addition to the homophobia bisexuals may experience from outside those spaces. The words have been go to's because it is a very specific problem and it's important and needs to be talked about. But those words get focused on and the actual problems I am trying to talk about never get addressed. Just the fact that I did not use perfect words. And even when I choose not to use them and write things out in greater detail, I have run into issues with it being taken as an offense. I often feel like I am just not allowed to talk about my experience as a bisexual at all. So seeing this video about the words, their history (I didn't know how old they were so that was cool to learn!), and the problems that bi people face that are unique to bi people...It was very nice and helps me feel a little less alone. And I do hope it helps with understanding the unique troubles that bisexuals go through. I really do.
I recently discovered your channel after seeing some discourse about it in which my mutuals were disagreeing with you, now I'm not bisexual I've considered myself lesbian for many years and still do, so seeing a person like you being said to be "attacking" my community didn't make me feel good. I based my opinions of you based on what others around me said, and I admit I've had some borderline biphobic ideas and mentalities due to my own struggles and "envy" of not having found attraction in men. That was something that really affected me and what I've held on to. At the end of the day, it felt kind of good being able to put anger towards others who are basically who you wish you had turned out to be if that makes sense. However, recently I had noticed these thoughts and wondered how damaging they were not just to me, but for others. So I decided to give your videos a chance, especially those regarding comphet and others talking about bisexuality. It was a little hard for me, like you mentioned in a video before, once you find some attachment to a community and base a lot of your life around that, it's hard to let it go or want to look at things differently. But I also knew I had to do it at some point, so after days of just having your videos bookmarked to watch later, I finally did. I must say I have learned a lot, and I have seen things in a different respective than I might have before. It also made me rethink a lot of things about online communities I engage with and my own identity as a Lesbian and what it means to be one. I still think I'm a lesbian, as a life with a man seems one that is painful, even though in a way that's all I've wanted to be able to have the life "I was supposed to". But I've been able to see things from the bisexual point of view and I definitely understand now that being a bisexual isn't an attack on me, my identity, or my community, and that ultimately the only way I can be happy that I am a lesbian, is to find comfort on that and not hate others who are different from me just because of my envy. Not sure if this comment made sense, I struggle with words but I just want to thank you for your videos. I'd love to talk to you personally one day as I think we could learn a lot from each other and you seem like a very intelligent and charismatic person. Thank you and have a great day.
Your comment make a whole lot of sense. Very pleased you got the courage to share your personal journey and struggles. I'm quite touched by it. 🙏🏼 Thank you so much. 💫
I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for this comment. Your introspection is so deeply appreciated. Envy is one of, if not the most difficult human emotion for one to come to terms with, so I so applaud you for being able to do so. I truly wish we could see more of this because it would definitely bridge the wide gap that’s been created between our two communities. Thank you 💜
Being normal gives a lot of privileges, but it isn't something you can force yourself to be. Studies have shown that people are happiest when they don't have to pretend to be something they are not. I am really sorry your environment has punished you so much for not being straight, please find additional environments and groups where you don't have to hide your being gay, and where the others find it perfectly normal and just yet another part of your awesome self.
@@Call-me-Al What is normal? Is that even a thing? 🤔 Power and hierarchy isn't really a "normal" way of being. Love is normal. Hate is not. 🤷🏻♀️ I'm not going to speculate about norms when a majority keep their secrets under a rug... 😅
BIG AGREE!! it really bothers me that so much discussion about oppression has turned into this strict hierarchy of who’s more oppressed/who oppresses who, when it’s more that the systems of oppression in the world just... affect different people in different ways. the distinction between “spared injustice” and “unfair advantage” is especially important imo (also as an ace on the aro spectrum let me say, this is basically the exact same conversation as the discourse around “alloromantic” and “allosexual” as terms, ugh ;; )
Huh. Slight tangent and I hope it's not rude, but is the 'allo' in allosexual and -romantic a similar root as for allistic / non-autistic? (I'm bi and autistic, hence lacking the ace discourse knowledge on linguistics, specifically.)
My partner is gay, but he doesn’t mind that I’m bi. But he and some other gay friends when I first met them did feel a bit confused why I like both, but they’ve never ostracised. On the hetero side however, I’ve had great difficulty since coming out as bi in dating women. Most women don’t realise I’m bi and assume I’m gay, and when they find out I’m bi, they think I’ll cheat on them with a guy, or get weirded out about me having dated men.
Most of my friends are bi, and I actually had no idea that monosexual was considered pejorative in any way. We just have a gaggle of bis together chatting about attraction like, "Wow, there are so many people who can look at a gorgeous person and be *categorically* not attracted to them? How does that work? How would that feel?"
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax greed is having more on your plate than you can eat. Having a broader taste range is not greed. Like... saying "I like apples AND oranges" is not greedy compared to someone who just likes apples, or someone else who just likes oranges. Being greedy in this context might means loading your plate with apples and oranges (or 5 oranges, say) when everyone knows you personally can only eat 2 or 3 before being full/ill. Not saying polyamory is bad btw with this analogy. Not aiming anything at non-monogamy here, it works very well for some people. Being greedy in that context is trying to date more people than you have time or love to give, and that varies person to person.
Huh, interesting! I’m a lesbian myself, but I always like to hear my bi friends talking romance and attraction. I can understand in theory how it makes sense to be attracted to any lovely person, it’s just not how it works for me :p
Unrelated to the video, but I would like to hear you talk about this weird attitude some people have about slur reclamation by saying "bi women can't reclaim the d slur and bi men can't reclaim the f slur". Personally, I think it's silly since the oppressors who use those words don't give a crap if the person they're targeting is gay or bi. I feel like you would have a very interesting take on it.
Both words should just vanish from polite society, so that one would know anyone who used either of them would be someone one would know not to invite to a dinner party.
This one I think about a lot because like. The d slur has been used against me quite frequently. I'm bi, yes, but like you said it's not like the people using the word to insult me care whether or not I'm a lesbian or bisexual. What they care about is that I'm a woman into other women at all, and a GNC woman on top of that. So on the one hand, I do wish I could reclaim it because it's been used to hurt me for much of my life and I don't really "look straight". On the other hand though, I've seen the sentiment that bi women just can't reclaim it at all even if it's been used against them. Honestly, I sometimes feel awkward even talking about the fact that I've been called it a lot.
I very much feel able to reclaim it, if you have been called a faggot in the street or had it used against you as a weapon then that word is yours, be you gay or bi, or frankly even just identifywith it. That said one of the first times I was ever called it was after leaving a gay bar in soho where I felt pretty unwelcome and like I was just the wannabe gay friend having to prove myself. anyway after leaving early a drunk guy called me a faggot as I walked by him (presumably because I was wearing eye make up) and it made me feel strangely validated in a weird “thank you sweet homophobe I feel really seen” kind of way which a bar full of gay men had absolutely failed to do and in fact had done the opposite. so maybe my experience of it is biased but I like it as a reclaimed word. anyway just my own experience.
I think a word is reclaimed when it stop being a slur so everyone can use it. Why make it a word with extra big power and then help keep it alive. I think that is contraproductive
Another thing is that the word 'lesbian' used to be used basically to mean 'sapphic', so all bi women were considered lesbians. The same thing happened with gay and bi men, so yes these slurs were used against lesbians and gay men, before there was a difference between gay/lesbian and bi.
Huh, I'm a bi guy and I didn't actually know monosexual was a word. I knew allosexual, used by asexual people to refer to sexual people, but monosexual is a new one. This is a very educational video, good job!
@@bruhmoment1936 People only attracted to biological beings (humans or animals), in comparison to those who experience attraction to non-organic persons (objectum sexuals, fictosexuals, somniosexuals, technosexuals and so on).
Re: "Monosexism groups gays in with their oppressors" The same argument happened back then about allosexual (not-asexual, in the same way cis means not-trans). And it was so frustrating. That argument just shortcuts the whole conversation about how the words (monosexual/allosexual) can be helpful, and leaves no room for nuance about the kinds of impacts that monosexism/aphobia can have. The discourse equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ear and going "nananana I can't hear you!"
Yah! It's not like it's an illogical grouping that's some contrived way to group heterosexual and heterosexuals. It's just a would that let's you reference all people that feel attraction to just one gender at once with one word instead of multiple. It's like getting mad at left handed, right handed, and ambidextrous lol
Really interesting video! I can see why people might bristle at the term "monosexual"- for me it makes me think of all the times I've been mocked for not being attracted to women/only being attracted to men (as a gay man), and snarky tumblr posts that indicate that everyone is secretly bisexual- but that's just the defensive instinct that overrides a logical discussion. I'm perfectly fine with being categorized as monosexual, because I am, and acknowleding the issues that arise from monosexism. Social media just has a horrible habit of taking complex, layered discussion and squashing them down into some kind of rabid "us vs them" fight.
19:45 this point is particularly salient. A lot of discourse (which is often helmed by white voices) defaults to this separation of identities that is not helpful in holistically understanding a person's experience. There's an insidious racism in parsing out a black man as straight and black separately, and not as a straight black man, who has inherently different experiences with his gender and sexuality BECAUSE of his race and because of cultural norms and histories that white leftists on the internet refuse to engage with. I appreciate you for pointing this out in your video. I'd never heard of this split theory of privilege before and it's such a helpful tool in broadening these discussions at least a little bit, so thank you for introducing me to it
This is one of the most productive comment sections I've encountered on this app, like ever! It's like a chill, sad, and introspective support group. It really reflects the high quality and effort of the video I think. Verilybitchie taught me 5 new words and concepts, and gave me twice as much to think about
dr kenji is the one true bi ally, all hail. (but fr thanks for giving a voice to those of us less inclined to reason, solid bi work as always and i'm seriously beyond grateful for the stuff you put out and i know i'm not the only one)
This video made my day. I’ve struggled to articulate for years why being bisexual feels uniquely difficult in certain ways, and a lot of it stems from the refusal of LG people to unpack their discomfort with us, their poor treatment of us and silence around our existence. Monosexual is not a pejorative, it’s an important naming that absolutely needs to continue happening.
this channel feels like i am genuinely having my third eye open. growing up w the gay accepting spaces of the internet it's always intuitively seemed that bisexuality would be easier partially bcs of the ability of living a fairly fulfilling life completely straight passing. i've seen it as a stepping stone for some people to accept theyre gay. (you know the time in highschool where ppl are figuring out themselves and everybody questions their monosexuality) but the facts don't lie! it indeed isn't easier but different. this helped me see so much more of the whole picture. who would've thought that world is far more complex? and we can't keep easy score for some kind of oppression olympics? how come so many of my most favourite creators w the most interesting takes are trans? what do they put in the hrt? is that the trans agenda? /hj much love 💞💖
The concept of straight passing I honestly found rather weird the first time I came across it, since like I never managed that at all at the time. Because like I didn't "look straight". I dressed in a GNC way that specifically involved flannel and I was loud about liking women, so I ended up reading as a lesbian in high school. Which opened me up to being called a variety of homophobic slurs as well as mistreatment from my family. So like when I first came across the whole "Bi people can pass as straight" thing I was initially very ???? about it since I hadn't managed that feat and spent most of my formative years being called homophobic slurs. I didn't really "benefit" from this till like I tried out an experiment and decided to start dressing femininely. Partly because, as a bigender person who hasn't been taken seriously, I felt pressured to clearly distinguish my genders somehow and clothing seemed the best shot. That didn't really work out and over time the girly clothes fell by the wayside and now the experiment's been abandoned entirely. Because I just wasn't happy that way. So we're back to very GNC dress and back to wearing flannels in specific and I'm finally happy again with how I look. Which I think is a big thing? That sort of...Well you're fine but like. You're not fine on the inside because you're hiding shit and just don't feel like you're being you. And now you get the unique horror of like...People saying REALLY homophobic things to you expecting you to nod along and agree because they think you're straight. Which is followed by a game of "Do I out myself either directly by saying it or implicitly by arguing against this at all?" So like I can look straight in theory, I suppose, but it's not really a fulfilling or happy life for me. Others have different experiences though because there's not like any one way of being bi. Though I think that even in the case of like one looking straight to most of the world there's still like...The sense of alienation from all spaces and the having to deal with people being REALLY HOMPHOBIC thinking that you'll be fine with it. Which creates this sense of like...You're safe. But you're conditionally safe.
@@Aondeug That always confused me too. I mean technically gay people can be straight passing to, they just have to be in the closet. Do mono people stop finding others attractive when they get in a relationship? no. so why should a bi person shut up and pretend they don't like the other gender when they get with one? it's just pushing them into the closet, which is the same thing as a gay person being forced to be quiet. The only privilege we have over homosexuals, that I can think of, is that we aren't necessary forced to be with the other gender because we are in the closet, but are simply exempt from exploring outside the opposite gender.
@@GuyIllusion I would say that an unfair advantage would be being able to fall deeply in love with someone of the opposite gender and then being able to pursue them without the pretense that you can be persecuted for it. It is an advantage bisexuals have. My family would be far happier to see me bring home a girlfriend than a boyfriend, for gays bringing home the person you love is like a trial by fire *always* with bisexuals, given the statistics of how often they even end up in same-gender relationships, it's only some of the time.
"you know the time in highschool where ppl are figuring out themselves and everybody questions their monosexuality" 😳 Holy _fuck_, the world has changed. I think back to my own high school experience (as a bi cis man, who went to HS in the late 80s-early 90s) and I can't even process what a life would be like where that sentence could be true, much less be so true that you could just start it with a "you know" and that's a perfectly reasonable sentence. Since apparently I'm old enough now that my HS experience is history (which is a weird thought in itself) - back then, being gay could easily be a death sentence, either from your peers or from your parents. But AIDS activism had started to create a much more powerful and cohesive gay community than had ever existed before - except that it had realized that "born this way" was a message that resonated and worked to get people human rights, and the mere existence of bi people complicated that story too much, because it led to the question "well, couldn't you just choose to be straight _anyway?_" So the gay community often wasn't much friendlier to bi people than the straight one. And AIDS propaganda from the religious right - whose main POV was basically "AIDS is God's way of cleansing homosexual perverts from the Earth, we should isolate them and let them all die" and I _wish_ that were an exaggeration - made bi people the ultimate menace, secret perverts who acquired AIDS and spread it to innocent, God-fearing White women. It was a fucked up time.
This is a great reminder that there are different levels of privilege (and, yes, sometimes oppression) even within communities oppressed by society as a whole. We have to look at our privilege in every situation and use it responsibly.
That study that after being educated about white privilege people had lower opinions of poor whites rather than better opinions about poor blacks I think really illustrates a bit of a problem with a lot of leftist advocacy. I really think when talking to a "layman" you have to be careful with the terminology you use because things that are fine in an academic context like a sociology essay or something when used in an attempt for activism may not convey or instill exactly the kind of thing you want. The topic of "privilege" is something very contentious not only among people "out of the loop", but as shown by the topic of this video it's contentious even among more queer left leaning folks as well. Even if the underlying phenomenon is real, how you convey an understanding of that phenomenon to someone and the specific words you use requires careful consideration lest they get the wrong impression.
Differentiating the more general and the more specific is quite important. Privilege and oppression are distributed in a multitude of ways ... and the general may not apply to the specific. That's also intersectionality. It's important to get the whole picture. Rambling against general observation for it doesn't align with specific experiences ... is unfortunately harmful to the whole process. People generalising own experiences... is a pest. Poor white folks wouldn't have to argue about the concept of white privilege if they knew that classism may cancel their white privilege quite often. I'm not sure ... how they can be invited to get a grasp on that kind of power dynamics, when they feel so offended in the first place that they don't want to engage ...
This video helped me feel less alone! Those stats for depression and anxiety being less likely to improve for bisexuals in later life is disheartening. But I already feel less alone just from seeing myself represented in your videos and nuanced and empathetic content about bisexual issues. But like, no wonder as a bi nb I feel less like a human being with a gender and more like an alien tourist. The fact that I exist disapproves all that absolutist and black and white thinking about straight vs gay, gay vs bi. We break down barriers by existing. But instead of feeling like I'm doing good work, I just feel left out of everywhere. No wonder I'm too depressed to achieve any "success" that was expected of me. I'm too ground down from being told the way I am is wrong from all directions.
"Calling people out online are more about experimenting with the sub/dom dynamic than problem solving" Holy crap! That is a scorching take and it's so true that I am definitely not going to be able to forget that!
I really enjoyed this video!! As a bi woman who’s married to a man, I find a lot of people assumptions/attitudes to be really frustrating & hurtful & it sucks that a lot of people interpret you talking about your specific struggles as you undermining or ignoring others troubles. Obviously a lot of people have it worse than me but that doesn’t erase issues I’ve experienced personally. People need to be more understanding & give others the benefit of doubt
As a nonbinary lesbian, when I say that bisexuals/pansexuals have a different experience from us, I don't mean that as an exclusionary thing, I mean that they have a different relationship with their sexual identity compared to monosexuals. They experience biphobia from the straight and gay communities, so that unique experience gives them a unique perspective. It's similar for trans identities. I can relate to other trans people while talking about things like dysphoria and the methods of relieving that dysphoria, but I know people who accept trans men and women as men and women, but refuse to see nonbinary people as nonbinary. Basically, there's a reason these distinctions are made. It's not to exclude anyone, it's to address how people's experiences differ based on the specific label. There are people who exclude bisexuals and nonbinary people from queer spaces on purpose, and that's not what I'm trying to say we should advocate for, but there's always going to be more specific communities within the greater LGBTQ+ community. Please let me know if something came off as rude or exclusionary. I have an idea of what I wanna say in my head, but I'm struggling to write it down
I love this video. As an asexual bi person, this really reminds me of the pushback against the term "allosexual" or "zedsexual" to describe people who experience sexual attraction, as the attraction of gay people is one that is oppressed whereas heterosexual attraction is seen very differently. It doesn't change the fact there is a difference and having a word to help discuss it helps talk about our experiences in a clearer way.
Just had to pause to 🤣 for the sub/dom dynamic of callouts on the internet. If you made that a Short so it could be sent to peeps for a ton of topics, I'd love that!
Put off watching this vid for a long time because as a lesbian on Tumblr in like 2016 I did absolutely see people use the word "monosexual" pejoratively to refer to gay and lesbian people. That left a bad taste in my mouth about the whole concept so I expected to be annoyed or even angry at this video essay. But I'm very glad I did watch it, because it's definitely given me more perspective and I can understand now how it can be a useful term.
I love this! So glad I found your channel. Im a monosexual gay person and its so weird to me that anyone would find that term offensive.. Also to all the people that are getting rejected because they are bi, come date me and expand my dating pool! Lord knows I'm a lonely bish and there's some slim pickens around these parts.. :U
Same. I'm a monosexual gay person too, and I just don't understand how anyone can think it's bad to be called monosexual. I don't exclude any one of any sexual identity, they're all perfectly valid. Weirdly enough, I have had people tell me that it's problematic for me to be very strictly monosexual, sadly.
@@somethingsomething9006 As a monosexual gay man, same. People get mad at you for anything. Nothing you do will be unproblematic for anybody. Some people out there will get mad for what you wear, what you feel, and what you ate yesterday.
I think a lot depends upon context. Many words can be said in such a way as to make them an insult. Monosexual can be said as a way of implying a limitation, even a disability.
I love your videos about bisexuality so much. Finally. Finally good videos about bisexuality that don't simply define bisexuality but discuss it deeply. Thank you so much.
I'm here watching this video again right after its premiere because it was so good! I appreciate all the LGBTQIA+ history, the academic/stats info, and the analysis of the different kinds of privilege within the LGBTQIA+ communities
I am a bisexual cis woman and there are just so many nuances to discrimination. For example: I have a short, slender and sweet nonbinary friend who is always read as female, and they get harassed relentlessly on the streets. I have dark hair, a deep voice (at least for a woman) and I am slightly tall. It's so much easier for me to be read as a dominant, self assured woman you better don't mess with than my friend. Having dark hair and a deeper voice also helps me with being taken more seriously in male settings. Also I'm white, so that helps as well. That doesn't mean I don't get harassed at all. But I do get harassed far less frequently than they do and If people overstep boundaries of mine, harassers are far more likely to change their mind if I just look at them. That is a privilege.
This is a really wonderful video. I'm in my mid-20s (late-20s? what is time?) and I really, really appreciated the deep dive in the history of the community. I started identifying as bi around age 19, then as pan briefly (mostly because of the "you're a TERF if you identify as as bi" rhetoric) and now I use bisexual or queer depending on the people I'm around. Thank you for this - really fascinating.
I cried watching this video. And then I re-watched it 5 times and cried every time. I feel seen, understood, validated and just...no longer alone. Im just so thankful that this person was brave enough to tackle this topic on such a hostile platform . Thankful that they are smart and creative enough to make such great content. My emotions as so raw right now i did not expect this. Thank you. Thank you so fucking much for doing this. It means everything to me.
So, I'm bi. Over the years, I've seen straight people, gay people, bi people, monogamous people, polyamorous people, etcetera. The most important thing I've learned is to let other people live their truth and embrace that everyone is born different.
This is somewhat unrelated to your video, but thank you for your discussion about being nonbinary yet still seeking a full "womanization" HRT regimen. I've been very unsure of my gender identity recently, especially due to a lack of concrete representation in anywhere. I've felt fucking alone in my little corner of genderqueerness. For the record, I've settled on referring to myself as just transfeminine, though demifemale and deminonbinary are still apt descriptors (but just _feel_ lacking). I've just started to process of full "womanizing" HRT a few weeks ago, opting to eventually develop breasts to limit social dysphoria. And mentally, there's been this huge pressure on myself to drop the nonbinary label altogether. Even though I still identify with it. So again, thank you for that discussion even though it was brief. It's very reassuring to hear someone encounter similar experiences with regards to their gender identity. 💖
When u dont see that its not availible yet... Just thought that youtube could make this a little more obvious, caus this got me frustrated too many times... Hopefully u dont realize im drunk. Luv your channel. I actually talk about your content with my therapist. Thank you
While listening to it, I was like: Ok I'll put a like, I need do rewach it, it's so illuminating. But then I realized I've already put a like. It happened like 3 times in 12 minutes. God I wish I could put more likes...
Monosexual is a slur because it puts gay and straight people in one category; cisgender is a slur because it puts women and men in the same category; human is a slur because it puts cis and trans people in the same category; every adjective is a slur because it doesnt differentiate on every other adjective. Solid logic, I see no problems.
Excellent video! I learned some useful concepts that I wish I'd known before attempting to discuss certain topics with people online and in real life. I've had a few people get angry with me for talking about "privilege," but I was talking about spared injustice and they were assuming I meant unjust enrichment (even though I gave examples.) Also, I was speaking about concepts and systems, not individual people, and they took it personally. I couldn't figure out why this was happening, but now I understand, so thank you! Some of the most vicious arguments I've seen online have been about bisexuality, and, in those cases, cis gay and lesbian people happened to be the ones most adamantly opposed to the idea that bisexuals face systemic oppression of any kind. I don't think the idea of intersectionality is very well understood in general. Also, the skits in this video are hilarious.
There's also the fact that, in many places bisexuality is still not even recognized as something that exists. I grew up without any notion that this was a real thing, or that the word existed, or that anyone could like more than one gender. It was always the right (straight) way and the wrong (gay) way. As a result I only found out bisexuality existed in my twenties, and I only realized I was bi when I fell in love with a girl and said girl confessed to me first. Literally. Took her saying to me she was in love with me, for me to suddenly realize, that, OH. I liked her too. That way. We dated for 3 years, and ever since I started to realize all of the things I said, thought, felt, how out of place I had always been in dating conversations, how I felt like an impostor for loving gay spaces and stories, and felt uncomfortable in straight ones. Just so many things that to this day still give me random insights and memories that oh, right, that was all because I was always bi, I just had no outlet, representation, or space for my identity, and had no idea what to do with it. I mean. If THAT's not underprivilege idk what is honestly.
For so so long I've felt like I had to make room for myself or see myself in gay/lesbian activism. You've taught me so much bisexual history and demystified so many bisexual experiences! Thank you!!!
Labels and boxes are good for scientific research and finding like minded people. We needs words to google! But when people try to calculate the %privilege of each individual it defeats the whole point. Each form of privilege isn’t really directly comparable to the others. The categories are great to get resources to a certain marginalized group. But if you are using it to rank the privilege points in your friend group... that is so not the point. 🤦♀️
I can not put into words how much I love this video, we desperately need more analysis about biphobia and bisexuality, often it feels like we are an afterthought when it comes to analyse queerness, and seeing you talking about this matter, specially as another bisexual trans woman, means the world to me
This is why I feel like Multisexuals & Trans people have the most similar experience as each other within the LGBTQ+ community. While the experiences certainly aren't the same, there's a lot of gatekeeping to both of these groups.
You should start your own acronym then. Clearly we ARE different to you and those like you. LG keeps to themselves while Bi/ trans keep to themselves as well.
I kind of feel gender nonconforming (ambigender) people tend to have a lot of similar experiences to bisexual people. bisexual - gender doesn't limit who a person can love, as sexual orientation is fluid ambigender - gender doesn't limit who a person can be, as gender expression is fluid bisexual people are told to pick a side between straight and gay/lesbian ambigender people are told to pick a side between cis and trans/nonbinary bisexual people are said to be on the road to coming out as gay/lesbian ambigender people are said to be on the road to coming out as trans/nonbinary bisexual people are assumed to be "confused" about their sexuality ambigender people are assumed to be "confused" about their gender bisexual people are criticized if they still enjoy opposite-sex relationships ambigender people are criticized if they still enjoy normative gender expression bisexual people are prone to silencing and erasure within the LGBTQ community ambigender people are prone to silencing and erasure within the LGBTQ community bisexual people are more likely to be alienated in gay/lesbian spaces ambigender people are more likely to be alienated in trans/nonbinary spaces
The period early in my transition when I didn’t have any idea how my gender would be read from one encounter to the next was both terrifying and exhausting. I am so thankful to be on this side of that chasm now as I have more control over my presentation so I can present more feminine or androgyne (I’m genderfluid & non-binary) without as much fear of being read wrongly as masc.
As an aromantic asexual the bisexual community has my support fully! I hope people learn to grow up and people become more aware of their biphobia. We need to become more supportive as a community and not become terfs and biphobes because it does absolutely nothing for our community. I hope you all have the chance to grow up and surround yourselves with supportive people who love you.
I think there’s more to it than needing a term for the social dynamic and political nuance. I think there’s something psychological in the difference between bi and straight/gay attraction. I’ve been considering adopting the prefix demi- for a while now, since I never find anyone attractive until I get to know them at least a little bit, then if I like them, they appear attractive to me. But that is not modulated in any way by their gender. I can look at a beautiful stranger and be aware of their beauty but not feel emotionally drawn to them as people. It’s more like looking at a work of art. I’m not going to get a crush on the Sistine Chapel, no matter how lavishly gorgeous it is. Once I hear them speak a bit and they seem intelligent and kind, my brain reframes them as attractive and I see them as physically appealing. So I kind of remap my own experience in trying to understand “monosexuals”. That no matter how beautiful a person is, if they’re not a member of the preferred gender, they simply don’t register as a potential target of attraction. There’s got to be different wiring in there somewhere. Sorry for the ramble. I’m still trying to figure it out myself
I'm trans lesbian, but I understand what you mean. I'm not quite the same or maybe I'm understanding it differently. I can def feel sexual attraction to someone I don't know, but that is not at all enough to make me interested/crush on them. Sexual attraction is a separate for of attraction from romantic and for me both only happen towards women. I only become romantically interested in ppl after we become friends. Really don't understand how ppl just go up to someone they've never met and flirt lol. I can't not feel like I would be objectifing them if I did that. Not saying it's wrong to meet ppl in a bar and flirt and more. Just for me it doesn't feel right.
ppl are getting mad at the use of "monosexual"?? what next? getting mad at ace ppl for using "allosexual"?? getting mad at trans ppl for using "cisgender"?? oh oh right
I was once told that I was being "panphobic" for being bisexual, so from now on I identify as a "bxtch." For context, this was in a *Pride Ally group.*
Something that bothers me, is I get treated like an ally more than a member of the lgbt community because I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman. I don't feel welcomed as a member, but rather another straight ally. I know who I am, but it does matter how the peoples in my communities view and categorize me. I'm not an ally. I'm a card carrying member. I pay my dues, so I expect to be recognized as such.
Bruh, I remember getting called “biphobic” and “transphobic” for identifying as pansexual back in 2020. I ended up labeling myself as bi, not because I have an issue with pansexuality as a label and identity, it’s just that I do NOT want to complicate my Sexual Orientation OCD any further. 😭
Also this reminds me a lot of how people assume sexism only hurts women. But toxic masculinity is a side effect of a sexist society and that clearly hurts men. Monosexuality/monosexism hurts /everyone/
daaaamn this is blowing my mind. i love the 'spared injustice' and 'unjust enrichment' distinction in privilege.... and so much of what you said!! thank you!!
I think some people have a hard time understanding that while they are struggling, other people are struggling too. It's not a pissing contest on who has it worst or who is the best. Well, it shouldn't be. Anyways, I love your videos. Thank you for making this great stuff.
Oh boy, I'm so glad I discovered your videos!! The algorithm really did me a solid this time! Each video I watch, I learn something brand new AND you use sources, which are so important in our times of quoting stats without proof. Such an interesting video, I've learned a lot!
I'm guilty of a few of these sins. Especially as a post-9/11 teenager. I was definitely told to pick a side, and I'd respond by confidently informing them that some spectrum of bisexuality was the natural state of things - like I was some sort of 17 year old leader in the field of sexuality. Thank goodness I had nearly no regular access to the internet at the time! Being "bi" in the mid-2000s was such a weird minefield in itself, and good god!- is it more intense and fragmented now. I dont even know what to tell people anymore, and its exhausting. I just want to fall in love with humans, dammit.
I literally had to pause it to laugh so hard!!!! Omg so good! "you must make a sacrifice... you will be canceled on tumblr!" Oh my god so good!!!!! "in the time before times, in 2011" hahahahahahha
As a monosexual (gay/demi), people being offended by the term annoys me so much. It's a practical term. Understand it's a privilege and get over yourself and just support our bisexual siblings. It's their turn to get the respect they deserve.
Being bi, I love describing myself as "very gay." I had to explain why recently, and realized a lot of it has to do with personal defiance against bi erasure and prejudice
Saying "monosexual" is homophobic because it groups strictly gay and straight people together is like saying "AFAB" is transphobic because it groups cis girls and trans guys together. like yeah, these labels of people have specific things in common, and there are some statements that need to be made involving those similarities.
I'm so relieved to discover that someone else has put into words the discomfort I've had with the terminology surrounding the concept of privilege. Hearing it described that "privilege" conflates the two distinct concepts of "spared injustice" and "unjust enrichment" made my inner voice jump up and down yelling "someone put words to the Thing!" So while I think this was a great and important video in general, and I really appreciate your discussions about bisexuality more broadly, I'm especially grateful for you discussing this bit in particular, because this complaint had kind of been floating around in my head, half-articulated, for years and I felt very alone with it, and now I know that not only have other people had this same thought, they have expressed it succinctly and eloquently. So thank you!
This is the first video for yours that I've seen and I love the diplomacy with which you address the issues you talk about! I am a straight cis woman, so I don't personally have experience with the LGBT community and the complexities of the ways the various groups interact and wind up unintentionally contradicting each other despite trying to make things as universal as possible. However, I find the discourse very interesting, and I'll definitely be subscribing because you explain everything so well and are willing to explore more points of view than just your own, and don't necessarily take a stance either way, allowing your viewers to make their own decisions rather than pushing a particular agenda which suits your own needs
I am binge watching your content and I'm obsessed with it! I feel so seen, heard and understood. I am learning more about bisexuality, too. This is awesome work. Thanks to everyone involved in the creation of these videos
I dread discussions of "monosexual privilege", but I appreciate how you approached this topic with humor and nuance. Social dynamics are quite complex and, as you acknowledge, it's hard to know which conceptual tools capture them the best. Productive use of Blum too!
New favorite channel. I've never learned so history or heard so much critical thought on my own suxuality than I did in the last 12 hours binging @Verilybitchie vids. Thanks for all your hard work, girl.
I love that you mention feeling defensive when nonbinary folks discuss binary folks as some complete other, cause I definitely feel that. I'm a cis, gay man and but violate binary expectations in presentation in many ways. I've considered the idea of whether I'm nonbinary or not, and the answer is a big ol' "sorta". Moving through heteronormative spaces especially, I rarely exist in a similar way to other cis men. At the same time, there is a line somewhere and some people have very binary experiences.
I love watching your videos. I think it's important to discuss the specifics of how we view bisexuality, not only for other people to try and understand, but also to check ourselves for the way we internalize certain harmful views. You're amazing!
In highschool, my lesbian friends used to mock me when I talked about a boy I liked, or answer "find a girlfriend then" if I came to them with a problem I had with a boyfriend. One of them went so far as to say she'd be disgusted if her girlfriend was bi. These "casual comments", and the rejection from a community we expected to feel welcome in, can hurt more than some people think. Thanks for talking about this kind of topic
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I can't believe i misread the title as "Moronsexual and Bisexuality" and just *didn't* question it. 😭
so true
"i think your a wife is a moronsexual"
"please dont call my wife a moron...............wait "
Ohhh you're so funny...
Lol I think it might be a real sexuality tho XD
I’m too dumb for this video 😂😭
In 1995 I was physically assaulted, the man said, „why don’t you s@ck another c@ck you f@ggot!“ and then punched me and started vandalizing my apartment. He was arrested. And it went to court. The public attorney suggested that I drop the hate crime charges because if you identify as bisexual he could have thought you were straight, and we don’t even know if the judge even knows what bisexual means. He advised simply to charge for aggravated assault. So I did and the man was convicted.
Another strange case happened with a friend I met Ivo Widlak who was put through immigration court because some people believed his heterosexual marriage was actually a scam.
So I was seen as possibly „really straight“ by the legal system and Ivo was seen as possibly „really gay“ by the legal system.
This illustrates how monosexism manifests in the real world.
Those are two really illuminating examples, thank you for sharing them
"Monosexual is a slur" has the same energy as "I'm not cis, I'm NORMAL"
Loool, yes it is, I still find it funny when I use hetero(we don’t use straight in portugal there is nothing like that around here) and people legit get offended like, that’s what you are? There’s no other word for it?
Homosexuals are offended by the word "homosexual" too, right? What sense does it make?
And the same energy as "karen/boomer is a SLUR"
@@eueu4854 No, no they aren't.
@@eueu4854 Not really, not gonna lie it’s funny the way homophobes say it but we call ourselves homosexuals, homos, gay and all the slurs we reclaimed, I really don’t get what you mean.
"How dare you accuse me of oppressing you! I'm an oppressed group myself! What's intersectionality?"
That's right everyone is oppressed....*eye roll*
I mean, it’s true? Gay people don’t oppress bi people; bi people don’t oppress gay people, _because neither of us have the structural power for that_ ... the word you are thinking of is “prejudice,” and yes, it’s always unfortunate.
@@lynxaway We really need to consider more carefully the language we use to describe the action of oppression. How could one person (who is not a cop, who does not write/lobby policy, and who does not directly perpetuate the state itself outside of their own existence and coerced economic participation under it) oppress any one other person? No question there is conflict to be had, and abuse to be directed. But oppression to be inflicted? I'm sorry that it seems nit-picky to litigate definitions like this but honestly, when people use these words like this, they just out themselves as people who have not done the reading 🤷
@@lynxaway well, if you are using your voice of being oppressed to call out another group and claim they don't deserve rights.... you are using power to oppress.
This is actually a thing throughout history, an oppressed group oppressing another group either to help themselves or to make themselves feel better. It's a cycle of abuse.
@@lynxaway I'm sorry, but you can most definitively assist to the oppression of a marginalized group by excluding them from your spaces using the same discourse as the oppressing majority. It's having access to the tools of the oppressors and using them but asking to be left out of the conversation
God on the eighth day: Let there be bisexuals
God now: Let the bisexuals be!
@@1Hawkears1 can confirm, literally came to this hellscape to deliver that message, among others
That explain everything!!! The snake was a woman and Eva is bi
@@1Hawkears1 but of course!
I was banned but I defied them @ every turn
Moral of the story: gay people who are offended by the word monosexual should learn a bit more about intersectionality. Many gay people are ready and willing to exclude bi people from their spaces because of perceived "straight passing privilege", but don't acknowledge that there could be privilege on fitting into the "either or" world view.
It feels similar to me as being mixed race. One part of your heritage treats you as a second-class citizen and not really that race, and the other half treats you like you're privileged or too good for them without realizing you don't get to fit into any group, and feel like a perpetual outsider.
@@sardonicus1739 yes I get a similar feeling. I don't think either group thinks we're better.
@@sardonicus1739 SEE this is the problem with this whole discourse omg. the fact that you think that thats an ok comparison and not that one side is just FUCKING RACIST and the half that thinks youre too privileged for them is, well, not wrong lmao. doesnt justify exclusion or mockery but
@@sarahelassal5658 1. actually I'd suggest that both sides are racist as well as one suffering from racism. The treat-you-as-privileged side of the family is suffering internalised racism, one facet of why they see the mixed-race person as better. They're also maybe envious/jealous of mixed-race maybe (either for real or at least in their eyes) being targetted less by racism.
2. While racism and monosexism are quite different, similar principles and binary thinking apply. If you haven't experienced oppression due not fitting into a binary like this and therefore finding it hard to believe (or for other reasons), please don't discount these experiences. If you haven't had them, I'm glad you've not.
Full blown gay people get offended by anything especially when they have no life .keep life simple it you more time to enjoy it
Great video. Your content has really helped me so much come to terms with my internalised biphobia. As a bisexual woman who has been sexually assaulted several times and been in an abusive relationship with a het man who weaponised be being bi in his abuse, those statistics about bisexual people being abused always hit me like a punch in the gut.
I'm just an Internet stranger but I'm so sorry you went through that.
As a woman who's bisexual I feel the difference between being fully gay and being bi in two ways, I've been in a long term relationship with a man for years now and I live in fear that his family will find out and have major issues with me and at the same time I don't feel straight either. And as time goes by and I spend years with this man I feel less and less comfortable being in the LGBTQ+ space since I'm more often than not seen as straight. It's a very strange feeling. Thank you for talking about this so publicly.
That's because you have nothing to lose. Your partner knows who you are so why would you care about anyone else? You live in safety why are you trying to make out you're underprivledged?
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Way to miss the entire point of this whole video by alienating a bisexual.
She didn't specify that her husband knows she's bi. You just assumed he knows. And maybe he's supportive, or maybe he's the type to want performative bisexuality from her even if she's not comfortable with it? Or possibly the opposite? Maybe she wants a girlfriend but he doesn't want her to have one? (That would be getting into poly territory which is a whole other subject, but still.) Maybe she's feeling trapped, isolated, frustrated and shamed? *And how tf do you assume that she has nothing to lose?* Maybe she has children? Maybe she's afraid of coming out as bi in the social climate of her community? Maybe she's afraid they will actually try to take her children from her just bc she identifies as bi? (Some families actually DO try to do that!) Maybe she is afraid to be shunned and slut shamed by her husband's family? Or even worse: by her husband. Maybe she's afraid that openly being WHO SHE IS could RUIN her life? Maybe she'd just like to at least be able to find a friend group who could understand all this?
But she has nothing to worry about, right? GTFOH.
Maybe I'm projecting some of my own issues here?
Just maybe.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax Even if her partner does know, it's absolutely false to suggest she has nothing to lose. I'm in a similar situation, married to a straight man, and I've been active in LGBTQ spaces for most of my adult life, and some of his younger family members know I'm bi, and some of his older family members would definitely think either that I'm cheating on him or our marriage is a sham or both if they found out. I'm relatively lucky, I'm pretty sure he'd side with me if he had to (though him losing contact with part of his family would still be tragic), but that's not going to be the case for lots of people in this sort of situation, we know that many people, when forced to choose between their queer partners and their families, will pick their families.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax what an absolutely worthless argument. as if you can't experience abuse/oppression from anyone else than your intimate partner? it's the same if you would argue a trans person in a wlm/mlw relationship shouldn't care about what anyone else thinks if their partner knows who they are and support them?? way to belittle someone's experience of alienation and prove the point of the video.
@Crystal’s Comments OH please.....we all know that bisexual women have it much easier than a gay man or any man for that matter. Let me go down the street holding my boyfriends hand and lets see how that pans out. Her bisexuality has nothing to do with her being married to a straight man with 2.3 children living in a house with a white fucking picket fence. The quicker that you morons figure all this out, maybe we can move on and make it safe for everyone while acknowledging your closets are far more fucking smaller and hardly worth the worries.
OK I legit fucking died laphing - so I'm bilingual & for me in spanish the word Mono means Monkey. So I legit read it as Monkey-sexual 🐵 !!! 😭😭😭😭😭 god !
Lol
Thats a different channel
Well that gives a twist to the word monóculo then.
@@pauladelpino5179 IMDEAD
@@justanotherweirdo11 oh no
As a lesbian, I think people who have an issue with the term monosexuality don’t really understand what it means?? Like, saying that gay people and straight people are both privileged over bi people doesn’t mean that gay people are as privileged as straight people. The word monosexual isn’t erasing heterosexism, it’s just acknowledging there’s another layer to the system. For example, a white upper class person is privileged over all people of the working class, but white working class people are privileged over working class POC. It’s just intersectionality.
It’s actually such a relief to see that people on the internet can understand this.
Wise words, thank you❤️🏳️🌈
exactly, and as a bi person i wouldn't even say gay people are necessary more privileged than bisexuals in every situation, it kind of more depends on the context, since overall we do experience a lot of the same struggles anyway
@@antitheticaldreamgirl bi people aren’t more or less oppressed than gay/lesbian people lmao there are different problems within each community/lgbt identity
@@bigfatbahamamamas9314 that is quite literally exactly what i said lmao
Thank you for making this video. Sincerely. I've struggled a lot with being called homophobic slurs and just general homophobic mistreatment because of how I dress and the fact that I'm primarily interested in and have primarily been with women. But then I've also been rejected either outright from gay spaces or implicitly. So it has often left me feeling like there is literally nowhere for me to even go. Because I'm too gay for homophobes and I'm too straight for biphobes.
Monosexual and monosexism have been words that I've used before to discuss this very specific kind of issue. The othering, distrust, etc of bi people in queer spaces, in addition to the homophobia bisexuals may experience from outside those spaces. The words have been go to's because it is a very specific problem and it's important and needs to be talked about. But those words get focused on and the actual problems I am trying to talk about never get addressed. Just the fact that I did not use perfect words. And even when I choose not to use them and write things out in greater detail, I have run into issues with it being taken as an offense. I often feel like I am just not allowed to talk about my experience as a bisexual at all.
So seeing this video about the words, their history (I didn't know how old they were so that was cool to learn!), and the problems that bi people face that are unique to bi people...It was very nice and helps me feel a little less alone. And I do hope it helps with understanding the unique troubles that bisexuals go through. I really do.
I recently discovered your channel after seeing some discourse about it in which my mutuals were disagreeing with you, now I'm not bisexual I've considered myself lesbian for many years and still do, so seeing a person like you being said to be "attacking" my community didn't make me feel good. I based my opinions of you based on what others around me said, and I admit I've had some borderline biphobic ideas and mentalities due to my own struggles and "envy" of not having found attraction in men. That was something that really affected me and what I've held on to. At the end of the day, it felt kind of good being able to put anger towards others who are basically who you wish you had turned out to be if that makes sense. However, recently I had noticed these thoughts and wondered how damaging they were not just to me, but for others. So I decided to give your videos a chance, especially those regarding comphet and others talking about bisexuality. It was a little hard for me, like you mentioned in a video before, once you find some attachment to a community and base a lot of your life around that, it's hard to let it go or want to look at things differently. But I also knew I had to do it at some point, so after days of just having your videos bookmarked to watch later, I finally did. I must say I have learned a lot, and I have seen things in a different respective than I might have before. It also made me rethink a lot of things about online communities I engage with and my own identity as a Lesbian and what it means to be one. I still think I'm a lesbian, as a life with a man seems one that is painful, even though in a way that's all I've wanted to be able to have the life "I was supposed to". But I've been able to see things from the bisexual point of view and I definitely understand now that being a bisexual isn't an attack on me, my identity, or my community, and that ultimately the only way I can be happy that I am a lesbian, is to find comfort on that and not hate others who are different from me just because of my envy. Not sure if this comment made sense, I struggle with words but I just want to thank you for your videos. I'd love to talk to you personally one day as I think we could learn a lot from each other and you seem like a very intelligent and charismatic person. Thank you and have a great day.
Your comment make a whole lot of sense. Very pleased you got the courage to share your personal journey and struggles. I'm quite touched by it. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much. 💫
You bring up a lot of really good points that let me see things from another perspective, i really appreciate this comment!
I can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am for this comment. Your introspection is so deeply appreciated. Envy is one of, if not the most difficult human emotion for one to come to terms with, so I so applaud you for being able to do so. I truly wish we could see more of this because it would definitely bridge the wide gap that’s been created between our two communities. Thank you 💜
Being normal gives a lot of privileges, but it isn't something you can force yourself to be. Studies have shown that people are happiest when they don't have to pretend to be something they are not. I am really sorry your environment has punished you so much for not being straight, please find additional environments and groups where you don't have to hide your being gay, and where the others find it perfectly normal and just yet another part of your awesome self.
@@Call-me-Al What is normal? Is that even a thing? 🤔 Power and hierarchy isn't really a "normal" way of being. Love is normal. Hate is not. 🤷🏻♀️ I'm not going to speculate about norms when a majority keep their secrets under a rug... 😅
BIG AGREE!!
it really bothers me that so much discussion about oppression has turned into this strict hierarchy of who’s more oppressed/who oppresses who, when it’s more that the systems of oppression in the world just... affect different people in different ways. the distinction between “spared injustice” and “unfair advantage” is especially important imo
(also as an ace on the aro spectrum let me say, this is basically the exact same conversation as the discourse around “alloromantic” and “allosexual” as terms, ugh ;; )
Huh. Slight tangent and I hope it's not rude, but is the 'allo' in allosexual and -romantic a similar root as for allistic / non-autistic?
(I'm bi and autistic, hence lacking the ace discourse knowledge on linguistics, specifically.)
My partner is gay, but he doesn’t mind that I’m bi. But he and some other gay friends when I first met them did feel a bit confused why I like both, but they’ve never ostracised. On the hetero side however, I’ve had great difficulty since coming out as bi in dating women. Most women don’t realise I’m bi and assume I’m gay, and when they find out I’m bi, they think I’ll cheat on them with a guy, or get weirded out about me having dated men.
Most of my friends are bi, and I actually had no idea that monosexual was considered pejorative in any way. We just have a gaggle of bis together chatting about attraction like, "Wow, there are so many people who can look at a gorgeous person and be *categorically* not attracted to them? How does that work? How would that feel?"
Love this flip and reframe!
So what you're saying is you're greedy?
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax did you forget an /s?
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax greed is having more on your plate than you can eat. Having a broader taste range is not greed. Like... saying "I like apples AND oranges" is not greedy compared to someone who just likes apples, or someone else who just likes oranges. Being greedy in this context might means loading your plate with apples and oranges (or 5 oranges, say) when everyone knows you personally can only eat 2 or 3 before being full/ill. Not saying polyamory is bad btw with this analogy. Not aiming anything at non-monogamy here, it works very well for some people. Being greedy in that context is trying to date more people than you have time or love to give, and that varies person to person.
Huh, interesting! I’m a lesbian myself, but I always like to hear my bi friends talking romance and attraction. I can understand in theory how it makes sense to be attracted to any lovely person, it’s just not how it works for me :p
absolutely living for the sick vaporwave aesthetic of this video thumbnail 🤩
deadass one of the main reasons i clicked on it looks SO cool
Unrelated to the video, but I would like to hear you talk about this weird attitude some people have about slur reclamation by saying "bi women can't reclaim the d slur and bi men can't reclaim the f slur". Personally, I think it's silly since the oppressors who use those words don't give a crap if the person they're targeting is gay or bi. I feel like you would have a very interesting take on it.
Both words should just vanish from polite society, so that one would know anyone who used either of them would be someone one would know not to invite to a dinner party.
This one I think about a lot because like. The d slur has been used against me quite frequently. I'm bi, yes, but like you said it's not like the people using the word to insult me care whether or not I'm a lesbian or bisexual. What they care about is that I'm a woman into other women at all, and a GNC woman on top of that. So on the one hand, I do wish I could reclaim it because it's been used to hurt me for much of my life and I don't really "look straight". On the other hand though, I've seen the sentiment that bi women just can't reclaim it at all even if it's been used against them. Honestly, I sometimes feel awkward even talking about the fact that I've been called it a lot.
I very much feel able to reclaim it, if you have been called a faggot in the street or had it used against you as a weapon then that word is yours, be you gay or bi, or frankly even just identifywith it.
That said one of the first times I was ever called it was after leaving a gay bar in soho where I felt pretty unwelcome and like I was just the wannabe gay friend having to prove myself. anyway after leaving early a drunk guy called me a faggot as I walked by him (presumably because I was wearing eye make up) and it made me feel strangely validated in a weird “thank you sweet homophobe I feel really seen” kind of way which a bar full of gay men had absolutely failed to do and in fact had done the opposite. so maybe my experience of it is biased but I like it as a reclaimed word. anyway just my own experience.
I think a word is reclaimed when it stop being a slur so everyone can use it. Why make it a word with extra big power and then help keep it alive. I think that is contraproductive
Another thing is that the word 'lesbian' used to be used basically to mean 'sapphic', so all bi women were considered lesbians. The same thing happened with gay and bi men, so yes these slurs were used against lesbians and gay men, before there was a difference between gay/lesbian and bi.
"Monosexual" makes more sense than listing three other sexual orientations to mean the same thing.
Huh, I'm a bi guy and I didn't actually know monosexual was a word. I knew allosexual, used by asexual people to refer to sexual people, but monosexual is a new one. This is a very educational video, good job!
"Monosexual" makes folks beyond the hetero-homo dichotomy visible.
Bi, pan and ace folks respectively.
I live in a monosexual, allosexual, biosexual world.
@@someonesomeone25 what does biosexual mean
@@bruhmoment1936 People only attracted to biological beings (humans or animals), in comparison to those who experience attraction to non-organic persons (objectum sexuals, fictosexuals, somniosexuals, technosexuals and so on).
@@FR0STBL0D As a bisexual person the fact that the terms "Bi and Ace" exist means that they're known and are visible.
I feel like the 2010s internet discourse completely ruined the word "privilege" and twisted it way beyond any workable academic meaning.
Re: "Monosexism groups gays in with their oppressors"
The same argument happened back then about allosexual (not-asexual, in the same way cis means not-trans). And it was so frustrating. That argument just shortcuts the whole conversation about how the words (monosexual/allosexual) can be helpful, and leaves no room for nuance about the kinds of impacts that monosexism/aphobia can have. The discourse equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ear and going "nananana I can't hear you!"
Yah! It's not like it's an illogical grouping that's some contrived way to group heterosexual and heterosexuals.
It's just a would that let's you reference all people that feel attraction to just one gender at once with one word instead of multiple.
It's like getting mad at left handed, right handed, and ambidextrous lol
Really interesting video! I can see why people might bristle at the term "monosexual"- for me it makes me think of all the times I've been mocked for not being attracted to women/only being attracted to men (as a gay man), and snarky tumblr posts that indicate that everyone is secretly bisexual- but that's just the defensive instinct that overrides a logical discussion. I'm perfectly fine with being categorized as monosexual, because I am, and acknowleding the issues that arise from monosexism.
Social media just has a horrible habit of taking complex, layered discussion and squashing them down into some kind of rabid "us vs them" fight.
the ancient one bit had me HOWLING
I feel like I see you everywhere
You're here.....
19:45 this point is particularly salient. A lot of discourse (which is often helmed by white voices) defaults to this separation of identities that is not helpful in holistically understanding a person's experience. There's an insidious racism in parsing out a black man as straight and black separately, and not as a straight black man, who has inherently different experiences with his gender and sexuality BECAUSE of his race and because of cultural norms and histories that white leftists on the internet refuse to engage with. I appreciate you for pointing this out in your video. I'd never heard of this split theory of privilege before and it's such a helpful tool in broadening these discussions at least a little bit, so thank you for introducing me to it
This is one of the most productive comment sections I've encountered on this app, like ever! It's like a chill, sad, and introspective support group. It really reflects the high quality and effort of the video I think. Verilybitchie taught me 5 new words and concepts, and gave me twice as much to think about
dr kenji is the one true bi ally, all hail.
(but fr thanks for giving a voice to those of us less inclined to reason, solid bi work as always and i'm seriously beyond grateful for the stuff you put out and i know i'm not the only one)
This video made my day. I’ve struggled to articulate for years why being bisexual feels uniquely difficult in certain ways, and a lot of it stems from the refusal of LG people to unpack their discomfort with us, their poor treatment of us and silence around our existence. Monosexual is not a pejorative, it’s an important naming that absolutely needs to continue happening.
Your content on bisexuality makes me feel so seen!!! Thank you!
this channel feels like i am genuinely having my third eye open.
growing up w the gay accepting spaces of the internet it's always intuitively seemed that bisexuality would be easier partially bcs of the ability of living a fairly fulfilling life completely straight passing. i've seen it as a stepping stone for some people to accept theyre gay. (you know the time in highschool where ppl are figuring out themselves and everybody questions their monosexuality)
but the facts don't lie! it indeed isn't easier but different. this helped me see so much more of the whole picture. who would've thought that world is far more complex? and we can't keep easy score for some kind of oppression olympics?
how come so many of my most favourite creators w the most interesting takes are trans? what do they put in the hrt? is that the trans agenda? /hj
much love 💞💖
The concept of straight passing I honestly found rather weird the first time I came across it, since like I never managed that at all at the time. Because like I didn't "look straight". I dressed in a GNC way that specifically involved flannel and I was loud about liking women, so I ended up reading as a lesbian in high school. Which opened me up to being called a variety of homophobic slurs as well as mistreatment from my family. So like when I first came across the whole "Bi people can pass as straight" thing I was initially very ???? about it since I hadn't managed that feat and spent most of my formative years being called homophobic slurs.
I didn't really "benefit" from this till like I tried out an experiment and decided to start dressing femininely. Partly because, as a bigender person who hasn't been taken seriously, I felt pressured to clearly distinguish my genders somehow and clothing seemed the best shot. That didn't really work out and over time the girly clothes fell by the wayside and now the experiment's been abandoned entirely. Because I just wasn't happy that way. So we're back to very GNC dress and back to wearing flannels in specific and I'm finally happy again with how I look.
Which I think is a big thing? That sort of...Well you're fine but like. You're not fine on the inside because you're hiding shit and just don't feel like you're being you. And now you get the unique horror of like...People saying REALLY homophobic things to you expecting you to nod along and agree because they think you're straight. Which is followed by a game of "Do I out myself either directly by saying it or implicitly by arguing against this at all?" So like I can look straight in theory, I suppose, but it's not really a fulfilling or happy life for me.
Others have different experiences though because there's not like any one way of being bi. Though I think that even in the case of like one looking straight to most of the world there's still like...The sense of alienation from all spaces and the having to deal with people being REALLY HOMPHOBIC thinking that you'll be fine with it. Which creates this sense of like...You're safe. But you're conditionally safe.
@@Aondeug That always confused me too. I mean technically gay people can be straight passing to, they just have to be in the closet. Do mono people stop finding others attractive when they get in a relationship? no. so why should a bi person shut up and pretend they don't like the other gender when they get with one? it's just pushing them into the closet, which is the same thing as a gay person being forced to be quiet. The only privilege we have over homosexuals, that I can think of, is that we aren't necessary forced to be with the other gender because we are in the closet, but are simply exempt from exploring outside the opposite gender.
@@GuyIllusion I would say that an unfair advantage would be being able to fall deeply in love with someone of the opposite gender and then being able to pursue them without the pretense that you can be persecuted for it. It is an advantage bisexuals have. My family would be far happier to see me bring home a girlfriend than a boyfriend, for gays bringing home the person you love is like a trial by fire *always* with bisexuals, given the statistics of how often they even end up in same-gender relationships, it's only some of the time.
@@GuyIllusion I also feel like we have to constantly validate our sexuality, the fact that people only perceive attraction as one or the other.
"you know the time in highschool where ppl are figuring out themselves and everybody questions their monosexuality"
😳
Holy _fuck_, the world has changed. I think back to my own high school experience (as a bi cis man, who went to HS in the late 80s-early 90s) and I can't even process what a life would be like where that sentence could be true, much less be so true that you could just start it with a "you know" and that's a perfectly reasonable sentence.
Since apparently I'm old enough now that my HS experience is history (which is a weird thought in itself) - back then, being gay could easily be a death sentence, either from your peers or from your parents. But AIDS activism had started to create a much more powerful and cohesive gay community than had ever existed before - except that it had realized that "born this way" was a message that resonated and worked to get people human rights, and the mere existence of bi people complicated that story too much, because it led to the question "well, couldn't you just choose to be straight _anyway?_"
So the gay community often wasn't much friendlier to bi people than the straight one. And AIDS propaganda from the religious right - whose main POV was basically "AIDS is God's way of cleansing homosexual perverts from the Earth, we should isolate them and let them all die" and I _wish_ that were an exaggeration - made bi people the ultimate menace, secret perverts who acquired AIDS and spread it to innocent, God-fearing White women.
It was a fucked up time.
This is a great reminder that there are different levels of privilege (and, yes, sometimes oppression) even within communities oppressed by society as a whole. We have to look at our privilege in every situation and use it responsibly.
That study that after being educated about white privilege people had lower opinions of poor whites rather than better opinions about poor blacks I think really illustrates a bit of a problem with a lot of leftist advocacy. I really think when talking to a "layman" you have to be careful with the terminology you use because things that are fine in an academic context like a sociology essay or something when used in an attempt for activism may not convey or instill exactly the kind of thing you want. The topic of "privilege" is something very contentious not only among people "out of the loop", but as shown by the topic of this video it's contentious even among more queer left leaning folks as well. Even if the underlying phenomenon is real, how you convey an understanding of that phenomenon to someone and the specific words you use requires careful consideration lest they get the wrong impression.
Differentiating the more general and the more specific is quite important.
Privilege and oppression are distributed in a multitude of ways ... and the general may not apply to the specific.
That's also intersectionality.
It's important to get the whole picture. Rambling against general observation for it doesn't align with specific experiences ... is unfortunately harmful to the whole process.
People generalising own experiences... is a pest. Poor white folks wouldn't have to argue about the concept of white privilege if they knew that classism may cancel their white privilege quite often.
I'm not sure ... how they can be invited to get a grasp on that kind of power dynamics, when they feel so offended in the first place that they don't want to engage ...
This video helped me feel less alone! Those stats for depression and anxiety being less likely to improve for bisexuals in later life is disheartening. But I already feel less alone just from seeing myself represented in your videos and nuanced and empathetic content about bisexual issues.
But like, no wonder as a bi nb I feel less like a human being with a gender and more like an alien tourist. The fact that I exist disapproves all that absolutist and black and white thinking about straight vs gay, gay vs bi. We break down barriers by existing. But instead of feeling like I'm doing good work, I just feel left out of everywhere. No wonder I'm too depressed to achieve any "success" that was expected of me. I'm too ground down from being told the way I am is wrong from all directions.
"Calling people out online are more about experimenting with the sub/dom dynamic than problem solving"
Holy crap! That is a scorching take and it's so true that I am definitely not going to be able to forget that!
"I don't know if 'monosexual' is a bad word, but sometimes, maybe, it's just not the point." -there it is. Thank you.
I really enjoyed this video!!
As a bi woman who’s married to a man, I find a lot of people assumptions/attitudes to be really frustrating & hurtful & it sucks that a lot of people interpret you talking about your specific struggles as you undermining or ignoring others troubles.
Obviously a lot of people have it worse than me but that doesn’t erase issues I’ve experienced personally. People need to be more understanding & give others the benefit of doubt
As a nonbinary lesbian, when I say that bisexuals/pansexuals have a different experience from us, I don't mean that as an exclusionary thing, I mean that they have a different relationship with their sexual identity compared to monosexuals. They experience biphobia from the straight and gay communities, so that unique experience gives them a unique perspective.
It's similar for trans identities. I can relate to other trans people while talking about things like dysphoria and the methods of relieving that dysphoria, but I know people who accept trans men and women as men and women, but refuse to see nonbinary people as nonbinary.
Basically, there's a reason these distinctions are made. It's not to exclude anyone, it's to address how people's experiences differ based on the specific label. There are people who exclude bisexuals and nonbinary people from queer spaces on purpose, and that's not what I'm trying to say we should advocate for, but there's always going to be more specific communities within the greater LGBTQ+ community.
Please let me know if something came off as rude or exclusionary. I have an idea of what I wanna say in my head, but I'm struggling to write it down
@Dremora Lady i dont think you understand how spectrums work
I love this video. As an asexual bi person, this really reminds me of the pushback against the term "allosexual" or "zedsexual" to describe people who experience sexual attraction, as the attraction of gay people is one that is oppressed whereas heterosexual attraction is seen very differently. It doesn't change the fact there is a difference and having a word to help discuss it helps talk about our experiences in a clearer way.
Just had to pause to 🤣 for the sub/dom dynamic of callouts on the internet. If you made that a Short so it could be sent to peeps for a ton of topics, I'd love that!
Yesss
Put off watching this vid for a long time because as a lesbian on Tumblr in like 2016 I did absolutely see people use the word "monosexual" pejoratively to refer to gay and lesbian people. That left a bad taste in my mouth about the whole concept so I expected to be annoyed or even angry at this video essay. But I'm very glad I did watch it, because it's definitely given me more perspective and I can understand now how it can be a useful term.
I love this! So glad I found your channel. Im a monosexual gay person and its so weird to me that anyone would find that term offensive.. Also to all the people that are getting rejected because they are bi, come date me and expand my dating pool! Lord knows I'm a lonely bish and there's some slim pickens around these parts.. :U
ur so cute
Same. I'm a monosexual gay person too, and I just don't understand how anyone can think it's bad to be called monosexual.
I don't exclude any one of any sexual identity, they're all perfectly valid.
Weirdly enough, I have had people tell me that it's problematic for me to be very strictly monosexual, sadly.
@@somethingsomething9006 As a monosexual gay man, same. People get mad at you for anything. Nothing you do will be unproblematic for anybody. Some people out there will get mad for what you wear, what you feel, and what you ate yesterday.
I think a lot depends upon context. Many words can be said in such a way as to make them an insult. Monosexual can be said as a way of implying a limitation, even a disability.
I love your videos about bisexuality so much. Finally. Finally good videos about bisexuality that don't simply define bisexuality but discuss it deeply. Thank you so much.
Spared injustice vs. unjust enrichment. Amazing. Love ALL your videos!
I'm here watching this video again right after its premiere because it was so good! I appreciate all the LGBTQIA+ history, the academic/stats info, and the analysis of the different kinds of privilege within the LGBTQIA+ communities
1:38 I’ve also been called a homophobe for humorous bi positive posts I’ve made, that’s fun.
The discussion on privilege was really interesting. It would be cool to see a full video on it ❤️
The nuance is popping off, one of my favourite channels ever! Thank you for making the bi content I always wished someone would make.
you’re voice is so calming 🥰
I’ve fallen asleep to their voice like more than twice now shdjsjs
educate us, queen
I am a bisexual cis woman and there are just so many nuances to discrimination. For example: I have a short, slender and sweet nonbinary friend who is always read as female, and they get harassed relentlessly on the streets. I have dark hair, a deep voice (at least for a woman) and I am slightly tall. It's so much easier for me to be read as a dominant, self assured woman you better don't mess with than my friend. Having dark hair and a deeper voice also helps me with being taken more seriously in male settings. Also I'm white, so that helps as well. That doesn't mean I don't get harassed at all. But I do get harassed far less frequently than they do and If people overstep boundaries of mine, harassers are far more likely to change their mind if I just look at them. That is a privilege.
The whole "privilege over" idea treats oppression like Pokemon type matches and is almost uselessly reductive
This is a good analogy that works for me
Never contemplated the intersectionality of dual typing in Pokemon before.....
Probably one of my favourite pieces of verilybitchie.
It is so well made on so many levels.
72 likes and the video isn't even released yet... This is the pure quality of your content.
20 minutes to go. Lovin' everything about this ,and currently living for how cool Verily is-
This is a really wonderful video. I'm in my mid-20s (late-20s? what is time?) and I really, really appreciated the deep dive in the history of the community. I started identifying as bi around age 19, then as pan briefly (mostly because of the "you're a TERF if you identify as as bi" rhetoric) and now I use bisexual or queer depending on the people I'm around. Thank you for this - really fascinating.
I cried watching this video. And then I re-watched it 5 times and cried every time. I feel seen, understood, validated and just...no longer alone. Im just so thankful that this person was brave enough to tackle this topic on such a hostile platform . Thankful that they are smart and creative enough to make such great content. My emotions as so raw right now i did not expect this. Thank you. Thank you so fucking much for doing this. It means everything to me.
So, I'm bi. Over the years, I've seen straight people, gay people, bi people, monogamous people, polyamorous people, etcetera. The most important thing I've learned is to let other people live their truth and embrace that everyone is born different.
This is somewhat unrelated to your video, but thank you for your discussion about being nonbinary yet still seeking a full "womanization" HRT regimen. I've been very unsure of my gender identity recently, especially due to a lack of concrete representation in anywhere. I've felt fucking alone in my little corner of genderqueerness. For the record, I've settled on referring to myself as just transfeminine, though demifemale and deminonbinary are still apt descriptors (but just _feel_ lacking).
I've just started to process of full "womanizing" HRT a few weeks ago, opting to eventually develop breasts to limit social dysphoria. And mentally, there's been this huge pressure on myself to drop the nonbinary label altogether. Even though I still identify with it. So again, thank you for that discussion even though it was brief. It's very reassuring to hear someone encounter similar experiences with regards to their gender identity. 💖
When u dont see that its not availible yet...
Just thought that youtube could make this a little more obvious, caus this got me frustrated too many times...
Hopefully u dont realize im drunk.
Luv your channel. I actually talk about your content with my therapist. Thank you
While listening to it, I was like: Ok I'll put a like, I need do rewach it, it's so illuminating.
But then I realized I've already put a like. It happened like 3 times in 12 minutes.
God I wish I could put more likes...
Monosexual is a slur because it puts gay and straight people in one category; cisgender is a slur because it puts women and men in the same category; human is a slur because it puts cis and trans people in the same category; every adjective is a slur because it doesnt differentiate on every other adjective. Solid logic, I see no problems.
Seems about right lmao dgdjfbdn
lmfao my brain has been so rotted by dummies on the internet that for a second i didn't pick up on the sarcasm 😭
Every time I watch one of your videos I can feel my brain become fold-ier :)
Excellent video! I learned some useful concepts that I wish I'd known before attempting to discuss certain topics with people online and in real life. I've had a few people get angry with me for talking about "privilege," but I was talking about spared injustice and they were assuming I meant unjust enrichment (even though I gave examples.) Also, I was speaking about concepts and systems, not individual people, and they took it personally. I couldn't figure out why this was happening, but now I understand, so thank you!
Some of the most vicious arguments I've seen online have been about bisexuality, and, in those cases, cis gay and lesbian people happened to be the ones most adamantly opposed to the idea that bisexuals face systemic oppression of any kind. I don't think the idea of intersectionality is very well understood in general.
Also, the skits in this video are hilarious.
I love your story telling here, that video structure really does it for me!
There's also the fact that, in many places bisexuality is still not even recognized as something that exists. I grew up without any notion that this was a real thing, or that the word existed, or that anyone could like more than one gender. It was always the right (straight) way and the wrong (gay) way. As a result I only found out bisexuality existed in my twenties, and I only realized I was bi when I fell in love with a girl and said girl confessed to me first. Literally. Took her saying to me she was in love with me, for me to suddenly realize, that, OH. I liked her too. That way. We dated for 3 years, and ever since I started to realize all of the things I said, thought, felt, how out of place I had always been in dating conversations, how I felt like an impostor for loving gay spaces and stories, and felt uncomfortable in straight ones. Just so many things that to this day still give me random insights and memories that oh, right, that was all because I was always bi, I just had no outlet, representation, or space for my identity, and had no idea what to do with it. I mean. If THAT's not underprivilege idk what is honestly.
My story is very similar. I didn't recognize myself as Bi until I fell in love with someone figuring out they were Bi before I did.
For so so long I've felt like I had to make room for myself or see myself in gay/lesbian activism. You've taught me so much bisexual history and demystified so many bisexual experiences! Thank you!!!
Privilidge is a useful frame for analyzing social dynamics, it's not a buff/debuff everyone has on their character sheet.
Labels and boxes are good for scientific research and finding like minded people. We needs words to google! But when people try to calculate the %privilege of each individual it defeats the whole point. Each form of privilege isn’t really directly comparable to the others. The categories are great to get resources to a certain marginalized group. But if you are using it to rank the privilege points in your friend group... that is so not the point. 🤦♀️
I can not put into words how much I love this video, we desperately need more analysis about biphobia and bisexuality, often it feels like we are an afterthought when it comes to analyse queerness, and seeing you talking about this matter, specially as another bisexual trans woman, means the world to me
This is why I feel like Multisexuals & Trans people have the most similar experience as each other within the LGBTQ+ community. While the experiences certainly aren't the same, there's a lot of gatekeeping to both of these groups.
I also find I can always trust and count on my Ace and Aro friends to understand my experiences as a bisexual.
@@StoneSaysHello honestly there are so many of us who are both in some way ace/aro spectrum and bi, so that's not surprising 😊
@@siginotmylastname3969 So true!
You should start your own acronym then. Clearly we ARE different to you and those like you. LG keeps to themselves while Bi/ trans keep to themselves as well.
I kind of feel gender nonconforming (ambigender) people tend to have a lot of similar experiences to bisexual people.
bisexual - gender doesn't limit who a person can love, as sexual orientation is fluid
ambigender - gender doesn't limit who a person can be, as gender expression is fluid
bisexual people are told to pick a side between straight and gay/lesbian
ambigender people are told to pick a side between cis and trans/nonbinary
bisexual people are said to be on the road to coming out as gay/lesbian
ambigender people are said to be on the road to coming out as trans/nonbinary
bisexual people are assumed to be "confused" about their sexuality
ambigender people are assumed to be "confused" about their gender
bisexual people are criticized if they still enjoy opposite-sex relationships
ambigender people are criticized if they still enjoy normative gender expression
bisexual people are prone to silencing and erasure within the LGBTQ community
ambigender people are prone to silencing and erasure within the LGBTQ community
bisexual people are more likely to be alienated in gay/lesbian spaces
ambigender people are more likely to be alienated in trans/nonbinary spaces
The period early in my transition when I didn’t have any idea how my gender would be read from one encounter to the next was both terrifying and exhausting. I am so thankful to be on this side of that chasm now as I have more control over my presentation so I can present more feminine or androgyne (I’m genderfluid & non-binary) without as much fear of being read wrongly as masc.
As an aromantic asexual the bisexual community has my support fully! I hope people learn to grow up and people become more aware of their biphobia. We need to become more supportive as a community and not become terfs and biphobes because it does absolutely nothing for our community. I hope you all have the chance to grow up and surround yourselves with supportive people who love you.
I think there’s more to it than needing a term for the social dynamic and political nuance. I think there’s something psychological in the difference between bi and straight/gay attraction.
I’ve been considering adopting the prefix demi- for a while now, since I never find anyone attractive until I get to know them at least a little bit, then if I like them, they appear attractive to me. But that is not modulated in any way by their gender.
I can look at a beautiful stranger and be aware of their beauty but not feel emotionally drawn to them as people. It’s more like looking at a work of art. I’m not going to get a crush on the Sistine Chapel, no matter how lavishly gorgeous it is. Once I hear them speak a bit and they seem intelligent and kind, my brain reframes them as attractive and I see them as physically appealing.
So I kind of remap my own experience in trying to understand “monosexuals”. That no matter how beautiful a person is, if they’re not a member of the preferred gender, they simply don’t register as a potential target of attraction.
There’s got to be different wiring in there somewhere.
Sorry for the ramble. I’m still trying to figure it out myself
I'm trans lesbian, but I understand what you mean.
I'm not quite the same or maybe I'm understanding it differently.
I can def feel sexual attraction to someone I don't know, but that is not at all enough to make me interested/crush on them. Sexual attraction is a separate for of attraction from romantic and for me both only happen towards women.
I only become romantically interested in ppl after we become friends. Really don't understand how ppl just go up to someone they've never met and flirt lol. I can't not feel like I would be objectifing them if I did that. Not saying it's wrong to meet ppl in a bar and flirt and more. Just for me it doesn't feel right.
ppl are getting mad at the use of "monosexual"?? what next? getting mad at ace ppl for using "allosexual"?? getting mad at trans ppl for using "cisgender"??
oh
oh right
Oh no don't tell me this leads back go terfs..
I've heard this term maybe twice and never heard of this controversy around it but I'm absolutely gonna watch a 28 minute video on it
I was once told that I was being "panphobic" for being bisexual, so from now on I identify as a "bxtch." For context, this was in a *Pride Ally group.*
Something that bothers me, is I get treated like an ally more than a member of the lgbt community because I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman.
I don't feel welcomed as a member, but rather another straight ally.
I know who I am, but it does matter how the peoples in my communities view and categorize me.
I'm not an ally. I'm a card carrying member. I pay my dues, so I expect to be recognized as such.
Bruh, I remember getting called “biphobic” and “transphobic” for identifying as pansexual back in 2020. I ended up labeling myself as bi, not because I have an issue with pansexuality as a label and identity, it’s just that I do NOT want to complicate my Sexual Orientation OCD any further. 😭
I am eternally grateful to the youtube algorithm for recommending me this video, and to you for making it
Also this reminds me a lot of how people assume sexism only hurts women. But toxic masculinity is a side effect of a sexist society and that clearly hurts men. Monosexuality/monosexism hurts /everyone/
daaaamn this is blowing my mind. i love the 'spared injustice' and 'unjust enrichment' distinction in privilege.... and so much of what you said!! thank you!!
I think some people have a hard time understanding that while they are struggling, other people are struggling too. It's not a pissing contest on who has it worst or who is the best. Well, it shouldn't be.
Anyways, I love your videos. Thank you for making this great stuff.
Oh boy, I'm so glad I discovered your videos!! The algorithm really did me a solid this time! Each video I watch, I learn something brand new AND you use sources, which are so important in our times of quoting stats without proof. Such an interesting video, I've learned a lot!
As a cis male who recently came out bi, I want to tell you:
A. you're a fox
and
B. thank you for helping me feel comfortable with myself
I'm guilty of a few of these sins. Especially as a post-9/11 teenager. I was definitely told to pick a side, and I'd respond by confidently informing them that some spectrum of bisexuality was the natural state of things - like I was some sort of 17 year old leader in the field of sexuality. Thank goodness I had nearly no regular access to the internet at the time! Being "bi" in the mid-2000s was such a weird minefield in itself, and good god!- is it more intense and fragmented now. I dont even know what to tell people anymore, and its exhausting. I just want to fall in love with humans, dammit.
Thank you, you cleared many things. Also it indirectly helped me with understanding of asexuality and where it stands. Overall, great video ❤️
I literally had to pause it to laugh so hard!!!! Omg so good! "you must make a sacrifice... you will be canceled on tumblr!" Oh my god so good!!!!! "in the time before times, in 2011" hahahahahahha
the way you talked about intersectionality was really insightful! (from 19:00 on, just for me to come back to)
As a monosexual (gay/demi), people being offended by the term annoys me so much. It's a practical term. Understand it's a privilege and get over yourself and just support our bisexual siblings. It's their turn to get the respect they deserve.
Also I can't wait for my hair to go grey like that. Verity looks like a powerful elegant sorceress!
Being bi, I love describing myself as "very gay." I had to explain why recently, and realized a lot of it has to do with personal defiance against bi erasure and prejudice
Saying "monosexual" is homophobic because it groups strictly gay and straight people together is like saying "AFAB" is transphobic because it groups cis girls and trans guys together. like yeah, these labels of people have specific things in common, and there are some statements that need to be made involving those similarities.
I'm so relieved to discover that someone else has put into words the discomfort I've had with the terminology surrounding the concept of privilege. Hearing it described that "privilege" conflates the two distinct concepts of "spared injustice" and "unjust enrichment" made my inner voice jump up and down yelling "someone put words to the Thing!" So while I think this was a great and important video in general, and I really appreciate your discussions about bisexuality more broadly, I'm especially grateful for you discussing this bit in particular, because this complaint had kind of been floating around in my head, half-articulated, for years and I felt very alone with it, and now I know that not only have other people had this same thought, they have expressed it succinctly and eloquently. So thank you!
Annie in the video: I'm just a little bummed out.
Annie in the captions: you know, being alive.
This is the first video for yours that I've seen and I love the diplomacy with which you address the issues you talk about! I am a straight cis woman, so I don't personally have experience with the LGBT community and the complexities of the ways the various groups interact and wind up unintentionally contradicting each other despite trying to make things as universal as possible. However, I find the discourse very interesting, and I'll definitely be subscribing because you explain everything so well and are willing to explore more points of view than just your own, and don't necessarily take a stance either way, allowing your viewers to make their own decisions rather than pushing a particular agenda which suits your own needs
I am binge watching your content and I'm obsessed with it! I feel so seen, heard and understood. I am learning more about bisexuality, too. This is awesome work. Thanks to everyone involved in the creation of these videos
I dread discussions of "monosexual privilege", but I appreciate how you approached this topic with humor and nuance. Social dynamics are quite complex and, as you acknowledge, it's hard to know which conceptual tools capture them the best. Productive use of Blum too!
ok, but now i feel personally invested in annie's story..
New favorite channel. I've never learned so history or heard so much critical thought on my own suxuality than I did in the last 12 hours binging @Verilybitchie vids. Thanks for all your hard work, girl.
I love that you mention feeling defensive when nonbinary folks discuss binary folks as some complete other, cause I definitely feel that. I'm a cis, gay man and but violate binary expectations in presentation in many ways. I've considered the idea of whether I'm nonbinary or not, and the answer is a big ol' "sorta". Moving through heteronormative spaces especially, I rarely exist in a similar way to other cis men.
At the same time, there is a line somewhere and some people have very binary experiences.
The sub dominatrix! :D I love it!!
can we just appreciate the dominatrix bit 😌
I love watching your videos. I think it's important to discuss the specifics of how we view bisexuality, not only for other people to try and understand, but also to check ourselves for the way we internalize certain harmful views. You're amazing!
In highschool, my lesbian friends used to mock me when I talked about a boy I liked, or answer "find a girlfriend then" if I came to them with a problem I had with a boyfriend. One of them went so far as to say she'd be disgusted if her girlfriend was bi. These "casual comments", and the rejection from a community we expected to feel welcome in, can hurt more than some people think. Thanks for talking about this kind of topic