I’m 53, my 30’s changed my life, I got divorced from a crap relationship, admitted I was bisexual after suppressing it since I was 10, got with my now wife, dealt with losing my home, went back to education and started my own business! I think my 30’s was when I became me 😊
I'm 35 and when I was 32 I was bullied really badly by people who I thought were friends and I let go of my family relationships as thwy were toxic and this year is the first time I really feel like me and it's brilliant!
The biggest thing for me at 33 is feeling lonely! Many friends drop off the face of the earth once they're married or have kids, and in our 30s we might find the strength to shed toxic friendships from our vulnerable 20s. I've tried the tips of going to meetups and groups as well as the apps, but haven't yet found anyone I connect with, or meet up with someone once or twice and one or both of us isn't feeling it. My few favourite people are ones I've known since I was 16-18 and still love each other's company, but none live nearby and we all have other responsibilities so I get to see them maybe a couple times a year. I feel like it can be a lonely stage of life and it's important to learn to be okay with that, but would also really appreciate new friends too - hoping that's not just wishful thinking and that new, amazing friendships can still happen in your 30s!
This. My friends have all moved to different cities and have partners. Some even have kids. I feel like people don't really have much time for me anymore. It feels like this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life so I'm hoping I'm wrong about that~
Yes! So true. No one talks about this often. I moved around a lot in my 20s & made good friends in a few places. But it's hard to stay in touch when your far away & your own life responsibilities ramp up. The book "Preloved" touched on this quite nicely
I’m in EXACTLY the same situation. I was really excited to discover meetups at first but now almost never go anymore as it has become exhausting and defeating to see that nothing has come out of it. I’ve felt lonely through most of my 20s too, so it does truly feel like this is just the rest of my life.
34 here! Seattle. (Spent 2018 in the UK, loved it). Just wrote my yearly review about how I don't appreciate being judged by "redwood" standards because I'm not trying to climb a corporate ladder, and how I'm happy to be a chunky cherry tree, who grows fuller roots, nourishes life around me, and branches out of I'm interested.
I'm 36 (although I'm convinced I'm 37... maths remains not my strong suit!) and can so relate to this! I especially love the "every decade is a do-over" and the message that just because you didn't monetise your childhood dream doesn't mean you can't do it anyway.
I had to respond to this comment because I spent at least the last few months of my 36th year CONVINCED I was 37, I only realised I was wrong when on my 37th birthday my partner pointed out I was not 38 😂 my best friend told me to just do 36 now…
I will be 45 this year and I agree with everything you said about your early 30s, BUT my early 40s were so much more transformative and my view of myself and my place in the world and the impact I could have, changed so drastically... I feel like I wasn´t really aware of who I wanted to be, and how easy it would be to get there, before recently. I don`t know if this makes any sense to you, but look forward to turning 40 everyone, the best is yet to come!
I feel the same way about the 50s. In a weird way, once the “biological clock” bullshit stops being shoved in you face (whether you wanted/had children or not) you kind of get to be a young adult again, and just explore. It’s pretty cool.
I agree. In my 40s, I got into the best physical shape of my life, earned my master’s degree, divorced a toxic spouse, and started a PhD. In my 50s so far, I’ve completely changed my life. I think the 30s were more more tumultuous, but the decade where I was tested and really solidified who I am and what is important to me.
Just hit 43 today and on the whole this sounds about right. Me at 29 and me at 39 were dramatically different people. My 30s were very liberating and I made decisions on my career and lifestyle based so much more on what would make me happy than what I thought I was "supposed to" be doing. In my 30s I gave so many fewer F*$%s about what other people expected of me and took care of myself. And I'm far happier for it.
"Do I actually want to do this, or do I just want to have done it." Safety over sublime really hit me. Growing up I couldn't wait to have the money to travel. I had all these plans. And I've slowly discovered that I don't think I'm meant for big trips. I travelled all the way across the country (I live in Canada so that's a long way) for the solar eclipse in April and while I am glad I went, it absolutely burned me out. Travel is so stressful that while I'm not going to write off big trips completely, I'm learning that it's ok to embrace just travelling to the places I'm familiar with and love instead.
This is me too!! I had dreams of traveling all over the world when I was younger. But tbh, whenever anyone asks where I’m going when I take vacation time, I am never happier than when the answer is “stay home, relax, and do whatever I feel like.” Travel can be very rewarding, but it is also extremely stressful. I’ve come to realize how much I value comfort. Not saying I’d never go on a big trip, but they will be few and far between in my life, I think.
I've realised there are so many different *types* of travel too - my most relaxed was travelling by myself to go live somewhere near, whereas travelling when I was younger was always hectic & stressful because it was with multiple people trying to get everything done in a short timeframe. None of that appeals to me, lol - even now, I prefer to take longer but less frequent leave so that I can deliberately schedule rest days (with nothing on the agenda) *whilst* at my destination. The other part of 'safety over sublime' hit me because I realised I was often travelling *because* I was looking for somewhere to settle. Ironically, I feel so much more safe now than I ever did at home! I know that's not the case for everyone, but it's something to consider if you're a chronic traveller (especially for longer periods of time) - what is it that you're running away from? Because if it's something internal, then being by yourself often amplifies instead of mitigating it.
I'm 31, I'm about to move into my own apartment and live alone for the first time since 2018. My bad debt falls off my credit next year and i finally landed a stable job. This all rings true to me. I'm so excited to get to meet and reshape myself again now that I'm much more healed from my childhood and my turbulent early adulthood. I'm gonna Make so much art
cn: mental illness I'm turning 30 next week and have been dreading it because I've been struggeling with a colorful cocktail of mental illnesses for a long time and in darker moments, turning over to a new decade seems to be the start of yet more suffering. But you saying "every decade is a do-over" gave me a bit of hope just now, thank you for that ♥
This advice felt like a warm hug. I am now firmly in my late twenties and honestly your series about entering your thirties and videos like this have made me way more chill and excited about this next chapter in my life compared to my pals who don’t watch your videos.
I’m finishing my PhD in next year and i will be 32 years old! After so long in school (or developing my career depending on your POV), i’m feeling a bit of delayed adolescence. I often feel self-conscious about the fact that I’ve not had a “real job” or a “real relationship” so it has been very comforting to watch this video and read these comments. I have to remind myself that it’s STILL ok to try new things and to make mistakes and that will be true for the rest of my life!
I'm turning 39 tomorrow and I remember feeling too old to start learning to play the drums at 21. 😂 That's probably my biggest take away from nearly 4 centuries of being alive: You're never too old to try something new or do something that makes you happy. Your life is not over just because other people (who do that thing you like) are younger than you. On the other hand, I've never been as interested in hiking, knitting, reading and drinking tea as I am now... 🫢
As a 33 year old this all feels so accurate. At 30 I quit my 'career' job because it was eating my soul at a rapid pace. Went back to uni and have been taking my sweet time about it because I can. I live in a rental, work part time and get welfare (because classes eat up a lot of my time) which are all 'shameful' things but I love it. I love having the ability to just breath for a bit before getting back into it in a few years. The one thing I've really noticed is that my parents don't know what to do with me anymore. I don't go to them for advice and I don't listen to the advice or opinions they try to give me unsolicited. I've also shed a few friendships and most of my closest friends live far away but I feel ok with that. It feels like I'm living life on my terms and in my own way, instead of what everyone thinks I 'should' be doing. 30s is getting sick of being 'shoulded' to death by everyone around you.
At 38, I feel like I am finally the person I was trying and wanting to be my whole life. Turns out the person I was is just fine and actually pretty amazing. Learning to be who you are and surrounding yourself with people who also are themselves and love you for you makes your life so much richer.
Thank you so much for sharing your advice! I ressonate with 'safety over sublime'. I have figured out the things that I love, and designed my life to have more time for those things. The one thing I love from my 40's is that people stopped asking "when will you do *typical life thing I am not interested in*". Gives me much more space to just be my weird self 😂🎉
I turn 39 next week, I’m hoping that counts as having survived my 30s. One of the things I know now, and didn’t know before? Tell people who you are. You don’t have to let them figure it out for themselves. Vocalise it. Your values, how your brain works, what does and doesn’t work for you. It makes navigating things that much easier. To be a recipient of that is really helpful too!
I was just thinking about how much value your videos add to my life, and how they consistently inspire, comfort and challenge me... and I thought the least I could do is send a little token of thanks. Thank you for all your hard work, and for being a darn good human Leena.
I quit my crappy dead-end job when I turned 30 to pursue a small art business venture and help my husband with his small business... I got pregnant 6 months later! Now I'm nearly 32, a mum, and still helping my husband with his (now very successful) business. A lot can change in a VERY short amount of time, and although my business plans have gone a little squiffy at the moment, I'm more happy than I've ever been!
For me, my twenties were all about getting to know myself fully. And my early thirties are about changing my life and surroundings to accommodate me as much as possible.
This is so refreshing! I’m only 25 but constantly feel like I have to keep explaining my choice of being child free and living in a so called ‘boring’ rural area! I can’t wait to see what I’ll be doing when I’m 35!
Loved the sentiment of making hobbies out of your 20s lost dreams. I've started creative writing, even though I've not pursued it in years. Ps: your microphone is amazing, the audio was fab, esp considering you were out & about! The train cafe was adorable too 🚂
I just turned 30 last week. I need this. 😂😂 27, 28, and 29 each brought at least 1 major identity crisis to the point where I feel really good about turning 30. Like I know myself better and it feels like a natural chapter break. But I really am starting a new. Lol
I turned 30 this year! I am really enjoying making more friends who are available during day time and want to do cute afternoon tea type things, or just going to the free in city zoo. I never thought I would manage any kind of job or social life in my teens, yet I have been holding down my job and I really look forward to it. Just as it is ok to look at your big plans and scale them back, it is ok to look at the restrictions you placed on your dreams and go... actually, I have grown and I am ready to take a risk.
So happy that you enter each decade like 6 years before me and you can prepare me for it while im experiencing the craziness of the current one. thank you.
I'm 32 and so far I've loved myself in my 30s so much more than in my 20s. And this is coming from a person who had to quit their "dream" career in television and move back to my home country AND MY PARENTS HOUSE because of a chronic illness. So shitty times all around right? Nah, I'm reinventing myself! I've also found out I have little patience for people around my age who are scared of being "normal". Be the normie, being average is FINE. Like you said safety over sublime. It's all good.
I turned 30 this year and so far, I'm genuinely enjoying getting older. More self-assurance, far less compromises. I get to shape my world and allow people into it, enjoy my independence and happily miss out on stuff that I don't feel the need to partake in anymore. And my grey strands of hair are a badge of honour for having made it this far. I'm so ready to make this decade a great one!
Leena so kind of you to make a special video for Craig 🥰😉 I love the idea of focussing on what you wanted as a teenager in your 30s, because in my 20s I've been focussing on what gave me joy as a child!
Thank you so much for making this!! I would love to see a series similar to the one you did for 20s tool kit. As someone who recently turned 31 I’ve really started to struggle with the idea of certain doors shutting to potential futures, and the feeling that “if I haven’t done xyz by now, or I don’t do it literally now I’ll never have the opportunity” which is not something I felt until this year. It’s taken a lot of time to adjust to the idea of entering the next phase in my life and realigning my goals and expectations. There also seems to be so few videos like this for people entering their 30s compared to 20s, this is so wonderful to see! ❤
In my late 20s, my relationship of almost a decade has ended, I’ve lost a part of myself. But I’ve been doing so much more to fill that space and I have gained so many new friends in the process. Hopefully, by the time I’m in my 30s I can fully enjoy and embrace just doing me. Love your videos Leena! Feels like I’m a step behind and you’re guiding me along :)
Hey Leena, I live near you (Coventry) and am also looking for more friends without children 😁 and I sew too! Thanks for showing us Stratford greenway, I never knew it existed!
I am turning 30 tomorrow(!), and have had a minor crisis over never getting to be in my twenties again, but focusing on the next decade as a fun new adventure is helping a lot 🥰
Thank you for this video Leena. I love that you did a local musical! Play is important for all stages of life, if only the systems allowed it more. I still feel like the training wheels of life were taken off too early 😂 I’m 30 and no idea what I’m doing but it’s not all totally falling apart all the time so I’m probably doing something alright.
31 here! The year I turned 30 I was made redundant and lost my long-term relationship. While things are bumpy I'm immensely grateful for both things- they were pretty toxic and now is a time of renewal and one in which I can both unpick threads and carefully collect threads I actually want in life to create my beautiful tapestry. The comments of other people going/having gone through similar things makes me smile. It can be hard on days where you think you're failing even if you just need the space and time.
Thank you for this. I'm someone in my early 30s who grew up in evangelicalism and have now discarded those ideas and completely changed my worldview. There are a lot of experiences I haven't had yet that many people experience in their 20s. It's hard for me to not feel behind in life but it really helps to hear things like this ❤
Going into my early thirties (33 soon) was like a second puberty for me. I started completely reevaluating my relationship to my family and many of the things that happened to me as a child were suddenly reframed with a whole new clarity. I started prioritising the things that I actually like instead of the things I think I should like. I tried out some new hobbies and failed at some, excelled others. And above all (though I‘m still learning this one) I finally began shifting my view on failure. Instead of being ashamed of my failures I began viewing them as lessons (about the things I did or about myself) and, looking back, I‘m actually proud of myself for trying out things without knowing if I would be good at them and daring to risk failing.
I’m 27 turning 28 and have very much been clinging to my “not an adult” feelings of being too young or not knowing stuff and “oh I’m young that’s why I don’t know how to do this” and trying to catch up with reality of, I’m an adult adult (classic millennial) and I find so much comfort in see and listening to you speak at a person who is 30 and an adult and validates that this is still a time to be excited for. Thank you!
I am 27 and I have also made some of these realisations or am in the process of emotionally realising them. The way you express these little segments of advice makes me feel so seen and much more calm about my decisions. I have started to prioritise inner peace, through things like alone time, hobbies, health and healing family relations. It comes with being perceived as boring and it's an extremely hard balance to strike, feeling good about it. I don't go out anymore, I am growing out of friendships, and stopped treating myself and my body like rubbish. I still oftentimes have doubts about my new priorities and ideas though, because the people around me seem to not have not (yet) started this process of accepting change and growing old gracefully. I generally feel better and more stable in life than I ever have and hearing some thoughts confirmed by someone well into their 30's healed a few of my doubts. Thank you!
What a lovely trail! I'm in USA and love the sneak peek into your country. Thanks for the tour! I'm early 40's and agree that each decade is a fresh start and it's never too late to do what you want to do with this life! I can't wait to read your book!
I turned 30 earlier this year. I felt lonely for much of my 20s (& in my teens) and it is just now, at 30, that I am starting to really appreciate my solitude. Last year, I moved to a completely new state to attend a poetry MFA program and I was SO EXCITED- I thought I would finally meet MY PEOPLE, who I'd been searching for my whole life. That turned out to really not be true. There has been a lot of drama and meanness from people in my program. And, one of the few friends I had made, I recently had a falling out with. But, I'm feeling really okay with that! I live in a much more affordable place than I did before, in my own apartment, which is so good for my mental health. I'm getting paid to do exactly what I want to do (my MFA program is fully funded). I feel very lucky and so much more stable than I did in my 20s. Imo, a lot of people aren't worth knowing! Being older has helped me be more discerning of other people's character. I don't tolerate mistreatment the way I did when I was younger. So yeah Eat Your Loneliness Become Yourself!!!
My twenties, thirties, and forties have been so chaotic 😅and I'm not sure it will ever settle down for me (at some point I had to admit that I'm the common thread in all of my bad luck). I will say though that I never regret taking the time to do that things that are really fulfilling and enjoyable. The problem is making enough money * consistenly * for some small security (housing, food, bills) so that you have the room to do the things that are actually enjoyable.
This were great. Im 35 and have finally learnt the joys of the quiet life. I enjoy my routine. Cuddle time with the cat. Clearing debt from my twenties, fasting, and being alcohol free were such good choices for me. Its nice being a lot more secure in who you are as well which definitely takes quite a while. Fab video!
I live near Birmingham myself, thanks for advertising the Stratford Greenway. Oh and I'm 37 😮 Need to remember to check that café and walk out next time I get the train to Stratford on Avon.
I just had my "last 20th birthday" this month and while I'm proud to say I did realise many of the things you talked about it's reassuring to hear them from someone older who seems like they're actually enjoying their life :') I also loved the different video format
i had a major mental health crisis at 30 . one year later i feel like i completely healed and for the first time know exactly how i want to live . i think it's also important to bear in mind that that's going to be widely different for everyone . the reason why it took me so long to get here is because of how embarrassed i was by my own purpose . but who has to know ? do the thing that makes you happy whether you're 15 or 85, whether you can make money off it or not, whether you have friends and family by your side or not . dont compromise on your dreams - life is too short .
I love this so much! Especially the part about not monetizing your dreams and still being able to do them! That also takes so much pressure out of it and puts emphasis on simply enjoying those dreams :)
This spoke to my soul. 32 and just moved to the Lake District for the nourishment and slower life nature brings. BUT have been struggling with being out of the city and been regretting not seriously perusing my musical theatre dream. So thank you I felt seen and valued from this.
This video came at a perfect time, as I’m turning 30 in a few weeks. I will start the new decade by completely remodelling my life. I’m changing my career, as I realised that my current career path doesn’t serve me anymore and I get to not only move to my dream country, but also to move in with my best friend! There are so many people around me that dread turning 30, but I honestly can’t wait for all the new adventures ahead of me!
I needed this! I’m 33 this year, and recently decided to change career path and took a trainee dental nursing job. I thought having a career so to speak would sound ‘cool’ and make me feel like I had more purpose in life….man what a mistake I’ve made! I’m being treated like dirt, dread going into an absolutely toxic environment every day. I need to get out asap!🤞🏻
I can't express enough how much I love this video Leena, it brought me to tears. It's healing to watch. I turn 31 in July, my 30s started with becoming chronically ill (type 1 diabetes) and leaving my abusive ex. There's been so much loss and pain and this is so incredibly hopeful. Thank you, honestly.
I’m in my late 20s & I am planning on starting the moving process to a different country to close the distance at 30. We’ve been together for 4 years so far but it will be exciting to literally be able to discover a new self in a new country
33 here and i really agree. especially the part about doing your teenage dream. make your inner child happy! that's why I take dance classes and do recital for it. it brings me joy and fuels my spirit.
I'm 40 years old and I seriously feel I'm just getting started in terms of truly knowing myself and finding my place in the world. A lot of my 30s was spent figuring life out but I was still trying to fit in. As a childfree by choice woman I can tell you when it comes to friendships go for quality over quantity coz it can get lonely out there for people like us but we make our own rules and get to have fun along the way!
The Green Way is my childhood!! So nice to watch like it’s advice for my older self back in a familiar place. 🧡 Also would love to see a video on your hot tips for learning to appreciate yoga!! And some fun places to find it ⚡️🧡
Love your videos Leena! They're the perfect outsider-big-sister-advice for viewers who are the older sibling! Straight to the point, funny, and full of GUMPTION! 🥰
I'm turning 33 soon and currently doing a master’s degree in a new field. Everything you said resonated with me, some stuff I've been thinking about quite consciously, but some was also very much unconscious - until now! Thank you so much ❤ I would have LOVED to have your 20s series when I was going through that time myself. What I have found interesting about being a (somewhat lol) mature student, is that I seem to be so much better at coping with everything than my mid-20s classmates. I know myself much better, I know how to do the work, I know how to pace myself, I have a better sense of what actually matters and what doesn't. They might have more years to go, but I feel so GOOD and so fulfilled taking this time to create a new direction for myself professionally. If anyone out there wonders whether to give it a go, just go for it, you'll have the time of your life!
I love your perspectives (not just in this video but in your podcast and other videos as well)! I feel like we all need a friend like Leena or have a candid chat with Leena over coffee at least once in our lives 😄
Great as always ❤️ I can really relate to these topics, where I feel like most of my friends can’t (city friends who want to build a family in the suburbs), so it’s really nice to feel like it’s ‘normal’ to think about these themes.
I get the 'do the thing you've always wanted to do'. I have recently had a baby. I lost myself a bit after I had her, nappies, feeds, naps, repeat. When she turned 1, I wrote down all my bucket list things. I chose to learn how to drive. I am currently learning and I feel like learning a new skill and actually doing it well (so far, I think) has given me a new lease of life. Next goal once I've passed, a new job! Keep going. You're not on the scrap heap just cos you're 30, we are living the good old days now!
I turn 30 next year and I'm honestly looking forward to it! Spent the last decade getting my degrees, a house, getting married and all the things, that I want to just enjoy my 30s with my husband, hobbies and friends ☺
I learned the job one in 2020 at 26 when my job in a bank literally gave me a facial twitch from anxiety. 4 years later and I have a lovely boss and a way more laidback job where I almost exclusively deal with people who are happy to be at my workplace and I get paid more.
I have just gained a group of childfree friends where I live and it has definitely added lots to my life. I moved away from London to change careers which was just not achievable in that city as much as I do miss it. Having a group of friends readibly able and available to meet up often has made my life so much better.
I’m 53, my 30’s changed my life, I got divorced from a crap relationship, admitted I was bisexual after suppressing it since I was 10, got with my now wife, dealt with losing my home, went back to education and started my own business! I think my 30’s was when I became me 😊
I'm 35 and when I was 32 I was bullied really badly by people who I thought were friends and I let go of my family relationships as thwy were toxic and this year is the first time I really feel like me and it's brilliant!
The biggest thing for me at 33 is feeling lonely! Many friends drop off the face of the earth once they're married or have kids, and in our 30s we might find the strength to shed toxic friendships from our vulnerable 20s. I've tried the tips of going to meetups and groups as well as the apps, but haven't yet found anyone I connect with, or meet up with someone once or twice and one or both of us isn't feeling it. My few favourite people are ones I've known since I was 16-18 and still love each other's company, but none live nearby and we all have other responsibilities so I get to see them maybe a couple times a year. I feel like it can be a lonely stage of life and it's important to learn to be okay with that, but would also really appreciate new friends too - hoping that's not just wishful thinking and that new, amazing friendships can still happen in your 30s!
Relate very strongly with this 💜I'm hopeful for us!
Very similar situation here - fingers crossed we all find our way towards what we want in life!
This. My friends have all moved to different cities and have partners. Some even have kids. I feel like people don't really have much time for me anymore. It feels like this is what it's going to be like for the rest of my life so I'm hoping I'm wrong about that~
Yes! So true. No one talks about this often. I moved around a lot in my 20s & made good friends in a few places. But it's hard to stay in touch when your far away & your own life responsibilities ramp up. The book "Preloved" touched on this quite nicely
I’m in EXACTLY the same situation. I was really excited to discover meetups at first but now almost never go anymore as it has become exhausting and defeating to see that nothing has come out of it. I’ve felt lonely through most of my 20s too, so it does truly feel like this is just the rest of my life.
The 'safety over the sublime' section reminds of the Julie Andrew's quote 'When in doubt, stand still'.
Appreciate these little field trips outside your living room.
34 here! Seattle. (Spent 2018 in the UK, loved it). Just wrote my yearly review about how I don't appreciate being judged by "redwood" standards because I'm not trying to climb a corporate ladder, and how I'm happy to be a chunky cherry tree, who grows fuller roots, nourishes life around me, and branches out of I'm interested.
love this tree analogy!! going straight up isn't always success, for everyone ❤
I'm 36 (although I'm convinced I'm 37... maths remains not my strong suit!) and can so relate to this! I especially love the "every decade is a do-over" and the message that just because you didn't monetise your childhood dream doesn't mean you can't do it anyway.
I had to respond to this comment because I spent at least the last few months of my 36th year CONVINCED I was 37, I only realised I was wrong when on my 37th birthday my partner pointed out I was not 38 😂 my best friend told me to just do 36 now…
@@JulianneBenford haha omg glad it's not just me! How weird!
My birthday is in June and I always round up in January. Current year-birth year is easier to keep track of than suddenly switching halfway through? 😂
I will be 45 this year and I agree with everything you said about your early 30s, BUT my early 40s were so much more transformative and my view of myself and my place in the world and the impact I could have, changed so drastically... I feel like I wasn´t really aware of who I wanted to be, and how easy it would be to get there, before recently. I don`t know if this makes any sense to you, but look forward to turning 40 everyone, the best is yet to come!
Ah! Such excellent news. Thank you for sharing
I feel the same way about the 50s. In a weird way, once the “biological clock” bullshit stops being shoved in you face (whether you wanted/had children or not) you kind of get to be a young adult again, and just explore. It’s pretty cool.
I agree. In my 40s, I got into the best physical shape of my life, earned my master’s degree, divorced a toxic spouse, and started a PhD.
In my 50s so far, I’ve completely changed my life.
I think the 30s were more more tumultuous, but the decade where I was tested and really solidified who I am and what is important to me.
Just hit 43 today and on the whole this sounds about right. Me at 29 and me at 39 were dramatically different people. My 30s were very liberating and I made decisions on my career and lifestyle based so much more on what would make me happy than what I thought I was "supposed to" be doing. In my 30s I gave so many fewer F*$%s about what other people expected of me and took care of myself. And I'm far happier for it.
"Do I actually want to do this, or do I just want to have done it." Safety over sublime really hit me. Growing up I couldn't wait to have the money to travel. I had all these plans. And I've slowly discovered that I don't think I'm meant for big trips. I travelled all the way across the country (I live in Canada so that's a long way) for the solar eclipse in April and while I am glad I went, it absolutely burned me out. Travel is so stressful that while I'm not going to write off big trips completely, I'm learning that it's ok to embrace just travelling to the places I'm familiar with and love instead.
This is me too!! I had dreams of traveling all over the world when I was younger. But tbh, whenever anyone asks where I’m going when I take vacation time, I am never happier than when the answer is “stay home, relax, and do whatever I feel like.” Travel can be very rewarding, but it is also extremely stressful. I’ve come to realize how much I value comfort. Not saying I’d never go on a big trip, but they will be few and far between in my life, I think.
I've realised there are so many different *types* of travel too - my most relaxed was travelling by myself to go live somewhere near, whereas travelling when I was younger was always hectic & stressful because it was with multiple people trying to get everything done in a short timeframe. None of that appeals to me, lol - even now, I prefer to take longer but less frequent leave so that I can deliberately schedule rest days (with nothing on the agenda) *whilst* at my destination.
The other part of 'safety over sublime' hit me because I realised I was often travelling *because* I was looking for somewhere to settle. Ironically, I feel so much more safe now than I ever did at home!
I know that's not the case for everyone, but it's something to consider if you're a chronic traveller (especially for longer periods of time) - what is it that you're running away from? Because if it's something internal, then being by yourself often amplifies instead of mitigating it.
I'm 31, I'm about to move into my own apartment and live alone for the first time since 2018. My bad debt falls off my credit next year and i finally landed a stable job. This all rings true to me. I'm so excited to get to meet and reshape myself again now that I'm much more healed from my childhood and my turbulent early adulthood. I'm gonna Make so much art
cn: mental illness
I'm turning 30 next week and have been dreading it because I've been struggeling with a colorful cocktail of mental illnesses for a long time and in darker moments, turning over to a new decade seems to be the start of yet more suffering. But you saying "every decade is a do-over" gave me a bit of hope just now, thank you for that ♥
This advice felt like a warm hug. I am now firmly in my late twenties and honestly your series about entering your thirties and videos like this have made me way more chill and excited about this next chapter in my life compared to my pals who don’t watch your videos.
This is why I'm going to my first ever con at 33! Lost my nerdy thread for a bit but it's back, baby!
I’m finishing my PhD in next year and i will be 32 years old! After so long in school (or developing my career depending on your POV), i’m feeling a bit of delayed adolescence. I often feel self-conscious about the fact that I’ve not had a “real job” or a “real relationship” so it has been very comforting to watch this video and read these comments. I have to remind myself that it’s STILL ok to try new things and to make mistakes and that will be true for the rest of my life!
I'm turning 39 tomorrow and I remember feeling too old to start learning to play the drums at 21. 😂 That's probably my biggest take away from nearly 4 centuries of being alive: You're never too old to try something new or do something that makes you happy. Your life is not over just because other people (who do that thing you like) are younger than you.
On the other hand, I've never been as interested in hiking, knitting, reading and drinking tea as I am now... 🫢
As a 33 year old this all feels so accurate. At 30 I quit my 'career' job because it was eating my soul at a rapid pace. Went back to uni and have been taking my sweet time about it because I can. I live in a rental, work part time and get welfare (because classes eat up a lot of my time) which are all 'shameful' things but I love it. I love having the ability to just breath for a bit before getting back into it in a few years.
The one thing I've really noticed is that my parents don't know what to do with me anymore. I don't go to them for advice and I don't listen to the advice or opinions they try to give me
unsolicited. I've also shed a few friendships and most of my closest friends live far away but I feel ok with that.
It feels like I'm living life on my terms and in my own way, instead of what everyone thinks I 'should' be doing. 30s is getting sick of being 'shoulded' to death by everyone around you.
At 38, I feel like I am finally the person I was trying and wanting to be my whole life. Turns out the person I was is just fine and actually pretty amazing. Learning to be who you are and surrounding yourself with people who also are themselves and love you for you makes your life so much richer.
Thank you so much for sharing your advice! I ressonate with 'safety over sublime'. I have figured out the things that I love, and designed my life to have more time for those things.
The one thing I love from my 40's is that people stopped asking "when will you do *typical life thing I am not interested in*". Gives me much more space to just be my weird self 😂🎉
I turn 39 next week, I’m hoping that counts as having survived my 30s. One of the things I know now, and didn’t know before? Tell people who you are. You don’t have to let them figure it out for themselves. Vocalise it. Your values, how your brain works, what does and doesn’t work for you. It makes navigating things that much easier. To be a recipient of that is really helpful too!
loooooving the quiet moments between your points, AND without music=SUCH a relief and new experience!!!
also your tips are great!
As a mid-20s girl, these tipps felt very reassuring :) I'm looking forward to me 30s so much!
I was just thinking about how much value your videos add to my life, and how they consistently inspire, comfort and challenge me... and I thought the least I could do is send a little token of thanks. Thank you for all your hard work, and for being a darn good human Leena.
I quit my crappy dead-end job when I turned 30 to pursue a small art business venture and help my husband with his small business... I got pregnant 6 months later! Now I'm nearly 32, a mum, and still helping my husband with his (now very successful) business. A lot can change in a VERY short amount of time, and although my business plans have gone a little squiffy at the moment, I'm more happy than I've ever been!
For me, my twenties were all about getting to know myself fully. And my early thirties are about changing my life and surroundings to accommodate me as much as possible.
This is so refreshing! I’m only 25 but constantly feel like I have to keep explaining my choice of being child free and living in a so called ‘boring’ rural area! I can’t wait to see what I’ll be doing when I’m 35!
The regional public tv channel presenter vibes are so real in this one 🙏🏻❤️
Loved the sentiment of making hobbies out of your 20s lost dreams. I've started creative writing, even though I've not pursued it in years. Ps: your microphone is amazing, the audio was fab, esp considering you were out & about! The train cafe was adorable too 🚂
I just turned 30 last week. I need this. 😂😂
27, 28, and 29 each brought at least 1 major identity crisis to the point where I feel really good about turning 30. Like I know myself better and it feels like a natural chapter break. But I really am starting a new. Lol
I turned 30 this year! I am really enjoying making more friends who are available during day time and want to do cute afternoon tea type things, or just going to the free in city zoo. I never thought I would manage any kind of job or social life in my teens, yet I have been holding down my job and I really look forward to it.
Just as it is ok to look at your big plans and scale them back, it is ok to look at the restrictions you placed on your dreams and go... actually, I have grown and I am ready to take a risk.
So happy that you enter each decade like 6 years before me and you can prepare me for it while im experiencing the craziness of the current one. thank you.
I'm 32 and so far I've loved myself in my 30s so much more than in my 20s. And this is coming from a person who had to quit their "dream" career in television and move back to my home country AND MY PARENTS HOUSE because of a chronic illness. So shitty times all around right? Nah, I'm reinventing myself!
I've also found out I have little patience for people around my age who are scared of being "normal". Be the normie, being average is FINE. Like you said safety over sublime. It's all good.
I'm moving to the Midlands soon from Sydney to do my PhD. Thanks for alerting me to the Stratford Greenway. So cool!
Seeing the British countryside (sheep!!) was so healing. I need to rewatch though to absorb your words as well as the countrysi-SHEEP! 😍
I turned 30 this year and so far, I'm genuinely enjoying getting older. More self-assurance, far less compromises. I get to shape my world and allow people into it, enjoy my independence and happily miss out on stuff that I don't feel the need to partake in anymore. And my grey strands of hair are a badge of honour for having made it this far. I'm so ready to make this decade a great one!
“You don’t have to smash every….” I had so many questions for a second there, leena 😭
(Also I love the field trips!!)
As someone who recently turned 31 year old and loves your channel, the timing of this video is impeccable!
Leena so kind of you to make a special video for Craig 🥰😉
I love the idea of focussing on what you wanted as a teenager in your 30s, because in my 20s I've been focussing on what gave me joy as a child!
found the lil blooper so wholesome xx
Thank you so much for making this!! I would love to see a series similar to the one you did for 20s tool kit.
As someone who recently turned 31 I’ve really started to struggle with the idea of certain doors shutting to potential futures, and the feeling that “if I haven’t done xyz by now, or I don’t do it literally now I’ll never have the opportunity” which is not something I felt until this year.
It’s taken a lot of time to adjust to the idea of entering the next phase in my life and realigning my goals and expectations. There also seems to be so few videos like this for people entering their 30s compared to 20s, this is so wonderful to see! ❤
In my late 20s, my relationship of almost a decade has ended, I’ve lost a part of myself. But I’ve been doing so much more to fill that space and I have gained so many new friends in the process. Hopefully, by the time I’m in my 30s I can fully enjoy and embrace just doing me. Love your videos Leena! Feels like I’m a step behind and you’re guiding me along :)
Hey Leena, I live near you (Coventry) and am also looking for more friends without children 😁 and I sew too! Thanks for showing us Stratford greenway, I never knew it existed!
Saaaaaame
I am turning 30 tomorrow(!), and have had a minor crisis over never getting to be in my twenties again, but focusing on the next decade as a fun new adventure is helping a lot 🥰
Happy birthday! 🎂🍾
@@tiffytattoo2450 thank you :D
I love being in my 30s! It is my best decade by far! Happy birthday!
Glad to hear it and thank you 😄
Thank you for this video Leena. I love that you did a local musical! Play is important for all stages of life, if only the systems allowed it more.
I still feel like the training wheels of life were taken off too early 😂 I’m 30 and no idea what I’m doing but it’s not all totally falling apart all the time so I’m probably doing something alright.
31 here! The year I turned 30 I was made redundant and lost my long-term relationship. While things are bumpy I'm immensely grateful for both things- they were pretty toxic and now is a time of renewal and one in which I can both unpick threads and carefully collect threads I actually want in life to create my beautiful tapestry. The comments of other people going/having gone through similar things makes me smile. It can be hard on days where you think you're failing even if you just need the space and time.
Thank you for this. I'm someone in my early 30s who grew up in evangelicalism and have now discarded those ideas and completely changed my worldview. There are a lot of experiences I haven't had yet that many people experience in their 20s. It's hard for me to not feel behind in life but it really helps to hear things like this ❤
Going into my early thirties (33 soon) was like a second puberty for me. I started completely reevaluating my relationship to my family and many of the things that happened to me as a child were suddenly reframed with a whole new clarity. I started prioritising the things that I actually like instead of the things I think I should like. I tried out some new hobbies and failed at some, excelled others. And above all (though I‘m still learning this one) I finally began shifting my view on failure. Instead of being ashamed of my failures I began viewing them as lessons (about the things I did or about myself) and, looking back, I‘m actually proud of myself for trying out things without knowing if I would be good at them and daring to risk failing.
Can the Gumption club get the clip of Leena awkwardly noticing the dog and then person coming up behind her? 😂
I’m 27 turning 28 and have very much been clinging to my “not an adult” feelings of being too young or not knowing stuff and “oh I’m young that’s why I don’t know how to do this” and trying to catch up with reality of, I’m an adult adult (classic millennial) and I find so much comfort in see and listening to you speak at a person who is 30 and an adult and validates that this is still a time to be excited for. Thank you!
I am 27 and I have also made some of these realisations or am in the process of emotionally realising them. The way you express these little segments of advice makes me feel so seen and much more calm about my decisions. I have started to prioritise inner peace, through things like alone time, hobbies, health and healing family relations. It comes with being perceived as boring and it's an extremely hard balance to strike, feeling good about it. I don't go out anymore, I am growing out of friendships, and stopped treating myself and my body like rubbish. I still oftentimes have doubts about my new priorities and ideas though, because the people around me seem to not have not (yet) started this process of accepting change and growing old gracefully. I generally feel better and more stable in life than I ever have and hearing some thoughts confirmed by someone well into their 30's healed a few of my doubts. Thank you!
What a lovely trail! I'm in USA and love the sneak peek into your country. Thanks for the tour! I'm early 40's and agree that each decade is a fresh start and it's never too late to do what you want to do with this life! I can't wait to read your book!
Just turned 30 a couple days ago so this is much appreciated. :)
I turned 30 earlier this year. I felt lonely for much of my 20s (& in my teens) and it is just now, at 30, that I am starting to really appreciate my solitude. Last year, I moved to a completely new state to attend a poetry MFA program and I was SO EXCITED- I thought I would finally meet MY PEOPLE, who I'd been searching for my whole life. That turned out to really not be true. There has been a lot of drama and meanness from people in my program. And, one of the few friends I had made, I recently had a falling out with. But, I'm feeling really okay with that! I live in a much more affordable place than I did before, in my own apartment, which is so good for my mental health. I'm getting paid to do exactly what I want to do (my MFA program is fully funded). I feel very lucky and so much more stable than I did in my 20s. Imo, a lot of people aren't worth knowing! Being older has helped me be more discerning of other people's character. I don't tolerate mistreatment the way I did when I was younger. So yeah Eat Your Loneliness Become Yourself!!!
My twenties, thirties, and forties have been so chaotic 😅and I'm not sure it will ever settle down for me (at some point I had to admit that I'm the common thread in all of my bad luck). I will say though that I never regret taking the time to do that things that are really fulfilling and enjoyable. The problem is making enough money * consistenly * for some small security (housing, food, bills) so that you have the room to do the things that are actually enjoyable.
I'm 22 and I'm so grateful to have you as my TH-cam mentor
This were great. Im 35 and have finally learnt the joys of the quiet life. I enjoy my routine. Cuddle time with the cat. Clearing debt from my twenties, fasting, and being alcohol free were such good choices for me. Its nice being a lot more secure in who you are as well which definitely takes quite a while. Fab video!
I'm turning 30 this week, so this is perfect timing. 😊 Thank you!
This video feels like a letter from a big sister. Very hopeful about my 30s now. Thank you ❤
I live near Birmingham myself, thanks for advertising the Stratford Greenway. Oh and I'm 37 😮
Need to remember to check that café and walk out next time I get the train to Stratford on Avon.
the way i jumped when you said "fourth decade"
I just had my "last 20th birthday" this month and while I'm proud to say I did realise many of the things you talked about it's reassuring to hear them from someone older who seems like they're actually enjoying their life :') I also loved the different video format
i had a major mental health crisis at 30 . one year later i feel like i completely healed and for the first time know exactly how i want to live . i think it's also important to bear in mind that that's going to be widely different for everyone . the reason why it took me so long to get here is because of how embarrassed i was by my own purpose . but who has to know ? do the thing that makes you happy whether you're 15 or 85, whether you can make money off it or not, whether you have friends and family by your side or not . dont compromise on your dreams - life is too short .
I love this so much! Especially the part about not monetizing your dreams and still being able to do them! That also takes so much pressure out of it and puts emphasis on simply enjoying those dreams :)
I agree and I am envious that the end of your trail has cake. Mine just has mosquitoes and a factory!
This spoke to my soul. 32 and just moved to the Lake District for the nourishment and slower life nature brings. BUT have been struggling with being out of the city and been regretting not seriously perusing my musical theatre dream. So thank you I felt seen and valued from this.
This video came at a perfect time, as I’m turning 30 in a few weeks.
I will start the new decade by completely remodelling my life. I’m changing my career, as I realised that my current career path doesn’t serve me anymore and I get to not only move to my dream country, but also to move in with my best friend! There are so many people around me that dread turning 30, but I honestly can’t wait for all the new adventures ahead of me!
I love it when Leena takes us on a field trip
this feels like a school tv episode for adults and i love it
Agreed with all of these points! Another excellent video of much-needed Leena wisdom 👏
Great advice (fellow 34 year old here) and the setting was lovely! Thanks for a little adventure video on my lunch break.
Congratulations on the new book!! Pre order is done! Cant wait 🎉
I needed this!
I’m 33 this year, and recently decided to change career path and took a trainee dental nursing job. I thought having a career so to speak would sound ‘cool’ and make me feel like I had more purpose in life….man what a mistake I’ve made!
I’m being treated like dirt, dread going into an absolutely toxic environment every day. I need to get out asap!🤞🏻
48 here and my 40’s has been everything you said times 2. Looking forward to the next decade!
I can't express enough how much I love this video Leena, it brought me to tears. It's healing to watch. I turn 31 in July, my 30s started with becoming chronically ill (type 1 diabetes) and leaving my abusive ex. There's been so much loss and pain and this is so incredibly hopeful. Thank you, honestly.
Safety over the sublime! This was so validating thank you 🙏
I’m in my late 20s & I am planning on starting the moving process to a different country to close the distance at 30. We’ve been together for 4 years so far but it will be exciting to literally be able to discover a new self in a new country
Going to turn 30 in September and it’s really niceto hear this advice upfront! Thank you for making this video
33 here and i really agree. especially the part about doing your teenage dream. make your inner child happy! that's why I take dance classes and do recital for it. it brings me joy and fuels my spirit.
I'm 40 years old and I seriously feel I'm just getting started in terms of truly knowing myself and finding my place in the world. A lot of my 30s was spent figuring life out but I was still trying to fit in. As a childfree by choice woman I can tell you when it comes to friendships go for quality over quantity coz it can get lonely out there for people like us but we make our own rules and get to have fun along the way!
As a childfree 32-year-old, this is so inspiring to hear! Thank you!
The Green Way is my childhood!! So nice to watch like it’s advice for my older self back in a familiar place. 🧡
Also would love to see a video on your hot tips for learning to appreciate yoga!! And some fun places to find it ⚡️🧡
The safety over sublime section was very reassuring, as someone who made that decision this week, and is really hoping it pays off!
Love your videos Leena, thanks for this!
I really enjoyed your video and the fun walk through of the midlands! What a gorgeous day xxxx
Love Bobby’s cafe; glad you were here in S-u-A 💚
I'm 29 so this is just right on time for me! Excited to listen to your thoughts
Omggg thank you for mentioning the trail name, I’ve been wanting to do more walking and I’m from the midlands! This one looks lush
TWO train car cafes?! those are so cute
Love your videos Leena! They're the perfect outsider-big-sister-advice for viewers who are the older sibling! Straight to the point, funny, and full of GUMPTION! 🥰
I'm turning 33 soon and currently doing a master’s degree in a new field. Everything you said resonated with me, some stuff I've been thinking about quite consciously, but some was also very much unconscious - until now! Thank you so much ❤ I would have LOVED to have your 20s series when I was going through that time myself. What I have found interesting about being a (somewhat lol) mature student, is that I seem to be so much better at coping with everything than my mid-20s classmates. I know myself much better, I know how to do the work, I know how to pace myself, I have a better sense of what actually matters and what doesn't. They might have more years to go, but I feel so GOOD and so fulfilled taking this time to create a new direction for myself professionally. If anyone out there wonders whether to give it a go, just go for it, you'll have the time of your life!
I love your perspectives (not just in this video but in your podcast and other videos as well)! I feel like we all need a friend like Leena or have a candid chat with Leena over coffee at least once in our lives 😄
Every time I think I've failed, your videos make me feel like I'm doing okay, thank you ❤
Great as always ❤️ I can really relate to these topics, where I feel like most of my friends can’t (city friends who want to build a family in the suburbs), so it’s really nice to feel like it’s ‘normal’ to think about these themes.
I'm a French 32y and last october I moved in Australia for a year of travelling. It's not exactly what I imagine but I'm happy I did it any way 😊
I get the 'do the thing you've always wanted to do'. I have recently had a baby. I lost myself a bit after I had her, nappies, feeds, naps, repeat. When she turned 1, I wrote down all my bucket list things. I chose to learn how to drive. I am currently learning and I feel like learning a new skill and actually doing it well (so far, I think) has given me a new lease of life. Next goal once I've passed, a new job! Keep going. You're not on the scrap heap just cos you're 30, we are living the good old days now!
I turn 30 next year and I'm honestly looking forward to it! Spent the last decade getting my degrees, a house, getting married and all the things, that I want to just enjoy my 30s with my husband, hobbies and friends ☺
I learned the job one in 2020 at 26 when my job in a bank literally gave me a facial twitch from anxiety.
4 years later and I have a lovely boss and a way more laidback job where I almost exclusively deal with people who are happy to be at my workplace and I get paid more.
I have just gained a group of childfree friends where I live and it has definitely added lots to my life. I moved away from London to change careers which was just not achievable in that city as much as I do miss it. Having a group of friends readibly able and available to meet up often has made my life so much better.
Turning 30 in 6 days so appreciated this
Thank you for the video, Leena!
Thanks for all that ♥️ it was very good to hear
Yay for more of the midlands love! 💓