WHY YOU DON’T FIT IN AND HAVE NO FRIENDS- MY EXPERIENCE AND THE ANSWERS
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- This has always been a huge, touchy subject that a LOT of people have experienced throughout their life, even me. In this video, I provide you with multiple reasons why you may find it difficult to make friends, have difficulty keeping friends, or even when you have friends, why you still feel left out. Hopefully this can change someone’s perspective of feeling like there is no place for them to fit.
Video referenced in this video:
How to Increase Your Self-Awareness
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Why We Should Not Trust Others (My Opinion)
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If you don't fit in and have no friends, you are a leader and have a purpose. Most people are fake and they only distract you from shining
Exactly!
That is absolutely not true lol.
nope, not at all, I have no friends, I still try to fit in, I am nothing of value and I'm not passionate about anything
@@iiCounted-op5jx All humans are valuable. Find an interest that lights up your soul! It will invigorate you.✨✨✨
@@catherinevaughanpoet it would probably die out after a few years
Over the years I've realized that once u step back and r ok w being alone in ur own company, you tend to feel a lot more confident and relaxed going into new friendships bc ur not clinging on to other ppl to feel validated or seen by others
Yess! This is the key. It also may take a lot if self-love building before getting to that point, but I agree.
Thanks for your comment.
I had a phase where im so lonelyy(1st yr in college), then took a break on 2nd sem, then regained my confidence yr after(pandemic era), then slowly becoming lonely again because i realized that i became distant with my friends and now theyre slowly gone. What to do 😢
@@kristelbaculi5048 is there someone in that group that you are more friendly with? Get back to talking with them when they are alone and hopefully they reintroduce you back into your group.
Yes!!
@@holisticflo this is so true! They key is to stop relying on others to give you love you need to love yourself first. And that takes a lot of work but it's worth it.
It's better to be the odd person sitting in the room getting mocked at than trying to copy ppl! Never try to be someone you're not. Stop falling into peer pressure!
Big facts!
if people are laughing at you, find another room
When you are young especially, that's hard when you feel isolated and alone. We are social creatures. I consider myself a n introvert and still learning to have balance.
@@daviscd6837 I hear that, I am introvert to but aslong as you make the effort, that all that matters. Plus if you socialise and recharge alone and extend the time you do so you can go longer socialising without getting tired. just make sure you look after yourself first tho
❤️❤️
We attract what we’re a vibrational match for-jobs, friends, partners; etc. When we start to raise our frequencies, the people and opportunities who aren’t on that level will start to disappear, and the people who are, start to appear. Take your isolation as a great sign! It means you’re being prepared for higher blessings and connections, that match your higher frequency. 💜
I like this point of view. Thank you!
Vibrational?? *cough* Hmm. Can I challenge you to use a better word? Sorry. I just hear that one so often, it's as if the rest of your message is nullified by the use of that one word. Perhaps my "ish" with this is because the word "vibe, or the vibes" is thrown around so much it feels overused. But I can and did appreciate your message damn it😅
Unfortunately I haven't found that. I've lost everyone but haven't gained anyone at all. I thought I had, then they all fell away again 😔
That is simply not true. You are just using the catch phrase of present times and twisting the truth. You do not vibrate anything, especially a partner.
@@ramborenegadephantom9434 science has proven everything vibrates. everything is a frequency. read some articles, maybe theyll help.
At this point in my life I don’t care. I used to worry so much about what people thought of me. I wanted so badly to be a people person but I just simply am not. I now put that energy in my studies, meditating, and working out. I like being alone + focusing on myself. I wish I had accept my introvertedness earlier
It’s great that where you are, you were able to accept yourself in the present moment. Don’t look back! Thanks for sharing
U took every single word out my mouth..this is exactly how I feel💯..
We simply live in an extroverted society. Social skills and charisma are lauded above everything apart from good looks. Unless you have some genius gift you would be ignored or even mocked, called weird. Nothing wrong with being introverted, reserved and even a loner. Just get your social needs met from time to time as we are social creatures and it's not good to be completely isolated all the time.
Self love is being busy with one self too
@Trinity M Who are you to tell people what they are meant to do ? I'm a complete asocial, I like to be alone and I have no friends, and I love it.
Someone once told me that if ppl are so called rejecting you? And you are so called "different" just remember: Rejection is Protection!
You are being looked after by higher beings, God, Universe, however you wanna call it. And are being spared from a lot of useless, drama, conflict, danger n overall BS!
So work on yourself, love who you are, and go out and CREATE the life you want! Bc once you do that, the ppl that are really meant to be your friends will FIND YOU! GUARANTEED!
Rock on! 🤟😇💫
Definitely. Thank you!
Baby, nine times out of ten the reason you do not have friends is that they envy you, and they feel that you are setting their bar to high. Don't stop doing whatever you are doing. They want you to be a copy-cat so that you don not stand out.
this is exactly how i feel... every friend group I've had I've felt different in, they didn't treat me like they treated everyone else in the group, and people acted like I was just a robot who couldn't talk and cried everytime someone cursed.
I now have some friends who i show my true personality to, and like me for my real personality. Ive learned that I'm not actually boring, but with certain people I did not feel comfortable expressing my true self.
Happy for you that you already have friends you can express your authenticity with :)) Don't worry, at least you have people that you can genuinely rely on now, hope I find those soon as well
@@xiangnianzu1914 ty, and you will!!
Im so glad you were able to have that revelation! Thanks for sharing
no but why do they do that “sorry for cursing” girl we are in highschool i promise you i do not care
yess im happy for you as well!!
There is nothing like a peace of mind ,when being alone.
Yes!
Yup
To fit in we must compromise our true self and that is unacceptable
Most people are all ego. I love my own company. I'm not alone. A higher power is always by my side. Yes I get a bit lonely but I am not fulfilled by people. They drain me, irritate me and annoy me more than anything. I'm deep. I love learning. I care. I am aware. I am curious and open minded. I don't need to be right like most people. I just like to learn.
Virgo ?
@@evadeeden2446 cancer, you?
💯
@@hithere981 as long as your kind there isn't anything wrong with you. I do the same thing with friends. I get fed up too. It's like people are intentionally difficult I feel.
I was just gonna ask that cuz I'm a Virgo and this is so me lol
I always feel like I don't fit in or people always feel like I think I'm better than them 🤷🏾♀️
Relateable!
My other side of my family feel that way about me
People think this about me too it’s honestly frustrating like haven’t you ever met a independent or introverted person ever
THOSE PEOPLE ARE YOUR REFLECITON, YOUR FEARS AND INSCURITIES STAYING BACK AT YOU IN HUMAN FORM.
GOSH ......this is sooo my narrative.
I used to dim my light for others & make myself small for them, trying not offend anyone. now I couldn’t give 2 f*cks ☀️😂 gotta let go of what dims your light to be a star 🌟
Thank you. Great advice.
I'm trying to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin, even though I'm not well liked or socially accepted.
Any advice for that is welcomed.
❤️
I really wish I had your confidence.
How did you strengthen yours? If you don't mind me asking.
Frrr
@@j.khuster2024 I’ve had the same experience and for me it came with age. The longer I tried to people please and still felt like it wasn’t good enough the more I realized it didn’t matter. I got to the point where I stopped wondering if “they” liked me and started asking myself if I liked “them”. That shift in mindset is so freeing
@@alyssa7782 🙏💛✌️
Finally someone who understands who I am lol. Its sooo hard for me to make friends. Im a different level now spiritually . Don’t want anyone around me thats gone influence me to act other than what I am. Had to cut alottt of people off who don’t accept me for me, even family. Need friends with standards and deep thinkers. Love being an introvert 😊 won’t change for anyone
Yesss!!!
Huge, major props to you for extending that love out to yourself and demanding better for yourself! And when you do that, you start automatically attracting more positivity because humans are like magnets. However we feel about ourself, that energy attracts people who mostly feel the same about us, which was a huge eye opener for me as well.
#TeamIntrovert
🙏🏿❤️
Aww I'm so happy and proud for you learning to deeply know yourself is rare
My family disowned me for being different too.
YES!! All of what you said!
I’ve come to accept having no friends and being alone 🤷🏽♀️
That's a really great revelation to have 🙌🏾
I don't always agree. It's nice to be comfortable with solitude, but everyone can benefit from somebody checking on in each other
Great viewpoint thank you!
Exactly
I'm starting to accept that friendships will be empty and I need to find little hobbies and activities to fill up my time. I just try not to focus on how meaningless these endeavors are and instead accept that they fill up the time.
that is what i have done! what an astoundingly beautiful life you live when you master something. that then becomes an avenue that you paved in the universe to connect back in meaningful ways with people. for me, rock climbing, piano, and dance have been the most isolating and the euphorically re-bonding to people. keep your head up!!
“Our ego is what gives us self-doubt” Word!!
🙌🏾
How do you control the ego? My brother was obsessed with killing his ego. He would fast and fast and he got obsessed and nearly starved himself to death a few times. He was like a skeleton. He had mental health problems for sure but the psychiatric meds he was given made him much worse and he killed himself. Now some yrs on I'm becoming like him. My anxiety is through the roof all the time and I'm given antipsychotics that don't work they just make me worse. I'm so lonely and scared.
@@justinebourke9449 Hey, can I chat with you?
@@lilhoneybun5390 Hello
Self doubt can be induced from trash individuals
I realize my so called friends treat me really bad. They treated me like a third option. That is why I cut them off. I was not going to let them bring down my spirit. I realize people only want to talk to me when something good happened for them. I had one of my teachers tell me I can be a good leader. But I told her I don't think I can. But she saw something in me.
As you should cut people off when you feel mistreated or anytime you are unhappy with the people who surround you because at the end of the day, people will do what makes them happy first. And we can’t always take things personally.
The people who are outcasted tend to be the best leaders because they reject conforming
Or when their main buddy is talking to their main buddy and you’re the back up person. Its that cycle narcissism. It’s obvious and I cut them off now
I found myself always being the dumpster friend. “Friends” would only hit me up or hang out with me when they were down bad or needed someone to vent to or wanted to talk about others. But when it was time to turn up or go out, all of a sudden I didn’t exist and never got the invite. They’d always say your welcome to come but no one would ever directly come to me to invite me
never got why people didn't like me. I remember making jokes in middle school and having people tell me to shut up, then someone would steal my joke and get praised and told how funny they are. Once some classmates were trying to find a shipname for a certain couple, I said mine but people told me how bad it is, then someone repeated it and it become the official ship name of the couple. When people talked about their interests everyone listened to them, when I talked about mine I was told how annoying I'm and how noone is interested in "those kind of stupid stuff". No matter how much I read about "How to interact with people" and imitated the way other people acted it still didn't work out. Why was me being me seen as terrible, but others being themselves was seen as amazing. Things coming from my mouth were seein as stupid but as long as another person said the same thing it was once again seen as amazing. In that time of my life my only friends were people who had the same issues + another girl who didn't like me at all but liked another friend.
I'm 18 now, I still don't have a big group of friends but I have a few that do like me and enjoy my company, those are people who I truly, truly adore! I still have hard time talking with other people my age, somehow interacting with older people always seemed easier. I still struggle but I'm much happier than before.
If the person reading this is currently suffering, know that things will eventually get better. And as it's said in the video alone doesn't mean lonely
And Holistic Flo, thank you!!
Bless you! Thank you for sharing 🫶🏾
Finding it easier to talk to older people is truly relatable. An “old soul”, as they say. Young souls may not be able to understand it
Wow... you told my story for me too. Thank you for speaking out and giving me hope.
I don't feel so alone now. And that means a lot.❤️🙏☝️👋👋👋👋👋👋
I thought I was alone with this same story👊🏽
@@j.khuster2024 i love that for you!
Omg u described me
I am a loner too even when I did had friends it was short lived and I was always the third wheel. I like being solo is just so peaceful 🥰🥰
Wow this hits home so much. My mother passed away from cancer. It took her pretty quickly despite getting treatment. She was my best friend. We did a lot together. Near the end, it got so bad I had to quit my job and take care of her full time. I don’t regret doing so. We had many meaningful conversations at the end. One night I was so exhausted I fell asleep on the couch near her hospital bed, when I woke up she had passed. It shattered me. I’ve isolated myself from people ever since. I have a lot of anger and sadness. This video was helpful.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know your mom loves you so much. 🤍
And hey, it's okay to feel sad, or angry or frustrated but feel free to let go of the emotions that burden you. 🤍
Wow I'm glad the content was helpful for you. Sending love towards your family and loved ones for that emotional time as well 🙏🏾
Much much love sending to you❤
I am really sorry for you.
I bet she could die when you were awake for not braking your heart, when you fell asleep you gave her the time to do it and rest. Don't feel guilt for falling asleep you helped her.
She’s so lucky to have you by her side. God bless your heart and know moms still with you just in spirit ❤
There's nothing sweeter and peaceful than learning to love your own company. I don't have a lot friends by choice because I see people for who they really are and I prefer quality over quantity. I know it gets to a point where people will make you feel like something is wrong with you but it's all lies. If you are destined to be great, the price is not to fit in but stand out. And also you attract better people when you learn to love yourself and being by yourself, they can feel it.
Quality>quantity. Thanks so much for your comment! 🙌🏾
💯
I totally get this. I meet people through my life from common friends but I just never seem to like them geniunely. Friendship to me is like family. They'll be there no matter what and you return the favor. My closest friend always ends up putting up with drama from her so called friends, when it comes to worse, no one is there for her. That's why I'd rather have few I can trust than have many that are not real.
That's real! Thank you for your comment
Growing up I had friends but not really I really struggled to be my self and I feel like I was constantly trying to impress others and so I was faking who I was, I changed schools in 7th grade and I've been in this school for about 5 years I still have no friends. It seems like I can't make actual friends with everyone nor be myself or open up it sucks cause I see everyone having fun or going out or on dates having sleepovers or whatever I don't have a single friend. Not even fake friends anymore
Yes ✨💯
@@lucia1982 ☝️👋
Tbh I like being alone I’m away from drama and I can cherish myself more. Now I’m learning about having boundaries and what I allow in my space
You are NOT shy, you are just Introvert and maybe one of the misunderstood personality type (INFJ, INTJ, INFP or INTP)
We just don't like small talk, we prefer meaningful and deep conversations.
You are not lonely. You have just one of the rare personality type (MBTI/cognitives functions)
What are the Cognitive Functions of the 16 Personalities? | Cognitive Functions Explained th-cam.com/video/tQaHdZmLwvo/w-d-xo.html
I am 32 and INTJ, I have no friends, but have actually nice coworkers. Happy to finally know myself, and I can know all people better than themselves by guessing their personality type. Learn MBTI, cognitives functions, it will change your life. You have a personality with strengths and weaknesses like all, but you have a power and some nice values and qualities.
Thank you so much for your comment!!! I found out that I am INTJ. This could be so helpful for others.
So do you
I am not introvert but still no friends 🤡
I really don't think introvert means what most people think it means. I know many introverts who have amazing social skills and are quite popular. I'm an extrovert and I don't have than many friends, I don't want that many friends either.
I prefer meaningful and deep conversations, but I never had anyone to have them with, so I didn't develop that ability. I'm stuck with small talk or no talk. That does make me feel lonely.
Growing up and being like “y’all are my acquaintances” and seeing them hurt. Never realized people wanted to be my friend after so long of them not wanting to. At first I would do everything I could to try to simmer myself and join my peers but after realizing I couldn’t change myself even if I try, I realized most of them ain’t worth it.
I felt this. I am 46 yrs old now and still experience the feeling of being left out, not being liked and only being liked by depressed people. I have learned to accept this and have decided not to put energy, time, money or thought into making friends or connections in relationships. I will not find my crew and will not fit in. It used to hurt a lot but I'm ok with leaving it alone
Yes acceptance is key 🔑 thanks for sharing
This video popped up on my TL and I honestly believe it’s God speaking to me. I’ve always been a loner. Growing up I had friends but I was always floating between friend groups. I never quite clicked with a group and I was very aware that I was different(I just didn’t know why). I have a few friends now but I talk to them once a month or every two months. My bf, who is very social, has commented on how I don’t have friends. I started to feel really bad and have made an attempt this year to be more social and reach out to people. But for some reason I cant establish that close-knit friendship I see other people have. Through that experience God has been showing me that I am separated for a reason. It’s not that I’m bad at friendships or that something is wrong with me, it’s just that He has intentionally created separation between me and other people for a specific reason. What the reason is, I have no idea lol. But I’m starting to embrace my individuality and understanding that my path is different. I will be misunderstood, and that’s perfectly okay. As you said, we’re cut from a different cloth♥️
Wow that was a beautiful conclusion you came to about your life journey. And honestly, once we come to that realization that we’re cut different, a lot of the confusion can leave because we resist less against our true nature.
Thanks for your honestly and vulnerability!
STORY OF MY LIFE. You wrote exactly how I feel and what I’m dealing with. I’m highly social but can’t seem to have that knit tight type of friendship everyone else has out here. I just don’t get it but I think maybe it’s us being leaders.
You just described me,
I'm the same way. I like how you interpret why you never really had many close friends.
I feel much like all of you are saying. I strongly feel like I push others away.I can’t say it’s done intentionally, but, bc I tend to isolate so frequently, I have trouble making commitments. People think it’s bc I don’t like them, but that’s not the case. I’ve just been hurt a whole lot, and have built walls. I’ve been divorced for a long time, and it seems I’m almost always surrounded by couples, and they do not want to let me into their couple-oriented lives. I get that, but, at the same time, I don’t, honestly.
I moved far from where I lived for a number of years, and far from my children as well to move in with my mom, after my dad passed away. She was alone and beginning to fail considerably. After she passed away, I was starting to look for a new place to live, and then my sister had cancer for the 2nd time. I decided to back-burner my plans, in order to be closer to her. When she needed me, I was right there, and I see these things as a gift. I was there for my dad at the end, my mom, and then just under a year ago, my sister passed away. I am the youngest of 5, and she was the next one in age, and was really there for me a lot when we were young. We shared a room growing up, and were always close. I would not have wanted things to be any other way. But, I have lived alone for over 9 years now, and it has gotten old. I’m very lonely, and I honestly can say that I do not have any friends here. Before my sister died, she told me she wanted me to move. She wanted me to find my purpose, and make meaningful connections with other people and find joy in my life. She assured me that I have value and worth. I promised her I would. .
.Recently, I finally bought a house in FL, and will be moving at the end of the month. It’s excruciatingly painful to know that I’m moving even further from my adult children and my siblings, to another place where I know no one. It is time. I have to try to move outside of this lonely cocoon in which I’ve lived all of these years- sometimes going weeks never leaving the house, and having very, very little interaction with others. I feel like my social skills are shot, and it’s scary. But, I think it’s time for me to sink or swim, so to speak. It’s time for me to create doors in these impenetrable walls I’ve built. There are a ton of emotions involved, and I just hope I will not only start to live again, but to thrive. I feel like this channel crossed my path for a reason. I loved what you had to say, and the positivity in all of the comments. Thank you.
I am curious how many people who feel left out are empaths. Some people move through the world, feeling everything around them, so when people make small talk it doesn't land with them. Many of these people are valued as counselors, but that comes at the expense of being relatable on a surface level. It becomes very difficult to make friends when you know a person on an empathic level... it's hard to decipher who people are when they wear a mask to represent the person they want others to see... yet you know who and what they are and feeling.
True because you realize the emotions they show you are a facade of what theyre trying to hide like Insecurities and true emotions. Most time empaths dont want to waste energy on bonding with a person your trying to be wede rather connect with that inner trauma filled child your trying to hide.
I'm an empath
This sounds like me but I didnt have a word.
@@bnchangd7793 Look up INFJ Heyoka Empath... see if that sounds familiar
Amazing!
Thank you im going into highschool and have recently had a rude awakening that i am the “side friend” or the punching bag so im trying to cope with having to remove that energy from myself
Yes you'll certainly experience a change in your friend group between middle and high school. Your way of thinking changes
@@holisticflo makes sense as puberty comes with drastic physical, cognitive and psycho-social changes.
I’ve been alone for the last 5 years. It’s rough… but with a little bit of effort you can learn to be your own best friend. I’ve created some great memories while being alone. Just embrace the experience. This too shall pass.
Well said! Thanks for sharing
I always felt left out since I was very young. I also felt like there was something different or “special” about me. My family is Christian, my mom and my dad always reminded me that I was special. Once I got older and started meeting people I had to learn how negative the world was and I didn’t feel special anymore. I was meeting so many other broken people that it discouraged me. I also noticed at my job and other places, I would attract people I personally didn’t vibe with but they just loved me. It made me feel bad.
What made you not vibe with them
Being lonely sucks.. I hate not having friends..I just dont understand 😔
You may be physically alone, but do know you don't have to feel lonely! 🙏🏾 believe
@@holisticflo After a long time being alone, you can't run from loneliness.
@@chiiix33 It's a state of mind
@@misstigerbubbles it’s a reality. you can only be alone for so long until you start to crave companionship. only people who have truly had no one will understand this.
Why
This makes complete sense. I was always desperate for friends which in return attracted the worst people and I was always left hurt/disappointed. I'm now perfectly ok with not having friends. I am my own friend. 💕
‘I started to see how much I was not missing out on’. True for me.
Big facts
People suck, I don't need to change, they do. The end.
“I wanted to live my life for something greater… I didn’t want to seem like I thought I was superior… I have been dimming my light my whole life” Gosh dang!!! Speak it ! 🗣
I used to think people were the problem but I realise it’s actually me, friendships have expectations some a lot more than others and I didn’t want to be beholden to them. I like people and I like to keep friendships at a distance and not get too involved in their lives or problems or they in mine. I like a laugh or I like to learn or hear new things from friends or people but I do tend to run when they get too clingy. I need my freedom I can see my own selfishness. I am ok with that. I like the fact that you have thought deeply about friendships and are in a calm place and I empathise with your individuality.
I love that honesty! Learned something from you
You've summed up exactly what I am!
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your experience. I really love that you have found a healthy distance between you and others because you’re self-aware. Thanks for sharing!
I can relate to this!
I honestly think this is the sort of friendship I always wanted too lol. I love my space and personal time too much for clinginess and drama. Unless that friend needed like some money, help moving or a ride. Things like that I can do without stress. But I never wanted to play a therapist or be their surrogate dad. Just want to have work out buddies, travel buddies, banter and troll sessions, talk about music, movies, philosophy, religion, history, sports, spirituality etc
I’ve been isolated all my life and I knew I was different from everyone. I felt it in every fiber of my being since a child and I internalized all the negative feedback from other people that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. My mom and her first two children went out their way to bully my twin sister and I. The bullying persisted at school from classmates and teachers to the point that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I probably would have killed myself a long time ago if I didn’t have my twin sister by my side. I remember graduating from high school dedicating the rest of my life to be different from who I was. It was only until I was 20 that I didn’t feel like I was on autopilot and I never looked back. I made a lot of mistakes and I learned a lot about myself over the years I finally been awake for…boy was it a blessing and a curse. I’m about to turn 25 and I still feel like there’s so much to learn but I keep reminding myself why I started. Thank you for your video because I can make friends but I always had a hard time of keeping them
Wow thank you so much for sharing such a touching story! I appreciate your openness and vulnerability because when we're in those situations, or emotions often cloud us from seeing who all may be going through something similar. And many people who watched this video had very similar experiences, I have witness firsthand.
Im so glad the video resonated with you!
I’m 35 and can relate with you. Every word
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
For the longest time I wanted nothing else but to be like everyone else. I don't mind being alone but I still wish to act like others
Relateable. It can feel like you're a puzzle peice trying to fit into the middle of the puzzle when your peice really belongs on the edge 😂
That’s exactly the way I feel… since school lol even though when I had some meaningful (for me) friendships, I would feel left out, I would feel very forgettable and sad bc I always showed up for my friends whenever I could and their energy wouldn’t even match mine. So I just decided that I’m no longer pushing it for people who wouldn’t even do it the same for me. The things you said really opened a third eye, I no longer want/need people around if they don’t even really like me. Thanks for this video
Wow, Im so thankful that all the things I said opened a third eye to what you’re going through. Many people can relate, but this topic isn’t talked about enough to uplift those who are discouraged because that can’t find the “right” group of friends
Thank you did your comment V and support!
I think they were envious of you because you’re beautiful and unique. Sheeple don’t like individuality.
@@MC-rw2bk aw thank you 🫶🏾
Absolutely agree with this!! Being an introvert, I would always attract the loud, opinionated, extroverted friends. There were times I would disregard my time & feelings to please these people. I was in several “friendships” were I was getting absolutely nothing out of it. “I’ve been alone when surrounded by friends” was a phrase I knew all too well. Quality over quantity makes a difference!! I would rather have 2-3 friends that I have genuine connections with than 10-12 people I don’t even know if I can trust. When you kept saying 2020 that was the year i started seeing people’s true colors. It’s sad that some people will settle and stay in miserable friendships just to make the other person happy. Those days are over for me & the peace I have now is unmatched 🙌🏽✨
Yesss speak 🙌🏾
From someone who has friends and have had them for a few decades I’ll say my girlies and I always say how lucky we are because it is so so so difficult to make friends in this day and age from the inside looking out. Having said that I have also lost touch or broken up with friends I thought were dear to me. Just keep an open mind and don’t let the light inside you die out ok!!! Focus on yourself and really you find yourself make the most unexpected of connections. But don’t let your desperation lower your standards either!!! Good luck out there y’all ❤
Thanks so much for these words of wisdom!
I can really relate to this. It always hurts finding out I’ve been left out or just not seen as part of the group, even though I’ve always tried to fit in and be nothing but loving and kind to everyone I interact with. Thank you for this video. 💗
Im glad you relate to it. Thanks for watching!
I have three friends that I’ve been friends with since middle school (10 years now) and we’re all very close and it’s a genuine meaningful connection and I’m very lucky in that way, but in all that time I’ve never made any new friends. When I went to college it was the loneliest and most isolating time of my life. I was excited to meet new people and make new friends and feel apart of the world and it just didn’t happen. It was taking such a toll (among mental health issues) I started seeing a counselor on campus. It gets me down a lot and I doubt myself bc my friends have other friends that they are close to and I don’t so then I wonder “what am I doing wrong” or “what’s wrong with me”
College is certainly that one place where the whole world of possibilities upon up to what your “tribe” may look like.
The fortunate thing is that during the college age, you go through so many personality changes and self-exploration. Some people have to go through seasons of isolation because they have attached their identity so closely to their peers, so if you can, see this as a chance to find that new identity in yourself.
I can definitely understand this experience, because I was searching for friends my freshman year, and unfortunately looked in the wrong places. I soon found a few friends that I would stick with, but it took a while. I hope that’s encouraging.
Thanks for your vulnerability and sharing your story! 🙌🏾
The same thing happened to me lol. Felt so alone in college. More so than in high school and middle school which is crazy because you literally have so much freedom and you’re an adult so it should’ve been easier but it wasn’t. I used to cry in the bathroom between class breaks lol. To top it off, my last semester was spent online due to 2,0 2,0 as this content creator kindly puts it. Now a few months after graduating college (with no friends or long lasting relationships from it) I’m glad to say I still did it. I mean I am a recent college grad who is almost 25 and I am working a well paying job. I gave dating a try recently and it didn’t work out so had a really bad mental breakdown in October 😆 just trying to find myself now..
There's nothing wrong with people like this and yes, they do tend to be very nice and treat others well and with respect, but, for some reason, people tend to gravitate towards jerks who often talk way too much and are very disrespectful just for the hell of it. Don't be bothered by rejection. Some are just not worthy of the love and respect you have to offer.
Humans love misery, generally speaking
rejection is typically meant to redirect you. I think its god trying to redirect you on the path he wants you on. Every individual is different, so He’ll use different things and situations. Mine always takes my feelings getting hurt because I take it so personal and get offended till yesterday i was so fed up and i asked for understanding and out of no where i run into this video now im finally realizing its apart of his doing
🎯🎯🎯
Your friends don’t come first in life, your priorities In your life does, your regular education, your financial education, buying your first house, investing in your own business, finding yourself a companion & then starting a relationship in which leads to marriage & starting your own family. This is what all comes first. Forget having friends, friends are a only gonna stop you from those dreams. Get your life in order first. Throughout my younger years growing up in the 1980’s and 1990’s I learned absolutely nothing about life from having friends. If you keep hanging out with your friends going to bars/clubs and having parties, you will have nothing and you will learn nothing about finance and about how to gather your life together if you keep hanging out with your friends. I’m 51 years old and I’m telling you people this from my own life experiences.
Interesting perspective, thank you
People pick and choose who they like it’s nothing we can do
Facts!
What do you mean?
I don’t know what to do and at this point I’m considering staying alone. I try and socialise with others but they don’t reciprocate. I try and act normal, talk about things we have in common, but it seems pointless… I can only make friends online. I’m sorry I haven’t watched the full video yet (it’s 5AM and I haven’t slept lol) but I hope it helps me fix this problem. It’s humiliating to eat lunch alone…
It’s okay, simply keep living life honestly. It sometimes certainly can be difficult to make friends in-person. I hope you enjoyed the video though! And thanks for your comment
relatable.
Join a group outside of school if possible. May help u boost ur confidence . Or if their is after-school group u might click with just 1 person can help. Do not start placing ur self value in the others. I had issues in school like this sometimes but don't worry you got this. Also u get to graduate and do whatever the heck you want eventually!
I'm sanctified and set apart-No fake friends around me, I LOVE IT.
#REPENT #TRUSTCHRIST
I am a loner by nature and I have too many things that keep me occupied. But I like having a good friend that has integrity. I have recently found out that my "good friend" was talking badly about me.
Yes, God showed me what I needed to know.
Even though I was deeply hurt, I am glad to know the truth.
This video came right on time. 29 years later :) I've battled so long with not having friends or a close group of acquaintances no matter how nice I was to people, generous etc it would never serve me. I used to wonder for so long what was wrong with me. Like why couldn't people see me for who I am. I even started to get shade from some people saying things like, "ohhh so you do have a flaw" or "Oh you know she's too good to hang out with out" etc and I just never understood it and at times it hurt. But as I've grown more I started to understand and also this video has put things in massive perspective! So glad I found your channel. Looking forward to more of your content.
Wow I'm so glad you came across this video too! Thanks for sharing also
it saddens me that some people in the comments have given up on trying to make new friendships. Currently i don't have a solid friend group but i would never stop trying to find new people because I know how content I felt knowing that I belong.
There are people out there for everyone, don't give that up
Yes thanks so much for those encouraging words!
I have NEVER fit in and always been alone, not only am I an only child, but the few friends I did have rarely came around unless I gave them power over me. Same for family. However, I have always felt more confident on my own than around others. I've gotten to an age where I don't mind being alone!
That’s great you don’t mind being alone! For alot of people, that’s difficult to cope with and takes a lot of confidence
I quite literally have no friends, and the only people I talk to at this time is my parents.
I cut my family off because I no longer wanted to be around their toxicity, and the only two friends I had in this world had become draining and toxic so I cut them off and no longer communicate with them at all.
I’ve always been socially anxious and awkward, and always dealt with loneliness, but honestly, just accepting that I might be alone forever has brought me some comfort, and I’ve never felt more at peace with myself.
I still have a ton of work to do, but I finally feel like I’m healing slowly but surely.
That's great to hear! Thanks for sharing
And that's on being an INFP ✨ great video such a good way to accept ourselves.
Yess the introversion is real lol. Im an INTJ
Yeah INFP here
I spent two years alone it changed my life for sure 🎉❤ love this !!
Im glad you enjoyed the video! 😄
I stay away from negative energy so I isolate myself and I'm happy with it.
I’ve never made friends easily and it couldn’t happen even if I wanted. It’s time to enjoy activities that don’t require one.
"Working people" & "Party people" don't get along with each other. "Working people" take their lives serious. "Party people" believe in distraction 24/7. I went through this. Leave the "Party people" alone.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I have a great career and still party on the weekends. Just because you are successful doesn't mean you can't turn up!
💯
Oh, please. I work 5 days a week and party when I can. Who spends their entire life just working and not enjoying themselves? A boring person with a stick up their ass.
Story of my life. I never fit in and always feel awkward in social situations
I normally have no problem with not having friends. But since I have a boyfriend I am so sad. He has so many people who care about him. Call him, text him. Asking him to hang out…
But the only people calling me, are my parents.
And it sucks so bad. I don’t want to spend every weekend home alone or clinging with my boyfriends friend group.
BecauseI put effort in talking to others, inviting them to do stuff etc. But once I stop, they never try to connect with me again. Like wtf. Why.
I hate it. So much.
A leader leads do not fit in, and changes themselves to be liked, and accepted. They know they will be hated, and chased away, and some will want to or will kill you one way or another. Some are born to take the paths not trodden, and hear the footsteps of those who will walk the path of your inspiration, your divine calling, soul self, and change the world.
Thanks for this! 🙌🏾
I believe on of the main reasons, I don't have friends, is because of my looks. Im morbidly obese, darker complected, tall, and I wear skirts. Men run from me and make fun of me, females make fun of me or think Im gay. I'm getting to a point were I don't care, and really trying my best to focus on myself. Its not that a person is cut from a different cloth, people are judgemental.
im so sorry ur going through this journey, those ppl dont know any better. you are beautiful dont let what they say define you. wishing u the best.
The "pure" thing is so true lol it used to annoy me now I just don't acknowledge people who treat me like this because I know they don't really know me. I heard from somewhere else that you may have a hard time blending in because as divine people we are not a part of the world and this video radiates that energy :)
Yesss! We are not of this world but were sent here to go against the grain and shake things up and wake others up! And those who chose to listen will reap their benefitd
This is great. I had part-time friends. They would check in when convenient, while I was handling my emotions myself. I think killing your ego can end friendships that survived from that. I want to be me, not who my friends expect me to be. That's straight lame.
Every time I've made a new friend it eventually ends in me trying to distance myself from them, probably because they end up becoming a distraction and try to lead me astray from what I need to accomplish in life.
Mmm thats super relateable!
Recently I cut off my last "friend". I feel at peace and much happier. The last 2 years where a long distance friendship, since she moved. There wasn't a fight or anything, but she couldn't accept my boundaries. Every friendship or friendgroup I was in, people could never accept my boundaries, try to pressure me into things or being super clingy. I was never a person you could pressure into something and was never dependent on people, I'm good on my own, they knew that and still try the same shit with me.
The recently cut off friend, I told her I need some time for myself and that I will text her first when I'm ready. It's like she never heard me say that. I even texted it to her. She's texting me every day, making plans without asking if I have time, planing trips etc. I don't even want to text her back. Telling her, the friendship is over, knowing her, she would act like I never said that.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I can't deal with people like that. Being on my own makes me much happier.
I’m not even finished watching but I can already say you are the only person who completely touched on all the points I needed to hear about feeling this way. I def think I was meant to watch this:)
Wow so pleased to hear that!
I haven’t always been the best person but I know that I put my energy into friendships or relationships and always get nothing in return.
You dont have to be the best person! Because if they really love you, they may point out the flaws in you, but the purpose will be to uplift you to do better, not to put you down. They'll still accept you if its real
@@holisticflo I would prefer someone to tell me to back off or put more effort into something. But, when there is nothing…that’s when I show the same level of coldness.
I appreciate you so much for this video. I’m battling with all this right now. No friends not even a acquaintanceship… I cry in silent often. My parents are the worst my boyfriend ain’t deep enough… I’ve been feeling like I’m the problem. I do have suicidal thoughts at times but work against and try to not let it get me. Ppl often tell me I’m light and fresh air but all they do is take it from me. I heal everyone around me.. always have. Not saying they owe me for it I’m not looking for anything from them but what do I do for me ? I’m sorry for writing all this out like this.
Continue to keep pouring into yourself. Many people can tend to be energy leeches when they see that you’re a healer. Stay strong
Stay strong, you’re evolving in the right direction
How do you still get a boyfriend without having any friends? I always read how women are lonely or have no friends but they always have a boyfriend. I’m sitting over here as a guy with no girlfriend or friends at all. This is this is true loneliness and you girls don’t understand what that’s like at all.
@@Nerff554 we was dating while I had friends and they came and went. He watched me go through all the bs with females. They left but he and I are still together. I understand your loneliness I promise I do. This generation made human interaction difficult. It hard to date now or find a friend because people rarely are real with themselves. Some barely think for themselves so it’s very difficult. My suggestion would be find a hobby and really hone into treating yourself more. Self love when you love on yourself you attract love and it will come. I really hope you feel better, because it will get better. Love to you 💜
@@kittybxoxo ok but why can’t you see my point?? You and him are still together. Meaning he stayed. That’s not been my experience at all any little hiccup like I got in a car crash and was in the hospital gf cheats or leaves. Health issues? She left. I’m trying to say that men by a majority are loyal to their woman if they love her and most women are not. Which heightens the loneliness men actually feel. Women are never truly alone there is always done guy willing to talk to her. I wish I was gay because my life has been a living hell trying to date women.
I swear TH-cam if listening in on my phone calls. Haven’t watched the whole video, but currently very depressed because I’m getting older, and this is how I feel all the time.
May you find peace in every hardship you face because of this feeling 🙌🏾
If you have always felt different your whole life and have social troubles and are getting rejected constantly by others, get yourself checked for autism or ADHD. I was diagnosed in my 30s and it made a HUGE difference in my life and explained why people treat me the way they do.
Elaborate? Treat you how? Autistic people have friends and live normal lives… this is just one of the factors
@@user-kf1yt8bv6w they can have friends and lead normal lives but it is incredibly difficult to achieve and maintain. In my case, once I make a friend they tend to disappear for no reason. My efforts to make sure everything is all right are ignored. Eventually they begin to passive aggressively bully me. Sensory issues, flat affect, missed social cues, and burnout cause misunderstandings and most people rather walk away than actually sit down and have a conversation with me and ask why I don't make eye contact sometimes during a conversation or why I look upset or sound bored when I'm not or why I'm exhausted from being at a gathering for more than an hour. There's so much more I could list but I don't want to write a whole novel on here.
My aloneness is definitely about the level of depth... I wish I could meet more spiritual and intellectual people but I cant seem to find them.
In my experience, we end up attracting spiritual people, rather than finding them. When we stop looking, they start coming
The fact that this showed up in my recommendations and that it 100% resonates with me, just shows me that I needed to hear this. Thank you! You seem like a person that I could actually talk with about things that I find important.❤️
Wow thank you so much! It's a blessing that you enjoyed the content in that way and i how you like it here ❤️🥲
Same💯
It is best not to have no friends at all because alot of people nowadays don't know what true friendship is
It’s kinda nice being alone sometimes
You have provided a lot of great truths here. Deep calls unto deep. Since the majority of people are followers and tend to lean toward groupthink, when you are an independent thinker, it goes against the flow. I do believe that many are called but few are chosen because of this. It's okay to be alone, that's the time when you grow spiritually and because you don't have the distractions, you can hear/discern the leading of the Spirit. Developing a love for oneself is not bad, it's healthy. When you develop that love, you can easily give to others without the necessity for them to give back to you. God will fill you up. Yes, we need friendships and love in our lives, it's a basic human need (see Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs). The love needs to come from someone else who has matured in this way so that they don't distract or sabotage us. Continued blessings, queen sis!
Thanks so much for this enlightening comment! I appreciate the love and support! 🙌🏾
Some people are socially geared. Some are not. If you are not, you can reap the benefits of introspection.
But its important not to feel superior because you're a little different to most others.
I also think feeling emotionally centred is a natural process. If you try too hard or put too much thinking into it, you will not achieve self enlightenment.
The more I let people into my reality when I was in a transitional healing re-living stage the more my peace was disturbed , the more my tranquility was disturbed . I absorbed so much anxiety , I realize people were drawn to me because of my peace , when I was alone just walking around vibing , going to the park . They were drawn to me yet they always said something was wrong with me , they said I wasn't spiritual enough , they said I wasn't skillful enough , I need to find the right people , not those who will program you further with more self hate and confusion
I had friends noticed they used me notice they hated the things I did or had.. others we’re friends for party !! I’m so into myself working on myself but I forgotten how to have or make friends, sometimes I just think they want to hurt me talk behind my back or something it’s like I can’t trust noone
That's real!! You're not alone, believe me.
As much as I can sit and make a video on the benefits of being an outcast and set apart, it is sooo difficult not to allow the mind to think every new person who tries to befriend you will deceive you like all the last. It's natural to wanna have our guard up. It's like we are bracing ourselves for a car crash that may never happen.
This is something that I am still battling with to this day
What I finally figured out about myself ...is that I'm an Ambivert....you can be social when necessary..but you really enjoy being alone because your a creative sort who can occupy yourself well.
Everyone is an ambivert to a degree, I'm 51% introvert and 49% extrovert. Despite this I never considered myself as an ambivert because I'm an extrovert to some and introverted to some. The most extroverted person also has their own introvertness and vice versa.
This video was amazing. Much of what you mentioned really resonated with me. I have been a loner for most of my life. I didn't really have friends growing up. Aside from my older sister who eventually went on to do her own thing, I didn't have many people to engage with. At 18 I got my first job and somewhat had a good friendship with a coworker who was a gay Black woman. Both she and her partner worked at the bakery where I worked too. She basically taught me how to love myself and encourage me to be myself. Up until that point in my life, I never met a person like her. 20 years later I now realize how much she was just herself and how much she encouraged me to do the same. Last year I ended my 14 years of relationship with my toxic as-all-get-out boyfriend, finish my Masters of Library Information Science, dealt with and still dealing with a job that burns me out, and still trying to live while the pandemic continues. I now realize the universe/the creator did this for me so that I could change my life and head in a new direction. Every day, I am learning to embrace my new path and continue to move forward. Thank you for your video and the message you provided.
Wow I'm so glad you were able to get all of those things out of this video. That's super enlightening to me what you commented. Thank you!
Omg when I tell u I’ve never had any friends in my life, hell if anything no support even from my family, but it was understanding my mental health as well as taking care of myself, and just living a simple life being stress free as I can that made me understand who I am as well as being mature and not assimilating in society , but gurl love to be friends with u 🙏🏽
I'm at the beginning phase....new environment,the age group is too young to relate to and many are older and busy. At that point I'm letting go of the what ifs ,FOMO....and focus....it can get lonely.,,but I chose to trust the process....
I have the same problem all of the women in my family seem to be friends and iam always left out and I don't understand why I'm a very nice person if any one needs anything I am always there to help
Yes, it is a struggle sometimes understanding why we are left out, and there could be so many reasons why.
Your not alone im here too. Feeling the same.
That’s the reason why. We are nice and good. Look in the Bible, lovers evil and despisers of good. I work in the psychology field, and one thing I notice is people like to be abused to some extent. Not abused they way we are but they like to follow something or someone they feel are above them.
That’s how cliques work. They know the ones they like hanging out with are toxic and they work to earn their acceptance by being toxic as well. When you don’t have this thinking or toxic ways. When you have good intentions they see as weakness.
They can’t live without a hierarchy system going. Most people want to use each other in some way and see others competition. They see standing alone as weakness and easy targets. They don’t know how strong we are to be able to do it. When most of them can’t go a day without being around others.
I used to be this guy and as I got older I flipped it around. This is actually what’s going on.
You aren’t providing any value to these people. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Look at any group of people that are right, every single person has a role and provides value in some sort of way. Maybe one guy is really good socially, maybe another guy is a musician, maybe one guy has a lot of connections, maybe one guy has a lot of hobbies and knows a little about a lot of stuff, etc…these people are all providing value. In certain situations, they’re the “go-to guy”. They fall into some type of niche that provides value.
As the wallflower, you aren’t providing anything. Sure, you’re “nice”, but you aren’t showing them any value, which in turns shows that you have low status, and in general, people don’t really respect, or want to hang out with low status people who provide no value.
Being “nice” or “cool to talk to” isn’t enough. You need to be providing value. Weird example, but remember the nerdy computer guy in the fast and the furious movies? In 99% of situations these people would NEVER have let him into their group. But he’s providing value. He’s the computer guy, he knows his shit. So this allowed him to gain respect and now he’s one of them.
When people meet each other, watch what they talk about. “What do you do for a living”, “what do you do for fun”, etc…people are assessing each other’s value. It’s not a malicious or intentional thing, it’s subconscious. But having skills and things that you’re good at allows you to build rapport with people and connect with them. That’s really what it’s all about. If you got nothing going for you except that you’re “nice”, you’re not gonna find your group.
For men, getting good with cars is an awesome first step. If you know your way around an engine, you’ll definitely be seen as a valuable dude. Also things like physical fitness, martial arts, fishing, building things, plumbing, computers, etc…any practical skills. You just gotta get hobbies and learn stuff.
But yeah, it’s all about value. Best of luck.
Interesting and unique viewpoint. Thanks for your comments
I like this viewpoint
Great point
Sadly, I believe this is true. I recently went through a short-lived friendship that proves this to be true (just my experience).
Thanks for sharing @Nick P
Thank you
Hey sis, I can relate to this message. I have been doing the same thing - I call it 'dumbing myself down' around people who are not spiritual, so we can, 'get along.' But it causes a lot of pain and confusion in the spiritual identity - it's so damaging. You seem like the kind of person I would genuinely want to be friends with - spiritual and kind 🤍
Thanks for your comment and im glad you could resonate with the vid! I certainly know what it feels like to "dumb it down" and to some of us it feels like an essential need to be understood by your peers. That's part of having an old soul
Try to be fully yourself and see how they reacts. If its negative cut them off.
@@bachiak1 yup, foolproof method.
@@newbeginnings4933 funny that you comment on the day I made a video about friends
Yes! Love this so much. It is linked to depression in my life. When I am not able to fill myself back up, that is now when I know I need to spend time alone. Playing piano, reading online, and exercising are all good things to do. Cooking healthy food for yourself is literally valuing yourself and know you deserve a good and healthy future.
I once dimmed my light too, and even tarnished myself at times to seem more “acceptable” to certain groups. It’s unfortunate how that can happen so frequently to people, but it is confusing so I get it.
Now I have a strong foundation of positive people I can be myself with, who don’t find me annoying or like I’m putti them down when I achieve good things/grow in my life. The process to get here was growth itself!!
It’s kind of like a plant 🌱 when it’s in it’s early stages, it’s very in need of nutrients, sunlight, water, and JUST the the right conditions to take root and grow out of the soil. BUT, once we are above the surface, you actually have direct access to the light, and thus our growth quickens nearly exponentially. Keep on being awesome :)
Wow that was beautiful and I’m soo honored you were able to relate to the experiences shared in this video!
Thanks so much for your comment and interaction as well I really appreciate you sharing part of your story!
Playing piano, Google information, going to the gym and eating healthy 85% of the time are what I do also!!
It’s hurtful but a blessing as a 19 year old I asked god why do I have to be by myself but maybe it’s a purpose for it
As a Muslim perspective looking at people around me feeling the same way makes me feel less alone and even having a remembrance of god feels less lonely. I love how you addressed and shared your experiences it opened up my mind more so thank you i appreciate it a lot :)
#FreePS
Im glad you enjoyed it!
A true friend knows the song in your heart and can sing the words back to you even when you have forgotten how....this I believe....I just never have had a true friend and always feel like an unwanted outsider....
I was getting teary eyes had to snap out 29 years of life I came cross people who use, abuse me ect the times I prayed about peace just to realize God is giving it to me so I’m taking this alone time to learn different things about myself coming a cross your video tells me there’s always someone going through the same situation as you 😃 prayers to everyone staying strong because peace is so much better then disturbance
So glad you had this realization, thanks for sharing and Im glad you enjoyed the video!
if you are boring, friends do not stick around and will not invite you to parties or going out. Or... if you are very good looking and intelligent, people will feely envious and inferior in your presence.
Some friends are bad influences and they become a distraction which I've learned. I dont really miss having friends to much some end up on drugs or alcoholics. Not everyone you can take with you on your lifes journey. Too many people are screwed up. Some people become money driven or family focused. This is why some people aren't meant to have long term friends.
I enjoyed reading this perspective thanks!
I understand This Topic 100%! Even when I became Partial Disabled and people who knew about my accident didn't show up! I was in My feelings and so much Pain & Medication just to have Former Co-workers or people to Call before they came by was what I wanted!
One thing I can say I caught COVID-19 at the end of the cycle Yet I'm alive and I still have a Purpose and Vision.
Now if someone called me as I was walking and knew about my Accident and calls my Name, I will speak and keep it moving! (No longer in my feelings,) If they asks why didn't I stop to see what they want? I will keep walking and say: I developed a Time Management Schedule and I have Important things to do!
And that's to fulfill my Purpose.
Definitely have my support on that. That was a difficult thing for me to learn as well, walking in purpose. Thanks for sharing!