As a student in leadership coaching, I feel this is an excellent example of leadership coaching! Thank you for the helpful and informational video! Very well done.
He was able to relax and be more generous but a couple of things are still possible for me...First, he is still operating from the assumption that his perspective is correct and the other man is the problem and needs to explain himself. So there is the potential that if he doesn't like the response he gets he will be reactivated. Second, he is not taking responsibility for how his reactions (taking things personally) have negatively impacted the dynamic between them. Third, he could step deeply into personal responsibility and consider the context of relatedness that he may have unconsciously created and from which this situation has arisen. That might lead to environment where other man would also feel comfortable being introspective, responsible, and open-hearted
I'd be interested in what he feels when he says "Why do you keep shutting me down" or the modified version "Have I done anything wrong". I'd expect something like 'relieve', next question could be 'what is being relieved' to focus what the client actually carries around, might be 'well finally speaking up for myself', then 'okay, how are you acting different when you speak up for yourself(in contrast to not doing so)', would bring up a more truer version of the client, he would get conscious of the difference of the offline and office persona of himself (to which he referred in the beginning). I bet then asked 'well, would this truer version of you let himself be intimidated like that' he would state 'definitely not!', and in this answer lies within the strength that we want to anchor, so 'how does it feel to say that "definitely.." ?', 'it feels strong', 'what enables this strength', 'I just know that I can simply say what feels right to me', ' What feels good about that?', 'I know this is who I am at the core' ... So it is anchored, the quality or value is clearly embraced. Next we might ask him, 'okay, when you meet that guy again, but this time from this attitude, how will you deal with it?', and if we anchored the strength well enough he will respond from that place with a smile 'he Frank, why do you keep shutting me down'.
So now that we shifted the power dynamics in that relationship it is up to Frank to react. Our guy here now grew stronger, that means that Frank might feel inferior as he now won't be able to dominate our guy again. That will only be the case when Frank also came from a weak place with whatever remarks he did to upset our guy in the first place. If we had more then 5min we could've taken care of that case, by building up sensitivity in our guy in regards to Frank. So I would recommend asking our guy to a further going coaching session into my office. Building up the sensitivity would mean to instill leadership qualities in our guy. So, anyway, if we do not do this, and Frank actually came from a weak place with his remarks, Frank might not be cool with our guy being more strong now. So another option would be to check Frank, or tell our guy that we first want to talk to Frank before he does, to go under the hood with him as well, etc ... Or don't do a 5min coaching in the first place and schedule a meeting with those two together right away and do a facilitation/coaching with them together. There is something in it for both of them to become better at their work, grow personally and leadership wise. As a company coach I would want to harvest this change to grow the capabilities of my staff.
As a student in leadership coaching, I feel this is an excellent example of leadership coaching! Thank you for the helpful and informational video! Very well done.
He was able to relax and be more generous but a couple of things are still possible for me...First, he is still operating from the assumption that his perspective is correct and the other man is the problem and needs to explain himself. So there is the potential that if he doesn't like the response he gets he will be reactivated. Second, he is not taking responsibility for how his reactions (taking things personally) have negatively impacted the dynamic between them. Third, he could step deeply into personal responsibility and consider the context of relatedness that he may have unconsciously created and from which this situation has arisen. That might lead to environment where other man would also feel comfortable being introspective, responsible, and open-hearted
I really enjoyed this example and the sub-titles to explain where we were in the coaching session. Very helpful!
Mark Geldmacher video
Great advice! Really helped me build my knowledge of the coaching practice!
One thing I would have coached is why does he think the other person making contradictory comments or "shutting him down".
Excellent demonstration. Well-done!
I'd be interested in what he feels when he says "Why do you keep shutting me down" or the modified version "Have I done anything wrong". I'd expect something like 'relieve', next question could be 'what is being relieved' to focus what the client actually carries around, might be 'well finally speaking up for myself', then 'okay, how are you acting different when you speak up for yourself(in contrast to not doing so)', would bring up a more truer version of the client, he would get conscious of the difference of the offline and office persona of himself (to which he referred in the beginning).
I bet then asked 'well, would this truer version of you let himself be intimidated like that' he would state 'definitely not!', and in this answer lies within the strength that we want to anchor, so 'how does it feel to say that "definitely.." ?', 'it feels strong', 'what enables this strength', 'I just know that I can simply say what feels right to me', ' What feels good about that?', 'I know this is who I am at the core' ...
So it is anchored, the quality or value is clearly embraced. Next we might ask him, 'okay, when you meet that guy again, but this time from this attitude, how will you deal with it?', and if we anchored the strength well enough he will respond from that place with a smile 'he Frank, why do you keep shutting me down'.
So now that we shifted the power dynamics in that relationship it is up to Frank to react. Our guy here now grew stronger, that means that Frank might feel inferior as he now won't be able to dominate our guy again. That will only be the case when Frank also came from a weak place with whatever remarks he did to upset our guy in the first place.
If we had more then 5min we could've taken care of that case, by building up sensitivity in our guy in regards to Frank. So I would recommend asking our guy to a further going coaching session into my office.
Building up the sensitivity would mean to instill leadership qualities in our guy.
So, anyway, if we do not do this, and Frank actually came from a weak place with his remarks, Frank might not be cool with our guy being more strong now.
So another option would be to check Frank, or tell our guy that we first want to talk to Frank before he does, to go under the hood with him as well, etc ...
Or don't do a 5min coaching in the first place and schedule a meeting with those two together right away and do a facilitation/coaching with them together. There is something in it for both of them to become better at their work, grow personally and leadership wise.
As a company coach I would want to harvest this change to grow the capabilities of my staff.
Thanks
Thanks..It really helps