Let's Talk About Male Suicidality
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ค. 2023
- Full video: • Dr. K Talks Weed
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Full video: th-cam.com/video/WdM8r6R3FfM/w-d-xo.html
This is scary and interesting. Never knew these stats.
Society/Familiy/Gouvernent ect. holds men as prisoners/slaves and then men delete themselfs.
i am one of those men. i had 3 attempts.
How come this video is no longer available? I need to see it for real
@@CalAndAlyvideo still available it's titled Dr K Talks Weed..it's at the 1:10 mark
Can this happen to women as well?
It's been a long time since I've watched a video on TH-cam that doesn't censor words like "suicide" or "kill"
Im so mad that we cant openly talk about important things because they labled as 'bad'
Pretty sure this has something to do with the fact that yt knows he's a doctor.
@@creeper_triste there is label that says "From a doctor licensed in the US" in every video he uploads, probably that why
@@m4hunt3r47 yeah, that's what I was referring to.
Yknow what? I didn't even book that at first, but you're right
Its not that death is the ONLY way out, its just that the idea of continuously suffering to no end is worse than death itself.
Yup
Yup, understandable to want to skip all that and just go to the end.
This hit me hard in the feels.
It is if you're a teen and you literally can't get out away from your abusive parents. Because the state will hunt you down and send you back.
@@bigsandwich1238 Shit system needs to be revamped. The whole system.
"change something in their life, not change them" is such a great advice. its not true for everyone, but its definitely true for most suicidal men in my opinion.
The men need to work out how to get out, they may need help with this
Hope everyone doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤️
In my experience with overprotective fam, even other adults I used to talk to used to say I was the problem. But I agree usually changing outside forces can help you function sooo much better mentally!!
Hope everyone doing good. Sending support and hearts! ❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe. Always remember that people care, one of them, me. Sending support and even more hearts!❤️❤️❤️ Stay safe
Ultimately they have to want to change the environment they're in though that may be the root cause..
I used to be suicidal and to be completely honest, still am. For me it’s not that “it’s the only way out” it’s just “why do i have to keep doing this?”
Futility is what I felt when I was at rock bottom. My therapist kept telling me that I didn't want to work and that I was being lazy. When in reality I just felt like no matter how much I suffered, I would never escape the pain and I would never have what I wanted.
Eventually I died to my dreams and accepted my fate. Now I focus on doing things I like that I can actually do. It really helps to fill the void.
You mean you lack meaning in your life?
@@FarhatKCh Think of it as spices or flavors. The bad thoughts or meanings or motivations, emotions,... just come and go as it pleases. It just happen that the crappy one has a stronger aftertaste than the others. I'm well aware that i'm controlling what i'm tasting but i don't know how to cook. Thus i'm stuck in a cycle of endlessly eating crappy food for a living, or until i got better at cooking.
right it's futility of life that drives people to suicide. you have to work hard to survive and you survive to work hard, and the best part is being asleep. extrapolate that -- if being asleep is the best part...
@@user-wr2cd1wy3b Then it’s like playing in easy mode. But Human take risks to develop, that how we got here today. My guess is the lack of result compare to the effort put in that lead to futile. However, there seem to be no room for us to simply be patient and wait for the result. Why bother playing a game when it’s slowly becoming a daily chore rather than an entertainment?
As someone that's been suicidal throughout my life due to both overwhelming stress and abuse, I can absolutely say that I was most suicidal when it seemed like the only option. When backed into a corner, I'll still have suicidal thoughts, but I'm now able to see that suicide isn't the only option, and in fact it's my worst one. I still have to deal with the pain, but at least I can have the comfort that I'm doing something about it that will help me in the long run.
Hey, I know you probably don’t care but I just want you to know that I’m proud of you for everything you’ve managed to get through and accomplish:)
i;'m glad youre doing better!
My experience is when you get to a point where you are proud of yourself and conquer your fears your life is so much more beautiful then when you do not suffer.
I hope you have removed yourself from the abuse. Being in an emotionally, verbally abusive relationship caused me to get to the point of planning my unaliving… thankfully it was discovered… it’s been about a year and I’ve been in therapy - which has helped a lot. AND working on heathy boundaries.
You are a strong person. Stay that way. We need you around.
The problem is that we see suicide only under a mental health perspective, but suicide is also a social problem
...so what youre saying is:☭ , comrade?
@injusticeanywherethreatens4810 The intention is to lower the number of dead men, not dramatically, and systematically increase it.
@@injusticeanywherethreatens4810BASED
Seems like more of a solution to me. It's an escape from women's world, the one they built to keep us isolated.
@nickers7409We live in a socioeconomic system that deliberately isolates people and destroys social connections in order to make us even more exploitable. Conservatives lament the crumbling of the atomic family, but this is only the stage after the destruction of the broader social networks that everyone had before industrialization. No longer are we raised by a village and have a relationship with everyone in it.
Instead we are raised in small family units (if at all) and have an ever-shifting pool of small disconnected friend groups that fade with time as we go through middle school, high school, 1st job, 2nd job, college, 3rd job, etc. The workplace is often the only in-person social network people have, and that is often toxic because of the competitive, "Just worry about yourself" work culture.
You got me after I processed that sentence for a second. Assuming someone is having that type of ideation or depression is because they have something up in their head doesn't find or solve the root cause. Even if someone is mentally ill, you need to adjust their circumstances, not just their symptoms.
Well said!! ❤ Jesus said that we need to show love in all circumstances!!
How do you think depression works? That guy is clueless.
@@PeaceOfMakedepression is usually caused by material circumstances. there's not much evidence for "chemical imbalanaces." it's a societal problem, not an individual one. he's spot-on.
@@stinkmonger If that were true, it would be highest at the poorest countries. And it's not.
Also is it a material or societal problem? Pick a lane.
@@PeaceOfMake you seem confused.
And simply stating "it's okay for men to cry" is NOT advocacy for men's mental health.
its not...but its a start.
Context is key...depending on who your talking to and the situation it can mean everything at the right time.
Nobody says things in a void...people think they do online but that's not the case...the fact people think that's the case ironically is the problem lol
It absolutely is, no? That's a huge shift from teaching kids "boys dont cry"
@@AlienrunI don't think it is a start. Everyone thinks that men are allowed to cry, even the most conservative advocates on this earth. They just have different standards *when* it is allowed. In the end nothing changes because the problematic people already think in their head that they are not part of the problem.
That's why the focus should be entirely on the reasons *why* men experience negative emotions, and dicuss these issues with empathy. This way people actually make a change in their daily live because they know what we are even talking about.
For example: a huge topic for men is loneliness. You have to take that specific topic seriously and not just say that showing emotions is okay. This is the difference.
These blanket statements help nobody. In my experience the people who use them are the ones who dismiss male suffering the most.
I think I actually agree with most of this. Mainly the idea that its best to engage with a problem starting with "why" as opposed to the how or what.
Correct me if I'm wrong on this, as I might be more pessimistic about this than nessesary but...I can't help but feel a lot of people won't engage with the why of a problem on a deeper level. Perhaps the problem is that we put male emotions in boxes that are either "good" or "bad" when the idea that you can feel whatever you want should be common sense/extremely obvious. But I get why this happens. A lot of men now are extremely insecure, just hearing the idea that men are mentally being oppressed puts that idea in their head and then they think they can't open up about anything because they are retroactively judging themesevles before anyone else does ect.
As for having the conversations your talking about having...I think that just comes down to finding actually good people to talk to/make genuine friends. I've had a lot of issues in the past and have good friends to talk to...so I suppose I overlooked that not everyone has that. (Nevermind trying to find someone like that online...that's near impossible as you can't set an objective scenario to build trust correctly online)
Your second to last paragraph is pretty spot on tho...as I've been in both scenarios before and the second is more helpful. I think it takes courage to delve into the minutia of someone else's emotion and get to the root of it...its a lot easier to just say "its ok that you feel bad and cry" which can help relive someone in the moment, but doesn't do much to help the person move past it once they reach a point where that needs to be done.
But yeah...I guess what your saying makes sense lol
@@Balloonbot You're just setting them up to get bullied. That crap is only true in idealism, dreams and movies. IRL men who cry are seen as weak.
A friend of mine killed himself. He was going to therapy, but he was addicted to coke and leading a really toxic lifestyle. At the end he alienated himself from any genuine friend. He had fixated ideas about not getting old. Post death we learned that in his teenage years his mom was alcoholic, so there was probably a lot of untreated trauma, he never admitted to anyone.
May he rest in peace
I think the other thing that suicidal men not showing signs of mental illness reveals is that men tend to be really good at masking and intellectualizing their emotions because of how strong the pressure is not to express discomfort, pain, sadness. I really think there’s a strong chance that a lot of men who don’t show signs of mental illness are experiencing mental illness, they’re just damn good at hiding it. The video’s point is also important though, that therapy and mental health only get a person so far - sometimes a person’s circumstances are unacceptable. On a larger scale, that’s why social movements are so important. We can’t individually solve our way out of everything, sometimes self-help isn’t enough because some of our problems are bigger than us. We’ve gotta create a society where we’re more connected to one another and support each other more. Love how this channel fosters community btw!
community/solidarity the only way to get us out of this hell hole
This is quite underrated I hope this gets above.
you completely missed what he said.
Also sometimes it's just your circumstances though and being at the receiving end of a bad roll of fate. You can find yourself in shit circumstances but NOT be mentally ill at all and want to delete yourself, because physically overcoming said issue is either practically impossible, or takes so much work it might not feel worth it.
Maybe we just start with doing what we can do in our personal lives before we start trying to shape Society.
I wouldn’t be so quick to act, Society needs strong Men. Really Men need very little.
Men are not expected to be weak or vulnerable. Most of the time when men are suffering the best that they get is 'brush it off and keep going', 'Men don't cry', 'you've got to be strong, show no weakness '. The pain of feeling that no one can be sympathetic of your pain forever is worse than the sweet comfort of the void in death.
When things are going bad I don't need people to be sympathetic, and I don't need to cry. What I need are people that can brainstorm with me and give ideas on how to fix the issues or tolerate the issues if they can't be fixed.
@@ComeOnBunnywouldn’t it take someone being sympathetic to help you brainstorm and give you ideas? They wouldn’t do that if they weren’t sympathetic.
It’s also ok if people want to cry, but also still want to fix things.
For some suicidal people, crying could be a relief. The worst times I’ve had caused me to be numb and feel nothing. When I got through that part and was able to feel enough to cry, it was kind of life affirming.
It doesn’t have to be one or the other, it can be both.
What you describe here is the very definition of toxic masculinity. It needs to change
Actually no the real issue is that a vast majority of the stressors in mens lives comes from the expectation to take on grown women essentially dependents. A lot of the mental strain that men face is due to our interpersonal dynamics with women but psychology and society as whole isn't ready to acknowledge the magnitude of emotional labor men do and get no appreciation for.
What you describe here is the very definition of to×ic masculinity. Those quotes are the tropes that men tell each other. It needs to change
I think the worst thing is that so many of the people that tell us it's ok to talk and that we should get it all out are also some of the first people to minimize the situation or brush it off as "someone else has it worse so get over yourself and find a way to deal with it". Honestly, I'd prefer people just admitted they don't give a shit about us and let us "man up" than dangle a carrot under our nose and then yank it away.
Dr. K genuinely cares and articulated himself well on this issue but he brushes it off like you are saying just to not make people mad. He always ends talking about men’s issues saying that it’s not worth focusing on that men are struggling more on certain issues, everyone is struggling. Doing that on women’s issues would obviously be silly to everyone
Your friend or family is NOT a counsellor and has no obligation to be one. If you have problems seek professional help. You don't ask your friends to heal your broken arm. Stop being a crybaby and go to a doctor. The world doesn't exist to cater to you.
Hypocrisy isn't met rarely.
The amount of people one might meet, who talk cotton candy but mean arsenic, is simply shocking.
We could have it so good altogether if everyone was atleast halfway decent...
I actually did get the idea that we are all alone in our heads and we had the value of a brick at most. there are many other people on earth who can replace everything i and my family does. not a big loss here
I hate how much toxic people use the same methods that genuine good people do to try to manipulate the vulnerable. It’d be so much easier if @holes didn’t exist, but then people wouldn’t be in such horrible situations 🙄 “A utopia?? Why have that when I can make sure everyone around me suffers because I’m ignorant and full of hate??”
I am / was suicidal for time because of my poor health. Couldn't work. Couldn't think. Constantly in pain.
My doctor couldn't find a treatment that worked after many procedures. He had to present my case to hundreds of doctors in his field to try to find at least one other similar case - it was demoralizing when he literally said "yeah some of the doctors shared they had a similar patient or patients but it's not a big enough sample size of cases to justify further research"...that basically told me I didn't matter to hundreds of specialists, even though I know my doctor cares but even he admitted he wasn't good enough to find a solution.
I don't want to contonue living in constant pain but there isn't anything I can do.
I didn't have mental illnesses before this and conditions and situations like this create a downward spiral where it's a cycle of "I'm depressed because I'm in pain, I'm in pain because I'm depressed". And for men, it's difficult for professionals, friends and family to give advice in the first place. Because it isn't often when men show emotion. And if we do, then we're seen as weak or even worse, we're seen as faking it or manipulating women by showing emotion
Because, again, it's rare.
So, suicide really WAS my only way out
The only thing keeping me alive is the thought of my mom finding my body. And I would never want to wish that on her and the thought of my mom crying over me hurts more than the pain I'm in every day.
But, I'm terrified of the day when I wake up and the thought of suicide exceeds the thought of my mom crying over me.
Here's something to think about-
If your mind wants you dead, tell it to do the dirty work, don't let it convince you.
Outlive your enemies, be better than those fools.
I dont want to be too hard. Im mildly depressed but the only way is not de*th but to don't be lazy and go train, dont consume bad food, dont masturabate and dont use much social media cause it drains your energy. If you train, meditate, go out and make friends you. This will change your life. Of course you will be sad if you aren't confident and you only stay in a room until you go asleep
@@donicesin2253 nah dude you're not hard at all, I've actually always preferred the hard truth. Sugar coating never works. Funnily enough, I started meditating a few weeks after my original comment. Goal is to start small, do it every few days and not add pressure on myself if I skip a day. It's helped for sure. My buddy asked me recently what I do when I meditate and I honestly just think reaffirming and positive thoughts. I dont over think it, just reinforce that I know I'm good at many, many things
@@cheetah219 Yep, happy to hear that
I'm so sorry.😢 Chronic pain is the worst. I pray a miracle comes your way for relief of your pain.
THIS. I had a serious medical issue go undiagnosed for 10 years. When I was bed bound and in excruciating pain, doctors kept assuring my family nothing was wrong… the S word seemed like the only answer for multiple years even WITH a good family. Things are better now with treatment and heart medication, and I look back so frustrated that not even the mental health doctors I talked to would acknowledge my body was ruining my life and just suggested it was ALL just clinical depression.
What condition did you have, if I may ask ?
I wish more people understood this.
I heard someone somewhere a while back saying that 'therapy for men was a complete waste of time. They have better success getting the help they need by essentially being given something to do.' At the time hearing it, it sounded like misguided, incomplete reasoning. Distracting yourself by keeping busy might _sound_ good but it won't actually solve the root issue.
I realize now, the root issue _is_ the stagnation of the position men like this find themselves in; the abuse, the neglect, the hopelessness of it all. Being given an active directive in their lives and a way out of that sounds like _exactly_ what they need. _This_ was the missing piece I needed to make that original sentiment make sense.
I still think theres room for traditional therapy for a lot of men out there, but men as a whole are suffering in a way that means that it can't be the only option.
If they'd taken my job away in 2020 like they did to so many others I'm confident I would not be here.
Work is the only place in my entire life where I feel like I matter at all.
well said
"there is a difference between not wanting to live anymore and not wanting to live like this anymore"
I don't remember where I heard it, but it had been so important to me
He's right, I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and thought about it a lot. I finally left and the idea hasn't popped into my mind at all and it has been a year of being single, no medication needed. Therapy for hasn't been about those thoughts, it has been about why I got myself into the situation in the first place and why I stayed.
That's really wonderful to hear, and I'm so glad you're out from whatever hell you were trapped in. X Keep safe ❤
When you experience pain there are 5 core options each person has:
1. Protest
2. Avoid/Escape
3. Fight/Compete
4. Dissociate
5. Suicide
When a guy tries options 1 to 4 to stop the pain but it doesn't work, eventually option 5 becomes the only option left.
4.5 Enjoy?
@@ColeMOSauce More like 3.5 - you change your response to stress, using it as a means to fight/compete. Like when you break up with a cheating Ex, you go to the Gym and workout, using the pain as motivation.
Yes, but that only lasts you so long.
Our society is about to crash into a wall. No amount of self work will be relevant to that sword if all we do is self work.@@Kelvostrass
Protest is same as Fight/Compete
Nah, more like favour making/pleasing.
some fates are far worse than death. few know the true cold grey of 'there is no hope' and the darkness of that conviction towards suicide. im very happy i wont have to anymore. having experienced that empty discontent of 'i will die' it still hits hard being reminded of this.
>"It is your duty as a man to solve this, alone, right now. If you can't you might as well be dead"
>"OMG why would he do that?"
"If only he had gotten the help he needed 😔"
And the "help" is paying some charlatan half your week's pay to be told all your problems are in your head for an hour.
Once I tried suicide because I was unemployed and had no money to pay for my rent and my food. I tried that because it was the only way I could stop the pain and the suffering, I wasn't really depressed or something. If I succeeded to kms I would be in the 60% he said.
Life can be so hard sometimes the only way out you can see is to end it all, that really sucks.
I think the whole "just go get a job" thing is stupid. As if life is easy, when in reality it's not and can be unfair. I'm not saying people don't abuse government benefits, they definitely do , but I still think there should be a standard where everyone is at least at the poverty line. No strings attached
@@thatguybob6088 yeah, at that time I was living in a third world country, we were having economic issues, unemployment rates near to 20%. "Just get a job" was basically everything I wanted back then, but I was a young man with zero professional skills so it was very hard to land a job. Thank god I managed to overcome all that shit
Well... when your family, friends, neighbors, relatives, siblings, including your own community hates you, especially the whole world wants you dead!... well.... that's where the suicide thoughts kicks in.
Lack of love.... is what is destroying both men and women.
Pretty much.
I said this and i will do it again.
No one wants in fact to die, no one. Is literally against your own survival instincts, against life purpose itself. The problem is that you feel so overwhelmed and alone that you can't find any reasonable option besides suicide, its not that you want to die, you want to live, you still want to do things, you want to visit that place, want to play that game, but when faced certain extreme circumstances the only way out you see is suicide, because being dead inside is worse than being really dead. Unable to die and unable to live in the same time is a curse and a torment, it's pretty hard, almost impossible to pick up yourselves without any help from this state
Pretty presumptuous of you to assume you know the inner workings of the minds of everyone with mental health issues, is it not? How can you be certain *NOBODY* wants to die? Has it ever crossed your mind that the survival instincts for some people might not be there anymore? If they were to begin with. The brain is pretty complex. To presume everyone wishes for the same things, experiences, etc. sounds pretty arrogant to me.
@@masonnelson6710 yes, i'm 100% certain that no one wants to die. It's just life principle, it's not possible to not have survival instincts, everything does have a survival instinct, even plants, you don't simply "lose your instincts" And yes, the brain is pretty complex, but there's one thing he always prioritizes, SURVIVAL. the brain, your body in general, will do anything in order to ensure your survival. If we get down to why people want to die you will find out that they want to go just because they got problems THEY think they can't solve. I'm telling you this from a position where I'm literally fighting with this "I want to die" mentality, and i know that deep down, in fact i don't want to die, i want to live my life at its fullest, but various problems don't allow me to do so.
@@badonker I replied to your comment because I too, struggle with the 'I want to die' mentality. I gave up 'trying to get better' awhile ago - and was annoyed that you claim to know me better than my own self. Deep down, some of us just don't care anymore - we give up. Not everything/everyone is about SURVIVAL.
@masonnelson6710 ok, but you are alive, right? You are here. So, you haven't really given up if you are alive. Sure, "you" maybe, but your body? As I said, will always prioritise your survival, even if this means "you" will be "dead" inside
@@badonker To be honest I can't have more than 5 years left with my horrible diet/habits. And that is assuming I don't try taking my life again. So it could be even less. To me personally that doesn't really sound like a body that that wishes to live long and prosper. But I understand that is probably just me trying to argue for a technicality more than anything else.
I want to say thank you Dr.K, following and watching you has really me be better to myself. Thank you.
FINALLY hearing this is nice. I've said for years that there isn't just one "depression". Like, for years we all heard about depression being a chemical imbalance, and my therapist seemed content to just put me on meds, which didn't really help how I felt. The (dark) way that I had to put it was that the medications couldn't un-traumatize me and un-fuck my life.
My father recently took his own life, and this made me look at his situation quite a bit differently. Among other factors, I think the prime reason is exactly what you mentioned in this vid..
@@Dimitris_Balf Thank you Mathew
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my dad the same way and it’s been 10 years now. It doesn’t get better, but over time, I got better at dealing with it. Now I’m able to spend more time remembering the good things. It doesn’t feel so overwhelming. It would hit me in waves, like a giant wave that made me feel like I was just tumbling under the water, but then I would surface. The waves became less often and less intense over time and now I spend more time appreciating the years I did have with him.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to grieve though. It’s a very long and complicated process. Also, when it’s a parent, it makes us more aware of our own mortality. After his death, I no longer had trouble cutting off toxic people. I am much happier with a few good friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances that aren’t all healthy connections.
I’m also much more aware of the differences for men struggling with these things. Men and women just think differently and are also treated differently.
Men seem to like to fix things and also seem more frustrated when they can’t find a way to fix them. I don’t know if this is natural or something learned from society.
I hope you are able to find some peace and comfort in your days and just know that even though it’s not something that gets better, it does get less overwhelming in time. 💜
I’m really sorry for you
You are NOT to blame. Life is brutal for all and each person copes differently
My condolences
PREACH. So much of healing is just building a better life
If you’re homeless just buy a house bruv
@@dmitryburlakov6920😭😭😭
Tabu you got any tips to share on how we can build a better life for ourselves?
stop spreading your hate here would be even better
As others have said in comments. It could also just be the unwillingness to keep struggling, there is only so many times you want to stand up every time you are knocked down, everyone has a number, and the number increases the less lonely you are. By that i mean each person who is ACTUALLY there for you. A lot of people will get mad or sad after the fact, but were they actually there for them, were they dismissing them that one time it didn't seem that serious? Did they ignore the signs?
You can still feel lonely while surrounded by people. So Dr K is correct that building a purpose outside of the main structure of what they consider failure is one of the more important things you can do to help those stuck in that mentality.
Ive been having it hard with suicidal thoughts and morbid flashes since a couple months. Happened a month after the birth of my second son. Im getting help and most days are ok, tlbut the bad days are really harsh, with unescapable spiraling thoughts.
Keep going my bro
Good job
Wonder if it's past natal depression? Men can also get that
@@tclphone2392 i got hospitalized for a week, the terms they used is depressive episode and generalized anxiety disorder
But concretly, its pretty much a post natal depression. Got into that after my girlfriend had it too so i had to take over the responsibilities but i couldnt handle it for very long
@@Dimitris_Balf you know, thats why its hard. Im ashamed and feel inadequate for my kids
I used to have severe social anciety and couldnt even bring the trash out without getting a panic attack. Eventually i was understandably being forced to get a job and i tried to kms because dying was less scary than having to get a job and socialize. I didnt want to die. I wasnt sad. Dying was just the only alternative i had and it was way way less scary than an intense social situation like getting a job. Ive since gotten a lot better.. though i dont think ill ever not have social anxiety. But i can at least function in society now.
that’s how i’ve been living for 21 years and i’m just tired of it.
You're doing well. I'm proud of you.
I felt like this back and forth for a while. Especially since I was going through a severe Eczema flare up which led to infection and was got dumped from a 2 year relationship.
I was suffering both mentally and physically all together. And literally thought death was the most logical option to stop the pain from persisting. A way of putting myself out of my own misery.
Now a days I'm alright. Body has healed up. Have easy access to medical appointments and advice and I appreciate the people I have in my life now.
eczema is literally a living hell man. thankful we made it outta that brah
@@fastyfoxy I have it now. My hands are covered in blisters. I couldn’t have imagined anything like it until I had it. I’m sure mine was triggered by severe and prolonged anxiety
@@punkroxgirl i’m sorry, hope it gets better for you. had it since childhood but still dont know what fueled mine, but i met a derm that prescribed me pure magic ointments
@@fastyfoxy you’ve had this since childhood?? I can’t imagine! is it on your hands? I’m going to have to find a derm…I’ve used prescription steroid cream from regular dr, hypoallergenic lotions, aloe, cotton gloves and this stuff is evil. I would rather have a kidney stone. For real.
@punkroxgirl Stress can also be a cause. Something as big as a traumatic event or stressful life event is all it takes to severely weaken your immune system to the point where your vulnerable to anything.
I'm so sorry your having to go thru that. It really is a Curse.
Thanks, Doc. I and many people need to understand this.
Sexual/emotional/domestic abuse against men in general is so under looked in the United States, and it’s so fucking sad. I was raped and verbally abused by my ex and I was told to “suck it up”, “enjoy it” or “just have sex with someone else to make you feel better” as responses to my trauma. I genuinely felt that the self death was the only way to go, but I hung on by a thread for two years. One day it finally clicked in my head, since I had been trying to better myself for a year. The biggest bittersweet blessing was when I had to take care of 15 puppies because my dog passed. I loved her so much, but I know that no one else could’ve handled the situation better than myself. I wish someone would’ve told me to reach out for therapy, but without my trauma and my self redemption, I feel like my story would be a lot harder for mentally ill people to connect to if that were the case. I don’t want to be a therapist, but I always advocate for it because it’s one of the healthiest and safest ways to fix mental health issues
A man with a genuine dedication to his trade. You have my respect Dr. K
Finally, people are starting to get it
Why do we have to pathologize every intense emotion in the first place? Even if you are diagnosed with something like depression or anxiety, it could just be your rational response to the environment you're in. Just because most people don't experience extreme stress in their day-to-day lives doesn't make it inherently irrational.
Every time I've ever game-planned talking to a therapist I end up here. "What makes you think this isn't a natural response to living in a society this warped? What makes you think taking a pill to not feel my own feelings is a 'treatment' and not just a way for a pharma company to make money off me for the rest of my life?"
@@twelvecatsinatrenchcoat You're thinking about a psychiatrist. At least in my experience therapists don't subscribe to those ideas as often and besides they can't prescribe medication or diagnose you. Psychotherapy is mostly about talking about problems you have to figure it out. That's why therapists are usually very open to criticisms of psychiatry and also criticize it themselves. Meanwhile most doctors (psychiatrists) I talk to seem to take everything they learned as gospel and take criticism of it extremely personally.
@@krunch3444 And the "What makes you think this isn't a natural response to living in a society this warped?" part?
@@twelvecatsinatrenchcoat Therapists don't care about what caused the problems you have. They don't have that kind of education. They don't assume anything is wrong with you. All they do is help you think differently to cope better. Even if a therapist had a pathology focused mindset, it wouldn't really come up. That's how it should be at least, can't say there aren't exceptions.
@@twelvecatsinatrenchcoat fyi, by environment I meant something in your direct environment. How can you make such abstract despairful statements about society when all you have to go on is your living experience up until now? I was just trying to say that not every intense emotion is pathological and you somehow interpreted that as "Yes! All my feelings of despair are completely justified, so all of society must indeed be horrible!" I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but also, depression tends to make you perceive everything trough an exaggerated despair filter. To me your remark feels silly and. Half of society could want me dead (sometimes it feels like they do tbh I'm trans) and I wouldn't care. But if my mom hated me, I might start to think society is super warped and twisted. God too, and let's not forget the government. They must be the warpedest of them all.
It feels very nice to hear someone actually understanding the problems we have with this
I feel like this. I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm very lucky with my life and to be grateful.
Maybe I’m mentally sick and that’s the cause of it, but I resonate with feeling like there’s no other option. I don’t feel alive. I don’t see my future as something that’s going to be even partially filled with joy. I don’t see my kids growing up and liking me as a dad or as a human being. The only reason I’m still here is because I’m too scared of dying to actually do it, and I hope that thought is enough to make it until nobody needs me anymore.
I’m there myself. After an incredibly terrible week and year, I just can’t stand the thought that this is just life. I just want to be free from being needed so I can leave in peace. It might not be a perfect understanding, but I want to say I relate.
I also feel like I need to say this. I loathed my dad for a long time. Lots of stuff there. I don’t like my dad. But despite all that, I still love him. Even though I’ve been out on my own for a decade, I don’t want to think of life without him. I think we underestimate how much we really mean to other people, y’know? Anyway, I really hope you’re doing alright. It’s rough out there these days. Take care, man.
I was stuck in a relationship where i was abused mentally for a long time, i had never had such a low point ever in my life, after leaving i was at an all time low and now when some time has gone by i have almost no negative toughts like i had daily with her.
I definitely have experienced something similar, but the difficulty of life only decreased without her, it didn't disappear (though initially it felt like that)
This is a big thing, especially when men lose employment, become disabled in a workplace accident or lose their kids etc... it's the situation, not necessarily a mental illness.
You are changing the person. You're making them less susceptible to the problem that they're having so much trouble with that death seems to be the only way out.
This is a good change.
The sad part of abusive relationships, and relationships in general, is that we remember loneliness and we'd rather be abused and die than be lonely or free.
Destigmatize individuality, self respect, and solo living.
(A good amount of) People who end their life aren’t doing it because they want to die. They just want the pain and suffering to stop.
Edited because people disagree
Speak for yourself.
🤓🤓🤓
@@SnailHatanNah, he can speak for me
that isn't true at all. at least not for everyone. i've seriously considered suicide both due to circumstance, and because my self esteem was THAT low. better off dead, and all that.
@@DumplingDoodle Soooo...you wanted the pain and suffering of your low self esteem to stop?
I think a lot of depression and anxiety are really just a result of chronic stress, but often that exists because of the person's job or family life or some other aspect of their existence that isn't easily dropped, so we look for other solutions.
And on social media, the amount of hate you see everywhere on the internet can really miss you up
I lost 3 friends like this god I’ve never cried so much.
really glad that an actual psychologist understand and say this for us.
most ppl who are depressed are also the one who have found their own solutions without any therapy but keep getting blocked by reality that they can never reach there due to many things.
This reminds me of the Norm Mcdonald joke "What do you mean you don't understand suicide?"
"What do you live in a cotton candy house or something?? You don't know about life? How it only disappoints and gets worse and worse till it ends in a catastrophe?"
Thank you for saying this. I don't believe I've ever heard anyone else articulate this before. Partially because there's still a general taboo around talking about suicide at all.
My brother committed suicide two years ago, and when we pull the curtains back and look at his life, he was in a large amount of debt, child support was constantly taking money out, even money that he didn’t even owe. He was working three jobs from 5 AM - 10PM almost everyday. I wish we could have relieved him from some of his stress and pain. It wasn’t pathological, but moreso his circumstances making him feel like he was trapped.
It's not the only way out, but in that moment it sure feels like it. I've been there and I am glad that I am here today. Time heals many wounds, stay strong and keep fighting!
The thing is that men are massively under-diagnosed for depression and there is such a low awareness that a lot of guys don't even recognize they have depression because they don't know what male depression is like. That and the social pressure for men to never talk about their feelings.
Change something in their life. Not to change them. I appreciate that very much.
Highly agree with this! Thanks for saying!
It's not acceptable to be seen as weak for a man. There aren't support systems or even a narrative out there specific to suicidal men. You talk, you get ostracized. We'd rather work it out alone because of that instead of talk it out. Then at the end of the road when all options are used up and it feels like there's nothing left that you can do which leads to a very very dangerous road. It shouldn't be surprising that men don't show mental illness in that aspect. I wish this was common knowledge but even when people say it's okay for men to cry, there's an underlying narrative where no one likes a whiny and emotional man. Women can do that and are seen as vulnerable and to be protected. Men are seen as disposable and a liability if you present yourself as such.
the #1 thing most of my therapists were absolutely clueless about regarding me
You’re saving the world my friend
Yes! I agree with this. It was
True in my practice as a
Mental health nurse practitioner. ❤
You’re great dr K keep going brother
Preach 👏
This is the difficulty with severe depression, no matter what sex- Sometimes you’re in the dark place because the realities won’t change no matter how differently you think, live, act… A person has problems and their wanting to exist is based on addressing/eliminating those problems. They would have fixed it themself if they could have ;
That's exactly correct. I've known quite a few people who were quite close to committing and all I could really do was be there for them and what really helped was creating change in their life. Without that change they feel like there is no hope or real reason to keep going.
Your so nice. Such a good bloke. You've helped me more than once. Even if someone is "mentally ill", it's rarely that on it's own.
What if the abuser is society. However, I do accept that severe psychological violence against male partners is treated as socially acceptable.
Yeah as a guy, by the far the hardest and most cruel treatment I've ever experienced is by females. I think they assume that the male exterior means we've got emotional armor on or something, so you can say or do whatever and _it had no affect._ lol. Not all chicks, but some I think might think something like this.
Sorry for what yall have been rhrough. And yes I do think we need to chamfe society
We live in a socioeconomic system that deliberately isolates people and destroys social connections in order to make us even more exploitable. Conservatives lament the crumbling of the atomic family, but this is only the stage after the destruction of the broader social networks that everyone had before industrialization. No longer are we raised by a village and have a relationship with everyone in it.
Instead we are raised in small family units (if at all) and have an ever-shifting pool of small disconnected friend groups that fade with time as we go through middle school, high school, 1st job, 2nd job, college, 3rd job, etc. The workplace is often the only in-person social network people have, and that is often toxic because of the competitive, "Just worry about yourself" work culture.
Life sucks so much right now, especially for us men. I cannot fathom how most people don't realize that it doesn't take much for anyone to want the easy way out. We get no love, no recognition of our achievements and get used by everyone for what we provide. Take the providing part of the equation and we're left as an empty husk, wandering aimlessly through the void.
I'm so jelly of those that can find a way out. Seems like I keep sinking deeper...
Spot on. It’s good you have shown light on this part. Shame/humiliation/disappointment are killers!
Dr. K gotta be the only therapist who knows what "becoming an hero" means
an hero... man I haven't heard that for a long time
@@gargantuangouda605 Has it been a while since you've lost the game?
@@christerjakobsen8107damn you!
just for future reference, he's a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Not that therapy is not a respectable job of course, but he worked real hard to be a psychiatrist so it's only fair to give him that credit
Lol
G it hard out here. It is easier to give in then do the work. I struggle everday with this. Dont let the thoughts win fellas. You are a beast. Show them
This is a very important message. Labels about being ill mean nothing and only make people feel more broken and hopeless
Dr. K... you're a treasure on this community, maybe someday i'll want to talk to you, i love the ammount of kindness and deep understanding you express in pretty much everything you do. or at least everything i've seen you do online.
Yes, sometimes when it seems like there isn't a way out of a situation self terminating is based on a logical conclusion instead of being caused by an illness. I've seen this happen in real life with family and friends.
as someone who was very close to suicide before, it's not that death was the "only way out."
it's that death seemed like a better option than continuing to live. that not waking up the next day felt like a convenient thing. since it's obviously better than waking up the next day.
it's really more like the "easy way out" rather than the "only way out." some people drink to escape reality when they're sad, some people go out on drives, some go to the gym. death seemed like the permanent solution to escape reality once and for all.
These comments are heartbreaking. To anyone reading this, especially the men who feel beaten down, used, worthless, and alone, know that you matter. There is always something worth fighting for. There is always something worth living for. I know it doesn't feel that way always. Maybe it never feels that way. But it's true. Find love, or get religion, or apply yourself to self-improvement, do something! Seek professional help, because you are probably not ok. But please don't give up. You are needed. You are important. It can get better. You may feel alone, but you are not. There are others like you, and we can lift each other up. Stay strong brothers 💙
This might be one of the most unique pieces of insight into this issue I’ve heard recently.
It's not like death is the only option its just that it seems like a much better option than constantly suffering on a daily basis.
Its called money, it changes everyone's life +condiserate kind attention and knowing what the person needs.
Vivek making some banger points as usual
Preach friend! I was really close and occasionally still struggeling, this short really resonates with me (on the contrary of abusive situations that assume the fault with me)
A lot of these men are lonely, a problem that should be solvable, but society is kind of built in a way where making friends can be hard.
People often stick to the friends they already have, leaving the lonely people on the outside looking in.
Not only friends, but a girlfriend or wife is in my opinion a bigger thing in loneliness, but feminism made woman have bad behaviors and out of touch standards, like you can't be broke and expect a girl will be by your side giving you emotional support to overcome your situation
@@albertoalves1063 Women depended more on a man's income before feminism, and would then have to worry more about a man's income back then, so I don't think feminism has much to do with men being lonely. The more independent a woman is financially, the less she has to care about what a man earns.
@@EpicJonah I know that is not everyone, but this happens a lot around me, family and friends, I'm not talking a MGTOW thing, I don't support them, I'm just saying what I see happening in in real life
@@albertoalves1063 In polling, in lab studies, and in behavior on dating apps, we consistently see that women are very willing to date below their "out of touch" financial and physical standards. Try getting out of your bubble and interact with more people.
@@albertoalves1063No, feminism is not the problem, but the solution.
I think there's surely a direct relation between that number being low and the percentage of men with mental health issues that don't get them professionally diagnosed, right?
What are you implying? That if everyone was professionally diagnosed a larger number would have mental illnesses? Why not just put getting divorced into the DSM so we can continue pathologizing people's responses to being victimized.
Such an important take. It’s such a shame that what you just said is lost on so many people
I think the focus that psychoanalysis has on changing the person ignores the need to build something in their life. Both are needed.
The most tragic thing is toxic and narcissistic parents from the beginning.
Please, if your not ready and nature enough just don't have kid's and don't fuck them up
No one who is immature knows how mature they are, that's part of being immature.
Thank you. Everyone knows this stat by now but still no one actually listens to men. When men try to speak up and explain how and why we feel what we feel, we're shut down.
Shut down by who exactly?
@@pwh5805 People who seem to think that "male privilege" is universal and means life is easy for us. You know the type. "My wife abuses me", 'do you know the stats around domestic violence!! men abuse/assault/rape women and children at way higher rates.' "I was assaulted by some random dude on the street", 'yeah! by another man!!! Men are the abusers and the assaulters in the world!! men are violent so you probably did something to deserve it' blah blah blah etc etc etc. We've all heard it before. If anything has happened to us, a minority somewhere has it worse and it's somehow our fault that they have it worse and because of that we should stop talking. We do something nice, we're creeps. We do something not nice we're toxic. If we're successful it's the patriarchy, if we're unsuccessful we're failures. It goes on and on. We're not allowed to talk about our problems. When we try we get completely crushed. Eventually it's easier to just hold onto it.
@@pwh5805exactly what you are doing right now. Men aren’t allowed to have problems. All their problems are derided and downplayed. One example is how careful Dr. K is when talking about men’s issues. He always has to downplay men’s issues that men don’t have any unique struggles. Saying that men have it uniquely hard on some issues has gotten me banned from the Reddit. Downplaying that women have it uniquely hard on some issues is obvious and accepted but men aren’t allowed to have problems
By women mostly.
@@TooDamnTallSorry to hear that you don’t have women in your life that take your feelings seriously. Thankfully the toxic image of how men have to be in our society is slowly vanishing and I hope we can someday reach a society where men don’t get shamed for their feelings and vulnerability and where they are allowed to struggle and to get help.
Those words are a breath of fresh air that I've been waiting for for 20 years.
This is so well put, people always blame the individual, when it’s the environment, and not the person ready to give up.
Its not only that suicide looks like the only option, its that life sucks so much, death doesnt seem that bad or scary anymore.
For a while, the one thing that kept me going was the fear of what would happen after death, but its hard to make that argument to myself since I have been just surviving rather than living for years and we are all going to die one day.
So..question to any of you reading this comment. What makes life worth livong for you?
@GoodSirChristofsame
Quantum Immortality.
I literally can't die, so there is no point trying. I'm doomed to live forever.
@@kinkajuu1 Damn.
Tough.
What makes it worth living for me is that I don’t know the future, so there is a possibility that I can feel better. I don’t assume I will feel better, but I also don’t assume that I won’t.
I also think of the people that care about me. I don’t want them to go through what I did when my dad ended his life.
One of the things that helps me is being in the present. Doing what I can do to feel better in the moment. Music helps me with that and I started singing. It’s only on a karaoke app, but it’s something I never tried and didn’t think i could do. Now, I’ve been doing it for 2 years and I’ve met some great people all over the world on the app. I’m also not that bad at it, by karaoke standards, lol.
I like to sing songs with a lot of screaming sometimes…punk, grunge, metal, etc…
It’s probably the first healthy habit I’ve ever had and I’m 49.
Also, if I’m completely honest, for me personally, weed helps. I just know that’s a very individual thing and might not be helpful for others. For me, it relieves panic and anxiety but it can cause it for some people.
I’ve had 10 years of trauma after trauma. Every time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did.
Along the way though, there were small things, simple pleasures, random encounters, moments of laughter even if brief.
There are occasional times that I’ve been able to encourage or help other people, even in small ways, and those are the times that help me most. If the things I’ve been through have taught me anything that can help even just one person, then I feel there’s worth to my life. Just don’t let worth be by anyone’s definition but yours. Many people think success is about money or social status, but to me, having a life with any types of love and caring about myself is more important.
You could also ask yourself what makes suicide worth it? If life is meaningless then wouldn’t ending it be equally as meaningless?
I mean, it just goes by faster and faster as it is. If I can find a few moments of peace or joy in a day from looking at plants or animals, or talking to people (even if it is online) then maybe it’s worth getting through the days.
What’s truly living to you, as opposed to just surviving?
@@punkroxgirl just surviving to me is being alive and doing things for the sake of being alive and nothing else.
Im currently in this cycle of going to a job I hate, spending all my free time grinding videogames (because there is a lot Id like to get done but very little free time) and trying to sleep (because since I was a kid It always took me hours to fall asleep).
No meaningful experiences, just this endless cycle.
And to your question about what makes suicide worth?
We dont know what happends after death. But we can assume that whatever pain we feel now, we wont feel after death.
But its not even about that (at least for me). Its more about life being so bad, that the alternative starts to seem better.
Not going to lie, the more I think about it, the funnier the whole idea feels. Milions of years of evolution creates this species that is so good at surviving, it dominates the entire planet and than decides "nah. this aint worth. 'dies'".
Basically, in other words, saying that someone is “mentally ill” is essentially a way of not taking them and their perspective/problems seriously.
I love this message, mental help is a neccesary but sometimes not sufficent way of fixing your life
"suicide is not a choice, but rather, a consequence of having no choices left"
I’ll change one small use of language. When people choose suicide it’s because THEY THINK suicide is the only way out, not that “suicide is the only way out”.
Is it pretentious to highlight this difference? Maybe when looking from the outside in, but when you can get them to think they have an alternative it means the world
Think of a stage 4 cancer patient. Total loss of control over life, living with unbearable pain on a daily basis, inability to self-actualize. If the subjective reality of a psychiatric patient is the same, meaning they're suffering gets to a level that is no longer bearable, you can kind of understand why suicide is the only option for them.
@@vivvpprofexcept that is still treatable if it’s actually found. There is always SOMETHING that someone can do to revamp and fix their life. It is never too late unless you have a terminal physical illness.
@@TheDumbRatMan12That’s a big IF bro. No need to hold out for something that’s only based in feelings and not any sort of fact.
This is all too individualistic. We are failing men *as a society* and there comes a point where individual solutions don't cut it. That doesn't mean there's no hope, but it may mean a person is powerless to find it for themself.
@@vivvpprof No I don't understand because none of what you said makes suicide the only option. You've just to the grimmest possible situation to justify your own conclusion. And even then, Stage 4 cancer is treatable...
This logic applies to mass shootings. Many try to blame mental illness alone when environmental, social, and legislative factors play a role
The doctor tag at the bottom of this video is honestly one of the best things I’ve seen on TH-cam in a while.
When you put it that way, depression sounds like a protective mechanism against suicide
The 3 times that I wanted to kill myself was because i wanted to get rid of my female progenitor abuse and from my ex wife mental abuse. It was because of the love from my second wife for 16 years that my "suicidal" tendencies disappeared. Thanks to her I don't see females as a threat. Now I'm working to not have anxiety when surrounded by females. Part of my self imposed therapy is to go window shopping with her inside female oriented stores.
May you continue to mend ❤
Women*
Not all females are misandric narcissistic abusers
yet here i am still daydreaming about a girlfriend.
Bro for me its a treat how you find a normal one not one who lie cheat manipulate or do worse?
21 years old male myself. There were lot of times in my life where I would wish to stab myself in my heart. To betray myself by ending myself, for the shame my life has been and what I keep putting myself through. In those times, embracing by mortality by being mindful of death keeps me calm. All my suffering and joy are the consequence of my ability to experience, because I exist. So I thank myself and forgive myself, because my self is my lifelong responsibility.
I don’t feel joy how its with women ? 😂
I am 23 zero experience 😢 men this world Job women friends or even some nice people to find or keep or have it its like impossible
@@azizalfa752Me too. Never been in relationship with women or even friendship. Virgin. 22 now. Yeah, it's hard to be able to be part of wholesome relationships.
Not wanting to be alive is similar outwardly to being suicidal, but internally, it's not the same. I just engage in self-destructive behavior and struggle to function...
I can't go to mental health providers - I've had 3-5 instances of separate therapist "abandonment" and ghosting... being involved in lame federal conspiracies sucks and will ruin your life
This is a valid point. Even people with severe major chronic depression won't necessarily kill themselves if they're in a situation where they have the support necessary to try to fight through it. There's always an external reason, there has to be.