my childhood autistic traits that went unrecognized
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- today, i will be deep-diving into my childhood autistic traits that were not identified. after being diagnosed later in life, it's fun to reflect on myself as a child, and i thought it would be a lovely way to introduce myself to you all! remember, autism is a spectrum, so i have different experiences than others with the same diagnosis.
for business enquiries please email beyondthespectrumpod@gmail.com
Autistic female here. Autistic people don't necessarily have only one special interest. Sometimes we can have several at once. Other times, it's more a case of exchanging one for another in succession/rotation. Being very passionate about a topic to the point of fanaticism is the most telling sign of someone having a 'special interest', rather than the number of topics they feel this way about. Enjoyed your video, thanks.
you are right, thank you for clarifying!
Yes! Definitely! I have many special interests and hyper fixations and and they do often rotate! I have so many things I'm passionate about but I've been in a burnout and have felt like I can't do anything at all. As an adult is when you realize it the most because life is so hard. Then you notice the sensory struggles, life stresses, cptsd, depression, and struggling with basic care needs between all of these things led me to burnout. When I was younger my special interests were playing outside when I was really young, and wrestling I knew everything about every wrestler, stats, intro, move sets, even personal info. Then when I got older I got into video games and anime and those became my new special interests. Now as an adult I still love video games, and makeup, color theory, fashion, and my shows and fictional ships. I also have a passion for art like painting, graphic design, making video edits, blogging, and writing. I am also passionate about music and singing. There's so many things I love to do and they often rotate. But lately I've been in a burnout so I haven't had motivation to do anything. 😢
@@tobytheshih-tzu6329 Sadly, I am 100% with you on the burnout situation. I'm currently struggling with even the most basic of self care tasks (it's been going on for years and is getting increasingly debilitating...particularly as I am now very underweight because I can't prepare meals for myself any more) and, like you, I don't have any energy or enthusiasm for my special interests.
@@letsrock1729 I'm so sorry you are going through burnout too, and lost the desire for your passions and interests. 😢 I understand so much how hard that is just basic care needs are so hard. My partner helps me out as well so I'm so thankful for that because I don't know how I would get through this. My partner cooks for me most of the time because like you I can't even do basic care tasks like cooking and taking care of myself. I'm trying to get back up, but it's hard. I understand completely, I've also been in a burnout for years. I've been trying to come out of it trying to start with taking care of my health and mental health, but it's one step at a time. I'll have days when I feel better, but then I go back to not being able to take care of myself again, it's so hard to come out of burnout. 😢
This is relatable :') I don't blame anyone for not diagnosing me sooner either, but I think we are justified in being angry or frustrated about it and should allow ourselves to be. I had such stereotypical autistic traits as a child - hiding in social situations, avoiding eye contact and not smiling, meltdowns well into my teens, obsessive compulsive traits - and no one ever suggested autism until a doctor, when I was 18, wrote that I exhibited 'countless obvious symptoms of autism'. That was validating, but also... if it was obvious, why did no one notice?! I can't help but think that if I were male, I'd have been diagnosed far sooner, and that's frustrating (for me anyway). This is a really good video, by the way! I hated jeans as a child too hahah
thank you for the compliment about the video, i really appreciate it! it can be really hard being diagnosed late in life and i'm sorry you had to go through 18 years without that validation but i'm so happy that doctor was able to see it and said something. it sounds frustrating that that doctor said "obvious symptoms" as if everyone else should have noticed.
I have a 12 year old autistic daughter, and I am hearing so many of your struggles that she is going through right now. I am so excited to learn more from you.
this means the world to me to hear. if either of you have any questions or video ideas to discuss please let me know. you are an amazing parent for researching for her and she is lucky to have you.
i loved the poem!🤷🏾♀️8th grade you expressed a beautiful idea, they just weren't ready to hear it yet lol
haha thank you so much!
The poem is beautiful and probably true, though-out time.. just replace the phone with a particular "item" popular for individuals..
Everybody masks. Neurotically just call it friendliness or something else a bit nonsensical for our minds. Masking becomes a problem when you have to understand it first and it is not just second nature.. or it limits you as a person to regulate like you find it happen for autistic minds. (getting shamed for behavier)
For the poem it tries to connect and make room for things you usually do not have room for.. things behind the mask. And there is a lot to exchange for anyone. So I would kinda like to hear why you think it is bad.
@@bogaagames2706 thank you for saying all of this! i think i just said it was bad because it's been many years since i wrote it and sometimes i cringe looking back at my old creations but i really appreciate your take and you're right! i should give myself more credit!
@@bogaagames2706. La La k is my a ❤❤❤❤❤rw😅woooooo. ❤so i u❤❤❤❤❤❤e❤te❤tu tuHe 😊😊 😊😊❤😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😊artr😅❤😊 CC
@@beyondthespectrumpodcast It is still a good example since the struggle with masking is real for autistic individuals. Probably hard to imagine properly for non autistic. I would guess your mind went over it many times you might write a poem that resonates with a lot of people and convey your deep thoughts about the issues. Talking about it helps. I mean I never do.. I have no diagnose. I just life in my own world and thanks to people like you I got to understand myself better.
I wrote a funny piece, long before I knew anything about autism, called "The Birth of the Mask." It was about putting together a functioning social mask for my work. It also had a part about letting down the mask to let in someone I liked.
These 30 minutes flew away in a second. That was the rare occasion where I watch something without even thinking about time. For me it's kinda fascinating to listen about neurotypical people: what are their symptoms/signs/stories, and how they operate in general.
Awesome podcast!
thank you so much for listening, this comment made my day wow!
Pretty sure my special interest is researching undiagnosed ADHD / Autism / Dyslexia
me too!!! i find them all so interesting.
That poem was amazing! There was nothing wrong or weird about it.
thank you so much!
I am selfidentified autistic, but I have blocked out big parts of my childhood memories.
I am currently seeking a diagnosis for my daughter (8y), who has a lot of anxiety and thrives on predictabillity.
Your perspective is very helpfull in my quest, and I am hoping my daugther will have your confidence when she is 19 ❤️
this means so much, thank you for commenting. i wish you the best on your journey of getting your daughter diagnosed.
By the time I was in college I had blocked out almost my entire childhood, outside of the last couple of years. I had no memory of my childhood. I saw a psychiatrist in college--a very good one--and in the course of treatment most of my memories came back. Though I suppose my childhood wasn't THAT bad, it felt very traumatic to me, and I would occasionally experience complete shutdowns. I was also totally withdrawn as a kid, with lots of sensory issues. I think part of my loss of memory was due to the fact that I was in a better place and didn't want to remember the fear, isolation, withdrawal, and loneliness of childhood.
@@steveneardley7541 thank you so much for sharing that with us!! it's really interesting that most of your memories came back after helpful therapy, i haven't heard that before! it makes a lot of sense that your brain would forget memories to protect you and i'm so so happy that you're in a better place now. i wish you the best for the future.
This is incredible. And everything you said pretty much perfectly mirrors my experience. I was diagnosed at 19 as well; had the same struggles with jeans growing up, sleep, friends!! Just everything you said!
thank you so much for commenting. it can be hard to think of autistic people with similar experiences but this is so nice to hear. i hope you are doing well.
i love how nobody liked your poem but you. *this* i have discovered, is what it’s ALL about. nice video 👍
you are so right! thank you.
Brilliant video Sarah!! Really enjoyed everything about it :) If possible in the future, could you do a video revving up your car? So we can hear how it sounds! 😁
My special interest is human consciousness it literally singing. I remember when I was like 10 and I’d go to a friends house and I’d get on their computer and look up songs and make them sing with me lmao I’ll be 29 this year and I’m stiiiiill the same. Don’t get in my car bc it’s like I’m 24/7 in my own music video
that's awesome i bet you have an amazing singing voice! i convinced many friends when i was younger to sing duets with me, so i know the feeling! singing car time is the best, lately i've been obsessed with the mean girls soundtrack. thanks for watching my video!
That sounds like a fun special interest
OMG yes, cotton leggings. I was lightly bullied for only wearing cotton leggings until I finally gave in and agreed to a pair of jeans in grade 7. My classmates literally cheered when I arrived in jeans that first day, but then went right back to the bullying when I (because they approved, why wouldn't I) then wore that same pair of jeans the second day. I didn't like how thick the seams are in jeans back then.
I constantly got in trouble for my "tone" and had no idea what everyone was talking about.
That all sounds so stressful for fitting in.... I'm sorry about the hassle for some damn jeans
yeah i agree with the other commenter, that sounds super stressful. it's awesome to hear someone else has the experience with cotton leggings though, i've never met anyone else who hated them so much!
I liked listening to your podcast and I really see myself in you like I have very similar mannerisms/ ways of speaking, I'm 26 afab person currently figuring out I'm probably autistic and I relate to a lot of your stories, thanks for sharing!
wow i'm so glad i could do that for you! it makes me happy you see yourself in me :) i wish you the best of luck in your journey of figuring it out
Asking your mom & dad for a trip to Hawaii for Christmas in 1st grade lol, that’s adorable! 🥰
i’m excited to see what you’ll talk about too!!
It’s really bizarre to me that, considering how common it is for those on the spectrum to not have a strong sense of gender, a lot of people keep talking about how it presents differently specifically in women. Surely I can’t be the only one thinking that it might be less about the gender and more about the types of presentations…
You’re not the only one. Some AFAB autistics talk so much about gendered presentations because of common shared experiences, whether due to how we’re socialized, the common belief that “girls can’t have autism”, biological factors, societal expectations for what is “problem behavior” in boys vs. girls, etc. But I’ve definitely seen trans autistics in particular advocate for moving away from that framework and focusing more on the way people present regardless of gender. It seems to be a good gateway into the community for late-diagnosed autistic women, and if someone feels understood by conceptualizing autism in that specific intersectional way I think it’s great, but also there’s room to grow and the science about different presentations of autism isn’t set in stone :)
yeah i've also wondered about that. i say it presents differently in people AFAB (mostly because its what i have come across and research and stuff) but this is an excellent point and definitely something i could think more about or make a video for.
@@adelinereacts thank you for commenting this. i definitely don't know everything about autism and how it presents differently in people but i'm interested to think more about this now. your comment was a really helpful explanation for me!
@@adelinereacts Absolutely agree! I’m glad it’s happened, because it’s helped a lot of people. I just think that, in the long term, the idea of assigning different presentations to gender might be a little misguided, and may harm outliers. We can have both if we just called them stereotypical vs nonstereotypical presentations, for example. We can do better.
Your poem has the cadence of Shel Silverstein, one of my favorite poets as a child.
no way thank you so much!! i used to love shel silverstein as well.
Thanks for sharing
I'm not autistic, but I used to be unable to handle anything other than coton legging in middle school until I had an argument with my bestfriend and everyone made fun of me because I didn't know you could see someone's underwear under those if they weren't black underwear, and she decided to make everyone very aware of the pink underwear I was wearing ... What a B
that's so mean i'm sorry! i never knew that, looking back i wonder if people saw my underwear... maybe the cotton leggings obsession is more common than i thought.
The eye contact thing! 😂 I’m the same.
no way that's awesome! i feel you.
Didn’t Steve Jobs wear the same outfit every day? And Mark Zuckerberg and Giorgio Armarni lol
yes!! super cool.
@@beyondthespectrumpodcast just go for it 😂👍🏻 my clothes are all so similar I’ve had a kid ask me why I always wear the same clothes anyway, so I might as well do it too haha
I thought that I wasn't autistic because I have too many special interests. But if you have autism and ADHD (like me) your special interests will usually be more varied. I would argue that you do have special interests. Most people have more than one especially if you have ADHD as well.
you're right! i should have clarified a little more. i pinned another comment about this. thank you for sharing and educating me as well!
@@beyondthespectrumpodcast No problem. I enjoyed your video!
This is why I think I have adhd. I've always had fixations, and usually a lot of them. I'd cycle through them and sometimes I'd outgrow a couple because I'd lose interest lol. Idk if I'm autistic though, but it wouldn't surprise me
Different, but similar: before my first "school vacation" I worried that I would be expected as a five-year-old to go on a plane with my class from school. Was very relieved to know it just meant staying home and not going to school.
no way i totally understand why you would have thought that! i would have been very relieved to learn what it really meant!
@@beyondthespectrumpodcast I'm still a homebody 🙂
Hehehe! Reminds me of my first day at elementary school. It was snack time where we were all supposed to sit and eat first before recess. I understood that okay, but when it was time for recess the teacher said "ok you can all get up now if you're ready to go" and I thought they meant "go home." I just froze and panicked because I had no idea how to get myself home and all the other kids somehow knew what to do and they were all having fun running around the school yard. I just sat in my place until the teacher noticed and figured out to explain to me what recess was.
@@user-yv6xw7ns3o noo oh my gosh i would have panicked as well. i'm glad you had a good teacher who helped you out!
I love your poem
You are poetic
Keep writing
thank you, this means a lot!
This is actually scary how accurate this is for my life too! I think I'm going to finish tomorrow because it's a little much for one go right now. I also used to sleep with my parents quite often for a very long time. My fear was actually paranormal and yes I've seen things (some confirmed by others - I'm not crazy). But needing a night light, sleeping in my parents room (even in my teens) was not a common thing with anyone else I've ever known. 🤯
And literal thinking...🤔 In 5th grade, at my softball practice, while working on my swing, the coach told me to "swing all the way around." Well, of course that's what I did, I swung the bat 360⁰ ALL THE WAY AROUND. 😂
oh my gosh that's insane how similar we were! i would do the exact same thing if i were in that softball situation to this day haha
These symptoms seem to be same as attention seeking
I get told not to stare into someone’s eyes. Yesterday my colleague asked me a question and she found it really odd that I was looking somewhere else in the room whilst I considered the question and gathered my thoughts. It does make me feel like I’m weird or odd.
i'm so sorry to hear that it makes you feel weird or odd. i think it's totally reasonable to look elsewhere especially when gathering thoughts! you aren't alone.
The coconut is a pretty sad substitute for Hawaii.
so true!! but i loved it.
I love the poem!
thank you so much!!
I do my best talking in a car too lol
it seems universal haha! thank you for commenting!
I love the broadcast from your car!
thank you!!
i stopped listening after "male at birth"
will stay tuned 🙌🥳
thanks for coming along :)
Wow, as though it was a memory I recall often, I suddenly flashed onto my memory of the exact same thing. I was shocked to get in trouble for making faces at other students. No idea why, I don’t recall doing anything like it. Likely a complete coincidence? It was Kindergarten. I nearly failed that and 1 st grade because I’d zone out , staring out the window. I got in trouble for homework because I didn’t hear the assignment at all when it was given.
wow it seems like this is more common than i anticipated! if only we could tell our younger selves back then what we know now.
Turns out my elementary teachers were saying things like "she beats to a different drum", "yeah, you know how she is", and calling me disrespectful when I didn't know what I did wrong yet they didn't expect anything
wow that's so awful to hear. regardless of neurodiversity, teachers should never speak about students like that, especially because you were so young.
Good job on your podcast/video!
man i love seeing adult women talk about their autism, i grew up feeling like such a lonely “weird girl” and viewed my asperger’s diagnosis like a death sentence for any prospects of having a social life 🥲
me too! i obsessively look for other stories that are similar to my own. you are not alone!