I felt the need to double check that this is the very first video, and WOW! As a video production nerd, I have to say the lighting and set-up look great, the video itself was very well shot, and the editing and overall composition flowed really well! It’s absolutely good work, and I look forward to more!
Loving the background, interesting but not distracting and quite soothing. Amazing first video, congrats and thank you. Subscribed. I find Loop earbuds help a lot with coping with background noise and other conversations.
That’s actually a really good analogy because it usually isn’t starting over *completely* from scratch, there are often some “puzzle segment chunks” that held together. Depending how big the project is and where you’re at in it.
Tech nerd here! I've been using "my brain is all overclocked cores with absolutely no cache, stock fans. Everything feels rushed, I overheat, and I crash a lot" to describe a few specific aspects of my experience.
I just found my people, holy shit. App dev here with the same experiences. I think most programmers hate being interrupted but this really explains how detrimental they are for me.
Hello! Thank you so much for this. I saw another entry y someone else,but I ended up totally confused! This film has sorted me out! Age 76 and have been refused any local council funding, so I can’t afford to fund it myself. I’m completely confident, self diagnosed, I’m autistic. I loved this film-ifghis your first go, keep going! Excellent!😅😊 .
lol I have said something almost the exact same to my husband forgetting he isn’t in to IT and just likes his computer to work. I got PTSD and ADHD on top of autism so I get a lot of hung processes and conflicting hardware updates making me wish I could purge this shotty windows system and run mint…. 🐧
I get exceptionally ANNOYED, even ANGRY when I'm in the middle of something, and I'm interrupted... I try not to show anger, because to a polythropic focus person, that's crazy, so I think I hide it well...
I don't hide it as well. I'm doing my best to hide it better and to become less angry but it is difficult. Do you have any tips? I've been trying to focus on my physical signs like not clenching my fist, or jaw, but people still get spooked. I don't want people to be afraid of me.
Exactly. I was once talking to someone and they started talking to another person while I was still talking to them and I had a bit of an anger outburst which quickly killed the mood and I had no other choice than to end the conversation and get back to work
The murderfury of being interrupted is real and I've found the best way to mask it is with another mask. It's a recovery tactic: my self-preservation instincts are very very strong so if I'm interrupted in a fashion where the rage is too strong to suppress, I let it vent in a dramatic gesture. Because it only lasts about 1 second and then it drops to simmer. From there I have control again and I twist the gesture into an overdone "fake" anger which I then either drop or twist further to the point of ridiculousness and then make a non-sequitor punchline that suggests the entire rage thing was an act for the sake of a joke. EX: one time I had to vent when interrupted and lifted what I was holding above my head. By sheer fucking luck I realized there was nowhere to slam it without breaking something so I staggered for about 2 seconds and found a spot to throw it. That extremely minor distraction was enough for me to control my strength and slam the object without breaking it. I then started huffing and growling and I jutted my lower jaw out and slow-turned so I looked like an ogre having a moment. Then I dropped it, straightened up, and asked in a fake-British accent: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how convincing was that?" The rage just has to spurt out somewhere like a release valve on a boiler but it's over incredibly fast, and that's what allows me to recover and regain control.
Don't get me started on the folks who have a TV on in the background while were trying to have a conversation and I'm getting pulled into the show instead of listening to them.
This absolutely resonated with me. I get a similar sensation to a headache and for years that’s what I put it down to. I’m now realising that’s not the case. I wish I’d known earlier. I’m 53 now…
My experience too When I was diagnosed, I did a deep dive too. I found that the essence of autism is a constant brain overload. Monotropic attention is a coping mechanism that we develop in order to filter out excess information.
When I was a kid and would do some garden work or whatever, my mother would come in in the middle and be like "I made lunch, aren't you hungry?" and I could be starving, but I wouldn't go eat until I was done with whatever I was doing. Partially because I knew that if I took a break I would have an incredibly hard time getting back to it, but mostly because like, I'm doing The Thing, if I can finish it today then why would I stop? I'll finish it and THEN I'll get to whatever else. Anyway, I don't know if I'm autistic or not, I was told by a professional that I might be, but it wasn't a diagnosis. But Monotropism does make a lot of sense for me.
Have you have good friends or people that can look if you showed pattern or what you do, honestly, if you ask them about that autism typical behaviours? If you want to know, ylou probably need another person that really knows you and you can trust, i mean. If you want to look for more. the easiest have a trusted person you can ask to be entire honestly that you cant talk yourseld out of it or explain it away ,which, its just a thing people do generally, everyone. why therapy is the way it is. to bypass that ;D only if safe of course.
@@marocat4749 Not really, no. Maybe it'll change at some point, but for now, I'm kinda alone in this. But I've lived enough without knowing any of it, so I think I'll manage the rest of my life too.
Being autistic and adhd I have my own interruptor built in. When my house of cards is collapsed and I have recovered from the devastation, it is likely something else takes away my attention so I forget about the cards (also Dopamine is given by something new, not doing those cards AGAIN). If the cards are something I want to do or need to do I get my internal antagonist (forgot the name of the disorder) and they are telling me I don't HAVE to do THAT thing (cards) and nobody is going to make me do it !! So knowing this can and will happen when someone ELSE interrupts me when I have my super focus ON, can make me feel murderous. I can meltdown on the spot, with serious long time fall out. Inertia can follow, non verbal can follow. Irritation and annoyance when someone doesn't know what they are causing, hate when they actually do. Yeah, hermit material, me.
Same here and I would go all day sometimes without eating to finish the task! from personal observation, if you feel like you relate to some aspect of autism there’s a high chance you might be on the spectrum as high functioning level 1 with extreme masking ability. I’ve always had trouble understanding why people think the way they do and ironically that became a passion for me to learn everything I could about the things that I didn’t understand. When I was a child I didn’t understand the benefits of therapy and would tell them what they wanted to hear so I could get back to whatever I was doing at the time. As an adult I’m still able to benefit more from my own research than talking to a professional. They can usually help with a diagnosis but there’s still a long way to go and more research that needs to be done before there’s an all around inclusive coping mechanism that can be taught in a professional setting, because what works for one person doesn’t always work for others.
My happiest time at work (taco bell) is when we have a rush and they realize I'm so useless on drive through that they send me back to do dishes for 3-4 hours straight. I lose track of time. Being asked to do dishes is like going to nap at 5 and waking up an hour before end of shift.
On god! I also work at taco bell and find doing dishes (aside from wet shoes eugh) is the easiest and best part of the job. It’s a one man job so I don’t have to deal with the frustration of someone doing smth oddly specific that I hate, plus I do them fairly fast. PLUS i can just plug in my earbuds and listen to music if i want! And no socialization unless someone comes up to me. Win win everywhere baybee
@@BlackSerannayea i feel id be a terrable fast food worker or retail employee but would be a really good professinal adminastrator for a community or game but unfortinatly you have to have oodles of resume built up from a billion of those jobs im bad at.
YES !! i relate so much, here’s what happened if you have the time two years ago i worked at a drive through coffee shop, and i was the oldest . i would have an incredibly difficult time understanding my coworkers to no fault of theirs, we just communicated differently and too much of an age gap; this lead to several misunderstandings quickly spiraling into no one cleaning practically at all . frustrated and overwhelmed, i would sneak away to wash the piles of dishes left out, most blissful 2hr to 3hrs of my day now i work at a wellness center and i get to hang out w old people while helping them manage pain and daily life !!
I set a timer for 3-5 minutes when I need to switch tasks. Those few minutes can help me prepare to switch from what I am doing to something else. It's like using a dimming switch on a light rather than just flipping the switch off.
Hi Jill, yes, definitely. The authors of the paper state that it's not an autism screener, and that mono tropic brains are not necessarily always autistic. But, it's a good clue!
I was wondering if monotropism is the autistic form of hyperfocus in adhd.. I have both so idk what I'd call my focus.. I don't get too externally triggered by interruptions but it can take some real effort to actually pull myself away from something I find myself totally invested in.
@MsBehaviour and they are both so similar it's hard to tell what trait is from what diagnosis.. I haven't really seen anybody about it after the diagnosis because it was around the whole shutdown facade. But I do know there isn't much out there for late diagnosed peeps except for other late diagnosed peeps who put themselves out there to share their own story so the rest of us can be like.. "oh, I mostly or completely relate to that". I can tell you the reason why there isn't much out there too. It's because the clinicians don't know how to help us. They barely know how to help the kids(experience with my little). The only ones who are going to be able to figure out how to help us.. is ourselves.. we've made it this far. We are highly intelligent despite the opinion of our "deficit" style of communication. We are the only ones who can help us navigate and start to change this world.
I have seen a plethora of videos on autism over the past 2 years and found your method of communication far more succinct and less about yourself than the others I have watched. While I appreciate that you were officially diagnosed "late" in life...I am 69 to your 42 and have yet to be "officially" diagnosed. This is largely due to the focus on autism in the young. And once more, we elders are overlooked. Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed at 72. But he had the resources to pay for testing, while I do not. Might you, in the future, address the plight of autism diagnosis in the elderly? I found you spot on and quite refreshing. Thank you.
Thank you, Claudia. The issues around autism diagnosis levels I explore in my other videos (especially the 5 reasons for and 5 reasons against formal dx videos). I will certainly discuss the 'lost generation' - it's now in my video ideas catalogue to do. Thank you, Claudia. Take care, Mike
Hey, fellow autistic here, and I just really wanted to thank you for the part of the video where you talk about the analogy of stretching pain when attention is diverted. Interruption during laser focus does something analogous to physically hurting me, and it's been hard to feel comfortable describing it as such to others, because I wasn't sure how plural that experience is. I think you've given me some confidence to better describe my experience to those who have to experience me working. I really appreciate that.
I am learning to let go of my fruitless attempts to be outgoing. If I need to attend a family gathering, I don't stay long, take breaks, and/or sit at an end of the table. When interrupted in tasks, I just say, "Sorry, I don't multi-task. Just a minute." And I am learning to prioritize the interests that put me in the "flow." It's not easy to let go of lifelong expectations to be like allistics, but I am determined to embrace who I am. Thanks, Mike, for another insightful video!
One of my strategies for parties is to look for the person who is standing by themselves. I'm fine in one-on-one interactions, and it's compassionate to engage the lonely person. If a couple more people join that's okay too: four people can still only be talking about one topic at any given moment, so I have no problem following the conversation (I use slow blinks to disengage my eyes and shift my gaze from person to person). If a fifth person shows up, I look for a way to excuse myself. As soon as there are five people two of them are going to find a topic to have a heated debate about, while the other three are going to keep flowing from topic to topic. That's the kind of interaction that makes me feel like there are stars orbiting my head. Again, I look for the person who is by themselves. That way I talk to people and don't come off as unfriendly, while avoiding high stress interactions. I also really really don't pay attention to background conversations. If a conversation is boring me, I try to change topics or excuse myself. Fake needing to pee if you need to. Especially if there is alcohol or coffee available, no one will question frequent bathroom breaks (this is why I hate the whole "bathroom pass" in school thing. In real life, no one questions if you *really* need to go potty or if you just want to get out of a boring conversation). Also, weird performance tip for all autistics: don't literally look people in the eyes unless you're trying to kiss them or scare them. Look between their eyes, at their "third eye" (that dip just above the nose between the browbones). Seriously, this changed my life. I definitely used to be one of those kids who wouldn't look at the teacher and it drove them nuts. But then I was in play, and the director said "if look at the foreheads of the audience members it will seem to them as if you're making eye contact." I figured it would probably work offstage too, and it sure did. Teachers stopped asking me if I was paying attention, instantly. Noses don't change color or shape, and don't glimmer or glisten: it's a safe non-distracting place to park your eyes while you focus your attention elsewhere.
Being monotropic and getting interrupted, (sometimes in my experience,) is like having a really nice and detailed dream, you're in a deep sleep after days of barely sleeping at all, and then getting shaken awake suddenly to settle an argument. It's jarring, it can leave you confused and not remembering what you were doing in the dream after a few minutes, you might not even be sure why you now have to be awake, maybe you even feel stomach sick because you're still so tired. And you're probably really not happy because not only was your sleep interrupted, but you were having a very nice dream and now are having to do something else because people are arguing and dragged you into their disagreement. Even if it's something nice like what treats to buy, they decided to wake you up to do it so you still aren't happy about that, as you'd rather have finished your dream and finished sleeping and woken up on your own before dealing with them since you don't have the energy for this right now.
Omg, YES! I feel this sensation a lot! Sometimes I read for hours at a time or do arts and crafts, etc and someone will call me. It can take me a few minutes to realize someone is even talking to me and then I feel out of it and can struggle to be present.
I miss things many people tell me are obvious and intuitive and very often I notice and focus on things that, for me, are obvious to me and are important to my understanding but are almost always dismissed as unimportant and any further questions on it are usually met with hostility.😢
Oh yes bro, questions met with hostility are one of the most harmful yet common things... When I sense anxiety in someone asking me a question, I immediately remember this feeling and try to comfort them by explicitly stating that asking is OK and there are no stupid questions. Hope this makes our crazy world a bit better.
I hate that, the way people get annoyed when you're trying to understand the system of how something works... Won't it benefit them if they explain it once fully then don't have to be bothered any more?
I can explain why the ppl get annoyed at having to explain how things work: 1. It's shocking and a mind#uck to have to explain assumed universal common knowledge. They're just not prepared for it.0 2. They're actually not practiced or skilled at it. They too get very frustrated trying to recall long-overlooked minutiae of logic paths to an explanation. 3. Neurotypicals are not usually good at conjuring a subroutine on spec to satisfy the question. It will have many omissions, assumptions, other unexpected subroutines needing coding on spec, and many outright errors that don't bear testing at all. 4. Of course the autistic is going to get annoyingly testing of the subroutines on spec! This will immediately cause fights. 5. Nobody is prepared for the nested, unpackable nature of most common ideas, common speech, common limits of social action, common access to agency or money or outside help. And so calling on any of these in the explanation takes FAR MORE TIME THAN ANTICIPATED, esp by the speaker, resolution becoming impractical! 6. Any decent autistic challenge to an explanation is going to get recursive. Well, that's probably the sane as 5., but the autistic challenger is in fact going to get UNPLEASABLE. They will keep up the "but why? ...Why?... Why?" questioning way beyond the point of exaspeations of explanation, like an annoying toddler: which is exactly what they will emulate in the convo, but for a real inquiry. And like I said, no answer is ever going to get to any IRREDUCIBLE BEDROCK POINT that an autistic will be satisfied by. Pretty sure these reasons are why. 7. There isn't enough real lifetime left for any explainer to satisfy the questioning of an autistic person.😢
@@MsLizziebeth1 You mean they have a problem with the thing that all autistics are expected to do to explain and "correctly" express themselves constantly? Wow didn't know they had such a hard time doing exactly what they expect from others. So it's somehow not their fault for not being able to communicate with autistic people when they even refuse to meet halfway? Cry me a river then if you don't even try at all.
As a young adult I struggled in so many jobs that required me to juggle different demands on my attention at once: waiting tables, working as a cashier in busy retail settings, talking on the phone with other noise in the background... These were entry-level jobs which "anyone" was supposed to be able to do, but they were SO hard for me. I was let go from many of them for not being able to keep up. In my 30's I tried out a career as a real estate agent, thinking my mental health would improve if I could be my own boss. But I immediately crashed and burned because I could not manage the constant phone calls and messages from clients and the need to suddenly change viewing plans to suit clients' requests. These experiences left me with a lot of shame and confusion which I'm only now beginning to heal from. This year I've been assessed as autistic by a psychologist, and I find that the theory of monotropism in particular is spot on in describing how my mind works! It's been such a long road to get here, but finally I can forgive myself for my past mistakes and choose environments that suit me. ❤
Ok, but how are you able to make a living? I’m in the exact same boat. The shame is trivial compared to the fact that I afford to pay for essential necessities much less have anything left over to enjoy my life and nurture my psyche.
@@wintermatherne2524 That sounds really hard. Honestly, my partner and I are extremely fortunate to now live in a relatively low COL country which has universal health care, strong legal protections for renters, and great public transport. I don't know how we'd be able to survive otherwise. My partner is ND too. Part-time work is all that either of us can manage right now.
Your experiences are valid; and critically and sadly very common amongst autistics. It's easy for me to say here, but there is no need for shame. Your disability is due to your environment, and entry level positions are typically the worst for accommodations. You've inspired my next video, that I'm writing now. Thank you, @higherground.
I got lucky and found a job doing data entry in a field that doesn't require I take phone calls or converse regularly via email with multiple people. I do have multiple duties and there are multiple steps in each process, but it's at a pace that makes switching work tasks to be comfortable. It's a lot of repetition, and I was able to commit the tasks to muscle memory, which allows my brain to be more receptive on the rare occasion I do get interrupted. It's so engrained into muscle memory now that I can comfortably listen to music with lyrics or an audio book while I'm working. I found I thrive in the monotony and repetition
@@SaucyKitty11 That is fantastic! I know exactly what you mean about music with lyrics (your brain starts thinking about what’s coming up next) and audiobooks. Wonderful that you can enjoy these whilst working. -Mike
Re-watching this several times, today, and taking more of it in with each pass. It is a delicious chocolate cake of helpfulness in understanding my late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed 72-year old autistic self. Many thanks once again!
I would agree, shifting focus for a monotropic brain, can feel physically painful. This is partly down to interoception. Another way is to say, we dont focus on the surface, but in a deep way. We send out deep roots of thought, to interupt this abrutly, is like snapping them off, it actually manufests itself as physical pain. Thus is why it can illicit rage. The effort and time it took to reach that point is frustrating.
It can be physically painful for me too. I went to college on a campus surrounded by forest, hills, and nature. In order to process my thoughts and work through things, I would go on these long walks alone. To me, processing or focusing like this felt like my mind wasn't confined to my body. It spread out in every direction like tendrils, branching out more and more as it made more and more connections. When someone would come walking by or riding a bicycle and I was forced to be aware of their presence, the interruption was jarring, to say the least. It felt like my 'mind tendrils' were being forcibly sucked back into my skull. I had to overcome the disoriention and, sometimes, dizziness even to find my way back to my dorm.
@nykolhaebrd I used to find walking on remote moors really helped me reset and hone my projects. I noticed this psychological disturbance with passing cyclists and walkers. If I was out walking with NT, they would cheerily say hi to anyone passing, I would join in with great discomfort. On my own, I would nod and look away, not wanting to appear rude but really just wanting them to leave me be.
@@nykolhaebrd I've described interruption of our deep mind focus like snapping off those tendrils, it almost feels physical and its easy to see why utxan illicit rage in some of us.
The coffee shop situation is so much story of my life. Group conversations are just not an option for me, it’s like I can’t really hear what people are saying. I can hear the sounds but all of a sudden I can’t understand words. Anything 3+ people is really difficult
My tip as an autistic person is to constantly reflect and improve every action you do. This should come semi-naturally already since while we are doing a task we usually don't spread our focus and have it at what we are currently doing. At a certain age I decided to reflect on what I'm doing while doing "stuff" which wasn't my main interest. Thinking back to it, it might be because my main interest, gaming, is heavily related to skill improvement and pattern recognition. "What do I do next time to improve this motion/action?" is the main question I put into everything whilst gaming and then later anything that wasn't gaming as well. Whether it be learning algebra, washing ones hand whilst moving both hands, opening a cabinet, smiling whilst talking with someone, and so on. By increasing your proficiency in everything substantially, you also decrease the workload of processing your surroundings by making everything easier to process.
This explains a lot. Thank you for sharing. I relate 100%. I am a 53 year old female undiagnosed. I have no strategies or tips to share but am here because I am so mentally exhausted from forcing myself into social situations and not having enough alone time. I’ve masked and passed so well my entire life, people don’t want to believe me when I tell them I can’t do it anymore. The mental exhaustion is real and masking becomes more exhausting with age. Your description of how the one on one conversation was working so well and then went wrong after the other people joined in with shallow small talk describes my social struggles to the tee. I also cannot block out other tables’ conversations in a restaurant and focus on a conversation with the person I’m dining with. Thank you for sharing this content. It helps me feel validated.
Yes, and why does anyone deliberately meet in a restaurant anyway? I've only ever seen two good reasons for going to a restaurant: a) I'm travelling and don't have access to a kitchen (which is destabilising enough in and of itself), and b) it's a restaurant of a national cuisine that I like but have no idea how to cook myself. In which case, if I like it enough, I will end up having a few months worth of hyper focused special interest about that cuisine, and I will learn how to cook that stuff. No more reason to go to the restaurant. And no, I rarely buy food to go, the plastic and aluminium containers have a weird texture and make uncomfortable noises. (Autistic? Me? Not officially, but .... Yeah.)
@barrielynn8959 Why do you force yourself into social situations? I used to think I had to attent birthday parties, or a day out with colleagues, etc., but at some point I just decided it was not for me. Today when asked to join I ask how many people will be there and what setting or location. If it feels too much for me I just tell them so. "I'm not good with too many people around or too much happening around me. I can't join you now, but I'd be happy to talk to you or join later in a smaller quiet setting." Sometimes people are a bit puzzled and need a little more explanation, but usually people are quite understanding and ok with it. They understand now that it's not that you don't want to but just can't. So no hard feelings. Hope that helps. (43 male here)
I’m sorry you have it so bad. I’m like a step below you. I can’t really relax in a restaurant unless I’m in a booth that is mostly enclosed. I am always nervous even when the waitress or waiter comes by. I have learned to people please to where everyone else’s needs comes before mine. Every once in a while I will go to a restaurant because I really want their food. Or sometimes I really want a good steak dinner I didn’t cook. But that is so rare. I like staying in until all the people are settled in, then I might take a walk in the neighborhood. I miss having a dog - at least I knew the dog was an additional protection. However, I got sick and had to move to a town setting. I don’t like it. It’s hard to be neurodivergent and being buffeted by the normals of life.
@@bookworm1956 lots of normal people seem to enjoy meeting in restaurants. I have had to meet friends in restaurants but I have to tamp my anxiety down pretty hard if it’s a crowded restaurant. If I had to choose going to a restaurant, I like the ones that would cost more and the food is better, but we would be sitting in a booth where I feel shielded and protected by the chairs.
You are giving words to all of my frustrations. I've been trying to figure out how to describe my lived experience! Thank you!!!! Thank you so much!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hey, Erin. Welcome. Honestly - I'm so glad I've been able to help you in some small way. Making this TH-cam channel has been very cathartic for me, too. A year ago, I had //no idea// that others' felt similarly to me. I honestly thought I was alone... I'm very happy to have returned the favour! -Mike
Oh my goodness the “being interrupted disorientation”!!! Your analogies resonated so much with me. The house of cards that you have to start over. The marathon that you have to restart. This is so accurate
Your house-of-cards analogy really brought it home to me. When I have been in an utterly consuming, "atomic" flow of laser-like focus with a stream of creativity manifesting "with a life of its own"--which, for me, means writing something--and then for some reason the flow is broken, intruded on, lost, it feels so psycho-affectively catastrophic (especially if I've lost what I was producing) that it's a kind of meltdown, a kind of catatonia, my brain, and my gut, have simply frozen in inability to assimilate, process, what just happened. It's one of life's utterly most horrible feelings. And this horrible feeling is soon followed the natural, logical question, can I do it again, can I recreate what I lost? It's a question that hits my psyche lke the most mocking, cruel joke: "NOOOooo, that can never be reproduced; what just happened was destroyed, trying to reproduce it would be both a lie and sheer agony." Mind you, this is all feelings, and, yes, trauma. It doesn't really mean I can't start over and end up producing something that's even better than what I lost. I usually can. But the feeling of "catastrophic agony" is such a monumental barrier to overcome that sometimes I have simply given up rather than attempt it.
My monotropic thinking was decimated once I became a parent. I've not had any long, hard focus time since having a kid. This has been a very deep-seated discomfort that I can't begin to describe. I feel like Flow has been broken in me, like my spirit.
What a fantastic video!!! I’m saving this to send to my support workers. They roll their eyes when I say “I can’t multitask”, but what I mean is “I have a mono tropic brain and can’t shift attention”.
Awww, thank you, Ollie! I'm thinking about creating a video with that in mind. Sharing with others - hmm, leave it with me! Thanks for being here -Mike
What brilliant explanations and aliterations. A light went on as I realised I feel and experience the same things. I was only diagnosed yesterday (virtually 100% auristic), at 73 years old!
Your cafe example is FIRE. This is needed. My medium is written words, and I am starting to write about being autistic and trying to bring acceptance...Monotropism was the lens I was missing for my writings. I love listening and reading other people's experiences and putting them into tangible words that can be understood! I will be sharing this video!
@@Autistic_AF them puttiing them into tangible words** lol I was diagnosed last year at age 32, and it entirely changed my life. I even switched my major in college and graduated this past summer with my BA in psychology (one of my special interests :)) I plan to get my Ph.D. and focus on clinical research for autism and mental heath, and get some more of us autistic researchers actually being the ones researching autism. They say you can't understand what it feels like to be autistic unless you're autistic, so it's not helping us when allistic people are the only ones contributing to data about us! I love that we're all opening up and sharing our experiences and theories behind them.
When I have responsibilities that are important and if I go in my head while doing my things I can pretty much kiss that responsibility good bye, so much I'll notice I've made some pattern of saying the thing over and over so I don't forget and I've already missed it. Maybe if I tie a ribbon around my eyeball that might work...
Engaging in an interest or "fun" thing before doing something I'm not interested in or struggle with has helped in adulthood. Giving myself the permission to reverse what I've been coached to do my entire life helped, too. Thanks for the citations and multiple examples.
Thanks for this video! I actually was discussing this at couples counseling just recently. I didn't really have the vocabulary to describe it and I think it came across as "stop interrupting me at random/frequent intervals." This explains why it is so jarring for me for my spouse to laugh loudly, burst through the door while I'm doing something else, and shove their bright, loud phone into my face because... he saw a funny cat video that he just had to share that minute. Him: let me share this fun thing with my spouse so we can bond over something we both like. Me: Wtf do cats have to with anything and why are they loud and bright and in my face? Do I say that? No. Of course not. Do I look grumpy and not laugh at the cat vid? Bingo. So then my spouse thinks I'm a jerk for being grumpy and I think my spouse is a jerk for interrupting. The compromise we're trying to come up with seems to be having a set time after work for me to recharge and focus, and then, after that, interruptions are fair game. I was unhappy with this compromise, and I think the theory of monotropism explains why. My monotropic brain revolts against the sudden task switching. The "compromise" ended up feeling very one-sided because it doesn't adequately address the focus switching issue. It grants me a small island of time in the day when I don't have to "pull my muscle," as described in the video, but it doesn't help me prevent the muscle from being pulled in the first place. Scheduling one-on-one time allows for deep focus and engagement, allows me to set an alarm a couple minutes before so I can start to ease my focus from one thing to another, and gives me enough heads up so that I can (try to) watch my tone and facial expressions so as not to accidentally come off as snippy or detached. But, you know, apparently scheduling stuff all the time is unreasonable. I am really struggling to understand why I can't even be comfortably monotropic (new word for me; thank you!) at home. It's like I spend the whole day in that coffee shop mentioned in the video. I get home, have dinner and social time, and then my spouse wants to give me 2 hours of being comfortable until I'm being thrust back into the coffee shop. On the one hand, sure, 2 hours of uninterrupted time a night is a lot. On the other hand, 2 hours a day (only Mon - Thurs, mind) of being comfortably oneself is not a lot at all. Why can't we just schedule time for one-on-one conversations and meme-sharing? Why MUST it always occur at random? I promise you'll get less snippy, deeper, more focused engagement from me if I can plan for it and set aside the mental and emotional energy.
I have a tip, don’t have a family 😵💫 Back in my highly masking “normal” days I bought into that family idea. You can’t be hyper focused with kids and husbands afoot and you become a very frustrated, cranky person who struggles with motivation to even start anything because of fear of being interrupted. It’s like when you’re training a pet to not do something naughty by spraying them with water every time they do it. I look at my interest and have that type of sensation, 💦 No! 💦 You’ll be interrupted! So I play games on my phone instead 😣
Yes. I had one kid. I chose to not have any more. Was lucky to find a very self sufficient husband who accepts me as I am with my deficits and asymmetrical gifts.
Im a late-diagnosed monotropic single mom and yeah, I basically had to drop all friends (and most projects) as soon as my child could speak because it was waaaay too difficult to do more than raise him. Now that he’s 10 and I have more time for my own interests, I’m also finding more frustration arise because the flow states I’m finally returning to are interrupted, so sometimes I’ve avoided starting for fear of interruption. (And yes I would become cranky too) But also now that there is a name for this and I’m understanding more clearly how I work, I’m making it work.
actually the fear of not being able to fully commit my time to my own stuff whenever I wish is what made me childfree. So yes, thank you for bringing this up. It's a very important thing to consider. Unless you decide to make your family your interest. I struggle a lot with this, interruptions can spark serious meltdowns.😢
Felt this, also an engineer, I have ADHD but recently learned about monotropism which has me looking into autism and I'm seeing a lot of overlap which is kinda crazy but cool in some sense. I do relate
Welcome 🤗, I’m glad you’ve found my channel and yep there’s loads of overlap between the symptoms of autism and those of ADHD - I’ll be covering ADHD topics too, fairly soon! Thank you again, -Mike 😊
Happy you'll be covering ADHD too! I'm ADHD and definitely polytropic which works v well as a doctor. I can hyper focus but ajdo can deal with a zillion enquiries and tasks to juggle. I struggle with the admin though. Partner is ASD & I think very monotropic so finds my polytropic ways quite uh confounding! 😅
@@emilyb5557 l consider myself to have a comparable profile in many ways Emily, in that my work as a professional - social work/project management/inter-agency resource development etc. etc. benefits very strongly from my ADHD traits of very broad interests, enjoyment of managing multiple personalities in a room, such as with committee work, and ability to hyper focus, in strongest areas of interest (at work, but also when making music and visual art). In both my day-to-day and creative work l LOVE coming up with novel answers to tricky conundrums. Admin - absolutely - my Achilles heel for so very, very long ( though l have largely and with great difficulty overcome this issue through a range of techniques, such as headphones with ambient music) while doing it. My 9 schools were tricky to navigate. One of my brothers is an internationally renowned professor - very monotropic and very capable in his field. Always a stellar student though struggles socially. The other an accomplished actor/politically astute social activist etc. who has a far more similar, polytropic, personality profile to my own. Re the extremely strong genetically determined likelihood of being neurodiverse, my father, a doctor who would have liked to be an engineer, (a diagnosis in itself 😉) is weighted strongly toward ASD, with my mother more ADHD. Thanks Autistic AF for this fascinating video - it is 100% related to my work, with my colleagues and l dealing with young people in an educational setting with extremely high rates of neurodiversity - a fascinating bunch! I’ll be sharing this resource - thanks again.
IT infrastructure/network engineer here, did consulting on the side for a while but couldn’t get over the irritation when clients wanted things done in an incorrect/not to spec way. I also hated help desk and loved systems design. I now work night shift alone and it’s wonderful. Super ADHD but at the time you couldn’t get a dual diagnosis. This video was so helpful, thank yo.u 💞
The coffee shop conversation was such a good way of demonstrating this concept. I could feel my stress levels rising as soon as the coffee shop background noise began. Thank you for keeping the noise short 👍😊
It’s how I spent 15 hours a day learning about online forms of stalking hacking blue snarfing etc while running and hiding from an ex, learnt so much in a few months, monotropic focus plus oh shit have to learn this to be safe, my head nearly ate itself, but I collected enough evidence to use to stay safe
Autism as a superpower would be nice, I mostly focus on the downsides. What I mostly find myself struggling (I also work in tech, robotics) with is a combination of poor verbal expression and short term memory on bad days. Particularly, physically getting words out and recalling the precise details for things during important discussion or demos. It's humiliating when (esp as a woman in tech) suddenly you can't find the right words or way to communicate properly, when you know normally you come across as very knowledgeable and intelligent. And seemingly at random, due to stress, or sleep, or missed coffee. In robotics at least it feels like a much higher percentage of my coworkers are autistic, or are allistic people accustomed to neurodivergence from the industry, so that's something of a comfort.
You're definitely right. Tech industries have a higher than average proportion of autistic people for sure. As for Autism as a Superpower? Well, click right here: th-cam.com/video/oc-vVgB8HSU/w-d-xo.html Thanks, dcat. Appreciate your time, and for being here. -Mike
Until I realized I was autistic (very recently), I could *only* see the downsides, because the allistic world around me all my life only gave me allistic words with allistic definitions to shoehorn my actually-autistic experiences into. So I thought the focus I experienced harnessing was what "focus" *was.* And when I couldn't perform "focus," it therefore meant I was defective, lazy, self-centred, self-entitled; that I had a bad attitude and was wasting my potential. Because I couldn't perform "focus" like I was supposed to be able to without HUGE expenditure of energy (eventually no longer able to perform it well enough at all, as the demands of life overtook my capacity to make up for "deficits"), I only saw the downsides to how *amazing* my focus was when I could direct it at things my brain was willing to engage with (which didn't often align with what the world required from me in any given moment). I saw that I could achieve pretty amazing things when I *wanted* to, but I was clearly just a lazy person and wasting my potential because for so much of any given day I "didn't try hard enough" (ie, I couldn't summon the energy it would take... even if I *was* summoning all of my energy to try!) Now that I understand my brain a bit better, I can start the next level of prying the extremely harsh inner critic from my neurons - I've been in therapy for 20 years after a breakdown that I've never recovered from. Therapy has been critically important for me, but it's never "worked" to restore me to being a functional human... because it's been treating me as an allistic person, trying to restore an allistic definiton of "mental health" for me. Now that I understand there's an entire universe of "land mine" words out there - words that I don't know that I misunderstand like I misunderstood "focus" - I'm finding it's greatly enhanced my ability to recognize and confront the harsh inner critic that never shuts up in my brain. Of *course* I've been unable to shake the belief that I'm a failure and a waste of space on the planet at such a profound, foundational level - the words that describe my understanding of the universe don't actually mean what I thought they meant, so my expectations and standards for how life works has always been terrifyingly warped.
Monotropism resonates deeply with me. It’s explains so much I’ve experienced through life. I’ll deep-dive, get excited, and learn all about a process or strategy for my business. But, when it comes time to execute, I can’t manage it. My attention has been spread too thin and it’s just not possible to add one more thing. This has made me feel like a failure so often. Like, “what’s wrong with me?” Now I know the truth. I’m not broken, I’m autistic and my monotropic brain, while quite powerful, doesn’t function like my allistic co-workers. And I can’t force it without great cost. So, now I’m trying to determine my next course of action and whether I can carve a niche in my existing role or if changing gears altogether is best.
Hello Holli-ever-after :) monotropism seems to be such an accurate theory of how autistic brains work, and it has predictive potential too - once we understand how our monotropic brains work, then it’s possible to manage some situations in advance. I hope you can find something that suits, maybe even a niche in your current role while looking for something more suitable at the same time? :)
consider yourself a start-up wiz and find a conscientious completer to work with for the finishing, convincing them to start maybe hard but this is in direct proportion to their ability to grind it together into completion.
I am so incredibly happy when I hear an explanation for why I am the way I am, and I’m not the only one. This is something I at 29 still struggle horribly with. I felt it when you said you’d get in trouble at school for not “paying attention” when you actually were. Those are the same type of seeds that were planted over and over into my mind and carried on this internal narrative that there’s something wrong with me, and I have no place in this world, because nobody can understand. But the more I learn about what autism really is, the more I see it as an advantage, not a defect. And the more I grow, I learn to be more compassionate with myself and confident in who I am. Thank you.
@Autistic_AF, Mike, i like the bullet point tip #4 to make a transitional ritual. i've gotta give this a think. thanks for boiling this topic down into a digestible, bite-size portions. thanks for including multiple examples, they each help me to flesh out the concept. hUgz from snowy, windy, hazy Ohio, Lee
Interruptions are very frustrating. I never thought of someone turning on the lights as an interruption before, but as soon as you said it I realized it has exactly the same effect on me. I live in the dark. I will turn on a light if I need to see particularly well (cook, read a label, find the potato I dropped under the table), but whatever I'm doing in the dark stops when someone turns on the lights.
I am SO monotropic, blisteringly and EXCEEDINGLY monotropic. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 16, but have always felt something wrong with the way it described me, as though I was scattered. I mean, I am, in a way. My attention moves pretty easily "technically." But, only if something I find more interesting comes along. Once I hit the bottom-most point of interesting NOTHING can take me away. Regardless, I can only focus on, at most, probably two, big picture things at once. If my attention shifts, it's because it has to. I can only have one thing happening at once. I've always wondered, deep inside, if I was also autistic. I always connected so deeply with certain aspects, and I think monotropism PERFECTLY describes my way of dealing with life.
Good points! Thanks! The light near your left ear disturbed me a lot. Anyone else? I cut the image to be able to follow the video, eventually I only heard it
Hello, I'm not officially diagnosed, but the more I see these videos, the more I think I want to try and get a diagnosis, but also am slightly afraid to. I've been considering the possibility that I'm autistic for a long time, over 2 years now. What you said about social interactions really stuck out to me. In my experience, when I'm talking to someone, and the conversation moves in a direction I wasn't thinking about, I get a bit upset and want the previous conversation to continue, or I at least want to say things I was *planning* to say. Other times when I'm walking and talking to someone, it's a bit disorienting to try and navigate the landscape and where I need to put my foot next, but what really gets me is when someone randomly greets the person I'm talking to. It doesn't upset me or anything, it's just disorienting and I forget the conversation topic/direction for a few seconds before actively trying to remember it. Also when I'm listening to music and working on something or exercising (generally being in the zone audial and visual wise), and someone says hello or starts a conversation, I get a bit perturbed since my focus has been broken, and I can't quite get into the same state again. Is this sort of thing monotropic? Great video, I loved the analogies, they all make so much sense to me :)
This is very interesting. I can totally relate. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism. However, I have never been able to “multitask”. I’ve always had to dedicate all my attention to a single task; and if my focus gets interrupted, I have to start over and get “back into the groove”. My family and friends can’t understand why I get so frustrated at being interrupted and why I am unable to just pick up where I left off. This was a very helpful video! 👍🏻
THANK YOU!!! P.S. I've been casually researching this topic for ages! I've struggled significantly to find anything remotely like this video to help me understand myself better!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
In the cafe example, when you asked “are you feeling it yet?” I had JUST started feeling physically achy, frustrated, disrupted…I could feel that the one on once conversation I was enjoying so much was being messed up by other people joining. We’d then have to talk about whatever the loudest person in the group wanted to talk about. I’ve been in that situation so many times. I can’t keep up with everyone’s social queues! Then I withdraw and get told I’m being “grumpy”. Then I leave (the bathroom is a good place to escape to!). Thanks for this video. I subscribed and look forward to watching/hearing more from you. 😊
i’m so glad i’m not the only autistic person who retreats to bathrooms no matter where I am during a borderline meltdown and/or just to generally calm down and process. Before even thinking about the idea of me being autistic I would hide in the bathrooms during lunch in highschool to “take a break from being perceived/having people near me” which in retrospect should’ve been a sign but yk. Not late diagnosed for nothing ig 💀
@@knotsoangelic I'm late (self)diagnosed. I feel the 'OK Meter" max out and I have to retreat to calm down. I'm noticing I need it more when I'm triggered too.
@@nickburmanmusic I get the same way! It’s okay if you’re self diagnosed so long as you’ve done the research to prove it (which most of us do anyway so I imagine you have as well). Don’t let anyone try to tell you self diagnosis is never valid cause it 100% can be and can even be the only way someone gets a “proper” diagnosis. This isn’t even accounting for the fact professional diagnoses are a privilege and not everyone can get them. 🖤
@@knotsoangelic Thanks for that encouragement. Medical diagnosis can take years here, and for an adult probably longer. I'll definitely be more confident with the self diagnosis :)
The cafe scene was very uncomfortable, I had to stop it. I rewound a bit and watched that scene muted with CC, but turned out I didn't need too... I'd already gotten the point 😆. I do wonder if it watching it is an effective simulation for a non-autistic person. re: self-diagnosed, I am too. I personally am not pursuing a formal diagnosis, beacuse apart from confirmation I don't see a reason to, and I am certain (enough). The fact is even if I've misdiagnosed myself I empathize strongly when autistic people share their the life experiences with me, which is comforting, and I find the tips and tricks I learn to be directly applicable to myself, so that works out.
Also diagnosed late (over 50). On the one hand, you finally have answers. On the other: knowing I will never be like the others, no matter how hard I try, and that was a blow. It turned out to be advatageous at work: 1) They had explanations for my being strange, at times 2) They knew that my tactlessness was not malicious 3)They are now ready to recruit other autists 4)They protected me when I needed it.
It's like playing a video game with no save points, so every time your character dies you have to restart from the beginning of the level and every time that happens you lose a life and when all your lives are used up the game is over.
This video was very helpful. Thank you for your work. In school we used to have e.g. one hour of maths class, then break, and another hour of maths. I could not get back into topic (maths) before the end of the second class. After break my brain was out of service and I couldn't follow. I skipped break whenever I could and just stayed in the room (aka. in toppic) while the others went out. Some teachers let me do so. And I am very thankful they did. It helped me a lot. Nowadays my biggest problem about monotropism is my child. My boundaries are tolerated by most people... but him. (Parents can tell. 😅) Every "Mom! Can I..." "Mom, look!" pulls me out of whatever I was doing. And it hurts. And it is nit even a mean thing but it sucks. I think I will get myself some headphones like yours. They might reduce the noise (and the shock it gives me) and show my son that mom is not available right now. 😊
1 month in from my AH HA moment. I'm a 47 year old male. I always noticed that I couldn't concentrate on more than one subject at a time. If I were doing math, I would be very skilled, but if I had to study math and history at the same time? literally impossible and fail both. Monotropism is the way my mind works. I like your cadence and presentation style, you are good at this and should keep going imo, well done! Also, my special interest is Tesla.
Welcome 🤗, Thank you for your kind words! I will definitely keep going, I’ve got so much more to say lol. 😝 What do you like about Tesla? Just Tesla or EVs in general? I have a model 3 and love talking about renewable energy and electric vehicles haha! Thanks again - you’re my first ever comment and it was lovely! Congrats on your ‘ah ha’ moment :-) #oneofus
Hahaha yep!@@keylanoslokj1806 - I read that as the car manufacturer with the same name, rather than the pigeon-loving eccentric dude (haven't we all been called 'pigeon-loving eccentrics' before? :D ).
@@Autistic_AF he is also often mentioned by the new age hippies who are into "quantum field healing" thingies... . We must give credit where it's due, lol 😁
I would deeply appreciate to see what advice or explanations you have to share regarding when Autism is comorbid with ADHD. That's what I have, and it makes routines a sincere struggle! If I have any at all, I just sort of fall into them on accident.
This was a really great description of what happens when focus is broken. I have a need to engage in monotropic activities, and when I'm never allowed to do this, my mental state really suffers. This is why as a parent I can no longer teach high school math. It doesn't leave me any time for deep, uninterrupted focus. I'm happiest when taking a graduate-level math class with plenty of alone time to work on it while my child is at school. I have to have that deep focus on hard things to feel mentally secure. I also am really happy when I get to tutor one-on-one - conversing about my special interest with a captive audience! Nothing better!
I find your analogies very helpful. They accurately describe my painful experience when being interrupted and I can use them to explain it to allistic people in my life. This way, they won’t take it personally when I am non-responsive after being interrupted.
Thank you so much ☺️ - I’m glad the analogies and examples are helpful. The cards one is one I’ve used for many years - without an ‘autistic’ label - and people seem to understand this one. Maybe it relates a little to everybody? -Mike
This is why I prefer dialogues with a single individual at a time rather than engaging in a group discussion. I find that any intresting topic is often drawn out of balance by the parties not actively speaking at the moment, wanting to join in. Thus I intead back down, being pushed out, and become uninterested
I wanted to be a Zoologist since I was 5 years old. Despite being an entrepreneur & working in almost every sector of the service industry I haven't felt any fulfillment whatsoever until I started working in my field. I was diagnosed as autistic at 4-years-old; my mother ignored the school psychologists & I lived life as a "normal" child.
Roll with it and optimize your environment around it. The zone is like a meditative or dream state that is lost when you wake up. Ride that wave of laser focus as long and far as you can. This is an actual super power and a gift. It's what you were made for. Use it to fulfil your duty to society but do not regret not being NT.
I don't know if I am autistic for sure, but I do have ADHD. And yes, it's physically painful when I'm pulled from a place of flow/focus. At the same time, something that is very complex and interesting will take me down a rabbit hole for hours and hours. Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to plan anything, and I could just do whatever happens to be in front of me.
Thanks so much for creating this channel. After a couple months of exploration with my therapist, deep dives into the newest literature and youtube material, and a lot of self-reflection I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm autistic at age 51. It's really helpful to hear the tips and experiences of other late-diagnosed autistics like you as I try to figure out what this even means for me. Afterall, I've managed to mask my way through 50 years, reasonably successfully. I'm learning that I've been expending a lot of energy to "pass". I thought everyone was putting in similar effort in some areas, though in other areas I assumed I was just weird. I have come to enjoy being on the fringe, and I don't mind being weird anymore. So the label of autism doesn't bother me, but I do want to find ways to take advantage of knowing my brain processes differently to find ways to make my day-to-day life easier. I think your content will help with that.
Thank you ☺️ - and thank you for sharing a little of your experience. In many ways late diagnosis can raise some unique challenges, especially around unmasking (who am I really?) and acceptance from others.
@@waywrdsun Thank you! I will do that! In the meantime, I've made a video about masking (unmasking is the third chapter) here: th-cam.com/video/fDy-soEqoLY/w-d-xo.html
Having children really, REALLY borked my ability to hyper focus and now, decades later, I’m struggling to regain the most elemental part of me- I wish, I WISH I’d known how much having children was going to harm me personally. I love my offspring, absolutely, but I’m specifically talking about what it cost me to have them- now I’m figuring out how to reconnect with my hyper focus and gifted mind because caring for children really shattered the way my brain longed to work.
I completely relate. When I'm focusing, my phone ringing not only startles me, I get a huge wave of anxiety and frustration. I often can't get back to my task. When I'm in a public setting, I can't tell the difference between a person right next to me talking to me and someone talking across the room, like in a store or restaurant. I get accused by my sister of ignoring her when I'm experiencing an overload where I can't narrow down my attention to focus on what's immediately relevant.
Stumbled on this just now and have just subscribed. I think you are an excellent and affable communicator. Thank you for this great new terminology and I look forward to seeing more of your videos!
Great ideas and points in this video! With how you were talking about being disrupted and having to start over- sometimes there is an added factor of "time and energy investment" to me, where it feels harder to do the work a second time, like "I've already put in to much, I don't have it in me to do all that again". I'd like to see how much autism research has been with people who also have ADHD, as the two are so commonly found together (or at least commonly diagnosed together).
I feel like you were speaking directly to me. Very good analysis and descriptions. I was very annoyed by the rising background level and had a hard time focusing on what you were saying then, so I'll just assume it was about how annoying and distracting background noise can be.
Thanks Mike for this video, I could relate to a lot here. 52, got diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, autism (level 1) a year ago.. and finally after getting the diagnosis it feels like I'm starting to understand myself, my life, how I function, make sense of things. I was a postman for 25 years, and I always hated the indoor sorting work we had to do in the morning, stressful noisy environment, lots of distractions & frustrations. But once I got outside.. freedom. That's the part I enjoyed, being just myself, with myself, at my own pace, in my own world. My own focus with nobody looking over my should &.. judging me? That cafe example hit hard. I always find it hard to deal with noisy crowded social situations like those, or when meeting groups of people in a restaurant or something, anywhere there is a lot of people and lots of interactions going on.. so horribly exhausting, mentally, emotionally, even physically. In those situations, my attention is everywhere, I'm taking in everything around me, sights sounds smells, and it massively overloads me. Even when I go alone for a quiet lunch, I can't just focus on the eating, my attention is tracking everything around me, even though I try to not pay attention. The bathroom escape someone mentioned is something I know so very well.. having made use of it often at work to try to relax the mind... and preferring sitting in complete darkness if possible (damn automatic light sensors!). The frustrating part to me: I have odd memory issues. I say I'm forgetful, but more correctly, I find it often hard to recall things that I know. I tend to use the labyrinth analogy, that my memory is a big vast maze, and all the knowledge is lost in there somewhere... but finding the path is the challenge. But often when someone asks a question around me, I can "pull the answer out of the air", often seemingly subconsciously (parallel process?), if it isn't something I actively focusing on/thinking about. As example, as a gaming nerd, when someone asks about how a game mechanic works (like in global chat in a game), I can usually whip out the answer for them while I'm actually focusing on something else, but.. when I need to actively think about it for myself, I just can't.
Thank you for sharing tour experiences as a later diagnosed person. Similar to the immediate image that seems to remain for most, of a restless rowdy little boy, when ADHD is referenced…Is the general ignorance regarding the Autism Spectrum. Most information and diagnostic focus is geared toward children. And similarly the image that comes to mind for most when Autism is referenced, is that of a young child on the more extreme end of the spectrum. It’s both helpful and encouraging to hear your perspectives and learn of your experiences having been diagnosed later in life. Thanks again!
Back in the 1950s to the 1990s, there were clear social rules, with very little emphasis on "feelings". Interrupting a person clearly in conversation, or focused on a task was considered rude. You waited until the person you wanted to speak to, turned and said something like "how can I help you?"
This was one of the most entertaining video while explaining to allistics what the difference actually is between our experiences. I have totally blown up at people who have interrupted an intense thought process or task, I am pretty sure I resented those people for a while for their interruptions. It has caused me to be more of a recluse or night owl, just to avoid people and interuptions.
I like your analogies haha! I will show this to my partner, i think he is Neurodivergent in some way as he relate to many things, but the very core ASD symptoms he cant really wrap his head around, he can understand and respect, but he doesn't understand before i give him good examples haha! The "super power" of Autism is such an annoying term Neurotypical people use to make themselves feel better about us. My mom started telling me that my superpower was understanding humans and being creative, my sisters son is really good with math and engineering (they got that idea from Minecraft and him being better then them at math in school, though he doesn't attend any school at the moment..) My mom tries to tell herself that she didn't "fail" by leaning into the "they are special and come with superpowers" instead of recognizing that she didn't fail us, we aren't broken, some of us are disabled in different ways, but like a guy in wheelchair we will figure out how to do everything, it just looks different.. It does sometimes hurt though, to be told that i am so talented and gifted in art, but my skills are honestly very average, or that i am extremely good at understanding people, but i know i don't, I'm a "cold calculator" that understands psychology very well, but me interacting with people are often not a huge success at all and my words often betray me.
I like the idea of a transition ritual. I have started to do a post social ritual of crosswords, tea, and a comfy blanket, and it has helped me feel less of a crash/disregulation after a social event. But maybe doing a ritual for smaller transitions could be helpful too.
I’ve always felt like the way I get into things and obsessed about things and stuck on thinking about them is very unhealthy. I felt like I never liked something the same way as others. Like when I am thinking about an interest all the time, I never felt like I loved it. I wish I had career related interests! At work, I struggled with back to back meetings on different topics when I wanted to stay on one topic
Haha, yep... 20+ year software engineer here. IDK now anyone without monotropic focus could do this job. I recently got promoted to architect and now I am constantly interrupted by others or by meetings and it has been such a terrible adjustment to have to make. My productivity went down.
I can shift attention as long as I keep my focus very shallow. I have trouble even talking with someone as I drive. I have forgotten to ‘go’, for example. So that’s my (not very rewarding) tip; keep your focus purposely shallow. And I make lists and set alarms. The usual stuff.
This is so much talking to the intersection between autism and ADHD. As someone with ADHD, I can relate to pretty much everything here, although perhaps with ADHD things aren't as consistent as you're describing?
Yes, I agree - I think it is. Take a read of the original paper if you haven’t already - it’s very concise and goes into more detail. And it has autistic authors too 💚. I plan to make more content exploring ADHD and the intersection of AuDHD too - it really does complicate things. Similar symptoms, but for differing reasons. Thanks for being here. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF I would really like to see that content! I've been becoming increasingly wondering if the reasons really are that different, like perhaps ADHD sits on one corner of the spectrum, probably not entirely within, but overlapping it. Although I haven't read the cited papers yet, but certainly will now.
That’s a cutting edge hypothesis there! Maybe when DSM 6.0 drops we’ll have some further details haha. The main paper (link in the description) is fairly clear. And do the monotropism quiz, too!
What a great video! This was so very informative and helpful. I relate, this is my entire life and I still struggle deeply with any transitions between tasking. I used to absolutely lose it if interrupted to the point of just stopping whatever it was and doing nothing at all. I’m in my 50s now and I recognize my reactions but still quietly struggle because I’m trying my best to be a better human. lol. But weekends are super stressful being so different, husband is home, routines aren’t on time, daily tastings are full of forced public socialization because it’s shopping day and spending time with my family. Who I love and appreciate. Every job though… I’m great if i know my plan task and schedule but if im pulled into a different position for any reason I’m pretty angry about it. Once I had a coworker who would walk by my desk and rearrange my pencils etc just slightly knowing I would meltdown over it. I never knew why it made me so angry or why I absolutely had to rearrange it all back exactly. Now I see it wasn’t intentional on my part but would be considered harassment if I had been diagnosed and was being bullied because of my special mental structures
I think that disruption in attention that you're describing(and I also feel) is called a higher level of emotional disregulation than in polytropic/allistic folks. It's harder to get back into it, yes, but it's so frustrating! It seems like 'it cost so much to get here, why would you take that from me about a drink??' And yes, you did a very good job making the coffee house example work. Thanks for this video! This was really interesting. New sub. 😸
I love timers. I have to repeat to myself what I’ve set them for and what I’m going to once I’ve set it. Sometimes they just go off and I have no recollection of what they’re for. Oh well, all part of the fun.
@jahbloomie, I also set alarms, but heavily utilize the comment box that comes up on my phone app so that I can recall what I wanted to do. I have been living a world of "if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening" for over 20 years. Unfortunately, my children and husband don't understand the extent to which I NEED this. For years I was able to mask so well that they all believe I am just being difficult. Not at all. Masking has just become so exhausting, so impossible to keep up, that I have identified areas of life that, for me, have 'collapsed' and notes, calendars, etc. are new ways for me to try to keep up the farce
What a refreshing channel! I really like your style in presenting this important content. I was diagnosed by my mom (in 1967!) who was a nurse at the time. She died when I was an adolescent and I pushed the concept out of my life all the while struggling through school with no resources. My mom tried to shore me up academically and fought the school authorities regarding my placement--she was able to maintain me in regular classes, and there were NO type of ASD resources back then. I rediagnosed as an adult in my 40s and am now 60 still dealing with key problems, although I have been able to work and live independently. I look forward to catching up on all the content on your channel and sharing it with friends. Love seeing all your animals and environment there 🐈🐕😎
Perfect loud ear coverings lmao. I'll get me a pair right away. Audhd female after 64 trying to stop masking. Thanks for the video, this is a first of yours i watch and i find it very interesting. Thank you!
Your “house of cards” analogy made me think of the movie Groundhog Day. Every time Phil accomplished his goal there was an excitement - but then he would say the wrong thing & it all fell apart. On the next attempt he would try to get back to the same point but couldn’t because the excitement, the newness, was gone. Thats how building that house of cards is for me - it is the excitement of discovery that drives me to the next level. If I am interrupted & have to get back to the same state of mind to continue my work it is very difficult because I already discovered those thoughts, so re-discovering them doesn’t have the excitement needed to drive me to re-discover that next level that I had already achieved. That is frustrating, which kills the excitement needed even more. It’s why Phil could never recreate the magical moments that would take him to the next level and why everyone needs to STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!! Do you want to ask me about my progress or do you actually WANT ME TO FINISH THIS????
So many of us end up in computer science, because computers make sense to us, while humans don't. Computers follow repeatable, understandable rules, and that is attractive to us.
I'm a writer. My brain is literally creating a world, and when someone interrupts that, it feels as those I've been pulled across light-years and thrown back into the "real" world. I am not very nice when it happens.
totally got you!!! i grew up in an environment where i was interrupted and not in a gentle way every time, so i remember 12 old version of me escaping from home to spent all the afternoons I the library, after school. Now i feel curious about your writing if you have something published let me know 😊
I relate so well to your thought patterns, and use of analogies and metaphors to explain things! Thank you for these videos. The house of cards was a perfect example of how it feels to get inerrupted. It is like we need to develop a full and complete thought in our minds before we can transfer it out into the world, but it can't be saved without being written down or shared.
God it legit took me several seconds to refocus on the actual video with that dark to light room example. Bright white lights are the worst! Then blue. I couldn't stop thinking about how jarring it was.
Also I don't know how many times I've burnt food because I get bored just waiting for something to start boil or cry so I go play a game but forget I'm also cooking until I notice the smell 😂
You have my gratitude for expanding my vocabulary in a way that is especially useful and specific. I've been trying to explain to my supervisor the reasoning behind my approach to my work and the closest I've come so far is 'monotasking' but 'monotropic' has a richness to it that is still accurate without embellishment. I sincerely thank you.
@Autistic_AF - I am cataloguing this concept and the related supports you presented in order to reinforce my understanding. "Monotropism is a cognitive theory that explores how individuals may channel their focus intensely on a narrow range of interests or activities, impacting how attention is allocated. This form of concentrated attention often results in a deep engagement with tasks of personal interest, which can lead to exceptional levels of expertise or knowledge in those specific areas. Characteristics: - Focused Engagement: This concept involves a profound absorption in selected interests or tasks, which can lead to periods of flow-states of heightened focus and immersion. - Flow States: These states are characterized by intense concentration and a deep sense of satisfaction and productivity. - Social Dynamics: The benefits of this cognitive pattern include the potential for increased abilities in certain pursuits; however, it may also present challenges in dynamic social interactions where flexible attention and multitasking are required. Challenges: - Environments that demand frequent attention shifts may pose difficulties for individuals with this cognitive style, including social contexts or multifaceted work scenarios. - An intensely focused mindset may lead to stress or challenges when faced with disruptions or the need to divert attention from the current focus. Management Strategies: - Developing new routines and setting clear boundaries can be advantageous, aiding in the effective management of focus and attention. - The use of timers and the establishment of transition rituals can assist in navigating between activities and managing attention shifts. Diversity of Experiences: The theory of monotropism highlights the variation in how individuals engage with their environment and interests. It acknowledges that each person's interaction with the world is distinct, and this cognitive approach is one of the many factors that can influence an individual's experiences. In summary, monotropism offers a lens through which to understand certain attention patterns that are characterized by a significant concentration on specific interests. It draws attention to both the strengths and potential challenges that come with this cognitive style, especially concerning social interaction and the ability to manage multiple tasks concurrently. This framework is valuable for its insights into the diverse ways individuals may process and respond to their environment."
Learning more about autism and different people's experiences has been helping me recontextualize a lot of things I've experienced throughout my life, and it's helping me understand a lot of the little things I'm doing everyday that I couldn't explain for a long time. I hesitate to say I'm on the spectrum due to enjoying conversations, being able to carry conversations across multiple topics, being clingy to my close friends, and being somewhat approachable in social environments. Basically, I think I socialize too well to be placed on the spectrum. If getting tested wasn't such a lengthy process to work through, I would go for it, but I don't feel I have much to gain by getting a diagnosis and, like I've explained, I don't think I'd ultimately get a diagnosis anyways. But then at the same time, I have a few interests that are hard for me to break out of and I tend to spend a lot of my spare time just aimlessly learning new stuff about them or consuming content almost exclusively about my interests. I've also been recently discovering that I deeply need and value routines in my life, I don't take well to other people forcing me to change my routines, and my perfectionism loves it when I can get really good at doing something and then repeat it over and over again. I say recently on that because I've struggled with my identity basically ever since people have asked me what I want to do when I grow up, which lead to an ultimate low point in my life a few years ago where I basically wasted away a large chunk of my life doing nothing. It's only been in the last few years of my life that I've really began adulting, and in the process of getting my life going, I've done a ton of learning around my work preferences, interests, social needs, goal setting, and so much more. Which leads me to today. I'm realizing there's parts of how I live my life and aspects of who I am that, frankly, I've never had the opportunity to learn about until now. I'm deep into a journey of self discovery, and learning about autism seems to be my next step. So much of what's described by people fits me like a glove, but the socialization difficulties feel a bit alien to me. I think there's a good chance my socialization skills are all just part of me masking, which I suspect because a lot of my time in high school was spent learning about various things to be more likeable and to try garnering more attention from my classmates, but I feel like that's a very normal phenomenon anyways. But yeah, TL;DR: Your experience of being a late diagnosed autistic person has a lot of connections with my own life, but I still have doubts around pursuing my own diagnosis. Any suggestions around how to approach such a topic would be sweet and much appreciated. Good video!
Idk.. I like to refer to it as a superpower now that I know that some people can't do it. Like, getting so absorbed into something that it has all your attention and energy is like magic. lol.. so it's special.. it's a superpower😉
What is your objection to the idea? Is it because superpowers don't exist, or maybe a concern about people getting an ego if they're referred to as having a superpower?
Ah, but my lucid dreaming special interest was to teach myself to fly. So in that limited accessed state, I can fly, and it is pretty amazing to consciously choose flight.
@Thilosophocl3s do you have any tips about how to lucid dream? Dreaming is one of my special interests too but I can't just make myself lucid dream. It's so hard for me to realize I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. Whenever I realize I'm dreaming I usually wake up. But I have had the experience years ago. I was flying over my house. Best feeling ever.
@@sarahswetlik1034 it's a repetitive trick I used that became something I just do naturally. It starts with a waking habit, I would look at my hand throughout the day and ask myself "am I dreaming." I did that for a a few months so that it became a natural habit whenever I looked at my hand. Then I put a rubber band on my wrist to wear all the time, and when I asked if I was dreaming, I'd snap the rubber band, if I was awake it would sting me... If I was asleep, no pain. Eventually id be in a dream and not realize it, but then I'd see my hand and then oh shit I haven't checked, so I checked, and I realized I was dreaming. P. S. If you find yourself in a dream and can't find a thing you need in the dream, a sword, umbrella, jacket, whatever, you can always find it behind a door or under a lid as long as you 'KNOW' that whatever you need is in there.
Found you through Autistamatic, and have started at the beginning (obviously. Lol). I have listened to this episode, and throughly enjoyed it. Video 2, here I come.
i did not realise this was your first vid! keep up the good work :-)
Yep! Aww, thank you so much :-)
- Mike
I felt the need to double check that this is the very first video, and WOW! As a video production nerd, I have to say the lighting and set-up look great, the video itself was very well shot, and the editing and overall composition flowed really well! It’s absolutely good work, and I look forward to more!
@@that-weirdogirl Appreciate that, “weirdo girl” (what a name - you’re not weird here :P). Thanks! -Mike
Loving the background, interesting but not distracting and quite soothing. Amazing first video, congrats and thank you. Subscribed.
I find Loop earbuds help a lot with coping with background noise and other conversations.
@@emilyb5557 Thank you, Emily! Lovely to have you with us! 🙏
“It’s like being on the verge of solving a complex puzzle and having someone scramble the pieces.”
That’s actually a really good analogy because it usually isn’t starting over *completely* from scratch, there are often some “puzzle segment chunks” that held together. Depending how big the project is and where you’re at in it.
Tech nerd here! I've been using "my brain is all overclocked cores with absolutely no cache, stock fans. Everything feels rushed, I overheat, and I crash a lot" to describe a few specific aspects of my experience.
🔥 🔥 🔥
I just found my people, holy shit. App dev here with the same experiences. I think most programmers hate being interrupted but this really explains how detrimental they are for me.
Hello! Thank you so much for this. I saw another entry y someone else,but I ended up totally confused! This film has sorted me out! Age 76 and have been refused any local council funding, so I can’t afford to fund it myself. I’m completely confident, self diagnosed, I’m autistic. I loved this film-ifghis your first go, keep going! Excellent!😅😊 .
lol I have said something almost the exact same to my husband forgetting he isn’t in to IT and just likes his computer to work.
I got PTSD and ADHD on top of autism so I get a lot of hung processes and conflicting hardware updates making me wish I could purge this shotty windows system and run mint…. 🐧
How did you get into that and make it through school? It feels so overwhelming.
I get exceptionally ANNOYED, even ANGRY when I'm in the middle of something, and I'm interrupted... I try not to show anger, because to a polythropic focus person, that's crazy, so I think I hide it well...
I don't hide it as well. I'm doing my best to hide it better and to become less angry but it is difficult. Do you have any tips? I've been trying to focus on my physical signs like not clenching my fist, or jaw, but people still get spooked. I don't want people to be afraid of me.
I do this as well, but controlling that agitation exhausts me.
Exactly. I was once talking to someone and they started talking to another person while I was still talking to them and I had a bit of an anger outburst which quickly killed the mood and I had no other choice than to end the conversation and get back to work
That's why I prefer texting
The murderfury of being interrupted is real and I've found the best way to mask it is with another mask. It's a recovery tactic: my self-preservation instincts are very very strong so if I'm interrupted in a fashion where the rage is too strong to suppress, I let it vent in a dramatic gesture. Because it only lasts about 1 second and then it drops to simmer. From there I have control again and I twist the gesture into an overdone "fake" anger which I then either drop or twist further to the point of ridiculousness and then make a non-sequitor punchline that suggests the entire rage thing was an act for the sake of a joke.
EX: one time I had to vent when interrupted and lifted what I was holding above my head. By sheer fucking luck I realized there was nowhere to slam it without breaking something so I staggered for about 2 seconds and found a spot to throw it. That extremely minor distraction was enough for me to control my strength and slam the object without breaking it. I then started huffing and growling and I jutted my lower jaw out and slow-turned so I looked like an ogre having a moment. Then I dropped it, straightened up, and asked in a fake-British accent: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how convincing was that?"
The rage just has to spurt out somewhere like a release valve on a boiler but it's over incredibly fast, and that's what allows me to recover and regain control.
Every group social activity in my life has been "like watching four different TV channels at once" - so well said!
Thank you! And welcome, Bill :)
Don't get me started on the folks who have a TV on in the background while were trying to have a conversation and I'm getting pulled into the show instead of listening to them.
This absolutely resonated with me. I get a similar sensation to a headache and for years that’s what I put it down to. I’m now realising that’s not the case. I wish I’d known earlier. I’m 53 now…
My experience too
When I was diagnosed, I did a deep dive too.
I found that the essence of autism is a constant brain overload.
Monotropic attention is a coping mechanism that we develop in order to filter out excess information.
Wow that's a deep insight.
When I was a kid and would do some garden work or whatever, my mother would come in in the middle and be like "I made lunch, aren't you hungry?" and I could be starving, but I wouldn't go eat until I was done with whatever I was doing. Partially because I knew that if I took a break I would have an incredibly hard time getting back to it, but mostly because like, I'm doing The Thing, if I can finish it today then why would I stop? I'll finish it and THEN I'll get to whatever else.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm autistic or not, I was told by a professional that I might be, but it wasn't a diagnosis. But Monotropism does make a lot of sense for me.
Have you have good friends or people that can look if you showed pattern or what you do, honestly, if you ask them about that autism typical behaviours?
If you want to know, ylou probably need another person that really knows you and you can trust, i mean.
If you want to look for more. the easiest have a trusted person you can ask to be entire honestly that you cant talk yourseld out of it or explain it away ,which, its just a thing people do generally, everyone. why therapy is the way it is. to bypass that ;D
only if safe of course.
@@marocat4749 Not really, no. Maybe it'll change at some point, but for now, I'm kinda alone in this. But I've lived enough without knowing any of it, so I think I'll manage the rest of my life too.
Same
Being autistic and adhd I have my own interruptor built in. When my house of cards is collapsed and I have recovered from the devastation, it is likely something else takes away my attention so I forget about the cards (also Dopamine is given by something new, not doing those cards AGAIN). If the cards are something I want to do or need to do I get my internal antagonist (forgot the name of the disorder) and they are telling me I don't HAVE to do THAT thing (cards) and nobody is going to make me do it !! So knowing this can and will happen when someone ELSE interrupts me when I have my super focus ON, can make me feel murderous. I can meltdown on the spot, with serious long time fall out. Inertia can follow, non verbal can follow. Irritation and annoyance when someone doesn't know what they are causing, hate when they actually do. Yeah, hermit material, me.
Same here and I would go all day sometimes without eating to finish the task! from personal observation, if you feel like you relate to some aspect of autism there’s a high chance you might be on the spectrum as high functioning level 1 with extreme masking ability. I’ve always had trouble understanding why people think the way they do and ironically that became a passion for me to learn everything I could about the things that I didn’t understand. When I was a child I didn’t understand the benefits of therapy and would tell them what they wanted to hear so I could get back to whatever I was doing at the time. As an adult I’m still able to benefit more from my own research than talking to a professional. They can usually help with a diagnosis but there’s still a long way to go and more research that needs to be done before there’s an all around inclusive coping mechanism that can be taught in a professional setting, because what works for one person doesn’t always work for others.
My happiest time at work (taco bell) is when we have a rush and they realize I'm so useless on drive through that they send me back to do dishes for 3-4 hours straight. I lose track of time. Being asked to do dishes is like going to nap at 5 and waking up an hour before end of shift.
lol, when I worked at BK they made me in charge of fryers and making specialty chicken sandwiches. I was super horrible as a fast food worker.
On god! I also work at taco bell and find doing dishes (aside from wet shoes eugh) is the easiest and best part of the job. It’s a one man job so I don’t have to deal with the frustration of someone doing smth oddly specific that I hate, plus I do them fairly fast. PLUS i can just plug in my earbuds and listen to music if i want! And no socialization unless someone comes up to me. Win win everywhere baybee
Goodness i love you all so much because i can relate so directly 😅
@@BlackSerannayea i feel id be a terrable fast food worker or retail employee but would be a really good professinal adminastrator for a community or game but unfortinatly you have to have oodles of resume built up from a billion of those jobs im bad at.
YES !! i relate so much, here’s what happened if you have the time
two years ago i worked at a drive through coffee shop, and i was the oldest .
i would have an incredibly difficult time understanding my coworkers to no fault of theirs, we just communicated differently and too much of an age gap; this lead to several misunderstandings quickly spiraling into no one cleaning practically at all .
frustrated and overwhelmed, i would sneak away to wash the piles of dishes left out, most blissful 2hr to 3hrs of my day
now i work at a wellness center and i get to hang out w old people while helping them manage pain and daily life !!
I set a timer for 3-5 minutes when I need to switch tasks. Those few minutes can help me prepare to switch from what I am doing to something else. It's like using a dimming switch on a light rather than just flipping the switch off.
In ABA they call that priming!
I think this is more of a test for Neurodivergency not just autism because this test also applies to many ADHD presentations.
Hi Jill, yes, definitely. The authors of the paper state that it's not an autism screener, and that mono tropic brains are not necessarily always autistic. But, it's a good clue!
and trauma.
I was wondering if monotropism is the autistic form of hyperfocus in adhd.. I have both so idk what I'd call my focus.. I don't get too externally triggered by interruptions but it can take some real effort to actually pull myself away from something I find myself totally invested in.
@@sarahswetlik1034It's becoming more common to get a dual diagnosis of AuDHD.
@MsBehaviour and they are both so similar it's hard to tell what trait is from what diagnosis.. I haven't really seen anybody about it after the diagnosis because it was around the whole shutdown facade. But I do know there isn't much out there for late diagnosed peeps except for other late diagnosed peeps who put themselves out there to share their own story so the rest of us can be like.. "oh, I mostly or completely relate to that".
I can tell you the reason why there isn't much out there too. It's because the clinicians don't know how to help us. They barely know how to help the kids(experience with my little). The only ones who are going to be able to figure out how to help us.. is ourselves.. we've made it this far. We are highly intelligent despite the opinion of our "deficit" style of communication. We are the only ones who can help us navigate and start to change this world.
I have seen a plethora of videos on autism over the past 2 years and found your method of communication far more succinct and less about yourself than the others I have watched.
While I appreciate that you were officially diagnosed "late" in life...I am 69 to your 42 and have yet to be "officially" diagnosed. This is largely due to the focus on autism in the young. And once more, we elders are overlooked.
Anthony Hopkins was diagnosed at 72. But he had the resources to pay for testing, while I do not.
Might you, in the future, address the plight of autism diagnosis in the elderly?
I found you spot on and quite refreshing.
Thank you.
Thank you, Claudia. The issues around autism diagnosis levels I explore in my other videos (especially the 5 reasons for and 5 reasons against formal dx videos). I will certainly discuss the 'lost generation' - it's now in my video ideas catalogue to do. Thank you, Claudia. Take care, Mike
Hey, fellow autistic here, and I just really wanted to thank you for the part of the video where you talk about the analogy of stretching pain when attention is diverted. Interruption during laser focus does something analogous to physically hurting me, and it's been hard to feel comfortable describing it as such to others, because I wasn't sure how plural that experience is. I think you've given me some confidence to better describe my experience to those who have to experience me working. I really appreciate that.
Thank you for your kind comments! 🧡
I am learning to let go of my fruitless attempts to be outgoing. If I need to attend a family gathering, I don't stay long, take breaks, and/or sit at an end of the table. When interrupted in tasks, I just say, "Sorry, I don't multi-task. Just a minute." And I am learning to prioritize the interests that put me in the "flow." It's not easy to let go of lifelong expectations to be like allistics, but I am determined to embrace who I am. Thanks, Mike, for another insightful video!
"Sorry I dont multi task" is really good! Ill use it
One of my strategies for parties is to look for the person who is standing by themselves. I'm fine in one-on-one interactions, and it's compassionate to engage the lonely person. If a couple more people join that's okay too: four people can still only be talking about one topic at any given moment, so I have no problem following the conversation (I use slow blinks to disengage my eyes and shift my gaze from person to person). If a fifth person shows up, I look for a way to excuse myself. As soon as there are five people two of them are going to find a topic to have a heated debate about, while the other three are going to keep flowing from topic to topic. That's the kind of interaction that makes me feel like there are stars orbiting my head. Again, I look for the person who is by themselves. That way I talk to people and don't come off as unfriendly, while avoiding high stress interactions. I also really really don't pay attention to background conversations. If a conversation is boring me, I try to change topics or excuse myself. Fake needing to pee if you need to. Especially if there is alcohol or coffee available, no one will question frequent bathroom breaks (this is why I hate the whole "bathroom pass" in school thing. In real life, no one questions if you *really* need to go potty or if you just want to get out of a boring conversation).
Also, weird performance tip for all autistics: don't literally look people in the eyes unless you're trying to kiss them or scare them. Look between their eyes, at their "third eye" (that dip just above the nose between the browbones). Seriously, this changed my life. I definitely used to be one of those kids who wouldn't look at the teacher and it drove them nuts. But then I was in play, and the director said "if look at the foreheads of the audience members it will seem to them as if you're making eye contact." I figured it would probably work offstage too, and it sure did. Teachers stopped asking me if I was paying attention, instantly. Noses don't change color or shape, and don't glimmer or glisten: it's a safe non-distracting place to park your eyes while you focus your attention elsewhere.
@@golwenlothlindelThank you for sharing. I will try to teach this to myself, and my family.
I appreciate your perspective.
Being monotropic and getting interrupted, (sometimes in my experience,) is like having a really nice and detailed dream, you're in a deep sleep after days of barely sleeping at all, and then getting shaken awake suddenly to settle an argument. It's jarring, it can leave you confused and not remembering what you were doing in the dream after a few minutes, you might not even be sure why you now have to be awake, maybe you even feel stomach sick because you're still so tired. And you're probably really not happy because not only was your sleep interrupted, but you were having a very nice dream and now are having to do something else because people are arguing and dragged you into their disagreement. Even if it's something nice like what treats to buy, they decided to wake you up to do it so you still aren't happy about that, as you'd rather have finished your dream and finished sleeping and woken up on your own before dealing with them since you don't have the energy for this right now.
I didn't know this was an autistic habit 😭 I thought this was ad(h)d??
Omg, YES! I feel this sensation a lot! Sometimes I read for hours at a time or do arts and crafts, etc and someone will call me. It can take me a few minutes to realize someone is even talking to me and then I feel out of it and can struggle to be present.
Every.single.bit.of.this!!!!! 💔💔💔
Good analogy
I miss things many people tell me are obvious and intuitive and very often I notice and focus on things that, for me, are obvious to me and are important to my understanding but are almost always dismissed as unimportant and any further questions on it are usually met with hostility.😢
Oh yes bro, questions met with hostility are one of the most harmful yet common things... When I sense anxiety in someone asking me a question, I immediately remember this feeling and try to comfort them by explicitly stating that asking is OK and there are no stupid questions. Hope this makes our crazy world a bit better.
I hate that, the way people get annoyed when you're trying to understand the system of how something works... Won't it benefit them if they explain it once fully then don't have to be bothered any more?
Im always saying to people, wait, this is important, why isn’t everyone else upset. So yes, humans can be oblivious to their environment.
I can explain why the ppl get annoyed at having to explain how things work:
1. It's shocking and a mind#uck to have to explain assumed universal common knowledge. They're just not prepared for it.0
2. They're actually not practiced or skilled at it. They too get very frustrated trying to recall long-overlooked minutiae of logic paths to an explanation.
3. Neurotypicals are not usually good at conjuring a subroutine on spec to satisfy the question. It will have many omissions, assumptions, other unexpected subroutines needing coding on spec, and many outright errors that don't bear testing at all.
4. Of course the autistic is going to get annoyingly testing of the subroutines on spec! This will immediately cause fights.
5. Nobody is prepared for the nested, unpackable nature of most common ideas, common speech, common limits of social action, common access to agency or money or outside help. And so calling on any of these in the explanation takes FAR MORE TIME THAN ANTICIPATED, esp by the speaker, resolution becoming impractical!
6. Any decent autistic challenge to an explanation is going to get recursive. Well, that's probably the sane as 5., but the autistic challenger is in fact going to get UNPLEASABLE. They will keep up the "but why? ...Why?... Why?" questioning way beyond the point of exaspeations of explanation, like an annoying toddler: which is exactly what they will emulate in the convo, but for a real inquiry. And like I said, no answer is ever going to get to any IRREDUCIBLE BEDROCK POINT that an autistic will be satisfied by.
Pretty sure these reasons are why.
7. There isn't enough real lifetime left for any explainer to satisfy the questioning of an autistic person.😢
@@MsLizziebeth1 You mean they have a problem with the thing that all autistics are expected to do to explain and "correctly" express themselves constantly? Wow didn't know they had such a hard time doing exactly what they expect from others. So it's somehow not their fault for not being able to communicate with autistic people when they even refuse to meet halfway? Cry me a river then if you don't even try at all.
As a young adult I struggled in so many jobs that required me to juggle different demands on my attention at once: waiting tables, working as a cashier in busy retail settings, talking on the phone with other noise in the background... These were entry-level jobs which "anyone" was supposed to be able to do, but they were SO hard for me. I was let go from many of them for not being able to keep up. In my 30's I tried out a career as a real estate agent, thinking my mental health would improve if I could be my own boss. But I immediately crashed and burned because I could not manage the constant phone calls and messages from clients and the need to suddenly change viewing plans to suit clients' requests. These experiences left me with a lot of shame and confusion which I'm only now beginning to heal from. This year I've been assessed as autistic by a psychologist, and I find that the theory of monotropism in particular is spot on in describing how my mind works! It's been such a long road to get here, but finally I can forgive myself for my past mistakes and choose environments that suit me. ❤
Ok, but how are you able to make a living? I’m in the exact same boat. The shame is trivial compared to the fact that I afford to pay for essential necessities much less have anything left over to enjoy my life and nurture my psyche.
@@wintermatherne2524 That sounds really hard. Honestly, my partner and I are extremely fortunate to now live in a relatively low COL country which has universal health care, strong legal protections for renters, and great public transport. I don't know how we'd be able to survive otherwise. My partner is ND too. Part-time work is all that either of us can manage right now.
Your experiences are valid; and critically and sadly very common amongst autistics. It's easy for me to say here, but there is no need for shame. Your disability is due to your environment, and entry level positions are typically the worst for accommodations. You've inspired my next video, that I'm writing now. Thank you, @higherground.
I got lucky and found a job doing data entry in a field that doesn't require I take phone calls or converse regularly via email with multiple people. I do have multiple duties and there are multiple steps in each process, but it's at a pace that makes switching work tasks to be comfortable. It's a lot of repetition, and I was able to commit the tasks to muscle memory, which allows my brain to be more receptive on the rare occasion I do get interrupted. It's so engrained into muscle memory now that I can comfortably listen to music with lyrics or an audio book while I'm working. I found I thrive in the monotony and repetition
@@SaucyKitty11 That is fantastic! I know exactly what you mean about music with lyrics (your brain starts thinking about what’s coming up next) and audiobooks. Wonderful that you can enjoy these whilst working. -Mike
Re-watching this several times, today, and taking more of it in with each pass. It is a delicious chocolate cake of helpfulness in understanding my late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed 72-year old autistic self. Many thanks once again!
I would agree, shifting focus for a monotropic brain, can feel physically painful. This is partly down to interoception.
Another way is to say, we dont focus on the surface, but in a deep way. We send out deep roots of thought, to interupt this abrutly, is like snapping them off, it actually manufests itself as physical pain. Thus is why it can illicit rage. The effort and time it took to reach that point is frustrating.
It can be physically painful for me too. I went to college on a campus surrounded by forest, hills, and nature. In order to process my thoughts and work through things, I would go on these long walks alone.
To me, processing or focusing like this felt like my mind wasn't confined to my body. It spread out in every direction like tendrils, branching out more and more as it made more and more connections. When someone would come walking by or riding a bicycle and I was forced to be aware of their presence, the interruption was jarring, to say the least. It felt like my 'mind tendrils' were being forcibly sucked back into my skull. I had to overcome the disoriention and, sometimes, dizziness even to find my way back to my dorm.
@nykolhaebrd I used to find walking on remote moors really helped me reset and hone my projects. I noticed this psychological disturbance with passing cyclists and walkers. If I was out walking with NT, they would cheerily say hi to anyone passing, I would join in with great discomfort. On my own, I would nod and look away, not wanting to appear rude but really just wanting them to leave me be.
@@nykolhaebrd I've described interruption of our deep mind focus like snapping off those tendrils, it almost feels physical and its easy to see why utxan illicit rage in some of us.
The coffee shop situation is so much story of my life. Group conversations are just not an option for me, it’s like I can’t really hear what people are saying. I can hear the sounds but all of a sudden I can’t understand words. Anything 3+ people is really difficult
That segment was excruciating! And a perfectly accurate demonstration of the experience.
My tip as an autistic person is to constantly reflect and improve every action you do. This should come semi-naturally already since while we are doing a task we usually don't spread our focus and have it at what we are currently doing.
At a certain age I decided to reflect on what I'm doing while doing "stuff" which wasn't my main interest. Thinking back to it, it might be because my main interest, gaming, is heavily related to skill improvement and pattern recognition. "What do I do next time to improve this motion/action?" is the main question I put into everything whilst gaming and then later anything that wasn't gaming as well. Whether it be learning algebra, washing ones hand whilst moving both hands, opening a cabinet, smiling whilst talking with someone, and so on.
By increasing your proficiency in everything substantially, you also decrease the workload of processing your surroundings by making everything easier to process.
Great analogy!! -Mike
This explains a lot. Thank you for sharing. I relate 100%. I am a 53 year old female undiagnosed. I have no strategies or tips to share but am here because I am so mentally exhausted from forcing myself into social situations and not having enough alone time. I’ve masked and passed so well my entire life, people don’t want to believe me when I tell them I can’t do it anymore. The mental exhaustion is real and masking becomes more exhausting with age. Your description of how the one on one conversation was working so well and then went wrong after the other people joined in with shallow small talk describes my social struggles to the tee. I also cannot block out other tables’ conversations in a restaurant and focus on a conversation with the person I’m dining with. Thank you for sharing this content. It helps me feel validated.
You are most welcome. 🙏 I’m really happy that I was able to help in some small way.
Yes, and why does anyone deliberately meet in a restaurant anyway? I've only ever seen two good reasons for going to a restaurant:
a) I'm travelling and don't have access to a kitchen (which is destabilising enough in and of itself), and
b) it's a restaurant of a national cuisine that I like but have no idea how to cook myself. In which case, if I like it enough, I will end up having a few months worth of hyper focused special interest about that cuisine, and I will learn how to cook that stuff. No more reason to go to the restaurant.
And no, I rarely buy food to go, the plastic and aluminium containers have a weird texture and make uncomfortable noises. (Autistic? Me? Not officially, but .... Yeah.)
@barrielynn8959 Why do you force yourself into social situations?
I used to think I had to attent birthday parties, or a day out with colleagues, etc., but at some point I just decided it was not for me.
Today when asked to join I ask how many people will be there and what setting or location. If it feels too much for me I just tell them so. "I'm not good with too many people around or too much happening around me. I can't join you now, but I'd be happy to talk to you or join later in a smaller quiet setting." Sometimes people are a bit puzzled and need a little more explanation, but usually people are quite understanding and ok with it. They understand now that it's not that you don't want to but just can't. So no hard feelings. Hope that helps.
(43 male here)
I’m sorry you have it so bad. I’m like a step below you. I can’t really relax in a restaurant unless I’m in a booth that is mostly enclosed. I am always nervous even when the waitress or waiter comes by. I have learned to people please to where everyone else’s needs comes before mine.
Every once in a while I will go to a restaurant because I really want their food. Or sometimes I really want a good steak dinner I didn’t cook. But that is so rare.
I like staying in until all the people are settled in, then I might take a walk in the neighborhood.
I miss having a dog - at least I knew the dog was an additional protection. However, I got sick and had to move to a town setting. I don’t like it.
It’s hard to be neurodivergent and being buffeted by the normals of life.
@@bookworm1956 lots of normal people seem to enjoy meeting in restaurants. I have had to meet friends in restaurants but I have to tamp my anxiety down pretty hard if it’s a crowded restaurant.
If I had to choose going to a restaurant, I like the ones that would cost more and the food is better, but we would be sitting in a booth where I feel shielded and protected by the chairs.
You are giving words to all of my frustrations. I've been trying to figure out how to describe my lived experience! Thank you!!!! Thank you so much!!! ❤❤❤❤
Hey, Erin. Welcome. Honestly - I'm so glad I've been able to help you in some small way. Making this TH-cam channel has been very cathartic for me, too. A year ago, I had //no idea// that others' felt similarly to me. I honestly thought I was alone... I'm very happy to have returned the favour! -Mike
Oh my goodness the “being interrupted disorientation”!!! Your analogies resonated so much with me. The house of cards that you have to start over. The marathon that you have to restart. This is so accurate
Your house-of-cards analogy really brought it home to me. When I have been in an utterly consuming, "atomic" flow of laser-like focus with a stream of creativity manifesting "with a life of its own"--which, for me, means writing something--and then for some reason the flow is broken, intruded on, lost, it feels so psycho-affectively catastrophic (especially if I've lost what I was producing) that it's a kind of meltdown, a kind of catatonia, my brain, and my gut, have simply frozen in inability to assimilate, process, what just happened. It's one of life's utterly most horrible feelings. And this horrible feeling is soon followed the natural, logical question, can I do it again, can I recreate what I lost? It's a question that hits my psyche lke the most mocking, cruel joke: "NOOOooo, that can never be reproduced; what just happened was destroyed, trying to reproduce it would be both a lie and sheer agony." Mind you, this is all feelings, and, yes, trauma. It doesn't really mean I can't start over and end up producing something that's even better than what I lost. I usually can. But the feeling of "catastrophic agony" is such a monumental barrier to overcome that sometimes I have simply given up rather than attempt it.
My monotropic thinking was decimated once I became a parent. I've not had any long, hard focus time since having a kid. This has been a very deep-seated discomfort that I can't begin to describe. I feel like Flow has been broken in me, like my spirit.
What a fantastic video!!! I’m saving this to send to my support workers. They roll their eyes when I say “I can’t multitask”, but what I mean is “I have a mono tropic brain and can’t shift attention”.
Awww, thank you, Ollie! I'm thinking about creating a video with that in mind. Sharing with others - hmm, leave it with me! Thanks for being here -Mike
What brilliant explanations and aliterations. A light went on as I realised I feel and experience the same things. I was only diagnosed yesterday (virtually 100% auristic), at 73 years old!
Your cafe example is FIRE. This is needed. My medium is written words, and I am starting to write about being autistic and trying to bring acceptance...Monotropism was the lens I was missing for my writings. I love listening and reading other people's experiences and putting them into tangible words that can be understood! I will be sharing this video!
Thank you, Kayla! More than happy for you to share, and thank you for being here :). The more of us talking about these topics the better. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF them puttiing them into tangible words** lol I was diagnosed last year at age 32, and it entirely changed my life. I even switched my major in college and graduated this past summer with my BA in psychology (one of my special interests :)) I plan to get my Ph.D. and focus on clinical research for autism and mental heath, and get some more of us autistic researchers actually being the ones researching autism. They say you can't understand what it feels like to be autistic unless you're autistic, so it's not helping us when allistic people are the only ones contributing to data about us! I love that we're all opening up and sharing our experiences and theories behind them.
Congratulations on your BA! Yippie :-) 😍🥳 - well done. 👏 yes yes yes to more of us, researching topics related to us!
When I have responsibilities that are important and if I go in my head while doing my things I can pretty much kiss that responsibility good bye, so much I'll notice I've made some pattern of saying the thing over and over so I don't forget and I've already missed it. Maybe if I tie a ribbon around my eyeball that might work...
Engaging in an interest or "fun" thing before doing something I'm not interested in or struggle with has helped in adulthood. Giving myself the permission to reverse what I've been coached to do my entire life helped, too. Thanks for the citations and multiple examples.
Yesss, absolutely love how you speak in analogies. I speak Analogious fluently, let’s start our own country named Analogia 😆
How about Metaphoria? Or with that emoji at the end of your comment... Smilistan?
@@Autistic_AF Metaphoria sounds dreamy and ethereal, let’s do it 💫
❤️
Thanks for this video! I actually was discussing this at couples counseling just recently. I didn't really have the vocabulary to describe it and I think it came across as "stop interrupting me at random/frequent intervals." This explains why it is so jarring for me for my spouse to laugh loudly, burst through the door while I'm doing something else, and shove their bright, loud phone into my face because... he saw a funny cat video that he just had to share that minute. Him: let me share this fun thing with my spouse so we can bond over something we both like. Me: Wtf do cats have to with anything and why are they loud and bright and in my face? Do I say that? No. Of course not. Do I look grumpy and not laugh at the cat vid? Bingo. So then my spouse thinks I'm a jerk for being grumpy and I think my spouse is a jerk for interrupting. The compromise we're trying to come up with seems to be having a set time after work for me to recharge and focus, and then, after that, interruptions are fair game. I was unhappy with this compromise, and I think the theory of monotropism explains why. My monotropic brain revolts against the sudden task switching. The "compromise" ended up feeling very one-sided because it doesn't adequately address the focus switching issue. It grants me a small island of time in the day when I don't have to "pull my muscle," as described in the video, but it doesn't help me prevent the muscle from being pulled in the first place.
Scheduling one-on-one time allows for deep focus and engagement, allows me to set an alarm a couple minutes before so I can start to ease my focus from one thing to another, and gives me enough heads up so that I can (try to) watch my tone and facial expressions so as not to accidentally come off as snippy or detached. But, you know, apparently scheduling stuff all the time is unreasonable. I am really struggling to understand why I can't even be comfortably monotropic (new word for me; thank you!) at home. It's like I spend the whole day in that coffee shop mentioned in the video. I get home, have dinner and social time, and then my spouse wants to give me 2 hours of being comfortable until I'm being thrust back into the coffee shop. On the one hand, sure, 2 hours of uninterrupted time a night is a lot. On the other hand, 2 hours a day (only Mon - Thurs, mind) of being comfortably oneself is not a lot at all. Why can't we just schedule time for one-on-one conversations and meme-sharing? Why MUST it always occur at random? I promise you'll get less snippy, deeper, more focused engagement from me if I can plan for it and set aside the mental and emotional energy.
I have a tip, don’t have a family 😵💫 Back in my highly masking “normal” days I bought into that family idea. You can’t be hyper focused with kids and husbands afoot and you become a very frustrated, cranky person who struggles with motivation to even start anything because of fear of being interrupted. It’s like when you’re training a pet to not do something naughty by spraying them with water every time they do it. I look at my interest and have that type of sensation, 💦 No! 💦 You’ll be interrupted! So I play games on my phone instead 😣
That can’t be good! But yep family life can be complicated for monotropic minds! What’s your passion/interest?
Yes. I had one kid. I chose to not have any more. Was lucky to find a very self sufficient husband who accepts me as I am with my deficits and asymmetrical gifts.
Yep! This is why I don't have kids! Please stop referring to kids as a family. Families can look many different ways.
Im a late-diagnosed monotropic single mom and yeah, I basically had to drop all friends (and most projects) as soon as my child could speak because it was waaaay too difficult to do more than raise him. Now that he’s 10 and I have more time for my own interests, I’m also finding more frustration arise because the flow states I’m finally returning to are interrupted, so sometimes I’ve avoided starting for fear of interruption. (And yes I would become cranky too) But also now that there is a name for this and I’m understanding more clearly how I work, I’m making it work.
actually the fear of not being able to fully commit my time to my own stuff whenever I wish is what made me childfree. So yes, thank you for bringing this up. It's a very important thing to consider. Unless you decide to make your family your interest.
I struggle a lot with this, interruptions can spark serious meltdowns.😢
Felt this, also an engineer, I have ADHD but recently learned about monotropism which has me looking into autism and I'm seeing a lot of overlap which is kinda crazy but cool in some sense. I do relate
Welcome 🤗, I’m glad you’ve found my channel and yep there’s loads of overlap between the symptoms of autism and those of ADHD - I’ll be covering ADHD topics too, fairly soon! Thank you again, -Mike 😊
Happy you'll be covering ADHD too! I'm ADHD and definitely polytropic which works v well as a doctor. I can hyper focus but ajdo can deal with a zillion enquiries and tasks to juggle. I struggle with the admin though. Partner is ASD & I think very monotropic so finds my polytropic ways quite uh confounding! 😅
@@emilyb5557 l consider myself to have a comparable profile in many ways Emily, in that my work as a professional - social work/project management/inter-agency resource development etc. etc. benefits very strongly from my ADHD traits of very broad interests, enjoyment of managing multiple personalities in a room, such as with committee work, and ability to hyper focus, in strongest areas of interest (at work, but also when making music and visual art). In both my day-to-day and creative work l LOVE coming up with novel answers to tricky conundrums.
Admin - absolutely - my Achilles heel for so very, very long ( though l have largely and with great difficulty overcome this issue through a range of techniques, such as headphones with ambient music) while doing it. My 9 schools were tricky to navigate.
One of my brothers is an internationally renowned professor - very monotropic and very capable in his field. Always a stellar student though struggles socially. The other an accomplished actor/politically astute social activist etc. who has a far more similar, polytropic, personality profile to my own.
Re the extremely strong genetically determined likelihood of being neurodiverse, my father, a doctor who would have liked to be an engineer, (a diagnosis in itself 😉) is weighted strongly toward ASD, with my mother more ADHD.
Thanks Autistic AF for this fascinating video - it is 100% related to my work, with my colleagues and l dealing with young people in an educational setting with extremely high rates of neurodiversity - a fascinating bunch! I’ll be sharing this resource - thanks again.
IT infrastructure/network engineer here, did consulting on the side for a while but couldn’t get over the irritation when clients wanted things done in an incorrect/not to spec way. I also hated help desk and loved systems design. I now work night shift alone and it’s wonderful. Super ADHD but at the time you couldn’t get a dual diagnosis. This video was so helpful, thank yo.u 💞
I feel your pain!
The coffee shop conversation was such a good way of demonstrating this concept. I could feel my stress levels rising as soon as the coffee shop background noise began. Thank you for keeping the noise short 👍😊
My stress went up the second he said two new people walked in. Lol.
SAME! OUCH!
I can definitely relate to the frustration of not being able to build the house of cards again after it’s been knocked down the first time.
It’s how I spent 15 hours a day learning about online forms of stalking hacking blue snarfing etc while running and hiding from an ex, learnt so much in a few months, monotropic focus plus oh shit have to learn this to be safe, my head nearly ate itself, but I collected enough evidence to use to stay safe
Thank you for the description of 'attention tunnelling' and the pain of interruptions - exactly what I experience.
The Casio W-735H has a vibration timer, removing the loud noise. Making it nice for you and others.
Autism as a superpower would be nice, I mostly focus on the downsides.
What I mostly find myself struggling (I also work in tech, robotics) with is a combination of poor verbal expression and short term memory on bad days.
Particularly, physically getting words out and recalling the precise details for things during important discussion or demos.
It's humiliating when (esp as a woman in tech) suddenly you can't find the right words or way to communicate properly, when you know normally you come across as very knowledgeable and intelligent. And seemingly at random, due to stress, or sleep, or missed coffee.
In robotics at least it feels like a much higher percentage of my coworkers are autistic, or are allistic people accustomed to neurodivergence from the industry, so that's something of a comfort.
You're definitely right. Tech industries have a higher than average proportion of autistic people for sure. As for Autism as a Superpower? Well, click right here: th-cam.com/video/oc-vVgB8HSU/w-d-xo.html
Thanks, dcat. Appreciate your time, and for being here. -Mike
Until I realized I was autistic (very recently), I could *only* see the downsides, because the allistic world around me all my life only gave me allistic words with allistic definitions to shoehorn my actually-autistic experiences into.
So I thought the focus I experienced harnessing was what "focus" *was.*
And when I couldn't perform "focus," it therefore meant I was defective, lazy, self-centred, self-entitled; that I had a bad attitude and was wasting my potential.
Because I couldn't perform "focus" like I was supposed to be able to without HUGE expenditure of energy (eventually no longer able to perform it well enough at all, as the demands of life overtook my capacity to make up for "deficits"), I only saw the downsides to how *amazing* my focus was when I could direct it at things my brain was willing to engage with (which didn't often align with what the world required from me in any given moment).
I saw that I could achieve pretty amazing things when I *wanted* to, but I was clearly just a lazy person and wasting my potential because for so much of any given day I "didn't try hard enough" (ie, I couldn't summon the energy it would take... even if I *was* summoning all of my energy to try!)
Now that I understand my brain a bit better, I can start the next level of prying the extremely harsh inner critic from my neurons - I've been in therapy for 20 years after a breakdown that I've never recovered from. Therapy has been critically important for me, but it's never "worked" to restore me to being a functional human... because it's been treating me as an allistic person, trying to restore an allistic definiton of "mental health" for me. Now that I understand there's an entire universe of "land mine" words out there - words that I don't know that I misunderstand like I misunderstood "focus" - I'm finding it's greatly enhanced my ability to recognize and confront the harsh inner critic that never shuts up in my brain.
Of *course* I've been unable to shake the belief that I'm a failure and a waste of space on the planet at such a profound, foundational level - the words that describe my understanding of the universe don't actually mean what I thought they meant, so my expectations and standards for how life works has always been terrifyingly warped.
Monotropism resonates deeply with me. It’s explains so much I’ve experienced through life. I’ll deep-dive, get excited, and learn all about a process or strategy for my business. But, when it comes time to execute, I can’t manage it. My attention has been spread too thin and it’s just not possible to add one more thing. This has made me feel like a failure so often. Like, “what’s wrong with me?” Now I know the truth. I’m not broken, I’m autistic and my monotropic brain, while quite powerful, doesn’t function like my allistic co-workers. And I can’t force it without great cost. So, now I’m trying to determine my next course of action and whether I can carve a niche in my existing role or if changing gears altogether is best.
Hello Holli-ever-after :) monotropism seems to be such an accurate theory of how autistic brains work, and it has predictive potential too - once we understand how our monotropic brains work, then it’s possible to manage some situations in advance. I hope you can find something that suits, maybe even a niche in your current role while looking for something more suitable at the same time? :)
consider yourself a start-up wiz and find a conscientious completer to work with for the finishing, convincing them to start maybe hard but this is in direct proportion to their ability to grind it together into completion.
I’m also struggling with this! Interested to know what you decide
I am so incredibly happy when I hear an explanation for why I am the way I am, and I’m not the only one. This is something I at 29 still struggle horribly with. I felt it when you said you’d get in trouble at school for not “paying attention” when you actually were. Those are the same type of seeds that were planted over and over into my mind and carried on this internal narrative that there’s something wrong with me, and I have no place in this world, because nobody can understand. But the more I learn about what autism really is, the more I see it as an advantage, not a defect. And the more I grow, I learn to be more compassionate with myself and confident in who I am. Thank you.
@Autistic_AF, Mike,
i like the bullet point tip #4
to make a transitional ritual.
i've gotta give this a think.
thanks for boiling this topic down
into a digestible, bite-size portions.
thanks for including multiple examples,
they each help me to flesh out the concept.
hUgz from snowy, windy, hazy Ohio, Lee
Thanks, Lee.
Interruptions are very frustrating. I never thought of someone turning on the lights as an interruption before, but as soon as you said it I realized it has exactly the same effect on me.
I live in the dark. I will turn on a light if I need to see particularly well (cook, read a label, find the potato I dropped under the table), but whatever I'm doing in the dark stops when someone turns on the lights.
I am SO monotropic, blisteringly and EXCEEDINGLY monotropic. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 16, but have always felt something wrong with the way it described me, as though I was scattered. I mean, I am, in a way. My attention moves pretty easily "technically." But, only if something I find more interesting comes along. Once I hit the bottom-most point of interesting NOTHING can take me away. Regardless, I can only focus on, at most, probably two, big picture things at once. If my attention shifts, it's because it has to. I can only have one thing happening at once.
I've always wondered, deep inside, if I was also autistic. I always connected so deeply with certain aspects, and I think monotropism PERFECTLY describes my way of dealing with life.
Good points! Thanks!
The light near your left ear disturbed me a lot. Anyone else?
I cut the image to be able to follow the video, eventually I only heard it
Yup. Same here. Almost as bad as someone bobbing their head in front of the sun! Most irritating.
Hello, I'm not officially diagnosed, but the more I see these videos, the more I think I want to try and get a diagnosis, but also am slightly afraid to. I've been considering the possibility that I'm autistic for a long time, over 2 years now. What you said about social interactions really stuck out to me. In my experience, when I'm talking to someone, and the conversation moves in a direction I wasn't thinking about, I get a bit upset and want the previous conversation to continue, or I at least want to say things I was *planning* to say. Other times when I'm walking and talking to someone, it's a bit disorienting to try and navigate the landscape and where I need to put my foot next, but what really gets me is when someone randomly greets the person I'm talking to. It doesn't upset me or anything, it's just disorienting and I forget the conversation topic/direction for a few seconds before actively trying to remember it. Also when I'm listening to music and working on something or exercising (generally being in the zone audial and visual wise), and someone says hello or starts a conversation, I get a bit perturbed since my focus has been broken, and I can't quite get into the same state again. Is this sort of thing monotropic? Great video, I loved the analogies, they all make so much sense to me :)
This is very interesting. I can totally relate. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism. However, I have never been able to “multitask”. I’ve always had to dedicate all my attention to a single task; and if my focus gets interrupted, I have to start over and get “back into the groove”. My family and friends can’t understand why I get so frustrated at being interrupted and why I am unable to just pick up where I left off.
This was a very helpful video! 👍🏻
THANK YOU!!!
P.S. I've been casually researching this topic for ages! I've struggled significantly to find anything remotely like this video to help me understand myself better!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
In the cafe example, when you asked “are you feeling it yet?” I had JUST started feeling physically achy, frustrated, disrupted…I could feel that the one on once conversation I was enjoying so much was being messed up by other people joining. We’d then have to talk about whatever the loudest person in the group wanted to talk about. I’ve been in that situation so many times. I can’t keep up with everyone’s social queues! Then I withdraw and get told I’m being “grumpy”. Then I leave (the bathroom is a good place to escape to!).
Thanks for this video. I subscribed and look forward to watching/hearing more from you. 😊
i’m so glad i’m not the only autistic person who retreats to bathrooms no matter where I am during a borderline meltdown and/or just to generally calm down and process. Before even thinking about the idea of me being autistic I would hide in the bathrooms during lunch in highschool to “take a break from being perceived/having people near me” which in retrospect should’ve been a sign but yk. Not late diagnosed for nothing ig 💀
@@knotsoangelic I'm late (self)diagnosed. I feel the 'OK Meter" max out and I have to retreat to calm down. I'm noticing I need it more when I'm triggered too.
@@nickburmanmusic I get the same way! It’s okay if you’re self diagnosed so long as you’ve done the research to prove it (which most of us do anyway so I imagine you have as well). Don’t let anyone try to tell you self diagnosis is never valid cause it 100% can be and can even be the only way someone gets a “proper” diagnosis. This isn’t even accounting for the fact professional diagnoses are a privilege and not everyone can get them. 🖤
@@knotsoangelic Thanks for that encouragement. Medical diagnosis can take years here, and for an adult probably longer. I'll definitely be more confident with the self diagnosis :)
The cafe scene was very uncomfortable, I had to stop it. I rewound a bit and watched that scene muted with CC, but turned out I didn't need too... I'd already gotten the point 😆. I do wonder if it watching it is an effective simulation for a non-autistic person.
re: self-diagnosed, I am too. I personally am not pursuing a formal diagnosis, beacuse apart from confirmation I don't see a reason to, and I am certain (enough). The fact is even if I've misdiagnosed myself I empathize strongly when autistic people share their the life experiences with me, which is comforting, and I find the tips and tricks I learn to be directly applicable to myself, so that works out.
Also diagnosed late (over 50). On the one hand, you finally have answers. On the other: knowing I will never be like the others, no matter how hard I try, and that was a blow. It turned out to be advatageous at work: 1) They had explanations for my being strange, at times 2) They knew that my tactlessness was not malicious 3)They are now ready to recruit other autists 4)They protected me when I needed it.
It's like playing a video game with no save points, so every time your character dies you have to restart from the beginning of the level and every time that happens you lose a life and when all your lives are used up the game is over.
cant you do that with even video games with save points and just not use them or delete them after you die? like a "hardcore" play thugh.
As a 90s kid this probably didn’t foster a nurturing environment for my autistic self lol
@@NightmareRex6that’s not always been possible unfortunately
This video was very helpful. Thank you for your work.
In school we used to have e.g. one hour of maths class, then break, and another hour of maths. I could not get back into topic (maths) before the end of the second class. After break my brain was out of service and I couldn't follow. I skipped break whenever I could and just stayed in the room (aka. in toppic) while the others went out. Some teachers let me do so. And I am very thankful they did. It helped me a lot.
Nowadays my biggest problem about monotropism is my child. My boundaries are tolerated by most people... but him. (Parents can tell. 😅)
Every "Mom! Can I..." "Mom, look!" pulls me out of whatever I was doing. And it hurts. And it is nit even a mean thing but it sucks.
I think I will get myself some headphones like yours. They might reduce the noise (and the shock it gives me) and show my son that mom is not available right now. 😊
Thank you, Anne.
1 month in from my AH HA moment. I'm a 47 year old male. I always noticed that I couldn't concentrate on more than one subject at a time. If I were doing math, I would be very skilled, but if I had to study math and history at the same time? literally impossible and fail both. Monotropism is the way my mind works. I like your cadence and presentation style, you are good at this and should keep going imo, well done! Also, my special interest is Tesla.
Welcome 🤗,
Thank you for your kind words! I will definitely keep going, I’ve got so much more to say lol. 😝
What do you like about Tesla? Just Tesla or EVs in general? I have a model 3 and love talking about renewable energy and electric vehicles haha!
Thanks again - you’re my first ever comment and it was lovely! Congrats on your ‘ah ha’ moment :-) #oneofus
Ah, the good ol Nikola Tesla. A favourite among spergs and tinfoil conspiracy afficionandos... .😂
Hahaha yep!@@keylanoslokj1806 - I read that as the car manufacturer with the same name, rather than the pigeon-loving eccentric dude (haven't we all been called 'pigeon-loving eccentrics' before? :D ).
@@Autistic_AF he is also often mentioned by the new age hippies who are into "quantum field healing" thingies... . We must give credit where it's due, lol 😁
@@keylanoslokj1806 If you know where I can find some of this 'energy', please send some my way - so tired today! :D
I would deeply appreciate to see what advice or explanations you have to share regarding when Autism is comorbid with ADHD. That's what I have, and it makes routines a sincere struggle! If I have any at all, I just sort of fall into them on accident.
This was a really great description of what happens when focus is broken. I have a need to engage in monotropic activities, and when I'm never allowed to do this, my mental state really suffers. This is why as a parent I can no longer teach high school math. It doesn't leave me any time for deep, uninterrupted focus. I'm happiest when taking a graduate-level math class with plenty of alone time to work on it while my child is at school. I have to have that deep focus on hard things to feel mentally secure.
I also am really happy when I get to tutor one-on-one - conversing about my special interest with a captive audience! Nothing better!
I find your analogies very helpful. They accurately describe my painful experience when being interrupted and I can use them to explain it to allistic people in my life. This way, they won’t take it personally when I am non-responsive after being interrupted.
Thank you so much ☺️ - I’m glad the analogies and examples are helpful. The cards one is one I’ve used for many years - without an ‘autistic’ label - and people seem to understand this one. Maybe it relates a little to everybody? -Mike
This is why I prefer dialogues with a single individual at a time rather than engaging in a group discussion. I find that any intresting topic is often drawn out of balance by the parties not actively speaking at the moment, wanting to join in. Thus I intead back down, being pushed out, and become uninterested
ur voice and the way u talk is so calming and easy to follow
Thanks!
I wanted to be a Zoologist since I was 5 years old. Despite being an entrepreneur & working in almost every sector of the service industry I haven't felt any fulfillment whatsoever until I started working in my field. I was diagnosed as autistic at 4-years-old; my mother ignored the school psychologists & I lived life as a "normal" child.
Roll with it and optimize your environment around it. The zone is like a meditative or dream state that is lost when you wake up. Ride that wave of laser focus as long and far as you can. This is an actual super power and a gift. It's what you were made for. Use it to fulfil your duty to society but do not regret not being NT.
It’s like the movie soul when he’s in the zone
I don't know if I am autistic for sure, but I do have ADHD. And yes, it's physically painful when I'm pulled from a place of flow/focus. At the same time, something that is very complex and interesting will take me down a rabbit hole for hours and hours. Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to plan anything, and I could just do whatever happens to be in front of me.
Thanks so much for creating this channel. After a couple months of exploration with my therapist, deep dives into the newest literature and youtube material, and a lot of self-reflection I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm autistic at age 51. It's really helpful to hear the tips and experiences of other late-diagnosed autistics like you as I try to figure out what this even means for me. Afterall, I've managed to mask my way through 50 years, reasonably successfully. I'm learning that I've been expending a lot of energy to "pass". I thought everyone was putting in similar effort in some areas, though in other areas I assumed I was just weird. I have come to enjoy being on the fringe, and I don't mind being weird anymore. So the label of autism doesn't bother me, but I do want to find ways to take advantage of knowing my brain processes differently to find ways to make my day-to-day life easier. I think your content will help with that.
Thank you ☺️ - and thank you for sharing a little of your experience. In many ways late diagnosis can raise some unique challenges, especially around unmasking (who am I really?) and acceptance from others.
@@Autistic_AF maybe a topic for a video? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
@@waywrdsun Thank you! I will do that! In the meantime, I've made a video about masking (unmasking is the third chapter) here: th-cam.com/video/fDy-soEqoLY/w-d-xo.html
Having children really, REALLY borked my ability to hyper focus and now, decades later, I’m struggling to regain the most elemental part of me- I wish, I WISH I’d known how much having children was going to harm me personally. I love my offspring, absolutely, but I’m specifically talking about what it cost me to have them- now I’m figuring out how to reconnect with my hyper focus and gifted mind because caring for children really shattered the way my brain longed to work.
I know exactly how you feel.
“Watching 4 TVs at one time” 💯 Possible for a little bit, but exhausting.
I completely relate. When I'm focusing, my phone ringing not only startles me, I get a huge wave of anxiety and frustration. I often can't get back to my task.
When I'm in a public setting, I can't tell the difference between a person right next to me talking to me and someone talking across the room, like in a store or restaurant. I get accused by my sister of ignoring her when I'm experiencing an overload where I can't narrow down my attention to focus on what's immediately relevant.
Stumbled on this just now and have just subscribed. I think you are an excellent and affable communicator. Thank you for this great new terminology and I look forward to seeing more of your videos!
Great ideas and points in this video! With how you were talking about being disrupted and having to start over- sometimes there is an added factor of "time and energy investment" to me, where it feels harder to do the work a second time, like "I've already put in to much, I don't have it in me to do all that again". I'd like to see how much autism research has been with people who also have ADHD, as the two are so commonly found together (or at least commonly diagnosed together).
😀Here you go: The SCIENCE behind Autism & ADHD's POSITIVE TRAITS
th-cam.com/video/oc-vVgB8HSU/w-d-xo.html
I feel like you were speaking directly to me. Very good analysis and descriptions.
I was very annoyed by the rising background level and had a hard time focusing on what you were saying then, so I'll just assume it was about how annoying and distracting background noise can be.
Thanks Mike for this video, I could relate to a lot here.
52, got diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago, autism (level 1) a year ago.. and finally after getting the diagnosis it feels like I'm starting to understand myself, my life, how I function, make sense of things.
I was a postman for 25 years, and I always hated the indoor sorting work we had to do in the morning, stressful noisy environment, lots of distractions & frustrations. But once I got outside.. freedom. That's the part I enjoyed, being just myself, with myself, at my own pace, in my own world. My own focus with nobody looking over my should &.. judging me?
That cafe example hit hard. I always find it hard to deal with noisy crowded social situations like those, or when meeting groups of people in a restaurant or something, anywhere there is a lot of people and lots of interactions going on.. so horribly exhausting, mentally, emotionally, even physically. In those situations, my attention is everywhere, I'm taking in everything around me, sights sounds smells, and it massively overloads me. Even when I go alone for a quiet lunch, I can't just focus on the eating, my attention is tracking everything around me, even though I try to not pay attention.
The bathroom escape someone mentioned is something I know so very well.. having made use of it often at work to try to relax the mind... and preferring sitting in complete darkness if possible (damn automatic light sensors!).
The frustrating part to me: I have odd memory issues. I say I'm forgetful, but more correctly, I find it often hard to recall things that I know. I tend to use the labyrinth analogy, that my memory is a big vast maze, and all the knowledge is lost in there somewhere... but finding the path is the challenge. But often when someone asks a question around me, I can "pull the answer out of the air", often seemingly subconsciously (parallel process?), if it isn't something I actively focusing on/thinking about. As example, as a gaming nerd, when someone asks about how a game mechanic works (like in global chat in a game), I can usually whip out the answer for them while I'm actually focusing on something else, but.. when I need to actively think about it for myself, I just can't.
Thank you for sharing tour experiences as a later diagnosed person. Similar to the immediate image that seems to remain for most, of a restless rowdy little boy, when ADHD is referenced…Is the general ignorance regarding the Autism Spectrum. Most information and diagnostic focus is geared toward children. And similarly the image that comes to mind for most when Autism is referenced, is that of a young child on the more extreme end of the spectrum. It’s both helpful and encouraging to hear your perspectives and learn of your experiences having been diagnosed later in life. Thanks again!
thank you for existing!!!!! god this video is just so good. I wanna show it to my family so they can understand me better.
Back in the 1950s to the 1990s, there were clear social rules, with very little emphasis on "feelings". Interrupting a person clearly in conversation, or focused on a task was considered rude. You waited until the person you wanted to speak to, turned and said something like "how can I help you?"
Good point!
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This was one of the most entertaining video while explaining to allistics what the difference actually is between our experiences. I have totally blown up at people who have interrupted an intense thought process or task, I am pretty sure I resented those people for a while for their interruptions. It has caused me to be more of a recluse or night owl, just to avoid people and interuptions.
I like your analogies haha! I will show this to my partner, i think he is Neurodivergent in some way as he relate to many things, but the very core ASD symptoms he cant really wrap his head around, he can understand and respect, but he doesn't understand before i give him good examples haha!
The "super power" of Autism is such an annoying term Neurotypical people use to make themselves feel better about us.
My mom started telling me that my superpower was understanding humans and being creative, my sisters son is really good with math and engineering (they got that idea from Minecraft and him being better then them at math in school, though he doesn't attend any school at the moment..)
My mom tries to tell herself that she didn't "fail" by leaning into the "they are special and come with superpowers" instead of recognizing that she didn't fail us, we aren't broken, some of us are disabled in different ways, but like a guy in wheelchair we will figure out how to do everything, it just looks different.. It does sometimes hurt though, to be told that i am so talented and gifted in art, but my skills are honestly very average, or that i am extremely good at understanding people, but i know i don't, I'm a "cold calculator" that understands psychology very well, but me interacting with people are often not a huge success at all and my words often betray me.
I relate to this 💯
I like the idea of a transition ritual. I have started to do a post social ritual of crosswords, tea, and a comfy blanket, and it has helped me feel less of a crash/disregulation after a social event. But maybe doing a ritual for smaller transitions could be helpful too.
Today I discovered I have ASD and ADHD at age 37 and a half. Glad I found this channel. Subscribed!
Thank you, Dale! Good to see you here too :)
I’ve always felt like the way I get into things and obsessed about things and stuck on thinking about them is very unhealthy. I felt like I never liked something the same way as others. Like when I am thinking about an interest all the time, I never felt like I loved it. I wish I had career related interests! At work, I struggled with back to back meetings on different topics when I wanted to stay on one topic
Haha, yep... 20+ year software engineer here. IDK now anyone without monotropic focus could do this job. I recently got promoted to architect and now I am constantly interrupted by others or by meetings and it has been such a terrible adjustment to have to make. My productivity went down.
I can shift attention as long as I keep my focus very shallow. I have trouble even talking with someone as I drive. I have forgotten to ‘go’, for example. So that’s my (not very rewarding) tip; keep your focus purposely shallow. And I make lists and set alarms. The usual stuff.
This is so much talking to the intersection between autism and ADHD. As someone with ADHD, I can relate to pretty much everything here, although perhaps with ADHD things aren't as consistent as you're describing?
Yes, I agree - I think it is. Take a read of the original paper if you haven’t already - it’s very concise and goes into more detail. And it has autistic authors too 💚. I plan to make more content exploring ADHD and the intersection of AuDHD too - it really does complicate things. Similar symptoms, but for differing reasons. Thanks for being here. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF I would really like to see that content! I've been becoming increasingly wondering if the reasons really are that different, like perhaps ADHD sits on one corner of the spectrum, probably not entirely within, but overlapping it.
Although I haven't read the cited papers yet, but certainly will now.
That’s a cutting edge hypothesis there! Maybe when DSM 6.0 drops we’ll have some further details haha. The main paper (link in the description) is fairly clear. And do the monotropism quiz, too!
I can really relate. Often my whole day goes back to zero if my focus gets broken.
What a great video! This was so very informative and helpful. I relate, this is my entire life and I still struggle deeply with any transitions between tasking. I used to absolutely lose it if interrupted to the point of just stopping whatever it was and doing nothing at all.
I’m in my 50s now and I recognize my reactions but still quietly struggle because I’m trying my best to be a better human. lol.
But weekends are super stressful being so different, husband is home, routines aren’t on time, daily tastings are full of forced public socialization because it’s shopping day and spending time with my family. Who I love and appreciate.
Every job though… I’m great if i know my plan task and schedule but if im pulled into a different position for any reason I’m pretty angry about it.
Once I had a coworker who would walk by my desk and rearrange my pencils etc just slightly knowing I would meltdown over it. I never knew why it made me so angry or why I absolutely had to rearrange it all back exactly. Now I see it wasn’t intentional on my part but would be considered harassment if I had been diagnosed and was being bullied because of my special mental structures
❤ I can relate to this
This spoke to me more than expected. Lovely analogies used ❤
Thank you for this helpful video. I don’t know if I’m autistic but. I relate.
I think that disruption in attention that you're describing(and I also feel) is called a higher level of emotional disregulation than in polytropic/allistic folks. It's harder to get back into it, yes, but it's so frustrating! It seems like 'it cost so much to get here, why would you take that from me about a drink??'
And yes, you did a very good job making the coffee house example work.
Thanks for this video! This was really interesting. New sub. 😸
I love timers. I have to repeat to myself what I’ve set them for and what I’m going to once I’ve set it. Sometimes they just go off and I have no recollection of what they’re for. Oh well, all part of the fun.
@jahbloomie, I also set alarms, but heavily utilize the comment box that comes up on my phone app so that I can recall what I wanted to do. I have been living a world of "if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening" for over 20 years. Unfortunately, my children and husband don't understand the extent to which I NEED this. For years I was able to mask so well that they all believe I am just being difficult. Not at all. Masking has just become so exhausting, so impossible to keep up, that I have identified areas of life that, for me, have 'collapsed' and notes, calendars, etc. are new ways for me to try to keep up the farce
This is me with timers but also i gotta say sticky notes have been super helpful as well (i have hundreds on my desk lmaoooo)
What a refreshing channel! I really like your style in presenting this important content. I was diagnosed by my mom (in 1967!) who was a nurse at the time. She died when I was an adolescent and I pushed the concept out of my life all the while struggling through school with no resources. My mom tried to shore me up academically and fought the school authorities regarding my placement--she was able to maintain me in regular classes, and there were NO type of ASD resources back then. I rediagnosed as an adult in my 40s and am now 60 still dealing with key problems, although I have been able to work and live independently. I look forward to catching up on all the content on your channel and sharing it with friends. Love seeing all your animals and environment there 🐈🐕😎
Perfect loud ear coverings lmao. I'll get me a pair right away. Audhd female after 64 trying to stop masking. Thanks for the video, this is a first of yours i watch and i find it very interesting. Thank you!
Thank you :-) ☺️
Your “house of cards” analogy made me think of the movie Groundhog Day. Every time Phil accomplished his goal there was an excitement - but then he would say the wrong thing & it all fell apart. On the next attempt he would try to get back to the same point but couldn’t because the excitement, the newness, was gone. Thats how building that house of cards is for me - it is the excitement of discovery that drives me to the next level. If I am interrupted & have to get back to the same state of mind to continue my work it is very difficult because I already discovered those thoughts, so re-discovering them doesn’t have the excitement needed to drive me to re-discover that next level that I had already achieved. That is frustrating, which kills the excitement needed even more. It’s why Phil could never recreate the magical moments that would take him to the next level and why everyone needs to STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!! Do you want to ask me about my progress or do you actually WANT ME TO FINISH THIS????
So many of us end up in computer science, because computers make sense to us, while humans don't. Computers follow repeatable, understandable rules, and that is attractive to us.
I'm a writer. My brain is literally creating a world, and when someone interrupts that, it feels as those I've been pulled across light-years and thrown back into the "real" world.
I am not very nice when it happens.
totally got you!!! i grew up in an environment where i was interrupted and not in a gentle way every time, so i remember 12 old version of me escaping from home to spent all the afternoons I the library, after school. Now i feel curious about your writing if you have something published let me know 😊
very nice video. might i suggest adding chapters to the video so its easier to go back to catch points we missed?
Hello, 👋
Yes that’s a great idea! I’ll do this after a cup of tea! ☕️
Mike
my thoughts exactly! i'll be back for more defo with chapters
@@Autistic_AF awesome! cant wait to see how your channel grows!
Thank you@@auxykontin and @charb333 - I'm making those chapter markers now, thank you 🙂
I relate so well to your thought patterns, and use of analogies and metaphors to explain things! Thank you for these videos. The house of cards was a perfect example of how it feels to get inerrupted. It is like we need to develop a full and complete thought in our minds before we can transfer it out into the world, but it can't be saved without being written down or shared.
That’s a great explanation for the house of cards, Chris! Thank you for your kind comments, too! -Mike
God it legit took me several seconds to refocus on the actual video with that dark to light room example. Bright white lights are the worst! Then blue. I couldn't stop thinking about how jarring it was.
Also I don't know how many times I've burnt food because I get bored just waiting for something to start boil or cry so I go play a game but forget I'm also cooking until I notice the smell 😂
You have my gratitude for expanding my vocabulary in a way that is especially useful and specific. I've been trying to explain to my supervisor the reasoning behind my approach to my work and the closest I've come so far is 'monotasking' but 'monotropic' has a richness to it that is still accurate without embellishment. I sincerely thank you.
@Autistic_AF - I am cataloguing this concept and the related supports you presented in order to reinforce my understanding.
"Monotropism is a cognitive theory that explores how individuals may channel their focus intensely on a narrow range of interests or activities, impacting how attention is allocated. This form of concentrated attention often results in a deep engagement with tasks of personal interest, which can lead to exceptional levels of expertise or knowledge in those specific areas.
Characteristics:
- Focused Engagement: This concept involves a profound absorption in selected interests or tasks, which can lead to periods of flow-states of heightened focus and immersion.
- Flow States: These states are characterized by intense concentration and a deep sense of satisfaction and productivity.
- Social Dynamics: The benefits of this cognitive pattern include the potential for increased abilities in certain pursuits; however, it may also present challenges in dynamic social interactions where flexible attention and multitasking are required.
Challenges:
- Environments that demand frequent attention shifts may pose difficulties for individuals with this cognitive style, including social contexts or multifaceted work scenarios.
- An intensely focused mindset may lead to stress or challenges when faced with disruptions or the need to divert attention from the current focus.
Management Strategies:
- Developing new routines and setting clear boundaries can be advantageous, aiding in the effective management of focus and attention.
- The use of timers and the establishment of transition rituals can assist in navigating between activities and managing attention shifts.
Diversity of Experiences: The theory of monotropism highlights the variation in how individuals engage with their environment and interests. It acknowledges that each person's interaction with the world is distinct, and this cognitive approach is one of the many factors that can influence an individual's experiences.
In summary, monotropism offers a lens through which to understand certain attention patterns that are characterized by a significant concentration on specific interests. It draws attention to both the strengths and potential challenges that come with this cognitive style, especially concerning social interaction and the ability to manage multiple tasks concurrently. This framework is valuable for its insights into the diverse ways individuals may process and respond to their environment."
I relate alot to the house of cards analogy
I’m really glad it’s useful - it’s the analogy I’ve used for a long time before I realised I was autistic.
Learning more about autism and different people's experiences has been helping me recontextualize a lot of things I've experienced throughout my life, and it's helping me understand a lot of the little things I'm doing everyday that I couldn't explain for a long time.
I hesitate to say I'm on the spectrum due to enjoying conversations, being able to carry conversations across multiple topics, being clingy to my close friends, and being somewhat approachable in social environments. Basically, I think I socialize too well to be placed on the spectrum. If getting tested wasn't such a lengthy process to work through, I would go for it, but I don't feel I have much to gain by getting a diagnosis and, like I've explained, I don't think I'd ultimately get a diagnosis anyways.
But then at the same time, I have a few interests that are hard for me to break out of and I tend to spend a lot of my spare time just aimlessly learning new stuff about them or consuming content almost exclusively about my interests. I've also been recently discovering that I deeply need and value routines in my life, I don't take well to other people forcing me to change my routines, and my perfectionism loves it when I can get really good at doing something and then repeat it over and over again.
I say recently on that because I've struggled with my identity basically ever since people have asked me what I want to do when I grow up, which lead to an ultimate low point in my life a few years ago where I basically wasted away a large chunk of my life doing nothing. It's only been in the last few years of my life that I've really began adulting, and in the process of getting my life going, I've done a ton of learning around my work preferences, interests, social needs, goal setting, and so much more.
Which leads me to today. I'm realizing there's parts of how I live my life and aspects of who I am that, frankly, I've never had the opportunity to learn about until now. I'm deep into a journey of self discovery, and learning about autism seems to be my next step. So much of what's described by people fits me like a glove, but the socialization difficulties feel a bit alien to me. I think there's a good chance my socialization skills are all just part of me masking, which I suspect because a lot of my time in high school was spent learning about various things to be more likeable and to try garnering more attention from my classmates, but I feel like that's a very normal phenomenon anyways.
But yeah, TL;DR: Your experience of being a late diagnosed autistic person has a lot of connections with my own life, but I still have doubts around pursuing my own diagnosis. Any suggestions around how to approach such a topic would be sweet and much appreciated. Good video!
Flying is a superpower. Monotropicism is a trait.
Idk.. I like to refer to it as a superpower now that I know that some people can't do it. Like, getting so absorbed into something that it has all your attention and energy is like magic. lol.. so it's special.. it's a superpower😉
What is your objection to the idea? Is it because superpowers don't exist, or maybe a concern about people getting an ego if they're referred to as having a superpower?
Ah, but my lucid dreaming special interest was to teach myself to fly. So in that limited accessed state, I can fly, and it is pretty amazing to consciously choose flight.
@Thilosophocl3s do you have any tips about how to lucid dream? Dreaming is one of my special interests too but I can't just make myself lucid dream. It's so hard for me to realize I'm dreaming while I'm dreaming. Whenever I realize I'm dreaming I usually wake up. But I have had the experience years ago. I was flying over my house. Best feeling ever.
@@sarahswetlik1034 it's a repetitive trick I used that became something I just do naturally. It starts with a waking habit, I would look at my hand throughout the day and ask myself "am I dreaming." I did that for a a few months so that it became a natural habit whenever I looked at my hand. Then I put a rubber band on my wrist to wear all the time, and when I asked if I was dreaming, I'd snap the rubber band, if I was awake it would sting me... If I was asleep, no pain. Eventually id be in a dream and not realize it, but then I'd see my hand and then oh shit I haven't checked, so I checked, and I realized I was dreaming.
P. S. If you find yourself in a dream and can't find a thing you need in the dream, a sword, umbrella, jacket, whatever, you can always find it behind a door or under a lid as long as you 'KNOW' that whatever you need is in there.
Found you through Autistamatic, and have started at the beginning (obviously. Lol). I have listened to this episode, and throughly enjoyed it. Video 2, here I come.
Awww, Quinn’s lovely. Thank you for joining in over here - and good luck with the back catalogue haha!