It was written & recorded in 2015 when his health was at its lowest point. He was painfully thin and had suffered some psychotic episodes. Bibi was his GF at the time and he was afraid that he was going to lose his mind, and also Bibi. He had still not been diagnosed with Lyme Disease and he expected to die. He knew he needed Bibi's support as his "crutch" but at the same time he didn't want her to witness his deterioration. It is a heart-breakingly beautiful song and it amazes me that he was able to create it when he was so very ill
I was a crutch twice. We found out my first husband was terminally ill when I was pregnant for our second child. We worked hard to get him to meet his daughter. She was 10 mos old when he passed. Then, 20 years later my 2nd husband was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I was at every doctor's appointment, chemo session, didn't leave his side. It's the only thing you can do when your best friend/partner is suffering. I wonder if I did enough, if they knew how much they meant to me and our families. The guilt of not having expressed love enough or kept the house spotless or taking time for myself sometimes haunts me but I have to remind myself that caring for a sick loved one is completely consuming. Give yourself a damn break. Anyway, yeah. Crutch hits close to home. Freckled Angels is too much for me though. I sob. And now, lately, Precious is doing the same to me. Ren just has a way of pulling at all the heartstrings.
Ren did this about 8-10 years ago, before he knew he had Lyme and was struggling. It's beautiful, haunting and he did this with no money, no budget... just sheer talent. In fairness, she got him on his feet.
There is a note pinned by Ren on the video that provides context rather than other people's interpretations. The pain in his voice in the rock wail always stops me cold. Thank you for this reaction
This is MY favourite. It is a work of art cinematically , incredibly vulnerable and it hits me in the feels every time. Bibi was his real girlfriend and Ren was at his sickest. Bibi was indeed his crutch and just like a crutch, she got Ren to his feet after helping raise money to get him overseas, where he was finally diagnosed correctly with Lyme disease.
Yes yes yes EVERYTHING you said about telling people to "be better" medically!!! I stopped talking to many of my family because if it! People need to learn understanding and I'm so happy ren is making the conversations happen! SO HAPPY YOU'RE STILL WITH US
This is still one of my favorite Ren tunes. I was feeling you as you were sucked in. Penitence is a follow-up to this one and explains why his "crutch" disappeared. I love your insight. What lies behind the mask we all wear? Great reaction. 💛🤘🤙✌️
It's absolutely raw and visceral pain showcased without any filter or apology. This is Ren's darkest moment in a video, and it hits like a hammerblow to your emotions.
What I heard also is that Bibi was the one who started a GoFundMe for Ren and that's what started his healing journey that ultimately changed/saved his life! Absolutely beautiful video and heart warming, tear jerker of a song! That ending gets me so much, she helps ren as being a crutch, but left, it hurts me when saw that she wasn't there, that's deep shit right now, it just hurts seeing that. Ren has came a long way! Inspired so many.
I love this video. Ren has said that at the time, he was feeling very self-conscious about how much weight he had lost, and he was afraid that Bibi would leave him because of all his health problems, so he decided to just put it all out there for this one.
This is why Ren came across so visceral in this MV:💔 (THIS IS IN REN'S VERY OWN WORDS FROM THE DESCRIPTION SECTION "CRUTCH") "This was shot with no budget at the end of a frickin ' freezing October, felt like I was going to get hypothermia lying on cold slate for a few hours, serious case of mind over matter but so happy with how it turned out :) The song came about after a nervous breakdown following lots of visits to emergency room after some scary health problems. It's a song for anybody who has faced any kind of mental challenges, depression, anxiety, or health struggles while in a relationship and all the fears that come along for the ride with that. It is also a song for the courageous and wonderful people who support their other halves, family or friends during times of crisis :) In whatever context I hope my music can help take some of the weight from anyone suffering and help people feel less alone." FYI - Bibi was Ren's actual girlfriend during that time & this song turned out to be very prophetic, because his health issues ended up being too much of a strain on their relationship. (Lyme Disease still wasn't diagnosed at the time this music video was made) 😥 Another great reaction bro, ✌🏾
Thank you for reacting to this! One of my absolute favourite songs by Ren. It’s a tough one. Even just seeing Ren so thin and vulnerable. But it’s also an artistic masterpiece that deserves more attention. This song is such a perfect expression of fear and agony in lyrics, vocals, music, and even the video. And never has guitar distortion sounded so emotional! And yes, “do better”, when you’re trying your best, is a horrible thing to say ❤
There's a video that is not a song - he posted it prior to the premier of Hi Ren. It is him from the past when he was at the depths of hell and doing health blogs and was pretty sure he was going to die. It is heartbreaking, but if you ever want to see just how far he's dug himself out of the darkness, it is one of the most poignant, visceral testaments. The title is "Hi Ren' Premiers on YT on the 15th Dec".
Oh, Hi Ren is how I got started. First Ren video on the channel. I would imagine it's how a lot of Ren fans got started on him. Haven't looked back since.
The raw vulnerability in this one is really confronting for those of us who have some familiarity with illness. It's one of my favourites too, because it's so honest. Doesn't glorify anything, on either side. It shows it was painful for both of them. Just so well depicted.
Oh this is such a powerful one! And it hits even more when you learn his story. 😔 I can imagine this wasn't an easy one emotionally for him to film. That part where he goes hard on the guitar is my favorite. Thank you for this!
Thank you Bradley… Ren touches us in a way that allows us to connect with pain… I’m really glad that you are here to tell your story… thank you for sharing yourself with us… 🫶🏻♥️🫶🏻
I’m so glad you had someone that helped you get through such a traumatic time. I know just how hard it is to truly be there for someone so ill, in so much pain & feeling such despair. Looking into their eyes & desperately trying to take the pain from them & soak it into yourself, and knowing that you physically can’t do it, no matter how hard you try, how desperately want to, but you have to try, day after day. I’m so glad you beat the disease and are who you are today & who you will be in your future. We always think we’ll have more time, but all too often, we’re wrong. Watching REN manifest his pain in such a visceral way, is hard to watch & extraordinarily beautiful at the same time. Love to you from Annie, in Cornwall, UK🙂🌸
This was all really kind of you to say and I really appreciate that. It wasn't always easy for me to be strong, or even have someone help me, and it got even worse when I could feel my personality shifting. But..I suppose they say it all happens for a reason, so here I am. And there she is now. And I have to hope we are exactly where we are meant to be.
Have you seen Ren's 8 autobiographical Chapters, that he released in the lead up to dropping Troubles? He touches on various romantic relationships from his past. In particular, he talks about how his illness, and thoughts and emotions that flowed from it, impacted on various relationships, and the way he views himself.
This song hits me particularly hard because I was my exhusband’s crutch when he had cancer. He was diagnosed a week after we got married- though we had been together almost a decade before marrying. It was 10 months of pure hell. Being his primary caregiver was one of the most isolating experiences of my life because our relationship was already not good. We shouldn’t have gotten married. The cancer exacerbated everything that was already wrong with us. I’ve never experienced anguish like I did in that period of my life. The kind that has you on your knees and begging whatever exists out there to let this just end (not suicidal, just to be clear). I stayed with him until the tumor was removed and he was on his way to recovery. But I knew I had to get out because I was drowning. I lost a lot of people I loved because of that decision. It shattered me. But as I put myself back together, I suddenly discovered so many more pieces of myself than what I’d originally lost. I was finally my true self again after a decade of diminishment. I used to not be able to listen to this song because it brought me immediately back to all that pain. But now I have such an appreciation for it because it’s the perfect depiction of the deep painful complexity of the caregiver/afflicted dynamic and how devastating it can be
Unfortunately I found this song a few months after my husband of 18 years passed. I cry every time I hear it! My husband, Chris, had an undiagnosed chronic illness and then, had scoliosis, and he was 6’3”, so you can imagine how hard that would be to become 5’11”! And the illness? I was his crutch, that’s what people say, but he was mine!
Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. And you are so right, we never see the sick as a crutch, but their love is so important for those caring. Big hugs and much love 🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤
“Don’t give what you think someone needs” is the most true statement. Definitely about anyone suffering with illness, but in general also. I always tell my children to imagine that a person who is suffering from anything is just vomiting over and over and over again. You wouldn’t tell them to stop because you know they can’t and it would be a destructively horrible thing to say. Just because you can’t see what is hurting a person doesn’t make it hurt them less. Bless the life of the human who helped you when you needed it. We were all given a gift in those moments when she helped you make it through. She just had no idea that you would eventually end up here with us and who knows where else you’ll go in life! Ok I’m done ranting. You got me with this one 💙
That's a, while vivid, effective analogy ha. And spot-on. It always takes a physical "thing" for people to get it. Something about it being mental and stuck in your head makes it hard for people to quantify and relate to. And aww, that's sweet of you to say. But you're right on. I always think about that Dr. Seuss book my 2nd grade teacher gave me. Oh, the Places You'll Go! I think about that all the time. Wherever my ex is, where I am now, I can only hope it's exactly where we are supposed to be and keep it pushing. Thanks for your thoughts as always.
This is an important part of Ren’s journey. It’s heartbreakingly good. Patience and Penitence are an absolute must too. Thank you Brad. Really love your song C.H.E.M.O too. Much love 🫶🏻🇬🇧
Yes I recognise the crutch in my own life. While I was still homeless and undiagnosed with autism, I was adopted by some kind people that helped me back into society so that I could gain access to the NHS and start getting my life together. I owe them everything and am blessed by their love and patience.
My second favourite is Penitence. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend highly. It’s not a part 2 to crutch, but does deal with a break up of a significant other due to the other person needing to protect themselves mentally after supporting the ill person for so long. It is BEAUTIFUL 🙌💜
I actually did finally watch it and it's a hilarious rant that goes with it, but it's a beautifully haunting song. I'm going to pull it from that stream eventually and give it its own clip video.
I was sooo excited for you to listen to this song! You started and theeen i realised "wait, i can't focus on your reaction, i miss watching Crutch again, long time not seen". Going to Crutch and then comming back to you! ❤
I love this video, because it's so beautiful, and raw, and honest. But at the same time, it's a hard one for me. It takes me right back to the worst time of my illness, when I could barely move, everything hurt, and I didn't know what was wrong or if it would ever go away. He portrays that feeling so well in this video. I had a crutch. It was one of my sons. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him. And I was a crutch for another son who was badly injured in an accident with a semi truck when he was a teenager. Now, if you go back and listen to Penitence again, it supposedly is about their break up, though I don't think Ren has said that explicitly. You always have such thoughtful reactions. That's why your channel is one of my favorites. These are the two things Ren has written about this song: "This was shot with no budget at the end of a frickin ' freezing October, felt like I was going to get hypothermia lying on cold slate for a few hours, serious case of mind over matter but so happy with how it turned out 🙂 The song came about after a nervous breakdown following lots of visits to emergency room after some scary health problems with Lyme Disease. It's a song for anybody who has faced any kind of mental challenges, depression, anxiety, or health struggles while in a relationship and all the fears that come along for the ride with that. It is also a song for the courageous and wonderful people who support their other halves, family or friends during times of crisis 🙂 In whatever context I hope my music can help take some of the weight from anyone suffering and help people feel less alone. Would mean the world if you want to share this to support my music! Hope everybody finds peace and happiness in whatever situation they are in " "This song is probably my favorite from the first ever album I put out It's called crutch. Weeks before I wrote this I had come out of multiple visits to the emergency room, I didn't know I had lyme disease yet and thought I was loosing my mind. To be transparent I was really scared being this sick, frail, crazy person would make me unlovable. My girlfriend Bibi at the time had been witnessing some of the hardest things I went through, and I was really scared it would push her away. I wanted to write something which put my fears to music, and this song was the end result. We filmed this during a cold October, when I was very underweight, but I wanted the video to be exposing, not shying away from the parts of me that repulsed myself. I think thats whats really powerful about art, it doens't always have to be comfortable, and sometimes the things we think are really ugly, can be alchemised into something that contains beauty."
I had a crutch too.. hes also gone now that im ok.. As a girl that got diagnosed early in life w/ agreessive cancer and borderline experimented on, your rants are soothing 😊 your pov and this song hits hard and is connecting
Aiee - the whole chemo thing ... I was 6 rounds into dose dense/dose intense chemo when I said I wasn't doing it anymore. I get it. I'm lucky I had people in my life that stopped me from quitting...the right way. Which is hard, because the right way could be different for everyone. Anyway. 10 years down the road ... I have been the crutch for others. You are the first person who has understood that a crutch isn't intended as a long-term solution. Many crutches ... that's the answer. One crutch will eventually break. I adore Ren, but the way he wrapped himself around her makes me unable to breathe. He's taking her down with him, like a lifeguard with a drowning person. More people are needed to help those we love! Not just one. Not to abandon, but to make sure everyone stays as emotionally healthy as possible. This song breaks me. For him. For her. For me.
She was there long enough to get him on his feet and sturdy and then she's gone. His psychotic episodes took their toll on Bibi. She started his gofundme shortly after this video. The description of the video has a description of the mind set for this video. This is around the same time as Patience was shot. th-cam.com/video/284ugnS_ruQ/w-d-xo.html
This is a favorite that I rarely get to watch because it's so shocking. It can happen to everyone that they get into a situation and I don't have an answer for what to do. Do I have the courage to ask or give help?
@@RenNotRen I'm so sorry. In a way, being a crutch is just as mentally taxing. I haven't been in that situation, but I've read a lot about it. There's a lot of guilt that can build up in both characters. Along with the love, there's also self-hatred because I'm angry at the other person, but that's hard to accept. The reason this song is so hard for me is because I don't know myself in that situation, and I'm afraid that it'll turn out that I'm not a good person.
@@somogyieva Taxing for sure. Many people, when they are in constant pain, can throw anger in the direction of the 'crutch' and it can be hard to deal with.
There is something symbolic here that is often missed: she's there for him all the while he's at his lowest, struggling to drag himself off the ground. It's only after he started standing on his own that she disappears... Brothers, the song is called CRUTCH. When you can walk again, their job is done.
I'm going back through some of your previous drops that I've gravitated towards and I'm so glad I did on this one. Your words of wisdom have helped me communicate with my son over a situation that weighed on me like the heavens weighed on Atlas. I appreciate you so much and I am so glad you're here. As previously promised, I'm joining for more support. 💛🤘🤙✌️
I love this beautiful sad song. The camera work is superb. Fred Again Mashup is my favorite sad song of Ren’s. Thank you for talking about people not supporting you or even have empathy kills me. My life of pain sometimes feels so alone as family and friends say do more exercise, yoga, meditation etc.. I just want support and empathy and I am doing my best. I have been a crutch for people suffering. Thanks Bradley ❤
I’ve had a few of crutches that have gotten me through the worse times in my life. Physically and mentally. And though some of those people may not be there anymore, I am forever grateful for them and sympathetic for dealing with me through those times.
Yes, this video said everything. So thankful you had a crutch and that you’re here with us today. I know too many people who don’t allow themselves to have crutches. Wondering if that’s because of those dismissive people you spoke of who don’t know how to be supportive, or if it stems from some weird false pride kind of thing. Thank you for showing your vulnerability with these reactions. Ren has a way of making that happen even with the most stoic 😄🤘🤟
It's always cool to watch a reaction to something you've experienced many times and hear something new in terms of insights/different takes on it. Thanks for this!
This one hits me like a truck every time😢 also Do You Believe is awesome and you should definitely do that one at some point. Btw his upcoming album is going to be mostly singing and guitar, which we know you love 😊
I cried the whole time when I first saw it. I felt sorry for Ren for being in such physical and mental pain, I felt sorry for Bibi because I know how hard it is to give support in such a situation. I really like this song, but I rarely watch it because it really upsets me.😢
He does another one with Bibi Ahiohah (I can never get that right) that's also a lovely sound. Bibi and Ren did eventually split but it was mutual and years later. The last thing she did for him was to set up the kickstarter that got him to Canada the first time. I was once as thin as him in this MV, though not for the same reason. I nearly died (I should have died) and I had the opposite - I was surrounded by toxic people who actively sought harm for me. This song makes me burst into tears every time I watch it, but it is somehow helping me through that particular trauma.
Yes!! Beautiful reaction. I think this is one of those songs that can be felt from both sides, the pain is palpable for them both. Also, from one survivor to another, you are a badass! 🙏✌️
Great reaction ❤. Crutch is my favourite too, but also the one that broke me most. It’s not about me, it’s being heartbroken that he, or anyone, has to go through that, especially so young. I’m always the crutch, to the point it completely burnt me out a couple of years ago, but I fixed myself in the end. Had to put my own healing on hold to support my mum through cancer, but I got there. Dignity by the Big Push is the other one that breaks me
Bradley, I had a feeling that in regards to the emotional connectivity you would derive from this song, I would liken the intense situational relatability you'd find in Ren's 'Crutch' to that of PROF's 'Louisiana'... sometimes its harder than not to celebrate my propensity for always being right.
Hahaha I don't know why but I laughed at the last part. Hey, I don't know if you're ALWAYS right, but you're on your way. ;) But you're also spot-on with this assessment at least ha.
Saw a couple of your reacts but subbed after this, brilliant reaction. Easily in my top 4 for most impactful Ren songs. I did not catch the significance of him standing at the end, on my first watch. Just genius.
I believe this song was made before Ren was diagnosed. This song hits me every single time, any others songs I can handle it without crying at the moment but this one... Appreciate you Bradley❤ Edit: There is one more I can't handle it without crying , Fred Again Mash-up 😊
Oh wow. Digging deep enough into the archive that you found something I hadn’t actually encountered yet. Thank you for bringing its existence to my attention. ❤
The video to this song is so powerful, when I saw Slaughterhouse for the first time the scene with Ren on the pallet wrapped in plastic dressed and posed as he was instantly flipped my mind to Crutch (I think that was a deliberate reference on Ren's part)... That particular scene just gives me the feeling of how isolated and separated Ren can be from the world living in his private bubble of pain, I have constant pain issues and I know when my pain is really bad I cocoon myself from people so that i'm not burdening them with my problems, i've had people try to be a crutch for me and I just put a barrier between myself and them, I hated the feeling of guilt that I got for taking something away from their lives, I understand people do it because they care, I just always believed I was being selfish to rely on someone doing it for me.
I think my favourite Ren video is Money Game Pt 3... it probably just resonates with the challenges in my life right now (trying to raise a couple of young boys right). But this is right up there - so raw, so real. Thanks for sharing more of your story too man - you're another important piece of the rising tide!
It's easy to be vulnerable when yall give me the space to do so. You're very welcome. And ha, that's a kind thing to end the comment with. Thank you, man.
Great reaction, as always! I knew you had to listen to this one when you shared that you were thankful you had an ex who was there with you when you were going through chemo.
This is really, really cool of you to say. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this and that kind of support. Seriously. And of course, even if people can do this shit alone NO ONE should WANT to. I appreciated every second of it, and wish I had shown that appreciation more in retrospect.
I have been a Crutch to my ex boyfriend when we were together for 8 years he was diagnosed with MS we stayed together 9 more years after diagnosis. It was hard this song really makes me sob everytime. Luckily our separation led him to a more healthy lifestyle.
I never used to consider myself an empath until about a decade ago. Ever since then, I always try to lead with it and let the rest take care of itself. Appreciate you calling that out. You're very welcome.
My favorite Ren track only has an audio track and also comes off this album. "Pocket Full of Pain" is the best depiction of severe depression mixed with the light of hope that I have ever heard and is underappreciated by reactors
Another masterpiece by Ren. Showing is vulnerability like thisnis so brave. The last chorus he sang, I kept thinking of David Bowie, during his ziggy sta4dust period.. vocally. I loved this, but expected to
My understanding is that it was filmed why they were together; while she was his crutch. He is depicting his fear that he *may* loose her, not that he has. She did eventually leave, but that was later.
It was written & recorded in 2015 when his health was at its lowest point. He was painfully thin and had suffered some psychotic episodes. Bibi was his GF at the time and he was afraid that he was going to lose his mind, and also Bibi. He had still not been diagnosed with Lyme Disease and he expected to die. He knew he needed Bibi's support as his "crutch" but at the same time he didn't want her to witness his deterioration. It is a heart-breakingly beautiful song and it amazes me that he was able to create it when he was so very ill
I was a crutch twice. We found out my first husband was terminally ill when I was pregnant for our second child. We worked hard to get him to meet his daughter. She was 10 mos old when he passed. Then, 20 years later my 2nd husband was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I was at every doctor's appointment, chemo session, didn't leave his side. It's the only thing you can do when your best friend/partner is suffering. I wonder if I did enough, if they knew how much they meant to me and our families. The guilt of not having expressed love enough or kept the house spotless or taking time for myself sometimes haunts me but I have to remind myself that caring for a sick loved one is completely consuming. Give yourself a damn break. Anyway, yeah. Crutch hits close to home. Freckled Angels is too much for me though. I sob. And now, lately, Precious is doing the same to me. Ren just has a way of pulling at all the heartstrings.
Ren did this about 8-10 years ago, before he knew he had Lyme and was struggling. It's beautiful, haunting and he did this with no money, no budget... just sheer talent. In fairness, she got him on his feet.
There is a note pinned by Ren on the video that provides context rather than other people's interpretations. The pain in his voice in the rock wail always stops me cold. Thank you for this reaction
This is MY favourite. It is a work of art cinematically , incredibly vulnerable and it hits me in the feels every time.
Bibi was his real girlfriend and Ren was at his sickest. Bibi was indeed his crutch and just like a crutch, she got Ren to his feet after helping raise money to get him overseas, where he was finally diagnosed correctly with Lyme disease.
Yes yes yes EVERYTHING you said about telling people to "be better" medically!!! I stopped talking to many of my family because if it! People need to learn understanding and I'm so happy ren is making the conversations happen! SO HAPPY YOU'RE STILL WITH US
I'm happy I'm still here with yall too. :)
This is still one of my favorite Ren tunes. I was feeling you as you were sucked in. Penitence is a follow-up to this one and explains why his "crutch" disappeared. I love your insight. What lies behind the mask we all wear? Great reaction. 💛🤘🤙✌️
This video is my favorite, too. It cuts right to the heart. I feel it every time, like a wait sitting on my chest.
OMG, “weight.” Can’t believe I did that.🤦🏻♀️
It's absolutely raw and visceral pain showcased without any filter or apology. This is Ren's darkest moment in a video, and it hits like a hammerblow to your emotions.
What I heard also is that Bibi was the one who started a GoFundMe for Ren and that's what started his healing journey that ultimately changed/saved his life! Absolutely beautiful video and heart warming, tear jerker of a song!
That ending gets me so much, she helps ren as being a crutch, but left, it hurts me when saw that she wasn't there, that's deep shit right now, it just hurts seeing that. Ren has came a long way! Inspired so many.
She left him standing on his own two feet. That's my take-away
That's actually a very interesting takeaway.
I love this video. Ren has said that at the time, he was feeling very self-conscious about how much weight he had lost, and he was afraid that Bibi would leave him because of all his health problems, so he decided to just put it all out there for this one.
Much love brother. I'm so grateful that you were strong enough to still be here. ❤️
I really appreciate that, that's kind of you to say. I'm happy to be here, and will never stop fighting and thriving.
This is why Ren came across so visceral in this MV:💔
(THIS IS IN REN'S VERY OWN WORDS FROM THE DESCRIPTION SECTION "CRUTCH")
"This was shot with no budget at the end of a frickin ' freezing October, felt like I was going to get hypothermia lying on cold slate for a few hours, serious case of mind over matter but so happy with how it turned out :)
The song came about after a nervous breakdown following lots of visits to emergency room after some scary health problems. It's a song for anybody who has faced any kind of mental challenges, depression, anxiety, or health struggles while in a relationship and all the fears that come along for the ride with that. It is also a song for the courageous and wonderful people who support their other halves, family or friends during times of crisis :) In whatever context I hope my music can help take some of the weight from anyone suffering and help people feel less alone."
FYI - Bibi was Ren's actual girlfriend during that time & this song turned out to be very prophetic, because his health issues ended up being too much of a strain on their relationship. (Lyme Disease still wasn't diagnosed at the time this music video was made) 😥
Another great reaction bro, ✌🏾
Thank you for reacting to this! One of my absolute favourite songs by Ren. It’s a tough one. Even just seeing Ren so thin and vulnerable. But it’s also an artistic masterpiece that deserves more attention. This song is such a perfect expression of fear and agony in lyrics, vocals, music, and even the video. And never has guitar distortion sounded so emotional!
And yes, “do better”, when you’re trying your best, is a horrible thing to say ❤
There's a video that is not a song - he posted it prior to the premier of Hi Ren. It is him from the past when he was at the depths of hell and doing health blogs and was pretty sure he was going to die. It is heartbreaking, but if you ever want to see just how far he's dug himself out of the darkness, it is one of the most poignant, visceral testaments. The title is "Hi Ren' Premiers on YT on the 15th Dec".
Agree! That one hits the deepest of them all 🥺 thank all the things one can thank, that he made it through to keep fighting ❤
Oh, Hi Ren is how I got started. First Ren video on the channel. I would imagine it's how a lot of Ren fans got started on him. Haven't looked back since.
The raw vulnerability in this one is really confronting for those of us who have some familiarity with illness. It's one of my favourites too, because it's so honest. Doesn't glorify anything, on either side. It shows it was painful for both of them. Just so well depicted.
He is so brave in exposing himself and his vulnerability.
This song kills me. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. My crutch left 5 months ago after almost 35 years and I still love him and I'm trying to understand his side.
Oh this is such a powerful one! And it hits even more when you learn his story. 😔 I can imagine this wasn't an easy one emotionally for him to film. That part where he goes hard on the guitar is my favorite. Thank you for this!
Thank you Bradley… Ren touches us in a way that allows us to connect with pain… I’m really glad that you are here to tell your story… thank you for sharing yourself with us… 🫶🏻♥️🫶🏻
I'm glad as well, and happy we can all be here interacting with it together.
Superb reaction - helped a lot to understand and recalculate how to help people in my life by offering what they need not what I want to give!!
This is Baby Ren, and you can see and feel in his music and video how far hes come from where he was... Such a story arch.
I’m so glad you had someone that helped you get through such a traumatic time. I know just how hard it is to truly be there for someone so ill, in so much pain & feeling such despair. Looking into their eyes & desperately trying to take the pain from them & soak it into yourself, and knowing that you physically can’t do it, no matter how hard you try, how desperately want to, but you have to try, day after day. I’m so glad you beat the disease and are who you are today & who you will be in your future. We always think we’ll have more time, but all too often, we’re wrong. Watching REN manifest his pain in such a visceral way, is hard to watch & extraordinarily beautiful at the same time. Love to you from Annie, in Cornwall, UK🙂🌸
This was all really kind of you to say and I really appreciate that. It wasn't always easy for me to be strong, or even have someone help me, and it got even worse when I could feel my personality shifting. But..I suppose they say it all happens for a reason, so here I am. And there she is now. And I have to hope we are exactly where we are meant to be.
Have you seen Ren's 8 autobiographical Chapters, that he released in the lead up to dropping Troubles? He touches on various romantic relationships from his past. In particular, he talks about how his illness, and thoughts and emotions that flowed from it, impacted on various relationships, and the way he views himself.
I haven't yet, I plan on checking it out probably offline eventually and just being able to understand his psyche more.
This is such a beautiful song. It makes me cry every time. The end gives me goosebumps and tears every time.. we goosebumped at the same time❤
This song hits me particularly hard because I was my exhusband’s crutch when he had cancer. He was diagnosed a week after we got married- though we had been together almost a decade before marrying. It was 10 months of pure hell. Being his primary caregiver was one of the most isolating experiences of my life because our relationship was already not good. We shouldn’t have gotten married.
The cancer exacerbated everything that was already wrong with us. I’ve never experienced anguish like I did in that period of my life. The kind that has you on your knees and begging whatever exists out there to let this just end (not suicidal, just to be clear). I stayed with him until the tumor was removed and he was on his way to recovery. But I knew I had to get out because I was drowning.
I lost a lot of people I loved because of that decision. It shattered me. But as I put myself back together, I suddenly discovered so many more pieces of myself than what I’d originally lost. I was finally my true self again after a decade of diminishment.
I used to not be able to listen to this song because it brought me immediately back to all that pain. But now I have such an appreciation for it because it’s the perfect depiction of the deep painful complexity of the caregiver/afflicted dynamic and how devastating it can be
🫂
I'm sorry. Being a crutch is not easy either, there are many contradictory emotions that are difficult to process
Damn, I don't even want to say a lot of words to you. Just pretend I'm giving you a hug right now and I admire your strength and resolve.
Unfortunately I found this song a few months after my husband of 18 years passed. I cry every time I hear it! My husband, Chris, had an undiagnosed chronic illness and then, had scoliosis, and he was 6’3”, so you can imagine how hard that would be to become 5’11”! And the illness? I was his crutch, that’s what people say, but he was mine!
❤️ x
😥...so sorry.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. And you are so right, we never see the sick as a crutch, but their love is so important for those caring.
Big hugs and much love 🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤🫂❤
My condolences on your loss. 🫂
I am so sorry for your loss.😢
“Don’t give what you think someone needs” is the most true statement. Definitely about anyone suffering with illness, but in general also.
I always tell my children to imagine that a person who is suffering from anything is just vomiting over and over and over again. You wouldn’t tell them to stop because you know they can’t and it would be a destructively horrible thing to say. Just because you can’t see what is hurting a person doesn’t make it hurt them less.
Bless the life of the human who helped you when you needed it. We were all given a gift in those moments when she helped you make it through. She just had no idea that you would eventually end up here with us and who knows where else you’ll go in life! Ok I’m done ranting. You got me with this one 💙
That's a, while vivid, effective analogy ha. And spot-on. It always takes a physical "thing" for people to get it. Something about it being mental and stuck in your head makes it hard for people to quantify and relate to.
And aww, that's sweet of you to say. But you're right on. I always think about that Dr. Seuss book my 2nd grade teacher gave me. Oh, the Places You'll Go! I think about that all the time. Wherever my ex is, where I am now, I can only hope it's exactly where we are supposed to be and keep it pushing.
Thanks for your thoughts as always.
This is an important part of Ren’s journey. It’s heartbreakingly good.
Patience and Penitence are an absolute must too.
Thank you Brad. Really love your song C.H.E.M.O too. Much love 🫶🏻🇬🇧
I'm really happy to hear you liked the song. I put a lot of work into it, so I'm happy it's being received well.
It is an absolutely astonishing piece. Ren has no limit to his talent
Yes I recognise the crutch in my own life.
While I was still homeless and undiagnosed with autism, I was adopted by some kind people that helped me back into society so that I could gain access to the NHS and start getting my life together.
I owe them everything and am blessed by their love and patience.
Can't imagine the live(s) you've lived man, but I'm glad it brought you to a place of strength and right here where you belong.
I am so glad you had that support at the time you really needed it. So glad you beat that cancer. Sending you lots of love❤
So am I, no way I would've even WANTED to go through that alone. Really appreciate the love.
My second favourite is Penitence. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend highly. It’s not a part 2 to crutch, but does deal with a break up of a significant other due to the other person needing to protect themselves mentally after supporting the ill person for so long. It is BEAUTIFUL 🙌💜
He (finally) watched it during the 777 live stream 😁
I actually did finally watch it and it's a hilarious rant that goes with it, but it's a beautifully haunting song. I'm going to pull it from that stream eventually and give it its own clip video.
I was sooo excited for you to listen to this song! You started and theeen i realised "wait, i can't focus on your reaction, i miss watching Crutch again, long time not seen". Going to Crutch and then comming back to you! ❤
Haha okay go do that and come back. :)
I love this video, because it's so beautiful, and raw, and honest. But at the same time, it's a hard one for me. It takes me right back to the worst time of my illness, when I could barely move, everything hurt, and I didn't know what was wrong or if it would ever go away. He portrays that feeling so well in this video.
I had a crutch. It was one of my sons. I honestly don't know what I would have done without him. And I was a crutch for another son who was badly injured in an accident with a semi truck when he was a teenager.
Now, if you go back and listen to Penitence again, it supposedly is about their break up, though I don't think Ren has said that explicitly.
You always have such thoughtful reactions. That's why your channel is one of my favorites.
These are the two things Ren has written about this song:
"This was shot with no budget at the end of a frickin ' freezing October, felt like I was going to get hypothermia lying on cold slate for a few hours, serious case of mind over matter but so happy with how it turned out 🙂 The song came about after a nervous breakdown following lots of visits to emergency room after some scary health problems with Lyme Disease. It's a song for anybody who has faced any kind of mental challenges, depression, anxiety, or health struggles while in a relationship and all the fears that come along for the ride with that. It is also a song for the courageous and wonderful people who support their other halves, family or friends during times of crisis 🙂 In whatever context I hope my music can help take some of the weight from anyone suffering and help people feel less alone.
Would mean the world if you want to share this to support my music!
Hope everybody finds peace and happiness in whatever situation they are in "
"This song is probably my favorite from the first ever album I put out
It's called crutch.
Weeks before I wrote this I had come out of multiple visits to the emergency room, I didn't know I had lyme disease yet and thought I was loosing my mind. To be transparent I was really scared being this sick, frail, crazy person would make me unlovable. My girlfriend Bibi at the time had been witnessing some of the hardest things I went through, and I was really scared it would push her away. I wanted to write something which put my fears to music, and this song was the end result.
We filmed this during a cold October, when I was very underweight, but I wanted the video to be exposing, not shying away from the parts of me that repulsed myself. I think thats whats really powerful about art, it doens't always have to be comfortable, and sometimes the things we think are really ugly, can be alchemised into something that contains beauty."
I had a crutch too.. hes also gone now that im ok.. As a girl that got diagnosed early in life w/ agreessive cancer and borderline experimented on, your rants are soothing 😊 your pov and this song hits hard and is connecting
Aiee - the whole chemo thing ... I was 6 rounds into dose dense/dose intense chemo when I said I wasn't doing it anymore. I get it. I'm lucky I had people in my life that stopped me from quitting...the right way. Which is hard, because the right way could be different for everyone. Anyway. 10 years down the road ... I have been the crutch for others. You are the first person who has understood that a crutch isn't intended as a long-term solution. Many crutches ... that's the answer. One crutch will eventually break. I adore Ren, but the way he wrapped himself around her makes me unable to breathe. He's taking her down with him, like a lifeguard with a drowning person. More people are needed to help those we love! Not just one. Not to abandon, but to make sure everyone stays as emotionally healthy as possible. This song breaks me. For him. For her. For me.
This one breaks my heart every time x
I love this song. It makes me cry each time.
She was there long enough to get him on his feet and sturdy and then she's gone. His psychotic episodes took their toll on Bibi. She started his gofundme shortly after this video. The description of the video has a description of the mind set for this video. This is around the same time as Patience was shot. th-cam.com/video/284ugnS_ruQ/w-d-xo.html
11:34 Make me cry on this one again ❤😢 One of my all time favs.
This is a favorite that I rarely get to watch because it's so shocking. It can happen to everyone that they get into a situation and I don't have an answer for what to do. Do I have the courage to ask or give help?
@@somogyieva It's so relatable for me. I've been that crutch.
@@RenNotRen I'm so sorry. In a way, being a crutch is just as mentally taxing. I haven't been in that situation, but I've read a lot about it. There's a lot of guilt that can build up in both characters. Along with the love, there's also self-hatred because I'm angry at the other person, but that's hard to accept. The reason this song is so hard for me is because I don't know myself in that situation, and I'm afraid that it'll turn out that I'm not a good person.
@@somogyieva Taxing for sure. Many people, when they are in constant pain, can throw anger in the direction of the 'crutch' and it can be hard to deal with.
There is something symbolic here that is often missed: she's there for him all the while he's at his lowest, struggling to drag himself off the ground. It's only after he started standing on his own that she disappears...
Brothers, the song is called CRUTCH.
When you can walk again, their job is done.
I'm going back through some of your previous drops that I've gravitated towards and I'm so glad I did on this one. Your words of wisdom have helped me communicate with my son over a situation that weighed on me like the heavens weighed on Atlas. I appreciate you so much and I am so glad you're here. As previously promised, I'm joining for more support. 💛🤘🤙✌️
Bibi's the one who set up the go fund me for Ren that got him to the specialist that told him he had Lyme's
Wasn't sure how you were feeling about it at first. You paused and said you loved it, but I could see it when it hit that one scene. 💜
Yep, it was getting to me and then it clicked. Loved it.
I love this beautiful sad song. The camera work is superb. Fred Again Mashup is my favorite sad song of Ren’s. Thank you for talking about people not supporting you or even have empathy kills me. My life of pain sometimes feels so alone as family and friends say do more exercise, yoga, meditation etc.. I just want support and empathy and I am doing my best. I have been a crutch for people suffering. Thanks Bradley ❤
Thanks for your reaction. This
I think is one of Ren's most underrated song/video
I’ve had a few of crutches that have gotten me through the worse times in my life. Physically and mentally. And though some of those people may not be there anymore, I am forever grateful for them and sympathetic for dealing with me through those times.
Yes, this video said everything. So thankful you had a crutch and that you’re here with us today. I know too many people who don’t allow themselves to have crutches. Wondering if that’s because of those dismissive people you spoke of who don’t know how to be supportive, or if it stems from some weird false pride kind of thing. Thank you for showing your vulnerability with these reactions. Ren has a way of making that happen even with the most stoic 😄🤘🤟
You're very welcome, he pulls it out of me (especially with what I've gone through myself) so it makes it easy to. I'm glad you liked the video.
It's always cool to watch a reaction to something you've experienced many times and hear something new in terms of insights/different takes on it. Thanks for this!
Always happy to try to give unique perspective. You're very welcome, thank you for watching.
Thank you for your honesty and wisdom. Your strength and clarity is inspiring.
That's really nice of you to say, thank you for that.
Loved your exposition on the best way to support someone going through it - the way they need it, not the way people think you need it ❤
This one hits me like a truck every time😢 also Do You Believe is awesome and you should definitely do that one at some point. Btw his upcoming album is going to be mostly singing and guitar, which we know you love 😊
Do You Believe is one of my faves. SO good.
@@toria-j That one and hold on have been on repeat lately
@@farfromheaven29 yeah, I need it too. hugs. x
At least we're still alive so that counts as a victory 😊
I so agree. Crutch is a masterpiece.👍💕🦇
I cried the whole time when I first saw it. I felt sorry for Ren for being in such physical and mental pain, I felt sorry for Bibi because I know how hard it is to give support in such a situation. I really like this song, but I rarely watch it because it really upsets me.😢
He does another one with Bibi Ahiohah (I can never get that right) that's also a lovely sound. Bibi and Ren did eventually split but it was mutual and years later. The last thing she did for him was to set up the kickstarter that got him to Canada the first time.
I was once as thin as him in this MV, though not for the same reason. I nearly died (I should have died) and I had the opposite - I was surrounded by toxic people who actively sought harm for me. This song makes me burst into tears every time I watch it, but it is somehow helping me through that particular trauma.
thank you 🖤 so glad you finally got to reacting to Crutch. this might be one of my fav Ren tracks. very NIN-ish 🤘
My favorite video by Ren too.
Yes!! Beautiful reaction. I think this is one of those songs that can be felt from both sides, the pain is palpable for them both. Also, from one survivor to another, you are a badass! 🙏✌️
Great reaction ❤. Crutch is my favourite too, but also the one that broke me most. It’s not about me, it’s being heartbroken that he, or anyone, has to go through that, especially so young. I’m always the crutch, to the point it completely burnt me out a couple of years ago, but I fixed myself in the end. Had to put my own healing on hold to support my mum through cancer, but I got there.
Dignity by the Big Push is the other one that breaks me
Bradley, I had a feeling that in regards to the emotional connectivity you would derive from this song, I would liken the intense situational relatability you'd find in Ren's 'Crutch' to that of PROF's 'Louisiana'... sometimes its harder than not to celebrate my propensity for always being right.
Hahaha I don't know why but I laughed at the last part. Hey, I don't know if you're ALWAYS right, but you're on your way. ;) But you're also spot-on with this assessment at least ha.
Saw a couple of your reacts but subbed after this, brilliant reaction.
Easily in my top 4 for most impactful Ren songs. I did not catch the significance of him standing at the end, on my first watch. Just genius.
Really appreciate I could earn your sub. :) And yeah, that was a really cool visual. Haunting.
I believe this song was made before Ren was diagnosed.
This song hits me every single time, any others songs I can handle it without crying at the moment but this one...
Appreciate you Bradley❤
Edit: There is one more I can't handle it without crying , Fred Again Mash-up 😊
Loved this! You are such an insightful young man! What a great rant!❤️🔥✌🏻🫶🏻
That's kind of you to say, thank you. And haha, people love my little rants. So do I, I'll admit. ;)
Oh wow. Digging deep enough into the archive that you found something I hadn’t actually encountered yet. Thank you for bringing its existence to my attention. ❤
Look at me, my young Ren fan ass even finding the gems ha. Glad you liked it, you're very welcome.
The video to this song is so powerful, when I saw Slaughterhouse for the first time the scene with Ren on the pallet wrapped in plastic dressed and posed as he was instantly flipped my mind to Crutch (I think that was a deliberate reference on Ren's part)...
That particular scene just gives me the feeling of how isolated and separated Ren can be from the world living in his private bubble of pain, I have constant pain issues and I know when my pain is really bad I cocoon myself from people so that i'm not burdening them with my problems, i've had people try to be a crutch for me and I just put a barrier between myself and them, I hated the feeling of guilt that I got for taking something away from their lives, I understand people do it because they care, I just always believed I was being selfish to rely on someone doing it for me.
I think my favourite Ren video is Money Game Pt 3... it probably just resonates with the challenges in my life right now (trying to raise a couple of young boys right). But this is right up there - so raw, so real. Thanks for sharing more of your story too man - you're another important piece of the rising tide!
It's easy to be vulnerable when yall give me the space to do so. You're very welcome. And ha, that's a kind thing to end the comment with. Thank you, man.
So glad you finally did this. I consider this my favorite video from Ren. It’s so beautifully painful.
My first watch of this one.
I feel like I just got punched in the brain again.
Maybe it's the life I've led but damn he keeps making my face leak.
This is one of my favourite commentaries you've made about a Ren song
Oh yeah? Haha I'm happy to hear that. Probably because it hit a bit close to home.
Great reaction, as always! I knew you had to listen to this one when you shared that you were thankful you had an ex who was there with you when you were going through chemo.
This is really, really cool of you to say. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this and that kind of support. Seriously. And of course, even if people can do this shit alone NO ONE should WANT to. I appreciated every second of it, and wish I had shown that appreciation more in retrospect.
Lovely reaction. My wife was my crutch for years and following a serious accident, I'm now her crutch, a perfect arrangement. Keep strong.
I have been a Crutch to my ex boyfriend when we were together for 8 years he was diagnosed with MS we stayed together 9 more years after diagnosis. It was hard this song really makes me sob everytime. Luckily our separation led him to a more healthy lifestyle.
I hope the separation wasn't too negative for either of you, but at least it's nice to hear people are healthier in the aftermath.
@TheBlackSpeed yeah it was rough for a bit but we are good friends now.
Yes. My wife and I are a classic example of codependency.
I’m glad you had the support when you needed it. I’m happy that you are here. Hugs. Peace.
❤ so happy you are here, man. I love your channel. Thank you for sharing your story. All the love man
I appreciate your support and glad you like it here. You're very welcome.
The 2 yr anniversary of Hi Ren is here or just passed folks. Gosh.,.
How time flies
I believe Bibi also features on another song of Rens 'It's alright'. She was his girlfriend at the time. Hauntingly beautiful.
Beautiful song, beautiful video, great reaction ❤
Yeah. Glad you finally did this one. Love this song. So emotional.❤❤❤
I am so glad you reacted to this!
I have so much respect for u for telling your story
I really appreciate that. Always happy to earn the respect through sincerity.
This is as raw as raw can get. It feels so wrong loving a song when he was at his worse. But it shows his journey. 😞♥️🇨🇦
Damn clever atmospheric video......just a glimpse of the creativity to come
It feels to me like you are one of the very rare empaths, as part and parcel of the great awakening. Love your reaction and analysis. Thanks mate.
I never used to consider myself an empath until about a decade ago. Ever since then, I always try to lead with it and let the rest take care of itself. Appreciate you calling that out. You're very welcome.
An outstanding song, and the raw emotional vocals towards the end remind me of the Pixies. Ren's range and styles never cease to amaze me.
Much love from the UK bro! 🧡
Out of all of RENs emotional songs, this one hits me the hardest!
fantastic reaction mate. beautiful song and reaction ❤
Hell Yeah brother, this is a differnet angle on Ren. I love it and am here for it !
This song and video give me such big 2022 "The Batman" movie vibes.
Could totally see this being on that movie's sequel soundtrack.
Big love to you 🤗 I believe this is his most intimate most Raw piece of Art .. It's beautiful 👌❤️
My favorite Ren track only has an audio track and also comes off this album. "Pocket Full of Pain" is the best depiction of severe depression mixed with the light of hope that I have ever heard and is underappreciated by reactors
Another masterpiece by Ren. Showing is vulnerability like thisnis so brave. The last chorus he sang, I kept thinking of David Bowie, during his ziggy sta4dust period.. vocally. I loved this, but expected to
One of my favourites Thank you ❤❤
He was 25 years old and thought he wss going to die. I think Bibi came back to help him film this.
My understanding is that it was filmed why they were together; while she was his crutch. He is depicting his fear that he *may* loose her, not that he has.
She did eventually leave, but that was later.
@ancltube not at all sure about the timing..so thanks
My 3rd fav Ren song...time to cry 😂😢❤
Great reaction. Thanks for sharing your personal experience.
beautiful honest and raw reaction 🥀🖤🌹
this is Ren's favorite track
as he confessed in a live stream