Paul scheduling sex every other day paired with Morgan saying she doesn’t feel comfortable expressing what she wants sexually for fear of hurting his feelings …. It’s a big yikes for me
It doesn't line up with them taking such a position of authority on having a healthy sex life - they seem to communicate like repressed newlyweds with very inflexible gendered roles, despite having opportunities to talk about their preferences every other day.
And him being like 'People who don't have sex 4 times a week are LAZY pieces of shit.' Seemed like maybe a passive agressive dig at her for not wanting to do it as often as he does Like considering she's probably the one doing the majority of cooking, cleaning and household errands like she's probably fucking tired and would rather take a nap than have her labia sandpapered for Pauls 'foreplay'
frequent sex doesn't mean it's good sex. Having a lot of sex with your partner doesn't mean you have a healthy or good sex life. I literally can not with this couple.
Paul seems like a quantity over quality type of guy (or he can't tell the difference), which makes for selfish/crappy lovers, and thats just tragic. Theres no reason sex shouldn't be consistently satisfying if you have a healthy and balanced perspective of it
@@elleofhearts8471 I guarantee you what's going on here is he's not allowed to masturbate so he has to have sex every time he wants to get off even if she's not interested
I feel bad for Morgan. When she was describing just wanting her back scratched and needing to justify not wanting to be touched anywhere else during the time just made me sad.
@@ApequH That's the first sign of suicidal ideation. I really hope she gets out of that marriage. A lot of women who got out of abusive fundamentalist Christian marriages often end up leaving their church, going to a progressive church or leaving religion altogether because of they way they are treated. I could never stay in a church where my boyfriend was. At first it was because I didn't want to see him but I would have been given a hard time by other people in the church. I would have seen him start a new relationship immediately on the rebound or with someone who had been waiting in the wings while at the same time would be told that God didn't want me to have a new partner, not just in the immediate future but ever.
I had a boyfriend a few years back who would grab my ass or chest whenever I was standing around our house, even when my children were in the next room over with a clear line of sight. He even tried to pull a trump and grab me on the 😾 a few times with no provocation. Obviously that relationship ended, but before it did my sex drive was legit non existent when normally I'm a very sexual person. The more he would do that, the more my body physically shut down toward him. After we broke up it took me nearly a year to even get back into "self care" if you know what I mean. It fucked me up for a long time.
Their conversations about sex and their sex schedule is all about making sure that Paul's needs are met. They don't focus nearly as much on meeting Morgan's romantic needs. The poor girl needs a card game to explain that she just wants a back rub. Where's the conversation about scheduling sex-free intimacy every other day? Even just one date night a week that doesn't have sex attached as an expectation would do wonders.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I literally grew up like this and was convinced by the age of 9 that I didn’t ever want to get married. I find a good guy when I was ready, but he isn’t Christian and I’m not either really😂
5 years into marriage and this man just learned what foreplay is 😅 I want to laugh but the fact that this is reality for so many people is just so sad.
36:07 Yes! Is like this guy _just_ discovered that women may need more stimulation and building up and he thinks he made such a magical discovery. And this makes sense since she said at the beginning that she doesn't feel comfortable telling him when she doesn't like something because doesn't want to hurt his feelings. They are exposing all their dirty laundry and are not even aware of it.
She must be in so much pain having sex every other day without any foreplay. Scheduling sex (that will be bad and hurt) is the least sexy thing I can imagine too so I'd be drier than the sahara going in.
It's funny bc as a Christian, I'm certain the Bible book Song of Songs is about 2 young unmarried lovers who are crazy about each other & go down on each other orally. So if you've finished the Bible, you've read erotica before.
they always come off to me as "popular"/"alpha" couple in high school with the same maturity level. Fundamentalist Christianity does tend to keep people immature to keep them "under control".
I know we **shouldnt** speculate abt their relationship, but as someone who has survived SA, hearing Morgan say she’s uncomfortable abt expressing her sexuality for fear of hurting his feelings made me really sad.
Morgan should read a secular sex manual for ideas. Then speak up. It can be in a positive way not negative way such as "You never do this for me. You are selfish." I come from a country of very selfish lovers (both evangelical Christian and non religious) which is why I'm celibate and even when in a relationship the bad memories put me off for life. I was told I was subected to this because I didn't relax but I was in situations which made me feel unrelaxed. I was even an ace for a few years with no feeling below the waist because of it. A lot of it has to do with single sex education. It's a hook up culture with people getting blind drunk beforehand and fumbling like teenagers and I don't just mean a few glasses of wine or pints of beer but drinking all day if they haven't worked that day, drinking from the minute they leave work and mixing types of drinks. It's even worse now with even teenage girls expected to put up with anal sex and choking. One friend said to me that her ex said to her "You could have given me a f'ing blow job" after they had sex. Well it was too late to say that. He could have nicely asked for that at the time. No wonder she was no longer with him. It's often damned if you do and damned if you don't. If the woman gives the man what he wants then she's a slut and if she only wants vanilla sex then she's a prude. I wonder if most of these men are really gay and would be better off having sex with another man than abusing women. They even have to have a few alcoholic drinks inside them before they can have sex with their wives. Bisexual men have sex with men in a very different way from when they have sex with women.
There are many people that deserve their privacy IF they aren't putting their relationship at the forefront on their public social media accounts or there are innocent victims involved (like children in a custody battle). Paul and Morgan are spreading lies and misinformation and having their followers speculate "it works for them, so it will probably work for me". As long as people aren't speaking in absolutes, spreading lies and rumors, *and/or bullying the creator, people should be able to speculate and learn something from their videos.
As an ex-Christian, the thing that really annoys me is how much sex IS talked about in church/Christian circles, & yet everyone wants to say how "taboo" it is or how it's never really talked about. As a teen/young adult we're told to not even think about sex or look into anything about it because it will lead to sin, & yet that's all married Christian couples want to talk about (especially newly married couples). Pastors always think they're doing something ground-breaking when they preach a sermon about sex, yet it's always the same, non-helpful information. And they always warn parents not to have their kids in the service on those days because they'll be talking about the "S-word". Sex is just some mystical, secretive thing to younger people in the church, & then when you get married, BAM you're supposed to know how to do everything and (from my perspective as a woman growing up in that culture) be ready & willing to give it up to your husband whenever he wants. For as much as they DO talk about sex, you think they could make some of it actually beneficial...
I feel like Evangelicals are OBSESSED with young sex. Trying to control sexual thought, control sexual behavior... It's obsessive and unhealthy. Mind your own parts.
Oh Hell yeah!! I remember a lot of that dancing-around-topic energy when it came to Sex and Intimacy sermons growing up and I can’t remember any good advice coming from them either
I highly recommend Unitarian Universalitsts' Our Whole Lives curriculum, where kids are taught in age-appropriate, non-judgmental ways about choice, respect, and consent.
This. It felt like everything revolved around sex and how important it was not to have it until you were married, and then you were supposed to get married and be "joyfully available" (BARF)
The major vibe I’m getting here is that morgan has been being made very uncomfortable for years for pauls sexual gratification cuz he thinks it’s her duty to please him and he’s just now becoming interested in caring about how she feels during sex and now they’re experts and the model couple. Makes me sad honestly
I can't see that marriage lasting. I think Morgan will go deeper into depression to the point where she might be hospitalised or be self harming or she might start standing up for herself and then he will get angry with her. She will then have to leave him when he gets physically violent which often follows emotional abuse. He's already playing the Jailer, the Sex Abuser and the King of the Castle in the Duluth model.
I get the vibe that Paul is the type to not take a simple 'no' with a lot of grace and I get not wanting to hurt your partner's feelings but Morgan seems so apprehensive to directly communicate what she's feeling.
Honestly, I wonder if she ever wishes she didn’t get married so young. I don’t know her, but she doesn’t seem to be at her full potential within this relationship.
I grew up in a similar Christian environment, and any show that had sex in it, any book with a sex scene, exploring my sexuality, googling questions about it even were strongly, strongly discouraged and shamed by my family. I have a hard time communicating my feelings with my partner now because of the shame culture and my family making sex a moral issue and something that should only happen between a husband and wife. I try to communicate better, but I’m still not very good at it because a lot of the natural feelings I had were shamed. I feel like I’m a bad person sometimes for allowing my partner to even touch me in some ways without having sex. So I feel for Morgan. I was also taught growing up that all men want from women is sex and that I should protect my virginity like my life depends on it. I was taught that a man’s needs are more important than my own. I feel bad for even thinking about sex sometimes, so it feels wrong to talk to my partner about it. Good communication about intimacy is really hard for me, and I’m trying to improve it.
@@kelci9452 She had such potential to do other things. She vomited when giving her vows. That's a bad sign. She should have called off the wedding there and then.
@@lemsip207 omg what. I'm terribly sorry but it could not be more obvious that this is a disastrous marriage and the fact that a kid is now involved? Morgan run.
They just did a video earlier this week "what I wish I had known about sex" and it is so bad. Paul apparently gets very "emotional" when he doesn't get the sex he's expecting.
I just went and watched it and am now regretting my life choices. Basically he is even now upset at her for him not being able to handle his feelings of disappointment and rejection when it comes to not getting the sex he feels is owed to him and is giving people the advice to just go ahead and have sex anyways so the other partner doesn’t have to deal with those feelings! And Morgan is absolutely not on the same page as him in that part of the conversation. It’s just so cringy to watch 😬
And I felt so bad for her when she's like "we have a great sex life" and he says "I hesitate to use words like "great" " Like omg. As a woman, I died inside, for her
Plus, propping up one's partner by hyping up how good sex is seems like a normal strategy women would use to try to soothe a man's ego - and it'd be more generous than what Paul said to be like, "well, I'm glad YOU think so," as if thinking it's *kind* to validate the assertion a woman is giving about her satisfaction... giving the impression that he cares that she's satisfied while also receiving the message that he doesn't have to try more, which is great for him bc he probably didn't want to put that work in. All the while, it's a "little white lie" (/s) that keeps power out of the hands of the female partner to advocate for herself, her pleasure, her comfort, & her safety. Ugh. Oof.
Please review their video "what we wish we knew about sex" it's very disturbing. Paul exposes himself as being a marital rapist and we watch in real time him emotionally manipulate/ abuse her just bc she didn't put out on their scheduled sex day bc they had just gotten into an argument. Disgusting and disturbing and so sad for Morgan.
That’s horrible. I don’t watch their content but watching this reaction video alone I got that gross feeling that this is what’s going on. She seems very uncomfortable and hesitant to talk and he takes up so much space in a controlling way.
Exactly! If this is the kind of stuff he’s willing to admit on camera to the world, imagine all the stuff they don’t talk about because they know its bad. I truly hope one day Morgan wakes up and find the strength to leave. If a kind God does exist out there he wouldn’t want her trapped like that.
It was quite simple, when I was in a fundie cult in the early 70s. First, if your wife couldn’t have orgasms, it was because she’d had sex before marriage, so it was her fault, because of her impurity. My ex called me a whore, because I’d had sex once, with a man I wanted to marry, before i married him. He would tell people that, if he hadn’t married me, I’d be a whore. The other creepy aspect of this was that women were supposed to have sex with our husbands at least every 48 hours, so that they wouldn’t be attracted to other women, and also, to get pregnant sooner. It was sexual assault and character assassination as a way of life. I didn’t care for it much.
I feel like Morgan definitely knew. She’s had a previous long term sexual relationship before Paul. She probably just couldn’t tell him anything bc he’d get his feeling shirt over being bad at sex…for five whole years…
When Morgan was like “To each their own. Your sex life is your sex life.” I was half expecting her to say after “So long as sex is only one man, one woman like God intended.” Because for people that claim they don’t care about others having sex, they’re always so concerned about non heterosexual non reproductive sex
It's like The Handmaid's Tale where sex is for procreation only, people who find out they are infertile stop having sex and gay people are punished for gender treachery. Only infertile commanders' wives hire handmaidens to reproduce for them and it often turns out that it's the commander who is infertile not her.
You can give advice but still not want to control others, right? The therapist in the vidro saying it’s better to explore sexuality before relationships doesn’t feel right to me as someone who hates having casual sex but I can understand she wouldn’t actually be controlling my sex life and is just saying what she thinks is best.
@@galaxychar I believe you are misunderstanding Op… They are not saying that giving advice on sex means a person is controlling of other peoples sex lives… The “people” they are referring to are Paul & Morgan. Because p&m (and others like them) say and believe that gay people shouldn’t have sex with each other. Seems pretty damn controlling of others sex lives…..
@@galaxychar it’s the hypocrisy of Morgan saying “to each their own; your sex life is your sex life” but then shaming people for being LGBTQ+ or for having sex outside of marriage or for having more than one sexual partner over their lifetimes
@@michiganscythian2445 Just because you share your opinion on the matter and what you belief works for you and is right, does not mean you want to control other peoples sex lives. People give out their ideas and advice all the time, I get that it can feel annoying and shameful even when it is rejecting your lifestyle, but it is not meant to control. This is why I think she clarified she does not mean to control”to each their own”. I feel like you are misrepresenting what she said and wrongfully calling her hypocritical, despite me not being exactly a fan of more than half of the stuff these people(morgan & paul) are saying.
I am NOT defending them by any means, but thats the least red flag there, I think it's normal to have a better sex life with time because partners get to know each other better with time.
It sounded like they were saying Paul only started to learn how to slow down very recently because they started using an app that told him to slow down. After being married for five years. I knew they were bad, but not this bad. Wow.
I am scared for Morgan, she seems so just exhausted. Talking about just wanting to be touched with affection rather than sexually (in reference to "back scratchies") but not being able to fully express herself. They do not express any affection between them, it's like every aspect of their relationship is for duty, for show.
For real. Then hearing immediately after about how they have sex every other day, but he’s just learning how to do foreplay and she had to ask for back scratchies instead of a sexual massage? So sad ;(
My parents got married within months of knowing each other and their relationship is toxic but will not get divorced because they are these kind of christians. When I opened up to my Mom about being ace (without labeling it because I am fearful of actually sharing 100 percent with her) she said "Oh you get that from me." My Mom is literally forcing herself to have sex because she thinks she has to in her marriage.. I don't know if she is actually ace too or she just never learned how to have healthy sex in a damaging controlling religious marriage.. It is horrifying to know that has been going on for 30 years and that other couples of similar religious backgrounds are stuck in abusive marriages.
Wow, that is so sad! Must be a very bad feeling for you as their child as well when you think about how you came to be while your mom was potentially not comfortable with it. I’m sorry!
@@Froggele I appreciate your sympathies. She always wanted children so I know she would not regret participating for that specific purpose, but it does bother me that she has let herself be controlled in that way when I know exactly how that feels in my own past relationships. It was a difficult family to be apart of considering they put their specific brand of religion as the most important thing and believed that was enough to parent us without actually parenting us. There is a lot I have had to and still have to deconstruct as an adult.
I'm ace too and my parents are similar to this, I also tried to talk to my mom about it but she just saw it as me being too young and naive. And probably something that will change when I meet the 'right' person (man)
I love that Mickey brought up the ownership over your partners body issue. When I was a young Christian (actively trying to ignore the fact that I'm a queer asexual) I was dating a guy who (sorta) agreed to wait until we got married. He pushed my boundaries a lot and forced me to do a lot of things I didn't want to do, but we were talking about being married and I casually asked how he would feel about not having sex on our wedding night (it's a long stressful day, and the closer we got to that day the more it scared me). His response was "you'll be lucky if we make it off the plane". I was horrified, scared, and felt like my autonomy was being ripped from me. It's a really scary world to be in, and Mickey is right it perpetuates trauma and consent issues
I’m so glad you are away from this person and not married. Being ace in a marriage with a partner that has internalized Christian gender roles sounds like a horror story. My ex ‘hated’ the church but still had these damaging attitudes about sex and intimacy. It was not good. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the systemic objectification of women and their bodies is a huge issue in the US right now. Abusive institutions need to face consequences.
I find it insane how Paul and Morgan, a currently childless couple, are prescribing a number of times per week a couple should have sex without taking into account how busy people’s lives are. Such frequent sex isn’t easy when the baby is screaming and the toddler is crying.
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and don't have kids, we are still lucky if we do something once a week and it's usually more like every other week. We still have a better relationship
This!! Plus, you’re frickin tired and you know what, after having kids, sometimes you don’t feel as good about your body anymore and that kills your sex drive.
These young people don't even seem like they like each other, it's so sad. The fact that they are giving "relationship/sex advice" is disturbing when they act like they dont want to touch each other at all. That first high five was soooo painful.
Right? They have the same awkward vibes of people who just started dating and aren't sure the other person even likes them yet. And it sounds like it took 5 years for him to know that women like/need foreplay? At least from where I was sat, it seemed he only heard about it in the last couple of months. And now he feels compelled to share the magical information. It really gives it the air of an excited guy running up to his buddies and going, "guys, guys...I _just_ learnt this new piece of information about women after 5 years of marriage....it's called foreplay. Did you _know_ you can take it slower and _do stuff_ that makes it enjoyable rather than just a a quick in-out wham bam thank you ma'am before she's even ready? Did you know that it's possible to even do that?? I just found out and now she actually enjoys sex, it's miraculous."
@@rubylight4019 They could start with the BARE MINIMUM, which would be looking like they aren't super awkward to the point of almost disliking each other. If they can get that far then we can talk things they can do to make it look like they like each other at least a little.
The massage question card should have read "If I plan to surprise you with a massage, would you prefer it lead to sex or not lead to sex?" Because I personally would rather not get a massage if it's one of those things that once you get bored, I'm going to have to perform. That doesn't allow me to truly relax. (N.B. I would probably be turned on & initiate sex after a good massage from my partner anyway. I just want to know that it is not an expectation. Too many bad experiences with pouty/angry/violent men.)
Yesssss I’ve experienced men trying to offer me a massage except it clearly it was meant to lead into sex. Which makes it uncomfortable and not an enjoyable massage.
Also what if you don’t want a massage that night? Or what if you don’t like massages? It’s not clear how consent figures into the whole surprise massage thing.
I feel the same way. Having someone do something nice for/to me only to expect that it leads to s* just ruins the whole nice gesture to begin with. A good massage will probably work anyways, just don't expect anything in return if you don't ask for anything in return to begin with
As someone who identifies as aro/ace, just... this makes me so glad that even growing up in Texas with two sets of parents taking me to church at one point- yes, divorced parents taking me to two different church services one after the other ON THE SAME DAY- I never felt connected to religion. Dodged a lot of shit. I can't imagine what it would have been like to marry a Paul and go from a happily celibate unacknowledged/unrealized ace to someone expecting intercourse from me every. Other. Day.
i feel this so hard as someone also under the ace umbrella. my parents are technically atheist but our social sphere (the racialized white, middle class, 'my kids are just my accessories' crowd) is still STEEPED in christian values like this without anyone actually outright labeling them as Christian Values, and even growing up with just that was pretty nerve wracking. i feel really lucky that ive gotten a more comprehensive sex ed that included consent and discovery of boundaries/drive/ect, especially in my teenage years when quality sex ed gets REALLY critical 😨
I'm aro/ace too and sometimes i think about how (even though I wasn't aware of it) being aspec shielded me from so many things that could have harmed me growing up.
Ace here that married a fundamentalist, divorced and is deconstructing. Celibacy was dope. Then I took on the role of wife like the way a soldier goes to war. Or like nurse goes to work in an ER. This job sucks but it should be rewarding in the end. Letting God keep me strong thru it. I do not recommend. It was traumatic. I got taken advantage of. There were situations where years later I described to my therapist and they were like “ honey…. That’s R*pe” . It fucking sucks.
Hello, fellow A! I am both ace and aro, and I find there are too few of us out here! I feel the same way, I shudder at the very idea of those marriage expectations and I am glad I got out of it when I could. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I was lucky to have grown up with normal sex ed and healthy behaviors, but as soon as I married my evangelical ex-husband it was expected to act this way and have sex no matter what because he wanted it and was the "Head" etc.... It IS abusive and horribly toxic, from a personal perspective, and that abuse and toxicity is encouraged and supported by the churches and their leaders. Divorced him after 4 years, but it was awful living in that culture.
So even if you are given a healthy view of sex you are expected to unlearn all that to learn about their medieval ways of having sex. Likewise I was taught about evolution at school but was expected to unlearn that and learn about the creation myth. Because I know better I wasn't brainwashed for long.
I seriously feel for the women and men who end up frightened and traumatized by their (lack of) sexual education and are expected to become sexual beings once they tie the knot. If their partner is open to immediate sexual activity like Paul, what happens to them?
they usually think thats it expected of them and do it even if they not enjoy it sadly. Morgan said in her video before they made some sort of shedule or agreement on how many days they are having sex in a week or something. Morgan overall alot of times voiced shes not a "sexual" person and in healthy realationship different sex drives should be openly discussed or some people dont like sex and thats also okay. Alot of ex mormons that even love each other do marriage/sex therapy bc intamicy is so shamed upon their religion and everything they have alot of trauma to go through. Its really sad
That happened to a friend of mine. I grew up in a super religious household. It was really tough on her to be told absolutely not one moment and then be expected to have sex more than once a week. It nearly destroyed her marriage and now she’s very vocally against this harmful teaching
@@TipTheScales27 yeah the documentary "Keep sweet and obey" on Netflix also covered that. It must be really traumatizing being told something is sinful and not to be spoken of and then being expected to be doing it right away after the wedding and then also regularly maybe with someone you didn't even get to bond really before because of the purity culture Completley disregarding that sex should be fun and enjoying for both parties but I don't think most men in these spaces care about that it is for procreation solely those poor women
Not even 3min in but had a realisation. This kind of content (intimacy advice from "Christians") is exactly what I would have been interested in 10 years ago. Why? Because this stuff IS NOT TALKED ABOUT when growing up Christian. 15-20 year Olds were craving this kind of advice because no one wanted to talk about it. If you aren't having sex until you're married, why would we teach you anything extra other than the basic mechanics in the school curriculum and "don't do it!" The whole culture, fundamentalist or not (since it wasn't difficult for it to sneak it's way in), is set up for this exact content to be "relevant" or "relatable" in such a predatory way 😬
It was only just recently that a friend of mine taught me about OB services and why I need to see one even though I'm not having sex. Christians leave their young people woefully unprepared for the real world
Yeah. I do think that a lot of the insular way fundies operate in regards to restrictions & building "relatable" content is for the purpose of framing an illusion of being a culture of having variety & benefits while attempting to keep people from being too curious or from wandering outside the bubble.
@Catarina Vergueiro thank you 🥺 I've gotten more help from friends and people like you than I ever did from my parents. I'll add that to the list of things to bring up
What's odd to me is how giggly they are talking about sex. Sounds like they are 12. They are so uncomfortable talking about sex. It might be embarrassing to talk specific body parts, but they are talking massages, etc. BTW, don't giggle about sex, but I giggle thru watching Mickey's face. :D
@@bigsiskrishere Yes, I feel there is likely no actual consent on this whole thing. Paul says what he wants, and she agrees, not because she is genuinely submissive, but because she is EXPECTED to be submissive.
I think it’s so funny that Paul was like “we have a good sex life so we can tell people what to do” when the only way that Morgan was able to express that she was uncomfortable and wanted different things from him was literally to call him out on a video that’s on the internet. Like this feels like a conversation they should have in private and haven’t.
Is it just me or do they seem so uncomfortable to be around each other? It’s like they are trying really hard to seem like the perfect couple it comes off so cringe
I'm not sure if this is my sexual trauma talking or if it's just a normal experience for some folks, but I definitely struggle for asking for what I want from my partner. As a teen, I absorbed that idea that I must please men and, as an adult, I was in an abusive relationship where my needs were only listened to if it was going to please my partner. My current partner is great and I've made a lot of progress, but I'll still see a tiger when there isn't one.
@LaurenAnne, I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. I am a Sex and Intimacy Coach, and in answer to your query at the beginning: what you describe about being taught to please men is overwhelmingly common amongst those of us brought up as little girls. And yes, it affects how we act in the bedroom. Your history of sexual trauma is likely compounding the issue. Among my cis-female clients, not knowing how to ask for what they want is absolutely the NUMBER ONE issue. And it makes sense - as little girls society taught us that our value was in how we looked and how well we took care of others. Many of us learned that making requests was a bad thing, and for some it might result in emotional, mental, or physical repercussions. And on the other side, little boys are taught to never ask questions because it makes them weak. Then they send us to high school and we study history and math, but who ever gets a class in effective communication? So we get into a sexual situation where one partner doesn't know how to ask for what she wants and one partner doesn't know how to ask for guidance, and it's a recipe for disaster! (This can happen in a couple of any gender combination, but I'm taking from your comment that you're in a heterosexual couple.). This dynamic comes up a lot on my podcast "Good Girls Talk About Sex" and it might be helpful to hear other women talking about how they handle it - both to know that you're not alone, and to get ideas for what might work for you. 💜
That’s my experience too really. Now being on my own and involved with a woman, it’s like I don’t know what I like anymore now that I’m not being abused
@@alexandrawilson-hodge2974 have you ever heard of the Three Minute Game? It can be really helpful for getting back into your body and reconnecting with what you like. I can't post a link, but if you search for "Leah Carey three minute game" it should pop right up. 💜
My ex-wife had experiences very similar to yours; even after many years it didn't go away completely. I always made it clear I wanted her to be aware of her own needs and feelings, and never deny herself to please me. I started to anticipate when she was feeling that way in bed, and found that the best way to deal with it was to stop and let her know that if she didn't feel like going forward, I didn't feel it either, but I was satisfied just being with her, talking, cuddling, whatever. After about 20 minutes she would start to discover her own sexual feelings, and she had the space and freedom to let me know in her own time, in her own way. And she did just that. This happened so often it became a running joke between us. Your results may vary, of course, but the reason I'm telling you this is that my experience has been that it's possible to work around those negative feelings and not let it impede your relationship. It just takes a little patience and awareness from both you and your partner. I hope this is helpful, but if not, please ignore it. The other responses are filled with a more comprehensive, informed perspective, and I'm not trying to undermine them. I'm just saying, this worked for me, maybe it could be helpful for you.
I feel this too. I also have trauma involving this. It started when I was 14. Then I finally felt better and I opened up a little more to that part of me and felt less ashamed. But then I got taken advantage of again and it's terrifying to even be next to a man. I always feel ashamed talking about sex in general because I grew up in a very strict Christian household so everytime I talk about it or it's mentioned it feels like I shouldn't be talking about it. Like I'm still a child that is embarrassed by it all. It's terrible because I just wanna be who I am and actually explore my life and my needs more but it feels impossible and absolutely horrifying
they also explicitly talk about those things like her obeying him and they directly say sex for them is about going quick and fast - sex for him. fast, immediate penetration. it's the christian patriarchy way. sex is for the man. sex is P in V. and if he's doing anything to pay attention to the woman, he's lauded like a hero for a minimal efforts with zero outcome. if the man has an erection, penetration should start immediately. upon his orgasm, sex is over. that's the view.
Person studying to be a sex educator here! My all-time favorite book on all things logistics in sex is “The Guide to Getting it On.” It has whole chapters about anatomy, hygiene, sex with disabilities, sex with yourself, someone(s) else, and really great ideas to change things up if you feel like your sex life isn’t fulfilling in the way you want it to be. It also has comic book style drawings to show exactly what the book is talking about for more visual learners. I can’t recommend it enough!
I'm definitely going to purchase this book. I had a stroke and I'm recovering and we need to learn how to find our way back to each other with dealing stroke after effects.
Hi Alexandra! I'm a Sex and Intimacy Coach and I'd be happy to connect you into some of the groups for sex educators I'm part of. You might also enjoy my podcast "Good Girls Talk About Sex," where I interview people who were brought up as little girls plus transgender women about their sex lives. 💜
As an involuntary prude (I envy those who are sex positive because I want to be, I know it’s not wrong) I should get that book. Not sure why sex the topic makes me so uncomfortable I can’t even go on adult websites for fucks sake lol. I’m trying to get more comfortable so that book would prob be good for me. Gonna look it up thanks
@@sabinajoh You might also want to look into whether you're on the asexual spectrum. I've always had an aversion to thinking about, looking at, or doing sexual acts except under super specific circumstances. Then I realized (through a TH-cam channel called One Topic, of all places), that I might be ace. I looked up some lists and things and realized that yes, I'm specifically demisexual (I only like sex with someone I have a deep emotional connection with, and even then only once in a while). You might be asexual, or you might just be an allosexual person trying to deprogram from harmful prudish sex education. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey of personal discovery!
Right off the bat Morgan seems veryyyy uncomfortable making this video...My assumption whenever someone makes content like this and positions themselves as "experts" on something that they are currently experiencing is that there might be some insecurity in that area and maybe they want to reassure themselves that their way is the "right" way. I used to be very religious, so I can definitely attest that I felt a lot of pressure from my community to do just that.
it always bothers me how paul subtly shames morgan by making comments about sex before marriage, knowing morgan had sex before marriage. it seems like he's trying to remind her of her past choices to elicit shame.
@@cricketiiella I think you’re reaching here, the Christian perspective is that believers are forgiven and looked at by God as a blank slate, the sin is forgiven and forgotten
My partner is ace we have sex every four to six months. When we had sex more often we were miserable becuse they didn't want be there and I felt gross for expecting it. Purity culture hurts every one
I'm ace and physical intimacy is a rare occurrence with my partner, but that doesn't mean it isn't good when it happens 🤷♀️ enthusiastic consent and respected boundaries are the most important at the end of the day 🖤🤍💜
@@Purplegoldfish I am happy for both of you here in the comments, I am currently whithout a partner, and I don't feel lile having sex everyday, I prefer once or twice a week, not more than that becouse it become overhelming, and I don't like to schedule.
I’m so glad that works for you! Self-love when the other partner is not in the mood is awesome! Even non-ace people feel the pressure to get intimate more often or something is wrong with us. We’ve seriously learned to be ok with the concept that if the work week is too stressful and it only happens on weekends that it’s ok.
I'm ace. I don't enjoy sexual things, however I sometimes (admittedly quite rarely) enjoy making my fiance feel good (we also talk about toys and sex stuff regularly). But I neither require nor want reciprocation. We were watching a video of a girl talking about things she didn't enjoy because she's autistic and tongue kissing was one of them. He immediately asked me if that went for me too and if that was why we hadn't made out in such a long time, looking absolutely TERRIFIED that he had pressured me into it (he hadn't. I think it's weird but I don't dislike it, i had literally just...forgotten lmao). We've been together for 10+ years
This is really validating, thank you. I grew up in Mormonism, where masterbation is a sin, and sex outside of marriage is a “sin next to murder.” Couched within a hyper-patriarchal culture, you’ve got a recipe for the worst forms of sexism. Im still fucked up and deconstructing all this.
Tabitha, I wrote you a long response but it got zapped by the YT gods because I spelled out a bad word 🙄 I have a podcast where I interview women about their sex lives and have had a couple former Mormons on. The show is called "Good Girls Talk About Sex" and you can search for Shelly (the title includes the mast-r-b-n word) and Timari. They've both done a lot of healing around their sexuality and you might find something in there that helps you in your deconstruction. 💜Good luck!💜
Masturbation is bad from a biological point of view, in special for men, becouse the vagina will never put the same pressure that a man puts with his own hands, so after sex he feels disappointed and not satisfied.
Heyyyyy a fellow ex-mormon! I'm still deconstructing, too. Please remember to take the time you need to work through your shit, and to take care of yourself first. Best of luck 💜
@@morgianasartre6709 I think you're being charitable. I'm not convinced it was a joke, as evidenced by them sharing the length of their marriage as if to convince us of their expertise or even the fact that they made this video at all implies that they thought they had something worth saying on the matter.
am i the only woman detecting how unhappy morgan's body language/energy is discussing this? like he keeps talking about every other day and im just sitting here like wow hes really working her like a horse huh and her energy is giving "it is what it is"
It seems to me like he is imposing that schedule on her and she really woul rather it wasn't so often. Which is such a shame, she shouldn't have to be doing anything she doesn't really want to!
It's so upsetting to hear people talking about someone they've been having sex with routinely and they don't even know if the other person is enjoying it. Maybe it's the autism, but me and my spouse do a little Q&A after every time and we don't do things the other person isn't into.
honestly I find that autistic folks find alternative ways to communicate with neurotypical people thats way more efficient than how neurotypical ppl usually communicate. My theory is that neurotypical people assume the other people understand them and they don’t NEED to explain anything but neurodivergents want to understand everything because they need confirmation that they’re not overlooking anything. I think more people should do this!
OMG yes, I'm also autistic and I have no idea how people have sex with so little communication or clue what's going on for/with each other. Like, is it even intimacy?? My spouse and I also do our own little pillow-talk debrief nearly every time and it helps us be better partners to each other as well as get a little extra verbal/emotional closeness to round everything out.
@@maxroyston5342 in some circles it's called "after care" and I think it should be taught in sex ed class to everyone. it's very healthy and respectful to discuss and support each other after physical intimacy.
It honestly makes me sad that a couple married for five years would still be scared to express their wants, needs, preferences with sex. Such odd views/ideas about sex. Truly bizarre.
The fact that Morgan is more afraid of hurting a man’s feelings than she is of putting herself and her body through something that she doesn’t want or enjoy … fucking SENT me Thank you for making this content Mickey. I wasn’t even religious but growing up in the vaguely Christian culture I did, or maybe just the world we’ve lived in, I remember being taught or shown really troubling ideas about what sex is or isn’t or should or shouldn’t be or what my body was or wasn’t or what I can or can’t do with it. It scares me that people with vulvas think and feel the things I did, and much much worse. You’re doing The Good Work my dude. Also, your hair looks extra fuckin bangin’ today dude.
Yeah, that gives me some yellow flags. I mean, I don't want to assume, I don't know them, but I'm hoping it's moreso because Morgan is such a people-pleaser who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings, than it being because Paul acts a certain way when his feelings are hurt.
@@stewieismyhomeboy I mean my guess is that it’s because people with vulvas are socialized to pander to the feelings of men, and whether or not Paul has harmed her for hurting his feelings. Like that’s my issue with it. A woman compromising her physical and emotional comfort for the ego of a man.
@@cosmicmuffin322 Trans and non-binary people exist… the term is not dehumanising, it’s meant to be inclusive towards stigmatised groups. That’s at least what I got out of it (as a cis-het woman)
The thing about influencers like Paul and Morgan, regardless of religion, is that they believe that their own personal experiences are basically the same as everyone's. They think their advice will work for you because it's what worked for them. They really have trouble seeing the world outside of their own bubble, which is exactly why they shouldn't proclaim themselves as experts or tell people what to do.
@@rubylight4019 These chuckle heads have presented themselves as an authoritative source on marriage in a Fundamentalist framework for years. They don't give suggestions, they declare what is right and wrong in a ~God honoring marriage~ to their audience of other repressed, naive, conservative Christians. It doesn't matter what disclaimers they put at the start of their videos or whatever when they say things like "I would question your genuine faith walk if you're having sex outside of marriage and justifying it... You don't need to [test your sexual compatibility before marriage] (23:20)." To say nothing of how weird they are about how often other people have sex, which is a topic addressed in this very video. Pick out the context clues, bud, it's truly not that hard.
@@rubylight4019 And yet here they are, acting as if they are experts because they've been married for five years; just because they never say it out loud doesn't mean the listeners/ viewers can't pick up on the subtle implication. Not to mention these defunct walnuts published a shoddy dating book, so it's not the first time they've tried to act as if they are the top dogs of the dating/ marriage world
@@rubylight4019 It's the way they speak. Mickey spoke about it in this video but it's how they'll be like 'we not saying you have to do it like this' but then be like 'but if you do it differently from this you are X'. (X to mean any insulting term from 'lazy' and 'dirty' to 'not a real christian' and 'not a good wife/husband'). They do this quite often and it gives off the impression they want everyone else to do as they do (which in turn does create the impression they think they are experts on the subject).
Oh wow. Poor Morgan. She had a bad first experience with seggs and now is married to someone who doesn't know how to please a women in bed and took 5 years to come to the point that he might want to learn how to do better..... Can you imagine. 😅 That's really sad.
Bad sex is not thing but i am worried that this might be more serious. Like rape. He constantly gives off the vibe that he does not respect his own partner's boundaries. :S
That whole circular talk by saying "we're not judging you," then the next second calling people lazy who don't have enough sex in his opinion, is literally the way evangelicals talk. It's a way to control what you do without taking responsibility for what happens to a person when they do it.
The immaturity is unbelievable. You can tell she has never been able to voice her feelings…. And now Paul is encouraging her to do this video to talk about how great their intimate life is and inside she’s like “it’s still not great”
I'm ace & I really appreciate that you didn't brush over those of us who aren't interested in sex (for whatever reason). It's very rare that people don't just forget we exist & that tiny gesture is really huge for younger aces (or anyone else that just doesn't want sex) especially, who get the message that the way they feel is not 'normal'. Love to see it!
"HOOOOWWW is having a conversation about sex, with a TRUSTED, and very much LOVED partner, uncomfortable?" Probably because the partner isn't really trusted, and maybe not loved either.
It's a very intimate discussion about one's raw feelings/desires. One makes themselves very vulnerable. That can be difficult even if you love the person you're with and don't think they will judge you.
Profiting off “fixing” a problem (lack of knowledge about sex among Christians) that they helped create and perpetuate (with purity culture) is like someone starting a fire then trying to make a living putting it out. Classy, P&M! /s
P&M may perpetuate purity culture but they sure as shit aren't part of its creation. Without question they are indoctrinated. So while their content is without merit, I still see them first and foremost as victims to the ideology. That they're trying to "address" the problem (with the same non-answers hundreds of Evangelical authors & speakers have given for decades) is nothing new or interesting. Idk. I think maybe I'm just getting tired of all the sighing, eye-rolling, etc. Efforts our better spent in so many ways and places. Whether it's in holding Evangelical Christians to biblical standards on social issues they tend to ignore (poverty), helping those deconstructing by offering valuable resources (which IMO is not done in this video, but she does so in many others), or generally promoting inclusive sex positivity (love all the Ace-friendly comments here and content from this channel!), that all is great! Doing a takedown of P&M for saying all the same shit we know they're going to say just seems unproductive. To the point where I'm starting to want to just plead, "please stop." Of course they're not classy or helpful. Let's move on...
I’d love for you to do a video on asexual mental health issues, especially in the context of a culture where we are pressured to enjoy sex and it can make you feel shameful or broken when you don’t.
It’d be helpful to a lot of people. I’m not ace, but I have a lot of sexual trauma that interferes with me having any sort of romantic life, because sex is expected and it terrifies me
And not all Ace people have had the ability to be celibate. Like, what if morgan was Ace? Think anyone would respect that? There are many situations like that. It's not just fundies. It's everywhere. Some people think if can't be Ace if you've had sex. But sex isn't a choice for a lot of people. It's made an inevitable part of life that you cannot opt out of.
i can so relate to everything you say. i was raised evangelical, independent fundamental baptist light and my first husband very much held to the "we need to have sex at least 3x a week". including the day after my breast lumpectomy and continually through chemo and radiation. i never felt like i could say no, because it's a wife's job to make sure her husband doesn't wander, right? (blergh) after 16 yrs of marriage i finally realized how bad all the abuse was a got away from that hell
Some of them feel entitled to go anal even if the wife already told she doesn't want to before marriage, becouse it's the wife job to not let the man wondering.
Having grown up and gotten married in this culture (I was 19 and he was 28!!) I was raised as if this approach to intimacy was this ancient monolith and that that’s how all of the elders in the church did it. Now that I’m older and divorced, I’ve talked to my mom about it and her and my dad didn’t actually know that there would be rules for how I dated. When they were dating, in the same church, they were allowed to kiss and have pda, basically they just couldn’t have sex. Not to say that that was a good approach either, but it helped me to realize that I wasn’t a failure within this long standing tradition that worked for everyone else, I was the result of decades of radicalization.
Perhaps you mentioned it and I just missed it, but imo the most problematic part was when Paul started talking about how emotional he gets when Morgan does not want to have sex after an argument and how women should be more mindful and not deprive their husbands for such reasons DESPITE MORGAN SAYING THAT SHE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WANT TO BE TOUCHED WHEN SHE IS ANGRY. It was just a big nope and for them to go on about how one has to be kind about these things, get out of here, that is not kind at all.
It just feels like a couple who just tried it for the first time and dont know what theyre doing and it’s awkward, but theyve been trying it for 5 years. Man.
As a Catholic I was taught by the priest of our church that if i don’t want to get pregnant while in marriage, I’m not allowed to use contraception, so I’m only allowed to have sex with my husband during my non-ovulation days. According to Paul and Morgan, they struggled with infertility all the years of their marriage, so it’s SO EASY to just tell the rest of us fertile Myrtles out here to go ahead and have sex every other day. Are you kidding me?? I’d have 7 kids by now!
Also excath, yuuup. So glad I bailed before getting married. These two are so busy telling people they aren't Christians because of their differing beliefs and they don't even realize that they're just making up nonsense with zero standing. The nerve of Protestants lul. Catholicism and Orthodoxy are also bunk, but Protestants are so fucking lost in the weeds of personal revelation it's stunning. Imagine picking and choosing your own doctrine and arriving at Paul and Morgan's opinions
There's some Christians that also believe that tracking your ovulation cycle to avoid pregnancy is bad. You have to leave it in God's hands. Mix that in with the moralizing, and sexist coercion to frequently have sex, and you get women becoming pregnant pretty much every year while still "needing" to please their husband way too soon while recovering from giving birth. It's incredibly harmful emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
@@MH-wz1rb I think choosing your own beliefs or rather arriving at them through education and introspection is way better than blindly following doctrine „because the Bible says so“ for example. Plus, ALL religious people are cherry-picking. There is no need to single out a certain group.
@@cam4636 I get that but I don’t see why to single out a certain denomination when all Christians or better yet all religious people whose religion is based on an ancient text are cherry-pickers.
I'm always skeptical of couples who feel the need to "schedule" sex. I can understand scheduling if you are trying for a child (but then you're more working with a window of fertility rather than a strict "we will have sex every other day" kind of thing), but otherwise it feels like setting an expectation that sex WILL happen on Saturday even if one of the partners is not feeling in the mood. There are ways to make scheduling sex work, but there are also SOOOO many ways it can go wrong and become abusive. Please just talk to your partner!!! If you don't feel satisfied, talk to your partner first. And if you can't have an open discussion about sex with your partner, scheduling sex is NOT the best solution.
imo, it can be helpful for some - it can help prioritize it for folks who feel like intimacy gets lost in their busy lives, and some people love a schedule! It just needs to remain flexible at the same time. For example, if you were planning a dinner date with someone, but then the day came and one person said, "You know, I had a rough day at work. Can we just get takeout?" you would change your plans. Similarly, if your "sex date" arrives and one person isn't into it, you can always pivot into a quiet movie night, or whatever. And of course, some people hate a schedule! Scheduled or not, it should never involve pressure or coercion.
Scheduling can work when there are children involved, but as they don't have one yet and don't work normal jobs the need to schedule seems like its mandatory.
@@theaterislife this was exactly my take. Sometimes if couples don’t schedule sex even loosely it can fall by the wayside. But having somewhat of an anticipation that we are going to try to set aside these times to do it even knowing that it could end up not working out doesn’t harm anybody. Again with the strong caveat that it will always be consensual and could pivot to say cuddling instead of going further.
it can work when both people prefer to do that and there is no expectation. i personally love to schedule my time and stuff i do, and as long as there is no pressure or expectation, i think scheduling that time can be helpful! but i totally agree it can become abusive. i try to stay very open and communicative with all my partners (im poly) and i have a great relationship with s- . but i do live away from all my partners so i have to schedule dates with them, and sometimes we might discuss that we would like to do things and then maybe that changes and we respect each other and everything is good lol !! as a teenager i was big confused about stuff and did lose my v card at 15 which was too early for me, and i was with some guys who acted like i was supposed to do that for them but as an adult i got out of that thinking, im 29 now and wont do anything i dont wanna!
i think their attitude towards needing sex really says a lot about how their type of religiosity LOVES sex, despite the marriage paywall. As an ace person, one of the things I heard most often from other queer ppl in an attempt to invalidate my sexuality was that since the church was against sex before marriage, then it meant that it was impossible for me to face discrimination by them since being ace meant I “inherently adhered to their value of abstinence.” That my asexuality would be “praised” and welcomed for that reason. Firstly, asexual =/= inherently, 100% non-sexual. Secondly, the idea that these types of Christians would even BEGIN to WANT to comprehend what asexuality meant, much less accept it, is laughable. These are the types of ppl who literally act allergic to any word under the queer umbrella. They’re so willfully ignorant that they don’t even understand that “cis” or “heterosexual” is something that they want to apply to them. The type of people who swear-off all pronouns to the extent that they clearly think it’s a queer-only concept. The idea that those kinds of people would understand and embrace my sexuality, or that there’s an inherent ally-ship between us just because I may or may not /technically/ abstain from sex in a way they value, is so completely absurd. There’s no way they wouldn’t refuse to understand me or think that I was broken for my lack of attraction. Because thirdly? even if they DID embrace me for my abstinence, that acceptance would only span up until I got married, because as is clearly outlined in their video and the countless other content ppl like them put out about it, they *fucking love sex.* Sex is a gift from god. A right given to men as a “prize” for their marriage with a woman, and the only way you can truly honor god in your relationship. If you deny sex, you deny your duty to your husband, and you deny god his worship, and his ability to bless you with children. They refuse to believe that a sex life any different than theirs goes against god and invalidates both your right to call yourself Christian, and the health of your marriage. You’re a sinful disgrace for having sex before marriage, and for refusing to have it *after* marriage as well. And idk about you, but them going on and on about how unhealthy my relationship is for the lack of sex it includes, doesn’t really feel like ally-ship to me. I don’t think asexuality is exempt from discrimination by these people.
The only exception I can think of is call to celibacy like in the Catholic church, but they'd still be pissed you don't have "temptation." Pretty much every protestant denomination wants marriage and some may even consider it a sin to not be married if you're afab. Plus I'd guess they think asexuality just doesn't exist or that it's an issue to be solved for marriage, and not something to embrace beyond abstinence. This is the case with my friends whose ace and has a very Christian godmother. She praised her at first for being a virgin, but the shamed her about not having a boyfriend as she got older.
Paul comes off as such a petulant child in such an intimate, mature area! Its all "if you don't have sex with me every other day I'll take it personally, if you don't want sex when I want it I'll take it personally, if I fail to please you I'll take it personally,and when I take it personally it's YOUR fault because YOU made ME feel bad". This is so selfish, so manipulative, so controlling. And you can see that Morgan feels awful for"""hurting""" him, and his refusal to hear her hurts her deeply, but she just swallows it most of the time to protect his fragile ego. Disgusting, poor Morgan. I hope this treatment of her won't result in a lasting sexual trauma.
Scheduling sex just turns it into a chore. I was having a casual relationship with someone and they began wanting to schedule sex and that honestly killed it for me because I like spontaneity with things like that. And also as someone with ADHD, sex can quickly become something taxing for me.
I have ADHD and I'd prefer to schedule sex. There's so many other things in my idiot brain, I only think about it at the most inopportune times, like while my wife's asleep or I'm at work. 😂 She doesn't want to put it on the calendar, so we just make it work, but I don't think it's inherently bad.
No because I completely agree with this, people should have sex whenever they fuck they want to. It's banana's to think that there are people who do it because they feel like it's needed and expected. Sex should always be a decision you make in the moment not yesterday it's wack.
Yeah I think it depends on the needs of the couple. I've seen scheduled sex recommended for people who are, like, super busy and find themselves kind of drifting apart because they don't really make time for intimacy, emotional or otherwise, really. And people could want it for several other reasons. As long as it's okay with the people in the relationship, I think it's pretty benign
Tbh a Sort of schedule can be helpful If you and your Partner have really different routines. E.g. If one of you works nightshifts and the other works during the day. It doesnt have to be cringey but it can Help to schedule some Form of quality time where you can both be present and Not tired. Even If it's Just watching a movie that Turns into sth Else. Not that that is what Paul is talking about. Wish it was.
That is a horrible ide! NOBODY owes you their time, emotions or body! NOBODY! Making sex(a completely free will thing) into a chore just ruins the point of it and tells that whoever made up that idea is abusive and a possible rapist. You do NOT control other people's life, ESPECIALLY not something personal and serious as sex.
Every other day!? Buahahaha!! 💀 Wait until they have kids. Also, as someone who does not enjoy menstrual sex, I'm curious what they do during the days she has her period. Do they still have sex? Is she required to please him even if they aren't having intercourse? What if someone's sick with the flu? Because they've opened this door I'm just so curious about their semantics lol.
I have a friend who has 2 small children and they also have the 'every 2 days' agreement. Some people genuinely do this, even with children and 2 partners working fulltime. That said, I'm not a fan of it and no one should feel like they have to have a minimum setpoint to please the other partner.
Paul mentioned that there are obviously times when it's not possible (I'm guessing that includes times when one is sick), Morgan is about to give birth and they vaguely adressed the 6 week waiting period and one of them mentioned there being other ways to please your partner, so I'm guessing Paul will expect some oral action.
Your comment that “sex is morally neutral” was so freeing to me. I’m an ex-fundie and just now starting to feel comfortable enjoying sex. It was so incredibly taboo to my family and community that I felt overwhelming guilt until my thirties. So glad I’m deconstructing this part of my trauma now. And so happy to have a supportive partner. ❤️
26:14 - oh, how nice for you Paul and Morgan. You’re not exhausted by raising two young kids and working full time and growing a business. Yeah, Paul and Morgan can take their “advice” and shove it
Thanks for this work, Mickey! Grew up in a conservative catholic household, been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. The older I get the more I realize I still have a lot of unpacking to do about how my sexuality got fucked up by religion. There's something so comforting about you looking at the camera and telling us we're not broken. It's simple, but it's helpful. Thank you.
They way Morgan constantly looks away and leans away from Paul... I just feel like at any second she's going to look in the camera and yell Help Me! This entire interview makes my skin crawl because I heard these things constantly growing up, from parents , preachers,teachers and the books I was given to read on the topic. Just icks me out.
The cognitive dissonance of growing up in evangelicalism and hearing "we need to talk about sex more in the church!" right alongside "never have premarital sex, never think about sex before you're married, never mast*rebate, etc" is SO FUCKING CONFUSING. I just sent this to my husband lol. We got married when he was 24 and I was 26, both of us homeschooled and raised in extreme purity culture. We've struggled so hard to figure out how even to communicate effectively about sex because the shame is so WILD. I love this content so much and I just think it's life changing. Dropping purity culture saved my life and probably my marriage (14 years! I think I know a bit more than Paul and Morgan by now lol). Thank you so much for your content, I know I'm not alone in being an ex-evangelical who finds your content so. fucking. healing. 💜💜💜
I just want to sit down and have a chat with Morgan without Paul. I feel like she is fighting a lot of internal battles by herself, and Paul is only making it worse by pushing her buttons and demanding things from her that she’s obviously uncomfortable doing. She shouldn’t have to go through all this stuff alone!
I find it concerning that Paul gets emotionally hurt whenever Morgan doesn’t want sex. Not only is it unhealthy for him to take sex personally, but it’s emotionally abusive and coercive for Morgan to feel like she HAS to give Paul her body or he will feel emotionally hurt.
In a more recent video they were talking about when they have arguments and end up not having sex. Paul started off saying that he felt hurt when that happened, and it led into him saying he was angry when that happened (which is what I thought he was getting at). Huge red flag
On one hand, I feel like Paul and Morgan’s hearts are in the right place. For a very conservative Christian audience, Paul and Morgan might sound downright sex-positive and progressive because they even sort of talk about foreplay(!), sex(!), games(!), pleasure(!). But on the other hand, the problem is that their foundational beliefs about sex (That have been ingrained into them for decades) have some issues. You can’t really dismantle the negative repercussions of purity culture if you don’t dismantle the basis of purity culture. They don’t see that purity culture is the WHOLE THING. Like, I’m happy they’re talking about sex. But I’m sad that there’s still fear and caveats to talking about sex. Talking and learning about sex isn’t shameful or a “slippery slope.” Heck, even if you are committed to no sex before marriage, it is SO important to learn about sexuality, have frank talks about your bodies, and express excitement about sexual behavior in the future. Many parents, mentors, and church leaders are afraid to speak frankly about sex because 1) they have their own hang ups 2) they are afraid of making “sinful sexuality” look enticing. Theres a lot of fear not only of causing people to “stumble” physically but also MENTALLY. And that’s the real difficulty. If you’re taught that thinking about sex, fantasizing, or reading sexy things is a thought crime against God, it’s hard to flip the switch just because you’re married and suddenly everyone says it’s okay to acknowledge your sex drive now.
These people that are saying they don't understand why so many christian couples have boring and unfulfilling sex are the same ones that will shame premarital sex or exploring sexuallity at all. I grew up evangelical. I was taught that kissing was a sin, porn was a sin, masturbation was a sin, having boyfriends without the idea of getting married was a sin, any homosexual thought was a sin, virginity and purity was a form of respect to god and your future husband... openly talking about sex itself was such a taboo at home, at my christistian school and at church. Now I'm 23 and even when I'm no longer evangelical (in fact I despise religion) I can't help but have so many issues regarding my sexuality and intimacy. I am so behind the rest of my friends to the point I haven't even kissed anyone yet and I distance myself from any potential relationship because deep down I still feel fear and shame. Now imagine a young christian couple that was shamed to not think about sexuality and then BAM suddenly you expect them to get married and be sex experts with a risqué and rich sexual lifestyle?? That's delusional. They make sex such a big deal, they fill our minds with denial and supression of our own natural needs... don't expect us to have healthy and knowledgeable sex lifestyle.
“It’s such an AWKWARD conversation, though…” No it’s not 😂 That is not a good or healthy thing to feel about someone you’re married to. I cannot imagine finding something this basic “awkward” with my partner.
Ahhh when he said, “I’ll use resources sometimes that I feel ok about in my conscious” I made the same face as you and laughed along w you. That was funny!
That poor girl looks at the floor or away more than anywhere else .. she’s missing a huge part of life being only w that guy , but she’ll never know. To each their own.
I believe it's come up before (he seemed to use it as a point of shame against her in the few things I've seen) but she had sex in a prior relationship. Which makes it even weirder that she puts up with his bs really, though I think she was so shamed and embarrassed for having had a life before fundamentalism that perhaps she doesn't feel able to voice those things or he has fostered a relationship that prevents he from talking about it for fear of hurting his delicate feelings (it sounded to me they were essentially saying he got upset because early on she wasn't giving it up enough to what his expectations were when they first married, someone failed to tell him that sometimes your spouse isn't in the mood and is allowed to say no. He'd been told to wait til marriage all his life and assumed that would mean a free pass to _all_ the sex regardless of what she might want. So they now have a schedule because his temper tantrums have now swung to her not feeling like she can say no anymore...so instead it's a chore they scheduled in for every other day, much like you might schedule taking out the trash...such romance...many goals).
I have been married 28 years and my husband and I just started getting ourselves out of these mindsets in the last 6 or so years. I so often feel like we lost so much time. It's also why I started talking to my kids (in an age appropriate way) about sex and being "normal" and answered every question that has ever popped into their heads about such things. The mindset from this stuff is so hard to break out of, even a decade or more after leaving Christianity.
As a recovering fundie, I can honestly say this is the best deconstruction I have heard explaining why making everything about not having sex makes you lack impukse control, can send you down dark paths and if you like I, own female parts down there, it is a nightmare.
I’m aroace so I was accidentally a good Christian who was unfazed by temptation 💅 /hj but I am always so fascinated by the way Christians talk about sex because it’s so strange. To be fair the way most cishet folks talk about sex is not relatable to me but Christians just really know how to make it seem so unappealing even when they’re trying to talk about it positively
Paul scheduling sex every other day paired with Morgan saying she doesn’t feel comfortable expressing what she wants sexually for fear of hurting his feelings …. It’s a big yikes for me
It doesn't line up with them taking such a position of authority on having a healthy sex life - they seem to communicate like repressed newlyweds with very inflexible gendered roles, despite having opportunities to talk about their preferences every other day.
There is no consent in this relationship
Yeah 🙁😳😳 red flag
And him being like 'People who don't have sex 4 times a week are LAZY pieces of shit.' Seemed like maybe a passive agressive dig at her for not wanting to do it as often as he does
Like considering she's probably the one doing the majority of cooking, cleaning and household errands like she's probably fucking tired and would rather take a nap than have her labia sandpapered for Pauls 'foreplay'
Yep
Its interesting to me that Paul "studies" ways to touch and build anticipation with his wife instead of (drumroll) ASKING HER
I guess asking her would mean he lost control.
@@happytofu5 exactly. That is why he will "study" but not listen to her and that is why she needs an app to comunicate her needs
Exactly what I thought!
She’s apparently not allowed to touch her body on her own so how would she even know 🙄
@@LunaCidnie ikr...
frequent sex doesn't mean it's good sex. Having a lot of sex with your partner doesn't mean you have a healthy or good sex life. I literally can not with this couple.
Nope, quantity is not quality
Paul seems like a quantity over quality type of guy (or he can't tell the difference), which makes for selfish/crappy lovers, and thats just tragic. Theres no reason sex shouldn't be consistently satisfying if you have a healthy and balanced perspective of it
@@elleofhearts8471 I guarantee you what's going on here is he's not allowed to masturbate so he has to have sex every time he wants to get off even if she's not interested
I mean it sounds like it took THREE YEARS for him to find out about foreplay 😬😬😬
@@vintagearisen this guy is outing himself as a terrible lay and his poor wife sounds like she is not as satisfied as he thinks she is
I feel bad for Morgan. When she was describing just wanting her back scratched and needing to justify not wanting to be touched anywhere else during the time just made me sad.
She also didn't seem to like the idea of living long
@@ApequH That's the first sign of suicidal ideation. I really hope she gets out of that marriage. A lot of women who got out of abusive fundamentalist Christian marriages often end up leaving their church, going to a progressive church or leaving religion altogether because of they way they are treated. I could never stay in a church where my boyfriend was. At first it was because I didn't want to see him but I would have been given a hard time by other people in the church. I would have seen him start a new relationship immediately on the rebound or with someone who had been waiting in the wings while at the same time would be told that God didn't want me to have a new partner, not just in the immediate future but ever.
It feels like getting sexually harassed in your own home 24/7
I had a boyfriend a few years back who would grab my ass or chest whenever I was standing around our house, even when my children were in the next room over with a clear line of sight. He even tried to pull a trump and grab me on the 😾 a few times with no provocation. Obviously that relationship ended, but before it did my sex drive was legit non existent when normally I'm a very sexual person. The more he would do that, the more my body physically shut down toward him. After we broke up it took me nearly a year to even get back into "self care" if you know what I mean. It fucked me up for a long time.
Their conversations about sex and their sex schedule is all about making sure that Paul's needs are met. They don't focus nearly as much on meeting Morgan's romantic needs.
The poor girl needs a card game to explain that she just wants a back rub. Where's the conversation about scheduling sex-free intimacy every other day? Even just one date night a week that doesn't have sex attached as an expectation would do wonders.
It’s not premarital sex if you don’t get married. Alternatively, I’ve been married and divorced, so technically any sex I have is after marriage 💅🏻
You win.....you win! Best comment ever!
I like the way you think!
love it ahaha
big brain comment
god-honoring post-marital sex
My family: “you have to marry a good Christian man”
The good Christian man:
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I literally grew up like this and was convinced by the age of 9 that I didn’t ever want to get married. I find a good guy when I was ready, but he isn’t Christian and I’m not either really😂
Paul gives me a weird vibe. I can't describe it, but something just feels off
@@MoodyMickey no cuz he really does
THIS LOL
5 years into marriage and this man just learned what foreplay is 😅 I want to laugh but the fact that this is reality for so many people is just so sad.
36:07 Yes! Is like this guy _just_ discovered that women may need more stimulation and building up and he thinks he made such a magical discovery. And this makes sense since she said at the beginning that she doesn't feel comfortable telling him when she doesn't like something because doesn't want to hurt his feelings. They are exposing all their dirty laundry and are not even aware of it.
It's the Biblical idea of foreplay. All prescribed. Woman just lays there and does nothing.
She must be in so much pain having sex every other day without any foreplay. Scheduling sex (that will be bad and hurt) is the least sexy thing I can imagine too so I'd be drier than the sahara going in.
It's funny bc as a Christian, I'm certain the Bible book Song of Songs is about 2 young unmarried lovers who are crazy about each other & go down on each other orally. So if you've finished the Bible, you've read erotica before.
@@lemsip207 Now that is bs. That is definitely not how the Bible describes Sex. Especially not the Old Testament
These two are always incredibly uncomfortable to watch, something about their relationship just comes off as wrong on camera.
He is controlling. They follow a biblical marriage where he is controlling of her.
This is very irrelevant, but I love your username, it's great 👍
Yep, he’s very self focused and he’s in charge. It’s weird.
they always come off to me as "popular"/"alpha" couple in high school with the same maturity level. Fundamentalist Christianity does tend to keep people immature to keep them "under control".
They seem so much younger than they are; *way* too immature to be giving *any* advice, let alone marriage and life advice.
I know we **shouldnt** speculate abt their relationship, but as someone who has survived SA, hearing Morgan say she’s uncomfortable abt expressing her sexuality for fear of hurting his feelings made me really sad.
Morgan should read a secular sex manual for ideas. Then speak up. It can be in a positive way not negative way such as "You never do this for me. You are selfish."
I come from a country of very selfish lovers (both evangelical Christian and non religious) which is why I'm celibate and even when in a relationship the bad memories put me off for life. I was told I was subected to this because I didn't relax but I was in situations which made me feel unrelaxed. I was even an ace for a few years with no feeling below the waist because of it. A lot of it has to do with single sex education. It's a hook up culture with people getting blind drunk beforehand and fumbling like teenagers and I don't just mean a few glasses of wine or pints of beer but drinking all day if they haven't worked that day, drinking from the minute they leave work and mixing types of drinks. It's even worse now with even teenage girls expected to put up with anal sex and choking.
One friend said to me that her ex said to her "You could have given me a f'ing blow job" after they had sex. Well it was too late to say that. He could have nicely asked for that at the time. No wonder she was no longer with him. It's often damned if you do and damned if you don't. If the woman gives the man what he wants then she's a slut and if she only wants vanilla sex then she's a prude. I wonder if most of these men are really gay and would be better off having sex with another man than abusing women. They even have to have a few alcoholic drinks inside them before they can have sex with their wives. Bisexual men have sex with men in a very different way from when they have sex with women.
yeah that's just not it
Same
There are many people that deserve their privacy IF they aren't putting their relationship at the forefront on their public social media accounts or there are innocent victims involved (like children in a custody battle). Paul and Morgan are spreading lies and misinformation and having their followers speculate "it works for them, so it will probably work for me". As long as people aren't speaking in absolutes, spreading lies and rumors, *and/or bullying the creator, people should be able to speculate and learn something from their videos.
but yes, i agree and worry for her
As an ex-Christian, the thing that really annoys me is how much sex IS talked about in church/Christian circles, & yet everyone wants to say how "taboo" it is or how it's never really talked about. As a teen/young adult we're told to not even think about sex or look into anything about it because it will lead to sin, & yet that's all married Christian couples want to talk about (especially newly married couples). Pastors always think they're doing something ground-breaking when they preach a sermon about sex, yet it's always the same, non-helpful information. And they always warn parents not to have their kids in the service on those days because they'll be talking about the "S-word". Sex is just some mystical, secretive thing to younger people in the church, & then when you get married, BAM you're supposed to know how to do everything and (from my perspective as a woman growing up in that culture) be ready & willing to give it up to your husband whenever he wants. For as much as they DO talk about sex, you think they could make some of it actually beneficial...
I feel like Evangelicals are OBSESSED with young sex. Trying to control sexual thought, control sexual behavior... It's obsessive and unhealthy. Mind your own parts.
Oh Hell yeah!! I remember a lot of that dancing-around-topic energy when it came to Sex and Intimacy sermons growing up and I can’t remember any good advice coming from them either
I highly recommend Unitarian Universalitsts' Our Whole Lives curriculum, where kids are taught in age-appropriate, non-judgmental ways about choice, respect, and consent.
So glad I was raised in a half assed Catholic family. We just got drunk and let nature run it’s course. I have a lot of cousins
This. It felt like everything revolved around sex and how important it was not to have it until you were married, and then you were supposed to get married and be "joyfully available" (BARF)
Every time I watch these I feel like Morgan is a highly medicated hostage.
Yeah. It shows up in her eyes. So sad.
same :(
I would feel bad for Morgan if she wasn't the single most annoying twat on the internet.
Why is it like listening to high schoolers who have had sex like twice (& she didn't come either time) talking about sex?
Their audience is targeted towards Bible believing Christians so having an explicit video would not be in line with their type of content.
@@rubylight4019 I dont think OP was talking about how explicit it is.
It does feel that way for sure lol
Its hard to know if teens are being honest when they talk about sexual histories.
The major vibe I’m getting here is that morgan has been being made very uncomfortable for years for pauls sexual gratification cuz he thinks it’s her duty to please him and he’s just now becoming interested in caring about how she feels during sex and now they’re experts and the model couple. Makes me sad honestly
I can't see that marriage lasting. I think Morgan will go deeper into depression to the point where she might be hospitalised or be self harming or she might start standing up for herself and then he will get angry with her. She will then have to leave him when he gets physically violent which often follows emotional abuse. He's already playing the Jailer, the Sex Abuser and the King of the Castle in the Duluth model.
So gross and pathetic. Sometimes I forget how miserable some people are
I get the vibe that Paul is the type to not take a simple 'no' with a lot of grace and I get not wanting to hurt your partner's feelings but Morgan seems so apprehensive to directly communicate what she's feeling.
Paul just seems very controlling to me. IDK.
Honestly, I wonder if she ever wishes she didn’t get married so young. I don’t know her, but she doesn’t seem to be at her full potential within this relationship.
I grew up in a similar Christian environment, and any show that had sex in it, any book with a sex scene, exploring my sexuality, googling questions about it even were strongly, strongly discouraged and shamed by my family. I have a hard time communicating my feelings with my partner now because of the shame culture and my family making sex a moral issue and something that should only happen between a husband and wife. I try to communicate better, but I’m still not very good at it because a lot of the natural feelings I had were shamed. I feel like I’m a bad person sometimes for allowing my partner to even touch me in some ways without having sex. So I feel for Morgan. I was also taught growing up that all men want from women is sex and that I should protect my virginity like my life depends on it. I was taught that a man’s needs are more important than my own. I feel bad for even thinking about sex sometimes, so it feels wrong to talk to my partner about it. Good communication about intimacy is really hard for me, and I’m trying to improve it.
@@kelci9452 She had such potential to do other things. She vomited when giving her vows. That's a bad sign. She should have called off the wedding there and then.
@@lemsip207 omg what. I'm terribly sorry but it could not be more obvious that this is a disastrous marriage and the fact that a kid is now involved? Morgan run.
They just did a video earlier this week "what I wish I had known about sex" and it is so bad. Paul apparently gets very "emotional" when he doesn't get the sex he's expecting.
Yikes
He gives off that energy. I highly doubt Paul
Is focused on Morgan’s enjoyment.
Are you kidding? 😬 That’s cringe… she’s EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT, fuck off with your emotions, Paul 🥴
YIKES 😬
I just went and watched it and am now regretting my life choices. Basically he is even now upset at her for him not being able to handle his feelings of disappointment and rejection when it comes to not getting the sex he feels is owed to him and is giving people the advice to just go ahead and have sex anyways so the other partner doesn’t have to deal with those feelings! And Morgan is absolutely not on the same page as him in that part of the conversation. It’s just so cringy to watch 😬
And I felt so bad for her when she's like "we have a great sex life" and he says "I hesitate to use words like "great" "
Like omg. As a woman, I died inside, for her
Code for: "you're not doing much for me, and sex is only about me. So take what you think and shove it"
Plus, propping up one's partner by hyping up how good sex is seems like a normal strategy women would use to try to soothe a man's ego - and it'd be more generous than what Paul said to be like, "well, I'm glad YOU think so," as if thinking it's *kind* to validate the assertion a woman is giving about her satisfaction... giving the impression that he cares that she's satisfied while also receiving the message that he doesn't have to try more, which is great for him bc he probably didn't want to put that work in. All the while, it's a "little white lie" (/s) that keeps power out of the hands of the female partner to advocate for herself, her pleasure, her comfort, & her safety. Ugh. Oof.
@TrulyAndCompletely wow that's alot for me to
Unpack I have to re read nake sure I'm not missng the point 😅
Please review their video "what we wish we knew about sex" it's very disturbing. Paul exposes himself as being a marital rapist and we watch in real time him emotionally manipulate/ abuse her just bc she didn't put out on their scheduled sex day bc they had just gotten into an argument. Disgusting and disturbing and so sad for Morgan.
That’s horrible. I don’t watch their content but watching this reaction video alone I got that gross feeling that this is what’s going on. She seems very uncomfortable and hesitant to talk and he takes up so much space in a controlling way.
Exactly! If this is the kind of stuff he’s willing to admit on camera to the world, imagine all the stuff they don’t talk about because they know its bad. I truly hope one day Morgan wakes up and find the strength to leave. If a kind God does exist out there he wouldn’t want her trapped like that.
It was quite simple, when I was in a fundie cult in the early 70s. First, if your wife couldn’t have orgasms, it was because she’d had sex before marriage, so it was her fault, because of her impurity. My ex called me a whore, because I’d had sex once, with a man I wanted to marry, before i married him. He would tell people that, if he hadn’t married me, I’d be a whore.
The other creepy aspect of this was that women were supposed to have sex with our husbands at least every 48 hours, so that they wouldn’t be attracted to other women, and also, to get pregnant sooner.
It was sexual assault and character assassination as a way of life. I didn’t care for it much.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you are healing
so sorry you went through that. ):
That sounds like a living hell
I'm glad you're out.
I'm so sorry you had to experience it! Men in church are incredibly disgusting.
Paul and Morgan after 5 years of marriage: Guys, we just learned that foreplay is important :)
I feel like Morgan definitely knew. She’s had a previous long term sexual relationship before Paul. She probably just couldn’t tell him anything bc he’d get his feeling shirt over being bad at sex…for five whole years…
@@elizabethdeaconson1519 omg that is even sadder
"we're experts"
“There were times in our sex life where it was so frustrating and painful” what was happening there?? 😬
The man baby was 'suffering' because his wife isn't attracted to him enough to have forced sex every day 🙄
When Morgan was like “To each their own. Your sex life is your sex life.” I was half expecting her to say after “So long as sex is only one man, one woman like God intended.”
Because for people that claim they don’t care about others having sex, they’re always so concerned about non heterosexual non reproductive sex
It's like The Handmaid's Tale where sex is for procreation only, people who find out they are infertile stop having sex and gay people are punished for gender treachery. Only infertile commanders' wives hire handmaidens to reproduce for them and it often turns out that it's the commander who is infertile not her.
You can give advice but still not want to control others, right? The therapist in the vidro saying it’s better to explore sexuality before relationships doesn’t feel right to me as someone who hates having casual sex but I can understand she wouldn’t actually be controlling my sex life and is just saying what she thinks is best.
@@galaxychar I believe you are misunderstanding Op…
They are not saying that giving advice on sex means a person is controlling of other peoples sex lives…
The “people” they are referring to are Paul & Morgan.
Because p&m (and others like them) say and believe that gay people shouldn’t have sex with each other.
Seems pretty damn controlling of others sex lives…..
@@galaxychar it’s the hypocrisy of Morgan saying “to each their own; your sex life is your sex life” but then shaming people for being LGBTQ+ or for having sex outside of marriage or for having more than one sexual partner over their lifetimes
@@michiganscythian2445 Just because you share your opinion on the matter and what you belief works for you and is right, does not mean you want to control other peoples sex lives. People give out their ideas and advice all the time, I get that it can feel annoying and shameful even when it is rejecting your lifestyle, but it is not meant to control. This is why I think she clarified she does not mean to control”to each their own”. I feel like you are misrepresenting what she said and wrongfully calling her hypocritical, despite me not being exactly a fan of more than half of the stuff these people(morgan & paul) are saying.
When Paul said "our sex life is soooo great now!!!" and Morgan was like, "yeah,,,, well it's better than it was...." that hurt me
I am NOT defending them by any means, but thats the least red flag there, I think it's normal to have a better sex life with time because partners get to know each other better with time.
It sounded like they were saying Paul only started to learn how to slow down very recently because they started using an app that told him to slow down. After being married for five years.
I knew they were bad, but not this bad. Wow.
I am scared for Morgan, she seems so just exhausted. Talking about just wanting to be touched with affection rather than sexually (in reference to "back scratchies") but not being able to fully express herself. They do not express any affection between them, it's like every aspect of their relationship is for duty, for show.
For real. Then hearing immediately after about how they have sex every other day, but he’s just learning how to do foreplay and she had to ask for back scratchies instead of a sexual massage? So sad ;(
The idea that it would be awkward to talk about sex with my husband is hilarious. These poor, poor people.
My parents got married within months of knowing each other and their relationship is toxic but will not get divorced because they are these kind of christians. When I opened up to my Mom about being ace (without labeling it because I am fearful of actually sharing 100 percent with her) she said "Oh you get that from me." My Mom is literally forcing herself to have sex because she thinks she has to in her marriage.. I don't know if she is actually ace too or she just never learned how to have healthy sex in a damaging controlling religious marriage.. It is horrifying to know that has been going on for 30 years and that other couples of similar religious backgrounds are stuck in abusive marriages.
Wow, that is so sad! Must be a very bad feeling for you as their child as well when you think about how you came to be while your mom was potentially not comfortable with it. I’m sorry!
@@Froggele I appreciate your sympathies. She always wanted children so I know she would not regret participating for that specific purpose, but it does bother me that she has let herself be controlled in that way when I know exactly how that feels in my own past relationships. It was a difficult family to be apart of considering they put their specific brand of religion as the most important thing and believed that was enough to parent us without actually parenting us. There is a lot I have had to and still have to deconstruct as an adult.
@@TinyGhosty Ok, that‘s at least something that she actually wanted children. Good luck on your deconstruction journey!
@@Froggele Thank you!
I'm ace too and my parents are similar to this, I also tried to talk to my mom about it but she just saw it as me being too young and naive. And probably something that will change when I meet the 'right' person (man)
I love that Mickey brought up the ownership over your partners body issue. When I was a young Christian (actively trying to ignore the fact that I'm a queer asexual) I was dating a guy who (sorta) agreed to wait until we got married. He pushed my boundaries a lot and forced me to do a lot of things I didn't want to do, but we were talking about being married and I casually asked how he would feel about not having sex on our wedding night (it's a long stressful day, and the closer we got to that day the more it scared me). His response was "you'll be lucky if we make it off the plane".
I was horrified, scared, and felt like my autonomy was being ripped from me. It's a really scary world to be in, and Mickey is right it perpetuates trauma and consent issues
Jesus, I’m sorry that happened! Did you actually go through with the marriage?
@@Froggele fuck no. Thankfully he cheated on me lol
@@rowanquynn9964 😂 Lucky you! /sarcasm
@@Froggele hahaha it sucked at the time but turned out to be the best thing that could have happened
I’m so glad you are away from this person and not married. Being ace in a marriage with a partner that has internalized Christian gender roles sounds like a horror story.
My ex ‘hated’ the church but still had these damaging attitudes about sex and intimacy. It was not good. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the systemic objectification of women and their bodies is a huge issue in the US right now. Abusive institutions need to face consequences.
I find it insane how Paul and Morgan, a currently childless couple, are prescribing a number of times per week a couple should have sex without taking into account how busy people’s lives are. Such frequent sex isn’t easy when the baby is screaming and the toddler is crying.
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and don't have kids, we are still lucky if we do something once a week and it's usually more like every other week. We still have a better relationship
Also, most couples also have jobs outside the home. If couples work opposite shifts they often don’t even see each other for multiple days.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite I was going to ask how did you make the animals in your icon?
@@twiggledowntown3564 it's a Bitmoji having to do with Australia and I cropped it to have the emu
This!! Plus, you’re frickin tired and you know what, after having kids, sometimes you don’t feel as good about your body anymore and that kills your sex drive.
These young people don't even seem like they like each other, it's so sad. The fact that they are giving "relationship/sex advice" is disturbing when they act like they dont want to touch each other at all. That first high five was soooo painful.
Right? They have the same awkward vibes of people who just started dating and aren't sure the other person even likes them yet. And it sounds like it took 5 years for him to know that women like/need foreplay? At least from where I was sat, it seemed he only heard about it in the last couple of months. And now he feels compelled to share the magical information. It really gives it the air of an excited guy running up to his buddies and going, "guys, guys...I _just_ learnt this new piece of information about women after 5 years of marriage....it's called foreplay. Did you _know_ you can take it slower and _do stuff_ that makes it enjoyable rather than just a a quick in-out wham bam thank you ma'am before she's even ready? Did you know that it's possible to even do that?? I just found out and now she actually enjoys sex, it's miraculous."
@@hawkeyescoffee6399 totally. "What's a clitorie?" Old dog, new trick
What are you expecting them to do to show you that they like each other? I think they have a very healthy relationship and that you’re wrong about it
@@rubylight4019 oh, you poor dear 💔
@@rubylight4019 They could start with the BARE MINIMUM, which would be looking like they aren't super awkward to the point of almost disliking each other. If they can get that far then we can talk things they can do to make it look like they like each other at least a little.
The massage question card should have read "If I plan to surprise you with a massage, would you prefer it lead to sex or not lead to sex?" Because I personally would rather not get a massage if it's one of those things that once you get bored, I'm going to have to perform. That doesn't allow me to truly relax. (N.B. I would probably be turned on & initiate sex after a good massage from my partner anyway. I just want to know that it is not an expectation. Too many bad experiences with pouty/angry/violent men.)
Exactly! A massage with no (s)expectations afterwards, just because he did a "nice" thing for me.
Yesssss I’ve experienced men trying to offer me a massage except it clearly it was meant to lead into sex. Which makes it uncomfortable and not an enjoyable massage.
Also what if you don’t want a massage that night? Or what if you don’t like massages? It’s not clear how consent figures into the whole surprise massage thing.
this is a VERY good way to word it and one more reason to put on the heaping pile that these two should never give advice to anyone ever
I feel the same way. Having someone do something nice for/to me only to expect that it leads to s* just ruins the whole nice gesture to begin with. A good massage will probably work anyways, just don't expect anything in return if you don't ask for anything in return to begin with
As someone who identifies as aro/ace, just... this makes me so glad that even growing up in Texas with two sets of parents taking me to church at one point- yes, divorced parents taking me to two different church services one after the other ON THE SAME DAY- I never felt connected to religion. Dodged a lot of shit. I can't imagine what it would have been like to marry a Paul and go from a happily celibate unacknowledged/unrealized ace to someone expecting intercourse from me every. Other. Day.
i feel this so hard as someone also under the ace umbrella. my parents are technically atheist but our social sphere (the racialized white, middle class, 'my kids are just my accessories' crowd) is still STEEPED in christian values like this without anyone actually outright labeling them as Christian Values, and even growing up with just that was pretty nerve wracking. i feel really lucky that ive gotten a more comprehensive sex ed that included consent and discovery of boundaries/drive/ect, especially in my teenage years when quality sex ed gets REALLY critical 😨
Also aro/ace here!! I was thinking the same... This would be my worst nightmare
I'm aro/ace too and sometimes i think about how (even though I wasn't aware of it) being aspec shielded me from so many things that could have harmed me growing up.
Ace here that married a fundamentalist, divorced and is deconstructing. Celibacy was dope. Then I took on the role of wife like the way a soldier goes to war. Or like nurse goes to work in an ER. This job sucks but it should be rewarding in the end. Letting God keep me strong thru it. I do not recommend. It was traumatic. I got taken advantage of. There were situations where years later I described to my therapist and they were like “ honey…. That’s R*pe” . It fucking sucks.
Hello, fellow A! I am both ace and aro, and I find there are too few of us out here! I feel the same way, I shudder at the very idea of those marriage expectations and I am glad I got out of it when I could. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I was lucky to have grown up with normal sex ed and healthy behaviors, but as soon as I married my evangelical ex-husband it was expected to act this way and have sex no matter what because he wanted it and was the "Head" etc.... It IS abusive and horribly toxic, from a personal perspective, and that abuse and toxicity is encouraged and supported by the churches and their leaders. Divorced him after 4 years, but it was awful living in that culture.
That is exactly what this culture promotes and it's absolutely terrible
Rape culture essentially
So even if you are given a healthy view of sex you are expected to unlearn all that to learn about their medieval ways of having sex. Likewise I was taught about evolution at school but was expected to unlearn that and learn about the creation myth. Because I know better I wasn't brainwashed for long.
I seriously feel for the women and men who end up frightened and traumatized by their (lack of) sexual education and are expected to become sexual beings once they tie the knot. If their partner is open to immediate sexual activity like Paul, what happens to them?
they usually think thats it expected of them and do it even if they not enjoy it sadly. Morgan said in her video before they made some sort of shedule or agreement on how many days they are having sex in a week or something. Morgan overall alot of times voiced shes not a "sexual" person and in healthy realationship different sex drives should be openly discussed or some people dont like sex and thats also okay.
Alot of ex mormons that even love each other do marriage/sex therapy bc intamicy is so shamed upon their religion and everything they have alot of trauma to go through.
Its really sad
That happened to a friend of mine. I grew up in a super religious household. It was really tough on her to be told absolutely not one moment and then be expected to have sex more than once a week. It nearly destroyed her marriage and now she’s very vocally against this harmful teaching
@@TipTheScales27 yeah the documentary "Keep sweet and obey" on Netflix also covered that. It must be really traumatizing being told something is sinful and not to be spoken of and then being expected to be doing it right away after the wedding and then also regularly maybe with someone you didn't even get to bond really before because of the purity culture
Completley disregarding that sex should be fun and enjoying for both parties but I don't think most men in these spaces care about that it is for procreation solely those poor women
We kinda get told to just lie there and take it. It’s horrible, and a hard expectation to shake sadly. I’m still working on overcoming it
Not even 3min in but had a realisation. This kind of content (intimacy advice from "Christians") is exactly what I would have been interested in 10 years ago. Why? Because this stuff IS NOT TALKED ABOUT when growing up Christian. 15-20 year Olds were craving this kind of advice because no one wanted to talk about it. If you aren't having sex until you're married, why would we teach you anything extra other than the basic mechanics in the school curriculum and "don't do it!" The whole culture, fundamentalist or not (since it wasn't difficult for it to sneak it's way in), is set up for this exact content to be "relevant" or "relatable" in such a predatory way 😬
Dalmatians!
It was only just recently that a friend of mine taught me about OB services and why I need to see one even though I'm not having sex. Christians leave their young people woefully unprepared for the real world
Yeah. I do think that a lot of the insular way fundies operate in regards to restrictions & building "relatable" content is for the purpose of framing an illusion of being a culture of having variety & benefits while attempting to keep people from being too curious or from wandering outside the bubble.
@Catarina Vergueiro thank you 🥺 I've gotten more help from friends and people like you than I ever did from my parents. I'll add that to the list of things to bring up
What's odd to me is how giggly they are talking about sex. Sounds like they are 12. They are so uncomfortable talking about sex. It might be embarrassing to talk specific body parts, but they are talking massages, etc. BTW, don't giggle about sex, but I giggle thru watching Mickey's face. :D
Yes! His raspberries and her laughing at ridiculous times are making me want to throw my phone. I hope my phone survives this video.
Yeah she's at least very uncomfortable with the entire conversation. :/
They are that giggly about everything they talk about if you watch their videos. I love them
@@bigsiskrishere Yes, I feel there is likely no actual consent on this whole thing. Paul says what he wants, and she agrees, not because she is genuinely submissive, but because she is EXPECTED to be submissive.
@@515aleon Yeah that's my impression too
I think it’s so funny that Paul was like “we have a good sex life so we can tell people what to do” when the only way that Morgan was able to express that she was uncomfortable and wanted different things from him was literally to call him out on a video that’s on the internet. Like this feels like a conversation they should have in private and haven’t.
Is it just me or do they seem so uncomfortable to be around each other? It’s like they are trying really hard to seem like the perfect couple it comes off so cringe
Iirc, Morgan literally ran away at their wedding. She got phsyically ill at the thought of marrying him and had to run off
Didn't they get married in under a year of dating?
@@cb034 WHAT really?
@@cb034 oh shit i didn’t know that
I'm not sure if this is my sexual trauma talking or if it's just a normal experience for some folks, but I definitely struggle for asking for what I want from my partner. As a teen, I absorbed that idea that I must please men and, as an adult, I was in an abusive relationship where my needs were only listened to if it was going to please my partner. My current partner is great and I've made a lot of progress, but I'll still see a tiger when there isn't one.
@LaurenAnne, I'm so sorry you've had these experiences. I am a Sex and Intimacy Coach, and in answer to your query at the beginning: what you describe about being taught to please men is overwhelmingly common amongst those of us brought up as little girls. And yes, it affects how we act in the bedroom. Your history of sexual trauma is likely compounding the issue. Among my cis-female clients, not knowing how to ask for what they want is absolutely the NUMBER ONE issue. And it makes sense - as little girls society taught us that our value was in how we looked and how well we took care of others. Many of us learned that making requests was a bad thing, and for some it might result in emotional, mental, or physical repercussions. And on the other side, little boys are taught to never ask questions because it makes them weak. Then they send us to high school and we study history and math, but who ever gets a class in effective communication? So we get into a sexual situation where one partner doesn't know how to ask for what she wants and one partner doesn't know how to ask for guidance, and it's a recipe for disaster! (This can happen in a couple of any gender combination, but I'm taking from your comment that you're in a heterosexual couple.). This dynamic comes up a lot on my podcast "Good Girls Talk About Sex" and it might be helpful to hear other women talking about how they handle it - both to know that you're not alone, and to get ideas for what might work for you. 💜
That’s my experience too really. Now being on my own and involved with a woman, it’s like I don’t know what I like anymore now that I’m not being abused
@@alexandrawilson-hodge2974 have you ever heard of the Three Minute Game? It can be really helpful for getting back into your body and reconnecting with what you like. I can't post a link, but if you search for "Leah Carey three minute game" it should pop right up. 💜
My ex-wife had experiences very similar to yours; even after many years it didn't go away completely. I always made it clear I wanted her to be aware of her own needs and feelings, and never deny herself to please me. I started to anticipate when she was feeling that way in bed, and found that the best way to deal with it was to stop and let her know that if she didn't feel like going forward, I didn't feel it either, but I was satisfied just being with her, talking, cuddling, whatever. After about 20 minutes she would start to discover her own sexual feelings, and she had the space and freedom to let me know in her own time, in her own way. And she did just that. This happened so often it became a running joke between us.
Your results may vary, of course, but the reason I'm telling you this is that my experience has been that it's possible to work around those negative feelings and not let it impede your relationship. It just takes a little patience and awareness from both you and your partner.
I hope this is helpful, but if not, please ignore it. The other responses are filled with a more comprehensive, informed perspective, and I'm not trying to undermine them. I'm just saying, this worked for me, maybe it could be helpful for you.
I feel this too. I also have trauma involving this. It started when I was 14. Then I finally felt better and I opened up a little more to that part of me and felt less ashamed. But then I got taken advantage of again and it's terrifying to even be next to a man. I always feel ashamed talking about sex in general because I grew up in a very strict Christian household so everytime I talk about it or it's mentioned it feels like I shouldn't be talking about it. Like I'm still a child that is embarrassed by it all. It's terrible because I just wanna be who I am and actually explore my life and my needs more but it feels impossible and absolutely horrifying
Paul: we only use Christian resources
me: see that's why it took you 5 years to realize that your partner might not be aroused at the same time
This may be unfair, but I get the impression that Paul is a selfish, insensitive lover, and Morgan is too subservient to try and coach him.
It is not unfair to think that! The video have some evidences about that.
they also explicitly talk about those things like her obeying him and they directly say sex for them is about going quick and fast - sex for him. fast, immediate penetration. it's the christian patriarchy way. sex is for the man. sex is P in V. and if he's doing anything to pay attention to the woman, he's lauded like a hero for a minimal efforts with zero outcome. if the man has an erection, penetration should start immediately. upon his orgasm, sex is over. that's the view.
Person studying to be a sex educator here! My all-time favorite book on all things logistics in sex is “The Guide to Getting it On.” It has whole chapters about anatomy, hygiene, sex with disabilities, sex with yourself, someone(s) else, and really great ideas to change things up if you feel like your sex life isn’t fulfilling in the way you want it to be. It also has comic book style drawings to show exactly what the book is talking about for more visual learners. I can’t recommend it enough!
I'm definitely going to purchase this book. I had a stroke and I'm recovering and we need to learn how to find our way back to each other with dealing stroke after effects.
Hi Alexandra! I'm a Sex and Intimacy Coach and I'd be happy to connect you into some of the groups for sex educators I'm part of. You might also enjoy my podcast "Good Girls Talk About Sex," where I interview people who were brought up as little girls plus transgender women about their sex lives. 💜
As an involuntary prude (I envy those who are sex positive because I want to be, I know it’s not wrong) I should get that book. Not sure why sex the topic makes me so uncomfortable
I can’t even go on adult websites for fucks sake lol. I’m trying to get more comfortable so that book would prob be good for me. Gonna look it up thanks
Thanks for the recommendation I'm gonna check it out!! 😊
@@sabinajoh You might also want to look into whether you're on the asexual spectrum. I've always had an aversion to thinking about, looking at, or doing sexual acts except under super specific circumstances. Then I realized (through a TH-cam channel called One Topic, of all places), that I might be ace. I looked up some lists and things and realized that yes, I'm specifically demisexual (I only like sex with someone I have a deep emotional connection with, and even then only once in a while).
You might be asexual, or you might just be an allosexual person trying to deprogram from harmful prudish sex education. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, I wish you luck on your journey of personal discovery!
Right off the bat Morgan seems veryyyy uncomfortable making this video...My assumption whenever someone makes content like this and positions themselves as "experts" on something that they are currently experiencing is that there might be some insecurity in that area and maybe they want to reassure themselves that their way is the "right" way. I used to be very religious, so I can definitely attest that I felt a lot of pressure from my community to do just that.
it always bothers me how paul subtly shames morgan by making comments about sex before marriage, knowing morgan had sex before marriage. it seems like he's trying to remind her of her past choices to elicit shame.
@@cricketiiella I think you’re reaching here, the Christian perspective is that believers are forgiven and looked at by God as a blank slate, the sin is forgiven and forgotten
@@Yararar No he made a video about HIM having to "forgive" her sexual past. He 100% shames her about it.
My partner is ace we have sex every four to six months. When we had sex more often we were miserable becuse they didn't want be there and I felt gross for expecting it. Purity culture hurts every one
I'm ace and physical intimacy is a rare occurrence with my partner, but that doesn't mean it isn't good when it happens 🤷♀️ enthusiastic consent and respected boundaries are the most important at the end of the day 🖤🤍💜
@@Purplegoldfish I am happy for both of you here in the comments, I am currently whithout a partner, and I don't feel lile having sex everyday, I prefer once or twice a week, not more than that becouse it become overhelming, and I don't like to schedule.
I’m so glad that works for you! Self-love when the other partner is not in the mood is awesome! Even non-ace people feel the pressure to get intimate more often or something is wrong with us. We’ve seriously learned to be ok with the concept that if the work week is too stressful and it only happens on weekends that it’s ok.
I'm ace. I don't enjoy sexual things, however I sometimes (admittedly quite rarely) enjoy making my fiance feel good (we also talk about toys and sex stuff regularly). But I neither require nor want reciprocation. We were watching a video of a girl talking about things she didn't enjoy because she's autistic and tongue kissing was one of them. He immediately asked me if that went for me too and if that was why we hadn't made out in such a long time, looking absolutely TERRIFIED that he had pressured me into it (he hadn't. I think it's weird but I don't dislike it, i had literally just...forgotten lmao). We've been together for 10+ years
@@grazielaalmeida8438 Most couples have sex just once or twice a week anyway.
This is really validating, thank you. I grew up in Mormonism, where masterbation is a sin, and sex outside of marriage is a “sin next to murder.” Couched within a hyper-patriarchal culture, you’ve got a recipe for the worst forms of sexism. Im still fucked up and deconstructing all this.
Tabitha, I wrote you a long response but it got zapped by the YT gods because I spelled out a bad word 🙄 I have a podcast where I interview women about their sex lives and have had a couple former Mormons on. The show is called "Good Girls Talk About Sex" and you can search for Shelly (the title includes the mast-r-b-n word) and Timari. They've both done a lot of healing around their sexuality and you might find something in there that helps you in your deconstruction. 💜Good luck!💜
Masturbation is bad from a biological point of view, in special for men, becouse the vagina will never put the same pressure that a man puts with his own hands, so after sex he feels disappointed and not satisfied.
Me too girl
Heyyyyy a fellow ex-mormon! I'm still deconstructing, too. Please remember to take the time you need to work through your shit, and to take care of yourself first. Best of luck 💜
1:55 - Paul - “we’re experts!” Me: person who has been married for 13 years. “No you’re not.”
Yeah exactly. I have been with my partner for 16 years and married for 12. They are not experts
Me, who has never even considered marriage seriously: no youre not
To be fair, he was clearly joking.
@@morgianasartre6709 I think you're being charitable. I'm not convinced it was a joke, as evidenced by them sharing the length of their marriage as if to convince us of their expertise or even the fact that they made this video at all implies that they thought they had something worth saying on the matter.
Even when he's been married for 20 years he still won't be an expert. He thinks he's one though.
am i the only woman detecting how unhappy morgan's body language/energy is discussing this? like he keeps talking about every other day and im just sitting here like wow hes really working her like a horse huh and her energy is giving "it is what it is"
It seems to me like he is imposing that schedule on her and she really woul rather it wasn't so often. Which is such a shame, she shouldn't have to be doing anything she doesn't really want to!
It's so upsetting to hear people talking about someone they've been having sex with routinely and they don't even know if the other person is enjoying it. Maybe it's the autism, but me and my spouse do a little Q&A after every time and we don't do things the other person isn't into.
honestly I find that autistic folks find alternative ways to communicate with neurotypical people thats way more efficient than how neurotypical ppl usually communicate. My theory is that neurotypical people assume the other people understand them and they don’t NEED to explain anything but neurodivergents want to understand everything because they need confirmation that they’re not overlooking anything. I think more people should do this!
OMG yes, I'm also autistic and I have no idea how people have sex with so little communication or clue what's going on for/with each other. Like, is it even intimacy?? My spouse and I also do our own little pillow-talk debrief nearly every time and it helps us be better partners to each other as well as get a little extra verbal/emotional closeness to round everything out.
My partner and I do this too, and especially if we've tried something different it's good to have the debrief
@@maxroyston5342 in some circles it's called "after care" and I think it should be taught in sex ed class to everyone. it's very healthy and respectful to discuss and support each other after physical intimacy.
It honestly makes me sad that a couple married for five years would still be scared to express their wants, needs, preferences with sex. Such odd views/ideas about sex. Truly bizarre.
The fact that Morgan is more afraid of hurting a man’s feelings than she is of putting herself and her body through something that she doesn’t want or enjoy … fucking SENT me
Thank you for making this content Mickey. I wasn’t even religious but growing up in the vaguely Christian culture I did, or maybe just the world we’ve lived in, I remember being taught or shown really troubling ideas about what sex is or isn’t or should or shouldn’t be or what my body was or wasn’t or what I can or can’t do with it. It scares me that people with vulvas think and feel the things I did, and much much worse. You’re doing The Good Work my dude.
Also, your hair looks extra fuckin bangin’ today dude.
Yeah, that gives me some yellow flags. I mean, I don't want to assume, I don't know them, but I'm hoping it's moreso because Morgan is such a people-pleaser who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings, than it being because Paul acts a certain way when his feelings are hurt.
@@stewieismyhomeboy I mean my guess is that it’s because people with vulvas are socialized to pander to the feelings of men, and whether or not Paul has harmed her for hurting his feelings. Like that’s my issue with it. A woman compromising her physical and emotional comfort for the ego of a man.
"People with vulvas" is a dehumanising term. It's female people, women.
@@cosmicmuffin322 Trans and non-binary people exist… the term is not dehumanising, it’s meant to be inclusive towards stigmatised groups. That’s at least what I got out of it (as a cis-het woman)
@@cosmicmuffin322 Nah, people with vulvas is fine.
The thing about influencers like Paul and Morgan, regardless of religion, is that they believe that their own personal experiences are basically the same as everyone's. They think their advice will work for you because it's what worked for them. They really have trouble seeing the world outside of their own bubble, which is exactly why they shouldn't proclaim themselves as experts or tell people what to do.
They have NEVER proclaimed that they are experts. I don’t know what you’re even talking about 😂
@@rubylight4019 These chuckle heads have presented themselves as an authoritative source on marriage in a Fundamentalist framework for years. They don't give suggestions, they declare what is right and wrong in a ~God honoring marriage~ to their audience of other repressed, naive, conservative Christians.
It doesn't matter what disclaimers they put at the start of their videos or whatever when they say things like "I would question your genuine faith walk if you're having sex outside of marriage and justifying it... You don't need to [test your sexual compatibility before marriage] (23:20)." To say nothing of how weird they are about how often other people have sex, which is a topic addressed in this very video. Pick out the context clues, bud, it's truly not that hard.
@@rubylight4019 And yet here they are, acting as if they are experts because they've been married for five years; just because they never say it out loud doesn't mean the listeners/ viewers can't pick up on the subtle implication. Not to mention these defunct walnuts published a shoddy dating book, so it's not the first time they've tried to act as if they are the top dogs of the dating/ marriage world
@@rubylight4019
It's the way they speak. Mickey spoke about it in this video but it's how they'll be like 'we not saying you have to do it like this' but then be like 'but if you do it differently from this you are X'. (X to mean any insulting term from 'lazy' and 'dirty' to 'not a real christian' and 'not a good wife/husband').
They do this quite often and it gives off the impression they want everyone else to do as they do (which in turn does create the impression they think they are experts on the subject).
OMG - yeah, that's the worst thing about all conservatives. They think just because they've never experienced something, its not really a thing.
Oh wow. Poor Morgan. She had a bad first experience with seggs and now is married to someone who doesn't know how to please a women in bed and took 5 years to come to the point that he might want to learn how to do better..... Can you imagine. 😅 That's really sad.
Bad sex is not thing but i am worried that this might be more serious. Like rape.
He constantly gives off the vibe that he does not respect his own partner's boundaries. :S
all while doing it every other day.... that's so much unwanted and unequal sex
I’ve never seen married people so awkward with each other - with the exception of that Warren Jeffs documentary.
They have absolutely no chemistry. All their interactions look uncomfortable.
They just seem random attractive people put in a room together having to pretend they're married.
That’s so rude. I don’t think Paul and Morgan are awkward at all. You try to make a video better than they did
@@FrogsForBreakfast That’s not true.
@@rubylight4019 pretty easy to do, they are not putting a lot of effort there.
I feel like I need to ask Morgan to blink twice if she needs help...
Can you do a video talking about Jennette McCurdy’s book? I would love to hear you analyze the experiences she had as a child.
Yes!
Oh, yes!! And seeing how she has a podcast and talks so much about mental health, I think she would be even open to collaborate
Ooh, I'd love this!
Yes I would love to hear her talk about it!
Same!
Yeah talking sex advice from a couple where the partners aren't equal? How could that possibly go wrong?
Partners are supposed to be different, becouse men and women are not the same, we are different.
@Oreo this
@@grazielaalmeida8438 different ≠ unequal
Paul absolutely just outed himself as a shitty lay and that is endlessly amusing to me lmao.
“So frustrating and painful” sheesh that makes me feel so weird like.. describing your sex life as painful? 😬
And he means for him, he's not even taking any notice of how she may have been feeling.
lmao I love your username and pfp 😭♥️
That whole circular talk by saying "we're not judging you," then the next second calling people lazy who don't have enough sex in his opinion, is literally the way evangelicals talk. It's a way to control what you do without taking responsibility for what happens to a person when they do it.
The immaturity is unbelievable. You can tell she has never been able to voice her feelings…. And now Paul is encouraging her to do this video to talk about how great their intimate life is and inside she’s like “it’s still not great”
I'm ace & I really appreciate that you didn't brush over those of us who aren't interested in sex (for whatever reason). It's very rare that people don't just forget we exist & that tiny gesture is really huge for younger aces (or anyone else that just doesn't want sex) especially, who get the message that the way they feel is not 'normal'. Love to see it!
HOOOOWWW is having a conversation about sex, with a TRUSTED, and very much LOVED partner, uncomfortable??
Yep. What they say is harmful
"HOOOOWWW is having a conversation about sex, with a TRUSTED, and very much LOVED partner, uncomfortable?"
Probably because the partner isn't really trusted, and maybe not loved either.
It's a very intimate discussion about one's raw feelings/desires. One makes themselves very vulnerable. That can be difficult even if you love the person you're with and don't think they will judge you.
@@oktopussy9628 but this isn't just anyone though this is your partner. My partner and I share literally everything
If you were brought up to think that every sexual impulse you have is sinful.
Profiting off “fixing” a problem (lack of knowledge about sex among Christians) that they helped create and perpetuate (with purity culture) is like someone starting a fire then trying to make a living putting it out. Classy, P&M! /s
Or more like pouring water over the stock of firewood then trying to get the woodburner to light
P&M may perpetuate purity culture but they sure as shit aren't part of its creation. Without question they are indoctrinated. So while their content is without merit, I still see them first and foremost as victims to the ideology. That they're trying to "address" the problem (with the same non-answers hundreds of Evangelical authors & speakers have given for decades) is nothing new or interesting.
Idk. I think maybe I'm just getting tired of all the sighing, eye-rolling, etc. Efforts our better spent in so many ways and places. Whether it's in holding Evangelical Christians to biblical standards on social issues they tend to ignore (poverty), helping those deconstructing by offering valuable resources (which IMO is not done in this video, but she does so in many others), or generally promoting inclusive sex positivity (love all the Ace-friendly comments here and content from this channel!), that all is great! Doing a takedown of P&M for saying all the same shit we know they're going to say just seems unproductive. To the point where I'm starting to want to just plead, "please stop." Of course they're not classy or helpful. Let's move on...
I’d love for you to do a video on asexual mental health issues, especially in the context of a culture where we are pressured to enjoy sex and it can make you feel shameful or broken when you don’t.
It’d be helpful to a lot of people. I’m not ace, but I have a lot of sexual trauma that interferes with me having any sort of romantic life, because sex is expected and it terrifies me
This would be great! Especially with ace and/or aro guests to share first hand experiences.
And not all Ace people have had the ability to be celibate. Like, what if morgan was Ace? Think anyone would respect that? There are many situations like that. It's not just fundies. It's everywhere. Some people think if can't be Ace if you've had sex. But sex isn't a choice for a lot of people. It's made an inevitable part of life that you cannot opt out of.
i can so relate to everything you say. i was raised evangelical, independent fundamental baptist light and my first husband very much held to the "we need to have sex at least 3x a week". including the day after my breast lumpectomy and continually through chemo and radiation. i never felt like i could say no, because it's a wife's job to make sure her husband doesn't wander, right? (blergh) after 16 yrs of marriage i finally realized how bad all the abuse was a got away from that hell
Some of them feel entitled to go anal even if the wife already told she doesn't want to before marriage, becouse it's the wife job to not let the man wondering.
through CHEMO?? my GOD
I'm glad you're out.
I feel so sad for Morgan. Wow. She looks so deeply uncomfortable
Having grown up and gotten married in this culture (I was 19 and he was 28!!) I was raised as if this approach to intimacy was this ancient monolith and that that’s how all of the elders in the church did it. Now that I’m older and divorced, I’ve talked to my mom about it and her and my dad didn’t actually know that there would be rules for how I dated. When they were dating, in the same church, they were allowed to kiss and have pda, basically they just couldn’t have sex. Not to say that that was a good approach either, but it helped me to realize that I wasn’t a failure within this long standing tradition that worked for everyone else, I was the result of decades of radicalization.
I'm glad you felt better after you talked to your mom :)
Perhaps you mentioned it and I just missed it, but imo the most problematic part was when Paul started talking about how emotional he gets when Morgan does not want to have sex after an argument and how women should be more mindful and not deprive their husbands for such reasons DESPITE MORGAN SAYING THAT SHE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WANT TO BE TOUCHED WHEN SHE IS ANGRY. It was just a big nope and for them to go on about how one has to be kind about these things, get out of here, that is not kind at all.
EXCUSE ME WHAT????? where did he say that bc i missed that too! thats horrible!
@@lilkitty2396 I think it was towards the end of their full video, and yes I watched the whole damn hour while I was cleaning lol.
It just feels like a couple who just tried it for the first time and dont know what theyre doing and it’s awkward, but theyve been trying it for 5 years. Man.
As a Catholic I was taught by the priest of our church that if i don’t want to get pregnant while in marriage, I’m not allowed to use contraception, so I’m only allowed to have sex with my husband during my non-ovulation days. According to Paul and Morgan, they struggled with infertility all the years of their marriage, so it’s SO EASY to just tell the rest of us fertile Myrtles out here to go ahead and have sex every other day. Are you kidding me?? I’d have 7 kids by now!
Also excath, yuuup. So glad I bailed before getting married. These two are so busy telling people they aren't Christians because of their differing beliefs and they don't even realize that they're just making up nonsense with zero standing. The nerve of Protestants lul.
Catholicism and Orthodoxy are also bunk, but Protestants are so fucking lost in the weeds of personal revelation it's stunning.
Imagine picking and choosing your own doctrine and arriving at Paul and Morgan's opinions
There's some Christians that also believe that tracking your ovulation cycle to avoid pregnancy is bad. You have to leave it in God's hands. Mix that in with the moralizing, and sexist coercion to frequently have sex, and you get women becoming pregnant pretty much every year while still "needing" to please their husband way too soon while recovering from giving birth. It's incredibly harmful emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
@@MH-wz1rb I think choosing your own beliefs or rather arriving at them through education and introspection is way better than blindly following doctrine „because the Bible says so“ for example. Plus, ALL religious people are cherry-picking. There is no need to single out a certain group.
@@Froggele We're talking about the culture in this specific video + the culture the people in this thread have personal experience with.
@@cam4636 I get that but I don’t see why to single out a certain denomination when all Christians or better yet all religious people whose religion is based on an ancient text are cherry-pickers.
Oh wow, they really just told all of us that they have bad sex. Even after five years! I feel bad for Morgan, yikes 😬
It seems like Paul is equating frequency with quality.
I'm always skeptical of couples who feel the need to "schedule" sex. I can understand scheduling if you are trying for a child (but then you're more working with a window of fertility rather than a strict "we will have sex every other day" kind of thing), but otherwise it feels like setting an expectation that sex WILL happen on Saturday even if one of the partners is not feeling in the mood. There are ways to make scheduling sex work, but there are also SOOOO many ways it can go wrong and become abusive. Please just talk to your partner!!! If you don't feel satisfied, talk to your partner first. And if you can't have an open discussion about sex with your partner, scheduling sex is NOT the best solution.
imo, it can be helpful for some - it can help prioritize it for folks who feel like intimacy gets lost in their busy lives, and some people love a schedule! It just needs to remain flexible at the same time. For example, if you were planning a dinner date with someone, but then the day came and one person said, "You know, I had a rough day at work. Can we just get takeout?" you would change your plans. Similarly, if your "sex date" arrives and one person isn't into it, you can always pivot into a quiet movie night, or whatever.
And of course, some people hate a schedule! Scheduled or not, it should never involve pressure or coercion.
Scheduling can work when there are children involved, but as they don't have one yet and don't work normal jobs the need to schedule seems like its mandatory.
@@theaterislife this was exactly my take. Sometimes if couples don’t schedule sex even loosely it can fall by the wayside. But having somewhat of an anticipation that we are going to try to set aside these times to do it even knowing that it could end up not working out doesn’t harm anybody. Again with the strong caveat that it will always be consensual and could pivot to say cuddling instead of going further.
it can work when both people prefer to do that and there is no expectation. i personally love to schedule my time and stuff i do, and as long as there is no pressure or expectation, i think scheduling that time can be helpful! but i totally agree it can become abusive. i try to stay very open and communicative with all my partners (im poly) and i have a great relationship with s- . but i do live away from all my partners so i have to schedule dates with them, and sometimes we might discuss that we would like to do things and then maybe that changes and we respect each other and everything is good lol !!
as a teenager i was big confused about stuff and did lose my v card at 15 which was too early for me, and i was with some guys who acted like i was supposed to do that for them but as an adult i got out of that thinking, im 29 now and wont do anything i dont wanna!
i think their attitude towards needing sex really says a lot about how their type of religiosity LOVES sex, despite the marriage paywall. As an ace person, one of the things I heard most often from other queer ppl in an attempt to invalidate my sexuality was that since the church was against sex before marriage, then it meant that it was impossible for me to face discrimination by them since being ace meant I “inherently adhered to their value of abstinence.” That my asexuality would be “praised” and welcomed for that reason.
Firstly, asexual =/= inherently, 100% non-sexual. Secondly, the idea that these types of Christians would even BEGIN to WANT to comprehend what asexuality meant, much less accept it, is laughable. These are the types of ppl who literally act allergic to any word under the queer umbrella. They’re so willfully ignorant that they don’t even understand that “cis” or “heterosexual” is something that they want to apply to them. The type of people who swear-off all pronouns to the extent that they clearly think it’s a queer-only concept. The idea that those kinds of people would understand and embrace my sexuality, or that there’s an inherent ally-ship between us just because I may or may not /technically/ abstain from sex in a way they value, is so completely absurd. There’s no way they wouldn’t refuse to understand me or think that I was broken for my lack of attraction.
Because thirdly? even if they DID embrace me for my abstinence, that acceptance would only span up until I got married, because as is clearly outlined in their video and the countless other content ppl like them put out about it, they *fucking love sex.* Sex is a gift from god. A right given to men as a “prize” for their marriage with a woman, and the only way you can truly honor god in your relationship. If you deny sex, you deny your duty to your husband, and you deny god his worship, and his ability to bless you with children. They refuse to believe that a sex life any different than theirs goes against god and invalidates both your right to call yourself Christian, and the health of your marriage. You’re a sinful disgrace for having sex before marriage, and for refusing to have it *after* marriage as well. And idk about you, but them going on and on about how unhealthy my relationship is for the lack of sex it includes, doesn’t really feel like ally-ship to me. I don’t think asexuality is exempt from discrimination by these people.
Yes. All of this.
The only exception I can think of is call to celibacy like in the Catholic church, but they'd still be pissed you don't have "temptation." Pretty much every protestant denomination wants marriage and some may even consider it a sin to not be married if you're afab. Plus I'd guess they think asexuality just doesn't exist or that it's an issue to be solved for marriage, and not something to embrace beyond abstinence. This is the case with my friends whose ace and has a very Christian godmother. She praised her at first for being a virgin, but the shamed her about not having a boyfriend as she got older.
Thank you for sharing 💜
Paul comes off as such a petulant child in such an intimate, mature area! Its all "if you don't have sex with me every other day I'll take it personally, if you don't want sex when I want it I'll take it personally, if I fail to please you I'll take it personally,and when I take it personally it's YOUR fault because YOU made ME feel bad". This is so selfish, so manipulative, so controlling. And you can see that Morgan feels awful for"""hurting""" him, and his refusal to hear her hurts her deeply, but she just swallows it most of the time to protect his fragile ego. Disgusting, poor Morgan. I hope this treatment of her won't result in a lasting sexual trauma.
I have never seen an interaction between Paul and Morgan where I don’t feel compelled to rescue Morgan.
We can’t know how Morgan feels since she is the second class citizen in the relationship, and Paul strikes me as a stern “head of house”
Scheduling sex just turns it into a chore. I was having a casual relationship with someone and they began wanting to schedule sex and that honestly killed it for me because I like spontaneity with things like that. And also as someone with ADHD, sex can quickly become something taxing for me.
I have ADHD and I'd prefer to schedule sex. There's so many other things in my idiot brain, I only think about it at the most inopportune times, like while my wife's asleep or I'm at work. 😂 She doesn't want to put it on the calendar, so we just make it work, but I don't think it's inherently bad.
No because I completely agree with this, people should have sex whenever they fuck they want to. It's banana's to think that there are people who do it because they feel like it's needed and expected. Sex should always be a decision you make in the moment not yesterday it's wack.
Yeah I think it depends on the needs of the couple. I've seen scheduled sex recommended for people who are, like, super busy and find themselves kind of drifting apart because they don't really make time for intimacy, emotional or otherwise, really. And people could want it for several other reasons. As long as it's okay with the people in the relationship, I think it's pretty benign
Tbh a Sort of schedule can be helpful If you and your Partner have really different routines. E.g. If one of you works nightshifts and the other works during the day. It doesnt have to be cringey but it can Help to schedule some Form of quality time where you can both be present and Not tired. Even If it's Just watching a movie that Turns into sth Else.
Not that that is what Paul is talking about. Wish it was.
That is a horrible ide! NOBODY owes you their time, emotions or body! NOBODY!
Making sex(a completely free will thing) into a chore just ruins the point of it and tells that whoever made up that idea is abusive and a possible rapist.
You do NOT control other people's life, ESPECIALLY not something personal and serious as sex.
Every other day!? Buahahaha!! 💀
Wait until they have kids. Also, as someone who does not enjoy menstrual sex, I'm curious what they do during the days she has her period. Do they still have sex? Is she required to please him even if they aren't having intercourse? What if someone's sick with the flu? Because they've opened this door I'm just so curious about their semantics lol.
I have a friend who has 2 small children and they also have the 'every 2 days' agreement. Some people genuinely do this, even with children and 2 partners working fulltime. That said, I'm not a fan of it and no one should feel like they have to have a minimum setpoint to please the other partner.
Paul mentioned that there are obviously times when it's not possible (I'm guessing that includes times when one is sick), Morgan is about to give birth and they vaguely adressed the 6 week waiting period and one of them mentioned there being other ways to please your partner, so I'm guessing Paul will expect some oral action.
poor girl is about to give birth next month.....
they seem uncomfortable together. they make me feel uncomfortable. I do not feel they should be giving advice
Your comment that “sex is morally neutral” was so freeing to me. I’m an ex-fundie and just now starting to feel comfortable enjoying sex. It was so incredibly taboo to my family and community that I felt overwhelming guilt until my thirties. So glad I’m deconstructing this part of my trauma now. And so happy to have a supportive partner. ❤️
The candy analogy feels very extensible to spending power when a kid is told "don't spend" and suddenly they're financially independent
26:14 - oh, how nice for you Paul and Morgan. You’re not exhausted by raising two young kids and working full time and growing a business. Yeah, Paul and Morgan can take their “advice” and shove it
Thanks for this work, Mickey! Grew up in a conservative catholic household, been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. The older I get the more I realize I still have a lot of unpacking to do about how my sexuality got fucked up by religion. There's something so comforting about you looking at the camera and telling us we're not broken. It's simple, but it's helpful. Thank you.
They way Morgan constantly looks away and leans away from Paul... I just feel like at any second she's going to look in the camera and yell Help Me! This entire interview makes my skin crawl because I heard these things constantly growing up, from parents , preachers,teachers and the books I was given to read on the topic. Just icks me out.
The cognitive dissonance of growing up in evangelicalism and hearing "we need to talk about sex more in the church!" right alongside "never have premarital sex, never think about sex before you're married, never mast*rebate, etc" is SO FUCKING CONFUSING.
I just sent this to my husband lol. We got married when he was 24 and I was 26, both of us homeschooled and raised in extreme purity culture. We've struggled so hard to figure out how even to communicate effectively about sex because the shame is so WILD.
I love this content so much and I just think it's life changing. Dropping purity culture saved my life and probably my marriage (14 years! I think I know a bit more than Paul and Morgan by now lol).
Thank you so much for your content, I know I'm not alone in being an ex-evangelical who finds your content so. fucking. healing. 💜💜💜
I just want to sit down and have a chat with Morgan without Paul. I feel like she is fighting a lot of internal battles by herself, and Paul is only making it worse by pushing her buttons and demanding things from her that she’s obviously uncomfortable doing. She shouldn’t have to go through all this stuff alone!
I find it concerning that Paul gets emotionally hurt whenever Morgan doesn’t want sex. Not only is it unhealthy for him to take sex personally, but it’s emotionally abusive and coercive for Morgan to feel like she HAS to give Paul her body or he will feel emotionally hurt.
In a more recent video they were talking about when they have arguments and end up not having sex. Paul started off saying that he felt hurt when that happened, and it led into him saying he was angry when that happened (which is what I thought he was getting at). Huge red flag
On one hand, I feel like Paul and Morgan’s hearts are in the right place. For a very conservative Christian audience, Paul and Morgan might sound downright sex-positive and progressive because they even sort of talk about foreplay(!), sex(!), games(!), pleasure(!).
But on the other hand, the problem is that their foundational beliefs about sex (That have been ingrained into them for decades) have some issues.
You can’t really dismantle the negative repercussions of purity culture if you don’t dismantle the basis of purity culture. They don’t see that purity culture is the WHOLE THING.
Like, I’m happy they’re talking about sex. But I’m sad that there’s still fear and caveats to talking about sex. Talking and learning about sex isn’t shameful or a “slippery slope.”
Heck, even if you are committed to no sex before marriage, it is SO important to learn about sexuality, have frank talks about your bodies, and express excitement about sexual behavior in the future.
Many parents, mentors, and church leaders are afraid to speak frankly about sex because 1) they have their own hang ups 2) they are afraid of making “sinful sexuality” look enticing. Theres a lot of fear not only of causing people to “stumble” physically but also MENTALLY. And that’s the real difficulty.
If you’re taught that thinking about sex, fantasizing, or reading sexy things is a thought crime against God, it’s hard to flip the switch just because you’re married and suddenly everyone says it’s okay to acknowledge your sex drive now.
It's been five hours and I can't stop thinking about the idea of a "bad sex boogeyman." Would... would it be called the Bad-a-fook?
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣bro hahahahahaha
This needs more likes 🤣
Omg😂😂
Thank you 🤣
These people that are saying they don't understand why so many christian couples have boring and unfulfilling sex are the same ones that will shame premarital sex or exploring sexuallity at all.
I grew up evangelical. I was taught that kissing was a sin, porn was a sin, masturbation was a sin, having boyfriends without the idea of getting married was a sin, any homosexual thought was a sin, virginity and purity was a form of respect to god and your future husband... openly talking about sex itself was such a taboo at home, at my christistian school and at church. Now I'm 23 and even when I'm no longer evangelical (in fact I despise religion) I can't help but have so many issues regarding my sexuality and intimacy. I am so behind the rest of my friends to the point I haven't even kissed anyone yet and I distance myself from any potential relationship because deep down I still feel fear and shame.
Now imagine a young christian couple that was shamed to not think about sexuality and then BAM suddenly you expect them to get married and be sex experts with a risqué and rich sexual lifestyle?? That's delusional.
They make sex such a big deal, they fill our minds with denial and supression of our own natural needs... don't expect us to have healthy and knowledgeable sex lifestyle.
“It’s such an AWKWARD conversation, though…” No it’s not 😂 That is not a good or healthy thing to feel about someone you’re married to. I cannot imagine finding something this basic “awkward” with my partner.
“where to touch morgan” SIR JUST ASK??? SHE WILL TELL YOU IF ITS GOOD OR NOT, COMMUNICATION CMON
I don't think she feels able to voice her wants and needs, and I wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't tried on the beginning and he didn't react well.
Ahhh when he said, “I’ll use resources sometimes that I feel ok about in my conscious” I made the same face as you and laughed along w you. That was funny!
Morgan's reaction when he said you need to "build the anticipation"! She looks so sad and disappointed and defeated 😭
That poor girl looks at the floor or away more than anywhere else .. she’s missing a huge part of life being only w that guy , but she’ll never know. To each their own.
She had sex before marriage with another guy. I’m not saying it to shame her of course, just stating that she has been with at least 1 other person.
I believe it's come up before (he seemed to use it as a point of shame against her in the few things I've seen) but she had sex in a prior relationship. Which makes it even weirder that she puts up with his bs really, though I think she was so shamed and embarrassed for having had a life before fundamentalism that perhaps she doesn't feel able to voice those things or he has fostered a relationship that prevents he from talking about it for fear of hurting his delicate feelings (it sounded to me they were essentially saying he got upset because early on she wasn't giving it up enough to what his expectations were when they first married, someone failed to tell him that sometimes your spouse isn't in the mood and is allowed to say no. He'd been told to wait til marriage all his life and assumed that would mean a free pass to _all_ the sex regardless of what she might want. So they now have a schedule because his temper tantrums have now swung to her not feeling like she can say no anymore...so instead it's a chore they scheduled in for every other day, much like you might schedule taking out the trash...such romance...many goals).
What even is this comment… You’re wrong
@@rubylight4019 being pressured to have sex every other day sure sounds like a way to be miserable..
The thing is, I feel like neither of them is happy in their relationship.
I have been married 28 years and my husband and I just started getting ourselves out of these mindsets in the last 6 or so years. I so often feel like we lost so much time.
It's also why I started talking to my kids (in an age appropriate way) about sex and being "normal" and answered every question that has ever popped into their heads about such things. The mindset from this stuff is so hard to break out of, even a decade or more after leaving Christianity.
As a recovering fundie, I can honestly say this is the best deconstruction I have heard explaining why making everything about not having sex makes you lack impukse control, can send you down dark paths and if you like I, own female parts down there, it is a nightmare.
a true nightmare
I’m aroace so I was accidentally a good Christian who was unfazed by temptation 💅 /hj but I am always so fascinated by the way Christians talk about sex because it’s so strange. To be fair the way most cishet folks talk about sex is not relatable to me but Christians just really know how to make it seem so unappealing even when they’re trying to talk about it positively