When you have a one night with someone, and that person call you 5 times the next day and genuinely believe they're in love with you, it's better to cut contact immediately
This video was released less than 20 minutes ago, and it feels like it was meant especially for me, after all the Hell I am going through lately from the fallout of my BPD ex. I pray for healing for everyone, including the BPD sufferers.
Man, I'm sorry you're going through this now. Wish there was something profound to say that could help you. Please try to forge through it, until you see daylight at the end of the tunnel.
My ex husband and father of my children had BPD with narcissistic traits. He killed himself in June 2021 after a domestic violence incident with his new wife in front of our daughters and her children. He abused me as well which is why I divorced him. He left behind a 9 and 11 year old daughters who are now 11 and 13, and despite his illness they loved him and miss him and are suffering immensely because of what he did.
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so heartbreaking to hear these things. The kids, they're always the innocent victims in these situations and suffer the most.
My husband has tried to kill himself 11 times. He's been sectioned 5 times and is Diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic Tendencies. We are separated. He actually left, thankfully. The really awful thing is that he never told me of his condition, he hide everything from me. And was very clever in his deceit. One year into our marriage he took an overdose and tried to drown himself. What a dreadful shock. He finally admitted his condition. I got him a team Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Mental health nurse, Dialectical Behaviour Therapist, but he lies to his therapists or refuses to go. He's gone on to attempt suicide 2 more times. Total 11 times. I am done. I'm receiving psychological support. I have accepted that I am not responsible for this man. I am healing from this relationship.
Honestly, it's the best thing you can do. I have BPD but I spent 12 years in therapy so I'm pretty stable and healthy minded now. But it sounds like your ex isn't ready to get better. Some people with BPD never are and they either waste their life in a different reality to everyone else or they succeed in suicide. The best thing that happened to me was having a therapist that challenged me and triggered me constantly. It made me become self aware and not lie to myself about my perception of reality. Just know that your husband probably loves you more than anything, he just can't love himself so it's useless for him to be in a relationship. I always found relationships were my trigger and I was never gonna get better while I was in one. Im with a guy with asd now and it's a living hell. I can't believe I did all that treatment to become healthy and stable and I landed with this guy 😂😂 I understand he can't help it and I'm trying to help him
@KTKaute I can feel thus lol. I spent a good amount of time repairing myself from my childhood wounding and codependency from my last marriage, just to end up in another relationship now with a pqBPD. I can feel my hard work wasting away every moment
I am so glad i got treatment. It took 12 years in DBT, CBT, CAT, hypnotherapy and EMDR sessions to become stable. I remember always overdosing when my boyfriends cheated on me. Its crazy to think although i was hurting over being cheated on, i was more scared about them leaving me. People with BPD generally dont threaten suicide out of the intention of manipulation, they genuinely feel so destroyed by the fear of abandonment that they honestly would rather die. I spent my whole 20s in and out of hospital for suicide attempts. Im very lucky i survived, i have a multitude of health problems because of it. As much as i would love to tell you that i no longer have a fear of abandonment, i must do because i tend to leave amd disconnect from people as soon as i feel hurt by them. Im not sure if this is just having healthy boundaries or whether im just leaving them before they destroy me. I guess its not if I dont worry about them leaving me. What a change!
In my case, she threatened (by email and text) that was going to jump off a bridge, she did this twice, and both times, I responded with "go on then", it was not the response she expected from me, because on other issues I was compassionate and caring to the point that I tried to take care of her problems, spending hours to listening to her (often 4 to 5 hour phone calls through the night for days on end). You hit the nail on the head when you said 'Parentify', that's exactly what she did to me, post relationship``, one of the things I have to confront and understand, is why was I so comfortable to fall into a situation like this. Changing that part of me that wants to take care of and overly help people like this is hard, recognising it, is a good first step. I avoided using the 'S' word. : ) Thanks for doing what you do. Best wishes from London.
Honestly, people with untreated BPD would jump just to spite you if you said that. Or it would make them feel more in despair to actually do it. If you ever come across anyone like this, just call the police. Tell them you love them and that you've called the police. Then it's out of your hands and they will get the help they need. And it's still caring. You don't need to be a dick and you also don't need to stretch out a monologue with them either cos it just keeps the emotion rising
@@KTKauteSo, I'm a dick, am I ? 1. You don't know the circumstances or the context. 2. it was a childish attempt on her part to emotionally blackmail me. 3. You don't know her 4. This was late in the reationship, and I was very well aware of the tricks and games she would play, and how far she would go. 5. Thanks for your free advice, If ever I need help I'll be sure to ask for your expert advice.
My girlfriend between 2000 and 2004 did it for real. Always treat these threats seriously. And despite it happened 20 years ago, I still miss her, and don't understand the reason.
The night I broke up with my cheating ex-fiancé, she threatened to (sid) herself. Later, I heard she OD'd on fentanyl. She is a trained pharmacy tech, and took the amount for attention, not for actually (sid)ing.
Oh he said he'd kill himself if I left, then he would cry. Be the victim. I alway thought he was highly narcissistic not borderline. He would cry alot, for himself, his own pity. 🤢 it was pathetic. All I saw in the end was a small 3 year old lost little boy. He was 70 when I left. He's never followed through....Still alive...🙄
Tara (Niagara area Canada) - As a survivor of many family members and friends who have completed SID. I can attest first hand the devastation left behind. My mom's side of the family goes back at least 5 generations of this (one of my siblings, aunt, grand mother;s cousin, great grandmother's sibling etc etc) and now a cousin on my dad's side just over a month ago. My mother drank herself to death, my dad never spoke my deceased sibling's name again and my other sibling (the narcissist) went even more "violins", rageful and is now a homeless addict. Thankfully I got help and am trying to be the best role model to my cousin's children and remaining family to try and stop the cycle. What is a final decision that stops their hurt, forever wounds everyone else left behind, so anyone even thinking of this PLEASE get help! No amount of hell is worth the trauma inflicted on so many others with this type of action.
I completely understand everything you are saying. My problem is my Borderline adopted 21 year old son who uses emotional blackmail daily. We’ve been dealing with it for over 7 years. And yes I myself have been in counseling for over a year. I’ve called the police numerous times and he is hospitalized but released after 12 hours. On top of it all he has addiction problems and learning disorders. Never graduated from high school. He threatens horrible things when he doesn’t get his way. Even his doctor says he needs to be in a residential facility for awhile. But we can’t seem to get him to see how Others are affected by his behaviors. We have one last resource we are trying. We also attend NAMI meetings for support and education. Honestly it’s like having a full time job and my husband and I are very near the age of 70. I’m open to any and all suggestions.
Sounds like you are having a very difficult experience. I recommend that you seek mental health support for yourself. Not only will your own therapist support you but they will be able to make suggestions as well.
@@deathandrebirth-y8x I'm not sure why but they seem to be physically alot more strong than they are mentally ..they seem to stick around long all whilst protecting their poison over the loved ones.
My DIL told me her narc dad often told her that her that he wanted to do it. So one day she asked him...how he would achieve it. He said he would jump down a Bridge before an oncoming truck. So she said..."come, I'll help you get over the rails!..lets go! He shook his head..."not today!!"
10:24 - “This is stress”. The first two minutes of this video reminded me of the kind of stress of being in a toxic union is like. Walking on eggshells for a disclaimer that won’t work on the disclaimers intended audience. ;)
I had a ex gf from years back contact me out of the blue … she threatened this because her 17 year old daughter had ODd in their home She contacted me because she knew i had lost a stepdaughter to m**der in the late 90s so she was clever enough to use what she knew of my stepdaughter to do the blackmail Turns out the ex gf was wearing those transparent braces for quite awhile .. not exactly something someone would do if they were Sid serious .. it threat was strictly for emotional blackmail as she was a covert malignant narcissist and was brilliant in undergraduate ad graduate studies in biochemistry but totally malignant NPD … I did meet with her and not once did she cry about her daughters’ death .. she said ‘she was a good kid” … uh what ? Absolutely mind boggling indifference .. I went no contact
Yeah... Went through it, and this shit makes you a prisoner of fear... "If you leave me, I'll end myself and tell everyone is your fault"....And when she was cutting herself, multiple times... Always my fault, last time she did she did it quite deep, that.... That gives me flashbacks still and makes me sick to my stomach... Also had kinks... Involving blades, which well, there at least managed to set a boundary...Told her clearly I wasn't comfortable with well that shit since it was too much of a risk for me and well... A bit too far, as kinky as I might be myself...LOL
Hellow friend Demars I from Brasil I returned study english I survived 2 relationship with TPB I Try understand your vídeos I pround off you You have empathy God bless you
So,the Borderliners also do the smear campaign…and there is also a control factor. The emotional manipulation and blackmail is easy to associate with BPD. The other two,I always associated with a narcissist It’s hard to tell (unless there is cutting,suicide threats or attempts) if BPD or NPD is at play. Or both. Same with the stalking…could be because of either disorder.Or co morbid. Has anyone had an experience with extremely long term stalking with a BPD’er? Or did it fade out when another relationship began? Or continued despite a new relationship? I read a lot about NPD but I’m all honesty,both Rick certain boxes.
IMO people with borderline PD are generally more harmful than narcissists. They share many traits of the narcissist and are usually also actually narcissistic. There is a great deal of crossover with the cluster B disorders. People do not usually have just one.
Still being stalked, but less often, after 7 years. It tends to happen when they are between relationships or when they’re fighting in the new relationship!
Yes. With DBT and time. After 2 years of intensive DBT 1/3 of patients go into remission and recovery meaning they no longer meet the DSM 5 criteria to qualify as a borderline. Stretch it out to 8-10 years of therapy and 95% heal. No other condition has this success rate. There is hope.
My last two girlfriends have had this disorder and my last four relationships three of them had this disorder and one was definitely a psychopath with borderline and bipolar for some reason they all come to me I've learned to call them on their but I can't seem to stop being attached and trying to help them as I feel I should because there a human being and they need help and I can't seem to stop myself from being helpful to somebody that needs help
That is why you keep attracting them. I think you need to get help to learn to understand and love yourself. You are not obligated to help anyone. Start looking for women who are healthy, happy, whole and drama free.
You can't be a psychopath and have BPD. Dear god, educate yourself 😂 as for attracting them, you must be quite a caring person. But if they ever threaten suicide, just call the police. Speak gently always. Once they get treatment, you don't get the problems anymore. I'm a treated borderline and I'm stable and healthy. I no longer harm myself or attempt suicide or do crazy things like I used to. It's possible to come out the other side. However, it took 12 years 😂
@@KTKaute Why do you think you cannot be a psychopath and have BPD? I have also never seen DBT or any other treatment for BPD work successfully. People with BPD are just not self aware enough for effective treatment IMO. Apparently, treatment might work if given over 10-20 years.
Until you realize when put into a depression and suicide you may never recover from it. I've been there. Mine was an outcry, my mother's later in life was real. We both survived. She did against all odds, especially at her age of 69. Mine at 26 was enough to put me 40 days in the hole....the psyche ward. Young, pretty just over worked and under paid. Girl Interrupted the movie with Wynonna Rider and Angela Jolie. That was me Wyoming. My mother on the other hand was like Cathy Bates in Misery at that time. Then turned into Throw Mamma from the Train....lol. Until you acknowledge why God, yes God allows this and when He has turned His back towards you you'll never understand or possibly overcome it. To be abandoned by God is this feeling and when He allows the devil to to what he will is truly the state of sin in your soul. I was in the sin of abortion. A very grave sin indeed. It's so grave that it effects others and I believe it effected my mother. Suicide rate is 150% In women who have had an abortion. The clinical depression for me lasted 7 years. Two in bed. I got up to eat and to bath, my baptism I called it. But when thrown into the hospital against my will, I totally acknowledged that I felt as if I was invaded by the devil. I told all of the doctors. There's a book I haven't been able to finish because I've spent the last 10 years from 2010 to 2020 pulling my mother out of the flames of suicide, it's called The Noonday Devil. The first chapter describes what the dessert monk's learned. It describes that once you acknowledge that it actually is the devil, the devil becomes docile. That happened to me. It wasn't until my grandmother put the fear of God in me when we never listened as teenagers and laughed about it, she threw me into th3 confessional. As I left my steps became lighter and lighter, especially when I used my lighter to light up another cigarette....no pun intended. Yes my friends it is sin and sin alone that separates us from God. Lucky if He chooses to hand you a depression as part of your chastisement. Lucy if you grow and cling to the hem of His garment and you touch Him. And He listens. St. Mary Magdalena is one of our prime examples in my faith that behind every saint there is a sinner. If you believe in God that's one thing if not that's another. I testify to the truth that God forgives you if you are truly sorry and for me it's been the path of salvation. Amongst having had 4 abortions He's given me miracles. I glorify God's infinite mercy but He now knows that I'll never take it for granted ever again. I'm forever grateful and pray that anyone and everyone can taste and see the goodness of The Lord. I've been spared and so was my mother from the assaults of the evil one. God is all love and love conquers all.
@daviddemars Could you please make a video that illustrates "high function" borderlines? Please. These people live in the high echelons of society and have no problems tricking somone into a relationship.
Very true. My father is an undiagnosed borderline and he was a world-class lawyer. Hobnobbed with truly elite people. At home, he was a monster to my mother and I.
Wondering if my most recent ex is BPD. She definitely shows npd traits often however her mother is diagnosed BPD and my ex exhibits many traits of BPD herself she’s just not diagnosed yet. So after 22 breakups (her leaving) since August 2023 she left again on the 19th January after reconciliation from january the 1st talking about new year new us. It’s been no contact since except we continued to share locations with each other and keep each other on all social media sort of indirectly communicating through posts and reposts of quotes both negative and positive. Today she reposted a video showing that she had booked a girls holiday to Greece (a place we planned to go together at the beginning of the year) she put it off due to wanting to see how things go between us for a bit first) (At the beginning of July when getting together whilst setting boundaries she expressed that I am never to go on a “lads holiday” “absolutely not” she’d say, so I said is that going to be the same from you then no girls holidays? She responded saying “of course not I’d never do that to you absolutely not I don’t want you ever going on a lads holiday so why would I” so this was left never thought of again by myself. Well today she reposted a video on TikTok about a girls holiday booked. Yet again breaking our boundaries and before anyone sits and comments “but you’re not together” please keep in mind this girl has left 22 times and returned every time meaning how am I supposed to know if another recycle wasn’t on the cards and that it was truly over. Anyway this p*ssed me off as YET again she has done something she swore on her dead relatives ashes she would never do. She has continuously broken every boundary that we have set together over the course of 6 months but for myself the non bpd person it’s not hard for me at all to not break boundaries I’ve never broken one it’s not hard. Anyway this opened my eyes that after sitting here venting to everyone every second of everyday feeling like pure sh*t my ex is clearly not bothered and is booking holidays with a friend she has only known 3 months regardless of her promise/swears. This makes me sound crazy as I’m typing this I know. So after constant disrespect devaluation and discarding followed by silent treatment for weeks at a time then having her return like nothing happened with false promises and swears everytime to change… today it hurt a nerve in me. Everything became so clear she doesn’t respect me and puts every single person mainly her friends before me and our relationship. It’s like it means nothing to her. I want to take control of this shit she clearly has me under the thumb and I’ve allowed myself to be continuously taken the pi*s out of for far to long now. I instantly turned off my location removed her as a follower and stopped following her on all social media and basically told her I am done. (Something I’ve never done before) each time I’ve pleaded reassured everyday and basically been a doormat for her to walk all over. I explained she’s had the final straw from me and enough is enough and that she’s not a good partner. We had a conversation on the phone she didn’t seem bothered about what I was saying and we ended up arguing badly for a couple of hours, she did mention how she has gone round telling people I’m still her boyfriend for the last 2 weeks during no contact to which I responded why you said you don’t want to be with me she kept saying I do love you so much she isn’t speaking to anyone else at all I know as I have access to her accounts as does she with mine. None of this makes any sense and doesn’t add up at all. There’s just so much disrespect it’s unreal. Of course after allowing so much disrespect and letting her back 21 times my word holds no value so she didn’t really seem to care but it will hit her as I am going into hard no contact and want to fully go ahead with detaching from this girl and ending this for good. This is something I’d never thought I’d reach with her as I love her so much but literally enough is enough. My question is how will she respond to no contact? And what/how will the next couple of months look like regarding this situation as I’m so sick of this and just want out and to prepare myself for anything in the next few months. Thanks for reading.
Ok bro so check this out your situation is very similar to mine and if I may brutally honest you’re making the same mistakes I did…first off you’re saying how did you not know it would be a recycle? Well because if you’re being honest with yourself you did know you just didn’t want to see it and that’s ok we learn from mistakes but how you knew was because the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior since most ppl don’t change…second she’s doin all this to trigger you cuz well she knows how to trigger you and get you to react that’s what they do they are masters at the game of manipulation so you’re playin her game and losing…third bro she has no respect so ask yourself why do I (you) want to be with someone who doesn’t respect me( I’ll give you a hint, it has to do more with you than her)…finally if you’re really ready to walk away it doesn’t matter how she responds to no contact and this wanting to know how she will respond already tells me that your not ready to let go no matter how much you tell me you are and I say this cuz I was in your shoes…when you’re finally ready to let go you won’t do it to hurt her or get back at her or cuz you reacted to her behaviors that trigger you or even care how she responds when you walk away…that’s when you’re truly ready but until then just go thru this and allow what’s needs to happen happen…cuz when it does you will walk away and not even look back at all even just to see how she reacted or anything…do this for yourself and yourself only…I know I was kinda blunt but I’m just being honest to help you understand cuz I understand you completely I did 23 times in 7 years…you wil know when you’re ready to finally say goodbye but you won’t even say goodbye cuz not even that will matter you will just walk good luck and I wish you the best big dawg 💯💯💯💯
@@SAMCRO21 bro this response is by far the clearest and most resonating response I’ve ever received. Appreciate you family, and thank you. What you’re saying is correct without me even acknowledging this, crazy Accurate.
Weird.... not supposed to "diagnose" people (aka talk about strange and noticeable behaviors in others.) Not allowed to discuss "body dysmorphia" in a group of individuals that is growing larger by the year. And now.... not allowed to talk about dementia in the elderly. Shut up, sit down, nothing to see here - let the professionals handle it.
The "body dysmorphia" thing. They do not want people to talk about or challenge it on sensible scientific grounds. So they use fear and intimidation to suppress debate. I worry because people with "body dysmorphia" are usually decent but highly troubled people who need real help not for others buying into an unhelpful delusion. Most of the professionals cannot be trusted because they have personal and political agendas.
Ok, one more time, please stop saying SID is a crime because it's not anymore and ffs, stop comparing it to harming someone else. Those are vastly different things and this should be easy to see. The SID is only harming themselves and they are a willing participant in the action whereas if you harm soneone else they are not willing. How is this even a comparison? 🤦🏼♂️ I'm by no means ssying SID is ok but it isn't a crime and definitely isn't the same as harming (or worse) someone else. That's completely silly to even suggest.
This disorder is really scary. I stay away from clingy people who are afraid to be alone.
I'm learning this lesson the hard way😊
When you have a one night with someone, and that person call you 5 times the next day and genuinely believe they're in love with you, it's better to cut contact immediately
This video was released less than 20 minutes ago, and it feels like it was meant especially for me, after all the Hell I am going through lately from the fallout of my BPD ex.
I pray for healing for everyone, including the BPD sufferers.
Thank you. Likewise.
Man, I'm sorry you're going through this now. Wish there was something profound to say that could help you. Please try to forge through it, until you see daylight at the end of the tunnel.
Wish you stress free life x
It's taken me over 1 year to move on from this type of relationship.
Wish you all the best in your healing
@@darthvader78441 Time well spent x
Thankfully I didn't have to deal with this but with a Borderline they're never really gone!
My ex husband and father of my children had BPD with narcissistic traits. He killed himself in June 2021 after a domestic violence incident with his new wife in front of our daughters and her children. He abused me as well which is why I divorced him. He left behind a 9 and 11 year old daughters who are now 11 and 13, and despite his illness they loved him and miss him and are suffering immensely because of what he did.
I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so heartbreaking to hear these things. The kids, they're always the innocent victims in these situations and suffer the most.
My girlfriend from 2000 to 2004 did this, no children involved obviously, I don't understand why. I hope your kids and yourself are ok.
I had a boyfriend who climbed on my roof drunk and took pills...I phoned 999 they asked me what emergency service all of them.
You are the best speaker on utube on this subject. Good looking too😊 Lorraine from London England.
My older BPD sister would turn to suicide threats whenever all her other tricks wouldn't work on me in order to get me to contact her. 😮
My husband has tried to kill himself 11 times. He's been sectioned 5 times and is Diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder with Narcissistic Tendencies. We are separated. He actually left, thankfully. The really awful thing is that he never told me of his condition, he hide everything from me. And was very clever in his deceit. One year into our marriage he took an overdose and tried to drown himself. What a dreadful shock. He finally admitted his condition. I got him a team Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Mental health nurse, Dialectical Behaviour Therapist, but he lies to his therapists or refuses to go. He's gone on to attempt suicide 2 more times. Total 11 times. I am done. I'm receiving psychological support. I have accepted that I am not responsible for this man. I am healing from this relationship.
Honestly, it's the best thing you can do. I have BPD but I spent 12 years in therapy so I'm pretty stable and healthy minded now. But it sounds like your ex isn't ready to get better. Some people with BPD never are and they either waste their life in a different reality to everyone else or they succeed in suicide. The best thing that happened to me was having a therapist that challenged me and triggered me constantly. It made me become self aware and not lie to myself about my perception of reality. Just know that your husband probably loves you more than anything, he just can't love himself so it's useless for him to be in a relationship. I always found relationships were my trigger and I was never gonna get better while I was in one. Im with a guy with asd now and it's a living hell. I can't believe I did all that treatment to become healthy and stable and I landed with this guy 😂😂 I understand he can't help it and I'm trying to help him
Thank you for sharing. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way 😊
@KTKaute I can feel thus lol. I spent a good amount of time repairing myself from my childhood wounding and codependency from my last marriage, just to end up in another relationship now with a pqBPD. I can feel my hard work wasting away every moment
A great video. I knew someone who would use emotional blackmail and it was a horrible experience.
I am so glad i got treatment. It took 12 years in DBT, CBT, CAT, hypnotherapy and EMDR sessions to become stable. I remember always overdosing when my boyfriends cheated on me. Its crazy to think although i was hurting over being cheated on, i was more scared about them leaving me. People with BPD generally dont threaten suicide out of the intention of manipulation, they genuinely feel so destroyed by the fear of abandonment that they honestly would rather die. I spent my whole 20s in and out of hospital for suicide attempts. Im very lucky i survived, i have a multitude of health problems because of it. As much as i would love to tell you that i no longer have a fear of abandonment, i must do because i tend to leave amd disconnect from people as soon as i feel hurt by them. Im not sure if this is just having healthy boundaries or whether im just leaving them before they destroy me. I guess its not if I dont worry about them leaving me. What a change!
Thank you so much for making this. My ex threatened this over 10 times last summer and I was so lost. Clarity is refreshing
In my case, she threatened (by email and text) that was going to jump off a bridge, she did this twice, and both times, I responded with "go on then", it was not the response she expected from me, because on other issues I was compassionate and caring to the point that I tried to take care of her problems, spending hours to listening to her (often 4 to 5 hour phone calls through the night for days on end).
You hit the nail on the head when you said 'Parentify', that's exactly what she did to me, post relationship``, one of the things I have to confront and understand, is why was I so comfortable to fall into a situation like this.
Changing that part of me that wants to take care of and overly help people like this is hard, recognising it, is a good first step.
I avoided using the 'S' word. : )
Thanks for doing what you do.
Best wishes from London.
Good for you. They are people who take no responsibility for their crappy behaviour towards others.
Honestly, people with untreated BPD would jump just to spite you if you said that. Or it would make them feel more in despair to actually do it. If you ever come across anyone like this, just call the police. Tell them you love them and that you've called the police. Then it's out of your hands and they will get the help they need. And it's still caring. You don't need to be a dick and you also don't need to stretch out a monologue with them either cos it just keeps the emotion rising
@@KTKauteSo, I'm a dick, am I ?
1. You don't know the circumstances or the context.
2. it was a childish attempt on her part to emotionally blackmail me.
3. You don't know her
4. This was late in the reationship, and I was very well aware of the tricks and games she would play, and how far she would go.
5. Thanks for your free advice, If ever I need help I'll be sure to ask for your expert advice.
@@rosieposie9564Thank you
My girlfriend between 2000 and 2004 did it for real. Always treat these threats seriously. And despite it happened 20 years ago, I still miss her, and don't understand the reason.
The night I broke up with my cheating ex-fiancé, she threatened to (sid) herself. Later, I heard she OD'd on fentanyl. She is a trained pharmacy tech, and took the amount for attention, not for actually (sid)ing.
Glad she is your ex, hopefully she is not out there smearing or otherwise trying to destroy you.
Thank you for the video
Love your posts and videos so informative and educational. You've helped me see through so much s**t.
I am so glad you talked about this
Oh he said he'd kill himself if I left, then he would cry. Be the victim. I alway thought he was highly narcissistic not borderline. He would cry alot, for himself, his own pity. 🤢 it was pathetic. All I saw in the end was a small 3 year old lost little boy. He was 70 when I left. He's never followed through....Still alive...🙄
I hope you do a video on BPD and NPD, 2 persons running towards each other, leaving a mess behind. I watched the one on a marriage scenario with kids.
Tara (Niagara area Canada) - As a survivor of many family members and friends who have completed SID. I can attest first hand the devastation left behind. My mom's side of the family goes back at least 5 generations of this (one of my siblings, aunt, grand mother;s cousin, great grandmother's sibling etc etc) and now a cousin on my dad's side just over a month ago. My mother drank herself to death, my dad never spoke my deceased sibling's name again and my other sibling (the narcissist) went even more "violins", rageful and is now a homeless addict. Thankfully I got help and am trying to be the best role model to my cousin's children and remaining family to try and stop the cycle. What is a final decision that stops their hurt, forever wounds everyone else left behind, so anyone even thinking of this PLEASE get help! No amount of hell is worth the trauma inflicted on so many others with this type of action.
I completely understand everything you are saying. My problem is my Borderline adopted 21 year old son who uses emotional blackmail daily. We’ve been dealing with it for over 7 years. And yes I myself have been in counseling for over a year. I’ve called the police numerous times and he is hospitalized but released after 12 hours. On top of it all he has addiction problems and learning disorders. Never graduated from high school. He threatens horrible things when he doesn’t get his way.
Even his doctor says he needs to be in a residential facility for awhile. But we can’t seem to get him to see how Others are affected by his behaviors. We have one last resource we are trying. We also attend NAMI meetings for support and education. Honestly it’s like having a full time job and my husband and I are very near the age of 70. I’m open to any and all suggestions.
Sounds like you are having a very difficult experience. I recommend that you seek mental health support for yourself. Not only will your own therapist support you but they will be able to make suggestions as well.
great video, keep it up!
Quite a difficult subject.Not often spoke about thanks David x
My father came home to my mother who was fully pregnant with me with her head in the gas oven.
I hope and pray that the three of you were capable of making it through that terrible incident.
@@never2hard2startfresh I'm 55 and my dad was buried yesterday and my mother is 86 bipolar is not great in a parent.
@@nessauk2786 86 years. do they usually last that long?
@@deathandrebirth-y8x I'm not sure why but they seem to be physically alot more strong than they are mentally ..they seem to stick around long all whilst protecting their poison over the loved ones.
My DIL told me her narc dad often told her that her that he wanted to do it. So one day she asked him...how he would achieve it. He said he would jump down a Bridge before an oncoming truck. So she said..."come, I'll help you get over the rails!..lets go!
He shook his head..."not today!!"
Hi David. Still learning. Besos 🐾❣️
Love you always David 🥰🥰
10:24 - “This is stress”. The first two minutes of this video reminded me of the kind of stress of being in a toxic union is like. Walking on eggshells for a disclaimer that won’t work on the disclaimers intended audience. ;)
🤗🕊👍
Disclaimer: not every BPD video will come with a disclaimer.
Every word you just said regarding this subject very on point and true 👍. Thank you for being supportive 🥰🥰
I had a ex gf from years back contact me out of the blue … she threatened this because her 17 year old daughter had ODd in their home
She contacted me because she knew i had lost a stepdaughter to m**der in the late 90s so she was clever enough to use what she knew of my stepdaughter to do the blackmail
Turns out the ex gf was wearing those transparent braces for quite awhile .. not exactly something someone would do if they were Sid serious .. it threat was strictly for emotional blackmail as she was a covert malignant narcissist and was brilliant in undergraduate ad graduate studies in biochemistry but totally malignant NPD … I did meet with her and not once did she cry about her daughters’ death .. she said ‘she was a good kid” … uh what ? Absolutely mind boggling indifference .. I went no contact
Yeah... Went through it, and this shit makes you a prisoner of fear... "If you leave me, I'll end myself and tell everyone is your fault"....And when she was cutting herself, multiple times... Always my fault, last time she did she did it quite deep, that.... That gives me flashbacks still and makes me sick to my stomach...
Also had kinks... Involving blades, which well, there at least managed to set a boundary...Told her clearly I wasn't comfortable with well that shit since it was too much of a risk for me and well... A bit too far, as kinky as I might be myself...LOL
Autonomy no 1 boundary x
Hellow friend Demars
I from Brasil
I returned study english
I survived 2 relationship with TPB
I Try understand your vídeos
I pround off you
You have empathy
God bless you
So,the Borderliners also do the smear campaign…and there is also a control factor.
The emotional manipulation and blackmail is easy to associate with BPD.
The other two,I always associated with a narcissist It’s hard to tell (unless there is cutting,suicide threats or attempts) if BPD or NPD is at play.
Or both.
Same with the stalking…could be because of either disorder.Or co morbid.
Has anyone had an experience with extremely long term stalking with a BPD’er?
Or did it fade out when another relationship began? Or continued despite a new relationship?
I read a lot about NPD but I’m all honesty,both Rick certain boxes.
IMO people with borderline PD are generally more harmful than narcissists. They share many traits of the narcissist and are usually also actually narcissistic. There is a great deal of crossover with the cluster B disorders. People do not usually have just one.
Still being stalked, but less often, after 7 years. It tends to happen when they are between relationships or when they’re fighting in the new relationship!
A thought is a thought not a fact.
Is there hope or treatment for people who have BPD?
Yes. With DBT and time. After 2 years of intensive DBT 1/3 of patients go into remission and recovery meaning they no longer meet the DSM 5 criteria to qualify as a borderline. Stretch it out to 8-10 years of therapy and 95% heal. No other condition has this success rate. There is hope.
My last two girlfriends have had this disorder and my last four relationships three of them had this disorder and one was definitely a psychopath with borderline and bipolar for some reason they all come to me I've learned to call them on their but I can't seem to stop being attached and trying to help them as I feel I should because there a human being and they need help and I can't seem to stop myself from being helpful to somebody that needs help
That is why you keep attracting them. I think you need to get help to learn to understand and love yourself. You are not obligated to help anyone. Start looking for women who are healthy, happy, whole and drama free.
You can't be a psychopath and have BPD. Dear god, educate yourself 😂 as for attracting them, you must be quite a caring person. But if they ever threaten suicide, just call the police. Speak gently always. Once they get treatment, you don't get the problems anymore. I'm a treated borderline and I'm stable and healthy. I no longer harm myself or attempt suicide or do crazy things like I used to. It's possible to come out the other side. However, it took 12 years 😂
@@KTKaute Why do you think you cannot be a psychopath and have BPD?
I have also never seen DBT or any other treatment for BPD work successfully. People with BPD are just not self aware enough for effective treatment IMO. Apparently, treatment might work if given over 10-20 years.
Until you realize when put into a depression and suicide you may never recover from it. I've been there. Mine was an outcry, my mother's later in life was real. We both survived. She did against all odds, especially at her age of 69. Mine at 26 was enough to put me 40 days in the hole....the psyche ward. Young, pretty just over worked and under paid. Girl Interrupted the movie with Wynonna Rider and Angela Jolie. That was me Wyoming. My mother on the other hand was like Cathy Bates in Misery at that time. Then turned into Throw Mamma from the Train....lol. Until you acknowledge why God, yes God allows this and when He has turned His back towards you you'll never understand or possibly overcome it. To be abandoned by God is this feeling and when He allows the devil to to what he will is truly the state of sin in your soul. I was in the sin of abortion. A very grave sin indeed. It's so grave that it effects others and I believe it effected my mother. Suicide rate is 150% In women who have had an abortion. The clinical depression for me lasted 7 years. Two in bed. I got up to eat and to bath, my baptism I called it. But when thrown into the hospital against my will, I totally acknowledged that I felt as if I was invaded by the devil. I told all of the doctors. There's a book I haven't been able to finish because I've spent the last 10 years from 2010 to 2020 pulling my mother out of the flames of suicide, it's called The Noonday Devil. The first chapter describes what the dessert monk's learned. It describes that once you acknowledge that it actually is the devil, the devil becomes docile. That happened to me. It wasn't until my grandmother put the fear of God in me when we never listened as teenagers and laughed about it, she threw me into th3 confessional. As I left my steps became lighter and lighter, especially when I used my lighter to light up another cigarette....no pun intended. Yes my friends it is sin and sin alone that separates us from God. Lucky if He chooses to hand you a depression as part of your chastisement. Lucy if you grow and cling to the hem of His garment and you touch Him. And He listens. St. Mary Magdalena is one of our prime examples in my faith that behind every saint there is a sinner. If you believe in God that's one thing if not that's another. I testify to the truth that God forgives you if you are truly sorry and for me it's been the path of salvation. Amongst having had 4 abortions He's given me miracles. I glorify God's infinite mercy but He now knows that I'll never take it for granted ever again. I'm forever grateful and pray that anyone and everyone can taste and see the goodness of The Lord. I've been spared and so was my mother from the assaults of the evil one. God is all love and love conquers all.
I love this.
@daviddemars Could you please make a video that illustrates "high function" borderlines? Please.
These people live in the high echelons of society and have no problems tricking somone into a relationship.
Very true. My father is an undiagnosed borderline and he was a world-class lawyer. Hobnobbed with truly elite people. At home, he was a monster to my mother and I.
what's dissociation again?
Wondering if my most recent ex is BPD. She definitely shows npd traits often however her mother is diagnosed BPD and my ex exhibits many traits of BPD herself she’s just not diagnosed yet.
So after 22 breakups (her leaving) since August 2023 she left again on the 19th January after reconciliation from january the 1st talking about new year new us. It’s been no contact since except we continued to share locations with each other and keep each other on all social media sort of indirectly communicating through posts and reposts of quotes both negative and positive. Today she reposted a video showing that she had booked a girls holiday to Greece (a place we planned to go together at the beginning of the year) she put it off due to wanting to see how things go between us for a bit first)
(At the beginning of July when getting together whilst setting boundaries she expressed that I am never to go on a “lads holiday” “absolutely not” she’d say, so I said is that going to be the same from you then no girls holidays? She responded saying “of course not I’d never do that to you absolutely not I don’t want you ever going on a lads holiday so why would I” so this was left never thought of again by myself. Well today she reposted a video on TikTok about a girls holiday booked. Yet again breaking our boundaries and before anyone sits and comments “but you’re not together” please keep in mind this girl has left 22 times and returned every time meaning how am I supposed to know if another recycle wasn’t on the cards and that it was truly over. Anyway this p*ssed me off as YET again she has done something she swore on her dead relatives ashes she would never do. She has continuously broken every boundary that we have set together over the course of 6 months but for myself the non bpd person it’s not hard for me at all to not break boundaries I’ve never broken one it’s not hard.
Anyway this opened my eyes that after sitting here venting to everyone every second of everyday feeling like pure sh*t my ex is clearly not bothered and is booking holidays with a friend she has only known 3 months regardless of her promise/swears. This makes me sound crazy as I’m typing this I know. So after constant disrespect devaluation and discarding followed by silent treatment for weeks at a time then having her return like nothing happened with false promises and swears everytime to change… today it hurt a nerve in me. Everything became so clear she doesn’t respect me and puts every single person mainly her friends before me and our relationship. It’s like it means nothing to her.
I want to take control of this shit she clearly has me under the thumb and I’ve allowed myself to be continuously taken the pi*s out of for far to long now. I instantly turned off my location removed her as a follower and stopped following her on all social media and basically told her I am done. (Something I’ve never done before) each time I’ve pleaded reassured everyday and basically been a doormat for her to walk all over. I explained she’s had the final straw from me and enough is enough and that she’s not a good partner. We had a conversation on the phone she didn’t seem bothered about what I was saying and we ended up arguing badly for a couple of hours, she did mention how she has gone round telling people I’m still her boyfriend for the last 2 weeks during no contact to which I responded why you said you don’t want to be with me she kept saying I do love you so much she isn’t speaking to anyone else at all I know as I have access to her accounts as does she with mine. None of this makes any sense and doesn’t add up at all. There’s just so much disrespect it’s unreal.
Of course after allowing so much disrespect and letting her back 21 times my word holds no value so she didn’t really seem to care but it will hit her as I am going into hard no contact and want to fully go ahead with detaching from this girl and ending this for good. This is something I’d never thought I’d reach with her as I love her so much but literally enough is enough.
My question is how will she respond to no contact? And what/how will the next couple of months look like regarding this situation as I’m so sick of this and just want out and to prepare myself for anything in the next few months.
Thanks for reading.
Ok bro so check this out your situation is very similar to mine and if I may brutally honest you’re making the same mistakes I did…first off you’re saying how did you not know it would be a recycle? Well because if you’re being honest with yourself you did know you just didn’t want to see it and that’s ok we learn from mistakes but how you knew was because the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior since most ppl don’t change…second she’s doin all this to trigger you cuz well she knows how to trigger you and get you to react that’s what they do they are masters at the game of manipulation so you’re playin her game and losing…third bro she has no respect so ask yourself why do I (you) want to be with someone who doesn’t respect me( I’ll give you a hint, it has to do more with you than her)…finally if you’re really ready to walk away it doesn’t matter how she responds to no contact and this wanting to know how she will respond already tells me that your not ready to let go no matter how much you tell me you are and I say this cuz I was in your shoes…when you’re finally ready to let go you won’t do it to hurt her or get back at her or cuz you reacted to her behaviors that trigger you or even care how she responds when you walk away…that’s when you’re truly ready but until then just go thru this and allow what’s needs to happen happen…cuz when it does you will walk away and not even look back at all even just to see how she reacted or anything…do this for yourself and yourself only…I know I was kinda blunt but I’m just being honest to help you understand cuz I understand you completely I did 23 times in 7 years…you wil know when you’re ready to finally say goodbye but you won’t even say goodbye cuz not even that will matter you will just walk good luck and I wish you the best big dawg 💯💯💯💯
@@SAMCRO21 bro this response is by far the clearest and most resonating response I’ve ever received. Appreciate you family, and thank you. What you’re saying is correct without me even acknowledging this, crazy Accurate.
@@SAMCRO21 Your comment is most wise and accurate.
🤍
Weird.... not supposed to "diagnose" people (aka talk about strange and noticeable behaviors in others.) Not allowed to discuss "body dysmorphia" in a group of individuals that is growing larger by the year. And now.... not allowed to talk about dementia in the elderly. Shut up, sit down, nothing to see here - let the professionals handle it.
The "body dysmorphia" thing. They do not want people to talk about or challenge it on sensible scientific grounds. So they use fear and intimidation to suppress debate. I worry because people with "body dysmorphia" are usually decent but highly troubled people who need real help not for others buying into an unhelpful delusion. Most of the professionals cannot be trusted because they have personal and political agendas.
Blackmail is illegal? Really
Ok, one more time, please stop saying SID is a crime because it's not anymore and ffs, stop comparing it to harming someone else. Those are vastly different things and this should be easy to see. The SID is only harming themselves and they are a willing participant in the action whereas if you harm soneone else they are not willing. How is this even a comparison? 🤦🏼♂️ I'm by no means ssying SID is ok but it isn't a crime and definitely isn't the same as harming (or worse) someone else. That's completely silly to even suggest.