I wake up in the morning, I lie there awhile and I wait and it hits me. He's gone he's really gone. I get a pain in my chest I have trouble breathing and it hurts when I do. I start to wonder how do I go on with the rest of my life without him? Jerold was my husband. I'm Patricia.
My son was recently paralyzed in an accident. Imagine him waking up every morning to learn AGAIN that he cannot move half of his body. I am now aware of a especially cruel type of grief known as ambiguous grief.
My mother died just over 5 years ago and I wake up every morning since then with panic attacks and a dread of the day ahead of me. Today has been one of those mornings. I can say that staying in bed definitely makes it worse because your mind will keep bombarding you with thoughts and reminders of your loss. The big problem is that a lot of the time you don't feel like you can get out of bed because of the fear of engaging with a day that doesn't have your loved ones in it. One thing I can say for sure is that the pain is nowhere near as bad when you are up and moving as it is when you are in bed and at the mercy of your thoughts.
I so relate to this. It has been two years since my mother died and going to sleep and then having to get out of bed in the mornings are profoundly difficult. I too experience dread and panic. I need to drag myself out of bed. While I try to keep busy in the day, however the loneliness and the constant reminders of my parents around the house fill me with immense loss, grief, regrets and despair.
WOW.....this is EXACTLY how I have described my grief. A nightmare that I just can't wake up from. How the hell can this be real ????? I was married for 30 years , it's my whole life.
Waking with dread & a sense of pointlessness. Nothing is the same. Friendships are altered. Feel tired a lot of the time. Having my cat is an enormous comfort. Force myself to begin doing.
I too wake up a lot of mornings with a sense of dread. There doesn’t seem to be anything to look forward to. My husband and our time together was always something to look forward to.
I am a new widow. I have been alone quite often as my husband and I live in our own little world; just such joy in each other; great Love and in sync with each other. Now I am struggling like many others to start my day. If I am awake yes he isn’t here. Punishment I feel I am being punished by my husbands absence.I live on a farm and so there are animals that need fed morning and evening. This has helped me. Doing the chores of two people keeps me busy. However I am usually crying as I feed the animals. I pray first thing every morning God is so good to me. I have lost almost 20lbs in a month since my husband died. I don’t want food. I drink coffee, water and coconut water. I find that at times if I go off and just scream out loud my heart and my soul hurt so badly. It releases the stress from this grief. I feel that few of my family really care.
I live alone too since my husband died two months ago. I have nobody to talk to. I have two dogs and a parrot to take care of. The nights are especially lonely. We, too, lived in our own world. I do know what to do without him.
I am 9 months and 1 day into this and I am absolutely miserable at baseline. I’m not even the same person anymore. This is the best video I’ve seen this far. Thank you. These basic, physiological steps are simple enough for me to comprehend and for me to actually believe I can accomplish. I feel like I have to learn how to do everything all over again. My memory is gone, I get confused and lost frequently, and I feel like there’s glass or some type of barrier between me and every single person and thing.
In about 11 days it will be six months since my Dad passed away. I was his caregiver for seven and a half years and was fortunate to be with him when he drew his last breath. My baseline changes every day. I suffer from appetite issues.. when I have intense crying spells..I am also alone all the time. I am also being evicted from our apartment. I feel the glass shield up quite often. I have a morning routine with coffee and I talk to my Dad...then I exercise. Where there is deep grief there was and is deep love.❣
I ca. Relate to Al. Of you have said I'm 6wks into. My grief the only way I can cope is to work,during the day and tier my self. Out I just feel half a person.
I feel the same way Ramona. I was very close to my mom. I was a live in caregiver and she passed 2 1/2 months ago. I feel lost without her. I promise her I would be strong. I had to move and let go of a lot of material stuff. I did it and now I'm sick from the stress. I am going to start a routine once I get better. Being outside near water is calming to me. I have met strangers and talk to people over the phone while setting up my new place that have told me their stories of loss and it really makes me feel normal and loved. That's what we miss the most is the understanding and love from our loved ones who passed over. I keep reminding myself that my mom wouldn't want me to be sad. We will meet again and I think they are a million times more happy on the other side. It's just tough here on Earth School. Buy once we learn our lessons we go home and reunite. Much love and blessings to you. Be gentle to yourself.
Thank you. Mornings are brutal. I’m 6 month in since my husband passed. At the beginning I would wake up and it would hit me like a bus. I would just sit a sob. The reality of facing another day of pain is so heavy. I look forward to you video on how to wake up and face your grief.
I lost my precious husband. 48years with the love of my life. He was my everything my reason for living. I wake up crying everyday and mornings are worse. Its been almost 2years and l miss him so so much. Grief is the price of loving him. I just can't let go..... 💔😢
My son died 4 1/2 years ago. The mornings have always been the worst time for me. My grief hits like a bulldozer. I found that I couldn’t lay in bed. I was lucky if I got a few hours of sleep, but felt that I had to just get out of bed start moving. The pain is not as sharp, but my reaction is still the same. I must get up. I am so glad that I recently found you. Your videos have really helped me immensely. I am going to tell my bereavement group about your TH-cam channel, I know that it will help many of them. Thank you so very much.
Thank you for your amazing support. It's now 16 months for me into deep grief. As i noticed, morning time and night time are the two poles of grief. I wake up in tears and almost automatically i dress my self up and go to school. While i'm on my way, i listen to my favorite radio station. At school, i play with kids and i let my self feel the love and the abundance of existence. That makes me humble and calm. When i get back home, i start crying again. My cat comes always to me and try to calm me down. When the night comes the tank of tears it's still full but i got my body so tired that it fells unconscious to sleep. While i completely understand my partner's decision to end her life, i miss her dearly every bloody day, even if i feel that there is no real separation between us. I don't feel that i lost her anymore, it's just the materialistic absence that fools my brain once in a while and at those times my body says patience... anything comes with patience. Last but not least i think western society did us wrong, made us believe that life and death are two separate things, while death is an important part of life. Fertilize your existence with philosophy. As an arrogant and ignorant animal, the only animal on this planet that bites the hand that feeds it, i'm telling you... fertilize your existence with philosophy. Epicurus is a good start. It helps... a lot.
Thank you! My mom has been gone for almost 11 months, and I wake up every single morning with severe anxiety. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I force myself. Having a routine really does help. I appreciate your videos.
I have 7 dogs. They shower me with love every morning. They get me out of bed to be let out and fed. I don’t think I would be able to get up without them sometimes. They are so much help.
Mornings are the worst for me. Massive anxiety … What helps me is getting up and turning on the news with no volume. I can sit quietly and watch if I want (or not). Knowing life goes on for others is scary. I disregard completely. Try to drink water and just sit. Maybe watch a TH-cam via that is validating. It helps inch by inch. No expectations. I hurt and that’s ok.
To everyone who needs help.................I had my first zoom appt with Jo yesterday, 2 months after my husband died suddenly while just walking our doggie in our neighborhood. He left for something he enjoyed and never came home again, everything left as if he was going to come back in the door at any minute. Not only this, which is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me but the day before he died he was at his mom's funeral and three days after my husband died his brother also died unexpectedly. Add to this the loss of my dad and his wife to COVID a year ago (I still miss my daddy). My mind, soul, body, heart are spinning into nothingness. Life is a blur and a hurt so deep there seems to be no bottom. I could tell by Jo's videos that she gets it. In person, she is a gifted supporter, care-er (she REALLY does care), friend, confidante and empath. What a dynamic combination for healing the deeply wounded, for helping me to learn how to go on and how to begin to heal. After 2 months of isolating myself because of stupid comments and unsolicited advice from idiots who feel compelled to spew out any uneducated comment they have heard out there in the air (you who are grieving know what I am talking about) I was finally able to share my pain and be heard. Jo feels like the friend you so desperately needed, the lifeboat launched just for you and everything heavy that is weighing on every inch of you. I had never met her or heard of her before I began watching her videos on youtube. What a blessing and an answer to prayer she is! Finally, two months in, something I can say I am truly grateful for! Thank you Jo!
I am feeling that your losses are so heavy with the timing being not even breathing room and I am empathetic and sorry for your losses. That leaving on a walk for the dog and never seeing your husband again alive that was so touching. Your dog lost a loved one too. So far this year I have lost one of my best friends age 49 to metastatic breast cancer and she was a fellow animal rescuer as I am. She was the person I spoke with every day and we shared pix of our personal animals -now I don’t have anyone to share with. Two months later may 17 of this year my iconic anchor in life father passed and it has upended my life. Never married (nobody asked me to not a choice) no kids I am a daughter first and all my life so I don’t feel I have any grounding relationship. My mom is still here but she is so lost without my dad (married 65 Yrs) she is not able to help me in our grief and i can’t make her magically have more years to “rebuild “ a new life. She is so fragile at 90 but trying hard to cope. She and my dad were like binary stars. They just are not ok without each other. Adding to those losses I have since my fathers passing had two of my cats pass one only 7 and the other 15 who were SAME as a human best friend. And I lost 3 previous cats earlier in the year. All my mind can proceeds at this point is my life is permanently altered and I cannot ever feel the joy of being alive as much for the rest of my days and that is an inescapable fact. I try to focus on the most basic simple things. Getting my mocha coffee at Starbucks. Reading the news on my phone. Feeding the pigeons. Taking my dogs to the dog park. And my one happy place ice skating that is about it. I am grateful for now I have physical health. But I feel like my mom is not going to live much longer without my father. This video of Jo’s about morning grief waking up is SO SPOT ON. I love going to sleep as is my only escape give my mind a break from the grief. And when I wake up I immediately feel sick to my stomach. MOVING your body helps. Being outside in the sun with nature -just the beauty of nature flowers trees grass and birds helps me. Things that are a life of their own regardless of human beings world. I have been looking at a lot of grief therapy videos and I take a bit of help from all of them. I know Only a world in which my loved ones are back in it would make me happy. I know life = loss. But I don’t accept it in the way that I am supposed to I guess. I just feel brutalized and robbed of joy. Life and love comes with such a high price and we are born into it. I know many people handle things much better. I just can’t feel “positive” I am aiming for “coping” I know that what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. And I am azmazed I am still standing. I do have dependent animals who need me. But though we might survive the losses and future losses the shine and sparkle and happiness of the loved ones in our lives cannot be restored. And that will be hard to accept as a forever sentence. ❤
Yes, I can relate to this. I lost my beloved mother unexpectedly on October 6 2022 and I'm heartbroken 💔😭. Haven't been able to sleep well, and sometimes during midnight hours, I get nervous knowing that my mother is no longer with me. 😢
my husband died recently.....I meet grief every morning.....I often take a pill to sleep so I do get that. Yes every morning I relive his passing as I found him. I printed a large photo of him that I love that makes me happy. It's taped to the fridge. I get up, give him kisses and lay my cheek against his face. (yes I have a loved fridge!) Then I drink electrolyte water, make coffee, go to utube and cry a bit or maybe I simply sob the rest of the day. It's just a few weeks so I'm still raw.....the photo of him helps so much (I have the same on his side of the bed) I don't think the fridge or bed cares that I kiss it good morning and good night. Nights are no easier, I have 'alexa' next to me and play 'silent night' over and over until I fall asleep. It brings me "all is calm all is "light""
Everytime i wake up i am shaking, sweating and my heart is racing. Both parents were taken away from me with no warning. Nothing comforts me. Everywhere i look i see them. All my good memories cause me pain. I stay in bed as its the only place i feel safe.
I had just fell asleep with my phone on my chest when I got the call my 34 yr old son had unexpectedly passed. I hate to sleep but when I do I have a hard time getting out of bed. Not sleeping. Just lingering. Thank you for the suggestions. This is probably the most helpful grief video I've seen.
I wake up with a broken heart 💔 every day. Every waking day I am reminded that my son is no longer here. When he visits me in my dreams that makes my day a little bit better. The grief is just overbearing. I don't wanna live without my son but I have no choice 😢
I lost my daughter (46 years old) 3 months ago. I wake up every morning and immediately dread the knowing she is gone. It is almost unbearable. I do get up and brush my teeth, take a shower, eat my breakfast, talk to my dogs. But the rest of the day is numbness..unbelievable numbness. I watched tv with her on a Thursday evening. I rubbed her back. Kissed her good night..the next morning she was gone. She was ill and I had been caring for her for 11 years. ( the pass 2 years much more) then I had a ritual…now it is gone.
I'm sorry to hear about your Daughter, I feel like you do sometimes, I get up early and I'm struggling with depression, and grieving the death of my Mom on 5/1/22
TY, Jo. I am making a morning ritual for myself: prayer, brushing my teeth, coffee before taking the dogs in the backyard. I sit on a covered porch and sit in a rocker. The rocking calms me. I talk to my husband as if he is sitting with me. Yes, I wake up to my grief and try to calm it down for the start of my day. Peace.
MaryAnne the rocking may be your intuitive movement. I'm glad you have found this. Speaking to your husband as though he is sitting with you is a wonderful way to connect.
I'm just over a week into widowerhood. Several times I have awakened at 2am. My wife died at 2am while I was alone with her, holding her hand as she took her last breath. Sometimes meditation helps me get back to sleep, but not always. Jo - I find your videos comforting...
Thank you,thank you,thank you!!! None of the grief books I have been reading mention this morning anxiety! I’m so glad to know I am not alone! It’s been just over a year since my mom died, and mornings are so difficult! Upon awakening, it feels like a nightmare, over and over again. Thanks so very much for your videos; they have been so helpful and it feels like you really understand. Please keep making them!
Mornings are definitely the worst. Some days grief can start subconsciously, feeling that everything is an effort to do. Then at some point the conscious thoughts will come through. I really do appreciate the videos, thank you for your kindness.
I am so grateful for this video, as I have been dealing with “morning grief” for quite some time. I’ve had 3 huge losses over 14 months, and the literal sensation of my heart dropping every morning has been so hard to endure. I have come to understand profoundly Poe’s line, “wake to weep”…that moment where you come out of that twilight, that old familiar feeling or dream where they are still here, only to have the harsh reality crash down on your consciousness that they are not. 💔😢 That is just pure hell on earth.
These suggestions and others, Jo, are so helpful to me. I have been refusing to get up in the morning because I don't want to face the day, another empty day, the empty space that somehow is trying to suffocate me. And when I do finally roll out of bed, I start to cry because it is so painful. The second half of this problem is not wanting to go to bed at night, the little voice over my right shoulder whispers to me "I hate going to sleep". Why? ... bad dreams, frequent awakenings during the night with confused thoughts and strange images and feeling so lonely it aches ... I can see your points about how important it is to try and improve our sleep patterns. I am going to try and do as you suggest, Get Up Out of Bed in the morning - But also I want to make my bed and sleep and place of safety and rest. Hopefully pairing these two ideas will create a better sleep, better dreams, better rest, more certainty .... I'll try. Thank you so much.
Hi Mona, I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss and deep pain. You don't know me but I can feel what you describe and I hurt for you. Just know that someone is thinking of you and sending you love and hugs. So very sorry for your loss.
The folks who make "stupid" comments are only trying to help but don't know how. Mostly i give them a break and switch the subject. No one including them wants to feel powerless to help. Do as you will and i say and so does Jo, only speak your grief to anyone who has gone through it if you're looking for solace and understanding. Experience is not transferrable, but we can come close with the right folks or groups. I am suffering greatly after losing my rock, the center of my world, my dog Pal. It is beyond harsh.There is a hole in my heart and it is bleeding hot tears.
Thank you for creating this video. Good tips. I lost my beloved husband four months ago. I totally agree with you that mornings are tough for me. I am very fortunate that I've been able to be in an extended leave of absence from my teaching job. My cat is my saving grace because he expects to be fed at around the same time every morning. That means I need to get up. Still trying to think of a morning routine that works for me.
Just lost my husband 2 weeks ago. We were together for 37 years. We were so close, knew everything about each other and could talk about anything. He was my sanctuary. I can't even find words strong enough to express the pain I feel. Every morning I wake up to this horrible nightmare and everyday is just another excruciating torture. It's waring me out day after day. I wish I could die in my sleep and never have to wake up to this pain ever again. I manage to wash up, make some tea and then I watch some videos on meditation and spiritual topics. This is my biggest loss ever , no other will ever cause me that much suffering. I'm FREE from love and attachment. Just want to have friendliness and universal love for all now. I have nothing (or rather nobody) to loose anymore and will never allow myself to get attached to someone again. I also know I will not meet someone as awesome as him. Mornings are SO traumatic 💔💔💔
I wake up. Feel the overwhelming loss of my husband. I want to stay in bed. But the dog needs to go out. The cats would be happy to snuggle down with me. But the dog needs me up. Having the dog has given me the strength to get up. I make up the bed right away, so I am not tempted to get back in. Walk dog, feed cats.Feed dog. Feed myself so I can continue to take care of the dog and cats. The dog and cats keep me going.
Our son died two years ago next month! My cousin lost her son a couple of years before we lost ours and her statement to me that I will wake up one day and his death won’t be the first thing I think of! This gave me hope however I’m still waiting for that day😢
I have a PTSD experience upon waking. I have never been to the place where my partner Glenn died suddenly almost 4 months ago but images of him laying in the hallway jolt me fully awake and the pain of those images go throughout my whole body like electricity. It’s almost like the first initial shock when we got the news, over and over again. Thank you for the suggestions. I’ll get right out of bed. I really have no morning routine at this time other than journaling. I do that many times a day and have for 30+ years.
You are in the very early days of Creef. Please try the routine that I suggest in the next video that I post for morning,. 30+ year journalling experience will serve you well.
@@lisabennett1253 I appreciate that a lot Lisa. He was way too young and the love of my life. I ache constantly and have no idea how I will face the rest of my life without him
I can so relate to waking up to this grief every day and it is brutal. Normally I have trouble sleeping and turning my mind off but for whatever reason during this time of grief that has happened only occasionally. I’m thinking I am just so emotionally exhausted that I do sleep. I am so grateful for that but the waking into grief has been so difficult to deal with.
My wife passed away 4 weeks and 1 day ago on December 25th 2023. Almost every waking moment is consumed by grief. She collapsed in front of me, I called 911 and tried to revive her until a fireman was at the door and I yelled for him to come in. He gently pushed me out of the way and took over. Another fireman walked me down the hall and sat me on the stairs and said I couldn't watch as they and paramedics tried everything. About 20 minutes later I heard them say that a Doctor on the phone said to call it. I begged them to keep trying. They told me she was gone. She just turned 56, three weeks prior. It was so sudden and unexpected. I am so traumatized and can't get it out of my head. My wife was my world and meant everything to me. She gave me 22 beautiful years. I will never forget. The pain and trauma from this is immeasurable.
I am so sorry for the sudden and traumatic loss of your wife. It's a type of suffering beyond words to describe. I lost my wife suddenly and traumaticly to a brain hemorrhage 26 days ago. I still cannot accept that she is gone forever. Take care of yourself!
@@davidemery9317 Thank you. You take care, it's a very traumatic path we walk. It's been 12 weeks today. I joined a group at my local church called Greif Share. It's been somewhat helpful. My heart goes out to you David.
@@boshi700 Thank you! It is such a lonely and terrible place to be. To lose the person you loved, trusted, admired, respected and adored more and more the longer you knew her. To have her deep living being suddenly and permanently gone is an experience I wish on no one. I hope you receive the best possible help and support. All the best to you!
I'm in 14 days today. Husband died on the 12th. Each loss of one is so unique. I have lost many but this one is the worst. I have to move in a month and my energy is gone. I have no one to help because my family all live in other states. Never felt sadness/pain like this. Ty for your help.
Mornings are the hardest, aches and pains and tears, work on acknowledging the positives, I say hello to my son and some mornings I play his favorite music
Jo, the language you use throughout this video is spot on. My daughter passed 2 years ago suddenly as the result of a car accident. We were together daily, with her 3 little girls, newborn, 1.5 and 2.5 years old. The girls were moved out of the province... More loss. Your routine suggestion is helpful. Mornings are always extremely painful, now that my brain knows not to expect to see her, but my heart is forever broken, bc I miss her more as the days pass. But I'm learning to live with that too. Undoubtedly mornings have been more difficult and painful than evenings, for me.
I think for anyone who has suffered a devastating and life-changing loss (by losing perhaps the most important person in our life,) the minute your eyes pop open in the morning, you're instantly faced with your new reality again. All of us who have experienced this would wish that all of this was a bad dream. But, the living nightmare is real (and we're faced with it (again) the second we wake up.) Sleep is the only break we get from it. I do agree with what she says here about getting up ! If lying there becomes a habit, then we begin to associate the bed with wallowing in our grief. The bed needs to be associated with (hopefully) restful sleep, especially if you're in the early stages of grief. However, at the same time, I can understand someone in the early stages wanting to do nothing much more than sleep. (Especially in the early, early stages, as sleep is a much needed break that they're getting from what feels so overwhelming.) Nap somewhere else in the house during the day, I guess, and try to reserve the main bed for your deepest, longest sleep times.
I have to get out of bed immediately I wake, there is no way I can lie and start thinking, nor can I go to bed early anymore. My mind has become a torture chamber.I just long for my life to be over, and I know how terrible that must sound to some people, but I feel I must go and look for my son.
I lost my brother to COVID 18 months ago. I dreamt last week that he just walked into the room I was in. I hugged him and told him I loved him and I asked where he had been and he just kind of smiled and then I was awake again. I cried so hard when I realized it was only a dream and that it couldn't have been my reality, and won't be my reality ever again.
I can really understand what you are talking about. This waking into intense grief is debilitating. I continue trying to move into the day as there are many things I still need to do. I do get up. I feel extremely anxious, feeling almost nauseous. As you said, sleep when it comes, offers some reprieve. I am using Audible books with a timer to distract my mind enough to fall asleep. Sometimes it works... I appreciate what you are talking about as it closely parallels my experience.
Ellen I'm 15 weeks in and this! I'm nauseated all the hours of all the days. The anxiety is ridiculous. I'm socially withdrawn with a job that requires social presence. I feel like I cat think. Like my career is the next loss so many losses behind this 💔😭😭😭
In the morning I have instant anxiety along with a sore stomach then into tears☹️😭with broken sleep before the morning sadness. Every day over and over again. 😢 and yes sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. I stumble out of bed somehow get through the day looking forward to closing the curtains and back in bed. Always go to sleep with beautiful sleep music. I’m very tired most of the time. Waking up alone is still very hard for me 2 years into the loss of my husband 😢
Right on Jo....when I can't sleep I will play a meditation from Sam Harris' app....in the waking hours, the emotional whiplash - exactly - hits hard and disbelief - I often go to my place in the home to be with my son and stay quiet...then try
I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, treatment resistant and due to an illness, medications that help some but not enough. My dear cousin died on April 16, 2022, of Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, which in non-medical terms mean that for an unknown reason, his lung tissue was hardening, progressively making breathing impossible. He was getting the best care available in London, England. We had a special relationship since early childhood even though we didn’t see each other often, with me living on the East coast of Florida. His mother died four days after her 95th birthday, our grandparents, aunts and uncles on our grandmother’s side all lived very long lives. My cousin had just turned 70 in August, so expected to be around another 20 years. Due to my depression and anxiety, waking up is a horrendous experience every day, with the brain pumping out adrenaline and cortisol and my amygdala telling me I am in grave danger. I know now that this is purely physiological, but still cry for a while each morning. Right after my cousin died, the mornings became even more complicated by my grief of losing this special person. Overwhelming sadness, sense of loss, thought of how brave he had been until he was struggling for air so badly he became agitated and thank goodness was given morphine, so at least he didn’t suffer consciously at the end. Although it is getting to be a bit less sharp now, as almost five weeks have passed, the morning is brutal. My depression includes Diurnal Mood Variation, as the worst state is at wake up, but usually after about 8 pm, a lot of the psychological pain lifts and I am almost my old self. I don’t want to go to bed at night, knowing that I’m feeling pretty ok at night but will wake up to hellish emotions in the morning. As many people have mentioned, my pets keep me going. Dogs need to be medicated, walked, fed, I need all of the above, the bird needs his cage to be cleaned and fresh food and water put into the cage and some time on my finger for head skritches. It is still hard to believe that I will never see my cousin again, in this life. So, grief on top of existing psychological challenges has been pretty awful. So, I try to remember all of the times my cousin called me those last few weeks, all the various topics in addition to his medical issues we discussed. The memories of those treasured conversations have helped me tremendously. It sounds Pollyanna-ish, but when I start to grieve over people and pets who have passed away, bringing back happy memories really helps a lot. And it causes a different part of the brain to overpower the terrified and grieving amygdala. I have just found this channel recently and will share it with the leader of a grief support group I attend, so she can decide if I can send a link to the people in the group. This channel is down to earth, real people with genuine experiences and Jo is that soft spoken supportive friend we all need.
What's challenging to me is that since my mother passed over 4 years ago she has appeared very frequently in my dreams. I do love that she appears but sometimes waking up to the realization that it was just a dream is not easy. Still I would rather have that feeling than have her stop appearing.
Thank you so much for this video. I lost my husband last July to brain cancer. I took care of him for over 2years. Widowed at 47. I am currently on medication and have been for about 2years. I just assumed it was the medication making me feel this way. My nights are when I get to rest my mind, sleep, and feel relief for just a few short hours. When does this ever lighten up and/or go away. I’m exhausted bc of my mornings!!
6 months tomorrow since my husband of 53 years passed from a glioblastoma. I was his caregiver as both my daughters moved away, one very far, in the 6 months we were fighting this awful battle. I also had to put down a beloved 18 year old dog the day of his brain surgery. Many losses at once! Sleep was very hard and sometimes is still illusive. I started taking a otc sleep med which helps some. I also got a sound machine as I too was depending on the TV to put me to sleep. I fall asleep listening to the sound of rain and a distant thunderstorm, it helps some. Moving slowly through this and a times I am just unable to do the things that need to be done. I wasn't eating well as cooking for 1 is not much fun. I finally ordered prepared meals to be delivered (not fast food). Another help. I continue to wade through the mud of loss. Loneliness is the greatest challenge. Thankfully I have a very well behaved dog and 2 cats that need to be fed in the morning. They get me up and moving. I also have several very supportive friends, one who has lost 2 husbands, and we talk a lot.
Routine works for me, plus vocalising with sound, I sing without words so my emotion gets expressed physically through my throat, loosening my voice so eventually I can speak with more strength. The grief takes away my ability to speak.
I understand the grief of waking up in the morning is the worst form of it because in our dreams we meet with our loved ones that we have lost, I often dream of my Mum and Dad & I’m a child or younger than myself in them, then you wake to the reality of them not being there that’s the worst, but I think that the brain is an amazing thing to know that you need comforting & sending you dreams in your subconscious mind, I never struggle to sleep because I know they will always be there when I close my eyes, Mum gone 9years, Dad 4years and I’m lost without them 💔
When I awake I instantly need distraction. Having a tv droning, podcast playing, etc. helps me avoid thinking the grief. I avoid for a while to get through the work week and by the weekend I break down. I’m a teacher and with this grief I feel I don’t have anything left for my students. Everyday is so tough.
Mornings are quiet now but my husband was a high conflict person & massive workaholic, I'm actually relieved that he passed away. He was in extreme pain & every Waking moment was spent listening to him.Cry and scream and running back and forth to palliative care . It's quiet, no family support and the super Christians he worked with Are right next door to me in the office.And because I don't go to church.Not one single guide from that office will come over and help me with a single thing in this house so there's that too. I took over one of his part time jobs and they have to deal with me anyway but they definitely aren't like him Is high conflict as he was.He would never have let any of their wives.Do the type of stuff.They are literally watching me do from their cars😤
Thank you so much, I have found that audio books help me during the day and night, I listen to them to help me go to sleep, in the middle of the night I have to rewind them to hear the rest of the story or reset in the morning, yes, sleep alludes me most of the time, it has been 6 mos since Richard has gone, I find your video's so very helpful, may my comments help others
Thank you for this! Your videos have been more helpful than the current therapist I’m seeing. Been grieving my parent’s premature death. Been crying 😢 every morning when i wake up. On days off, it’s so difficult to get out of bed or even to shower. It’s a miracle i can still work. You have been an angel 👼
I am trying not to cry as much. But it comes in waves . I could be laughing at times. And others crying most often. I feel like this is gonna continue for me a long long time:(
This video was super helpful. I'm having such a hard time this morning. I miss my dad so much. He's be gone now since September 16, 2022. It seems I handled the loss better at the beginning. Now I'm experiencing more unexpected moments of sadness. I'm struggling to connect with my husband and daughter, because, I never want to experience a loss that heavy again, but now I realize it's a real possibility that I can feel the same level of grief that I feel with the loss of my dad, possibly more.
Dear Jo, I was given a small transistor radio to sleep by when I was a kid and have found it difficult to sleep without some kind of background noise, too (it lets me know I’m not dead and everything is carrying on as it should). But I already had PTSD, which tossed me about like a toothpick in the ocean, when both of my parents died in 2008. I was in my 40s but it didn’t matter… I was now officially an orphan. I’ve been trying to get over all manner of emotional trauma for almost 20 years and I found that sleeping to binaural healing music has helped a great deal. I can’t suggest any particular one to you or the community; it’s a highly individualised thing and you’ll know if you’ve found something that works for you pretty quickly (I find that I have adverse physical reactions to frequencies that don’t resonate with me, within seconds of listening). There are literally thousands of these tracks available in here, ranging from minutes to hours long. And I noticed that I started at a very low frequency (11 hZ) but have progressed, although I still can’t cope with the higher frequencies (that all may be in relative balance but the base chakras are still obviously somewhat shaky). I hope this helps people as much as it’s helped me. Sending love and light to all ❤
It's so disorienting to wake up. I don't wonder if it's just a dream lately, but I experience visceral stress throughout my body. I pull my head under the covers and it's like breathing into a bag with less oxygen. It gets warm and damp and helps my body to calm down.
Thank you for the video Jo. Returning watcher and new subscriber to your channel. i decided to give a second chance. I lost a close person a few months ago. Strangely, i never have struggle with getting out of bed. Drinking water first thing in the morning just like I used to do it before. I never have struggle shaving and taking a shower every single day. is this perhaps because I always lived a very regimented life? I don’t know. I have, however to turn the radio or a podcast and having some sort of background noise from the moment I get out of bed to the time I go to bed. The silence in the house is defining. I struggle exercising, while before working out was a huge part of my life. Today, I am start to exercising but at a minimum. I have cried a lot and I mean a lot. Thank you for your channel. I just ordered the book of Martha Withmore under your advice.
Yes, it was soo happening in the first week of my brother death. Terrible scary, I had to jump from my bed and go into another room , cry or pray . Lord, it is very hard but is getting better. 😢❤❤
Everything you say resonates so much. After the transition of my beautiful son ❤️ x 5th march 2021 my son Lee Simon x is a beautiful Artist and scientist ❤️ x Can't even say how much time has passed I've stopped time. Don't go to bed till some night's after 3 in the morning get a few hours not fully asleep then wake up in a panic to my realty there's really no words to this cruciating pain every second of everyday. Never want to wake up too face another painful day. My mum transitiond just before Christmas 2022 haven't even grieved over my mum because I'm all ready hurting that much for my son x This is a life sentence that no-one wants . Sending my heart felt condolences to every mum that is on this so painful path may you all find some peace 🕊️ much Love ❤️ x x
3 a.m. eyes open. If I start to think...... my life is still like this. The air goes out of my chest.. safety is not anywhere. Nothing looks, feels, tastes or smells the same. I throw up...or heave with no relief. I sip an ounce of milk and return to bed to try again. I listen to a meditation video or rain sounds and rest a little more.. because the world is moving away from the season of covid, I feel abandoned because for me it is still here, slowly stealing that which remains. Ptsd is hard. I pray, dance, have family and a house full of pets to love. So I hold out hope....every day, even though I feel enveloped in futility. One day at a time.
Going on 3months it was may10th2022 i lost my significant other she was only 40 and i am 48. I am experiencing everything your describing pretty accurately. This loss was somewhat unexpected the grief is very complicated with trama . There were days i didn't want to wakeup without her or see the light of day alot of chest pain and tears. im spending alot of time in bed and i know what your going to say. I find your demeanor very palatable a sense of real understanding thank you
I am going to try your tip of getting out of bed because at the moment I try at 4am to go back to sleep but I feel so anxious. I was using relaxation audios from you tube but they have suddenly stopped working for me. I will try moving f to the couch with a chamomile tea and try to read. Then I might drift back to sleep . You described exactly how it feels in the early days, which I am still in . Thank you for your videos, I find them very helpful. ❤️
I dread going to bed because I know whenI wake up it will be to fear in my chest and stomach. I have to get up because if I don't I start to cry and get spun up in a big panic from thoughts of aging and mortality. I do guided mornings meditations that I find on TH-cam to help. I've been in this since the beginning of Jan. although I lost my mom to dementia in September. Delayed grief? I helped my dad care for her for a week every month so he could get a break along with another caregiver. I watched her draw her last breath not realizing it was. I am in survival mode.
My pain is so incredible I can no longer walk on my own, I too have accquired a cat which is my only comfort. Day by day I know god will bring more an more answers, He got me through in other times in my life and this is no acception. Here I have a chance to really lean on him finally an stop chasing after men I guess, I sort of like being alone accept for the fact that with no one in my corner cheering me on is a little scarey in todays world.
This video comes from a history of chasing restful sleep 🥱. Have a watch and share your thoughts, tips and survival skills!!🙏🏻
The torture of waking up each morning and remembering the person you loved so much is really gone.
I wake up in the morning, I lie there awhile and I wait and it hits me. He's gone he's really gone. I get a pain in my chest I have trouble breathing and it hurts when I do. I start to wonder how do I go on with the rest of my life without him? Jerold was my husband. I'm Patricia.
He passed away on November 19th 2022
Patricia, I lost my husband Nov. 11, 2022. Mornings are the absolute worst. I wake with what feels like a dark cloud of doom, hovering over me.
Yes. Mornings are a horrible nightmare. My beautiful wife of 43yrs passed 4 weeks ago. Please LORD JESUS comfort us all. ❤🙏😭
So painful 😢
FEAR gets me out of bed. FEAR I am alone against the world. FEAR that I cannot go back to my old life and my love. FEAR and GRIEF.
My son was recently paralyzed in an accident. Imagine him waking up every morning to learn AGAIN that he cannot move half of his body. I am now aware of a especially cruel type of grief known as ambiguous grief.
My mother died just over 5 years ago and I wake up every morning since then with panic attacks and a dread of the day ahead of me. Today has been one of those mornings. I can say that staying in bed definitely makes it worse because your mind will keep bombarding you with thoughts and reminders of your loss. The big problem is that a lot of the time you don't feel like you can get out of bed because of the fear of engaging with a day that doesn't have your loved ones in it. One thing I can say for sure is that the pain is nowhere near as bad when you are up and moving as it is when you are in bed and at the mercy of your thoughts.
I so relate to this. It has been two years since my mother died and going to sleep and then having to get out of bed in the mornings are profoundly difficult. I too experience dread and panic. I need to drag myself out of bed. While I try to keep busy in the day, however the loneliness and the constant reminders of my parents around the house fill me with immense loss, grief, regrets and despair.
well said
This pain is more than i can bare
WOW.....this is EXACTLY how I have described my grief. A nightmare that I just can't wake up from. How the hell can this be real ????? I was married for 30 years , it's my whole life.
I was with my husband for 63 years and yes this is hell. We do the best we can one moment, one moment at a time
The grief begins when I realize I have no one to take care of.
I get that
Since my husband died I feel sick to my stomach every morning. I can’t eat🥲
Waking with dread & a sense of pointlessness. Nothing is the same. Friendships are altered. Feel tired a lot of the time. Having my cat is an enormous comfort. Force myself to begin doing.
I too wake up a lot of mornings with a sense of dread. There doesn’t seem to be anything to look forward to. My husband and our time together was always something to look forward to.
I am a new widow. I have been alone quite often as my husband and I live in our own little world; just such joy in each other; great Love and in sync with each other. Now I am struggling like many others to start my day. If I am awake yes he isn’t here. Punishment I feel I am being punished by my husbands absence.I live on a farm and so there are animals that need fed morning and evening. This has helped me. Doing the chores of two people keeps me busy. However I am usually crying as I feed the animals. I pray first thing every morning God is so good to me.
I have lost almost 20lbs in a month since my husband died. I don’t want food. I drink coffee, water and coconut water. I find that at times if I go off and just scream out loud my heart and my soul hurt so badly. It releases the stress from this grief. I feel that few of my family really care.
I live alone too since my husband died two months ago. I have nobody to talk to. I have two dogs and a parrot to take care of. The nights are especially lonely.
We, too, lived in our own world. I do know what to do without him.
I am 9 months and 1 day into this and I am absolutely miserable at baseline. I’m not even the same person anymore. This is the best video I’ve seen this far. Thank you. These basic, physiological steps are simple enough for me to comprehend and for me to actually believe I can accomplish. I feel like I have to learn how to do everything all over again. My memory is gone, I get confused and lost frequently, and I feel like there’s glass or some type of barrier between me and every single person and thing.
Me too Ramona… lost my son unexpectedly 6.11.22 it’s hard to function everyday
I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have derealization. I have it too. Lost my mom 9/10/22.
In about 11 days it will be six months since my Dad passed away. I was his caregiver for seven and a half years and was fortunate to be with him when he drew his last breath.
My baseline changes every day. I suffer from appetite issues.. when I have intense crying spells..I am also alone all the time. I am also being evicted from our apartment.
I feel the glass shield up quite often. I have a morning routine with coffee and I talk to my Dad...then I exercise.
Where there is deep grief there was and is deep love.❣
I ca. Relate to Al. Of you have said I'm 6wks into. My grief the only way I can cope is to work,during the day and tier my self. Out I just feel half a person.
I feel the same way Ramona. I was very close to my mom. I was a live in caregiver and she passed 2 1/2 months ago. I feel lost without her. I promise her I would be strong. I had to move and let go of a lot of material stuff. I did it and now I'm sick from the stress. I am going to start a routine once I get better. Being outside near water is calming to me. I have met strangers and talk to people over the phone while setting up my new place that have told me their stories of loss and it really makes me feel normal and loved. That's what we miss the most is the understanding and love from our loved ones who passed over. I keep reminding myself that my mom wouldn't want me to be sad. We will meet again and I think they are a million times more happy on the other side. It's just tough here on Earth School. Buy once we learn our lessons we go home and reunite. Much love and blessings to you. Be gentle to yourself.
Thank you. Mornings are brutal. I’m 6 month in since my husband passed. At the beginning I would wake up and it would hit me like a bus. I would just sit a sob. The reality of facing another day of pain is so heavy. I look forward to you video on how to wake up and face your grief.
I lost my precious husband. 48years with the love of my life. He was my everything my reason for living. I wake up crying everyday and mornings are worse. Its been almost 2years and l miss him so so much. Grief is the price of loving him. I just can't let go..... 💔😢
My son died 4 1/2 years ago. The mornings have always been the worst time for me. My grief hits like a bulldozer. I found that I couldn’t lay in bed. I was lucky if I got a few hours of sleep, but felt that I had to just get out of bed start moving. The pain is not as sharp, but my reaction is still the same. I must get up. I am so glad that I recently found you. Your videos have really helped me immensely. I am going to tell my bereavement group about your TH-cam channel, I know that it will help many of them. Thank you so very much.
Thank you for your amazing support. It's now 16 months for me into deep grief. As i noticed, morning time and night time are the two poles of grief. I wake up in tears and almost automatically i dress my self up and go to school. While i'm on my way, i listen to my favorite radio station. At school, i play with kids and i let my self feel the love and the abundance of existence. That makes me humble and calm. When i get back home, i start crying again. My cat comes always to me and try to calm me down. When the night comes the tank of tears it's still full but i got my body so tired that it fells unconscious to sleep. While i completely understand my partner's decision to end her life, i miss her dearly every bloody day, even if i feel that there is no real separation between us. I don't feel that i lost her anymore, it's just the materialistic absence that fools my brain once in a while and at those times my body says patience... anything comes with patience. Last but not least i think western society did us wrong, made us believe that life and death are two separate things, while death is an important part of life. Fertilize your existence with philosophy. As an arrogant and ignorant animal, the only animal on this planet that bites the hand that feeds it, i'm telling you... fertilize your existence with philosophy. Epicurus is a good start. It helps... a lot.
Thank you! My mom has been gone for almost 11 months, and I wake up every single morning with severe anxiety. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I force myself. Having a routine really does help. I appreciate your videos.
I have 7 dogs. They shower me with love every morning. They get me out of bed to be let out and fed. I don’t think I would be able to get up without them sometimes. They are so much help.
Mornings are the worst for me. Massive anxiety …
What helps me is getting up and turning on the news with no volume. I can sit quietly and watch if I want (or not).
Knowing life goes on for others is scary. I disregard completely.
Try to drink water and just sit. Maybe watch a TH-cam via that is validating. It helps inch by inch. No expectations.
I hurt and that’s ok.
To everyone who needs help.................I had my first zoom appt with Jo yesterday, 2 months after my husband died suddenly while just walking our doggie in our neighborhood. He left for something he enjoyed and never came home again, everything left as if he was going to come back in the door at any minute. Not only this, which is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me but the day before he died he was at his mom's funeral and three days after my husband died his brother also died unexpectedly. Add to this the loss of my dad and his wife to COVID a year ago (I still miss my daddy). My mind, soul, body, heart are spinning into nothingness. Life is a blur and a hurt so deep there seems to be no bottom. I could tell by Jo's videos that she gets it. In person, she is a gifted supporter, care-er (she REALLY does care), friend, confidante and empath. What a dynamic combination for healing the deeply wounded, for helping me to learn how to go on and how to begin to heal. After 2 months of isolating myself because of stupid comments and unsolicited advice from idiots who feel compelled to spew out any uneducated comment they have heard out there in the air (you who are grieving know what I am talking about) I was finally able to share my pain and be heard. Jo feels like the friend you so desperately needed, the lifeboat launched just for you and everything heavy that is weighing on every inch of you. I had never met her or heard of her before I began watching her videos on youtube. What a blessing and an answer to prayer she is! Finally, two months in, something I can say I am truly grateful for! Thank you Jo!
I’m sorry for the tremendous loss of your loved ones💕
@@groovyschmoops6911 Thank you so much.
Gosh. That is a lot to bear. I really hope you are finding more peace and happiness these days.
❤🤗
I am feeling that your losses are so heavy with the timing being not even breathing room and I am empathetic and sorry for your losses. That leaving on a walk for the dog and never seeing your husband again alive that was so touching. Your dog lost a loved one too. So far this year I have lost one of my best friends age 49 to metastatic breast cancer and she was a fellow animal rescuer as I am. She was the person I spoke with every day and we shared pix of our personal animals -now I don’t have anyone to share with. Two months later may 17 of this year my iconic anchor in life father passed and it has upended my life. Never married (nobody asked me to not a choice) no kids I am a daughter first and all my life so I don’t feel I have any grounding relationship. My mom is still here but she is so lost without my dad (married 65 Yrs) she is not able to help me in our grief and i can’t make her magically have more years to “rebuild “ a new life. She is so fragile at 90 but trying hard to cope. She and my dad were like binary stars. They just are not ok without each other. Adding to those losses I have since my fathers passing had two of my cats pass one only 7 and the other 15 who were SAME as a human best friend. And I lost 3 previous cats earlier in the year. All my mind can proceeds at this point is my life is permanently altered and I cannot ever feel the joy of being alive as much for the rest of my days and that is an inescapable fact. I try to focus on the most basic simple things. Getting my mocha coffee at Starbucks. Reading the news on my phone. Feeding the pigeons. Taking my dogs to the dog park. And my one happy place ice skating that is about it. I am grateful for now I have physical health. But I feel like my mom is not going to live much longer without my father. This video of Jo’s about morning grief waking up is SO SPOT ON. I love going to sleep as is my only escape give my mind a break from the grief. And when I wake up I immediately feel sick to my stomach. MOVING your body helps. Being outside in the sun with nature -just the beauty of nature flowers trees grass and birds helps me. Things that are a life of their own regardless of human beings world. I have been looking at a lot of grief therapy videos and I take a bit of help from all of them. I know Only a world in which my loved ones are back in it would make me happy. I know life = loss. But I don’t accept it in the way that I am supposed to I guess. I just feel brutalized and robbed of joy. Life and love comes with such a high price and we are born into it. I know many people handle things much better. I just can’t feel “positive” I am aiming for “coping” I know that what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. And I am azmazed I am still standing. I do have dependent animals who need me. But though we might survive the losses and future losses the shine and sparkle and happiness of the loved ones in our lives cannot be restored. And that will be hard to accept as a forever sentence. ❤
I'm 2 yrs into being a widow and functioning quite well. However your videos have become a cornerstone of my life. You speak so much truth.
Yes, I can relate to this. I lost my beloved mother unexpectedly on October 6 2022 and I'm heartbroken 💔😭. Haven't been able to sleep well, and sometimes during midnight hours, I get nervous knowing that my mother is no longer with me. 😢
my husband died recently.....I meet grief every morning.....I often take a pill to sleep so I do get that. Yes every morning I relive his passing as I found him. I printed a large photo of him that I love that makes me happy. It's taped to the fridge. I get up, give him kisses and lay my cheek against his face. (yes I have a loved fridge!) Then I drink electrolyte water, make coffee, go to utube and cry a bit or maybe I simply sob the rest of the day. It's just a few weeks so I'm still raw.....the photo of him helps so much (I have the same on his side of the bed) I don't think the fridge or bed cares that I kiss it good morning and good night. Nights are no easier, I have 'alexa' next to me and play 'silent night' over and over until I fall asleep. It brings me "all is calm all is "light""
Everytime i wake up i am shaking, sweating and my heart is racing. Both parents were taken away from me with no warning. Nothing comforts me. Everywhere i look i see them. All my good memories cause me pain. I stay in bed as its the only place i feel safe.
I had just fell asleep with my phone on my chest when I got the call my 34 yr old son had unexpectedly passed. I hate to sleep but when I do I have a hard time getting out of bed. Not sleeping. Just lingering. Thank you for the suggestions. This is probably the most helpful grief video I've seen.
I wake up with a broken heart 💔 every day. Every waking day I am reminded that my son is no longer here. When he visits me in my dreams that makes my day a little bit better. The grief is just overbearing. I don't wanna live without my son but I have no choice 😢
I lost my daughter (46 years old) 3 months ago. I wake up every morning and immediately dread the knowing she is gone. It is almost unbearable. I do get up and brush my teeth, take a shower, eat my breakfast, talk to my dogs. But the rest of the day is numbness..unbelievable numbness. I watched tv with her on a Thursday evening. I rubbed her back. Kissed her good night..the next morning she was gone. She was ill and I had been caring for her for 11 years. ( the pass 2 years much more) then I had a ritual…now it is gone.
I'm sorry to hear about your Daughter, I feel like you do sometimes, I get up early and I'm struggling with depression, and grieving the death of my Mom on 5/1/22
TY, Jo. I am making a morning ritual for myself: prayer, brushing my teeth, coffee before taking the dogs in the backyard. I sit on a covered porch and sit in a rocker. The rocking calms me. I talk to my husband as if he is sitting with me. Yes, I wake up to my grief and try to calm it down for the start of my day. Peace.
MaryAnne the rocking may be your intuitive movement. I'm glad you have found this. Speaking to your husband as though he is sitting with you is a wonderful way to connect.
Rocking sounds like a good idea MaryAnne. I am going to buy me a rocker for my back porch. Thank you for that idea!
I'm just over a week into widowerhood. Several times I have awakened at 2am. My wife died at 2am while I was alone with her, holding her hand as she took her last breath. Sometimes meditation helps me get back to sleep, but not always. Jo - I find your videos comforting...
Thank you,thank you,thank you!!! None of the grief books I have been reading mention this morning anxiety! I’m so glad to know I am not alone! It’s been just over a year since my mom died, and mornings are so difficult! Upon awakening, it feels like a nightmare, over and over again. Thanks so very much for your videos; they have been so helpful and it feels like you really understand. Please keep making them!
Yes, you are so right. It hits like a sledgehammer on your heart. I slept until 4p on Thanksgiving so that I didn’t have to deal with it.
I catch myself rolling over and reaching for her, like I have done for the last 33 years and she just isn't there anymore . Damn it, it is so painful.
“Emotional whiplash” is such a resonant description of my waking experiences. Really helpful to hear this video.
Mornings are definitely the worst. Some days grief can start subconsciously, feeling that everything is an effort to do. Then at some point the conscious thoughts will come through. I really do appreciate the videos, thank you for your kindness.
I am so grateful for this video, as I have been dealing with “morning grief” for quite some time. I’ve had 3 huge losses over 14 months, and the literal sensation of my heart dropping every morning has been so hard to endure. I have come to understand profoundly Poe’s line, “wake to weep”…that moment where you come out of that twilight, that old familiar feeling or dream where they are still here, only to have the harsh reality crash down on your consciousness that they are not. 💔😢 That is just pure hell on earth.
Morning’s are the hardest for me!
Morning are the worst,wake up remember and then i start to cry…ever mprning
These suggestions and others, Jo, are so helpful to me. I have been refusing to get up in the morning because I don't want to face the day, another empty day, the empty space that somehow is trying to suffocate me. And when I do finally roll out of bed, I start to cry because it is so painful. The second half of this problem is not wanting to go to bed at night, the little voice over my right shoulder whispers to me "I hate going to sleep". Why? ... bad dreams, frequent awakenings during the night with confused thoughts and strange images and feeling so lonely it aches ... I can see your points about how important it is to try and improve our sleep patterns. I am going to try and do as you suggest, Get Up Out of Bed in the morning - But also I want to make my bed and sleep and place of safety and rest. Hopefully pairing these two ideas will create a better sleep, better dreams, better rest, more certainty .... I'll try. Thank you so much.
Hi Mona, I just want to say that I am so sorry for your loss and deep pain. You don't know me but I can feel what you describe and I hurt for you. Just know that someone is thinking of you and sending you love and hugs. So very sorry for your loss.
I feel like you do, I'm grieving the loss of my Mom on 5/1/22, I helped take care of her, and lived with her
The folks who make "stupid" comments are only trying to help but don't know how. Mostly i give them a break and switch the subject. No one including them wants to feel powerless to help. Do as you will and i say and so does Jo, only speak your grief to anyone who has gone through it if you're looking for solace and understanding. Experience is not transferrable, but we can come close with the right folks or groups. I am suffering greatly after losing my rock, the center of my world, my dog Pal. It is beyond harsh.There is a hole in my heart and it is bleeding hot tears.
Thank you for creating this video. Good tips. I lost my beloved husband four months ago. I totally agree with you that mornings are tough for me. I am very fortunate that I've been able to be in an extended leave of absence from my teaching job. My cat is my saving grace because he expects to be fed at around the same time every morning. That means I need to get up. Still trying to think of a morning routine that works for me.
Emotional whiplash - a great term. Mornings and nights are horrendous… starting Month 3 and my body was hurting and my face all puffed up
Just lost my husband 2 weeks ago. We were together for 37 years. We were so close, knew everything about each other and could talk about anything. He was my sanctuary. I can't even find words strong enough to express the pain I feel. Every morning I wake up to this horrible nightmare and everyday is just another excruciating torture. It's waring me out day after day. I wish I could die in my sleep and never have to wake up to this pain ever again. I manage to wash up, make some tea and then I watch some videos on meditation and spiritual topics. This is my biggest loss ever , no other will ever cause me that much suffering. I'm FREE from love and attachment. Just want to have friendliness and universal love for all now. I have nothing (or rather nobody) to loose anymore and will never allow myself to get attached to someone again. I also know I will not meet someone as awesome as him. Mornings are SO traumatic 💔💔💔
I wake up. Feel the overwhelming loss of my husband. I want to stay in bed. But the dog needs to go out. The cats would be happy to snuggle down with me. But the dog needs me up. Having the dog has given me the strength to get up. I make up the bed right away, so I am not tempted to get back in. Walk dog, feed cats.Feed dog. Feed myself so I can continue to take care of the dog and cats. The dog and cats keep me going.
Oh my gosh!! I was just wondering this morning if you have a video on this and here it is!! Thank you so much because morning is so sad and terrible!
You are so welcome! I hope you will give the video a try. ❤️
Our son died two years ago next month! My cousin lost her son a couple of years before we lost ours and her statement to me that I will wake up one day and his death won’t be the first thing I think of! This gave me hope however I’m still waiting for that day😢
Thanks for this it really helps . It's been taking me all day to get over my hellish mornings just to wake and re live it all again.
I have a PTSD experience upon waking. I have never been to the place where my partner Glenn died suddenly almost 4 months ago but images of him laying in the hallway jolt me fully awake and the pain of those images go throughout my whole body like electricity. It’s almost like the first initial shock when we got the news, over and over again.
Thank you for the suggestions. I’ll get right out of bed. I really have no morning routine at this time other than journaling. I do that many times a day and have for 30+ years.
You are in the very early days of Creef. Please try the routine that I suggest in the next video that I post for morning,. 30+ year journalling experience will serve you well.
I am so sorry you are going through this! I just want to hug you and comfort you. Life just isn't fair. I am so sorry!
@@lisabennett1253 I appreciate that a lot Lisa. He was way too young and the love of my life. I ache constantly and have no idea how I will face the rest of my life without him
I can so relate to waking up to this grief every day and it is brutal. Normally I have trouble sleeping and turning my mind off but for whatever reason during this time of grief that has happened only occasionally. I’m thinking I am just so emotionally exhausted that I do sleep. I am so grateful for that but the waking into grief has been so difficult to deal with.
My wife passed away 4 weeks and 1 day ago on December 25th 2023. Almost every waking moment is consumed by grief. She collapsed in front of me, I called 911 and tried to revive her until a fireman was at the door and I yelled for him to come in. He gently pushed me out of the way and took over. Another fireman walked me down the hall and sat me on the stairs and said I couldn't watch as they and paramedics tried everything. About 20 minutes later I heard them say that a Doctor on the phone said to call it. I begged them to keep trying. They told me she was gone. She just turned 56, three weeks prior. It was so sudden and unexpected. I am so traumatized and can't get it out of my head. My wife was my world and meant everything to me. She gave me 22 beautiful years. I will never forget. The pain and trauma from this is immeasurable.
I am so sorry for the sudden and traumatic loss of your wife. It's a type of suffering beyond words to describe.
I lost my wife suddenly and traumaticly to a brain hemorrhage 26 days ago. I still cannot accept that she is gone forever.
Take care of yourself!
@@davidemery9317 Thank you. You take care, it's a very traumatic path we walk. It's been 12 weeks today. I joined a group at my local church called Greif Share. It's been somewhat helpful. My heart goes out to you David.
@@boshi700 Thank you! It is such a lonely and terrible place to be. To lose the person you loved, trusted, admired, respected and adored more and more the longer you knew her. To have her deep living being suddenly and permanently gone is an experience I wish on no one. I hope you receive the best possible help and support. All the best to you!
My husband use to bring me coffee in bed in the mornings. I don’t enjoy the taste of coffee anymore.
I'm in 14 days today. Husband died on the 12th. Each loss of one is so unique. I have lost many but this one is the worst. I have to move in a month and my energy is gone. I have no one to help because my family all live in other states.
Never felt sadness/pain like this.
Ty for your help.
❤
Mornings are the hardest, aches and pains and tears, work on acknowledging the positives, I say hello to my son and some mornings I play his favorite music
Morning is really hard my confidence to go out as I try and get out its very difficult.
Jo, the language you use throughout this video is spot on. My daughter passed 2 years ago suddenly as the result of a car accident. We were together daily, with her 3 little girls, newborn, 1.5 and 2.5 years old. The girls were moved out of the province... More loss. Your routine suggestion is helpful. Mornings are always extremely painful, now that my brain knows not to expect to see her, but my heart is forever broken, bc I miss her more as the days pass. But I'm learning to live with that too. Undoubtedly mornings have been more difficult and painful than evenings, for me.
I am new to this life. Only three months but it seems like a lifetime. I’m so glad I found your channel.
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
I think for anyone who has suffered a devastating and life-changing loss (by losing perhaps the most important person in our life,) the minute your eyes pop open in the morning, you're instantly faced with your new reality again.
All of us who have experienced this would wish that all of this was a bad dream. But, the living nightmare is real (and we're faced with it (again) the second we wake up.)
Sleep is the only break we get from it.
I do agree with what she says here about getting up ! If lying there becomes a habit, then we begin to associate the bed with wallowing in our grief. The bed needs to be associated with (hopefully) restful sleep, especially if you're in the early stages of grief. However, at the same time, I can understand someone in the early stages wanting to do nothing much more than sleep. (Especially in the early, early stages, as sleep is a much needed break that they're getting from what feels so overwhelming.)
Nap somewhere else in the house during the day, I guess, and try to reserve the main bed for your deepest, longest sleep times.
I have to get out of bed immediately I wake, there is no way I can lie and start thinking, nor can I go to bed early anymore. My mind has become a torture chamber.I just long for my life to be over, and I know how terrible that must sound to some people, but I feel I must go and look for my son.
I lost my brother to COVID 18 months ago. I dreamt last week that he just walked into the room I was in. I hugged him and told him I loved him and I asked where he had been and he just kind of smiled and then I was awake again. I cried so hard when I realized it was only a dream and that it couldn't have been my reality, and won't be my reality ever again.
It's been a year and every day is like waking up into a nightmare. I'm not even the same person. I can't even get stuff done any more.
This is so much what I needed to hear today. It helps to normalize my wake up experience. Thankyou.
I can really understand what you are talking about. This waking into intense grief is debilitating. I continue trying to move into the day as there are many things I still need to do. I do get up. I feel extremely anxious, feeling almost nauseous.
As you said, sleep when it comes, offers some reprieve. I am using Audible books with a timer to distract my mind enough to fall asleep. Sometimes it works...
I appreciate what you are talking about as it closely parallels my experience.
Ellen, Audible books is a great suggestion. Thank you!
Ellen I'm 15 weeks in and this! I'm nauseated all the hours of all the days. The anxiety is ridiculous. I'm socially withdrawn with a job that requires social presence. I feel like I cat think. Like my career is the next loss so many losses behind this 💔😭😭😭
Doing the same morning routines that we did together are helpful, but still makes me cry while doing them.
In the morning I have instant anxiety along with a sore stomach then into tears☹️😭with broken sleep before the morning sadness. Every day over and over again. 😢 and yes sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. I stumble out of bed somehow get through the day looking forward to closing the curtains and back in bed. Always go to sleep with beautiful sleep music. I’m very tired most of the time.
Waking up alone is still very hard for me 2 years into the loss of my husband 😢
Right on Jo....when I can't sleep I will play a meditation from Sam Harris' app....in the waking hours, the emotional whiplash - exactly - hits hard and disbelief - I often go to my place in the home to be with my son and stay quiet...then try
Julie you are right that the mornings bring a challenge and an avalanche of disbelief.
I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, treatment resistant and due to an illness, medications that help some but not enough. My dear cousin died on April 16, 2022, of Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, which in non-medical terms mean that for an unknown reason, his lung tissue was hardening, progressively making breathing impossible. He was getting the best care available in London, England. We had a special relationship since early childhood even though we didn’t see each other often, with me living on the East coast of Florida. His mother died four days after her 95th birthday, our grandparents, aunts and uncles on our grandmother’s side all lived very long lives. My cousin had just turned 70 in August, so expected to be around another 20 years. Due to my depression and anxiety, waking up is a horrendous experience every day, with the brain pumping out adrenaline and cortisol and my amygdala telling me I am in grave danger. I know now that this is purely physiological, but still cry for a while each morning. Right after my cousin died, the mornings became even more complicated by my grief of losing this special person. Overwhelming sadness, sense of loss, thought of how brave he had been until he was struggling for air so badly he became agitated and thank goodness was given morphine, so at least he didn’t suffer consciously at the end. Although it is getting to be a bit less sharp now, as almost five weeks have passed, the morning is brutal. My depression includes Diurnal Mood Variation, as the worst state is at wake up, but usually after about 8 pm, a lot of the psychological pain lifts and I am almost my old self. I don’t want to go to bed at night, knowing that I’m feeling pretty ok at night but will wake up to hellish emotions in the morning. As many people have mentioned, my pets keep me going. Dogs need to be medicated, walked, fed, I need all of the above, the bird needs his cage to be cleaned and fresh food and water put into the cage and some time on my finger for head skritches. It is still hard to believe that I will never see my cousin again, in this life. So, grief on top of existing psychological challenges has been pretty awful. So, I try to remember all of the times my cousin called me those last few weeks, all the various topics in addition to his medical issues we discussed. The memories of those treasured conversations have helped me tremendously. It sounds Pollyanna-ish, but when I start to grieve over people and pets who have passed away, bringing back happy memories really helps a lot. And it causes a different part of the brain to overpower the terrified and grieving amygdala. I have just found this channel recently and will share it with the leader of a grief support group I attend, so she can decide if I can send a link to the people in the group. This channel is down to earth, real people with genuine experiences and Jo is that soft spoken supportive friend we all need.
Yes. I have woke up crying better now sad a lot.
Morning grief is so hard.
What's challenging to me is that since my mother passed over 4 years ago she has appeared very frequently in my dreams. I do love that she appears but sometimes waking up to the realization that it was just a dream is not easy. Still I would rather have that feeling than have her stop appearing.
Thank you so much for this video. I lost my husband last July to brain cancer. I took care of him for over 2years. Widowed at 47. I am currently on medication and have been for about 2years. I just assumed it was the medication making me feel this way. My nights are when I get to rest my mind, sleep, and feel relief for just a few short hours. When does this ever lighten up and/or go away. I’m exhausted bc of my mornings!!
6 months tomorrow since my husband of 53 years passed from a glioblastoma. I was his caregiver as both my daughters moved away, one very far, in the 6 months we were fighting this awful battle. I also had to put down a beloved 18 year old dog the day of his brain surgery. Many losses at once! Sleep was very hard and sometimes is still illusive. I started taking a otc sleep med which helps some. I also got a sound machine as I too was depending on the TV to put me to sleep. I fall asleep listening to the sound of rain and a distant thunderstorm, it helps some. Moving slowly through this and a times I am just unable to do the things that need to be done. I wasn't eating well as cooking for 1 is not much fun. I finally ordered prepared meals to be delivered (not fast food). Another help. I continue to wade through the mud of loss. Loneliness is the greatest challenge. Thankfully I have a very well behaved dog and 2 cats that need to be fed in the morning. They get me up and moving. I also have several very supportive friends, one who has lost 2 husbands, and we talk a lot.
Routine works for me, plus vocalising with sound, I sing without words so my emotion gets expressed physically through my throat, loosening my voice so eventually I can speak with more strength. The grief takes away my ability to speak.
You are such an inspiration Jo. Thanks for what you do!! I'm sincerely grateful!!
I understand the grief of waking up in the morning is the worst form of it because in our dreams we meet with our loved ones that we have lost, I often dream of my Mum and Dad & I’m a child or younger than myself in them, then you wake to the reality of them not being there that’s the worst, but I think that the brain is an amazing thing to know that you need comforting & sending you dreams in your subconscious mind, I never struggle to sleep because I know they will always be there when I close my eyes, Mum gone 9years, Dad 4years and I’m lost without them 💔
When I awake I instantly need distraction. Having a tv droning, podcast playing, etc. helps me avoid thinking the grief. I avoid for a while to get through the work week and by the weekend I break down. I’m a teacher and with this grief I feel I don’t have anything left for my students. Everyday is so tough.
Mornings are quiet now but my husband was a high conflict person & massive workaholic, I'm actually relieved that he passed away. He was in extreme pain & every Waking moment was spent listening to him.Cry and scream and running back and forth to palliative care . It's quiet, no family support and the super Christians he worked with Are right next door to me in the office.And because I don't go to church.Not one single guide from that office will come over and help me with a single thing in this house so there's that too. I took over one of his part time jobs and they have to deal with me anyway but they definitely aren't like him Is high conflict as he was.He would never have let any of their wives.Do the type of stuff.They are literally watching me do from their cars😤
Thank you so much, I have found that audio books help me during the day and night, I listen to them to help me go to sleep, in the middle of the night I have to rewind them to hear the rest of the story or reset in the morning, yes, sleep alludes me most of the time, it has been 6 mos since Richard has gone, I find your video's so very helpful, may my comments help others
Thank you for this! Your videos have been more helpful than the current therapist I’m seeing.
Been grieving my parent’s premature death. Been crying 😢 every morning when i wake up. On days off, it’s so difficult to get out of bed or even to shower. It’s a miracle i can still work. You have been an angel 👼
Recently lost my love of 50 yeare. It's ground hog day over and over- every morning ,like now, at 3am I turn to yoeur videos for comfort and relief
I am trying not to cry as much. But it comes in waves . I could be laughing at times. And others crying most often. I feel like this is gonna continue for me a long long time:(
I feel this so so much ❤️ It’s like no other pain on earth 🌍
This lady is very good, probably the best.
I just know that I need to get out and on the bus by 11am.
Daylight and people.
This video was super helpful. I'm having such a hard time this morning. I miss my dad so much. He's be gone now since September 16, 2022. It seems I handled the loss better at the beginning. Now I'm experiencing more unexpected moments of sadness. I'm struggling to connect with my husband and daughter, because, I never want to experience a loss that heavy again, but now I realize it's a real possibility that I can feel the same level of grief that I feel with the loss of my dad, possibly more.
Dear Jo, I was given a small transistor radio to sleep by when I was a kid and have found it difficult to sleep without some kind of background noise, too (it lets me know I’m not dead and everything is carrying on as it should). But I already had PTSD, which tossed me about like a toothpick in the ocean, when both of my parents died in 2008. I was in my 40s but it didn’t matter… I was now officially an orphan.
I’ve been trying to get over all manner of emotional trauma for almost 20 years and I found that sleeping to binaural healing music has helped a great deal. I can’t suggest any particular one to you or the community; it’s a highly individualised thing and you’ll know if you’ve found something that works for you pretty quickly (I find that I have adverse physical reactions to frequencies that don’t resonate with me, within seconds of listening). There are literally thousands of these tracks available in here, ranging from minutes to hours long. And I noticed that I started at a very low frequency (11 hZ) but have progressed, although I still can’t cope with the higher frequencies (that all may be in relative balance but the base chakras are still obviously somewhat shaky). I hope this helps people as much as it’s helped me.
Sending love and light to all ❤
It's so disorienting to wake up. I don't wonder if it's just a dream lately, but I experience visceral stress throughout my body. I pull my head under the covers and it's like breathing into a bag with less oxygen. It gets warm and damp and helps my body to calm down.
It's killing my day, I just want to sit here 😭 I never drink water. Day 106, my partner, fiance, best friend, lover, my life. 💔
Your videos (my daily therapy) helps me everyday thank youx👍❤️🙏
Thank you for the video Jo. Returning watcher and new subscriber to your channel. i decided to give a second chance. I lost a close person a few months ago. Strangely, i never have struggle with getting out of bed. Drinking water first thing in the morning just like I used to do it before. I never have struggle shaving and taking a shower every single day. is this perhaps because I always lived a very regimented life? I don’t know. I have, however to turn the radio or a podcast and having some sort of background noise from the moment I get out of bed to the time I go to bed. The silence in the house is defining. I struggle exercising, while before working out was a huge part of my life. Today, I am start to exercising but at a minimum. I have cried a lot and I mean a lot. Thank you for your channel. I just ordered the book of Martha Withmore under your advice.
Yes, it was soo happening in the first week of my brother death. Terrible scary, I had to jump from my bed and go into another room , cry or pray . Lord, it is very hard but is getting better. 😢❤❤
That happens to me I dream he's alive and then I wake and I go through all over again it's the worst feeling
I could not fall a sleep without soft music, but now after 2yrs I am keeping myself buzy,,and so I sleep beter
Trying to hold on. Thanks for the video.
Oh my goodness!! YESSSSSSSSS!
every morning another day to get thru
Everything you say resonates so much.
After the transition of my beautiful son ❤️ x
5th march 2021 my son Lee Simon x is a beautiful Artist and scientist ❤️ x
Can't even say how much time has passed I've stopped time.
Don't go to bed till some night's after 3 in the morning get a few hours not fully asleep then wake up in a panic to my realty there's really no words to this cruciating pain every second of everyday.
Never want to wake up too face another painful day.
My mum transitiond just before Christmas 2022 haven't even grieved over my mum because I'm all ready hurting that much for my son x
This is a life sentence that no-one wants .
Sending my heart felt condolences to every mum that is on this so painful path may you all find some peace 🕊️ much Love ❤️ x x
Very much so, spot on.
3 a.m. eyes open. If I start to think...... my life is still like this. The air goes out of my chest.. safety is not anywhere. Nothing looks, feels, tastes or smells the same. I throw up...or heave with no relief. I sip an ounce of milk and return to bed to try again. I listen to a meditation video or rain sounds and rest a little more.. because the world is moving away from the season of covid, I feel abandoned because for me it is still here, slowly stealing that which remains. Ptsd is hard. I pray, dance, have family and a house full of pets to love. So I hold out hope....every day, even though I feel enveloped in futility. One day at a time.
Going on 3months it was may10th2022 i lost my significant other she was only 40 and i am 48. I am experiencing everything your describing pretty accurately. This loss was somewhat unexpected the grief is very complicated with trama . There were days i didn't want to wakeup without her or see the light of day alot of chest pain and tears. im spending alot of time in bed and i know what your going to say. I find your demeanor very palatable a sense of real understanding thank you
I just lost my life partner of 36 years 2 weeks ago. She was 63 but so unexpected..I can relate so much with what you both said. But it's so hard
I am going to try your tip of getting out of bed because at the moment I try at 4am to go back to sleep but I feel so anxious. I was using relaxation audios from you tube but they have suddenly stopped working for me. I will try moving f to the couch with a chamomile tea and try to read. Then I might drift back to sleep . You described exactly how it feels in the early days, which I am still in . Thank you for your videos, I find them very helpful. ❤️
Sue that sounds like a good routine to try! Thank you for the kind words.🙏🏻
Jo, I have been going through this EXACT freaking thing right now. You mentioned everything I am going through 😢
Dear Jo, Is there a way to connect with you in combination dealing with grief and high anxiety, Somatic work?
I wake up 5 times a night to go to the loo. I wake every day around 4am with huge anxiety and then can’t get back to sleep 😭
So frustrating! 🧻
@@grieftherapist
I have the same exact issues. How is your comment helpful?
I dread going to bed because I know whenI wake up it will be to fear in my chest and stomach. I have to get up because if I don't I start to cry and get spun up in a big panic from thoughts of aging and mortality. I do guided mornings meditations that I find on TH-cam to help. I've been in this since the beginning of Jan. although I lost my mom to dementia in September. Delayed grief? I helped my dad care for her for a week every month so he could get a break along with another caregiver. I watched her draw her last breath not realizing it was. I am in survival mode.
My pain is so incredible I can no longer walk on my own, I too have accquired a cat which is my only comfort. Day by day I know god will bring more an more answers, He got me through in other times in my life and this is no acception. Here I have a chance to really lean on him finally an stop chasing after men I guess, I sort of like being alone accept for the fact that with no one in my corner cheering me on is a little scarey in todays world.