Like a tornado of mysterious emotions and tired old mantras bursting from the ceiling and squeezing you in so hard until your brain stops thinking and just starts chanting at you for half a day at a time. Fudge that’s good.
Journaling is the treatment for OCD. Get the thoughts out of your head by writing them down. And then use what I call the "Why" method. Write down the obsession or thought, ask yourself why you're bothered by it. Answer, then keep asking why and answering until you get to the root of the fear.
BALENCIAGA there are few stories just in this comment section alone. But I get what you mean. Still in one of his other videos. One big part in all of this, is this fear that "it/I will never ever be right". That certainty, that it will NEVER be right, IS the illness coming through. There always has to be room for hope. ☺️
You can get through mental illness and you can be stronger for it. I feel like I'm a stronger, more compassionate and understanding person because of it. You might never be completely rid of your illness but you can gradually lessen its hold on you until it doesn't control you anymore. There are so many people that have got through mental illness, just google celebrities with mental illness. And John leads (what I would consider) a full and vibrant life in spite of his OCD. Don't lose hope. Therapy and medication can be hard but getting over any illness can be hard. Be kind to yourself even if your illness isn't. And remember you're not alone. It's surprising how many people around you have mental illnesses. And there are loads of online communities that support each other through this.
Well, take John as an example. he has a full life and he has OCD. another person I know with OCD has a full time job, a spouse who knows about her illness and still loves her and a social life that involves among other things, going to cons, and other geeky stuff. There are celebrities with OCD that have full lives. And also people with depression, social anxiety and any other condition I am leaving out.
There is so, so, so much hope. Really and truly, there is. I was ten years old when I was diagnosed with OCD that was so severe, I couldn't really function. I was so afraid of "ruining" experiences or periods of my life that I constantly thought, "If I don't shower perfectly, I'll ruin this day," or, "If I don't run my hand along the back of every chair in this classroom, I'll ruin my next class." I did CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for about a year and a half, and I still take medication every day. Now I'm sixteen. I still consider myself to have OCD, but it doesn't really affect my daily life any more. I take medication and have mild to moderate anxiety, but I no longer cry in the bath because I'm not washing my hair "the right way" and I no longer have hoarding behaviors. I have amazing friends, a high GPA, and I'm pretty happy. Please seek help; it absolutely transformed my life. And John, thank you so very much for talking honestly about OCD and for writing a teenaged character with the illness. I absolutely cannot wait to read TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN.
Thank you so much for sharing! I also have that feeling of "I have to do this right or I'll ruin the moment" and I've been recently thinking I might have OCD so it might be that, I don't know yet
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with OCD. Spent my whole life fighting OCD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
+ So true. And even things are so black that you can't even bring yourself to hope just yet, perhaps you can believe that there /will/ be hope again. Because there will.
It disgusts me when people say they have OCD just to be edgy. Or any other mental issues like being bipolar for example. Idiots. Mental illnesses are not to be glorified and are serious disability's that some unfortunate people have to experience. I wish you the best with your OCD.
Conversly, OCD is a spectrum, and there are indeed minor states of OCD. I have diagnosed OCD, but it is very minor and I just want things to be "even", and if things aren't even, it bothers me. But that is mostly the extend of it.
I have a mix of two of the most misunderstood mental illnesses. I have ADHD and OCD. Both are stigmatized, glorified, and marginalized. John explains half of what I deal with on the daily. I get to mix it however, with the randomization that ADHD brings. Before getting them assessed and addressed, functioning in society was very hard. Holding conversations was nigh impossible. Still, even treated, I have to remain guarded about them. The most common reactions still suggest that it's either a joke, that I'm faking it, or that I'm trying to get attention.
As a person with bipolar disorder, and having 2 other friends who are bipolar as well, it is not a glorified state. I've had days where I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital because my suicidal ideations were turning into actionable thoughts. I've had days where I feel so high above everybody else that I literally cannot interact with anyone without alienating them. Finding the right medications is almost as bad as the disorder itself with all the side effects, withdrawals, and expenses. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
"I don't feel like my mental illness has any superpower side effects." As a creator with depression and anxiety, I feel this so much. So. So. Much. Looking forward to the new book. DFTBA.
As a person with an often misunderstood mental illness, I love this video. ADHD isn't what it is in most media. It's your brain firing so quickly that when you talk to someone you can't slow down or you'll lose what you're saying. It's not realizing that you're yelling when you think you're calm. It's a constancy of "can you repeat that?" and "sorry i had to say this now" and "wait was that impolite?", but it's so much more that just not being able to concentrate. It's hyperfocus. It's reading Harry Potter in the space of a month at the age of six. It's finishing a book, needing to pee and lightheaded, and realizing 8 hours had gone past without you knowing. It's obsessive thought spirals. It's fixation on one possibility that makes it wholly impossible to do anything else. It's compulsion. It's not being able to put a paper napkin in your lap without shredding it to pieces, or not being able to let a bug bite heal because you need to constantly be picking at your skin. It's always knowing what's going on with the things you care about, but not being able to remember to brush your teeth in the morning It's your whole family thinking you're rude because you could never get the hang of keeping your voice down and letting others talk because you have something important to say and you need to say it now. It's depression and anxiety. It's a year straight of constant crying. It's your first relationship ending because you didn't know how to convey what was going on during your panic attacks and what is and isn't okay. It's having a 102 test average and a 16.7 homework average because one hour means you can get everything done but 16 means you won't do it. It's submitting essays that are either 5 pages of perfect argument on one little thing or barely meeting requirements for a topic covering a whole book.
For the most part, this is how I experience my ADHD. I don't know the grading system you use. But I know that my best score for an individual piece of work was a A+ but I've never overall got above a B. I have people I know who don't care about learning like I do and got exclusively As who chose not to go Oxford where my grades came out B C and D, the lowest grade was my favourite subject.
While ADHD is often comorbid with mental illnesses such as depression, it is not, itself, a mental illness. It's labeled a learning disability. One of our sons has ADHD, so I see the outer struggles, and I struggle with depression and anxiety issues myself.
I was recently diagnosed with OCD, and so I’ve been watching a lot of videos on other people’s experiences with OCD. And I’ve started to realize that I’ve done these things MY ENTIRE LIFE and didn’t think it was ocd because I don’t excessively wash my hands or clean/organize everything. Yet I have the SAME obsessions/compulsions you’re describing and I have my entire life. It just solidifies the diagnosis for me and after several other diagnoses, this one finally feels right and I feel like I can move on and begin to heal.
Caution, I am talking about my experience with OCD in detail. The thing with having OCD and tumbling down into a thought spiral - for me at least - is, that I begin to wonder if I AM my thoughts. If those intrusive thoughts define in any way who I am and if they aren't maybe the way they are because of some fault in my character. For me, I sometimes have the thought of doing disgusting things, like sticking my head into a garbage can. Not because I particularly want to. In fact, some of those thoughts make me physically gag, but I sometimes wonder if it's because I am a gross and disgusting person by nature. I KNOW that this is not it, but I think it adds another layer of horror to thought spirals. The fear that this somehow means something about you, even if you would never act out on those things and never have, you obsess about: But what IF? What if I do? Whatif I go up to that garbage can and lick it in front of everyone? And then this becomes the new thought spiral: Who am I really? Also, I obsess about my physical health in very much the same way John describes his fear about eating contaminated food. I see a mole and wonder if it may be cancerous. And then I find myself googling those things, staring at the mole and fearing for imminent death. Also, yes. There are the rituals people portray on TV. For me it's clenching my hand into a fist for every corner in the room. Once, twice, and the bad thing you are scared about won't happen. But, oh well. While I am doing it, I know it won't change a thing. This is an exhausting waste of time, but I just am afraid to stop. I am better at the moment. I sleep well, I function normally. I sometimes have an intrusive thought but I am able to shoo it away mostly. Because of therapy. I went to therapy one and a half years ago and my sessions have reached their end. I can only advice anyone to do the same. They have helped immensely. I often find myself astonished by how normal I feel. Please, Please never give up, if you are mentally ill. I know that it can feel like this is everything you are, but it's not. And you're obsessions and intrusive thoughts say nothing about you as a person. Everyone(!) has them and our mental illness just makes us think differently and worry easier than other people. Good luck and much love to anyone out there
Thank you for sharing, all the best in coping with it. It's not easy by any means. I certainly like how John Green can bring a civil conversation about in this.
The obsessing over physical health is exactly what I experience on a daily basis. I haven't been diagnosed but I always thought I was just a hypochondriac. But now I'm wondering if I may have mild OCD. I know that I need help, but the thought of long term therapy terrifies me. 😕
I am not a medical expert of any sort, so take this with a grain of salt. This is not only a symptom of OCD but it could be Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well. They are sometimes very closely intermingled (as is the case with me) Do not be frightened. It isn't bad at all. If your symptoms disrupt your daily life and you feel tense and unable to relax or let go, seek professional help. It will make a world of difference! Your therapist should be someone you can trust and talk to, there should be no discomfort opening up to them - Of course, therapy is and shouldn't be a walk in the park but they are not scary. My therapist and I have a good laugh once in a while, too. She's an angel. Good luck to you!
"There is hope, even if your brain tells you there isn't." Such a great reminder. Thanks John. (Also thanks for answering my question of how to pronounce "Aza.")
Well, that's how *I* pronounce Aza, but authors' intentions are not always the results. So if everyone else pronounces her name differently, that's okay! -John
John, you have no idea how happy I am about your new book being about a 16 year old girl with OCD, since that's literally me. We probably won't have the same intrusive thoughts, but it's still so great to me that one of my favorite authors has written a book about something so important to me. Can't wait to read it ♥
Ocd is not real it is you think in your mind you can think whatever you like you are the creator of yourself your life you create your world you can let go everything even the angry and envy emotion you can control yourself wish you all the best
I describe OCD as being betrayed by your own brain. I'm extremely logical, yet OCD is the very antithesis of logic. It's a constant battle within myself, and yes, completely exhausting and frustrating. Most people that meet me have no idea because I can hide my behaviors, especially because I so desperately do not want to adversely affect other people. But I talk about it openly because I want people to understand what it is, what it is not, and that there IS help and hope. Figuring out what triggers you is essential, I've found. And having a support system of people who love you is also key. There needs to be more education about OCD and other mental illnesses, as well as the understanding that no two people experience OCD in the same way. Praying for all affected, both those who suffer with OCD and those who love someone with it. Both are incredibly tough positions to occupy. Thank you for sharing, John!
I watched a gross scary video four years ago and for a long time I thought about it every day, practically every minute I wasn't distracting. it felt so silly and pointless but I was terrified of the thoughts and I couldn't stop and I had no idea what was happening. it took me a long time to look for help, and even longer to find a coping strategy that worked for me. I'm honestly only just now considering the idea that I might have OCD because my case would be so...bizarre. there are other things I've obsessed over, but that has been the absolute worst so far. but watching stuff like this, where someone talks about their experience with OCD that leans strongly towards the Obsessive, it makes me feel a bit less uncertain. a lot of it tracks so strongly with my experience. I think that's probably really important, so thanks.
this is really relatable. I had a similar experience and still experience daily intrusive thoughts and anxiety about the scary thing, but always feel ridiculous about having a trauma response from a youtube video. I received a diagnosis of OCD and felt like a faker because the fear was irrational, and my compulsions (counting to sixteen, which I still do) were not disruptive. If you want to hear more, this is called colloquially 'pure o' ocd.
I feel you. I had a similar experience where I read about "solipsism" theory online and became extraordinarily terrified that the world was only an illusion. The feeling of terror and dissociation as unbearable. It affected me physically, emotionally, even visually- I felt like I had unfocused, tunnel vision. For years I believed that I would never feel truly happy again, that I would never experience the sensation of knowing that a person I was looking at was not just a figment of my imagination but someone with consciousnesses just like me. I felt like everything that was good had been stripped away from me. Only after months of therapy have I realized that this immense fear was only a fantasy created by my OCD, and that the more I viewed it as such and not as a legitimate feeling the more it would go away. Just know that you will be ok, the feeling is just an intrusive thought and once you finally accept it you will be able to move past it. It's scary, but you must do it as best you can, it is always worth it :).
This happens to me every so often, where some bit of media I’ve consumed freaks me out and then sticks in my head and it takes months to stop thinking about it constantly and years to forget enough details that it no longer punches me in the brain if I do think about it. There’s been a computer game 20 years ago, a movie trailer about 5 years ago, and a short story 2-3 years ago that have affected me that badly, although I wasn’t really allowed to watch movies as a kid because nearly all of them freaked me out for at least a few weeks, and I’ve never heard of it happening to anyone else before your comment.
That is most definitely something that happens with ocd. Years and years ago I’ve experienced a 5 second experience that I haven’t stopped thinking about.
I have a VERY similar form of OCD to you, John, and this is probably the first time I've seen someone with such a similar version of it talk openly about it, so thank you so, so much for that. I worry about my food and my health ALL the time. I've tried explaining it to people as "my mind shouts at me that I'm going to die" but apparently that's not a good description to help people understand? idk. But it does really feel like there's two tracks of thoughts happening at the same time: one obsessive one that keeps shouting the same thing, and one softer track that's just trying to calm the other one down and hopefully get some things done. It's a constant battle, and it's incredibly exhausting. I do have the excessive handwashing thing, though I'm getting better at it! But I'm mostly getting better at it because I often used hand sanitizer when outside and I had obsessive thought spirals about not letting it dry enough and accidentally ingesting it and killing off all the germs inside me and then dying from that. So. Yeah. There's that. But I'm learning! I also have a couple of rules that have really helped so far. One of them is a googling-illnesses-ban for life. I've literally banned myself from googling symptoms and "what happens if-" questions about health. I can only look up diseases I'm 100% sure I don't have, like very specific and weird and obscure things I would've known about by now. (Final also, before anyone tells me to get help: I have had help, I've actually just finished therapy like a month ago, and though I'm not doing amazingly great, I'm doing much better than a couple of years ago, and I'm doing well enough to be able to manage on my own most of the time.)
Ocd is not real it is you think in your mind you can think whatever you like you are the creator of yourself your life you create your world you can let go everything even the angry and envy emotion you can control yourself wish you all the best
John, you are the reason I sought help for my bi-polar disorder and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. Medication helps. Therapy helps. Being open and honest about how you feel helps. I hope this helps someone else.
There's such a comforting kind of objectivity in the kindness expressed in this video. Because that's what it feels like when someone acknowledges your pain ( in this case mental illness), it's someone doing you a kindness. + to this video
I was diagnosed with a mild version of OCD this year as well. Therapy helped a TON, probably the best decision I made this year. 10/10 recommend. Let's break the stigma on mental health and seek help if we need to! ✨🌟 Dftba!
@@samia6888 Im not OP but I just did 9 months of treatment for OCD (specifically hypochondria) and my therapist and I did CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy - this is specifically for OCD) and I also did a group therapy called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I did this all through my university with therapists in training and it truly changed my life forever. ERP is the key though, I feel like that made the biggest change for me.
I always called them cycles, instead of spirals, due to their repetitive nature. Even if you 'resolve' the problem, that thought will always creep back in....
Thank you John for sharing. My girlfriend suffers from thought spirals, as you describe. In our year of being together we have learned to deal with the waves as they come. In the beginning it would turn into a fight because it was often a personal insecurity manifesting into a spiral about anything and everything. Now when she begins spiraling all I can do is hold her hand tight until the waters calm. This can take hours, but I always remember the phrase 'you are not your mental illness'. Thank you for reading :P
smpolaske It kinda sounds like me and my partner. I wonder if that is what I have? I just can't seem to be happy, because when something is dealt with, I'll think back to something else that hurt me in our relationship and then suddenly that's all I can for a whole week. I stay fixated on that feeling of hurt and betrayal, and I need to talk about our issues so often and in such detail that my partner feels exhausted. Is that called intrusive thoughts or thought spirals? (Also, i do suffer from thought spirals about my health, that I'm sure of, so maybe my brain is wired to be that way now?)
MsLyraGW - I personally think that having a professional outlet to talk to has really helped. When we started seeing each other consistently she would experience these little explosions of anxiety and panic. I would try to listen and understand what was happening, but she would kind of blurt out a bunch no incoherent non-connected thoughts between fast panic breathing. The part that would get me exhausted was when she did not communicate in an effective way. When she would approach me with something that had clearly been on her mind for a few days, she would just let it burst out in a emotional puddle on the floor. Example - in her past relationship she never felt like her feelings were validated because she was called 'too dramatic' and 'too emotional'. We had so many blow ups because she could never put her concern in terms I could understand. Before she was working with a professional (therapist) this would happen often. She has been going through therapy and now can have a space to organize her thoughts, and hear herself talk before she comes to me. She might always struggle with anxiety and 'spirals' but now her and I have established an effect way to communicate so even when she can't trust her thoughts, she can trust me.
You're an incredibly lovely human being. I'd also try to encourage her to explore options to help manage her mental health. You can't always be the one thing to help her, though she is incredibly lucky to have you.
John, "There is hope" is one of the most powerful statements that I think a hurting soul can hear. Personally, I worry about social interactions and rehearse them to the point of paralysis. If I do make it outside and talk, I then replay them endlessly. It takes hours and often leaves me in tears. Thank you for sharing your journey and helping me know that my brain is not the only one that spirals. Thank you for sharing hope, that thing with feathers.
A thought that helps me here is; imagine the captain of the ship's response to the ship being damaged. He will asses the damage, come to a rational conclusion and proceed along the best course possible. Now compare this to when you stub your toe or recieve damage... you shout and swear and handle it in various ways which are not rational. For me its a small thing but the irrational facts of behaviour ground me in myself. I look for the ways that I act as an entity in itself, captain or not, I have a strong sense of me-ness... which helps.
well, to extend the metaphor a bit here, I find the captain would probably be the best description for what you are. You are the one supposed to be in contol, you are the one responsible for whatever happens, but there are a lot of factors that are out of your control. Sometimes you hit rough weather or like in this example the crew can try to mutiny the ship. Simply being the captain is hard sometimes, just like living live. I love metaphors...
I agree with the lack of control element completely. What helps me deal with that is the metaphor fails. My behaviour as the captain of a ship in response to adversity is very different to my relationship to my own adversity. The ship hits a rock the captain acts rationally to repair the damage. I stub my toe I shout and get pissed off and act very differently. Even though I don't control my thoughts and actions sometimes, Im tied to them and apart of them much more tightly than a captain to his ship and that grants my comfort. I think it possibly illuminates the idea that my lack of control is my own control, just subconscious control... maybe. All i know is the fact the metaphor fails is nice for me :)
i'm a sixteen-year-old girl with OCD. it doesn't manifest in outward compulsions usually, just a lot of mental ruminating and various mental rituals i have to calm myself down. thank you for writing something like this. i'm totally going to buy it, and if i like it a lot, i could potentially show my mum to give her a better understanding of it. so, again, thank you so much !
@@mackenziefox8248 I do still live with OCD but think I'm probably in a much better place than when this comment was written. I'm in a city and just graduated uni recently, I have very supportive friends, I'm fairly happy most of the time. But it's still difficult and I'll have to live with some anxiety a while longer, but working on it every day (-:
I am so thankful that John Green spoke so openly about OCD. My brother has severe OCD, and, growing up with him, I couldn't grasp why he struggled with things that seemed so trivial to me. I wish discussions like this were more common then, because I so wish I had just understood and been more empathetic to these thought spirals and continual self doubting he so regularly faced. I was ignorant. Oh so ignorant. And I'm sure I still am, but being conscious of one's ignorance at least gives one the opportunity to peek through the veil of another's life and grasp that their struggle is real. Getting the proper medical help and now a family that has an inkling of understanding of his thought patterns has allowed my brother to make small, yet measured, improvements. So thank you, John, for encouraging this conversation. We all need more enlightening, and I can't wait to read the book to better connect and support others with internal battles.
I'm really happy you're talking about this. I have Schizo-affective disorder and I too suffer from debilitating thought spirals. Like some days I can eat eggs but others I can't bring myself to swallow them without vomiting because i think they've been poisoned. That and so many other things characterize my illness. Could you do a video discussing how your family and friends have helped. I like to show my family that kind of thing to give them hope for me. Thanks alot
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us as well, Cass. It's important that people like us, with our mental conditions taking control over us, express ourselves openly and allow other people to find the help that they need. I don't have these kind of aversive episodes, but I do have a different condition that can take a hold of me. I have autism and sometimes that expresses itself in me compulsively repeating a request, when an employee iterates to me that they cannot perform that request. I'll say something like, "I'm sorry, you have to understand, I have autism. I'm having trouble understanding the situation," before I return to repeating my request. Their instinct is to explain the problem in simpler terms and more slowly. But that's the opposite of what I need at that moment; I need a more in-depth, grittier explanation. Something with more texture, I guess. More of an overflow of information for me to get out of this loop. In that moment, it's got nothing to do with it being hard to get out. Repeating myself just becomes sort of natural, even though it's incredibly stressful, and it won't even come up in my mind that I have a choice not to repeat myself and break off the conversation. For some reason, I just keep going, draining more and more energy until I'm genuinely too tired emotionally to continue the conversation.
It's even more heavily stigmatized here in Korea. I'm a teacher at an elementary school, and this is the age when a lot of students in the western world are normally discovered to have a mental health issue, and then subsequently helped by their parents, teachers, doctors, etc. In my experience in Korea though, a mental health issue is seen as a weakness, and parents and teachers alike tend to ignore it or pretend they don't see a problem. This, in turn, makes it become a worse problem. A lot of my students have terrible nervous habits or ticks and show clear signs of things the western world might diagnose as ASD or ADD, but they get no help for it. It's really sad, but there's not a lot I can do about it. It just seems to be the culture here. Pretend it doesn't exist, because it's a difficult thing to deal with.
TheRazrsharp16 I know what you mean. I'm just back from 3 years over there. There are a few therapists in Seoul, but they mainly have Westerner clientele. The most important thing for your students, is to let them know that you are there for them. To talk, vent, or even in practical ways. Parents and Society can be a massive challenge. But I've found that if you can turn what the parents see as a negative, into a positive, they are much more understanding. For example if they are spreading themselves too thin... and trust me they are, suggest to the parents that they focus on what your student loves, and excel at. I know it's hard, but the kids are lucky to have a teacher like you.
I can see where you're coming from, but many mental disabilities are so treatable that they hardly pose much of a problem if dealt with in the right way early enough.
Kasi M8 It's NOT a weakness. You don't get to decide what makes someone strong, or weak. The greatest minds in the world suffered from Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. Einstein, Van Gogh, Picasso, our man John Green. Art and genius are inextricably linked with brain weasles. And let me make one thing clear. When you are fighting with your own brain everyday, it does not make you weak. It makes you a god damned BADASS.
I just finished reading Turtles All The Way Down, and it’s my favorite John Green book to date. Thank you John for being so open and honest about your mental health struggles and for writing a story that will stay with me forever.
I'm lucky enough to have things to look forward to almost every day of the week. Sunday = a few NPR podcasts I like. Monday = Dear Hank and John (usually). Tuesday = John. Wednesday or Thursday = Jenna Marbles. Friday = Hank. Saturday = Cristine aka SimplyNailogical. You gotta up your fandom game! Honestly sometimes knowing these uploads are coming is the only reason I want to get out of bed and on with life.
John. This video is great. I was at a talk recently and we spoke about how easy someone can say "Oh, I have OCD" or "I'm feeling depressed" without really knowing what it means. This really helps. Thank you
Eliana Grace Exactly! And that's what people tend to confuse. That's why it's so great that John can make this video to remind us that mental illness is often romanticised and that by educating his viewers, he is making a difference in changing that.
It's a difficult habit to unlearn because many (most?) mental illnesses are named after and described in terms of the neurotypical traits of which they resemble exaggerate versions. This is probably so that, if you don't have the condition, its name tells you at least something about what it's like to have it. The unlearning is necessary, though, and knowing someone with it is a swift cure -- I used to use "schizophrenic" in its original sense of "divided mind" (lit. "split skull"), to refer to an illogical or contradictory idea. I no longer do this.
Kyle MacDonald This is so real. I had a hard time thinking about my own depression, because I didn't feel sad, I felt horribly tired and ridiculously unmotivated.
I suffer from ADD and I see a Dr for treatment and for medication. I feel like this happens for OCD and depression but I feel it is almost worse for ADD. People don't take it seriously and many people don't think it is a real thing. It can be really hurtful especially when your spouse doesn't even think it is a real thing.
Thanks John - this video actually helped me understand this condition a lot better. My friend has this and I've struggled to understand how she feels, but now I feel I like I can empathise with her better.
You can also check out "The Neuroscience Behind OCD - Inside My Mind - Earth Lab". They uploaded that today, BBC Earth Lab (Formerly Brit Lab, etc etc.).
As a person with a sibling that has OCD , I hate when people ask if it's okay to touch them and if they hate germs. It gets on my nerves Germophobia ISNT OCD. In some or many cases these metal conditions might come in a couple. But I think it's ignorant not to talk about OCD casually like "omg my OCD is kicking in" when you cleaning or organizing something. If youre curious or hesitant about the topic, ask a person with experience or do some research rather than jumping to conclusions son this might be insensitive.
Germophobia can be a symptom of OCD, related to an obsession with cleanliness which can develop into a phobia, although I don't know why anyone would be negative about it the way you described unless they're just trying to sound stupid.
Sandhiya Ann how do you use it callously? Do you brutishly strike down your enemy and tell them they have OCD before loping their head off? If it’s none of those reasons then I suggest looking up what callous means... It means unsympathetic or indifferent none of which matches your use of the word. You can’t be unsympathetic towards a word or condition.
Thank you, John. I have Rumination OCD, with subcategories of Perfectionistic, Existential, and Moral OCD. I compulsively research like you John, but not about being poisoned, but the moral objectives required of being a good person. Deontology rules my life, often at a high cost, and I’m constantly avoiding any media culture war taglines for the sake of my sanity. My Existential OCD never lets me rest from the theological debates between Atheism & God, determinism/free agency, Nihilism & Absurdist thinking. Perfectionistic OCD requires me, at the tortured expense of a more conscious version of myself, to constantly contact my ex-girlfriend to break up with me in the RIGHT way, or to “fix” the relationship. Heartbreak is 100,000,000 times worse when triggering OCD, because the intrusive thought is one of the most painful feelings ever. And it never leaves. During heartbreak specifically, I reached a point BELOW suicide. My OCD made me care enough about my failed relationship to not kill myself, but all I would beg to the ER therapist is, “to stop THINKING!” I would crave sleep, every waking minute, and I would have the lowest self-hate imaginable as I continuously reached out to the girl I loved, and watch in detached horror at my own actions as I hurt her again and again. I honestly don’t know how I’m alive, but for empathy and attempted understanding from loved ones. I can’t describe the validation and hope you’ve given me, John. Thank you.
Hey Sam, sorry to hear your story. Similar journey with different themes. Extreme obsession with various things. I had suicidal ideation too last year but somehow i recover (and because existential is one of my themes i dont want to pin poin because of what) but anyway so I thought I reaches lowest already last year and had amazing 3 months back home and one thought just one thought or feeling of what if I reach the state again or even worse made my anxiety and OCD go spiral again. Did that happen to you as well
I'm sorry you have experienced these things and hope you are doing well now with therapy and/or medications. I have people close to me who have OCD scrupulosity.
Hi John! Now I've never written TH-cam comment before so here it goes. Thank you SO SO much for making this video. I have the exact same kind of intrusive thoughts/spiraling though/compulsive googling OCD and so rarely do I see people talk about (especially someone I admire so much!) I've been on medication for it for about 2 years in addition to taking up rock climbing, yoga, and meditation and I finally feel like it's under control but I still have bad days and every day is a fight. It's also so hard to describe to other people what is wrong. When I say OCD people just think I'm super organized and clean (I am so not) so I usually have to default to "I'm anxious" or I'm stressed" This video let me know I'm not alone and there is power in talking about my experiences! Thank you so much!!.
wow. I completely agree now when people say don't joke around saying "haha I'm so ocd" I had no idea it could be so much mental torture 24-7. Sorry dude, thanks for putting this video out there man
I've heard that worrying that you've run someone over while driving and stopping to check every few moments is a common and particularly frustrating OCD pattern. However, I don't know anyone who does this personally.
Oskar Sodergren I unfortunately have this too and am diagnosed. It stops me from driving a lot and can be terrifying because I know it's only a twist of the wrist and the urge feels like all the others. 3 months of exposure therapy driving on 2 lane roads couldn't cure it. Still happens. And that's just one thing out of many. No one would say "I'm so OCD" if they actually suffered from it and were always caught in some irrational loop.
Sanjay W it's very hard to understand what mental illness is like unless you experience it and I think it's very hard to portray it in films and TV. It's a lot more complex than just getting upset if your shoes aren't lined up perfectly. So don't beat yourself up about not getting it (I didn't before), just try to educate yourself :)
We've all seen the micro-trend of "OCD videos" floating around on the internet, in which common chores are done, objects placed or handled in an unconventional, counter-productive or otherwise disorderly manner (with the intention of causing distress and frustration in the viewer), often titled or captioned "OCD test" or something along those lines. These videos are quite simply misinformative (or misleading for that matter) and ultimately destructive, only serving to ridicule (popularize a false idea of what OCD is) what is a very serious mental illness that encompasses an almost endless variety of symptoms and causes, and has the potential to render any sufferer completely incapable of leading a normal, healthy life (taking care of him/herself).
I was diagnosed with OCD yesterday. Being wholly unaware of the true nature of OCD, I was terrified that I would become some sort of monster in the future and, in my more cognizant moments, incredibly scared for my mental health. Thank you for putting this video and your book out there. I hope it helps people as much as this has helped me.
I looove this so much, especially the part about how awful it is when you are scared of the thing you were scared to begin with but also terrified because you can't control your mind, that particular situation has left me in tears so many times...But you learn, treatment really helps and you can find a way to keep on being a happy person!
Thank you for this. It's really interesting and somehow comforting to hear other people describe being taken hostage by their own thoughts, and then taken hostage by the thought of the implications of being able to be taken hostage by ones self. Not a fun spiral. Not that I would wish it on anyone else - but nonetheless, thanks for sharing.
Right, definitely not something that I'd wish on anyone else, and as you point out, the spiral of being imprisoned by the thoughts, and then being imprisoned by thinking about the thoughts, and so on, is sort of a turtles all the way down type of situation. -John
Just going to say this, though I'm not 100% sure it's my place...I'm extremely proud of you for this video John. Mental illnesses can be extremely difficult to talk about, and you did it without flaw. I'm so excited to read TATWD and see how it portrays OCD. DFTBA
I was 16 years old when I was diagnosed with OCD. It's a nightmare and hell. Thank you, John, for writing about what I feel because I always thought I'm the only one who suffers from OCD.
I can’t believe I just found this video for the first time. I’ve always felt like my OCD isn’t bad enough because I don’t have as many issues with compulsions as I do with the obsessions part. Things become the only thing I can think about. This has been so hard to explain to anyone but you just explained it so well in four minutes ❤️
I LOVE that you brought up how you question whether or not you’re in control. I CONSTANTLY have a problem deciphering where my disorder stops and where I begin and I feel like I don’t hear people with mental illnesses discuss that side of it very often.
I'm in my 6th year post-diagnosis with OCD. Thank you so much John for doing what so many of us are terrified to do, to talk openly about our obsessions. I suffer from POCD, and I remember my biggest spike being the most helpless year of my life, in the middle of college. I'm grateful every day that I forced myself into counseling despite having no idea what was wrong with me--my diagnosis even came as a surprise to me because I only saw the media image of ocd. Through multiple therapists and a gamut of medication, I'm finally no longer living crisis to crisis. I have the privilege of dealing with life's daily frustrations to the best of my ability. So much love to you John. Btw if you read this, I once shook your hand at a book signing before I knew that you have anxiety about that, so here's a very very belated apology.
it’s wild seeing someone talk about having POCD i believe i have it, have struggled with it for almost 3 years now but it’s comforting to hear someone talk about actually getting diagnosed with it
Speaking as someone with relationship based OCD (basically I have thoughts telling me I don't love my BF or want to be with him, which is great fun, haha!), this video is a perfect, simply explained little insight into how OCD truly is. It's agonizing to have your brain tell you you don't love the ove of your life, when your heart is screaming back. I repeat "I do love him, I do I do I do" ad nauseam, but it only makes it worse. What's awful for many with OCD, including myself, is that we know that the thought spirals are illogical, that feelings are feelings and thoughts are thoughts and these mean nothing or maybe they mean something, but that's the thing - *we don't know.* I know I love my boyfriend, and will tell him this because I want to and I feel said love, but does that stop my brain from going "but do you?" I have an uncanny ability to see outside looking in; as if I'm in a bell jar, trapped with this Brain Gremlin, yelling at it to f---k off, but I drown in the mental cesspool that is my oceanic cranium. I'll quote (paraphrase?) your book, John; "it isn't a bad guy, it just wants to be alive." OCD is pretty much that; it's trying to protect us from the unknown, but in doing so, it keeps us from embracing it. I know the only way to "get rid" of the thoughts and Not Quite Right Feeling is to ride with them, to accept them as what they may or may not be, but it's as hard for me as it would be to jump from an aeroplane sans parachute. Look at Winston Churchill, who had obsessive thoughts telling him to toss himself off boats and into rail way tracks. He said (again, paraphrase), "I have these thoughts, but no desire to leave this world." It's strange to think that I relate to Chandler more than Monica, due to his love for the latter and how much it scares him, over the anal "OCDness" of tthe object of his love. I'm going to say that this book must have been an interesting form of ERP/CBT for you, John. I'm so looking forward to reading it, a book by someone with the same condition as me, who I know will delve into it with sensitivity and humour. It's no fun having to Google the risks of moldy bread, nor is it pleasurable to have your brain tell you you don't love the person you want to be with more than anything. You're an inspiration to me, an aspiring author with OCD, who just wants to live life with this Gremlin as peacefuly as possible. I've even named her Guadeloupe. There may be no cure, but there is hope. Godspeed.
It's been 4 years since you wrote this comment and I don't know if your account is still active, but I'm here with you in this relationship OCD fight. I hope you have found relief. 💕
My OCD is quite honestly So terrifying. I’m sure it’s terrifying for everyone but mine is so embarrassing for me. I’m afraid of being possessed and I honest to goodness believe (as do many people) that if I think about demons/the devil etc. I invite them “in” so my OCD thoughts often have me thinking about inviting in demons or other scary things. I don’t want these thoughts and I often have to say the same prayer 5x and squeeze my eyes and occasionally shake my head to get rid of them. I think it’s embarrassing and I know its irrational so I try to hide it from everyone and no one knows how much these thoughts actually affect me. Im still terrified to talk to a doctor because I’m not crazy and I don’t want to be labeled as such. I’m glad that John talks about this disorder! It helps me feel less like a freak and gives me hope that great people can struggle with what I struggle with.
Thanks for sharing this with us John. It can't be easy to talk about your mental health to all of us but I appreciate it. Discussion of these types of issues goes a long way in helping us to imagine others complexly. DFTBA
I have OCD and oh my gosh thank you!!! Not everyone likes organising things or washing themselves!! I starved myself for a week because I thought that if I ate anything with powder in it, my mother would die. I am also terrified of kids items or drawings, because I see my dead sisters, gutted and bleeding on the floor whenever I see them. It is NOT just being clean. It is being trapped inside your own head, like a little evil person telling you what you can and cannot do.
I just want to thank you; I've been struggling with Anxiety and OCD-related disorders since I was 5 and I haven't once been able to talk to anyone about intrusive thoughts because they are so awful and so difficult to conceptualize. Knowing that someone else-let alone one of my favorite authors- has gone through what I go through was such a relief to hear.
I want to thank you for Turtles All the Way Down. You were able to describe thought spirals well enough to help me realize I wasn't crazy, this is the name for what I experience regularly. I remember crying multiple times while reading because while it's not as extreme for me as Aza, these thought spirals compounded with other mental health struggles make basic functioning extremely difficult some days and I finally had something to reference to show myself, and others, that I'm not crazy and I'm not making it up to be dramatic. So thank you! Thank you for continuing to share your mind with us.
I am very excited to read this book. I have actually had a discussion with you over Tumblr about our mutual health anxiety/OCD, and you gave me some of the best advice anyone has given me yet. I still have spirals and I go to the doctor too often, but knowing I am not the only one who feels this way is comforting and I am already so grateful that you have created this character. I did take your advice about medication and meditation...thank you.
I have OCD in the form of a body-focused repetitive behavior called Dermotillomania. Thanks for talking about what it's like to live with OCD! It manifests in so many different ways! Therapy treatments for my OCD have never helped, but self awareness in addition getting medication to treat my anxiety disorder has helped me to curb my OCD symptoms to less self destructive levels.
While I have never been diagnosed with OCD, I have intrusive thoughts and also skin picking issues (biting nails is just normal for me but it's the face picking I do which sometimes get's taken too far. It's been so much better lately but yeah, it sucks.
I’m OCD diagnosed, with associated misophonia and GAD. I started reading Turtles All the Way Down two days ago and have almost finished. I found it amazing how Aza was able to perfectly vocalise many of my experiences - especially in regards to my reservations about taking tablets. I know understand how you were able to portray such an organic OCD character. I was inspired to write a creative piece about an OCD character in a pub describing a thought spiral, and I submitted it as coursework for my English degree.
Man, every time I finish another John Green book I'm just like "man...I just want to hug him". But especially after reading TATWD. Virtual hugs, John. You (and your brother) have done so much for me and you don't even know me. It's even cooler to know that there are millions of people who share the same sentiment.
I am do grateful to have found this. My father has OCD and my childhood was very focused on helping him hide & manage it. With more people shareing thier experience with it, the public understanding of what it actually is getting better & treatment options improving/bettter tools for him becoming available - its made a difference for him. Showing him how many people share in this burden has helped him to let go of so much shame. Visibility matters ❤
my english teacher at school assigned us Turtles All the Way Down as our unit book to read, and showed us this video. This is how I got into vlogbrothers content.
i know this is an old video, but i was just diagnosed with ocd after two decades of pain i never knew how to describe, that felt uncontrollable except through my compulsions, and "there is no bottom turtle" has become something i say to myself. it doesn't make the obsessions go away but it reframes them and leaves space to work in with my therapist. i remembered hearing john had ocd and went back to watch some of his videos and i guess just say that even though they were posted 7 years ago, he left something that helped me and will help others with ocd when they discover or rediscover them, too
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I never I even considered having OCD because, like you said it is often portraited as obsessive hand washing and cleaning etc, mine is pure o, plus other types like symmetry, existential ocd and I'm still learning I guess.. I did a 668 question test with my new neuro-psycolgist and I'm learning a lot still. Thanks for sharing your journey. Big hug from another ocd'er.❤
Thank you so much for sharing this. You are a huge inspiration for me as an authour and a person, and I too have OCD, and I don't wash my hands 50 times an hour. Oh well. Thank you so much.
Shira Melcer I do! But from a verified hand washer, you don't have to have any compulsions to have a diagnoses of OCD. The thoughts are enough and if it's something that affects you, then please don't dismiss your feelings.
Shira Melcer Oh I'm sorry! I reread my post and it's phrased pretty awkwardly. Your opening post was clear about your diagnosis, but it seemed dismissive as well. My goal was to provide validation, but it seems to have been done poorly and I might have misunderstood your original post as well. Thank you for taking me at my intention. :) I hope you have a good day.
Always appreciate you talking about mental illness, John. It's one of the least awesome things but it doesn't make anyone who has it any less awesome. DFTBA
Very similar for me. Thought spirals: what makes me me? What is stopping me from hurting my family? What if im actually insane etc etc. Can get caught in spirals for months, sometimes over a year at a time. Solution? 1. You are not your thoughts - eventually understand what this means 2. Fighting it fuels it - for me peads to exhaustion and depression. 3. Despite the thoughts, get moving and take it all wity you. Spent time with friends and family. I dont need to be a home trying to figure it all out. Distraction is something I'm good at. I'm an electrical engineer who put myself through uni as a mature age student. Don't even like engineering, I just choose it because it was hard, and I would need to focus hard to succeed. Sounds rediculous but true.
I've suffered with OCD for most of my life and I've just now started to get help and I'm really glad that there are people like you, John, who talk about things like this so openly. For a long time people told me I was just being silly or stupid and obsessing over something so small as mold or hair loss that isn't actually happening. Thank you for being someone I can look up to and feel normal again.
Was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, which could be the cause of my long standing anxiety. Nervous, but excited for what the future holds now that I have a diagnosis.
Side note: I started going through the testing process because of Hank's ADHD vid a few months back. Thank you for being so open and honest and allowing this community to feel accepted and not alone.
Sarah Olsen I also was recently diagnosed with ADHD and started thinking about it because of Hank's video. I'm so happy that both John and Hank are open about living with illness, both mental and physical. As someone who regularly gets caught in the "I'll never do anything with my life because I can't get this thing done" thoughts, it's encouraging to see people who also struggle thriving in life
I also have ADD and recently got back on medication and it has really been a struggle, but I feel I am slowly taking control of an area that has been out of control for a long time. I hope your symptoms get better for you. Personally I have found diet and exercise really help with my symptoms and using timers and todo lists.
I also have OCD. Intrusive thoughts are THE WORST. And sometimes they shut me down completely, and I become frightened, anxious, and extremely snippy, terse, and evening downright mean. It’s horrifying. I won’t discuss the content of my own thought spirals as they often require trigger warnings, they’re that serious. But it’s enough to cause me serious stress and even nausea. Thank you, John, for being a voice for us.
Thank you for sharing openly about your OCD. I have suffered from agoraphobia for many years and although it doesn't limit my life, it isn't nearly as harmful as the shame I felt about it when I was younger. The more we can show that having a mental illness is like any chronic condition that you manage, the less shame has a place to dwell. Again, thank you!
Thank you for this video! I was diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago, but looking back I can recognize that my symptoms's started as young as 6 (I went to therapy at that time but was diagnosed with separation anxiety. A lot of times people will be like "oh I'm so OCD- I hate when my house is a mess." But that's not OCD. I like how you were saying thought spirals. I always think of it as that one line in a song that gets stuck in your head at 3am and it is all you can think about and it drives you crazy. Except the song is telling you that something horrible is happening. And I can make those thoughts quiet down temporarily by doing my compulsions- my big one is hand washing, but I also have certain numbers that everything has to be at, and making sure everything is even (if I touch something with my left pinky, I have to then touch it with my right). Thank you, John for speaking out about OCD and mental illness. I am looking forward to reading Turtles All The Way Down.
I have OCD-like symptoms but am not diagnosed, but I also have intrusive and invasive thoughts, and checking compulsions. It gets really annoying to check your bag at least 7 times per 20 minute bus ride to make sure you DEFINITELY still have your comfort item, and add three more times before getting off the bus if I’ve taken it out at all. I also can’t hold pointy things for too long because eventually I’ll start thinking about how I’m holding a pointy thing and how I could just, yknow, stab my open eyeball out. And that’s the stuff I’m willing to say out loud! The mentally ill brain can be loud and cruel, I do hope that if you’re reading this and you have intrusive or invasive thoughts, you are not those thoughts. You’re not sick or twisted, you’re not a bad person, you’re not a danger. It’s okay. Sending love to anyone who needs it. ❤
Thank you very much for talking about this, so many people think OCD is the need to organize things and fear of germs but it can be so much more complicated and bizarre than that. It's a feeling of dread, and then a performed ritual to keep the that feeling at bay. Sometimes the rituals and fears have no realistic grounding. For example "if I don't tap every door I pass through four times then I'll get sick". How does tapping doors prevent illness? OCD does not know or care.
I know this is a old video so you probably won't see this, but thank you for helping me take steps forward with this 3:28 You're great John and we can all work through this, I'll see you on Tuesday
Okay, so I’ve had OCD since I was like eight. And I’m a lot better than I was, but sometimes I still have moments where the thought spirals come back or I have awful mental images. Not to mention I’m still a germaphobe due to some of my worries when I was doing really badly. So I know it’s not really gone, it won’t be. But seeing people I look up to having the same struggles makes me feel so understood and it’s amazing! Thank you for being so vocal and writing Turtles All The Way Down. It feels so good to see someone really get it.
Your illness sounds like torture & I am so sorry you have to struggle through it. I have often thought that my bipolar II disorder is making the real me disappear but I do have a superpower. It's living through the darkest days fighting those mind demons that want me to give up. TA DA!! I will see you in Atlanta & pray we are both having a really good day. Take care.
Oh, my gosh. I found solitude in your videos 10 years ago when I was struggling with OCD as a kid in middle school, having no clue what it was because I was too ashamed and afraid to get help. This is full freaking circle. Thank you for your openness. I hope this helps kids find the help that I didn't receive until I was an adult.
Thank you Thank you Thank you THANK YOU this is one of the most succinct yet effective descriptions of something I thought I was alone in experiencing. Specifically the idea of a thought spiral and it hijacking you to the point that you can't function and you wonder if you've ever really been in control.
Thank you sincerely Mr. Green for sharing your experience. I'm 44 and have OCD as well. My struggles started in 2nd grade and I've experienced quite a few different manifestations of the disorder since then. The most prevalent has been scrupulosity, basically obsessive thought spirals regarding religion. It's tremendously important for people to know that OCD can take many forms and truly believe your video will help those needing support. I cannot wait to read your new book, especially as a long time fan of yours as well as a fellow OCD'er. Most sincerely, Heather
I come back to this video every now and then, just as I do with the book Turtles All The Way Down. I find deep comfort in them. I read the book when I was 16, same as Aza, and it changed my life. I was very uneducated on mental health then, I had no idea why I fell into thought spirals when no one else around me seemed to. I remember crying so often to my mom, and she had no idea how to reach me, let alone comfort me. So I continued feeling alien in my own mind and around my closest people. For years, I felt alone, suffocated and afraid. When I was in the bad weeks, I thought they'd never end, and in the better weeks, I was only fearing the return of the bad. Until I read your book... I remember feeling strangely giddy when I finished reading the very first chapter. Aza trying to eat lunch...the googling...trying desperately to connect...the guilt she felt. All of it. I was amazed. I poured over the pages, and became so overwhelmed with emotion. I'm not alone...whoever wrote this has to know the experience. After I read it, I gave my copy to my mother, then my closest friends and family. At the time, I wanted their experience to be the same as mine.. the revelation, but it wasn't the same. But it did help them understand better. To this day, when someone enters my small circle of people, I want them to read Turtles All The Way Down. It feels oddly like a piece of me now, a way to know me better. I dont want to tell you "Thank you" because that doesn't begin to cover the emotions I feel. But what else is there to say? I hope you know that you've changed lives for the better by writing something so personal. You've changed mine, you gave me hope.
Since I was in preschool I’ve had OCD symptoms but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 10. Mine was so bad before treatment that it was borderline psychotic. Luckily now that I’m on treatment it’s gotten a lot better.
I know it’s been 10 month, but as a mother I want to thank you for your vulnerability. My daughter is 12 and I’m beating myself up for not seeing signs sooner. Because of her diagnosis, I think I have OCD too. I think she will be the one to help me. I made the mistake of thinking she was just a mini me. I had no clue that it was not anxiety or just being shy but OCD that has made her fearful of making new friends, wanting to please and be liked. I didn’t know any better because I behaved the same at age and I know the debilitating pain that goes through your mind. I hope you are doing better on your journey and please know that you have helped me which in turn helps my daughter.
@@yvettecarrion5709 I’m so glad I could help you. I hope you and your daughter are doing good. OCD is truly a struggle a lot of people don’t understand. You seem like a great mother.
Hi John, I know it's probably weird to say I am thankful you've been so open about your mental health, but I am. I don't have OCD, but I do have Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (along with a learning disability). Those thought spirals you talk about in the video is something I know all too well. I've gotten a headache and for days wondered if I had a brain tumor, and obsessively googled stuff like, "how do I know if I have a brain tumor?" I won't hear back from a friend and will assume they are dead or hate me, and will literally send myself into a panic attack/melt down. I've had to leave social gatherings because I literally think people are staring at me or talking about me. I will obsess for days over the smallest thing. My perceived tone in a text, what someone thinks of me, if I have some disease. Almost 4 years ago someone made an off hand comment about how all relationships end in breakup, divorce or death and since then I've had obsessive thoughts/nightmares about death. People say I dwell on stuff too much, but it's so much more than just dwelling. I've disassociated because my anxiety gets to be so bad that I basically check out. I've cried myself to sleep because I can't get the thoughts to stop. It's like trying to escape from your own brain, but it's holding you hostage. Yesterday during a class I completely spaced out because I was in a thought spiral regarding something that happened two days ago. I don't have OCD, but hearing you talk about your mental health has been a huge help to me. I feel understood and less alone. I don't think I could ever tell you how grateful I am that you are someone on this earth. I know you don't like being touched so, ::air hugs::
“Am I actually the captain of this ship?” Such a true statement. I have Pure OCD which is what it sounds like you have and Schizoaffective. I’m trying to write a book about my experiences and that’s how I stumbled on this. I feel like we need more accurate representations of what it’s like to live with these disorders. Schizophrenia has been stigmatized to the point where people are terrified of us when they absolutely should not be and OCD has became trendy. I couldn’t count the number of times I see someone without OCD refer to themselves as “so OCD” or “a little OCD” it probably bothers me more than it should but my problem is that It completely detracts from the actual despair and hell that living with this disorder is. When people think OCD is just liking things neat and orderly or color coded no one takes you seriously when you try to express or explain what it’s like to live with it. It just gets brushed off. I like the way you describe it. It’s eerily familiar.
I've had obsessive compulsive disorder since I was 8. John green you are a role model for me. I'm 21 and still fight OCD daily and you give me hope that I'm not alone and that I can still live a great life. I hope someday to be an author and when I doubt myself you are one of the people I look up to and remind myself that someday I can do it. Thank you for sharing your journey and you are an inspiration for me and many others who have OCD!
Your particular form of OCD sounds very similar to my own. I do compulsively wash my hands, but I suffer from horrible intrusive thoughts much more than I do anything that can be seen by those around me. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your book (which I just finished reading, by the way). You've used your influence and incredible talents to write about something that has been misunderstood for far too long. Speaking of understanding: I cannot explain enough to you how understood I felt while reading Aza's story. Her thought spirals brought me to tears over and over again with how relatable they were for me. And for that I cannot thank you enough.
JOHN OMG. "If I can't choose my thoughts and I am in part made out of those thoughts, then am I actually the captain of the ship I call myself?" I have generalized anxiety disorder, and this is something I think about ALL THE TIME.
It's difficult to function when you are constantly afraid that your feelings will determine reality. Obsessions are impossible to neutralize with logic because they are not based in reality. So you could be afraid of something that you feel is so real but is completely false. Then you compulsively over-analyze things to try and neutralize the "threat" when there isn't one to begin with. It's exhausting to say the least.
You're candid conversations about mental health have given me courage to speak more openly. I am blessed to surrounded by wonderful people who embrace who I am. We will break these stigmas one conversation at a time!
"Am I actually the captain of this ship I call myself?" - This is such a good quote that relates to so many mental illnesses.
I often struggle with "where do I stop and where does the insanity start?"
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Also: Is my body sick or just the part of my body that's my mind?
Anxiety and depression have so many physical symptoms that it gets complicated
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I think is just our human nature
Ocd is to be strangled by a thought! What a perfect description of this condition I recognise it so well in myself.
Like a tornado of mysterious emotions and tired old mantras bursting from the ceiling and squeezing you in so hard until your brain stops thinking and just starts chanting at you for half a day at a time. Fudge that’s good.
I’m here for you guys if you wanna talk to someone
I have this myself
Journaling is the treatment for OCD. Get the thoughts out of your head by writing them down. And then use what I call the "Why" method. Write down the obsession or thought, ask yourself why you're bothered by it. Answer, then keep asking why and answering until you get to the root of the fear.
@@casualrebel4720 not objectively. to each their own.
"People with mental illnesses can still get treated and live full and vibrant lives" Can someone please help me believe that?
BALENCIAGA there are few stories just in this comment section alone. But I get what you mean.
Still in one of his other videos. One big part in all of this, is this fear that "it/I will never ever be right". That certainty, that it will NEVER be right, IS the illness coming through. There always has to be room for hope. ☺️
BALENCIAGA oh no, you can have a vibrant life. You may not have a completely "normal life" but when has life been absolutely perfect
You can get through mental illness and you can be stronger for it. I feel like I'm a stronger, more compassionate and understanding person because of it. You might never be completely rid of your illness but you can gradually lessen its hold on you until it doesn't control you anymore. There are so many people that have got through mental illness, just google celebrities with mental illness. And John leads (what I would consider) a full and vibrant life in spite of his OCD. Don't lose hope. Therapy and medication can be hard but getting over any illness can be hard. Be kind to yourself even if your illness isn't. And remember you're not alone. It's surprising how many people around you have mental illnesses. And there are loads of online communities that support each other through this.
Hang in there, it can take time to find treatment and support. I have found a lot of help via TH-cam. Katie Morton could be a place to start.
Well, take John as an example. he has a full life and he has OCD. another person I know with OCD has a full time job, a spouse who knows about her illness and still loves her and a social life that involves among other things, going to cons, and other geeky stuff. There are celebrities with OCD that have full lives. And also people with depression, social anxiety and any other condition I am leaving out.
There is so, so, so much hope. Really and truly, there is. I was ten years old when I was diagnosed with OCD that was so severe, I couldn't really function. I was so afraid of "ruining" experiences or periods of my life that I constantly thought, "If I don't shower perfectly, I'll ruin this day," or, "If I don't run my hand along the back of every chair in this classroom, I'll ruin my next class." I did CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for about a year and a half, and I still take medication every day. Now I'm sixteen. I still consider myself to have OCD, but it doesn't really affect my daily life any more. I take medication and have mild to moderate anxiety, but I no longer cry in the bath because I'm not washing my hair "the right way" and I no longer have hoarding behaviors. I have amazing friends, a high GPA, and I'm pretty happy. Please seek help; it absolutely transformed my life. And John, thank you so very much for talking honestly about OCD and for writing a teenaged character with the illness. I absolutely cannot wait to read TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN.
Samantha S Oh my god I have the same thoughts, like if I don’t do this or this I’ll ruin my day. Idk if I have OCD
Thank you🌌💖
Thank you so much for sharing! I also have that feeling of "I have to do this right or I'll ruin the moment" and I've been recently thinking I might have OCD so it might be that, I don't know yet
i invite you to study islam
what kind of medication helps OCD?
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with OCD. Spent my whole life fighting OCD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
There is hope, even if your brain tells you otherwise. Depression lies.
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+ So true. And even things are so black that you can't even bring yourself to hope just yet, perhaps you can believe that there /will/ be hope again. Because there will.
she's such a fake betch
Anxiety is a liar liar pants on fire too
This isnt depression its a very diffrent disorder but yes this is true with depression
It disgusts me when people say they have OCD just to be edgy. Or any other mental issues like being bipolar for example. Idiots. Mental illnesses are not to be glorified and are serious disability's that some unfortunate people have to experience. I wish you the best with your OCD.
Conversly, OCD is a spectrum, and there are indeed minor states of OCD. I have diagnosed OCD, but it is very minor and I just want things to be "even", and if things aren't even, it bothers me. But that is mostly the extend of it.
I have a mix of two of the most misunderstood mental illnesses. I have ADHD and OCD. Both are stigmatized, glorified, and marginalized.
John explains half of what I deal with on the daily. I get to mix it however, with the randomization that ADHD brings. Before getting them assessed and addressed, functioning in society was very hard. Holding conversations was nigh impossible.
Still, even treated, I have to remain guarded about them. The most common reactions still suggest that it's either a joke, that I'm faking it, or that I'm trying to get attention.
As a person with bipolar disorder, and having 2 other friends who are bipolar as well, it is not a glorified state. I've had days where I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital because my suicidal ideations were turning into actionable thoughts. I've had days where I feel so high above everybody else that I literally cannot interact with anyone without alienating them. Finding the right medications is almost as bad as the disorder itself with all the side effects, withdrawals, and expenses. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
+Patrick Connors sç&##@@32@
They are idiots but think that they where raised as they where glorified and slowly help them out of that
"I don't feel like my mental illness has any superpower side effects."
As a creator with depression and anxiety, I feel this so much. So. So. Much.
Looking forward to the new book. DFTBA.
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+ my thoughts exactly!
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Sapphire Sparrow Films +
+ and as your friend who struggles with the same, I'm so proud of you for continuing to speak your truth.
As a person with an often misunderstood mental illness, I love this video.
ADHD isn't what it is in most media. It's your brain firing so quickly that when you talk to someone you can't slow down or you'll lose what you're saying. It's not realizing that you're yelling when you think you're calm. It's a constancy of "can you repeat that?" and "sorry i had to say this now" and "wait was that impolite?", but it's so much more that just not being able to concentrate.
It's hyperfocus. It's reading Harry Potter in the space of a month at the age of six. It's finishing a book, needing to pee and lightheaded, and realizing 8 hours had gone past without you knowing.
It's obsessive thought spirals. It's fixation on one possibility that makes it wholly impossible to do anything else.
It's compulsion. It's not being able to put a paper napkin in your lap without shredding it to pieces, or not being able to let a bug bite heal because you need to constantly be picking at your skin.
It's always knowing what's going on with the things you care about, but not being able to remember to brush your teeth in the morning
It's your whole family thinking you're rude because you could never get the hang of keeping your voice down and letting others talk because you have something important to say and you need to say it now.
It's depression and anxiety. It's a year straight of constant crying. It's your first relationship ending because you didn't know how to convey what was going on during your panic attacks and what is and isn't okay.
It's having a 102 test average and a 16.7 homework average because one hour means you can get everything done but 16 means you won't do it.
It's submitting essays that are either 5 pages of perfect argument on one little thing or barely meeting requirements for a topic covering a whole book.
Becca Moses that's not what adhd is to me...
For the most part, this is how I experience my ADHD. I don't know the grading system you use. But I know that my best score for an individual piece of work was a A+ but I've never overall got above a B. I have people I know who don't care about learning like I do and got exclusively As who chose not to go Oxford where my grades came out B C and D, the lowest grade was my favourite subject.
@@plontulublalulu Everyone's personal experience can differ.
While ADHD is often comorbid with mental illnesses such as depression, it is not, itself, a mental illness. It's labeled a learning disability.
One of our sons has ADHD, so I see the outer struggles, and I struggle with depression and anxiety issues myself.
“One hour means you can get everything done but 16 means you won’t do it” THATS - PERFECT ;-;
I was recently diagnosed with OCD, and so I’ve been watching a lot of videos on other people’s experiences with OCD. And I’ve started to realize that I’ve done these things MY ENTIRE LIFE and didn’t think it was ocd because I don’t excessively wash my hands or clean/organize everything. Yet I have the SAME obsessions/compulsions you’re describing and I have my entire life. It just solidifies the diagnosis for me and after several other diagnoses, this one finally feels right and I feel like I can move on and begin to heal.
Caution, I am talking about my experience with OCD in detail.
The thing with having OCD and tumbling down into a thought spiral - for me at least - is, that I begin to wonder if I AM my thoughts. If those intrusive thoughts define in any way who I am and if they aren't maybe the way they are because of some fault in my character. For me, I sometimes have the thought of doing disgusting things, like sticking my head into a garbage can. Not because I particularly want to. In fact, some of those thoughts make me physically gag, but I sometimes wonder if it's because I am a gross and disgusting person by nature. I KNOW that this is not it, but I think it adds another layer of horror to thought spirals. The fear that this somehow means something about you, even if you would never act out on those things and never have, you obsess about: But what IF? What if I do? Whatif I go up to that garbage can and lick it in front of everyone?
And then this becomes the new thought spiral: Who am I really?
Also, I obsess about my physical health in very much the same way John describes his fear about eating contaminated food. I see a mole and wonder if it may be cancerous. And then I find myself googling those things, staring at the mole and fearing for imminent death.
Also, yes. There are the rituals people portray on TV. For me it's clenching my hand into a fist for every corner in the room. Once, twice, and the bad thing you are scared about won't happen. But, oh well. While I am doing it, I know it won't change a thing. This is an exhausting waste of time, but I just am afraid to stop.
I am better at the moment. I sleep well, I function normally. I sometimes have an intrusive thought but I am able to shoo it away mostly. Because of therapy. I went to therapy one and a half years ago and my sessions have reached their end. I can only advice anyone to do the same. They have helped immensely. I often find myself astonished by how normal I feel. Please, Please never give up, if you are mentally ill. I know that it can feel like this is everything you are, but it's not. And you're obsessions and intrusive thoughts say nothing about you as a person. Everyone(!) has them and our mental illness just makes us think differently and worry easier than other people.
Good luck and much love to anyone out there
Theta Sigma thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing, all the best in coping with it. It's not easy by any means.
I certainly like how John Green can bring a civil conversation about in this.
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The obsessing over physical health is exactly what I experience on a daily basis. I haven't been diagnosed but I always thought I was just a hypochondriac. But now I'm wondering if I may have mild OCD. I know that I need help, but the thought of long term therapy terrifies me. 😕
I am not a medical expert of any sort, so take this with a grain of salt.
This is not only a symptom of OCD but it could be Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well. They are sometimes very closely intermingled (as is the case with me)
Do not be frightened. It isn't bad at all. If your symptoms disrupt your daily life and you feel tense and unable to relax or let go, seek professional help. It will make a world of difference! Your therapist should be someone you can trust and talk to, there should be no discomfort opening up to them - Of course, therapy is and shouldn't be a walk in the park but they are not scary.
My therapist and I have a good laugh once in a while, too. She's an angel.
Good luck to you!
"There is hope, even if your brain tells you there isn't." Such a great reminder. Thanks John. (Also thanks for answering my question of how to pronounce "Aza.")
Well, that's how *I* pronounce Aza, but authors' intentions are not always the results. So if everyone else pronounces her name differently, that's okay! -John
I was almost super disappointed cos I thought her name was Azel and I was like, "Waaaait a minute..."
Were you hoping for a cockney re-write of a previous book?
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Stephanie Miller +
John, you have no idea how happy I am about your new book being about a 16 year old girl with OCD, since that's literally me. We probably won't have the same intrusive thoughts, but it's still so great to me that one of my favorite authors has written a book about something so important to me.
Can't wait to read it ♥
What's the book?
Dayana Paola It's called Turtles all the way down
Thanks!
SAME!! I wa SO excited when I heard he was writing about this!!
Ocd is not real it is you think in your mind you can think whatever you like you are the creator of yourself your life you create your world you can let go everything even the angry and envy emotion you can control yourself wish you all the best
I describe OCD as being betrayed by your own brain. I'm extremely logical, yet OCD is the very antithesis of logic. It's a constant battle within myself, and yes, completely exhausting and frustrating. Most people that meet me have no idea because I can hide my behaviors, especially because I so desperately do not want to adversely affect other people. But I talk about it openly because I want people to understand what it is, what it is not, and that there IS help and hope. Figuring out what triggers you is essential, I've found. And having a support system of people who love you is also key. There needs to be more education about OCD and other mental illnesses, as well as the understanding that no two people experience OCD in the same way. Praying for all affected, both those who suffer with OCD and those who love someone with it. Both are incredibly tough positions to occupy. Thank you for sharing, John!
I watched a gross scary video four years ago and for a long time I thought about it every day, practically every minute I wasn't distracting. it felt so silly and pointless but I was terrified of the thoughts and I couldn't stop and I had no idea what was happening. it took me a long time to look for help, and even longer to find a coping strategy that worked for me. I'm honestly only just now considering the idea that I might have OCD because my case would be so...bizarre. there are other things I've obsessed over, but that has been the absolute worst so far.
but watching stuff like this, where someone talks about their experience with OCD that leans strongly towards the Obsessive, it makes me feel a bit less uncertain. a lot of it tracks so strongly with my experience. I think that's probably really important, so thanks.
this is really relatable. I had a similar experience and still experience daily intrusive thoughts and anxiety about the scary thing, but always feel ridiculous about having a trauma response from a youtube video. I received a diagnosis of OCD and felt like a faker because the fear was irrational, and my compulsions (counting to sixteen, which I still do) were not disruptive. If you want to hear more, this is called colloquially 'pure o' ocd.
I feel you. I had a similar experience where I read about "solipsism" theory online and became extraordinarily terrified that the world was only an illusion. The feeling of terror and dissociation as unbearable. It affected me physically, emotionally, even visually- I felt like I had unfocused, tunnel vision. For years I believed that I would never feel truly happy again, that I would never experience the sensation of knowing that a person I was looking at was not just a figment of my imagination but someone with consciousnesses just like me. I felt like everything that was good had been stripped away from me. Only after months of therapy have I realized that this immense fear was only a fantasy created by my OCD, and that the more I viewed it as such and not as a legitimate feeling the more it would go away. Just know that you will be ok, the feeling is just an intrusive thought and once you finally accept it you will be able to move past it. It's scary, but you must do it as best you can, it is always worth it :).
This happens to me every so often, where some bit of media I’ve consumed freaks me out and then sticks in my head and it takes months to stop thinking about it constantly and years to forget enough details that it no longer punches me in the brain if I do think about it. There’s been a computer game 20 years ago, a movie trailer about 5 years ago, and a short story 2-3 years ago that have affected me that badly, although I wasn’t really allowed to watch movies as a kid because nearly all of them freaked me out for at least a few weeks, and I’ve never heard of it happening to anyone else before your comment.
That is most definitely something that happens with ocd. Years and years ago I’ve experienced a 5 second experience that I haven’t stopped thinking about.
Whatever it is, whether it is ocd or not, please seek help because it has obviously made you feel really bad
I have a VERY similar form of OCD to you, John, and this is probably the first time I've seen someone with such a similar version of it talk openly about it, so thank you so, so much for that. I worry about my food and my health ALL the time. I've tried explaining it to people as "my mind shouts at me that I'm going to die" but apparently that's not a good description to help people understand? idk. But it does really feel like there's two tracks of thoughts happening at the same time: one obsessive one that keeps shouting the same thing, and one softer track that's just trying to calm the other one down and hopefully get some things done. It's a constant battle, and it's incredibly exhausting.
I do have the excessive handwashing thing, though I'm getting better at it! But I'm mostly getting better at it because I often used hand sanitizer when outside and I had obsessive thought spirals about not letting it dry enough and accidentally ingesting it and killing off all the germs inside me and then dying from that. So. Yeah. There's that. But I'm learning!
I also have a couple of rules that have really helped so far. One of them is a googling-illnesses-ban for life. I've literally banned myself from googling symptoms and "what happens if-" questions about health. I can only look up diseases I'm 100% sure I don't have, like very specific and weird and obscure things I would've known about by now.
(Final also, before anyone tells me to get help: I have had help, I've actually just finished therapy like a month ago, and though I'm not doing amazingly great, I'm doing much better than a couple of years ago, and I'm doing well enough to be able to manage on my own most of the time.)
Ocd is not real it is you think in your mind you can think whatever you like you are the creator of yourself your life you create your world you can let go everything even the angry and envy emotion you can control yourself wish you all the best
John, you are the reason I sought help for my bi-polar disorder and I will never be able to thank you enough for that.
Medication helps. Therapy helps. Being open and honest about how you feel helps. I hope this helps someone else.
That's really nice to hear. Thanks for sharing that. -John
vlogbrothers Thank you for responding. Totally made my day.
suchaknitwit my sister and dad have bipolar: it is such an awful disease. I'm glad you've been able to get help, and that it's been working.
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suchaknitwit +
There's such a comforting kind of objectivity in the kindness expressed in this video. Because that's what it feels like when someone acknowledges your pain ( in this case mental illness), it's someone doing you a kindness. + to this video
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I was diagnosed with a mild version of OCD this year as well. Therapy helped a TON, probably the best decision I made this year. 10/10 recommend. Let's break the stigma on mental health and seek help if we need to! ✨🌟 Dftba!
Which type of therapy did you get?
@@samia6888 Im not OP but I just did 9 months of treatment for OCD (specifically hypochondria) and my therapist and I did CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), ERP (exposure and response prevention therapy - this is specifically for OCD) and I also did a group therapy called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I did this all through my university with therapists in training and it truly changed my life forever. ERP is the key though, I feel like that made the biggest change for me.
@@mxxxmmsssss thank you for responding! I also am doing ERP now and took medication. Recovery is a long process but I am holding on to hope.
I always called them cycles, instead of spirals, due to their repetitive nature.
Even if you 'resolve' the problem, that thought will always creep back in....
Jinx Dragon - Yup /:
I'm saddened to say that is true.
So true
Thank you John for sharing. My girlfriend suffers from thought spirals, as you describe. In our year of being together we have learned to deal with the waves as they come. In the beginning it would turn into a fight because it was often a personal insecurity manifesting into a spiral about anything and everything. Now when she begins spiraling all I can do is hold her hand tight until the waters calm. This can take hours, but I always remember the phrase 'you are not your mental illness'. Thank you for reading :P
smpolaske im glad people as kind and understanding as you exist.☺ DFTBA
smpolaske It kinda sounds like me and my partner. I wonder if that is what I have?
I just can't seem to be happy, because when something is dealt with, I'll think back to something else that hurt me in our relationship and then suddenly that's all I can for a whole week. I stay fixated on that feeling of hurt and betrayal, and I need to talk about our issues so often and in such detail that my partner feels exhausted.
Is that called intrusive thoughts or thought spirals?
(Also, i do suffer from thought spirals about my health, that I'm sure of, so maybe my brain is wired to be that way now?)
MsLyraGW - I personally think that having a professional outlet to talk to has really helped. When we started seeing each other consistently she would experience these little explosions of anxiety and panic. I would try to listen and understand what was happening, but she would kind of blurt out a bunch no incoherent non-connected thoughts between fast panic breathing. The part that would get me exhausted was when she did not communicate in an effective way. When she would approach me with something that had clearly been on her mind for a few days, she would just let it burst out in a emotional puddle on the floor. Example - in her past relationship she never felt like her feelings were validated because she was called 'too dramatic' and 'too emotional'. We had so many blow ups because she could never put her concern in terms I could understand. Before she was working with a professional (therapist) this would happen often. She has been going through therapy and now can have a space to organize her thoughts, and hear herself talk before she comes to me. She might always struggle with anxiety and 'spirals' but now her and I have established an effect way to communicate so even when she can't trust her thoughts, she can trust me.
You're an incredibly lovely human being. I'd also try to encourage her to explore options to help manage her mental health. You can't always be the one thing to help her, though she is incredibly lucky to have you.
John, "There is hope" is one of the most powerful statements that I think a hurting soul can hear. Personally, I worry about social interactions and rehearse them to the point of paralysis. If I do make it outside and talk, I then replay them endlessly. It takes hours and often leaves me in tears. Thank you for sharing your journey and helping me know that my brain is not the only one that spirals. Thank you for sharing hope, that thing with feathers.
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it me tho
That sounds like me
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Thank you for putting this into words. I struggle with social anxiety too, and this is the best description I've found of what I go through.
Am I the captain of this ship I call "myself"?
That's scary.....
man, I'm super anxious for John's new book (bet will be great)
Além do Nada Sshsshipd
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A thought that helps me here is; imagine the captain of the ship's response to the ship being damaged. He will asses the damage, come to a rational conclusion and proceed along the best course possible. Now compare this to when you stub your toe or recieve damage... you shout and swear and handle it in various ways which are not rational.
For me its a small thing but the irrational facts of behaviour ground me in myself. I look for the ways that I act as an entity in itself, captain or not, I have a strong sense of me-ness... which helps.
well, to extend the metaphor a bit here, I find the captain would probably be the best description for what you are. You are the one supposed to be in contol, you are the one responsible for whatever happens, but there are a lot of factors that are out of your control. Sometimes you hit rough weather or like in this example the crew can try to mutiny the ship.
Simply being the captain is hard sometimes, just like living live.
I love metaphors...
I agree with the lack of control element completely. What helps me deal with that is the metaphor fails. My behaviour as the captain of a ship in response to adversity is very different to my relationship to my own adversity. The ship hits a rock the captain acts rationally to repair the damage. I stub my toe I shout and get pissed off and act very differently.
Even though I don't control my thoughts and actions sometimes, Im tied to them and apart of them much more tightly than a captain to his ship and that grants my comfort.
I think it possibly illuminates the idea that my lack of control is my own control, just subconscious control... maybe. All i know is the fact the metaphor fails is nice for me :)
i'm a sixteen-year-old girl with OCD. it doesn't manifest in outward compulsions usually, just a lot of mental ruminating and various mental rituals i have to calm myself down. thank you for writing something like this. i'm totally going to buy it, and if i like it a lot, i could potentially show my mum to give her a better understanding of it. so, again, thank you so much !
How is it going now? Greetings from colombia
sorry this is late - exercise , cardio really helps
@@mackenziefox8248 I do still live with OCD but think I'm probably in a much better place than when this comment was written. I'm in a city and just graduated uni recently, I have very supportive friends, I'm fairly happy most of the time. But it's still difficult and I'll have to live with some anxiety a while longer, but working on it every day (-:
@@mafianoodles Thank you, I'll keep this in mind -- stuff like yoga and meditation to calm yourself away from screens really helps a lot too.
Relatable
I am so thankful that John Green spoke so openly about OCD. My brother has severe OCD, and, growing up with him, I couldn't grasp why he struggled with things that seemed so trivial to me. I wish discussions like this were more common then, because I so wish I had just understood and been more empathetic to these thought spirals and continual self doubting he so regularly faced. I was ignorant. Oh so ignorant. And I'm sure I still am, but being conscious of one's ignorance at least gives one the opportunity to peek through the veil of another's life and grasp that their struggle is real. Getting the proper medical help and now a family that has an inkling of understanding of his thought patterns has allowed my brother to make small, yet measured, improvements. So thank you, John, for encouraging this conversation. We all need more enlightening, and I can't wait to read the book to better connect and support others with internal battles.
Thank you for this video, John. As someone that struggles with mental issues, it means a lot that you're using your platform to shine a light. Really.
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I'm really happy you're talking about this. I have Schizo-affective disorder and I too suffer from debilitating thought spirals. Like some days I can eat eggs but others I can't bring myself to swallow them without vomiting because i think they've been poisoned. That and so many other things characterize my illness. Could you do a video discussing how your family and friends have helped. I like to show my family that kind of thing to give them hope for me. Thanks alot
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Thank you for sharing your experiences with us as well, Cass. It's important that people like us, with our mental conditions taking control over us, express ourselves openly and allow other people to find the help that they need.
I don't have these kind of aversive episodes, but I do have a different condition that can take a hold of me. I have autism and sometimes that expresses itself in me compulsively repeating a request, when an employee iterates to me that they cannot perform that request. I'll say something like, "I'm sorry, you have to understand, I have autism. I'm having trouble understanding the situation," before I return to repeating my request.
Their instinct is to explain the problem in simpler terms and more slowly. But that's the opposite of what I need at that moment; I need a more in-depth, grittier explanation. Something with more texture, I guess. More of an overflow of information for me to get out of this loop.
In that moment, it's got nothing to do with it being hard to get out. Repeating myself just becomes sort of natural, even though it's incredibly stressful, and it won't even come up in my mind that I have a choice not to repeat myself and break off the conversation. For some reason, I just keep going, draining more and more energy until I'm genuinely too tired emotionally to continue the conversation.
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It's even more heavily stigmatized here in Korea. I'm a teacher at an elementary school, and this is the age when a lot of students in the western world are normally discovered to have a mental health issue, and then subsequently helped by their parents, teachers, doctors, etc. In my experience in Korea though, a mental health issue is seen as a weakness, and parents and teachers alike tend to ignore it or pretend they don't see a problem. This, in turn, makes it become a worse problem. A lot of my students have terrible nervous habits or ticks and show clear signs of things the western world might diagnose as ASD or ADD, but they get no help for it. It's really sad, but there's not a lot I can do about it. It just seems to be the culture here. Pretend it doesn't exist, because it's a difficult thing to deal with.
TheRazrsharp16 I know what you mean. I'm just back from 3 years over there.
There are a few therapists in Seoul, but they mainly have Westerner clientele.
The most important thing for your students, is to let them know that you are there for them. To talk, vent, or even in practical ways.
Parents and Society can be a massive challenge. But I've found that if you can turn what the parents see as a negative, into a positive, they are much more understanding. For example if they are spreading themselves too thin... and trust me they are, suggest to the parents that they focus on what your student loves, and excel at.
I know it's hard, but the kids are lucky to have a teacher like you.
TheRazrsharp16 well there's no denying that it IS a weakness. That's why it's a mental disability
I can see where you're coming from, but many mental disabilities are so treatable that they hardly pose much of a problem if dealt with in the right way early enough.
Kasi M8 It's NOT a weakness. You don't get to decide what makes someone strong, or weak. The greatest minds in the world suffered from Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. Einstein, Van Gogh, Picasso, our man John Green. Art and genius are inextricably linked with brain weasles. And let me make one thing clear. When you are fighting with your own brain everyday, it does not make you weak. It makes you a god damned BADASS.
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Amen sister.
I just finished reading Turtles All The Way Down, and it’s my favorite John Green book to date. Thank you John for being so open and honest about your mental health struggles and for writing a story that will stay with me forever.
Increased feelings of calm and relaxation psilocybin mushroom can promote a sense of calm and relaxation, reducing feelings of trauma.
Taking shrooms was 100% one of the most important experiences in my life. Everything has changed since my trip - I perceive things differently.
After my trip on shrooms I felt so safe and supported. It was amazing
I'm interested in trying out mushroom any idea on a nice mushroom guru' or a 'fungi expert'?"
Mine from dr.colewoods
𝕴𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖒
I look forward to Tuesdays more than someone ever should
I'm lucky enough to have things to look forward to almost every day of the week. Sunday = a few NPR podcasts I like. Monday = Dear Hank and John (usually). Tuesday = John. Wednesday or Thursday = Jenna Marbles. Friday = Hank. Saturday = Cristine aka SimplyNailogical.
You gotta up your fandom game! Honestly sometimes knowing these uploads are coming is the only reason I want to get out of bed and on with life.
You watch exactly the same people I do. Hey internet twin :)
John. This video is great. I was at a talk recently and we spoke about how easy someone can say "Oh, I have OCD" or "I'm feeling depressed" without really knowing what it means.
This really helps.
Thank you
Eliana Grace Exactly! And that's what people tend to confuse. That's why it's so great that John can make this video to remind us that mental illness is often romanticised and that by educating his viewers, he is making a difference in changing that.
It's a difficult habit to unlearn because many (most?) mental illnesses are named after and described in terms of the neurotypical traits of which they resemble exaggerate versions. This is probably so that, if you don't have the condition, its name tells you at least something about what it's like to have it. The unlearning is necessary, though, and knowing someone with it is a swift cure -- I used to use "schizophrenic" in its original sense of "divided mind" (lit. "split skull"), to refer to an illogical or contradictory idea. I no longer do this.
Kyle MacDonald This is so real. I had a hard time thinking about my own depression, because I didn't feel sad, I felt horribly tired and ridiculously unmotivated.
I suffer from ADD and I see a Dr for treatment and for medication. I feel like this happens for OCD and depression but I feel it is almost worse for ADD. People don't take it seriously and many people don't think it is a real thing. It can be really hurtful especially when your spouse doesn't even think it is a real thing.
Thanks John - this video actually helped me understand this condition a lot better. My friend has this and I've struggled to understand how she feels, but now I feel I like I can empathise with her better.
this channel is so good at that
Better understanding of the world and how to view humans complexly is my favorite thing about Vlogbrothers. (The silly videos are pretty good too.)
You can also check out "The Neuroscience Behind OCD - Inside My Mind - Earth Lab". They uploaded that today, BBC Earth Lab (Formerly Brit Lab, etc etc.).
Dude first you said your freind was a she now your freind is a he
Dude first you said your freind was a she now your freind is a he
As a person with a sibling that has OCD , I hate when people ask if it's okay to touch them and if they hate germs. It gets on my nerves Germophobia ISNT OCD. In some or many cases these metal conditions might come in a couple. But I think it's ignorant not to talk about OCD casually like "omg my OCD is kicking in" when you cleaning or organizing something. If youre curious or hesitant about the topic, ask a person with experience or do some research rather than jumping to conclusions son this might be insensitive.
Germophobia can be a symptom of OCD, related to an obsession with cleanliness which can develop into a phobia, although I don't know why anyone would be negative about it the way you described unless they're just trying to sound stupid.
YESSSS. I even have professional teachers in school who say "this is giving me OCD" or the like and it is SO ANNOYING.
I feel quite very so ..... Guilty I use ocd so callously ,exactly like that.
Sandhiya Ann how do you use it callously? Do you brutishly strike down your enemy and tell them they have OCD before loping their head off? If it’s none of those reasons then I suggest looking up what callous means... It means unsympathetic or indifferent none of which matches your use of the word. You can’t be unsympathetic towards a word or condition.
GGyourdead that my dear friend is the single greatest piece of constructive criticism......... I apologize for my misuse.
Thank you, John.
I have Rumination OCD, with subcategories of Perfectionistic, Existential, and Moral OCD.
I compulsively research like you John, but not about being poisoned, but the moral objectives required of being a good person. Deontology rules my life, often at a high cost, and I’m constantly avoiding any media culture war taglines for the sake of my sanity.
My Existential OCD never lets me rest from the theological debates between Atheism & God, determinism/free agency, Nihilism & Absurdist thinking.
Perfectionistic OCD requires me, at the tortured expense of a more conscious version of myself, to constantly contact my ex-girlfriend to break up with me in the RIGHT way, or to “fix” the relationship. Heartbreak is 100,000,000 times worse when triggering OCD, because the intrusive thought is one of the most painful feelings ever. And it never leaves.
During heartbreak specifically, I reached a point BELOW suicide. My OCD made me care enough about my failed relationship to not kill myself, but all I would beg to the ER therapist is, “to stop THINKING!” I would crave sleep, every waking minute, and I would have the lowest self-hate imaginable as I continuously reached out to the girl I loved, and watch in detached horror at my own actions as I hurt her again and again.
I honestly don’t know how I’m alive, but for empathy and attempted understanding from loved ones. I can’t describe the validation and hope you’ve given me, John.
Thank you.
Hey Sam, sorry to hear your story. Similar journey with different themes. Extreme obsession with various things. I had suicidal ideation too last year but somehow i recover (and because existential is one of my themes i dont want to pin poin because of what) but anyway so I thought I reaches lowest already last year and had amazing 3 months back home and one thought just one thought or feeling of what if I reach the state again or even worse made my anxiety and OCD go spiral again. Did that happen to you as well
I'm sorry you have experienced these things and hope you are doing well now with therapy and/or medications. I have people close to me who have OCD scrupulosity.
Much love to you, similar themes for me ❤
You are stronger than I am and have faced more. You deserve all the happiness you get.
Can you please elaborate on what you mean by Deontology? I've never heard the term before.
Hi John! Now I've never written TH-cam comment before so here it goes. Thank you SO SO much for making this video. I have the exact same kind of intrusive thoughts/spiraling though/compulsive googling OCD and so rarely do I see people talk about (especially someone I admire so much!) I've been on medication for it for about 2 years in addition to taking up rock climbing, yoga, and meditation and I finally feel like it's under control but I still have bad days and every day is a fight. It's also so hard to describe to other people what is wrong. When I say OCD people just think I'm super organized and clean (I am so not) so I usually have to default to "I'm anxious" or I'm stressed" This video let me know I'm not alone and there is power in talking about my experiences! Thank you so much!!.
wow. I completely agree now when people say don't joke around saying "haha I'm so ocd"
I had no idea it could be so much mental torture 24-7. Sorry dude, thanks for putting this video out there man
I've heard that worrying that you've run someone over while driving and stopping to check every few moments is a common and particularly frustrating OCD pattern. However, I don't know anyone who does this personally.
not exactly the same thing, but my ocd often involves while driving I often get urges to swerve off of the road
Oskar Sodergren I unfortunately have this too and am diagnosed. It stops me from driving a lot and can be terrifying because I know it's only a twist of the wrist and the urge feels like all the others. 3 months of exposure therapy driving on 2 lane roads couldn't cure it. Still happens. And that's just one thing out of many. No one would say "I'm so OCD" if they actually suffered from it and were always caught in some irrational loop.
Sanjay W it's very hard to understand what mental illness is like unless you experience it and I think it's very hard to portray it in films and TV. It's a lot more complex than just getting upset if your shoes aren't lined up perfectly. So don't beat yourself up about not getting it (I didn't before), just try to educate yourself :)
We've all seen the micro-trend of "OCD videos" floating around on the internet, in which common chores are done, objects placed or handled in an unconventional, counter-productive or otherwise disorderly manner (with the intention of causing distress and frustration in the viewer), often titled or captioned "OCD test" or something along those lines.
These videos are quite simply misinformative (or misleading for that matter) and ultimately destructive, only serving to ridicule (popularize a false idea of what OCD is) what is a very serious mental illness that encompasses an almost endless variety of symptoms and causes, and has the potential to render any sufferer completely incapable of leading a normal, healthy life (taking care of him/herself).
I was secretly hoping you'd talk about this after the livestream, thank you
Definitely was trying it out/thinking through how to talk about it on the livestream. Thanks for watching. -John
Vikings488 same here! thank you so much, John
I was diagnosed with OCD yesterday. Being wholly unaware of the true nature of OCD, I was terrified that I would become some sort of monster in the future and, in my more cognizant moments, incredibly scared for my mental health. Thank you for putting this video and your book out there. I hope it helps people as much as this has helped me.
I looove this so much, especially the part about how awful it is when you are scared of the thing you were scared to begin with but also terrified because you can't control your mind, that particular situation has left me in tears so many times...But you learn, treatment really helps and you can find a way to keep on being a happy person!
Thank you for this. It's really interesting and somehow comforting to hear other people describe being taken hostage by their own thoughts, and then taken hostage by the thought of the implications of being able to be taken hostage by ones self. Not a fun spiral.
Not that I would wish it on anyone else - but nonetheless, thanks for sharing.
Right, definitely not something that I'd wish on anyone else, and as you point out, the spiral of being imprisoned by the thoughts, and then being imprisoned by thinking about the thoughts, and so on, is sort of a turtles all the way down type of situation. -John
Would prefer to be taken hostage by actual turtles. Probably more fun.
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Last time I was this early, there were turtles only part of the way down 🐢
Carenza Price 😊
And I’m so late all the turtles are gone. Half a star.
Last time I was this late, exurb1a still had credibility
The turtles are now fully down, 6 years later.
Just going to say this, though I'm not 100% sure it's my place...I'm extremely proud of you for this video John. Mental illnesses can be extremely difficult to talk about, and you did it without flaw. I'm so excited to read TATWD and see how it portrays OCD. DFTBA
I was 16 years old when I was diagnosed with OCD. It's a nightmare and hell. Thank you, John, for writing about what I feel because I always thought I'm the only one who suffers from OCD.
I can’t believe I just found this video for the first time. I’ve always felt like my OCD isn’t bad enough because I don’t have as many issues with compulsions as I do with the obsessions part. Things become the only thing I can think about. This has been so hard to explain to anyone but you just explained it so well in four minutes ❤️
TH-cam Pure OCD.
I LOVE that you brought up how you question whether or not you’re in control. I CONSTANTLY have a problem deciphering where my disorder stops and where I begin and I feel like I don’t hear people with mental illnesses discuss that side of it very often.
I'm in my 6th year post-diagnosis with OCD. Thank you so much John for doing what so many of us are terrified to do, to talk openly about our obsessions. I suffer from POCD, and I remember my biggest spike being the most helpless year of my life, in the middle of college. I'm grateful every day that I forced myself into counseling despite having no idea what was wrong with me--my diagnosis even came as a surprise to me because I only saw the media image of ocd. Through multiple therapists and a gamut of medication, I'm finally no longer living crisis to crisis. I have the privilege of dealing with life's daily frustrations to the best of my ability. So much love to you John. Btw if you read this, I once shook your hand at a book signing before I knew that you have anxiety about that, so here's a very very belated apology.
Happy for you
it’s wild seeing someone talk about having POCD
i believe i have it, have struggled with it for almost 3 years now
but it’s comforting to hear someone talk about actually getting diagnosed with it
Thanks for sharing this with us, John! 💕
Lauren Fairweather you look like you subscribe to buzzfeed and have a Tumblr account. Idk why.
Speaking as someone with relationship based OCD (basically I have thoughts telling me I don't love my BF or want to be with him, which is great fun, haha!), this video is a perfect, simply explained little insight into how OCD truly is. It's agonizing to have your brain tell you you don't love the ove of your life, when your heart is screaming back. I repeat "I do love him, I do I do I do" ad nauseam, but it only makes it worse. What's awful for many with OCD, including myself, is that we know that the thought spirals are illogical, that feelings are feelings and thoughts are thoughts and these mean nothing or maybe they mean something, but that's the thing - *we don't know.* I know I love my boyfriend, and will tell him this because I want to and I feel said love, but does that stop my brain from going "but do you?" I have an uncanny ability to see outside looking in; as if I'm in a bell jar, trapped with this Brain Gremlin, yelling at it to f---k off, but I drown in the mental cesspool that is my oceanic cranium.
I'll quote (paraphrase?) your book, John; "it isn't a bad guy, it just wants to be alive." OCD is pretty much that; it's trying to protect us from the unknown, but in doing so, it keeps us from embracing it. I know the only way to "get rid" of the thoughts and Not Quite Right Feeling is to ride with them, to accept them as what they may or may not be, but it's as hard for me as it would be to jump from an aeroplane sans parachute. Look at Winston Churchill, who had obsessive thoughts telling him to toss himself off boats and into rail way tracks. He said (again, paraphrase), "I have these thoughts, but no desire to leave this world." It's strange to think that I relate to Chandler more than Monica, due to his love for the latter and how much it scares him, over the anal "OCDness" of tthe object of his love.
I'm going to say that this book must have been an interesting form of ERP/CBT for you, John. I'm so looking forward to reading it, a book by someone with the same condition as me, who I know will delve into it with sensitivity and humour. It's no fun having to Google the risks of moldy bread, nor is it pleasurable to have your brain tell you you don't love the person you want to be with more than anything. You're an inspiration to me, an aspiring author with OCD, who just wants to live life with this Gremlin as peacefuly as possible. I've even named her Guadeloupe. There may be no cure, but there is hope. Godspeed.
Winston Churchill was a racist piece of shit tho.
It's been 4 years since you wrote this comment and I don't know if your account is still active, but I'm here with you in this relationship OCD fight. I hope you have found relief. 💕
My OCD is quite honestly So terrifying. I’m sure it’s terrifying for everyone but mine is so embarrassing for me. I’m afraid of being possessed and I honest to goodness believe (as do many people) that if I think about demons/the devil etc. I invite them “in” so my OCD thoughts often have me thinking about inviting in demons or other scary things. I don’t want these thoughts and I often have to say the same prayer 5x and squeeze my eyes and occasionally shake my head to get rid of them. I think it’s embarrassing and I know its irrational so I try to hide it from everyone and no one knows how much these thoughts actually affect me. Im still terrified to talk to a doctor because I’m not crazy and I don’t want to be labeled as such. I’m glad that John talks about this disorder! It helps me feel less like a freak and gives me hope that great people can struggle with what I struggle with.
Thanks for sharing this with us John. It can't be easy to talk about your mental health to all of us but I appreciate it. Discussion of these types of issues goes a long way in helping us to imagine others complexly. DFTBA
I have OCD and oh my gosh thank you!!! Not everyone likes organising things or washing themselves!! I starved myself for a week because I thought that if I ate anything with powder in it, my mother would die. I am also terrified of kids items or drawings, because I see my dead sisters, gutted and bleeding on the floor whenever I see them. It is NOT just being clean. It is being trapped inside your own head, like a little evil person telling you what you can and cannot do.
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RefrigeratedCat +
I just want to thank you; I've been struggling with Anxiety and OCD-related disorders since I was 5 and I haven't once been able to talk to anyone about intrusive thoughts because they are so awful and so difficult to conceptualize. Knowing that someone else-let alone one of my favorite authors- has gone through what I go through was such a relief to hear.
I want to thank you for Turtles All the Way Down. You were able to describe thought spirals well enough to help me realize I wasn't crazy, this is the name for what I experience regularly. I remember crying multiple times while reading because while it's not as extreme for me as Aza, these thought spirals compounded with other mental health struggles make basic functioning extremely difficult some days and I finally had something to reference to show myself, and others, that I'm not crazy and I'm not making it up to be dramatic. So thank you! Thank you for continuing to share your mind with us.
I am very excited to read this book. I have actually had a discussion with you over Tumblr about our mutual health anxiety/OCD, and you gave me some of the best advice anyone has given me yet. I still have spirals and I go to the doctor too often, but knowing I am not the only one who feels this way is comforting and I am already so grateful that you have created this character. I did take your advice about medication and meditation...thank you.
John, you've got a very colorful and fulfilling life. You have a beautiful family and many accomplishments under your belt. I hope the best for you.
I have OCD in the form of a body-focused repetitive behavior called Dermotillomania. Thanks for talking about what it's like to live with OCD! It manifests in so many different ways!
Therapy treatments for my OCD have never helped, but self awareness in addition getting medication to treat my anxiety disorder has helped me to curb my OCD symptoms to less self destructive levels.
Haley Swanson oh no! I have that, I did not know that was a form of OCD.
While I have never been diagnosed with OCD, I have intrusive thoughts and also skin picking issues (biting nails is just normal for me but it's the face picking I do which sometimes get's taken too far. It's been so much better lately but yeah, it sucks.
Gah, my family thinks I have an acne problem but it’s actually not that bad. I just have a dermotillomania problem.
I’m OCD diagnosed, with associated misophonia and GAD. I started reading Turtles All the Way Down two days ago and have almost finished. I found it amazing how Aza was able to perfectly vocalise many of my experiences - especially in regards to my reservations about taking tablets. I know understand how you were able to portray such an organic OCD character. I was inspired to write a creative piece about an OCD character in a pub describing a thought spiral, and I submitted it as coursework for my English degree.
Man, every time I finish another John Green book I'm just like "man...I just want to hug him". But especially after reading TATWD. Virtual hugs, John. You (and your brother) have done so much for me and you don't even know me. It's even cooler to know that there are millions of people who share the same sentiment.
I am do grateful to have found this. My father has OCD and my childhood was very focused on helping him hide & manage it. With more people shareing thier experience with it, the public understanding of what it actually is getting better & treatment options improving/bettter tools for him becoming available - its made a difference for him. Showing him how many people share in this burden has helped him to let go of so much shame. Visibility matters ❤
my english teacher at school assigned us Turtles All the Way Down as our unit book to read, and showed us this video. This is how I got into vlogbrothers content.
"it feels like my brain is on fire" that's exactly how it is for me, thank you for helping me put it into words, John.
I have OCD and this exoplanets intrusive thoughts very well
Never fix the autocorrect your phone made here :) -John
Thanks I didn't even notices
I wish someone would exoplanet *my* intrusive thoughts.
I thought it was on purpose ;)
i know this is an old video, but i was just diagnosed with ocd after two decades of pain i never knew how to describe, that felt uncontrollable except through my compulsions, and "there is no bottom turtle" has become something i say to myself. it doesn't make the obsessions go away but it reframes them and leaves space to work in with my therapist. i remembered hearing john had ocd and went back to watch some of his videos and i guess just say that even though they were posted 7 years ago, he left something that helped me and will help others with ocd when they discover or rediscover them, too
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I never I even considered having OCD because, like you said it is often portraited as obsessive hand washing and cleaning etc, mine is pure o, plus other types like symmetry, existential ocd and I'm still learning I guess.. I did a 668 question test with my new neuro-psycolgist and I'm learning a lot still. Thanks for sharing your journey. Big hug from another ocd'er.❤
Thank you so much for sharing this. You are a huge inspiration for me as an authour and a person, and I too have OCD, and I don't wash my hands 50 times an hour. Oh well. Thank you so much.
O
Shira Melcer I do! But from a verified hand washer, you don't have to have any compulsions to have a diagnoses of OCD. The thoughts are enough and if it's something that affects you, then please don't dismiss your feelings.
Pathoes R I am actually diagnosed with OCD... but thank you! I try not to dismiss my feelings 💛
Shira Melcer Oh I'm sorry! I reread my post and it's phrased pretty awkwardly. Your opening post was clear about your diagnosis, but it seemed dismissive as well. My goal was to provide validation, but it seems to have been done poorly and I might have misunderstood your original post as well. Thank you for taking me at my intention. :) I hope you have a good day.
Pathoes R it's fine! Thank you for supporting and commenting, have a good day 💓
Always appreciate you talking about mental illness, John. It's one of the least awesome things but it doesn't make anyone who has it any less awesome. DFTBA
John’s voice is so powerful in Turtles All The Way Down
Very similar for me. Thought spirals: what makes me me? What is stopping me from hurting my family? What if im actually insane etc etc. Can get caught in spirals for months, sometimes over a year at a time.
Solution?
1. You are not your thoughts - eventually understand what this means
2. Fighting it fuels it - for me peads to exhaustion and depression.
3. Despite the thoughts, get moving and take it all wity you. Spent time with friends and family. I dont need to be a home trying to figure it all out.
Distraction is something I'm good at. I'm an electrical engineer who put myself through uni as a mature age student. Don't even like engineering, I just choose it because it was hard, and I would need to focus hard to succeed. Sounds rediculous but true.
I've suffered with OCD for most of my life and I've just now started to get help and I'm really glad that there are people like you, John, who talk about things like this so openly. For a long time people told me I was just being silly or stupid and obsessing over something so small as mold or hair loss that isn't actually happening. Thank you for being someone I can look up to and feel normal again.
This man was my best friend the week before the AP world history exam
Was just recently diagnosed with ADHD, which could be the cause of my long standing anxiety.
Nervous, but excited for what the future holds now that I have a diagnosis.
Side note:
I started going through the testing process because of Hank's ADHD vid a few months back.
Thank you for being so open and honest and allowing this community to feel accepted and not alone.
I am glad that you're getting tested. Thank you for sharing it back to us.
Sarah Olsen I also was recently diagnosed with ADHD and started thinking about it because of Hank's video. I'm so happy that both John and Hank are open about living with illness, both mental and physical. As someone who regularly gets caught in the "I'll never do anything with my life because I can't get this thing done" thoughts, it's encouraging to see people who also struggle thriving in life
I also have ADD and recently got back on medication and it has really been a struggle, but I feel I am slowly taking control of an area that has been out of control for a long time. I hope your symptoms get better for you. Personally I have found diet and exercise really help with my symptoms and using timers and todo lists.
I just finished TATWD and had to come watch this video. Thank you for creating, John
I also have OCD. Intrusive thoughts are THE WORST. And sometimes they shut me down completely, and I become frightened, anxious, and extremely snippy, terse, and evening downright mean. It’s horrifying.
I won’t discuss the content of my own thought spirals as they often require trigger warnings, they’re that serious. But it’s enough to cause me serious stress and even nausea.
Thank you, John, for being a voice for us.
Thank you for sharing openly about your OCD. I have suffered from agoraphobia for many years and although it doesn't limit my life, it isn't nearly as harmful as the shame I felt about it when I was younger. The more we can show that having a mental illness is like any chronic condition that you manage, the less shame has a place to dwell. Again, thank you!
Thank you for this video! I was diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago, but looking back I can recognize that my symptoms's started as young as 6 (I went to therapy at that time but was diagnosed with separation anxiety. A lot of times people will be like "oh I'm so OCD- I hate when my house is a mess." But that's not OCD. I like how you were saying thought spirals. I always think of it as that one line in a song that gets stuck in your head at 3am and it is all you can think about and it drives you crazy. Except the song is telling you that something horrible is happening. And I can make those thoughts quiet down temporarily by doing my compulsions- my big one is hand washing, but I also have certain numbers that everything has to be at, and making sure everything is even (if I touch something with my left pinky, I have to then touch it with my right). Thank you, John for speaking out about OCD and mental illness. I am looking forward to reading Turtles All The Way Down.
I love how open you talked about your OCD! It is very admirable.
I have a bumper sticker that says "You don't have to believe everything you think".
Six years late to this video but you really helped me feel less weird by making this.
I have OCD-like symptoms but am not diagnosed, but I also have intrusive and invasive thoughts, and checking compulsions. It gets really annoying to check your bag at least 7 times per 20 minute bus ride to make sure you DEFINITELY still have your comfort item, and add three more times before getting off the bus if I’ve taken it out at all.
I also can’t hold pointy things for too long because eventually I’ll start thinking about how I’m holding a pointy thing and how I could just, yknow, stab my open eyeball out. And that’s the stuff I’m willing to say out loud!
The mentally ill brain can be loud and cruel, I do hope that if you’re reading this and you have intrusive or invasive thoughts, you are not those thoughts. You’re not sick or twisted, you’re not a bad person, you’re not a danger. It’s okay.
Sending love to anyone who needs it. ❤
this was very informative and i'm glad you decided to open up about something you deal with
Thank you very much for talking about this, so many people think OCD is the need to organize things and fear of germs but it can be so much more complicated and bizarre than that. It's a feeling of dread, and then a performed ritual to keep the that feeling at bay. Sometimes the rituals and fears have no realistic grounding. For example "if I don't tap every door I pass through four times then I'll get sick". How does tapping doors prevent illness? OCD does not know or care.
I know this is a old video so you probably won't see this, but thank you for helping me take steps forward with this 3:28 You're great John and we can all work through this, I'll see you on Tuesday
Okay, so I’ve had OCD since I was like eight. And I’m a lot better than I was, but sometimes I still have moments where the thought spirals come back or I have awful mental images. Not to mention I’m still a germaphobe due to some of my worries when I was doing really badly. So I know it’s not really gone, it won’t be. But seeing people I look up to having the same struggles makes me feel so understood and it’s amazing! Thank you for being so vocal and writing Turtles All The Way Down. It feels so good to see someone really get it.
Your illness sounds like torture & I am so sorry you have to struggle through it. I have often thought that my bipolar II disorder is making the real me disappear but I do have a superpower. It's living through the darkest days fighting those mind demons that want me to give up. TA DA!! I will see you in Atlanta & pray we are both having a really good day. Take care.
Having read Turtles All the Way Down, and now rewatching this video, it's amazing how he integrated his experiences with OCD into the book.
Oh, my gosh.
I found solitude in your videos 10 years ago when I was struggling with OCD as a kid in middle school, having no clue what it was because I was too ashamed and afraid to get help.
This is full freaking circle. Thank you for your openness. I hope this helps kids find the help that I didn't receive until I was an adult.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
THANK YOU
this is one of the most succinct yet effective descriptions of something I thought I was alone in experiencing. Specifically the idea of a thought spiral and it hijacking you to the point that you can't function and you wonder if you've ever really been in control.
Thank you sincerely Mr. Green for sharing your experience. I'm 44 and have OCD as well. My struggles started in 2nd grade and I've experienced quite a few different manifestations of the disorder since then. The most prevalent has been scrupulosity, basically obsessive thought spirals regarding religion. It's tremendously important for people to know that OCD can take many forms and truly believe your video will help those needing support. I cannot wait to read your new book, especially as a long time fan of yours as well as a fellow OCD'er. Most sincerely, Heather
I come back to this video every now and then, just as I do with the book Turtles All The Way Down. I find deep comfort in them. I read the book when I was 16, same as Aza, and it changed my life. I was very uneducated on mental health then, I had no idea why I fell into thought spirals when no one else around me seemed to. I remember crying so often to my mom, and she had no idea how to reach me, let alone comfort me. So I continued feeling alien in my own mind and around my closest people. For years, I felt alone, suffocated and afraid. When I was in the bad weeks, I thought they'd never end, and in the better weeks, I was only fearing the return of the bad. Until I read your book... I remember feeling strangely giddy when I finished reading the very first chapter. Aza trying to eat lunch...the googling...trying desperately to connect...the guilt she felt. All of it. I was amazed. I poured over the pages, and became so overwhelmed with emotion. I'm not alone...whoever wrote this has to know the experience. After I read it, I gave my copy to my mother, then my closest friends and family. At the time, I wanted their experience to be the same as mine.. the revelation, but it wasn't the same. But it did help them understand better. To this day, when someone enters my small circle of people, I want them to read Turtles All The Way Down. It feels oddly like a piece of me now, a way to know me better. I dont want to tell you "Thank you" because that doesn't begin to cover the emotions I feel. But what else is there to say? I hope you know that you've changed lives for the better by writing something so personal. You've changed mine, you gave me hope.
Since I was in preschool I’ve had OCD symptoms but wasn’t diagnosed until I was 10. Mine was so bad before treatment that it was borderline psychotic. Luckily now that I’m on treatment it’s gotten a lot better.
I know it’s been 10 month, but as a mother I want to thank you for your vulnerability. My daughter is 12 and I’m beating myself up for not seeing signs sooner. Because of her diagnosis, I think I have OCD too. I think she will be the one to help me. I made the mistake of thinking she was just a mini me. I had no clue that it was not anxiety or just being shy but OCD that has made her fearful of making new friends, wanting to please and be liked. I didn’t know any better because I behaved the same at age and I know the debilitating pain that goes through your mind.
I hope you are doing better on your journey and please know that you have helped me which in turn helps my daughter.
@@yvettecarrion5709 I’m so glad I could help you. I hope you and your daughter are doing good. OCD is truly a struggle a lot of people don’t understand. You seem like a great mother.
Hi John,
I know it's probably weird to say I am thankful you've been so open about your mental health, but I am. I don't have OCD, but I do have Borderline Personality Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (along with a learning disability). Those thought spirals you talk about in the video is something I know all too well.
I've gotten a headache and for days wondered if I had a brain tumor, and obsessively googled stuff like, "how do I know if I have a brain tumor?" I won't hear back from a friend and will assume they are dead or hate me, and will literally send myself into a panic attack/melt down. I've had to leave social gatherings because I literally think people are staring at me or talking about me. I will obsess for days over the smallest thing. My perceived tone in a text, what someone thinks of me, if I have some disease. Almost 4 years ago someone made an off hand comment about how all relationships end in breakup, divorce or death and since then I've had obsessive thoughts/nightmares about death.
People say I dwell on stuff too much, but it's so much more than just dwelling. I've disassociated because my anxiety gets to be so bad that I basically check out. I've cried myself to sleep because I can't get the thoughts to stop. It's like trying to escape from your own brain, but it's holding you hostage. Yesterday during a class I completely spaced out because I was in a thought spiral regarding something that happened two days ago.
I don't have OCD, but hearing you talk about your mental health has been a huge help to me. I feel understood and less alone. I don't think I could ever tell you how grateful I am that you are someone on this earth. I know you don't like being touched so, ::air hugs::
Hey Melissa, some of the stuff resonates. Hope you are doing better
“Am I actually the captain of this ship?” Such a true statement. I have Pure OCD which is what it sounds like you have and Schizoaffective. I’m trying to write a book about my experiences and that’s how I stumbled on this. I feel like we need more accurate representations of what it’s like to live with these disorders. Schizophrenia has been stigmatized to the point where people are terrified of us when they absolutely should not be and OCD has became trendy. I couldn’t count the number of times I see someone without OCD refer to themselves as “so OCD” or “a little OCD” it probably bothers me more than it should but my problem is that It completely detracts from the actual despair and hell that living with this disorder is. When people think OCD is just liking things neat and orderly or color coded no one takes you seriously when you try to express or explain what it’s like to live with it. It just gets brushed off.
I like the way you describe it. It’s eerily familiar.
I've had obsessive compulsive disorder since I was 8. John green you are a role model for me. I'm 21 and still fight OCD daily and you give me hope that I'm not alone and that I can still live a great life. I hope someday to be an author and when I doubt myself you are one of the people I look up to and remind myself that someday I can do it. Thank you for sharing your journey and you are an inspiration for me and many others who have OCD!
Your particular form of OCD sounds very similar to my own. I do compulsively wash my hands, but I suffer from horrible intrusive thoughts much more than I do anything that can be seen by those around me. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your book (which I just finished reading, by the way). You've used your influence and incredible talents to write about something that has been misunderstood for far too long.
Speaking of understanding: I cannot explain enough to you how understood I felt while reading Aza's story. Her thought spirals brought me to tears over and over again with how relatable they were for me. And for that I cannot thank you enough.
JOHN OMG.
"If I can't choose my thoughts and I am in part made out of those thoughts, then am I actually the captain of the ship I call myself?"
I have generalized anxiety disorder, and this is something I think about ALL THE TIME.
I have OCD and thanks for making this video I love not being the only one
It's difficult to function when you are constantly afraid that your feelings will determine reality. Obsessions are impossible to neutralize with logic because they are not based in reality. So you could be afraid of something that you feel is so real but is completely false. Then you compulsively over-analyze things to try and neutralize the "threat" when there isn't one to begin with. It's exhausting to say the least.
You're candid conversations about mental health have given me courage to speak more openly. I am blessed to surrounded by wonderful people who embrace who I am. We will break these stigmas one conversation at a time!