I am going through the exact same thing, and I wish that I had advice to offer or something helpful to say but I honestly have no idea, I'm still trying to figure it out as well. It helped me to hear you talk about it and know that I'm not on this journey alone, I would never wish negative emotions on someone but it is sort of comforting to hear that someone else is feeling what your feeling, and I hope it's comforting for you and that we can both find our way though them
if you're going through a period of pain, you should do something healthy for yourself. not all forms of joy are gluttony. you say your emotions matter the least but that is not true, some could say they count the most. nurturing yourself is what gives you the strength to continue with your work and studies. forcing yourself to do nothing but chores and service during a difficult era will likely lessen your drive even further. if you were to go for a walk or spend time with family, you could return to your work with a clear mind and a newfound sense of productivity. however, if you keep pushing yourself and avoid all sources of joy (for example, your deleting Spotify felt unneeded) then you may quickly burn yourself out and become less productive than you would've been if you took a break and did something for yourself.
I am going through the exact same thing, and I wish that I had advice to offer or something helpful to say but I honestly have no idea, I'm still trying to figure it out as well. It helped me to hear you talk about it and know that I'm not on this journey alone, I would never wish negative emotions on someone but it is sort of comforting to hear that someone else is feeling what your feeling, and I hope it's comforting for you and that we can both find our way though them
if you're going through a period of pain, you should do something healthy for yourself. not all forms of joy are gluttony. you say your emotions matter the least but that is not true, some could say they count the most. nurturing yourself is what gives you the strength to continue with your work and studies. forcing yourself to do nothing but chores and service during a difficult era will likely lessen your drive even further. if you were to go for a walk or spend time with family, you could return to your work with a clear mind and a newfound sense of productivity. however, if you keep pushing yourself and avoid all sources of joy (for example, your deleting Spotify felt unneeded) then you may quickly burn yourself out and become less productive than you would've been if you took a break and did something for yourself.