We need to normalize friend dates. You vibe with someone, plan a day to hang out, and get to know each other. You don't have to be consistently involved in each other's lives to be good friends.
@Fatally Frilly 😂I relate to this so much. I shot my first friendship shot last week with another black woman in the same field as me and our first frate is tomorrow. Nervous af, but I need someone to relate to as a black woman in corporate. Fingers crossed we vibe .
I do this with my friends lol It's super nice! One of my friends is getting ready to deliver and I told her I'll treat her to a meal and catch up before she gets busy with baby.
@@Lill2895 that's so sweet!! I'm the same way with my best friend. We're on similar wavelengths in that we prefer to catch up and plan events rather than text or see each other every day.
Who are y’all hanging out with?! I keep seeing this “jealousy” message and I entirely disagree. I don’t think people are inherently jealous of everyone and therefore don’t want to be friends. Some people just don’t mesh....
@@lyssanicole4469 I hope so . Some people are fortunate to have great friends. That is something we all want. Perhaps this is why I love to watch so much movies about girlfriends. Unfortunately for some of us, with every degree we earn, or every advance we make, we notice fewer and fewer friends from when we started In high school, for example.
I forget where I read this but one person had a good theory on this. They said that when we are kids / teens we make friends because we are forced to show up to obligatory things (school, etc) and making friends was a secondary thing. We all had a purpose firstly (education) and connecting with others (secondly) who are all there for the same reason makes it easier to make friends. When we get older we have a few of these obligatory things (work mainly) which narrows the amount of people you can really relate to who are all showing up to the same place daily. The solution is to find another event / task / hobby where everyones main purpose isn’t to make friends. A sports team or book club, things you have in common already. It feels less forced to try and make a friendship happen, but its bound to because you keep running into eachother. As an adult you are less likely to just keep running into the same people. Especially if you work from home or in a small office. You need to find an occurrence you enjoy where you and other people continue to show up.
yup i understood this bc my mom is like obsessed with church and that's where most of her friends are. I was like why as an adult would you obligate yourself to such a structure when you dont have to. Some adults find these structured groups bc it's like school all over again only thing is you're not forced. I'm more into like the casino or like a cooking group but yeah.
Totally agree. I've always had the same theory. I didn't realize how bad I was at making friends untill I became an adult because all through school I had to be friends with people around me cause they were always there.
I think the reason why making friends when you're older is so much harder is that your standards for whose really your friend go up. When you're young a friend is whoever you spend the most time with but when you're older it's someone who aligns with your values and wants the best for you.
💯 💯 Plus friendship requires effort, communication, trust etc and I don't think a lot of people are willing to make the time to put in the work (plus ca*italism doesn't help). .
This may sound kinda sad, but that's why I love watching youtube. I can find people I actually understand and relate to. It's hard to find that in real life.
People aren't genuine and treat people like resources to be used instead of humans to build relationships with. I haven't had issues making shallow friends as an adult, but I've given up on meaningful friendships.
I also feel like our generations lack of patience and making excuses has a lot to do with it. People don't have the patience to take time to get to know someone, people are flaky, people make excuses as to why they can't hang out with you (when 9 times out of 10 it's because of laziness). Lack of effort from others is a big reason why people have no friends.
Thank you for being here!!! This is my thought too! An I think that it needs to be talked about. I'm a very busy person and yet I never really talk about it, say what I'm doing, vent much, and/or make others feel like their a burden to me. An that's what I've noticed most people do.. constantly talk about how busy they are, what they do, when, how, and with whom and it can be very off putting and intimidating to many. Also, I noticed most people complain about wanting genuine and compassionate connection, but then when they get it, either don't know what it really looks or it's boring to them so they leave a relationship that's just started because they really don't know what they want or are a very problematic person.
I went to two concerts this summer alone, by myself. I go to dinners, movies, travel...alone. Life is too short to be lonely but I'd rather do the things I love and be proud of myself for living my precious life. I have siblings and cousins all in my age range and everyone is distant. Coworkers are off the table for me because I don't trust them. I just pray to god for my five senses and ability to make decisions for me.
Good for for you! I do a lot alone, too. I've gone to two concerts alone and they were both incredible, unforgettable experiences. Feeling some sort of obligation to do activities with others is overrated.
I'm so glad I read this comment 😭 everything in my life is loneliness 😔 I go out to eat alone,the nail salon,travel anything you can think of I've done it alone. Nobody calls or text me and I have always been a Loner.
*27-35 is the hardest time to make friends due to that's usually the "cut-off" for milestones & if a "friend" sees that you have reached 1 of them they will make your life a living hell. I know my problem isn't making friends, it's the fact that I have a healing spirit & ppl always feel like they can unload onto me , which is very draining.*
The user friend type that tries to make you their therapist is so annoying. I have had friendships that are years long and then get ghosted once they realize I'm not doing whatever it is they expect me to. But I also have a lot of incredible friends and we support each other. I've never had issues making friends, but I have avoided a LOT of problematic relationships with people because quality over quantity lol
I feel like this is so true I got married pretty early and I’ve been in a relationship for a really long time and a lot of people always use that as someway to say that I don’t have a life when I think they’re just projecting some of their more lonely tendencies on to me.
For me. I live on a small island...so the pool is really small, the pool that is available... I'm not into. They're not my kinda of people. I'd rather hangout by myself than pretend.
Not everyone will treat you poorly if you accomplish something before them. I’m 35 and many of my friends are married w/ children (I am not) but we still find ways to maintain our friendships. It’s obviously not going to be the same as when we were all single, but with patience and flexibility we still connect. Not everyone will be like that and it is okay to let those people go, but there are genuine ones out there, too.
Finding friends as an adult is literally like dating.... i've had to be very intentional in planning friend dates. Being ok with not being everyones cup of tea is also key. It takes a different type of effort to make and cultivate adult friendships. It takes real work that many women or men are honestly not willing to do.
im 32 single i barely have friends too as i ask if they want to hang out than i get rejected like nothing its no biggie but at the same time it is a weird bad thing to exist
You have to plan things more as an adult. I’m 71, workout 3 to 4 times a week and I have a few friends and we’ve decided to get together once a month for Happy Hour and once a week for coffee and let each other know when something interesting comes up. We’re all retired, I’m not married but in a relationship, they are married and have kids.
Yes, after we had the wildfires here in Oregon last year and I felt so disconnected, I told our church friend that we were coming over for dinner with her and her kids once a week and we would bring a dish. Since we like each other it has worked out well.
I use to think it was hard to make friends as an adult, until I realized I just didn't want new friends. It was me. I'm the problem. I enjoy being alone. It's a peace and energy thing. But the friends I've had for 15+ years understand I'm a text or phone call away.
@@wildewildestrawberries I am. And I'm grateful my friends respect that. We are on a once a month conversation schedule, while they maintain everyday friendships with other ppl.
I think every endeavor ,person or thing needs space. Capitalism life fills up so much of our time, psyche that u probably when u get your extra space u just need to breath. This also makes it hard to be emotionally available for children as well.
Same! I don’t have a ton of friends, but the friends I do have, I’ve had for 13+ years, and those kinds of friends who can be there for you as you become all these different people are few and far in between; quality > quantity as they say
Same. I actually wonder if I’m on the sociopath spectrum because I literally don’t care to be around people ever. I only enjoy my nuclear family and partner. I almost hate people trying to hang out with me atp it’s a nuisance to even go
How are we supposed to make and keep friends when most people's time revolves around their job? If you're lucky you have a job that pays all the bills in 35-40 hours per week (I'm talking about us 5ever singleheads), most are working 40+ hours a week and that doesn't include commute time, and the rest of your free time is spent trying to catch up on obligations, rest and trying to extract some form of happiness, hobbies or entertainment. Who has time for cultivating social connections that fit the needs of all parties?
You hit the nail on the head with this comment! This is the very reason why this country has so many people suffering from depression and other mental illnesses. There is no balance. The way we live in this culture goes against our very nature as social beings that absolutely need ritualized connection, strong familial bonds, a sense of belonging and a strong sense of community.
I find that adults are often in a state of pretense. They act as if they have no emotions, no passions. For some reason that's considered childish. It's suddenly all about being "cool", "smooth", "unbothered", "savage". This makes it really hard to form an emotional connection with someone. It's draining to listen to factual recounting of events without actually knowing what the other person felt or thought about it by the end of it. What am I supposed to continue the conversation for if it's like that? A little enthusiasm here and there doesn't make you childish.
I think the simple fact is, energetic and polarizing people may have a lot people who avoid them, but they probably also have very fulfilling friendships. People who aren’t afraid to be who they are. It’s not easy, because it forces them into situations where they must lose certain people but in the end I think they have more solid relationships.
GIRLLL I had a boss at my first job who was always trying to be “tough” “cold” and “savage” and she was an absolute nightmare. She would be aggressive and condescending for no reason and then wondered why people don’t wanna associate with her or quit the job because they don’t wanna deal with her bs. Idk why people think that being insensitive is “goals” but it’s the exact reason why they’ll always be lonely
I can't be open with new people i meet and I'm just super shy and quiet. Sometimes i speak too low or i don't know what else to say. I look a certain way and people think I'm a certain way but I'm not. I still want to make friendships too.
I’m not in my 30’s but finding friends in my 20’s is extremely difficult. I’m starting to feel like I’m a toxic person and people just don’t tell me. Like folks hang out with me one time and I don’t hear or see from them again. And I’ll reach out don’t get me wrong but I definitely not going to blow someone phone up. So I really had to learn how to be my own friend and sometimes I catch my self sad and in my feelings because the activities I love and like to do are usually in groups. And then when people ask me where is my boyfriend or ask about friends I get really really offended I feel like it’s a constant reminder that I’m alone. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in a place to reject friends or relationships either because I do be feeling alone even though I should. I even started commenting on social media post just because the lack of socializing I do.
Literally…. Same 😩 thank you for sharing! I’m in my twenties & I can definitely relate. I’ve been trying to be the best friend I can be to myself, but it would be nice to have group to go on trips with. I’m the only married/friend in a relationship person in my general friend group. It caused a lot of my single friends to pull back over the years ( my partner & I aren’t clingy or into PDA, but a lot of my friends felt awkward partying with a couple). I thought about joining an online group or friend website before I found TH-cam. Everyone seems shallow in my generation and I just want close friendships like my grandparents generation or at least stimulating conversations but everyone just ghosts each other for periods of time!
@@khlikb8796 There are SO many shallow people these days. I blame social media! lol. But it sounds like the people you and your spouse were kicking it with are insecure. You two don't need those people around anyway.
It's hard to maintain friendships when everyone else is a parent and you're not. I be wishing I could just call up someone like "ROAD TRIP!" and we just go lol, but uh a girl could only dream 😔. Making new friends as an adult is like pulling teeth nowadays. They're either judging you or trying to compete. In some cases they'll have an obsessive friend that don't want you moving in on their friend lol like wtf???
Lol I am going through this but it’s the opposite! I’m the mom and the few friends I have don’t have kids. They invite me to Puerto Rico and California like I can just drop everything and go! I can’t!!
I think I lost my desire to have friends. People just generally annoy me, and I don't want to deal with other peoples' expectations of me or their baggage because I'm trying to get over my own. People are distractions to me at this point, and i'm not ready for any kind of relationship. By the way, if one of my friends told me that they celebrate their dog, I would be excited about that. I think that's adorable, thoughtful, and sweet, and I would want to see pictures. It's just an example of how people treat you if your life is not as exciting to them. I generally feel a lack of emotional support, understanding, and acceptance for me when it comes to other people. I just feel like people are constantly trying to change me into someone they'd rather hang out with, or someone who's more like them....makes me feel way lonelier than actually being alone.
I feel you. I get very annoyed by people and I tried the bumble app. it just made me realize I’m better off being alone for now than being with people I don’t actually connect with. I use to cry about being alone forever..😂this happened right after a breakup, and it was right before the pandemic too. I was extremely depressed for a year and a half, and now while still irritable, I just love my alone time. I do talk to someone that worked with me for a few months, but I don’t consider her a friend bc we don’t hang out. I don’t like that she calls me a friend because friendship takes effort. We text like friends (like always having something to talk about) but she only hangs out with the set of friends she had before.
I TOTALLY AGREE. I have no friends and don’t understand why? But then again, When you are in school it’s easier because you don’t have that many obligations as you do when you become an adult.
@@reffa2858 omg yes!! I love doing online school and just being able to go to work with it being okay to be acquaintances. I hated the feeling of being alone sometimes at lunch when it came to k-12 school
I hate saying this but when I try to have friends I end up regretting it. Lol It’s just that people bring drama into your life. Friendships should be a mutual positive experience for us both. We should be able to keke, go to lunch, shop, have drinks and communicate well. Also, Be there for one another at certain times when we need a shoulder.I understand that people have different personalities. Many people are needy and they need and want certain things from you and I’m not up for a friendship full of petty drama too much of the time. I just find I’m better off by myself. Lol
I relate to this so much. I’m 30 & I really want friends but I don’t go to clubs & I’m not into smoking. I want friends who want to go try restaurants, go workout together, go shopping, and discuss books, movies, & tv shows. I’m a daytime type person & I get sleepy around 9:30 pm lol. I wonder if there’s hope for me…. I wonder sometimes if I’ll have enough bridesmaids.
I think it's so hard to meet people who like doing these types of things. I almost always prefer intimate hangouts over going to clubs and doing crazy stuff - I think a lot of it has to do with being introverted. Anyways I hope you find a bestie or two that you can do these types of things with!
It's easy to maintain friends when you're younger because everyone is forced to go to the same physical location. When you get older you get the unpleasant realization that without being forced to meet up with people, a lot of people simply won't
So true! I'm 21, but when I interact with women out of college this is how it is. The unreliability with meeting up at physical locations is real. I guess this is a big reason (outside of faith) that people really like to be deeply involved in church communities...because even when adults complete school, they have a lifelong commitment to attend church services.
I call it friendship PTSD. Like I have had friendship break ups that were so dramatic and revealed truly terrible situations (like a friend taking advantage of my generosity financially and with my time).. But those situations have traumatized me from making new friends. I am cautious about people's intentions
Yes, there have been a couple of people who claimed to be a friend only for me to see their shady ways. Now I’m weary of people trying to be friends. It honestly takes me a good year to acknowledge someone as friend.
@@GiiinSage I even gave in at one point to a very friendly girl that was urging to be friends. and she ended up being drama filled, needy and two faced. So I am now further scarred from making friends
@@goldenxkenny babygirl I learned early early to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be leary and NEVER EVER EVEE TRUST A WOMAN who is anxious to be friends with you trust me baby when I tell you … it will never work. Any woman who goes out her way and urge or is anxious to be your friend or random women who just strike up conversation with you as if they know you or some weird shit like that run for the hills.
I truly believe it is hard to find like minded people in my age range. People are envious of each other which is ridiculous. Being a adult is not easy trust me sometimes I wish I was a kid again. If anyone is interested we can connect as adults.
Hard Truth: You can't build friendships outside of a common principle/morality/belief. People's interest, hobbies, and goals change. If you've built a friendship around those things, the friendship falls apart. However, when those core life values do not change, your friendships don't.
This is exactly why I can never understand people who say they're friends with people they don't agree with in very fundamental ways like in terms of morality, principles, beliefs, etc. It's just bizarre to me
@@GPerla26 Right. I suspect, because making new friends is hard, people would settle for the association of just about anyone. They would prefer the company of someone they lowkey despise than be completely alone.
I don’t have friends. It’s kind of by choice. The obligation to friends stresses me out. I like people, but I also like my alone time to do hobbies, workout and just chill. I do believe that friendship is important. It’s all about balance.
I'm in my early 30s and oh God do I remember the awkwardness when two years ago, I met up with college friends and they were speaking about their kids, their upcoming wedding etc. They knew I had just been to Japan, so they got super excited and they had assumed I had a boo thang there well nope, I was just going to a kpop concert!!! The utter shock on their faces is tattooed on my eyelids! PS: Anyway, the concert was dope. No regrets!
@@Bee-oe1vi Well, we kinda drifted apart . Two of them live on a different continent rn, one lives closer but they all have kids and a husband and I'm just the weird perpetually single friend. There is no bad blood between us, we were roommates in college, we were really close, we're just not anymore but I'm sure we all cherrish the memories.
People are friends for a reason or a season. Friendship is contexual and when the context disappears, the friendship disappears. In my experience, friendship is an illusion.
Nobody invest in friendships as adults because everybody is looking for a partner(which is fine). Honestly I think ppl just don’t know how to maintain friendships based on them not wanting it to feel like an obligation so a lot of ppl wait for something to happen organically. Ppl forget friendships require just much work as any relationship u have. So consistency is key
this is especially difficult for those who are aromantic or asexual. It's like people can't be vulnerable and put in effort if it isn't through a romantic/sexual connection.
@@cocteautwin im 20 and aroace and have 0 friends, this can’t be more true :( I feel like at this age and going forward the only people who will ever want to be “friends” with me are the occasional guys who feel attracted to me and pretend to care long enough to earn my trust, get into my pants, and throw away the friendship once they’re bored of me or find something better. it’s gross and sucks to know that if I don’t give in, they’ll always see me as “just” a friend and won’t take the friendship remotely as seriously as I do. either way, im only relevant and useful to them as long as I’m being objectified and exploited so any relationship always reaches a point where I’m just not worth their time or care. it’s great T~T
Because in this new era we live in people do not want to do the MAINTENANCE to upkeep literally anything. Anyone can find time to do anything they want. You don’t need to spend INSANE amounts of time to maintain things. Ppl are inconsistent and do not want to do the work to maintain the things they “so-call” care about
I legit have ZERO friends. My only “friends” are my mom and 13 years old lil sister but for me the worst part about it all is the assumptions people have when it’s revealed. Either that I’m lonely, have issues & strange when in reality, I’m good. I knew I liked being online but I’ve always have 1 friend or 2. I’ve never been so free and content with my life. My mental health has never been so good. Am I happy rn? Not really but it isn’t due to the lack of friends. Till few months ago, it was the complete opposite. I had friends which made me feel stressed, depressed, suffocated, anxious, annoyed to the point of suicidal thoughts. Currently in the figuring out my life phase but I’m content. Same goes for romantic relationships which tbh worries me. Like, what if this feeling of wanting to be alone all the time never goes away? I always said I want to get married but in reality I’m not actually sure I want to…like…ever
I love how it’s common for people to be more lonely these days but we’re still stigmatizing people who are friendless at certain points in their life. I feel you tbh. After my ex broke up with me, I was like “omg I’m so worthless without a bf and especially not having real friends” and then as time went on, especially as an introvert, I learned how to enjoy it again. If is very peaceful.
I on the same exact boat as you, down to to mom and 13 year old sister being my only “friends”, I’ve also struggled when i did have friends, also to the point of suicidal thoughts. And even the part about potentially getting into a relationship and missing being alone and feeling free.
Wow, I feel the same. I'm divorced though and I love having my space and a peace of mind. I don't have any friends and 1 grown child. Sometimes I feel like I would like to remarry but never want to live with him. But I really love having my own space and my time to myself.
Same here. I don’t want a whole cluster fuck of people surrounding me continuously loL. I have a small circle and and an acquaintance here and there and that’s enough socializing for me.
Work "friends" are cool until one leaves. All your conversations were about your workplace or started with something job related before you got to the fun part.
I'm a woman of a certain age, lol. I accept that most friendships aren't forever, although it still hurts to lose a longtime friend especially when a part of you believed it could have worked out if people would just own their part. Up until this year, I believed making friends at any age was possible. But then I tried. Repeatedly. One fun woman, I met tended to talk down to me. After asking her to stop that and she didn't I stopped hiking and hanging out with her. Another new friend became passive-aggressive and started acting weird soon after I told her I was making Tuesdays and Thursdays workdays and Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings were already my gym days. Here are other reasons new friendships are fragile. As we get older people tend to have more baggage, unresolved trust issues, and, sadly, they don't know how to engage in what I call courageous conversations, i.e., be honest, transparent, and vulnerable about what's really going on with them when conflict or differences arise.
Same... I let go of friendships that were toxic and haven't looked back... I don't hold on so hard as I used to. I have friends from every moment of my life- kindergarten, HS, college, and my first real job... I'm good and don't want any new ones!!! I maintain those friendships because I am extroverted and I am dependable ... even ex BFs still text me to check in occasionally. At my new job I'm uninterested in trying because I maintain the ones I already have. I'm cordial and I see people gravitating towards me but now my time is precious.. that's why adult friendships are more difficult... you aren't willing to accept what you did in your 20s and now that you're older- you are intentional about your relationships. Also it helps to be financially independent and not codependent. I remember when I wanted to backpack around Europe- my kindergarten bestie couldn't do it so I said peace and explored on my own. Being independent is a blessing.
Same. I tried getting them to do activities and group events near them to make friends when I left for college but they haven't budged in 20 years. I worry.
Right on time. I’m single, 38, and child free. I ran across a friend of a friend. We have all three listed above in common. I asked her to drinks so fast, it scared me! 🤣🤣
@@Nat0528 Am in Brooklyn, NYC. Female, Have job, 41 yrs old with family and seeking friends as well here. I can see that we already have something in common which is enjoying Oh! Stephco's videos. Someone above recommended Bumble BFF app which I will finally check out as well. Feel free to reply if you are interested in seeking if we have anything else in common. Take care.
@@MeliMeli66 NYC ladies! I hope y’all really meet up 😊. In BK, I joined meetup site and went to some girl group things. I did go for drinks with the friend of a friend. My BFF was so proud. I’m a true Virgo but we had things in common and it was cool. I’m going to search around the community❤️❤️❤️
About 3 years ago I realized most of my friendships only existed because I did most of the work. I stopped doing that and stepped back from social media. I have 2 friends here in my city but they’re an older couple and I don’t see them often. The rest of my friends are out of state. I do think my disability plays a role, people are just ignorant and don’t want to be friends with a disabled person. Secondly, I can’t be very spontaneous and need to make plans. Thirdly, this pandemic has definitely impacted it. Most people are outside regularly and I’m outside sparingly because I’m immunocompromised. I’m pretty much done trying to make new friends and telling my existing ones what I need from them. I’m just exhausted and gonna let things flow. I was recently interviewed for a column and talked about the way I’m treated in friendships. I just know I want to be the person people get brunch and do karaoke with, not just call when they need advice. This comment section definitely helped me feel less alone.
Wow, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in your comment because I relate to every word you articulated. I too am disabled and immunocompromised. This plays a massive role in every relationship I have, had, and may ever develop in my lifetime. I was so tired of feeling depleted. I typically made far more effort toward others than they ever did for me. Reciprocation is rare! I am also an empath. It was exhausting feeling used as a therapist and dumping ground by others that would never listen to a full minute of my expounding. It is a blessing to be at-ease and in peace in one's own Solitude. Best wishes to you and your health!
We sound so much alike! I'm always the only one reaching out "texting" or "calling." and 9 times out of 10 I know in my gut I am being ignored. I had to learn the hard and hurtful way that people show you how they really feel about you and thier true colors when your the only one playing the friend. And I also have a disability.
I have a hard time being consistent on being friends with people. I’m a very quiet person and I’m not much of a talker. But once I meet someone that I feel comfortable with, I tend to be more open and relax with them. Most of the time when I become friends with people, it doesn’t last long because I either stop talking to them or I just don’t make an effort to make a closer bond with them. I mostly do everything by myself but sometimes I wish I had a group of friends that I could do fun activities with.
I felt the same when I was working (not quite the same as childhood friendships). But now that I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t have any. 😅 I am too shy to talk to other mom friends too, maybe it’s just we have different life experience.
Me and my long time best friend parted ways in pur 30's due to the competitive and jealous spirit. We lived through most of our 30's apart. In our late 30's, I called to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and we spoke about some of the things that we could have done better. We became cordial from that point and said hello here and there via text. Immediatly after she turned 40, her mom passed away and that hit me hard because I grew up around her mom. Mind you, this was my best friend since 6th grade. After her mom passed, My husband and I went to visit her the same night it happened. I think she realized right there we were truly like sisters instead of just frineds. I've been there to comfort her and check up on her since that dreadful day and I think she appreciates that and has since put away any ill feelings about me and vice versa.
As a recovering Co-Dependent with no friends, I got to the point where I realized my old friendships were always about what they wanted/needed/gained and nothing was ever about me. It was all about them, all👏🏽 the👏🏽 time👏🏽. My breaking point was when I got cancer and I told this one particular friend and she acted like I just said I broke a nail, no emotion, no nothing. Come to find out later that she was stealing from me and so on...So I've had such traumas from different friendships and dealing with people who I feel like are users, it just makes me very weary about making and finding new friends. I have a few co-workers I enjoy speaking with since we've been working from home, but does that mean lunches every day when we go back to the office, I think not. It will be business as usual. It makes me ask these questions, do people really know how to be friends to people, not with people, but to people?? Do people know how to give empathy and sympathy and not make the relationship solely about them?? Do people know how to be genuinely happy for their friends without envy and jealousy? These are questions I ponder often when I meet people, and if I don't feel that with them, I flee!!
You're spot on with regard to empathy and sympathy. A lot of people bail when you're not doing well. It's almost like friendships are conditional on your continued well-being. If, for some reason, you're not able to keep up your end of that unspoken agreement, you'll find yourself with very few people left. They either don't know how to deal with it or think you're not trying hard enough to be well. It's pretty paradoxical, as those are the times when you most need friends.
@@santanacaipirinha9536 I’m so glad you brought this up because I just thought about this the other day. I call it toxic positivity . I say that because there are people out there such as myself who do and are actually considerate of others and don’t emotionally dump on people but it’s like damn if you even have one moment .. cause you know you’re human…and you go and feel compelled to share with someone who is supposed to be your friend/family now all of a sudden “you’re negative” you’re this and that people don’t have time to babysit you and I just be like damn I only came to you one time how did you get all of thatZ im really sick of it and the keeping score and/or loving under conditions or being friends with this toxic positivity mindset
@@Mindful.Movement.01 YES to all of that. You'll find more people in the comments on this channel have had it with the toxic positivity, but it's not something that will take a backseat in your day-to-day life anytime soon. I too am very reluctant to share with others how badly I'm doing because firstly I don't want to exhaust people with my sadness and secondly I know they really just don't wanna hear it. You get called "negative" so quickly these days, it's almost used to brand you. As soon as you get that label that pretty much ends any communication on the matter. Therefore people are afraid to talk about how they really feel for fear of being branded negative and thus the positivity-cycle continues. I don't even use the words "positive" and "negative" in that context, because it just makes me angry how overused they are, mostly to dismiss people. One is "good", the other is "bad". Someone has decided how you feel is "negative" and therefore you are "bad", therefore they must be "good" for not being like that, so they get to feel good about themselves. Hell, we don't have to talk about how crappy I'm doing, so I'm already keeping up an act most of the time, but when you ASK me how I'm doing and I consider you a friend I want to feel free to be honest at that moment. Instead I get "tell me something positive" and when I can't they disappear. Genuine, sincere and respectful interactions where people get to feel what they feel without constant judgment unfortunately are a very rare commodity.
9:08 Friendships are set. _Friends_ was accurate there. Ross/Monica were related. Rachel/Chandler were friends from school. The other two were just misfits that tagged along. Other than that.....the characters had _’No’ Friends_
It also helped they were all roommates save for Ross and Phoebe, so it was easier to keep in touch and and go out because they go out and come home together, lol. I think about Seinfield and how they were all friends because they were all terrible people.
Haven't even watched the video and I'm in agreement. Single with few friends after the pandemic. The few long term ones I have are all paired up. Only single one. And many casual friends were low key shady or unsupportive of my successes. It's a challenge out here. The 5-7 year friendship cycle hit home. I guess a new cycle is beginning for me. I've felt so alone. I needed this video. Thank you. Btw: I did also apologize to a friend who I let down when she needed me years ago. The pandemic made me feel what I put her through by not being there. I haven't heard back but she got the apology she deserved. I've been a jerk friend as well. Live and learn and will not repeat again.
The whole friendship group thing has been such a struggle for me too! I'm a regular churchgoer and almost every church feels like all of the young families are already grouped up and will be nice to me and my husband, but never really go deeper than surface level. Or they'd all hang out and we wouldn't even be invited.
I SO relate to this! We are the only young family in our church! It feels so lonely, but I have come to understand that sometimes this walk is lonely and I’m taking this time to let HIM further develop me as a friend.
I relate to this soo much!! it hit so hard , literally the same exact thing it's like all the youth will be clicked up and I would be sitting there like "uhh is this something wrong with me ?" They would have all the youth girls be bridesmaids when one of the youth gets married , etc it lowkey kinda hurts tbh that's why i distance myself from them and just stick to me
@@soulja0865 I was usually the only person in my age bracket at church when I was single. I wish I could offer more comfort but I do believe that for those of us with this experience, HE is doing a work in us and asking us to be patient and faithful. I would tend to give my all in earthly relationships and begin to neglect HIM by default. Once I have realized what I’ve done, he will allow the friendship to slowly dissolve, but if I try to hold on, it will quickly turn sour. Again, I’m not sure if I’ve offered much comfort, but stay encouraged, stay the course, and start praying for HIM to prepare you for friendship and for becoming a wife if desired.
@@stephthecreative6312 Thank you so much for those encouraging words and it didn't only happen at church but throughout life so i would always think something was wrong with me and trying to figure out why i can't never have a group ( i have 3 friends including my partner so that's 4 ) but still it's pretty weird , that's why watching the video hits home for me and is extremely relatable
Online friendships have really been my saving grace, honestly. Through a couple forums and Facebook groups, I've developed several close friendships over the course of the last 10 years. So far haven't found any local friends to compare, but most people I meet in person don't really want to chat over messenger or text, so our only interactions come when we see each other in person which is extremely rarely.
I think this is a good topic! As a happier, more positive minded person, I find it better to have less people around because many people try to attach themselves to me to get some positive energy. Meanwhile, I'm not getting any back in return. I just got tired of pouring into others and feeling drained afterwards. I'm honestly happier with less people, although it would be nice to find like minded people! Great video!!
It was hard for me as a kid to make friends and now it seems impossible. Thankfully, I'm a loner so it doesn't bother me as it used to. Sure, I could make friends if I tried, but it's so tiresome, you know? Over it to the extent that I avoid the possibilities of making connections.
I’m a 35 year old with two young kids and have been a stay at home mom for just 6 months now. My BFF is single and our relationship feels so forced because we love each other but at this point have very little in common. Plus she lives out of state. I also thought it would be easy to stay in touch and get together with my ex co workers who have kids the same age but it’s like I’m no longer at work so I’m out of the friend group. I’m not shy, I reach out but everyone is always busy. It’s really a bummer when you want the friends and try but can’t find people who are also looking for friendships.
Yeah I feel this so much too. I always feel like I'm the only one reaching out or trying to keep friendships alive, so eventually I let them die because it starts to feel like I'm just bothering other people.
@@joannamarieart I felt this. I just let two friendships die this past year. I'm like girl if we don't talk or hang out and only speak through social media to laugh at a meme, we're not friends anymore (and that's ok).
Most friendships are formed and maintained within peer groups. Peer being defined as a person in the same league or status. You're in a different league as a stay at home mom than your ex co-workers. Other women in your situation would be the most likely place to find friends.
I totally agree with this! I treated majority of my friends disposable and I had to learn I was a horrible friend. My boyfriend really is my mirror and gave my constructive criticism on my friendship relationship. People in general need to learn how to treat others.
I’m going to be 30 next month. When I became a new mom, I found mom friends over a mom app where 5+ of us new moms met up every month. Over time people stopped coming due to busy lives but 2 solid friends stuck around. We bonded over being new moms and our babies are all born 1 week apart. Even the babies milestones were happening at the same time which made it easy to connect with the moms. We’ve been friends for over 2 years.
I’m 44 and this really resonates with me. I just don’t have the energy to deal in the non-reciprocal. I used to go along to get along and that can really hurt, affecting every area of life. Now I just won’t do it. Can’t. 🤷🏾♀️ It’s lonely and makes me ultra cautious but I prefer it to the alternative.
Im 39 and moved away from my home state a few years ago. Here's what I've seen. People mainly value " networking" relationships. People especially women have the "you can't sit with us" attitude. And most only want to associate with those in certain tax brackets. Its exhausting, I give up lol!
I’m definitely Czar lols. I have a lot of close friends and few best friends. People find it odd but I’m very independent and so are all my friends. There is no competition, comparison or codependency whatsoever but they will call me or text me any given day/night lols. Funny enough I don’t like people often and it take a lot for me befriend people. I’m not friendly but I’m social so I can adapt but I don’t bring people close. If I find someone I actually like I make sure to keep them all all costs. A lot of my friends I’ve had since I was in elementary and I make sure to maintain my friendships over the years no matter what and show I care. That may be how I keep people around.
One thing I noticed also is that many people remain in long term/lifelong friendships groups just out of a comfort zone or familiarity. Many reasons exist why on what brought them together - neighbors, married couples circles, raised kids together, same religious/cultural community, etc. They may not have much in common anymore after years of association but just stick with it because it is convenient and familiar.
It's so hard to find people I really connect with, and if there is no real connection, the relationship can only go so far. Also since becoming a mother, it has become increasingly difficult to actually go anywhere or do anything with anyone else, so it's so so difficult to get to know anyone beyond extremely surface level acquaintanceship.
I have zero friends as a mom. I wish I could go have coffee or go for drinks with someone and talk to an adult other than my husband. But I HATE the idea of "playdates". I don't want to hang with my and someone else's kids and pretend thats mommy time.
@@veronicaana right! :/ trying to set up childcare is always a massive pain, and usually not worth it to just grab coffee or whatever. There is just no social support system anymore
Well I know a mommy ( my friend who is a mom) who has surrogate grand parents around where she lives. They enjoy having the kid over and come by the house for coffee and cake or so. We can meet up once in a while, but it gas to be scheduled it advance and it works. Going swimming or grab sth to eat and then talk if we get to it. Support systems are being built. Like gifting sth to someone, showing appreciation, greeting a neighbour, striking up a conversation.... Also when I and another friend spent the night over aat this mommies house - the kid was around, but depends on the age and how much time they would need. Actually one can show up somewhere with their kid and the friends usually understand and go along. If not, one can explain and adjust together.
I'm 31 and I was litteraly thinking about not having a bunch of friends (a lot of buddies tho). I used to put my friends on a pedestal and think we'll be BFF for life but soon realized that: - some friendships are seasonal - some ppl don't think we are friends, but just buddies - my peace is more important - I was tired of doing all the work (reaching out, asking out) - I have to to respect the other person's boundaries and make mine known Friend breakups are tough and hurtful
I swear, going on vacation together is the true test of a friendship - a “trial by fire” if you will…there are times when craziness happens like what you mentioned, but I think it’s also where you see how mature your companions are. There are a lot of things to argue about on vacation. Inevitably there will be disagreements about arranging activities, the meal plan, lodging, etc. If they’re able to handle that with grace - that’s a good friend. But I’ve seen adults turn into whiny children when they don’t get their way on vacation. I left those groups immediately
Honestly, what you're discussing actually also explains some of the appeal of the Christian Church and other religious gatherings to older young adults, middle-aged adults, and senior adults. Those organizations allow older adults to form friendships/relationships as they become "too old" by societies standards for certain recreational activities, etc.
I disagree. They attend churches, synagogues, mosques etc cause they are a community-families of like-spirit minded individuals with supposedly the same morality and beliefs. It is not about being undesirable and wanting to hang out.
@@SynphulHero then they arent Christians and the gathering may not be a true Spirit ked church. True church services are very uncomfortable. The Word of God stings. If u are not there for the right reason u will leave
I have fewer friends now by choice. I have distance myself from many of my family/friends. The reason why is because I’m more sensitive to shade, fake ness, and passive aggressive behavior. Things I used to let roll off my back when I was younger, I will confront and address now which brings conflict. I have very little tolerance for disrespect, so In order to keep my peace I only hang around people that I love unconditionally and I know love me unconditionally. I know how I am currently feeling is temporary. I know my heart will expand one day and I will once again be able to deal with the foolishness of humans 😂 with love and patience. But until then I am enjoying my peace and quiet.
Just graduated and in the face of the pandemic this has been such a big problem for me. I’m super extraverted and moving away from my college town and losing friendships has been pretty negative on my mental health. Even being in my 20s, this video really connected with me. Love your content and thank you for sharing!
Same!!! When COVID hit and I realized I wasn’t going to see the friends I made at college anymore it hit me very hard because here at home all the friends I did have in high school we grew apart. I went from seeing my friends every day to not seeing them at all. We live in different cities so that made it even harder. I’m not too extroverted but I love being around people and I missed that. I still miss it. I have work for people interaction but I need/want more😖
The Joshua Tree AirBnB story, I’m sorry that happened to you… but oh my god I laughed 😂. You have some crazy stories girl. You are destined to be a story teller.
Living overseas made me realize that Americans put too much emphasis on the nuclear family and don't socialize across generations. Kids grow into adults that have very narrow comfort zones for relating to others.
You can’t blame the current issues with socializing and friendships on the wests emphasis on the nuclear family .. social media has really played a huge part in how we socialize
People talk about their work friend groups and i just haven't had that. All of my coworkers are either much older than me, are married, have kids, or are a combination of the 3. We are very cordial at the office, but there's no way we could really foster a friendship outside of work. I'm a single woman in her late 20's without kids and I am just in a very different place in my life than they are.
Same!!!! And many are openly hostile about how they hate gen z millennials or how lazy ppl r and no one wants to work anymore and I'm just like....yeah we definately can't be friends
I have the opposite. The coworkers I have are all teenagers and I'm a 27 year old married woman with no kids. I just hate being in this environment sometimes. I work retail and that's why.
@@AGreyAlien I used to work at a gym where majority of my coworkers were junior or senior high schoolers. I’m 24, single, already graduated college. The workers were immature and I got tired playing manager
I would love to make new friends but at 33, idk…. I’ve noticed that most people make their friends in high school and/or undergrad. Btw, I really enjoy your personality and content!
That girls trip story is so relatable. I traveled with a friend who started as a coworker. We went on a trip to NYC to meet her fiancé who was in prison for 15 years. She didn't give me many details on the crime committed but had me convinced he wasn't a bad man. It wasn't until later did I learn he murdered his ex girlfriend in self defense when she drunkenly tried to stab him to death with scissors. We'll never know the full story because there were no witnesses outside of himself and the deceased woman. It's a somewhat long story, but basically I allowed her to use my kindness and desperation to make a new friend to get what she wanted out of me: a chance to kiss and hold her man without a screen separating them. Nevermind that we were pulled over by cops for speeding and she nearly caused a accident with her unchecked road rage. Now I am very wary about making friends with coworkers. She seemed so much like me in the beginning, but her life outside of work was something I've never experienced or wanted any involvement with. I wish her nothing but the best, but I no longer speak with her.
I swear i just saw someone make a Tik Tok about this same situation! The guy was locked up for stabbing his girlfriend that he said attacked him. And he was facing 20 to life 🤔😳
I think the hardest thing about friends is that some people truly don’t put in effort to hang out with their friends. Yes everyone has jobs and families and relationships but their are so many flakey friends now. I used to give friends benefits of the doubts with being too “busy and overworked” to hang out. Then I thought about it and I know soo many other people that make time with their friends. I know teachers, nurses, and married people with kids that still make time to hang out with their friends. Maybe every Saturday or at least every 2 weeks they find time to hang out with their friends. Basically friends make time to hang out with other friends. I have alot of associates but it’s hard finding true, reliable friends. I’m in my 20’s and it shouldn’t be like this.
Ugh.. true.. and not to mention when you start to realize that you're always the one to start a comvo or dropping chats in their inbox. I mean back then when i was young i was cool with that, but everytime i stop then there's no convo anymore. They probably won't realize when i die
@@kellyjune it should NOT be this hard I’m sorry. People make time for things they want to make time for! I’m sorry you had to experience that but I’ve been enjoying my own company and embracing that God will bring the right people into my life.
@@aeoligarlic4024 yesss I stopped being the main person putting in effort? For what?! A phone works both ways… after I mention it about two times I’m done after then!
It’s because there come a time where everybody prioritize romantic relationships, leaving your friends behind and spending less time with their friends or maintaining them. Also competitions l, friends like to compete
What ppl fail to realize if your unfair to everyone but your all about a spouse. 9 times out of 10 that person will never find real romance. Everybody positive in your life is a blessing not just a mate. Everybody ik that are unbalanced in this area always lose out in the end on both sides.
This is 100% spot on. I’m 31 and I have a group of close girlfriends. There are about 5 of us who have known each other from high school and we have recently added a 6th friend in our circle who I met a few years ago. We are all pretty different in personality to be honest, but we respect one another and never try to cross each other’s boundaries. We are all independent of one another, we live separate lives and there is no competition at all. We all just unconditionally love and support one another. Their success is my joy and my success is their joy. And, most importantly, we ALL, individually, believe that our friendship with one another is something that is special and something that should be prioritized in our lives. So no matter what we have going on, once a year, we always make an effort to meet in between states at a location convenient for everyone and catch up / hang out. Maintaining a friendship for as long as we have into adulthood can only work if everyone had reverence for the bond that was created and makes an effort to continue to cultivate it. I am so very lucky that my girls treasure what we have and we all do our part to keep our bond thriving!
I’m almost 35. At this point I’m looking at special interest/social groups. Everybody I know live in different states and countries. Priorities definitely determine the true friends we have in life.
The only new friends I have are my husband's friends. All my friends I met in high school. I just cant bother with people these days, and I've tried... I just find people befriend with ulterior motives. Its just scary.
This might be too personal, so don't feel obligated to answer, do you feel like they (husband's friends) and you have a genuine friendship or is it friendship by association? For example if God forbid you and your husband would have a divorce, will they still be your friends??
@@potatoesomega I wonder about that as well. I’m cool with my boyfriend’s family/friends, but I like to have my own social circle outside my relationship.
@@potatoesomega I do feel in this moment in time, it is a genuine friendship.My husband always claim his friends like me more than him.That being said, if we were to separate I would not expect them to abandon my husband for a friendship with me. I honestly dont know what would happen, because it's not something I think about at all. When you have friends you dont think about the friendship ending... one day it may just happen and you deal with it the best way possible in that moment.
Stephanie, you are a breath of fresh air. I just got off the phone with a man who I have been CHASING (I know, not good), and I was left feeling very low. I am playing your video as I write this, and I must say that I feel so much lighter. You give me the same feeling I get when I am the first person in line at the cash register and THEN a line builds behind me. Bless your heart. If you are ever in Alberta, Canada, you are more than welcome to stay with me and my tender mother lol.
My mom is German and people keep and stick to their friends from childhood and she says that once you have a German friend you have them for life. When I talk to other Europeans, their first descriptor for Americans are “superficial”. To be a good friend you have to be one and nurture your friendships through your stages of life..because I’ve noticed through the years my friendships after some months/years would just simply dissipate. Then some old friends have divorce, then they reach out of nowhere. It doesn’t help that Americans move more than Europeans too.. its an added challenge to maintain friendships when you move away.
I think the moving around is the biggest factor. The place where we have the most time/opportunity to make friends with similar interests is when we are in high school or college, but we often ending up moving away for job opportunities. I still keep up with my best friend from high school, but even though we live in the same state, we have both lived in several different towns and now we live about three hours apart, which makes it hard to physically meet up with our children and all. I suppose if you are German, you probably get your job in Germany and driving across the country to see friends doesn’t take days. So when you live hours or days from your childhood friends, where do you make friends? I meet people all the time at the store, at the library, at the doctor’s office, but they are not in the mood for making friends or they already have a friend group. I need a place to meet other housewives with small children who don’t have a closed group already.
Thank you for sharing. I moved from Dominican Republic to Miami almost a year ago, I’ve been meeting people but I can’t seem to make friends and I’m frustrated, sad, depressed… I try my best, I’ve joined sport clubs, gym, parks, go fishing, paint and none of that seems to help me find people who thinks It’s worth having a friendship with me. I can see on their Instagram how they dont even follow me back or dont repost the stories I tag them on but do repost the stories of others that they meet at the same time they met me. Maybe I’m being hard on myself, I don’t know, but I really never thought that Making friends would be such a big problem.
Agree with so much of this, although I’d also like to point out that if your friends can’t be hype about whatever it is you’ve got going on that you’re sharing, I.e. taking care of a shelter dog, maybe it’s time to find new friends; IMO good friends are happy for you, when you’re doing something that makes you happy, they should be genuinely overjoyed for you.
I agree with the social group being set. I always felt that way even in high school/college. People make their minds up on a limit of friends and auto reject you.
If I wasn’t married I wouldn’t have a friend at all. My husband is my best friend. Luckily we actually get along and like being around each other alot lol
Meetup groups have been my go to. I haven’t developed a super deep relationship yet but I’ve definitely found a lot people who enjoy doing the same things I do.
I think part of the problem is that people don't want to put in the effort. Especially people under 35 who've been getting the message in their teens/20's that their every personality quirk deserves to be coddled. Like, I see acquaintances posting "memes" on social media about how, just because they don't call/text much, doesn't mean they don't actually care and you just need to invite them to do stuff, because they're introverted, uwu, and if you make the effort they'll be there! Yeah...no. Friendship goes both ways. I have a personal (general) rule that, if I make the plans this time, it's your turn to make the plans next time, or we aren't doing anything. And, yeah, I have friends. But I've also been through times in my life without friends and know how that feels. I also regret the two good friendships I lost in my early 20's by playing the, "let them make all the plans" game, and don't want that to happen again, but also won't let it happen to me.
You're so right. For me, it's hard to have genuine friendships with other women. I have not had one female friendship that didn't have competition, jealousy, or some sort of toxicity. So many friendships with other girls have traumatized me, I'd prefer to be alone. Additionally, my friendships remain in the same spot they left off at. If I consider you a best friend, you keep that title - whereas, as you mentioned, we're replaced when they find a new friend group. I'm kind of tired of putting in the effort when ppl will throw you away eventually.
I feel a little arrogant to have a different opinion about this but some points I feel are important to share. 1. My #1 is God. We are one. I need Him more than food and water. With Him, I know I am never alone. I WORK on my relationship with Him every single day - Not just when I'm feeling low. 2. I truly believe that the more negatively/lack we view things, the more we attract them. So a subject like this is never something I'd vent about. It's like manifesting what I don't want.... Instead I'd write a list of 5 nice things friendly people did for me, every day. 3. I'm 30 and I have so many friends I can't even keep up with them. I make friends eveeerywhere. Restaurants, stores, parks, work, on the bus, on the plane, at the lake! My friends are 27 years old - 70+ years old. 4. My secret is that I "see" people for who they are. I am genuinely curious about them and their story. I NEVER look for people that only relate to me. That's boring anyway. The point is to connect with the whole world. Every culture, every age, every background. 5. Being an introvert is okay. I love my alone time. I never get tired of being with myself. I love my energy. 6. I have so many hobbies. I love fashion, nature, live music, running, animals, salsa dancing, crafting, swimming, reading, sports. Plug yourself into these recreational activities. It makes us a diverse, interesting, humble, determined person. People will be attracted to you. 7. I've been travelling alone for 7 years. I am eternally grateful to have made friends all over the world. Travel and PEOPLE have helped mold me. There is so much kindness and generosity and HELP out there. 99% of people are good. I am so grateful for all of the people I have connected with that have looked out for me, shared about themselves with me, laughed with me and my favorite, when people share advice. 8. I don't meet people thinking of what they can do for me or judge if I'd like them or not. I carry a feeling of service and think of what I can do for them. Sometimes acknowledging them, listening to them or encouraging them is enough. 9. Everybody has a life. We do not have *extra time to lounge around, watch tv, drive around the city passing time. That respect should be mutual. We are happy for one another. And we should be SO BUSY with our own priorities (Health, self-care, finances, spirituality, community service, acts of service for family members, cooking, organizing, learning new skills, executing our goals) that we don't have time to notice the 'absence of others'. We will always meet new people and we may attract old ones back in. 10. Lastly, I make sure to BE good energy when we do meet up. I smile, I am light hearted, I am punctual, I ask about their health, their family, compliment them and in general celebrate their good news. I notice if they are giving me the same value for my time. We are spending quality time after all - not wasting it. Sorry about the rant. It just saddens me that so many people feel this way but we can change it.
Making friends definitely gets harder as we age. It almost seems impossible to make new friends as an adult and being an introvert makes it 10 x harder. I'm 35 and don't have any really close friends who are not cousins. 😓
“And being an introvert makes it 10 x harder” Definitely. As I get older my already low social battery drains quicker than it used to and my ability to engage in and endure “small talk” does as well. Honestly I’m Not even sure if it’s possible for an extreme introvert to create a new friendship past a certain age
Its funny when I go out and met a really cool girl and we hit it off, convo is good and I tell her we should hang out and ask her for my number. The reaction I get is so wierd like “no thank you”. Literally I get rejected lol.
I find that the more success I have in my life, people feel like they don't want to be around because it makes them sad to see they don't achieve the same things
I had a bad friendship break up with my last best friend since high school. Friendship was almost 10 years and I’m still really traumatized from it. Once I got engaged, things changed and she showed her true colors. I have a husband, a child, a sahm and recently moved from home. It feels like new friendships are never going to happen unless it’s family of my husband or his close friends wives. None of us have made a move yet lol 🤷🏽♀️ I’m also an introvert so I don’t go out of my way to make friends. I need to branch out.
Lololol, that skit is definitely my life 😂. I used to be the one that had things together and now… I’m happy for friends, lol. Still no boyfriend or husband, no children, tons of stress, you know, life. Im thankful though, I’m very blessed but my life doesn’t look that exciting on the gram 🤷🏾♀️
Same. That was the most relateable skit I've seen all week. :P Yet I can't complain too much. A lot of my old friends who are married with kids now are even more stressed or trapped in toxic relationships but still afraid to get divorced, so I also have to remember I've been lucky and that it's okay to wait until you get older to do those things, and also okay if you decide it isn't for you at all in the end. :)
Omg, that camping trip from hell 😅 You honestly cannot make some of this stuff up. I'm only 24 so I'm still in the phase where all of my friends I've known for over half of my life. It'll be interesting to see what my friendships will look like in a few years because people are starting to move away, begin their careers and enter grad school. Thanks for another great video Steph!
Making friends as an adult is hard because of trust. We are most likely friends with the same people we were friends with. People who know us and have accepted our weird quirks. We often feel the need to conform to other people to get them comfortable with us to a point where we don't want to do it anymore, and we just let the friendship die. Well that's is my take on it and of course it is not the only reason. We are also very busy with our lives and friendships get pushed to the back burner.
This video is so on point. I moved to a suburb and some people already had their mom friends group. I was eager to make friends until I realized that it’s ok if you’re not part of the group. The right people will come into your life when the time is right. I’m grateful for my BFF since high school whom I’m still close to despite all the changes throughout our lives.
We need to normalize friend dates. You vibe with someone, plan a day to hang out, and get to know each other. You don't have to be consistently involved in each other's lives to be good friends.
@Fatally Frilly 😂I relate to this so much. I shot my first friendship shot last week with another black woman in the same field as me and our first frate is tomorrow. Nervous af, but I need someone to relate to as a black woman in corporate. Fingers crossed we vibe .
I do this with my friends lol It's super nice! One of my friends is getting ready to deliver and I told her I'll treat her to a meal and catch up before she gets busy with baby.
@@Lill2895 that's so sweet!! I'm the same way with my best friend. We're on similar wavelengths in that we prefer to catch up and plan events rather than text or see each other every day.
Facts
@@phyllisc5713 omg how did it go?! I def wanna do this but I’m so shy!
So true. As adults people seem to be more competitive and jealous. Hard to make friends as adults.
I was getting ready to say this. It's ridiculous and truly sad.
Who are y’all hanging out with?! I keep seeing this “jealousy” message and I entirely disagree. I don’t think people are inherently jealous of everyone and therefore don’t want to be friends. Some people just don’t mesh....
Especially among females
@@lyssanicole4469 I hope so . Some people are fortunate to have great friends. That is something we all want. Perhaps this is why I love to watch so much movies about girlfriends. Unfortunately for some of us, with every degree we earn, or every advance we make, we notice fewer and fewer friends from when we started In high school, for example.
Yes. Or like to gossip. I hate it.
I forget where I read this but one person had a good theory on this. They said that when we are kids / teens we make friends because we are forced to show up to obligatory things (school, etc) and making friends was a secondary thing. We all had a purpose firstly (education) and connecting with others (secondly) who are all there for the same reason makes it easier to make friends. When we get older we have a few of these obligatory things (work mainly) which narrows the amount of people you can really relate to who are all showing up to the same place daily. The solution is to find another event / task / hobby where everyones main purpose isn’t to make friends. A sports team or book club, things you have in common already. It feels less forced to try and make a friendship happen, but its bound to because you keep running into eachother. As an adult you are less likely to just keep running into the same people. Especially if you work from home or in a small office. You need to find an occurrence you enjoy where you and other people continue to show up.
Omg I love this. Thanks for sharing
yup i understood this bc my mom is like obsessed with church and that's where most of her friends are. I was like why as an adult would you obligate yourself to such a structure when you dont have to. Some adults find these structured groups bc it's like school all over again only thing is you're not forced. I'm more into like the casino or like a cooking group but yeah.
So true thanks.
Totally agree. I've always had the same theory. I didn't realize how bad I was at making friends untill I became an adult because all through school I had to be friends with people around me cause they were always there.
Yup. Very true. Most of the adult friends I made were in college and studying similar majors or living in the same dorm as me.
I think the reason why making friends when you're older is so much harder is that your standards for whose really your friend go up. When you're young a friend is whoever you spend the most time with but when you're older it's someone who aligns with your values and wants the best for you.
I love you you aswome my heart jigaram
Yes!!! This is sooo true
💯 💯 Plus friendship requires effort, communication, trust etc and I don't think a lot of people are willing to make the time to put in the work (plus ca*italism doesn't help). .
This is it
Agreed 💯
This may sound kinda sad, but that's why I love watching youtube. I can find people I actually understand and relate to. It's hard to find that in real life.
Same over here
I third that
Absolutely, I’m probably on YT watching videos of folks that relate to me more than ppl I see on my own socials
Oh I know. There's so many TH-camrs I would love to hang with in real life.🤗
Yes honey same. Glad I’m not the only one
People aren't genuine and treat people like resources to be used instead of humans to build relationships with. I haven't had issues making shallow friends as an adult, but I've given up on meaningful friendships.
I feel you on that one.
Same
Same. I call them surface friendships because nothing is deep.
ARE YOU ME???
I'm sorry for the capital letters, but you just literally described my life.
Really?
I also feel like our generations lack of patience and making excuses has a lot to do with it. People don't have the patience to take time to get to know someone, people are flaky, people make excuses as to why they can't hang out with you (when 9 times out of 10 it's because of laziness). Lack of effort from others is a big reason why people have no friends.
Thank you for being here!!! This is my thought too! An I think that it needs to be talked about. I'm a very busy person and yet I never really talk about it, say what I'm doing, vent much, and/or make others feel like their a burden to me. An that's what I've noticed most people do.. constantly talk about how busy they are, what they do, when, how, and with whom and it can be very off putting and intimidating to many. Also, I noticed most people complain about wanting genuine and compassionate connection, but then when they get it, either don't know what it really looks or it's boring to them so they leave a relationship that's just started because they really don't know what they want or are a very problematic person.
I agree wholeheartedly with both your comments
Preach it is a bunch of excuses
I feel called out 😅
Very true
I went to two concerts this summer alone, by myself. I go to dinners, movies, travel...alone. Life is too short to be lonely but I'd rather do the things I love and be proud of myself for living my precious life. I have siblings and cousins all in my age range and everyone is distant. Coworkers are off the table for me because I don't trust them. I just pray to god for my five senses and ability to make decisions for me.
Good for for you! I do a lot alone, too. I've gone to two concerts alone and they were both incredible, unforgettable experiences. Feeling some sort of obligation to do activities with others is overrated.
I've done many solo trips as well. I don't like telling co-workers or family because they look at me like I'm a weirdo.
Love your independence!
I'm so glad I read this comment 😭 everything in my life is loneliness 😔 I go out to eat alone,the nail salon,travel anything you can think of I've done it alone. Nobody calls or text me and I have always been a Loner.
Woah, couldn't have said it better.
I just get worried what people think that's all but if I can just get over that hurdle...
*27-35 is the hardest time to make friends due to that's usually the "cut-off" for milestones & if a "friend" sees that you have reached 1 of them they will make your life a living hell. I know my problem isn't making friends, it's the fact that I have a healing spirit & ppl always feel like they can unload onto me , which is very draining.*
The user friend type that tries to make you their therapist is so annoying. I have had friendships that are years long and then get ghosted once they realize I'm not doing whatever it is they expect me to. But I also have a lot of incredible friends and we support each other. I've never had issues making friends, but I have avoided a LOT of problematic relationships with people because quality over quantity lol
I feel like this is so true I got married pretty early and I’ve been in a relationship for a really long time and a lot of people always use that as someway to say that I don’t have a life when I think they’re just projecting some of their more lonely tendencies on to me.
This blew my mind! 🤯 Excellent observation!!
For me. I live on a small island...so the pool is really small, the pool that is available... I'm not into. They're not my kinda of people. I'd rather hangout by myself than pretend.
Not everyone will treat you poorly if you accomplish something before them. I’m 35 and many of my friends are married w/ children (I am not) but we still find ways to maintain our friendships. It’s obviously not going to be the same as when we were all single, but with patience and flexibility we still connect. Not everyone will be like that and it is okay to let those people go, but there are genuine ones out there, too.
Finding friends as an adult is literally like dating.... i've had to be very intentional in planning friend dates. Being ok with not being everyones cup of tea is also key. It takes a different type of effort to make and cultivate adult friendships. It takes real work that many women or men are honestly not willing to do.
im
32 single i barely have friends too as i ask if they want to hang out than i get rejected like nothing its no biggie but at the same time it is a weird bad thing to exist
You have to plan things more as an adult. I’m 71, workout 3 to 4 times a week and I have a few friends and we’ve decided to get together once a month for Happy Hour and once a week for coffee and let each other know when something interesting comes up. We’re all retired, I’m not married but in a relationship, they are married and have kids.
Yes, after we had the wildfires here in Oregon last year and I felt so disconnected, I told our church friend that we were coming over for dinner with her and her kids once a week and we would bring a dish. Since we like each other it has worked out well.
Great advice thank you
Yes, that is true. If you want to have a social life
I agree with you. I met friends at church and at the gym. We made plans to go out for lunch etc. You have to make an effort to get together.
Good advice
I use to think it was hard to make friends as an adult, until I realized I just didn't want new friends. It was me. I'm the problem. I enjoy being alone. It's a peace and energy thing. But the friends I've had for 15+ years understand I'm a text or phone call away.
At least you're self aware.
@@wildewildestrawberries I am. And I'm grateful my friends respect that. We are on a once a month conversation schedule, while they maintain everyday friendships with other ppl.
I think every endeavor ,person or thing needs space. Capitalism life fills up so much of our time, psyche that u probably when u get your extra space u just need to breath. This also makes it hard to be emotionally available for children as well.
Same! I don’t have a ton of friends, but the friends I do have, I’ve had for 13+ years, and those kinds of friends who can be there for you as you become all these different people are few and far in between; quality > quantity as they say
Same. I actually wonder if I’m on the sociopath spectrum because I literally don’t care to be around people ever. I only enjoy my nuclear family and partner. I almost hate people trying to hang out with me atp it’s a nuisance to even go
How are we supposed to make and keep friends when most people's time revolves around their job? If you're lucky you have a job that pays all the bills in 35-40 hours per week (I'm talking about us 5ever singleheads), most are working 40+ hours a week and that doesn't include commute time, and the rest of your free time is spent trying to catch up on obligations, rest and trying to extract some form of happiness, hobbies or entertainment. Who has time for cultivating social connections that fit the needs of all parties?
Yup. I remember when me and my friends started working after college. Everyone was too tired to do anything on their days off.
All of this!!!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
and friendly interactions at work are hard to transfer out of the work place :-/
You hit the nail on the head with this comment! This is the very reason why this country has so many people suffering from depression and other mental illnesses. There is no balance. The way we live in this culture goes against our very nature as social beings that absolutely need ritualized connection, strong familial bonds, a sense of belonging and a strong sense of community.
Yep
I find that adults are often in a state of pretense. They act as if they have no emotions, no passions. For some reason that's considered childish. It's suddenly all about being "cool", "smooth", "unbothered", "savage". This makes it really hard to form an emotional connection with someone. It's draining to listen to factual recounting of events without actually knowing what the other person felt or thought about it by the end of it. What am I supposed to continue the conversation for if it's like that? A little enthusiasm here and there doesn't make you childish.
Ugh this is so spot on!
I think the simple fact is, energetic and polarizing people may have a lot people who avoid them, but they probably also have very fulfilling friendships. People who aren’t afraid to be who they are. It’s not easy, because it forces them into situations where they must lose certain people but in the end I think they have more solid relationships.
GIRLLL I had a boss at my first job who was always trying to be “tough” “cold” and “savage” and she was an absolute nightmare. She would be aggressive and condescending for no reason and then wondered why people don’t wanna associate with her or quit the job because they don’t wanna deal with her bs. Idk why people think that being insensitive is “goals” but it’s the exact reason why they’ll always be lonely
Amen, I really resonated with this. Authenticity and true emotions are hidden.
I can't be open with new people i meet and I'm just super shy and quiet. Sometimes i speak too low or i don't know what else to say. I look a certain way and people think I'm a certain way but I'm not. I still want to make friendships too.
I’m not in my 30’s but finding friends in my 20’s is extremely difficult. I’m starting to feel like I’m a toxic person and people just don’t tell me. Like folks hang out with me one time and I don’t hear or see from them again. And I’ll reach out don’t get me wrong but I definitely not going to blow someone phone up. So I really had to learn how to be my own friend and sometimes I catch my self sad and in my feelings because the activities I love and like to do are usually in groups. And then when people ask me where is my boyfriend or ask about friends I get really really offended I feel like it’s a constant reminder that I’m alone. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in a place to reject friends or relationships either because I do be feeling alone even though I should. I even started commenting on social media post just because the lack of socializing I do.
Literally…. Same 😩 thank you for sharing! I’m in my twenties & I can definitely relate. I’ve been trying to be the best friend I can be to myself, but it would be nice to have group to go on trips with. I’m the only married/friend in a relationship person in my general friend group. It caused a lot of my single friends to pull back over the years ( my partner & I aren’t clingy or into PDA, but a lot of my friends felt awkward partying with a couple). I thought about joining an online group or friend website before I found TH-cam. Everyone seems shallow in my generation and I just want close friendships like my grandparents generation or at least stimulating conversations but everyone just ghosts each other for periods of time!
Girl I feel you. Never related so much to a comment
@@khlikb8796 maybe they just don’t want to be third wheels. Being a third wheel is awkward and from what I’ve heard I guess… not a good look… hell idk
@@khlikb8796 both of you can be friends seems like both of y’all have similarities
@@khlikb8796 There are SO many shallow people these days. I blame social media! lol. But it sounds like the people you and your spouse were kicking it with are insecure. You two don't need those people around anyway.
It's hard to maintain friendships when everyone else is a parent and you're not. I be wishing I could just call up someone like "ROAD TRIP!" and we just go lol, but uh a girl could only dream 😔. Making new friends as an adult is like pulling teeth nowadays. They're either judging you or trying to compete. In some cases they'll have an obsessive friend that don't want you moving in on their friend lol like wtf???
Lol I am going through this but it’s the opposite! I’m the mom and the few friends I have don’t have kids. They invite me to Puerto Rico and California like I can just drop everything and go! I can’t!!
dude my best friend has many obsessive friends. its insane!
@@nordette good idea! Starting a white girl travel group as we speak. Thanks for the idea!
@@Maestroxxx1 🤣🤣 you really should its a great way to find a friend group you share commonalities and can explore the world with.
I hate the judging
I think I lost my desire to have friends. People just generally annoy me, and I don't want to deal with other peoples' expectations of me or their baggage because I'm trying to get over my own. People are distractions to me at this point, and i'm not ready for any kind of relationship. By the way, if one of my friends told me that they celebrate their dog, I would be excited about that. I think that's adorable, thoughtful, and sweet, and I would want to see pictures. It's just an example of how people treat you if your life is not as exciting to them. I generally feel a lack of emotional support, understanding, and acceptance for me when it comes to other people. I just feel like people are constantly trying to change me into someone they'd rather hang out with, or someone who's more like them....makes me feel way lonelier than actually being alone.
I hope you meet someone who enjoys the stillness, like you do. Nothing wrong with that.
I feel you. I get very annoyed by people and I tried the bumble app. it just made me realize I’m better off being alone for now than being with people I don’t actually connect with. I use to cry about being alone forever..😂this happened right after a breakup, and it was right before the pandemic too. I was extremely depressed for a year and a half, and now while still irritable, I just love my alone time. I do talk to someone that worked with me for a few months, but I don’t consider her a friend bc we don’t hang out. I don’t like that she calls me a friend because friendship takes effort. We text like friends (like always having something to talk about) but she only hangs out with the set of friends she had before.
@@stardust464 same, my definition of fun is so simple. I like to enjoy nature. Have good food and vibes and I like to laugh
Wow, this is deep but i totally understand.
Same and relationship as well I’m cool on that shit I’m just happy and content alone
I TOTALLY AGREE. I have no friends and don’t understand why? But then again, When you are in school it’s easier because you don’t have that many obligations as you do when you become an adult.
I'm actually happy I'm not in school. Back then, it felt like you needed to have friends so you domt look like a total outcast.
Yep. We should have kept those ppl lol
@@reffa2858 omg yes!! I love doing online school and just being able to go to work with it being okay to be acquaintances. I hated the feeling of being alone sometimes at lunch when it came to k-12 school
I'm the same way. I don't even care anymore.
I hate saying this but when I try to have friends I end up regretting it. Lol It’s just that people bring drama into your life. Friendships should be a mutual positive experience for us both. We should be able to keke, go to lunch, shop, have drinks and communicate well. Also, Be there for one another at certain times when we need a shoulder.I understand that people have different personalities. Many people are needy and they need and want certain things from you and I’m not up for a friendship full of petty drama too much of the time. I just find I’m better off by myself. Lol
I relate to this so much. I’m 30 & I really want friends but I don’t go to clubs & I’m not into smoking. I want friends who want to go try restaurants, go workout together, go shopping, and discuss books, movies, & tv shows. I’m a daytime type person & I get sleepy around 9:30 pm lol. I wonder if there’s hope for me….
I wonder sometimes if I’ll have enough bridesmaids.
I want all this too (no boyfriend in my case)but as of now, that's not the case. If only you were in miami right😅😅🤣🤣😔
I think it's so hard to meet people who like doing these types of things. I almost always prefer intimate hangouts over going to clubs and doing crazy stuff - I think a lot of it has to do with being introverted. Anyways I hope you find a bestie or two that you can do these types of things with!
Omg be my friend lol
I like to go to bed early. Grandma time for me.
That's the type of friendships I want too lol
It's easy to maintain friends when you're younger because everyone is forced to go to the same physical location. When you get older you get the unpleasant realization that without being forced to meet up with people, a lot of people simply won't
Very true
Damn. That's what I realized too.
So true! I'm 21, but when I interact with women out of college this is how it is. The unreliability with meeting up at physical locations is real. I guess this is a big reason (outside of faith) that people really like to be deeply involved in church communities...because even when adults complete school, they have a lifelong commitment to attend church services.
Fake..
Well put..
I call it friendship PTSD. Like I have had friendship break ups that were so dramatic and revealed truly terrible situations (like a friend taking advantage of my generosity financially and with my time).. But those situations have traumatized me from making new friends. I am cautious about people's intentions
Yes, there have been a couple of people who claimed to be a friend only for me to see their shady ways. Now I’m weary of people trying to be friends. It honestly takes me a good year to acknowledge someone as friend.
@@GiiinSage I even gave in at one point to a very friendly girl that was urging to be friends. and she ended up being drama filled, needy and two faced. So I am now further scarred from making friends
Very relatable
@@goldenxkenny babygirl I learned early early to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be leary and NEVER EVER EVEE TRUST A WOMAN who is anxious to be friends with you trust me baby when I tell you … it will never work. Any woman who goes out her way and urge or is anxious to be your friend or random women who just strike up conversation with you as if they know you or some weird shit like that run for the hills.
@@Mindful.Movement.01 1000% in agreement with u.
I think a friendship should GENUINELY grow. It shouldn’t be pushed.
I truly believe it is hard to find like minded people in my age range. People are envious of each other which is ridiculous. Being a adult is not easy trust me sometimes I wish I was a kid again. If anyone is interested we can connect as adults.
Yes I agree
What’s your Instagram
Yeah let's be friends 😊
Brainyboss3711
@t t I am 37
My best friend is now my mom because she is the only one who calls and checks to see if I'm alive.
Who do you call on and check to see if they are alive?
Same
@@omowhanre Exactly everyone wants a good friend but many people ARE not good friends.
Wow! It be like that!
Ugh same lol
The skit wasn’t terrible it was hilarious 🤣 🤣🤣🤣🤣, you’re a great actress
Yes. I loved it
Same, thought it was excellent
Yea I enjoyed the skit it was cute
I was waiting for someone to comment
It was really funny 😂😂😂
exactly it was so funny idk why she thought it wasn't all that 😳😩
Hard Truth: You can't build friendships outside of a common principle/morality/belief.
People's interest, hobbies, and goals change. If you've built a friendship around those things, the friendship falls apart.
However, when those core life values do not change, your friendships don't.
This. Same principle for romantic relationships. Shared values is key
This is exactly why I can never understand people who say they're friends with people they don't agree with in very fundamental ways like in terms of morality, principles, beliefs, etc. It's just bizarre to me
@@GPerla26 Right. I suspect, because making new friends is hard, people would settle for the association of just about anyone. They would prefer the company of someone they lowkey despise than be completely alone.
Best comment
@@MPPG663 I don't think I have the patience to tolerate someone I even lowkey despise
I don’t have friends. It’s kind of by choice. The obligation to friends stresses me out. I like people, but I also like my alone time to do hobbies, workout and just chill. I do believe that friendship is important. It’s all about balance.
I will be your friend
Ain't that the truth. 👏🏾
🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️
Seriously ... meeting someone who connects with you is super hard especialyl when ppl are so multifaceted as well
I'm in my early 30s and oh God do I remember the awkwardness when two years ago, I met up with college friends and they were speaking about their kids, their upcoming wedding etc. They knew I had just been to Japan, so they got super excited and they had assumed I had a boo thang there well nope, I was just going to a kpop concert!!! The utter shock on their faces is tattooed on my eyelids! PS: Anyway, the concert was dope. No regrets!
Love it! I also travel for shows and friends think it’s so cool - but they could easily do it too.
dude that's so cool of you though!
Did you keep those friends shorty after ?
@@Bee-oe1vi Well, we kinda drifted apart . Two of them live on a different continent rn, one lives closer but they all have kids and a husband and I'm just the weird perpetually single friend. There is no bad blood between us, we were roommates in college, we were really close, we're just not anymore but I'm sure we all cherrish the memories.
@@alexdalton4535 Thank you!
People are friends for a reason or a season. Friendship is contexual and when the context disappears, the friendship disappears. In my experience, friendship is an illusion.
Wow, this is accurate.
Same
O wow. Interesting perspective
Its very seasonal
Yup
Nobody invest in friendships as adults because everybody is looking for a partner(which is fine). Honestly I think ppl just don’t know how to maintain friendships based on them not wanting it to feel like an obligation so a lot of ppl wait for something to happen organically. Ppl forget friendships require just much work as any relationship u have. So consistency is key
this is especially difficult for those who are aromantic or asexual. It's like people can't be vulnerable and put in effort if it isn't through a romantic/sexual connection.
@@cocteautwin im 20 and aroace and have 0 friends, this can’t be more true :( I feel like at this age and going forward the only people who will ever want to be “friends” with me are the occasional guys who feel attracted to me and pretend to care long enough to earn my trust, get into my pants, and throw away the friendship once they’re bored of me or find something better. it’s gross and sucks to know that if I don’t give in, they’ll always see me as “just” a friend and won’t take the friendship remotely as seriously as I do. either way, im only relevant and useful to them as long as I’m being objectified and exploited so any relationship always reaches a point where I’m just not worth their time or care. it’s great T~T
This comment is so true and accurate 😊
@@user.421I could have written this
Because in this new era we live in people do not want to do the MAINTENANCE to upkeep literally anything. Anyone can find time to do anything they want. You don’t need to spend INSANE amounts of time to maintain things. Ppl are inconsistent and do not want to do the work to maintain the things they “so-call” care about
It was a lot easier to make friends when we were younger but even those were fake friendships. People had new bffs every week.
I legit have ZERO friends. My only “friends” are my mom and 13 years old lil sister but for me the worst part about it all is the assumptions people have when it’s revealed. Either that I’m lonely, have issues & strange when in reality, I’m good. I knew I liked being online but I’ve always have 1 friend or 2. I’ve never been so free and content with my life. My mental health has never been so good.
Am I happy rn? Not really but it isn’t due to the lack of friends. Till few months ago, it was the complete opposite. I had friends which made me feel stressed, depressed, suffocated, anxious, annoyed to the point of suicidal thoughts. Currently in the figuring out my life phase but I’m content. Same goes for romantic relationships which tbh worries me. Like, what if this feeling of wanting to be alone all the time never goes away? I always said I want to get married but in reality I’m not actually sure I want to…like…ever
The marriage part. Saaaame! And I love my alone time so much I think it will never go away. Same with kids. I want them but no.
I love how it’s common for people to be more lonely these days but we’re still stigmatizing people who are friendless at certain points in their life. I feel you tbh. After my ex broke up with me, I was like “omg I’m so worthless without a bf and especially not having real friends” and then as time went on, especially as an introvert, I learned how to enjoy it again. If is very peaceful.
I on the same exact boat as you, down to to mom and 13 year old sister being my only “friends”, I’ve also struggled when i did have friends, also to the point of suicidal thoughts. And even the part about potentially getting into a relationship and missing being alone and feeling free.
You must be a Scorpio
Wow, I feel the same. I'm divorced though and I love having my space and a peace of mind. I don't have any friends and 1 grown child. Sometimes I feel like I would like to remarry but never want to live with him. But I really love having my own space and my time to myself.
I don't like mixing my energy with too many people. one or 2 aquaintences is fine
Same . It’s weird cause as I got older I started feeling that way
Thissss, I though I was the only one ☝️
yep
Yes be the best Aquitaince you can be
Same here. I don’t want a whole cluster fuck of people surrounding me continuously loL. I have a small circle and and an acquaintance here and there and that’s enough socializing for me.
Work "friends" are cool until one leaves. All your conversations were about your workplace or started with something job related before you got to the fun part.
I'm a woman of a certain age, lol. I accept that most friendships aren't forever, although it still hurts to lose a longtime friend especially when a part of you believed it could have worked out if people would just own their part. Up until this year, I believed making friends at any age was possible. But then I tried. Repeatedly. One fun woman, I met tended to talk down to me. After asking her to stop that and she didn't I stopped hiking and hanging out with her. Another new friend became passive-aggressive and started acting weird soon after I told her I was making Tuesdays and Thursdays workdays and Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings were already my gym days.
Here are other reasons new friendships are fragile. As we get older people tend to have more baggage, unresolved trust issues, and, sadly, they don't know how to engage in what I call courageous conversations, i.e., be honest, transparent, and vulnerable about what's really going on with them when conflict or differences arise.
Call me crazy, but I'm wayyyyy more at peace having fewer friends in my 30's
Same... I let go of friendships that were toxic and haven't looked back... I don't hold on so hard as I used to. I have friends from every moment of my life- kindergarten, HS, college, and my first real job... I'm good and don't want any new ones!!! I maintain those friendships because I am extroverted and I am dependable ... even ex BFs still text me to check in occasionally. At my new job I'm uninterested in trying because I maintain the ones I already have. I'm cordial and I see people gravitating towards me but now my time is precious.. that's why adult friendships are more difficult... you aren't willing to accept what you did in your 20s and now that you're older- you are intentional about your relationships.
Also it helps to be financially independent and not codependent.
I remember when I wanted to backpack around Europe- my kindergarten bestie couldn't do it so I said peace and explored on my own. Being independent is a blessing.
Yes. This is very true.
my parents don’t really have “friends” and as they get into their old ages I hope they find friends... i don’t want them to be lonely 😞
Same. I tried getting them to do activities and group events near them to make friends when I left for college but they haven't budged in 20 years. I worry.
@@tacrewgirl don't worry Lisa I am 60 and my husband is 61. We like it that way!
Me too
@@lisabryant5424 genuine question: but what happens when your partner dies? Do you focus on the kids/extended family? Do you go on a cruise?
@@odb339 I have seen this with my mom and mother in law. They have their own little hobbies, and they spend time with grandchildren.
Right on time. I’m single, 38, and child free. I ran across a friend of a friend. We have all three listed above in common. I asked her to drinks so fast, it scared me! 🤣🤣
Shoot Yal live in NYC/NJ? I’m looking for some new friends too! Lol
@@Nat0528 Am in Brooklyn, NYC. Female, Have job, 41 yrs old with family and seeking friends as well here. I can see that we already have something in common which is enjoying Oh! Stephco's videos. Someone above recommended Bumble BFF app which I will finally check out as well. Feel free to reply if you are interested in seeking if we have anything else in common. Take care.
@@MeliMeli66 NYC ladies! I hope y’all really meet up 😊. In BK, I joined meetup site and went to some girl group things. I did go for drinks with the friend of a friend. My BFF was so proud. I’m a true Virgo but we had things in common and it was cool. I’m going to search around the community❤️❤️❤️
Divorced mom of one in Brooklyn!!
About 3 years ago I realized most of my friendships only existed because I did most of the work. I stopped doing that and stepped back from social media. I have 2 friends here in my city but they’re an older couple and I don’t see them often. The rest of my friends are out of state. I do think my disability plays a role, people are just ignorant and don’t want to be friends with a disabled person. Secondly, I can’t be very spontaneous and need to make plans. Thirdly, this pandemic has definitely impacted it. Most people are outside regularly and I’m outside sparingly because I’m immunocompromised. I’m pretty much done trying to make new friends and telling my existing ones what I need from them. I’m just exhausted and gonna let things flow. I was recently interviewed for a column and talked about the way I’m treated in friendships. I just know I want to be the person people get brunch and do karaoke with, not just call when they need advice. This comment section definitely helped me feel less alone.
Wow, thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in your comment because I relate to every word you articulated. I too am disabled and immunocompromised. This plays a massive role in every relationship I have, had, and may ever develop in my lifetime. I was so tired of feeling depleted. I typically made far more effort toward others than they ever did for me. Reciprocation is rare! I am also an empath. It was exhausting feeling used as a therapist and dumping ground by others that would never listen to a full minute of my expounding. It is a blessing to be at-ease and in peace in one's own Solitude. Best wishes to you and your health!
We sound so much alike! I'm always the only one reaching out "texting" or "calling." and 9 times out of 10 I know in my gut I am being ignored. I had to learn the hard and hurtful way that people show you how they really feel about you and thier true colors when your the only one playing the friend. And I also have a disability.
Aw man. If you and I met by some circumstance, I certainly would have tried to be your friend. I'm not disabled, but I'm in the same boat you are.
I have a hard time being consistent on being friends with people. I’m a very quiet person and I’m not much of a talker. But once I meet someone that I feel comfortable with, I tend to be more open and relax with them. Most of the time when I become friends with people, it doesn’t last long because I either stop talking to them or I just don’t make an effort to make a closer bond with them. I mostly do everything by myself but sometimes I wish I had a group of friends that I could do fun activities with.
same here
This is really accurate . I haven’t made any new adult friends since I started working .
Have you made friends via work? I find it can be a good thing, depending on the person and the career of course.. it is hard though
@@Kiara-xh3he I’ve made a few but it’s not the same kind of friendship as my high school friends whom I’ve known for years .
@@kagome4515 yep sometimes work friends are just work friends
I felt the same when I was working (not quite the same as childhood friendships). But now that I’m a stay at home mom, I don’t have any. 😅 I am too shy to talk to other mom friends too, maybe it’s just we have different life experience.
Me either 😩
I 👏🏽am 👏🏽done 👏🏽making 👏🏽friends 👏🏽as an adult, when I turn 30 everyone will be considered just an associate.
29’s cool?
@@miamitten1123 I meant when I turned 30 😂
Very true I'm very lucky to have a boyfriend because I'm done making friends.
Me and my long time best friend parted ways in pur 30's due to the competitive and jealous spirit. We lived through most of our 30's apart. In our late 30's, I called to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and we spoke about some of the things that we could have done better. We became cordial from that point and said hello here and there via text. Immediatly after she turned 40, her mom passed away and that hit me hard because I grew up around her mom. Mind you, this was my best friend since 6th grade. After her mom passed, My husband and I went to visit her the same night it happened. I think she realized right there we were truly like sisters instead of just frineds. I've been there to comfort her and check up on her since that dreadful day and I think she appreciates that and has since put away any ill feelings about me and vice versa.
As a recovering Co-Dependent with no friends, I got to the point where I realized my old friendships were always about what they wanted/needed/gained and nothing was ever about me. It was all about them, all👏🏽 the👏🏽 time👏🏽. My breaking point was when I got cancer and I told this one particular friend and she acted like I just said I broke a nail, no emotion, no nothing. Come to find out later that she was stealing from me and so on...So I've had such traumas from different friendships and dealing with people who I feel like are users, it just makes me very weary about making and finding new friends. I have a few co-workers I enjoy speaking with since we've been working from home, but does that mean lunches every day when we go back to the office, I think not. It will be business as usual. It makes me ask these questions, do people really know how to be friends to people, not with people, but to people?? Do people know how to give empathy and sympathy and not make the relationship solely about them?? Do people know how to be genuinely happy for their friends without envy and jealousy? These are questions I ponder often when I meet people, and if I don't feel that with them, I flee!!
You're spot on with regard to empathy and sympathy. A lot of people bail when you're not doing well. It's almost like friendships are conditional on your continued well-being. If, for some reason, you're not able to keep up your end of that unspoken agreement, you'll find yourself with very few people left. They either don't know how to deal with it or think you're not trying hard enough to be well. It's pretty paradoxical, as those are the times when you most need friends.
Same
@@santanacaipirinha9536 I’m so glad you brought this up because I just thought about this the other day. I call it toxic positivity . I say that because there are people out there such as myself who do and are actually considerate of others and don’t emotionally dump on people but it’s like damn if you even have one moment .. cause you know you’re human…and you go and feel compelled to share with someone who is supposed to be your friend/family now all of a sudden “you’re negative” you’re this and that people don’t have time to babysit you and I just be like damn I only came to you one time how did you get all of thatZ im really sick of it and the keeping score and/or loving under conditions or being friends with this toxic positivity mindset
@@Mindful.Movement.01 YES to all of that. You'll find more people in the comments on this channel have had it with the toxic positivity, but it's not something that will take a backseat in your day-to-day life anytime soon. I too am very reluctant to share with others how badly I'm doing because firstly I don't want to exhaust people with my sadness and secondly I know they really just don't wanna hear it. You get called "negative" so quickly these days, it's almost used to brand you. As soon as you get that label that pretty much ends any communication on the matter. Therefore people are afraid to talk about how they really feel for fear of being branded negative and thus the positivity-cycle continues. I don't even use the words "positive" and "negative" in that context, because it just makes me angry how overused they are, mostly to dismiss people. One is "good", the other is "bad". Someone has decided how you feel is "negative" and therefore you are "bad", therefore they must be "good" for not being like that, so they get to feel good about themselves. Hell, we don't have to talk about how crappy I'm doing, so I'm already keeping up an act most of the time, but when you ASK me how I'm doing and I consider you a friend I want to feel free to be honest at that moment. Instead I get "tell me something positive" and when I can't they disappear. Genuine, sincere and respectful interactions where people get to feel what they feel without constant judgment unfortunately are a very rare commodity.
@@santanacaipirinha9536 #thatpart
9:08 Friendships are set. _Friends_ was accurate there. Ross/Monica were related. Rachel/Chandler were friends from school. The other two were just misfits that tagged along. Other than that.....the characters had _’No’ Friends_
Even Phoebe and Joey made sense because they were also originally roommates of the core group so they were around each other all the time.
I think you got it wrong Rachel and Monica were friends from highs school Ross and Monica are related and Ross and chandler we’re friends from college
It also helped they were all roommates save for Ross and Phoebe, so it was easier to keep in touch and and go out because they go out and come home together, lol. I think about Seinfield and how they were all friends because they were all terrible people.
@@Gunngirl thought I was the only that thought they were terrible people
True!!
Haven't even watched the video and I'm in agreement. Single with few friends after the pandemic. The few long term ones I have are all paired up. Only single one. And many casual friends were low key shady or unsupportive of my successes. It's a challenge out here. The 5-7 year friendship cycle hit home. I guess a new cycle is beginning for me. I've felt so alone. I needed this video. Thank you.
Btw: I did also apologize to a friend who I let down when she needed me years ago. The pandemic made me feel what I put her through by not being there. I haven't heard back but she got the apology she deserved. I've been a jerk friend as well. Live and learn and will not repeat again.
The whole friendship group thing has been such a struggle for me too! I'm a regular churchgoer and almost every church feels like all of the young families are already grouped up and will be nice to me and my husband, but never really go deeper than surface level. Or they'd all hang out and we wouldn't even be invited.
I SO relate to this! We are the only young family in our church! It feels so lonely, but I have come to understand that sometimes this walk is lonely and I’m taking this time to let HIM further develop me as a friend.
I relate to this soo much!! it hit so hard , literally the same exact thing it's like all the youth will be clicked up and I would be sitting there like "uhh is this something wrong with me ?" They would have all the youth girls be bridesmaids when one of the youth gets married , etc it lowkey kinda hurts tbh that's why i distance myself from them and just stick to me
@@soulja0865 I was usually the only person in my age bracket at church when I was single. I wish I could offer more comfort but I do believe that for those of us with this experience, HE is doing a work in us and asking us to be patient and faithful. I would tend to give my all in earthly relationships and begin to neglect HIM by default. Once I have realized what I’ve done, he will allow the friendship to slowly dissolve, but if I try to hold on, it will quickly turn sour. Again, I’m not sure if I’ve offered much comfort, but stay encouraged, stay the course, and start praying for HIM to prepare you for friendship and for becoming a wife if desired.
@@stephthecreative6312 Thank you so much for those encouraging words and it didn't only happen at church but throughout life so i would always think something was wrong with me and trying to figure out why i can't never have a group ( i have 3 friends including my partner so that's 4 ) but still it's pretty weird , that's why watching the video hits home for me and is extremely relatable
Groups of friends/people are a disaster anyway.
Online friendships have really been my saving grace, honestly. Through a couple forums and Facebook groups, I've developed several close friendships over the course of the last 10 years. So far haven't found any local friends to compare, but most people I meet in person don't really want to chat over messenger or text, so our only interactions come when we see each other in person which is extremely rarely.
Same here
Same and I don’t think it’s bad
"The 90's sitcom friendships of our dreams".... I love that!
sitcoms really skew our perspectives on adulthood and friendship..
I think this is a good topic! As a happier, more positive minded person, I find it better to have less people around because many people try to attach themselves to me to get some positive energy. Meanwhile, I'm not getting any back in return. I just got tired of pouring into others and feeling drained afterwards. I'm honestly happier with less people, although it would be nice to find like minded people! Great video!!
@@kellyjune Yes! So true! It's like a one sided situation. If you're not the cheerleader, they bounce.
It was hard for me as a kid to make friends and now it seems impossible. Thankfully, I'm a loner so it doesn't bother me as it used to. Sure, I could make friends if I tried, but it's so tiresome, you know? Over it to the extent that I avoid the possibilities of making connections.
My social anxiety makes it harder for me in general. But damn that camping trip was something else! xD
I can relate. Social anxiety is the worst. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Smh.
I’m a 35 year old with two young kids and have been a stay at home mom for just 6 months now. My BFF is single and our relationship feels so forced because we love each other but at this point have very little in common. Plus she lives out of state. I also thought it would be easy to stay in touch and get together with my ex co workers who have kids the same age but it’s like I’m no longer at work so I’m out of the friend group. I’m not shy, I reach out but everyone is always busy. It’s really a bummer when you want the friends and try but can’t find people who are also looking for friendships.
Yeah I feel this so much too. I always feel like I'm the only one reaching out or trying to keep friendships alive, so eventually I let them die because it starts to feel like I'm just bothering other people.
Yes, we put friendly energy into our workplaces and then when we aren't working there anymore, then that's over usually. Capitalism :-(
@@joannamarieart I felt this. I just let two friendships die this past year. I'm like girl if we don't talk or hang out and only speak through social media to laugh at a meme, we're not friends anymore (and that's ok).
@@wildhearts242 I can so relate to the laughing at memes 🤣. I let a similar one die too.
Most friendships are formed and maintained within peer groups. Peer being defined as a person in the same league or status. You're in a different league as a stay at home mom than your ex co-workers. Other women in your situation would be the most likely place to find friends.
I totally agree with this! I treated majority of my friends disposable and I had to learn I was a horrible friend. My boyfriend really is my mirror and gave my constructive criticism on my friendship relationship. People in general need to learn how to treat others.
I’m going to be 30 next month. When I became a new mom, I found mom friends over a mom app where 5+ of us new moms met up every month. Over time people stopped coming due to busy lives but 2 solid friends stuck around. We bonded over being new moms and our babies are all born 1 week apart. Even the babies milestones were happening at the same time which made it easy to connect with the moms. We’ve been friends for over 2 years.
I use to want to make adult friends but at the age of 43 I find not having friends make my life more peaceful.
I’m 44 and this really resonates with me. I just don’t have the energy to deal in the non-reciprocal. I used to go along to get along and that can really hurt, affecting every area of life. Now I just won’t do it. Can’t. 🤷🏾♀️ It’s lonely and makes me ultra cautious but I prefer it to the alternative.
Facts 👏
I'm living this as we speak
I get this …
Relatable! I’m 40 and I just can’t anymore
Im 39 and moved away from my home state a few years ago. Here's what I've seen. People mainly value " networking" relationships. People especially women have the "you can't sit with us" attitude. And most only want to associate with those in certain tax brackets. Its exhausting, I give up lol!
#THIS 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Exactly
I’m definitely Czar lols. I have a lot of close friends and few best friends. People find it odd but I’m very independent and so are all my friends. There is no competition, comparison or codependency whatsoever but they will call me or text me any given day/night lols.
Funny enough I don’t like people often and it take a lot for me befriend people. I’m not friendly but I’m social so I can adapt but I don’t bring people close. If I find someone I actually like I make sure to keep them all all costs. A lot of my friends I’ve had since I was in elementary and I make sure to maintain my friendships over the years no matter what and show I care. That may be how I keep people around.
One thing I noticed also is that many people remain in long term/lifelong friendships groups just out of a comfort zone or familiarity. Many reasons exist why on what brought them together - neighbors, married couples circles, raised kids together, same religious/cultural community, etc. They may not have much in common anymore after years of association but just stick with it because it is convenient and familiar.
It's so hard to find people I really connect with, and if there is no real connection, the relationship can only go so far. Also since becoming a mother, it has become increasingly difficult to actually go anywhere or do anything with anyone else, so it's so so difficult to get to know anyone beyond extremely surface level acquaintanceship.
I can relate to this as a new mom 😭
I have zero friends as a mom. I wish I could go have coffee or go for drinks with someone and talk to an adult other than my husband. But I HATE the idea of "playdates". I don't want to hang with my and someone else's kids and pretend thats mommy time.
@@veronicaana right! :/ trying to set up childcare is always a massive pain, and usually not worth it to just grab coffee or whatever. There is just no social support system anymore
@@veronicaana yup.
Well I know a mommy ( my friend who is a mom) who has surrogate grand parents around where she lives. They enjoy having the kid over and come by the house for coffee and cake or so. We can meet up once in a while, but it gas to be scheduled it advance and it works. Going swimming or grab sth to eat and then talk if we get to it.
Support systems are being built. Like gifting sth to someone, showing appreciation, greeting a neighbour, striking up a conversation....
Also when I and another friend spent the night over aat this mommies house - the kid was around, but depends on the age and how much time they would need.
Actually one can show up somewhere with their kid and the friends usually understand and go along. If not, one can explain and adjust together.
I'm 31 and I was litteraly thinking about not having a bunch of friends (a lot of buddies tho). I used to put my friends on a pedestal and think we'll be BFF for life but soon realized that:
- some friendships are seasonal
- some ppl don't think we are friends, but just buddies
- my peace is more important
- I was tired of doing all the work (reaching out, asking out)
- I have to to respect the other person's boundaries and make mine known
Friend breakups are tough and hurtful
I swear, going on vacation together is the true test of a friendship - a “trial by fire” if you will…there are times when craziness happens like what you mentioned, but I think it’s also where you see how mature your companions are. There are a lot of things to argue about on vacation. Inevitably there will be disagreements about arranging activities, the meal plan, lodging, etc. If they’re able to handle that with grace - that’s a good friend. But I’ve seen adults turn into whiny children when they don’t get their way on vacation. I left those groups immediately
Honestly, what you're discussing actually also explains some of the appeal of the Christian Church and other religious gatherings to older young adults, middle-aged adults, and senior adults. Those organizations allow older adults to form friendships/relationships as they become "too old" by societies standards for certain recreational activities, etc.
This. I'm not particularly religious but I need community and networking
I disagree. They attend churches, synagogues, mosques etc cause they are a community-families of like-spirit minded individuals with supposedly the same morality and beliefs. It is not about being undesirable and wanting to hang out.
@@ertfgghhhh a lit of people I know only go to hang out lol
@@SynphulHero then they arent Christians and the gathering may not be a true Spirit ked church. True church services are very uncomfortable. The Word of God stings. If u are not there for the right reason u will leave
Exactly I notice Christian people can move to a new area and meet others through church.
I have fewer friends now by choice. I have distance myself from many of my family/friends. The reason why is because I’m more sensitive to shade, fake ness, and passive aggressive behavior. Things I used to let roll off my back when I was younger, I will confront and address now which brings conflict. I have very little tolerance for disrespect, so In order to keep my peace I only hang around people that I love unconditionally and I know love me unconditionally.
I know how I am currently feeling is temporary. I know my heart will expand one day and I will once again be able to deal with the foolishness of humans 😂 with love and patience. But until then I am enjoying my peace and quiet.
Just graduated and in the face of the pandemic this has been such a big problem for me. I’m super extraverted and moving away from my college town and losing friendships has been pretty negative on my mental health. Even being in my 20s, this video really connected with me. Love your content and thank you for sharing!
Same!!! When COVID hit and I realized I wasn’t going to see the friends I made at college anymore it hit me very hard because here at home all the friends I did have in high school we grew apart. I went from seeing my friends every day to not seeing them at all. We live in different cities so that made it even harder. I’m not too extroverted but I love being around people and I missed that. I still miss it. I have work for people interaction but I need/want more😖
You're not the only one I'm too haha
Why can’t you guys FaceTime?
Haha, same. Plus I'm autistic and not good at holding conversations
The Joshua Tree AirBnB story, I’m sorry that happened to you… but oh my god I laughed 😂. You have some crazy stories girl. You are destined to be a story teller.
But facts I’m crying real tears rn 😂😂😂
Ikr. And I thought the passive aggressive women at my writer's retreat was bad!
@@zeewann o god 😩 passive aggressive women be the worst I be bout ready to snap so I don’t even put myself around women like that
😂😂😂😂😂Right!!!
Living overseas made me realize that Americans put too much emphasis on the nuclear family and don't socialize across generations. Kids grow into adults that have very narrow comfort zones for relating to others.
Completely agree. Our obsession with the nuclear family is tyrannical.
I think you can apply that to the whole western world...
Could you elaborate one that?
Apply that to Chinese, its worse. Chinese only stick to immediate families and dont like socializing
You can’t blame the current issues with socializing and friendships on the wests emphasis on the nuclear family .. social media has really played a huge part in how we socialize
People talk about their work friend groups and i just haven't had that. All of my coworkers are either much older than me, are married, have kids, or are a combination of the 3. We are very cordial at the office, but there's no way we could really foster a friendship outside of work. I'm a single woman in her late 20's without kids and I am just in a very different place in my life than they are.
Ugh 😑 I hate that . I can imagine how u feel. I’ve legit been there too . U not alone
Same!!!! And many are openly hostile about how they hate gen z millennials or how lazy ppl r and no one wants to work anymore and I'm just like....yeah we definately can't be friends
I have the opposite. The coworkers I have are all teenagers and I'm a 27 year old married woman with no kids. I just hate being in this environment sometimes. I work retail and that's why.
@@AGreyAlien I used to work at a gym where majority of my coworkers were junior or senior high schoolers. I’m 24, single, already graduated college. The workers were immature and I got tired playing manager
I would love to make new friends but at 33, idk…. I’ve noticed that most people make their friends in high school and/or undergrad.
Btw, I really enjoy your personality and content!
That girls trip story is so relatable. I traveled with a friend who started as a coworker. We went on a trip to NYC to meet her fiancé who was in prison for 15 years. She didn't give me many details on the crime committed but had me convinced he wasn't a bad man. It wasn't until later did I learn he murdered his ex girlfriend in self defense when she drunkenly tried to stab him to death with scissors. We'll never know the full story because there were no witnesses outside of himself and the deceased woman.
It's a somewhat long story, but basically I allowed her to use my kindness and desperation to make a new friend to get what she wanted out of me: a chance to kiss and hold her man without a screen separating them. Nevermind that we were pulled over by cops for speeding and she nearly caused a accident with her unchecked road rage. Now I am very wary about making friends with coworkers. She seemed so much like me in the beginning, but her life outside of work was something I've never experienced or wanted any involvement with. I wish her nothing but the best, but I no longer speak with her.
Omg 😳
I wouldn’t have felt comfortable seeing her fiancé. She should have met up with him on HER OWN TIME
It’s very very scary
I swear i just saw someone make a Tik Tok about this same situation! The guy was locked up for stabbing his girlfriend that he said attacked him. And he was facing 20 to life 🤔😳
I think the hardest thing about friends is that some people truly don’t put in effort to hang out with their friends. Yes everyone has jobs and families and relationships but their are so many flakey friends now. I used to give friends benefits of the doubts with being too “busy and overworked” to hang out. Then I thought about it and I know soo many other people that make time with their friends. I know teachers, nurses, and married people with kids that still make time to hang out with their friends. Maybe every Saturday or at least every 2 weeks they find time to hang out with their friends. Basically friends make time to hang out with other friends. I have alot of associates but it’s hard finding true, reliable friends. I’m in my 20’s and it shouldn’t be like this.
Ugh.. true.. and not to mention when you start to realize that you're always the one to start a comvo or dropping chats in their inbox. I mean back then when i was young i was cool with that, but everytime i stop then there's no convo anymore. They probably won't realize when i die
It really shouldn’t!
@@kellyjune it should NOT be this hard I’m sorry. People make time for things they want to make time for! I’m sorry you had to experience that but I’ve been enjoying my own company and embracing that God will bring the right people into my life.
@@aeoligarlic4024 yesss I stopped being the main person putting in effort? For what?! A phone works both ways… after I mention it about two times I’m done after then!
It’s because there come a time where everybody prioritize romantic relationships, leaving your friends behind and spending less time with their friends or maintaining them. Also competitions l, friends like to compete
What ppl fail to realize if your unfair to everyone but your all about a spouse. 9 times out of 10 that person will never find real romance. Everybody positive in your life is a blessing not just a mate. Everybody ik that are unbalanced in this area always lose out in the end on both sides.
Yes starting a family is more important as an adult.
This is 100% spot on. I’m 31 and I have a group of close girlfriends. There are about 5 of us who have known each other from high school and we have recently added a 6th friend in our circle who I met a few years ago. We are all pretty different in personality to be honest, but we respect one another and never try to cross each other’s boundaries. We are all independent of one another, we live separate lives and there is no competition at all. We all just unconditionally love and support one another. Their success is my joy and my success is their joy. And, most importantly, we ALL, individually, believe that our friendship with one another is something that is special and something that should be prioritized in our lives. So no matter what we have going on, once a year, we always make an effort to meet in between states at a location convenient for everyone and catch up / hang out. Maintaining a friendship for as long as we have into adulthood can only work if everyone had reverence for the bond that was created and makes an effort to continue to cultivate it. I am so very lucky that my girls treasure what we have and we all do our part to keep our bond thriving!
I’m almost 35. At this point I’m looking at special interest/social groups. Everybody I know live in different states and countries. Priorities definitely determine the true friends we have in life.
Same
The only new friends I have are my husband's friends. All my friends I met in high school. I just cant bother with people these days, and I've tried... I just find people befriend with ulterior motives. Its just scary.
This might be too personal, so don't feel obligated to answer, do you feel like they (husband's friends) and you have a genuine friendship or is it friendship by association? For example if God forbid you and your husband would have a divorce, will they still be your friends??
This is very true
@@potatoesomega I wonder about that as well. I’m cool with my boyfriend’s family/friends, but I like to have my own social circle outside my relationship.
@@potatoesomega I do feel in this moment in time, it is a genuine friendship.My husband always claim his friends like me more than him.That being said, if we were to separate I would not expect them to abandon my husband for a friendship with me. I honestly dont know what would happen, because it's not something I think about at all. When you have friends you dont think about the friendship ending... one day it may just happen and you deal with it the best way possible in that moment.
Stephanie, you are a breath of fresh air. I just got off the phone with a man who I have been CHASING (I know, not good), and I was left feeling very low. I am playing your video as I write this, and I must say that I feel so much lighter. You give me the same feeling I get when I am the first person in line at the cash register and THEN a line builds behind me. Bless your heart. If you are ever in Alberta, Canada, you are more than welcome to stay with me and my tender mother lol.
My mom is German and people keep and stick to their friends from childhood and she says that once you have a German friend you have them for life. When I talk to other Europeans, their first descriptor for Americans are “superficial”. To be a good friend you have to be one and nurture your friendships through your stages of life..because I’ve noticed through the years my friendships after some months/years would just simply dissipate. Then some old friends have divorce, then they reach out of nowhere. It doesn’t help that Americans move more than Europeans too.. its an added challenge to maintain friendships when you move away.
I think the moving around is the biggest factor. The place where we have the most time/opportunity to make friends with similar interests is when we are in high school or college, but we often ending up moving away for job opportunities. I still keep up with my best friend from high school, but even though we live in the same state, we have both lived in several different towns and now we live about three hours apart, which makes it hard to physically meet up with our children and all. I suppose if you are German, you probably get your job in Germany and driving across the country to see friends doesn’t take days. So when you live hours or days from your childhood friends, where do you make friends? I meet people all the time at the store, at the library, at the doctor’s office, but they are not in the mood for making friends or they already have a friend group. I need a place to meet other housewives with small children who don’t have a closed group already.
Thank you for sharing. I moved from Dominican Republic to Miami almost a year ago, I’ve been meeting people but I can’t seem to make friends and I’m frustrated, sad, depressed… I try my best, I’ve joined sport clubs, gym, parks, go fishing, paint and none of that seems to help me find people who thinks It’s worth having a friendship with me. I can see on their Instagram how they dont even follow me back or dont repost the stories I tag them on but do repost the stories of others that they meet at the same time they met me. Maybe I’m being hard on myself, I don’t know, but I really never thought that Making friends would be such a big problem.
I truly hope things have changed for the better in the friendship department. 🙏🏿
Girl, even as a 19 year old I already know how hard it is to meet up with friends.
hey can we be friends.. i am 22years old girl
Agree with so much of this, although I’d also like to point out that if your friends can’t be hype about whatever it is you’ve got going on that you’re sharing, I.e. taking care of a shelter dog, maybe it’s time to find new friends; IMO good friends are happy for you, when you’re doing something that makes you happy, they should be genuinely overjoyed for you.
❤️❤️❤️
There is a loneliness epidemic in developed countries like Uk and Japan ( they even made a ministery). And the rise of NEET and hikikomori...
Very true! I’ve watched so many documentaries on hikikomori.
I agree with the social group being set. I always felt that way even in high school/college. People make their minds up on a limit of friends and auto reject you.
If I wasn’t married I wouldn’t have a friend at all. My husband is my best friend. Luckily we actually get along and like being around each other alot lol
Meetup groups have been my go to. I haven’t developed a super deep relationship yet but I’ve definitely found a lot people who enjoy doing the same things I do.
Girl, you need to write a sitcom! You're so creative!
I think part of the problem is that people don't want to put in the effort. Especially people under 35 who've been getting the message in their teens/20's that their every personality quirk deserves to be coddled.
Like, I see acquaintances posting "memes" on social media about how, just because they don't call/text much, doesn't mean they don't actually care and you just need to invite them to do stuff, because they're introverted, uwu, and if you make the effort they'll be there!
Yeah...no. Friendship goes both ways. I have a personal (general) rule that, if I make the plans this time, it's your turn to make the plans next time, or we aren't doing anything. And, yeah, I have friends. But I've also been through times in my life without friends and know how that feels. I also regret the two good friendships I lost in my early 20's by playing the, "let them make all the plans" game, and don't want that to happen again, but also won't let it happen to me.
You're so right. For me, it's hard to have genuine friendships with other women. I have not had one female friendship that didn't have competition, jealousy, or some sort of toxicity. So many friendships with other girls have traumatized me, I'd prefer to be alone. Additionally, my friendships remain in the same spot they left off at. If I consider you a best friend, you keep that title - whereas, as you mentioned, we're replaced when they find a new friend group. I'm kind of tired of putting in the effort when ppl will throw you away eventually.
Same thing happened to me
I feel a little arrogant to have a different opinion about this but some points I feel are important to share.
1. My #1 is God. We are one. I need Him more than food and water. With Him, I know I am never alone. I WORK on my relationship with Him every single day - Not just when I'm feeling low.
2. I truly believe that the more negatively/lack we view things, the more we attract them. So a subject like this is never something I'd vent about. It's like manifesting what I don't want.... Instead I'd write a list of 5 nice things friendly people did for me, every day.
3. I'm 30 and I have so many friends I can't even keep up with them. I make friends eveeerywhere. Restaurants, stores, parks, work, on the bus, on the plane, at the lake! My friends are 27 years old - 70+ years old.
4. My secret is that I "see" people for who they are. I am genuinely curious about them and their story. I NEVER look for people that only relate to me. That's boring anyway. The point is to connect with the whole world. Every culture, every age, every background.
5. Being an introvert is okay. I love my alone time. I never get tired of being with myself. I love my energy.
6. I have so many hobbies. I love fashion, nature, live music, running, animals, salsa dancing, crafting, swimming, reading, sports. Plug yourself into these recreational activities. It makes us a diverse, interesting, humble, determined person. People will be attracted to you.
7. I've been travelling alone for 7 years. I am eternally grateful to have made friends all over the world. Travel and PEOPLE have helped mold me. There is so much kindness and generosity and HELP out there. 99% of people are good. I am so grateful for all of the people I have connected with that have looked out for me, shared about themselves with me, laughed with me and my favorite, when people share advice.
8. I don't meet people thinking of what they can do for me or judge if I'd like them or not. I carry a feeling of service and think of what I can do for them. Sometimes acknowledging them, listening to them or encouraging them is enough.
9. Everybody has a life. We do not have *extra time to lounge around, watch tv, drive around the city passing time. That respect should be mutual. We are happy for one another. And we should be SO BUSY with our own priorities (Health, self-care, finances, spirituality, community service, acts of service for family members, cooking, organizing, learning new skills, executing our goals) that we don't have time to notice the 'absence of others'. We will always meet new people and we may attract old ones back in.
10. Lastly, I make sure to BE good energy when we do meet up. I smile, I am light hearted, I am punctual, I ask about their health, their family, compliment them and in general celebrate their good news. I notice if they are giving me the same value for my time. We are spending quality time after all - not wasting it.
Sorry about the rant. It just saddens me that so many people feel this way but we can change it.
Making friends definitely gets harder as we age. It almost seems impossible to make new friends as an adult and being an introvert makes it 10 x harder. I'm 35 and don't have any really close friends who are not cousins. 😓
“And being an introvert makes it 10 x harder”
Definitely. As I get older my already low social battery drains quicker than it used to and my ability to engage in and endure “small talk” does as well. Honestly I’m
Not even sure if it’s possible for an extreme introvert to create a new friendship past a certain age
Been wanting to discuss this on my channel. Relationships have always been hard for me to smdh . I can relate
Its funny when I go out and met a really cool girl and we hit it off, convo is good and I tell her we should hang out and ask her for my number. The reaction I get is so wierd like “no thank you”. Literally I get rejected lol.
I'm so sorry to hear the bug story. That had to be traumatizing
I find that the more success I have in my life, people feel like they don't want to be around because it makes them sad to see they don't achieve the same things
What about us introverted people? Those who don't want to hangout 24 7 and need some days for themselves? It's hard everyone tends to take it personal
I don’t ever hang out or want to hang out with people. I love my solitude.✨
I had a bad friendship break up with my last best friend since high school. Friendship was almost 10 years and I’m still really traumatized from it. Once I got engaged, things changed and she showed her true colors. I have a husband, a child, a sahm and recently moved from home. It feels like new friendships are never going to happen unless it’s family of my husband or his close friends wives. None of us have made a move yet lol 🤷🏽♀️ I’m also an introvert so I don’t go out of my way to make friends. I need to branch out.
I’m the not married friend and my BFF married a loser so yea there’s that…I’m glad the friendship ended.
Same thing happened to me. After what happened last year around my birthday I was done. It’s not worth it not more really and truly
Lololol, that skit is definitely my life 😂. I used to be the one that had things together and now… I’m happy for friends, lol. Still no boyfriend or husband, no children, tons of stress, you know, life. Im thankful though, I’m very blessed but my life doesn’t look that exciting on the gram 🤷🏾♀️
Same. That was the most relateable skit I've seen all week. :P Yet I can't complain too much. A lot of my old friends who are married with kids now are even more stressed or trapped in toxic relationships but still afraid to get divorced, so I also have to remember I've been lucky and that it's okay to wait until you get older to do those things, and also okay if you decide it isn't for you at all in the end. :)
Omg, that camping trip from hell 😅 You honestly cannot make some of this stuff up. I'm only 24 so I'm still in the phase where all of my friends I've known for over half of my life. It'll be interesting to see what my friendships will look like in a few years because people are starting to move away, begin their careers and enter grad school. Thanks for another great video Steph!
i’m younger than you and feel like her
Making friends as an adult is hard because of trust. We are most likely friends with the same people we were friends with. People who know us and have accepted our weird quirks. We often feel the need to conform to other people to get them comfortable with us to a point where we don't want to do it anymore, and we just let the friendship die. Well that's is my take on it and of course it is not the only reason.
We are also very busy with our lives and friendships get pushed to the back burner.
This video is so on point. I moved to a suburb and some people already had their mom friends group. I was eager to make friends until I realized that it’s ok if you’re not part of the group. The right people will come into your life when the time is right. I’m grateful for my BFF since high school whom I’m still close to despite all the changes throughout our lives.