I’m near the end of my twenties and I think I have learnt so much, but also learnt that you don’t need to live a big life. I think social media and the celebrity culture we grew up with and is all still around us always made us feel like we had to be someone. Actually it’s okay to be small and quiet and make small ripples
I'm 16. This comforts me so much. You put it into such amazing perspective. There is nothing more beautiful than living a simple life. These days people want to be the brightest, significant, most stunning, most worthy of attention, most unforgettable , legendary people. It's just not what being human is about. It's about being comfortable and being loved and wanting to look forward and experience life the next day.
It always feels so hard to explain to people that crochet, knitting, sewing, etc are just something I do for fun. Yeah I get something in the end and especially sewing can be a useful skill, but I don’t want to use it to make money. I’m way too slow and I really enjoy throwing a project in a corner for a few months until I’m in the mood to work on it again, which I wouldn’t be able to do if it’s a side hussel
Yes, exactly this! Why would I turn a hobby into a small business, when that will make me feel pressured to produce more, make everything perfect and will probably stop me from enjoying it? What's wrong with enjoying the few things I make, without wanting to earn money? I'll stick with a hobby that's just a hobby 😊
I made a collection of crochet stuffies and sold them at a craft fair and I regret it so much. I'm slow at it too and I put a lot in. It's so lovely though.
I’ve started responding to people telling me I should sell my makes with “I have no desire to monetize my hobby” or “I don’t buy into the capitalistic narrative that I should monetize my hobby” … depending on how hard I want to shut them down. I think it changes the vocabulary just enough for them to realize it’s more work than just saying ‘for sale’ and I’ve never had anyone question me after. Somehow it also seems makes them realize that it’s not some new idea that I’d never thought about and that it’s not really a compliment.
This! I sew because I love it. I enjoy the designing and drafting process, I love working with my hands, and I love having a physical representation of where all of my time went. It's also just really cool to use and wear stuff that I made. But I do it FOR ME. Making stuff to sell? Could never. There's too much pressure involved in that.
I’m 29, I spent most of my twenties reconciling with what is out of my control, after a mental break down. I needed to accept that existing is enough and nothing is worth having if you don’t have a well body and mind.
I love this. I'm 26 and had a mental breakdown at 20 after dropping out of med school. Spent some years navigating between various career paths and then covid hit - queue second mental breakdown lol (after realizing that so many things in this world can change in an instant and I have pretty much no control over it). Spent a couple of pandemic years staying in my house and bonding with my sick grandma (who raised me and loved me like a mother), before she passed away - my beloved cat died a month after. Now it's been a year since all that happened, and I just got the strength to actually look after myself and try to figure things out, like you said, after accepting that existing should be enough. I'm going to therapy and taking baby steps in order to become the person that I want to be. It's been a long, bumpy road but I've learned so much.
me too. I'm turning 30 soon and I've spent the better part of my twenties struggling with depression and general mental health stuff. And for a long time I've felt that I'm missing out on the decade that I am supposed to be the most energetic and have the most adventures. But I am slowly starting to feel better now that I have been through a lot and maybe my twenties are just not my most energetic, most exciting years, maybe those are yet to come.
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything. The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control. Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor.
What you said, about there being no direct correlation between those that have travelled and being 'interesting,' really made me think. I actually realised that in my experience, those who have read a lot seem to have experienced (on a greater and more profound level) this incredibly 'expansion understanding of what it means to be human.' Almost as though, not only have they 'travelled' to the places the books have taken them, but actually connected with the stories of the people in them. Not just a box to be ticked. You really made me think a lot with this video, and whether I 'wasted' my 20s or not!
OMG, this resonates so much with me. I always tell people that the reason I read books is to be in the head of someone else, and to live the lives of other people. I think it stems from curiosity but really for me it is craving of a deeper understanding
I don’t think this only applies to books, I think it can also apply to other forms of media that interact with and engage ideas (like this video lol but also TED talks and even some film etc) that one has not come across before. I also think that one of the reasons travel can do this is talking to people (really listening to people) does this as well- and sometimes museums etc can too. You don’t have to travel to have an open mind, listen to people and learn new things - but it can help if done simply to learn and engage with the world. Basically the journey is a mindset- and now that the Internet and other media makes it easier to learn about far flung places from home it’s definitely not always literal.
@@isabelbard853 body neutrality is just the understanding that bodies are bodies, and that fact should be enough to respect them. the "body positivity" movement sort of started that way, but because it was taken over by influencers, celebs, and companies trying to leech money out of insecure people, it became too focused on physical appearance. it's encouraged people to think that the only way they can be attractive is if a bunch of strangers on the internet say they are. it has also brought people to get into some really awful lifestyle choices and diets. Overall, body neutrality is about acceptance and respect, not "love." Love is easier to misguide, I suppose. edit: not that the idea of body positivity is all that bad. it's good to have a bit of it, as long as we don't go overboard, and as long as there is an understanding that our appearance shouldn't be heavily linked to our self-image
If you’re only 27, your twenties aren’t over. Enjoy what’s left of your twenties and be sure to enjoy your 30s. You know what they say! If you don’t have kids, you’re 30s are like your 20s but with money (and more wisdom). Good luck to you.:)
Mid-twenties right now and have been struggling with feeling behind in life, because I've spent the last 10 years dealing with mental illness. It's been an incredibly lonely experience and it's felt almost like I've messed up my life beyond repair. This video came to me at the perfect time 💜
Hi there! I'm 15 and though I know its not the same, I'm also struggling with realising I wasted so much of my teenage years being mentally ill. It feels like everyone else around me has friends, has purpose or at least a more interesting life...like it didnt just stop for them when the pandemic hit. I'm rambling but I just want to say you're not alone and I'm over here trying to deal with that grief as well. Just trying to make the most of what's left and heal. Good luck to you
Same. It'll be okay though. We've got a good 60 years ahead of us. And even if we don't get to all of it we'll keep building and at some point look around and recognise a life worth having.
I relate so much to this. You’re not alone! I’m 27 and finally getting a hold of my mental illness and making healthier choices. There’s no time like the present🦋🌞
Same here. I'm 26 and have been lonely for the past 10 years. Only met one girl in all that time and she screwed up my life even more. I have bad depression and social anxiety but I'll get through it.
Love the part about travel experiences because it's so ingrained into this dream of what the ideal 20's life could look like. And many people just aren't in a position where they can travel in their 20's. Another comforting thought is looking at someone like my grandmother who is so well travelled (she's been to almost every country).. but the first time she stepped on a plane, she was 42! She did most of her travels in her 40's through 60's. Everything cool doesn't need to happen in your 20's 😄 Thanks for the video Lena ❤
my mom is the same way as your grama! we went on short road trips veRy occasionally until she was in her 40s and met my step-dad and now they go everywhereee
Thank you, I always felt like doing fun things would be better in your 20s especially without kids is better but this makes me think otherwise, like especially what would be left to do if I did everything in my 20s?
I mean you can't do much hiking or stuff like that if you're old. Past 40 you'll probably only visit places that are physically easy to access, which sounds boring to me.
Timestamps for myself (that might be useful to others): 5:04 Number one: Make a list of the what’s, but know that they are secretly why’s. 11:28 Number two: You would blow your ancestors mind. 15:07 Number three: Aim to close off your choices. 16:51 Number four: Find your atelic activity. 19:28 Number five: Develop a taste for chaos.
Totally agree with the point about travelling. I used to work in a hostel and met so many travelers. I quickly realized that everyone travelled in a different way and that not everyone was here to experience the country, the culture, learn about the language or the history or even interact with the locals. Some people were here to take nice pictures, go shopping, go to clubs or internet cafes or to stay in their room. I also met a young man who took a gap year to travel around the world and admitted to me that after a couple countries he lost his excitement and curiosity and it just became a long list of places to go for him. I met people who showed off the stamps on their passports but were closed minded or uneducated about the world. It’s not about traveling, it’s about what you do with that experience.
Yeah, I'm 27 and my twenties were about dealing with complex trauma, trying to not turn into my parents and coping with a chronic illness. So I think I'll have more luck and freedom in my thirties. I did some awesome stuff too, but it was a lot of struggle 😅
I don't think I have ever 'SAME'd at anything so hard! In comparison to my peers I haven't really done half as much of the travelling and partying and early twenties stuff. I spent most of my time chronically ill and focused on survival and recovery. I have been trying to complete my uni course for going on 6 years now. But I've learnt so much about myself and the world through it all. I have survived but now I am learning what it is to thrive! 2 years and 3 days left of twenties and no regrets. You've got this and the best is yet to come. Sorry for the long message :P
you and i share that experience!!! im so proud of you. 27 is such an interesting im between feeling, and we’ve really survived so much! i believe starting now and in our 30s we’ll thrive more than we ever knew possible. you’ve got this.
I’m almost 28 and I’ve spent the last 4 years terrified of making any decision. I was always into travelling, taking risks, having fun and then I got comfortable. I guess I can partly blame this social pressure I feel that I should have my life together by now. Even my family questioned why I’ve not settled. But you know what? I booked a solo trip to Thailand (with no set plan for return) and I leave in just a few weeks. Here’s to living simply! I’m excited to do just that.
Omg the travel thing is so true!!!!! My grandparents have never been on an airplane, but they know hardship, can name every single tree and flower in "their" forest, they've loved and lost and observed their surroundings. And they're the wisest, kindest people I know. So yeah I agree: You don't have to travel geographically to experience what it means to live a human life. Also love all your other points. Thank you for sharing. I will never understand why you don't have a gazillion followers.
back in the 50s my great aunt was mocked by her family because she was "too lazy" to do her laundry by hand and "wasted"all her money on a laundry machine... this was said by her mum who *hated* laundering and would most certainly have been a happier and healthier person if she had access to such machines in her youth... I find it fascinating how our context influences us to think, feel and behave in a way that doesn't seem to reflect our own personality and values
I do sometimes think about all the facets of my life that would just be absolutely mind-boggling to a medieval peasant. Like the size of my house alone would be astounding, but then you factor in that it's climate-controlled, and there are pipes that bring in clean drinking water, and a toilet! And there's a magic box that keeps my food cold and (bright!) lights without having to make a fire. I don't have to grow any of my own food if I don't want to. I have another magic box that washes my laundry for me. As a woman, I have a doctorate and a full-time job and am the primary breadwinner of my household, and there's a magic device in my uterus that keeps me from getting pregnant. Not to mention smallpox doesn't even exist anymore. It's just all a little bit amazing when you stop and think about it. Puts things in perspective.
Just a random movie recommendation within this similar vein, "Just Visiting" is a comedy about a medieval night & his peasant servant who accidentally get sent forward in time to the early 2000s. I find that if you liked "The Princess Bride," you might like this (the female characters are a lot less frustratung, too).
Especially the bit about smallpox. Like imagine how few people made it to 30 in the Middle Ages because of infectious diseases, back then, and now getting older is such a blessing, so many people don’t get to.
This quote is perfect (and made me laugh :p): "When it comes to depth I think that you can learn as much about humanity behind a customer service desk as you can on a two-week photogenic hiking trip with a bunch of trustfund kids."
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything. The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control. Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor. Never experienced anything, only problems. I cant even do things like traveling because I am so broke and poor.
I'm halfway through my 20s and fear of choosing the wrong path, making the wrong decision has put me in a state of stasis. I'm actively ignoring all decision making basically lol. And obviously the pandemic messed everyone up. For me, the pandemic enabled that stasis because it felt like being cooped up and delaying things was the norm and I think I got too comfortable in that bubble. And now that everyone is picking up speed, that list of things you talked about, things I feel like I HAVE to do in my 20s, absolutely haunts me because I can't let go of the feeling that everyone else just goes down their list getting things done, crossing things off and I'm just... existing? And I know it's not a competition and everyone moves at their own speed and all that but oh boy does it feel like being left behind sometimes. Anyway, this video was very comforting, kind of felt like you put one hand on my shoulder and went "calm down buddy." So, thank you!
You know you can always readjust. Generation of my parents studied one thing but ended up in the other direction. I just this year learned that i have to chase the things i want and not just think « oh it would be so nice to do it » so now i m trying to do that. (E.g me thinking it would be so nice to live in NY for a while, so now i m not just thinking it would be cool, but to actually try to do it & looking for internships (paid!)) Someone i know said « i m planing to have a good job/ect and that i m doing by having good grades now, so it’s sure i ll have a good life later. » and i was so jaw dropped by that, bc i have not seen it like this before.
The stasis is the killer in my opinion! But I'm on career number 9 at 28 yrs old 😂 I don't think there's anything wrong with making A decision, whether it's the right or wrong one will only become clear in time. But in the vein of Edison's quote 'I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways it won't work' - I think it's a fairly sound ethos for life. If it becomes clear one path/activity doesn't feel right to you, you readjust, armed with a lot more knowledge about what you do and don't like. Discovering ourselves is a journey and all we need to do is take a step 😊❤️
@@emma.greenwood how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
@@palesamphatsoe959 You sound a lot like me! I think you need to maybe let go of the idea of loving what you do, because that seems to be holding you back? Like the fear of taking a leap and not loving it enough? For me, it's always a balance of what is practical and what is possible. So for example at the moment I work in IT but in my spare time I work as a Sports Massage Therapist. I can't afford to do Sports Massage full time so I stay in IT for now. But the Sports Massage is what I really enjoy. The goal is to do thay full time, eventually. However - I might do it full time and not enjoy it, and that's okay. Just think of it as a recalibration and - as Leena says - fact-finding! I think there's only a few areas where having a 'lifelong career' in them is truly useful nowadays. Assuming you're in your twenties, you probably have another 40-45yrs of working life ahead of you. It's simply not practical to expect you to know what you want to do for the rest of your life right now! It's very okay to try new things 😊 My motivation is a sense of fulfilment. Not happiness per se (happiness is fleeting and there will always be bad with good) - long term, warm feelings of contentment and fulfilment is what motivates me 😊
I really needed to hear this. I’m about to turn 20 and I’m horrified. I definitely wasted my teenage years but I always blamed it on my poor mental health and the fact that teenagers in general are pretty limited in what they can do due to school, parents, being underage etc.. I‘m horrified I’ll fall into the same trap of doing nothing with my life (or thinking that I’ve done nothing) for years and then blaming it on some outside factors
Your life is just beginning and it’s great that you are thinking through things and questioning what you want your life to look like. The fact that you are worried about those things, shows maturity and self awareness. If you keep that kind of mindset and self awareness, then you won’t end up like your parents. ❤️
TW- mentions of gr00ming my life until 16 was pretty....adventurous. By the time I turned 16, I had been to endless parties, gotten endless ask-outs/proposals, had at least 1 greaaat boyfriend, had many, many friends and I was just the poster-girl for "fun". But, my home life was absolutely miserable. My dad was an abusive drunk and we were neck deep in debt but couldn't show it on the outside. I guess this is why I was so adventurous, I needed an escape. The thing about families is that you can't talk their business outside but no one's on the inside is willing to talk about it either so you just turn to very unhealthy coping mechanisms. I was even "friends"/"dated" a 48 year old man (and I was only 12-13 here) just because I needed someone to talk to. He was very handsome, nice, funny, successful but most importantly, very stable with his emotions. I felt so guilty for liking him because I knew we were both doing something very wrong. He genuinely made me feel loved and I never felt that I was being taken advantage of so I just felt guilty because I couldn't/can't understand that I was being groomed. Maybe that's because my parents found out a few months in and he left the state. He was rich enough to do be able to do that, we weren't so people talked and it was just horrible. Before leaving he left me some money and a few things and he genuinely looked very sad so I'm still struggling with the whole guilt thing. I turned 18 this year though and because cov1d happened, I had a lot of time to do nothing. My family is doing much better now and while I still stand by the fact that I genuinely felt loved in that moment, the circumstances of it were very wrong and I shouldn't have been involved in it. I don't blame him, he was the one who was always saving me but the relationship was wrong. I'm also applying to med schools and it's fun to see a life of new possibilities. Sorry for suchhh a long a comment, I guess my point is that doing nothing isn't wrong. For the first time in my life, I did nothing and that helped me understand how much of a pause I needed. I hope things go well for you, happy 20th birthday in advance!
I am 21 and I was the same way but good news! I think the fact that you’re reflecting already kind of means your chances of actually doing nothing are a lot smaller! Just keep reflecting and being honest with yourself and (when you have the energy to) push yourself a little bit outside of your comfy zone every once in a while and you’ll find your way. I’ve already learned a lot and I’m only turning 22 in just a little bit! But yeah my teen years were a mess.
@@prathyusha016 same I look back at my teenage years and am honestly surprised I made it through them. Now I'm just an anxious 23 year old crying happy tears that I found this video lol. Funny enough i did pick up backpacking once i turned 20 and its helped a lot with my mental health.
im 27 too and doing my best at getting my shit together i was like… okay it’s time to watch this now even though it’s been in my watch later for so long. we got this!
‘Develop a taste for chaos’ my favourite part of the video hehe One thing that has stressed me for basically all of my twenties so far is that is has been affected by covid. I haven’t been able to do the things you’re ‘supposed’ to do and I don’t think I, as well as many other people, have fully recovered from it. It seems like we’re all supposed to bounce back and act like it never happened that we had no opportunities for two years, weren’t able to go to travel or go to events, and might have had mental health problems resulting from it. It feels like the socially acceptable ‘figuring things out’ part of my twenties has been spent and now I’m supposed to have an impressive career and lots of savings to settle down. But really the whole first arc of my twenties has been put into reverse before falling into a ditch 😂
Yes!!! I turned 20 in summer 2020, locked down in my house with my parents. It feels somehow like I still haven't started my twenties yet, despite being nearly 22. It feels like I've had fewer opportunities to practice independence and stretch my wings than I expected to. It might not be covid entirely, it might just be a normal mismatch between expectations and reality but it is interesting to note.
What fascinates me is the difference between how those who went through 'Spanish Flu' (preceded by WWI) reacted to this event with the roaring 20s (1920s) in comparison to how many have responded to Covid a hundred years later. It seems that we're still in a state of fear - at least friends are - rather than the bounce back and desire to make the most of life which occured a hundred years ago. Then they had experienced much more death because of the war, but were still determined to live to the full while they could. Now many are still hiding, afraid of the dreaded lurgy. Have we become cowards?
@@muskndusk That's an interesting thought, I recently read a book about female French writers who lived through both 1st world War and Spanish Flu (one of them was actually killed by the latter) and the impression I got was that War had been such a terrible event to go through, for ones directly involved, as well as for the partners/families, that the pandemic seemed less important than it was at the time. Most European newspapers would hide the number of sick and dead people as to not put the populations spirits down. Then, governments tried to control the contagion through mandatory masking and limited socializing, not too different from what we've known. Definitely was a horrible time to go through, just after the war. I think it's too early to compare with our time though, the roaring twenties happened a few good years long the road, while we're barely (hopefully?) out of Covid.
@@muskndusk We still haven’t gotten to the other side of covid, plus it’s only been two years since the pandemic took hold. You’re expecting an entire decade to fit into a couple of months.
I loved the bit about ancestors! There are so many things I take for granted and it's nice to have a reminder of how wonderful things are, relative to how it was for my family only a generation or two back. Thanks for the perspective shift, Leena! Lovely as always.
I often think about it this, my great grandmother was a super bright woman who wanted to go to university to become a doctor, but he father and then her husband wouldn't let her. She took her learning into her own hands from books and was the head nurse at the hospital with the locals going to her before the local doctor for help. She would be so proud of her great-grandchildren all got to go to uni and worked in male dominated fields. I actually struggled with the not becoming a Dr for her when quitting my Phd but she would have her mind blown
I graduated with an animation degree that I worked for thirteen years for. I now work at a bank warehouse and I actually like having a 9 to 5. Never would have guessed that for me.
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
I'm halfway through my twenties, and I'm questionning myself a lot about these kind of things, so thank you for your video ! It's really reassuring ! What I want to do with the rest of my twenties is not to "play safe" so much, take risks, take opportunities I never thought I'd take, and get out of my comfort zone ! (and be a bit more comfortable with myself, body and mind, if possible). Next year, I'm doing something that I really want but scares the shit out of me : I'm moving to Canada for a year ! Not only am I moving country, but I am moving to an entire different continent than my own, and I am doing it alone (well, not really, I'm taking my cat :p )
@@Grrranola omg haha I'm from Manitoba, definitely don't recommend it!! BC, Ontario and the Maritime provinces are probably the best :p (Quebecers are rude to people who aren't from there, at least in the big cities)
The part about becoming desynchronized with everyone else around me really resonated with me. I’ve recently been reading another book, “The Defining Decade,” which places a lot of emphasis on your 20s as a very important period of your life that will have ramifications for the rest of your lifetime. Because of it, I’ve felt a lot of personal pressure to “become the person I want to be” for my whole life, but I feel like I’ve been more selfish recently because of it, and that intense focus on self may be part of it. Perhaps I need to embrace the chaos of it all more. I also really appreciate the adelic activity section. I’ve had feelings recently of needing to always spend my time on sometime productive that will get me where I want to be or otherwise grow my skillset in some way, but I feel like that mindset has killed the fun of one of my favorite leisure activities, video games. Thank you for the reminder that not every waking moment needs to be spent productively, and that leisure time is valuable in its own right. Great work as always Leena!
I read that book last year and it put me in such a funk! (I was 25). After reflecting, I think it’s a bit much to call it the defining decade. For some (maybe many 🤷♀️) people in my personal sphere of knowledge, age 10 to 20 was way more defining-GCSEs, A-levels, Uni. Maybe the book only has a really specific audience in mind. If anything 0-10 is the most defining because you learn the language and culture that will go on to be the thing other people define you by 😵
Yeah I think the Defining Decade was useful to me for one main reason - it gave me a kind of permission and kick in the pants to go after the stuff I really want, rather than feeling like I needed to wait to be a "real" adult. But aside from that, I think it can stoke a lot of anxiety, and a good amount of the advice in it feels pretty dated to me now.
I agree with both of you, Monstre and Elizabeth. While I do think the advice is useful to a certain extent, it’s ended up making me a lot more anxious than anything. I’m not sure it’s quite the style of advice I need to hear at the moment, so I appreciate having these different perspectives from Leena and the both of you!
So, I didn't start the video yet, but just by the title: You did not waste your twenties!! Out of the people I don't personally know, you are probably the one I like and look up to most. Whatever it took you to get there has it's place in your life. You are reflected, empathetic , creative - in short awesome. But you probably go into that within the video as you don't strike as a particularly self criticising person (at least I hope so). But I just had to get that out there. Thank you for being you ^^
I'm 28 now, and I've been experiencing some strange retroactive FOMO lately about how I feel like I actually didn't make enough "wrong" choices and therefore missed out on a lot of experiences. Number three is making me think about the things that I /was/ able to do and the other things that I /will/ be able to do because of those initial choices. It reminds me of this other thing I'm trying to do, which is to think of my insecurities as "features, not bugs," as they are not categorically, objectively wrong or damaging; they are just things about me.
Leena, you have a gift of saying deep stuff in a lighthearted and comforting way, while being funny at the same time. This helped me get out of a shitty mood, thanks. (The accurate summary ‘gross’ made me lol)
Thank you for saying that well-traveled people usually aren't that interesting! So many people rely entirely on travels to define their personality and aren't necessarily better humans (for example people who would not shut up about their need to travel during a pandemic)
I love this video. I beg to differ on the travel point though: traveling itself has been EXTREMELY beneficial for my self-growth, not merely because it's hard, but because it physically removes us from familiar surroundings. This means we can't rely on old thought patterns, habits, or our pre-existing identities. It's like a forest fire that clear the brush. We get to re-orient ourselves in a new place as a new person. And when we realize we're different in different places, it teaches us a lot: how multi-dimensional we all are, how much of our "identity" is an illusion. It's hard to truly experience this all if we remain in the same context. That said, I think many people travel while taking their "home context" with them... like a group of uni students who incessantly hang out with each other, instead of venturing out to explore a new culture on their own. Or someone who is experiencing a vacation through the eyes of the their Instagram, perhaps seeking validation from people they know back home. We all do this to some degree. Long comment short, travel is an amazing self-growth tool if you open yourself up to questioning everything you know about yourself and the world. This is easier when you travel alone. :)
oh my god. you have described my MIL to a T. she travels endlessly, and yet fails to grasp so many of the idiosyncrasies and cultural things that make humanity. Its all about the pictures she takes, which honestly reminds me of Hakim Bey's essay on tourism and how its more like war, than anything good. it really struck me at 15, and as I havent been able to escape airbnbs taking over my ever becoming touris town - making where i live unaffordable an act of financial warfare - as they take over more and more homes in my area. anyway i digress, thanks for putting this together in my mind.
Turning 30 in a few months I was kind of apprehensive about this one. These perspectives are so soothing, though, as ever. The What's to Why's I find genius.
I feel like there are some things that looking back at your ancestors experiences can’t improve, it may even do the opposite. The most obvious example is housing costs, or the average wage against the inflation rate. Sometimes you need to give yourself grace that while yes, a lot of things are easier now than they were for our predecessors, you are facing new challenges that they would not be equipped to deal with. We should be allowed to acknowledge that our twenties may not live up to the expectations of older generations in some aspects, whilst understanding that we have greater opportunity in others. That’s why I think a lot of older people now find it a hard concept to grasp that people in their twenties now don’t want to buy a house and blame it on us buying avocado toast. It’s because when they were in their twenties it was a common “character building” struggle to save with a partner for a house, whereas now it is an insurmountable financial obligation for the majority. Our twenties are both individually unique but generationally unique in terms of advancements as well as their consequences.
Thank you for this honest and insightful video! I am turning 27 next month. I started out my 20's trying to become the person I thought I should be or someone who other people would be impressed by (I was a 'gifted' child growing up and the high expectations were still at work!). I thought I was going to become a doctor or physician assistant and live in a big city and basically make my family proud. After college I was working a job I hated as a nursing assistant and realized I didn't even want to be in healthcare anymore. I had $37k in student loan debt and trying to be someone else was getting exhausting. I reached a crossroads where I could have done essentially nothing and continued to stay in that job and hate my life and hate myself or I could take risks, get out of my comfort zone, and leave behind the expectations and opinions of others. This lead me on a journey of healing& authenticity and letting go of everything that wasn't me & rediscovering what was me (like how I was as a child that got lost in adolescence). Now I am almost an entirely different person from who I was just 5 years ago. I have new identities and habits that I could never maintain before, I do shit that scares me regularly, I'm clear on my values, I've gotten therapy and healed past hurt & trauma, and most importantly I love myself and my life. Sooo much can change in your 20's because our brains are primed for change (extra neuroplasticity in your 20s!) depending on our environment and experiences. My advice for others is to do things (doing nothing is worse than making a choice, even if it's the 'wrong' choice at least you learned it's not for you), make peace with change (it's the only constant thing in life), and get clear on who you are and what you value. I think moving towards your authentic self (not who society or your family or peers think you should be) is the biggest undertaking one takes in their life and the sooner you do it, the better off you'll be going forward because you won't wake up one day in your 30's or 40's or 50's realizing that you've built a life that you didn't even want for yourself.
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
I noticed that my enjoyment of travel experiences increased significantly when i stopped taking photos of everything, constantly updating (read: worrying about forgetting about updating) instagram and facebook, and instead just existed in the moment, enjoyed the scenery and the culture and the food, and didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it. I got rid of the performative side of travelling. Sure sometimes I still take photos, but now it's because I'm into photography and I like the composition or the unusual subject, not because I feel the need to brag online about where I went. It's really helped. Remember: we are each our own person, we don't need to compete with anyone over our own lives. As long as we're content, that's enough. No need to prove it to anyone else.
I'm in the end of my twenties (29 in August) and finally coming to peace with all the time I "waste" in my twenties (thanks to you) and choosing to focus all the shit tones of things I did.
I’m 30 now and I feel like I didn’t waste my twenties, but I definitely did too much. I have traveled to almost 20 countries so far, I’m in my last year of my PhD program, went through my parents’ divorce, ended an 8 year relationship and moved a few times all in my 20s. I’m so glad the pandemic forced me to slow down! I don’t feel the need to travel as much, to work as hard, etc. I’m done being extraordinary and I just want to enjoy the rest of my life at a slow pace.
It amazes me almost every time how you are able to say what I think without me being able to articulate it. Cheers from a 32 year old human. One small addition I might add.... I see some comments here about going out of your comfort zone and 'becoming who you want to be' and all that... I struggled with that stuff a lot during my twenties and I've come to find that doing these (ahum) 'character building' jobs like you mentioned helped me in becoming a person that I like way more than any idea I'd previously had of what kind of person i would want to be. In a way, this becoming is happening while you're at it. It was an enormous relieve to realize that I didn't need to plan or do anything specific to become a certain someone (and writing it this way it even reads as silly). At that time I didn't even realize I already was a someone. During those times there were a LOT of uncomfortable zones I went into without deliberately intending to do so. And as much as that 'leaving your comfort zone' phrase has its value, I sometimes feel that there is too much of an emphasis on that, that it also made me push myself to do stuff that weren't beneficial for my mental health. There are times for comfort zones as well: to polish and refine a skill, to get rooted in a place and really get to know the people your surrounded by, to have habits like say, folding your socks, that make you appreciate the things you have (the socks might not work for everyone but it does for me). anyhow... somehow a comment that was intended to be one sentence long turned into this... Thanks Leena, this video, like your other ones, are a great way to "waste" my time.
Hi! As someone who has had a life with a lot of travel/moving and change I 100% agree with your thoughts on the 20s Wanderlust trend. What annoys me most is when people assume that living somewhere is the equivalent to a holiday: like its all adventure and fun and free spirited. Because this ignores the honest experience of those of us who have moved about that moving around is also hard, and really really lonely and sad too. I feel like it comes from a place of longing or desire in others, so I never want to be dismissive of their views, but for me moving about (especially as a kid- before it was my own decision) has about a 50% positive to negative impact on my life. I used to be jealous of others who lived in one place their whole lives, and as an adult have had to come to terms with the fact that my concept of 'home' is actually different from others because of this inconsistency. I have grown to embrace my hippie upbringing, and who I am because of it but it does bother me when people act as if its real life instagram. I think we should be teaching people that there are many roads to self discovery and one of them is to travel, but by no means the only path.
I totally feel you. Some people thought that my living in a different country is like a holiday, and it's completely false. I also needed to move a lot in this country and I never really got a chance to build my social circles. It got really lonely and sad for me too. I also never had a definition of "home" because I moved a lot when I was younger as well. I'm only 25 and I jokingly refer to myself as a nomad when people bring this topic up, but it really helped me discover myself. And I agree with you, moving around is not the only way to do it :)
yep one thousand percent. To me, moving and traveling is nothing but stress. These “wonderful” experiences of people spending a week in a foreign country sounds like a nightmare to me. How can you get anything fun done in just a week? Aren’t you spending the entire time figuring out where to go and dealing with baggage and hotels and culture shock? They just party and eat food and then come back. To me that’s not worth all the money and stress. For me to travel somewhere I have to spend at least a few months there, make friends, maybe work a little gig, have as much downtime as party time. That’s the only way to really have a meaningful experience in my opinion.
Thanks for the reminder that making decisions doesn't just cut off opportunities, but also opens more up. I'm half way through my twenties and have made some fairly large decisions and it's nice to be reminded that there are upsides to making decisions. Also my favorite reminder about our ancestors is if you use cinnamon causally, your ancestors would be amazed and proud!
Your twenties is also just the first decade of your life that you can more or less comprehend beforehand. Like turning 10 also felt like a big deal but at that time I really couldn't comprehended all of the life stages I would go through before I turned 20. But when you turn 20 you probably have at least an idea of the carreer path you're taking and the responsibilities you'll hold in the next 10 years etc
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything. The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control. Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor. Never experienced anything, only problems. I cant even do things like traveling because I am so broke and poor.
the part about travels, yes!! i've always felt so bad about not being able to travel at all in the beginning of my twenties (i'm approaching my mid-twenties aaah) while everyone i went to school with is travelling around the world (yeah, even during covid... ugh, while i had to come back to live with my parents in an abusive household), but i always remind myself that they come from rich families and have so much money and stress-free lives while i just... don't? i'm slowly trying to unlearn this feeling of jealousy that i developped (so weird, i never used to be a jealous person but ever since covid hit i keep experiencing it more and more), and i'm looking forward to doing these things as well, but maybe in my thirties! who knows! as someone who's deeply depressed and didn't think i'd live in my twenties, these kind of videos help so much, they bring me such comfort that things will get better and that we'll get to experience cool things in the future 🥺💞
Interesting video so far! I'm a bit stressed at how I'm spending my time. Partly because I'm disabled, which means so much of my time is needed for recovering from flares and stuff. And i feel like my energy and time should/could be prioritised different. sometimes i have time, but not the energy, to do meaningful stuff, and that hurts.
Also, being autistic (diagnosed at 19) made me realise how "socially behind" I've always been. And now I'm in my mid 20s and feel like i just kind of left all those teen things behind, even if i haven't done much of the typical teen stuff (partying, drinking etc). It's like I've skipped those years by just trying to cope with reality. Which i still kinda do though. Honestly, it's the expectations that's the worst part of it. That i should have figured some stuff out, to be able to begin my 20s doing something valuable, or at least be on the way to something. But i can't even keep a job (the longest have been a year)
All the expectations just don't account for how hard it can be to just exist sometimes. I can really relate with feeling like that, I'm also early 20s and feel like I've lost a lot of time being able to do things that everyone else seems to be able to just get on with
I honestly look up to you so much, I often wish I had a big sister (no shade to my big brother who is great) and your videos successfully fill that void for me. I can just watch, nod along, take notes and fill like I got 20s in the bag for 20 minutes haha Thank you
Loved your idea of viewing one's 20s as a data collecting activity! Honestly, it takes off the pressure of answering the question "what do you want to do with your life" and instead, replaces it with curiosity to learn about yourself and the world. I'll be turning 22 this year and I won't lie, I already feel a bit panicked about being 2 years into this "most important decade of my life" 😅 Anyways, thanks so much for this video, Leena! I'll surely be thinking over and adopting some of these ideas.
I’m 26 and just finishing my degree in English and French …at Aberystwyth! When I was 21 and half way through my first degree, I dropped out because of my mental health, then a few months later upon deciding that I wanted to pursue my education despite feeling like a complete failure, I came across one of your videos about Aber - next thing I know I’m there embarking on my BA! Again! It’s been a bumpy, unorthodox path for most of my twenties, especially because I have found there to be this stigma of guilt and almost self-indulgence in trying to pursue an education for this long…but I am trying to live without regret. I also know that no matter how hard and trying it gets for me academically, I know it’s exactly what I want to be doing and so exactly what I should be doing, so I’m trying to not feel bad that it has taken me longer than most to finish this chapter of my life. For the longest time I have fallen victim to the dreaded ‘societal expectations’ that come with being a twenty something, but I have been so far off the ‘normal trajectory’ for so long now, my desire to go back to that has basically vanished now that I know I can do things differently, get what I want and still be happy all on my own terms and in my own time. The first half of my twenties showed me that life doesn’t have to be this linear sequence of events, and what a gift it is to be freed from that expectation :) Thank you for the video Leena x
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
This video gave me the very profound realisation that I don’t need to *know* what my opinions are at the age of fifteen. I’ve been stressing over that for at least three years, so this is kind of freeing. Wow. Holy shit.
Leena, your 20s tool kit series is saving my life and bringing me peace one day at a time! I love this. I'm 22 and have had a very turbulent start of my 20s, being sick for almost one year and leaving a toxic relationship that left me in pieces. Since then, I evolved so much and healed so much by being mindful and learning more about myself through trial and error, but I still can't help feeling like I'm wasting my potential from time to time. These little reminders are so amazing. Thank you so much.
i turned 22 just last month and im trying to remind myself that i have a lot more time to do things and enjoy life than society tells us a lot of the time. i think if i had goals to accomplish by the end of my twenties they'd be something like: read lots, go to more concerts, have a full-time job that i enjoy, keep working to improve my mental and physical health, and to take the opportunities that i can to explore and see/experience new things. it'd be nice if i could also go on a vacation for the first time, even if it was just staying 30 minutes away for a few days. and it'd be cool if i found s along term romantic partner and have a really nice relationship with them, ideally continuing into my 30s. it's just hard doing stuff when you're broke as fuck. i want to be a teacher and i have no idea how im going to pay for the rest of my schooling. wish i was someone with the privilege of just being able to at least get my education without ending in life-altering debt :(
Honestly your goals sound so good and sane and beautiful and I just wanted to wish you the best of luck! Teaching is such an important work and I hope you get there safely and easily.
Literally just finished Four Thousand Weeks this week on your recommendation and I think it might actually be, uh, life-changing? Even since I started reading it, the lessons I learnt from it, or rather, wie questions I learnt to ask myself while reading it, have been immensely helpful in so many situations. So thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending it, Leena 🙏🙏🙏
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
I am 26, just a few months from 27 and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I want to spend the rest of my 20s so this video has really made me reflect, thank you! Looking back I am most happy that I quit an awful job ( however wish I quit sooner) and then volunteered abroad, living with a local family and helping to support the community. I gained so much life experience, a new perspective on life and developed so much gratitude. I came back a different person and since then I have put what I’ve learned into practice. I realised that integrating and supporting my local community is so important. I agree that your 20s is about exploring, learning and developing. 💜
I’m only 7 minutes in and I’ve got a lump in my throat because what you’ve said so far has been wholly freeing. I’m 22 and I feel immense pressure (from both myself and others) to achieve and experience as much as possible, so I can look back on this decade when I’m 30 and think “I slayed this.” I have a literal “20s Bucket List” on my phone, which consists of mainly the things you mentioned… get a degree, travel, become fluent in another language, become successful in a career, save £10,000… When I look at it, instead of feeling excitement and curiosity I just feel fear because I’m nowhere near completing that list. But you’re right… here I am focusing on achieving again, on ticking off things so I can be where I want to be, as if having completed those goals is more important than actually experiencing them. Maybe being present in whatever I’m doing (even if that’s just staring at the clouds) is more valuable than rushing through my day to day to chase ticking off all those things society deems ‘worthwhile’.
i am such a collector of “positive experiences” and have had so much anxiety from pressuring myself now that i’m graduated and home to have the same kinds and amount of “experiences”. and it’s been killing me. this video along w redefining happiness has helped me shift my perspective & appreciate the stage of life i am in. thank you 💛
Thank you so much for this series. I’m 23 and only just beginning to live (as an adult and in general). I spent my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood very ill and very isolated from the world. I didn’t think I would live to be 23, and now I am and… and it’s terrifying! One of my biggest fears is the feeling that I’ve already “wasted” a third of my 20s being stuck in hospital and doing literally nothing except trying to survive. It feels like I didn’t really start being 20 until 6 months ago. Your Twenties Toolkit videos help me both to gain a sense of direction and to step back and go “hey, I’m still only 23”. I’ve come to the realization that maybe “beginning” my 20’s with 3 extra years of experience isn’t the worst thing after all! Thank you Leena for being the internet Auntie we all needed!
I'm 25 and I honestly feel like I've wasted the past five years and the pandemonium didn't help. But you reminded me that I actually have done and experienced quite a few cool things in that time as well. And, on top of that, your life doesn't have to end in your 20s. There's plenty more to live and experience as you get older and it's never too late to do certain things.
When I was getting ready to graduate high school, my 5 year plan for myself was just to live in a decent apartment with some cats and plants and someone I love. Now I'm 24 and living in a decent apartment with LOTS of plants and cats and my best friend. I just hope for the rest of my twenties that I get to get out and experience more of the world and learn to dream a little bigger. I set a very achievable goal for myself (although a lot of people don't have what I do, and I'm immensely grateful for it) and I'm not sure where to go from here. I've been thinking about trying to rent or buy a house because you're right, being isolated in an apartment sucks in its own special way. But I don't make enough money to be able to rent a house even with my roommate, let alone buying one. I think I have to start getting serious about my career and make a bit more money so I can have more flexibility and freedom in the future. Which runs completely counter to the idea of prioritizing my mental health and making sure I enjoy my twenties! 😅
I'm almost 21. I think my goals for my twenties to be more myself, treat myself kinder, heal, becoming financially independent and leave the house which was sadly not the source of good memories and is of trauma. I want a cozy life. Enough money for what I want to buy and a nice space to call my own. Of course, I want a job too I can settle into nicely.
*sick with covid and watches a movie where a character dies of a contagious illness* this is fine *manuscript is burned* actual horror film Lol'ed, love you Leena
I'm nearing the end of my 20s and I really appreciate all the difficult things I decided to do, even if it meant huge embarrassment, discomfort, long term financial issues & having little to no support. I got the best stories and thrills from it!! I'd tell my younger self to trust my intuition to seek discomfort, it brings many treasures to the soul ❤️ Great video Leena
Thank you so much, I’m 25 and I was feeling so lost and being in my mid twenties I thought I’d have everything figured out. I changed career paths and I’m happy with it but relationships and health have been so hard I feel like I’m in the middle of a desert. This video was really inspiring and honestly feels like a godsend.
im 29 and love this! What I am glad I did in my 20s is all the learning I have done about myself and how the world works. I tried the career I always wanted but walked away when I realised it wasnt making me happy and I was just doing what looked good on paper. Proud of myself for all of it. happiness right now is important, not a thought that you will be happy when you retire..because retirement isnt promised. It isnt some reward for slaving away your whole life. If you do live to be that age, you probably wont be able to enjoy it like you think you will.
I'm so happy to be reaching the end of my twenties. The first part of my adult life I was MISERABLE! Now I'm financially independent, improving my mental health, doing things I enjoy, I'm more self assured ... Am I there yet? Of course not! How can I be? I'm pretty sure at 90 I will still be be striving to better myself, in fact I'm counting on it
Lena, as a girl in her mid twenties, your videos are so important to me. I feel like there's so much pressure to 'live your young years' in a certain way and I worry about how I'm not doing it 'right'. After watching this I genuinely feel like I can breathe again. The knowledge you shared has made me feel readier than ever to embrace the chaos that is life 💖 thank you x
Great video Leena!! At 23, I do feel like the first few years of my 20s have been stripped beneath me (the 21st birthday bash was organised and ready for March 21st 2020 but was cancelled on the announcement of the pandemic lockdown)... but I'm still trying to use it as the goal-setting "what do I want to get out of my life and why do I want that". COVID and looking into my family history for sure has made me grateful of the small things in life and to genuinely consider why I want to travel and the purposes behind it. I feel privileged to be completely daunted by "potential" and wanting to do as many things as possible... this video for sure made me think about what it is to be in your 20s...
Being a third culture kid I feel like I knew these things but to have it put into words and be reassured that whatever I do I'm on the right path for myself has been amazing. This video helped with my catastrophizing and ruminating today...and I want to read that book...cheers to 21 this august
I'm still trying to come to terms with 'losing' two years of my 20s ... I feel such a disconnect to my age and between the pandemic, living in London and a new cost of living crisis I'm definitely feeling incredibly unsuccessful, even though I feel like I set the bar pretty low already just being a single millennial in London. But I really appreciated the part in this video where we compared to our ancestors - I'm too used to comparing my life to the opportunities available to my parents (ie house prices) and think the whole encyclopedia comparison will do a lot more to humble me and cheer me up - thank you so much for that! Need to remember and be grateful for the ways we have it better.
Great video! As a late twenties person who is NOT where I used to imagine I would be, this was very reassuring. -On thinking about how your ancestors would view your life - SO TRUE - I definitely have said this to myself before, particularly as a women I think the fact that I have a job that is fairly enjoyable and I can live alone and be fully independent would stun previous generations -On travel - at the risk of being a bit insufferable - I lived abroad for a year in my 20s and it has slightly ruined normal holidays for me? I had such an amazing experience because I had spent years learning the language and culture before I went, and I was able to fully immerse myself and befriend local people and experience a very different way of living. As a naturally shy and introverted person it was hard but very worthwhile and it has also made me very aware that in my typical holiday, a few days in a european city, going round museums, eating local food, and not getting to know anyone new, I am barely scratching the surface of those places and cultures. -I think culturally and from romantic movies and things I had really internalised this idea that I would get married at 27 years old and then I would be like...done? Like I would get married and be this perfect finished product adult, with no problems and no...life? Is this based on all the books I've read where people get married and then the book just ends? Possibly. Anyway, now that I have a variety of friends in their late 20s and early 30s, some of whom are married, some of whom aren't, it is very clear that people just keep being people, having challenges to deal with, living their lives. I wouldn't say that single friends are significantly more or less happy than long-term coupled up or married friends in most cases, and I would certainly rate happily single over unhappily sticking with a relationship! -On hobbies - throughout my teens I was not at all into sports or moving in any way and in my twenties I discovered aerial dance and now I have this amazing passion and creative outlet that I would never have predicted! Is there any real 'purpose' to being able to fly through the air or hang upside down from my feet like a bat? Of course not! Does it bring me huge amounts of joy? YES!
As a 22 year old about to give my twenties to a PhD program, I definitely am taking the '20s as data collection' quite literally. But I really appreciated this video! I've had so many people tell me I NEED to travel before I start my PhD, but with finances and covid it isn't in the cards. But I know that pursuing my education will also have me grow as a person, even if I don't get to see another continent before I go.
It might be very simple, but what I want for my twenties is contentment and enjoyment. The contentment that comes from fostering my relationships, both with my myself and others. The contentment that comes from making a point to work in joyus things throughout my day, most especially when they are practical things, such as a bright yellow raincoat and daily use napkins that have elephants on them. The enjoyment of doing things that I like, with no thought to what my peers may think. I love a good opera, I can't lie, same with ballet's and classical music performances, a wander through a museum followed by a picnic sounds like all of the fun to me! My friends lovingly tease me for having the tastes of an auld wan, but their taste has no impact on the regularity that I do these things. I suppose to summarize, I would like to spend my twenties giving into the little joys in life, paying no mind to how they will be perceived by others
Thank you so much for this video. I'm 22 and life, especially during covid, just flew by. I've just moved to the biggest city in my country (berlin) right before covid and had a lot of time to think about all these concepts of life and community. i think people should not worry so much about what their actions may or may not bring in the future, but rather live in the moment.
I'm currently 23 and while it sure feels like I'm wasting time a lot, I really enjoy the way things are and I'm glad I tried a lot of things Even if I'm really bad at most of them.
I’m 20. watching this video I’m completely blown away. This video may have saved me from a lot of anguish because everything you said struck such a chord with me haha. To add to it, I think that because I didn’t enjoy my teens, I felt like a had to overcompensate for a while and be ‘the adult’, to almost show people that I didn’t care and they’re immature and fun is overrated and growing up and being sophisticated the way to go! But I was projecting and I slowly learnt that the best thing about being in my twenties, so far, is that I get to live my dream teen life. If my 16 year old self sitting in lockdown being miserable or my 14 year old self being completely racked with anxiety could see me now, she’d be so proud. I’m meeting people and having the ‘fun nights’ and going on trips and wearing cool clothes that I bought with money I earnt, just the little things. It’s hard to rationalise with rampant existentialism, the worlds a mess, but I’ll keep trying.
I'm just a month away from turning 20, and much of what you said took a lot of pressure out of me and made me excited to start collecting data haha thank you!!
I'm still yet to start my twenties, though it is creeping up this year now. The part about travel really got me given that a lot of my friends and old school mates are posting their tours of the world currently and I'm not going myself. I'm actually technically behind because I restarted two of my a-levels. For a while it did really feel like a pullback when everyone was setting off to uni, but with this extra year I've had the opportunity to slow down a bit and get some sweet sweet therapy. Plus I've been putting more effort into forming closer connections with the friends still in my hometown with more one-on-one hangouts and joining my dad more often to events with family friends. It's been a great time for reflection and figuring out why I've picked my uni courses and the more general idea of how I want to spend my life (to a very broad degree tho, I definitely want to keep 'developing a taste for chaos' in mind haha). Thank you for putting all of these videos together, Leena. It'll be interesting when I reach my thirties too and I can come back and add wisdom I get along the way as well :D
I'm in my early 20's and this really gave me some great perspective. There is a potential career avenue that I've almost fully talked myself out of because it would take too long, and still have the potential to not work out but I'm going to go back and reinvestigate
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
@@palesamphatsoe959 okay honestly I think it's really helpful to remember that despite how rushed and chaotic life feels when you're in school and developing a career path there actually is a ton of time to change your mind. I'm pursuing my passion because it's niche and I'll likely be able to find a job- if my passion was very general and already a field that people were struggling to get jobs I'd probably feel differently, so there is some practicality and logistics involved. It also happens to be the intersection of all my major interests. So to me it's really worth it to just go for it because I refuse to have it not work out. However, There is nothing wrong with working a job that you just tolerate (as long as it's not soul-crushing) if it gives you the financial freedom to live a nice, full life. What you're passionate about will be there tomorrow but it will also be there 5, 10 years from now.
my goals for my twenties (which are a while away, i’m 16: • perform in a shakespeare comedy (why? because i have a heavy emotional connection to shakespeare and theatre) • pass my driving test (why? to gain further independence and be able to visit the events and museums i wish to) • get a PhD in Classics (why? to be able to teach classics and eventually become a professor)
Love love love this video, packed full of wisdom. I'm 88% through my 20s now; one of my biggest life aha moments was when at the start of the pandemic I hired a life/career/creative coach to help me figure out which one of several business opportunities to pursue. Before our last session I went on holiday and when I came back realised I didn't want to run a business, I wanted to get a dog, move to the countryside, and make things for fun and not profit. I've since moved out of London, got my dog, and design + fabricate jigsaw puzzles just for myself. I am so much happier now. Can't wait to see what revelations come next. Also I'm really hoping some 30s toolkit videos are around the corner bc I'm gonna need them 😄
Cool video. Interesting to learn the exact number of weeks in my 20s. I'm turning 25 in a couple of weeks, aah. Anyone else get anxious and/or depressed feelings around their birthday? Societal expectations are hard to let go of, but internalised expectations or values you hold are hard when you're not fully in alignment or where you want to be. Trying to be self-compassionate.
subbed within the first couple seconds! Love ur personality and as someone who is nearly twenty and stressing over careers etc. ALREADY, it's really helpful! Thanks so much.
I'm 22, going into my final year of uni in a few months, started therapy a little while ago and am having a huge fckn crisis over what I actually want to do as a career and do I want a family and kids and if I do when is that and its all just... a lot. So this video was kinda comforting, at the very least it reminded me that a whole lot can happen in a relatively short amount of time, and my life doesnt end when I turn 30 lol, so thanks for that reassurance
I’m in my late 20s and trust me when I say that you have time. I’ve changed careers 3 times since graduating and now returning back to my first one. You’re not a failure for exploring in your 20s when everyone else seems to have a streamlined trajectory in life. If you make a choice about your future now and you change your mind, that’s ok! You don’t have to have it all figured out. Also while having a career, family, house, etc are great milestones to have, taking control of your mental health, learning how to set boundaries and stick up for yourself, and building confidence amongst other things are also incredible things to achieve. And I would also argue that many adults don’t achieve the latter even in a lifetime. So if that’s ‘all’ you do in your 20s, you’ve still achieved a lot.
I really like how you put the whole “your ancestors would be shocked”-thing! I know how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to choose everything I have chosen - living independently and making real decisions and educating myself as a young woman. The first woman to ever get a degree in engineering in Sweden did so only a hundred years ago, and I can do the same today without any social backlash and without even paying for it. The field I’m studying specifically (bioengineering) didn’t even exist a hundred years ago! Sometimes it’s good to just marvel at the world you’re in and at how lucky you are.
I'm 23, and have spent the last 4 months traveling through the Balkans with my bf and my two dogs as digital nomads. I have done more personal growth in the last 4 months than I have during the rest of my 20's. Would highly recommend slow travel as a way to expand your mind to the reality of the world. We are so sheltered in the same feedback loop of ideas in the West (I'm Australian). In saying that, I completely agree that it's incredibly so easy to travel the world, but never learn anything from it.
Leena you are like the big sister I never had! Thank you so much for all your sound advice. I think I really resonate with the part about decisions. I think one of my biggest struggles rn is indecisiveness with goals and ideas I have for myself. I already chose my degree and I think I am happy with it but sometimes I really think about switching to something else entirely.
"you are still a beginner at being yourself in your 20s" this is an incredibly comforting thought
I've been told this thing yesterday by a psychiatry student and it reassured me
I'm 27 and yes, I already feel way more comfortable in my own skin.
I’m near the end of my twenties and I think I have learnt so much, but also learnt that you don’t need to live a big life. I think social media and the celebrity culture we grew up with and is all still around us always made us feel like we had to be someone. Actually it’s okay to be small and quiet and make small ripples
THIS. Couldn’t agree more. The beginning of this realization at 28 has given me a happier, more purposeful perspective on my life. ❤
Love this. I'm in the throes of accepting this at nearly 29 and it's been a shock to the system, haha!
Beautifully said
I'm 16. This comforts me so much. You put it into such amazing perspective. There is nothing more beautiful than living a simple life. These days people want to be the brightest, significant, most stunning, most worthy of attention, most unforgettable , legendary people. It's just not what being human is about. It's about being comfortable and being loved and wanting to look forward and experience life the next day.
It's alright to be little bitty ❤️
It always feels so hard to explain to people that crochet, knitting, sewing, etc are just something I do for fun. Yeah I get something in the end and especially sewing can be a useful skill, but I don’t want to use it to make money. I’m way too slow and I really enjoy throwing a project in a corner for a few months until I’m in the mood to work on it again, which I wouldn’t be able to do if it’s a side hussel
Yes, exactly this! Why would I turn a hobby into a small business, when that will make me feel pressured to produce more, make everything perfect and will probably stop me from enjoying it? What's wrong with enjoying the few things I make, without wanting to earn money? I'll stick with a hobby that's just a hobby 😊
I made a collection of crochet stuffies and sold them at a craft fair and I regret it so much. I'm slow at it too and I put a lot in. It's so lovely though.
I’ve started responding to people telling me I should sell my makes with “I have no desire to monetize my hobby” or “I don’t buy into the capitalistic narrative that I should monetize my hobby” … depending on how hard I want to shut them down. I think it changes the vocabulary just enough for them to realize it’s more work than just saying ‘for sale’ and I’ve never had anyone question me after. Somehow it also seems makes them realize that it’s not some new idea that I’d never thought about and that it’s not really a compliment.
This! I sew because I love it. I enjoy the designing and drafting process, I love working with my hands, and I love having a physical representation of where all of my time went. It's also just really cool to use and wear stuff that I made.
But I do it FOR ME. Making stuff to sell? Could never. There's too much pressure involved in that.
same 😅
I’m 29, I spent most of my twenties reconciling with what is out of my control, after a mental break down.
I needed to accept that existing is enough and nothing is worth having if you don’t have a well body and mind.
I love this. I'm 26 and had a mental breakdown at 20 after dropping out of med school. Spent some years navigating between various career paths and then covid hit - queue second mental breakdown lol (after realizing that so many things in this world can change in an instant and I have pretty much no control over it). Spent a couple of pandemic years staying in my house and bonding with my sick grandma (who raised me and loved me like a mother), before she passed away - my beloved cat died a month after. Now it's been a year since all that happened, and I just got the strength to actually look after myself and try to figure things out, like you said, after accepting that existing should be enough. I'm going to therapy and taking baby steps in order to become the person that I want to be. It's been a long, bumpy road but I've learned so much.
me too. I'm turning 30 soon and I've spent the better part of my twenties struggling with depression and general mental health stuff. And for a long time I've felt that I'm missing out on the decade that I am supposed to be the most energetic and have the most adventures. But I am slowly starting to feel better now that I have been through a lot and maybe my twenties are just not my most energetic, most exciting years, maybe those are yet to come.
“Existing is enough”.. hmm
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything.
The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control.
Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor.
What you said, about there being no direct correlation between those that have travelled and being 'interesting,' really made me think. I actually realised that in my experience, those who have read a lot seem to have experienced (on a greater and more profound level) this incredibly 'expansion understanding of what it means to be human.' Almost as though, not only have they 'travelled' to the places the books have taken them, but actually connected with the stories of the people in them. Not just a box to be ticked. You really made me think a lot with this video, and whether I 'wasted' my 20s or not!
OMG, this resonates so much with me. I always tell people that the reason I read books is to be in the head of someone else, and to live the lives of other people. I think it stems from curiosity but really for me it is craving of a deeper understanding
@@sarabovo2151 Ah I love this! Totally agree
I don’t think this only applies to books, I think it can also apply to other forms of media that interact with and engage ideas (like this video lol but also TED talks and even some film etc) that one has not come across before.
I also think that one of the reasons travel can do this is talking to people (really listening to people) does this as well- and sometimes museums etc can too. You don’t have to travel to have an open mind, listen to people and learn new things - but it can help if done simply to learn and engage with the world. Basically the journey is a mindset- and now that the Internet and other media makes it easier to learn about far flung places from home it’s definitely not always literal.
@@sarahnelson8836 great point!
Absolutely agree, you can travel somewhere and have no idea what life is like for the people there but a book emerges you in the person’s experience
I'm 27, I wasted all of my 20s on a stupid man and hating myself. Not anymore! I'm learning to be body neutral and do what I want to do.
What do you mean by "body neutral"? It's a new term to me. Does it mean something like "independent"?
@@isabelbard853 body neutrality is just the understanding that bodies are bodies, and that fact should be enough to respect them. the "body positivity" movement sort of started that way, but because it was taken over by influencers, celebs, and companies trying to leech money out of insecure people, it became too focused on physical appearance. it's encouraged people to think that the only way they can be attractive is if a bunch of strangers on the internet say they are. it has also brought people to get into some really awful lifestyle choices and diets. Overall, body neutrality is about acceptance and respect, not "love." Love is easier to misguide, I suppose.
edit: not that the idea of body positivity is all that bad. it's good to have a bit of it, as long as we don't go overboard, and as long as there is an understanding that our appearance shouldn't be heavily linked to our self-image
Hell yes good for you!!!!
If you’re only 27, your twenties aren’t over. Enjoy what’s left of your twenties and be sure to enjoy your 30s. You know what they say! If you don’t have kids, you’re 30s are like your 20s but with money (and more wisdom). Good luck to you.:)
So now you're a femceI on Twitter?
Mid-twenties right now and have been struggling with feeling behind in life, because I've spent the last 10 years dealing with mental illness. It's been an incredibly lonely experience and it's felt almost like I've messed up my life beyond repair. This video came to me at the perfect time 💜
Hi there! I'm 15 and though I know its not the same, I'm also struggling with realising I wasted so much of my teenage years being mentally ill. It feels like everyone else around me has friends, has purpose or at least a more interesting life...like it didnt just stop for them when the pandemic hit. I'm rambling but I just want to say you're not alone and I'm over here trying to deal with that grief as well. Just trying to make the most of what's left and heal. Good luck to you
Same. It'll be okay though. We've got a good 60 years ahead of us. And even if we don't get to all of it we'll keep building and at some point look around and recognise a life worth having.
I relate so much to this. You’re not alone! I’m 27 and finally getting a hold of my mental illness and making healthier choices. There’s no time like the present🦋🌞
Sweetheart, it's going to be okay. Take each week one day at a time. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs. It gets better.
Same here. I'm 26 and have been lonely for the past 10 years. Only met one girl in all that time and she screwed up my life even more. I have bad depression and social anxiety but I'll get through it.
I loved the idea of your 20s being data collection. At 28 I feel like I’m only just starting to understand that! What a relief though!
Same here! I jotted it down on a piece of paper and will hang in my room for me to find it everyday and rethink.
@@samiraschwannecke678 oh brilliant idea! Now I feel like I should do an embroidered little sign of it or something haha
Love the part about travel experiences because it's so ingrained into this dream of what the ideal 20's life could look like. And many people just aren't in a position where they can travel in their 20's.
Another comforting thought is looking at someone like my grandmother who is so well travelled (she's been to almost every country).. but the first time she stepped on a plane, she was 42! She did most of her travels in her 40's through 60's.
Everything cool doesn't need to happen in your 20's 😄 Thanks for the video Lena ❤
Awwww love this! It’s almost like we write off life after 30 lol. I blame X factor’s ‘over’ category and the patriarchy for making us think this way.
That's really comforting
my mom is the same way as your grama! we went on short road trips veRy occasionally until she was in her 40s and met my step-dad and now they go everywhereee
Thank you, I always felt like doing fun things would be better in your 20s especially without kids is better but this makes me think otherwise, like especially what would be left to do if I did everything in my 20s?
I mean you can't do much hiking or stuff like that if you're old. Past 40 you'll probably only visit places that are physically easy to access, which sounds boring to me.
Timestamps for myself (that might be useful to others):
5:04 Number one: Make a list of the what’s, but know that they are secretly why’s.
11:28 Number two: You would blow your ancestors mind.
15:07 Number three: Aim to close off your choices.
16:51 Number four: Find your atelic activity.
19:28 Number five: Develop a taste for chaos.
Totally agree with the point about travelling. I used to work in a hostel and met so many travelers. I quickly realized that everyone travelled in a different way and that not everyone was here to experience the country, the culture, learn about the language or the history or even interact with the locals. Some people were here to take nice pictures, go shopping, go to clubs or internet cafes or to stay in their room. I also met a young man who took a gap year to travel around the world and admitted to me that after a couple countries he lost his excitement and curiosity and it just became a long list of places to go for him. I met people who showed off the stamps on their passports but were closed minded or uneducated about the world. It’s not about traveling, it’s about what you do with that experience.
Yeah, I'm 27 and my twenties were about dealing with complex trauma, trying to not turn into my parents and coping with a chronic illness. So I think I'll have more luck and freedom in my thirties. I did some awesome stuff too, but it was a lot of struggle 😅
You’re doing so great! ❤️
@@stephaniewild6184 That's sweet, thank you 🥰 I'm doing my best 🙃
I don't think I have ever 'SAME'd at anything so hard! In comparison to my peers I haven't really done half as much of the travelling and partying and early twenties stuff. I spent most of my time chronically ill and focused on survival and recovery. I have been trying to complete my uni course for going on 6 years now. But I've learnt so much about myself and the world through it all. I have survived but now I am learning what it is to thrive! 2 years and 3 days left of twenties and no regrets. You've got this and the best is yet to come. Sorry for the long message :P
you and i share that experience!!! im so proud of you. 27 is such an interesting im between feeling, and we’ve really survived so much! i believe starting now and in our 30s we’ll thrive more than we ever knew possible. you’ve got this.
I’m almost 28 and I’ve spent the last 4 years terrified of making any decision. I was always into travelling, taking risks, having fun and then I got comfortable. I guess I can partly blame this social pressure I feel that I should have my life together by now. Even my family questioned why I’ve not settled. But you know what? I booked a solo trip to Thailand (with no set plan for return) and I leave in just a few weeks. Here’s to living simply! I’m excited to do just that.
Go for it! I believe in you!
Omg you’re me but I haven’t grown the balls to change anything yet🥺 Have a lovely time in Thailand!
Why do you have to make any decisions? Seem like you like taking life one day at a time.That seems fun and practical to me.
Periodt !!!!
@@charlotterobey8029 Same! I hope we get up and do something about it soon!
Omg the travel thing is so true!!!!!
My grandparents have never been on an airplane, but they know hardship, can name every single tree and flower in "their" forest, they've loved and lost and observed their surroundings. And they're the wisest, kindest people I know. So yeah I agree: You don't have to travel geographically to experience what it means to live a human life.
Also love all your other points. Thank you for sharing. I will never understand why you don't have a gazillion followers.
back in the 50s my great aunt was mocked by her family because she was "too lazy" to do her laundry by hand and "wasted"all her money on a laundry machine... this was said by her mum who *hated* laundering and would most certainly have been a happier and healthier person if she had access to such machines in her youth... I find it fascinating how our context influences us to think, feel and behave in a way that doesn't seem to reflect our own personality and values
This is the bedtime story everyone in their 20s needs to be read
I do sometimes think about all the facets of my life that would just be absolutely mind-boggling to a medieval peasant. Like the size of my house alone would be astounding, but then you factor in that it's climate-controlled, and there are pipes that bring in clean drinking water, and a toilet! And there's a magic box that keeps my food cold and (bright!) lights without having to make a fire. I don't have to grow any of my own food if I don't want to. I have another magic box that washes my laundry for me. As a woman, I have a doctorate and a full-time job and am the primary breadwinner of my household, and there's a magic device in my uterus that keeps me from getting pregnant. Not to mention smallpox doesn't even exist anymore. It's just all a little bit amazing when you stop and think about it. Puts things in perspective.
Just a random movie recommendation within this similar vein, "Just Visiting" is a comedy about a medieval night & his peasant servant who accidentally get sent forward in time to the early 2000s. I find that if you liked "The Princess Bride," you might like this (the female characters are a lot less frustratung, too).
Beautiful! Thanks for reminding me to appreciate our current context and what a blessing it is, if we make it so
Especially the bit about smallpox. Like imagine how few people made it to 30 in the Middle Ages because of infectious diseases, back then, and now getting older is such a blessing, so many people don’t get to.
This quote is perfect (and made me laugh :p): "When it comes to depth I think that you can learn as much about humanity behind a customer service desk as you can on a two-week photogenic hiking trip with a bunch of trustfund kids."
Just turned 25, having a bit of a quarter life crisis.
This video was soooo needed.
Thank u 🌹
same
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything.
The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control.
Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor. Never experienced anything, only problems. I cant even do things like traveling because I am so broke and poor.
I'm halfway through my 20s and fear of choosing the wrong path, making the wrong decision has put me in a state of stasis. I'm actively ignoring all decision making basically lol. And obviously the pandemic messed everyone up. For me, the pandemic enabled that stasis because it felt like being cooped up and delaying things was the norm and I think I got too comfortable in that bubble. And now that everyone is picking up speed, that list of things you talked about, things I feel like I HAVE to do in my 20s, absolutely haunts me because I can't let go of the feeling that everyone else just goes down their list getting things done, crossing things off and I'm just... existing? And I know it's not a competition and everyone moves at their own speed and all that but oh boy does it feel like being left behind sometimes. Anyway, this video was very comforting, kind of felt like you put one hand on my shoulder and went "calm down buddy." So, thank you!
I feel the same! I’m about to turn 24 and I’m stuck, not wanting to make the wrong decision so not making any
You know you can always readjust. Generation of my parents studied one thing but ended up in the other direction. I just this year learned that i have to chase the things i want and not just think « oh it would be so nice to do it » so now i m trying to do that. (E.g me thinking it would be so nice to live in NY for a while, so now i m not just thinking it would be cool, but to actually try to do it & looking for internships (paid!))
Someone i know said « i m planing to have a good job/ect and that i m doing by having good grades now, so it’s sure i ll have a good life later. » and i was so jaw dropped by that, bc i have not seen it like this before.
The stasis is the killer in my opinion! But I'm on career number 9 at 28 yrs old 😂 I don't think there's anything wrong with making A decision, whether it's the right or wrong one will only become clear in time. But in the vein of Edison's quote 'I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways it won't work' - I think it's a fairly sound ethos for life. If it becomes clear one path/activity doesn't feel right to you, you readjust, armed with a lot more knowledge about what you do and don't like. Discovering ourselves is a journey and all we need to do is take a step 😊❤️
@@emma.greenwood how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
@@palesamphatsoe959 You sound a lot like me! I think you need to maybe let go of the idea of loving what you do, because that seems to be holding you back? Like the fear of taking a leap and not loving it enough? For me, it's always a balance of what is practical and what is possible. So for example at the moment I work in IT but in my spare time I work as a Sports Massage Therapist. I can't afford to do Sports Massage full time so I stay in IT for now. But the Sports Massage is what I really enjoy. The goal is to do thay full time, eventually. However - I might do it full time and not enjoy it, and that's okay. Just think of it as a recalibration and - as Leena says - fact-finding!
I think there's only a few areas where having a 'lifelong career' in them is truly useful nowadays. Assuming you're in your twenties, you probably have another 40-45yrs of working life ahead of you. It's simply not practical to expect you to know what you want to do for the rest of your life right now! It's very okay to try new things 😊
My motivation is a sense of fulfilment. Not happiness per se (happiness is fleeting and there will always be bad with good) - long term, warm feelings of contentment and fulfilment is what motivates me 😊
“Some things are worth doing for themselves alone, despite offering no payoffs in terms of productivity or profit”
I really needed to hear this. I’m about to turn 20 and I’m horrified. I definitely wasted my teenage years but I always blamed it on my poor mental health and the fact that teenagers in general are pretty limited in what they can do due to school, parents, being underage etc.. I‘m horrified I’ll fall into the same trap of doing nothing with my life (or thinking that I’ve done nothing) for years and then blaming it on some outside factors
GOD my teenage years were empty and dreadful 💔
Your life is just beginning and it’s great that you are thinking through things and questioning what you want your life to look like. The fact that you are worried about those things, shows maturity and self awareness. If you keep that kind of mindset and self awareness, then you won’t end up like your parents. ❤️
TW- mentions of gr00ming
my life until 16 was pretty....adventurous. By the time I turned 16, I had been to endless parties, gotten endless ask-outs/proposals, had at least 1 greaaat boyfriend, had many, many friends and I was just the poster-girl for "fun". But, my home life was absolutely miserable. My dad was an abusive drunk and we were neck deep in debt but couldn't show it on the outside. I guess this is why I was so adventurous, I needed an escape. The thing about families is that you can't talk their business outside but no one's on the inside is willing to talk about it either so you just turn to very unhealthy coping mechanisms. I was even "friends"/"dated" a 48 year old man (and I was only 12-13 here) just because I needed someone to talk to. He was very handsome, nice, funny, successful but most importantly, very stable with his emotions. I felt so guilty for liking him because I knew we were both doing something very wrong. He genuinely made me feel loved and I never felt that I was being taken advantage of so I just felt guilty because I couldn't/can't understand that I was being groomed. Maybe that's because my parents found out a few months in and he left the state. He was rich enough to do be able to do that, we weren't so people talked and it was just horrible. Before leaving he left me some money and a few things and he genuinely looked very sad so I'm still struggling with the whole guilt thing. I turned 18 this year though and because cov1d happened, I had a lot of time to do nothing. My family is doing much better now and while I still stand by the fact that I genuinely felt loved in that moment, the circumstances of it were very wrong and I shouldn't have been involved in it. I don't blame him, he was the one who was always saving me but the relationship was wrong. I'm also applying to med schools and it's fun to see a life of new possibilities.
Sorry for suchhh a long a comment, I guess my point is that doing nothing isn't wrong. For the first time in my life, I did nothing and that helped me understand how much of a pause I needed. I hope things go well for you, happy 20th birthday in advance!
I am 21 and I was the same way but good news! I think the fact that you’re reflecting already kind of means your chances of actually doing nothing are a lot smaller! Just keep reflecting and being honest with yourself and (when you have the energy to) push yourself a little bit outside of your comfy zone every once in a while and you’ll find your way. I’ve already learned a lot and I’m only turning 22 in just a little bit! But yeah my teen years were a mess.
@@prathyusha016 same I look back at my teenage years and am honestly surprised I made it through them. Now I'm just an anxious 23 year old crying happy tears that I found this video lol. Funny enough i did pick up backpacking once i turned 20 and its helped a lot with my mental health.
As a 27 year old I was scared to click on this, but so glad I did! What an insightful, humbling and uplifting video!
Me too! 😂😂😂 I was like i'm scared to watch this but I probably should
im 27 too and doing my best at getting my shit together i was like… okay it’s time to watch this now even though it’s been in my watch later for so long. we got this!
‘Develop a taste for chaos’ my favourite part of the video hehe
One thing that has stressed me for basically all of my twenties so far is that is has been affected by covid. I haven’t been able to do the things you’re ‘supposed’ to do and I don’t think I, as well as many other people, have fully recovered from it. It seems like we’re all supposed to bounce back and act like it never happened that we had no opportunities for two years, weren’t able to go to travel or go to events, and might have had mental health problems resulting from it. It feels like the socially acceptable ‘figuring things out’ part of my twenties has been spent and now I’m supposed to have an impressive career and lots of savings to settle down. But really the whole first arc of my twenties has been put into reverse before falling into a ditch 😂
Yes!!! I turned 20 in summer 2020, locked down in my house with my parents. It feels somehow like I still haven't started my twenties yet, despite being nearly 22. It feels like I've had fewer opportunities to practice independence and stretch my wings than I expected to.
It might not be covid entirely, it might just be a normal mismatch between expectations and reality but it is interesting to note.
Big same, I feel like so much time has been wasted these last few years
But at least we're all in it together :"-)
What fascinates me is the difference between how those who went through 'Spanish Flu' (preceded by WWI) reacted to this event with the roaring 20s (1920s) in comparison to how many have responded to Covid a hundred years later.
It seems that we're still in a state of fear - at least friends are - rather than the bounce back and desire to make the most of life which occured a hundred years ago. Then they had experienced much more death because of the war, but were still determined to live to the full while they could. Now many are still hiding, afraid of the dreaded lurgy.
Have we become cowards?
@@muskndusk That's an interesting thought, I recently read a book about female French writers who lived through both 1st world War and Spanish Flu (one of them was actually killed by the latter) and the impression I got was that War had been such a terrible event to go through, for ones directly involved, as well as for the partners/families, that the pandemic seemed less important than it was at the time. Most European newspapers would hide the number of sick and dead people as to not put the populations spirits down. Then, governments tried to control the contagion through mandatory masking and limited socializing, not too different from what we've known. Definitely was a horrible time to go through, just after the war. I think it's too early to compare with our time though, the roaring twenties happened a few good years long the road, while we're barely (hopefully?) out of Covid.
@@muskndusk We still haven’t gotten to the other side of covid, plus it’s only been two years since the pandemic took hold. You’re expecting an entire decade to fit into a couple of months.
I loved the bit about ancestors! There are so many things I take for granted and it's nice to have a reminder of how wonderful things are, relative to how it was for my family only a generation or two back. Thanks for the perspective shift, Leena! Lovely as always.
I often think about it this, my great grandmother was a super bright woman who wanted to go to university to become a doctor, but he father and then her husband wouldn't let her. She took her learning into her own hands from books and was the head nurse at the hospital with the locals going to her before the local doctor for help. She would be so proud of her great-grandchildren all got to go to uni and worked in male dominated fields. I actually struggled with the not becoming a Dr for her when quitting my Phd but she would have her mind blown
I graduated with an animation degree that I worked for thirteen years for. I now work at a bank warehouse and I actually like having a 9 to 5. Never would have guessed that for me.
Wow! That’s really cool. What do you like about it most, and do you still animate? I’m in a similar position but just starting it
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
I'm halfway through my twenties, and I'm questionning myself a lot about these kind of things, so thank you for your video ! It's really reassuring ! What I want to do with the rest of my twenties is not to "play safe" so much, take risks, take opportunities I never thought I'd take, and get out of my comfort zone ! (and be a bit more comfortable with myself, body and mind, if possible).
Next year, I'm doing something that I really want but scares the shit out of me : I'm moving to Canada for a year ! Not only am I moving country, but I am moving to an entire different continent than my own, and I am doing it alone (well, not really, I'm taking my cat :p )
so exciting!!!! good luck with everything and with your cat, what an adventure it will be🙌
I hope that wherever you move to in Canada is a lovely spot. I'm from Alberta so I would not recommend this province.
Sounds like a fantastic adventure!!! Best of luck to you!!!
sounds amazing!! I'm also moving to Canada next year too
@@Grrranola omg haha I'm from Manitoba, definitely don't recommend it!! BC, Ontario and the Maritime provinces are probably the best :p (Quebecers are rude to people who aren't from there, at least in the big cities)
I'm halfway through my 40s and sometimes think I'm reliving my 20s now (finally figuring out who I am and what I want,,,and what I DON'T want)
The part about becoming desynchronized with everyone else around me really resonated with me. I’ve recently been reading another book, “The Defining Decade,” which places a lot of emphasis on your 20s as a very important period of your life that will have ramifications for the rest of your lifetime. Because of it, I’ve felt a lot of personal pressure to “become the person I want to be” for my whole life, but I feel like I’ve been more selfish recently because of it, and that intense focus on self may be part of it. Perhaps I need to embrace the chaos of it all more.
I also really appreciate the adelic activity section. I’ve had feelings recently of needing to always spend my time on sometime productive that will get me where I want to be or otherwise grow my skillset in some way, but I feel like that mindset has killed the fun of one of my favorite leisure activities, video games. Thank you for the reminder that not every waking moment needs to be spent productively, and that leisure time is valuable in its own right. Great work as always Leena!
I read that book last year and it put me in such a funk! (I was 25). After reflecting, I think it’s a bit much to call it the defining decade. For some (maybe many 🤷♀️) people in my personal sphere of knowledge, age 10 to 20 was way more defining-GCSEs, A-levels, Uni. Maybe the book only has a really specific audience in mind. If anything 0-10 is the most defining because you learn the language and culture that will go on to be the thing other people define you by 😵
@@monstrefantastique2230 And the years 0-10 are the hardest to survive.
Yeah I think the Defining Decade was useful to me for one main reason - it gave me a kind of permission and kick in the pants to go after the stuff I really want, rather than feeling like I needed to wait to be a "real" adult. But aside from that, I think it can stoke a lot of anxiety, and a good amount of the advice in it feels pretty dated to me now.
I agree with both of you, Monstre and Elizabeth. While I do think the advice is useful to a certain extent, it’s ended up making me a lot more anxious than anything. I’m not sure it’s quite the style of advice I need to hear at the moment, so I appreciate having these different perspectives from Leena and the both of you!
So, I didn't start the video yet, but just by the title: You did not waste your twenties!! Out of the people I don't personally know, you are probably the one I like and look up to most. Whatever it took you to get there has it's place in your life. You are reflected, empathetic , creative - in short awesome. But you probably go into that within the video as you don't strike as a particularly self criticising person (at least I hope so). But I just had to get that out there. Thank you for being you ^^
I'm 28 now, and I've been experiencing some strange retroactive FOMO lately about how I feel like I actually didn't make enough "wrong" choices and therefore missed out on a lot of experiences. Number three is making me think about the things that I /was/ able to do and the other things that I /will/ be able to do because of those initial choices. It reminds me of this other thing I'm trying to do, which is to think of my insecurities as "features, not bugs," as they are not categorically, objectively wrong or damaging; they are just things about me.
Leena, you have a gift of saying deep stuff in a lighthearted and comforting way, while being funny at the same time. This helped me get out of a shitty mood, thanks. (The accurate summary ‘gross’ made me lol)
Thank you for saying that well-traveled people usually aren't that interesting! So many people rely entirely on travels to define their personality and aren't necessarily better humans (for example people who would not shut up about their need to travel during a pandemic)
I love this video. I beg to differ on the travel point though: traveling itself has been EXTREMELY beneficial for my self-growth, not merely because it's hard, but because it physically removes us from familiar surroundings. This means we can't rely on old thought patterns, habits, or our pre-existing identities. It's like a forest fire that clear the brush. We get to re-orient ourselves in a new place as a new person.
And when we realize we're different in different places, it teaches us a lot: how multi-dimensional we all are, how much of our "identity" is an illusion. It's hard to truly experience this all if we remain in the same context.
That said, I think many people travel while taking their "home context" with them... like a group of uni students who incessantly hang out with each other, instead of venturing out to explore a new culture on their own. Or someone who is experiencing a vacation through the eyes of the their Instagram, perhaps seeking validation from people they know back home. We all do this to some degree.
Long comment short, travel is an amazing self-growth tool if you open yourself up to questioning everything you know about yourself and the world. This is easier when you travel alone. :)
oh my god. you have described my MIL to a T. she travels endlessly, and yet fails to grasp so many of the idiosyncrasies and cultural things that make humanity. Its all about the pictures she takes, which honestly reminds me of Hakim Bey's essay on tourism and how its more like war, than anything good. it really struck me at 15, and as I havent been able to escape airbnbs taking over my ever becoming touris town - making where i live unaffordable an act of financial warfare - as they take over more and more homes in my area. anyway i digress, thanks for putting this together in my mind.
Turning 30 in a few months I was kind of apprehensive about this one. These perspectives are so soothing, though, as ever. The What's to Why's I find genius.
This is lovely and comforting 😊
Aw I'm glad!
I feel like there are some things that looking back at your ancestors experiences can’t improve, it may even do the opposite. The most obvious example is housing costs, or the average wage against the inflation rate. Sometimes you need to give yourself grace that while yes, a lot of things are easier now than they were for our predecessors, you are facing new challenges that they would not be equipped to deal with. We should be allowed to acknowledge that our twenties may not live up to the expectations of older generations in some aspects, whilst understanding that we have greater opportunity in others. That’s why I think a lot of older people now find it a hard concept to grasp that people in their twenties now don’t want to buy a house and blame it on us buying avocado toast. It’s because when they were in their twenties it was a common “character building” struggle to save with a partner for a house, whereas now it is an insurmountable financial obligation for the majority. Our twenties are both individually unique but generationally unique in terms of advancements as well as their consequences.
Thank you for this honest and insightful video!
I am turning 27 next month. I started out my 20's trying to become the person I thought I should be or someone who other people would be impressed by (I was a 'gifted' child growing up and the high expectations were still at work!). I thought I was going to become a doctor or physician assistant and live in a big city and basically make my family proud. After college I was working a job I hated as a nursing assistant and realized I didn't even want to be in healthcare anymore. I had $37k in student loan debt and trying to be someone else was getting exhausting.
I reached a crossroads where I could have done essentially nothing and continued to stay in that job and hate my life and hate myself or I could take risks, get out of my comfort zone, and leave behind the expectations and opinions of others. This lead me on a journey of healing& authenticity and letting go of everything that wasn't me & rediscovering what was me (like how I was as a child that got lost in adolescence).
Now I am almost an entirely different person from who I was just 5 years ago. I have new identities and habits that I could never maintain before, I do shit that scares me regularly, I'm clear on my values, I've gotten therapy and healed past hurt & trauma, and most importantly I love myself and my life.
Sooo much can change in your 20's because our brains are primed for change (extra neuroplasticity in your 20s!) depending on our environment and experiences. My advice for others is to do things (doing nothing is worse than making a choice, even if it's the 'wrong' choice at least you learned it's not for you), make peace with change (it's the only constant thing in life), and get clear on who you are and what you value. I think moving towards your authentic self (not who society or your family or peers think you should be) is the biggest undertaking one takes in their life and the sooner you do it, the better off you'll be going forward because you won't wake up one day in your 30's or 40's or 50's realizing that you've built a life that you didn't even want for yourself.
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
I noticed that my enjoyment of travel experiences increased significantly when i stopped taking photos of everything, constantly updating (read: worrying about forgetting about updating) instagram and facebook, and instead just existed in the moment, enjoyed the scenery and the culture and the food, and didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it. I got rid of the performative side of travelling. Sure sometimes I still take photos, but now it's because I'm into photography and I like the composition or the unusual subject, not because I feel the need to brag online about where I went. It's really helped. Remember: we are each our own person, we don't need to compete with anyone over our own lives. As long as we're content, that's enough. No need to prove it to anyone else.
I'm in the end of my twenties (29 in August) and finally coming to peace with all the time I "waste" in my twenties (thanks to you) and choosing to focus all the shit tones of things I did.
I was coming to say exactly this!! 🤗
I’m 30 now and I feel like I didn’t waste my twenties, but I definitely did too much. I have traveled to almost 20 countries so far, I’m in my last year of my PhD program, went through my parents’ divorce, ended an 8 year relationship and moved a few times all in my 20s. I’m so glad the pandemic forced me to slow down! I don’t feel the need to travel as much, to work as hard, etc. I’m done being extraordinary and I just want to enjoy the rest of my life at a slow pace.
It amazes me almost every time how you are able to say what I think without me being able to articulate it. Cheers from a 32 year old human.
One small addition I might add.... I see some comments here about going out of your comfort zone and 'becoming who you want to be' and all that... I struggled with that stuff a lot during my twenties and I've come to find that doing these (ahum) 'character building' jobs like you mentioned helped me in becoming a person that I like way more than any idea I'd previously had of what kind of person i would want to be. In a way, this becoming is happening while you're at it. It was an enormous relieve to realize that I didn't need to plan or do anything specific to become a certain someone (and writing it this way it even reads as silly). At that time I didn't even realize I already was a someone. During those times there were a LOT of uncomfortable zones I went into without deliberately intending to do so. And as much as that 'leaving your comfort zone' phrase has its value, I sometimes feel that there is too much of an emphasis on that, that it also made me push myself to do stuff that weren't beneficial for my mental health. There are times for comfort zones as well: to polish and refine a skill, to get rooted in a place and really get to know the people your surrounded by, to have habits like say, folding your socks, that make you appreciate the things you have (the socks might not work for everyone but it does for me). anyhow... somehow a comment that was intended to be one sentence long turned into this... Thanks Leena, this video, like your other ones, are a great way to "waste" my time.
Hi! As someone who has had a life with a lot of travel/moving and change I 100% agree with your thoughts on the 20s Wanderlust trend. What annoys me most is when people assume that living somewhere is the equivalent to a holiday: like its all adventure and fun and free spirited. Because this ignores the honest experience of those of us who have moved about that moving around is also hard, and really really lonely and sad too. I feel like it comes from a place of longing or desire in others, so I never want to be dismissive of their views, but for me moving about (especially as a kid- before it was my own decision) has about a 50% positive to negative impact on my life. I used to be jealous of others who lived in one place their whole lives, and as an adult have had to come to terms with the fact that my concept of 'home' is actually different from others because of this inconsistency. I have grown to embrace my hippie upbringing, and who I am because of it but it does bother me when people act as if its real life instagram. I think we should be teaching people that there are many roads to self discovery and one of them is to travel, but by no means the only path.
I totally feel you. Some people thought that my living in a different country is like a holiday, and it's completely false. I also needed to move a lot in this country and I never really got a chance to build my social circles. It got really lonely and sad for me too. I also never had a definition of "home" because I moved a lot when I was younger as well.
I'm only 25 and I jokingly refer to myself as a nomad when people bring this topic up, but it really helped me discover myself. And I agree with you, moving around is not the only way to do it :)
yep one thousand percent. To me, moving and traveling is nothing but stress. These “wonderful” experiences of people spending a week in a foreign country sounds like a nightmare to me. How can you get anything fun done in just a week? Aren’t you spending the entire time figuring out where to go and dealing with baggage and hotels and culture shock? They just party and eat food and then come back. To me that’s not worth all the money and stress. For me to travel somewhere I have to spend at least a few months there, make friends, maybe work a little gig, have as much downtime as party time. That’s the only way to really have a meaningful experience in my opinion.
This was just the video I need at the right time 😭❤️ I am having one of the worst days of my twenties. Thank you for lifting my spirits Leena.
Sending you a massive hug.
Thank you! ❤️
Thanks for the reminder that making decisions doesn't just cut off opportunities, but also opens more up. I'm half way through my twenties and have made some fairly large decisions and it's nice to be reminded that there are upsides to making decisions. Also my favorite reminder about our ancestors is if you use cinnamon causally, your ancestors would be amazed and proud!
I need the secret to using cinnamon causally! (Sorry, I know it was just a typo, but couldn't resist 😅)
Your twenties is also just the first decade of your life that you can more or less comprehend beforehand. Like turning 10 also felt like a big deal but at that time I really couldn't comprehended all of the life stages I would go through before I turned 20. But when you turn 20 you probably have at least an idea of the carreer path you're taking and the responsibilities you'll hold in the next 10 years etc
I(34) completetly wasted anything in my life. While others set fundamental steps for their future, I failed at completely everything.
The tragis thing though is I tried everything. But nothing worked out. I went to university, but no matter how hard I learned, I was not able to finish my degree within ten years. Ultimately I dropped out without a degree but with a ton of debt. I had a mental break down. After a psychologically counselling, which included a couple of tests, I was diagnosed with a devastating diagnose: Borderline Intelligence. This means no matter how hard I try, I am much slower than the average person. This means I am determinated to work in minimum wage jobs. Beside that I have alway been bullied as a kid and teen. Something I never recovered off. I never any kind of realationships during my 20s - neither platonic nor romantic. Whenever I tried to iniatite a friendship with someone, people showed no to little interest me. I also tried to date in the recent years. But guess what, every women turned me down because they told me they would not date someone who makes minimum wage. I am getting isolated by society for something I can not control.
Here I am, 34, lonely, socially isolated, poor. Never experienced anything, only problems. I cant even do things like traveling because I am so broke and poor.
the part about travels, yes!! i've always felt so bad about not being able to travel at all in the beginning of my twenties (i'm approaching my mid-twenties aaah) while everyone i went to school with is travelling around the world (yeah, even during covid... ugh, while i had to come back to live with my parents in an abusive household), but i always remind myself that they come from rich families and have so much money and stress-free lives while i just... don't? i'm slowly trying to unlearn this feeling of jealousy that i developped (so weird, i never used to be a jealous person but ever since covid hit i keep experiencing it more and more), and i'm looking forward to doing these things as well, but maybe in my thirties! who knows! as someone who's deeply depressed and didn't think i'd live in my twenties, these kind of videos help so much, they bring me such comfort that things will get better and that we'll get to experience cool things in the future 🥺💞
Interesting video so far!
I'm a bit stressed at how I'm spending my time. Partly because I'm disabled, which means so much of my time is needed for recovering from flares and stuff. And i feel like my energy and time should/could be prioritised different. sometimes i have time, but not the energy, to do meaningful stuff, and that hurts.
Also, being autistic (diagnosed at 19) made me realise how "socially behind" I've always been. And now I'm in my mid 20s and feel like i just kind of left all those teen things behind, even if i haven't done much of the typical teen stuff (partying, drinking etc).
It's like I've skipped those years by just trying to cope with reality. Which i still kinda do though.
Honestly, it's the expectations that's the worst part of it. That i should have figured some stuff out, to be able to begin my 20s doing something valuable, or at least be on the way to something. But i can't even keep a job (the longest have been a year)
All the expectations just don't account for how hard it can be to just exist sometimes. I can really relate with feeling like that, I'm also early 20s and feel like I've lost a lot of time being able to do things that everyone else seems to be able to just get on with
I honestly look up to you so much, I often wish I had a big sister (no shade to my big brother who is great) and your videos successfully fill that void for me. I can just watch, nod along, take notes and fill like I got 20s in the bag for 20 minutes haha Thank you
Loved your idea of viewing one's 20s as a data collecting activity! Honestly, it takes off the pressure of answering the question "what do you want to do with your life" and instead, replaces it with curiosity to learn about yourself and the world. I'll be turning 22 this year and I won't lie, I already feel a bit panicked about being 2 years into this "most important decade of my life" 😅 Anyways, thanks so much for this video, Leena! I'll surely be thinking over and adopting some of these ideas.
I’m 26 and just finishing my degree in English and French …at Aberystwyth! When I was 21 and half way through my first degree, I dropped out because of my mental health, then a few months later upon deciding that I wanted to pursue my education despite feeling like a complete failure, I came across one of your videos about Aber - next thing I know I’m there embarking on my BA! Again! It’s been a bumpy, unorthodox path for most of my twenties, especially because I have found there to be this stigma of guilt and almost self-indulgence in trying to pursue an education for this long…but I am trying to live without regret. I also know that no matter how hard and trying it gets for me academically, I know it’s exactly what I want to be doing and so exactly what I should be doing, so I’m trying to not feel bad that it has taken me longer than most to finish this chapter of my life. For the longest time I have fallen victim to the dreaded ‘societal expectations’ that come with being a twenty something, but I have been so far off the ‘normal trajectory’ for so long now, my desire to go back to that has basically vanished now that I know I can do things differently, get what I want and still be happy all on my own terms and in my own time. The first half of my twenties showed me that life doesn’t have to be this linear sequence of events, and what a gift it is to be freed from that expectation :) Thank you for the video Leena x
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
This video gave me the very profound realisation that I don’t need to *know* what my opinions are at the age of fifteen. I’ve been stressing over that for at least three years, so this is kind of freeing. Wow. Holy shit.
Leena, your 20s tool kit series is saving my life and bringing me peace one day at a time! I love this. I'm 22 and have had a very turbulent start of my 20s, being sick for almost one year and leaving a toxic relationship that left me in pieces. Since then, I evolved so much and healed so much by being mindful and learning more about myself through trial and error, but I still can't help feeling like I'm wasting my potential from time to time. These little reminders are so amazing. Thank you so much.
i turned 22 just last month and im trying to remind myself that i have a lot more time to do things and enjoy life than society tells us a lot of the time. i think if i had goals to accomplish by the end of my twenties they'd be something like: read lots, go to more concerts, have a full-time job that i enjoy, keep working to improve my mental and physical health, and to take the opportunities that i can to explore and see/experience new things. it'd be nice if i could also go on a vacation for the first time, even if it was just staying 30 minutes away for a few days. and it'd be cool if i found s along term romantic partner and have a really nice relationship with them, ideally continuing into my 30s.
it's just hard doing stuff when you're broke as fuck. i want to be a teacher and i have no idea how im going to pay for the rest of my schooling. wish i was someone with the privilege of just being able to at least get my education without ending in life-altering debt :(
Honestly your goals sound so good and sane and beautiful and I just wanted to wish you the best of luck! Teaching is such an important work and I hope you get there safely and easily.
Literally just finished Four Thousand Weeks this week on your recommendation and I think it might actually be, uh, life-changing? Even since I started reading it, the lessons I learnt from it, or rather, wie questions I learnt to ask myself while reading it, have been immensely helpful in so many situations. So thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending it, Leena 🙏🙏🙏
26 and in the midst of completely rerouting my life trajectory at the moment, so this video was incredibly helpful and comforting! ❤️
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
Very timely for me as I’m 20 on Saturday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR THEN! You're gunna have THE BEST decade!
Happy almost birthday!
happy birthday!
I am 26, just a few months from 27 and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I want to spend the rest of my 20s so this video has really made me reflect, thank you! Looking back I am most happy that I quit an awful job ( however wish I quit sooner) and then volunteered abroad, living with a local family and helping to support the community. I gained so much life experience, a new perspective on life and developed so much gratitude. I came back a different person and since then I have put what I’ve learned into practice. I realised that integrating and supporting my local community is so important. I agree that your 20s is about exploring, learning and developing. 💜
As someone who is turning 29 this year, I love this video so much. Thanks Leena 💛
I’m only 7 minutes in and I’ve got a lump in my throat because what you’ve said so far has been wholly freeing.
I’m 22 and I feel immense pressure (from both myself and others) to achieve and experience as much as possible, so I can look back on this decade when I’m 30 and think “I slayed this.”
I have a literal “20s Bucket List” on my phone, which consists of mainly the things you mentioned… get a degree, travel, become fluent in another language, become successful in a career, save £10,000…
When I look at it, instead of feeling excitement and curiosity I just feel fear because I’m nowhere near completing that list.
But you’re right… here I am focusing on achieving again, on ticking off things so I can be where I want to be, as if having completed those goals is more important than actually experiencing them.
Maybe being present in whatever I’m doing (even if that’s just staring at the clouds) is more valuable than rushing through my day to day to chase ticking off all those things society deems ‘worthwhile’.
i am such a collector of “positive experiences” and have had so much anxiety from pressuring myself now that i’m graduated and home to have the same kinds and amount of “experiences”. and it’s been killing me. this video along w redefining happiness has helped me shift my perspective & appreciate the stage of life i am in. thank you 💛
Thank you so much for this series.
I’m 23 and only just beginning to live (as an adult and in general). I spent my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood very ill and very isolated from the world. I didn’t think I would live to be 23, and now I am and… and it’s terrifying!
One of my biggest fears is the feeling that I’ve already “wasted” a third of my 20s being stuck in hospital and doing literally nothing except trying to survive. It feels like I didn’t really start being 20 until 6 months ago. Your Twenties Toolkit videos help me both to gain a sense of direction and to step back and go “hey, I’m still only 23”.
I’ve come to the realization that maybe “beginning” my 20’s with 3 extra years of experience isn’t the worst thing after all!
Thank you Leena for being the internet Auntie we all needed!
I'm 25 and I honestly feel like I've wasted the past five years and the pandemonium didn't help. But you reminded me that I actually have done and experienced quite a few cool things in that time as well. And, on top of that, your life doesn't have to end in your 20s. There's plenty more to live and experience as you get older and it's never too late to do certain things.
When I was getting ready to graduate high school, my 5 year plan for myself was just to live in a decent apartment with some cats and plants and someone I love. Now I'm 24 and living in a decent apartment with LOTS of plants and cats and my best friend. I just hope for the rest of my twenties that I get to get out and experience more of the world and learn to dream a little bigger. I set a very achievable goal for myself (although a lot of people don't have what I do, and I'm immensely grateful for it) and I'm not sure where to go from here. I've been thinking about trying to rent or buy a house because you're right, being isolated in an apartment sucks in its own special way. But I don't make enough money to be able to rent a house even with my roommate, let alone buying one. I think I have to start getting serious about my career and make a bit more money so I can have more flexibility and freedom in the future. Which runs completely counter to the idea of prioritizing my mental health and making sure I enjoy my twenties! 😅
I'm almost 21. I think my goals for my twenties to be more myself, treat myself kinder, heal, becoming financially independent and leave the house which was sadly not the source of good memories and is of trauma. I want a cozy life. Enough money for what I want to buy and a nice space to call my own. Of course, I want a job too I can settle into nicely.
*sick with covid and watches a movie where a character dies of a contagious illness* this is fine
*manuscript is burned* actual horror film
Lol'ed, love you Leena
I'm nearing the end of my 20s and I really appreciate all the difficult things I decided to do, even if it meant huge embarrassment, discomfort, long term financial issues & having little to no support. I got the best stories and thrills from it!! I'd tell my younger self to trust my intuition to seek discomfort, it brings many treasures to the soul ❤️ Great video Leena
I'm 18 and this helps so much! I came across this randomly and I love learning new perspectives! Thanks for making this video!
Thank you so much, I’m 25 and I was feeling so lost and being in my mid twenties I thought I’d have everything figured out. I changed career paths and I’m happy with it but relationships and health have been so hard I feel like I’m in the middle of a desert. This video was really inspiring and honestly feels like a godsend.
Yes agree, Little Women is *not* a comfort film haha
Little Women 2019 is not a comfort film. Little Women 1994 is a comfort film.
im 29 and love this! What I am glad I did in my 20s is all the learning I have done about myself and how the world works. I tried the career I always wanted but walked away when I realised it wasnt making me happy and I was just doing what looked good on paper. Proud of myself for all of it. happiness right now is important, not a thought that you will be happy when you retire..because retirement isnt promised. It isnt some reward for slaving away your whole life. If you do live to be that age, you probably wont be able to enjoy it like you think you will.
I'm so happy to be reaching the end of my twenties. The first part of my adult life I was MISERABLE! Now I'm financially independent, improving my mental health, doing things I enjoy, I'm more self assured ... Am I there yet? Of course not! How can I be? I'm pretty sure at 90 I will still be be striving to better myself, in fact I'm counting on it
Lena, as a girl in her mid twenties, your videos are so important to me.
I feel like there's so much pressure to 'live your young years' in a certain way and I worry about how I'm not doing it 'right'. After watching this I genuinely feel like I can breathe again.
The knowledge you shared has made me feel readier than ever to embrace the chaos that is life 💖 thank you x
Great video Leena!! At 23, I do feel like the first few years of my 20s have been stripped beneath me (the 21st birthday bash was organised and ready for March 21st 2020 but was cancelled on the announcement of the pandemic lockdown)... but I'm still trying to use it as the goal-setting "what do I want to get out of my life and why do I want that". COVID and looking into my family history for sure has made me grateful of the small things in life and to genuinely consider why I want to travel and the purposes behind it. I feel privileged to be completely daunted by "potential" and wanting to do as many things as possible... this video for sure made me think about what it is to be in your 20s...
Being a third culture kid I feel like I knew these things but to have it put into words and be reassured that whatever I do I'm on the right path for myself has been amazing. This video helped with my catastrophizing and ruminating today...and I want to read that book...cheers to 21 this august
tck life makes you think so severely about every single choice in life ... like am i meant to live in country a, b, or c? so exhausting
I'm still trying to come to terms with 'losing' two years of my 20s ... I feel such a disconnect to my age and between the pandemic, living in London and a new cost of living crisis I'm definitely feeling incredibly unsuccessful, even though I feel like I set the bar pretty low already just being a single millennial in London. But I really appreciated the part in this video where we compared to our ancestors - I'm too used to comparing my life to the opportunities available to my parents (ie house prices) and think the whole encyclopedia comparison will do a lot more to humble me and cheer me up - thank you so much for that! Need to remember and be grateful for the ways we have it better.
im 19 and entering my twenties soon. thank you for your wisdom and your humor, i love you leena
Great video! As a late twenties person who is NOT where I used to imagine I would be, this was very reassuring.
-On thinking about how your ancestors would view your life - SO TRUE - I definitely have said this to myself before, particularly as a women I think the fact that I have a job that is fairly enjoyable and I can live alone and be fully independent would stun previous generations
-On travel - at the risk of being a bit insufferable - I lived abroad for a year in my 20s and it has slightly ruined normal holidays for me? I had such an amazing experience because I had spent years learning the language and culture before I went, and I was able to fully immerse myself and befriend local people and experience a very different way of living. As a naturally shy and introverted person it was hard but very worthwhile and it has also made me very aware that in my typical holiday, a few days in a european city, going round museums, eating local food, and not getting to know anyone new, I am barely scratching the surface of those places and cultures.
-I think culturally and from romantic movies and things I had really internalised this idea that I would get married at 27 years old and then I would be like...done? Like I would get married and be this perfect finished product adult, with no problems and no...life? Is this based on all the books I've read where people get married and then the book just ends? Possibly. Anyway, now that I have a variety of friends in their late 20s and early 30s, some of whom are married, some of whom aren't, it is very clear that people just keep being people, having challenges to deal with, living their lives. I wouldn't say that single friends are significantly more or less happy than long-term coupled up or married friends in most cases, and I would certainly rate happily single over unhappily sticking with a relationship!
-On hobbies - throughout my teens I was not at all into sports or moving in any way and in my twenties I discovered aerial dance and now I have this amazing passion and creative outlet that I would never have predicted! Is there any real 'purpose' to being able to fly through the air or hang upside down from my feet like a bat? Of course not! Does it bring me huge amounts of joy? YES!
As a 22 year old about to give my twenties to a PhD program, I definitely am taking the '20s as data collection' quite literally. But I really appreciated this video!
I've had so many people tell me I NEED to travel before I start my PhD, but with finances and covid it isn't in the cards. But I know that pursuing my education will also have me grow as a person, even if I don't get to see another continent before I go.
It might be very simple, but what I want for my twenties is contentment and enjoyment. The contentment that comes from fostering my relationships, both with my myself and others. The contentment that comes from making a point to work in joyus things throughout my day, most especially when they are practical things, such as a bright yellow raincoat and daily use napkins that have elephants on them.
The enjoyment of doing things that I like, with no thought to what my peers may think. I love a good opera, I can't lie, same with ballet's and classical music performances, a wander through a museum followed by a picnic sounds like all of the fun to me! My friends lovingly tease me for having the tastes of an auld wan, but their taste has no impact on the regularity that I do these things.
I suppose to summarize, I would like to spend my twenties giving into the little joys in life, paying no mind to how they will be perceived by others
“Curiosity should be a financial priority”
Thank you so much for this video. I'm 22 and life, especially during covid, just flew by. I've just moved to the biggest city in my country (berlin) right before covid and had a lot of time to think about all these concepts of life and community. i think people should not worry so much about what their actions may or may not bring in the future, but rather live in the moment.
I'm currently 23 and while it sure feels like I'm wasting time a lot,
I really enjoy the way things are and I'm glad I tried a lot of things
Even if I'm really bad at most of them.
I’m 20. watching this video I’m completely blown away. This video may have saved me from a lot of anguish because everything you said struck such a chord with me haha. To add to it, I think that because I didn’t enjoy my teens, I felt like a had to overcompensate for a while and be ‘the adult’, to almost show people that I didn’t care and they’re immature and fun is overrated and growing up and being sophisticated the way to go! But I was projecting and I slowly learnt that the best thing about being in my twenties, so far, is that I get to live my dream teen life. If my 16 year old self sitting in lockdown being miserable or my 14 year old self being completely racked with anxiety could see me now, she’d be so proud. I’m meeting people and having the ‘fun nights’ and going on trips and wearing cool clothes that I bought with money I earnt, just the little things. It’s hard to rationalise with rampant existentialism, the worlds a mess, but I’ll keep trying.
This is so much more positive than other similarly themed videos. Thank you. 😊🥰
I'm just a month away from turning 20, and much of what you said took a lot of pressure out of me and made me excited to start collecting data haha thank you!!
I'm still yet to start my twenties, though it is creeping up this year now. The part about travel really got me given that a lot of my friends and old school mates are posting their tours of the world currently and I'm not going myself. I'm actually technically behind because I restarted two of my a-levels. For a while it did really feel like a pullback when everyone was setting off to uni, but with this extra year I've had the opportunity to slow down a bit and get some sweet sweet therapy. Plus I've been putting more effort into forming closer connections with the friends still in my hometown with more one-on-one hangouts and joining my dad more often to events with family friends. It's been a great time for reflection and figuring out why I've picked my uni courses and the more general idea of how I want to spend my life (to a very broad degree tho, I definitely want to keep 'developing a taste for chaos' in mind haha).
Thank you for putting all of these videos together, Leena. It'll be interesting when I reach my thirties too and I can come back and add wisdom I get along the way as well :D
I love this series. You have such a level perspective. I'm gonna pick up this book!
I'm in my early 20's and this really gave me some great perspective. There is a potential career avenue that I've almost fully talked myself out of because it would take too long, and still have the potential to not work out but I'm going to go back and reinvestigate
• how do you find the courage to change course ? and what's your motive ? because for me I studied a major I like but don't love and a part of me wants to pursue it because I feel there's so much I can learn from it right, but I also can't help but envy friends from high school who decided to pursue their "passion " and what their naturally good at and actually seem to be thriving and excelling in that. I once believed one should pursue their passion right because it's a lot easier to get the drive to keep going, but as i grew older I feared pursuing my passion and actually somewhat Los myself and true interests. now my career pursuit has been me telling myself I should just learn to love something and with time I'll be good at it. I watch people around me who seem so thrilled and just filled with life from their career choice and i feel so lost, so stuck. I feel no life. this is such a huge decision I feel pressured to make, to know exactly what I want to do and pursue one career path my whole life. I fear that not sticking to one career I'll lack focus and will fail as a result, because it's like focus hardworking and effort in one thing you have interest in is what breeds success in that thing. I just don't know what I want or what my motive is and it's just making me feel so empty and depressed. how can you move forward or do anything when you don't even have a why?
@@palesamphatsoe959 okay honestly I think it's really helpful to remember that despite how rushed and chaotic life feels when you're in school and developing a career path there actually is a ton of time to change your mind. I'm pursuing my passion because it's niche and I'll likely be able to find a job- if my passion was very general and already a field that people were struggling to get jobs I'd probably feel differently, so there is some practicality and logistics involved. It also happens to be the intersection of all my major interests. So to me it's really worth it to just go for it because I refuse to have it not work out. However, There is nothing wrong with working a job that you just tolerate (as long as it's not soul-crushing) if it gives you the financial freedom to live a nice, full life. What you're passionate about will be there tomorrow but it will also be there 5, 10 years from now.
my goals for my twenties (which are a while away, i’m 16:
• perform in a shakespeare comedy
(why? because i have a heavy emotional connection to shakespeare and theatre)
• pass my driving test
(why? to gain further independence and be able to visit the events and museums i wish to)
• get a PhD in Classics
(why? to be able to teach classics and eventually become a professor)
Love love love this video, packed full of wisdom. I'm 88% through my 20s now; one of my biggest life aha moments was when at the start of the pandemic I hired a life/career/creative coach to help me figure out which one of several business opportunities to pursue. Before our last session I went on holiday and when I came back realised I didn't want to run a business, I wanted to get a dog, move to the countryside, and make things for fun and not profit. I've since moved out of London, got my dog, and design + fabricate jigsaw puzzles just for myself. I am so much happier now. Can't wait to see what revelations come next. Also I'm really hoping some 30s toolkit videos are around the corner bc I'm gonna need them 😄
Cool video. Interesting to learn the exact number of weeks in my 20s. I'm turning 25 in a couple of weeks, aah. Anyone else get anxious and/or depressed feelings around their birthday? Societal expectations are hard to let go of, but internalised expectations or values you hold are hard when you're not fully in alignment or where you want to be. Trying to be self-compassionate.
Currently drowning in the data and failing to analyse it… unlike science I guess there’s not a magical moment when you see statistical significance…
subbed within the first couple seconds!
Love ur personality and as someone who is nearly twenty and stressing over careers etc. ALREADY, it's really helpful!
Thanks so much.
This video played automatically and I couldn't stop watching! So grateful. Love this!
I'm 22, going into my final year of uni in a few months, started therapy a little while ago and am having a huge fckn crisis over what I actually want to do as a career and do I want a family and kids and if I do when is that and its all just... a lot. So this video was kinda comforting, at the very least it reminded me that a whole lot can happen in a relatively short amount of time, and my life doesnt end when I turn 30 lol, so thanks for that reassurance
I’m in my late 20s and trust me when I say that you have time. I’ve changed careers 3 times since graduating and now returning back to my first one. You’re not a failure for exploring in your 20s when everyone else seems to have a streamlined trajectory in life. If you make a choice about your future now and you change your mind, that’s ok! You don’t have to have it all figured out.
Also while having a career, family, house, etc are great milestones to have, taking control of your mental health, learning how to set boundaries and stick up for yourself, and building confidence amongst other things are also incredible things to achieve. And I would also argue that many adults don’t achieve the latter even in a lifetime. So if that’s ‘all’ you do in your 20s, you’ve still achieved a lot.
I really like how you put the whole “your ancestors would be shocked”-thing! I know how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to choose everything I have chosen - living independently and making real decisions and educating myself as a young woman. The first woman to ever get a degree in engineering in Sweden did so only a hundred years ago, and I can do the same today without any social backlash and without even paying for it. The field I’m studying specifically (bioengineering) didn’t even exist a hundred years ago! Sometimes it’s good to just marvel at the world you’re in and at how lucky you are.
I'm 23, and have spent the last 4 months traveling through the Balkans with my bf and my two dogs as digital nomads. I have done more personal growth in the last 4 months than I have during the rest of my 20's. Would highly recommend slow travel as a way to expand your mind to the reality of the world. We are so sheltered in the same feedback loop of ideas in the West (I'm Australian). In saying that, I completely agree that it's incredibly so easy to travel the world, but never learn anything from it.
Leena you are like the big sister I never had! Thank you so much for all your sound advice. I think I really resonate with the part about decisions. I think one of my biggest struggles rn is indecisiveness with goals and ideas I have for myself. I already chose my degree and I think I am happy with it but sometimes I really think about switching to something else entirely.