My son is going through this for four years. He finally hired an attorney last year and a GAL was appointed. It seems that the GAL is more on the side of the alienating Mother. My son always recorded his phone conversations with his daughter, if the Mother and Step father even allowed him to talk to her. They were always in the background telling her what to say. My son offered the tapes to the GAL , but he kind of shrugged off the offer and told my son that it would cost him $150 an hour for him to listen to the recordings. It's like he doesn't believe my son at all. It's very discouraging, and I don't think most Judges even recognize Parental Alienation as being a legitimate thing.
Thank you for your comments. Many judges have told me confidentially that finding parental alienation is often a matter of proof. Many judges may suspect it is going on but can't make rulings without evidence. Unfortunately, that evidence may involve the child's testimony (which no one wants to cause to happen) or testimony from a mental health professional expert witness. And yes, recordings (and voluminous text messages) are a pain. If that is a parent's only proof, one approach is to create an audio file of "highlights" and picking out the most important text messages which illustrate the problems. When it comes to this sort of evidence, all experienced family lawyers understand your frustration.
There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”. We need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected. We can develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven. Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need. A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance. C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”. If these 3 stages are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational. Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it. Such family protocols would be the default position, (allowing love, courtesy and humour to prevail) but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court. Buckminster Fuller said:- “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”. To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.
Thank you for your comments. We always suggest court action is a last resort. In just about every video and written article, we strongly suggest working with an experienced mental health professional first - both individually and as a family. Unfortunately, as an experienced family lawyer, I know that will not always work. Almost always, family lawyers are contacted after every reasonable effort has been tried and failed. If a parent seeks our advice before trying counseling, almost all experienced family lawyers suggest counseling and mediation. In some cases, the only way to get a parent to counseling or mediation is through filing court action.
This is dangerous misinformation - it should speak about initial mediation. Not trial. ‘Alienating parents’ likely have safety or similar concerns - mediation will air these concerns and address them. Work out an initial agreed visit and care plan when you split. Put your feelings for each other well aside. Labeling that parents may have narcissistic traits is speculative and diagnosing without basis. This video is harmful.
This video is part of a series. We do discuss mediation and settlement. This video is here to describe what can/should be done if a settlement cannot be reached.
I hear you. We have several important videos describing and advocating for mediation on my channel. Keep in mind the premise of this series of videos on parental alienation assumes mediation has not (or will not work). This video addresses the last resort when everything else isn't working. Please consider this video in the context and part of the total picture discussed and described in the four part video series.
My son is going through this for four years. He finally hired an attorney last year and a GAL was appointed. It seems that the GAL is more on the side of the alienating Mother. My son always recorded his phone conversations with his daughter, if the Mother and Step father even allowed him to talk to her. They were always in the background telling her what to say. My son offered the tapes to the GAL , but he kind of shrugged off the offer and told my son that it would cost him $150 an hour for him to listen to the recordings. It's like he doesn't believe my son at all. It's very discouraging, and I don't think most Judges even recognize Parental Alienation as being a legitimate thing.
Thank you for your comments. Many judges have told me confidentially that finding parental alienation is often a matter of proof. Many judges may suspect it is going on but can't make rulings without evidence. Unfortunately, that evidence may involve the child's testimony (which no one wants to cause to happen) or testimony from a mental health professional expert witness. And yes, recordings (and voluminous text messages) are a pain. If that is a parent's only proof, one approach is to create an audio file of "highlights" and picking out the most important text messages which illustrate the problems. When it comes to this sort of evidence, all experienced family lawyers understand your frustration.
Thank you
This is so heartbreaking.
❤
There is a better way. Parental custody of children is actually a very simple matter to solve given the true desire of “What is best for the child”.
We need to separate and discard marriage from family law as they no longer seem to be connected.
We can develop protocols that confer (over time) equal parental rights and responsibilities,…..once parentage is proven.
Children’s natural maturation process has 3 essential stages of need.
A.The unconditional love of the mother from birth until about 7 years of age. The mother to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
B.The conditional love of the father, who takes his children out into the world, gives security and teaches social boundaries from 7 until about 13 years of age. The father to have “thefinalsay” and to receive child allowance.
C.The friendship and respect of peers from 13 until 18 years of age. The child to have “thefinalsay”.
If these 3 stages are not gone through in order, maturation is unlikely to be satisfactorily achieved and mental resilience reduced. This has now become generational.
Such a regime of equal parenting rights (over time) would bind parents into a co-operative relationship, because (over time) each will hold the power of “thefinalsay” sequentially when they are best favoured to use it.
Such family protocols would be the default position, (allowing love, courtesy and humour to prevail) but could in exceptional cases be varied by the court.
Buckminster Fuller said:-
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete”.
To alleviate suffering is worthy. To prevent it is divine, but thankless.
Thank you for your comments. We always suggest court action is a last resort. In just about every video and written article, we strongly suggest working with an experienced mental health professional first - both individually and as a family. Unfortunately, as an experienced family lawyer, I know that will not always work. Almost always, family lawyers are contacted after every reasonable effort has been tried and failed. If a parent seeks our advice before trying counseling, almost all experienced family lawyers suggest counseling and mediation. In some cases, the only way to get a parent to counseling or mediation is through filing court action.
This is dangerous misinformation - it should speak about initial mediation. Not trial. ‘Alienating parents’ likely have safety or similar concerns - mediation will air these concerns and address them. Work out an initial agreed visit and care plan when you split. Put your feelings for each other well aside. Labeling that parents may have narcissistic traits is speculative and diagnosing without basis. This video is harmful.
This video is part of a series. We do discuss mediation and settlement. This video is here to describe what can/should be done if a settlement cannot be reached.
I hear you. We have several important videos describing and advocating for mediation on my channel. Keep in mind the premise of this series of videos on parental alienation assumes mediation has not (or will not work). This video addresses the last resort when everything else isn't working. Please consider this video in the context and part of the total picture discussed and described in the four part video series.