I got fired by a toxic boss on a Friday and got another job the following Friday with a 30K bump in pay. Moral of the story: take every setback and make it irrelevant.
I’m looking to get out of my current role, and I am extremely hyper-sensitive to buzzwords, such as “fast paced” and “multitasking” in job descriptions. Those words scream “understaffed” to me, and I avoid those jobs like the plague.
Another one is “we run lean,” which means they’ll have one person doing the job of 2 or 3, or “we have the ability to pivot quickly,” which means they can make whatever arbitrary decisions with little consequence or red tape up to & including spontaneous staffing decisions.
Nailed it! My boss said it's "the nature of the beast," meanwhile, 5 teachers have quit in the first three weeks of school. Doesn't sound like it's just me.
The phrase that sends me is “must have comfort with ambiguity…” 😑 It is one of the biggest red flags next to anything that touts a “family” culture at the job. Put these 2 together and it’s a set up to mind f.*k you.
A few patterns I've seen: - They withhold lots of small details, so when you miss them, they can complain that your incompetent, even though you're overall good at your job. - They complain that you "don't smile". They see that you're good at your job and that you don't harrass anyone, but they still want you gone, so they complain about your "bad attitude" and how you "don't smile". - They also create no win situations where if you don't talk to people, then you "have a bad attitude", but if you do talk to people, then they say, "and he's talking to me like I care"
This happened to me. My friends told me my supervisor was jealous of me. That was weird to me. My supervisor made way more money than me, had a gorgeous car and was very funny and smart. She was condescending so I had to leave.
Smart. I will have to start paying closer attention to it. I felt something was off in my gut years ago, but doubted myself. It has gotten worse every year. I applied for three jobs this month.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.yyy
I just want to be able to sleep every night all the thing's that have happened in work just keep racing through my mind it's like being trapped inside a nightmare, how can people take joy in watching people suffer
You need a reset routine, my friend. This sounds cliche and eyerolly, but it might help: at the end of the day, write down everything that is bothering you from the day. All the stress. Use old fashioned pen and paper. Once it's done, write 'I'm leaving it all here in this paper for tonight' You'll have a level of release that can help your subconscious release it
I am about 5 years away from retirement. My career spanned 40 years. The first 35 with a company that laid me off and the last 4 years with a new organization. Let me just say when I look back on my mistakes, faux pas, or times I wasn’t sure if I was being viewed favorably or not, I realize none of it really matters. Anything embarrassing at the first job is history and I barely remember any of the things that bothered me. In my current job, I am a short timer. Anytime I make a mistake, I own up to it and move on quickly because the mistakes I make aren’t really that big and the longer I dwell on it, the bigger it becomes. The key is to act like it doesn’t bother you and then don’t let it bother you. Do the best you can and smile through everything. The worst they can do is fire you and you will find another job, but act like they would be crazy to fire you.
In addition to my post above, I would also add to make sure you stay out of the office rumor mill. You can keep your eyes and ears open to stay looped in, but make sure your mouth stays shut. Try to be kind to all of your coworkers even when they are not in the room. Become a very neutral coworker when it comes to having opinions about other people.
@@Chris-tg3qy yeah. I caught coworkers talking behind my back more than once, I could hear them through a door, it was devastating, one of them I mentored and spent hours training and developing them, felt very betrayed. Personally I never ever speak ill about anyone
I know how it is, i started to look for another job in the previous year and I have such a low self-esteem that affects me about how I advertise myself. I'm struggling to "sell" myself properly in the interviews, looking like a pathectic piece of shit and nobody wants to hire a pathetic professional. However, I know my value and that I'm currently one of the best professionals in my company. This what happens when you get no recognition for over ten years, even though you achieve big goals they make it look like that was notting more than expected, when it actually isn't.
@@lsfrareJup thats exactly what a toxic workplace does to you. It completely undermines your personality. Its best to spend several months doing deep self reflections, practice self-compassion, journal emotions, set new personal goals, start directing your life, regain confidence etc before you start applying for jobs. Otherwise the moment you start an interview your non-verbal communication is already unconciously alarming the interviewer that something is off.
@@lsfrarewrite down any positive you’ve done for them. Everything. Remind yourself of the good when they want you to focus on the bad about yourself to mask their poor system!
I think a weird affect of a toxic job (for me at least) was that while interviewing, I dissected everything and convinced myself that every opportunity was going to be just as bad. I found pseudo red flags everywhere just because I was so scared to end up in the same position
This is really common! There is the fear of the unknown (at least you know what you're dealing with in the toxic job), but also your brain has formed a pattern that when it spots behavior it senses danger and fight/flight/freeze activates.
Me at the moment. I am handing over now to the new person they have hired and I can’t even apply for jobs. I am working from home for someone who is far away. I even desperately want to start my own startup. I can’t go into another one of these environments ever again
Yep, I experienced the same. I started to see false red flags everywhere. I started to get scared to even apply to jobs or go to interviews because I was terrified that everywhere would be just as bad as where I was at. Luckily (but it felt unlucky at the time) something happened at work that was the very last straw for me. I hit the resume hard and started applying more that I ever have because the pain of staying was now so much worse than the unknown.
Keep looking out for red flags. It's a natural protective system. The job will prove overtime to be toxic or not, just like a new partner. You have to give it a few weeks or months before deciding to engage long term.
Always hated working with toxic people. Toxic coworkers will cause more drama and problems then they are worth. Yet when called out on the carpet they have this unique ability to try and turn the blame onto other people. THey make you second guess yourself, destroy your confidence and make you feel like crap. Nothing worse than a toxic coworker.
Exactly. I had been working around those gaslighting and manipulate ppl so I know. It's just it takes me too long to get out. Only until I faced consequences (actual physical abuse) that I finally decided to get out
I have a great current boss who could see the PTSD my last job created. She really spent some extra time and effort guiding me through the on-boarding and training for my new job and breaking old thought patterns and reassuring me that things were not like that in this office. About a week after starting this job, my husband had to be admitted to the ER for acute pancreatis and was hospitalized for about a week. I kept reporting to work and when my boss found out my husband was ill she freaked out, "What the hell are you doing here!?!?" I just looked at her and said, "Well, my last position..." She interrupted and said, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm ordering you to leave now and go to the hospital." I cried the whole way there, realizing how badly my last position screwed up my work/life balance mindset.
I quit after 6 months into a job with a toxic supervisor. Best decision I made! The residual psychological effects have been more difficult to get over. It's a looped tape that replays in my mind and has definitely impacted my decision to return to the job market.
I feel the same. I hope you are feeling better now? Toxic work environments are damaging. I truly believe that we should walk out of them as soon as possible. Nothing to gain, absolutely nothing, from staying.
Left my toxic job and getting ready to start a new one. But my enthusiasm is nonexistent. I'm totally scarred from the last one and I'm afraid I'm getting into another. PTSD for sure.
Same. Haven’t quit yet but I already feel paranoid about “next,” especially since my current workplace WAS supposed to be an escape from another toxic environment. I know the red flags I missed but what if there’s nothing better?
just walked out of my toxic job yesterday. i hope the fallout i left in my wake is at least worse for them than what they did to me. it was my entry job into my dream career, and they tried to kill my confidence to keep me there. according to them i’m too incompetent to get a job anywhere else, and even if i did, it wouldn’t be nearly as good as i had it there. i didn’t want to stay long enough to start believing that bullshit.
How has that gone man? Did you manage to find something better? I am doing the same. I was an entry level and I made maybe the worst choice ever. I have been put in "sink or swim" mode.
Put in my two weeks notice last week at my job. My job was constantly micromanaging and degrading comments from upper management. They refused to give out time off. The job was a revolving door and I never experienced so many people leaving. I have never been so happy to leave this job. The weight was lifted off my shoulders last Thursday. I manifested a new job that I previously didn’t get and they called me back as another position opened within new company. This has been the craziest two and a half years of my life. I have been watching your videos for the past month Jennifer thank you for all of your videos.
After quieting a toxic work place, my etiquettes, beliefs, and knowledge of wrong and right, commonsense, etc. , was affected greatly! I felt deeply "stained" and tainted! But, I had saved enough money to hold me off ( no work ) for about 2 years so I used this time to recover my selfness again. I also forgot to mention that I quit the toxic work place when I did my recovery! I now work for a company that teaches its employees (verbally and computer eLearning) to be respectful to customers and especially to each other.
I spent 8 years in a toxic job, the manager was unfriendly, unprofessional, unapproachable, and finally, nasty. I remember working outside as we were a horticultural nursery potting plants, my co worker had a bad back and just stopped for one minute and the manager yelled at him saying why have you stopped working? Yelling at people is very unprofessional
Treating people poorly, as a leadership strategy, actually makes everyone worse at their jobs. I don't trust people like that. It's like they are hiding something, rather than trying to build a business.
This hits home. I just started a new job, and every little thing I do, I think it’s wrong. Or that I’m not good enough, and when my bosses give me Critique or a task to do, I take offense because I’m so used to being screamed at. I’m trying my best to heal :( my confidence has been affected so much by the names I was called, and how much gossip there was and unfair treatment. I’m trying to not carry it into my next job, but it’s hard
Your brain has programmed the pattern. It will decrease slowly over time in it's own, or you can speed it up by spotting the patterns and releasing them (if you're curious about this, I'd love for you to come to my webinar!)
Most ppl cant afford a break between jobs but i think time away is the only way to heal. Without that look for ways on how the current job is different from the toxic job and focus on that For example former boss jerk. .current boss is nice..then tell yourself current boss' motive is to help you not hurt you whenever he or she critiques
@@stelladallasAlabama true. When i was on disability for 2 months healing from being ill, i never thought about work. I was so happy. I felt like i got my power back. I felt free and all the tension and stiffness in my body left. As soon as i went back the first and second day it felt foreign to me. I felt like i didnt belong. By the end of that week my confidence went down and i was in physical pain again. Thats when i knew it was time to leave.
I left my toxic job. I was surviving for 3 months when they hired this girl who was just indirectly bullying me and this guy had triangulated us. I saw clearly what he was doing and avoided him but she clearly did not. They both were malice campaigning me and all my co workers and bosses were naive enough to take their words over my actions. They chose to gossip and leave me out of meetings and ignored me when I had questions about orders, totally acting like high schoolers and handling this extremely unprofessional. I was isolated and over worked and constant stressed trying to figure out things on my own, in fear of losing my job which led me to have a mental break down that two co-workers saw and the whole ordeal got way out of hand. I had damages done to my car from the girl when she saw me talking to one of my bosses privately in the office. My job wouldn’t accept my request to leave and kept my vacation Pay over my head and acted like they did nothing which screwed me over big time. I ended up just not showing up because I was starting to feel physical effects of the whole ordeal. Please chose your over all well being of your self over finical well being. I am struggling finically but to have my mental peace again is priceless!
I completely understand I'm on the same boat as you are my narcissistic boss just fired me. And boy I feel relieved and now I'm Free. I hope you find another job opportunity surrounding with empaths. I wish you the best of luck sweetie. You got this
Omg I‘be had the exact experience you described!! I too ended up having a mental breakdown in my office. I was even put in the mental hospital because of all the stress and bullying I dealt with at work. That happened at the beginning of last year and I finally left in august. You can’t finish healing in the place that broke you. I am struggling financially and my car might be taken away from me, but I’ve never been happier!!
Oof, 12:00 hit me hard. I used to have a lot of dreams and ambitions, but after my last job (this is my last week), I just want a quiet, without a lot of responsibilities job. Even if I'm over qualified for it.
I finally quit my toxic job after 7 years. I now work at a hospital where I'm feel happier and healthier. I'm still healing the wounds on my back from 7 years of abuse, bullying, harassment, being screamed at, the sexual jokes towards me, my shiftleader physically touching me, my boss being a hypocrite and more
I am sorry you went through that. We all deserve better. My friend who has a PhD in mental health told me that it takes twice the length of exposure to the toxicity for our brains to recalibrate and longer to truly heal. I found this validating and motivated me to work on changing my thought patterns. I wish you well.
I am so relieved that I found your channel. After only 2 months I began having anxiety attacks and couldnt sleep through the night. I reported the abuser to my managers three times and they assured me he would be spoken to. I took a few days off to recover from the latest abusive rant. And my managers didnt seem to have my back, after all. I chose to resign because trust was lost. I can only control me not coworkers nor managers. wish me luck that my last week will be lighter and I get a better job next.
3+ months since I escaped from my toxic boss. Recently, I found myself apologizing to my current boss for bugging him so much. His response 'you aren't bugging me at all, we were problem solving.' I have to tell myself that I'm in a new place and not to let the past affect me. But still have those instances where my guard goes up instantly. Thank gosh I work from home so I can take a 5 minute break to chill
A victim of a toxic workplace can become an abuser in another one. My ex-coworker was that kind of person. He was emotionally insecure and vulnerable because he was laid off from his previous job. It was so frustrating for me. Another coworker left the job because of him.
Seems to be how it goes, new nice people come into a toxic environment, they either adapt and become (somewhat) toxic themselves or they leave. But not everyone has the luxury of being able to leave. I think, if you reflect and you hate the person you are becoming but you cannot leave, it's probably worth saving up money for years even if you must before you dare take the leap, while in the meantime you try to not behave in a toxic way yourself (which is really difficult). It's probably also good to realise many of the people there - especially the young hires - probably simply don't know better and try to see the best in them, regardless of what they're doing
Jennifer, you are a godsend! I have escaped the toxic work place a few weeks ago and am now really struggling with the aftermath of it all. Working for a very toxic narcissistic boss has damaged me on so many levels. :(((((((((( It has been one of the most horrific and traumatising events of my entire life, and I only wish I can heal fully one day.
You can! I went through an intense experience and I promise there is another side - it takes work and it's not always easy but there is so much light on the other side. Are you coming to my Toxic Job Recovery webinar?
This is amazing. I am currently working on leaving my toxic work environment. My confidence is gone and I am working REALLY hard to get my confidence back. I realized that complaining is an issue for me so I will focus swapping complaining with being grateful. And OMG Ive completely scaled down my ambition because of the toxic environment.
I was in a very toxic work environment at this grocery store chain in Texas. Their culture was very oppressive and full of gossip. Management and HR approved of gossiping while having meetings about not gossiping. Management and HR were the only people benefitting from the gossip. And they did such things under the guise we're a family. This is how you know that the culture is a toxic brew of jealousy, envy, back biting and racism.
I'm a career changer. I changed to an HR job. I never worked in an office setting. It all started great and was good for a little over a year, then my boss became a mean person. She began to gossip about me to upper management and other coworkers. I approached her 3 separate times to discuss the issue, but just got worse. She began to say things like I made a ton of mistakes but could only point out one when I asked specifically. The office became toxic. Everyone was afraid of her and her power, so no one stood up. I gave my two weeks notice, found another job, same role, but feeling afraid 😨. I'm trying to shake off the toxicity, and taking a week off before beginning new job. Thank God I didn't stay in toxic for long, because I can see how it's changed my confidence in myself. Thanks for this video. I ran across it trying to get mentally strong again before I start new job next week
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.pp
I will never let a toxic job ruin my life. I know I handled my unceremonious departure well and I believe in the saying "How you handle it is up to you" and I severed ties with my former employers, including the people I used to work with. Being a customer there in the future is very unlikely, unless the change owners or get rid of the manager, who bullied and fired me who already has a record in his work history which I'm sure will cause a dent in his future job prospects. It's comforting to know that I will be going places, and he will struggle as a result of a bad decision he made citing his overall bad attitude and behaviour. I think I got the right amount of closure although it will take a little bit more time to move ahead mentally. I have absolutely no tolerance for bullying of any kind, especially in the workplace. If I owned a company and a supervisor or manager bullied someone at my company, they would be gone the next day.
@@JenniferBrick I've been bullied most of my life and being bullied at work is a lot more personal not only because of a toxic workplace also because it's illegal and against the law. An employee lawsuit against a company for that or even out them out of business if they fail to contain it or reprimand those involved.
@@JenniferBrick I actually wanted to take to indeed and review my last job and/or share the whole story of my bullying boss on reddit, but I somehow feel it will get back to me.
@@southernpacific7200 I was abused at my previous job for the past 7 years. My shiftleader wasn't a good person. The coworkers would bully me because I was the newbie. They did this to other newbies in the past. My boss was a hypocrite because does aposolousy nothing with situations. This caused me to have mental health problems Now I work at a hospital and I feel alot more happier. However though I fear my shiftleader would follow me to my new workplace
Scaling back my ambition was the #1 result of a toxic work environment. For me, I also realized it was acceptable in the field to demean and gaslight people as a way to get ahead (legal industry). So, it meant switching to a new field. Working on regaining confidence and this channel has helped enormously put things in perspective with a plan. Thank you for all this info.
I did with Wayne Farms. Everything about it sucked. I worked off and on for almost 4 years from 2016 to 2020. The workplace was good at first, but over time a lot of people there acted immature and brought in drama, my workload became excessive, my pay was even less than when I first started, then I got suspended due to false allegations, and then the day I went to HR after finishing my 3 day suspension, the Shift Manager terminated me. It was so bad, I cussed out the Shift Manager in front of HR and the Safety Officer. It's been almost 15 months since I got terminated, and I'm much better off without that toxic job and toxic workplace.
Definitely! I quit two toxic jobs in a row that were harming my mental and physical health and a few months later started a new third job. I was so on edge that I took copious notes on every little interaction and thing I noticed that *could* indicate it was another toxic workplace. I was determined not to let this happen to be for a third time in a row! It took a good 3 months or so for me to feel like I could let my guard now and be less vigilant. I'm now celebrating my 2-year anniversary with my current company and I am very happy!
Yes, 3 different jobs. Doing good in the latest company I am working at. You are right about it affecting confidence. Took me a while to get back to how I was before working in a toxic environment.
Confidence is contagious and it changes their perception of you at work We need to thrive not just survive or even worse, betrauatized by a job not worth it at all
Put in my 2 weeks notice at my toxic job today. Jennifer, you are so right about the hit that my confidence has taken in this job. A good friend just texted me with an idea I might explore next. I politely thanked her and then said to myself, " I could never do that!" Yikes!
When I didn't do what some other coworkers wanted me to do, they would immediately talk about me behind my back, in front of me sometimes, laughing and snickering. My confidence took a hit. My manager never checked in on us, requested that I help fill in to be supervisor since I was paid more than others but I was never really respected. On top of all the other drama going on, I became very depressed. Out of desperation, I'm leaving without another job lined up. I want to take time to heal and pursue other things without needing to work with "coworkers"
After being at a toxic job for 6 years i had low self esteem , feeling hopeless. I had to go to therapy and still doubting myself in what i do. Always look at the red flags. My boss started slandering me with others . Toxic jobs can destroy you
You’re absolutely right. My current job is rob me of confidence. I have a new job lined up but I feel like I have PTSD and picked up those toxic behaviors you’re speaking of. I plan on taking off three weeks before I start my new job to detoxify.
This hit me, I'm a PhD student and my supervisor really undermines my confidence; I'm highly educated and I've had lots of successes, but at any hiccough she literally says "well if you can't even x what's the point?". Unfortunately if I quit it will make it hard to get another academic position, especially because she is highly regarded in the field, and she comes off as really sweet when you don't know her well, so not being able to "make it work" with her will look bad. I have almost left the field entirely a few times because I get feeling like I won't be successful, even though I have a track record of success. I've been wondering if I can just put a little more distance between us so her feedback won't be as frequent and it won't sting as much; I don't think she actually dislikes me or my work, she just has a mean streak. But ya, totally, there are huge consequences to a toxic environment at all levels.
I made the mistake of going to HR about my bully boss. Things were made exponentially worse and the whole team, that my boss had already been gossiping about me to, backed her up and complained about me. At my "performance review" my boss lied and misrepresented my work, and I had written and demonstrative proof that the things she claimed were untrue, but HR let them stand and tried to make me sign the review. I was given a zero on my record and placed on the bad-standing, do-not-hire list. I can't have the job on my resume as a result and I don't know what to do.
That’s a shame and a huge disgrace. Some people are so evil. They (bosses or coworkers) will lie and say that you didn’t do your job EVEN when you do it right in front of them. They “make up stuff” to get you fired. When I say “you” I mean people general. @ Kate. I wish you the best may you find a job where people who treat you with dignity and respect.
I’ve been in a toxic work environment 2020 to 2022 in an executive leadership position. It was hell on earth. Healing from that was further complicated since my father passed away in 2022. His passing finally opened my eyes to just how toxic my family really is and how that toxic work environment mirrored family dynamics a lot. I had to physically and psychologically distance from the family to heal relational traumas inflicted by my narcissistic mother and mentally ill brothers. I’m in a better place now. Thanks to my healing, it was really easy for me to leave my recent job: jealous and undermining coworkers, threatened and insecure boss, and a work culture fuelled by gossip and run by emotional bullies and codependent leaders. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without regret if I didn’t know my true Self and if I don’t have savings to carry me through until I find my next opportunity. Your channel is my favourite these days. You’ve validated everything I have been through. Keep up the good work.
Such great points. I have gone through all this. One thing that I can say about working for a toxic boss and in a toxic environment-I learned and was validated about how NOT to act
I quit my toxic workplace 2 months. I have not had sleepless nights for 2 months. An employee who started wotking there this year just quit. They gaslit me so much that i had doubts and felt i might be the problem, that employee leaving validated me and made my confidence solid.
Just a thought, but why is a toxic workplace something the worker has to escape and deal with on their own? Toxicity at work maximizes the short-term bottom line. How do we provide incentive for companies to facilitate a healthy work environment? I feel it is slightly flawed thinking to consider the corporate world a beast that cannot be tamed.
Yes, companies need to address this too. I have a few colleagues who work with companies to do just this, however sometimes it's a feature and not a bug of the culture. For example, Apple is notoriously secretive and discourse can be kinda salty (and Steve Jobs, who was a great visionary but terrible leader has thousands of leaders who aspire to be just like him in his they act). For some people that's a nightmare, for others that's their dream job.
Because companies do not care. Sometimes they are too big to fail (like the one I work for). The end goal is maximisation of profits for owners and top management. That's it. And they'll do everything e.g. help greenwashing polluters while promoting environmental goals, like the one i work for. One little rat running the wheel is nothing to them. Edit: legal charges against company, lost reputation and money, that's the only way to hurt companies where toxic env is a norm. I've seen people getting destroyed in the process. 😔
@@phoenix. so much this. A cultural change may be what we need, but I’ve found that trying to affect change and point out the problem myself has been screaming into the wind. Hitting them in the reputation helps some, but now companies like Glassdoor sells corporate memberships so their HR and marketing minions can reply to you and make themselves look better. I’ve found the best way to deal with this corporate abuse is to leave and support any group of people trying to unionize or fight back.
I don't know, but I talked to an internal HR leadership coach about how a narcissist became manager, and that an increasing culture of toxic deference was the reason for declining productivity and high turnover. They didn't deny it at all. They said they were aware of my respective office struggling. And they advised me to let it go, and start applying for other jobs.
@@GratitudeDay I had a great job in healthcare, but the culture was very toxic in the main office where I eventually worked. When they'd finally hit me in the paycheck, I left and got their highest income doctor fired for ethics violations.
I resigned last week from my toxic workplace!!! My last day is Friday & I'm taking some time off to look & recoup. Was there 5 years & had been in a toxic place before then, too. I'm both excited about looking & scared that I'll get in another one. Fortunately the person I've been working for during the pandemic (they got rid of the bad manager & shifted us under a better one) has been good to work for & my confidence is somewhat restored but there is still some healing to do. I love to work & know I can be of good benefit to someone, so thank you for all the great vids as they're reprogramming my mind!!!
Absolutely. My last 3 jobs all had toxic narcissists as my boss. My most recent company of almost 8 years is where I suffered the most damage. The great news is that we only lost 1 employee to suicide. Of course, when she started with the company, she was super outgoing with professional goals. I, like many others are still seeking therapy. Our GM (malignant narcissist) has triangulated HR into thinking we're all misfits. Fortunately, they believe him. It's such a great feeling knowing that companies care for you.
So spot on here, thank you for this video. I could write a novel about how I left a toxic job after two months that wreaked havoc on my self esteem and dented my confidence. I almost lost the job I have now four years later because of it. I carried that trauma into the new job. There are a LOT of bad Managers out there and the fact that some employers promote these people without realizing their down stream impacts is astounding to me. Also, EVERY job I've had over the past 30 years or so there is always one or two bad managers who were promoted to a level of their own incompetence, it NEVER fails. Still cleaning up that mess left behind from three horrible managers over my 30 years of working.
I left a good job for more money and learned the grass is not greener! I've been in my current position for over 18 months and have never had so much anxiety and self doubt. I'm good at what I do, I enjoy my work. But, a supervisor and her flying monkey have turned into a nightmare. My confidence is shattered and I worry this job is career suicide. I submitted my required 90 day notice and my last day is next Friday! Unfortunately, this supervisor and her flying monkey have completely sabotaged the next job I had lined up. I was kinda forced to supply them as references, and the job offer was recinded. I just found out about this yesterday. I am horrified, could not sleep a wink last night. Now, I am basically jobless.
I worked with children in my last job. On my last day, I get an email stating that what I did was “not professional at all” and that I violated ethical boundaries. What was the email addressing? I gave the kiddos I worked with goodbye presents. Lol. That was the big issue. The board I work under even states that gifts under $10 are permitted between staff and children. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I have this looming fear of people not hiring me now because they’ll call this place up as a reference, and they’ll say I’m ethically incompetent. Just such a weird limbo to exist in. I just wanted the kids to know I appreciate them, but okay. 🤷🏻♀️
I have watched your videos in the past and have found myself needing to watch them again. I have landed in a series of toxic workplaces for the past decade. I work in HR and have for over 20 years. I have been working to figure out a career change for a long time but it's been challenging. I started a job in July 2022 and thought it would not be so toxic. But the red flags popped up fast. My boss was promoted to manager just before I started and I was not told I was reporting to someone with 20 less years of experience and who was completely incompetent until after I started the job. My boss is a narcissist (but stays off the higher ups radars) and has asked me to do illegal things, to which I refused. I have worried about getting fired since like week 3 due to this immature boss. My boss makes blatant efforts to sabotage my work, undermine me and I've been told he trashes me to others. I know he's just on a power trip and is too immature but it's actually prevented me from being successful...which is his goal. I recently compiled documentation of these patterns and met with upper management to request to report to someone different. They were dismissive and defended him. They don't see what we see because he kisses their a$$. So I'm looking again. I had to start seeing a therapist to keep me sane until I figure things out. I'm considering full-time consulting but my confidence is so low right now I can't picture how to make that work. I'm so exhausted.
Hey - so my story is pretty simple. I worked for a boss that seemed friendly enough initially. A lifer at a law-firm with 25 years experience. Well, found out they had just received their 2nd DUI. Guess who got asked to pick them up and drop him off before and after work every day? Yup - promised a fat raise and a promotion to boot. And guess who got fired when I went to HR? I DID! I hate myself for ever getting involved with that boss and I deeply regret becoming addicted to a substance and destroying my life. Welp - I changed careers, but I'm still damaged AF lmao! The 'water-cooler talk' literally causes me panic attacks. I have unhealthy levels of distrust, it's exhausting. I have no friends anymore (because I was a drug addicted psycho) and I genuinely feel like I will never be accepted anywhere. So, needless to say - some toxic workplace detox sounds wonderful, Jennifer
I'm so relieved to find this channel. I've worked for a narcissistic boss who dumped me on an insecure boss and then took me again when he moved to a new role. I took the offer because I thought it was going to be different but it only validated my experience with him five years ago. Now that he got promoted and left me behind, the peace of mind I feel right now validates it even more. I'm more at peace now that he's left, but at the same time I've since been anxious about the thought that I'm gonna have to go above and beyond for something that might not be worth it. Ironically, I'm also anxious that I would fail by not going above and beyond. I'd long for meaningful work relationships and at the same time, anxious of people in the workplace. This is my aftermath and I want to work towards undoing all of toxicity my original workplace had ingrained on me.
I am greatful to understand that I can walk away from a toxic work environment. My freedom means more than anything. I am greatful for another opportunity. I will always work hard. I am greatful to just take side jobs. Thank God I don't have to work in a toxic work environment
I feel my brain is so whacked now. And i did that to complain to my husband about my job, i realised in my new job my brain is actually looking for faults to think negatively about, from a coping mechanism to a unhealthy habit. This video is helpful thank you
It's my last day of work with 2 very toxic directors. Tiny company of 5, so no support or HR. I thought I'd feel extatic. But what I really feel is grief. I have lost so much, financially and mentally. Even ended up having a nervous breakdown because of their behaviour, which was all blamed on me for not being confident any more. The truth is I allowed them to chip away at my confidence, to the point I am a shell of my former self. I have a new job, and I am terrified. This has never happened to me before in my 30+ years of working life. Sure I've had the odd toxic colleague before, but never to the extreme of these two people. I hope everyone here finds peace in their next role. ❤
The examples here are the open toxic behaviors. The worst one's are those that smile and chat while cutting your hamstrings. Had one who was friendly to all the staff all the while having the directors set up those she wanted to let go because the business under her leadership was failing. The worst part is I was way to lenient in giving the benefit of a doubt as I had come from a previous position where it was open war on the employees every day, and I kept telling myself it wasn't as bad as that place. But pay attention - the wolf's are easy, it's the spider's that can trap you.
This!!!! The smarmy, fake niceness is what drove me nuts. Even months later I get enraged thinking about specific encounters I had with these wretched people and only wish I could go back in time and smack those smug looks right off their evil faces.
I am so glad you're talking about this. I am not just starting out in the work world and thought i was pretty settled as a person in who I am, my weaknesses and strengths, but a horrible work experience shook me, and I am still not okay. I was called stupid, minimized at work, and my boss would talk about me to the woman sitting in the cubicle behind me, loud enough that I could hear every word. Then they'd laugh and start to whisper. It sounds paranoid but it was constant. I would ask for a performance review and training and got a patronizing response and then nothing. I wasn't included in anything--meeting the regional manager-nope, she just walked right past my cubicle. I called her on it, she denied any of it happened and said, and I quote, "it's your word against mine." I quit but still wonder what I did that contributed to that situation. What did I do that was so wrong?
I experienced an inner conflict that I had not actually left a toxic workplace, but that I was toxic employee/toxic person, and by quitting, I had demonstrated myself as a coward, unambitious, weak, selfish, all sorts of negative labels I'm still working through in therapy. I had a profound sense of loss and regret and shame. I was continuously having thoughts like "I didn't work hard enough, I didn't try hard enough, I should have fought harder to keep my job instead of walking away from it." It became a pretty severe depression that affected my ability to perform in my next couple of roles. I struggled in my interpersonal relationships, especially with those I worked with (overall there were many contributing factors to why certain relationships broke down that have nothing to do with the job however, these things were just happening concurrently) I'm wondering if is something others might have experienced, where they doubted whether their workplace was truly toxic, and whether they had been in the wrong for choosing to leave
This is something I have seen with many people who have left toxic environments and there are two things that come into play for many of them. 1. Doubting it was toxic. Remember a toxic work environment is personal, what is toxic to you might not be toxic to others - it's about values and how you expect to treat people and for them to treat you. Some people love gossip and fighitng - others don't. Without judgement, figure out what was toxic for you. Also bear in mind, gaslighting comes into play, where you are meant to doubt your own perceptions and reality. Especially if you are dealing with manipulators or narcissists, this can really weigh into long term questioning. 2. The big story: I am not a quitter. You have probably gotten the message to not quit hundreds of thousands of times over the course of your life from your parents, teachers, coaches, friends... everyone. However, in a toxic work environment, this story works strongly against us (and can keep us stuck unnecessarily long). Because the only solution to a toxic work environment for most is exiting. Depending on how deep this story is, it can be a doozy to deal with post-toxic job. Sometime instead of weeding it out - we need to shift our perspective - you did not quit, you chose happiness or you chose to positive opportunities. There is a story that will serve you much better. If you haven't registered for my Toxic Job Recovery webinar, you should consider it!
Everyday i replay the decision Telling myself only losers quit and i always circle back to: i saved me For the first time in my life i saved me. I dont know what the future holds but leaving a toxic situation is not quitting, it is rescuing yourself from trauma.
As to your questions,my daily replay is i overreacted and i circle back to the same anger the same frustration. My job took away my ability to trust. I trust no one becsuse i was working with amoral gaslighters who lacked integrity. Also i want nothing to do with the people who said you make too much to leave that job.
Im going through all your emotions exactly. Complete mirror image. Relief to read it to be honest. 5 months since I left, Im still stuck not moving on. Horrid. X
This is very true. My prior manager loves to play favorites and she could be insanely picky to the employees she doesn't like just to make sure her favorite ones get all the credits. I am not one of her favorites and I quit last year. But when my current manager says any good words to my colleagues I would be so paranoid because I am afraid of being in that situation once again. Even if my current manager is super nice and he never plays favorites.
It's been 4 years since my toxic work experience and I am still trying to recover from the trauma. It doesnt feel like I will ever move on from it all.
Thanks so much for this. I'm seeing that lots of people feel this same way i do as well, after having survived a toxic work environment for so long. Your words were really spoke to me. Appreciated.
It has taken me two very long years to sort out the trauma I endured at the hands of a toxic workplace lead by a narcissistic abuser boss. I am getting most of my confidence back, but I still have a tendency to feel gaslit by everything even when someone isn’t coming at me like that. The damage is real.
Jennifer - thank you for making this video. Many of the things you said resonated with me and are very valid points. I don't think people think about how, even when you leave a toxic job, that there is still an aftermath you have to deal with. For me, it has been over a year since I left a toxic boss and workplace, and I still think about it every day, even though I am in a much better place now. The part where you mentioned scaling back your career ambitions you once had is particularly true. I began to think "It's fine, I just need a job without problems". It's not a good way to think. Thank you for mentioning it.
Jennifer offers great insights clearly that can be assimilated and put into practice with some initiative on the toxic victim's part. Unfortunately workplace toxicity is so pervasive it's useful to realize that we can control and tame it somewhat, but not eliminate it.
I am quitting my toxic job tomorrow. I work for a tow company that contracts for AAA. Let me tell you it's probably the most toxic and demanding place I've ever worked. I work 12 hours if not longer days, forced to stay over with no notice. I've had to work every holiday and weekend since I've been there. Management does not allow for breaks, not even to eat. The stress of this job has caused a rift in my marriage. I've missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. I was sick for 2 weeks due to Covid-19. My boss has constantly called me asking how I'm feeling and that he needs be back to work asap. Luckily I have already landed another job opportunity that will be much better for not only myself, but my wife also. I know it's wrong not to give a two weeks notice, but I cannot do another day at that place.
I know 😕 BUT that's also why is so helpful when people like you watch and comment and subscribe and like. It all tells TH-cam this video is one people should watch and it recommends it to others 💜
My manager (weasel) was the brother-in-law of an executive (sleazebag) vice president, so he could do whatever he wanted without fear of any consequences. When I had my annual review, he said "I get a chunk of money from HR that I can distribute, so I use it to compensate the hardest workers, like Ken and Bob" My raise was 0,5% and I almost told him to put it where the Sun don't shine, but I didn't because several people knew what would happen if I did. So I said nothing and went back to work, but with a completely different attitude. Eventually I was shown the door and left smiling, because this happy asshole would no longer be ruining my life. My blood pressure went from 170 to 106, which was a big surprise. During my high BP days, I had a stroke, and the Weasel kept asking me if there was any damage (a violation of HIPAA privacy rules). I had another doctor who said, if I had waited another week to come in to see her, I would have been dead. Dying for a useless job is foolish and a waste of *your* life. Do you really think anyone at work will care? Please, please remember the people you love and keep them in focus. Those 16-hour days will be viewed as "company spirit" and you won't get a raise, promotion or even an "Employee of the Month" paperweight.
toxic workplaces are hell on earth, not only you lose energy, have self doubt by negativity, it ruins your relationships, enthusiasm and overall quality of life. Why would anyone spend their energy, time , skills in such environment - just for that days paycheck.... is it even worth? if you die in a year , you will die with enormous negativity in soul and probably spend years in hell after that and get to another birth in low quality. life is not meant to be spent that way. that is not success... success means being able to live in harmony, peace, love, joy... you don't need much money and we are not born to make money...if that is case God would have had provision to carry money you earn to heaven with you after you die.
I would have to agree fully. I worked in a Toxic HR department where my supervisor was very rude and condescending. I had worked for the organization for 9 years, but only with this individual the last two and tried everything and even approached the Vice President of HR. Which I am in HR and I go to the VP of HR and watching your other videos, I realize that was a mistake and thinking back it truly was because they always made me feel I was at fault. Good or bad I was released in Fall of 2020 due to COVID-19 and lack of work, so they said. Took a long time to find something but I did and the second day there the person next to me started using the f-bomb and my brain went right to OMGOSH were right back into the same situation and I ended up not returning and now search for work again and feel like a total fool about it all.
I'm so sorry you went through this. We need to increase awareness about what happens when you leave, and that post toxic post responses occur. Your brain is doing what is supposed to and trying to protect you, but after 9 years it's miscalibrated.
Quit my job 2DAY!!! Cleaned and organized a hoarded room that was meant for renters to use for recreation. The person that hoarded it, hoarded 3 rooms, 2 of them completely UNSAFE! I was told that they would probably be fired and I could have that job. Not fired, was helped by mgnt and beaming over the greatness the clean room will bring to renters with no thanks to me or mention of my cleaning and organizing it to renters. I touched and smelled disgusting stuff and just got run over by my employer. This video did not help me today, too soon. Karma will come because hoarding has no cure
I am on a medical leave of absence after a toxic boss. I don't see how I can go back. How do you feel about working through a temp service or coffee shop for a couple months while you decompress before going back into your field? How does this affect the resume?
Omg with the overcommunication. I was under several micromangers in the job I just resigned from. I really fear corporate life will just bring out the worst in me . This insight is really important ❤❤
I quit my job once I got annoyed that my co worker kept microwaving eggs for 2 min, leaves room then comes back later, cooks them again, comes back later, cooks them again. I finally took the eggs out so that I could cook them and she got angry and said, “I need to cook the eggs for the customers and get it ready for them. It was gonna take me maybe one minute and 1/2 to cook the eggs so idk why she was getting so upset. My own mistake was becoming passive aggressive before this saying things under my breath like “really? I need to cook my food?” After that incident I shut down and would only talk to her if she said hi or if it was work related other wise I wouldn’t talk to her because I saw many red flags where she would yell at another co worker, caught her gossiping multiple times and thinking that another co worker was hiding soap. 🤷♀️🤦🏽♀️ so disrespectful. She would tell me inappropriate things. I quit yesterday. It was the last straw when she said “you probably hurt your back because you were in all these different positions with your boyfriend hanging on a chandelier.” 🤔🙄 I told my boss I’m a Christian and that I’m not having sex until marriage. That’s not only disrespectful towards God but it’s disrespectful towards me and my boyfriend. We fight daily to not have sex. Sick behavior when one is trying to follow Jesus. I’m still really mad and upset. Wow I complained a lot I was always tired because I’m an introvert and exhausted because I felt like I was doing way too much physical work. I am now evaluating what I want to do with my life. Being out in nature and cleaning up the parking lot helped me because I wasn’t around all the customers who also complained and gossiped.
It’s hard for me to admit that even though I have left, and have been retired after leaving a toxic work environment nine years ago (yes, I said 9) to this day my thoughts are oppressed daily about thinking about my previous place of employment. Now if you ask me why I continued to work in the same toxic work environment in a government agency for a total of 18 years the answer is rather simple, the retirement benefits that I was able to leave with were rather good compare to what I might have gotten elsewhere. But still to this day, part of my daily routine is to check of what kind of reviews my former employer has received from those of the public on Google, and the reviews on how those who still work there on Glassdoor, and on Indeed. And now I must confess, that I get great joy whenever I read negative reviews on any of these websites about my former employer, which are overwhelmingly negative on all three of them. Still, after nine years I know racially the negative after effects of that toxic work environment should be left far behind, but to this day I still feel I have not left that job to live a more problem free retirement. Any suggestions?
I suggest therapy , you have what’s called PTSD due to workplace bullying and toxicity. I have the same problem, it will go away but you need the treatment and time, and let go of it , forgive yourself and live your life
@@enbuchwald First, you should immediately stop googling and looking at glassdor reviews of the company. That place has still got you in its grips and thats not healthy after 9 years. I would understand if you were still working there. You need to cherish your time now because its yours and stop letting that place steal even one second of your attention. Focus on your hobbies and people and things that make you happy. If you can’t do that, see a CPTSD therapist. Maybe you have resentment but you must make peace and let it go.
Fight or flight kicks in. Was bullied at my last job. Had to deal with another bullying situation at my current place of work, and I walked out as I needed a moment. It may cost my job, but I don’t care.
I still have nightmares til day, I think I may have PTSD from the bully/harassing management. I would find myself yelling stuff out when I'm by myself, anger, upset, etc. I couldn't believe I was so weak to let management bully me into that job.
If you think you may be experiencing PTSD please see your doctor. This is debilitating disorder that involves structural changes to your brain. The severity cannot be understated. Get diagnosis and working with your doctor and/or a psychiatrist or psychologist is imperative to healing.
I have been hearing that, too. That you get stuck in a toxic bubble, thinking everything is as bad as your current toxic job, and then discover it's like your toxic job was an alternate reality compared to everyone else outside.
Been watching a lot of your videos and wow everything is so on point and i feel so seen. Ive recently realized that almost all of my few previous jobs were toxic and on top of an emotionally abusive parent has really affected my self esteem and confidence and cuased lots of issues. It’s kind of a wake up call to see you talking about how the rock bottom self image, and feeling like I can’t do anything is all a symptom of trauma and not part of my actual personality, like it was starting to feel. Somehow having it all stated out like this helps me feel like i can want more and have ambition again, so thanks for talking about all this. Coming out of the pandemic and feeling vaguely hopeful about the future. Wanting to beleive in myself again.
I just left Blizzard yesterday. This video provided me with so much hope. I'm lucky I got a new job offer starting Monday! I'm really hurt, I need to recover from this so I start the new role with clear mind.
This video could not have come at a better time. Everything mentioned I find all too relatable right now. I’ll be for sure signing up for the toxic job detox program. ❤️
I wish I watched this 5 years ago (of course this hadn't been filmed yet). I recognize *ALL* these coping mechanisms. I can't believe how small and invalid I felt, how I felt I should be grateful that any company was willing to have me, because my boss made me feel so small and insignificant. I'm still recovering and have an innate fear of people who even have slightly similar physical traits as people from my old workplace, even though they're totally different people.
Great video. I noticed a carry over from a previous toxic workplace after changing jobs. I was less independent and checked in with my boss more than necessary. My new boss was not that great either and was never mentored in being a manager/mentor, so I could see where his faults became evident. Sometimes people can use "a good example of a bad example" and they can use it to their benefit.
My job is a nightmare because of my toxic coworker. I was gaslit by our boss and he said all of the things she’s done to me were my assumptions when it’s all in the emails that he is cc’d in. I’ve never felt so defeated. I’ve done so much for this company but in my year review he forgot all of my contributions and said because of my toxic coworker I am only given a 1.50 raise instead of 2 and in 6 months he might give me the rest if I can get along with her. Enough is enough. I am quitting this Friday.
I'm so glad I found your channel and found this video because you hit the nail on the head with every point. This is helping me a lot and giving me answers to some questions I had.
Listening to your career solutions helps solving bestfit mind jigsaws that heals the conscience which toxic office politics take a toll on. Your TH-cam channel will go a long way in helping countless souls for a course correction with optimism having experienced toxic workplace culture, environment ,Jennifer Madam.Your incessant helpful gesture is praiseworthy. 👏👍🙏☺️
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I got fired by a toxic boss on a Friday and got another job the following Friday with a 30K bump in pay. Moral of the story: take every setback and make it irrelevant.
Thank you, I'm trying.
I’m looking to get out of my current role, and I am extremely hyper-sensitive to buzzwords, such as “fast paced” and “multitasking” in job descriptions. Those words scream “understaffed” to me, and I avoid those jobs like the plague.
Or ‘hit the ground running’
Another one is “we run lean,” which means they’ll have one person doing the job of 2 or 3, or “we have the ability to pivot quickly,” which means they can make whatever arbitrary decisions with little consequence or red tape up to & including spontaneous staffing decisions.
Those words are in any customer service job so maybe be cautious of the field too. I hope you have got out of your toxic environment.
Nailed it! My boss said it's "the nature of the beast," meanwhile, 5 teachers have quit in the first three weeks of school. Doesn't sound like it's just me.
The phrase that sends me is “must have comfort with ambiguity…” 😑 It is one of the biggest red flags next to anything that touts a “family” culture at the job.
Put these 2 together and it’s a set up to mind f.*k you.
A few patterns I've seen:
- They withhold lots of small details, so when you miss them, they can complain that your incompetent, even though you're overall good at your job.
- They complain that you "don't smile". They see that you're good at your job and that you don't harrass anyone, but they still want you gone, so they complain about your "bad attitude" and how you "don't smile".
- They also create no win situations where if you don't talk to people, then you "have a bad attitude", but if you do talk to people, then they say, "and he's talking to me like I care"
This happened to me. My friends told me my supervisor was jealous of me. That was weird to me. My supervisor made way more money than me, had a gorgeous car and was very funny and smart. She was condescending so I had to leave.
Discrimination and bullying is the first reason I leave a job if I experience it I am out.
Smart. I will have to start paying closer attention to it. I felt something was off in my gut years ago, but doubted myself. It has gotten worse every year. I applied for three jobs this month.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.yyy
Same. We deserve better, so we leave them in the dust.
how are you doing now? i hope you have found a good situation @@jmfs3497
Hey, your reason is exactly the same like my reason right now to leave my toxic job
I just want to be able to sleep every night all the thing's that have happened in work just keep racing through my mind it's like being trapped inside a nightmare, how can people take joy in watching people suffer
You need a reset routine, my friend.
This sounds cliche and eyerolly, but it might help: at the end of the day, write down everything that is bothering you from the day. All the stress. Use old fashioned pen and paper. Once it's done, write 'I'm leaving it all here in this paper for tonight'
You'll have a level of release that can help your subconscious release it
I am about 5 years away from retirement. My career spanned 40 years. The first 35 with a company that laid me off and the last 4 years with a new organization. Let me just say when I look back on my mistakes, faux pas, or times I wasn’t sure if I was being viewed favorably or not, I realize none of it really matters. Anything embarrassing at the first job is history and I barely remember any of the things that bothered me. In my current job, I am a short timer. Anytime I make a mistake, I own up to it and move on quickly because the mistakes I make aren’t really that big and the longer I dwell on it, the bigger it becomes. The key is to act like it doesn’t bother you and then don’t let it bother you. Do the best you can and smile through everything. The worst they can do is fire you and you will find another job, but act like they would be crazy to fire you.
Sounds like PTSD, I have the same problem due to toxic workplace and bullying
In addition to my post above, I would also add to make sure you stay out of the office rumor mill. You can keep your eyes and ears open to stay looped in, but make sure your mouth stays shut. Try to be kind to all of your coworkers even when they are not in the room. Become a very neutral coworker when it comes to having opinions about other people.
@@Chris-tg3qy yeah. I caught coworkers talking behind my back more than once, I could hear them through a door, it was devastating, one of them I mentored and spent hours training and developing them, felt very betrayed. Personally I never ever speak ill about anyone
My job has completely destroyed my confidence, self esteem, and worse, my desire to try again.
Yup me too, a previous job from years ago and it still haunts me til this day.
I know how it is, i started to look for another job in the previous year and I have such a low self-esteem that affects me about how I advertise myself.
I'm struggling to "sell" myself properly in the interviews, looking like a pathectic piece of shit and nobody wants to hire a pathetic professional. However, I know my value and that I'm currently one of the best professionals in my company.
This what happens when you get no recognition for over ten years, even though you achieve big goals they make it look like that was notting more than expected, when it actually isn't.
@@lsfrareJup thats exactly what a toxic workplace does to you. It completely undermines your personality. Its best to spend several months doing deep self reflections, practice self-compassion, journal emotions, set new personal goals, start directing your life, regain confidence etc before you start applying for jobs. Otherwise the moment you start an interview your non-verbal communication is already unconciously alarming the interviewer that something is off.
Same here
@@lsfrarewrite down any positive you’ve done for them. Everything. Remind yourself of the good when they want you to focus on the bad about yourself to mask their poor system!
I think a weird affect of a toxic job (for me at least) was that while interviewing, I dissected everything and convinced myself that every opportunity was going to be just as bad. I found pseudo red flags everywhere just because I was so scared to end up in the same position
This is really common! There is the fear of the unknown (at least you know what you're dealing with in the toxic job), but also your brain has formed a pattern that when it spots behavior it senses danger and fight/flight/freeze activates.
Me at the moment. I am handing over now to the new person they have hired and I can’t even apply for jobs. I am working from home for someone who is far away. I even desperately want to start my own startup. I can’t go into another one of these environments ever again
Yep, I experienced the same. I started to see false red flags everywhere. I started to get scared to even apply to jobs or go to interviews because I was terrified that everywhere would be just as bad as where I was at. Luckily (but it felt unlucky at the time) something happened at work that was the very last straw for me. I hit the resume hard and started applying more that I ever have because the pain of staying was now so much worse than the unknown.
Me too, i am terrified of being hired now
Keep looking out for red flags. It's a natural protective system. The job will prove overtime to be toxic or not, just like a new partner. You have to give it a few weeks or months before deciding to engage long term.
Always hated working with toxic people. Toxic coworkers will cause more drama and problems then they are worth. Yet when called out on the carpet they have this unique ability to try and turn the blame onto other people. THey make you second guess yourself, destroy your confidence and make you feel like crap. Nothing worse than a toxic coworker.
💯💯💯
Oh and the cliques of the toxic coworkers....so so bad
Exactly. I had been working around those gaslighting and manipulate ppl so I know. It's just it takes me too long to get out. Only until I faced consequences (actual physical abuse) that I finally decided to get out
I have a great current boss who could see the PTSD my last job created. She really spent some extra time and effort guiding me through the on-boarding and training for my new job and breaking old thought patterns and reassuring me that things were not like that in this office. About a week after starting this job, my husband had to be admitted to the ER for acute pancreatis and was hospitalized for about a week. I kept reporting to work and when my boss found out my husband was ill she freaked out, "What the hell are you doing here!?!?" I just looked at her and said, "Well, my last position..." She interrupted and said, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm ordering you to leave now and go to the hospital." I cried the whole way there, realizing how badly my last position screwed up my work/life balance mindset.
My husband drove himself to the ER so I could still report to work. I didn't tell my boss that part haha.
@@mosaicowlstudios I am glad you seem to have found a good place to work.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad I decided to read more.
Your boss sounds awesome!
I quit after 6 months into a job with a toxic supervisor. Best decision I made! The residual psychological effects have been more difficult to get over. It's a looped tape that replays in my mind and has definitely impacted my decision to return to the job market.
I feel the same. I hope you are feeling better now? Toxic work environments are damaging. I truly believe that we should walk out of them as soon as possible. Nothing to gain, absolutely nothing, from staying.
@@solidcatink Agreed, but for some it's difficult due to money/benefits, closing a job gap.
If anything 2020 has taught us is to put your mental health first and your job can't be your life.
People are realizing it's not worth it.
Left my toxic job and getting ready to start a new one. But my enthusiasm is nonexistent. I'm totally scarred from the last one and I'm afraid I'm getting into another. PTSD for sure.
Same. 😪
Same. I thought I was alone in feeling this way. Four months into my new job and I'm finally getting my life back.
Same. Haven’t quit yet but I already feel paranoid about “next,” especially since my current workplace WAS supposed to be an escape from another toxic environment. I know the red flags I missed but what if there’s nothing better?
@@Window4503 Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn't, unfortunately.
Hey there....I'm in same situation. I quit my job, found another job same role, but scared to death I'm going to experience the same thing.
It’s horrific what we do to people in this society
Its been going on since the start of this society, will likely continue until it ends because maybe we will never learn
‘I’ don’t do these things. But yes, it is horrible and many ppl think it is ok to treat others in such a horrible malicious way.
Worked a toxic job for seven years and it was affecting my mental health. Left the job and I feel AMAZING
just walked out of my toxic job yesterday. i hope the fallout i left in my wake is at least worse for them than what they did to me. it was my entry job into my dream career, and they tried to kill my confidence to keep me there. according to them i’m too incompetent to get a job anywhere else, and even if i did, it wouldn’t be nearly as good as i had it there. i didn’t want to stay long enough to start believing that bullshit.
Right you know your potential and work skills you've gain throughout the work place you got it!
How has that gone man? Did you manage to find something better?
I am doing the same. I was an entry level and I made maybe the worst choice ever.
I have been put in "sink or swim" mode.
@mikebravo95 There was a place I worked at and got told how there its sink or swim which I didn't think was very nice!
I walked out of a toxic place after staying there for 3 weeks after I got shouted at and criticised for petty things and feel it was the right choice!
Put in my two weeks notice last week at my job. My job was constantly micromanaging and degrading comments from upper management. They refused to give out time off. The job was a revolving door and I never experienced so many people leaving. I have never been so happy to leave this job. The weight was lifted off my shoulders last Thursday. I manifested a new job that I previously didn’t get and they called me back as another position opened within new company. This has been the craziest two and a half years of my life. I have been watching your videos for the past month Jennifer thank you for all of your videos.
How are you doing now? Have you resigned?
Glad you are getting out.
Sorry for the typos and erros I'm cooking
That's what my boss is doing to me, and I'm looking for another job. Good luck to you at your new job.
I'm about to do the same thing! I'm so excited to have a life again.. Chasing $ gets old after awhile 😊
After quieting a toxic work place, my etiquettes, beliefs, and knowledge of wrong and right, commonsense, etc. , was affected greatly! I felt deeply "stained" and tainted! But, I had saved enough money to hold me off ( no work ) for about 2 years so I used this time to recover my selfness again.
I also forgot to mention that I quit the toxic work place when I did my recovery! I now work for a company that teaches its employees (verbally and computer eLearning) to be respectful to customers and especially to each other.
I was just telling this to a friend. Like, i don't want to continue this path if it means i have to "look the other way"
@@liene4619
Yes. Toxic work places are for toxic people only! Good people do not belong there.
Same :( My thought patterns are starting to be just like them and I have to learn how to shake it off and begin again
I have found that I experience toxic relationships and toxic workplaces simultaneously.
I spent 8 years in a toxic job, the manager was unfriendly, unprofessional, unapproachable, and finally, nasty. I remember working outside as we were a horticultural nursery potting plants, my co worker had a bad back and just stopped for one minute and the manager yelled at him saying why have you stopped working? Yelling at people is very unprofessional
Treating people poorly, as a leadership strategy, actually makes everyone worse at their jobs. I don't trust people like that. It's like they are hiding something, rather than trying to build a business.
@@jmfs3497 I think it’s designed to force people out, and bring new people in mainly
@@jmfs3497 they're hiding their own incompetence and insecurity. Truly pathetic people.
Yelling at people is weakness
This hits home. I just started a new job, and every little thing I do, I think it’s wrong. Or that I’m not good enough, and when my bosses give me Critique or a task to do, I take offense because I’m so used to being screamed at. I’m trying my best to heal :( my confidence has been affected so much by the names I was called, and how much gossip there was and unfair treatment. I’m trying to not carry it into my next job, but it’s hard
Your brain has programmed the pattern. It will decrease slowly over time in it's own, or you can speed it up by spotting the patterns and releasing them (if you're curious about this, I'd love for you to come to my webinar!)
Most ppl cant afford a break between jobs but i think time away is the only way to heal. Without that look for ways on how the current job is different from the toxic job and focus on that
For example former boss jerk.
.current boss is nice..then tell yourself current boss' motive is to help you not hurt you whenever he or she critiques
How would I go to a webinar? Is it on TH-cam ❤️
@@nancywalker7014 yes it is live now
@@stelladallasAlabama true. When i was on disability for 2 months healing from being ill, i never thought about work. I was so happy. I felt like i got my power back. I felt free and all the tension and stiffness in my body left. As soon as i went back the first and second day it felt foreign to me. I felt like i didnt belong. By the end of that week my confidence went down and i was in physical pain again. Thats when i knew it was time to leave.
I left my toxic job. I was surviving for 3 months when they hired this girl who was just indirectly bullying me and this guy had triangulated us. I saw clearly what he was doing and avoided him but she clearly did not. They both were malice campaigning me and all my co workers and bosses were naive enough to take their words over my actions. They chose to gossip and leave me out of meetings and ignored me when I had questions about orders, totally acting like high schoolers and handling this extremely unprofessional. I was isolated and over worked and constant stressed trying to figure out things on my own, in fear of losing my job which led me to have a mental break down that two co-workers saw and the whole ordeal got way out of hand. I had damages done to my car from the girl when she saw me talking to one of my bosses privately in the office. My job wouldn’t accept my request to leave and kept my vacation Pay over my head and acted like they did nothing which screwed me over big time. I ended up just not showing up because I was starting to feel physical effects of the whole ordeal. Please chose your over all well being of your self over finical well being. I am struggling finically but to have my mental peace again is priceless!
I completely understand I'm on the same boat as you are my narcissistic boss just fired me. And boy I feel relieved and now I'm Free. I hope you find another job opportunity surrounding with empaths. I wish you the best of luck sweetie. You got this
@@Butterflyyyy9 Thank you for reaching out to me, Sunflower!
Damaged ur car? I would've dragged that girl across the street
Omg I‘be had the exact experience you described!! I too ended up having a mental breakdown in my office. I was even put in the mental hospital because of all the stress and bullying I dealt with at work. That happened at the beginning of last year and I finally left in august. You can’t finish healing in the place that broke you. I am struggling financially and my car might be taken away from me, but I’ve never been happier!!
I pray your next job will be peaceful!
Oof, 12:00 hit me hard. I used to have a lot of dreams and ambitions, but after my last job (this is my last week), I just want a quiet, without a lot of responsibilities job. Even if I'm over qualified for it.
Some people will take less money for less stress
Same.
I finally quit my toxic job after 7 years. I now work at a hospital where I'm feel happier and healthier. I'm still healing the wounds on my back from 7 years of abuse, bullying, harassment, being screamed at, the sexual jokes towards me, my shiftleader physically touching me, my boss being a hypocrite and more
Outstanding and the best will prevail in your life. Good Luck.
@@HighSpeedNoDrag thank u
so thankful you got out of there and an very sorry that happened to you!!
I am sorry you went through that. We all deserve better. My friend who has a PhD in mental health told me that it takes twice the length of exposure to the toxicity for our brains to recalibrate and longer to truly heal. I found this validating and motivated me to work on changing my thought patterns. I wish you well.
I noticed I don’t even communicate if I have a problem from fear of getting in trouble or getting gaslit into thinking that I don’t have a problem
I am so relieved that I found your channel. After only 2 months I began having anxiety attacks and couldnt sleep through the night. I reported the abuser to my managers three times and they assured me he would be spoken to. I took a few days off to recover from the latest abusive rant. And my managers didnt seem to have my back, after all. I chose to resign because trust was lost. I can only control me not coworkers nor managers. wish me luck that my last week will be lighter and I get a better job next.
i could have written exactly what you wrote.
Good luck. After rain comes the sun
3+ months since I escaped from my toxic boss.
Recently, I found myself apologizing to my current boss for bugging him so much. His response 'you aren't bugging me at all, we were problem solving.'
I have to tell myself that I'm in a new place and not to let the past affect me. But still have those instances where my guard goes up instantly. Thank gosh I work from home so I can take a 5 minute break to chill
A victim of a toxic workplace can become an abuser in another one. My ex-coworker was that kind of person. He was emotionally insecure and vulnerable because he was laid off from his previous job. It was so frustrating for me. Another coworker left the job because of him.
Seems to be how it goes, new nice people come into a toxic environment, they either adapt and become (somewhat) toxic themselves or they leave. But not everyone has the luxury of being able to leave. I think, if you reflect and you hate the person you are becoming but you cannot leave, it's probably worth saving up money for years even if you must before you dare take the leap, while in the meantime you try to not behave in a toxic way yourself (which is really difficult). It's probably also good to realise many of the people there - especially the young hires - probably simply don't know better and try to see the best in them, regardless of what they're doing
Jennifer, you are a godsend! I have escaped the toxic work place a few weeks ago and am now really struggling with the aftermath of it all. Working for a very toxic narcissistic boss has damaged me on so many levels. :(((((((((( It has been one of the most horrific and traumatising events of my entire life, and I only wish I can heal fully one day.
You can! I went through an intense experience and I promise there is another side - it takes work and it's not always easy but there is so much light on the other side. Are you coming to my Toxic Job Recovery webinar?
@@JenniferBrick Thank you so so much! Yes, I am and I am so excited! I really hope it can help me. :)
Awesome! I'm really excited about it because were going to get deeper on the things we talk about here and the recovery process!
This is amazing. I am currently working on leaving my toxic work environment. My confidence is gone and I am working REALLY hard to get my confidence back.
I realized that complaining is an issue for me so I will focus swapping complaining with being grateful.
And OMG Ive completely scaled down my ambition because of the toxic environment.
Same is here… currently working on my confidence
I was in a very toxic work environment at this grocery store chain in Texas. Their culture was very oppressive and full of gossip. Management and HR approved of gossiping while having meetings about not gossiping. Management and HR were the only people benefitting from the gossip. And they did such things under the guise we're a family. This is how you know that the culture is a toxic brew of jealousy, envy, back biting and racism.
I'm a career changer. I changed to an HR job. I never worked in an office setting. It all started great and was good for a little over a year, then my boss became a mean person. She began to gossip about me to upper management and other coworkers. I approached her 3 separate times to discuss the issue, but just got worse. She began to say things like I made a ton of mistakes but could only point out one when I asked specifically. The office became toxic. Everyone was afraid of her and her power, so no one stood up. I gave my two weeks notice, found another job, same role, but feeling afraid 😨. I'm trying to shake off the toxicity, and taking a week off before beginning new job. Thank God I didn't stay in toxic for long, because I can see how it's changed my confidence in myself. Thanks for this video. I ran across it trying to get mentally strong again before I start new job next week
Never give a two week notice. They won’t give you one when they fire or lay you off.
Same here being mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for 12 years. Top workers for 38 years have never been suspended. Jealousy and misery. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, i dink, i'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. They removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these bums ever win and if I transfer to another hospital and mobbing starts again I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. Never let bullies try to control you from quitting. Never let bums win in life.pp
I will never let a toxic job ruin my life. I know I handled my unceremonious departure well and I believe in the saying "How you handle it is up to you" and I severed ties with my former employers, including the people I used to work with. Being a customer there in the future is very unlikely, unless the change owners or get rid of the manager, who bullied and fired me who already has a record in his work history which I'm sure will cause a dent in his future job prospects. It's comforting to know that I will be going places, and he will struggle as a result of a bad decision he made citing his overall bad attitude and behaviour. I think I got the right amount of closure although it will take a little bit more time to move ahead mentally. I have absolutely no tolerance for bullying of any kind, especially in the workplace. If I owned a company and a supervisor or manager bullied someone at my company, they would be gone the next day.
A lot of the toxic behaviors are prevalent, even in non-toxic work settings, but I'm with you - bullying should not be tolerated in any form.
@@JenniferBrick I've been bullied most of my life and being bullied at work is a lot more personal not only because of a toxic workplace also because it's illegal and against the law. An employee lawsuit against a company for that or even out them out of business if they fail to contain it or reprimand those involved.
@@JenniferBrick I actually wanted to take to indeed and review my last job and/or share the whole story of my bullying boss on reddit, but I somehow feel it will get back to me.
@@southernpacific7200 I was abused at my previous job for the past 7 years. My shiftleader wasn't a good person. The coworkers would bully me because I was the newbie. They did this to other newbies in the past. My boss was a hypocrite because does aposolousy nothing with situations. This caused me to have mental health problems
Now I work at a hospital and I feel alot more happier. However though I fear my shiftleader would follow me to my new workplace
Scaling back my ambition was the #1 result of a toxic work environment. For me, I also realized it was acceptable in the field to demean and gaslight people as a way to get ahead (legal industry). So, it meant switching to a new field. Working on regaining confidence and this channel has helped enormously put things in perspective with a plan. Thank you for all this info.
This is what I’m going through. It’s upsetting because I still want to be a paralegal but life is too short to deal with evil people .
Yeah, toxicity can be infectious if you're not careful
but the evil people can be found in EVERY sector of work. @@_grapefruit
Have you had a toxic job hangover?
I did with Wayne Farms. Everything about it sucked. I worked off and on for almost 4 years from 2016 to 2020. The workplace was good at first, but over time a lot of people there acted immature and brought in drama, my workload became excessive, my pay was even less than when I first started, then I got suspended due to false allegations, and then the day I went to HR after finishing my 3 day suspension, the Shift Manager terminated me. It was so bad, I cussed out the Shift Manager in front of HR and the Safety Officer. It's been almost 15 months since I got terminated, and I'm much better off without that toxic job and toxic workplace.
Definitely! I quit two toxic jobs in a row that were harming my mental and physical health and a few months later started a new third job. I was so on edge that I took copious notes on every little interaction and thing I noticed that *could* indicate it was another toxic workplace. I was determined not to let this happen to be for a third time in a row! It took a good 3 months or so for me to feel like I could let my guard now and be less vigilant. I'm now celebrating my 2-year anniversary with my current company and I am very happy!
I'm so glad you landed in a good company, Stephen!
Yes, 3 different jobs. Doing good in the latest company I am working at. You are right about it affecting confidence. Took me a while to get back to how I was before working in a toxic environment.
Yes 😂 after I quit I slept all day just like I would with a hangover. I thought I could sleep the trauma away 😢
Confidence is contagious and it changes their perception of you at work
We need to thrive not just survive or even worse, betrauatized by a job not worth it at all
Put in my 2 weeks notice at my toxic job today. Jennifer, you are so right about the hit that my confidence has taken in this job. A good friend just texted me with an idea I might explore next. I politely thanked her and then said to myself, " I could never do that!" Yikes!
When I didn't do what some other coworkers wanted me to do, they would immediately talk about me behind my back, in front of me sometimes, laughing and snickering. My confidence took a hit. My manager never checked in on us, requested that I help fill in to be supervisor since I was paid more than others but I was never really respected. On top of all the other drama going on, I became very depressed. Out of desperation, I'm leaving without another job lined up. I want to take time to heal and pursue other things without needing to work with "coworkers"
After being at a toxic job for 6 years i had low self esteem , feeling hopeless. I had to go to therapy and still doubting myself in what i do. Always look at the red flags. My boss started slandering me with others . Toxic jobs can destroy you
You’re absolutely right. My current job is rob me of confidence. I have a new job lined up but I feel like I have PTSD and picked up those toxic behaviors you’re speaking of. I plan on taking off three weeks before I start my new job to detoxify.
I am actually going to be making 33%more at my new job that I just got. Your videos helped me acknowledge it was time to move on 😀
Ahhh this is so awesome!!!
This hit me, I'm a PhD student and my supervisor really undermines my confidence; I'm highly educated and I've had lots of successes, but at any hiccough she literally says "well if you can't even x what's the point?". Unfortunately if I quit it will make it hard to get another academic position, especially because she is highly regarded in the field, and she comes off as really sweet when you don't know her well, so not being able to "make it work" with her will look bad. I have almost left the field entirely a few times because I get feeling like I won't be successful, even though I have a track record of success. I've been wondering if I can just put a little more distance between us so her feedback won't be as frequent and it won't sting as much; I don't think she actually dislikes me or my work, she just has a mean streak. But ya, totally, there are huge consequences to a toxic environment at all levels.
I made the mistake of going to HR about my bully boss. Things were made exponentially worse and the whole team, that my boss had already been gossiping about me to, backed her up and complained about me. At my "performance review" my boss lied and misrepresented my work, and I had written and demonstrative proof that the things she claimed were untrue, but HR let them stand and tried to make me sign the review. I was given a zero on my record and placed on the bad-standing, do-not-hire list. I can't have the job on my resume as a result and I don't know what to do.
That’s a shame and a huge disgrace. Some people are so evil. They (bosses or coworkers) will lie and say that you didn’t do your job EVEN when you do it right in front of them. They “make up stuff” to get you fired. When I say “you” I mean people general. @ Kate. I wish you the best may you find a job where people who treat you with dignity and respect.
you need a sollicitor / lawyer. you CAN win this.
Years ago I got bullied and a girl said to me put in a complaint to hr and I said hr is the last place I will go to!
@@joannesaltfleet2071 You're smart. I was not and paid the price!
I’ve been in a toxic work environment 2020 to 2022 in an executive leadership position. It was hell on earth. Healing from that was further complicated since my father passed away in 2022. His passing finally opened my eyes to just how toxic my family really is and how that toxic work environment mirrored family dynamics a lot. I had to physically and psychologically distance from the family to heal relational traumas inflicted by my narcissistic mother and mentally ill brothers. I’m in a better place now. Thanks to my healing, it was really easy for me to leave my recent job: jealous and undermining coworkers, threatened and insecure boss, and a work culture fuelled by gossip and run by emotional bullies and codependent leaders. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without regret if I didn’t know my true Self and if I don’t have savings to carry me through until I find my next opportunity.
Your channel is my favourite these days. You’ve validated everything I have been through. Keep up the good work.
Such great points. I have gone through all this. One thing that I can say about working for a toxic boss and in a toxic environment-I learned and was validated about how NOT to act
I quit my toxic workplace 2 months.
I have not had sleepless nights for 2 months. An employee who started wotking there this year just quit.
They gaslit me so much that i had doubts and felt i might be the problem, that employee leaving validated me and made my confidence solid.
Just a thought, but why is a toxic workplace something the worker has to escape and deal with on their own? Toxicity at work maximizes the short-term bottom line. How do we provide incentive for companies to facilitate a healthy work environment? I feel it is slightly flawed thinking to consider the corporate world a beast that cannot be tamed.
Yes, companies need to address this too. I have a few colleagues who work with companies to do just this, however sometimes it's a feature and not a bug of the culture.
For example, Apple is notoriously secretive and discourse can be kinda salty (and Steve Jobs, who was a great visionary but terrible leader has thousands of leaders who aspire to be just like him in his they act). For some people that's a nightmare, for others that's their dream job.
Because companies do not care. Sometimes they are too big to fail (like the one I work for). The end goal is maximisation of profits for owners and top management. That's it. And they'll do everything e.g. help greenwashing polluters while promoting environmental goals, like the one i work for. One little rat running the wheel is nothing to them. Edit: legal charges against company, lost reputation and money, that's the only way to hurt companies where toxic env is a norm. I've seen people getting destroyed in the process. 😔
@@phoenix. so much this. A cultural change may be what we need, but I’ve found that trying to affect change and point out the problem myself has been screaming into the wind. Hitting them in the reputation helps some, but now companies like Glassdoor sells corporate memberships so their HR and marketing minions can reply to you and make themselves look better. I’ve found the best way to deal with this corporate abuse is to leave and support any group of people trying to unionize or fight back.
I don't know, but I talked to an internal HR leadership coach about how a narcissist became manager, and that an increasing culture of toxic deference was the reason for declining productivity and high turnover. They didn't deny it at all. They said they were aware of my respective office struggling. And they advised me to let it go, and start applying for other jobs.
@@GratitudeDay I had a great job in healthcare, but the culture was very toxic in the main office where I eventually worked. When they'd finally hit me in the paycheck, I left and got their highest income doctor fired for ethics violations.
I resigned last week from my toxic workplace!!! My last day is Friday & I'm taking some time off to look & recoup. Was there 5 years & had been in a toxic place before then, too. I'm both excited about looking & scared that I'll get in another one. Fortunately the person I've been working for during the pandemic (they got rid of the bad manager & shifted us under a better one) has been good to work for & my confidence is somewhat restored but there is still some healing to do. I love to work & know I can be of good benefit to someone, so thank you for all the great vids as they're reprogramming my mind!!!
Absolutely. My last 3 jobs all had toxic narcissists as my boss. My most recent company of almost 8 years is where I suffered the most damage. The great news is that we only lost 1 employee to suicide. Of course, when she started with the company, she was super outgoing with professional goals. I, like many others are still seeking therapy. Our GM (malignant narcissist) has triangulated HR into thinking we're all misfits. Fortunately, they believe him. It's such a great feeling knowing that companies care for you.
Wow sounds totally normal, like seriously. We are in hell it seems
Damn!
I went from one toxic department to the next. The entire company is full of toxic people. Wish I left years ago.
So spot on here, thank you for this video. I could write a novel about how I left a toxic job after two months that wreaked havoc on my self esteem and dented my confidence. I almost lost the job I have now four years later because of it. I carried that trauma into the new job. There are a LOT of bad Managers out there and the fact that some employers promote these people without realizing their down stream impacts is astounding to me. Also, EVERY job I've had over the past 30 years or so there is always one or two bad managers who were promoted to a level of their own incompetence, it NEVER fails. Still cleaning up that mess left behind from three horrible managers over my 30 years of working.
I left a good job for more money and learned the grass is not greener! I've been in my current position for over 18 months and have never had so much anxiety and self doubt. I'm good at what I do, I enjoy my work. But, a supervisor and her flying monkey have turned into a nightmare. My confidence is shattered and I worry this job is career suicide. I submitted my required 90 day notice and my last day is next Friday! Unfortunately, this supervisor and her flying monkey have completely sabotaged the next job I had lined up. I was kinda forced to supply them as references, and the job offer was recinded. I just found out about this yesterday. I am horrified, could not sleep a wink last night. Now, I am basically jobless.
😯😯😯 I hope you are doing much better now and you were able to find another job. Really sorry this happened.
I worked with children in my last job. On my last day, I get an email stating that what I did was “not professional at all” and that I violated ethical boundaries. What was the email addressing? I gave the kiddos I worked with goodbye presents. Lol. That was the big issue.
The board I work under even states that gifts under $10 are permitted between staff and children. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, but I have this looming fear of people not hiring me now because they’ll call this place up as a reference, and they’ll say I’m ethically incompetent. Just such a weird limbo to exist in. I just wanted the kids to know I appreciate them, but okay. 🤷🏻♀️
I have watched your videos in the past and have found myself needing to watch them again. I have landed in a series of toxic workplaces for the past decade. I work in HR and have for over 20 years. I have been working to figure out a career change for a long time but it's been challenging. I started a job in July 2022 and thought it would not be so toxic. But the red flags popped up fast. My boss was promoted to manager just before I started and I was not told I was reporting to someone with 20 less years of experience and who was completely incompetent until after I started the job. My boss is a narcissist (but stays off the higher ups radars) and has asked me to do illegal things, to which I refused. I have worried about getting fired since like week 3 due to this immature boss. My boss makes blatant efforts to sabotage my work, undermine me and I've been told he trashes me to others. I know he's just on a power trip and is too immature but it's actually prevented me from being successful...which is his goal. I recently compiled documentation of these patterns and met with upper management to request to report to someone different. They were dismissive and defended him. They don't see what we see because he kisses their a$$. So I'm looking again. I had to start seeing a therapist to keep me sane until I figure things out. I'm considering full-time consulting but my confidence is so low right now I can't picture how to make that work. I'm so exhausted.
Yes, toxic jobs recovery is real, everything you said is spot on.
💯💯💯
Hey - so my story is pretty simple. I worked for a boss that seemed friendly enough initially. A lifer at a law-firm with 25 years experience. Well, found out they had just received their 2nd DUI. Guess who got asked to pick them up and drop him off before and after work every day? Yup - promised a fat raise and a promotion to boot. And guess who got fired when I went to HR? I DID! I hate myself for ever getting involved with that boss and I deeply regret becoming addicted to a substance and destroying my life. Welp - I changed careers, but I'm still damaged AF lmao! The 'water-cooler talk' literally causes me panic attacks. I have unhealthy levels of distrust, it's exhausting. I have no friends anymore (because I was a drug addicted psycho) and I genuinely feel like I will never be accepted anywhere. So, needless to say - some toxic workplace detox sounds wonderful, Jennifer
I'm so relieved to find this channel. I've worked for a narcissistic boss who dumped me on an insecure boss and then took me again when he moved to a new role. I took the offer because I thought it was going to be different but it only validated my experience with him five years ago. Now that he got promoted and left me behind, the peace of mind I feel right now validates it even more. I'm more at peace now that he's left, but at the same time I've since been anxious about the thought that I'm gonna have to go above and beyond for something that might not be worth it. Ironically, I'm also anxious that I would fail by not going above and beyond. I'd long for meaningful work relationships and at the same time, anxious of people in the workplace. This is my aftermath and I want to work towards undoing all of toxicity my original workplace had ingrained on me.
I am greatful to understand that I can walk away from a toxic work environment. My freedom means more than anything. I am greatful for another opportunity. I will always work hard. I am greatful to just take side jobs. Thank God I don't have to work in a toxic work environment
I feel my brain is so whacked now. And i did that to complain to my husband about my job, i realised in my new job my brain is actually looking for faults to think negatively about, from a coping mechanism to a unhealthy habit. This video is helpful thank you
It's my last day of work with 2 very toxic directors. Tiny company of 5, so no support or HR. I thought I'd feel extatic. But what I really feel is grief. I have lost so much, financially and mentally. Even ended up having a nervous breakdown because of their behaviour, which was all blamed on me for not being confident any more. The truth is I allowed them to chip away at my confidence, to the point I am a shell of my former self. I have a new job, and I am terrified. This has never happened to me before in my 30+ years of working life. Sure I've had the odd toxic colleague before, but never to the extreme of these two people.
I hope everyone here finds peace in their next role. ❤
The examples here are the open toxic behaviors. The worst one's are those that smile and chat while cutting your hamstrings. Had one who was friendly to all the staff all the while having the directors set up those she wanted to let go because the business under her leadership was failing. The worst part is I was way to lenient in giving the benefit of a doubt as I had come from a previous position where it was open war on the employees every day, and I kept telling myself it wasn't as bad as that place. But pay attention - the wolf's are easy, it's the spider's that can trap you.
This!!!! The smarmy, fake niceness is what drove me nuts. Even months later I get enraged thinking about specific encounters I had with these wretched people and only wish I could go back in time and smack those smug looks right off their evil faces.
I am so glad you're talking about this. I am not just starting out in the work world and thought i was pretty settled as a person in who I am, my weaknesses and strengths, but a horrible work experience shook me, and I am still not okay. I was called stupid, minimized at work, and my boss would talk about me to the woman sitting in the cubicle behind me, loud enough that I could hear every word. Then they'd laugh and start to whisper. It sounds paranoid but it was constant. I would ask for a performance review and training and got a patronizing response and then nothing. I wasn't included in anything--meeting the regional manager-nope, she just walked right past my cubicle. I called her on it, she denied any of it happened and said, and I quote, "it's your word against mine." I quit but still wonder what I did that contributed to that situation. What did I do that was so wrong?
I experienced an inner conflict that I had not actually left a toxic workplace, but that I was toxic employee/toxic person, and by quitting, I had demonstrated myself as a coward, unambitious, weak, selfish, all sorts of negative labels I'm still working through in therapy. I had a profound sense of loss and regret and shame. I was continuously having thoughts like "I didn't work hard enough, I didn't try hard enough, I should have fought harder to keep my job instead of walking away from it." It became a pretty severe depression that affected my ability to perform in my next couple of roles. I struggled in my interpersonal relationships, especially with those I worked with (overall there were many contributing factors to why certain relationships broke down that have nothing to do with the job however, these things were just happening concurrently) I'm wondering if is something others might have experienced, where they doubted whether their workplace was truly toxic, and whether they had been in the wrong for choosing to leave
This is something I have seen with many people who have left toxic environments and there are two things that come into play for many of them.
1. Doubting it was toxic. Remember a toxic work environment is personal, what is toxic to you might not be toxic to others - it's about values and how you expect to treat people and for them to treat you. Some people love gossip and fighitng - others don't. Without judgement, figure out what was toxic for you. Also bear in mind, gaslighting comes into play, where you are meant to doubt your own perceptions and reality. Especially if you are dealing with manipulators or narcissists, this can really weigh into long term questioning.
2. The big story: I am not a quitter. You have probably gotten the message to not quit hundreds of thousands of times over the course of your life from your parents, teachers, coaches, friends... everyone. However, in a toxic work environment, this story works strongly against us (and can keep us stuck unnecessarily long). Because the only solution to a toxic work environment for most is exiting. Depending on how deep this story is, it can be a doozy to deal with post-toxic job. Sometime instead of weeding it out - we need to shift our perspective - you did not quit, you chose happiness or you chose to positive opportunities. There is a story that will serve you much better.
If you haven't registered for my Toxic Job Recovery webinar, you should consider it!
Everyday i replay the decision
Telling myself only losers quit and i always circle back to: i saved me
For the first time in my life i saved me. I dont know what the future holds but leaving a toxic situation is not quitting, it is rescuing yourself from trauma.
As to your questions,my daily replay is i overreacted and i circle back to the same anger the same frustration. My job took away my ability to trust. I trust no one becsuse i was working with amoral gaslighters who lacked integrity. Also i want nothing to do with the people who said you make too much to leave that job.
Im going through all your emotions exactly. Complete mirror image. Relief to read it to be honest. 5 months since I left, Im still stuck not moving on. Horrid. X
I have felt the exact same so no you are not wrong or stupid for feeling that way. Classic example of an abused person this is.
So true!
I fumbled some pretty high profile interviews because my confidence was shot.
I had to take a break from the search and mentally recharge.
This is very true. My prior manager loves to play favorites and she could be insanely picky to the employees she doesn't like just to make sure her favorite ones get all the credits. I am not one of her favorites and I quit last year. But when my current manager says any good words to my colleagues I would be so paranoid because I am afraid of being in that situation once again. Even if my current manager is super nice and he never plays favorites.
Being aware is the first step in releasing.
Also I want to add you are helping me get through this process. Thanks for all of the support with this youtube channel - truly thankful.
I really needed this video. I’m still traumatized from a job I loved that I lost in 2020
Wow! It must have been pretty bad? Have you been able to move on career wise, or does the trauma still cause problems with employment now?
It's been 4 years since my toxic work experience and I am still trying to recover from the trauma. It doesnt feel like I will ever move on from it all.
I hope you do, one day. Still smarting from some toxic former workplaces.
I can relate so much to this, sometimes I still have nightmares of being there
Thanks so much for this. I'm seeing that lots of people feel this same way i do as well, after having survived a toxic work environment for so long. Your words were really spoke to me. Appreciated.
It has taken me two very long years to sort out the trauma I endured at the hands of a toxic workplace lead by a narcissistic abuser boss. I am getting most of my confidence back, but I still have a tendency to feel gaslit by everything even when someone isn’t coming at me like that. The damage is real.
yes realize your value. Speak to people who really know you who support you and get them to send you an honest list of your strengths
Jennifer - thank you for making this video. Many of the things you said resonated with me and are very valid points. I don't think people think about how, even when you leave a toxic job, that there is still an aftermath you have to deal with. For me, it has been over a year since I left a toxic boss and workplace, and I still think about it every day, even though I am in a much better place now. The part where you mentioned scaling back your career ambitions you once had is particularly true. I began to think "It's fine, I just need a job without problems". It's not a good way to think. Thank you for mentioning it.
Jennifer offers great insights clearly that can be assimilated and put into practice with some initiative on the toxic victim's part. Unfortunately workplace toxicity is so pervasive it's useful to realize that we can control and tame it somewhat, but not eliminate it.
I am quitting my toxic job tomorrow. I work for a tow company that contracts for AAA. Let me tell you it's probably the most toxic and demanding place I've ever worked. I work 12 hours if not longer days, forced to stay over with no notice. I've had to work every holiday and weekend since I've been there. Management does not allow for breaks, not even to eat. The stress of this job has caused a rift in my marriage. I've missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. I was sick for 2 weeks due to Covid-19. My boss has constantly called me asking how I'm feeling and that he needs be back to work asap. Luckily I have already landed another job opportunity that will be much better for not only myself, but my wife also. I know it's wrong not to give a two weeks notice, but I cannot do another day at that place.
Thanks for this Jennifer, you've helped me a lot. God bless ypu more.
I'm so glad it was there for you, Wendy!
You’re channels amazing. It’s a shame that people will not discover your channel until it was too late.
I know 😕 BUT that's also why is so helpful when people like you watch and comment and subscribe and like. It all tells TH-cam this video is one people should watch and it recommends it to others 💜
Yes, I found it too late.
I am s0 exhausted from a toxic job I cant even covey the words to describe it.
Giiiirrrrl!!!!!!!!!!!
This is ME!!!!!! Right now!!!
Oh my God!
So over it
My manager (weasel) was the brother-in-law of an executive (sleazebag) vice president, so he could do whatever he wanted without fear of any consequences. When I had my annual review, he said "I get a chunk of money from HR that I can distribute, so I use it to compensate the hardest workers, like Ken and Bob" My raise was 0,5% and I almost told him to put it where the Sun don't shine, but I didn't because several people knew what would happen if I did. So I said nothing and went back to work, but with a completely different attitude.
Eventually I was shown the door and left smiling, because this happy asshole would no longer be ruining my life. My blood pressure went from 170 to 106, which was a big surprise. During my high BP days, I had a stroke, and the Weasel kept asking me if there was any damage (a violation of HIPAA privacy rules). I had another doctor who said, if I had waited another week to come in to see her, I would have been dead.
Dying for a useless job is foolish and a waste of *your* life. Do you really think anyone at work will care? Please, please remember the people you love and keep them in focus. Those 16-hour days will be viewed as "company spirit" and you won't get a raise, promotion or even an "Employee of the Month" paperweight.
toxic workplaces are hell on earth, not only you lose energy, have self doubt by negativity, it ruins your relationships, enthusiasm and overall quality of life. Why would anyone spend their energy, time , skills in such environment - just for that days paycheck.... is it even worth? if you die in a year , you will die with enormous negativity in soul and probably spend years in hell after that and get to another birth in low quality. life is not meant to be spent that way. that is not success... success means being able to live in harmony, peace, love, joy... you don't need much money and we are not born to make money...if that is case God would have had provision to carry money you earn to heaven with you after you die.
Just left my job because it was making me miserable and depressed felt happy once I left environment was toxic
Omg you describe my life everytime. 😔 And many people judge me when I try to get support.
It's so wonderful to hear somebody who understands these things. Thanks Jennifer. You're doing people a great service.
I would have to agree fully. I worked in a Toxic HR department where my supervisor was very rude and condescending. I had worked for the organization for 9 years, but only with this individual the last two and tried everything and even approached the Vice President of HR. Which I am in HR and I go to the VP of HR and watching your other videos, I realize that was a mistake and thinking back it truly was because they always made me feel I was at fault. Good or bad I was released in Fall of 2020 due to COVID-19 and lack of work, so they said. Took a long time to find something but I did and the second day there the person next to me started using the f-bomb and my brain went right to OMGOSH were right back into the same situation and I ended up not returning and now search for work again and feel like a total fool about it all.
I'm so sorry you went through this. We need to increase awareness about what happens when you leave, and that post toxic post responses occur. Your brain is doing what is supposed to and trying to protect you, but after 9 years it's miscalibrated.
Quit my job 2DAY!!! Cleaned and organized a hoarded room that was meant for renters to use for recreation. The person that hoarded it, hoarded 3 rooms, 2 of them completely UNSAFE! I was told that they would probably be fired and I could have that job. Not fired, was helped by mgnt and beaming over the greatness the clean room will bring to renters with no thanks to me or mention of my cleaning and organizing it to renters. I touched and smelled disgusting stuff and just got run over by my employer. This video did not help me today, too soon. Karma will come because hoarding has no cure
They will get there KARMA for sure
I am on a medical leave of absence after a toxic boss. I don't see how I can go back. How do you feel about working through a temp service or coffee shop for a couple months while you decompress before going back into your field? How does this affect the resume?
Omg with the overcommunication. I was under several micromangers in the job I just resigned from. I really fear corporate life will just bring out the worst in me . This insight is really important ❤❤
I quit my job once I got annoyed that my co worker kept microwaving eggs for 2 min, leaves room then comes back later, cooks them again, comes back later, cooks them again. I finally took the eggs out so that I could cook them and she got angry and said, “I need to cook the eggs for the customers and get it ready for them. It was gonna take me maybe one minute and 1/2 to cook the eggs so idk why she was getting so upset. My own mistake was becoming passive aggressive before this saying things under my breath like “really? I need to cook my food?” After that incident I shut down and would only talk to her if she said hi or if it was work related other wise I wouldn’t talk to her because I saw many red flags where she would yell at another co worker, caught her gossiping multiple times and thinking that another co worker was hiding soap. 🤷♀️🤦🏽♀️ so disrespectful. She would tell me inappropriate things.
I quit yesterday. It was the last straw when she said “you probably hurt your back because you were in all these different positions with your boyfriend hanging on a chandelier.” 🤔🙄 I told my boss I’m a Christian and that I’m not having sex until marriage. That’s not only disrespectful towards God but it’s disrespectful towards me and my boyfriend. We fight daily to not have sex. Sick behavior when one is trying to follow Jesus. I’m still really mad and upset.
Wow I complained a lot I was always tired because I’m an introvert and exhausted because I felt like I was doing way too much physical work. I am now evaluating what I want to do with my life. Being out in nature and cleaning up the parking lot helped me because I wasn’t around all the customers who also complained and gossiped.
It’s hard for me to admit that even though I have left, and have been retired after leaving a toxic work environment nine years ago (yes, I said 9) to this day my thoughts are oppressed daily about thinking about my previous place of employment. Now if you ask me why I continued to work in the same toxic work environment in a government agency for a total of 18 years the answer is rather simple, the retirement benefits that I was able to leave with were rather good compare to what I might have gotten elsewhere. But still to this day, part of my daily routine is to check of what kind of reviews my former employer has received from those of the public on Google, and the reviews on how those who still work there on Glassdoor, and on Indeed. And now I must confess, that I get great joy whenever I read negative reviews on any of these websites about my former employer, which are overwhelmingly negative on all three of them. Still, after nine years I know racially the negative after effects of that toxic work environment should be left far behind, but to this day I still feel I have not left that job to live a more problem free retirement. Any suggestions?
I suggest therapy , you have what’s called PTSD due to workplace bullying and toxicity. I have the same problem, it will go away but you need the treatment and time, and let go of it , forgive yourself and live your life
Thank you.
@@enbuchwald First, you should immediately stop googling and looking at glassdor reviews of the company. That place has still got you in its grips and thats not healthy after 9 years. I would understand if you were still working there. You need to cherish your time now because its yours and stop letting that place steal even one second of your attention. Focus on your hobbies and people and things that make you happy. If you can’t do that, see a CPTSD therapist. Maybe you have resentment but you must make peace and let it go.
I recommend a seasonal job. A new set of coworkers and work experiences may help to replace negative memories with more positive ones.
Fight or flight kicks in. Was bullied at my last job. Had to deal with another bullying situation at my current place of work, and I walked out as I needed a moment. It may cost my job, but I don’t care.
I still have nightmares til day, I think I may have PTSD from the bully/harassing management. I would find myself yelling stuff out when I'm by myself, anger, upset, etc. I couldn't believe I was so weak to let management bully me into that job.
If you think you may be experiencing PTSD please see your doctor. This is debilitating disorder that involves structural changes to your brain. The severity cannot be understated. Get diagnosis and working with your doctor and/or a psychiatrist or psychologist is imperative to healing.
Your fantastic advice here is something id expect from a skilled psycologist. Im amazed at the nuggets of wisdom you drop.
Most people I know that left said when they got a new job it was like culture shock.
I have been hearing that, too. That you get stuck in a toxic bubble, thinking everything is as bad as your current toxic job, and then discover it's like your toxic job was an alternate reality compared to everyone else outside.
Been watching a lot of your videos and wow everything is so on point and i feel so seen. Ive recently realized that almost all of my few previous jobs were toxic and on top of an emotionally abusive parent has really affected my self esteem and confidence and cuased lots of issues.
It’s kind of a wake up call to see you talking about how the rock bottom self image, and feeling like I can’t do anything is all a symptom of trauma and not part of my actual personality, like it was starting to feel. Somehow having it all stated out like this helps me feel like i can want more and have ambition again, so thanks for talking about all this. Coming out of the pandemic and feeling vaguely hopeful about the future. Wanting to beleive in myself again.
I just left Blizzard yesterday. This video provided me with so much hope. I'm lucky I got a new job offer starting Monday! I'm really hurt, I need to recover from this so I start the new role with clear mind.
This video could not have come at a better time. Everything mentioned I find all too relatable right now. I’ll be for sure signing up for the toxic job detox program. ❤️
I left a toxic environment 3 days ago and I can already feel less pain in my back and hips. I’m not hungry all the time and my head isn’t hurting.
I’m counting the days until my departure
I wish I watched this 5 years ago (of course this hadn't been filmed yet). I recognize *ALL* these coping mechanisms. I can't believe how small and invalid I felt, how I felt I should be grateful that any company was willing to have me, because my boss made me feel so small and insignificant. I'm still recovering and have an innate fear of people who even have slightly similar physical traits as people from my old workplace, even though they're totally different people.
Great video. I noticed a carry over from a previous toxic workplace after changing jobs. I was less independent and checked in with my boss more than necessary. My new boss was not that great either and was never mentored in being a manager/mentor, so I could see where his faults became evident. Sometimes people can use "a good example of a bad example" and they can use it to their benefit.
My job is a nightmare because of my toxic coworker. I was gaslit by our boss and he said all of the things she’s done to me were my assumptions when it’s all in the emails that he is cc’d in. I’ve never felt so defeated. I’ve done so much for this company but in my year review he forgot all of my contributions and said because of my toxic coworker I am only given a 1.50 raise instead of 2 and in 6 months he might give me the rest if I can get along with her. Enough is enough. I am quitting this Friday.
I'm so glad I found your channel and found this video because you hit the nail on the head with every point. This is helping me a lot and giving me answers to some questions I had.
I'm glad it's helping you 💜
This is SUCH good stuff. Thank you for your amazing content!
Listening to your career solutions helps solving bestfit mind jigsaws that heals the conscience which toxic office politics
take a toll on. Your TH-cam channel will go a long way in helping countless souls for a course correction with optimism having experienced toxic workplace culture, environment ,Jennifer Madam.Your incessant helpful gesture is praiseworthy. 👏👍🙏☺️