Whenever I protect myself from toxic people (family) I’m accused of abandoning them. Not being there for them. Meanwhile being there is killing me because they’re stuck in victim and want MY validation (and I disagree strongly with their victimhood and blaming perspective). Also, whenever I’m “honest” about how I feel, nobody likes it. So again, I’m disappointing people by being my honest self or taking care of me. I hate confrontations because I won’t fight (for myself), So I basically “go along to get along”. That’s been my life motto. I cope with this by being alone a lot (it’s less stressful). I’m working on finding like minded people so that I have a sense of belonging and I can finally be me. I guess this is my journey.
You are not alone I am totally like this with my family. They think I'm weird not wanting to be around them, but I realize my peace is more important than pleasing other peoples toxic behaviors.
This really speaks to me in my work. As a massage therapist being highly sensitive makes me better at my job. I can pick up on things or people may be hurting, what their actual feeling states are, and if they’re keeping anything from me. In other relationships being highly sensitive does not help me and I have spent the last 20 years with extremely lax boundaries. I am doing the work to uncover my bad habits and move beyond them.
Hm, as an HSP, I disagree with this oversimplification. True, HSPs tend to be hyper-sensitive and vigilant and feel strongly. However, there is also strong correlation between HSP and avoidant attachment wounds. While ALL feelings are valid, I think it is important to always "question" the true SOURCE of the feelings... as many times we are being led astray by our feelings, if we do not acknowledge their true source. We "know" what we feel... but need to be sure the "why" is accurate, otherwise are not living in present authenticity, but instead through triggering from our earlier wounds. So it is a bit tricky to say "Always trust your inner feelings"... since many times it can be our wounded child speaking up, to bring awareness to something deeper. In fact, a feeling of needing to run away or push away or discomfort around certain experience... those themselves are coping mechanisms from the past, that can sabotage our present. So saying "OMG, I'm not going to question it because it doesn't feel good" is the antithesis of awareness and consciousness. In fact, a truly healthy and loving relationship can be VERY unsettling for someone that is not securely attached.
Totally agree. Not letting people in is also a coping mechanism because when people fail to see our emotions, we (I) tend to fly into a rage and then feel guilty about hurting them. To not face any of this, many of us are very selective with people which is again labelled as something bad (not to confuse with introversion).Speaking from my own experience, I have often felt or made to feel that I am toxic (for being vulnerable) and selfish (for choosing my own peace, telling people how they make me feel, expecting that they would share the same level of emotion as I do). Internalizing these negative emotions really make the journey to healing difficult. And they do form a part of our authentic self, which is more complex.
Thank you!! Once again, spot on. Its frustrating actually that I've missed these videos the past couple years. Guess I wasn't ready to see it. Thank you so much!! There is so much clarity here. :D
Wow so hypervigilance is what I’ve been doing. I’m so confused it’s like I haven’t felt like my true self since I was 19 before I had my son. Now I’m 33 and having to learn myself all over.
Gosh I've just thought about it today! As I'm on the path of healing I've noticed that I was becoming much less affected by others as I used to. Curiously, I was thinking to myself "what about my sensitivity, is it gone? "Am I being selfish now?" Here you have some answers. Spot-on as usual! Thank you!
It’s the same for me and oh my god are you reading my mind it’s the perfect time for this video. Just when I started feeling like very regulated and not reading people’s faces and less frequently pleasing. I thought something was wrong with me or I was becoming depressed or something hahahah feeling regulated feels so foreign in my body, it feels very still and weird. But I see that all that hyper vigilance was a disregulated nervous system. I must admit I’m upset because all my life I was running on fight/flight and did not even think another way was possible. Just wow. I feel like an internal storm has calmed down and life slowed down. Which is still very hard to get used to because I’m used to threat and danger. And this way almost feels like something inside myself has been emptied but not like a lack feeling, I feel more alive and expanded. But also very still and calm. I don’t understand please tell me if that feels weird or foreign to you too
@@eceerdem317Erdem I can relate to what you're saying. At first, I'd feel that maybe something is wrong with me as I got less triggered and affected. Hypervigilance was deeply rooted in me for many many years and yes, it feels foreign. Also, sometimes I fear that without constant triggers I might abandon myself and my spiritual seeking. As if I still need them to keep me on track.. Crazy ha? (but it is another story)
Hypervigilence... such a great topic to bring to light- especially with respect to children. Thank you Candace for this video to become more empowered! 🙏 ♥️😇
I’m so beyond thanful and relieved to have discovered this channel. All this time I’ve been feeling so alone and disconnected from everyone and everything. Candance, the way you describe certain experience is spot on! Like you put words to what I’ve been dealing with for YEARS. I finally feel like I have answers now. Thank you for what you do & teach. 🙏🏼 You’re amazing !!
Dear Candace, one of your best videos so far. It contains so much wisdom and so many insights, I really had to stop the video every few seconds to write it down haha. But it was so worth it and I can't thank you enough. Namaste, you beautiful soul.
A year ago when I started having problems with my ex I started having so much shoulder pain, I spent more than a few thousand dollars going to the chiropractor and it would not get better. A few months after we broke up and I move out of his life I started feeling better and I was so confused. I am glad I found this channel because I understand so much about me and about failed relationships. I am still recuperating. I was told the reason we broke up it was because of me, that is a lie, it was because even though I am an empath I am also difficult to be manipulated, you are so right you gut tells you. Even though I loved this person felt uncomfortable around him. Now I am in a different place. I understand when people say you are a good person, you give too much, like being that way it were bad. Thank you Candace. I truly can say I don’t know were I would be if it were not because of you. Everything that you say touches my heart.
What a Godsend you are, Candace! I can feel how every time I watch one of your videos, it's actually creating a real and tangible difference in who and how I am.
Interesting, had to watch this a few times. HSP is a very new revelation to me, and finding this gift/thorn was 100% me is crazy. Whats hard for me is realizing after 50 years I need to stop eating sugar or changing years of hyper analysis is really hard. I can’t even listen to a commercial where someone eats chips or ride in a car with people sipping coffee because I’m so over sensitive. This is by far the hardest thing I can remember having to face. Feeling overwhelmed right now.
I think if we focus positive on something the outcome is positive as well, so the HSP will use his/her talents for the benefits of others and him-herself....;) But... We learn more quickly by failures, so everything has its place....
Excellent, insightful video that I could really relate to, thanks again Candace! Becoming more conscious of what I'm feeling has been a big part of the spiritual journey for me, it's amazing and really quite sad how disconnected from ourselves we become and it's taken a lot of inner work for things to start shifting within me, I'd unconsciously built up so much resistance to my felt experience. Thanks again :-)
Your right can't do it if it is feeling wrong to me my friend girl did a lot to make me do things I did not want to do . Finally I broke up our friendship I had to and felt used and Manipulated. Kind of mad...couldn't continue with the imposter!
Tjhats how fllawed they are and hoew sad this is they screw you over thus create this behavior in you, then they blame you for it, yet screwed you over in the first pllace.......
I am personally thinking that something is about narcissism. We kind of treat it wrong. It is obvious that who idea of loving yourself is referencing to the same area as self love conception. I guess core difference is that narcissism is a self preservation mechanism witch one starts to fallow when self love is a path, that you should fallow consciously.
Thank you for another video. What's weird is that I know I am highly sensitive but I am the person who seeks out towards my partner for him to meet my emotional needs in order to feel "Worthy" or "validated" rather than adjusting myself to cater to everyone else. How does this make sense? I'm confused because I'm starting to feel like I might have narcissistic traits.
How is a HSP take the time to understand the difference between pulling away because its a true feeling that it doesn't align from the feeling of not wanting to deal with the accountability of staying when it is something that does align for personal spiritual growth? @ Candance van Dell or anyone
im not being able to recognize if it feels right or not for me! I dont know if it feels right but my old self and patterns are coming to the surface sabotaging me because im scared, or its not right for me and i have to let go
I sure could use some guidance. Not only do I live with CRPS I'm also learning I am a very sensitive guy. I'm lost and unsure how to real this in... can you please help?
Hi candance. Can you make a video on tips on how to help a hsp bf? My bf is great. He has a great job and no problem financially but because he had a trauamtic past with his mom during his childhood he told me he was always anxious and he is hsp. He gets anxious easily and cant sleep well. I dont know how to help him. I want him to feel better. Sometimes he would tell me he is depressed, sad and feels unworthy. He always worries about the future. He said he is hopeless. He talks down to himself. He looks great and you would t even think he is sensitive but he is. He doesnt look like he is suffering from depression but he is :( he is thankful im always caring and i listen to him but i want to help him more. Do you have any tips? His love language is words of affirmation so i always try to boost his confidence and talk to him kindly. I am also sensitive but i try to be ok because i believe i have to be mentally strong even if im sensitive
Candace what I whould really like to know is why you have Not made any new videos as of lately. Candace I have always thought of you as a vary strong spiritual teacher and to a certain extent I have vary much come to look up to you as a spiritual teacher, however vary recently you have not made any new videos at all and I have grown vary dependent on those videos, and I have noticed that there has been No new videos by you out at all and I'm seriously begining to wonder Why ???!!!
![[Full] 4 ต่อ 4 Celebrity EP.910 | 22 ก.ย. 67 | one31](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/4TR3MVpOiw8/mqdefault.jpg)
Whenever I protect myself from toxic people (family) I’m accused of abandoning them. Not being there for them. Meanwhile being there is killing me because they’re stuck in victim and want MY validation (and I disagree strongly with their victimhood and blaming perspective). Also, whenever I’m “honest” about how I feel, nobody likes it. So again, I’m disappointing people by being my honest self or taking care of me. I hate confrontations because I won’t fight (for myself), So I basically “go along to get along”. That’s been my life motto. I cope with this by being alone a lot (it’s less stressful). I’m working on finding like minded people so that I have a sense of belonging and I can finally be me. I guess this is my journey.
I’m the same way...
I literally just said this to myself. I truly am starting to think being alone is the only way to go.
I sooooo get this! Very well said. Thank you!
You are not alone I am totally like this with my family. They think I'm weird not wanting to be around them, but I realize my peace is more important than pleasing other peoples toxic behaviors.
I love being highly sensitive that way I can sense negative narcissists and evil people that way I can stay far away from them. 🤗
yep!!
This is why I rarely leave the house
ALIEN GAMER INVASION same here
Yes, but sometimes it can take half a lifetime to be able to recognize it 💓
It’s cool to hear someone say they love being hsp. A lot of people, self included, seem to feel at times that it’s like a curse. It’s torment.
Totally relate to having to do things “right” and feel like I’m stuck in perfectionism.
It's a coping mechanism that once worked for you to keep you safe but now probably works against you in certain ways. I totally understand.
This really speaks to me in my work. As a massage therapist being highly sensitive makes me better at my job. I can pick up on things or people may be hurting, what their actual feeling states are, and if they’re keeping anything from me. In other relationships being highly sensitive does not help me and I have spent the last 20 years with extremely lax boundaries. I am doing the work to uncover my bad habits and move beyond them.
People coming to me now to help with their vibes. Advice . Empathic help natural..😇
Hm, as an HSP, I disagree with this oversimplification.
True, HSPs tend to be hyper-sensitive and vigilant and feel strongly. However, there is also strong correlation between HSP and avoidant attachment wounds. While ALL feelings are valid, I think it is important to always "question" the true SOURCE of the feelings... as many times we are being led astray by our feelings, if we do not acknowledge their true source. We "know" what we feel... but need to be sure the "why" is accurate, otherwise are not living in present authenticity, but instead through triggering from our earlier wounds. So it is a bit tricky to say "Always trust your inner feelings"... since many times it can be our wounded child speaking up, to bring awareness to something deeper. In fact, a feeling of needing to run away or push away or discomfort around certain experience... those themselves are coping mechanisms from the past, that can sabotage our present. So saying "OMG, I'm not going to question it because it doesn't feel good" is the antithesis of awareness and consciousness. In fact, a truly healthy and loving relationship can be VERY unsettling for someone that is not securely attached.
I agree.
Totally agree. Not letting people in is also a coping mechanism because when people fail to see our emotions, we (I) tend to fly into a rage and then feel guilty about hurting them. To not face any of this, many of us are very selective with people which is again labelled as something bad (not to confuse with introversion).Speaking from my own experience, I have often felt or made to feel that I am toxic (for being vulnerable) and selfish (for choosing my own peace, telling people how they make me feel, expecting that they would share the same level of emotion as I do). Internalizing these negative emotions really make the journey to healing difficult. And they do form a part of our authentic self, which is more complex.
Thank you!! Once again, spot on. Its frustrating actually that I've missed these videos the past couple years. Guess I wasn't ready to see it. Thank you so much!! There is so much clarity here. :D
It is how we are treated day and day out that makes us the way we are
Holy crap. I think this is the root of my problems. THANK YOU CANDACE
True.My head sad yes but my body sad no.♥️
Wow so hypervigilance is what I’ve been doing. I’m so confused it’s like I haven’t felt like my true self since I was 19 before I had my son. Now I’m 33 and having to learn myself all over.
Gosh I've just thought about it today! As I'm on the path of healing I've noticed that I was becoming much less affected by others as I used to. Curiously, I was thinking to myself "what about my sensitivity, is it gone? "Am I being selfish now?" Here you have some answers. Spot-on as usual! Thank you!
Ha ha I love it!! Sounds like you are right on track!!
It’s the same for me and oh my god are you reading my mind it’s the perfect time for this video. Just when I started feeling like very regulated and not reading people’s faces and less frequently pleasing. I thought something was wrong with me or I was becoming depressed or something hahahah feeling regulated feels so foreign in my body, it feels very still and weird. But I see that all that hyper vigilance was a disregulated nervous system. I must admit I’m upset because all my life I was running on fight/flight and did not even think another way was possible. Just wow. I feel like an internal storm has calmed down and life slowed down. Which is still very hard to get used to because I’m used to threat and danger. And this way almost feels like something inside myself has been emptied but not like a lack feeling, I feel more alive and expanded. But also very still and calm. I don’t understand please tell me if that feels weird or foreign to you too
@@eceerdem317Erdem I can relate to what you're saying. At first, I'd feel that maybe something is wrong with me as I got less triggered and affected. Hypervigilance was deeply rooted in me for many many years and yes, it feels foreign. Also, sometimes I fear that without constant triggers I might abandon myself and my spiritual seeking. As if I still need them to keep me on track.. Crazy ha? (but it is another story)
@@mdreamer4773 I can also relate to this one. You're not alone. I feel like my life will end hahaha
This was amazingly helpful, you have no idea.
Hypervigilence... such a great topic to bring to light- especially with respect to children. Thank you Candace for this video to become more empowered!
🙏 ♥️😇
I’m so beyond thanful and relieved to have discovered this channel. All this time I’ve been feeling so alone and disconnected from everyone and everything. Candance, the way you describe certain experience is spot on! Like you put words to what I’ve been dealing with for YEARS. I finally feel like I have answers now. Thank you for what you do & teach. 🙏🏼 You’re amazing !!
*thankful
**experiences
So incredibly grateful for you Candace. Thank you so much for doing the work you do.
Awww Thank you so much!! I love what I do! x
Thank you for this absolutely brilliant informative video........
Thank you for braving this topic!
reikimonster my pleasure! 🙏🏻
Dear Candace, one of your best videos so far. It contains so much wisdom and so many insights, I really had to stop the video every few seconds to write it down haha. But it was so worth it and I can't thank you enough. Namaste, you beautiful soul.
I am super empath.it is really crazy sometimes.Id rather spend time alone than among people...
Yes that's very common.
6:18 🌝💜
6:35 HEAL
7:30 7:50
A year ago when I started having problems with my ex I started having so much shoulder pain, I spent more than a few thousand dollars going to the chiropractor and it would not get better. A few months after we broke up and I move out of his life I started feeling better and I was so confused. I am glad I found this channel because I understand so much about me and about failed relationships. I am still recuperating.
I was told the reason we broke up it was because of me, that is a lie, it was because even though I am an empath I am also difficult to be manipulated, you are so right you gut tells you. Even though I loved this person felt uncomfortable around him. Now I am in a different place. I understand when people say you are a good person, you give too much, like being that way it were bad. Thank you Candace. I truly can say I don’t know were I would be if it were not because of you. Everything that you say touches my heart.
My therapist helps me so much with going back to my body and my feelings. It’s still quite unfamiliar for me but working on it step by step :)
What a Godsend you are, Candace! I can feel how every time I watch one of your videos, it's actually creating a real and tangible difference in who and how I am.
Wow, so timely. Thank you 💕
Thank you for shareing this. It really helps me to find new ways to think when it comes to my sensitivity. 😊
perfect timing again for that video...just fits into life..and feels right :)
Happier with my own thoughts and opinions as a sensitive too.
Wish I could say the same. But i know it will come
So grateful that I fought this page‼️
Incredible video really great job
Thank you so much! Very happy you liked it.
Very relatable video for me. Thanks for sharing!
Interesting, had to watch this a few times. HSP is a very new revelation to me, and finding this gift/thorn was 100% me is crazy. Whats hard for me is realizing after 50 years I need to stop eating sugar or changing years of hyper analysis is really hard. I can’t even listen to a commercial where someone eats chips or ride in a car with people sipping coffee because I’m so over sensitive. This is by far the hardest thing I can remember having to face. Feeling overwhelmed right now.
Thank you
Bless you 🙏 😇🙏
And all you do
Sooo
INSIGHTFUL ✌️❤️✌️
Thank you sooo much for this information. Nailed it for me!!!!!
Exactly
You are such a beautiful angel ! 👼
I think if we focus positive on something the outcome is positive as well, so the HSP will use his/her talents for the benefits of others and him-herself....;) But... We learn more quickly by failures, so everything has its place....
Thank You so much! I find Your videos very helpful
Excellent, insightful video that I could really relate to, thanks again Candace! Becoming more conscious of what I'm feeling has been a big part of the spiritual journey for me, it's amazing and really quite sad how disconnected from ourselves we become and it's taken a lot of inner work for things to start shifting within me, I'd unconsciously built up so much resistance to my felt experience.
Thanks again :-)
They are the assholes
Your right can't do it if it is feeling wrong to me my friend girl did a lot to make me do things I did not want to do . Finally I broke up our friendship I had to and felt used and Manipulated. Kind of mad...couldn't continue with the imposter!
Thank you!
Thank you for such a great video. I relate to everything you say. Keep up the good work.
Tjhats how fllawed they are and hoew sad this is they screw you over thus create this behavior in you, then they blame you for it, yet screwed you over in the first pllace.......
Incredible nice video thank u very much
I love your channel!!!
im a huge fan of you
Thank you for sharing. Whenever I came near someone I would shiver and be uncomfortable. I thought why Now I understand it was my body sensing .
Goodstuff!
Awesome just subscribed
Validate your own perception instead of denying what are facts to you.
I am personally thinking that something is about narcissism. We kind of treat it wrong. It is obvious that who idea of loving yourself is referencing to the same area as self love conception. I guess core difference is that narcissism is a self preservation mechanism witch one starts to fallow when self love is a path, that you should fallow consciously.
Thank you for another video. What's weird is that I know I am highly sensitive but I am the person who seeks out towards my partner for him to meet my emotional needs in order to feel "Worthy" or "validated" rather than adjusting myself to cater to everyone else. How does this make sense? I'm confused because I'm starting to feel like I might have narcissistic traits.
How is a HSP take the time to understand the difference between pulling away because its a true feeling that it doesn't align from the feeling of not wanting to deal with the accountability of staying when it is something that does align for personal spiritual growth? @ Candance van Dell or anyone
This is me..
im not being able to recognize if it feels right or not for me! I dont know if it feels right but my old self and patterns are coming to the surface sabotaging me because im scared, or its not right for me and i have to let go
American pie
I sure could use some guidance. Not only do I live with CRPS I'm also learning I am a very sensitive guy. I'm lost and unsure how to real this in... can you please help?
Candace how do i know if the fear is your inner guidance your body saying no or if its your inner child that is afraid.
💛
Ok so how do I become a truth room tribe member so I can actually hear from you on a daily basis again ??!!
Mecshanism
Wifey
Exactly
This is what moms do for their family. Each person decides how to cope. Keeping a baby alive is the same.
I finally got answers to all the questions about myself... Now I can empower myself... Thank you so much
Hi candance. Can you make a video on tips on how to help a hsp bf? My bf is great. He has a great job and no problem financially but because he had a trauamtic past with his mom during his childhood he told me he was always anxious and he is hsp. He gets anxious easily and cant sleep well. I dont know how to help him. I want him to feel better. Sometimes he would tell me he is depressed, sad and feels unworthy. He always worries about the future. He said he is hopeless. He talks down to himself. He looks great and you would t even think he is sensitive but he is. He doesnt look like he is suffering from depression but he is :( he is thankful im always caring and i listen to him but i want to help him more. Do you have any tips? His love language is words of affirmation so i always try to boost his confidence and talk to him kindly. I am also sensitive but i try to be ok because i believe i have to be mentally strong even if im sensitive
Hello! I really would love to get an opportunity to contact you about possibly becoming my life coach! How do I go about this process?
morgan bennett hi there! The link is above in the description. Or go to www.candacevandell.com/work-with-me/
Great video!Where did you have your knowledge from? Have you done some kind of education or training?
Thank you Candace . Love you, watched a lot of your videos.
Candace what I whould really like to know is why you have Not made any new videos as of lately. Candace I have always thought of you as a vary strong spiritual teacher and to a certain extent I have vary much come to look up to you as a spiritual teacher, however vary recently you have not made any new videos at all and I have grown vary dependent on those videos, and I have noticed that there has been No new videos by you out at all and I'm seriously begining to wonder Why ???!!!