TikTok, please stop bullying autistic girls.
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What do you think of gendering autistic traits?
To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have a diagnosis without the influx of ‘traits in girls’ lists.
Perhaps just because seeing someone who looked like me discussing autism opened me up to the possibility. But also probably due to being able to relate to the experience of an autistic person socialised as a girl.
I do think that content has really served a purpose in helping more people to be diagnosed (including a lot of men who fit that ‘profile’ better too!)
I guess it’s fine as long we remember both the gender diversity on the spectrum and the fact that we’re all complex human beings 😂
Thank you so much for being here! This will be one of our last videos with this setup 😩 But hopefully I can work out something cute in the new place. I’ll do my best with my poor design skills 😅💛🐌
Or, you could take a picture of your background and then just green screen it into future videos so nothing ever changes. Better still, get an hour of it so that it doesn't appear to be static.
@@imautisticnowwhat new set up soon wandered what it will look like
Just as head up ypu know landlords have get you 6mouths notice if they want there property back
You are missing the point of the Men vs Women autism meme.
It is literally us acknowledging that there are different types of autism.
Women's autism is USUALLY less physically aggressive.
The men vs women is made by autistic people.
You ever see the Iris video "What Women With Autism Want You To Know?"
When I mask: "You don't act autistic. :/"
When I don't: "Why are you so weird? :\"
Can't win with these goobers.
Don't mask and when they ask why you're weird tell them you're autistic...
Literally. Like sometimes when I unmask I blink different and kinda stare into space or sway more. And people always think I’m sick or something, like I’m a lost kid. Like…thanks for checking I guess, if it’s a stranger just making sure, but I’m fine.
Some people say "You don't act autistic" as some sort of compliment idk
Literally.
You sound like my mum :(
The internet gatekeeping Autism by saying "you don't have real autism" while also making fun of all autistic people is wild.
It's almost as if the internet just hates autistic people
Ikr
That's not just the internet. I know at least one person whom doesn't believe I am autistic even though it's pretty damn clear if you spend more than a second looking at my life.
That's pretty much ableism in a nutshell. Fake-claiming people because "you care about the people who really have it". Then horrifically stigmatizing people who genuinely have it. Fake-claiming is a way to rob communities of disabled people of their power, IMO, by attacking public figures like SOCMED people because you are unconsciously uncomfortable with open discussion of autism. Society has cognitive dissonance/hypocrisy in terms of many kinds of prejudice. It's "wild" but sadly not surprising.
@eideticex I have formal documentation of my autism and I have people that still say the same thing.
Why are ppl obsessed with gendering everything
good question...
Its a political tactic its a division tactic
Yeah...
Especially since people do this shit with everything from clothing, keyboards and mouses, bedding, rooms, drinks, and with stickers.
I am also just as guilty of that because of internalised transphobia I'm still working on.
You csn represd peoole you cant treat as outsiders and lesser... Most of human history was build on regarding women as second clasd humans, language and everything else in society is build on that assumption, all of that does not vanish.
@@berrysnowyboy5251difference is you try to work on it
They assume stimming is a choice because, for them, doing "stimming" is a thought-out and planned action. Therefore, anyone who stims excessively is only looking for attention. Then add the fact that it's a woman, and it becomes the classic "she's just an attention *****". It's sexism.
Which of course makes more high-masking autistics that may have to make more of a choice to stim (bc they are accustomed to masking certain stims) feel self conscious and even worry they are somehow making fun of autism while they just want to self regulate :(
Ableism and misogyny can go hand in hand. I have an invisible disability as well as autism (autoimmune) and women with chronic/invisible disabilities/medical issues in general as dismissed as "attention-seeking, soft, hysterical" and have been for centuries. That's why woman struggle to get diagnoses they need. In fact, even autism is underdiagnosed in women as has been for DECADES. Women tend to mask more as well to meet the higher expectations of their gender roles. Also, the internet/public opinion has always been very hostile to women with visible presences. Society almost never sees a woman it doesn't want to tear down, and when that combines with other types of prejudice like ableism, racism, etc. it gets UGLY.
❤❤ to both these comments.
How many times I've gotten excited and just subconsciously clapped is astounding
Maybe it's wrapping back to the topic at hand, but as a guy, I KNOW I'm masking - very deeply, and have been doing so for over thirty years. The only times I recognize that I'm stimming is when I'm alone. Laying in bed, or sitting alone at my desk. I fidget and flex, sometimes for hours on end, afer I wake up, before I present myself to the world and start my day. I don't think that I'd mind the people who matter to me (the fam) to see this behavior, because I've discussed this with them
I've always found these "how girls act vs how boys act" memes to be shitty and annoying in general. The girls are always depicted as cutesy and shallow, and the boys are made out to be fun and cool. When I call it sexist, people tend to get mad at me and say I'm taking it too seriously. It's so tiring. It's nice to see more people start to address this.
Was it around 2020 when the boys lockerrooms vs girls lockerrooms thing happened? Yea its always been lame and boring. I knew it was weird back then and it hasnt changed at all.
@@bawnawn Ughh yeah, I remember that trend. The girls locker room I had to deal with in middle school was nothing like the ones in the memes 😅 That was chaos.
Trying to group all women and all men together like this is so dumb. We all have different experiences.
I dont mind the memes if theres variity and if it goes both ways
I never got the whole girls vs boys nonsense. My gal pals and I would turn RISK into a complex tabletop rpg with insane political plots going on behind the scenes in high school. Now, it's a lot of fire, tabletop strategy, and lovecraft. 👾
Girls vs boys is indeed sexist, although I can't help but wonder if the same meme format but made by girls would be significantly different
the "girls with autism vs boys with autism" meme is just the "girls boring boys quirky and random XD" meme with added ableism.
It's so lame too. Some boys and men think that they're the only gender allowed hobbies and to be interesting, women can't be funny, women can't have interests, women can't be quirky and when we are, we're faking it for male attention, or we have to prove we're the top one percent in the respective fandom to be valid.
It's exhausting how men project their pickme-ism onto women, how they can't think of women as entities that exist outside of their orbits, I am done thinking I have to act a certain way for my autism to be valid, I am done acting on top of acting. No one will ever be pleased with me, to hell with it.
100%. Or the one thats like.
Girl: "omg what if he's cheating on me rn"
Guy: *doing something silly and random*
Like women only think about men or being attractive or whatever, and men are just silly goofy lol. Legit cringe misogyny and i havent seen the autism one that she mentioned but i hate it
Autistic girls boring?
I can't comment, I like mazes.
Yes, I thought I was in the wrong for hating that 🥲 I feel better knowing a lot of people also think bad of that "meme"
How so?
If anything is show the little exact opposite? It is showing girls are quirky and men are idiots.
I’d like to proudly announce that I’ve successfully passed on my non-real autism to my son, who received it as real autism 🏆
Now that’s a superpower.
New way to diagnose autism in women: If their child of the *male sex* has autism, only then are the moms symptoms valid
😭
@@vivi-ws9yl sadly I think this is actually partially happening already 😖
Oh same!
Dude i used to throw scissors towards my friends faces, pull their hair, bite them, bash my own head on the wall, punch and scratch myself, scream in rage and overwhelm and make a scene (my mom refrained from bringing me to the mall for 2 years because of a meltdown) and they dare to say autism in women is just pretty flapping? all my suffering was fake? All the self harm was for show? Just because i learned to mask this behaviours it doesn't mean they went away!
Literally this! I relate to this so much, thank you for saying it.
Thank you thank you, as a autistic girl I have bad and aggressive meltdowns. Harming myself and others then hide away. One time when I was 6 my brother and cousins were being so loud to the point i threw my brother on the ground and stomped on his face so hard he was bleeding from his nose and mouth. I would scream kick, scratch myself and everything as well. It genuinely hurts me to see all of that get turned in more sexist things to call women useless or whatever they're trying to say. I hope every autistic women used in the disgusting meme are safe
@@iscoolerthenU I hope all women are safe too
Exactly and the boy variant is pretty much that but made to be "better".
@@roxassora2706 idk if we should call it"better", i think it's actually more *normalized* for boys to be violent, so when autistic men display agression on meltdowns, everyone just plays it off, but when women do the same, suddenly they are being abnormal. I mean, why do you think girls are better at masking? We're kind of obligated to hide our traits to fit in the "feminine norm", but boys? They can show agression, because we are tought to believe they're violent by nature, when that's not true at all. It really sucks.
I hate it when allistic people act like they know our brains better than we do. Like ugghhh we just wanna exist peacefully without constantly being told that we “aren’t actually autistic” like what’s even the point of saying that, who wins in this situation??😭
Yeah, and it especially sucks when you have a family member who says there's something wrong with you. Then when you explain that the unusual things you do are because you're autistic, he says, "No you're not, you're just childish." That psycho can bite me.
Because some people think that you're (too) selfish to ask of allistic people to try to understand you and accomodate you...?
"It's YOUR problem that you are autistic, YOU have to conform to NORMAL people and oh by the way I didn't see you act autistic or having problems with it before so don't start 'picking it up' now, after telling us you are 'diagnosed'..."
Sigh.
@@thetickedoffpianoplayer4193 When I told my family they put on the patronize voice and went "aw but there's nothing wrong with you"
It was a bit different (and not as bad as that) but I am still annoyed by that sort of reaction.
@@sovietdoge.7369 That just brings up the temptation to say something that would provoke a fight 'yeah, but there's something wrong with you' 🤣
I personally don’t like it when late diagnosed autistic people people speaks for everyone in the group, because it leaves out those were early diagnosed. that’s what I don’t like.
On the subject of autistic women having "a fine-tuned social understanding of how to act cute and dress well": In addition to the stuff you said about masking, sometimes misogynists will just sexualize and/or cuteify EVERYTHING a female presenting person does, whether the female presenting person is trying to be cute/sexy or not. Then the misogynists say the woman was acting deliberately to entice them, when the misogynists are really just projecting their own thoughts onto someone who wasn't even thinking about them at all.
All I thought was OF COURSE POPULAR PEOPLE ONLINE ARE GONNA BE WELL SPOKEN AND INTELLIGENT, THIS IS SUCH A TERRIBLE USE OF FALLACIES!!! THAT ARGUMENT IS SO OBVIOUSLY FLAWED
Its like wonen are just pressured and more extensive socialized to behave that way, including autistic ones. Getting gender isnt even that hard. Women are behaving more like that and to be less that because, first better ttrained to socialize, by pressure, and other and expecztations, and yes social skills are actually still learned, even if about a way harder more painful artificial way.
Dunno dudes too, the not loud seems to get ignored more in general too or did.
That's because misogynists hate themselves for having sexual thoughts, so they have to blame it on whoever they like.
(Whomever? Whatever, it's the same thing)
Like the naming of s3x addiction, nymphomania, tge readoning us cause they are lusty creatyres, but pretty much every myth with them is about hoe some man madly desires them and hiw the nymphs desperately tries to escape the "advances" often chosing to die and turning into a plant rather then the man getting to them.... But yeah, they are the lusty creatures, .... It would make so much more sense if the reasoning where of how people react to them
Right, autistic guys act "childish" but autistic women act "cute"🫤
The idea that autistic people cannot have their own style is just crazy to me. Self-expression is such a great way of unmasking and visually stimming!
It also feels like these people think autistic people don't have a consciousness and free will🙄
It's also one of the most annoying things I find in autistic characters on TV and in film. They all look like their moms bought all their clothes or like their wardrobe gained sentience and they lost a fight with it.
Meanwhile, I'm very autistic (and a man) and have an extremely distinct and consistent sense of personal style. Along with many other autistic people I know. We don't all dress like we're 12.
@@thewriter1008 exactly!!! if anything, autistics are the most experimental with style, although I do know some for whom it's more about the sensory comfort than the actual look (ie they wear sweatsuits and trainers everywhere because the fabric is soft), but that doesn't mean they have to be dressed by their parents. it's a very infantilising trope tbh
@@rkivelover Yeah, like among autistic people I've met, the light punk/grunge/greaser thing I've got going on is one of the less out there styles. I do know those who dress more simply because they struggle finding clothes that are comfortable, but they still don't dress like a lot of the autistic characters you see on TV do.
Gendering autism is so frustrating because it’s a major reason why afab people go undiagnosed for so long. When our needs are ignored, everything we do policed, and forced to meet expectations. I realized I am intersex + and am a nonbinary adult now, but my whole childhood and teen years were ruined by severe masking and going undiagnosed!
Yes, also the presumption that it should be seen externally from an early age and that there should be witnesses to back up people being autistic from an early age.
@@SmallSpoonBrigade I failed my first diagnosis because of this! It wasn't a full psych evaluation, a case worker is working on getting one of those, but the dude through the webcam insisted I couldn't be autistic because I didn't present "proof of slow development" from my early childhood years. Legitimately everything about my experience was discarded because I could not present this "proof of autism". One, it was me, alone, in this call, so how am I supposed to present "outside proof" from family or professionals, and two - I grew up in Texas! In the 90s! We were barely starting to diagnose boys in that timeframe, there is zero chance any education professionals even thought of the word looking at me. There would be no records, even though I struggled intensely trying to be a normal kid in school, it was just put down to "shy and troubled". That whole interview was just intensely unhelpful.
@@creacher00 and don't even get me started on the gender disparity in ADHD diagnoses and the same disparity in the other direction for BPD diagnoses.
It's almost as if when medical professionals make these calls, they should, just for like two seconds, factor the bias of their own heteronormative perspective into their determination on the diagnosis
nonbinary afab and this is too real, literally going through third round of testing and misdiagnosis cause of this 😢
looks like the psych i am seeing might actually not stereotype me..
and im Black so...
yay 2x discrimination!
@@Guren13what is afab mean?
I absolutely despise the whole "boy vs girl autism" stuff. Girls are much more likely to get in trouble for showing signs of autism!! I got im trouble at school for stimming, talking too much, etc. while all the boys I knew got away with it!!
Different people with different backgrounds are bound to act differently. I feel like I had what some folks would describe as "boy autism" until it was bullied out of me as a kid.
Women can be autistic. There is no one type of autism that we have to fit into.
same here! i'm a trans man and i absolutely had the stereotypical "boy autism" as a child until i too was bullied out of it. now people will try say i have "female autism" just because i'm AFAB and it's incredibly dysphoria inducing as well as not even accurate.
100%. I used to constantly spit out facts about whatever i was interested in that day or week or a new fact or something. My family kept teasing me about it for years... now i only infodump with my best friend and gf. Sometimes i wonder if i would have started doing that to strangers indiscriminately if my family hadnt made me feel ashamed
my autistic behaviours were somewhat bullied out of me too. i remember kids at school would call me "weird" when i was really young, then i moved to a new school and i tried really hard to act "normal" there. i only got diagnosed when i ultimately burnt out at 17
Exactly! My allistic brother & NT peers were free to stim, infodump, act weird, etc.
Meanwhile, the entire reason I started masking was because I was accused of pretending to be disabled for attention. I would get sent to the corner, grounded, yelled at, or even hit for being visibly different. Since I didn't know I was autistic at the time, I just thought it was a weird coincidence, but didn't want to be mean to disabled kids.
Its problematicc in generally too to not recognize shut ins as , same as meltdowns,
and being limited on a thing mostly as representation instead, like,
Also dah its very well known that like being socialized and pressured heavy to be more feminine, you might do that, its making that harder, but anything can be learned, just, like with autism, in a way more emotional stressful and taxing way to mask. But then, yeah izt makes sense that women learn to mask betteer they learn to be more aware of that in general. And there.
And idk ther seem to be a fair bit art interested autists and like dressing and cosplay, and, for gods sake horse girls , might unconcious use that as way to regulate, witwith an animal. Horse girls are a thing and that does not disprove autism at all being common. As do catwomen or catpeople.
God if you look over the superficial, they realize like ther might be , that women have no interests, or coping mechanisms or stims?
How is it so hard what ender and socialisations and that women peobably are jus tpressured and taught to mask harder
My initial diagnosis as a child ended up unnofficial/ improperly documented, etc.. because the doctor who saw me when I was 11 yrs old thought that girls "grow out of" autism. He said as much, to myself and my parents "She has aspergers, but don't worry- she's a girl and will grow out of it by her teens. Just don't make a big deal out of things, or you will make it worse." That single visit put a huge weight on my shoulders for years, to make sure I didn't "make it worse" or miss my chance to "grow out of it." Suffice to say, the lack of support, and guilt ridden fear I experienced was not in any way beneficial. Over a decade later and I finally believed my own experiences enough again to seek out a proper diagnosis.. yeah, turns out I'm still autistic, no I didn't "grow out of it," nor is it something I could have done. After running from and hiding this side of me for most of my adolescence, it still feels strange to acknowledge myself as an autistic adult. There's a lot that's still daunting about just.. existing as myself without masking every micro second, but channels like this help me feel less alone in that, and offer a space to feel welcome. Thank you.
They said the same about me in primary school that I would grow out of it yet here i am as a 26 year old woman who still ‘hasn't grown out of it’ wish the ableism would bugger off.
"doctor"
WOW. That reminds me of my doctor when I was 15 who told my mom I wasn't having asthma attacks because he never saw them and just told her I had panic attacks instead. That sort of stuff really makes you distrust doctors.
that's horrific I'm sorry to hear that... what a terrible doctor. That sounds like the kind of story you'd hear about in like a history book, along with leeches to remove disease and shock therapy to cure homosexuality. It just goes to show that, even though we've made much progress in medical science as a species, our understanding of some things (((mental health cough cough))) is still primitive... :(
As a child I got tested for autism. And apparently I was "too inteligent" to be autistic. Because I used logic in some stupid questions like "which ball is bigger" "what has more plasticine a ball or a cube" etc.
And like 12 years later I was diagnosed with autism.
"Why are they always posting online?" You only see them online because you never go outside.
Ur post is underrated
Same with every marginalized group and the chuds going "stop making X your entire 'personality'." Like, have YOU ever interacted with someone you knew with X without YOU making it ALL about X? The answer is no, no they have not. Not once ever.
It's like they've never heard of survivorship bias. Why, when you look online, do you only see people who post online and not the people who don't? It's a mystery! /s
Who wants to go outside? It's cold now. I thought someone autistic would understand that individuals with autism are often isolated, so we can't socialise when we want to.
@@facthunt2facthunt245 Spending too much time inside to the point you become unaware of what the actual people irl are like is understandable, if unfortunate. Being unaware of your ignorance and claiming that your twisted mirror is the one that actually tells the truth is not.
Online misogyny is incredible in that, if you aren't attractive, you get bullied to bits, but if you *are* attractive, that's obviously the only reason you're getting views.
Seriously, imagine just how different social media would be if there was an "insecurity bro" filter for comments sections (but we can't even manage to filter out racism and homophobia).
why is it so hard for them to believe a girl is autistic if she dresses up and does her makeup 😭 were not incapable of learning how to put on some eyeliner
Because we must be able to believe that autistic women are incapable of anything ever because I don't like being wrong! -them, probably.
It all stems from this weird sort of belief allistics have that we are essentially like different creatures, inhuman. Like they're flabbergasted or in denial every time someone who is autistic has ANYTHING in common with someone they consider "typical". That includes the idea that autistic women need to be completely oblivious of how to follow any societal expectations, in this case ones that are exclusive to women like displaying or even liking femininity. I think a lot of them are also weird about seeing someone who's autistic as attractive, especially women and girls. Like a sort of inner discomfort and denial that they could find someone autistic attractive or pretty, so they have to fix that discomfort by insisting you're not autistic.
i dont like makeup, but i do enjoy dressing up as an autistic woman. partly just because i like doing ''girly'' things and partly because i design characters, designing clothes for your characters is part of designing characters, which in turn also gave me a bit more of an interest in dressing myself up nicely too.
@@thehorriblesniffler"I don't understand this, plus I can't accept I'm wrong, so they must not be able to do things!"
@@ItzBIULD what did the original comment say? im curious
I'm neurodivergent & it has never made any sense to me why some people say women are being fake because they wear makeup, but then if a woman isn't wearing makeup, she's then shamed for not being "pretty" by conforming to outdated beauty standards & still worse is when someone says that a woman can't have autism or be neurodivergent because she's putting so much effort into her looks. It's an exhausting doubled standard that needs to be in the bin & people should be able to dress how they want without fearing of being shamed & judged for it
Part of it, I think, is that you're dealing with multiple subcultures that are not necessarily friendly with each other.
As an AuDHD male with a particular type of religious background, a stable social environment that I can keep track of is much more important to me than being able to boast to my buddies about how smoking hot my girl of the week was, so a lack of makeup indicates an elevated likelihood that a girl is autistic and can't be bothered to mask, and lack of masking bodes well for the "stable social environment" bit. There exist men (mostly NT, I think) with the opposite priorities, and the two types don't get along. If you fail to differentiate between the two, you'll always be confused about what men expect from women.
OK but also if a woman is wearing makeup then also she's brushed off as 'not being ill enough' when she goes to the doctor or psychologist/psychiartrist...it's wild how the medical world is out there assuming that putting makeup on is SO HARD that unless someone was at 200% functioning and healthy they wouldn't be able to do it lol...convieniently forgetting that most women have been putting makeup on since they were about 12 and by the time they're in their 20's or 30's could do it with their eyes closed lying down and one hand tied behind their back. Apparently Marylin Monroe used to get someone else to do her makeup while she was passed out in a comotose state...apparently the doctors would have taken her face as a sign that she was completely fine??!
I’m an autistic man, and I’m terrible at STEM.
I’m an autistic enby in STEM & I’m terrible at STEM 😭
Really?...Care to elaborate on that some?
@@LookUpSnowden There is a stereotype that autistic people (usually men, since a lot of people still don’t recognize it in women) that they are automatically going to be really good in the sciences, technologies, engineering, and/or maths. Think Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, for example. But, a lot of autistic people struggle academically regardless of the subject matter
I am an autistic man and I'm good at STIM...
and stem too i guess if auto and computer repair counts but mostly the first one.
@@LookUpSnowdenwhat???
Holy cow, this would be horrifying for me. I already have gender dysphoria (trans, autistic dude here) so if someone started gendering my diagnosis, I’d wanna rip out my brain. I would hate it if I were just being myself and someone blurted out “geez, your neurological condition is girly” Or something along those lines. Gender dysphoria + ableism for the win, I guess.
intersectionality is real!!
wish you all the best in your struggles
I feel the same, some older trans guy even tried to tell me it was legit when I was a teenager and it was honestly baffling
“Geez, your neurological condition is girly” is the perfect example of how gendering absolutely everything is pointless b.s. from people with too much time on their hands. The absurdity of it did make me actually laugh out loud though.
Apparently in the UK some men were being diagnosed with "female autism" a few years back.
I didn't even think about how exclusive these memes are! But yeah, people with autism are actually more likely than allistics to be enby because they don't really get social norms, including gender norms, as much. Since gender is a societal construct, claiming that autism, a neurodevelopmental disorder that impairs one's ability to understand societal constructs, is wild. How would your socially assigned role change the way your brain develops? This meme is dumber the more I think about it
My favorite example of this on a video about misogynoir (hatred for black women), there was one comment about experiencing anti blackness and being a autistic woman and the weird combos it makes. A bunch of other black autistic femmes and women including me tag on feeling seen. Not even a minute later trolls declaring we can't be autistic, we clearly understand sarcasm or metaphor and no autistic can EVER do that and saying things are a spectrum is only ever a ruse. 😅 I'm just like in your head do you think it's likely a bunch of black women want to be in a very marginalized demographic for what? Points on the internet that usually equals harassment? The life changing miracle of experiencing medical racism and ableist gaslighting? Not a lick of logic went to that belief.
oh my gosh I know exactly what video you're talking about. I commented under that responding to someone who was being a bit dense, explaining that its insultong to insinuate the things they were insinuating.
For some reason, black autistic women seep impossible in the mind of a conservative. Like, You only have a certain amount of ways you can differ from the norm (rich white cis straight neurotypical man) before you no longer exist. And everyone is assumed to be the norm until proven otherwise, so the concept of "black autistic woman" is deemed incompatible with the concept of "real human."
👏🏾
I’m an autistic woman who never learned to do makeup, (Haven’t even worn any since dance recitals in my childhood) be trendy, fashionable, or sociable. Not that I’m “more” or “less” autistic than autistic women who have, but most of the other autistic women and girls I’ve met are exactly like me, not learning or caring to be “properly” feminine. It’s just that women like us are completely ignored and looked down upon in society. These men/people will judge the more “proper” autistic women as if they don’t completely ignore the women who supposedly act how they think they should. It’s hypocritical, they just hate women and look for any opportunity to demean us.
i’m a self-diagnosed senior in high school, and i’ve worn makeup maybe 5 times in the past 4 years, primarily for homecoming and theater. i have a similar attitude towards shaving, wearing jewelry, and doing my hair; they’re a waste of my time and i get no pleasure, satisfaction, or utility out of them. social norms be damned, i don’t care about them so i won’t spend my time on them. it doesn’t matter how quick or easy it is, that’s not the point.
it’s been a frequent cause of conflict with my family when they insist i must, especially with shaving, simply because i view them as an utterly useless tasks and being commanded to do them is upsetting. my parents have waited half a decade for me to “grow up” and get interested in managing my appearance, and it’s never happened and is never going to happen.
Its quite literally a lose-lose all around. If you're not an autistic woman who adheres to traditional standards for women and femininity, they ignore or don't even consider you exist. If you're an autistic woman (like me) who loooooves beauty and is ultra feminine and stylish, you're told you cannot be autistic because you're well put together, pretty and whatever other positive trait that they'd never associate with autism.
Totally. I'm actually obsessed with makeup and vintage fashion. Because I look feminine, even if people believe I'm autistic, they assume I can handle stressful situations better than autistic people who don't look like me. They feel put off when they realize that I am still, in fact, autistic. People tell me, "How was I supposed to know? You seem fine, and that makes it difficult for me." But if I don't present feminine they get angry at me for, "not even trying". There's no way to win if someone simply doesn't want to understand.
My mother tried to teach me how to use makeup, especially when dance recitals and school picture days came around & I was expected to use it, but its so wildly overstimulating to me to feel these creams, waxes, and oils on my face.
I've found that men who think I'm ugly are more likely to accept my autism while men who objectify my body are more likely to be skeptical. 😮💨 it's exhausting.
yeah i only dress fashionably and wear makeup because style has always been a main interest of mine. 80% of the time im in comfy clothes and wearing no makeup LOL
Fingers crossed for your home move! You'll be settled in no time! 🧡
Thank you soo much, Mike! Can’t wait for it to be over 😂💛
As a non-binary autistic person, I'd like to tell the gatekeepers that autism transcends gender.
It's unsurprising, but still infuriating, how often ableism and sexism joins forces, especially online.
The people who gender things tend to be transphobic anyway, I doubt they'd listen to us when it comes to that
@Tobias
You can call yourself non-binary but you were born male.
FELT it can be hard enough being autistic in society but plus nonbinary is playing life on hard mode
This!!!!!!
very true!
it really bothers me how so much of the conversation about late and misdiagnosed autistic people has not only continued to keep the gender binary but also how it has swung from one extreme to another. like the whole "special interests dont HAVE to be trains or math, they CAN be boy bands or makeup" has suddenly become "all autistic girls have popular mainstream interests like boy bands and makeup and all autistic boys have niche boyish interests like trains and math" like what in the world are we doing. my autistic cis man husband had a special interest in lolita fashion, japanese rock music (boy bands in a different flavour lol) and in sewing his own cosplays. he also has adhd so his interests fluctuate but the fashion was several years long for him and he still only listens to specific bands from the visual kei genre unless he is listening to my music lol (i had a special interest in my chemical romance as a teen and i collect CDs so music is one of our shared interests
lolita fashion enjoyers rolecall, present!
Crashes through the wall at the mention of VISUAL KEI
...also my special interest. Please shake your husband's hand for me and tell him he has great taste.
(Sorry I have nothing meaningful to say, my entire brain just got wiped by visual kei mention sobs)
Lolita fashion is so cute. I wish I had some pieces.
his interests are super cool ! i do also feel its highly unnecessary to gender autism and i also feel uncomfortable whenever it is
especially when i see videos or shorts talking about women on the spectrum for example being more empathetic and sensitive but its like what about the men and other ppl on the spectrum that have those same characteristics? 😂
so happy i left a ‘friend’ group that made fun of and excluded me for my behaviors and autistic tendencies. i’m a lot happier with different friends who are all very kind and a few are also neurodivergent. :3
They should ALL be neurodivergent. It never works with neurotypicals
Currently sort of in one of those right now... legitimately been told to stop being so autistic as a "joke".
Yes this makes such a difference!
My first real friend group was in high school and while every within our group was kind and nice to me (I wouldn’t have considered them friends otherwise), I always felt like I was acting with the o & putting on a persona (obviously masking). We were considered the ‘geeky weird group’ but I got along with everyone in it because they loved certain shows like Dr Who, Sherlock, Supernatural etc. which I could easily get into myself & then use that to fuel our conversations. I was always the studious kid who did all my homework and never skipped a class or talked over the teacher etc. & being needy/geeky my friends understood that & often did that too so I wasn’t teased by any of them or ever pushed to skip a class or misbehave in a way I wouldn’t have been comfortable with because they were never going to do that, nor ask me to. I got a lot of clout because I have a nack for interpreting things & explaining concepts in a different way to how we were taught, using little silly examples and tricks (it’s a very autistic thing apparently), so I often was asked to help my friends out with understanding something, helping with homework (not doing theirs but teaching stuff they hadn’t understood in class) or reading through & interpreting assignments or studying together for a test. I got on great with that group but I honestly was ‘acting’ (masking) with them always even out of school. In primary school I was bullied severely and even new students in my year were told if they didn’t ’avoid the weird girl or try to make friends with her’ that they would be shunned by the entire year, so literally every single lunch and break is spend sitting alone reading a book or doing something that ‘didn’t look weird enough to be made fun of’ while trying to ignore the constant sniggering and outright laughing about me behind my back.
When I moved to high school I deliberately asked my parents to agree to me going to a school further away so that I could basically start anew there. I was bound & determined that I was going to have at least a few friends and not be teased or bullied there. I was masking so hard (and ironically I was still seen as one of the weird, nerdy kids) every single second to maintain my friendship group, always feeling like I was about to drown in all the pretending. I was convinced for the longest time that I was psychotic with multiple personality disorder or was a psychopath because I was constantly ’pretending’ to be the person I thought whoever I was with, wanted me to be. With some of my friends I was into music & learning to play instruments, with other friends I was super into all these shows, actors & constantly making or buying cute merch & trinkets, with a few of my guy friends, I was outdoorsy & liked hiking and rock climbing, some of my friends & I were super into books & hanging in the library. And everyone was getting some version of me that wasn’t really me & the whole thing was just exhausting & pretty soul destroying to believe you’re very very mentally ill to the point of you not knowing your own reality and to feel like you can’t even identify who you really are or what things you actually like…
And by the last few years of school my attendance was below passing, I was so exhausted that most weeks I’d make it to maybe one day of school before coming home & holing up in my room not speaking to another soul, lights off, reading on my phone or sleeping for days on end not interacting with anyone.
When I went to uni, I again decided I was going to be social & make friends - but this time, I was already so burnt out & exhausted emotionally from my high school experience that I wanted to be me. And not have to constantly pretend. But 7 years of constantly masking around family, friends, work & school had my habits set in stone. Most people really liked me for the first month or so, I could pass & fake it, but living in a shared dorm with 20 other people close by, really drains any kind of social reserve, so pretty quickly I became the hermit who only leaves her room for class again.
And then, I met a great friend who’s such an extrovert, friends with everyone, really lovely popular person type of friend & she’s brilliantly friends with everyone & now best friends with me (still not quite sure how that happened)…
And I settle into a friend group who just get me, we’re so similar & it’s so easy to actually be me around them and for the first time in my life I’m wanting to spend every minute with my friends instead of hitting the 2hr mark of my social capacity. And they don’t care that a lot of the time I forget to message them back, or am clunky at initiating conversation or just want to speak about the same three things I love over & over again and in fact they ask about them MORE & don’t mind that my small talk skills are subpar and consistent of how are you? & good.
We’re still friends over 6 years later & every single one of my friends has been diagnosed as neurodivergent (including myself) most of us have both Autism & ADHD - which helps because we literally will forget to message or catch up with each other for months or a year at a time & then organise a get together & pick up where we left off, no hard feelings for the complete lack of any communication or messages because we’re each as bad at that as each other. And it’s so nice to have friends who just get you & that you can be yourself around, all the happy flapping, stimmy, sensory selective parts of you, making accommodations for things you need (like my Assistance Dog, who they welcomed & even make a note of when booking things) & being able to do that for them too & them just getting you in ways that no one ever has before. It makes such a difference when you have awesome friends for sure.
I am an autistic trans woman I have gotten comments that I fake autism which is so silly since I literally got diagnosed by professional psychologists when I was 17. I of course that I get called a man by the stupid transphobes as well, here in Sweden you have to get diagnosed by psychologist before be allowed to start hrt and I have been on hrt for more than 17 months so it's very clear that I am an autistic trans woman.
That's actually crazy, also trans guy here you go sista >:3
Being trans and autistic sucks ass because every single time you see people talking about autism they make a distinction between genders. "Women mask and are hard to diagnose" and "men get diagnosed more often" genuinely makes me so so so dysphoric. Sure, I didn't get my diagnosis yet and have masked my whole life, but I *am* a guy, and I hate that the reporting other people do makes me feel like they don't feel the same way
It makes me feel like I have to prove myself. My interests are overwhelmingly girly because I was raised as a girl but people use it to say I'm faking being trans despite the fact that I've been out to my friends since I was 14
I'm also autistic and trans. I like to imagine that I have "girl" autism because I'm always afraid I have "boy" autism instead, but I need to be reminded that my autism doesn't validate or invalidate my autism. I just get insecure and imposter syndrome thinking I have the wrong autism, or that I'm only trans because I'm autistic. It's hard to get rid of intrusive thoughts like that.
@@EmmaDilemma039 I've been questioning my gender for, like, two years (I'm probably a girl but I'm too afraid to say anything because I feel like if I'm wrong I'm invalidating everything and I'm just pretending for attention) and have caught myself thinking "do I have the boy autism" sooo many times 💀
@@sovietdoge.7369 you're valid. Don't let the imposter syndrome get to you 🫂
The makup and clothes part pissed me off like i guess we are not allowed to dress pretty or god forbid look pretty not just for the sake masking but just because it makes us happy
Ikr. One of the ways I express my authentic self most is through my clothing and makeup, just because YOU happen to think I'm pretty, dosen't mean anything. I love my cute feminine alernative fashion, and really the times im masking the MOST are usually when im wearing my most "typical" or "run of the mill" clothing. Like I've gone to a default character setting when I know im not in an environment where I can really show up as myself.
Turns out autistic women are still women under the same pressures (possibly intensified) as allistic women.
They expect all autistic people, hell, all disabled people to be ugly and shabbily dressed with poor hygiene. It's an actual stereotype people have of disabled people in general.
I’m autistic man and wore a black shirt and shorts to school because it was hot out, and someone said “I thought you were autistic”
I’m Afro-Latino, but everyone mistakes me as Black. As a kid, my meltdowns were written off as anger issues (which I unfortunately STILL, to a certain extent, suppress), and I was given a laundry list of mental disorders.
I received my diagnosis this year. I’m 20. It was two months after I got ripped off of thousands of dollars, and a year removed from being in my first year of college, isolated and alone, 2,000 miles away from my family.
@@slicedthree80_43 I’m sorry, that sounds scary & sad.
My God, I'm so sorry you've gone through this. I'm also autistic, but I can't imagine how painful this all must be for you. Did you want to talk about it? I just want you to know that even though I don't know you personally, I want to be someone you can talk to.
Does being African not make you black? My apologies if that’s an offensive statement, I’m genuinely asking here.
@@WooffzTheCoon That’s the Afro in Afro-Latino. I am black, but I am also Hispanic.
This wasn’t rude. It’s good to be inquisitive and respectful!
@@WooffzTheCoon Not always. North africans for the majority aren't black people.
Being born a girl and a black I was just labelled a problem kid. And because of my gender AND my race, i was acutely aware that i needed to learn how to mask well socially and be able to script well and pick up patternes quickly because my safety depended on it.
As a white boy myself I would like to apologize
There's this tiktok copypasta that goes: "Hey, my little cousin has autism too. it's nice to see people spread awareness of people with our condition! sending hugs and kisses❤️🙏" and it's just extremely ableist. Gives of the same vibes as "Is it acoustic?"
Yep
That's disgusting that that copypasta exists. I but whoever uses/invented it thinks "I'm totally NOT ableist!"
same as when people go "is this a symptom of autism" when they see anything they think is cringe online
So wait I live under a rock. When did the Acoustic joke turn into an Ableist thing? I'm autistic and I laugh at it when it comes up cuz it reminds me of the memes where people say "Car" instead of "Cat"
Do people just use it when it's not actually true? I don't really understand this, but I don't look at tiktok much these days
Seeing so much hate for women stimming is the reason I do it in public now. I have a mind of steel, I can take any ridicule in order to normalize it so others who maybe can't handle that stress can one day be free from it.
You are awesome! Keep being you!
👑 hey, you dropped this
Whales are fucking awesome. Let people geek out in peace.
I usually do not stim very "big" but that would absolutely gotten ne to do it, whales are amazing!!!
I had a huge special interest in sea mammals including whales and my favourite which is the humpback whale especially! I got a plushy and a few figurines. I also went whale watching. The only reason I couldn’t stim properly was because I was trying not to be sick on the wobbly boat and my emetophobia was racking up my anxiety really bad because of that.
Otherwise I would definitely have been like that too! Hell, I know that if one day I ever get to see a wolf in real life I will most likely cry. I live in Australia where we don’t have any and wolves make me super emotional just looking at them.
speaking of autistic people looking cute, I love your outfit for this video!
some more theories I've heard for disparate diagnosis rates in boys vs girls are the reactions we expect out of them based on stereotypes. Girls are praised for being quiet, a little shy, and are forgiven for being more sensitive because that's considered feminine. So if your tiny daughter has trouble speaking to strangers or making eye contact and she gets overwhelmed by going to the grocery store, she's being feminine and that's okay. If your son is doing the same thing, he's being feminine, which means something is terribly wrong. Definitely not applicable to ever case, but it resonates with me as an afab kid who presented that way.
definitely for me as an amab, my female friend never got diagnosed despite having obvious autism traits, they kept saying it was just behavioural problems. I got diagnosed despite not having anywhere near as obvious traits and not acting out like she did, because I was quiet and liked reading and quiet, and didn't like sports, they thought that was abnormal for a boy.
Also as a girl my special interest was (and still are) fashion and make-up.. so.. also I resemble greatly to my father who is also autistic, so I don’t identify with the girl or boy autism. Autism impact me in my own unique way. We are all different regardless of gender
Also a girl here with special interests in the beauty realm. I don't have a super subtle presentation (im also not ultra high masking) but I was still not diagnosed in childhood. My mom just didn't understand the signs of autism and none of my teachers cared because I was seen as quite a bright student, with some attention and slight "behavior" problems at times.
i'm an autistic trans man and wow it is so complicated. i feel really invalidated by the gendered view of autism. i really do feel like i was "trained" to view my support needs as something else, like a mood disorder. it hurts a lot sometimes.
anyways. i adore your videos. thank you for being proudly autistic. i'm sure you're conscious of this, but please take care of yourself!
Autism support groups and autism societies can be very helpful, I recommend looking into them
The standard female desire to put pictures and videos of themselves on the internet & social media...I'll be damned, I absolutely _hate_ having my photo taken &/or appearing on the internet - does that mean I'm not female?!? Wahoo! Dreams do come true!
I mean I hate that too, and I realized I’m NB…
…I’m just kidding, it’s not a gendered thing, it would be stupid to think so
It's a behavior that dates back 50,000 years when facebook first evolved (big /s)
All the toupees I see are bad toupees...
All these girls I see on the internet claiming to be autistic, sure seem to post things to the internet. I wonder why I never see autistic girls on the internet who don't post content to the internet.
It's just incels who can't accept they would have anything in common with women. Unfortunately so many autistic men hate women because they don't interact with them.
My mom is apparently not a woman (she has no social media uses a flip phone and has a kindle)
Every time I hear about Simon Baron-Cohen I get him confused with Sacha Baron-Cohen and I imagine Borat giving his opinion about autism
Sacha is Simon's cousin.
@@sirstewartwallace3917 Oh, interesting. I had no idea
I can see Borat having a conversation with Autism Speaks reps or something and getting them to say or agree to increasingly offensive things.
@@zoyadulzura7490 LOL, not that they've ever needed someone to trick them into it before, but it would be extra spicy with Borat involved. I'd see that movie in the theater!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one!!😂
Dang, I thought that meme was ironic like, "How female autism is represented vs how male autism is represented"
That would be a much more appropriate use of the meme.
Too innocent
@@Shay-i4n Innocent, or just seeing the best in people?
I don't "act cute or dress well." I'm a 53 year old woman who's autistic. Thanks for always making such good videos to represent the community-keep up the good work!
53?? WE CAN LIVE THAT LONG??
@@user-uz3r there’s more!
@@user-uz3rSomeone lived to 122 before
I was diagnosed at 4. How would a 4-year-old fake autism? Ridiculous.
I utterly hate the boys vs girls memes. 99% of the time it’s “boys good! Girls bad!”. It’s just sexism, and it gets me furious.
@kti5682I like memes, but it doesn’t excuse sexism. And how do prison inmates tie into this?
@kti5682 To be fair men are just worse across the board in every statistic that matters, not much of a surprise there.
@@ofsomeimportanceI think they’re trying to say that you hate men or something, but idk, it’s very strange
@@pemanilnoob yeah, i don’t hate men. That guy makes no sense.
@kti5682I wonder why?
Gendering autism is rubbish.
I’m a cisgender guy (late fifties). However, I didn’t realize how likely it is that I’m autistic until I watched one of your videos and could tick off all the autistic traits that I have in common with you-yes _you,_ despite being the opposite gender.
When I first heard of Asperger’s, I got concerned about having it. Some of my intense and narrow interests are stereotypical male (At age eight, I could rattle off the options on the then-new Chrysler models to go with the standard V-8 and TorqueFlite transmission). On the other hand, I also was/am a sucker for things that are pretty or cute. Someone hearing (but not seeing) me fuss over my precious cat, and read my messages on car-enthusiasts’ websites, might think they’re observing two different people. Especially since my vocal cords didn’t get the memo in my DNA! So autism and gender diversity often go together. Hmm…
I love your channel. I will surely join your Patreon one as well.
This is so cute! Thank you! A lot of sexist content online/in the news is targeted towards your demographic, and I know a lot of people in your age range who don't even believe autism is real, so seeing you say something polite and validating to an autistic woman made my day. It takes a lot of dedication and honesty to fight ableism and sexism for younger women, let alone older men. So God bless you, sir! Love from Gen Z ❤
@liiiiich3n0nTheM00n ❤️ Right back!
"Hey, you got your ableism in my misogyny!"
"Hey you got your misogyny in my ableism!"
Two horrible opinions that go horribly together.
Autistic women being stereotyped as social and loud and talkative is like a huge reason I question myself because Im the opposite 😭 but I started researching autism because I realized my whole life I’ve chosen to be quiet and not talk and am incredibly introverted and struggle speaking to people in every situation and have never been able to look at people
Social, loud, and talkative is the total opposite of what I am. If I have to leave my house to socialize, with anyone, I have a breakdown over it. I’m so quiet that one of my peers in high school thought I was deaf.
So yes, I’m very introverted too and find it hard to make connections with others.
I don’t know any autistic people who are like that at all
Fucking finally, someone points this bs out. I hate comparing shit. Let’s just coexist, yeah? Some of the coolest people I’ve met in my life have been autistic women. Seriously, hyperfixations hit different with those bros. As someone with autism/adhd as well it just pisses me off that people needlessly divide genders. It’s cringe.
Lmao speaking of outdated language: ive been looking into possible autism assessment and diagnosis as a young adult woman, and talking to my mom recently about it she said (and i quote) "i dont think you have Autism, i think you probably just have Aspergers."
I had to just stare at her for a moment to process that and figure out how to respond 😂
Omg, my father did the same thing once
@@progamndocoisas4407 lmao it's so funny it's like, thanks for not 100% invalidating me, i... guess?😂
The first time I said to my mom I'm pretty sure I have some form of autism: "B-but you like to listen to loud music..."
The “girls vs boys with autism” memes always make me so angry but I never interact with them. They always make me think “so I’m a boy now huh?” Because I don’t behave like how the ableists see all autistic women
Personally, as a woman of 28, I'm not very stereotypically "girly" and never have been. I don't wear makeup (I can't deal with the sensation of something stuck to my face) I have no idea if I "look cute" or dress nicely... and honestly I don't usually care about that stuff. The older I get the more I just care about being comfortable in whatever I'm wearing and that gives me the confidence to go do things. I'm also not social or good at making friends like women are "supposed" to be. And I have crippling social anxiety, which doesn't help anything. I have autistic traits similar to my mom, dad and grandpa, all of whom are undiagnosed but I am increasingly convinced are autistic. My grandpa especially has very little mask/filter and I recognize a lot of traits we share. But he got some version of "social" autism because he loves talking (infodumping) to anyone who will listen and he likes being around people and gets depressed if he's alone for too long. And I am NOT like that. 😂 My mom (his daughter) and I are actually much less social and would rather hang out at home than go to an event to talk to people. So, for one side of my family at least, it's the reverse of what people would assume! My dad's side is a whole different ballgame, but I've rambled more than enough, so I'll stop now. 😅
Info dumping is just a symptom, neurotypicals don't do that. He likes company, but info dumping does not make him socially proficient (at least around people who don't matter, that is.)
It’s the gendering of autism that makes it so hard for women to get diagnosed with it. So many women are ignored and misdiagnosed and it even takes years and years for a woman to get diagnosed correctly. Me and my sister have autism, albeit high functioning, but for the both of us it took 4-6 tries with psychiatrists to get actually diagnosed. We were pushed away and they said “oh it’s just hormones”. We are in our 20’s and realistically could have been diagnosed much earlier but it’s so difficult for women, and for what? It’s not just getting diagnosed with ADHD or autism, it’s generally just all healthcare too. It’s so much harder for us because we are for the majority of time are ignored, pushed aside, they blame things on our periods and emotions and whatnot. It genuinely feels as if people don’t understand the female body or mind and it’s so stupid
Edit: AT LEAST in America, I don’t know if it’s the same of other countries
I have the trifecta of "girl autism/misdiagnoses"; bipolar (ii), ADHD, and rather than ASD, my psychiatrist evaluated me for cluster B traits rather than autism at first.
Now, I do actually have bipolar disorder, ADHD, and an informal ASD diagnosis from mental health professionals. The medications I am on are truly life-changing and getting them in order and managing symptoms has really helped us narrow down what is and isn't a symptom of my different disorders and makes it that much clearer that I DO have them all. All three in different combinations are also well represented in my family history 😅
I hate this meme so much...
some classmates tell me “but you don’t look autistic” BEECH HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK 😭😭😭
idk dress up as frye /j
@@iqwastaken that would be a nice joke
I have my initial intake interview for my autism assessment this week and I'm so nervous but excited! Your videos are so, so helpful and well-researched and comforting. I don't think I'd be on this path of finding answers about myself if it weren't for you and your channel, Meg. Thank you so much! 💜
Hello Meg, I love your channel so much, and you've taught me so much about autism and neurodivergency. There is currently an autistic man on death row in Texas named Robert Roberson, and he was wrongfully convicted of a crime he didn't commit. His autistic traits were used against him saying that he was "cold and uncaring" during the death of his daughter. He is scheduled to be executed by the state of Texas on October 17th. I would love it if you could make a post or video spreading awareness about this case so more people can help to prevent his death. ❤ Much love from Texas.
Oh no 😟 I’m from Texas and am not familiar with this man. How sad
When people hear I have autism, the go “you must have a super cute hyper fixation like hello kitty!” This is gendered stereotyping, then I say “actually, I like Star Trek!” And they go “Star Trek is for boys! You can’t like it!” Or just look at me with pure bewilderment. Why? Why is a sci-fi franchise so gendered? Why?
aside from being nonbinary, autism has made me so far detached from girlhood. my voice and behaviors weren't what was expected of a girl. now i get mild flack for being autistic and nonbinary. people will tell autistic girls to be more ladylike, but then invalidate their autism.
I experienced something similar, while I am the high masking more quiet "femalr typ" of autist, my lack of understanding social conventions and just not going along with stuff just to fit in, I am pretty disconnected from girlhood/womanhood. When the main point of identity centers around men, and me being aroacr, so not having that at all... I just felt alien. I also feel alien around men, but that our society normalises for afab people.
My interests where never girly, the closes it gets is my newest special interest in historical sewing. Which is less about looking pretty then being practical.
I can relate to the when women have a meltdown they are more likely to be misdiagnosed with a mental health condition. I'm trans masc and back when I was still female presenting (i was 6-7) I got misdiagnosed with bi polar and put on meds that made everything worse. I didnt find out it was a misdiagnosis until i was in my mid 20s. It sucks.
I never understood those “girl autism vs boy autism” memes; they’re all just about the women acting all reserved and tame while also hand stimming the man is acting all loud and insane. I really didn’t see the point in them other then pointless stereotyping which were barely true so I’m glad somebody’s calling those dumb videos out.
Just wanted to comment since I’ve never been so early before-I am so grateful for your content and for others sharing their lived experience of autism. My daughter and I both went through diagnosis over the summer-she is autistic/ADHD and I have ADHD. Your videos been immensely helpful in helping me to understand some of the things my daughter experiences and how we can be the most helpful and supportive to her as we raise her. Thank you so very much!! ❤❤
It was typical ‘male like’ traits that got to getting my diagnosis as a female. I presented so strongly at a 45 min intake to go for my diagnosis, that I was sent to get an autism diagnosis after only 5 minutes into this intake. Monotone, no eye contact, I do not remember the questions or the interview much. Just how I wanted to escape. I was confused the session ended so abruptly with the psychologist getting up after 5 minutes saying I will be right back. I thought I had done something drastically wrong. She even came back and said that with girls and women they need longer, but we are sending you for a diagnosis. I honestly thought I would not get a diagnosis when she left. I think we talked about understanding people’s intentions, and my lack of understanding. How, I think people think of me as a friend, only to find myself not having any real friends but two.
It is for that reason that I do not like that there are people who say ‘female traits’ and ‘male traits’. If I had to present with these so called ‘female traits’ then I would never have gotten a diagnosis.
I'm in the process of trying to get an assessment, and it's so hard. I have siblings and friends who are encouraging me to get tested since they believe I have it. But my own therapist is just chalking up my suspicions to health anxiety.
But when I read about autism in women, it felt like everything clicked for me. I've been diagnosed with 8 different mental disorders, about half of which are diagnosed with autism. Do I have to unmask and just display what I'm really like during the assessment?
I finally gave up on wearing and buying make up. I do not like the feeling of wearing it, and it is a more than a sensitive skin issue for me. It feels like I am wearing a thin layer on my face and all i want to do is wash my face. It just makes my skin crawl. I gave up make up in my 30s. I feel more comfortable, content and even sometimes confident without it. I also suffer from eczema, but never on my face. I cannot put into words really how this layer feels really. Maybe like plastic wrap people put over dishes?
I also don’t wear make up daily (but still feel pressure to do it in fancy parties). But I get the feeling of the layer on the skin. And the anxiety of messing the make up up, because I touch my face absentmindendly.
@@salviaexpeditionIf I wore makeup I'd have to duct tape my hands to my hips or smth
My sister and I are AFAB and are both diagnosed with autism, and there really isn't a binary when it comes to the presentation of autism. Autism is autism, and it is a matter of how one is socialized and what sort of resources they received upon diagnosis.
Good luck with moving. It is one of the things I find hardest for my autistic brain; my sense of self and safety is very tied to the home spaces I carve out for myself. I hope your move goes smoothly and peace is restored soon.
I think a lot of how ppl perceive autistic women is related to masking and socialization. I (nonbonary, socialized as a girl) may not know what is expected of me in social situations, but I can notice when something I've done results in other people being disappointed in me, especially when I was younger and would be reprimanded at times for basically being a kid. I also think part of it is how, much like people will simply decide someone isn't autistic, some people will decide that a woman who doesn't behave in a way they expect is therefore less of a woman
As a trans man who has autism, I learned to mask at a very young age just to not get bullied as much. I would love barely socialize with anyone my age, and I still find it difficult to do that. I was always drawn to STEM and have wanted to be a biomedical engineer since I was 9 (still working to be one) However, I was told that I was weird and needed to socialize more, even though I didn't want to. So I tried to socialize more and feminize myself so that I wasn't constantly being dragged through the mud.
So I fit the stereotype for 'male autism' when unmasked and fit the stereotype for 'female autism' when masked. But gendering this stuff is pretty ridiculous because autism presents differently in EVERYONE, regardless of gender. There are women that meet the male stereotypes and men that meet the female stereotypes. Society just treats female and male children like they are different species, so that influence symptoms that are shown.
I feel like female autism is just actually masked autism.
"a fine-tuned social understanding of how to act cute" DUDE! I'm always told I'm acting cute and I'm literally just being myself! I'm not acting, it doesn't mean I understand ANY social cues, "cute" is just my natural state of being! People need to realize that it can and does happen that some people just have the natural urge to do cute things and it doesn't have anything to do with how much they understand social norms
Such a specific thing but YES! This weird subgenre of meme needs to get in the sea
it's so painful that we can't even be visibly happy without getting mocked or accused of faking autism
i just want to be happy
i hate living in a world where people hate me because i enjoy things that most other people think is "weird"
@@starriekitsune its very painful, but for me it got better when i realized that weird stuff is acrually really cool!!!!! like hell yeah silly little colorful animals running and flying around is such a cool concept!!! i hope everyone can apply this to their interests soon :33
@@starriekitsune also dont let those bastards bring you down because of their lies, theyre annoying and dont know what its like to have special interests
Literally sometimes even getting mocked by others with autism.
“women’s special interest are usually make up and socializing”
CHERNOBYL.
….and makeup…😥
I've been on a gluten free diet for 30 years because I have celiac disease, but I'm still just as autistic as I was when I was born. It's not a cure for autism.
Got my diagnosis today! This channel was one of the finals traes that made me no longer able to deny it to myself.
Congrats!
As an autistic man with stereotypically nerdy interests, it is not a lot of fun to be told that Im just "normal" and "nerds are cool these days" because people watch Marvel movies, while I struggle with extreme introversion and social anxiety.
I get tired of non-autistic people telling me how to be an autistic person. I just wanna be me without a bunch of other peoples’ baggage piled on top of how to exist so they think I’m doing it right. I’m so thankful for these videos it make me feel not so alone
Thank you for bringing up the fact that people use the word autistic as a replacement for the r word I know I commented that on one of your previous videos and I really appreciate the fact that you brought it up I don't know if you brought it up because of my comment but either way thank you I really really appreciate you making that point
I remember growing up not being diagnosed and how I took longer to lose interest in things that other people thought were "too childish"
Like I was made fun of in the 6th grade when I met a school project (a short story to be told with a visual element) by using a Barbie as a stand in for the main character.
Or when I was younger, my older brother being annoyed that I still liked Dora the explorer (though I tack that one more to him being 7 years older than me and assigning the social expectations of his age onto his much younger sister)
But I also have autistic joys. Like going to karaoke last week in a really fancy outfit not because I had to buy because I wanted to and being able to see the joy of others when I spun in place because my dress had one of those really satisfying swooshy skirts. Bonus points for spinning in place being a major stim I've had since childhood and also karaoke because I've loved music and performing and karaoke is a less serious form of that. There's no expectation to be professional or good it's just fun.
I don't fit into "either" criteria because autism is a spectrum and the idea of inherent differences based on assigned sex is silly.
No not on assigned anything but on hormones. Males and females have a different mix that affect us differently medically.
I kept being ignored about my problems. I begged for help with ADHD, but I didn't have ADHD, according to my psychiatrist. He couldn't find a true Diagnosis, so he said I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I knew a couple very toxic people with BPD, and knew more about it than a lot of people because, DEEP DIVE DAWN, and I argued with him and another counselor until they took it off my charts at that clinic. Everyone who knew me as an adult joked with me about my ADHD and inability to stay organized. (It wasn't all jokes, some people were pretty mean.) Now, I'm approaching 50 and I am grateful that I have all these great neurodivergent friends to help me cope and accept myself when I hated myself for being intense, socially shunned, and so sensitive. Its never too late to learn more and love yourself more.
Very insightful video! I just wanted to say that I have been a fan of your content for awhile now. As a recently-diagnosed autistic person, your videos have helped me understand and accept how my own autism has been present my entire life, and have helped me to have a lot more self-compassion.
I grew up knowing that I was “weird” or “off” and that I didn’t get things that other people did, so I just assumed there was something wrong or broken about me. Now I know that my brain just works differently, which allows me to help others whose brains also work differently (I work with children). Please keep doing what you do-you do more good than you know!
Undiagnosed - just suspecting and questioning and researching at this point............but anyway.........makeup just takes too much effort for me to really be able to get into it. I can't get it to look right, and all the layers feel bad on my skin.............as for fashion - I. Do. Not. Care. I will pick substance over style every time. If I end up being stylish, it's accidental. I look for clothes that are soft and stretchy, but fit somewhat snugly. Jeans, shorts, t-shirts. The occasional dress or skirt, if I HAVE to.......
I'm a woman and I'm autistic. I think the "woman Autism" tipe is just like most things with doctors and diagnosis they didn't really study the female body,
and the socialisation of how kids are raised as assigned female at birth ppl is definitely also an aspect
As far as my presentation as a woman autistic, I have always been a tomboy. Growing up, sports was one of my special interests and I was better at some sports like basketball and soccer than many boys. In High school, I was able to do more full push-ups up on my toes than most of the boys in gym class. I lifted weights all the way through H.S. also. I have mostly loved art and design and then over the last 16 years, I have fallen in love with math and science to the point I love to read scientific studies for fun. I also love to build stuff and I rarely wear makeup. When I wear dresses I wear pants underneath them. I was born in 1964 and therefore nobody even knew what autism was when I was a kid let alone this weird artistic sports fanatic tomboy could have it. I have met so many men who present more "feminine" autistic. The rendering makes no sense to me at all. I really dislike it! I struggled growing up to understand my friends who were girls, and had more guy friends that were totally platonic because we liked the same things. I mean I wasn't even allowed to play soccer with the girls because I was too rough when I played. I always had to join one of the boy's teams.
Meg, you've solved it! I'm a man, .. I'm only 80% Autistic, (+10% PDA + 10% ADHD) /s
She was saying how she can only do her house chores while listening to TH-cam videos while I was literally doing my bed listening to her 😅
SO HAPPY TO SEE SOMEONE FINALLY TALK ABT THIS!! ITS SO FREAKING ANNOUING 😭😭
It's a fact that Autistic males are viewed as less valuable if not worthless by society, and on top of this we have to get outed for being on the spectrum at a much earlier age than our female counterparts. This deeply enrages me and is why I have scorn for society.
Meg your outfits are always on point!!! ❤❤
Yee, im autistic afab, femme and nonbinary and deal with this daily
people act like we cant do makeup or dress cute and be autistic 😢
im going through round 3 of testing because of ppl stereotyping me based on wearing makeup and "dressing fashionably" AND im Black so they assume that any social problems i have is chalked up to "anger" and "attitude".
I literally got called an old fatass on my last test paperwork (they said i looked old and said i was obese and "big") a lot of my weight is in my chest and butt...
I also get chastizes for not smiling and talking to everyone
Some people are crazy ngl 😭🙏
"Girls with autism are subtle and boys with autism are overt"
Me, a non-binary person with autism wondering where this leaves me: 🤷
I'm an autistic cishet male, dx'ed at 40, and I was subtle.
us NBs are outside idiots comprehension, we are above their rules, we do not stay in boxes, we shall not ask for a box to stay in
@@NJGuy1973Im an autistic cishet female, diagnosed at 18 (im now 19) and my presentation is considered to be a bit mixed. I had more obvious signs as a kid (repeatedly telling my mom I didnt understand how to play dolls with the girls I knew, because it was shared imaginative play) but also less stereotypical signs. Like instead of being super hypersensitive to everything and having meltdowns, I was a vigorous sensory seeker who did things like chewing pencils until they broke, challenging everyone to spinning contests to have an excuse to spin, playing with the front section of my hair so much it became straight (I have naturally curly/wavy hair).
@@NJGuy1973 while the other comments will proof me wrong. This is quite often how it's present and why girls don't get diagnosed often until they are become teens or adults..
I’m an early diagnosed cisgender female. I got my diagnosis at 4 because my autism was more “obvious”. Now, it’s subtle-ish.
Not sure I have much to add. But I'll compliment the ears to boost engagement. And also I love them
it absolutely baffles me that that one guy went from "all the autistic women I see online like to put pictures of themselves online" to "all autistic women like to put pictures of themselves online" and didn't see a single flaw in that logic
I’m AFAB, but I have “male autism” - in terms of how system oriented my brain is. My favorite Barbies were the ones with complex mechanical features, like the Barbie with a shopping cart that had legs that kicked forward to walk - such a lovely hour spent investigating how it worked as a youngen. Except I mask, too.
Anyway, I identify as human (she/they).
15:56 My doctor is exactly like this. I’m trying to get social security and she’s putting us through absolute hell.
My family has always neglected me emotionally but kept my younger sister on the mind constantly. They got her diagnosed very young because she has a learning disability but would abuse me. So if I lashed out or hated a change in my routine because of her or everyone else I was just either suoer emotional or a very quiet child. My family constantly called me quiet. And how I only played alone with my toys and didn't play with other children. So I went through almost my entire life being unaware of my mental disabilities since it wasn't "important". But when I was 18 and able to check my medical files I WAS diagnosed but it was never talked about (at least around me) and was just in my files to rot. I assumed I was different through my life like when it came to gender, sexuality, and even just making friends. I really hated socializing but I felt depressed because I wanted to do it, but everyone kinda left me out because they thought I was scary or bitchy without ever talking to me. But I like being feminine sometimes and masculine sometimes but I'm shamed for doing either or. People tell I look like a (slur for trans people) or a man when I dress as a girl or wear makeup even though I AM A GIRL or they'll say I'm too girly and feminine to dress like a guy and that I look homeless or like I just got out of bed for wearing a hoodie. So no matter what I do, I stand out. Even shamed the the music I like or art I draw. Sometimes I wish I wasn't the way I was.
Sis I was “diagnosed” as bi polar when I told my previous psychiatrist when I said “I think I’m autistic how do I get evaluated?” WITHOUT DOING ANY KIND OF QUESTIONS THING OR ME SHOWING ANY SIGNS Of bipolar 😅 I was put on abilify and it made me have seizures and he didn’t wanna take me off of it because “I wasn’t complaining about my autism anymore”
Ah, yes. I too, can cure my social anxiety by not hanging out with people!
This is so valid for me. Recently found out that I'm Intersex, 47XXY. Now on Testosterone replacement. It's a bit complicated, I'm still getting used to it. I identify with a lot of female and male traits of ASD-1, probably why it wasn't picked up until I was 46yo. I personally feel like it's not all boys vs girls, it's just ASD-1, and most Autistic Advocates are all about the boys vs girls stereotypes; though I may be biased - although I certainly feel well excluded. I personally find it pretty annoying.
i’m a nonbinary autistic person, what am I then lol. can I be autistic then or not ahahah.
I'd say we are what my friends call me: cryptids
Depends, do you post picture of yourself on social media?
Well im agender and im definitely autistic
schrödinger's autism
Yes, you can be non-binary and still be autistic. I know a few people who are both autistic and non-binary, and I appreciate them for who they are. Sending you big hugs!
I avoid people if they….
1)think you can visibly tell when a person is autistic
2) think ‘everyone is a little autistic’
It’s the age of the internet, it’s your responsibility to educate yourself.😊
And I understand saying it looks a little different in young women due to the lack of research, but to say anyone is more or less autistic is blatantly false. Also keep in mind that as little girls we were constantly told to cover our autistic traits in order to be polite. That doesn’t make us less autistic 😅