This is an awesome video love it!!!let’s take our power back and end toxic relationship and surround ourselves with people that uplift us much love everyone we’ve got this
Yes. This is totally understandable. Safety will need to be established first. It can take some work, but it's totally possible 💗 Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I am doing this work. I know I can heal. I know it is possible. I have done SBSM twice. Doing the 21 day tune up know for the third time. I believe in this work. I am feeling the changes. But, or and; I still don’t feel I deserve it. And I get a bit thrown off when you say one of the things that we need to have on board to heal is THE BELIEF that we deserve it. I could draw the conclusion that I will never heal then… My thoughts are: keep doing the work, and the belief will slowly come to me. Your thoughts, Irene? ❤️
This topic is really important. I’ve been grappling so deeply with this concept and why some people experience healing and miracles and other people do not. Physically mentally emotionally and on a deep soul level. Suffering and pain that won’t budge when someone seems to be doing all the right things… all the layered things…
I am frequently overcome with anger. The human species is ridiculous. A bunch of narcissists making people suffer while everyone stands by and watches. Then, we the targeted then need to "do the work" while everyone else accepts the sociopaths that inflicted these wounds and rejects people that are neurotic because of them. I am overcome with anger at how negligent people are and continue to be. I am fine for a few days and then I am overcome with this anger that I feel will never subside because it's an endless cycle.
Hi, Nicole here from Team Lyon. Oh the endless cycle. It can be so frustrating! Anger is an interesting one. Here are a few videos that you might find helpful. th-cam.com/video/CUDlnH4sZIY/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/66Wm_hQEs3o/w-d-xo.html There lies importance in breaking the cycle and having the pattern shift so something different can happen. I hope some of Irene's videos provide some insight for you.
This is what I've found though. I practised and been present and really fixed things like anxious attachment, but what's left is dismissive avoidant because of all the trauma. In order to fix this I need to make sure I'm coregulating in the moment. I'm trying to learn how to do it, but it's hard because other people actually don't want to do it. It's fine to say ok well I can't do it with you, if you're not doing it. I've joined a 12 step program to get access to support, but in reality it's not supportive. I don't mean that in a critical way I mean there is no back and fowards. There is only share and don't respond because of the no cross talk thing. I can only do it online because I have a dog and my dog can't come to the actual meeting. No crosstalk is not coregulating. Where can you go when you're learning to coregulate in the moment? Like almost coregulating classes :). I don't have money to spend on a counsellor, but also it's not about having a counsellor, it's about coregulating with the people around you. I do feel stuck. It's all very well to say you need supportive people, but the problem was that the people around me weren't supportive in the first place. I've become aware of it. I've learnt to support myself, but I can't truly heal until I learn to coregulate.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. As Irene always says, the only thing we can ever truly have control over is ourselves, so even if others are not open to this kind of work, you can learn to work with your own nervous system. Irene's many free resources and free training might be of interest to you and a good place to start: irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
Thank you for the tips in terms of working with the lower level systems first.... neuroplastic healing. I have been working all over the place and it feels amazing to have some sort of guide and suggestions.
This feeling of unworthiness has followed me my entire life. It started with church teachings and later a man I married who continued this condemnation. Forgiveness has helped..but I am still so sick. This is a New thought. I am trying everything I can. I have no support. My children have continued the abuse their father did. But I am paralyzed now and dependent on them. This is really a hard situation for me. I have been sleeping with the enemy my whole life. I can really see no way out of this. But it has helped me..listening to you because I at least understand better what is happening to me. It was a total mystery for 30 years now. Thank You so much for explaining these things.
Hi Kathleen, Seth here from Team Lyon. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds very hard. You might benefit from giving this article of mine a read... sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/
Team Lyon Thank You so much..Seth! I read your article. I am just starting to realize where the problem is coming from. It has been a mystery to me. I have spent my life feeling unworthy..and realize that I must change this idea. I have already learned a relationship with Jesus and beginning to realize that I am loved and I deserve Love. A New Idea for me! My family is Not Safe! This is So Helpful and gives me much Hope to change my situation with Gods Help. Thank You very Much!
Team Lyon Dear Seth..the Hawaiian Hopono thing is helpful. Because of my childhood indoctrination got me off on the wrong foot so I made very wrong choices for myself. You have no idea how.. I am Sorry. Please Forgive me. I Love You. Thank You. Fits what I have done to myself. That little prayer is to me! I did it and owe my Spirit such an apology. Thank You..guys Sooo Much. I would have never figured this out without Jesus bringing you to me and you explaining and my finally seeing what I have done. The next step is finding a Safe Place. Jesus will help me with this too. Thank You..Seth and Team Lyon!
we need a SBSM island... i find it hard to heal in the chaos... ((imaging my bare feet in the pristine, unadulterated white sand of SBSM's island resort beach ☀️))
This is something I've wondered about a lot and now you made me wonder about it on an even deeper level....how can you really feel that you are deserving of healing when you haven't healed the trauma that has made you feel worthless and undeserving...?? I hope you can shed some light...thank you ☺
Hi Katinka, Seth here with Team Lyon. The way you build that sense of deserving is by showing up for yourself and doing the work to heal. You've already started doing this by being here watching these videos. You can continue by doing the practical side of the work, either with us in our online programs, or with a practitioner you work one on one with. This page on Irene's site can give you some guidance on ways to begin... irenelyon.com/new-here
@@IreneLyon Thank you Seth! I actually just started the 21 day nervous system tune up so I guess I'm starting to show up for myself ☺ Baby steps....thanks again, you guys totally rock 💪❤
I think my problem isn’t necessarily about whether I feel I deserve to heal or not… I think my inherent belief is that I’m not strong enough. I get this huge sense of pressure, and an overwhelming feeling of defeat before I’ve even started. Also, when I imagine myself “healed”, I’ve realized just now, all I’m really imagining is being able to tolerate the people around me doing the things they want to do, tolerate being alone, and tolerate being triggered by certain people that have to be in my life (in-laws, because my husband wants to have a relationship with them but they are emotionally abusive and I suspect there’s narcissism at play…). I don’t imagine myself actually FEELING better; just having the strength to put up with a lot of this stuff, or to put up with the feelings of loneliness and abandonment I feel when I’m alone and just learning how to occupy myself and be more or less okay with feeling it. When I try to imagine what ACTUALLY being healed would be like… I just… can’t get a sense of it. With everything else, I can generate a felt-sense of what it would be like (obviously, since I’m just imagining myself tolerating the feelings I’ve always had and know well, but with more grace and capacity to let it happen against my desires). But I can’t really imagine feeling at home in myself, or wanting to/enjoying/feeling safe socializing with ANYONE, period. Or doing hobbies because I like to and not because I’m just giving myself something to do. Or having hopes/goals/dreams that I actively want and strive for, and am excited and happy about. I can imagine that someone could feel those ways, but I myself can’t sense that in my body, even though I at one point had those feelings. Everything’s just sort of fuzzy and black, and I can’t reach it (or rather, maybe there’s a fear-based blockage of even imagining myself feeling better, for whatever reason; maybe those things have all become triggers to me). It feels like a hopeless endeavour. I don’t even know how to feel like I deserve it; I don’t even know how to feel myself, let alone feel I’m worth anything. Everything I do is for someone external. I’m rarely striving for myself, because I think I just dont feel like there’s anything in the world that’s for me, anymore (I mean that I actually want, or care about. I just feel like I’m kind of pointlessly here, and the only thing I can do with my existence is try to at least have others get something out of it if I’m not going to; but obviously, the inner system rebels against such efforts, so I can’t even do that anymore). I’m doing the work and starting to try to heal, but there’s a lot of dissociation and avoidance to work with, and when I try to sit with it and really figure out what the core of the issue is, this is where I land. That I genuinely don’t believe at the heart of it all that I have the capability to heal. Not whether I deserve it, but whether I CAN. I know logically that everyone can heal, as you said. But that doesn’t address the FEELING instilled in me from who-knows-what in my childhood that made me feel innately incapable of positive growth. I really don’t know what that’s about (I can barely scratch together any pieces of my childhood anyway… I guess because I was just dissociated for most of it). How do you suggest one would go about learning how to feel CAPABLE of healing, rather than deserving? I imagine I’d have to work on the deserving bit next, but right now, I can barely tell I’m even a human being because I’m so disconnected from myself, and trying to get near and remember I’m a person who’s alive just makes me dissociate even more. BTW, not asking for a diagnosis, here… I don’t know why every comment I make gets that kind of “we don’t diagnose people” response. I’m not asking about whether I have these things; I KNOW these things about myself already (been diagnosed with dissociation, too). All I want to know is how does one work with the sense of feeling incapable to heal as opposed to feeling not worthy. Any tips are welcome. Thanks.
Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sorry to hear about what's going on for you. The concept of pendulation might help answer your question here: th-cam.com/video/4Wbo1LPx-e8/w-d-xo.html By learning to befriend one's nervous system, the focus shifts from a state of survival, which includes excessive mental processing, to a state of solid wellbeing in the "here and now". By focusing on the nervous system we allow the body to heal itself naturally. A great way to start is Irene's free resources and mini-training, which you might be familiar with already irenelyon.com/free-resources/ Please reach out to our support inbox if you have any more questions
I'm glad this made sense to you Katherine. Doing this work and being in isolation can make things challenging, but it doesn't mean you can't start the process in your healing in hopes that as you find more regulation and co-coherence, that there may be more capacity to start exploring how to connect with a supportive environment. Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
it depends on what you mean by healing - if its an experience then the chances of it happening whilst alone in the absence of a deeply altered state of consciousness is highly unlikely - i have done lots of deep breath work and riding the rhythms of my consciousness so to speak but for true healing to take place, I believe a powerful catalyst is necessary - a psychedelic drug, psilocybin for example, that dissolves the normal mind-body relationship freeing one of identification with the hardwired patterns of the gross body so that consciousness can fluidly enter into healing spaces that are magical and mysterious. Its just a question of doing it safely and free of the usual paranoia that surrounds it.
I was just talking about this very thing in a podcast interview I just did and even quoted this exact phrase. We share this sentiment and I love the way you say it!
Thanks for this video! But I have a question: how can we start to feel that we can and deserve to heal? Especially when the very reason we might be trying to heal is because of toxic shame that makes us feel like we don't deserve anything in the first place.
Elsa you do deserve it : ) xx I am not a professional but own experience with this has been to slowly slowly chip away and challenge all of my unhelpful beliefs and engage in a range of spiritual and self care practices. It’s a process though 😬😬 xxxxxxx
A great question Elsa! Toxic shame is a big piece for so many. In this case, to start to feel that we can and deserve to heal, we would first have to work with the experience that shows up with feeling we don't deserve it. There may be an experience that shows up in the body when one starts to explore this feeling of not deserving. This work is all about exploring what experience. For more insight on how to be with these experiences and to help you understand this work, I would suggest checking out these free links. irenelyon.com/healing-trauma irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL Hope that helps and gives you hope in working towards deserving it 💗 Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Thank you so much Verity, that's really nice of you to say :) And yes, I can imagine that it's a process in itself to start to feel like you deserve it.
Wonderful topic. I might add that people need to 'want to heal' in order to heal. It's important to take an honest look at how one benefits from staying sick/ staying stuck. I've seen people who say they want to heal, but actually choose not to take steps to heal. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this Irene. :)) Thank you.
I want to heal. I moved back into my childhood house of abuse a few years ago (this was before I understood the true cause of my problems). I live with an aging parent who is abusive. I am broke, and sick, no friends, and no place to go. Please, how do I heal? I desperately want a better life. The will IS there. Sadly the money and resources are not.
Why is it so much easier for me to believe that I deserve it than it is to believe that I can do it? I can do both, but the first comes easier on a cellular/felt level where belief that I can do it feels more often cognitive than felt - although it does come through to that felt level often, it’s not AS often or AS complete (yet!)
Hi Rish, Seth here from Team Lyon. Well, if you got the deserve part down that's the most important one! :) Sometimes we just need support in order to feel like we can do it, so consider checking out Irene's 21 Day Tuneup. It's a comprehensive educational and practical program with good tools to get started with the practice of healing trauma, as well as a supportive private facebook community moderated by nervous system and trauma experts. Here's the link... 21daytuneup.com/
Great video. Thank you ❤️❤️You mention the importance of being in a supportive environment.. I am recovering from chronic fatigue/ME and for various reasons have found myself being fairly isolated due to the illness and where I live now.. Most of my friends are in London which I felt was too hectic for me and my family trigger me quite badly so wanted to avoid that option if possible.. My question is, could a lonely environment be just as detrimental as an unsupportive one?! Am trying to figure out a way to overcome this situation but it is proving a bit tricky! Hope ok to ask a question! Thanks so much for your wonderful content 🙏❤️
It's a great question Verity. If you are doing the work and are starting to heal at a nervous system level, you may find that your capacity will change and you will be able to reach out and connect with an environment that can support you more. The healing process itself will look different if it's in a lonely environment than an unsupportive one. What's important is to start the process. And notice if your environment is limiting you is there the opportunity to make changes within that environment. I know that's not a specific answer, but I invite you to be curious in your process :) Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
How does healing in utero trauma work? Since there is nowhere to fight or flee. So a baby freezes. Do we get to complete the fight or flee- cycle as an adult in a therapy session?
Hi verano126, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great question. If you have in utero trauma, then chances are that the nervous system didn't have the support it needed to develop an optimal foundation. When this is case, this foundation needs to be built no matter how old we are. The good news is that this can be done at any age, though the system is more malleable when we are younger. Pretty much all of us have some form of acute trauma too, and having early trauma predisposes us to this, so we'll also need to complete the fight, flight responses as part of the healing process. Irene teaches how to work with early trauma and survival responses in her more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind. Depending on the person and the nervous system, sometimes you need to complete survival responses before doing the foundational work and other times you need to approach it in the opposite sequence. You can also do this work 1-1 with a practitioner. If you choose to go this route, you want to look for someone who specializes in early/developmental trauma and/or pre- and peri-natal work (this work is done with adults too). If you haven't already seen Irene's Healing Trauma training, she goes into this and more in the series so I'd recommend checking it out. I'll link to it here. Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
So do you meen that there is not even possible to get more regulated without the support of family/friends? That seems very final and not hopeful at all.
Erik Zettergren, Jen here from Team Lyon. Many of us grow regulation without the support of family and friends. It can definitely be easier when we have that support, and it's definitely possible without it. Finding support somewhere - from a practitioner, from someone you meet who's interested in this work, by being part of an online community or program like Irene's 21 Day Nervous System course and the like - can make a big difference. We can also find connection from the world around us, which can be a form of support. I'll link to a related video of Irene's in case you'd like to check it out. Four Ways to Spark Up our Social Engagement Nervous System without Socializing - irenelyon.com/2020/06/14/four-ways-to-spark-up-our-social-engagement-nervous-system-without-socializing/
It's not a "one size fits all" Suzie. Utilizing SSRI medication is a treatment approach that should be made on an individual case by case basis. A couple points of education and things to keep in mind: SSRI is meant to provide "stability" to the system. Foundational stability, at the level of the brain and nervous system, is often what's lacking for folks with trauma. So sometimes it can be useful for someone to have that artificial stability as they build organic, biological stability. SSRI should never be used without concurrent and integrative therapy. And therapy should include a somatic, neuro-biological, approach. i.e. Nervous System based. SSRI were initially developed and intended to be SHORT TERM. They are not meant to be used the way, unfortunately, they have been; as a "cure". They are a treatment to provide foundational stability until a person develops that organically. Hope this is useful! Janice - Team Lyon Moderator
So all those overwhelming feelings for which person can not find causes/situations in own history are actualy preverbal traumas right ? And we can select them as that ?
It could be that it happened preverbal, it could be generational trauma AND it could also be that the memory of the events have been blocked out. Hard to say what we are working with until we start doing the work. And that's what's great about working with the nervous system. If the story/history arises then we will play with that, but this work is more about exploring what's showing up in our physiology right now :) Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Not all of us can find a supportive, safe environment. I deserve to heal, I am learning about neuroplastic healing, but I cannot find safety. I deeply admire your work and all you do for our community, but for some reason this video makes me sad.
Hi Katrina, Jen here from Team Lyon. I understand how this video could elicit sadness. Believing that you deserve to heal - as it sounds like you do - is huge. Finding safety can take time for many of us. The nervous system is resilient and simply knowing about this work is a big leg up. I hope you'll continue to check out Irene's resources. If you haven't already checked out her Healing Trauma training, it can be great way to learn more. I'll link to it here. Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Team Lyon Thank you Jen for your kind response and the link to Irene’s free healing trauma training. I love her work and always learn something new from her content. I am saving up to take the 21-day course. I am determined to find a way out of this place and move forward with my life.
@@katydid594, if your environment is not supportive all is not lost. A good (somatic focused) therapist can provide you with safety and guidance to do healing work during session In fact, even if you do have safety at home, I still believe this one-to-one therapeutic relationship is vital before you try to dive into the full depths of stored trauma . I hope that gives you some extra hope regarding the potential for safety to do the work. I know it's not easy to find a good match, or to afford it. Sounds like you're very determined though :) Wishing you well on your journey, Rachel
@@gillilrj Thank you for the encouragement and recommendation. I've worked with two certified somatic therapy practitioners. Both made basic mistakes which worsened my symptoms. Now I'm at a loss as to what to do about therapy.
Hey Hans, Seth here from team Lyon. What you say is so true, and it's a big part of what keeps trauma going. I would even contend that the current wheels of society actually depend on trauma and survival energy to keep turning. If one is in this kind of situation it is very important that, as they work to heal, that their home environment be a safe haven. Also, a big part of healing trauma at the deepest level is reclaiming our authenticity and purpose, and as that happens we are able to discover what we are really here on this planet to do, and such vocations are always life giving and positive.
I hate those energy therapies where they bring up all your emotions, obviously you then deteriorate mentally, they sit back and observe you, yo get confused, they blame you for not wanting to get better then shut down on you after taking all your money,
HI Kat, Jen here from Team Lyon. New research is showing that it takes a specific type of attunement and support to give us the wiring we need to have healthy and connected relationships - and that we can grow these wires at any age when we know how. Irene talks about this in her free Healing Trauma training. I'll link to it in case you want to check it out. Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Most of those trauma therapists claim, they could help you healing from trauma - but until today I don´t know one single person in real life who claimed he is healed from all his trauma by a therapist. That´s the same myth - than believing in Jesus could walk over water.
Hi Irene , I am a little confused by your video on why some people heal and others don't. You say that early shaming etc takes away the GUT sense of self-worth and deserving but then you say in order to heal you need this gut sense of belief of worth (which is beyond rational thought). It sounds like you're saying you need to be healed in order to heal! How do you get this sense of deep down belief if you struggle with self-belief and worth and it isn't just a question of rational mind?
Hey Chris, Nicole here from Team Lyon. I hear you on how it can seem confusing! There are so many layers. When there is a lack of connection to the gut sense of (ie) self-worth and deserving there is still the ability to explore the belief (and what comes with the belief - ie how the body responds to it). This exploration may in turn lead to more clarity to the gut sense. Which then in turn will lead to opportunity to dive into even deeper layers. Does that make sense?
not sure why Irene made the statement then that some people won't heal because they don't have the deep down belief, why not just say some people will heal and others won't. Her statement is given as a clear one that some won't heal because they don't have that connection to true belief and trust whereas you're just saying getting that is part of the process.
Hi@@chriskemp466, Seth here from Team Lyon. She made that statement because even though everyone CAN do that work, at least potentially, not everyone will choose to. And sometimes even those that choose to have a psyche that is too stuck in victim mode to allow them to change. That's what we've observed over the years.
@@teamlyon3109 which contradicts the first wishy-washy answer given and I wonder why this isn't included in all the stuff sent to people's emails to get them interested in spending $300
Hi @@chriskemp466, Nicole's first answer seems accurate to me and not in contradiction to what I'm saying. She simply outlined what MAY happen - importance being on the word 'may' - when someone starts doing this work and exploring their system. I'm saying the same thing - some people may develop that sense of deserving, others may not.
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This is an awesome video love it!!!let’s take our power back and end toxic relationship and surround ourselves with people that uplift us much love everyone we’ve got this
For me social engagement is difficult as a result of early experiences, so creating a supportive social environment seems impossible.
Yes. This is totally understandable. Safety will need to be established first. It can take some work, but it's totally possible 💗
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I can relate.
I am doing this work. I know I can heal. I know it is possible. I have done SBSM twice. Doing the 21 day tune up know for the third time. I believe in this work. I am feeling the changes. But, or and; I still don’t feel I deserve it. And I get a bit thrown off when you say one of the things that we need to have on board to heal is THE BELIEF that we deserve it. I could draw the conclusion that I will never heal then… My thoughts are: keep doing the work, and the belief will slowly come to me. Your thoughts, Irene? ❤️
This topic is really important. I’ve been grappling so deeply with this concept and why some people experience healing and miracles and other people do not. Physically mentally emotionally and on a deep soul level. Suffering and pain that won’t budge when someone seems to be doing all the right things… all the layered things…
I am frequently overcome with anger. The human species is ridiculous. A bunch of narcissists making people suffer while everyone stands by and watches. Then, we the targeted then need to "do the work" while everyone else accepts the sociopaths that inflicted these wounds and rejects people that are neurotic because of them. I am overcome with anger at how negligent people are and continue to be. I am fine for a few days and then I am overcome with this anger that I feel will never subside because it's an endless cycle.
Hi,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
Oh the endless cycle. It can be so frustrating!
Anger is an interesting one. Here are a few videos that you might find helpful.
th-cam.com/video/CUDlnH4sZIY/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/66Wm_hQEs3o/w-d-xo.html
There lies importance in breaking the cycle and having the pattern shift so something different can happen.
I hope some of Irene's videos provide some insight for you.
This is what I've found though. I practised and been present and really fixed things like anxious attachment, but what's left is dismissive avoidant because of all the trauma. In order to fix this I need to make sure I'm coregulating in the moment. I'm trying to learn how to do it, but it's hard because other people actually don't want to do it. It's fine to say ok well I can't do it with you, if you're not doing it. I've joined a 12 step program to get access to support, but in reality it's not supportive. I don't mean that in a critical way I mean there is no back and fowards. There is only share and don't respond because of the no cross talk thing. I can only do it online because I have a dog and my dog can't come to the actual meeting. No crosstalk is not coregulating. Where can you go when you're learning to coregulate in the moment? Like almost coregulating classes :). I don't have money to spend on a counsellor, but also it's not about having a counsellor, it's about coregulating with the people around you. I do feel stuck. It's all very well to say you need supportive people, but the problem was that the people around me weren't supportive in the first place. I've become aware of it. I've learnt to support myself, but I can't truly heal until I learn to coregulate.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. As Irene always says, the only thing we can ever truly have control over is ourselves, so even if others are not open to this kind of work, you can learn to work with your own nervous system. Irene's many free resources and free training might be of interest to you and a good place to start: irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
Thank you for the tips in terms of working with the lower level systems first.... neuroplastic healing. I have been working all over the place and it feels amazing to have some sort of guide and suggestions.
This feeling of unworthiness has followed me my entire life. It started with church teachings and later a man I married who continued this condemnation. Forgiveness has helped..but I am still so sick. This is a New thought. I am trying everything I can. I have no support. My children have continued the abuse their father did. But I am paralyzed now and dependent on them. This is really a hard situation for me. I have been sleeping with the enemy my whole life. I can really see no way out of this. But it has helped me..listening to you because I at least understand better what is happening to me. It was a total mystery for 30 years now. Thank You so much for explaining these things.
Hi Kathleen, Seth here from Team Lyon. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds very hard. You might benefit from giving this article of mine a read... sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/
Team Lyon
Thank You so much..Seth! I read your article. I am just starting to realize where the problem is coming from. It has been a mystery to me. I have spent my life feeling unworthy..and realize that I must change this idea. I have already learned a relationship with Jesus and beginning to realize that I am loved and I deserve Love. A New Idea for me! My family is Not Safe! This is So Helpful and gives me much Hope to change my situation with Gods Help. Thank You very Much!
Team Lyon
Dear Seth..the Hawaiian Hopono thing is helpful. Because of my childhood indoctrination got me off on the wrong foot so I made very wrong choices for myself. You have no idea how.. I am Sorry. Please Forgive me. I Love You. Thank You. Fits what I have done to myself. That little prayer is to me! I did it and owe my Spirit such an apology. Thank You..guys Sooo Much. I would have never figured this out without Jesus bringing you to me and you explaining and my finally seeing what I have done. The next step is finding a Safe Place. Jesus will help me with this too. Thank You..Seth and Team Lyon!
we need a SBSM island...
i find it hard to heal in the chaos...
((imaging my bare feet in the pristine, unadulterated white sand of SBSM's island resort beach ☀️))
This is something I've wondered about a lot and now you made me wonder about it on an even deeper level....how can you really feel that you are deserving of healing when you haven't healed the trauma that has made you feel worthless and undeserving...?? I hope you can shed some light...thank you ☺
Hi Katinka, Seth here with Team Lyon. The way you build that sense of deserving is by showing up for yourself and doing the work to heal. You've already started doing this by being here watching these videos. You can continue by doing the practical side of the work, either with us in our online programs, or with a practitioner you work one on one with. This page on Irene's site can give you some guidance on ways to begin... irenelyon.com/new-here
@@IreneLyon Thank you Seth! I actually just started the 21 day nervous system tune up so I guess I'm starting to show up for myself ☺ Baby steps....thanks again, you guys totally rock 💪❤
I think my problem isn’t necessarily about whether I feel I deserve to heal or not… I think my inherent belief is that I’m not strong enough. I get this huge sense of pressure, and an overwhelming feeling of defeat before I’ve even started.
Also, when I imagine myself “healed”, I’ve realized just now, all I’m really imagining is being able to tolerate the people around me doing the things they want to do, tolerate being alone, and tolerate being triggered by certain people that have to be in my life (in-laws, because my husband wants to have a relationship with them but they are emotionally abusive and I suspect there’s narcissism at play…). I don’t imagine myself actually FEELING better; just having the strength to put up with a lot of this stuff, or to put up with the feelings of loneliness and abandonment I feel when I’m alone and just learning how to occupy myself and be more or less okay with feeling it.
When I try to imagine what ACTUALLY being healed would be like… I just… can’t get a sense of it. With everything else, I can generate a felt-sense of what it would be like (obviously, since I’m just imagining myself tolerating the feelings I’ve always had and know well, but with more grace and capacity to let it happen against my desires). But I can’t really imagine feeling at home in myself, or wanting to/enjoying/feeling safe socializing with ANYONE, period. Or doing hobbies because I like to and not because I’m just giving myself something to do. Or having hopes/goals/dreams that I actively want and strive for, and am excited and happy about. I can imagine that someone could feel those ways, but I myself can’t sense that in my body, even though I at one point had those feelings. Everything’s just sort of fuzzy and black, and I can’t reach it (or rather, maybe there’s a fear-based blockage of even imagining myself feeling better, for whatever reason; maybe those things have all become triggers to me).
It feels like a hopeless endeavour. I don’t even know how to feel like I deserve it; I don’t even know how to feel myself, let alone feel I’m worth anything. Everything I do is for someone external. I’m rarely striving for myself, because I think I just dont feel like there’s anything in the world that’s for me, anymore (I mean that I actually want, or care about. I just feel like I’m kind of pointlessly here, and the only thing I can do with my existence is try to at least have others get something out of it if I’m not going to; but obviously, the inner system rebels against such efforts, so I can’t even do that anymore). I’m doing the work and starting to try to heal, but there’s a lot of dissociation and avoidance to work with, and when I try to sit with it and really figure out what the core of the issue is, this is where I land. That I genuinely don’t believe at the heart of it all that I have the capability to heal. Not whether I deserve it, but whether I CAN.
I know logically that everyone can heal, as you said. But that doesn’t address the FEELING instilled in me from who-knows-what in my childhood that made me feel innately incapable of positive growth. I really don’t know what that’s about (I can barely scratch together any pieces of my childhood anyway… I guess because I was just dissociated for most of it).
How do you suggest one would go about learning how to feel CAPABLE of healing, rather than deserving? I imagine I’d have to work on the deserving bit next, but right now, I can barely tell I’m even a human being because I’m so disconnected from myself, and trying to get near and remember I’m a person who’s alive just makes me dissociate even more.
BTW, not asking for a diagnosis, here… I don’t know why every comment I make gets that kind of “we don’t diagnose people” response. I’m not asking about whether I have these things; I KNOW these things about myself already (been diagnosed with dissociation, too). All I want to know is how does one work with the sense of feeling incapable to heal as opposed to feeling not worthy. Any tips are welcome. Thanks.
Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sorry to hear about what's going on for you. The concept of pendulation might help answer your question here: th-cam.com/video/4Wbo1LPx-e8/w-d-xo.html By learning to befriend one's nervous system, the focus shifts from a state of survival, which includes excessive mental processing, to a state of solid wellbeing in the "here and now". By focusing on the nervous system we allow the body to heal itself naturally.
A great way to start is Irene's free resources and mini-training, which you might be familiar with already irenelyon.com/free-resources/
Please reach out to our support inbox if you have any more questions
Nailed it yet once again...appreciate this so much. 👍🌼
This is makes so much sense. However the supportive environment is impossible when you are isolated. So does that mean healing isn't possible?
I'm glad this made sense to you Katherine.
Doing this work and being in isolation can make things challenging, but it doesn't mean you can't start the process in your healing in hopes that as you find more regulation and co-coherence, that there may be more capacity to start exploring how to connect with a supportive environment.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
i read the body keeps the score and saw something on theater in coming alive, and i ran out and joined improv. highly recommended.
it depends on what you mean by healing - if its an experience then the chances of it happening whilst alone in the absence of a deeply altered state of consciousness is highly unlikely - i have done lots of deep breath work and riding the rhythms of my consciousness so to speak but for true healing to take place, I believe a powerful catalyst is necessary - a psychedelic drug, psilocybin for example, that dissolves the normal mind-body relationship freeing one of identification with the hardwired patterns of the gross body so that consciousness can fluidly enter into healing spaces that are magical and mysterious. Its just a question of doing it safely and free of the usual paranoia that surrounds it.
Thank you so much, that was amazingly clear, informative, helpful, encouraging...thank goodness for you Irene Lyon!
So great to hear!
I was just talking about this very thing in a podcast interview I just did and even quoted this exact phrase. We share this sentiment and I love the way you say it!
So great that the message is being shared!
Thanks for this video! But I have a question: how can we start to feel that we can and deserve to heal? Especially when the very reason we might be trying to heal is because of toxic shame that makes us feel like we don't deserve anything in the first place.
Elsa you do deserve it : ) xx I am not a professional but own experience with this has been to slowly slowly chip away and challenge all of my unhelpful beliefs and engage in a range of spiritual and self care practices. It’s a process though 😬😬 xxxxxxx
A great question Elsa!
Toxic shame is a big piece for so many.
In this case, to start to feel that we can and deserve to heal, we would first have to work with the experience that shows up with feeling we don't deserve it.
There may be an experience that shows up in the body when one starts to explore this feeling of not deserving. This work is all about exploring what experience.
For more insight on how to be with these experiences and to help you understand this work, I would suggest checking out these free links.
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL
Hope that helps and gives you hope in working towards deserving it 💗
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Thank you so much Verity, that's really nice of you to say :) And yes, I can imagine that it's a process in itself to start to feel like you deserve it.
Thank you Nicole! This is what I suspected to be the case. Now I know how to work with this better :)
What about an older person alone..no family..one person who cannot understand?
This is wonderful. Thank you.
LOVE LOVE the points you made on this video. Thank you.
Wonderful topic. I might add that people need to 'want to heal' in order to heal. It's important to take an honest look at how one benefits from staying sick/ staying stuck. I've seen people who say they want to heal, but actually choose not to take steps to heal. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this Irene. :)) Thank you.
I totally agree!
There needs to be a want. And there needs to be a sense of hope!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
For me, a sense of want is futile when there is logically no sense of hope.
I want to heal. I moved back into my childhood house of abuse a few years ago (this was before I understood the true cause of my problems). I live with an aging parent who is abusive. I am broke, and sick, no friends, and no place to go. Please, how do I heal? I desperately want a better life. The will IS there. Sadly the money and resources are not.
@@katydid594 where you from
Why is it so much easier for me to believe that I deserve it than it is to believe that I can do it? I can do both, but the first comes easier on a cellular/felt level where belief that I can do it feels more often cognitive than felt - although it does come through to that felt level often, it’s not AS often or AS complete (yet!)
Hi Rish, Seth here from Team Lyon. Well, if you got the deserve part down that's the most important one! :) Sometimes we just need support in order to feel like we can do it, so consider checking out Irene's 21 Day Tuneup. It's a comprehensive educational and practical program with good tools to get started with the practice of healing trauma, as well as a supportive private facebook community moderated by nervous system and trauma experts. Here's the link... 21daytuneup.com/
great way to break down complex concepts of Trauma/ well done
❤️❤️❤️ Fantastic info, Irene!
Great video. Thank you ❤️❤️You mention the importance of being in a supportive environment.. I am recovering from chronic fatigue/ME and for various reasons have found myself being fairly isolated due to the illness and where I live now.. Most of my friends are in London which I felt was too hectic for me and my family trigger me quite badly so wanted to avoid that option if possible.. My question is, could a lonely environment be just as detrimental as an unsupportive one?! Am trying to figure out a way to overcome this situation but it is proving a bit tricky! Hope ok to ask a question! Thanks so much for your wonderful content 🙏❤️
It's a great question Verity.
If you are doing the work and are starting to heal at a nervous system level, you may find that your capacity will change and you will be able to reach out and connect with an environment that can support you more.
The healing process itself will look different if it's in a lonely environment than an unsupportive one. What's important is to start the process. And notice if your environment is limiting you is there the opportunity to make changes within that environment.
I know that's not a specific answer, but I invite you to be curious in your process :)
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
That's helpful. Thank you. Have definitely started the process already and seen improvement. Going to sign up to your 21 day course. Thanks again xx
I look forward to seeing you in the 21 day course :)
Nicole
Thank you for asking this question, it is also my situation. All the best.
Tim Downs I have recently moved and I and things are significantly better... good luck xxxxx
How does healing in utero trauma work? Since there is nowhere to fight or flee. So a baby freezes. Do we get to complete the fight or flee- cycle as an adult in a therapy session?
Hi verano126, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great question. If you have in utero trauma, then chances are that the nervous system didn't have the support it needed to develop an optimal foundation. When this is case, this foundation needs to be built no matter how old we are. The good news is that this can be done at any age, though the system is more malleable when we are younger.
Pretty much all of us have some form of acute trauma too, and having early trauma predisposes us to this, so we'll also need to complete the fight, flight responses as part of the healing process. Irene teaches how to work with early trauma and survival responses in her more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind.
Depending on the person and the nervous system, sometimes you need to complete survival responses before doing the foundational work and other times you need to approach it in the opposite sequence. You can also do this work 1-1 with a practitioner. If you choose to go this route, you want to look for someone who specializes in early/developmental trauma and/or pre- and peri-natal work (this work is done with adults too). If you haven't already seen Irene's Healing Trauma training, she goes into this and more in the series so I'd recommend checking it out. I'll link to it here.
Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
I 100% believe anyone can heal, if they believe in whatever it is. BELIEF is key
Watching 2022
Love this 😍😍😍😍
Would love if you would also put an outline of the points in the description box. Thx for the video.
Thanks for the feedback!
We will consider that.
Nicole - Team Lyon
So do you meen that there is not even possible to get more regulated without the support of family/friends? That seems very final and not hopeful at all.
Erik Zettergren, Jen here from Team Lyon. Many of us grow regulation without the support of family and friends. It can definitely be easier when we have that support, and it's definitely possible without it.
Finding support somewhere - from a practitioner, from someone you meet who's interested in this work, by being part of an online community or program like Irene's 21 Day Nervous System course and the like - can make a big difference.
We can also find connection from the world around us, which can be a form of support. I'll link to a related video of Irene's in case you'd like to check it out.
Four Ways to Spark Up our Social Engagement Nervous System without Socializing - irenelyon.com/2020/06/14/four-ways-to-spark-up-our-social-engagement-nervous-system-without-socializing/
@@IreneLyon Thank:)
Thank you. What is your opinion on utilizing SSRI treatment when trying to pull out of years of ruminating & dealing with developmental trauma?
It's not a "one size fits all" Suzie. Utilizing SSRI medication is a treatment approach that should be made on an individual case by case basis. A couple points of education and things to keep in mind:
SSRI is meant to provide "stability" to the system. Foundational stability, at the level of the brain and nervous system, is often what's lacking for folks with trauma. So sometimes it can be useful for someone to have that artificial stability as they build organic, biological stability.
SSRI should never be used without concurrent and integrative therapy. And therapy should include a somatic, neuro-biological, approach. i.e. Nervous System based.
SSRI were initially developed and intended to be SHORT TERM. They are not meant to be used the way, unfortunately, they have been; as a "cure". They are a treatment to provide foundational stability until a person develops that organically. Hope this is useful!
Janice - Team Lyon Moderator
Is it possible to heal the nervous system if you are still taking benzos?
thank Irene!
So all those overwhelming feelings for which person can not find causes/situations in own history are actualy preverbal traumas right ? And we can select them as that ?
It could be that it happened preverbal, it could be generational trauma AND it could also be that the memory of the events have been blocked out. Hard to say what we are working with until we start doing the work. And that's what's great about working with the nervous system. If the story/history arises then we will play with that, but this work is more about exploring what's showing up in our physiology right now :)
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Not all of us can find a supportive, safe environment. I deserve to heal, I am learning about neuroplastic healing, but I cannot find safety. I deeply admire your work and all you do for our community, but for some reason this video makes me sad.
Hi Katrina, Jen here from Team Lyon. I understand how this video could elicit sadness. Believing that you deserve to heal - as it sounds like you do - is huge. Finding safety can take time for many of us.
The nervous system is resilient and simply knowing about this work is a big leg up. I hope you'll continue to check out Irene's resources. If you haven't already checked out her Healing Trauma training, it can be great way to learn more. I'll link to it here.
Free Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Team Lyon Thank you Jen for your kind response and the link to Irene’s free healing trauma training. I love her work and always learn something new from her content. I am saving up to take the 21-day course. I am determined to find a way out of this place and move forward with my life.
@@katydid594, if your environment is not supportive all is not lost. A good (somatic focused) therapist can provide you with safety and guidance to do healing work during session
In fact, even if you do have safety at home, I still believe this one-to-one therapeutic relationship is vital before you try to dive into the full depths of stored trauma
.
I hope that gives you some extra hope regarding the potential for safety to do the work. I know it's not easy to find a good match, or to afford it. Sounds like you're very determined though :)
Wishing you well on your journey, Rachel
@@gillilrj Thank you for the encouragement and recommendation. I've worked with two certified somatic therapy practitioners. Both made basic mistakes which worsened my symptoms. Now I'm at a loss as to what to do about therapy.
If you work, supportive environment is rarely possible, as most people and therefore co-workers are toxic.
Hey Hans, Seth here from team Lyon. What you say is so true, and it's a big part of what keeps trauma going. I would even contend that the current wheels of society actually depend on trauma and survival energy to keep turning. If one is in this kind of situation it is very important that, as they work to heal, that their home environment be a safe haven. Also, a big part of healing trauma at the deepest level is reclaiming our authenticity and purpose, and as that happens we are able to discover what we are really here on this planet to do, and such vocations are always life giving and positive.
I hate those energy therapies where they bring up all your emotions, obviously you then deteriorate mentally, they sit back and observe you, yo get confused, they blame you for not wanting to get better then shut down on you after taking all your money,
I need information on nueroplastic healing
Hi Tina Malave, here you go!
5 Stages if Neuroplastic Healing - irenelyon.com/5-stages-of-neuroplastic-healing
- Jen from Team Lyon
Good video
Can you reply on yourself..isn't that what they say is best. We are not all blessed with family and friends?
HI Kat, Jen here from Team Lyon. New research is showing that it takes a specific type of attunement and support to give us the wiring we need to have healthy and connected relationships - and that we can grow these wires at any age when we know how. Irene talks about this in her free Healing Trauma training. I'll link to it in case you want to check it out.
Healing Trauma training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
It frustrates me to hear that we got to truly believe in a cellular level to heal. Seriously this is why pills/medicines are the go t
Most of those trauma therapists claim, they could help you healing from trauma - but until today I don´t know one single person in real life who claimed he is healed from all his trauma by a therapist. That´s the same myth - than believing in Jesus could walk over water.
my most toxic environment is at work
Unfortunately that is so common. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Irene , I am a little confused by your video on why some people heal and others don't. You say that early shaming etc takes away the GUT sense of self-worth and deserving but then you say in order to heal you need this gut sense of belief of worth (which is beyond rational thought). It sounds like you're saying you need to be healed in order to heal! How do you get this sense of deep down belief if you struggle with self-belief and worth and it isn't just a question of rational mind?
Hey Chris,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
I hear you on how it can seem confusing!
There are so many layers.
When there is a lack of connection to the gut sense of (ie) self-worth and deserving there is still the ability to explore the belief (and what comes with the belief - ie how the body responds to it). This exploration may in turn lead to more clarity to the gut sense. Which then in turn will lead to opportunity to dive into even deeper layers.
Does that make sense?
not sure why Irene made the statement then that some people won't heal because they don't have the deep down belief, why not just say some people will heal and others won't. Her statement is given as a clear one that some won't heal because they don't have that connection to true belief and trust whereas you're just saying getting that is part of the process.
Hi@@chriskemp466, Seth here from Team Lyon. She made that statement because even though everyone CAN do that work, at least potentially, not everyone will choose to. And sometimes even those that choose to have a psyche that is too stuck in victim mode to allow them to change. That's what we've observed over the years.
@@teamlyon3109 which contradicts the first wishy-washy answer given and I wonder why this isn't included in all the stuff sent to people's emails to get them interested in spending $300
Hi @@chriskemp466, Nicole's first answer seems accurate to me and not in contradiction to what I'm saying. She simply outlined what MAY happen - importance being on the word 'may' - when someone starts doing this work and exploring their system. I'm saying the same thing - some people may develop that sense of deserving, others may not.
Yeah everyone can heal... who has he money to pay for top healers lol otherwise you get gaslighted by the common mental health system