Ep 84: Cancer Vlog - Healing, part 1 - 11/7/2022 and 11/9/2022
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- Two days: The 7th, Brittany discusses her first time reviewing the footage I took when she was coming back. And the 9th, we discuss the results of the scans and what it means for us.
~67 days until Brittany goes home. #grieving #cancer #faith #jesus #miraculous #miracle
God is so good. He let her have more time to heal her relationships and heart. Wow.
Yeah! It really was something to see. I'm actually going up to visit him and her family this December. I'm looking forward to it. 🙂
To sob over your suffering shows how generous she was. Amazing. It was nice to see the video transform into smiles and giggling. 🙏🏻
Yeah - this was real life. We dealt with the pain, and we moved on to smiling. We had to do it. God's given us such a beautiful life, why spend all the time sad? - I could hear Brittany saying that. Personally, she was stronger than me in that.
Everytime I look at this beautiful woman, as I just began watching...all I see is an angel. Truly like she came down from heaven. And what an amazing incredible husband you are and what you have been thru. May God hold you in his loving arms always and bless you with His peace
Thank you, Brenda. I really appreciate it! And yeah, Brittany was so gorgeous. I really lucked out when she agreed to marry me! 🙂
❤❤ poor beautiful darling this disease is so cruel. It's unthinkable. The whole thing is unthinkable. It still moves me tears, and Brittany saying 'I'm so sorry' when she is actually the one enduring the disease!
Yeah... this one gets me too. Every time I think about this moment, it just crushes me. She was suffering, while watching herself come back alive on camera, and all she could think about was how hard I had it... I love this woman. There'll never be another like her.
You were given an extra Christmas together :)
Absolutely! I have video from that time too! haha. Our doggos always had amazing Christmas celebrations!
Watching Brittany's videos makes my heart ache for you. I never met her, I only know her through your videos, she's really,truly so inspiring. Watching makes it feel like she's still here❤ Im so sorry you have to go through this ❤
Thank you, Nicole! I really appreciate it! Doing these videos have (overall) been a huge blessing in helping me unpack my trauma and heal. These last few have been a lot more tough, however. And I have mixed feelings about reaching the very end - which is coming a lot sooner than I want.
Brittany is such an inspiration. It’s hard at times to watch (I have kidney cancer also) but she inspires me with her bravery and grace.
Hey Geneva! I'm praying for you right now! I'm so sorry you have to go through this battle like Brittany did.
Watching and taking everything in. The miracle, how much better she looked and her unconditional love for you. My heart goes out to you, Darrin. ❤️
Thank you, Donna!
sweet sweet girl
you always make me smile and today you made me sobe
so i am sitting here smiling through tears
you are so special and I try to learn from your strenght but I don't deal with my complex ptsd from my childhood trauma as well as you could, you are forever an inspiration 2 me
Darrin you guys were just a perfect match, I never experienced that, what a joy for you guys to find someone to feel that safe with, even if was not for as long as you would have wanted
but I am so glad you found each other and had your time toogether
💚
Thank you, Charlotte! I pray that you find peace and joy soon. I'm praying now, actually!
@@Beyond_Cancer 💚
It's really too bad that they didn't put the feeding port in much earlier.The doctors know that cancer patients suffer with trying to eat enough and they should be proactive about it. I wonder how it would have changed her quality of life and prolonged her life.
I don't know, Lisa. But I too wish I had pushed for the port so MUCH earlier. However, I do now know that her cancer only had a 18 month life expectancy. So, I can't honestly say whether or not her life expectancy would have been so much longer that it would have outweighed her feelings of independence.
We don’t get many God moments in our lives. THIS WAS HUGE!! ✝️❤️
You're 100% right Nancy! God showed up and showed out for us. Truly amazing.
Darrin the fact Brittany was so upset and worried about you dealing with what she is going thru is amazing what a wonderful beautiful person Brittany was . wow not many people out here like her . Amazing ❤i hope you are doing ok i know this isn’t easy for you ! sending you prayers .
Thank you, AJ. And you're right. She loved me so much. I miss her.
Watching Brittaney being full of live, eating cashews is so amazing, even if you had to go trough all that hard stuff with everything that happened and giving your wife palliative care. It's truly remarkable. I am glad God gave you extra time.
I wonder how she was able to reconcile, with her family and forgive, I am struggling a lot with my mental health and bitterness, Reconciliation is at te bottom of my list.... How forgive someone who has hurt you so much and won't even show remorse or regret?
I whish I was as strong as Brittany,. she is absolutely a inspiration, and so ar you Darrin! ❤❤
Hey Johi! I don't know if she addresses this or not in the videos, but we did.... well, she did a lot of therapy work on how to protect herself in the midst of this, even before God gave her the extra time. One of the big takeaways is this - you can respect someone, forgive them for their weaknesses, and how they hurt you, (even while still dealing with those hurts) by 1) realizing that that person is a "hurt human" too, who lashed out and hurt others due to a distorted worldview, and 2) realizing that they are also made in the image of God - an Image Bearer, just as you are. Additionally, 3) ALL OF THIS that i'm mentioning, can be done without ever having to speak to them again, while protecting yourself from potential future harm.
Having a visceral reaction, a trauma reaction to someone's very presence, or even mention of their name, is a very real occurrence, and it does make the path difficult. But, knowing that the Father asks us to forgive others and recognizing the "Image Bearer" status in them is probably the easiest path to do so. When the Creator of the Universe says 'I made them, with just as much love as I made you' it's hard to not recognize the importance of their own personal story, as well as your own. Giving space for their story and their journey to exist, as well as your own, and recognizing that while your two journeys passed by each other and "was not pretty" that doesn't mean that you have to hold onto the anger and resentment that their presence caused. Just as your journey has moved forward, so has theirs. And the creator has a story to tell with their life still, the same as yours. Yes, it is a shame that what happened to you has happened, and yes, the Father grieves that one of His creations harmed another of His creations. But, He seeks their growth, just the same as He seeks and hopes for yours. Letting go is a part of that healing process. And ultimately, Forgiveness is part of your healing process.
I don't know exactly what happened in your story - and you don't have to tell me. But know this - Physical Reconciliation DOES NOT have to happen for you to find forgiveness in your own heart. You can keep distance to keep yourself safe, while moving on from the hurts that others have caused.
Love the way she always thinks of your feelings as she goes all this suffering 😊
yeah, you're absolutely right, Elizabeth! She was always looking out for me.
She’s beautifully strong here-in the second part of the video. It seems like all that has occurred-seeing you bereft thinking she was dying, the reconciliations with family, and her sense that her restoration to life and consciousness is a miracle-gave her the resolve to seek further treatment. It feels like a shift from the period where the focus was on your life together and less on treatment. So clear how very much she loved you. I was afraid to watch this one, worried I’d see her despairing, but she is strong
Yeaaah. lol. Barbara, I only saw my wife drop her focus on God like twice, maybe three times, through the course of the 2 years we were battling this thing. And even then, I would hold her, and whisper scripture to her, and in 30 minutes she would be back to her old self. Even the last day she spoke clearly, she had her laptop open, saying that she fell behind in the videos, and she needed to get back to editing them. She never stopped. She never doubted. And more importantly, in her quiet moments, she would say, "whether He heals me here, or takes me home, either way I'm healed." She was just... God focused, so much of the time. That strength you see, and that "normal" you're looking at. It only has one source.
i love your total belief in God Brittany,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,He will sustain you,,,,and He loves you so much..
Hey Ellen! Thank you for commenting. This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 11/9/2022.
The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives.
Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. (Episode 80 and forward) It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!
My wife was so unbelievably solid in her faith. She showed me so much, about what a faithwalk can be. I'll always be looking up to her as an earthly example.
@@Beyond_Cancer omg!,,,i honestly try not to watch "sad" videos,,,,,,,but honest to goodness,,,,,,,there is and was something so very courageous about Brittany,,,being 22yrs old and so smart and brave....almost childlike at times which was beautiful and innocent....I can tell that she was and is a gift from God....the loss for you though is immense., my mom died of cancer,,she ONLY suffered for 1 month.,,,,,,you are a special fella Darrin,,how are u doing?,,,I will continue to watch your videos because i love Brittany and you..., and i am old enough to be your grandma.,,,,,,,but the two of you are and were a special pair of kids....I will pray for you everyday, God bless you and your family......always.😇😇😇❤❤❤💔🙏🙏🙏
Ellen! Thank you so much! I honestly don't know what to say. This video was one of the more "normal" videos from this period in our life. Just sitting, chatting, munching on something while talking about God... except this time, she was reflecting on her journey of being brought back (she was sent home to die in organ failure, and surprise... they all kicked back on!). It happened not more than a month before this video was taken, and everything was just... normal for us again. Brittany herself was just a powerhouse and us meeting and getting married was no less a "God thing" than this was.
I'm okay. Hanging in through the ups and downs. This project of ours is coming to an end, and I have some weird feelings about that. But all in all, I'm okay.
I'm so sorry for your loss - losing someone so swiftly like that can be so hard...
Thank you for your prayers. I need them. Thank you.
@@Beyond_Cancer i have actually lost 2 my sisters and brother in the past 6 yrs..i did not want to mention that,,,,,,,but i think it is important to talk about.,all of them died tragically,,,no long cancer battles,,,just sadness.,,,,i cannot tell you what is worse,,when they are gone in 5 minutes or the battle that your lovely Brittany went threw.,,idk...none of it is easy.,,its just not.and none of them died from covid...,,,,,the thing i find so special is,,,I never ever blamed God,,,I am Catholic,,and many Catholics say,,"why did God do this to me", and so many blame Him and lose their faith....I am so very fortunate,,,I always say to folks,,God DOES NOT want to hurt us or make us suffer.,He just doesn't...my faith has sustained me when everything else fails,,,He is always with me..Here in NY,,,we have the law,,"die with dignity",,1 pill or so and its over.It is against everything i believe,, there is no "easy" way out..God suffered for us,,,and whatever God deems for each and every one of us,is His will..I do not shame those who take the pill or pills to end their suffering,,,i just KNOW in my heart and soul when He is ready and we might not be.,,,He is my Boss.,,,God bless you.,,and I hope that one day when u are ready again,,,that u find a nice gal of course not to replace Brittany,,(she cannot be replaced).,,,but a nice gal to live the rest of your life with...you seem like you would be a great dad...honestly.,,you are selfless which is the key to being a great person and someday for you a great dad and husband..remember this,,Brittany is always watching over you...and that is a gift indeed...I will continue watching and praying for you.,,,,,,,,,and always Brittany..........God bless!
Thank you Ellen. I too, am sorry for your losses. God bless you as well!
Prayers 🙏🙏
Thank you, Cindy! Not sure if you've been with us for awhile or not, so lemme give you the "template" - I post this to all newcomers. If you've seen this before, or if you've been here awhile, and I just don't recognize you, please ignore this: This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year (2023) from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 11/7/2022.
The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives.
Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. (Episode 80 and forward) It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!
Most people don't get filmed in the state she was in so it was certainly shocking (I assume) and heartbreaking for her to then watch afterwards...just brutal..And then she sits and eats cashews and reflects about coming back from the dead. It truly was a whirlwind time for you both! So many ups and downs. Thinking of you Darrin and your families!!
Thank you, Blondie! I can use all the thoughts I get as I press on through this last little bit. Thinking back on that time is like trying to see through a fog - there was an emotional upheaval several times a day. Everything from rapturous joy to sheer despair. I just thank God that he provided me with whatever I needed to get through this mess.
@@Beyond_Cancer He certainly did. Some how, some way have been carried through....Please remember that we're all glad you're here still.
I've heard it called anticipatory grief...and it really gets ya.
Also, sorry if I'm brutally honest in my comments and it offends at any time.
Nah, one thing I learned through all this is some of the advice our pastor gave us at the very beginning of the cancer journey. We (Brittany and I) are not at our best, and others who have had limited experience helping others through truly life or death situations, are not going to be at their best. Basically, no one knows how to act with this kind of stuff, just as much as no one knows how to handle going through it! It's the same thing - I have to try to look at the heart of what people are saying, not necessarily what comes out their mouth (or in comment sections in a first draft.)
And another note - I prefer brutal honesty. Cuts through the noise and gets away from all the walls and posturing that prevents communication from connecting with meaning.
Bless her heart…she is hurting for her husband. Not feeling sorry for herself and what she’s going through! Brittany apologizes to him….my heart aches for her! Yet, thanks be to God for bringing her back!
Yeah, Tiffany, even through all this, that was what made her upset - that I had to do it without her by my side. It's given me some strange sense of comfort now, knowing that she would be concerned about me and the weight I've been carrying these last 8 months.
🙏🙏🙏😭❤️
Thank you, Masnonea! Let me give you the "template" - I post this to all newcomers. If you've seen this before, or if you've been here awhile, and I just don't recognize you, please ignore this: This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 11/9/2022.
The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives.
Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. (Episode 80 and forward) It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!
❤❤❤😇
Thank you, Becky!
Bottom barrel swill? 😂 😂 Barefoot Moscato just happens to be my wine of choice too. I knew Brittany and I would have hit it off!
She sounds so good in this video - 11/09/22. Only 67 more days ...
I was just playing with her. lol. All wine is good wine. It's really sweet! 😂
She looks so good in this video. Her mind is so clear. Her story is miraculous!
@@Beyond_Cancer - Yes very sweet. My mom used to drink it also.
Very amazing .She really did rally, her age was in her favor.She was a tough cookie for sure. Hope your doing ok Darrin, she would want you to be ok.💕
Hey Jill! You're absolutely right! A heck of a Rally! lol. She was back to her old self. If cancer wasn't there, she would have made a full recovery. Just... normal. I'm struck by how normal that month felt.
😞💙
As a full-time caretaker, I can imagine that your physical and mental health were severely neglected. Did you feel like you had a strong support system or did you feel alone and in non-stop survival mode?
Both. I had an immense support system. But, as I've come to learn about myself, I worry over my charge with or without the help. They could have taken care of everything for me, and I wouldn't have let go of the feelings of responsibility either. It was hard, but I probably made it even worse on myself.
@@Beyond_CancerThat makes sla lot of sense.
Amazing! She really did come back. From her organs failing and no more food, organs working and eating. Gaining weight,energetic. Simply put, a God moment! Hope this is saving lost souls! ❤
That's what she was praying for when she started doing these vlogs, Nancy. And that's what I'm praying for too.
This crunching is terrible while filming! 😂😂
Sorry Neda! It was just real life... We captured everything as best we could, in the moment. There are a ton of little things that we could have done to make "production quality" better - but... if we focused on doing that, we might have missed all the things we were able to catch on camera.
Protein shakes?
Ensure ?
By this point in the journey, we were drinking ensure. But it was fairly difficult for her due to her ever evolving food and texture sensitivities.
I don't get it ,are these videos old?
Hey Patricia! This is Darrin, (Brittany's husband) She passed this January this year from Kidney Cancer. We filmed a lot of videos and Brittany wanted to upload them, and she was able to do so for awhile. But as she got sicker, she wasn't able to post them anymore. By the time she passed away, we were a year and some change behind in videos. So now, it's on me. I'm posting everything we filmed. And there's a lot! And I've got more to go, too! You'll notice on every video I list the date, including the year that the film was taken to help avoid confusion! The one you watched was from 11/9/2022.
The story is wild. God shows up in big ways (sneak back to episode 22.5 if you want to hear why I think you should keep watching despite the fact that she's gone) and God shocks EVERYONE in our lives.
Brittany wanted to touch lives, and she felt called to do these videos, and would often say if she could touch just 1 life, then it would have all been worth it. I hope you continue watching along with us for the journey! We do, get a miracle... a HUGE one. (Episode 80 and forward) It just wasn't quite what we expected. You've messaged me riiiiight at the point in the story where we see God move in some amazing ways! I hope you continue watching!
Geez the dates are right in the title.