Thanks for these videos! I can definitely relate to this idea of having different parts to oneself and ultimately seeking to be the whole person. I'm about 5 years younger than you, and I transitioned socially and medically as a non-binary person starting in my late 20s (and legally, when I was able to get an "X" marker on my driver's license). I saw your comment reply on your first video where you address that idea but characterize a non-binary social identity as tricky. I think you're right, in some sense, but it also seems like being socially/legally/medically non-binary is getting easier all the time. Even if you want to fit into the social binary for now, "for things to quiet down" in terms of gender, I guess I'm still having trouble understanding how going back to Dustin is better than being an Ashlynn (sp?) who is more fully accepting of your whole personality and life history. I'm just curious, of course; I think there are all kinds of ways of dealing with gender stuff, and nobody has it all figured out. Sorry if I missed the answer in your videos, and thanks again for sharing your story!
Hi, may I ask what your HRT regimen was? I was surprised that you became fertile again after so many years on HRT, so I want to ask because it is extremely interesting and inspiring to others who are considering detransition and want to have hope of being fertile again. I know this is an old video, but I hope you can answer me :) Thank you
Hi! Yes! I was in 4mg or estradiol and 200mg of spiro daily. The last few years I also added progesterone, although don’t quite remember the dosage. Hope this helps!
@@my_negative Interesting and thank you very much for your reply. I have some more questions and I don't want to overwhelm it here under the video. Do you think I can contact you on Instagram?
my problem as a trans person at the very beginning of my transition is that I worry that people expect me to kill who I use to be but I don't have any desire to so. I just wanna be me but also transition to feel comfortable with myself (no idea if that makes sense)
Ariel Harloff that makes a lot of sense... this was one of my mistakes. I didn’t accept being trans as a status, or identity. I though of ‘trans’ as a stage, or process. When living as a women, I identified as such. This created lots of pressure to completely and fully erase my male identity, experiences and interests... this is what ultimately lead me to detransition and find solace in accepting myself as male once again. I’ll make another video soon covering some of this... much love-
Dear Dustin, I truly appreciate your genuine story. The moment you said : “to embrace, to accept, to honor humanity”, I immediately pour my respect to you. I found peace in my heart. I’m not sure why you kept facing down while you explain things, but I feel sense of vulnerability, but also humbleness, forgiveness, acceptance to your beautiful existence & self-growth This is the kind of story that should be heard. I kept scrolling and scrolling for the past couple of weeks, and I finally found one. Yours words are the things that medical research papers, your psychiatrists, doctors, political scenarios doesn’t illustrate to you. Human identity, anatomy, and the existence itself is often take for granted. The society is fond of depicting life with technicalities, because it gives them justification, confirmation. Because it makes them feel justified, secure. While these may lead to other people’s insecurities. I salut you. I wish you great hope of recognition, so that people will hear and find the same peace the way I found in you. Merci.
I just found your channel, and I’m truly so grateful to have stumbled on you. Your insights are so wise and eloquently articulated - and you speak with so much humility at the same time. Thank you so much for sharing your experience on here. I’m not trans myself, I’m a student counsellor with some experience working with transgenderism, and I have a newly transitioning brother and a sister that is a hardcore trans lobbyist who largely thinks my views (that pretty much fully align with yours) are harmful and dangerous. It’s been heavily taxing me emotionally to feel so at odds with my family, and to feel that I’m failing my clients - there’s only so much I can do to facilitate that kind of integration of both selves that you’re talking about. The pain and cognitive dissonance in looking at that old self is so much to bare for people who, like you’ve said, have done their very best to annihilate this other side of themselves. The last time I tried to open the door to working with the old identity, I was told that it caused that person harm for days after, and they asserted a boundary with me that the door to that old person was not somewhere they were willing to go. I not only want to avoid overriding a boundary like that because I’m afraid of the repercussions if this client reported me to my work place for transphobia, but also I don’t want to ever push a client to a place they’re not yet equipped to explore. It’s been really difficult for me knowing that these people are on waiting lists for medical transition all the while, and it’s essentially my professional responsibility to help them fully process their choice... but like you say, it took a long time for you to come to this holistic understanding of yourself, and I quite honestly don’t have the time with each client to help them fully process what their experience of dysphoria is rooted in. People have their interpretations and they’re so concretised by the time they get to me, and there’s this sort of unsaid professional pressure that’s permeated the medical field, that anything outside of enthusiastic and immediate affirmation of the client’s gender identity is perceived as harmful and uneducated, and easily reframed as unethical practice. For many mental health professionals, it feels like our arms are tied in this way. If it can be rationalised as transphobic to try to introduce the disowned identity into the work, then I really have no leg to stand on if a client were to take that higher - and if the client is in pain from having been reminded of their repressed identity, it kind of makes the act of exploring the old identity look to be the source of the harm - even if the pain is actually just a person coming into contact with the grief, confusion, shame and dissonance of their fragmented self, and all of the pain they might have repressed. I can only go where a client is willing to explore and emotionally resilient to face whatever is there... and I have to be careful since any complaints from a client, especially if they accused me of some form of discrimination, would likely lead to me being dropped from my placement and my degree altogether, which I’m four years into. I’ve watched all of your videos today, and your experience has given me more of a sense of calm. Seeing that you value your transition and felt that it saved you to some extent, and gave you many happy years and a huge amount of insight into yourself - that makes me feel less of a sense of personal responsibility for potentially enabling something that might not be the right thing for someone. I’m afraid that either way, I might be causing harm to people that I work with and care about, and it can feel really difficult to know how to approach the situation. For now, I just do my best to listen and ask what I think are good insightful questions, and I trust my clients to be able to discover meaningful conclusions about what it means to be them. And your perspective gives me hope to see that it’s possible they will gain so much value in the decisions they made if they do later decide to detransition. It’s so brave to come out and talk so candidly about your process of detransition and I greatly appreciate that I got to listen to you and learn from your insight into your own process. I hope in future that detransitioner voices are acknowledged with as much pride and love. If you have any advice at all for me in working professionally with these issues, I would be grateful to hear it - because I largely feel like I’m walking on eggshells and really unsure of how to facilitate the best possible therapeutic care for transitioning people. Thank you again for all you’ve shared here :)
Im a cis male. To me, my gender was never an issue.. I was only taught gender roles by my drank ass dad. Other than that, the rest of my family and most peers were open minded and just accepted people as they were.. I wish more people were like that. I hope you keep vlogging, as even though im not a part of the lgbt community, its still good to learn about people who are.
You are the first person I've ever heard actually catch yourself with the 'you know.' I give you alot of credit for figuring out how to deal with that. I listen to so many videos that could be really good ones, but the 'you know,' once it starts, it's all I seem to hear. Really enjoying your videos.
I enjoy your videos! You speak so eloquently. Much more charismatic in this video. Looking forward to hearing more of your journey. You seem like a very private and passionate person. Forgive me if I come across as ignorant but, are you able to be what gender you are most comfortable with and just being you which seems to be a bit of Ashland with Dustin? *Edit - I posted before the end but you said it!
You have so many interesting insights that are valuable for people considering transitioning or de-transitioning. The important point in this video seems that self acceptance is important regardless of how you present and not to look outside yourself for that acceptance. You are a very special person.
Thank you for this video. I’ve been following you for a minute and I really appreciate your perspective. My partner is retransitioning due to the political climate and I am researching more about this topic so that I can better understand them. I love them for the person they are - the package they’re wrapped in doesn’t matter so much to me. I know this is hard for them, and I want to learn everything I can so that I can I be there for them. There are so many videos out here from people who transitioned and then retransitioned who seem to be speaking from a place of internalized transphobia. I don’t get that impression at all from you. It’s really inspiring to hear you speak, and I admire that you are just trying to honor yourself and embrace every part of your personality. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there.
Thanks for listening! It’s definitely an individual journey, one that I had to take and experience for myself. I’m definitely not transphobic, and I continually struggle with self expression, body issues and social identity. However, i realized that no matter what I look like, or how I identify, there will always be some form of discomfort, insecurity and confusion. What’s most important is to surround oneself around people that you can love and trust that accept you for you, or them for them throughout their very real, and very personal journey of self exploration.
Thank you so much for your videos! You have a lot of insight with your experiences, the ones that you truly have to live to learn. This video is helpful for me too because I have been in transition over 5 years. I've considered the thoughts of de-transitioning once in a while but I'm just not quite ready to go back. I like my body being more feminine and find comfort living as female. I think the reasons that I consider de-transitioning is because I miss my old friendships and have always felt a sense of guilt for hiding who I now am from family and old friends but find it necessary. I moved to another state to transition and live a new life fulltime as me since 2015. Like you were saying, I still see the old me in the mirror most of the time. I don't feel that I will ever appear fully female even with surgeries and will always look androgynous at best even though people use female pronouns. I also miss going places and meeting people without worrying about them seeing me as trans and feeling like I have to explain my trans existence to people that I want to know as friends. So, for now, the thoughts of de-transition are just under consideration and understand that there would be a lot of challenges with it if I decide to. I will watch for more videos of you through your journey and wish you much happiness!
I.m.o. there is no Dustin or Ashlyn. You are a human, one person. You are you and you should love yourself. You are a beautiful person, you have feminine and male qualities wich I think is awesome. Take advantage of both. People love you for who you are, not for your gender or the way you look. And if they don't, walk away. And nobody is perfect or always happy. Sometimes life is a battlefield, an adventure and sometimes it is beautiful. You can learn from it, sometimes change it and sometimes you have to accept things. See the qualities (read opportunities) you do have, don't long for those you can't reach. 🤗🤗🤗 Thank you for your video. I learned something new. 👍
I also have had to deal with falling somewhere on the transgender spectrum and also have been born with an intersex body. When I was young people often thought I was a girl. It was only when I entered my thirties that I shifted more to male. I’ve have had many health issues related to the intersex, including testicular / ovarian type cancer. This isn’t easy way for people like us to live. It really would be wonderful to fully transition to living as a women. The truth is I’m all wore out and don’t think I can do it and survive the struggles of transition. I guess if the needed resources were at hand I would make a good attempt to transition. The one thing I often think about is growing old as a women with my wonderful accepting spouse sitting looking out the world passing by as we with lovingly next to one another holding hands as two equal women. But I can still with next to her and tell her of my dreams and maybe that will get me by. Your soul searching it inspiring..
I'm curious as to what type of environment would have allowed you to thrive and explore yourself in your childhood, in other words, if you had complete control of your childhood what structures do you believe would have allowed you to benefit the most? (I apologize if you already answered this)
the cycle of consumption idea is something I have heard from others as well and is something I have been trying real hard to integrate into my early exploration so that wherever I wind up I can hopefully avoid falling into that trap. thanks for sharing your experience!
I'm sorry to hear transitioning didn't alleviate what you thought it would. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and it's certainly something a lot of folks need to consider. My case was a textbook success, and transition was absolutely the thing I needed to fix in myself. I was never into dresses, I'll wear one occasionally for more formal occasions, but I've always been a tomboy at heart. I've reached a point where I can't be seen male even with short hair and a tanktop, and I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I had a set of personality traits that didn't lend well to conveying the accuracy of my thoughts and feelings inside a male shell. I'd call something 'cute' and be taken sarcastically or as though I was stroking my ego when I legitimately wanted to 'dawww' at something. I felt uncomfortable hugging people because of how they might read my intent. I would walk everywhere I went, and I'd feel hurt anytime a woman walking by themselves would cross the street to avoid passing me. I mean, I totally fucking understand it, and at 5 foot and some change, I find myself doing the same thing now. Transition has been a trip. And I mean that in a literal sense. Transitioning coupled with occasional mental work with psychoactives has completely flipped my worldview, and I can't really call them separate experiences. On the one hand, seeing physically the imaginary mold of gender being shattered in slow motion in the mirror, on the other, coming to the profound realization that we are human first, and biology is just doing the best it can. We find ourselves in a society so structured by binaries and absolutes, but there's no such thing as certainty and when you open your eyes to the grey areas that perpetuate all aspects of reality, it's impossible to see anything other than what's really there. Take my own account with a grain of salt, but I wouldn't have my story any other way and I find myself more happy than I ever thought I would be.
why do you call your channel "My Negative." is it used like negative versus photograph, negative versus an x-ray, an x-ray versus a photograph? it's you, but a different versions of you? does it mean my negative life, affect, mood, existence, experiences, attitude, life circumstances, etc? you may as well call your channel "Between a Rock and a Hard Space" ... because i think that's where you are, although i wouldn't want to label myself that way tor very long. there is a concept which might help you: liminal ... you are in a liminal place, a liminal space. there are physical liminial spaces, which are learning environments which encourage learning and the synthesis of information. there is also a personal, emotional, life experience liminal space. it is the place between your former life and your next life, the change zone which involves falling apart and then reorganizing into the new you, experiencing threshold moments from which you learn a new truth and cannot look back to your previous perceptions. it often results from a catastrophic event, such as the loss of a loved one. i think you've already had one and are in the throws of your second liminal experience, liminal space. it's often challenging as hell and painful as hell, but people going through it do come out on the other side ... whole, but different.
@@my_negative : i am a licensed mental health practitioner and i've used this liminal concept for treating grief/loss. you can let me know if you'd like more information about it. *:-)*
When you say that you should’ve had more objectivity regarding your desire to become female; are you saying that you should have seen a specific type of therapist or counselor... someone who might have been able to get to the bottom of your intense feelings of wanting to become a woman? I hope my question makes sense. Thank you for your story.
Red Door basically I am suggesting that I wish there was varying paths of finding self love. Because that’s really, in my opinion, what this is all about. I was always trying to figure out how to love myself, accept myself and just be myself. I thought this was living as female for a long time... through reading Buddhist material (spiritual guidance), understanding my (physical acceptance) reality, and learning to love myself as I was born, allowed me to accept myself and return to living as male in a very confident way... I’m not sure if a therapist could’ve got me to this point or not... although it would’ve be nice to have had access to a specialist using this approach...
What if you were Dusti-Lynn, a beautiful conglomeration of both identities that have always been inside one person? Is that an ignorant question to ask? I’ve always thought most of us were mixes, and I’ve always thought of gender as kind of bogus. I hope this question doesn’t come off as obnoxious, trite, or flippant, because that’s the opposite of what I’m going for.
She was. Haven’t you been listening? She’s struggling to regain her full female self. She’s been playing an act, called Dustin this whole time. But now she wants to resume her introverted, sexy next door neighbor type female self. So yeah.
This "transition solution" seems so self absorbed and selfish to me. All of those things that you are complaining about that are associated with "woman" and "man", otherwise known as sex role stereotypes, only get further entrenched by transgender ideology - its a 'solution' for an individual whilst simultaneously worsening gendered expectations for everyone else. So selfish, such an immature analysis of the problems with gender in society. Imagine if instead of campaigning for women to have the the vote when they did, those women "transitioned" instead? They would have achieved their goal for themselves but... done fuck all and perhaps even made it harder for other women as an argument could then be made that if they deserved a vote they would transition too. Fortunately they were able to analyse the situation beyond their own noses.
Of course it seems that way to you, because you have clearly never struggled with your gender identity. That's why you feel empowered to sit on your high horse and make your vacuous, asinine judgements while for people like Dustin, these issues can be quite literally a matter of life and death.
Dustin, one statement I disagree with...knowing " your truth"..... the truth is the truth.....standing in truth.....the truth is very powerful
Thanks for these videos! I can definitely relate to this idea of having different parts to oneself and ultimately seeking to be the whole person. I'm about 5 years younger than you, and I transitioned socially and medically as a non-binary person starting in my late 20s (and legally, when I was able to get an "X" marker on my driver's license). I saw your comment reply on your first video where you address that idea but characterize a non-binary social identity as tricky. I think you're right, in some sense, but it also seems like being socially/legally/medically non-binary is getting easier all the time. Even if you want to fit into the social binary for now, "for things to quiet down" in terms of gender, I guess I'm still having trouble understanding how going back to Dustin is better than being an Ashlynn (sp?) who is more fully accepting of your whole personality and life history. I'm just curious, of course; I think there are all kinds of ways of dealing with gender stuff, and nobody has it all figured out. Sorry if I missed the answer in your videos, and thanks again for sharing your story!
I do have a question, did you have vocal coaching?
Hi, may I ask what your HRT regimen was? I was surprised that you became fertile again after so many years on HRT, so I want to ask because it is extremely interesting and inspiring to others who are considering detransition and want to have hope of being fertile again. I know this is an old video, but I hope you can answer me :) Thank you
Hi! Yes! I was in 4mg or estradiol and 200mg of spiro daily. The last few years I also added progesterone, although don’t quite remember the dosage. Hope this helps!
@@my_negative Interesting and thank you very much for your reply. I have some more questions and I don't want to overwhelm it here under the video. Do you think I can contact you on Instagram?
where can we find your photography?
ALF hi, www.dustintrider.com
Did you experience dysphoria from a young age?
my problem as a trans person at the very beginning of my transition is that I worry that people expect me to kill who I use to be but I don't have any desire to so. I just wanna be me but also transition to feel comfortable with myself (no idea if that makes sense)
Ariel Harloff that makes a lot of sense... this was one of my mistakes. I didn’t accept being trans as a status, or identity. I though of ‘trans’ as a stage, or process. When living as a women, I identified as such. This created lots of pressure to completely and fully erase my male identity, experiences and interests... this is what ultimately lead me to detransition and find solace in accepting myself as male once again. I’ll make another video soon covering some of this... much love-
Dear Dustin, I truly appreciate your genuine story. The moment you said : “to embrace, to accept, to honor humanity”, I immediately pour my respect to you. I found peace in my heart.
I’m not sure why you kept facing down while you explain things, but I feel sense of vulnerability, but also humbleness, forgiveness, acceptance to your beautiful existence & self-growth
This is the kind of story that should be heard. I kept scrolling and scrolling for the past couple of weeks, and I finally found one. Yours words are the things that medical research papers, your psychiatrists, doctors, political scenarios doesn’t illustrate to you.
Human identity, anatomy, and the existence itself is often take for granted. The society is fond of depicting life with technicalities, because it gives them justification, confirmation. Because it makes them feel justified, secure. While these may lead to other people’s insecurities.
I salut you. I wish you great hope of recognition, so that people will hear and find the same peace the way I found in you.
Merci.
Christulla Theresa much love to you and thx for the lovely note.
Beautiful words
I just found your channel, and I’m truly so grateful to have stumbled on you.
Your insights are so wise and eloquently articulated - and you speak with so much humility at the same time.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience on here.
I’m not trans myself, I’m a student counsellor with some experience working with transgenderism, and I have a newly transitioning brother and a sister that is a hardcore trans lobbyist who largely thinks my views (that pretty much fully align with yours) are harmful and dangerous.
It’s been heavily taxing me emotionally to feel so at odds with my family, and to feel that I’m failing my clients - there’s only so much I can do to facilitate that kind of integration of both selves that you’re talking about. The pain and cognitive dissonance in looking at that old self is so much to bare for people who, like you’ve said, have done their very best to annihilate this other side of themselves.
The last time I tried to open the door to working with the old identity, I was told that it caused that person harm for days after, and they asserted a boundary with me that the door to that old person was not somewhere they were willing to go.
I not only want to avoid overriding a boundary like that because I’m afraid of the repercussions if this client reported me to my work place for transphobia, but also I don’t want to ever push a client to a place they’re not yet equipped to explore. It’s been really difficult for me knowing that these people are on waiting lists for medical transition all the while, and it’s essentially my professional responsibility to help them fully process their choice... but like you say, it took a long time for you to come to this holistic understanding of yourself, and I quite honestly don’t have the time with each client to help them fully process what their experience of dysphoria is rooted in.
People have their interpretations and they’re so concretised by the time they get to me, and there’s this sort of unsaid professional pressure that’s permeated the medical field, that anything outside of enthusiastic and immediate affirmation of the client’s gender identity is perceived as harmful and uneducated, and easily reframed as unethical practice. For many mental health professionals, it feels like our arms are tied in this way.
If it can be rationalised as transphobic to try to introduce the disowned identity into the work, then I really have no leg to stand on if a client were to take that higher - and if the client is in pain from having been reminded of their repressed identity, it kind of makes the act of exploring the old identity look to be the source of the harm - even if the pain is actually just a person coming into contact with the grief, confusion, shame and dissonance of their fragmented self, and all of the pain they might have repressed.
I can only go where a client is willing to explore and emotionally resilient to face whatever is there... and I have to be careful since any complaints from a client, especially if they accused me of some form of discrimination, would likely lead to me being dropped from my placement and my degree altogether, which I’m four years into.
I’ve watched all of your videos today, and your experience has given me more of a sense of calm. Seeing that you value your transition and felt that it saved you to some extent, and gave you many happy years and a huge amount of insight into yourself - that makes me feel less of a sense of personal responsibility for potentially enabling something that might not be the right thing for someone. I’m afraid that either way, I might be causing harm to people that I work with and care about, and it can feel really difficult to know how to approach the situation. For now, I just do my best to listen and ask what I think are good insightful questions, and I trust my clients to be able to discover meaningful conclusions about what it means to be them. And your perspective gives me hope to see that it’s possible they will gain so much value in the decisions they made if they do later decide to detransition.
It’s so brave to come out and talk so candidly about your process of detransition and I greatly appreciate that I got to listen to you and learn from your insight into your own process.
I hope in future that detransitioner voices are acknowledged with as much pride and love.
If you have any advice at all for me in working professionally with these issues, I would be grateful to hear it - because I largely feel like I’m walking on eggshells and really unsure of how to facilitate the best possible therapeutic care for transitioning people.
Thank you again for all you’ve shared here :)
Im a cis male.
To me, my gender was never an issue..
I was only taught gender roles by my drank ass dad.
Other than that, the rest of my family and most peers were open minded and just accepted people as they were..
I wish more people were like that.
I hope you keep vlogging, as even though im not a part of the lgbt community, its still good to learn about people who are.
You are the first person I've ever heard actually catch yourself with the 'you know.' I give you alot of credit for figuring out how to deal with that. I listen to so many videos that could be really good ones, but the 'you know,' once it starts, it's all I seem to hear. Really enjoying your videos.
I enjoy your videos! You speak so eloquently. Much more charismatic in this video. Looking forward to hearing more of your journey. You seem like a very private and passionate person.
Forgive me if I come across as ignorant but, are you able to be what gender you are most comfortable with and just being you which seems to be a bit of Ashland with Dustin?
*Edit - I posted before the end but you said it!
You have so many interesting insights that are valuable for people considering transitioning or de-transitioning. The important point in this video seems that self acceptance is important regardless of how you present and not to look outside yourself for that acceptance. You are a very special person.
Wow, John Lennon spitting image. Fascinating channel. We are all learning more about gender these days thanks to "gendernauts" like you.
No disrespect in anyway, Can I ask what that Actually is? The term gendernauts, as you put it.
@@Channel66678 I think it is in reference to the movie "Gendernauts"... .
Just wondering what the difference is between Dustin and Ashlyn, if your wife was blind would she be able to tell the difference?
I can relate with so much of this, although my personal life experience has been very different. Thank you for posting this.
Thank you for this video. I’ve been following you for a minute and I really appreciate your perspective. My partner is retransitioning due to the political climate and I am researching more about this topic so that I can better understand them. I love them for the person they are - the package they’re wrapped in doesn’t matter so much to me. I know this is hard for them, and I want to learn everything I can so that I can I be there for them. There are so many videos out here from people who transitioned and then retransitioned who seem to be speaking from a place of internalized transphobia. I don’t get that impression at all from you. It’s really inspiring to hear you speak, and I admire that you are just trying to honor yourself and embrace every part of your personality. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there.
Thanks for listening! It’s definitely an individual journey, one that I had to take and experience for myself. I’m definitely not transphobic, and I continually struggle with self expression, body issues and social identity. However, i realized that no matter what I look like, or how I identify, there will always be some form of discomfort, insecurity and confusion. What’s most important is to surround oneself around people that you can love and trust that accept you for you, or them for them throughout their very real, and very personal journey of self exploration.
Are you attracted to Buddhism at all? The idea of losing the self as a means to minimize suffering? That we are not a body but a spirit?
Thank you so much for your videos! You have a lot of insight with your experiences, the ones that you truly have to live to learn. This video is helpful for me too because I have been in transition over 5 years. I've considered the thoughts of de-transitioning once in a while but I'm just not quite ready to go back. I like my body being more feminine and find comfort living as female. I think the reasons that I consider de-transitioning is because I miss my old friendships and have always felt a sense of guilt for hiding who I now am from family and old friends but find it necessary. I moved to another state to transition and live a new life fulltime as me since 2015. Like you were saying, I still see the old me in the mirror most of the time. I don't feel that I will ever appear fully female even with surgeries and will always look androgynous at best even though people use female pronouns. I also miss going places and meeting people without worrying about them seeing me as trans and feeling like I have to explain my trans existence to people that I want to know as friends. So, for now, the thoughts of de-transition are just under consideration and understand that there would be a lot of challenges with it if I decide to. I will watch for more videos of you through your journey and wish you much happiness!
Hi Dustin. can you talk about whether transitioning has affected your sexuality/sexual orientation?
passer by hi! I sure can... I’ll be making a new video soon, and cover a lot of the questions asked by viewers. Thx for your support!
Do you think you would, or could, detransition if you had followed through with gender reassignment surgery?
Good question. For mtf that's really the point past which it's so incredibly hard to back out.
I.m.o. there is no Dustin or Ashlyn. You are a human, one person. You are you and you should love yourself. You are a beautiful person, you have feminine and male qualities wich I think is awesome. Take advantage of both. People love you for who you are, not for your gender or the way you look. And if they don't, walk away.
And nobody is perfect or always happy. Sometimes life is a battlefield, an adventure and sometimes it is beautiful. You can learn from it, sometimes change it and sometimes you have to accept things. See the qualities (read opportunities) you do have, don't long for those you can't reach.
🤗🤗🤗
Thank you for your video. I learned something new. 👍
I also have had to deal with falling somewhere on the transgender spectrum and also have been born with an intersex body. When I was young people often thought I was a girl. It was only when I entered my thirties that I shifted more to male. I’ve have had many health issues related to the intersex, including testicular / ovarian type cancer.
This isn’t easy way for people like us to live.
It really would be wonderful to fully transition to living as a women. The truth is I’m all wore out and don’t think I can do it and survive the struggles of transition. I guess if the needed resources were at hand I would make a good attempt to transition. The one thing I often think about is growing old as a women with my wonderful accepting spouse sitting looking out the world passing by as we with lovingly next to one another holding hands as two equal women. But I can still with next to her and tell her of my dreams and maybe that will get me by.
Your soul searching it inspiring..
I'm curious as to what type of environment would have allowed you to thrive and explore yourself in your childhood, in other words, if you had complete control of your childhood what structures do you believe would have allowed you to benefit the most? (I apologize if you already answered this)
Dustin, I love your genuine awareness.....ability to express your inner feelings....very refreshing and inciteful
the cycle of consumption idea is something I have heard from others as well and is something I have been trying real hard to integrate into my early exploration so that wherever I wind up I can hopefully avoid falling into that trap. thanks for sharing your experience!
I'm sorry to hear transitioning didn't alleviate what you thought it would. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and it's certainly something a lot of folks need to consider. My case was a textbook success, and transition was absolutely the thing I needed to fix in myself. I was never into dresses, I'll wear one occasionally for more formal occasions, but I've always been a tomboy at heart. I've reached a point where I can't be seen male even with short hair and a tanktop, and I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. I had a set of personality traits that didn't lend well to conveying the accuracy of my thoughts and feelings inside a male shell. I'd call something 'cute' and be taken sarcastically or as though I was stroking my ego when I legitimately wanted to 'dawww' at something. I felt uncomfortable hugging people because of how they might read my intent. I would walk everywhere I went, and I'd feel hurt anytime a woman walking by themselves would cross the street to avoid passing me. I mean, I totally fucking understand it, and at 5 foot and some change, I find myself doing the same thing now. Transition has been a trip. And I mean that in a literal sense. Transitioning coupled with occasional mental work with psychoactives has completely flipped my worldview, and I can't really call them separate experiences. On the one hand, seeing physically the imaginary mold of gender being shattered in slow motion in the mirror, on the other, coming to the profound realization that we are human first, and biology is just doing the best it can. We find ourselves in a society so structured by binaries and absolutes, but there's no such thing as certainty and when you open your eyes to the grey areas that perpetuate all aspects of reality, it's impossible to see anything other than what's really there. Take my own account with a grain of salt, but I wouldn't have my story any other way and I find myself more happy than I ever thought I would be.
That jawline though 👀👍
why do you call your channel "My Negative." is it used like negative versus photograph, negative versus an x-ray, an x-ray versus a photograph? it's you, but a different versions of you? does it mean my negative life, affect, mood, existence, experiences, attitude, life circumstances, etc? you may as well call your channel "Between a Rock and a Hard Space" ... because i think that's where you are, although i wouldn't want to label myself that way tor very long. there is a concept which might help you: liminal ... you are in a liminal place, a liminal space. there are physical liminial spaces, which are learning environments which encourage learning and the synthesis of information. there is also a personal, emotional, life experience liminal space. it is the place between your former life and your next life, the change zone which involves falling apart and then reorganizing into the new you, experiencing threshold moments from which you learn a new truth and cannot look back to your previous perceptions. it often results from a catastrophic event, such as the loss of a loved one. i think you've already had one and are in the throws of your second liminal experience, liminal space. it's often challenging as hell and painful as hell, but people going through it do come out on the other side ... whole, but different.
nowvoyagerNE I’m a photographer, and shoot with film cameras. Hence the ‘’negative’ part. Thx for the info! :)
@@my_negative : i am a licensed mental health practitioner and i've used this liminal concept for treating grief/loss. you can let me know if you'd like more information about it. *:-)*
Thanks for sharing!
When you say that you should’ve had more objectivity regarding your desire to become female; are you saying that you should have seen a specific type of therapist or counselor... someone who might have been able to get to the bottom of your intense feelings of wanting to become a woman?
I hope my question makes sense.
Thank you for your story.
Red Door basically I am suggesting that I wish there was varying paths of finding self love. Because that’s really, in my opinion, what this is all about. I was always trying to figure out how to love myself, accept myself and just be myself. I thought this was living as female for a long time... through reading Buddhist material (spiritual guidance), understanding my (physical acceptance) reality, and learning to love myself as I was born, allowed me to accept myself and return to living as male in a very confident way... I’m not sure if a therapist could’ve got me to this point or not... although it would’ve be nice to have had access to a specialist using this approach...
My Negative thank you for your response... what are your recommendations on some really great Buddhist type of readings? Thanks again for your time.
🙏👍
Dog tax
What if you were Dusti-Lynn, a beautiful conglomeration of both identities that have always been inside one person? Is that an ignorant question to ask? I’ve always thought most of us were mixes, and I’ve always thought of gender as kind of bogus. I hope this question doesn’t come off as obnoxious, trite, or flippant, because that’s the opposite of what I’m going for.
So were you born a female
She was. Haven’t you been listening? She’s struggling to regain her full female self. She’s been playing an act, called Dustin this whole time. But now she wants to resume her introverted, sexy next door neighbor type female self. So yeah.
Sorry no ,
@@matthd1139 Dustin was born a man.
@@clmjohn Dustin was born a man not a woman. He’s made an update about the de transition from MtFtM
@@lamedadelaide Prove it. I see a woman. Good bye!!
This "transition solution" seems so self absorbed and selfish to me. All of those things that you are complaining about that are associated with "woman" and "man", otherwise known as sex role stereotypes, only get further entrenched by transgender ideology - its a 'solution' for an individual whilst simultaneously worsening gendered expectations for everyone else. So selfish, such an immature analysis of the problems with gender in society.
Imagine if instead of campaigning for women to have the the vote when they did, those women "transitioned" instead? They would have achieved their goal for themselves but... done fuck all and perhaps even made it harder for other women as an argument could then be made that if they deserved a vote they would transition too. Fortunately they were able to analyse the situation beyond their own noses.
Of course it seems that way to you, because you have clearly never struggled with your gender identity. That's why you feel empowered to sit on your high horse and make your vacuous, asinine judgements while for people like Dustin, these issues can be quite literally a matter of life and death.