This is so beautiful 🫂 A reminder to myself as I struggle to let go of friendships and love that I wish I could perpetually give love to. The more I love, the more I have to grieve. But it’s all worth it 🤍
@@kimberleyaeden6918 friendships with the same friend can also pass and come back in a new form. still okay to grieve the past friendship to fully make space for a new kind of relationship
“It grew into itself.” You will, too. As a 51 y.o., I can say your 20s are for fun. Your 30s are for learning. Your 40s are for living. And your 50s are for whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want. And then I think it repeats.
As someone your age, this really resonates with me and that’s why I think those of us still vlogging at this age are needed. We need to know we’re not alone in this just like the youth does. ❤
The pandemic took away my early 20s. I feel like I need to make up for lost time. At 26, I need to be more career focused rather than experiment or explore my sexuality. I have a bf rn, while I do love him, I’m scared about finding another person if I were to end things just to explore. Thank you for this video. It was truly an insight for what the future holds. I hope you find inner peace and happiness
Are we living the same life? Hahha. im also 26 and can resonate so much with what you said. My advice is to trust your path and not force your life to look like what you expect it to look like.
the pandemic took away my early 30s and it sort of feels like my youth collapsed in one go. but if i am allowed to reflect on relationships -- any relationship can thrive and be the igniting thing if both parties are willing to grow at the same pace together ~ i always find that the thing in relationships... like are we on the same path or are we growing apart
my 20s were so sensational haaha i also love my 30s, don't get me wrong, but i'm literally sooo sad about seeing my parents get old and my close people's parents dying. it's just... wild
@8:02 I've been following you for a LONG time, watching the many stages you've chosen to share with us through the years, and your absolute courage to be AUTHENTIC is what I love most about you. Since I just joined the club recently, CHEERS TO OUR 30s 🥂🥂
This video made me cry. Tears of complete understanding. I am heading towards my 30's and as someone who has watched you grow through out these years I have learned so much about myself and who I want to become when my 20's comes to an end. As a taurus moon too, I felt every word about your parent's mortality and that's something that has weighed heavy especially after losing my childhood dog, Sadie last month. I felt like it finalized that fact that my childhood is over and I will never get to relive that. Thank you for sharing an unedited video of yourself navigating your grief of all that came with your twenties. Big love, and looking forward to your growth, always.
ack ! big love to you. wow losing your dog is such a stamp in you lifetime. i will be so devastated when i have to confront that day with leica. he's been the best addition to my life
I just turned 30 in December and I think the biggest thing i'm coming to terms with is that we have to grieve the life we thought we would have but never did. I spent so much of my 20s dreaming and hoping for this big amazing thing and then the pandemic came and I felt like I lost so many important years. Where I am now is not where I thought I would be when I was 20 or 15 or 10. And that's ok. I'm proud of myself for surviving the days that I didn't want to and proud of everything i've achieved knowing that there is only more magic to come. Raych, your videos are part of that magic. Thanks for growing and being with us
Thank you for this. I just turned 30 in late January and it’s been tough on trying to come in term with where I am in life. So hard to not compare it to the ideals I had created in my mind and what society has somewhat dictated as “normal.”
What you said about grief and our parent's mortality really resonated - not just in the face of actual death but the real-life constantly growing into and out of. I'm turning 19 this summer and my dad recently got an aggressive brain cancer diagnosis. What is living if not unending flux! Embrace it, surrender to it, look it in the eye, bow down to it. I comment this just to say thank you for always sharing your thoughts and creations. I have loved being a participant in the audience of your video universe. Thank you Rachel
wow sending lots of love to you and your family. cancer is a horrific visitor -- i hope you guys find ways to navigate this with levity because what else is there to do but humbly surrender and hope for a viable future x
This is one of the purest, most honest soul-cleansing videos that you've ever made, and I feel so grounded and calm and inspired after watching this. I'm eternally grateful for this journey that you're sharing with us... thank you!
This hit home. I’m from the UK and moved to the US When I was 23 and got married. I’m now 31. I haven’t seen my parents back home as often as I would have liked - around every two years and the last trip showed me how old they look. Truly I could see it and it scared me so much. You’re right no one warns you for this and I think about it most nights before I go to bed. Working at processing change and time lost. You sort of ‘know’ this was going to happen because it’s a fact of life but you never really consider it a reality in late teens and twenties not really. 30s is like oh okay, life is fleeting and things have gone that aren’t coming back, okay. right there with you girl. enjoy your van and your pooch. Dogs honestly fix everything. True gifts of this world.
taking in most content on the internet is exhausting and leaves me in a shitty mood, holding so much tension. But watching your videos just feels like reading a close friends diary or looking at art. it brings me so much catharsis and peace
i feel like i’ve been in a perpetual state of grief since i was 18 (youth, lost moments, forgotten memories, *regrets*). now approaching my 30s i’m bracing myself to expect the best even with the cloud of fear that’s always hovering. thank you for this. there’s peace in feeling like someone understands.
I love this. I have watched your videos through my 20s and am now 32. I relate so much to what you’re saying. Thank you for showing up here as yourself; your vulnerability helps people like me feel seen.❤️
I feel as though sometimes we as humans categorise our time in this field. When in reality everything is happening now. Our best times and our tricky points are simply us closing one door and walking into another room in our lives. Yet it’s all the same thing. The youthfulness is still the same, the beautiful memories are the same, the love is the same, the happiness we created is all part of the same. What I suppose I’m saying is that you’re soooo young, Rachel. We’re all so young, even when you hit 90 you’ll still be young, because you’re still the same beautiful being you’ve always been! (only evolved). I see grieving as simply letting the flowers die before they come back again in a new form. That’s all of us in one way or another, like caterpillars before they turn into butterflies. That’s all it is. ❤
man so true ! although, I'm not resistant on getting older! just letting go of old parts of myself and reminding myself of that, because it's so strange when my whole life is online. it makes it really easy to start comparing -- it's all a process i'm very grateful to be in. but i love what you said about the time field. the present is now x
I turned 30 seven months ago and something was just different. And I wish I can pinpoint what it is but all I knew was that I had a lot of growing up to do and I suddenly feel like I barely recognize this version of me right now. its like getting to know myself all over again when it's just me, the very same person but she feels so different.
im still grieving over something that happened almost 2 years ago and ive gone through all the phases and combinations of emotions and its still not over. but im also the happiest ive ever been. for me a hard truth to accept was that 2 things can be true at the same time. and that is that im very happy and grateful and i know myself so well i can count on not abandoning me again. but also i am missing something that doesnt exist and im the only one carrying its memory which is why i find it hard to let go. and i dont mind struggling now if it means that i will finish this process completely instead of dragging it into future unconsciously. my grief has become my friend. it showed me how deeply i can feel and it reassures me that one day i will act from a place of love instinctively, i just need to allow myself time and space to become present again
I can‘t put into words how grateful I am for you and your channel. Following you and your journey for such a long time now, and you‘ve truly been, you are, such an inspirational woman to me! THANK YOU Rachel
Dear Rachel, your channel has been my place of comfort on the internet for 10 years and I go back to it every week rewatching your videos. I think you are such a beautiful artist, storyteller, woman. I'm 27 and I find myself grieving my early 20s which was wasted on a boy who made me feel undeserving of a full life. Each of your videos feel so vulnerable, some more than others because you are so generous with the audience. Although our lives are so different, the emotion behind your videos are so universal. Being human is a cathartic thing. You probably get these messages a lot but thank you for sharing your life on the internet. I hope the adventure you're on has already brought you more healing, growing, and most importantly, peace. You're right where you need to be, now and always.
i have older parents that weren’t so good to me. ive had to grieve the idea and desire i had for a healthy childhood and loving parents. im also watching and realizing their mortality. even with our complicated and distant relationships, it’s devastating to see. my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and, on a personal level, i felt that i was grieving the life i had before i found out. luckily, she’s beat it and is cancer free now. besides all of this, i’ve cultivated a life i love and feel safe in. i like to remind myself of the quote “the grief is never ending, but so is the love” 💘
always wise to leave grief in winter and start light in spring. im 34 y.o. too and i can totally relate. right after pandemic i got to flew back to my home country in 2022 to visit family after 3 years of border lockdown, and that's exactly when my mum was diagnosed with acute leukemia (she was never sick before that). it basically put my life on a stop and made me a full-time care giver cuz im the only child. my mum went through a harsh stem cell transplant (im the donor) and i'm grateful i can be at her side so far. i mean it is hard to farewell the 20s which is so carefree and abundant, but i reckon at the end of the day we are to experience life rather than revel in it. as the saying goes,"to be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."
I feel you on your point on our parents mortality - my parents had me when they were around 40 so ever since I was very little Ive been aware (and scared) of the fact that I had less time that I could spend with them vs my older siblings, and now that I live a 14hr flight away from them (for work) the anticipatory grief has definitely gotten stronger. Like you implied there’s nothing quite like a mothers love, and I guess what’s important is to spend as much time as we can with them and tell them how much they mean to us - seeing them age each year is so inevitable and heartbreaking but the joy I feel when I get to see them has gotten so much stronger as well ❤❤ ps: I started watching you from when you posted your first YT vid and I come to your channel for inspo regularly 😊 love how your brain and creativity work Rachel, sending good vibes from London.
much love ! something about your message made me think about how i look like my mom because i'm now at the age that i have fond childhood memories with her. life is so beautiful and dynamic. thank you for being a part of my journey and leaving such a thoughtful message x
i randomly thought of you earlier today - your creativity/openness is super inspiring and has been for a long time :') to have watched a few older vlogs earlier, and log back on to see that you not only uploaded but shared such potent insights omg😭i appreciate you sharing with us and sending love your way! 🫶
rachel thank you for this, I've been dealing with grief a lot lately. the recent loss of my dog (which has been in my life all of my 20s) felt like the ending of a meaningful time.. turning 30 in a few months feels heavy but your words give me hope. Grief is also love that changed forms... sending hugs and blissful thoughts xx
There's no one out there who makes videos that resonate with me the way yours do. I always walk away from them feeling deeply moved, inspired, and like I've found a new way to approach life and how to look out for myself. Thank you.
sending you the biggest hug, Rachel. you’ve been one of the biggest references and inspirations in my life, and whenever I feel lost I look to you. you can do anything you set your mind to ❤
i'm still not ok with how the pandemic took my early 30's, i feel like i was robbed. mentally and emotionally i'm still stuck there whilst dealing with things that feel too soon. thank you for your words
i appreciate your honesty. i too felt like the past few years have been super weird. i think we can at least lean on each other for that. lean into our collective power
Been watching your videos since my early 20s, coming up on my 30s now and have been terrified. Watching this video makes me feel lighter and better. Thank you for always being real. Wishing you the best on your journey xx
2h after watching your beautiful video, I spiraled through some random wikipedia pages, and then I stumbled upon this quote. it reminded me of your video once more, and everything aligned so beautifully. I felt I have to come back here and share "The Sheltering Sky" by Paul Bowles Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, or five times more? Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless...
i have been doing this thing where i refer to 2019 as 2 years ago because my brain is not processing the pandemic, it feels like a musty, greasy blur. this video gave me perspective, thank you for coming back to us everytime ❤
Super important message. I really loved this video, thank you for sharing it! Found myself crying during this and grieving my late 20s and early 30’s thanks to the pandemic and being in a cult-like relationship. Parts of us die constantly and of course we generate new parts of ourselves as the others die off but grieving is so necessary and nobody talks about how it must be done (at least for me). I’m your age as well and this stage feels like a very awkward and confusing mix of having to act like you have your shit together while not actually knowing what you’re doing, plus moments of imposter syndrome like “wait, I did that?! I’m just a baby!” Anyway, thanks for the realness and for the beautiful “ribbits” 😊🐸 I look forward to more videos from you
I woke up this morning and thought, "I need to watch a Rachel Nguyen video." This happens randomly when I am craving some example of what feels like authenticity. I have a handful of creators I go back to. The last couple times this happened a new video of yours has been on my feed. ✨Syncronicity✨ You once tweeted that "we socialize and communicate to confirm our sanity." Thank you, Rachel, for creating meaningful things on the internet that make me feel more sane, more grounded, more validated. I turned 30 last year and have been wondering why it feels like, sometime between now and the pandemic, I woke up with new glasses glued to my face and I can't see the world as I once did, why mortality feels so real now. You just confirmed that I'm far from alone in this. Thank you 🩷
“You have to grieve your 20’s…” 😢yuppppp 💯 I had the best 20’s, traveled the world, studied abroad in Thailand, did grad school in Finland, the party and the friends I had it was 🎉 I think of those times fondly. 30’s was great too, I moved back home to California, birthed a baby boy, worked, hustled, and by 38 I achieved financial independence and moved again to Finland. ❤ now I am 40 and thriving, but I am still grieving my 20’s…… 😢😢😢😢😢
I was brimming with tears watching your video. I feel this so much Rachel. About grieving your 20s, about the mortality of our parents. I'm 32 and I literally have nothing right. So seeing you also so lost, I just feel like I'm heard and shared. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Somehow, there's still beauty in how sad this vid is. You are a truly amazing person. Please don't lose your shine. Keep inspiring us. I wish the best for us both. Love from IL
Vulnerability is your strong suite. Grieving is a natural process that I think the pandemic stole from many. I am grieving the life I thought I was supposed to have by now at 35. But I have realized that I am happiest when I am living on my own timeline, on my own terms in my own POV. It’s hard being at any life stage right now because life has been upended for us all. I hope for a breakthrough in society for a collective grief session so we can move forward in our power to change the world for the better. This video is the start for many to begin to heal from whatever wounds ail them. Thank you for this gift
Hi Stefanie, I feel so similar and I am the same age as you and its so refreshing seeing someone else say " I am grieving the life I thought I was supposed to have by now at 35" this is exactly how i felt/feel. I was really struggling the past two years after my relationship failed and feeling behind in life etc. Then recently i had a metal removal surgery that went wrong and I got highly infected, no one listened to me at first so I almost died and it changed my life. I realised i need to start loving myself and actually start my healing journey even though Im grieving certain things I suddenly also feel so certain things will work out and a happier ,softer season is coming even though I'm so scared to lose my parents eventually. anyways sorry for this rant its just nice to see someone likeminded and its wonderful Rachel is providing this safe space and dares to be vulnerable. It truly is a super power. Lots of love to you
I’m 35 and grief just hits me all of the sudden. Thank u for putting into words what i haven’t been able to do say or make sense of, but its this… its this feeling ❤ thank u
This came at such a timely moment. My parents are retiring in a couple of months and they plan to move back to their homeland. I have felt grief since hearing they wanted to move. As what you mentioned, it’s their mortality that I was reminded about. So many memories and I am reminded of how much we all have aged. So much love for this video because it feels so raw and I thank you for putting it out vocally to what I feel internally. It’s so easy to numb out the feeling but facing it and acknowledging it gives me peace because such is life. Thank you 🤍
Here a bit late but the feels are real, I’m all for these types of videos. The pandemic really affected us all and I’m amazed how people have just seemed to have moved on… but I’m trying to day by day. I needed this, your willingness to share and let us into your life and to SEE you… grateful for it all. Grief is never ending, comes in waves, we all will be able to move forward and love again. Love life, others, ourselves. We all need time, grace. LOVE YOU, RAYCH!!! 🤍thank you.
My love🤍 we are all mourning let me tell you… I’m only 26 and I had so much toxic relationships.. so much realization.. what is weird is that we are all on the same timeline but with different ages but similar experiences / feelings.
This video honestly came at the perfect time for me. I've been experiencing my 20s growing pains: grieving friendships that I thought would last forever; experiencing for the first time the awkwardness and thrill of having someone like me and becoming comfortable with this type of vulnerability; figuring out this new version of myself whilst re-discovering my inner child; and, as a daughter of a parent who had me very late in life, coming to terms with my fear and their own about the limits of their mortality. To say the least, I've been feeling confused, lost and alone. All day today, I've had this immovable sadness within myself and after I came home and journaled for a while, I saw your notification. As always, it made me feel so seen and made me realise that yes, I am grieving and that it is a beautiful process. I have the privilege of accepting every past, present and future version of myself and finding my vulnerability and authenticity. Thank you for sharing your journey and this bit of older sister wisdom to us ❤️🩹🌱
I recall being on my way to work when I noticed you had uploaded this video. I forgot to watch it until today. It really encapsulates my feelings perfectly. Much of my twenties were spent away from home, as I dedicated myself to working for the community and ministry. Consequently, I missed out on spending time with my loved ones - my parents and sister. In my thirties, I relocated to Australia to pursue studies and establish a life of my own. After thriving there for three years, my father passed away in March 2022, just as the borders reopened. I hastily traveled back to my hometown in the Philippines. The grief overwhelmed me as I realized how much time I had lost with my dad and now with my aging mother. Since then, the grieving process has been ongoing. There are moments when tears flow unexpectedly, and I yearn to turn back the clock. Grieving feels like revisiting memories with my dad. Now, with my mother and sister by my side, I am making a conscious effort to spend as much time with them as possible. NOBODY WARNED ME that my 30's will be this heavy. But I am strong, we are strong and we can carry on. I have been following you for a long time, Rachel and your light shines amidst your pain and brokenness. You are beautiful.
Your parents' mortality - it started hitting on me once I got to university and did't have the chance to visit home for months. Every time I went home my dear parents looked older. Realising I could (and I will) lose them one day turned into a deep fear of mine. I feel like I need to prepare for this moment, but for now I try to enjoy the moments with them.
I turned 40 and diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s so aggressive and invasive, went to terminal Stage 4 in a snap of a finger. I’ve been trying to come to terms with my life but it’s been tough. I understand how you feel. Letting go is such a difficult thing. Hope you will find a way to be true to yourself. Having to explain yourself is dreadful. Hope you will find your peace.
Rachel, just wow 🤍 thank you for this! I’ve recently lost a 6 year old niece and you touching upon grief is exactly what I needed. I feel like I’ve just had a meaningful conversation and cry with a dear friend, thank you again for always being so vulnerable with us x
I’ve been watching your videos since I was 18/19 (now 26) and truly feel like I’ve grown with you throughout all of your stages. Like watching an older sister that I never had. Soooo, thank you for being so authentic, always. You’re my favorite creator on here and I always look forward to seeing what you create ❤❤❤🥹🥹
Thank you for this Rachel💕 My mom was diagnosed with ALS a year ago and, while in the beginning I felt it all, after a while I almost emotionally removed myself from the situation. Your video reminded me to grieve, and I cried for the first time in months
Dear Rach, I have been really stuck lately... growing up and almost being 30 is very scary for me. I am not even close to feeling ready to move into that chapter of my life. I am very scared. These kinds of videos make me feel less lonely. Less scared because I have you 🧡 sharing your journey helps me become stronger to grow into mine ✨
8 year old and 8 months old at 28 I never had a chance to mourn my early 20’s… never had a chance. But I want to just move forward and stay strong knowing one day being older is a blessing. Love ya Rachel ❤️
🤍 grief has always been with me. I’ve mistaken it for nostalgia, but I am not a nostalgic person, only perpetually grieving since childhood. Having older parents, I recognized their mortality very early on. I’m in my mid-thirties and Bô is turning 85. My daughter tried her first ride a few weeks ago, a carrousel by the lake. She is two and a half. Our eyes locked during the ride - I felt like I was on the ride myself, looking out for my own mother, at that very moment. I am now the parent, and I feel so much love for my daughter, the joy she felt on the carrousel was contagious. And I feel so much love for my own mother. It’s as though I felt complete, eternal somehow, at that very moment. Alive and unafraid of death. Like birth, it’s simply a transition into something else. This video was beautiful.
This video may be my favourite on the entirety of TH-cam, at least now, as I grieve my grandmother Ulla-Stina. She shone with a shimmering warmth until her last moment, I've never known someone with her resilience. The immense trauma of war from her childhood seemed like just a passing cloud as she told me about it. And although she'd been displaced and isolated from her family her presence was always a home to all of us around her. Thank you for encouraging grief, it's such an underestimated practice. Hopefully
Rachel! You’ve been my favorite (comfort) creator for yeeears. Today is the 6 month anniversary of the hardest breakup of my life. Was just sitting here working through those feelings and you posted this. Love you, love the tree, together in grief and growth 🤍🤍
love u rachel, it's weird you post videos just when I need them, as you must feel a need to post, the synchronicity with you audience is rare, I can see from the comment section how much your videos mean to people - love learning from/with you
Rachel, everything is going to be ok. In January, I turned 45 and I just realized that my entire 30s, I was busy enjoying raising my kid it went so fast that my 30s came and went in a blink. The serene of the last clips were so nostalgic for me. Hugs!
That’s interesting to see it as grief for your 20s, but maybe because I was caregiving for my mom for nearly all my 20s until she died at the end of 2022. Life is new and we’re both free. I feel like a child, and my therapist gave me permission to live out my 30s as if they’re my 20s and let things take the time it needs to take. I’m blessed to be living with my dad, but life is changing rapidly this year and I feel like I’ve lost my footing even more as someone who’s starting at ground zero but it’s okay. Baby steps. Through grief and life and changes and growth… if we can, we can take it one day at a time.
Idk why yt deleted my comment. All I said was that I relate to what you were saying about your parents and the depressing subject regarding mortality. I'm in my 30s too and I think about it all the time.
Don’t know why but I clicked on your video while walking home after a run. Was walking alone in the dark night in the city. And then now I feel like I’m walking home with a friend who just wants to chat and someone to listen to. We are here Rachel. ❤️
I am about to turn 40 and when I reflect on my 20's I can't believe how much time I used to have and I feel like my late 30's were stolen from me with the pandemic. It's really hard to sit with.
seated for this like it's dune 2
me tooooo. drop everything.
actually
HEYY love ur content and this comment
the grieving never ends...because the love and the growing keeps on happening.
this makes so much sense... thank you
This is so beautiful 🫂 A reminder to myself as I struggle to let go of friendships and love that I wish I could perpetually give love to. The more I love, the more I have to grieve. But it’s all worth it 🤍
@@kimberleyaeden6918 friendships with the same friend can also pass and come back in a new form. still okay to grieve the past friendship to fully make space for a new kind of relationship
“It grew into itself.” You will, too.
As a 51 y.o., I can say your 20s are for fun. Your 30s are for learning. Your 40s are for living. And your 50s are for whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want. And then I think it repeats.
so 60s are fun - can't wait
As someone your age, this really resonates with me and that’s why I think those of us still vlogging at this age are needed. We need to know we’re not alone in this just like the youth does. ❤
absolutely x
completely ~~ i wanna see people process their 30s
The pandemic took away my early 20s. I feel like I need to make up for lost time. At 26, I need to be more career focused rather than experiment or explore my sexuality. I have a bf rn, while I do love him, I’m scared about finding another person if I were to end things just to explore. Thank you for this video. It was truly an insight for what the future holds. I hope you find inner peace and happiness
Are we living the same life? Hahha. im also 26 and can resonate so much with what you said. My advice is to trust your path and not force your life to look like what you expect it to look like.
the pandemic took away my early 30s and it sort of feels like my youth collapsed in one go. but if i am allowed to reflect on relationships -- any relationship can thrive and be the igniting thing if both parties are willing to grow at the same pace together ~ i always find that the thing in relationships... like are we on the same path or are we growing apart
Am sorry you feel this way , my 30s are the best . My 20s were painful but I feel like all that pain was preparing me for this peace of mind
I feel the same way. Just turned 30 last month, and I feel so much lighter after the tumultuous decade that was my 20s.
same, my 20s were filled with such a heaviness and i just turned 30 in feb and have decided to bring a lightness into my next decade
Me too ❤
that sounds like a beautiful decision @@lstate426
my 20s were so sensational haaha i also love my 30s, don't get me wrong, but i'm literally sooo sad about seeing my parents get old and my close people's parents dying. it's just... wild
@8:02 I've been following you for a LONG time, watching the many stages you've chosen to share with us through the years, and your absolute courage to be AUTHENTIC is what I love most about you. Since I just joined the club recently, CHEERS TO OUR 30s 🥂🥂
i've enjoyed documenting the parts of my life that I feel are important for me to later reflect on -- thank you for seeing me
This video made me cry. Tears of complete understanding. I am heading towards my 30's and as someone who has watched you grow through out these years I have learned so much about myself and who I want to become when my 20's comes to an end. As a taurus moon too, I felt every word about your parent's mortality and that's something that has weighed heavy especially after losing my childhood dog, Sadie last month. I felt like it finalized that fact that my childhood is over and I will never get to relive that. Thank you for sharing an unedited video of yourself navigating your grief of all that came with your twenties. Big love, and looking forward to your growth, always.
ack ! big love to you. wow losing your dog is such a stamp in you lifetime. i will be so devastated when i have to confront that day with leica. he's been the best addition to my life
I just turned 30 in December and I think the biggest thing i'm coming to terms with is that we have to grieve the life we thought we would have but never did. I spent so much of my 20s dreaming and hoping for this big amazing thing and then the pandemic came and I felt like I lost so many important years. Where I am now is not where I thought I would be when I was 20 or 15 or 10. And that's ok. I'm proud of myself for surviving the days that I didn't want to and proud of everything i've achieved knowing that there is only more magic to come. Raych, your videos are part of that magic. Thanks for growing and being with us
Thank you for this. I just turned 30 in late January and it’s been tough on trying to come in term with where I am in life. So hard to not compare it to the ideals I had created in my mind and what society has somewhat dictated as “normal.”
What you said about grief and our parent's mortality really resonated - not just in the face of actual death but the real-life constantly growing into and out of.
I'm turning 19 this summer and my dad recently got an aggressive brain cancer diagnosis. What is living if not unending flux! Embrace it, surrender to it, look it in the eye, bow down to it.
I comment this just to say thank you for always sharing your thoughts and creations. I have loved being a participant in the audience of your video universe.
Thank you Rachel
wow sending lots of love to you and your family. cancer is a horrific visitor -- i hope you guys find ways to navigate this with levity because what else is there to do but humbly surrender and hope for a viable future x
This is one of the purest, most honest soul-cleansing videos that you've ever made, and I feel so grounded and calm and inspired after watching this. I'm eternally grateful for this journey that you're sharing with us... thank you!
This hit home. I’m from the UK and moved to the US When I was 23 and got married. I’m now 31. I haven’t seen my parents back home as often as I would have liked - around every two years and the last trip showed me how old they look. Truly I could see it and it scared me so much. You’re right no one warns you for this and I think about it most nights before I go to bed. Working at processing change and time lost. You sort of ‘know’ this was going to happen because it’s a fact of life but you never really consider it a reality in late teens and twenties not really. 30s is like oh okay, life is fleeting and things have gone that aren’t coming back, okay. right there with you girl. enjoy your van and your pooch. Dogs honestly fix everything. True gifts of this world.
thank you for this message
I was just able to see my parents early this year after 6 years and they look so much older now it hurts
taking in most content on the internet is exhausting and leaves me in a shitty mood, holding so much tension. But watching your videos just feels like reading a close friends diary or looking at art. it brings me so much catharsis and peace
i feel like i’ve been in a perpetual state of grief since i was 18 (youth, lost moments, forgotten memories, *regrets*). now approaching my 30s i’m bracing myself to expect the best even with the cloud of fear that’s always hovering. thank you for this. there’s peace in feeling like someone understands.
There are no words to describe how badly I needed this video
I love this. I have watched your videos through my 20s and am now 32. I relate so much to what you’re saying. Thank you for showing up here as yourself; your vulnerability helps people like me feel seen.❤️
I feel as though sometimes we as humans categorise our time in this field. When in reality everything is happening now.
Our best times and our tricky points are simply us closing one door and walking into another room in our lives. Yet it’s all the same thing. The youthfulness is still the same, the beautiful memories are the same, the love is the same, the happiness we created is all part of the same.
What I suppose I’m saying is that you’re soooo young, Rachel. We’re all so young, even when you hit 90 you’ll still be young, because you’re still the same beautiful being you’ve always been! (only evolved). I see grieving as simply letting the flowers die before they come back again in a new form. That’s all of us in one way or another, like caterpillars before they turn into butterflies. That’s all it is. ❤
man so true ! although, I'm not resistant on getting older! just letting go of old parts of myself and reminding myself of that, because it's so strange when my whole life is online. it makes it really easy to start comparing -- it's all a process i'm very grateful to be in. but i love what you said about the time field. the present is now x
that makes sense. Thank you for sharing parts of your life through your lens. Your self-expression has always been inspiring. Sending much love ❤x
I turned 30 seven months ago and something was just different. And I wish I can pinpoint what it is but all I knew was that I had a lot of growing up to do and I suddenly feel like I barely recognize this version of me right now. its like getting to know myself all over again when it's just me, the very same person but she feels so different.
God, this is so true
im still grieving over something that happened almost 2 years ago and ive gone through all the phases and combinations of emotions and its still not over. but im also the happiest ive ever been. for me a hard truth to accept was that 2 things can be true at the same time. and that is that im very happy and grateful and i know myself so well i can count on not abandoning me again. but also i am missing something that doesnt exist and im the only one carrying its memory which is why i find it hard to let go. and i dont mind struggling now if it means that i will finish this process completely instead of dragging it into future unconsciously. my grief has become my friend. it showed me how deeply i can feel and it reassures me that one day i will act from a place of love instinctively, i just need to allow myself time and space to become present again
I can‘t put into words how grateful I am for you and your channel. Following you and your journey for such a long time now, and you‘ve truly been, you are, such an inspirational woman to me! THANK YOU Rachel
Dear Rachel, your channel has been my place of comfort on the internet for 10 years and I go back to it every week rewatching your videos. I think you are such a beautiful artist, storyteller, woman. I'm 27 and I find myself grieving my early 20s which was wasted on a boy who made me feel undeserving of a full life. Each of your videos feel so vulnerable, some more than others because you are so generous with the audience. Although our lives are so different, the emotion behind your videos are so universal. Being human is a cathartic thing. You probably get these messages a lot but thank you for sharing your life on the internet. I hope the adventure you're on has already brought you more healing, growing, and most importantly, peace. You're right where you need to be, now and always.
i have older parents that weren’t so good to me. ive had to grieve the idea and desire i had for a healthy childhood and loving parents. im also watching and realizing their mortality. even with our complicated and distant relationships, it’s devastating to see. my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and, on a personal level, i felt that i was grieving the life i had before i found out. luckily, she’s beat it and is cancer free now. besides all of this, i’ve cultivated a life i love and feel safe in. i like to remind myself of the quote “the grief is never ending, but so is the love” 💘
absolutely beautiful ~~ thank you for sharing
always wise to leave grief in winter and start light in spring. im 34 y.o. too and i can totally relate. right after pandemic i got to flew back to my home country in 2022 to visit family after 3 years of border lockdown, and that's exactly when my mum was diagnosed with acute leukemia (she was never sick before that). it basically put my life on a stop and made me a full-time care giver cuz im the only child. my mum went through a harsh stem cell transplant (im the donor) and i'm grateful i can be at her side so far. i mean it is hard to farewell the 20s which is so carefree and abundant, but i reckon at the end of the day we are to experience life rather than revel in it. as the saying goes,"to be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness."
I feel you on your point on our parents mortality - my parents had me when they were around 40 so ever since I was very little Ive been aware (and scared) of the fact that I had less time that I could spend with them vs my older siblings, and now that I live a 14hr flight away from them (for work) the anticipatory grief has definitely gotten stronger. Like you implied there’s nothing quite like a mothers love, and I guess what’s important is to spend as much time as we can with them and tell them how much they mean to us - seeing them age each year is so inevitable and heartbreaking but the joy I feel when I get to see them has gotten so much stronger as well ❤❤ ps: I started watching you from when you posted your first YT vid and I come to your channel for inspo regularly 😊 love how your brain and creativity work Rachel, sending good vibes from London.
much love ! something about your message made me think about how i look like my mom because i'm now at the age that i have fond childhood memories with her. life is so beautiful and dynamic. thank you for being a part of my journey and leaving such a thoughtful message x
i randomly thought of you earlier today - your creativity/openness is super inspiring and has been for a long time :') to have watched a few older vlogs earlier, and log back on to see that you not only uploaded but shared such potent insights omg😭i appreciate you sharing with us and sending love your way! 🫶
This hit too hard. I couldn't finish it. Will go back to it when I'm ready.
you are just the sweetest soul. Thanks for sharing.
rachel thank you for this, I've been dealing with grief a lot lately. the recent loss of my dog (which has been in my life all of my 20s) felt like the ending of a meaningful time.. turning 30 in a few months feels heavy but your words give me hope. Grief is also love that changed forms... sending hugs and blissful thoughts xx
Going through so much grief at once right now and I came back to your channel for some comfort ❤Really felt this one to the core
thank you for this. I wish I could give you a big hug and let you know you're not alone. grieving > opening new doors > grieving > opening new doors >
There's no one out there who makes videos that resonate with me the way yours do. I always walk away from them feeling deeply moved, inspired, and like I've found a new way to approach life and how to look out for myself. Thank you.
sending you the biggest hug, Rachel. you’ve been one of the biggest references and inspirations in my life, and whenever I feel lost I look to you. you can do anything you set your mind to ❤
i'm still not ok with how the pandemic took my early 30's, i feel like i was robbed. mentally and emotionally i'm still stuck there whilst dealing with things that feel too soon. thank you for your words
I feel this. Thank you for sharing.
so timely and so true. thank you for always showing up as yourself and sharing it with us ❤
i appreciate your honesty. i too felt like the past few years have been super weird. i think we can at least lean on each other for that. lean into our collective power
Been watching your videos since my early 20s, coming up on my 30s now and have been terrified. Watching this video makes me feel lighter and better. Thank you for always being real. Wishing you the best on your journey xx
2h after watching your beautiful video, I spiraled through some random wikipedia pages, and then I stumbled upon this quote. it reminded me of your video once more, and everything aligned so beautifully. I felt I have to come back here and share
"The Sheltering Sky" by Paul Bowles
Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, or five times more? Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless...
memories are such an insane thing; and they kinda die without a narrative. but i think they can also stay alive if we hold onto a feeling -- right ??
Thank you for sharing with us, Rachel 💌 Your love of life is a bright guiding light. Much love and appreciation
I needed this. Thank you, Rachel.
i have been doing this thing where i refer to 2019 as 2 years ago because my brain is not processing the pandemic, it feels like a musty, greasy blur. this video gave me perspective, thank you for coming back to us everytime ❤
Super important message. I really loved this video, thank you for sharing it! Found myself crying during this and grieving my late 20s and early 30’s thanks to the pandemic and being in a cult-like relationship. Parts of us die constantly and of course we generate new parts of ourselves as the others die off but grieving is so necessary and nobody talks about how it must be done (at least for me). I’m your age as well and this stage feels like a very awkward and confusing mix of having to act like you have your shit together while not actually knowing what you’re doing, plus moments of imposter syndrome like “wait, I did that?! I’m just a baby!”
Anyway, thanks for the realness and for the beautiful “ribbits” 😊🐸 I look forward to more videos from you
I woke up this morning and thought, "I need to watch a Rachel Nguyen video." This happens randomly when I am craving some example of what feels like authenticity. I have a handful of creators I go back to. The last couple times this happened a new video of yours has been on my feed. ✨Syncronicity✨ You once tweeted that "we socialize and communicate to confirm our sanity." Thank you, Rachel, for creating meaningful things on the internet that make me feel more sane, more grounded, more validated. I turned 30 last year and have been wondering why it feels like, sometime between now and the pandemic, I woke up with new glasses glued to my face and I can't see the world as I once did, why mortality feels so real now. You just confirmed that I'm far from alone in this. Thank you 🩷
“You have to grieve your 20’s…” 😢yuppppp 💯 I had the best 20’s, traveled the world, studied abroad in Thailand, did grad school in Finland, the party and the friends I had it was 🎉 I think of those times fondly. 30’s was great too, I moved back home to California, birthed a baby boy, worked, hustled, and by 38 I achieved financial independence and moved again to Finland. ❤ now I am 40 and thriving, but I am still grieving my 20’s…… 😢😢😢😢😢
sound like you are living a very rich and lovely life
sending you so much love :) have a good day tomorrow and the next day and the day after that
I was brimming with tears watching your video. I feel this so much Rachel. About grieving your 20s, about the mortality of our parents. I'm 32 and I literally have nothing right. So seeing you also so lost, I just feel like I'm heard and shared. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Somehow, there's still beauty in how sad this vid is. You are a truly amazing person. Please don't lose your shine. Keep inspiring us. I wish the best for us both. Love from IL
Vulnerability is your strong suite. Grieving is a natural process that I think the pandemic stole from many. I am grieving the life I thought I was supposed to have by now at 35. But I have realized that I am happiest when I am living on my own timeline, on my own terms in my own POV. It’s hard being at any life stage right now because life has been upended for us all. I hope for a breakthrough in society for a collective grief session so we can move forward in our power to change the world for the better. This video is the start for many to begin to heal from whatever wounds ail them. Thank you for this gift
Hi Stefanie, I feel so similar and I am the same age as you and its so refreshing seeing someone else say " I am grieving the life I thought I was supposed to have by now at 35" this is exactly how i felt/feel. I was really struggling the past two years after my relationship failed and feeling behind in life etc. Then recently i had a metal removal surgery that went wrong and I got highly infected, no one listened to me at first so I almost died and it changed my life. I realised i need to start loving myself and actually start my healing journey even though Im grieving certain things I suddenly also feel so certain things will work out and a happier ,softer season is coming even though I'm so scared to lose my parents eventually. anyways sorry for this rant its just nice to see someone likeminded and its wonderful Rachel is providing this safe space and dares to be vulnerable. It truly is a super power. Lots of love to you
I’m 35 and grief just hits me all of the sudden. Thank u for putting into words what i haven’t been able to do say or make sense of, but its this… its this feeling ❤ thank u
Thank you for this video Rachel 💗
This came at such a timely moment. My parents are retiring in a couple of months and they plan to move back to their homeland. I have felt grief since hearing they wanted to move. As what you mentioned, it’s their mortality that I was reminded about. So many memories and I am reminded of how much we all have aged. So much love for this video because it feels so raw and I thank you for putting it out vocally to what I feel internally. It’s so easy to numb out the feeling but facing it and acknowledging it gives me peace because such is life. Thank you 🤍
Nature is our ultimate teacher 🤎. And your tears are so refreshing. Love your work always Rachel ~ to grieving and growing together xx
Here a bit late but the feels are real, I’m all for these types of videos. The pandemic really affected us all and I’m amazed how people have just seemed to have moved on… but I’m trying to day by day. I needed this, your willingness to share and let us into your life and to SEE you… grateful for it all. Grief is never ending, comes in waves, we all will be able to move forward and love again. Love life, others, ourselves. We all need time, grace. LOVE YOU, RAYCH!!! 🤍thank you.
This video feels like a comforting yet vulnerable experience
My love🤍 we are all mourning let me tell you… I’m only 26 and I had so much toxic relationships.. so much realization.. what is weird is that we are all on the same timeline but with different ages but similar experiences / feelings.
i think this never goes away, and that's okay -- sending love and a plug to your toxic relationships!
i felt this video so hard. dealing with a lot of emotions and changes in my life rn as a 24 yo, grieving my high school years. sending u love
Thank you!!! Always a joy to see one of your videos pop up on my feed
i cried with you, thanks for that
This video honestly came at the perfect time for me. I've been experiencing my 20s growing pains: grieving friendships that I thought would last forever; experiencing for the first time the awkwardness and thrill of having someone like me and becoming comfortable with this type of vulnerability; figuring out this new version of myself whilst re-discovering my inner child; and, as a daughter of a parent who had me very late in life, coming to terms with my fear and their own about the limits of their mortality. To say the least, I've been feeling confused, lost and alone. All day today, I've had this immovable sadness within myself and after I came home and journaled for a while, I saw your notification. As always, it made me feel so seen and made me realise that yes, I am grieving and that it is a beautiful process. I have the privilege of accepting every past, present and future version of myself and finding my vulnerability and authenticity. Thank you for sharing your journey and this bit of older sister wisdom to us ❤️🩹🌱
I recall being on my way to work when I noticed you had uploaded this video. I forgot to watch it until today. It really encapsulates my feelings perfectly. Much of my twenties were spent away from home, as I dedicated myself to working for the community and ministry. Consequently, I missed out on spending time with my loved ones - my parents and sister.
In my thirties, I relocated to Australia to pursue studies and establish a life of my own. After thriving there for three years, my father passed away in March 2022, just as the borders reopened. I hastily traveled back to my hometown in the Philippines. The grief overwhelmed me as I realized how much time I had lost with my dad and now with my aging mother.
Since then, the grieving process has been ongoing. There are moments when tears flow unexpectedly, and I yearn to turn back the clock. Grieving feels like revisiting memories with my dad. Now, with my mother and sister by my side, I am making a conscious effort to spend as much time with them as possible.
NOBODY WARNED ME that my 30's will be this heavy. But I am strong, we are strong and we can carry on. I have been following you for a long time, Rachel and your light shines amidst your pain and brokenness. You are beautiful.
I love you. Really needed this 🤍
Have literally been going through this exact same feeling and you somehow put it into words. Thank you
Your parents' mortality - it started hitting on me once I got to university and did't have the chance to visit home for months. Every time I went home my dear parents looked older. Realising I could (and I will) lose them one day turned into a deep fear of mine. I feel like I need to prepare for this moment, but for now I try to enjoy the moments with them.
I turned 40 and diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s so aggressive and invasive, went to terminal Stage 4 in a snap of a finger. I’ve been trying to come to terms with my life but it’s been tough. I understand how you feel. Letting go is such a difficult thing. Hope you will find a way to be true to yourself. Having to explain yourself is dreadful. Hope you will find your peace.
Thinking of you 🙏
Rachel, just wow 🤍 thank you for this! I’ve recently lost a 6 year old niece and you touching upon grief is exactly what I needed. I feel like I’ve just had a meaningful conversation and cry with a dear friend, thank you again for always being so vulnerable with us x
I’ve been watching your videos since I was 18/19 (now 26) and truly feel like I’ve grown with you throughout all of your stages. Like watching an older sister that I never had. Soooo, thank you for being so authentic, always. You’re my favorite creator on here and I always look forward to seeing what you create ❤❤❤🥹🥹
Thank you for this Rachel💕 My mom was diagnosed with ALS a year ago and, while in the beginning I felt it all, after a while I almost emotionally removed myself from the situation. Your video reminded me to grieve, and I cried for the first time in months
fuck yes
This is so beautiful. You always seems to impress me! ❤
watched the new years video earlier today and now this, feel very connected to this message about grief on a grey day
love loved this video, and the guitar is so gilmore girls esque ❤️
2023 was my grieving year! But I will always cherish that pain because I am 46 and finally truly feel alive and grateful ✨
Dear Rach, I have been really stuck lately... growing up and almost being 30 is very scary for me. I am not even close to feeling ready to move into that chapter of my life. I am very scared. These kinds of videos make me feel less lonely. Less scared because I have you 🧡 sharing your journey helps me become stronger to grow into mine ✨
My heart couldn’t stop the tears coming up
8 year old and 8 months old at 28 I never had a chance to mourn my early 20’s… never had a chance. But I want to just move forward and stay strong knowing one day being older is a blessing. Love ya Rachel ❤️
If there was no grief, there would be no growth
🤍 grief has always been with me. I’ve mistaken it for nostalgia, but I am not a nostalgic person, only perpetually grieving since childhood. Having older parents, I recognized their mortality very early on. I’m in my mid-thirties and Bô is turning 85. My daughter tried her first ride a few weeks ago, a carrousel by the lake. She is two and a half. Our eyes locked during the ride - I felt like I was on the ride myself, looking out for my own mother, at that very moment. I am now the parent, and I feel so much love for my daughter, the joy she felt on the carrousel was contagious. And I feel so much love for my own mother. It’s as though I felt complete, eternal somehow, at that very moment. Alive and unafraid of death. Like birth, it’s simply a transition into something else. This video was beautiful.
this comment is beautiful
we’re missing you Rachel🦋 take care 🩵
this is me on mushrooms lol especially when the double tree appeared. I say that with love! I relate to all of this
This video may be my favourite on the entirety of TH-cam, at least now, as I grieve my grandmother Ulla-Stina. She shone with a shimmering warmth until her last moment, I've never known someone with her resilience. The immense trauma of war from her childhood seemed like just a passing cloud as she told me about it. And although she'd been displaced and isolated from her family her presence was always a home to all of us around her.
Thank you for encouraging grief, it's such an underestimated practice.
Hopefully
Rachel! You’ve been my favorite (comfort) creator for yeeears. Today is the 6 month anniversary of the hardest breakup of my life. Was just sitting here working through those feelings and you posted this. Love you, love the tree, together in grief and growth 🤍🤍
love u rachel, it's weird you post videos just when I need them, as you must feel a need to post, the synchronicity with you audience is rare, I can see from the comment section how much your videos mean to people - love learning from/with you
I really needed this❤
u are so beautiful
thank you. turning 31 - best gift ever
This was so beautiful, real and relatable
I sincerely wish we could be friends... Proud of you Rachel, you are an amazing human being!
Rachel, everything is going to be ok. In January, I turned 45 and I just realized that my entire 30s, I was busy enjoying raising my kid it went so fast that my 30s came and went in a blink. The serene of the last clips were so nostalgic for me. Hugs!
That’s interesting to see it as grief for your 20s, but maybe because I was caregiving for my mom for nearly all my 20s until she died at the end of 2022.
Life is new and we’re both free. I feel like a child, and my therapist gave me permission to live out my 30s as if they’re my 20s and let things take the time it needs to take.
I’m blessed to be living with my dad, but life is changing rapidly this year and I feel like I’ve lost my footing even more as someone who’s starting at ground zero but it’s okay.
Baby steps. Through grief and life and changes and growth… if we can, we can take it one day at a time.
Extract energy from the spiritual world is the support in your life. Best wishes to you Rachel
this is beautiful. you're beautiful
we love you
Love you Rach 🫶 Thank you always
These thoughts of yours couldn’t be more relatable.
Idk why yt deleted my comment. All I said was that I relate to what you were saying about your parents and the depressing subject regarding mortality. I'm in my 30s too and I think about it all the time.
Don’t know why but I clicked on your video while walking home after a run. Was walking alone in the dark night in the city. And then now I feel like I’m walking home with a friend who just wants to chat and someone to listen to. We are here Rachel. ❤️
I am about to turn 40 and when I reflect on my 20's I can't believe how much time I used to have and I feel like my late 30's were stolen from me with the pandemic. It's really hard to sit with.
this is every thought that has crossed my mind as a 34 year old
oh my gosh very happy you posted raych. excited to watch the video.
BEAUTIFUL thank you for this.
tell me more about things that no one tells me about!
i love them topics tbh
awww I needed this!! we love you too!!