Dark night of the soul pushes you to find YOU .Music by bensound.com
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ธ.ค. 2016
- WHO AM I
Trevor Ilesley talks about how I first started to connect into something far greater then the normal aspect of life. We have been taught by history that no one knows who we are. Could the power of 3 letters 2 words be just the gift we have all been looking for.
There is only one great achievement to be successful in, and that is finding, and connecting to your own souls language in discovering your own divinity.
I'm sleeping with you! Seriously! Most nights I fall asleep listening to your hypnotic voice and powerful messages. You have such a gift. You are a phenomenal story teller and speaker. But more importantly, the messages convey an understanding of that which most people will never tackle. In fact, most run for the hills as they distract themselves with things that really are not important in the long run! Thank you for giving me hope that I don't have to diminish myself in order to do my time here on the Earth plane. I have fought long and hard
to keep this world from squeezing me into someone I'm not. I'm older now ;) so it's easier to BEME. I still feel like an alien here though. I've sort of learned to not hide my light, but to recognize early on when I encounter someone who wants to snuff it out. Then I just calmly remove myself and wish them love, and carry on.
I feel your truth through your words sagency. You have so got it right. I think once bemeism has come out of the shadows, you will totally get it. I think your energy may say, thank god, something I can truly believe in, and that's the self. I have just done a one hour long video. At the end of the video I show the world for the first time my code book of why b me and bemeism is so important. It will be nice to hear your take on this. You are on the right track of mastering b me. T. Ps, I did wonder if anyone goes to bed listening to my words. Be honest with you, I do to. I also learn from what I speak because my soul kicks in and takes over my voice because it knows what's important for people to listen to. T.
Like I said, I know you have that gift! To sit quietly in front of a camera and speak compelling Truth from the heart requires Spiritual intervention. It flows through you. It speaks to my heart. Ironic that even YOU can learn from listening to YOU! That's ideal!!
Thank you for noticing and telling me this info. When it flows it flows. I have to contain it most of the times other wise the information maybe hard for people to understand and I will talk for hours sagency
Oh yes, been there
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅jOkay that works. You're awesome too
So raw.. You had me laughing at some points. I have a twisted personality 😂🤣♥️🙏
lol it's life take care
My God, you are the real deal, I have always sought healing outside of myself and now I find myself in the cocoon you speak of. It’s a thunderstorm of hurt and pain and insight. I also realize I’ve been so unkind to myself. As much as this hurts like hell im driven to stay here and learn and emerge a better version. Thank you falls short but I thank you for sharing the teacher within you.
have you ever picked up a book you couldn't understand, and 5 years later you pick it up and you "get it" just keep moing forward in your own way at your own pace.
Thank you so much Trevor. I'm going to have a conversation with my soul before watching the next video!
So grateful for this series! 🙏☘️
You are my twin, your story is my story. Remarkable
Mt dark nights are now a blessing. Just to be able to experience anyuthing is a blessing. That means there s hope. Bv
Ive been going through alot of changes the past 3 months thankyou. So much for your videos😊 I FELT SO ALONE .
"I was going to write a letter to my soul and ask it 'what the fuck are you doing?'" Omg, thanks for the laugh! 😂
I watch alot of videos related to this. This has been the hardest 2 years of my life. You're the first one that I can relate to on a word for word basis. Its almost like I didnt have a choice, it was going to happen no matter how much I distracted myself. I just recently decided to take a break from my marriage so I can finish this process without someout somone elses emotional projections affecting me constantly. I feel like I need to find my ground, the real me and not comprompise who I am any more.
You are making me cry! Beautiful voice! Thankyou!
That love thing tho..Ha! so true.
All your words are true. My soul loves this💙
I just recently found you and Im diggin it ! i love your honesty and you made my heart smile when you said you were talking to the cieling and heard (be you! )...is someone in my house!!!!! hahhahhahah ...oh thank you Trevor for being you and sharing your stuff.(o: have a good day.
I can't thank you enough for making these videos and I'm so grateful for my angels that led me to find you. I've been really struggling with life for a few years now. It's been kinda bad for the last few months. My mother finally recognized (I hide most all my issues from family and friends) what I was going through and had me look into the Dark Night. So I did after reading a few things and starting a few YT videos nothing was really talking to me until I found you. You have so much content I'm very much looking forward to diving in and learning. ❤
👍Brilliant! Thank you. 🤗💞🤗
I moved away from home months ago and although I basically started over again somewhere else, but my mind set is exactly like you are describing. Exhausted, angry, and completely clueless of who I am. I grew up constantly adapting to my surroundings and people strictly for survival so now that I no longer have to do that, I am feeling completely lost. Two opposite personas. Happy go lucky around everyone even at work and a completely different person when I am alone or at home. Thank you 🙏🏼 for this amazing video, I am definitely going to follow you because I feel maybe things do happen for a reason and maybe stumbling upon your channel may be the direction I need to go to understand myself and realize not only who ‘me’ is, but finally give that ‘me’ the love and understanding I deserve ❤️
Thank you deeply for this, Trevor. I needed to know that this is totally normal, and also how to get through it. I think that this video will help me tremendously. Lots of Love, Em.
This is awesome hun, very true words and very inspirational
Your voice and the delivery of the stories you share always leaves me feeling so good. They reassure me I am not crazy😜 and they also provide clarity.
Thank you for sharing your gift and your wisdom with all of us!
Forever grateful Sir❣
You're a fucking Angel! I've never in my life seen of someone who resonates so deeply with my soul and what my experience has been. And I watch TONS of people... I mean I'm addicted. I wake up watching videos, through the day and to bed... And you are the truest soul I've ever seen..
It's like you have all the answers that we all yearn to find... I want to meet you in person!!
You have changed me, you have brought out my very own b*me.
So much love and gratitude sent your way!
Have been listening to your videos a while now Trevor,and truly you are gifted with how your words flow,I feel every word resonates on a deep subconscious level,I to having been going through the dark knight and lost all the people I loved so dearly,it’s like they vanished over night after my dad died,I went through the most horrendous attacks at my most weak time in my life,I have been having epiphany’s of atomic measure and had the veil lifted abruptly to discover narcissistic traits within my family,I realized I was treated like the black sheep for being honest all my life,unloving mother and siblings etc...the attacks on my character were lie based and soul destroying to say the least,it’s been so difficult and heartbreaking,I am an empath and have found peace and hope listening to you,I am a natural healer too,I still can’t get my head around the lies and attacks that were uncalled for from my family members and it didn’t stop there,anyway thank you Trevor you are giving me hope and your words are so comforting to me as my heart and mind were shattered by the people I loved the most,I want to forgive but the attacks continue even without my voice or presence,please say a prayer for me I believe in your work with all my being thank you so much🙏🏻🙌🏻👏🏻
I subbed to you a little while back after watching some of your work on connecting with Higher Self. (have to admit, a lot of the TH-cam terminology hits me weird... feels limiting somehow) I have just stared an after midnight binge on your work on the Dark Knight... I like the K idea (^_-) Thank you. I have to say that this is the first time hearing someone talk about this that it has felt so real. I've actually had a few chuckles along with you. Going through this is some other shit. I feel like I lost my mind and woke up in the Twilight Zone about 18 months ago. I have good days and bad, but am still managing to laugh at myself and trying to stay hopeful that all of this is for a good reason and I am not just losing my mind... though, some days that option almost seems soothing. It gets very tiring. Anyhow, I am not quite sure why I wrote all that, but I suppose I will leave i. I really just wanted to say thank you. Sometimes all this makes me feel so fucking alone I feel like my chest is being crushed and my head will explode. Tonight, your words and guidance... sharing of experience has been soothing in some strange way.
I feel less alone tonight. I wish there were more people to talk to in person. Sometimes, I wonder how many there really are. How many of us say nothing because of how insane it all would sound? I also started wondering how many people this has driven mad. So you think people who hear/see too much or maybe accept the easy temps are not even close to what I used to consider insane. I am just babbling now. I got interrupted and lost my flow. I find that happens a lot too. So many people around me getting pushed, I feel almost responsible sometimes. I know that is a trick too. So much sideways in all of this. Today just seems to be one of those days it gets hard to see up from down and it is nice to find an anchor when I need it. Thank you for being that tonight.
Another awesome one. Love you infinit intelligence..thank you...by the way ....healing is really manifesting since our session. Yaaaay....
Loved it
Just the boost of perspective needed today!
You spoke to me as if you know me.. Mind blowing!
Brilliant video!! you made me laugh 😂 xx
thank you!!!!!
It feels like you're speaking for me. Much love to you brother.
Thank you so much Trevor
This was brilliant ,the last bit about relationships is so funny but so true thanks
Hi Trev, hi from San Antonio Texas, love your hair, loving your videos, Deborah
I have really come to understand I am legion. Only when I completely accepted all the good and bad dark sub selves and got into some deep integration, inner family therapy did I find peace of mind. Less chatter and conflict within. Common goals and support have been key and understanding . And when the broken and angry sides raise I always support them with all the love I can give. I see you. Thanks for the awesome content. I will be checking out more. Bless
Thank you very much for your matter of fact delivery.
I'm 33 now was sectioned when I was 21 diagnosed with bi polar. I watched the video about bi polar that you delivered and out of every video I have ever watched about bi polar, waking up, dark night of the soul,suffering,enlightenment etc.... You have to be the realest.
Thank you ever so much
Love and respect
Easy geez :)
Can you point that video out for me? Can't find it. Peace, love and may you have a blissed life ❤️
"Accidentally" bumped into one of your videos happened to follow on from another one I was listening to.... I have to listen to it again there was so much that resonated. And talk about timely! Now I'm here looking at all these others... it could be a long night lol!!! Thank you for showing up today. Thank you for being authentic and for making me laugh too.
Wow same here!!! 💖
Thank you for these videos! I can't wait to get through this and help others as well. 💚
If its in your soul you will Liz Russo for sure. Maybe when i teach bemeism for real, maybe you can pass that info on for me. You to, can become a B*me master of self
Liz Russo I feel the same way, I am trying to learn the lesson, but the ego keeps peaking it's head, as I am writing this I should be practicing meditation but I keep putting it off.
Good grief Trevor, these thoughts have been on my mind recently! amazing x
All meant for you as a massage then vanessa rodriguez
9/12 years . It seemed like it would never end , it has transitioned now . I am very grateful for the video's you are doing because I never knew anyone else who understands this . You are a blessing !
A relief to find a familiar situation,9-10 years for me too. Thought I was the only one. Feels good to know your out there although I’m sorry for your suffering.
Be well. God Bless.
Christopher
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Bless you xxx
Thank you Annik Levesque
Thanks, Trevor.
Could listen to you all day x
Very insightful your higher self sorted you out. its a struggle for some to fit in this is but a hologram to learn down here then we go back we can come back and reincarnate to learn more or stay there. why so many feel out of joint here on foot here and one foot there. some people feel like no matter what they do they just dont fit in feel at odds with this world. channeling erik made me realise that this is like a game to learn and grow before we go back. Im on a soul search to and a spiritual search on so many ways to expand my soul and figure out my purpose.
I resonate with this SO much.
Great video.
Thank you Kim Gee
Thank you.
I've picked up a few tools but it's putting them to practice and consciously reminding myself to change my thoughts and feelings constantly. It's pretty hard. I would love to be able to do it always and I will soon I know I will. Funny when I've said this to ppl. Some say they get it but vibes tell me different then some just look at me and then talk about summit else. I'm getting there. Self teaching is difficult and I struggle to right things down as wish I was more organised with a pen n paper. I tend to get memory bland when I start writing. It's almost a bit of a fear..I'm rambling again . I know u will get me in what I'm saying. Bless👍
you, sire, are my newfound Guru
Excellent
Thanks for putting these videos out. They have a lot of meaning where I am at the moment, even though our thinking was mostly the same before. Bless you.
Thanks Damon Presti. These videos are the first of many. The next videos will be leading beings away from the darkness into the light of their being. I have 17 years of information to share, but can only be done in stages. T.
Gregory much love to you always respect your insight ful knowledge i need your knowledge always thankyou sir. The souilder.
Thanks for this.
I can't even tell you how much your information makes sense to me. I have asked myself the same questions over and over although the question changes
I like your wise words sir
Respect to you 🙏
Thank you. At last .. someone .. you speak a similar language .. looking forward to listening to you resonating me!
Thank you....thank you thank you.i would love to hear you talk about knowing what to do and how to do it totally making the uncommon common wealth relationships me how to help others basically knowing how to make my dreams come true and not giving up and being energetic this stuff is great got a lot of subject matter felt like this for years luckily I happened too stumble across this and you.if we want more light we must sit in outer darkness I'm not a know it all? Thank you for being you what a relief and thanks be to God bless you. Good job
beautiful..I agree
Yes you do Trevor. 😎
if i am to choose. i'd to the new version of self. organize evrything, from identity dowm to the library down to our own identity. You as of me. Thanks Trevor
I Just found your message and i am very scared to feel so related to it, one of my biggest fears is going mental, loosing my mind, so i always run away from dark ideas, or even the possibility that something else is taking control of my life and mind, i like to be in control, or at least have the illusion of control, so this is a scary path,, but i am very intrigued by your message, one thing that it got me was the fact that you said that the Bemeism was B+ blood type, and that is exactly my blood type. I will keep listening, although sometimes is hard because English is not my first language.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
THANK YOU
Ty.
love it 😊 one thing I heard trevor was...show me your face 500 years ago?? we can peel away the layers ..also I used to adapt to differently to differnt people to please them ....love ur vids thank u friend xx
Thanks Gail Youds.
I've been going through this for 7 years now. I was in the dark night of the soul in the first 4 years of it until I accepted that this was what I have to live with. Then things got a little better. I would have to say that I'm a totally different person and I'm still changing for the better. It's still tough at times but I tell myself this feeling will pass. I'm working on self love because this is what I've realized on my journey that I was struggling with. hoping to find my purpose on earth some day. thank you for a great video. you've answered most of my questions. take care
Hi there sopnana k. Self love love comes when you stop the negative thoughts within you. Once you can stop this, love naturally becomes you, because we have been so use too putting ourselves down all the time, that we start to wear out, and this is where we lose energy. Love and negativity go hand in had, and both neutralise its self when you find the balance. You cant have one with out the other, but the gold is in the darkness. Understand your darkness fully, and your light will be revealed to you. T.
sopnana k . By
I
sopnana k
You’re a warrior!
When you add in the real conversation, a few words like "fuck" and "shit" it's so grounding...and every time you say a curse, it tickles me. This was a cool video.
It's who I am Hoop Dance Work Out. It's every ones language
hoop dance, I have no idea why I wrote that lol
Trevor Ilesley It's all good...love your vids.
BEAUTIFUL ❣️🌹 this is my first video 😊
Sorry you had such a hard time yourself in your life, but I guess through your hard times it made you who you are today and you are helping other people :-)
Wow you should be in every high schools curriculum around the world.
I do love my parents but it is so hard to take care of them around the clock everyday and get anything done for myself. But I have lost 11 pounds in the last 3 weeks so I am happy about that!
I dont lie in relationships my partner always does. They are supposedly teachers, but I seem to run into the same problem again and again. Are people in general not trustworthyÉ Maybe I was too naive. I am in the process of shutting my light off. I am done loving I dont want to get hurt anymore. I wish I could find someone trustworthy. I want a deep connection but I cannot find it here. I am so unbelievably lost.
+
Trust comes when you can trust yourself in all that you meet Soulsurfer. Trust is when you know you dont have reactions to what is happening. But, i am sure you may now be a detective, which means do you find your self asking certain questions to actually see if they will lie.
ITs not them you need to trust, its the process you are going through. So, trust in the process that comes form the universe, once you get that, you can change the pattern but you must make sure that you dont carry the emotions from one onto another. Otherwise, the common denominator will be you, and so therefore it will keep on happening. Just get it, and the pattern will break. Hard to explain on text really. T
ok thank you :) I was trying to reflect to see what is it I need to learn, or what I need to do, but I couldnt figure it out. I will just have to trust like you say and wait it out. Not sure why I am experiencing this because it is so painful. I know what you mean when you say you feel like you lost everything. I lost everything too and it made me very confused.
Do you think you are looking for a deep relationship with the self, because inside is full of disappointments that actually make your vibration feel like its grinding rather then buzzing at a fast speed Soulsurfer. I love the name, what is your meaning behind this name. To me, it tells me that you are skimming on top of souls, as in riding the waves, As a surfer, we all like big waves. Could you be looking for a soul, that creates waves, and makes life more adventitious. T
Don't lose yourself Soulsurfer
Spot on! I give my heart to my mate, im honesty and respect only to be lied to and heart broken. While Im lonely, at times it feel better than being cheated on and lied to, or even taken for granted.
I'm with you meaning I fully understand you and love a chat. Everything you say I relate to. I need the tools you have . Would be amazing if you could share
💯 🙏🏽
I met a malignant narcissist who killed me and broke me and slashed my heart!
Writing is cool
Man has no individual i. But there are, instead, hundreds and thousands of separate small "i"s, very often entirely unknown to one another, never coming into contact, or, on the contrary, hostile to each other, mutually exclusive and incompatible. Each minute, each moment, man is saying or thinking, "i". And each time his i is different. just now it was a thought, now it is a desire, now a sensation, now another thought, and so on, endlessly. Man is a plurality. Man's name is legion.
G.I. Gurdjieff
Someone pointed out the tyrant in my head and I woke up.
I raise both hands coz everyone i met had something good without a lie or even a so called program...i take the bad as an example 2 follow (or not) as a free teaching 2 young ones 4 much of them need n want 2 learn how 2 be (b*me) theirselfs but rarely meet one who shows what they say...their potential is so important 2 me that i make n take time 4 we teach each other in a different way 👼
As for the men on white coats coming for you for hearing voices, the psychology community has changed a lot since the 80s, they understand that hearing voices is quite a normal part of some people's psychology, it's the intention to harm following hearing those voices that gives them concern.
Your amazing the more I listen to you the more it makes sense. It's funny that what I put out in to the universe it manifest without me realizing it. Ive been praying for this healing within me for many many years and now everything I look at or read has do with this topic I mean it's been a whole year of this. Now I'm in school and the subject is about "Patient Relations= Stress+Depression" it's unbelievable. How when I ask I receive no matter how long it takes. Perhaps becoming vegan helped some to see things clearly seeing triple numbers like 888 11:11 2:22 especially 3:33 my bd month
Hi Trevor!
thank you for your videos, God bless you! I have been in the Dark Night since may 10 and I have a 9 month baby and I just feel I cant control anything. I was thinking in sui.... and I still praying and requesting God his LOve and Mercy . I guess I'm healing from past experiences... verbal and physical agression. I forgive and I love but I dont know what else I can do. I know I'm special, I 'm completely different from others. I love to help, to teach , to assist others, I'm learning to help, support, and taking care of myself but it's difficult to go through it with a baby (I now it is happening now because my baby is teaching me something and helping out. She is not a load, is my light even somethimes I feel exhausted) . I quit my job and it has been a total change... it is time to heal- I experienced it when I was 12 (for about a month... ) , then at 24 (it lasts like 6 months) and now... 33 yrs old.
I believe it takes time to get some energy back after having a baby. I believe you have much to teach little one. Selene Garcia
Trevor Ilesley Thank you Trevor. I have faith and hope , everything happens for a good reason ! Hope to see the light soon... patience.
Go with the experience it's the best way Selene Garcia
♥️
I am a newbie here Trevor.Tochey on what you are saying here.I knew from a young age,I always wanted to be me.But what is that really? Have I succeeded? Hardly,or I wouldn't be here.
Has there been any update on this video? Did the man in the video die?
The dark night is here...Im uncomfortable and undone. So I asked some questions and said what am I? I don't think I like the answer...but it's undeniably true.
Well thankfully an everyday Pearson 🤯
Wow! Going through this now. Who am I? Do not know anymore but just want the tears/pain to stop? Just tired now. Thanks - at least I know I am not going crazy! Just lots of pain.
Lol omg I went through this and it’s life changing
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Im boredout of my skull for some years now. Its like ive lived 5000 years. Im lonely and there is nothing to do in this town.
Hello Trevor! How i can connect with you?
It's complicated😃
🙏❤️🙏
It really is impossible to know who you are, but I believe you will understand when you listen to Eckhart Tolle or read his books, especially The Power of Now
Does it feel like your crazy if you let yourself be? Like i feel scared but in me its like i am not me and i am strong but something is keeping me huddled and afraid. I feel paranoid.
cover I miss you talkin and your teachings I've been keeping up with it but lately I've been going through the dark night of the soul where I'm hearing voices and I need your help help the shoulder Gregory Williams sir.
Thank you for sharing your experience and Hope sir.
does it work like this? first kundalini awakening, feeling great (in my case 2 weeks) then everything goes like hell in a way that looks like trying to teach ME something (to another one this probably wouldnt) and everything will be fine once I do understand it? Thanks
I can't speak for the teacher, but with me it was like this:
As a child I thought I was posessed, and I kept all those feelings suppressed and hidden etc. Later in life I was diagnosed with Bipolar and medicated, and after a while I started self-destructing at around 30. My kundelini awakening happened almost a year ago, and I'm still snapping out of the dark night, but also know that I still have quite a way to go. So technically I guess that means that I've been in the dark night for most of my life.
I'm turning 40 in a few days, and I keep thinking of that bunch in the book of Exodus fucking about in the desert for 40-odd years.
For me now, after the awakening and what feels like Bipolar PLUS, I find that I'm having longer "light" cycles than "dark" cycles, so to speak. The advice Trevor gives in this vid is the same that I've been using basically. I reject negative thoughts and accept positive, and slowly the negative stops knocking. Also, by being dark, and lost in the dark means you are learning. Be concious in it, pay attention and it'll show you the light.
You've made it through the worst shit matey, now just keep getting up and walking tall in love and light.
Yes pepe pepe. It seems many people use this word of kundalini to express the feeling as it goes through the chakras. It lets you know that there was a moment, a level of where you could be. I call mine the B*me lot. Body mind energy ladder of truth. When you have all three components working in harmony, the energy rises up the ladder. The trick though is to be able to stay there.
✌❤😊🙏
I am going to write a letter to my soul as well, and say “what the fuck are you doing???” I wanted to hug you when you said that. 🥴😆 In fact, I’m hugging you now. Thank you for sharing your story and using your curse words-this story was finally relatable on a lot of levels 💛
as long as you talk about I and I and I you are referring to the ego .the ego is the source of all sufferings and all problems he likes that very much it is his food for life .and it keeps creating more OF it .if you are really serious about spirituality ask yourself or God who you really are ! and keep asking on and on , you will receive many enlightening answers obviously coming from a great and wise mind .never stop asking for real knowledge .and be ready to do anything for and in the name of God and help people around you which ever way you can .then you will be deserving to receive real knowledge about reality and yourself .you will get closer and closer to possible illumination .which is the result of years of researches and spiritual work .this the reason we are here on earth . to learn and progress thru many reincarnations . you don't loose what you already knows. some people will reach illumination in this incarnation because they did a lot of work in others lives before ! there is no cheating ! you get what you deserve this is real justice .after illumination you will receive countless gifts and blessings with permanent peace beyond understanding permanent love for all creatures great joy unbelievable and many more talents that cannot be told here ...your knowledge will extend to boundless reaches of the infinite and ETERNITY..no more words when Silence Speaks for Itself ....
Im so mean and grumpy I often think how the fuk did I get a husband. I have so much sh!t in my head every second , I hate everything , I’m 36 and my husband keeps asking me for a fkn kid and I just wanna punch him in the face cause I feel we don’t deserve kids . We are both bad people. I don’t wanna bring another person to hate into this world .
Hi Trevor, thanks so much for your videos. I very much apreciated them. I wanted to ask you a question about a feeling I have sometimes through this journey. Sometimes the pain is so strong it become dense and it is like it sort of leave the body. It is like a cloud "sweating away"...almost impossible to explain. I do not even know if it was real or just a trick of my mind....it seems very much real but too foggy to be certain of. I felt, clearly, that in that process I "died"...I hope to be able to express this cleraly...I felt I died...there was a blank point when I methaforically died...I was thinking about the end of a relationshio that is not supposed t be so importante, lasted few months, even if I am struggling to accept it...and I felt I died...do not know how to explain...and thinking about the loss was like experiencing a limb tore away. I died and I am alive. No relief though in the "pain-cloud" realease...how can it be possible?
Its true, only your mind, and ego, human way, is telling you it isn't possible, but it is. I know what you are talking about. T
Thanks 💐
great video indeed. helps a lot. I even had to lough when you said " I was going to write a letter to my soul and ask it : what the fuck are you doing?" 😁
I realized or at least I think now that it is crucial to understand the dark-night-of the soul and get away from this : "omg I am loosing it again" point of view.
Yes, understand it fully, it's leading you to the right place. It did for me Octavian R