I have the same problem as this lady and I'm about the same age too. It was never diagnosed and it stole my life. Life is even harder now at 42 with this disorder. You can sort of skate by in life while u are young with bpd but as u get older having this untreated starts to complicate life significantly.
I totally feel this....now I just do seasonal work...driving jobs...because I don't deal with people and there's no real going up, the ladder in driving jobs...I am smart but my people skills stink so I can't hold a job or a relationship....now that I'm 42 I'm like omg this is bad....especially because I'm sooo alone
Fuck, this is too relatable..I'm almost 52 and the sense of wasted potential that I live with is so..just sad and tragic..this is one of the worst things about BPD
Well said and especially being a man as were looked at in society as the main provider. That's not saying that women do not experience the same feeling which undoubtedly they do! However I feel as if I'm more pressured as a male by family and society and that leads to shame when we cant fulfill our promises to ourselves and others. Cheers matey
Just turned 31, 3 weeks ago .. just got a bpd diagnoses a week ago. This explains why I cannot hold a job for long and keep changing. I also thought about having many careers.. a chef, massage therapist, truck driver, security guard, addiction worker, etc… I always found it odd how I wanted to be so many things! But couldn’t actually be any..
Many would add to your arguments "you're forever undecided due to laziness,procrastination or fear of failure"/ "you want to do anything but actually you don't want anything."/"you're too perfectionist."... Am I right?
Thats so me. I became graphic designer, psychologist, human resources officer, marketing officer, pole dancer, flamenco dancer, pianist, music artist, music producer, photographer, painter, poet, real estater, candle maker, room renter and other job dreams and works I cant remember there should be more
God, this is so me! I saw me right there. I’ve never really seen me as a BPD person, just now(I recently got diagnosed with BPD and ADHD). I’m 39, I’m smart and have potential but I don’t know- ever!- what the hell I wanna do with my life! It’s so stressful, it never goes away!
I'm not intelligent or have talent. And I'm not just saying that. I really don't. So it's really hard to live day to day. I'm just living my life barely squeaking by. I really don't know what I'm gonna do when my father passes away. It's gonna be even harder being completely alone.
I sit here trying to get my industrial refrigeration quote done, aware of my homebuilt moonshine still in the garage, a functioning hydroponic system in my livingroom, and a permanently half-finished mural in my bedroom, the confused users of my half-finished piece of audio software and hundreds of other unfinished or constantly changing things... and I still haven't painted the walls. The floor of the upstairs bathroom is ripped up because I was sure there was water damage. The front porch needs work. The gutters need cleaning. My broken relationship with my spouse needs fixing. But I need to get this quote done. It is SO hard to just stay the course sometimes. Thanks for sharing your testimony.
@@miss_8thwonder I don't think there's a point behind any mental illness. I live with 5 conditions and they all sap the life out of me. Every day I wonder what is the point.
@@HilaryTsaiRageVlog I figured it out, there is a point, we develop illness according to the environment & surrounding people, and it isn't our fault! That's just how the brain works, while a narcissist's brain is all ill and selfish and unclean but we know ourselves better so a good healthy person could Develop OCD in order to survive, but the good news is there is a way out, we just have to withhold or remove every toxic people and see beyond environment! God bring disorder in order to bring order, so what have you experienced in your real or personal life?
@@HilaryTsaiRageVlog I figured it out, there is a point, we develop illness according to the environment & surrounding people, and it isn't our fault! That's just how the brain works, while a narcissist's brain is all ill and selfish and unclean but we know ourselves better so a good healthy person could Develop OCD in order to survive, but the good news is there is a way out, we just have to withhold or remove every toxic people and see beyond environment! God bring disorder in order to bring order, so what have you experienced in your real or personal life?
I'm 44 and changed jobs many times and moved many times. I live with my dad because I'm afraid of being independent and alone. No one knows I have this so of course my family thinks I'm just lazy. I feel like I'm a waste of space and air. I'm just existing and not living my life.
I just started living by myself and at the age of 39, I feel I don’t know how to be alone and I wanna go home but my mom doesn’t want me to go back. I want to be independent but being alone is so hard
I have changed my career so many times in my life. I'm 44 and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Ugh. It's torture. Really. It torures me all the time. It makes me feel so out of place and useless in the world. I don't feel that I will ever reach my potential either, yet I want to so badly.
Hey! I feel exactly the same way! I’m 39 and still don’t know what I wanna do. I’m talented and could use it, but instead, I don’t. And I wake up and go to bed every single day worrying about this.
For real, I don't know who I'm gonna be from one day to the next. I end up quitting the job, not turning up or go off at a manager and get sacked. It sucks being a failure
I did not manage to join HR, working as a product advisor now, and I am already a professional singer, problem is I dont have the guts to post more, and be more in here and sell myself more...
I'm the same 36 and it's so frustrating it's been going on for years I feel like its wearing away at my self esteem now it's like we know what were capable of but cant stick to the plan!!!
@@mariahconklin4150 I feel you Mariah it slowly grinds you down like you've got so much ambition but it's never fulfilled because you're someone else the next day and paranoid of people judging you do you get that?
I'm almost 40 and I still have no idea wtf I am going to do for the rest of my life. I'm at the point where I've pretty much given up. I will probably never have a career. I've had jobs. but I'll never have a career. I work part-time because that is really all I could handle. I have so many mental health issues a full time job would be just too much for me. I tried so many different career paths, I went back to school three times. and nothing ever worked out. because anytime I entered a new profession I would end up absolutely hating it. I have no idea who I am or what i like. I sort of just exsist. and live day to day just looking for anything to distract myself, I have no hobbies, other then watching youtube or going on social media, I play video games, but that's about it. I just have no idea who I am!
It's super hard but take a break from social media! I do it for hours or days and it's helped me so much to start listening to myself and find my identity more.
The other part of the problem is we live in a society where the only thing that matters is your career. The first thing people ask you is "what do you do?" Your entire sense of self worth is tied into what you "do".
@@Chrisdvc26 Which is ironic because the vast majority of people wouldn't "do" what they "do" if they didn't get paid for it. There is a reason why Americans spend over $100 billion on lottery tickets every year. Their self worth is tied to something they wouldn't do if they had the choice.
I feel.100% the same way. I never where to fit into the working world and I was put under so much pressure from my family to be a professional and be high achieving. I.ended up in so many careers that caused me anxiety and depression.
Does anyone have any ideas for a job? I came on here to work out what I can do for a career. I'm 37 and have BPD and Cptsd my whole life. I was severely bullied throughout all my schooling years, by my parents and my brothers. I have no friends! Sometimes it's better that way. I don't have to get my hopes up and get attached , then they realise how much of a nut case I am and leave me, fuck that! Work's the same, you put your trust in your boss and they turn against you. Makes me bloody wild!
Have you had a job before? If so, it might help give you some indications of what things you're better at and what you're worse at as well as what kind of tasks you like to do more and what kind of tasks you don't like to do. Maybe try to write it all down to try to get a somewhat clearer picture of what kind of job is more suitable for you. Keep in mind that most likely no job will be a completely perfect fit for you, but you should try to aim for something that as suitable as you can get it.
I feel that way. I understand how she feels totally. I have career goals but I fear I’ll fail an failure is holding me back also just the fear that I’ll get criticized an rejected.
I feel like I'm running as fast as I can to the end of employment to retirement. Dodging and weaving in and out of jobs. One minute I'm a painter another minute. I have zero friends and family are estranged cause they can't deal with me and the suicidal ideation. So, I work my job where there are no people then come home alone and do the same thing day after day. What's the point? I mean I'm basically working to support a life I don't want to live. It's like self flagellation. Very disturbing.
Not sure that’s best described as indecision. You chop and change jobs. You start over. Doing that is making decisions many would find hard. I associate indecision with anxiety, overthinking and being afraid of the unknown. Forever pondering. Your condition comes across as lethargy. Being under stimulated, craving excitement not afraid of risk. You are a risk taker, probably an extrovert obviously not big on commitment. You don’t need help making decisions if anything you are likely impulsive. You make decisions easily you just get bored really easily. You could try taking up a risky pursuit, something that might be considered nerve jangling for most. . Something to excite you. Something to get your adrenaline pumping. Maybe meet like minded people in the process. If you must get a thrill from work then start a business. The ups and downs of running your own business are notoriously stressful but might be just what will stimulate and challenge you enough to hold your interest
I was teased a lot in school so I almost never had friends growing up and I still don't. That's where the abandonment comes from and why I got BPD. I have social phobia pretty bad so I don't want to go out and meet people cause it's scary for me. I am not intelligent at all. I have a hard time learning a job and yet I still change a lot. I've been at my job 2 yrs and it feels like i've been here forever and it's time to change so I'm looking.
" You can only start over so many times" I feel this so deeply. I've lost count over the last 23 years how many times I've had to do this. 😢
"I definitely feel as though I will never reach my potential." Damn...that hurts way too much; hits too close to home...
I have the same problem as this lady and I'm about the same age too. It was never diagnosed and it stole my life. Life is even harder now at 42 with this disorder. You can sort of skate by in life while u are young with bpd but as u get older having this untreated starts to complicate life significantly.
My life is so hard it makes me want to scream sometimes
Just diagnosed at 42. I absolutely agree with your sentiment 😔
I totally feel this....now I just do seasonal work...driving jobs...because I don't deal with people and there's no real going up, the ladder in driving jobs...I am smart but my people skills stink so I can't hold a job or a relationship....now that I'm 42 I'm like omg this is bad....especially because I'm sooo alone
Fuck, this is too relatable..I'm almost 52 and the sense of wasted potential that I live with is so..just sad and tragic..this is one of the worst things about BPD
It's never too late- I truly appreciate your words. But, I don't ever think it's too late for a person long as you keep getting back up.
Yes, I absolutely feel the same way. Just diagnosed at 42 and everyone has always told me how smart and how much potential I have and am wasting it 😢
Well said and especially being a man as were looked at in society as the main provider. That's not saying that women do not experience the same feeling which undoubtedly they do! However I feel as if I'm more pressured as a male by family and society and that leads to shame when we cant fulfill our promises to ourselves and others. Cheers matey
@@borderline2022you deserve the world! ❤
I'm 55 and feel very much the same way. I have, however, decided to not give up. I have energy and hope.
Just turned 31, 3 weeks ago .. just got a bpd diagnoses a week ago. This explains why I cannot hold a job for long and keep changing. I also thought about having many careers.. a chef, massage therapist, truck driver, security guard, addiction worker, etc… I always found it odd how I wanted to be so many things! But couldn’t actually be any..
I'm struggling with the same thing.. It's very painful
Me too girl. I found it odd too.
Many would add to your arguments "you're forever undecided due to laziness,procrastination or fear of failure"/ "you want to do anything but actually you don't want anything."/"you're too perfectionist."... Am I right?
@@Non-ExistentWomanany solution?
Thats so me. I became graphic designer, psychologist, human resources officer, marketing officer, pole dancer, flamenco dancer, pianist, music artist, music producer, photographer, painter, poet, real estater, candle maker, room renter and other job dreams and works I cant remember there should be more
i'm 47,and i feel in the same way. You're not alone.
It’s good to know we’re not the only ones feeling this.
I see people with BPD displaying indecisiveness quite alot
God, this is so me! I saw me right there. I’ve never really seen me as a BPD person, just now(I recently got diagnosed with BPD and ADHD). I’m 39, I’m smart and have potential but I don’t know- ever!- what the hell I wanna do with my life! It’s so stressful, it never goes away!
Same as you, word for word. I may show this to my therapist to show in someone else's words how I feel
@@drebugsita yes, do it! I’ve never identified with a testimony so strongly.
I'm not intelligent or have talent. And I'm not just saying that. I really don't. So it's really hard to live day to day. I'm just living my life barely squeaking by. I really don't know what I'm gonna do when my father passes away. It's gonna be even harder being completely alone.
@@mireilleclement6385 With all due respect I'm not buying it
I sit here trying to get my industrial refrigeration quote done, aware of my homebuilt moonshine still in the garage, a functioning hydroponic system in my livingroom, and a permanently half-finished mural in my bedroom, the confused users of my half-finished piece of audio software and hundreds of other unfinished or constantly changing things... and I still haven't painted the walls. The floor of the upstairs bathroom is ripped up because I was sure there was water damage. The front porch needs work. The gutters need cleaning. My broken relationship with my spouse needs fixing. But I need to get this quote done. It is SO hard to just stay the course sometimes. Thanks for sharing your testimony.
Is this an illness forever or a curse, i mean like why does it even exist and what is the reason behind it
I thought these symptoms were of ADHD
@@miss_8thwonder I don't think there's a point behind any mental illness. I live with 5 conditions and they all sap the life out of me. Every day I wonder what is the point.
@@HilaryTsaiRageVlog I figured it out, there is a point, we develop illness according to the environment & surrounding people, and it isn't our fault! That's just how the brain works, while a narcissist's brain is all ill and selfish and unclean but we know ourselves better so a good healthy person could Develop OCD in order to survive, but the good news is there is a way out, we just have to withhold or remove every toxic people and see beyond environment! God bring disorder in order to bring order, so what have you experienced in your real or personal life?
@@HilaryTsaiRageVlog I figured it out, there is a point, we develop illness according to the environment & surrounding people, and it isn't our fault! That's just how the brain works, while a narcissist's brain is all ill and selfish and unclean but we know ourselves better so a good healthy person could Develop OCD in order to survive, but the good news is there is a way out, we just have to withhold or remove every toxic people and see beyond environment! God bring disorder in order to bring order, so what have you experienced in your real or personal life?
I'm 44 and changed jobs many times and moved many times. I live with my dad because I'm afraid of being independent and alone. No one knows I have this so of course my family thinks I'm just lazy.
I feel like I'm a waste of space and air.
I'm just existing and not living my life.
Thank you for sharing this with us. Wishing you all good things. -P
I just started living by myself and at the age of 39, I feel I don’t know how to be alone and I wanna go home but my mom doesn’t want me to go back. I want to be independent but being alone is so hard
It makes sense as we don't have a defined idea of self
I have changed my career so many times in my life. I'm 44 and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Ugh. It's torture. Really. It torures me all the time. It makes me feel so out of place and useless in the world. I don't feel that I will ever reach my potential either, yet I want to so badly.
Me too, me too, me too! 😩
Hey! I feel exactly the same way! I’m 39 and still don’t know what I wanna do. I’m talented and could use it, but instead, I don’t. And I wake up and go to bed every single day worrying about this.
You've described me very well,except the age(I'll turn 30 soon). This means I can have bpd too?
3 ideas fucking daily!!!!
Bpd should have their own career we can't be employees
we suffer then perish
For real, I don't know who I'm gonna be from one day to the next. I end up quitting the job, not turning up or go off at a manager and get sacked. It sucks being a failure
❤@@thewayiseethings4
I'm 29. I feel the same way. Wanted to become an Opera singer. Then personal assistant, now work in an HR department...
How is HR going?
Well, did you go to audition for the singing, you might be good at it
I did not manage to join HR, working as a product advisor now, and I am already a professional singer, problem is I dont have the guts to post more, and be more in here and sell myself more...
I'm the same 36 and it's so frustrating it's been going on for years I feel like its wearing away at my self esteem now it's like we know what were capable of but cant stick to the plan!!!
I’m 36 to and me just being able to keep a job past 10 days without calling out would be a miracle.
@@mariahconklin4150 I feel you Mariah it slowly grinds you down like you've got so much ambition but it's never fulfilled because you're someone else the next day and paranoid of people judging you do you get that?
"can't stick to the plan" omg you said it so right!
Imagine if we did stick to the plan!! We would be millionaires trust me!!
@@borderline2022Is there no therapy & medication or treatment for it, out there?
same exact problem
I'm almost 40 and I still have no idea wtf I am going to do for the rest of my life. I'm at the point where I've pretty much given up. I will probably never have a career. I've had jobs. but I'll never have a career. I work part-time because that is really all I could handle. I have so many mental health issues a full time job would be just too much for me. I tried so many different career paths, I went back to school three times. and nothing ever worked out. because anytime I entered a new profession I would end up absolutely hating it. I have no idea who I am or what i like. I sort of just exsist. and live day to day just looking for anything to distract myself, I have no hobbies, other then watching youtube or going on social media, I play video games, but that's about it. I just have no idea who I am!
It's super hard but take a break from social media! I do it for hours or days and it's helped me so much to start listening to myself and find my identity more.
The other part of the problem is we live in a society where the only thing that matters is your career. The first thing people ask you is "what do you do?" Your entire sense of self worth is tied into what you "do".
@@Chrisdvc26 Which is ironic because the vast majority of people wouldn't "do" what they "do" if they didn't get paid for it. There is a reason why Americans spend over $100 billion on lottery tickets every year.
Their self worth is tied to something they wouldn't do if they had the choice.
How old are you
@@Sjpvid do BPD eventually get an identity?
I feel.100% the same way. I never where to fit into the working world and I was put under so much pressure from my family to be a professional and be high achieving. I.ended up in so many careers that caused me anxiety and depression.
Fully understand you. IT is very very frustrating.
Does anyone have any ideas for a job? I came on here to work out what I can do for a career. I'm 37 and have BPD and Cptsd my whole life. I was severely bullied throughout all my schooling years, by my parents and my brothers. I have no friends! Sometimes it's better that way. I don't have to get my hopes up and get attached , then they realise how much of a nut case I am and leave me, fuck that!
Work's the same, you put your trust in your boss and they turn against you. Makes me bloody wild!
Maybe a job helping people?
Security camera guard, nurse, bartender, therapist, hospital receptionist, ....
Have you had a job before? If so, it might help give you some indications of what things you're better at and what you're worse at as well as what kind of tasks you like to do more and what kind of tasks you don't like to do. Maybe try to write it all down to try to get a somewhat clearer picture of what kind of job is more suitable for you. Keep in mind that most likely no job will be a completely perfect fit for you, but you should try to aim for something that as suitable as you can get it.
me too sista. 36 now. no fucking clue what to do with myself.
That makes both of us
I'm sorry love. I'm 32 and contemplating school again but still unsure ..
@@sdbeagle10 me too
@@bekacynthia me too
U can tell she's a really good person
She does come across as authentic, empathetic and taking her mental wellbeing into serious consideration
I have not been diagnosed, but I suspect I have this disorder. It’s insidious.
Same here..mild bpd or just clear traits of it that I'm becoming more aware that start to make a pieces of puzzles of who I am
I feel that way. I understand how she feels totally. I have career goals but I fear I’ll fail an failure is holding me back also just the fear that I’ll get criticized an rejected.
Great description
Thank you. I appreciate your vulnerability.
Not reaching your potential is common...wether you have bpd or not...
Same. What is this called? I feel SO related to this. Is it part of BPD?
Borderline, almost 30 and seriously don’t know what I wanna do. Also I spent most of my life unemployed. This feeling almost push me to suicide.
I feel the same! I start off well then it takes some trigger and I'm done and look for another job..I'm 40 and still don't fucking know
I can relate and it is heartbreaking
Omg another person that feels the same way😮
I feel like that too.
I feel like I'm running as fast as I can to the end of employment to retirement. Dodging and weaving in and out of jobs. One minute I'm a painter another minute. I have zero friends and family are estranged cause they can't deal with me and the suicidal ideation. So, I work my job where there are no people then come home alone and do the same thing day after day. What's the point? I mean I'm basically working to support a life I don't want to live. It's like self flagellation. Very disturbing.
I feel you Love--I feel you.
Me too...
How do we fix this?
How is regina doing now?
I suffer the same demise with my bpd! It sucks so bad!
Not sure that’s best described as indecision. You chop and change jobs. You start over. Doing that is making decisions many would find hard. I associate indecision with anxiety, overthinking and being afraid of the unknown. Forever pondering. Your condition comes across as lethargy. Being under stimulated, craving excitement not afraid of risk. You are a risk taker, probably an extrovert obviously not big on commitment. You don’t need help making decisions if anything you are likely impulsive. You make decisions easily you just get bored really easily. You could try taking up a risky pursuit, something that might be considered nerve jangling for most. . Something to excite you. Something to get your adrenaline pumping. Maybe meet like minded people in the process. If you must get a thrill from work then start a business. The ups and downs of running your own business are notoriously stressful but might be just what will stimulate and challenge you enough to hold your interest
Interesting perspective
I appreciate this
I wonder what the childhood environment of this woman was like?
I was teased a lot in school so I almost never had friends growing up and I still don't. That's where the abandonment comes from and why I got BPD. I have social phobia pretty bad so I don't want to go out and meet people cause it's scary for me. I am not intelligent at all. I have a hard time learning a job and yet I still change a lot. I've been at my job 2 yrs and it feels like i've been here forever and it's time to change so I'm looking.
Rough..
Is this Liz’s mother?