@Im_bored_again your mom may only have narcissistic traits and not the personality disorder. Either way, it’s painful to have a mom like this. I’m sorry that’s your case too but yea it is good it’s being talked about more.
I must say ..it seems pretty narcissistic to go around calling other people narcissist considering you only have one perspective which is your own and they have their perspective just like yours may be in their eyes they don't see that clearly they probably don't. Just saying it's always worth looking into your own self first and at least also to make sure it's not you or you and them.
Mine died almost 3 years ago. Went no contact over 10 years ago. She drank and smoked heavily and died a painful death. A stroke that caused an aneurysm in her brain that left her paralyzed on her right side she was in hospice and died seven days later I didn’t know she died until a probate lawyer reached out to me 2 years later. Ironically, my share of the inheritance is helping me in my family finally at the age of 40 to purchase our first home and to move the hell out of Southern California. She got what she deserved in the end and I was compensated. But the damage she did is everlasting because I’ll never be able to forget but I am a cycle breaker and I will break the cycles so my own precious 17 month old daughter will never have to experience , anything of this.
Be careful with that word! (Never) you don't know what you may carry when it comes to your (D.N.A) you may not want to be a narcissist like your mother was to you, but you also don't know if you, your self might have it in ur blood you could end up being a narcissist towards ur own child against ur will, meaning you could have the same traits and not even know it until ur child brings it to your attention or you notice it your self and if you can acknowledge it for what it is, you can work on working against narcissist behavior that might be hereditary or brought on by the narcissist behavior you suffered from with your Mother, the ol' sane says, hurt people, hurt other people!
narcissism is an acquired condition, it is in no way genetic. the scientific basis for genetic mental health problems is murky as it is, and even then, experts don’t categorize narcissism as an inheritable disease. narcissism is ALWAYS the result of unresolved childhood trauma, almost always inflicted by a narcissist. it’s contagious. if you’re intentional about living your life differently, you can heal completely from narcissism, but it takes a lot of help from people who may not be there. people underestimating how much social support is needed to heal from many psychological problems, and they don’t understand how hard it is to get that support when your social skills are impaired from years of narcissistic abuse. it is more than possible though. just to be clear, don’t go calling narcissism a genetic disorder. it is a social disorder, and it’s inaccurate and harmful to spread misinformation. if people think it’s genetic, they won’t be motivated to change. same thing with any other mental health condition. how do you know it’s genetic? how do you know you’re stuck with it if all you’ve done to heal are things that don’t even hold the possibility of healing you? we’re not allowed to talk about healing these things, because they want us stuck on the mental health system. we could heal each other, but that would lose a lot of money for them, so they tell us not to talk to a friend like god intended, no, we need a therapist and a psychiatrist. they act like the cure but they’re the cancer. anyways. get your facts right.
My mother actually told me that "the lawyer told her to spend her kids inheritence" She made the lawyers mad because as a narccissist, she thought she knew more. These lawyers were corrupt to begin with, and she made it worse.
I'm 59 years old. Mom is still living. Every single sign you stared is my mom!!! And I have mental health issues starting with extreme low self esteem.........
I can empathise. I hadn’t realised what a narcissist mother can do to their daughter. The wanting a mini me then getting annoyed and envious if that child succeeds, the never praising, the perpetual criticism whilst praising herself, the sympathy competition, the self obsession, the need for attention and the wanting to look like the brilliant mother. Perfectionism, self esteem issues, depression are all the result of narcissistic mothers. I hope you can realise it’s not you, it’s her.
Acceptance that you'll never have the mom you imagined you had 💔 We must move on and nurture ourselves in a way she never can ❤ It's definitely a heartbreaking realization. But we can move on and up! I am. Keeping that TOXIC outta my life.
I've said that. I want a mom. So desperately have wanted a mom. Having her in my life doesn't provide me with that though (8/8 here). Mourning the person I wish I could have leaned on.
That is what I will never understand. Every time she was nice to me. I fell for it. Because I thought I was loved. I'm scared to cry in front of my mother. I never wanted to hug my mother. I felt uncomfortable doing so. It's not normal. We can be the healthy mother we always wanted, but she will never be her. That's what I was feeling anger, and bitterness because home never felt safe and I never got to relax. I never wanted to stay home and I worked hard because it was the only way I felt good and could breathe for a minute or two without her being around. I could get things for myself that she didn't want to do for me but I would do for her.
Exactly. I think this is one of the things that has always made me sad my whole life, just never knew just how to put my finger on it. My mother is a narcissist, so is my mother in law! 😒😣 Thank God my husband doesn’t put up with it!!
My mom had this weird thing of comparing us too her friends kids in front of those kids and the parents, always saying dumb shit like how come you can’t get good grades in school like John/jane doe. Did this so much that around the time I hit 4th grade and started taking school seriously I ended up getting a 100 on my vocabulary test which to me was amazing because even at 27 right now I have a 5th grade reading level, but the moment I tried showing her she accused me of rubbing it in her face the first time I actually did something right.. hence your sign 10
@@fkurfeelings6938that means she’s comfortable with her children falling short in life and not leveling up and achieving bc your a threat to her and how she was raised. Narcissistic parents act out of their emotions so if they get a slight thought that wow their doing good their mind will tell them “but then they’ll end up succeeding in life and leveling up , they’ll do better then me” your mother wanted to also be able to tell people that your failing so she could belittle you with them and you’d feel the need to never succeed . Sick. I go through a lot with my narc mom as well. Best revenge is to isolate from her and achieve new goals and hobbies and never be like her then when she asks tell her all the good things your doing and learning❤.
@@purpleflowers92 I got hand-me-down clothes from her friend's daughter who was older than me. But I think she did mention food being provided and a house over our heads. Which I left at age 15 to get away. I mean I am grateful for eating but the abuse from my father and her was too much.
Anyone reach their early 30s and realize pretty much everyone you befriended/trusted or had as a partner was in direct relation to how you were treated by narcissistic parents and you realize you need to start all over?
@@hellawitzgerald7530 uh...sending you love and strength to get through that. it'll be better next time around. we'll be a little wiser, a little more whole, understand our own boundaries and how to communicate a little better...wishing you the best.
I'm watching this video and reading your comment with many tears in my eyes, cause I'm realizing it's truth and I'm not delusional. She is like that to me and there is a reason why I'm feeling so bad and have been in such bad relationships with man, accepting being treated like shit.
You just described my mother. I don't acknowledge her as a mom because she never was one. A real mom nurtures, teaches and loves unconditionally. Wish I had one I like that. Thank you for bringing this out in the open.
100% of this applies to my mother. Sad. That's exactly why, at 40 years old, I decided to finally stand up for myself. I cut ties and never looked back. She did it to herself
@jimfish5981 I'm 43, and that's part of why I finally broke free a couple years ago. It's been 2, or 3 solid years of peace. The guilt is always here, but I can shut it up now
It makes me feel bad because there are a lot of times she’s normal and nice to me. Then once she pulls her shit I remember I shouldn’t feel bad. It’s still extremely confusing to me and would make me think that she’s actually not a bad person. Im moving out after the holidays and I’m so excited to have peace
Mine is the same.. hard to understand are they hateful or not? I moved out at 20. Tried at 18 lol. But did it at 20 and never went back to live. We have a strained relationship and most of the time can't talk more than 5-8 minutes on the phone before I have to go. We just don't really get along and never see life the same way. Hope you find your way.
Right? I keep flipping back and forth and it’s killing me. I don’t want to be selfish and hurtful but cutting contact. I hate the thought that one day I’ll see her and she won’t know who I am. Or even think I betrayed her. She might have thought we were two pees in a pod. I don’t think so but what if I’m wrong?
That backlash has had me feeling sick for years. Trust me- set boundaries and remember that you’re not bad or wrong for getting yourself well and healthy. ❤
This is one of the tactics: good cop vs bad cop. Get used to it and never EVER accept her niceness as a sincere thing. She does this with a purpose to get inside of your emotional world so that later her “bad cop” self can use it against you for manipulation, guilt and shame. Be aware.
All narcissists do the Jeckle and Hyde -- "nice" and mean -- to cause cognitive dissonace and gaslighting and breadcrumbing. It sucks! It's addictive waiting for the few seconds they're nice again and being relationally "satisfied" with their garbage.
i so sorry. i know your pain all too well. my best advice if at all possible limit your contact with her to as little to none if possible I understand that it’s not that simple and a lot of situation though. i myself recently had to have my abusive narcissistic mother back in my life in a huge way after doing my best to remain distant for the last 20 years. it’s been the hardest year. i’m 40 and i still even at this age long deeply for the love of a mother. to experience even just briefly what it’s like from the perspective of the daughter. ❤️🩹🧿🦋
Lawd, same boat. I've had to distance myself, which is difficult since she literally moves 2 doors down from me on my street. But falling pregnant, I realize I can't bear my child being treated as I have been. Everyone I know is scared of my mother, and yet she's the victim!
Both parents are borderline narc. It took me 50 + years to learn this, i always thought it was me they robbed me if a quality life. Im sick to my stomach. My perspective of the world is distorted because of this! It even extends into my siblings as echoists.
Something that helped me is that I now get to be the mom I wanted. My kids will have a mo lm that thinks a little deeper before acting speaking, and makes sure to be full of grace. I know what you’re going through and I’m here too trying to carry the burdens of my childhood and still build this home for my kids.
I'm 44 and just now starting to understand that my chronic health conditions, depression and severe anxiety is because of all the emotional and psychological abuse from my mother. She's a well respected therapist, and everyone tells me how lucky i am to have her as a mother. In private she is completely different. I thought I was the problem all these years. I thought I was crazy. Thanks to a good therapist my eyes are being opened!
Both of my boyfriend's parents tell lies about him and I behind our backs. If he asks them they'll yell and curse even when there's proof of what they said .
Are you sure we didn't have the same mother ! Mine twisted my words & I know she said things I could tell by people's reactions. Even one of her friends spread stories about me at my work. Then she played the victim card would start crying or frustrate me to the point of swearing which would give her a reason to hang up
My mom all the way! Enmeshed with me. Made me responsible for her happiness. Always the victim. NO boundaries. Made me her confidante. Jealous of me-when I received a compliment, she would include herself in it. Made me the parent. Always tried to make me choose her side. Not happy unless she has someone to be mad at. Always tries to vomit her gossip all over me. She has given up on me now, I tolerate none if it. She has five children and none of them will move her into their home.
You just described my mom. When I was depressed and sui**dal, instead of talking to me like a human being, she even said, “What will people say?”, “Why do you have mental problems? I raised you in a good environment”, “You wasted my dreams for you.” Now I’m trying to recover. It’s a pretty difficult road ahead, but at least I was able to have a second chance to change my life.
Like: Mom, I feel depressed and down. I would like you to ... nothing actually. Just to accept me and that I am in a bad phase." Mom: "You had such a great life. You were so talented. You are such a disappointment. I cannot boast in front of the neighbours with you anymore." *** Is it how it sounded like? That sounds very familiar to me. I am so sorry that you experience that. In my case some sentences were not spoken but I could feel her disappointment and even sth like contempt. It took me a while to move forward to an attutude of selfacceptance, selfempathy ( a concept of Kristin Neff) and selfcare. That process will never be completed. And it took me a while to move towards empathy and care with her again, too. Without forgetting my boundaries. As long as she lived it was a difficult weighing the two sides.
And she does this guilt trip crap. She dictates in my life and my marriage, worst part is she speaks so poorly about me to my husband and tries turning him against me. As if she hasn't done enough damage. If I don't keep her out she'll do the same with my daughter. Ive had it with her.
My mom does that with my siblings....n they have felt some sort of way with me n we have been distant for YEARS because of her....they saw me as this crazy person rather then someone who just wanted help n wanted to be accepted just like everyone else...I am a stranger n nothing more then a family member to them....
It’s crazy how accurate these are. Before I knew what narcissism was, I would notice my mom doing these things. We always just say “that’s how mom is” and were kind of taught to not question it or bring it up
Me too! I was always told it was me by my parents. Years later after I got away from them, I found an article about narcissistic parents. After reading it, I realizes for the first time in my life that there is nothing wrong with me, it was "them" the whole time! They had me and everyone around me convinced that I was mentally ill. When it was really them! I'm still picking up the pieces of my life at 61.
@@donnaroberts34 my god. My heart goes out to you. My parents were the same. I made a serious attempt on taking my life. These type of people are evil. Disgusting cruelty. I'm glad you're finally free ❤
My brother did too in 1974. For 3 years. He’s in his 60s now. He’s mine now and I’m surprised I didn’t too. His mama was too busy doing other things like spending the money our daddy left us when he died in the late 60s. Just a horrible woman. Glad she’s gone. I’m glad you guys made it through your hell with them. They have no heart or souls. I’m sure of it.
Oh my gosh. All of these. This was so validating. Thank you. My mom is also clinically depressed and a closet alcoholic. Extremely manipulative. Has so many flying monkeys on my side. So glad I went no contact with her and my controlling, enabling dad three years ago. My life has been so much more peaceful.
I wish I had the "mom" feeling over my mom, I feel like she's just a person I grew with in the house, I genuinely feel nothing towards her and it pains me. I wish I could be babied or just feel like I have that emotional attachment to her. All she cares about is complaining and making sure her friends don't have a "worse" life than her. She ruined my dad and ruined our family dynamic and the entire household, we all just tiptoe around all day so we don't trigger her. I can't wait to leave.
Go, never look back! She’s wasting space in your life, for someone who WILL love you, don’t give her that power! People will try to make you feel bad about no contact, guess what? DON’T CONTACT THEM EITHER! We’re not born, to become validation for others emotions! If you don’t leave, be loving, welcome love, love your life! It’s YOURS! If your mum chooses to fuck up HER life, it’s HERS! She can’t control what’s not, and that’s YOURS! Babes, you better get a notebook tonight, and start creating your LIFE! Aye you kidding?😂😂 your life with your mom, is a part that you couldn’t control! You have a WHOLE AZZ LIFE, that you can! And what better way my love, to get back at her, then to be the BADDEST, HAPPIEST, Mofo, of life! I wish you life, love, great health, and wealth! She HAD you, but you’re the creator of YOU💜
You're not alone....we're all here for the same abusive reasons. Sometimes I feel....destroyed. But having g a connection to God gives me much needed strength to not allow the enemy to make me feel like there's no hope. I just feel that if nobody else loves me or thinks well of me....I got to learn how to accept and love myself. Seems like Noone else will so I ha e to and so do you honey. You gonna make it through this.
Keep in mind, children of serial killers love their parents too. I think that is why it is so confusing. We know we shouldn't love them, but we do anyway, then we feel guilty. Programmed to feel guilty,easier to get to us that way.😢
At 62, mine’s been passed for 9 years. My advice to anyone here is that you must realize that no matter what excuses you tell yourself, you are the only adult here. You are right and you must move on. I spent my whole life catering to this person’s needs and wasted my life on this ungrateful child who did not act like my mother. I look back and see so much deception. We had no food growing up while she bought herself what she wanted. And hid food in her room. I have a mentally challenged brother and neither of our needs were met. I don’t know how we survived her or her family. It hit me this evening that I just have to believe only in myself that my past was a lie. One hint to recovering yourself is to just not give any credit at all to what they said. None of it. At all. Because you gotta remember, only Their needs matter. And they’ll say whatever to “get away” with not growing up. My suggestion is to not waste any more time on them or thinking about it. Move on. Just move on and away from them and always believe their behavior. They’ll always be mad. But so what. It can’t hurt your feelings if you don’t care how they feel. These are emotional abusers. Snakes in the grass. My adopted mother hid my gift my father left when he died at a young age and I never knew till she passed. She and her brother lived comfortably on it. My brother and I just didn’t deserve it, to them. I was the last to know. I’ll find her again one day. Because You never starve a child out of their life and she just wasn’t capable of raising children. She never deserved us. We were adopted. It’s terrible when you have to survive a mother. Isn’t it? But it’s the hard cold truth. Take these lemons and make lemonade. They’ll always hold you back. Just move on the best you can. And don’t look back. Like a bad dream. That’s all she was. Come to think of it.
I'm glad you realized that she never deserved you. I realized all the filthy things my step-dad said about us were EXACTLY who he was. Nothing but projection. 😢
I never knew this was an actual diagnosed condition. My mum moved in with me & my family after her partner passed away. Biggest mistake. My wife ended up going to a Phycologist. Narcissism diagnosed. After listening to some lectures on this stuff, made sence of my upbringing. Omg. She has these points. If I don't put Love you and the end of a text message, she gets upset, so insecure & sad to be her way. I don't know how I did it, but finally got her into a nursing home. The separation is bliss. Working on how to reduce contact so my anxiety can dissipate. Thank you for this video
In my childhood I always heard this from my mother: you are my daughter, you belong to me and I can do whatever I want with you.😢 I always trusted her until... too late.. Now I have trust issues more than 20 years later.
Damn n they wonder why kids rebel n want nothing to do with their parents...they think that u are something that they can just claim n own as if u are a possession....fk them...honestly....
Damn n they wonder why kids rebel n want nothing to do with their parents...they think that u are something that they can just claim n own as if u are a possession....fk them...honestly....
Yup... I was able to see how she was driving me crazy after I was finally allowed to go to friends homes. And saw how drastically different their parents were. That and then years later my brother validated what I was experiencing.
9 she doesn't take responsibility, or, if she does, she promptly forgets all about it 10 makes covert agreements with others about you 11 she may agree with you in private that you are right, but will never back you
@KARMAisTheUltimateBadass I could add another one - if she thinks you are angry with her, she will make 'reprisals'. If she thinks you might be annoyed ..... Your points apply to grandiose narcissist mothers. Mine was covert, and it took me a very long time to realise her role in the family drama. Those points fit well with my hysterical narc father.
huh... I never thought of mother as a narcissist but... that's what she is. she was never wrong, always the victim (especially with family).. I need to think about this because it explains a lot
It's mind blowing once the puzzle pieces fit together isn't it.....? It sets a chain reaction... Be aware of the emotional swings and remeber to try and love yourself 💜
My mom doesn't speak to anyone in our family. She's always the victim.. and doesn't want me to talk to them either.lol. she pries and pics about my personal life. Then tells me she can't handle the stress...😂😂😂 And I see you every two or three years. And I'm the one that pushes her away..🤔🧐
She will ask a ton of questions and doesn't like any answers... And then makes you feel like you're stressing her out😂 You asked😂 this is why I go two years without telling you anything..,
My brother was 4 & I was 11. She made an appointment with a therapist & rather then going she dropped my brother & I off in front of this place & drove off. We were both crying & went inside & spoke with this counselor who felt so bad for us having to grow up with this kind of parent. She returned when the appointment was over & just sat in the vehicle and we got in the car & she drove off. Not a word was mentioned about anything.
I was blind for so long and she used me as her “emotional support animal”.. I knew something was wrong once I was adult and I realized that she was always the victim in every single situation. Never ever not once took accountability, her actions are always justified.
My mom always tells me I remember things wrong. One time she told me (this is the EXACT quote) "your mind is so far from reality that you demonize everyone around you"(yikes!) One time my dad threw my elderly cat down the stairs (My mom was watching and yelled at him after) but then a few months later when I brought it up again she said I was lying about the whole thing
Nothing that violent for me, my mom is a little more subtle, but very controlling and judgmental and wants you to be exactly like her. So it's annoying, but she always tells me I remember everything wrong. I have a pretty good memory and I remember the details from when I was three years old now about certain things that happened to me and that's my perspective. She doesn't validate that I feel any type of way and tells me I'm always wrong.
That checks out. No boundary was respected, there was a game of telephone between family members when I went no contact so these days I pretend she’s passed away and carry on with life. It’s difficult to get through the mother wound without support but it’s possible find it on the way
Mine has started calling people asking for my address . Fortunately, everyone knows not to give it to her. I did have one person ( my MIL ) who will gossip with her but MIL knows she is jeopardizing the relationship with her son if she gives out my personal information . So I am ok … for now .
My parents aren't narcissists, but they both have a few of these traits. Perhaps taught by their parents. Especially remembering things wrong and the idea that I "owe" them. They care about me and mean well, but have just been conditioned by society to be jerks because supposedly that's what good parents do and "I'll thank them later". I'm 27, and still not thanking them for what they're done that hurt me.
She has like 3-4 of this, kind of worried. I hoping she’s not. Learning about this got you looking around all people, family, friends and strangers different. Hate how my head evaluate people if they human or not
Yours may have what they call fleas and that's a term that they use for people that are raised or around other narcissists for a long time and they adopt some of those features. It's all a continuum anyway nobody is exactly the same. Mine has six of them and she was a good mother in many ways. However, she was not supportive of me when I got a divorce, and she was not supportive of me when I made some life decisions that she didn't think we're good to her. I'm actually loving my life and cloud of all the choices I've made good and bad… But she was just very punishing towards me, and Millies made me feel like what I was doing was wrong, and always tells me that how I remember everything from my childhood is absolutely wrong. It's just annoying.
8/8, & she despises the fact that I'm in therapy. She uses my repeat "un-alive" attempts against me, using them as ammo to suggest that I'm selfish & lazy & don't care about my family. According to her, I'm not depressed/ suffering from mental illness, I'm just "melodramatic" & "chose to be miserable"
No. You didn't choose to be miserable. That's just easier for her to say than admitting she made you miserable. 😢 You will never get any kind of heartfelt apology from her. In her eyes, she has done no wrong.
I'm so sorry for anyone's mom that is like this my mom is one of my best friends I love her so much and I know she loves me I hope pray from anyone's mother to change for the better and for any child/adult to forgive thier mother and to heal
I should listen this every morning. My dad is even worse abuser, malignant narcissist, so I tend to forget that my mom is also ”regular” narc and also making me sick. She has tried to steel / stolen my life. 😢
You are one of the few that I have seen that didn't say "wah my mother doesn't just go along with my BS and let herself be abused by me. Wah my mom is a narcissist." A lot of the time anymore, the real narcissists are the ones who are claiming they are abused by a narcissist. Narcissists follow a pattern of abuse and turning YOU into their supply that you laid out fairly well. It's like being in a constant battle with someone for basic validation that you are a sentient human being. People who haven't been abused by an actual parasitic narcissist don't really understand that.
Exactly. My sister it 8/8 on this list. If I showed it to her, she wouldn't accept that any of it pertains to her. I can add 2 more, never accepts responsibility, and never gives a heartfelt apology. She also uses 2 expressions that she somehow thinks proves her whatever she is saying" Quite frankly..." and "Point blank" somehow proves her magical thinking. I saw her abuse her daughter. She can look you in the eye and tell you that you remember wrong. 😢 Why are there so many of these people?
OMG! I never would’ve thought my mother was a narcissist. She was always playing the victim and I believed her,but she had ALL these “qualities”. I could never do anything as good as she could,so I just stopped trying. She’s been gone for 30 years,but she still lives in my head. Years of therapy haven’t gotten her to vacate my brain!
@@cindyschuhmacher709 I’m not sure what her goal was. I’m not sure SHE knew. I think it’s super complicated. She was basically an unhappy person. I’m sure she was suffering from depression. She really had a crappy life. She had a physically abusive alcoholic father. Her mother died when my mother was 17. There were 3 older siblings and 3 younger. Her father gave all the kids away. My mother moved to “the big city” (Charleston SC) she lived with her younger sister,who was 12. She got a job at a cafeteria. Had the bad luck to meet and marry my abusive father who treated her like 💩. Moved north away from any family support. She tried to leave but couldn’t. I think she resigned herself to being miserable. I have no,idea why it made her feel better when she was emotionally abusing me,but it did. Listening to a program on NPR right now about adult child estrangement. I wish I had distanced myself from her,but at the time she was living I didn’t understand exactly what she was doing or that it was an issue. When you live with that from the day you’re born you think it’s normal and you believe a parent that tells you you’re no good.
MY mother doesn't love me. She doesn't respect me and never protected me. She wouldn't treat me like a daughter just a slave that has to do what she says.
Yeah I was a slave too.And did anyone else's mom always be the first one to take a bite out of your food when you went out to eat? Such a classless ahole.
July 14 was my mom's birthday, and even though she is narcissistic and follows 7 out of 8 signs, and my life could be better without her, as her oldest son, I still love her and the times she WAS wonderful. I'll miss those good days forever, because she has chosen to be a narcissist. I remember whenever she'd introduce me to her new friends, that among the first words, she'd say my name, and then list off my disabilities, leaving them asking me a lot of questions. Last October, I tried to set some simple boundaries and I froze. Unable to speak, i asked my caregiver to tell her what I wanted to have set up, and instead of taking that as a sign of me growing, she decided to just say "No thanks! Have a good life!" And hang up the phone. Then, I broke down and cried like never before. I mean I'd done a lot of good things for her! I've taken care of her dishes, helped buck hay for her horses, and even massaged her back! She's never viewed me as much more than my disabilities, and therefore never has believed in my dreams and visions. God doesn't like narcissistic people, and really, I'd rather go to hell instead of seeing her there. Her biological mother, not my grandma, was also narcissistic. So, i Just keep praying. That's all a son of a narcissist can do. Since she's narcissistic and struggles with keeping friends, she's disabled. Not me.
An addendum to sign number 3: Your narcissistic mom will share private information about you without your permission AND OFTEN LIES TO PEOPLE ABOUT YOU. My mother ruined my reputation with members of my extended family. Some of it was small and petty, like telling my uncle I lost my iPod that my uncle gave me for Christmas 2007. I still listen to it because I take very good care of my belongings. Other lies and omissions were very damaging. I live in Europe and don't use Facebook, and she "forgot" to tell my that my other uncle died for 3 months. I immediately reached out to my cousins to apologise and give condolences, but they did not believe me when I said that I was unaware of his passing. They never spoke with me again. She relished isolating me from my family.
Well shit. This clears a lot of things up. If I confront my mother about this she threatens to kill herself. Something she's used since I was a child. Shit hurts but I can't live for her well being anymore. When I can't even get an ounce of respect around here.
I feel bléssed for never judging my mom so harshly. She gave me life, nursed me and saw me through my formative years and ensured I got edúcation! I was dressed and fed well! Grateful for many more things! I love my mom! Children who don't count their blessings, hate their parents and judge them thoughtlessly.
Yes. It helps understanding which leads to grieving righteous anger and completion healing. I was surrounded by demons. There are so many out there i see. They are everywhere today
Mine tells me I'm always wrong that I have no memory whatsoever. Somehow I got to school. I had a wonderful career. I've done it all on my own but I don't know anything. It's annoying
We had the same situation with my mom till we got her hospitalized and talked to the doctor about the fact she wouldn’t stay on meds and she needed to be in assisted living and he agreed that she couldn’t live on her own so he got her into assisted living. Now they make sure she takes her meds and she honestly is doing sooo much better and 90% of her narcissistic traits cleared up after being on meds for a while. I highly recommend it. She also developed friendships there and is doing well overall. Sometimes schizophrenics can’t live in a home environment because they won’t take meds.
I have been able to somewhat tolerate my mother but she has gone from nasty to a monster. Recently she finds bringing up my money and reducing it and telling me about my allowances the way she speak to me on through text is not nice. You need too do etc
I've just realised I could write a book on this ! God ! My mother should never had children, she had many issues she never dealt with . I think emotionally she was still a child. I was clothed and fed, but emotionally abandoned, she would stonewall me, ignore me, tell me she didn't understand what l was saying, accuse me of lying, being jealous of her friendships, told me I was a coward. She made it obvious she favoured my sisters, I could NEVER understand why l wasn't good enough to be in her "circle of trust." She was highly manipulative, would criticise me ,taunt me in front of her friends who would snigger. I could never win . I never got closure, even on her death bed. There were things that happened that I had the right to know that she would never discuss ,she vaguely suggested 2 different scenarios which made me more suspicious 🤔 and confused. EVERYONE should have the right to know what happened to them if they ask ,no matter how bad.
Agree with all the signs here. Not all cases have these traits developed inherently. Sometimes they are influenced by anyone including a sibling. In such cases their kids may not bear the 'full force' as they have already past their 'due'. Their real target will be their spouses. It is so childish that people get linked to a unknown family and have to pass through all this BS.
People might not see this and that’s ok but I want to share my story I tried to unalive myself at the art of 11 and I made myself a promise to never try again but my parents make it hard to go by that. My mental state is at rock bottom and when my parents buy me thing bring me to shows and concerts they say “your only being nice because I’m buying you things “ and honestly I’m numb now I could be having a great day but I’m still doing something wrong and it ends in tears and then they hug me and act like nothing happened
This week I've been feeling really sad, I told her that I was feeling a bit sad and she said "you need to be thankful for what you have" and "you're sad because you are not close to God", she always brings God in some way to our conversation and says that I'm "always victimizing myself" and that "you are never the wrong in the situation", this sh1 t just makes me even more sad
It is scary when you realize that your parent is all of these. I have watched my best friend isplate herself out of shame because of her mother. She yells at her, calls her names, tell her to shut up. I've listened to her curse at my friend, tell her that she will never be good enough for any man. That no man in the world would want her. That her future kids will die from neglect and starvation because my friend ''doesn't cook well'', would get mad and call her ungrateful for not wanting any gifts (she has recently stopped accepting anything from her because it comes with some sort of attachment or manipulation) and worst of all - she compares all of her children in front of each other. Putting her son on a pedastol because he earns a lot, has a nice car, but she complains that her older daughter who is schizophrenic is just selfish, manipulativne and faking that she has a mental.illness. I just want my friend to move out of there as soon as she can. It's like a mad house.
My grandmother is like that. im crying in tears choking up right now because everything she said is true about my grandma. I made a mistake i thought i. Turn the water drain off completely , but i walked away in the water drip the floor was wet. She yelled at me, and said i dont pay attention. I wish she would have told me the water will leak through the sink to the floor. This not the first i made multipe mistakes but all hell brokes loose when i do it. Sometimes i think i cant do anything right.😢
Yes, that's her. I hope at this late stage of my life I can find some understanding, willingness to forgive and knowledge to change and live differently.
I’m so glad narcissistic parents are being talked about more. They cause a lot of damage.
@Im_bored_again your mom may only have narcissistic traits and not the personality disorder. Either way, it’s painful to have a mom like this. I’m sorry that’s your case too but yea it is good it’s being talked about more.
On the other hand, people who aren't overconfident don't get children anymore so you might not even exist.
Well worded
Caretaker.😢 Now alone. Damn.
I must say ..it seems pretty narcissistic to go around calling other people narcissist considering you only have one perspective which is your own and they have their perspective just like yours may be in their eyes they don't see that clearly they probably don't. Just saying it's always worth looking into your own self first and at least also to make sure it's not you or you and them.
Mine died almost 3 years ago. Went no contact over 10 years ago. She drank and smoked heavily and died a painful death. A stroke that caused an aneurysm in her brain that left her paralyzed on her right side she was in hospice and died seven days later I didn’t know she died until a probate lawyer reached out to me 2 years later.
Ironically, my share of the inheritance is helping me in my family finally at the age of 40 to purchase our first home and to move the hell out of Southern California.
She got what she deserved in the end and I was compensated. But the damage she did is everlasting because I’ll never be able to forget but I am a cycle breaker and I will break the cycles so my own precious 17 month old daughter will never have to experience , anything of this.
Wish you healing and a very happy life!
Be careful with that word! (Never) you don't know what you may carry when it comes to your (D.N.A) you may not want to be a narcissist like your mother was to you, but you also don't know if you, your self might have it in ur blood you could end up being a narcissist towards ur own child against ur will, meaning you could have the same traits and not even know it until ur child brings it to your attention or you notice it your self and if you can acknowledge it for what it is, you can work on working against narcissist behavior that might be hereditary or brought on by the narcissist behavior you suffered from with your Mother, the ol' sane says, hurt people, hurt other people!
@@SudaMisangoDo you even know how genes and inheritance work?
narcissism is an acquired condition, it is in no way genetic. the scientific basis for genetic mental health problems is murky as it is, and even then, experts don’t categorize narcissism as an inheritable disease. narcissism is ALWAYS the result of unresolved childhood trauma, almost always inflicted by a narcissist. it’s contagious. if you’re intentional about living your life differently, you can heal completely from narcissism, but it takes a lot of help from people who may not be there. people underestimating how much social support is needed to heal from many psychological problems, and they don’t understand how hard it is to get that support when your social skills are impaired from years of narcissistic abuse. it is more than possible though.
just to be clear, don’t go calling narcissism a genetic disorder. it is a social disorder, and it’s inaccurate and harmful to spread misinformation. if people think it’s genetic, they won’t be motivated to change. same thing with any other mental health condition. how do you know it’s genetic? how do you know you’re stuck with it if all you’ve done to heal are things that don’t even hold the possibility of healing you? we’re not allowed to talk about healing these things, because they want us stuck on the mental health system. we could heal each other, but that would lose a lot of money for them, so they tell us not to talk to a friend like god intended, no, we need a therapist and a psychiatrist. they act like the cure but they’re the cancer. anyways. get your facts right.
My mother actually told me that "the lawyer told her to spend her kids inheritence"
She made the lawyers mad because as a narccissist, she thought she knew more. These lawyers were corrupt to begin with, and she made it worse.
I am so grateful I had a wonderful mother...rip mum❤
You're a lucky person! Continue to be blessed.
I'm 59 years old. Mom is still living. Every single sign you stared is my mom!!!
And I have mental health issues starting with extreme low self esteem.........
I can empathise. I hadn’t realised what a narcissist mother can do to their daughter. The wanting a mini me then getting annoyed and envious if that child succeeds, the never praising, the perpetual criticism whilst praising herself, the sympathy competition, the self obsession, the need for attention and the wanting to look like the brilliant mother. Perfectionism, self esteem issues, depression are all the result of narcissistic mothers. I hope you can realise it’s not you, it’s her.
I was the scapegoat... my brother was perfect and knew he would never get in trouble.
As a child I was always anxious highly when around her , no stability she would want me to mother her
@naticaobrien5321 It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. ❤❤❤
😢
Acceptance that you'll never have the mom you imagined you had 💔
We must move on and nurture ourselves in a way she never can ❤
It's definitely a heartbreaking realization. But we can move on and up! I am. Keeping that TOXIC outta my life.
I've said that. I want a mom. So desperately have wanted a mom. Having her in my life doesn't provide me with that though (8/8 here). Mourning the person I wish I could have leaned on.
Mines is supposed to come visit next month she's everything in this video. .. should I let her come to visit me !
@@shavonne5194 that's your choice.
My mother is too toxic to be allowed near my children or myself.
We need to learn boundaries with our mother
That is what I will never understand. Every time she was nice to me. I fell for it. Because I thought I was loved. I'm scared to cry in front of my mother. I never wanted to hug my mother. I felt uncomfortable doing so. It's not normal. We can be the healthy mother we always wanted, but she will never be her. That's what I was feeling anger, and bitterness because home never felt safe and I never got to relax. I never wanted to stay home and I worked hard because it was the only way I felt good and could breathe for a minute or two without her being around. I could get things for myself that she didn't want to do for me but I would do for her.
Exactly. I think this is one of the things that has always made me sad my whole life, just never knew just how to put my finger on it. My mother is a narcissist, so is my mother in law! 😒😣 Thank God my husband doesn’t put up with it!!
Sign #9. She's ALWAYS criticizing you.
Sign #10. She's Always reminding you that no matter what you do or have accomplished, you are NEVER enough.
1000% sadly true
My mom had this weird thing of comparing us too her friends kids in front of those kids and the parents, always saying dumb shit like how come you can’t get good grades in school like John/jane doe. Did this so much that around the time I hit 4th grade and started taking school seriously I ended up getting a 100 on my vocabulary test which to me was amazing because even at 27 right now I have a 5th grade reading level, but the moment I tried showing her she accused me of rubbing it in her face the first time I actually did something right.. hence your sign 10
@@fkurfeelings6938that means she’s comfortable with her children falling short in life and not leveling up and achieving bc your a threat to her and how she was raised. Narcissistic parents act out of their emotions so if they get a slight thought that wow their doing good their mind will tell them “but then they’ll end up succeeding in life and leveling up , they’ll do better then me” your mother wanted to also be able to tell people that your failing so she could belittle you with them and you’d feel the need to never succeed . Sick. I go through a lot with my narc mom as well. Best revenge is to isolate from her and achieve new goals and hobbies and never be like her then when she asks tell her all the good things your doing and learning❤.
@fkurfeelings6938 mine would try to shame me for being university educated.
#11 blames you for everything.
When the Narc parent holds their basic parental duties over you, they are covertly saying, “be grateful I haven’t murdered you.”
My mom has actually said, "At least I never killed you guys!"
Ha! Yes.
So heavy. I unfortunately get that
@@Catlily5 Did your mom ever bring up the whole Oh I buy you clothes and food.Providing speech?
@@purpleflowers92 I got hand-me-down clothes from her friend's daughter who was older than me. But I think she did mention food being provided and a house over our heads. Which I left at age 15 to get away. I mean I am grateful for eating but the abuse from my father and her was too much.
Anyone reach their early 30s and realize pretty much everyone you befriended/trusted or had as a partner was in direct relation to how you were treated by narcissistic parents and you realize you need to start all over?
*40s... and yes
@@hellawitzgerald7530 uh...sending you love and strength to get through that. it'll be better next time around. we'll be a little wiser, a little more whole, understand our own boundaries and how to communicate a little better...wishing you the best.
Yeap
@@hellawitzgerald7530Um... seconded 🙋
Yes!
Damn the anxiety and perfectionism is a spot on diagnosis.😢
IKR
mine was severe OCD, panick attack like i dont understand what is reality anymore, and anxiety.
I'm watching this video and reading your comment with many tears in my eyes, cause I'm realizing it's truth and I'm not delusional. She is like that to me and there is a reason why I'm feeling so bad and have been in such bad relationships with man, accepting being treated like shit.
Yeup
Perfectionism and a serious case of imposter syndrome
You just described my mother. I don't acknowledge her as a mom because she never was one. A real mom nurtures, teaches and loves unconditionally. Wish I had one I like that. Thank you for bringing this out in the open.
100% of this applies to my mother. Sad. That's exactly why, at 40 years old, I decided to finally stand up for myself. I cut ties and never looked back. She did it to herself
It's rough and necessary. I wish the best and God is there for us.
Same here, but the guilt sucks...
@@jimfish5981 true story. That will probably never go away, not when you were raised by a narcissist
@@welcometorenland I'm 42 and still get the guilt trip of the awful things I did and said when I was 11...
@jimfish5981 I'm 43, and that's part of why I finally broke free a couple years ago. It's been 2, or 3 solid years of peace. The guilt is always here, but I can shut it up now
It makes me feel bad because there are a lot of times she’s normal and nice to me. Then once she pulls her shit I remember I shouldn’t feel bad. It’s still extremely confusing to me and would make me think that she’s actually not a bad person. Im moving out after the holidays and I’m so excited to have peace
Mine is the same.. hard to understand are they hateful or not? I moved out at 20. Tried at 18 lol. But did it at 20 and never went back to live. We have a strained relationship and most of the time can't talk more than 5-8 minutes on the phone before I have to go. We just don't really get along and never see life the same way. Hope you find your way.
Right? I keep flipping back and forth and it’s killing me. I don’t want to be selfish and hurtful but cutting contact. I hate the thought that one day I’ll see her and she won’t know who I am. Or even think I betrayed her. She might have thought we were two pees in a pod. I don’t think so but what if I’m wrong?
That backlash has had me feeling sick for years. Trust me- set boundaries and remember that you’re not bad or wrong for getting yourself well and healthy. ❤
This is one of the tactics: good cop vs bad cop. Get used to it and never EVER accept her niceness as a sincere thing. She does this with a purpose to get inside of your emotional world so that later her “bad cop” self can use it against you for manipulation, guilt and shame. Be aware.
All narcissists do the Jeckle and Hyde -- "nice" and mean -- to cause cognitive dissonace and gaslighting and breadcrumbing. It sucks! It's addictive waiting for the few seconds they're nice again and being relationally "satisfied" with their garbage.
Crossing boundaries is a huge one for me.
My mom has shown all 8 signs....my heart is beyond broken, and she honestly doesn't care....
i so sorry. i know your pain all too well. my best advice if at all possible limit your contact with her to as little to none if possible I understand that it’s not that simple and a lot of situation though. i myself recently had to have my abusive narcissistic mother back in my life in a huge way after doing my best to remain distant for the last 20 years. it’s been the hardest year. i’m 40 and i still even at this age long deeply for the love of a mother. to experience even just briefly what it’s like from the perspective of the daughter. ❤️🩹🧿🦋
Lawd, same boat. I've had to distance myself, which is difficult since she literally moves 2 doors down from me on my street. But falling pregnant, I realize I can't bear my child being treated as I have been. Everyone I know is scared of my mother, and yet she's the victim!
Sounds like my sisters
Ya gotta wonder , what happened to her to cause her to be that way?
You can't wish them to be people they aren't .
As my mom get older she's getting so much worse. She has every narcissist trait and uses them all daily. I'm fed up once again.
I noticed my mother getting worse too 🥹
I can't get a minute of a mental abuse break it's toxic an chaotic 😭😭😭😭
Ooh I feel for u, get strong 💪 it's not easy
@@BluBarbie95I'm so sorry you're going through this and sadly I know exactly what you're dealing with.
Same and mine lives with me😢
Checked every box on this one. Don’t forget - wants nothing to do with me until she needs something
Omg this!!!
Can't forget that.
Mine did that since I was a child , she was jealous of me and hated me !
I am so very sorry 😞 and I feel your Pain at 63 My Mom 85 I am just now finally deciding to go No Contact! I simply can’t keep being Hurt 😔 I’m done
@@monabarber2335hello how r u?
@@teddycabana I am Wonderful Tina , and How are You doing ?
@@monabarber2335 oh that's great! I'm good I have a cold I'm healing from & narc mother
Mine too eldest of 5 I'm strongest of them all they all run around her it's all about her fools me I got her out my life years ago peace and happiness
Both parents are borderline narc. It took me 50 + years to learn this, i always thought it was me they robbed me if a quality life. Im sick to my stomach. My perspective of the world is distorted because of this! It even extends into my siblings as echoists.
❤
Y U P
Yes and they shuld not be alowed to call theme self mither and father
Something that helped me is that I now get to be the mom I wanted. My kids will have a mo lm that thinks a little deeper before acting speaking, and makes sure to be full of grace. I know what you’re going through and I’m here too trying to carry the burdens of my childhood and still build this home for my kids.
Yep. I let my mom around my children. Biggest mistake ever!
I'm 44 and just now starting to understand that my chronic health conditions, depression and severe anxiety is because of all the emotional and psychological abuse from my mother.
She's a well respected therapist, and everyone tells me how lucky i am to have her as a mother.
In private she is completely different. I thought I was the problem all these years. I thought I was crazy. Thanks to a good therapist my eyes are being opened!
I'm very sorry you're going thru this. I'm not surprised by her chosen profession. Hugs ❤
My mom always talked about me behind my back and would twist it. Not to mention "BOUNDARIES"😑
Both of my boyfriend's parents tell lies about him and I behind our backs. If he asks them they'll yell and curse even when there's proof of what they said .
Are you sure we didn't have the same mother ! Mine twisted my words & I know she said things I could tell by people's reactions. Even one of her friends spread stories about me at my work. Then she played the victim card would start crying or frustrate me to the point of swearing which would give her a reason to hang up
@@Seremoniiit’s so it doesn’t ruin their image
My mum does that too and when I ask her what's going on, she says "It's nothing"
My mom all the way!
Enmeshed with me.
Made me responsible for her happiness.
Always the victim.
NO boundaries.
Made me her confidante.
Jealous of me-when I received a compliment, she would include herself in it.
Made me the parent.
Always tried to make me choose her side.
Not happy unless she has someone to be mad at.
Always tries to vomit her gossip all over me.
She has given up on me now, I tolerate none if it. She has five children and none of them will move her into their home.
None of you should have to. It's her responsibility. Nobody else's. ❤ Hugs.
Lol is your mom my mom???😅
You just described my mom. When I was depressed and sui**dal, instead of talking to me like a human being, she even said, “What will people say?”, “Why do you have mental problems? I raised you in a good environment”, “You wasted my dreams for you.”
Now I’m trying to recover. It’s a pretty difficult road ahead, but at least I was able to have a second chance to change my life.
God yes always telling you what great parents they are and always telling you not to say anything because what will people think?
Like: Mom, I feel depressed and down. I would like you to ... nothing actually. Just to accept me and that I am in a bad phase."
Mom: "You had such a great life. You were so talented. You are such a disappointment. I cannot boast in front of the neighbours with you anymore."
*** Is it how it sounded like? That sounds very familiar to me.
I am so sorry that you experience that. In my case some sentences were not spoken but I could feel her disappointment and even sth like contempt. It took me a while to move forward to an attutude of selfacceptance, selfempathy ( a concept of Kristin Neff) and selfcare. That process will never be completed. And it took me a while to move towards empathy and care with her again, too. Without forgetting my boundaries. As long as she lived it was a difficult weighing the two sides.
😢💔
I'd also had severe bouts of depression and a sense of hopelessness. Sge never gave me advice but would criticse me afterwards if things went wrong
@@Sarahyoutubeaddict that is so sad, 😞
I cut ties at 47 - best thing I ever did.
I did to, and weirdly also at 47. The most difficult thing to do but after 5 years of intense healing the best thing I could have done.
That's when you started living!
Listening to it over and over to manifest it completely, so that I can stop feeling like I was a bad person my whole life
You were a good person your whole life, that's why the narcissist devalued you as much as they could.
Wow, well at least she was honest about it
And she does this guilt trip crap. She dictates in my life and my marriage, worst part is she speaks so poorly about me to my husband and tries turning him against me. As if she hasn't done enough damage. If I don't keep her out she'll do the same with my daughter. Ive had it with her.
I blocked my mother’s number in hubby’s phone . 👍
keep her out !
My mom does that with my siblings....n they have felt some sort of way with me n we have been distant for YEARS because of her....they saw me as this crazy person rather then someone who just wanted help n wanted to be accepted just like everyone else...I am a stranger n nothing more then a family member to them....
Keep her poison away from you daughter.
Yep that’s my mother 💯
It’s crazy how accurate these are. Before I knew what narcissism was, I would notice my mom doing these things. We always just say “that’s how mom is” and were kind of taught to not question it or bring it up
Yup . Or “ignore it “ that’s all mothers “
Same
my mom is the most loving person I know
You're truly blessed ❤
Who gives a fuck!
As it should be, ideally, aside from finding a great mate. “A mother’s love…” ❤️
Most mothers are very loving. I ❤ my mom too! She had a little narcissist behavior. But we all do!
Can you make a video on what to do after the acceptance stage of learning that your mom is a narcissist?
Please! @katimorton
Yes!! ❤
Had to call the police on my mom for the first time yesterday and I really needed to hear this
Don't let the family make you feel bad about setting boundaries.
I ended in a psyche ward.
This is my mother
Same thing with me
I hope you have recovered.
Me too! I was always told it was me by my parents. Years later after I got away from them, I found an article about narcissistic parents. After reading it, I realizes for the first time in my life that there is nothing wrong with me, it was "them" the whole time! They had me and everyone around me convinced that I was mentally ill. When it was really them! I'm still picking up the pieces of my life at 61.
@@donnaroberts34 my god. My heart goes out to you.
My parents were the same. I made a serious attempt on taking my life.
These type of people are evil. Disgusting cruelty. I'm glad you're finally free ❤
My brother did too in 1974. For 3 years. He’s in his 60s now. He’s mine now and I’m surprised I didn’t too. His mama was too busy doing other things like spending the money our daddy left us when he died in the late 60s. Just a horrible woman. Glad she’s gone. I’m glad you guys made it through your hell with them. They have no heart or souls. I’m sure of it.
Oh my gosh. All of these. This was so validating. Thank you. My mom is also clinically depressed and a closet alcoholic. Extremely manipulative. Has so many flying monkeys on my side. So glad I went no contact with her and my controlling, enabling dad three years ago. My life has been so much more peaceful.
I wish I had the "mom" feeling over my mom, I feel like she's just a person I grew with in the house, I genuinely feel nothing towards her and it pains me. I wish I could be babied or just feel like I have that emotional attachment to her. All she cares about is complaining and making sure her friends don't have a "worse" life than her. She ruined my dad and ruined our family dynamic and the entire household, we all just tiptoe around all day so we don't trigger her. I can't wait to leave.
Go, never look back! She’s wasting space in your life, for someone who WILL love you, don’t give her that power! People will try to make you feel bad about no contact, guess what? DON’T CONTACT THEM EITHER! We’re not born, to become validation for others emotions! If you don’t leave, be loving, welcome love, love your life! It’s YOURS! If your mum chooses to fuck up HER life, it’s HERS! She can’t control what’s not, and that’s YOURS! Babes, you better get a notebook tonight, and start creating your LIFE! Aye you kidding?😂😂 your life with your mom, is a part that you couldn’t control! You have a WHOLE AZZ LIFE, that you can! And what better way my love, to get back at her, then to be the BADDEST, HAPPIEST, Mofo, of life! I wish you life, love, great health, and wealth! She HAD you, but you’re the creator of YOU💜
Not just mom...but dad and siblings as well 😢
All of them and more. I'm destroyed, heart broken, alone and betrayed. I loved her.
You're not alone....we're all here for the same abusive reasons. Sometimes I feel....destroyed. But having g a connection to God gives me much needed strength to not allow the enemy to make me feel like there's no hope. I just feel that if nobody else loves me or thinks well of me....I got to learn how to accept and love myself. Seems like Noone else will so I ha e to and so do you honey. You gonna make it through this.
@@sweetsugar1014thankyou for this comment
Keep in mind, children of serial killers love their parents too. I think that is why it is so confusing. We know we shouldn't love them, but we do anyway, then we feel guilty. Programmed to feel guilty,easier to get to us that way.😢
At 62, mine’s been passed for 9 years. My advice to anyone here is that you must realize that no matter what excuses you tell yourself, you are the only adult here. You are right and you must move on. I spent my whole life catering to this person’s needs and wasted my life on this ungrateful child who did not act like my mother. I look back and see so much deception. We had no food growing up while she bought herself what she wanted. And hid food in her room. I have a mentally challenged brother and neither of our needs were met. I don’t know how we survived her or her family. It hit me this evening that I just have to believe only in myself that my past was a lie. One hint to recovering yourself is to just not give any credit at all to what they said. None of it. At all. Because you gotta remember, only Their needs matter. And they’ll say whatever to “get away” with not growing up. My suggestion is to not waste any more time on them or thinking about it. Move on. Just move on and away from them and always believe their behavior. They’ll always be mad. But so what. It can’t hurt your feelings if you don’t care how they feel. These are emotional abusers. Snakes in the grass. My adopted mother hid my gift my father left when he died at a young age and I never knew till she passed. She and her brother lived comfortably on it. My brother and I just didn’t deserve it, to them. I was the last to know. I’ll find her again one day. Because You never starve a child out of their life and she just wasn’t capable of raising children. She never deserved us. We were adopted. It’s terrible when you have to survive a mother. Isn’t it? But it’s the hard cold truth. Take these lemons and make lemonade. They’ll always hold you back. Just move on the best you can. And don’t look back. Like a bad dream. That’s all she was. Come to think of it.
I'm glad you realized that she never deserved you.
I realized all the filthy things my step-dad said about us were EXACTLY who he was. Nothing but projection. 😢
Truth! I'm sick of mine. I pray our souls never meet again.
I never knew this was an actual diagnosed condition. My mum moved in with me & my family after her partner passed away. Biggest mistake. My wife ended up going to a Phycologist. Narcissism diagnosed. After listening to some lectures on this stuff, made sence of my upbringing. Omg. She has these points. If I don't put Love you and the end of a text message, she gets upset, so insecure & sad to be her way. I don't know how I did it, but finally got her into a nursing home. The separation is bliss. Working on how to reduce contact so my anxiety can dissipate. Thank you for this video
In my childhood I always heard this from my mother: you are my daughter, you belong to me and I can do whatever I want with you.😢 I always trusted her until... too late.. Now I have trust issues more than 20 years later.
Damn n they wonder why kids rebel n want nothing to do with their parents...they think that u are something that they can just claim n own as if u are a possession....fk them...honestly....
Damn n they wonder why kids rebel n want nothing to do with their parents...they think that u are something that they can just claim n own as if u are a possession....fk them...honestly....
Yup... I was able to see how she was driving me crazy after I was finally allowed to go to friends homes. And saw how drastically different their parents were. That and then years later my brother validated what I was experiencing.
9 she doesn't take responsibility, or, if she does, she promptly forgets all about it
10 makes covert agreements with others about you
11 she may agree with you in private that you are right, but will never back you
🥹
Sorry, when did you meet my mom, exactly?
@KARMAisTheUltimateBadass I could add another one - if she thinks you are angry with her, she will make 'reprisals'. If she thinks you might be annoyed .....
Your points apply to grandiose narcissist mothers. Mine was covert, and it took me a very long time to realise her role in the family drama.
Those points fit well with my hysterical narc father.
That's my mom 💯 Things have worsened where I literally feel physically and mentally sick around her
Go no contact. It will be the best thing you ever do. ❤
8/8
i'm not even surprised, we have terrible relationships lol
I left a year ago, but still need reassurance that I did the right thing. Thank you.
Congratulations. The only regret you'll ever have is not doing it sooner. I promise. ❤
@@badlands1940 Yeah... you're right XD
❤❤❤❤❤❤
huh... I never thought of mother as a narcissist but... that's what she is. she was never wrong, always the victim (especially with family).. I need to think about this because it explains a lot
It's mind blowing once the puzzle pieces fit together isn't it.....? It sets a chain reaction... Be aware of the emotional swings and remeber to try and love yourself 💜
Girl you just read my mind..I'm here..lol
My mom doesn't speak to anyone in our family. She's always the victim.. and doesn't want me to talk to them either.lol. she pries and pics about my personal life. Then tells me she can't handle the stress...😂😂😂 And I see you every two or three years. And I'm the one that pushes her away..🤔🧐
She will ask a ton of questions and doesn't like any answers... And then makes you feel like you're stressing her out😂 You asked😂 this is why I go two years without telling you anything..,
No Mom, we're not never going to catch up again😂
That criticism one really hit home. She loved talking about all my flaws in therapy but never hers
My brother was 4 & I was 11. She made an appointment with a therapist & rather then going she dropped my brother & I off in front of this place & drove off. We were both crying & went inside & spoke with this counselor who felt so bad for us having to grow up with this kind of parent. She returned when the appointment was over & just sat in the vehicle and we got in the car & she drove off. Not a word was mentioned about anything.
I knew my dad was a narcissist I never knew my mother was one…
I didn't know until he allowed the abuse right in his face 🥹
I was blind for so long and she used me as her “emotional support animal”.. I knew something was wrong once I was adult and I realized that she was always the victim in every single situation. Never ever not once took accountability, her actions are always justified.
My mom always tells me I remember things wrong. One time she told me (this is the EXACT quote) "your mind is so far from reality that you demonize everyone around you"(yikes!) One time my dad threw my elderly cat down the stairs (My mom was watching and yelled at him after) but then a few months later when I brought it up again she said I was lying about the whole thing
Nothing that violent for me, my mom is a little more subtle, but very controlling and judgmental and wants you to be exactly like her. So it's annoying, but she always tells me I remember everything wrong. I have a pretty good memory and I remember the details from when I was three years old now about certain things that happened to me and that's my perspective. She doesn't validate that I feel any type of way and tells me I'm always wrong.
I hope your cat is okay now 😢
Legit can’t get over how insanely accurate and resonating these are
That checks out. No boundary was respected, there was a game of telephone between family members when I went no contact so these days I pretend she’s passed away and carry on with life. It’s difficult to get through the mother wound without support but it’s possible find it on the way
Mine has started calling people asking for my address . Fortunately, everyone knows not to give it to her. I did have one person ( my MIL ) who will gossip with her but MIL knows she is jeopardizing the relationship with her son if she gives out my personal information . So I am ok … for now .
My mom completely broke down my confidence
Same…
Same
I rarely felt like what I did was good enough.
Yep. She had a lot of problems in life, but denied them, then denied mine A LOT. But I was at fault for her problems, sheesh.
Sameeeee
Im f*cked. This is my mother right here.
At least now you can see it. It's hard to deal with when you struggle to even put it into words. 😢
Exactly. Thanks for your videos.
My parents aren't narcissists, but they both have a few of these traits. Perhaps taught by their parents. Especially remembering things wrong and the idea that I "owe" them. They care about me and mean well, but have just been conditioned by society to be jerks because supposedly that's what good parents do and "I'll thank them later". I'm 27, and still not thanking them for what they're done that hurt me.
Fair assessment
I'm 28 & it hasn't stopped trying to go no contact but for fuck said this is America 💩 expensive so I moved back and my God it's like living in hell
Society didn't condition your parents to be a certain way - otherwise these things would've been socially acceptable and most parents would do it.
She has like 3-4 of this, kind of worried. I hoping she’s not. Learning about this got you looking around all people, family, friends and strangers different. Hate how my head evaluate people if they human or not
Yours may have what they call fleas and that's a term that they use for people that are raised or around other narcissists for a long time and they adopt some of those features. It's all a continuum anyway nobody is exactly the same. Mine has six of them and she was a good mother in many ways. However, she was not supportive of me when I got a divorce, and she was not supportive of me when I made some life decisions that she didn't think we're good to her. I'm actually loving my life and cloud of all the choices I've made good and bad… But she was just very punishing towards me, and Millies made me feel like what I was doing was wrong, and always tells me that how I remember everything from my childhood is absolutely wrong. It's just annoying.
This is spot on, every single point is correct and what I experience to this day with my mother. I know I will heal but I worry for her.
Thank you for your straight up info..
This is so eye-opening. The only other aspect that was missing is their tendency to project.
Narcissists have and still get away with way too much. It’s insane
8/8, & she despises the fact that I'm in therapy. She uses my repeat "un-alive" attempts against me, using them as ammo to suggest that I'm selfish & lazy & don't care about my family.
According to her, I'm not depressed/ suffering from mental illness, I'm just "melodramatic" & "chose to be miserable"
No. You didn't choose to be miserable. That's just easier for her to say than admitting she made you miserable. 😢 You will never get any kind of heartfelt apology from her. In her eyes, she has done no wrong.
Save yourself now. Get far away from this person.
I'm so sorry for anyone's mom that is like this my mom is one of my best friends I love her so much and I know she loves me I hope pray from anyone's mother to change for the better and for any child/adult to forgive thier mother and to heal
I should listen this every morning. My dad is even worse abuser, malignant narcissist, so I tend to forget that my mom is also ”regular” narc and also making me sick. She has tried to steel / stolen my life. 😢
It's completely terrible and you/everyone had to deal with it never deserved it.
Dealing with it still also hurts ! Why have kids with this sick ideology of a spirit
You described my mother just perfectly!
You are one of the few that I have seen that didn't say "wah my mother doesn't just go along with my BS and let herself be abused by me. Wah my mom is a narcissist." A lot of the time anymore, the real narcissists are the ones who are claiming they are abused by a narcissist.
Narcissists follow a pattern of abuse and turning YOU into their supply that you laid out fairly well. It's like being in a constant battle with someone for basic validation that you are a sentient human being. People who haven't been abused by an actual parasitic narcissist don't really understand that.
Exactly. My sister it 8/8 on this list. If I showed it to her, she wouldn't accept that any of it pertains to her. I can add 2 more, never accepts responsibility, and never gives a heartfelt apology. She also uses 2 expressions that she somehow thinks proves her whatever she is saying" Quite frankly..." and "Point blank" somehow proves her magical thinking.
I saw her abuse her daughter. She can look you in the eye and tell you that you remember wrong. 😢 Why are there so many of these people?
Why did this explain my mom perfectly.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HAMMER THIS IS MY MOTHER
So true. So sad. Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
Hit the darn nail on the head🤦🏾♀️
OMG! I never would’ve thought my mother was a narcissist. She was always playing the victim and I believed her,but she had ALL these “qualities”. I could never do anything as good as she could,so I just stopped trying. She’s been gone for 30 years,but she still lives in my head. Years of therapy haven’t gotten her to vacate my brain!
Isn't that the truth. I swear it's their goal to leave a path of destruction behind them. 😢
@@cindyschuhmacher709 I’m not sure what her goal was. I’m not sure SHE knew. I think it’s super complicated. She was basically an unhappy person. I’m sure she was suffering from depression. She really had a crappy life. She had a physically abusive alcoholic father. Her mother died when my mother was 17. There were 3 older siblings and 3 younger. Her father gave all the kids away. My mother moved to “the big city” (Charleston SC) she lived with her younger sister,who was 12. She got a job at a cafeteria. Had the bad luck to meet and marry my abusive father who treated her like 💩. Moved north away from any family support. She tried to leave but couldn’t. I think she resigned herself to being miserable. I have no,idea why it made her feel better when she was emotionally abusing me,but it did. Listening to a program on NPR right now about adult child estrangement. I wish I had distanced myself from her,but at the time she was living I didn’t understand exactly what she was doing or that it was an issue. When you live with that from the day you’re born you think it’s normal and you believe a parent that tells you you’re no good.
MY mother doesn't love me. She doesn't respect me and never protected me. She wouldn't treat me like a daughter just a slave that has to do what she says.
Yeah I was a slave too.And did anyone else's mom always be the first one to take a bite out of your food when you went out to eat? Such a classless ahole.
Its unbelievable reading so many of y'alls experience and its exactly the same as mine. ❤
6/8 and she very rarely accepts the criticism or blame for something. But has all the others and is super controlling
Mine has NEVER apologized or admitted that she was wrong. Never in 61 years.
Wow that was spot on. It hurts. Now I'm crying
July 14 was my mom's birthday, and even though she is narcissistic and follows 7 out of 8 signs, and my life could be better without her, as her oldest son, I still love her and the times she WAS wonderful. I'll miss those good days forever, because she has chosen to be a narcissist. I remember whenever she'd introduce me to her new friends, that among the first words, she'd say my name, and then list off my disabilities, leaving them asking me a lot of questions. Last October, I tried to set some simple boundaries and I froze. Unable to speak, i asked my caregiver to tell her what I wanted to have set up, and instead of taking that as a sign of me growing, she decided to just say "No thanks! Have a good life!" And hang up the phone. Then, I broke down and cried like never before. I mean I'd done a lot of good things for her! I've taken care of her dishes, helped buck hay for her horses, and even massaged her back! She's never viewed me as much more than my disabilities, and therefore never has believed in my dreams and visions. God doesn't like narcissistic people, and really, I'd rather go to hell instead of seeing her there. Her biological mother, not my grandma, was also narcissistic. So, i Just keep praying. That's all a son of a narcissist can do. Since she's narcissistic and struggles with keeping friends, she's disabled. Not me.
😢
An addendum to sign number 3: Your narcissistic mom will share private information about you without your permission AND OFTEN LIES TO PEOPLE ABOUT YOU. My mother ruined my reputation with members of my extended family. Some of it was small and petty, like telling my uncle I lost my iPod that my uncle gave me for Christmas 2007. I still listen to it because I take very good care of my belongings. Other lies and omissions were very damaging. I live in Europe and don't use Facebook, and she "forgot" to tell my that my other uncle died for 3 months. I immediately reached out to my cousins to apologise and give condolences, but they did not believe me when I said that I was unaware of his passing. They never spoke with me again. She relished isolating me from my family.
Well shit. This clears a lot of things up. If I confront my mother about this she threatens to kill herself. Something she's used since I was a child. Shit hurts but I can't live for her well being anymore. When I can't even get an ounce of respect around here.
She puts the "M" in manipulative. 😢
I feel bléssed for never judging my mom so harshly. She gave me life, nursed me and saw me through my formative years and ensured I got edúcation! I was dressed and fed well! Grateful for many more things! I love my mom!
Children who don't count their blessings, hate their parents and judge them thoughtlessly.
Of course, she shares private information because to her I am only an extension of who she is so it’s only private to her
I can feel the pain of children with narcissist parents. These parents cause pain and damage to the children real bad.
Too relatable and true sadly
Yes. It helps understanding which leads to grieving righteous anger and completion healing. I was surrounded by demons. There are so many out there i see. They are everywhere today
@@4Mikes4Mindset4so many demons babe and it's a psychological warfare going on and they are worse
Those were spot on!! It's so sad that this is a person that will never change or love you. 7 and 8 are the ones that bother me the most.
I have to deal with this shit too often
Yeah, but just a word to the wise. This is what your kids are gonna say about you 1 day.
Isn’t it Crazy how they think there should be a Debate about how you Remember things…
It’s So Dark & Twisted & Disrespectful.
Mine tells me I'm always wrong that I have no memory whatsoever. Somehow I got to school. I had a wonderful career. I've done it all on my own but I don't know anything. It's annoying
Not only was she a narc, she is an untreated schizophrenic 💔
We had the same situation with my mom till we got her hospitalized and talked to the doctor about the fact she wouldn’t stay on meds and she needed to be in assisted living and he agreed that she couldn’t live on her own so he got her into assisted living.
Now they make sure she takes her meds and she honestly is doing sooo much better and 90% of her narcissistic traits cleared up after being on meds for a while.
I highly recommend it.
She also developed friendships there and is doing well overall.
Sometimes schizophrenics can’t live in a home environment because they won’t take meds.
Needed this, 28 years a little late but glad it’s here
I have been able to somewhat tolerate my mother but she has gone from nasty to a monster. Recently she finds bringing up my money and reducing it and telling me about my allowances the way she speak to me on through text is not nice. You need too do etc
Wow. This. This. This. Somebody has concisely put this in words.
7sign out of 8
Nice, I knew my mom was not the greatest but I guess there is some cause to it
I've just realised I could write a book on this !
God ! My mother should never had children, she had many issues she never dealt with . I think emotionally she was still a child.
I was clothed and fed, but emotionally abandoned, she would stonewall me, ignore me, tell me she didn't understand what l was saying, accuse me of lying, being jealous of her friendships, told me I was a coward. She made it obvious she favoured my sisters, I could NEVER understand why l wasn't good enough to be in her "circle of trust."
She was highly manipulative, would criticise me ,taunt me in front of her friends who would snigger.
I could never win . I never got closure, even on her death bed.
There were things that happened that I had the right to know that she would never discuss ,she vaguely suggested 2 different scenarios which made me more suspicious 🤔 and confused.
EVERYONE should have the right to know what happened to them if they ask ,no matter how bad.
Indian MOM matches everything 🤣🔥
Agree with all the signs here. Not all cases have these traits developed inherently. Sometimes they are influenced by anyone including a sibling. In such cases their kids may not bear the 'full force' as they have already past their 'due'. Their real target will be their spouses. It is so childish that people get linked to a unknown family and have to pass through all this BS.
Two of my aunts
People might not see this and that’s ok but I want to share my story I tried to unalive myself at the art of 11 and I made myself a promise to never try again but my parents make it hard to go by that. My mental state is at rock bottom and when my parents buy me thing bring me to shows and concerts they say “your only being nice because I’m buying you things “ and honestly I’m numb now I could be having a great day but I’m still doing something wrong and it ends in tears and then they hug me and act like nothing happened
This week I've been feeling really sad, I told her that I was feeling a bit sad and she said "you need to be thankful for what you have" and "you're sad because you are not close to God", she always brings God in some way to our conversation and says that I'm "always victimizing myself" and that "you are never the wrong in the situation", this sh1 t just makes me even more sad
It is scary when you realize that your parent is all of these. I have watched my best friend isplate herself out of shame because of her mother.
She yells at her, calls her names, tell her to shut up. I've listened to her curse at my friend, tell her that she will never be good enough for any man. That no man in the world would want her. That her future kids will die from neglect and starvation because my friend ''doesn't cook well'', would get mad and call her ungrateful for not wanting any gifts (she has recently stopped accepting anything from her because it comes with some sort of attachment or manipulation) and worst of all - she compares all of her children in front of each other. Putting her son on a pedastol because he earns a lot, has a nice car, but she complains that her older daughter who is schizophrenic is just selfish, manipulativne and faking that she has a mental.illness. I just want my friend to move out of there as soon as she can. It's like a mad house.
Why one time to not do a favor turns into turmoil. Why, when you leave, the words get twisted on the phone with others(?) Narcissism.
My grandmother is like that. im crying in tears choking up right now because everything she said is true about my grandma. I made a mistake i thought i. Turn the water drain off completely , but i walked away in the water drip the floor was wet. She yelled at me, and said i dont pay attention. I wish she would have told me the water will leak through the sink to the floor. This not the first i made multipe mistakes but all hell brokes loose when i do it.
Sometimes i think i cant do anything right.😢
Once they make you feel like you can't do or say anything right, they have you right where they want you. 😢
Yes, that's her. I hope at this late stage of my life I can find some understanding, willingness to forgive and knowledge to change and live differently.
Yep!!!! Very much! And my dad has tasked me to take care of this person!